Healthy Supports - Part 6/9 - Enmeshed vs Disengaged Families
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ก.พ. 2025
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To do well in recovery, not only do we need to find healthy people, we also need to find healthy groups(surrogate families). Tim looks at the differences between healthy families vs enmeshed families vs disengaged families.
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DISCLAIMER:
Tim Fletcher is not a doctor or licensed therapist. Tim’s videos are for informational purposes only to provide understanding, learning, and awareness about complex trauma. No information published here can replace professional evaluation, diagnosis, or treatment.
If you are in crisis, please contact your local crisis hotline at 988.ca/, 988lifeline.org/, dial 988, or call your local emergency services.
I may be older than Tim Fletcher, but he has taught me what is healthy as a good and healthy father would have done. Thank you, Tim. Better late than never.
The only support I have is these videos......
Its therapeutic, but its very hard to go alone. Good luck
Same for the grace of God.
May you find support IRL. Glad these videos are helpful to you.
Tim Fletcher totally rocks. I'm a fletching!! This man is brilliant 👍
I never was addressed as an individual, I was like a plant in the room and if I said anything I was silenced, ignored and left behind. My Mom had borderline personality disorder.
I am so sorry you experienced that. ❤
This was my story, too. I know your pain ❤️🩹
I wish i knew this before i had my children. Hoping i can undo any damage my upbringing has done to them. Thank you for your explanations
It's never too late to learn something new and do something different. The fact that you mention this shows a great deal of humility and openness. Those are great places to start.
😊
I'm currently moving out, my mom has a lot of issues with me independently evaluating appartements. Perfect time to realize how much of my identity is lost due to her controlling my life
What a great pastor. He must certainly shake up his congregation especially families. I should imagine he gets a bit too close to the bone for some.
You are an incredible speaker! I love this breakdown on enmeshment!
Wow! I was trying to decide if my family was in mashed, and then you read off all the symptoms. I absolutely have everyone of the difficulties you mentioned. Excellent talk tonight.
Funny that you describe the chaotic family home as a hotel because I remember my mother constantly telling my brother our house is not a motel for people to come in and go as they please without taking any part in it, she was often getting in his case because he liked absconding any chores given to him and often times someone else (me) had to step in and do those chores to avoid the lectures that would follow. Perhaps my brother felt the house was too chaotic for him and that was his way of coping meanwhile mine was to be more like in the first example the one who follows all the rigid rules
Feel ya!
Thank you for your work.
The validation of my experiences I feel after listening to each of his bideos 😭😭
Another great and timely talk. Thanks Tim!
All I can say at 56 is…it will take me the time I have left to learn to relate to me healthily…if I could even find a conscious group who are also not torturing animals. Maybe next lifetime. If humans haven’t destroyed the ecosystem for pure greed…as they talk all about LOVE
Check out his program. I'm almost through it and it's been the best time investment of my life.
What about families who are divided, disengaged, chaotisch ,violent and abuse each other physical and emotional. Can you talk about that?
I wish you had spent more time on disengaged families.
Yep. I was that partner who came into the disorganized enmeshed unit, and challenged how much power this kid had over her father cos the dynamics were toxic. Super spoiled and entitled, she couldn't bear the thought of having siblings because it would mean to her that she got loved less. Sick. The kid pushed me out, I was the bad guy, scapegoated and left out. Makes perfect sense now. Ick. It was AWFUL, and no changing it. She was super clingy too, and couldn't really think for herself except to be horrified that she was expected to contribute to the rare chore.
My ex let his step daughter wrap him around his little finger because he was the only father she ever knew
I did see the little girl as a human being I encouraged him not to stop parenting her even when his ex & her too made it very difficult for him
But
He was still unable to have a healthy boundaries & parent her properly
Because allowing her to be able to lord over me in my own home disempowering me
Empowering her
It was really humiliating
He really made me pay for doing the right thing & he refused to do anything as my husband
He could not demonstrate how little respect he had for me
The neglect of me as a woman as a person as his wife
It was unforgivable
And I was struggling with severe medical issues
Facing surgery on horrible medications debilitating pain
I could walk or sit or stand for months
He would not help me
He shamed me
It was hell
This is a tough one for me. My family was very enmeshed, and I became the target of emotional incest. (I would say all of the children to some extent) My mother and 1 sister are still to this day very enmeshed.
It definitely affected my last relationship a lot. It has affected my entire life, and my family's, of course.
Very important topic!
Thanks!
Oh wow! Rigidly disengaged and at times rigidly enmeshed was my family because my mom was not stable and easily angered over the littlest things!!!
My ex was a chaotic disengaged family
I connect with my 🐱
✅ good. This video was all about enmeshed families. It did not cover disengaged, neglectful families
Ohhhh This is like cutting effing CANCER..
100%!!!
12:40
22:12 "This is sick" 🤣 Thank you so much, this video helped me a lot.