I am 35 with stage 4 ovarian cancer. I was told in March 2023 that I had 6 months. Well that came and went... Halloween... Thanksgiving... Christmas... Then New Years. I never thought Id see 2024. Im still hanging in there but its getting harder to tell what ls going on around me. Everything feels like a dream to me. Like how you are between awakw and asleep.
That Rallying is crazy. My dad was completely unresponsive for five days. No eating, no drinking no talking. He had Alzheimer's. Two days before he died he woke up. He sat up, ate and he knew who people were, he was like my old dad. I treasure having that day with him.
youre lucky to have that. My grandma passed today from dementia. last few minutes she sat up with her eyes closed then laid back down, took 2-3 deep breaths and then passed.
My mom has severe dementia and I'm her sole caretaker. Been with her from the beginning (4 years now) She now talks to at least 3 other people, usually children. She's quite the actress, so to speak. She frequently says she wants to go home. I'm doing everything for her, with the exception of feeding her. Bless her heart, she's a trooper!
Even though my mom was home she would ask to go home. We’d tell her she was at home and she didn’t believe us and would get very angry and argue. She would also ask for her car keys. Since she was bedridden I didn’t see any problem letting her have some kind of key and she was satisfied. Four years is a long time. I hope you can maintain your strength. Please be sure to be good to yourself. This is a very difficult time and you have a lot on your plate. All the best!
My 94 yr old mother has dementia and was so confused for months and didn’t know where she was from day to day. Now, she has rallied. She remembers me, she’s up and walking on her own. A complete turnaround. Her memory is back and she is my mom again. It’s been about two weeks. I’m happy and enjoying her but I am so sad. I know what’s next.
My mom is 89. I am her sole caregiver. She’s starting some of these things your talking about she gets very agitated at night. She’s talking about going home. She says to her grandmas house. I follow you and want you to know that what you do for us is a blessing. It kind of puts things in order for me. It’s a scary process but I just want to do the best I can for her
I am so glad you made this video for those who are caretakers for their loved ones. My Husband battled cancer for 11 years and we both knew one day the cancer would finally take him. The last 6 months of his life I did notice that he was not wanting to get out of the house and do much of anything. We used to go out to eat at least every other week with his cousins and walk around the indoor flea markets. He was sleeping more and didn't really want to eat regular meals and instead ate a lot of ice cream. He wasn't visiting is best friend down the street much either. They used to be inseparable on the weekends. 3 months before he died he was basically in bed all day and night, only getting up to go to the restroom or grabbing a drink or ice cream from the fridge. He was taking less showers and really not taking care of himself like he used too. The last month of his life he slept most of the time and was not eating and drinking as much. A couple of days before he died he had a rally. I have to be honest and say that I did not see his death coming. He had been sick for a few years and it seemed like he always slept a lot and not as active. I wish now, that I knew that day was the rally day. He was awake, up and moving around and wanting to go out for dinner with his cousins. The only problem was that he was very agitated that day and I refused to go out to eat because I was exhausted from hearing him complain and argue about anything that was upsetting him that day. So he cancelled the plans of going out to eat with his family and at 4pm he came into my office and apologized to me for the arguing, told me he loved me, asked for a kiss and said he wasn't feeling well and was going to lay down in bed. I fed him dinner at 5pm, he ate and went right back to sleep. At 10pm I crawled in bed, he was still sleeping and nothing seemed out of the normal. I woke up the next morning to the sound of his breathing, it seemed shallow, usually he was a loud breather. I looked over at him and thought maybe he is just in a deep sleep, so I got up to have a cup of coffee and watch the morning news. About an hour went by and I decided to go check on him because I figured he should be awake by now. He was still sleeping and when I called out his name to wake him up he just kept sleeping. I went over and shook his arm and called out his name a little louder. When he opened his eyes he had a blank stare and I could see his pupils were very small, he said nothing and closed his eyes and went back to sleep. I knew right then and there he was actively dying. I called hospice immediately and the nurse came out to confirm that he was indeed actively dying. By the late afternoon he started to have the death rattle. By night time the death rattle was very loud and I was afraid to go to bed, so I stayed up all night watching over him. The next morning I could hear his breathing change again, Cheyenne Stokes breathing patterns. Very loud, short intakes of rapid breathing. At 2:55pm that afternoon I was laying next to him telling him how much I loved him and he took his last breath. Watching him die has caused me so much anxiety and depression. It has been 7 months since his passing and I still cry everyday due to missing him so much. He was and will always be the love of my life.
