hey. So i was swooping around and I saw your comment on Jen Lawlor's channel talking about how you're very lonely, etc. I'm really sorry for you and i want you to know nothing you did was your fault man. There were some things you said though and I want to help you on that man. First of all for someone who's currently trying to heal this, I feel your pain man. I know how it is when you feel like you wanna just go away and never come back. But at the same time you don't want to throw away your potential. I want to guide you in a better direction. So let me just relay some things my therapist told me that I can pass down to you, seems like we suffer from some similar things. First of all, this may sound hard but you mentioned that you don't know how to "behave". I had this too and maybe you can ask yourself how do you want to behave. How do you see yourself? Envision yourself in a way you want to behave. That's one thing my therapist told me. Okay for the better parts. So. I see you're suffering with a lot of depression. There's so many things that can cause depression and I'm no therapist so I cannot really say but ill drop you some tools. Depression is a state though. And as hard as it sounds, even for me until you feel that feeling, it won't go away. But it can be caused from things like your thoughts and core beliefs, thats the case for me at least. My thoughts make me sick and anxious and stuff, but these things can be cured. So. You said, how to take "myself back", by the way I'm going off your comment from th-cam.com/video/XCC3qc55q2E/w-d-xo.html I think I get what you mean by this. Like your inner child? Before everything happened. Yes, i say the same things to myself. Before all this shit even happened, sometimes I tell myself that guy is long gone but through the healing process I've noticed glimpses of that child back. Anyways. I want you to do something. Try taking care of yourself. Because what this does is 1. It cures the depression and other wounds. My case was I felt like there was something inherently wrong/flawed about me. This is called an abandonment wound and it's caused by rejection/abandonment by parents and it wont go away until you take care of yourself. So this can be drinking more water, getting enough sleep, etc. There's also another thing, is try telling yourself as well that no one can abandon you as an adult anymore whenever you get those thoughts that people are leaving you or left you. This caused me severe depression/sadness. So taking care of yourself is really good. Try not to do it perfectly but maybe one thing a day. Exercise, eating nutrition, etc. Make a list. But this cures depression as well because it helps put you in a better mood, (th-cam.com/video/N8y1rguvpvg/w-d-xo.html reference link) and it makes you feel loved. I think you'll benefit a lot off self care. Okay Now I'm going to send you a link, so this is a book about depression. I've read through it and my therapist (same one) recommended this to me. It's about depression, in men and I'm sure you will really benefit from this. Because your story and like all of ours is all linked. A lot of men go through this shit and we don't talk about it. Your story, as you'll see when you read is the same as other men. The book tells u how to cure the depression as well, some stuff is included here though like self care and connecting back with your emotions. www.amazon.ca/Dont-Want-Talk-About-Overcoming/dp/0684835398/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2EFY31964H13Y&keywords=i+dont+want+to+talk+about+it&qid=1677205908&sprefix=i+dont+want+to%2Caps%2C96&sr=8-1 Alright. So. Another thing you said is that you're nervous, tense and on the defensive all the time and can't relax. Is this in general or around people? I'll send you something that may help. I had this problem as well and lowkey I still go through it but here's what my therapist said and it helps. Remember it's not OVERNIGHT. You have a inner child inside of you that brings up these thoughts and you need to retrain/reparent it. Here. www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/fact-or-opinion/cbt/none www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/worry-exploration-questions/cbt/none www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/socratic-questioning/cbt/none www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/cbt-thinking-errors/cbt/none www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/challenging-anxious-thoughts/cbt/none www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/cbt-triangle/cbt/none Check those out. Those are for cognitive restructuring, basically changing your thoughts because they effect how you behave and feel. Maybe that'll help your anxiety. Now last. Also forgot to say. Taking care of your inner child/yourself by doing let's say one thing a day or so can help you with that whole "how do I behave thing". One thing for me was that I was always so worried if others accepted me or how I appeared to them. Taking care of yourself helps that needy inner child inside of you and you won't be prone to that stress anymore. So yeah that's good, taking care of yourself helps. I also want to include that taking care of yourself makes you feel lovable and worthy/valuable. It confirms it because you're loving yourself and treating yourself with value. It kind of breaks that unlovable/worthless shit. Alright Last and final thing I want to help you with so listen carefully. I really feel for you man. It's sad that your "depressed" mother dumped her trauma on you. I'm