Trans Guy Answers Reddit's Controversial Trans Questions
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As an AMAB dude, the closest thing I have to experiencing dysphoria was developing breasts as a result of pubescent onset gynecomastia. When I tell you I was fucking MISERABLE in my body and no amount of masculine performance was rectifying the existential despair I had for the condition despite my parents, siblings and others saying it wasn't that big a deal.
Thankfully at the completion of high school and before college my parentss paid for me to get surgery and man when I woke up from the anesthesia literally and metaphorically it felt like a major weight had been lifted off my back. I finally felt confident in my skin and have been pretty much since.
At the time I had no idea what "dysphoria" was and it's only in hindsight with all that I've learned from trans folks that that was likely what I was experiencing.
It takes a very confident man to be vulnerable and share pain to help folks be able to relate. You are awesome 😎. Thank you. I wish we could collect examples like these to help Cisgender folks relate easier.
I'm glad you're able to be more comfortable in your body now.
Gender affirming care!!! It's a lifesaver, honestly. Trans rights are human rights!
Thx for sharing your experience! My favourite way of explaining dysphoria was hearing your own recorded voice for the first time. You know it's yours, but it just feels wrong because it differs from how you hear yourself.
And as a cis gay dude, I struggel more with society than myself;o) In one of my favourite movies Torchsong Trilogy the main protagonist asks his mother how she'd feel if every newspaper and TV show told her to be gay and she'd know she wasn't... Different pain, same game!
Cheers;o)
I'm sorry in advance but, congratulations on getting that off your chest.
I will leave now.
“if you’re getting called transphobic a lot maybe try insulting people less” lmaoo straight up
🤣 true
I don't care lol
That’s like saying “If you keep getting called a N****r a lot, maybe try insulting people less”
@@ThySheepie People just don't say you're transphobic just because you exist. People use the N word just because you are black. Use a better comparison next time.
@@ThySheepie wow. Are you suffering from brain damage? You might wanna check that.
I came out as transgender to my mom yesterday and she accepted me, I was quite relieved
thats awesome!
Luckyyyyy
hell yeah
Yayy congrats!
Great! You're valid!
I find misgendering people to be very insulting. I'm a cis woman, 6 feet tall, bi or pan, and femme, 63 years old. I've been called sir many times because of my hight, not because I look remotely male. The one time I liked it when I went back stage at a drag show, and the director thought I was a Queen. LOL
Been there. Some people are really rude about it too
You are an amazing person. We are so lucky to have people like you in our community.
Just goes to show people can't "tell if one's trans"
The traits they often think of are universal across all genders and sexes XD
How's someone supposed to know your gender? I get if you correct them and they still mess it up, but if it's an honest mistake I don't see the problem.
@@PatLund I think they mean when people PURPOSEFULLY misgender someone. Refusing to use their correct pronouns.
The question about being told you’re not a man hits for me as a cis gay man. I’ve been told that so many times. But it’s not 60% and I will never know how trans men feel when told that and I will never say that to anyone. This was an amazing video. Thank you for continuing to educate us. I always look forward to your videos.
Its interesting how many marginalised groups have the same struggles. This was so affirming to hear as a trans guy, though its not like I didnt know that people said that to cis men. "Masculinity" is such a tiny, constrictive box to live in, and anyone seen as a man who doesn't do everything right is then bullied for not being a man enough. Its like they say I'm not a man because I have no penis, but then the penis doesn't even matter for the population of cis men who act too much like individuals to be men. Now the penis doesn't matter. But it comes down to that gender roles are a prison hey!! I'm so glad I mostly got out of the shame and guilt of being a gay and trans man in masculine spaces. Some cishet dudes don't know how to handle me though. They see a pair of earrings and a moustache at the same time and malfunction 😆
I just wrote a long piece about my experience as an autistic lesbian… yes, gender BS is so prevalent in day to day interactions.
@@micah5847 the number of times that I've seen something along the lines of "is it gay to: normal human function" or "is it gay to have sex with women?" Is absurd.
They tell you that because you threaten their masculinity. Somehow, some way, you make them feel like they need to make sure everyone knows they're a human male. It has very little to do with you except you trigger their insecurities about being 'man enough' to be a man. Like the toxic tough guy male is something to aspire to. Try to explain this to them and they get so confused! They don't know what a real man is, no wonder they get mixed up and stupid around trans folks.
Being told you're not a man, is just like when women are told how they act and react to things and how their brain works. I've been told my whole life that women are a certain way. I hear it in daily conversations and on tv (like shows and stand up comedy). And every time I get mad about it people tell me that obviously there are people that fall out of the standard, and that I don't have to fit that standard. It pisses me off, because in my opinion there is no standard! The "standard" is fake. All people are different! And that's why I personally hate being a woman, (even though I'm cis) because you are constantly being pushed into the box of the "standard".
It's like when you tell a guy he throws like a girl, what even is that? There is no standard for a girls throw, just like there is no standard for her brain.
The argument of coming out as LGBT+ for attention is so wack. Like, yes, I will happily open myself up to bigotry, discrimination, and potential assault for a little clout. Woohoo
exactly lol I literally got hate crimed last year for it like who tf wants that and I'm not even popular at all no one even talks to me lmao
also, like... who cares? Even if it were the case, so what? People do all kinds of things for attention. If you're so deeply offended, just don't give them that attention
fr, that kinda stuff only really happens in anime and movies. mostly anime tho.
Once you realize most people's entire understanding of trans people is based on media representation, urban myths and bigoted propaganda, it starts to make a lot of sense.
misinformation is a great weapon, as they say@@feloniousbutterfly
The gender role and transition question is interesting. As a feminine/"gay" trans dude i would still transitiom because the problem was never me being feminine, it was me not being able to express my femininity before being seen as a boy first
yeah as a GNC trans person I always feel like gender roles and transition are independent from each other
@@juniperfox1064 same! For so many trans people its about conforming to gender roles (absolutely valid btw) but me, i just wanna be seen as a feminine BOY ya know?
I can relate to that from the transfem side of things. I would totally be okay with a masculine presentation if people (most importantly, myself) would still read me as a girl. In a sense it's the ultimate goal, to embody your gender so completely that you just can't be seen as anything else.
Absolutely. I'm also a gay trans man and my gender expression isn't easy to pin down. Anyone who's known me at any point in my life, if they were asked if I was masculine or feminine, they would all probably say, "Ummm...well...little column A, little column B?"
I would still transition, definitely. I remember waking up from top surgery and all I could do was say "Thank you" over and over to the surgical team while sipping ginger ale. I finally felt normal. Not sexy or manly, just normal.
that makes no sense. You arent a boy never will be. You also cant be a gay guy if you werent born a man, you dont have the right parts
It's fine to not want to date trans people because "oh I just have a genital preference". The issue is when you frame that preference as "I don't want to date trans people because I only like REAL men/women". At the end of the day, genital preference is like any other preference. It's okay to have it, so long as you don't shame people who don't fit into it, and imply they're "lesser" because of it.
yeah for sure, and i think the problem too is it usually being framed to exclude a whole group! like its fine if you dont wanna sleep with someone bc of a genital preference, but sooo many trans people have had bottom surgery so being like "id NEVER sleep with any trans women" sucks
It's the same sort of thing you get when people say they'll NEVER date a certain race. It's alright to have preferences but if you're really adamant that you'll NEVER be interested in a person due to something completely out of their control you have to reckon with the fact that people are going to ask why. And when you push for "why" it usually eventually gets into "Because X is always like Y and I don't find that attractive!" Which is kind of at it's core stereotyping.
I think if you're going to set absolutes you're going to have to deal with people questioning those absolutes and perhaps judgements if people find those reasons wanting.
Which is like normal for everyday interaction? I mean you catch sh1t for movie preferences online lol
@@strayiggytv couldn't agree more. Feel the same experience with height and dating. At 5'5" ii'm peak average haha, so even though ii've been interested in people across measurements, ii've only comfortably dated people within a few inches of my height. While ii wouldn't be opposed to a difference if someone interesting to me was interested in me, there's something in my brain that translates similar height to being considered an equal.
@@moonilymoth i’m not going to say never, because if you meet the right person it might not matter, but i am uncomfortable with penises, probably mostly because the idea of them is used so often to degrade women and deny lesbians their entire existence. and it’s such a constant thing. i think it has a lot less to do with the bodyparts themselves and more to do with the life long trauma they represent.
@@sgtmian which is totally fair! its ok to have a genital preference, whether it be due to trauma or simply something you're not attracted to. as a gay trans person, im not offended if a gay man doesn't want to sleep with me personally because i don't have bottom surgery.
the problem just boils down to when people claim they won't date any trans people and using a generalization on the community, because lots of them have had bottom surgery and may match a genital preference!
Trans man to offer my two cents on "trying to remain cis"
The years before I had the realization about my identity, once I started hitting puberty, my mom basically told me that it wasn't acceptable to dress in pants and t-shirts all the time anymore, and that I should start making more of an effort to perform femininity. Basically, "be more like a girl." When we would go to the mall, she would actually give me "assignments" like, "Today I want you to find two skirts and one blouse you like. Don't come to me with a t-shirt or jeans." For a while, I actually tried pretty hard to "be a girl." I tried really hard to make an effort to wear more feminine clothes like dresses and girly tops, wearing more jewellery, wearing heels, and resisting the urge to put my hair in a ponytail all the time. The period when I was my most feminine was also the time that my family was most involved in the church (Catholic). I remember going with my mom to the store to buy my confirmation dress, and she was WAY more excited to buy it than I was. But even when I was wearing more feminine clothes and trying to accept it, I still felt naked. I hated people looking at me or commenting on my outfits whenever I did perform (especially because when I did look more feminine, people who knew me took it as a happy surprise/special occasion and would gush about how pretty I was). Even after all this effort I was taking to "be a girl" there was still an inherit discomfort All The Time that I couldn't understand. It was SO hard to be a girl. Even after I came out, and my parents gave me the whole, "You're too young to understand/don't tell anyone," I STILL tried to perform femininity for them and got a dress for my first high school prom. I still had that naked feeling the whole dance and I couldn't truly enjoy myself.
