How to Positively Influence Your Husband - Gary Thomas Part 1
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 3 ต.ค. 2018
- You can’t change your husband, but you can influence him. In this two-day Focus on the Family broadcast, Jim Daly and John Fuller talk with Gary Thomas over his book, Loving him Well. You can find his book here: bit.ly/2xU8waD
They discuss the challenges that come when you’re married to a man who seems unwilling to change. They discuss the importance of understanding who you are in Christ, how to act in a way where positive change in your spouse is possible, how to ask the “magic question” (“What things would you like me to do that I’m not doing?”), how to deal with “functional fixedness, and how understanding the differences between the male and female brain leads to greater intimacy.
Wow! This was amazing. I personally was in a marriage that ended in divorce. My ex wasn’t a believer and left me and our 4 children. Since then, I’ve grown in the Lord, and I am going through these videos to ensure that I am ready spiritually and naturally for marriage when it comes back around. But I wanted to let Mr. Gary Thomas know, how spot on his teaching and advice was and how thankful I am to the Lord for it. Although my ex was emotionally abusive and not interested in the marriage, God still had to show me, “You’re weren’t always right! You had some growing and maturing to do and you need to realize this before you get married again!” So thank you!!! It was great to hear how we as women should treat our husbands, how we are NOT always right, and the easiest change to make in a marriage is YOU! Hallelujah!!! 🙌🏾☺️
Ms. Perry thank you for posting - I am going through this right now - without any children, and trying to hold the relationship together. I started at Celebrate recovery almost 60 days ago, and I am becoming more and more aware of my part and responsibility in the problems in the relationship. I am still struggling with the emotional abuse, it makes me hurt, angry, and then I lash back with my own anger. And it’s tearing me apart
J BIrd913 I’m in the same place!
Cry out to JESUS, Who Is the Answer and Healing you need, amen.
Girl, I hope three years later you are where you want to be in that department.
Ryg
Act like a queen in your home, deserving respect. ❤
Women are a queen in their home. That they're not treated respected or regarded as such Is a reflection on the others' lack of integrity or character
My husband will not communicate. Ever. Unless it is screaming and cursing. No communication for 25 years. I am over it. Don't know what to do anymore.
THANK YOU for the obvious exception given for women in abusive marriages!
What do you mean by abusive? Physically? Complete control over you life?
I’m that wife, that needs that magic question.
It’s so hard but I serve the Lord my lord and my Lord will walk me through it. 😭🙌
Wow, excellent teaching. Pray for my husband & for me to stand up.
I love everything about Gary Thomas. He brings so much on the table anytime he is on focus.
I prayed for my husband, built him up with positive compliments all the time.....etc.
NOW HE CHEATED ON ME AND IS WITH ANOTHER WOMAN 😡
So sorry to hear that, perhaps the Lord has rescued you from something more horrific than that as He loves you so incredibly much.
Very true, effective. Life gets easier understanding that only Jesus can change situations and change must start with in us first. The rest Jesus will do it .
So much of this was helpful and what I needed to hear. Thank you!
This is so great thank you!
Wow!!! I love this! Thank you for posting!
Consequences for a self-centered man? ok!
Here's the reaction:
"Don't treat ME like a child!" or...
"I'm the man of this house/the leader or... the King of my castle!"
Guaranteed ...She will pay a price for giving a consequence aggreed upon or not ! I've seen it waaay too often.
Teaching a man to be a man, is NOT the responsibility of the wife; it's the responsibility of his mother when he was a boy---she was raising an adult---she failed---he will not change and resent the attempt.
I agree with you on the point ...'He will not change, so accept it' , accept what he's doing; stop trying to change him, or give him consequences !
Here is what you do wives ...
P - R - A - Y !! P - R - A - Y !! P - R - A - Y !! (Fast if you feel lead.) God will contend for you ~ Psalm 35 ~ He is your Daddy and He doesn't like you being treated ~ harshly, disrespected, rudely spoken to, aggressively, passive aggressively, and or ignored! Praise GOD!!