sure you developed beliefs about yourself that are constantly effecting you and making you see yourself in a horrible way. You talked about authenticity and I like that a lot it shows you're aware. And this is also gonna relay back to you thinking you're "worthless" and don't "belong". www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/core-beliefs-info-sheet/cbt/none www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/core-beliefs-examining-evidence/cbt/none These are core beliefs brother. We hold them deep based on what happened to us. I'm currently working on changing mine. Remember everything I'm telling you was relayed down by my therapist so I just want to pass it down and try helping you. So uh, what you can do with this is. For example, your worthless belief, lets do that Open up that second link (examining the evidence). There's going to be a template on the second slide but read through the first one to see what to do. You wanna do multiple core beliefs because these things don't change overnight and it can take a lot of time. But consistency is key so do as how many you can handle! My therapist told me to do a whole bunch Basically, just keep collecting evidence. You want to challenge that belief. Maybe you can say, I'm not so worthless, someone on youtube just helped me out. Keep collecting evidence. You can even do the other ones like you don't belong because they're all lies. You talked about authenticity. There's a therapist named Robert Glover and he made the book No More Mr Nice Guy. He talks about these 5 core beliefs. I'm bad, There's something wrong with me, I'm not good enough and I'm unlovable. They're paradigms meaning you base your life around these things. These are core beliefs and can be challenged with the above tools. It may help because these are (shaming beliefs) and it can help you be more authentic. Please remember, these will not change in one night. You've been collecting evidence for these for awhile. This is important So it's about how much you "hold" the beliefs. So, beside worthless write how much you believe em. Actually I'll send you one more thing maybe this can help you just read over it don't do it but it can help gain a better understanding www.bing.com/search?q=changing+core+beleifsd+alice&cvid=1d68f68961874361939e122ced458465&aqs=edge..69i57j0.5263j0j1&pglt=43&FORM=ANNTA1&PC=EDGEDSE. Anyways. Beside worthless, you can put how much you believe it. 0-100%. Maybe it might be 100% for you that is okay. Keep collecting evidence and filling out that sheet. You can download a program and just make several entries for your core beliefs or do it on paper. Keep writing. You can take evidence from the past too. Then maybe in some time write a new percentage on that belief. Keep these things at the front of your mind too. It's about changing your perspective on yourself. Affirmations work too. Stand in the mirror and repeat affirmations because it relays around your brain and really gets deep in the subconscious but consistency is key. Doing these things in the morning or before bed is best because your brain absorbs the most then. Listen to the words you're saying. If your brain says no just take note of it. I hope this helps, comment back if you need some help. You got this brother. just wanted to make this affordable to you don't see anything wrong with helping someone out. I hope you heal. Don't throw away your potential dude. You're worthy. I love you fam. You can be that guy and live a great life. If you have money, no more mr nice guy is a book too. It's based around these things and can guide you to a better life. Robert Glover is the therapist. He's a cool dude. I'm not sure if I mentioned this but Healing your emotional self by beverely engel is a good book to, to heal. But I've dropped you down some things, I can't diagnose you so you can be suffering from something else but I hope this helps. If you have any questions ask. I'm not a therapist either so if something doesn't work I'm sorry, and if you're feeling pain take a break and stop. Relax. Take care of yourself man, you got this. :) I hope you the best. I think those cognitive restructuring tools can help with that tense shit because I go through the same thing and it's all just thoughts/beliefs. Enjoy man. Explore
hey i know that you commented this for him but what you said really helped for me right now, thank you for having commented on this video...i wouldn't have had my curious mind come across such an insightful thread of mental health tips if it weren't for you
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hey. So i was swooping around and I saw your comment on Jen Lawlor's channel talking about how you're very lonely, etc. I'm really sorry for you and i want you to know nothing you did was your fault man. There were some things you said though and I want to help you on that man. First of all for someone who's currently trying to heal this, I feel your pain man. I know how it is when you feel like you wanna just go away and never come back. But at the same time you don't want to throw away your potential. I want to guide you in a better direction. So let me just relay some things my therapist told me that I can pass down to you, seems like we suffer from some similar things. First of all, this may sound hard but you mentioned that you don't know how to "behave". I had this too and maybe you can ask yourself how do you want to behave. How do you see yourself? Envision yourself in a way you want to behave. That's one thing my therapist told me.