Now, comparing all that pain and suffering to the absolute JOY I felt when I cut my hair *truly* short for the first time (and this is before I even knew I was trans), it was like a ton of bricks had been lifted off of my chest and I could actually BREATHE. It was liberating, it was euphoria that I had never felt before. I had been out for only a few months the first time I wore a suit, and I was lighter than air. When I wore that suit, a gentleman approached me and said "What a handsome-looking young man." From his smile, I knew what he was truly saying and I still feel a little emotional from that moment.
So no, we can't "just be" a gender we don't identify as.
I could feel the palpable pain, eventual relief and happiness through your comment... So glad that you can now be yourself💪💪💪
Did your parents apologize and renounce the church?
@@chloesibilla8199 They have not apologized to me yet, but I think they're coming around. The last church that they went to for a while was espousing crazy conservative stuff (abortions, homophobia/transphobia, the usual suspects) and my mom was vocal (at least to me) that she was against it. Over time they did "allow" me to present more masculine. For a long time they didn't acknowledge my name or pronouns, but my dad has called me my real name at least once as a way to kinda tell me that he's okay with it now. I'm more optimistic that once I tell them that I've been on T for almost a year and have been working on changing my name that they'll finally get on board. I was angry at them for a long time but now if they at least acknowledge my identity, I'll be okay with just that.
I completely agree that it's wrong to tell trans people to just be cis, however I think it's important to note that what you were being pushed into was not only "being a girl", but feminine gender roles and performance. As a cis woman, I also feel weird wearing dresses or other feminine clothing. The times I decided to try a dress, and people commented, I felt pretty uncomfortable. I'm relatively masculine compared to most women, and it makes me feel yucky when people push feminine roles onto me or assume that I am a certain way due to my gender. I actually enjoy being perceived as masculine, but am completely comfortable with being perceived as female. The discomfort I experience with gender roles is not because of my gender, but because society's arbitrary and harmful expectations of people based on their gender. Despite not following typical female roles and presentation, I still AM a girl/woman. A cis woman could experience all of the discomfort with pressure to be feminine you described and still be cis. I am not saying that you aren't trans, because I completely believe that trans people are real, but discomfort with gender roles is not a specifically as trans thing, or the reason that people are trans. You could've tried to be a masculine girl instead of the feminine girl others wanted you to be, and I would assume that it still would not have worked, and you would still be trans.
Either way, I'm glad you were able to figure out what is comfortable for you and do what makes you happy.
@@Undeadsweater You are right, both are true, I was just speaking from my own experience. In that time that my masculine presentation was "allowed," they still didnt refer to me by my real name and pronouns and asked me to wait on it, which still caused quite a bit of distress. I also have a little bit of social dysphoria, which has persisted somewhat even after living openly for more than 4 years.
On that last part I had to laugh a little at the initial question... it's not transphobic to attack someone's character, nobody said it is. What happens is people think they're attacking your character, when in fact they're attacking the very fact that you're trans which you can't change. Someone criticising a negative aspect of your personality or behaviour is rude, but it's not transphobic. Someone deliberately trying to trigger your dysphoria by misgendering you or making fun of some aspect of your body that you're uncomfortable about is.
Everyone is dealing with something, I think the trick is to just be kind
Exactly. You can tell the person saying that definition didn't just comment on someone's faults. They were probably misgendering someone or critiquing their gender expression as a whole.
@@PoeticTransformation-tu9yh or you could think of it that if you come out you can stand up for yourself the way you stood up for that employee. And you can find the people who will stand up for you. Some of them may even be these friends once they think it through. But if not then you probably need to move towards some new people, and that will happen naturally when you show yourself.
Somebody criticising a certain part of your personality isn't always rude if it's warranted. If there's something shitty about you and you keep acting that way, I might eventually tell you and communicate with you so you learn that it's not ok to act that way.
This comment is facts
We going to talk about what he said in the sponsorship?
"Whether you're a Harry, a Mary or a nonbinary!" had me cackling
yea had me laughing a lot XD
Right? I had to bite my hand so I wouldn't wake up my partner.
I paused the video so I could say it to myself a bunch of times in a row. Such a satisfying rhyme!
This. This is what I've been looking for
There are only two binary names. Everyone else is nonbinary, duh.
I've been accidentally called a boy once (my mum's friend thought I was her son lol) and from that experience I KNOW that I'm not trans, because while I wasn't offended in any way it just felt wrong. My whole body just said no. The reason people don't "feel" their gender or understand gender dysphoria is simply because they've never experienced it. The bones analogy is great.
I don't have that at all and misgendering me is more or less the most common 'insult' my mother's/step family tries to throw at me. Initially they refused to use my name and I went a few years without hearing my name, which made me value it so much more. But gender? Nah, don't care even though I'm just a basic cis with zero gender discomfort.
Making transition so utterly baffling yet fascinating to me. I know I'll never understand but videos like this really help. Never questioned it, if someone is willing to do so much to change their gender, you know the feeling is real but understand, no, can't honestly say I do.
@@esmee6308 totally get that, and honestly ii think there's a pretty easy comparison.
Some people are bi and some are ace. To them(generically/stereotypically speaking for ease of metaphor) the question of who they would or wouldn't date is dependent entirely on the other party. An asexual person might never sexually desire another person and a bisexual person might very easily desire others in that same way.
But mono-sexual people, lesbian/gay/straight, the idea of being with the gender or sex that they're not attracted to is very uncomfortable. To bi or ace people this doesn't make any sense because it just doesn't occur to them.
In this same way there are people out there who would never have a problem being treated or addressed as either a man, women, or non-binary. This is assuming fair treatment, of course. Yet there are also cis people who get incredibly angry when misgendered regardless of if it's on purpose or not. Men being told they're acting/looking like a women, or vice versa is usually used as an insult because of how many people are actually bothered by it in the first place.
Sorry if this is long, hope it made sense with my tired brain.
@@jmassagetherapist6773 Makes total sense and I loved reading every word you wrote, so thank you for taking the time. The ace/bi comparisson makes me feel a little less bad about not fully understanding trans or even gender non-confirming as long as I respect it. Same way I respect mono-sexualities even though, can't relate or fully understand.
@@esmee6308 glad ii could help. Admittedly being both trans and ace makes some things very simple and other things really, really confusing haha
@@jmassagetherapist6773 Wow that's actually a very good take on the subject ! I had the exact same difficulties unsderstanding gender identity, and why it is so important for some people. It makes much more sense like that.
The bones analogy blew my fucking mind. That's literally it, the most perfect way to describe gender dysphoria.
Also? TF Ty, no top surgery? How did you work that chest magic without surgery that's amazing.
I'm so confused, what do they even mean by "critiquing our views"? What is there to critique about trans people transitioning and living their lives, we just do what is right for ourselves and its literally not hurting anyone...
I’ve never fit in with the gender roles of men or women, and I remember when my mom asked me if I was trans. It was after Caitlyn Jenner came out, and my mom asked “do you want to be a boy? It’s okay if you do, if you want to be a boy we can figure it all out. ”. While I was touched, I never felt a desire to alter myself, because there is no body I can attain medically. But her acceptance and worry touched me.
Bad parenting choice.
@@MyPrideFlag That you would do? Correct. 😂
@@susanleslie6178 Because I won't make my healthy kids doubt their gender without any reason?
@@MyPrideFlag No one does that, lol.
@@susanleslie6178 This girl was asked if she was trans without any context.
Making it seem like gender is like a pair of socks, you can change it any time you want.
Not like you're born with a certain sex, very specific biology and the only thing you can do is try to imitate opposite gender or feel like it.
Never BECOME it.
I believe that gender dysphoria is a real mental issue for many kids but usually it's trigerred by adults selling them insane ideas.
My favorite way to explain social dysphoria is that I had a coworker who always called me the wrong name (not a dead name or anything, just a name that sounds similar to my actual name) almost every time we spoke. I know he has issues mixing up words a lot, so I know it wasn't malicious at all, and he'd usually correct himself after a few minutes. It's not that I particularly strongly "feel like" or "identity with" my name, but it just felt *wrong* to be called something else. It wasn't offensive and didn't make me angry, but it always hurt a bit to be referred to with the wrong name constantly. That's pretty much exactly how I feel when I get misgendered too. And since almost everyone has been called the wrong name at some point, that makes it click for a lot of people I've talked to about it.
This is very much how I experience social dysphoria, too. I'm non-binary (and maybe a tad bit xenogender?) and although I typically tell people that they can call me by any pronouns, and for a while when I still went by my birthname but told people that they can call me by my chosen name as a "nickname," I felt very..... naked.. gutted?... very distressed and anxious? when someone only used she/her for me and only called me by my birthname. I wasn't upset, nor blamed anyone who was used to she/her-ing me and calling me by my birthname for messing up, but it felt like something was super wrong when it happened. Nowadays people in my social circle call me by my chosen name, and it's also a lot more easier now that some of my new friends only know me by my chosen name. And just as a little tidbit, for a long while I wasn't okay with they/them being used for me, and maybe that was me trying to hang onto any semblance of womanhood, but now I go out of my way to be referred to by those pronouns. So much so, that now I may not want to be called by she/her or he/him anymore and just by they/them and my neos.
That’s a great example. I have several experiences with people mispronouncing my deadname or using an entirely different name than the one I was using at the time. That didn’t bother me cause my deadname wasn’t my name either so they were going to be wrong regardless.
Honestly I'm a female but present much more masculinely, and I'm misgendered pretty much all the time and I honestly don't care. I look like a guy, so I don't expect strangers to know I'm a female. However, if I was misgendered, and yet they knew my gender, I think I'd be uncomfortable then.
That’s a great example.
@@wolfzmusic9706 My upper body makes accidental in person misgendering impossible, but because I'm a cis ally I get misgendered a lot online. Usually by a bigot thinking I *must* be male to female trans! I'm honestly not sure if this just makes me laugh because I don't care what bigots think, or because I've always been gender non-conforming in some ways. Now I have an enby child. Coincidence?
good to see a professional trans man's take on this 😌😌🙏🙏
Profession: professional trans man
Did he get a certificate saying he was a professional? Where can I get one?
@@Schnort Idk I think you can certified online
@@tdawggrayson no not online it's a apprenticeship program only still! #keep apprenticeships alive 🤣
How do I become a professional transman? I'm already on .05 mil of T
The whole "not accepting yourself" argument is so dumb cos like, people change themselves all the time! People dye their hair, cut their hair, get tattoos, get piercings, get cosmetic surgery, etc.