It is the LORDs responsibility to lead every person in their path and the way they should go. Teaching a man to be a man is his responsibility alone. My husband grew up in a very difficult home, his mom was mentally very ill and his dad was not there. Both his parents failed in raising him. But the LORD was there and the LORD and Holy Spirit lead him in the right path and protected him. He is the most wonderful, loving husband and father. Parents WILL fail at raising their children because parents are sinful people. The LORD is the only one who can change and lead the heart of any person.
Many men are raised by mothers who kicked the father out of the home. Husbands and fathers are effectively being replaced with the government. God in his providence will provide a remnant of Godly men.
Stay at home, homeschooling me mom. I pray and fast and read the Bible. Stuck with him through porn addiction, hiding smoking pot, depression, you name it. With the kids getting older they are becoming more mature than him, and they see this. Confusing for a child. Everything is my fault cause his dad rejects him - parents divorced when he was 2. We're in a mess, he despises me.
Cissy318 love and respect by eggeretts changed our marriage. We both came from broken backgrounds. When i stopped trying to “fix” him and just gave him the unconditional respect that God has asked me to, God transformed him into a wonderful and loving husband. Men and women communicate two different ways and want two different things, we want love he wants respect. God wand us to step aside and let Him to step in. This has been a very helpful verse for me to have faith to get though those troubling times in marriage. The LORD will fight for you, you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14. This is something that can only come from the heart, not from checking off the devotional, fast, pray checklist everyday. I too am a homeschool, stay at home mom, the home is my mission field, which means my heart is close to these issues. Blessed are those who experience trials of many kinds, “Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”
Romans 5:3-5 ESV
Keep heart for he has overcome the world. :) he will help you, be still.
@@Mamaraisingaliens Amen, Sis! Awesome, THANK YOU!
Thank you for this message ✨💚
This really made me think. Thank u for the broadcast!
Thank you so much! I'm always praying for a teachable spirit. I love to be taught.
This is so good
Great stuff. Thank you!
Thank you. I needed to hear this, really puts things in a new perspective
Wow just wow… needed this message. Thank you so much
Love all of this ♡
WOW, THANK YOU JESUS, I needed to hear this today.
Really need to hear this 🙏🏻💙💙💙😞
amazing!!! thank you
Act like a queen in your home, who deserves respect...
A couple decades ago I was helping my youngest daughter with a fundraiser, the sign above someone's entry door was, a man's home is his Castle, But this is Queens Way
So what happens when you can’t because your husband finds your voice and opinion disrespectful or arrogant? How can I carry myself in such a way when he finds everything I do rude?
Excellent thank you
Thank YOU! We're glad you found this helpful. Have a great day Francia.
Thank you for this! Spoke right to me
Awesome truth. Very grateful
Wow!!! Who is this man and how does he know everything hahaha. I want him to teach weekly in our church, please!
Lol lol lol yessss. Thank you for the laugh friend 🤗 blessings
Thank you!
Beautiful!!!❤
I didn’t like to hear anything you just said but I understand and thank you for sharing this🙏🏼
I have been in recovery from shame, trauma, codependency and a severe lack of boundaries (among many other things) for many years now… and something occurred to me the other day:
Not long after getting married, and looong before my journey towards recovery, my husband once said to me:
“I want my strong, independent [my name] back.”
Lately, I’ve been feeling like I *am* back(!)
BUT not as myself, alone.
I am not “independent.”
I am once again a strong [my name] - because I am **dependent on the Lord.**
I need a book of written holy responses.
Proverbs is a beautiful motivator for me.
I have learned so much during this video.
Thank you so much.
This was real..
This is pure GOLD. I'm a sister. I ain't mad atcha! How can I contact you or your wife? I need advice as I enter into marriage.
How does that magic question work with a narcissist?