Hi Indy, I am so sorry for your loss, time doesn't not heal really, just I suppose shock absorbs the pain, do look after yourself, of course if you have to work this complicates recovery but you are physically and mentally exhausted so do try to rest and walking in nature and self care should be your priority number 1. I was so touched by your story, you can be very proud of the way you conducted yourself in being such great support to your husband. All the very best greetings from Australia 🇦🇺
My Dad was also watching my Mom die. He was listening to her death rattle and tried to alleviate her suffering as much as he could. She was only able to swallow a little bit of water and he kept moistening her lips. She died in his arms and he was heartbroken and inconsolable. Even now, 2 years later, as I'm typing this, my eyes fill with tears. To lose Mom was one of the most painful events in my life.
@deRose03 My husband has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, we are going through tough ropes of treatment, I am not a flimsy person, so far I thought I wasn't but nothing affects as much as seeing your soul mate in pain, and suffering through gruelling chemo, I think what keeps me afloat is that what he is going through is beyond anything imaginable, so he needs me being together for him, and our loved ones present and past...would want us to be joyful and fulfilled, of course grief will strike, but when you look at nature's gift - whether 🌼, ⛅️ or 🌊 appreciate that beauty as sharply as never before, for yourself and your mum and loved ones...
My sister (57) died yesterday from pancreatic cancer 😓. One thing I noticed is that she looked determined to not close her eyes. I was there until her last breath, about three hours, and she kept her eyes fixated on whoever was in front of her face at the time. It seemed like she was trying to say something but we couldn’t understand. I definitely saw her lips say “Hey baby” when she saw me, which is usual for her to say. At the very end, the last minute it looked as though she was gulping for more air. I hate that I couldn’t hear what she was trying to say, and I am heartbroken to have lost my best friend. But God as I grateful that the pain has stopped! The 17 months from diagnosis has been pure pain for her and hell for the people for loved her so much.
IMPORTANT! I think it’s important to tell people that in a week or two before death that the patient may get angry. The closer they are to the patient the angrier they might get. Nobody told me and I took it very personal. My daughter passed away of cancer at the age of 38, sister at 32. My mom at 42, it goes on and on. I thought it was me until my friend who lost her sister told me what she went through. I never told anyone because I felt ashamed and guilty. It’s important to at least tell them it could possibly happen. If you’re a hospice nurse then you must have heard this. Thank you for what you do ❤
True, it's pretty common and no one should take it personally. The most people dying are desperate for a way out and the ones they always counted on have been their loved ones, but they can't help, often they can't even make it easier because of the costs, the time and distances of modern families. There is no way out, they are terrified and usually not thinking rationally and so they blame the people who are actually taking care of them. However, my Dad was ready to go psychologically for years before he died. He died peacefully, no anger. Actually, the morning he died, he was at the hospital with my sister. The doctor said he was in no danger and my Dad told my sister to go to her work and continue her day because "He had to leave". My sister just thought it was a bit of confusion on my Dad's part. He died about a half an hour later.
@@reekinronald6776 I’m so sorry, it really upsets me to see this lady almost glamorizes others end of. I’ve burned my mom at 42, my sister at 32, all my grandparents, aunts and uncles not to mention my little girl. There were no angels or peace, with the exception of knowing they are no longer in pain. It’s very sad, I want to go next because I don’t want to bury another child.
My wife passed from metastatic breast cancer. I observed all of these stages with her. Something as simple as a porty potty can make a huge difference. Hospice was very helpful and I was thankful for their assistance. I called a hospice nurse on my wife's last day. She got there about 15 minutes before my wife's passing, and afterward took care of the calls to the funeral home and the coroner. The funeral home took my good wife away after midnight. I was grateful that I didn't have to go it alone. Death is such a finality, you will never again have the ability to talk to or see your loved one. For a time something would occur where I would momentarily think to tell my wife, only to be reminded of that absoluteness.
my Dad had his second heart attack when he was 69. I was going to Europe with a group of friends about 6 months after he had it and was worried about going. His medications were doubled and Mom said it was making his hands shake badly. I went but when I got to Berlin airport they were calling my name and I learned my Dad had passed. I had spoken to him about 4 hours Before I left and he said Have fun and dont worry about me Im fine. I learned that Mom had found 5 days worth of his medications in his pockets. He had died in his favorite chair with his 15 year old dog still sitting on his lap. I hope I have the strength to do something similar as I have a similar heart condition.