Are we suddenly gonna call out everyone with dyed hair for not loving their natural hair color now?
They're embracing their true selves by making their outer appearance match how they feel on the inside.
I feel that. I tried growing out my hair this last year, hoping for the amazing gray my younger sister has going, but it’s still too brown. I haven’t had full-on brown hair since ‘91. It was dyed various shades of normal-job-acceptable red until 2018, when I finally got a job that didn’t care about my hair color. I’ve had pink, purple, blue, aqua, and, the last couple of years, green with lime highlights and blue lowlights. So after growing it out back to blegh! brown, I’m back in my green. However, I think one could see I didn’t like brown hair even as a kid. Any doll I picked out had red hair. The older girl that I idolized had red hair. The first boy I remember having a crush on had red hair. I guess if hair dysphoria were a thing, I definitely have it.
Folks also have a difficult time accepting nuerodiversity. The more I explore the more it feels like we have markers on a spectrum. Our bodies don't always match our brains. I think that can be beautiful even though difficult because we can make ourselves into who we are inside and who they want to be.
@@sarahthesarah2850 as an autism™
to me it feels like being accidentally disconnected from the knowledge hivemind and having to pretend you're still in the loop so you dont get like, disgraced or something
Yeah, but people who tend to be against transgender tend to think people with (especially bright) dyed hair to be "doing it for attention" too. :(
right lol the conservative religious environment in which i was brought up WOULD have said exactly that about tattoos and dyed hair. it all comes from the same mindset of not trusting people or letting people have control over their own bodies and lives
as an autistic trans masc, I cannot begin to tell you how many times I used "I'm just not like other girls lol, I'm so quirky" as a defense mechanism when someone even slightly suggested I wasn't a cis neurotypical girl.
Lmao, this but transfem. It's like, no I'm mega cis het. That's why I'm so concerned with why gender roles are stupid. Also, why I couldn't look at myself in a mirror for half a decade except when I wanted to dissociate.
"I'm not like the other girls... I'M A BOY" is a power move
Omg same. For the longest time I had this internal sense of being "not like other girls" and in later years I shrugged that feeling off as internalized misogyny. Little did I know that I'm not actually a girl at all lmao
@@HORSEZZZZZzzzzz96 straight up!!!!!!! the wonderings of 'hmmmmm i like being called a he rather than a she thats decently odd'
and The little chitter of 'ehehehhehe you just uh. View men as more valuable than women and have been mentally made in this society to be somewhat misogynistic thats why its cuz you like being called a he you like being called valuabkle ragggh' Though no buddy brain you just want to be viewed and respected as a guy more than a gal? decently simple? Calm. Down
also erm apologie s for bugging on a 3 month old commetn I enjoyed this piece of text!
Great video! ✨ As a transmasculine person, in the bit about hysterectomies at the beginning, it might be important to note that if you remove your ovaries (in a full hysterectomy as opposed to partial) there can also be too little estrogen and you might need to supplement it because all bodies require both hormones and it can be dangerous to not have enough estrogen, and that it might be an extra long-term financial burden (as well as making you even more dependent on the medical industrial complex in already uncertain and expensive times). That being said, I’m opting for a partial hysterectomy in the future haha ✌️ Sending good vibes from Toronto
Wow 😮, informative 👍🏻
I've got my hysterectomy scheduled in 2 weeks, and I'm keeping one ovary, removing the other.
I was stoked to find out they can do that! Enough to keep the estrogen flowing... just, not too much.
thanks for saying this! i kept my ovaries for this reason-they dont make anything like periods happen!
Same, I aim to keep one ovary in case of crisis making hormones inaccessible for me.
Hey. Very informative 👏. Just wanted to add that the term hysterectomy refers to the uterus. The removal of ovaries specifically is called an oophorectomy and the removal of the uterus, ovaries and the fallopian tubes all together is called a hysterosalpingoophorectomy 😅 Medical terms can be super confusing when you don't know what they mean but a simple way of explaining these terms is breaking them into prefixes (the first part of the word) and suffixes (the last part of the word).
Prefixes:
Hystero- uterus
Salpingo- fallopian tubes
Oophoro- ovaries
Suffix:
Ectomy- surgical removal
I hope this helps someone 😅
The 2 questions I get all the time:
Is your husband okay with that? Are your kids okay with that?
You'd think after being out for 4 years, being on T, getting top surgery, they'd stop asking.
YES. THEY'RE ALL OKAY WITH THAT.
Don't answer, just walk away.
The whole “why cant you just be a masculine woman/feminine man” thing is dumb coz like… what about all the trans people that are masculine trans women, or feminine trans men? I’ve had that said to me before by my mum (“why can’t you just be a masculine woman”) when I actually quite enjoy being feminine. I like makeup, and nail varnish, and skirts (sometimes, anyway. Sometimes they are dysphoria factories lol). I enjoy being more feminine. But I’m still not a woman. Gender and gender expression are different things and I wish there wasn’t this weird double standard for trans people where if you don’t conform to the stereotypical gender [presentation of your gender (masculine for trans men/mascs, feminine for trans women/femmes or androgynous for nonbinary ppl) then you’re “not really trans” but if you do conform to that, then people get mad at you for being “too stereotypical”.
fr we cant win
Same for pronouns. If you use two or more sets then you're (literally had someone say this to me) "virtue signalling" or (another person said this to me) " you're not non-binary, you're a woman because she/they in your bio". It's getting to the point I cringe inside when ppl use she/her for me, like if I don't use just they/them I'm lying or something.
You put it perfectly into words.
@@AgonySoup I wonder what they would say to me, a cis girl going by she/they pronouns (often preferring they)? Looking forward to some transphobe coming for my throat only to find out that none of their transphobic bs works on me. (It does still bother me on some level, because I know while it doesn't hurt ME, it has the potential to hurt someone who isn't cis.) (Un)fortunately, I have yet to find anyone being mean about my sexuality or pronouns irl or online, so I haven't had the chance to break a transphobe's brain yet.
well if someone is trans and then dresses as their original they arent trans. Besides you cant change your sex just appearance. In essense trans "men" are msculine women.
Regarding jokes (17:55), I find it ridiculous that people don’t want to have to be thoughtful when they make them. Some of the best-quality jokes out there required a comedian being a thoughtful writer 💀
Gender is stored in the bones
It's, in your brain.
@@CapitalLuke Only if you are a Republican. :)
@@frostfirei The brain is stored within bones. Therefor gender is still stored in bones.
@@johnlarken4744 :D
@@frostfirei what he say do?
My mom is the person with the most questions (and thats just who she is. She asks questions about anything and everything, trans or not), so its always good to know that her intentions are good. But I do get tired, so I can always say "I'm done for tonight. Ask tomorrow"
Maybe have her write them all down so you can think about them and answer when you are ready. Then, if you are tired, just give her the answers for today, and do more later.
@Finch Blue, Even if someone is not being malicious you do have a right not to answer. The way I see it is some things are just private and it’s ok to draw boundaries. Lots of people who would never dream of asking a woman if she was wearing a wig for health reasons, or if she was having her period, or about anyones reproductive health or sex life seem to think trans strangers life’s are for public scrutiny. I have curiosity about many things, but I know it’s often best to keep it to myself.
Role reversal : your mom is the relentlessly curious kid in the relationship, LOL. It sounds like you have a good relationship with her. 🏳️🌈
The "i shit myself" thread was awesome lol
I really liked your answer in relation to not all non-binary people identify as trans. I identify as a demigirl, but wouldn't go as far as to say I am trans. In a way, and this is just how I feel about this, I feel saying I am trans would take away from others' lived experiences, who have the disconnect between body and mind. I don't feel / have that disconnect you talked about - but I am not "sugar and spice and all things nice" either if that makes sense.
That label is there for you if you want it, other people's lived experiences don't negate yours. But if you don't want/connect with the term that is cool also
but thats the thing: being trans is not just about being disconnected from your body, otherwise trans people would stop being trans if/when they were ever satisfied with their medical transition. its about identifying outside of your assigned gender. you choose whether or not to apply the label to yourself, but as a genderfluid trans man, i have no qualms about including folks like you under the trans umbrella.
I can relate. I identify as non-binary (no further labels, but overall I just dont care about my gender). There are some specific things about my body related to gender which I would like to change, if I could, but I do not feel a big level of disconnection, extreme anxiety, depression, etc. related to those things, which I know some trans people do experience. The only thing which makes me feel like that is pregnancy, but thats not exacly the same thing. However I do feel dysphoric if my family forces me to dress extremely feminine, if people judge me and treat me differently just because Im afab, etc. The label trans doesnt 100% fit so I dont really use it. Everybody's experience is different.
@@0_emilly_082 you're the first person I've come across to describe how I feel down to the T. I've never felt a connection to any gender, even growing up. Admittedly, I liked dressing in "comfy clothes", as I called them, which were baggy pants and tshirts. I don't like dressing feminine, other than form fitted t-shirts if they have pop culture references on them. But, again -- and I've done soul searching on it -- I don't feel an attachment to any genders. I gravitate more towards masculinity, but I don't feel like a guy, like a trans man would feel. I just feel like I'm in the wrong body, but don't know where exactly it would fit.
Years ago, I found the term androgyn online and that seemed to fit how I felt. Nowadays, at 40, I use genderfliud, genderqueer, nonbinary, what have you to describe myself since most people understand those terms more than androgyn.
I was born in a female body, so I'm used to female pronouns. Online, though, when it's just my voice, people mistake me for a guy because I have a deep voice. Considering no pronouns suit me, not even they/them, I just accept whatever's thrown at me, lol. I do admit to feeling dysphoric sometimes when someone calls me a girl, but I shake it off, because it doesn't happen often.
If I were to ever want body modifications done, it'd be to get rid of my breasts. I'd love a flat chest. Everything else can stay. But it's not a huge deal, so I won't get it done. I'm not good with pain anyway.
Anyway, again, I just wanna express how comforting it is to see someone else just as stuck in the middle as I am. :)
Ahhh it's not about "taking away from other people's experiences", my fellow person.
"You don't 'feel' your gender identity unless something is wrong.
Just like you don't 'feel' your bones, unless you break one"
Such a great explanation
This video was a slam dunk, it's always nice to see people be genuinely curious in a kind way.
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All these singers, actors and politics and royals are: FALLEN ANGLES AND DEMONS. No real human was never popular nor having a good and cool lives on this earth.