Look up Natalie Hoffman and Leslie Vernick
This sparked a lot of interal questions for me. I wonder if I am partially the fixer because it is what brought me through pulmonary and cardiac arrest as an infant or if it is because I had to raise my brothers from the time I was ten years old. I have the nurturing side too, but I struggle to nurture rather than fix things. As being the fixer is taxing emotionally and physicially.
Oh, I can relate to this!
I meant Hope deferred marked the heart (sick)!
Well I asked that question in the most meek way possible and he refused to answer. Got annoyed. He is chronically irritated and hateful and neglectful. We have 5 children and after 15 years this is getting so hard. If it isn't football or Facebook he doesn't care. Married to his cellphone. Goes to church with us, but no joy. Advice please? I read my Bible daily and the whole Bible read every year. What else can I do?
Sorry you're going through this. Have you tried reading Laura Doyle's books to see if you could find tips
one program I loved was called Retroville
Try fasting and praying using scripture. Be open to whatever the Holy Spirit speaks to you
❤️
Walk away
🔥 🔥 🙏🏽
😍
😂 the magic question
Closed Captions is needed please. Cannot hear well.
❤🙏❤🙏❤
7:20 couldn’t have been said any better. In our western society where both men and women work, women put more of their expectations on men to bring them joy and when the men are equally beaten down by their careers we can’t be their everything. We oftentimes need to escape and be alone to process before we can be there for the women. This cycle creates resentment unless the couple figures out their behaviors and works around them.
Both men and women put too many expectations on one another--not just women on men. The real problem is that both men and women expect a fairy tale and they do not know how to deal with conflict.
That would not work w my husband he screams hed retaliate and Id be sorry I stood up to him. Hes always screamind if I ask him almost any question. Tge most mundane thing what tume are his workers getting to tge office today? He started yelling why! Youve never asked ne that before! Why are you asking that!
He shouts hangs up cant discuss anything
U!
Please please share this topic for men as they're to be leaders and pastors of their home. They should be trained to do their duty as husvands and fathers and all will fall into place
How do you deal with a passive and unmotivated husband? Won’t put any effort towards getting a better job won’t even apply for jobs that are pre identified for him🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
My ex husband would tell me God made him the head of the home and that I was to obey him period. From time to time he would hem me up in a room and preach verses to me when he thought I wasn’t performing exactly as I should. He did all the grocery shopping and I couldn’t even go along. My children and I lived off chicken thighs and canned vegetables for years. He didn’t like me spending time with my family or this one dear friend I had. He wouldn’t discipline the children. When they did wrong he screamed at me and told me I wasn’t training them correctly or they wouldn’t have done whatever it was they did. When I said they need your discipline as well he would say he was at work all day and he wasn’t going to come home only to have to be the bad guy in their lives. Yet he jumped at the chance to discipline my little daughter at the drop of a hat and did so unkindly. When I would intervene in his cruel ness to her he would say I was teaching her to disrespect him and that when she got to be a teenager she would be wild and out of control. It was a living nightmare. But Jesus got us through it but my daughter and oldest son are visibly scarred emotionally. My son abused drugs and alcohol. And my daughter lived in a homosexual relationship for 6 years. Thankfully now she is married to a man and has a daughter but she is in no way living a Christian lifestyle or teaching her little 2 year old about Jesus. And now her husband has joined the army and ships out this Tuesday. If he passes boot camp they will be moving far away taking my only grand baby with them. I will miss her growing up and rarely see her. Who will teach her about Jesus. I was going to start taking her to church with me now that she was a litille older oh and she lets her mother in law who is an admitted witch keep her for days on end because she is a lazy parent who had rather spend time playing on the computer and drawing cartoon characters rather than raise her child or clean house. Smh. I just don’t know what to do or think anymore.
Did you ever read your bible and compare the way you were treated by your husband and the way he treated the Children, with what Gods word really says?