But I love to sleep, and I love my naps. I am 75 years old. Not interested in social encounters, getting more reclusive. But I love food! I just feel very good at this point in my life and have a wife who keeps me in check and gives me love. I don't require anything else!
I'm 57 and love doing the same thing, but I'm single. Haa. I think after so many years of life, some people just like being quiet and living cozy. Many Blessings and Love ❤
We all must face it. I'm "only" 60 but I have spent time thinking about how to prepare myself for the end. I've lost both a father, mother, and brother in the last 7 years and I know that Death is never easy, nor dignified, but you can prepare yourself mentally to be kinder on those who will be there for your death both friends and relatives and strangers, and yourself for that matter. That strong young man that made the girls swoon, or ran a business, or was the patriarch of a large family will be gone. You will be as helpless as a baby. Not even a shadow what you once were. In the end you must give up your ego and stop fighting a fight that you lost months if not years ago.
My mom had the rally and wanted to have Margaritas and a party. She was in the hospital and we had someone run to the restaurant down the rode and get her one. Haha!! At the time I didn’t know about the stages so I thought OMG she’s going to be ok. It came probably a wk before she passed. We were able to get her home to die. With my Dads death he would not go. Nurses kept saying any minute for 2 days. I finally told my daughter to say goodbye to grandpa and we left. It wasn’t 10 Min later and I got the call he passed. He didn’t want anyone around. Everyone is different!! 🙏
This may sound odd...but before I was diagnosed with a tumor...I was starting to die. I knew it, but was not diagnosed. I had already retreated from interactions, and two weeks before ending up in ICU on life support I wrote letters to my kids. The only otherworldly interaction at that point was I woke to see fluro green symbols coming out of my mirror, as clear as anything. I had only been told I was in perimenopause, with anxiety. Yet I knew deep down it was more. (please advocate for yourself people). So obviously I survived, although I had two heart events and they didn't think I was going to make it as the tumor had hemorrhaged. But I can see why there is a process.
Everything that you described from 6 months to hours before death was spot on. I experienced this with my mom, the constant sleeping, loss of appetite, talking about dead relatives, the rally and the death rattle. Unfortunately I found your videos after mom died, it would have prepared me a lot better. But I thank you and understand so much about death and dying.
New subscriber here. A close friend of ours has stage IV kidney cancer. I accompany him to “big” appointments with the oncologist who is the head of his treatment team. I take careful notes, type and print them for him. He knows his cancer can’t be cured. He’s not afraid of death. He is afraid of suffering. He has a life partner of many years. She’s having a hard time emotionally. So I’m the person he talks to about the Big Stuff. I wish I could do more to help her. These videos are helping me understand what’s down the road for us. I took care of my father in his last illness so I have some idea what to expect. Thank you, Julie, for all you do. Hospice nursing isn’t just a job, and it’s even more than a profession. It’s a sacred calling.
I have watched my mother, father then my 15yr son died at home. Hospice was a god send for them but it was very traumatic to me & my children however I would do it all again because it was their wish & I believe that is the last thing you can do for a loved one respect their wishes & the fact I got to say goodbye.
I lost my 2 month old daughter in 2009. The pain never gets better... you only learn how to cope with it better. I am so sorry for your losses. I pray that you have peace in your heart.
hi, i am truely sorry for your loss. I have a question for you, if your son was the later to pass did he see his grand/grand father when he passed? please believe i want to be respectful
@@teejay112 he was born premature I was 6wks to the day when they had to take him he knew & loved my parents but Jeff was being he had severe cerebral palsy total dependent care & he was blind. He didn't see them but the moment my mother died he woke screaming so I do believe he knew. My 2 older boys were there & seen more than I wanted them to
My father passed away on August 25th 2023 after 7 years battling Colon cancer. My mom and I were with him every step of the way including the last 6 weeks at the hospice. This was the most heartbreaking and traumatizing experience of my life watching my father slip away. Everything that has been described here is accurate. I am hoping that my father is in a better place now.