TRANSVESTIGATE a little and you shall see the real problem with members of the l . b .g. d. q. +
We are in need of hackers, do someone know and mange to hack into their systems and let people`s TV`S AND PHONES AND RADIOS show and talk about REALITY.?
For there is only ONE GOSPEL and it is 100% clear about all things. The reader and the hearer must RECEIVE THE COMFORTHER, to receive the wisdom and understanding about heavenly things.
To all who wants REAL CHRISTIANS TO BE GONE:
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why does it say there’s a comment when there isnt
@@littlebreadlive6232 its youtube itself that hides these, usually because these comments may have information and links that may break someones bubble into nothing and they may start to see reality as it is.
th-cam.com/video/CfTLMcc9hxA/w-d-xo.html - so? You still want to be like the wicked ones, corrupted and only after money? And no, I do not ask from you to go and to learn to be a doctor yourself, no, I do not ask it. What I do ask is, to pray, have a change of heart and mind and pray.
Build up the once lost relationship between you and GOD.
th-cam.com/video/9Qw3vMfty_s/w-d-xo.html
Only CHRIST is the way - the truth - and the life. No another name nor way given to mankind.
If the soul, who preach the gospel, won`t be persecuted by the world, then when you know who you dealing with, you are dealing a deceiver.
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www.thecontroversy7.ca/
Learn to get to know GOD and let HIM learn to know you =build up the once lost
Relationship.
th-cam.com/play/PLHYOKu9d9bz7B0iL4ZleIQYscvdaZcvWF.html
Be wise and do the WILL OF GOD:
- REPENT,
- BORN AGAIN,
- PREACH THE GOSPEL,
- KEEP THE 10 COMMANDMENTS,
- EXPOSE THE EVIL (FREEMASONS).
Calling your offspring, kids = calling them coats and cursing them.
Human offspring = child or children.
Hybrid offspring = kids and coats.
So what are you? - a human being or a hybrid creature?.
True, GOD do love us all and very much, that`s why HE expect us all to come to repentance, that we should not perish, but have everlasting life. But a un -repented soul, shall not feel the love of GOD, but HIS wrath and do sadly PERISH into everlasting torment.
We have born into a battle, spiritual battle for our minds. It is a changed mindset, that makes the real difference, not protests nor any other already many times used. We state that mankind don`t learn form history, then lets learn from HIStory. With the help from GOD and through HIS SPIRIT, the Comforter, whom He shall send, to help us. Let`s learn and lets change our mindsets for good.
How to learn form HIStory? - by reading the BIBLE (KJV) and praying daily.
1 Thessalonians 5:17 | View whole chapter | See verse in context
Pray without ceasing.
th-cam.com/video/rYl5sa5r_5c/w-d-xo.html - take another and a closer look of your 1 dollar
bill and see the truth.
Get out the BIBLES (KJV) and start being busy READING IT and PRAYING to have the Armor Of GOD on you, to protect you from all evilness and so you could stand going through all the trials, life shall bring on your way.
Ephesians 6:11 - Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. Ephesians 6:12 - For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Dear, soul, a battle for your and mine soul, is been taking place since the beginning of times. It is time to fight, not with guns, nor with protests, not with explosions, but through SPIRITUAL WAYS:
- through reading GOD`S LIVING WORD AND PRAYING,
- through fasting,
- through making choices informed. free will - the making a choice is yours. and making one happens anyways, therefore the reasons not to make wise one?
in DEATH :
Ecclesiastes 3:20 | View whole chapter | See verse in context All go unto one place; all are of the dust, and all turn to dust again. Ecclesiastes 12:7 | View whole chapter | See verse in context Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was: and the spirit shall return unto God who gave it.
1 Corinthians 5:3 | View whole chapter | See verse in context For I verily, as absent in body, but present in spirit, have judged already, as though I were present, concerning him that hath so done this deed, James 2:26 | View whole chapter | See verse in context For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.
The body sleeps, not the spirit. ONLY body sleeps. From the story of RICH AND POOR MAN, we learn, that both were conscious in spirit after their DEATH on earth, rich man was in agony and regrets and poor man was comforted.
Therefore, saying that all who have gone into dust to sleep, is only half correct.
We must say to children and to ourselves THE TRUTH: body goes back to dust and the spirit of that person returned into the presence of GOD to wait the day of JUDGMENT.
Let`s not add nor take away anything form the gospel, and let`s not share half truth.
We all must be start accepting and being able to deal with the WHOLE TRUTH.
We should not deny the SPIRIT part of us. Human created in 3 = human created in the image of GOD.
@@theharshtruthoutthere you know what my explanations are, and you don’t care?
It blows my mind people still use the whole “not accepting yourself” argument. Like it’s such obvious projection and gaslighting.
I was so confused with this one because I assumed they meant "not accepting yourself" as "not accepting you're trans". I guess I gave them too much credit.
Ask instead of assume.
8:00 "I'd always rather be overly inclusive than risk not including someone"
I love that so much, stealing it for enby conversations lol
the person who was talking about how they felt like they didn't adhere to feminine gender roles but didn't have any issues with being a woman is like the opposite of me. I didn't even consider that I could be trans until I was 13 because I felt comfortable with female gender roles but not with being seen as female and I didn't know what that meant.
I think it's a bit harder to figure out your gender if you're gnc because then you have another layer of your identity to unpack. if I were more masculine as a kid I probably would have questioned my gender sooner.
you know what this is honestly kinda resonating with me too? like, the fact that my parents raised us extremely gender-neutrally could have been a huge factor, but i was always fine playing games with girls and felt strong maternal instincts since i was little (i vividly recall knowing i 100% wanted to raise kids one day, but having little interest in the spouse aspect LOL).
however, had a kinda Bad Time during puberty bc i did NOT want a chest, and much later i remember feeling weird about being the target audience for "Women in STEM"-type scholarships, networking etc...? like, this weird sense of "yeah i think that's great that exists! i just think that.. is not... for me? for some reason? haha idk why that would be :)" LMAO
exactly, as a queer person i felt a lot safer as a girl socially-i have lived as a boy too and that was the only time in my life i tried to supress my queerness
@@clegs8356 I relate! I wanted to be a director and as an older kid my family kept giving books on women in film and it turned me off it tbh.
@@juniperfox1064 right??? and i think for the longest time i figured like "oh, maybe most girls feel this way" bc maybe it felt like being "tokenised" or something similar? which can absolutely be a problem for anyone when it's like overemphasized, etc...
BUT, then i think about being the target of like, QUEERS in [insert industry] and it's completely different lolll !! it's like YEP Hello Hi That is Me 😅🙃
I had almost the exact same experience! never had a problem being a girl growing up, but as my body began to change when i was 12 i felt a bigger and bigger dislike for it, while also getting really jealous of how guys looked.
Why do so many people make me wanting to be respected about their own personal feelings? Thats like if someone got mad at me for going to college
ah I'm stealing that analogy, that's a good one
YOU WENT TO COLLEGE?!!!
I have friends whose families give them shit for being educated and the whole "you think you're so much better than us" attitude. Some people are just so ego-centric they literally filter everything through their ego and take everything personally. When in reality - 99% of the time - something someone else does has absolutely zero to do with you, and everything to do with themselves. The people that can't bother being respectful to others because its an inconvenience to them are just entitled and lack self-awareness.
@@46tearsforyou Totally. I have no idea why exactly, probably a multitude of possible factors, but it's essentially people who didn't grow past that egocentric stage as children.
I have 2 kids, they're 8 and 5. The older one is becoming more able to think about things without making it all about her. Younger one, not so much. She's able to understand it when it's explained, but her default thought process is still very centered on herself.
Daddy went to college!
The convo around 9:30 ish finally made me go "oh... im dysphoric" after 5 years of doubting my dysphoria and my identity. It doesnt have to hurt, but it does feel wrong and i never realized that was just as valid until now
I’m a non binary person and I thank you for adding non binary people in this! I have experienced so much gender dysphoria lately because I look like cis woman but I identify with they/them pronouns and I am not a gender I’m a person and I’m also a lesbian!
Honest question.
If you are non binary. So don’t identify as a man or woman. How can you be lesbian then?
Isn't the definition for lesbian a woman who likes only women? Dont u have to have some connection to womanhood to feel like that? Sry if it was offensive
My given name never felt like my name. It was like when you’re playing a character in a game and someone uses the character name for you, so you recognize that you’re supposed to respond, but it doesn’t feel like they’re directing it at you. It doesn’t feel like they’re talking to your soul, not even when my mother used my name. When I changed my name, I knew what it had to be. I had always known what I was meant to be when I first heard my current name. When I hear my name now, I actually feel myself being called
This is interesting (and not super related), because I have the opposite experience with character names in that I relate to the character (and for example my online handles as well) to the point where they _are_ part of my self. It's interesting to me that you talk about feeling a disconnect with "character names" because I get what you mean, but I've definitely felt myself identifying a lot with my characters over the years.
I wonder if this ties in to my gender experience, given that it's very vague/fluid?
@@weakamna I know this isn’t something only trans people can experience, but it’s definitely part of my experience of being trans. I only use the character analogy because it’s a feeling that most people can understand. It’s a really strange feeling when a name you don’t associate with is used for you as a trans person, especially if you don’t know you’re trans yet, because it’s signaling to you that something about this is weird. It’s hinting to you that you that don’t identify with the person everyone thinks you are. This is really hard to describe. But I know it’s not just the name that’s the issue because I was given a kickass name that I would probably name my own daughter if it was never my own in the first place
Flowerboy is a beautiful name! hahaha
for real, I find fascinating the names trans people choose for themselves. I'm a trans girl, but I decided to keep my name the same. it just makes me feel powerful in some way. my same is Héctor, nice to meet you. :)
@@ectooo Lol! No, my name is actually Pippin. Hey trans sister
@@flowerboyfozzie5033 nice.
On gender dysphoria, my cis best friend went through it when she got her hair cut short. She just had this utter feeling of wrongness no matter how she looked or the compliments she got. Didn't get better until her hair was past her shoulders and she didn't feel truly right until it was long again. Those months gave her insite into the things we go through, the dysphoria when it was wrong, the euphoria when it was right, how it varied how strong those feelings were, how what triggered a feeling often felt a bit random, and how feelings good or bad fade when you've been right for a while until most days it's just... you are a person. Just a person. Who sometimes forgets their gender exists because it's not at the forefront anymore. It honestly changed her for the better and when she became a mom, her son didn't get any of the toxic masculinity bs from her or her husband (just positive masculinity and a supportive family that let's him do stuff like have his hair like his mommy or daddy based on what he wants).