Okay for the better parts.
So.
I see you're suffering with a lot of depression. There's so many things that can cause depression and I'm no therapist so I cannot really say but ill drop you some tools. Depression is a state though. And as hard as it sounds, even for me until you feel that feeling, it won't go away. But it can be caused from things like your thoughts and core beliefs, thats the case for me at least. My thoughts make me sick and anxious and stuff, but these things can be cured.
So. You said, how to take "myself back", by the way I'm going off your comment from th-cam.com/video/XCC3qc55q2E/w-d-xo.html
I think I get what you mean by this. Like your inner child? Before everything happened. Yes, i say the same things to myself. Before all this shit even happened, sometimes I tell myself that guy is long gone but through the healing process I've noticed glimpses of that child back. Anyways.
I want you to do something. Try taking care of yourself. Because what this does is 1. It cures the depression and other wounds. My case was I felt like there was something inherently wrong/flawed about me. This is called an abandonment wound and it's caused by rejection/abandonment by parents and it wont go away until you take care of yourself. So this can be drinking more water, getting enough sleep, etc. There's also another thing, is try telling yourself as well that no one can abandon you as an adult anymore whenever you get those thoughts that people are leaving you or left you. This caused me severe depression/sadness. So taking care of yourself is really good. Try not to do it perfectly but maybe one thing a day. Exercise, eating nutrition, etc. Make a list. But this cures depression as well because it helps put you in a better mood, (th-cam.com/video/N8y1rguvpvg/w-d-xo.html reference link) and it makes you feel loved. I think you'll benefit a lot off self care.
Okay
Now
I'm going to send you a link, so this is a book about depression. I've read through it and my therapist (same one) recommended this to me. It's about depression, in men and I'm sure you will really benefit from this. Because your story and like all of ours is all linked. A lot of men go through this shit and we don't talk about it. Your story, as you'll see when you read is the same as other men. The book tells u how to cure the depression as well, some stuff is included here though like self care and connecting back with your emotions. www.amazon.ca/Dont-Want-Talk-About-Overcoming/dp/0684835398/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2EFY31964H13Y&keywords=i+dont+want+to+talk+about+it&qid=1677205908&sprefix=i+dont+want+to%2Caps%2C96&sr=8-1
Alright.
So. Another thing you said is that you're nervous, tense and on the defensive all the time and can't relax. Is this in general or around people? I'll send you something that may help. I had this problem as well and lowkey I still go through it but here's what my therapist said and it helps. Remember it's not OVERNIGHT. You have a inner child inside of you that brings up these thoughts and you need to retrain/reparent it. Here.
www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/fact-or-opinion/cbt/none
www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/worry-exploration-questions/cbt/none
www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/socratic-questioning/cbt/none
www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/cbt-thinking-errors/cbt/none
www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/challenging-anxious-thoughts/cbt/none
www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/cbt-triangle/cbt/none
Check those out. Those are for cognitive restructuring, basically changing your thoughts because they effect how you behave and feel. Maybe that'll help your anxiety.
Now last.
Also forgot to say. Taking care of your inner child/yourself by doing let's say one thing a day or so can help you with that whole "how do I behave thing". One thing for me was that I was always so worried if others accepted me or how I appeared to them. Taking care of yourself helps that needy inner child inside of you and you won't be prone to that stress anymore. So yeah that's good, taking care of yourself helps. I also want to include that taking care of yourself makes you feel lovable and worthy/valuable. It confirms it because you're loving yourself and treating yourself with value. It kind of breaks that unlovable/worthless shit.