I am sorry for your loss. I watched my dad slip away on Christmas Eve 2017 and haven’t recovered from it. I developed panic attacks from the shock of it all so I know how you feel. It’s life changing, isn’t it? Let’s hope that time heals for both of us. Lots of luck.
I'm 67, live alone, no friends or family locally, avoid my hostile neighbors. Stage 4 cancer that started off as Parotid cancer - the first and only operation was over a year too late after being mis-diagnosed. Oncology only succeeded in making me sick with no improvement overall. Doctors haven't given me a time line - ER docs have given me more info than anyone. I feel like I'm in the 6 month window: increased sleeping, rarely do anything outside of the house - or inside of the house for that matter. Maintenance Services take care of the yard and minor repairs. Unable to sleep comfortably in my bed - must sleep in my rocker recliner. Was getting very difficult to get out of bed anyway. Rarely bathe or get dressed . Visiting nurses come twice a week - being handed off to Palliative-Hospice nurses after next week. Glad I found this clip as I feel it will help motivate me to be more active and better maintain my home. I've lived a hard life, but did well overall. Looking forward to my 'eternal rest'.
Turn to our God the Lord Jesus. He is the Prince of Peace & Lord of Pardon. You can have the Eternal Rest that can only be gained forever thru Faith in Jesus. Surrender your life over to HIM
My dad was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer with an expected life span of less than a year. Your videos are honestly so helpful in reducing my anxiety, and are helping me be a better care giver. Thank you for the amazing work you are doing to help so many people understand that death doesn't have to be scary, and that understanding/education can be supremely enlightening.
My mother and father both died from cancer a few months ago. My father was fully unconscious for a week before he passed. My mother was bed bound at home for 4 weeks. Didn’t eat. Didn't drink much. She was incontinent. We took her to hospital a week before she died. We had no idea she had cancer till the consultants told us in the hospital
So sorry. They were working on a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer just before he died. He left the hospital f9r hospice that night and then died the next morning before got to see him.
Thanks Julie. My dog recently passed away. The time scales are different. Once dogs go down, progress is more rapid toward s death. What I was not aware of was the "rally" just before death. But the phases are generally similar. Of course, dogs and humans can be stoic when confronted by pain or discomfort. With a dog is is sometimes a little harder to tell. In the last week Sam wanted to go for a walk, and could go to the toilet, with assistance. The vet said there would be good and bad days, and when there are more bad days, then palliative care goes into another phase. With animal friends, there is a little more freedom in that regard in helping for a more peaceful death. Sam was a very active and athletic dog, and very intelligent. He could run in his last year. He had a few operations, and the last major one was as a result of a dog attack, and he was over 14. He was badly injured. But he rallied, and in the beginning rallied well. I thought we had lost him on the day of the attack, but we got a few GOOD weeks to say our goodbyes. He wanted to go on a walk, so that was what happened. More doddery of course, but he loved it. He got more tired than before, but the pain meds "held" him [except at the very end], and he obviously enjoyed it. And yet I think he knew what was coming. He was "carpe diem", all the way. But his will to live, and enjoyment of life waned. In the end, you have to be the "adult in the room" and do your duty, because it is not about you and what your will lose, [the companionship of your dear friend] but it is about his comfort, and a peaceful death. Anyway, that is how I figure it.
Thanks for sharing your story about your Dogster. Yes, I lost two dogs during Covid Times that were older due to cancer (most likely) and old age. So hard to say goodbye. I think of both of them on a daily basis -- in some way. They were toughies and were troopers until the end. One passed when she slept, because she had a syncope event a week before and then one more on the day of. And, the other had a slow decline for a week, because we thought she had gotten some stomach infection. But, it turned out to be cancer, and we had to put her to sleep. So, gosh, I miss them both dearly. But, we got new dogs now, and they're okay. Two sisters this time from a shelter who really love each other. But, I do miss my other monsters (Oreo, an Australian cattle dog, and Cocoa, a pitt-bull mix with a lab) who were my heart and soul for 16y and 11y. Again, thank you for sharing your story.
It's not always like that! I had a 9 month old Springer spaniel puppy! Last week she was running around as normal, stood up and literally dropped down dead in front of me! Such a huge shock! I didn't want to put her through an autopsy, most probably a massive cardiac arrest! So it's not always a slow decline!