I'm gonna steal the "you don't feel your bones until something is off" analogy for whenever I need to explain dysphoria
The thing about jokes is sure, you could joke about literally anything and anyone. However, truly good jokes tend to invite nuance by reflecting on your own identities and experiences, rather than poking fun at identities and experiences that aren't your own. Actually funny jokes don't have a victim and there is still a wide range of possibilities that don't specifically belittle others. It's really not that confusing.
i literally had someone tell me you cant make a joke without offending someone because thats the point of a joke- people really dont get it
A few years back I heard someone say "you can make jokes about gay people, but gay people are not a joke" and it stuck with me
When you said the hardest person to come out to was yourself .🤯 never thought about it that way but so true.
For most, definitely! For those of us who came out as kids, it was actually pretty easy because we didn't have untold years of society telling us we're cisgender clogging our perceptions up. That certainly made my second coming-out (long story short, my demon of a father ruined my first attempt at transition when I was 9) much easier!
Someone very close to me recently came out to me as trans and I am the only person they have told early in their journey. This video helped me SO MUCH with questions I had about how to approach certain topics with that person and just generally how to be a better ally and support. Many thanks.
Thank you for being an ally. My cis female friends have been very supportive of me as I began my journey, and that has meant the world to me. Them simply accepting my identity has meant a lot, but they've also been a sounding board for my feelings, and they've answered a lot of questions I've had about clothes and makeup.
gonna be sincere for a second here. i may be 22 yrs old, but i really look up to you as a fellow trans guy. your channel has been influencing my path into gender discovery and overall gender fuckery in all of the best possible ways, and out of all of the trans men i follow on youtube, i find myself more often relating to you most and taking your views and advice on trans topics to heart. i’m not trying to imply any sort of parasocial relationship being formed here, but i wanted to say that you’ve genuinely helped me figure out who i am and indirectly inspired me to branch out with my gender presentation. does this all make sense? i don’t know. am i aware this sounds way more sappy than i intend it to be? yes absolutely.
I want to answer the question about doubting if it's just a phase. Feel free to scroll past.
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For me, at least not once I realized I'm trans, did I ever start to go "well, maybe I'm not actually nonbinary or trans masc." But I *did* wonder a whole hell of a lot if I could convince myself to keep pretending to be cis.
That's honestly super fair.
when i first figured out i was trans, i was the happiest i’d ever been in my entire life. i finally realized why i’d felt the way i had throughout childhood and why i was always seen as weird or different from the “other” girls.
i was clean from SH, i didn’t want to die, i was able to get out of bed and and properly clean and feed myself. and i had complete support from all of my friends; they never accidentally faltered on my name or pronouns, bought be a binder, hyped me up on my hair and new clothes, offered up their homes (you’ll understand why the last one in a second).
then i came out to my mother - she bawled and begged me not to tell other people, had religious talks ending with calling me satan, kept guilt tripping me and trying to convince me i wasn’t trans- i was no longer clean, i was no longer happy, i no longer wanted to live. i developed more mental illnesses and locked myself away in my room to escape the shell of a mother who was now nothing but a stranger i shared a house with.
and then i began to doubt if i was trans.
i knew i was deep down -it all made sense, it all clicked.
but i wanted it to be easy, and i wanted a way out. so i gave her what she wanted until it became so unbearable that i told her she would support me or she’d lose me -whether i ended up moving out or dead, she’d have a son or she’d have no child at all.
now i’m on hormones, and that happiness i felt when i first realized i was trans is back -maybe even stronger. there’s no doubt in me that this is who i am.
the point i’m trying to make is that cis people will literally cause all of these problems for us and then blame us for everything.
i lived as a girl my entire life, yet people are still telling me to just “try being more feminine”. i am feminine, i’m just not a woman. /gen
maybe my mom needs to try to be a dude for awhile, before she really knows that she wants to have boobs, or doesn’t want to take testosterone. you never know til you try it. /sar
that was an entire fucking autobiography but if you made it to the end . . . love to all my trans siblings and happy disability pride month.
@@eternallustformedusa4844 I get this. My mom never used the Satan or demon stuff with me but she tried to convince me I was a tomboy instead starting around 10 years old. The first time i felt something was wrong with my gender i was about 4 - 5 years old and remember wishing at that age that I was a boy. For most of my pre-teen and teen years I just wished I'd go to bed one day and never wake up and my mom didn't want to see or hear it. She was always more concerned about what her family or our neighbors would think of us and she didn't want us to "air our laundry to a stranger" aka therapy. She is okay with me having had top surgery because she thinks it's more or less like a regular breast reduction because there would be "less of a chance for breast cancer" but nothing else. I had top before t and I'm currently healing from that but she believes that if I start taking it that i might as well be poisoning myself to death. She tries to guilt trip me into being a cishet and it makes me feel like trash but she doesn't want to see or hear that either. She makes me feel like I don't know if I'm trans enough even though I've known almost my whole life to the point where I feel like I question my own existence. It's even sadder because she'd rather guilt trip me than accept me as me as she's dying of cancer. I do however, at least, have a support system through my little sister, her boyfriend, and online friends. Then my dad is neither for nor against my transition. He has a hard time with it mostly because my parents are still together. I think there would be little to no misgendering when it comes to my dad if he wasn't around my dad. For now I've accepted that I'm outed almost everywhere I go and I plan on moving after I've gotten further into my transition. I want a fresh start as a new me.
For me, I don't really doubt being trans. Like, if some sort of oracle could tell me my gender with certainly and indicated I'm cis, I would doubt *that*. The doubt and insecurity I feel is more about whether I can go through with transitioning and a fear that it wouldn't actually help.
@@nio804 very relatable
i was given the name robin when i was born (with the masculine spelling too, bonus) and i decided to keep it after coming out and… now! i was always a tomboy as a kid and able to use the name robin to “pretend to be a boy” so i think i associate it with a masculine experience. whereas i get that others might instead associate it with a different version of themselves
Just curious, what is the feminine spelling of Robin?
thats super cool
I think keeping your name after transitioning is wicked! I kept mine, even though is quite masculine. I don't know, it just makes me feel powerful, I don't feel the masculinity that is usually associate with Héctor. nice to meet you! :)
Its spelled the same for a girl too
I'm trans male and was given the name Rowan. I've decided to stick with it because 1.) though unisex Rowan is often associated as a masculine name and 2.) I did try going by a different name for a little while but soon felt it didn't fit me. I actually kind of like my name, so really there's no reason to change it. Sticking with my birthname has come with its on perks as well, mainly not having to make my friends feel bad for having to "deadname" me in front of the conservative parents and grown adults in our lives. I also hope it'll make changing legal documents and whatnot not nearly as difficult.
I’m a Gay cis dude and I relate to the
“Not a man” thing. I’ve had to leave so many friend groups because I “tricked” people into thinking I was “normal” by not coming out to them.
i think we all forget how much homophobia and transphobia are alike
Did they expect you to just announce your sexual preferences upon meeting them so there is no "deception?" Hetero people usually do not expect this of each other why should they expect it of a gay person? I propose they would have thought you were weird if you introduced yourself "Hi I'm Samuel, I'm gay. Just needed you to know that I like to have sex with men."
@@claritey POV: you ignored everything I said
@Samuel_사무엘 No, I didn't and I'm not understanding why you think so, I feel like there is a miscommunication somewhere. You said you had to leave your friend groups because they felt "tricked" because you didn't tell them you were a gay man and not "normal" like them so I was sarcastically asking what did they expect you to do? Just announce you are gay upon meeting them? Because they would also probably think that was weird.
You shouldn't have to come out to everyone you befriend, that's entirely up to you who you want to share that personal information with. It's wrong of them to expect that of you or to look down on you for not being "man enough" to their arbitrary standards. If they do they weren't your friends to begin with and you are right for leaving because they are shitty intolerant people.
@@claritey it’s just the culture in the country I live in. And no you don’t have to “come out” but by not doing so you can’t talk about crappy dates or even bring in my close friends because then they’ll put me, which has happened before.
There’s just a lot of jerks, and i don’t know why you think I’m doing something wrong😑
You're response at 5:27 almost made me cry. I've started my transition but I'm constantly struggling with myself on that question. Thank you
The “would you still be trans if gender roles didn’t exist” question is interesting and I had to chew on it a bit. I’m non-binary so if gender roles didn’t exist would -I- still call myself non-binary? My answer is YES. My transness doesn’t merely exist in the sphere of gender roles. As a teen I experienced both a female puberty (I’m AFAB) and an essentially male puberty (voice deepened, started growing facial hair, irregular periods, etc) and I know sex does not equal gender but the two can have ties for some people. My body was exhibiting signs of both sexes and I began to experience my gender in kind. Even though everything else about my body is essentially female my gender is not. So, long story short if everything was the same about me but gender roles didn’t exist yes, I would still identify as non-binary.
I feel similar! I’ve always been pretty genderfluid, even though i tried to be a binary trans guy for acceptance for a bit…that was gender roles haha but without them i would still be drawn to traits from both sexes
@@juniperfox1064 I tried the whole, “I’m a transdood!” thing, too, for two years. But every time someone called me “He” I’d recoil. Even now, I’m transmasc so I get gendered as male a lot but I don’t like it, which makes absolutely no sense. I don’t correct anyone because I do have such a masculine appearance but, maybe it’s because I was socialized as a female (I’m AFAB) but I prefer “She” over “He” but I prefer “They/them” overall.
I'm the same. I know I would still transition if gender roles didn't exist because I'm in a place where I barely experience any social dysphoria (my family and friends are accepting). Because I feel the same level of discomfort whether I'm wearing a tight tank top or a tight dress (or just anything that shows off my chest), I know my discomfort with my AGAB stems from there being a body-brain mismatch, not from me being a gender role misfit.