Alright
Last and final thing I want to help you with so listen carefully.
I really feel for you man. It's sad that your "depressed" mother dumped her trauma on you.
I'm sure you developed beliefs about yourself that are constantly effecting you and making you see yourself in a horrible way. You talked about authenticity and I like that a lot it shows you're aware.
And this is also gonna relay back to you thinking you're "worthless" and don't "belong".
www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/core-beliefs-info-sheet/cbt/none
www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/core-beliefs-examining-evidence/cbt/none
These are core beliefs brother. We hold them deep based on what happened to us. I'm currently working on changing mine.
Remember everything I'm telling you was relayed down by my therapist so I just want to pass it down and try helping you.
So uh, what you can do with this is. For example, your worthless belief, lets do that
Open up that second link (examining the evidence). There's going to be a template on the second slide but read through the first one to see what to do. You wanna do multiple core beliefs because these things don't change overnight and it can take a lot of time. But consistency is key so do as how many you can handle! My therapist told me to do a whole bunch
Basically, just keep collecting evidence. You want to challenge that belief. Maybe you can say, I'm not so worthless, someone on youtube just helped me out. Keep collecting evidence. You can even do the other ones like you don't belong because they're all lies.
You talked about authenticity.
There's a therapist named Robert Glover and he made the book No More Mr Nice Guy. He talks about these 5 core beliefs. I'm bad, There's something wrong with me, I'm not good enough and I'm unlovable. They're paradigms meaning you base your life around these things. These are core beliefs and can be challenged with the above tools. It may help because these are (shaming beliefs) and it can help you be more authentic. Please remember, these will not change in one night. You've been collecting evidence for these for awhile.
This is important
So it's about how much you "hold" the beliefs. So, beside worthless write how much you believe em. Actually I'll send you one more thing maybe this can help you just read over it don't do it but it can help gain a better understanding
www.bing.com/search?q=changing+core+beleifsd+alice&cvid=1d68f68961874361939e122ced458465&aqs=edge..69i57j0.5263j0j1&pglt=43&FORM=ANNTA1&PC=EDGEDSE.
Anyways.
Beside worthless, you can put how much you believe it. 0-100%. Maybe it might be 100% for you that is okay. Keep collecting evidence and filling out that sheet. You can download a program and just make several entries for your core beliefs or do it on paper. Keep writing. You can take evidence from the past too. Then maybe in some time write a new percentage on that belief. Keep these things at the front of your mind too. It's about changing your perspective on yourself. Affirmations work too. Stand in the mirror and repeat affirmations because it relays around your brain and really gets deep in the subconscious but consistency is key. Doing these things in the morning or before bed is best because your brain absorbs the most then. Listen to the words you're saying. If your brain says no just take note of it.
I hope this helps, comment back if you need some help. You got this brother. just wanted to make this affordable to you don't see anything wrong with helping someone out. I hope you heal. Don't throw away your potential dude. You're worthy. I love you fam. You can be that guy and live a great life. If you have money, no more mr nice guy is a book too. It's based around these things and can guide you to a better life. Robert Glover is the therapist. He's a cool dude. I'm not sure if I mentioned this but Healing your emotional self by beverely engel is a good book to, to heal. But I've dropped you down some things, I can't diagnose you so you can be suffering from something else but I hope this helps. If you have any questions ask. I'm not a therapist either so if something doesn't work I'm sorry, and if you're feeling pain take a break and stop. Relax. Take care of yourself man, you got this. :) I hope you the best. I think those cognitive restructuring tools can help with that tense shit because I go through the same thing and it's all just thoughts/beliefs. Enjoy man. Explore
Let me know if you're going through something and need something or you're feeling some pain or whatever. I'm here.
hey i know that you commented this for him but what you said really helped for me right now, thank you for having commented on this video...i wouldn't have had my curious mind come across such an insightful thread of mental health tips if it weren't for you