Abuse is not always physical but can be just verbal abuse or it can be both. Some women stay in abusive situations because they have a helper mentality but that is not all women. Some women brought up in a very legalistic church feel it is a sin to divorce so they stay but then there are some women who are really paralyzed by fear of the spouse. One main reason women become isolated is that the spouse demands that they not talk to anyone or to their family so once again it is fear. Another reason women don't leave is that they have been verbally or physically abused as a child so they have very low self-esteem or the verbal abuse from the spouse has damaged their self-esteem. As far as physical intimacy is concerned, it is never enjoyable in an abusive relationship.
Or stay in a situation like that forever on this earth and nothing changes. You got to do something drastic for change to occur when you have come to the end of the rope.
There are people who have really researched this well who are outside of the church. I think you might want to consult them on this, because as a survivor I need you to know that this interview is missing some pieces.
I really do love how Dr. Chapman explains the love and redemption each spouse needs bc that’s what God wants for us all. I wish he was my counselor to help my marriage. Need prayers!
What if wife is not controlling one, but husband thought & felt.that he is being controlled most of the time? Mr Gary Chapman, how do you deal with such situations in marriage? Any solutions? Please advise?
How can an abused wife go to an Abused Woman’s Shelter when not one will take you in because they ALL tell you and they tell the police department that they are not “set up, prepared” for a lady who is Legally Blind in both eyes? The police department even called Abused Woman’s Shelters in several counties, and was told the same thing. What is an abused wife to do then? wado,Ann Benson.
How can the faithful spouse "repair" the marriage. Doesn't "faithful spouse" already bring assumption that they've done a multitude of things in order to make the marriage work, already? Wouldn't the "repair" be on the shoulders of the "unfaithful spouse"? Yes, work needs to be done on both spouses in a broken relationship, but what do you do in the instance that the "unfaithful spouse" has no desire to put in any of the work required to repair the relationship? What does the "faithful spouse"do then?
Old man's .02 and just my experiences; I will say this is a great subject and it is good you are not pulling back from your beliefs. but the reality is cutting and running is and option.. Reality living is; life is hard and not close to as easy or as good as you have been told and marriage far harder than war for many, but still you fight though it, We are all waiting at this dirty bus stop, look up in hope that the bus will be here soon. So stay close to God and be as kind and loving as you can to each other everyday, but to the video, @4:29, from the garden till now everyone wants to be in control and be in charge to differing amounts. So this reality is what I have seen in myself and in most of the marriages close to me; A man gets married thinking the woman will never change, and she will be kind, warm, available, sexually desire him, forever. A woman gets married thinking he will change into her version of the great man she really wants him to be, she can mold him into that image. Both are wrong... and well over 50% of the time these unmet exceptions cause the death of marriage, yep that would Christian ones too. Paul said being single is good for a reason, to bad I didn't listen to reason, some people find out too late that marriage is not for them.
Your $.02 is appreciated and yet Christian marriage flourishes precisely when 2 people DON'T get what they want. It's in the daily dying that God brings about transformation and deep heart connection. Those really hard seasons are necessary to rid us of ourselves so they we genuinely desire to serve the other. This is not simply an abstraction but the story of my marriage.
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Please talk about verbal abuse !!!! It's not always physical. the blame game !!
Abuse is not always physical but can be just verbal abuse or it can be both. Some women stay in abusive situations because they have a helper mentality but that is not all women. Some women brought up in a very legalistic church feel it is a sin to divorce so they stay but then there are some women who are really paralyzed by fear of the spouse. One main reason women become isolated is that the spouse demands that they not talk to anyone or to their family so once again it is fear. Another reason women don't leave is that they have been verbally or physically abused as a child so they have very low self-esteem or the verbal abuse from the spouse has damaged their self-esteem. As far as physical intimacy is concerned, it is never enjoyable in an abusive relationship.
I'm tired of being a child on our relationship... So I'm moving in with my mother. WOW
Or stay in a situation like that forever on this earth and nothing changes. You got to do something drastic for change to occur when you have come to the end of the rope.
This guy is a great interviewer. Great stuff here.
Find the positive in my spouse 🙏 to have a better attitude
No, victims don’t isolate themselves. The perpetrators isolate the victims.
Very true.
There are people who have really researched this well who are outside of the church. I think you might want to consult them on this, because as a survivor I need you to know that this interview is missing some pieces.
praise the lord!!!
I really do love how Dr. Chapman explains the love and redemption each spouse needs bc that’s what God wants for us all. I wish he was my counselor to help my marriage. Need prayers!
i am so glad i heard this on the radio!! this is helping my marriage!
Doing God's work I always appreciate listening to Gary Chapman and appreciate Focus sharing this content with us. Thank you & God Bless
This is great advice! Thank you for sharing.
You mean I have to learn to change the attitude and old patterns of communications
Stubbornness can also become a wedge in a marriage!
Cheating is also emotional and talking to another. Not just looking at porn or having sexual relationship. It seems you forgot that one !
What If your husband already left, didn't want to work on things and tuned you out? Is there a coming back from you that?
I’m needing help in all of this
Thank you guys
What if wife is not controlling one, but husband thought & felt.that he is being controlled most of the time? Mr Gary Chapman, how do you deal with such situations in marriage? Any solutions? Please advise?
Following!
Every man's battle..
How can an abused wife go to an Abused Woman’s Shelter when not one will take you in because they ALL tell you and they tell the police department that they are not “set up, prepared” for a lady who is Legally Blind in both eyes? The police department even called Abused Woman’s Shelters in several counties, and was told the same thing. What is an abused wife to do then? wado,Ann Benson.
How can the faithful spouse "repair" the marriage. Doesn't "faithful spouse" already bring assumption that they've done a multitude of things in order to make the marriage work, already? Wouldn't the "repair" be on the shoulders of the "unfaithful spouse"? Yes, work needs to be done on both spouses in a broken relationship, but what do you do in the instance that the "unfaithful spouse" has no desire to put in any of the work required to repair the relationship? What does the "faithful spouse"do then?
Old man's .02 and just my experiences;
I will say this is a great subject and it is good you are not pulling back from your beliefs.
but the reality is cutting and running is and option..
Reality living is;
life is hard and not close to as easy or as good as you have been told and marriage far harder than war for many, but still you fight though it, We are all waiting at this dirty bus stop, look up in hope that the bus will be here soon.
So stay close to God and be as kind and loving as you can to each other everyday,
but to the video, @4:29, from the garden till now everyone wants to be in control and be in charge to differing amounts.
So this reality is what I have seen in myself and in most of the marriages close to me;
A man gets married thinking the woman will never change, and she will be kind, warm, available, sexually desire him, forever.
A woman gets married thinking he will change into her version of the great man she really wants him to be, she can mold him into that image.
Both are wrong... and well over 50% of the time these unmet exceptions cause the death of marriage, yep that would Christian ones too.
Paul said being single is good for a reason, to bad I didn't listen to reason, some people find out too late that marriage is not for them.
Your $.02 is appreciated and yet Christian marriage flourishes precisely when 2 people DON'T get what they want. It's in the daily dying that God brings about transformation and deep heart connection. Those really hard seasons are necessary to rid us of ourselves so they we genuinely desire to serve the other. This is not simply an abstraction but the story of my marriage.
It is adultery, full stop.