@@RianLyons thats funny, i have kind of a similar thing, i used to think i was a trans guy but i told people to refer to me as he/they because i guess i was too nervous to commit all the way to he/him.. but i was overcompensating i suppose, because now i hate being referred to as he/him UNLESS its by a stranger. if strangers are guaranteed to misgender me, it feels so validating when they dont think im a girl
@@felinoidrose I can see that. It doesn’t anger me or anything when someone refers to me as “he”, I have a full on beard, and dress masc (unless it’s a rare femme day) so what else is a stranger gonna assume? I only get mad if someone misgenders me on purpose.
What the person asking about gender roles fails to understand is that there are trans men who still want to be feminine *while being percieved as men* and trans women who want to ne masculine *whe being percieved as women.* Gender roles may play a part in one's gender presentation, but gender roles ≠ gender. It would probably let people who would otherwise be nonconforming feel more comfortable in whatever gender they are, but it wouldn't outright eliminate the need for transition.
Yeah I'm a feminine trans man, for example. The only reason I'm not presenting feminine right now is because of the social dysphoria of being seen as a girl, so once that's out of the way my gender representation will be much more feminine.
My transition goals are literally becoming so masculine and hairy that I can be seen as a man even while wearing a skirt or a dress (though I doubt I'll ever truly want to wear one of those because I feel kinds naked wearing them lol)
god i wish i had the ability to translate some of these thoughts into my native language and express them. living in a transphobic country really do be hard since nobody understands where tf you're coming from. an educational video indeed, thank you
The struggle is real! I wish I could show my parents some of the educational videos I watch, but their English is not good enough.
Same! Also, are the nouns gendered in your language? I struggle a lot with trying to talk as gender neutral as possible, but my language doesn't really have a true neutral option. It's hard talking about people and trying to be neutral when every object has a gender
@@ettaz as someone whose language also works like that, I think it helps to keep in mind that grammatical gender is a seperate thing from societal gender. But it gets difficult when the two do overlap, which is probably what you mean. In English for example there's the words waiter and waitress, which are gendered nouns based on societal gender. In my language, the male form is the shorter version that is used as the default, and I end up using that for everyone regardless of gender. However, there's also people who view this as misogynist due to the male variant being the default one. I can see that point as well, but I'm personally not offended when someone uses the male noun when refering to me. To be honest, the female one even feels "othering" sometimes.
@@ettaz My country's language is 100% gendered. There's a small movement to get new pronouns introduced into common use, but the pushback is unreal. You'd think someone was out to steal your birthday or something.
sooo sorry to everyone who speaks a language where everything's gendered. mine's like that too and honestly that slaps all the confidence away so fast whenever i'm talking to people and being unapologetically he/him.
thankfully, there is a form of "they/them", it's basically just everything plural, but i personally think it sounds pretty good when spoken
I'm transmasc and quite feminine at the same time, and that has been hard to accept since I've naturally been this way all my life and therefore don't have those classic "I told my mom I was a boy at age 6" moments. One of my biggest worries is not knowing what being seen and treated as a man - not by your family or friends, but society as a whole - feels like. I'm so afraid of not being masculine "enough", not knowing how to talk "like a man" or what to talk about with other men, etc. It's such a different world, it makes me insecure about my expression and my interests. Anyways, sorry if my wording is confusing (English isn't my first language) and thanks for the video!
Dw your english was great!
That's something i also find very relatable as a transmasc person who's generally very effeminate (idk if i'm using that word correctly lol)
That "feeling your bones" example is a great explanation. It also makes me feel old af, since I remember back when I didn't feel my bones all the time.
The whole "feel like a woman" and effects of HRT conversation, I realized I am more certifiably nonbinary than I thought. Because as an afab, I took testosterone briefly and now years later I'm on birth control. Neither has made me physically dysphoric, especially the before and after trying T. The only things that bother me are the results I was worried about having before T (I hate body hair, I lost my cherished singing voice but I'm working on it). Starting T didn't make me euphoric. Quitting it didn't make me depressed. And to cover my bases, my reason for quitting was entirely unrelated to gender- I have a needle phobia that I could only turn off for so long before I got worried about injecting incorrectly.
This is a great video. With the exception of the controversial section, some of the things people were curious about I've also been curious about. The one question about how it feels to be transgender and the bone analogy I can sort of relate to that in a very small way. I am a cisgender man but my voice has led me over the years a number of times to be called ma'am when I'm on the phone or at a drive-thru. That's shocking and disturbing to me when it happens. I have no problem with women but in a very very mild sense I can see, to some extent, how trans people may feel about being in the wrong body.
A lot of trans people are actually uncomfortable with the phrase ‘born in the wrong body’. It’s mostly used just to help cis people understand what we mean, and obviously some trans people use it to describe themselves, and are okay with it, but a lot aren’t. Like. I wasn’t born in the wrong body, or born in a girls body, because this is my body, and I’m not a girl. Yes, I do have physical dysphoria, and will probably transition physically in the future, but just because I’d be more comfortable if I could change parts of it, doesn’t make it wrong, yknow? This kind of thought process has actually been really helpful in reducing dysphoria, especially around things that I wouldn’t be able to change.
@@Zack-eq3ou That makes a lot of sense. I've heard trans people explain it that way recently. Again, I'm not trying to say "someone on the phone thought I was a girl, therefore I understand what being trans is like". I get the confusion of someone insisting that you are something you're not.
I'm a trans man and I get misgendered a lot because of my voice. Just like my cisgender dad. After I came out he was like, "We are short men with high-pitched voices and we're great dancers. It will never stop."
He wasn't wrong. We are great dancers.
The bone analogy is really great, because there are so many things that make up a person that we don't notice unless something's wrong. As someone with chronic stomach issues, being able to viscerally feel when food doesn't sit well is something that's really hard to explain to people who just don't get sick often enough to remember those sensations.
In that sense you really could think of being trans as a type of chronic issue, the kind that's eased and sometimes even put in "remission" with things like therapy, exercises, medicine, and/or surgery. Though there is the problem of calling trans people mentally ill in there somewhere.
yes it seems like you got the principle. I understand the "That's shocking and disturbing to me when it happens. I have no problem with women but [...]" part; as a trans man I used to be really miserable and I tried denying my trans identity because I thought that feeling uncomfortable and "insulted" in a way for being seen as a woman was internalized misogyny. Understanding that it's about personal identity was really eye opening.
Also reminder that gender isn't just a 'thing' trans people have; being cis doesn't mean you don't have a gender, just that your gender is the same that matches your birth sex; so you can absolutely experience gender dyphoria, and clearly that's what your voice does to you on occasions! So it's not something close to what we experience, it's the same thing, it's just that trans people experience it to a much bigger and frequent extent of course. :)
I doubted myself for YEARS. Took me 30 years before I came out as a Trans Woman. at 32 years old and 1 year on hormones, I couldnt be happier.
good that you found out who you were
For me another big issue of the "is it transphobic not to wanna sleep with a trans person" thing (outside of "you just don't have to tweet about it") is that most people genuinely do not understand what trans body parts are and look like and can be used for.
Trans people, at least on hormones, do not have cis body parts. Our body usually do not look feel, smell, act like expected of the body parts of our assigned gender. They might not be the same as the one of cis people from the same gender, but they're still not cis body part of the other gender either. There's a reason many trans men call they're part dicks, for example, and that reason is not solely gender euphoria, it's just legitimately what it is.
I think a lot of cis people have a preconcieved idea of what it's like to "have sex with a vulva" or "have sex with a penis", without realising that it's 1 more varied than that and 2 that many trans (and intersex) people do not have genitals that matches either of those category in a cis way, or tha matches more the category of their actual gender than assigned gender. And, in many cases, people saying "i wouldn't be able to sleep with a trans person that hasn't had bottom surgery" doesn't have anything to do with what our body actually are like, but much more about what they think they're like (like our assigned gender cis people's body) and what they assume sex with those parts should or would be. And i don't know if that's transphobic, but that certainly is inaccurate either way.
I think you're right, but I still think someone atracted to cis women specifically wouldn't feel comfortable with a transfeminine penis either. but I get what you're saying.
@@ectooo What I'm questioning is whether people are legitimately attracted by cis women, or if they're assumption about what trans women's body are, look like, do, and would make them feel like is largely base on a lot of ignorance about trans bodies.
@@HParadoxa true.
I 100% agree with you there. I’d always thought it felt transphobic because while we have attractions and things we don’t tend to go for in a partner there’s not many groups of people it would be ok to put a blanket ban on.
can i just throw in a commentary from the sidelines and say that i have no fukkn clue what these bodyparts look like and whether or not i'd theoretically be okay with that, and if nobody (understandably) talks about it enough for someone like me to casually know about it, then most people would probably wanna just write that small minority of potential partners off their list before having to ask the very intrusive question of "so what exactly is in your pants"
As a cis woman I understood social dysphoria in high school when some mean girls literally said to me "are you even a girl?" because I hadn't seen the movie "mean girls" LOL. It seems like a really small comment but it really messed me up and hurt my feelings for a while. Growing up and switching between being a more masc girl than some of the other girls around me, I totally understand the judgement you receive when you are not "playing your gender" in the way that society intends.
I think that these experiences help me understand how awful dysphoria must feel for trans people (cause if I felt bad after a few instances of social dysphoria I cant imagine how bad a whole lifetime of it feels). I think that as cis people in order to be proper allies we won't ever truly know what dysphoria feels like but we can always be empathetic and try to understand the difficulties trans people face.
I never planned on coming out to anyone in my family about being nonbinary because I Wasn't Sure- but my dad asked me a question that ended with me coming out. My mom took it about as hard as me coming out as queer the first time or when I had my head shaved. She started freaking out and asking if she didn't have a daughter anymore and just had a child. I appreciated her trying but her tone... My dad saw me floundering, so he stepped in and told her nothing changed, and that I just wanted them to know. It was the most seen I'd felt in a very long time. I know they both love me but I think it was a rare occurrence where one of them actually understood me and took me for what I am.
On the subject of trans jokes that was brought up in one of the questions, I've only really seen a small handful of trans jokes that actually made me laugh. one of which was a joke in Dragonball Z abridged. They even used the T slur, but the way they went about it made it hilarious to me.
Without using the word, Android 16 is fixing the transmission for the vehicle the androids are using and Android 17 asks "How's the 'ole T*****?" Android 16, being very robotic and methodical replies "I do not think the vehicle identifies as either male or female."
Some time passes and then he interrupts 17 and 18 by saying "Wait, did you mean the transmission? Because it is finished."
