More from Karel: Growing Up Gay: th-cam.com/video/0yFMmr9ovQQ/w-d-xo.html Old Age Is Closer Than You Think: th-cam.com/video/aVAndTBAVSE/w-d-xo.html Coming Out After Fame: th-cam.com/video/AJK3Ao8k1OY/w-d-xo.html To Please or to Be: th-cam.com/video/LFJYBaoAG8E/w-d-xo.html Being Fat and Unwanted: th-cam.com/video/6gQObZshrNE/w-d-xo.html I Will Die Trying: th-cam.com/video/jsctXhzRAAc/w-d-xo.html
I remember being 17 at a club in 1986 (fake IDlol) and some old timer at the bar telling me how lucky I was to be young and gay IN THE EIGHTIES! and believe me it was the dark ages compared to now!
@ I looked like I was 12 at 17, it was ridiculous they even took it! I had no idea then but it was the best time of my life!. (For the most part, lol!)
@@lgbtqarchives no Columbus, Ohio. When my parents found out I was gay i said mom I went out every weekend and was hung over every Sunday morning all through my early twenties and she said we suspected maybe you were hitting the bars at OSU!
73 here, husband of 48 years passed last year. It's lonely sometimes and I wish my really close friends lived nearer to me. I'm getting by and I mostly cherish the peace and quiet. But I miss him terribly, to the point of crying daily. I'm not to be felt sorry for, I've lived a big, extraordinary life; just wish it would be over...soon.
@@EagleRockers So sorry to hear about your loss. 48 years is impressive and I imagine the grieving may last a long time. Even though he might not be physically present he is still with you. Hoping in time you are able to explore your next chapter.
I came out in my 30s due to the HIV epidemic killing friends and coworkers and I didn't want to die so I just stayed to myself. I'd venture to bars with friends and 40 year olds seemed "old" then in my 40s the over 50s were "old", and now I'm starting down 60 and I look in the mirror and...I'm looking old. I'm only had 1-2 times I've been in love but they ended badly and I just don't have the energy for another broken heart. Now I just go out with friends expecting nothing to ever change and I get it -- now I'm the invisible one. I'm not looking to hook up at all, but it's not even easy to meet someone and talk. I know it's probably not the right venue, but it's a place to feel safe and to relax.
I get it, and that's part of the reason why Karel talks about having some kind of support network, because MOST of us will need it one way or another eventually. From what I've seen so far, those who don't start developing those type of relationships (not necessarily romantic type) early on, they're not able to magically find them in their 80s. It's a lot of work to develop solid friendships and one has to invest in it over time.
@ I Ave close friends just not romantic partners. I loathe hookups and haven’t had one in 25 years as STDs are still a concern, and I just can’t get into sex without a romantic connection. I’ve accepted that I’m probably going to be alone at the end and have made arrangements for when that time comes. If things change and I find a companion then great, but I e been alone most of my life and I’m used to it. The proverbial “terminal bachelor”.
I've always been attracted to men from age 60 and way up. My current partner of 32 years is 83, I'm 63. We have been in an open relationship since day one. I came out at age 15 when I seduced an episcopalian priest, he was in his early 60s. I don't do anything with under 60s men. If I go out, I'll always go to a bar or club with a much older group of men. I don't drink but I enjoy just hanging out with other in my age group. When I was younger that age group, 60s and up, didn't want anything to do with me. Now at over 60, I'm have a very good time, wink.
It may be politically incorrect, but gay bars are a place to go to hook up. If you are older and lonely, you could not possibly select a worse place to go. You will be looked upon with derision, scorn and contempt, or worse, will simply be invisible. Here's a thought. If you are lonely, roll up your sleeves, and do something about it. Go help someone. Bake cookies for the widow caring for five children, shovel a senior's walk, go read a newspaper to a vet in a nursing home. All self-pity goes poof, when I step outside myself and help someone else. VERY old, and having the time of my life.
Gay bars are just places to hook up? Traditionally and historically, absolutely not! Gay bars were one of the only safe havens for the LGBTQ+ community to come together-and even then, they weren’t entirely safe. Many civil rights activities and movements started in gay bars because they were the place to gather, discuss, and share information. I’ve had numerous guests who shared stories of activism that began in these spaces. I also know many couples who’ve been together for over 40 years and met at gay bars. Of course, people used bars to hook up-that’s true of any bar-but you can meet people for that purpose in virtually any setting. You could go to a gay church with the same intention and achieve the same result, right? These days, there aren’t even that many gay bars left. Most people rely on apps or the internet to connect and share information. That said, I agree with the rest of your post. Many people don’t invest in building solid friendships when they’re younger, and that support network won’t magically appear when you need it most. At some point, self-care will become a challenge for nearly everyone, and that’s when having a few loving friends will make all the difference. By then, simply “loving yourself” won’t be enough. I went through this scenario with my own father. He had severe case of dementia and he had his small family to take care of him till his last day. That's when I truly understood the value of having a support network. As a single gay man, I won't have that if I don't take Karel's advice.