The man you described is trash. The Apostle Paul would mostly suggest such a man be cast out for the destruction of his flesh so that his soul might be saved in the last day. Your husband is not representing Christ to you, which is one of his top priorities. Christ and Christianity are not defined by this man. I hope you find a bible based church and bible based people to help you in this dire time. Christians are humble, forgiving, kind, and of course loving. No man defines Christ. Christ should define a man though.
@Sugar&Spice yes, really!
The reason I asked was because she would plainly see that her husband was not treating her with love. Not that she wasn't following the Bible.
Jesus Christ will turn it all around for a positive outlook just pray, warfare on behalf of your granddaughter especially for her to get out the reaches of witchcraft and for God to make a way for the to be with you to learn about Him.
@Sugar&Spice I agree, good advice. Listen to their hearts hurts. My prayer is for hearts to be healed by Abba Father who loves truly & fully.
Husband's must lead by example for wives and children. They must take the initiative. It begins with them
THIS IS SO HARD! He will think finally she knows she is a B and I am the man of the house and I'm perfect. He will change nothing!
I didn't marry my mom for many reasons, I have no ear for my wife when she takes that role, in fact I walk away. And the reality is just because I am married doesn't mean I should be or should have married anyone. I don't hate the player, I just hate the game.
I used to talk about my wife and how awesome she was, then I went to rehab and quit drinking (mutual decision) two years ago, still haven't drank and it's just as toxic as ever because she just pounces all over the boundaries I have set in place, to her they are a joke and I'm not having it anymore. Also to quote the end of video "act like a queen in your home" that has actually got to be the worst advice you can give a woman, sheesh.
If you are still together, I would suggest going to a couples retreat. Giving into the emotions that alcohol has supressed is a difficult journey, as for some it can be the first time in memory of feeling all of the feelings.
For me when I gave up drinking, it is when many people asked if I had a drinking problem as no one knew I was a functional alcoholic for twenty-five years, I was an angry sober person for the first couple of years as I learned to manage my emotions, there are still times I get angry but it is getting easier to work through that anger without the eurpution being as big and lasting as long. I did take a lot of my anger out at the person who I was closest too, eventually I learned that those people were doing the best they could with the tools they had.
For me I saw act like a Queen as being respectful of those within the home and community, to hold one's self up to higher standards. It helped changed my view, to be softer, to take off the sword if you will.
@@JenniferJane78 it's great to have insight! I'm happy you are at the point now
So why get married?
Too bad my husband hates me
Look up Leslie Vernick and Natalie Hoffman
Influence sounds like manipulation and dissatisfaction
The king doesn't want input from anyone. Stonewalling isn't part of Love. Gaslighting isn't Godly Love. How many healthy people are out there?
Hmm, 3 dudes telling women how to influence their husbands... where is the female input, the ones who’ve actually done it.
Need2Know Anonymous the point of view is from the man to the woman. If I want to understand my husband , I need to hear from males not females! No woman is going to be smarter at understanding a man, than another man.
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Actually I disagree. Yes a male perspective is important but also have the female who can talk to how this would practically work. I think that is all that is being said here
@@ceciliapotharst8315 If you want to understand your husband, why not ask your husband?
The only biblical way out of marriage is " Til death do us part"
Unless of course it's an abusive marriage
The only sin of divorce in the bible is remarrying the person you divorced. Deuteronomy 24.
Husbands and wives shouldn't have to perform this manipulative garbage.
I don't see how a husband or wife praying for and serving their spouse is manipulative. It seems like the height of love and concern.
"situational fixedness" means simply husband overburdened by wife's "I'm unhappy".
To survive man have to distance emotionally.
Living with wife proud of her victimhood is unbearable.
Husband isn't female friend who cherish every bad news, mainly because men tend to feel stronger emotions.
But wife's "I'm not happy" is excellent tool of control. Because it seriously hurt it may be used to punish man.
Just play martyr.
I've seen it dozens of times.
Wakeup comes when he doesn't care anymore. Now you are in real trouble 😄
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