I can see why other trans folk might still not like the joke, but personally I busted a gut. In part because it wasn't a joke directed at anyone and didn't make any joke about trans people being invalid in some way.
That was a great example of why word choice can ruin a joke! Those comedians might as well complain that it upsets the black community when they use the N word.
I appreciate channels like yours as I continue to learn and grow. I am a bi cis woman in a relationship with another bi cis woman. She identifies more on the “masculine” end of the spectrum, and has asked me if I would leave her if she transitioned. I told her I would stay with her, because I love her as a person, and not her gender. I don’t think she’d ever transition, but it’s nice to be able to have such open and honest conversations with your loved ones about things like that. And channels like this help me be more open to seeing different perspectives. Plus it’s just funny to see the straights tremble.
I can really relate to trying to be a girl by growing your hair out and trying to be feminine. I tried living as a masculine man but it still didn’t fit right. I socially transitioned two years ago and am so happy. I’m still waiting to get T. The main dysphoria I’m feeling is because of my breasts. I hate them but can’t afford too surgery. I’m glad I came across this video.
im happy for you :D
Same- I also tried to be a masculine girl but that didn’t work either. Because for me it’s not even about the masculinity in the way I dress, because I can achieve that currently( pre T) it’s about the body that’s underneath the clothes. It’s the fact that no matter how hard I try to look like a cis guy, by working out, building muscle, wearing guys clothes, it still see my chest and I know I’m not one :(
As a cis girl I have never understood the obsession with hair length. I never shave my body hair, I don’t grow my hair on my head long. I couldn’t feel more like a woman. My mother told me all the time growing up that if I didn’t shave nobody would love me and people would think I was gross. She said it makes me less of a woman. I still have no idea how it’s supposed to make me feel that way, it never has.
I have a question for you, Ty: Since you said you lived as a girl and a guy, do you get more respect, in general, as man rather than as a woman? Like, how you are perceived by others, how you spoke to others, and how you did your job, for example, do people look and/or talk to you differently? how you are I don’t know if this is too intrusive, but I just wanna know.
I definitely feel like I get more respect where I wouldn't have before. But I transitioned as a teenager so some of that might be to do with age. I did experience a lot of sexism before though, especially since a lot of the stuff I wanted to do was considered "boy stuff." As a man, I'm not expected to prove my capabilities nearly as much, it's just assumed. As a girl, it was the opposite. I was assumed to be less capable even in situations where I was better than the guys around me. Male privilege is very real.
I transitioned much later in life than Ty, and my experience has some overlap and some differences. I agree that it's more automatically assumed that I'm competent presenting as male. As far as other types of respect, I think it's a lot more difficult to get presenting as male. Everything I do is now heavily scrutinized and criticized because men are expected to be a lot more responsible than women are. Men are held to a much higher standard. You could look at that a lot of different ways, perhaps it's insulting that women are sort of coddled and not held to the same standards, but it can be a little intimidating to experience that shift. Far less people are willing to step in and "rescue" me or reinforce excuses, I'm on my own. It may not be very macho to admit it, but sometimes men make mistakes and need help too, and I think people should be willing to help someone regardless of their gender if they are asked. It's not easy to ask for help.
I think for many of us we never really lived as our assigned gender as birth. What I mean is, since we had trans thoughts and feelings, a cis childhood/adolescence/ adulthood was never what we got to experience. Even if we tried our damn hardest to act cis, the experiences cant equate
! if you want to read more about trans women and sexualisation, you should read “sexed up” by julia serano!! she talks about how trans women are sexualised as both men/women, predator/prey.
i then did a university essay on how gay trans men are sexualised as feminine/automatic bottoms/passive/submissive etc. in comparison to cis men
Dude another difficult question to answer when in the middle of transitioning is "What is your name?" Like even "What is your legal name?" For a whole couple weeks, my SS card said my name, and my ID said my birth name. I was on the phone and dude impatiently said multiple time "just tell me your name" as I was trying to clarify which he actually needed. He even said "do you not know your own name?" That one stung. Really fed into the internalized stereotype of just being mentally ill.
This went a little deep 😅 it would be nice to hear about if something like this has happened to others. It was something I was not prepared for.
This man is not only very cool but also has the most glorious beard I have ever seen.
“The testosterone’s hitting” lmao reminded me to take my estrogen 😹
you look beautiful
Always a good reminder hahaah
"I'm not transphobic, I hate everyone equally"
I need that on a shirt 😂😂😂
I've always felt that instead of having hate groups that discriminate against people, we should just have an equal-opportunity hate group that hates everybody.
People might get the message wrong tho
Informative as always Ty. I must say these days the word “phase” makes me shudder, especially in reference to my baby trans nephew & used by my family 😢
This was super awesome Ty. Maybe do a few more down the road? I was thinking to myself the whole video about how I would react to some of these. I was just told by a younger person that I sound more gender fluid than FtM, which I agree with. I'm 45 years old and am still figuring myself out, and it's wonderful to hear more stories and find out which ones I identify with the most to help me. 😊
Hey, I’m a cis ally trying to educate myself, and your videos have proven to be invaluable for helping me understand the trans experience, transphobia, and the different forms they can take. Thank you!
A guy who was part of my core friend group from high school recently made a whole post on FB saying he "doesn't understand why trans people hate themselves so much that they feel they need to become a whole different person" and proceeded to ask a bunch of questions that were kind of invasive tbh.. he had recently messaged me so I kind of knew it was indirectly directed at me and to spite the transphobia, I decided to respond in a nice way and just put things into perspective for him.
I proceeded to paint the picture of what his life as a cis male might have felt like if he'd been forced to dress and act like a girl all of his life, citing how peer pressure and complex social relationships (like he and I's friendship) can feel incredibly heavy when you're trying to establish who you are in the world. So, he asked "why would anyone choose to transition knowing that they'll face so much backlash and hardship?" To which, I replied: "Because it's a much more pleasant experience to be true to myself and the real 'who I am' than it is to feel like I have to live up to the endless expectations of others, and who they think I ought to be." and tbh, I think I really put things into perspective for myself.
It's one of those moments where, unwittingly, I gave some type of advice or shared some wisdom when I realized that I need to live by that belief more. Plus, I found out that someone asking transphobic questions can result in something kinda beautiful if I can step back, take a deep breath, and approach it with calm and empathy. I applaud any other trans out there who has the charisma and integrity to be able to answer people's questions without letting yourself get triggered. Kudos, Ty. You're the real MVP.
as a cis person who randomly stumbled on this video, this was very informative
I’m a cis woman and I remember this one time I was called a boy.
I was in primary school (~8 yo) and at that time I didn’t really dressed very feminine and I didn’t like pink. I had cut a few strands of my hair (cause I was bored and dumb lol) so my mom brought me to the hairdresser and I ended up with short hair. A few days after that, just after leaving the gates of my school to go home, a boy, who I never met, came to me and ask me « what’s up dude? » I felt like I had been stabbed with a knife. And he then proceeded to ask me « what’s wrong dude? » (2nd stabbing) and I just continue my way without saying anything.
I still don’t know to this day if he really thought I was a boy or if he was mocking me.
Idk if that’s counts but I guess I can imagine what’s it’s like to be misgendered, so I feel for you guys 🏳️⚧️ 💚
I always felt bad for not wanting a sexual relationship with trans women, specifically before bottom surgery, but i never understood why a romantic relationship was so off the cards for some wlw people. Like, they're women. We like women in this household. You're saying you can't go get coffee?
Important follow up - If a casual relationship with anybody becomes more serious, communication is key! Romance doesn't necessarily equate to sexual intimacy, and I'm sure there's clever ways to get around penile disgust if sexual intimacy is an important part of a relationship for some people. For me, it isn't a huge deal, so I don't really think it's a dealbreaker in any sense.
@@KitchenWitchery one doesn't have to be on the ace spectrum to recognize them as separate in a sense. I'm not ace, but I do consider them separate qualifiers. It seems more reasonable to think that way. Not like i'm falling madly in romantic love with the random one night stand.
"cant you just keep your last name between yourselves" NOT joking i know someone who was denied to change last name because meh it is just on paper anyways and the responsible person didnt wanna change it
I love jokes about trans people and trans identity. However, it's only funny if u understands what is funny /about/ the experience.
Aka jokes by trans people for trans people are hilarious because we understand the things that can make it funny, as well as some humor for coping.
Meanwhile jokes by cis "comedians" are: transphobia, attack helicopter, ew woman with dìck
Somebody asked me what trans fats are, and I said "I'm gonna get trans fats on my thighs when I start HRT."
@@electronics-girl Lol, I love that!
And to OP, yes, so much of the trans experience is super funny -- the human experience generally is! Sharing the humor in the trans experience is a great way to share the experience itself.
The thing that's wrong about saying you'd never be attracted to trans people is that it assumed trans people look a certain way (usually implying they don't look like their gender). Having a genitalia preference is fine and doesn't make you a bigot, but initial attraction usually has nothing to do with genitalia bc people don't walk naked outside. You've probably found a trans person attractive!
I can find them attractive and support them but I’m not sexually attracted
@@dawsoncarpenter2244 but you cannot tell someone is trans by looking at them, so saying you'd never find a trans person attractive is not true. Like, plenty of straight men find me attractive because I look like a woman, but I'm not. Losing attraction after the fact or having a genitalia preference is not the same as what you're saying...
@@Kitty4u ohh nvm I get it mb
@@Kitty4u I thought you meant having a preference is transphobic lol
@@dawsoncarpenter2244 no preferences are fine! I'm just saying that the assumption that you'd never find a trans person attractive is typically based on transphobic stereotypes.
I always describe dysphoria as if I never was able to look at my body I would just assume I had a male body then when I don’t it’s just alarming. I also like to describe it like just wrongness like if if some that’s always in one place was moved in your house, it’s just weird to see it not where it Normally is.
18:57 what gets me about this part is that they said "super feminine *man"* and super masculine *female"* OP your misogyny is showing
(Im ftm) I personally think its not transphobic to have a preference, like a cis man who has a preference for vagina, may date cis women, may date a pre surgery trans guys, post op trans women, afab nb people , but may not want to date anyone with a peen.
Which is 100% fine, everyone has a preference. ♡
yeah i mean i want people to be specifically into what my body has so the idea trans people are interested in people who don’t want them always rubs me the wrong way
@@juniperfox1064 I get it ♡
Totally. No one should be with someone they're not comfortable with.