More from Karel:
Growing Up Gay: th-cam.com/video/0yFMmr9ovQQ/w-d-xo.html
Old Age Is Closer Than You Think: th-cam.com/video/aVAndTBAVSE/w-d-xo.html
Coming Out After Fame: th-cam.com/video/AJK3Ao8k1OY/w-d-xo.html
To Please or to Be: th-cam.com/video/LFJYBaoAG8E/w-d-xo.html
Being Fat and Unwanted: th-cam.com/video/6gQObZshrNE/w-d-xo.html
I Will Die Trying: th-cam.com/video/jsctXhzRAAc/w-d-xo.html
Jodi Foster said something profound about not needing to compete with your younger self anymore once you turn 60. Great mindset for me.
I remember being 17 at a club in 1986 (fake IDlol) and some old timer at the bar telling me how lucky I was to be young and gay IN THE EIGHTIES! and believe me it was the dark ages compared to now!
Almost every guest from the 70s/80s either had a fake ID or stole their older brother or youngest uncle's ID. 😆
@ I looked like I was 12 at 17, it was ridiculous they even took it! I had no idea then but it was the best time of my life!. (For the most part, lol!)
@@davidbeach5563 Were you in California?
@@lgbtqarchives no Columbus, Ohio. When my parents found out I was gay i said mom I went out every weekend and was hung over every Sunday morning all through my early twenties and she said we suspected maybe you were hitting the bars at OSU!
@@davidbeach5563Same story but it was a bar called Faces in Illinois.😂👍🏽❤
73 here, husband of 48 years passed last year. It's lonely sometimes and I wish my really close friends lived nearer to me. I'm getting by and I mostly cherish the peace and quiet. But I miss him terribly, to the point of crying daily. I'm not to be felt sorry for, I've lived a big, extraordinary life; just wish it would be over...soon.
@@EagleRockers So sorry to hear about your loss. 48 years is impressive and I imagine the grieving may last a long time. Even though he might not be physically present he is still with you. Hoping in time you are able to explore your next chapter.
68 yo gay man here Your words are very true, but im still an activist
Thanks for your service. Hopefully one day you will share some of your stories with the community here.
I came out in my 30s due to the HIV epidemic killing friends and coworkers and I didn't want to die so I just stayed to myself.
I'd venture to bars with friends and 40 year olds seemed "old" then in my 40s the over 50s were "old", and now I'm starting down 60 and I look in the mirror and...I'm looking old.
I'm only had 1-2 times I've been in love but they ended badly and I just don't have the energy for another broken heart.
Now I just go out with friends expecting nothing to ever change and I get it -- now I'm the invisible one. I'm not looking to hook up at all, but it's not even easy to meet someone and talk. I know it's probably not the right venue, but it's a place to feel safe and to relax.
I get it, and that's part of the reason why Karel talks about having some kind of support network, because MOST of us will need it one way or another eventually. From what I've seen so far, those who don't start developing those type of relationships (not necessarily romantic type) early on, they're not able to magically find them in their 80s. It's a lot of work to develop solid friendships and one has to invest in it over time.
@ I Ave close friends just not romantic partners. I loathe hookups and haven’t had one in 25 years as STDs are still a concern, and I just can’t get into sex without a romantic connection.
I’ve accepted that I’m probably going to be alone at the end and have made arrangements for when that time comes. If things change and I find a companion then great, but I e been alone most of my life and I’m used to it. The proverbial “terminal bachelor”.
2:03
I've always been attracted to men from age 60 and way up. My current partner of 32 years is 83, I'm 63. We have been in an open relationship since day one. I came out at age 15 when I seduced an episcopalian priest, he was in his early 60s. I don't do anything with under 60s men. If I go out, I'll always go to a bar or club with a much older group of men. I don't drink but I enjoy just hanging out with other in my age group. When I was younger that age group, 60s and up, didn't want anything to do with me. Now at over 60, I'm have a very good time, wink.
It may be politically incorrect, but gay bars are a place to go to hook up. If you are older and lonely, you could not possibly select a worse place to go. You will be looked upon with derision, scorn and contempt, or worse, will simply be invisible. Here's a thought. If you are lonely, roll up your sleeves, and do something about it. Go help someone. Bake cookies for the widow caring for five children, shovel a senior's walk, go read a newspaper to a vet in a nursing home. All self-pity goes poof, when I step outside myself and help someone else. VERY old, and having the time of my life.
Gay bars are just places to hook up? Traditionally and historically, absolutely not! Gay bars were one of the only safe havens for the LGBTQ+ community to come together-and even then, they weren’t entirely safe. Many civil rights activities and movements started in gay bars because they were the place to gather, discuss, and share information.
I’ve had numerous guests who shared stories of activism that began in these spaces. I also know many couples who’ve been together for over 40 years and met at gay bars. Of course, people used bars to hook up-that’s true of any bar-but you can meet people for that purpose in virtually any setting. You could go to a gay church with the same intention and achieve the same result, right?
These days, there aren’t even that many gay bars left. Most people rely on apps or the internet to connect and share information.
That said, I agree with the rest of your post. Many people don’t invest in building solid friendships when they’re younger, and that support network won’t magically appear when you need it most. At some point, self-care will become a challenge for nearly everyone, and that’s when having a few loving friends will make all the difference. By then, simply “loving yourself” won’t be enough. I went through this scenario with my own father. He had severe case of dementia and he had his small family to take care of him till his last day. That's when I truly understood the value of having a support network. As a single gay man, I won't have that if I don't take Karel's advice.