Sometimes I wonder if some cis people are attracted to trans people and that realization freaks them out. Then they get made at trans people existing and challenging their self-concept.
@@austinluther5825 100% agree.
It's a shame. I wish people could just see us a normal humans like everyone else.
@@TransGuyShane We want to be treated like people. The true transgender agenda.
as a cis woman, "feeling your gender" both does and doesn't make sense. the perception of what your gender is makes sense, but calling it a "feeling" doesn't seem quite right, because i don't "feel like" a woman, i AM a woman. and it's not like i'm looking down at my vulva going "ok yep, i'm a woman," it's just something i know about myself, like i know that i'm a human being. cut my tits off, i'd still be a woman and know myself as a woman. i'd be pretty upset about it but it wouldn't change my gender. if i woke up one morning in a man's body it would feel VERY wrong, i would know this isn't the right body, these aren't the right parts, my brain does not belong in a man's skin.
the comment about comedians joking about trans people and how "there's jokes about people of all races," ok but when someone gets on stage and is like "THE THING ABOUT BLACK PEOPLE IS THAT THEY'RE STUPID" people rightly criticize that as racist. so when someone gets on stage and goes "THE THING ABOUT TRANS PEOPLE IS THAT THEY'RE STUPID" it is, similarly, going to be rightly criticized as transphobic. "comedians are bigoted about other groups of people too" is not some kind of gotcha free pass to be bigoted against trans people.
on "feeling your gender", as a nonbinary person: years ago, my therapist and i were talking abt what it felt like for me to be nonbinary. she asked me to describe it so she could understand it better and i had the opportunity to put it into words without judgement etc. i found it really hard to describe it in a way that wasnt "not a man, not a woman" and so she asked me to think abt a positive description (what it is, not what it isnt) for the next session.
that was genuinly one of the most important experiences for me. sitting down and trying to describe what my gender felt like, or at least what description felt accurate and even triggered gender euphoria when i thought abt it enough.
for years id been looking at all sorts of labels, with only the broadest ones being comfortable for me. so finding what it is that really fit was amazing (i ended up giving my gender its own label and flag bc its fun to do lol)
I describe physical dysphoria with the example of phantom limb syndrome. People who have amputations, or even sometimes people who are born without limbs, can still occasionally feel the nerve sensation of having them. Their arm can still get itchy, even when it's not there. And they can't feel the relief of scratching that itchy spot because...it isn't there. And no matter how long they live without that limb, the phantom feeling of it being there never fully goes away
Gender is like that. You sorta take it for granted without realizing when it's "there" (in this case, aligned with your birth sex), but you really notice when it's not. And you're aware of it every day
For myself I started to be very uncomfortable with my body around puberty but pushed all my feelings down and away.
I lost friends when I would hang out with my guy friends 1 on 1, I was accused of sleeping with them.
When I started dressing in a more confirming way, binding, short hair, ect; I felt way more relaxed and normal.
When I met my husband I forced myself back into the closet as he didn't like men. That lasted about 12 years.
Every picture I had from that time makes me feel uncomfortable to look at and remember.
I'm on T now and I have a lot of my late husband's clothes I wear quite often.
During the marriage I had to answer a lot of questions about the lack of feminine clothes as I only wore them to drag shows and to make money online.
I do like to play with gender presentation on occasion but it always felt odd to me to wear women's clothes but comfortable to dress in men's clothes.
Now when I hear, "sir" "dude" or "mister" I get very euphoric. It makes me day, equally though, it can ruin my mood to hear "miss" and "ma'am" but I rarely let people see it outside of a minor jaw clench. I go be my masculine last name and am fine with that. Just glad job applications ask for preferred names now.
My (now grown up) kiddo is non binary and pan. Just the other day they were telling me about their new partner. They said to me "Yeah, and we've started going to church together." Me: YOU WHAT??? I RAISED YOU *JEWISH!*
That reminds me of an old queer/sectarian joke. Old Catholic mother, her daughter telling her all about her boyfriend. "Oh, and he's Protestant." The mum; "He's what!? What happened to that nice Jewish girl you were seeing?"
Spongebob Squarepants actually has an episode that really shows how harmful phobic jokes can be
the episode's called "Squirrel Jokes" and it's s2e31b
to summarise, Spongebob does stand-up comedy and starts making fun of squirrels, which Sandy is obviously not alright with as they continue on, but everyone else is laughing
over the next few days all of a sudden everyone makes fun of Sandy just because she's a squirrel and she exists, which causes her even more discomfort and makes her feel like she doesn't belong
it's literally the exact same situation that LGBTQ+ people (especially trans people at the moment) are going through and it just shows how jokes about making fun of an entire group of people can bring hate to them, even if it isn't intentional
Thanks for this. I’ve long been embraced by LGTBQ+ friends and appreciate learning more. As a biracial person who has been asked prying questions all my life, I am reluctant to do the same to others. But I do hope and try to be a safe person people can trust and open up to.
“A Harry, a Mary, or a non-binary” was the best joke in an ad I’ve ever heard.
I have a young (41) friend who had some sexual disfunction issues. Through testing and exams it was pretty obvious that despite 'his' not-quite-normal outside organ 'she' should have been assigned female at birth. A life of feeling unsettled was over. In her early 30s she began transitioning. That was almost 10 years ago. Now a very attractive, tall woman with curves in all the right places. I love her dearly. I answered a lot of her female body questions with nothing off limits and I know I can ask her ANY trans questions. I will never ask her if she's had bottom surgery because it is none of my business. She'll tell me if and when she wants me to know but we've discussed the procedure freely and in depth. I am in awe of her courage. She's found love, too, and I'm so happy for them.
Thank you for doing this. There is so much misinformation floating around that the simple facts get lost in the chaos. The ones spreading the rumors have some wild imaginations.
im a cis women and i do feel like a women and I really like being a women. i have in the past questioned my gender because i grew up with stereotypically masculine hobbies and interests and i have a condition that mostly affects the men in my family but i realised love being a women
I’m glad you said the part about trying to be a masculine girl. I hate this argument coming out that transness is anti lesbian. I got into an argument in a comments section (petty, I know) with people arguing this point and all the studies they cited linked back to the Heritage Foundation, so… yeah. I doubt they care too much about lesbians, let alone trans people. People clearly still think of trans men as butch women. Progress is slow. 🤷🏾♀️
It's taken me a loooong time to come to terms with being trans. Like, I knew it, logically, for a while now, probably about a year at least and before that even subconsciously, but I had to emotionally be ready to tackle it.
The one time that someone said "the boys" (meaning me and my brother) at a restaurant, and I got so incredibly giddy because of it though, I knew.
(the entire thing of coming out to myself and figuring it out is more nuanced than this, but I don't want to clutter this comment too much)
Channels like this really keep my mood up been subbed and supporting for years and I plan to keep doing so. I sometimes forget community is not limited to those right in front of me. Thank you for creating this space and keep on keeping on.
"as a professional trans man" 0:24 made me laugh out loud
I had never thought about you like that lmao
Oh my god, "we don't want this to be true" just made me feel so seen. (I'm an enby who had chest dysphoria before top surgery). I bound my chest for about 5 years before getting surgery, and the entire time I felt like maybe I was wrong - and I never felt happier than when I woke up titless.
Also: heck yeah to that Saturday Night Dead poster! I have the same one framed on my wall ^.^
odd take but i feel my body and my brain are two separate entities; my body is very much so male, so having the body i did was distressing - but i've come to realize my brain feels separate as a gnc entity and not just one /thing/, so no gender makes sense. bless those he/they's lol
truly, having other trans people in my life saved my life
Thank you so much for explaining social dysphoria. I never had a name for the pain of walking through a world who didn't think of me beyond my "assigned roles". I feel physically fine, I love my body and it's systems, if anything I feel off when they aren't flowing as they should (like my period). But the immense pain I have always felt of being told what my expectations where because of my AGAB was something I couldn't find a word for.
I am non-binary (agender), and hearing you say "Every person you meet validates your gender." Made it click. I never wanted to identify trans bc of the whole dysphoria discourse, but I think I know now I've just always been trans 🏳️⚧️💞
Lots of more discovering to do, but thank you so much Ty!!!
hurghh the "forcing everyone else to take part in your transition" one has "men" but "females". leaves a questionable first impression even WITHOUT the context of the question.
also, chipping in to the "faking being trans for attention" thing: i don't think it's something we should worry about. most attention trans folks attract is NEGATIVE, so while it's definitely possible i highly doubt as many folks fake it as some would like to think. and from experience, all that talking over and over about someone faking being trans does is make figuring out one's gender more difficult.
As someone who is not transgender but was misgendered for a while causing a gender identity crisis, and still shops in the "wrong" gender's clothing section, I fully empathize with how gendered everything is in the world. My mom and I were literally looking at clothes for me last night and were complaining about this. Like I just want pants that fit nicely and make me confident that doesn't need to be a gendered thing.
I'm sorry, but I can't stop reading "Ty" as "Thank you" 💀🤚
I hope I can say this. As a gay man and an ex registered nurse I’ve cared for many MTF & FTM trans people and without a word of a lie, every single one of them were human beings and wonderful men and women. they have only ever been genuine, sincere, honest, selfless and did not hesitate answering any question we, as doctors and nurses had to ask. Transition isn’t easy at all and when you finally become you it would be a new awakening wouldn’t it? I’ve (with honour), been a part of their transition and afterwards. Trans people, like every other person alive are far more normal than any straight person I know and far more knowledgeable of who they are than I know who I am and I’ve always been spoken to with such respect and MANNERS, (manners are so lacking these days), but back to your video. Thank you so much for sharing and teaching us. I think you are wonderful, for sharing and teaching society what you have been / are / will be going through. I’m not going through transition, I’m a gay male, not any other label, but I am having a degrading spinal nerve and column and being made to be a burden on society / family and ex friends because I have a disability and permanent damage. Trans people have been helping me and I promise you without these wonderful people in my life and throughout my life, i would be dead by now. I cant thank you enough for sharing and having MANNERS. So refreshing to watching your video. What Ive written may not be related to your video, but the pain growing every day and no one understanding or not seeing the suffering I’ve gone through and going through, certainly gives me some understanding of my trans brothers and sisters. I love you all. All my LGBTQIA+ FAMILY are MY family, you included