@@cypruscats8450 That is really horrible. I am really sorry for your loss. As Sam got old, I really hoped he would die suddenly, while running and playing. But it was not to be. The dog attack was really sudden, so I can really understand the shock. I thought I had lost him then and there, but luckily, the vet surgeons saved him and we had a few weeks to say goodbye. Most of that time was good for us and for Sam, only the last few days were bad.
Hi Julie, I am watching your videos from Germany. Last October I lost my beloved auntie, and I was devastated, because I loved her so much, and I am still grieving. She lived 300 miles away in a very very good retirement home, where she was excellently cared for, she loved it to live there. We talked on the telephone at least once a week, and I regularly talked to the nurses. Auntie was very much interested in nearly everything, she liked dinners in restaurants, she read about to books a week, she loved Sudoku, you name it. And all of this at an age of 97. So I was a little bit concerned the two last times I talked to her, because she sounded a bit tired and not as vivid as she usually was. When I asked her, she said she caught a cold. She didnt talk to me about all the things we talked about all the times, and she told me, she had just finished a book, but didn't know what to Reader next, she wasn't intersted in the themes. I was a bit concerned, but I thougt, that the cold knocked her out a bit. The day before she died she fell and got a little hurt. She Was taken to the ER, where she got treated and then sent home. Next day, she didn't wann to get up - the very first time in her life. And in late afternoon, she died. There was a nurse sitting by her side, so she didn't die alone. She died on a sunny day, last looks out of her window on the town she loved, without suffering or being bedridden - so great, I am happy for her, even so I am really sad. When I talked to the nurse who sat beside her, she said, that auntie did breathe in a special way and then died peacefully. I Never knew, what that "special breathing" should be. And then by chance I found your videos. Now I know what kind of breathing was meant, and I know, why she sounded so tired and uninterested. And the more videos I see, the better I understand, what happened in her last days. And this is such a relief for me! Now I know she really didn't suffer, and everything was the way a peaceful death had to be. I even called the nurses and asked them about aunties last days, and they told me, that aunties body was slowly shutting down. Now I have a little peace in my heart, and I really want to say thank you! Your videos made it easyer for me to accept that she is gone.
Your auntie is so very proud of you, and of the positive person you are, and of the positive changes you make in the community around you. May peace, love, Grace, and serenity go with you, and the memory of your auntie. For as long as her name is spoken, she shall never be forgotten. 💜 🕊️
You need to talk about the year after death of a loved one who found out they had cancer January 29 and chose to die by April 10th. I have never felt so alone and empty. I keep saying - I just want to go home. This hurts so much. Death is so incredibly final, but the helplessness seems to go on and on. IDK, the whole process happened so fast and decisions felt like a freight train heading for a cliff with no ability to pause.
Yes, you can't really stop what already in motion. I just learned (or saw that) with my Mom who passed Dec. 23, 2023. No, we don't have control. They're taken from us without our approval. So, you are not alone in feeling "helplessness" after a passing. I do feel like that. Good word to sum it all up.
God bless the hospice staff! Angels among us indeed. My late wife passed at home while in hospice care nearly 6 years back. The assistance and comfort they gave to her (and myself as caregiver) was wonderful. Thank you for what you do and the care you show while explaining these difficult things.
When my mom passed it was a little different. She had lung cancer. She decided to stop the Chemo. She went on hospice. After that she stayed on Oxygen until all of her great grandchildren were able to visit (They had the trip to visit great gramma planned before we even found out she even had cancer - so we asked to her stay on oxygen until after their visit) During the visit we had our annual "rib fest" my mom always loved, and she got to make some memories with the great grandkids. After the visit was over, she stopped using the oxygen and she went down pretty quick - about 2 weeks. She never had her "rally" She was still able to do for herself until the day before she passed, on the last day her O2 levels dropped real low and she just went to sleep. It was a very peaceful end for her. When my father in law passed he went through the full process you described. He had a peaceful end as well
It's wonderful that they both had "peaceful ends". My Mom just had Dec of 2023. It was not expected, but it was due to her age. Quite a change in life (for us) after it. Really hard to get my head around it. I only wish that I would have had prior indictators that it was going to happen soon. I didn't.
Well it was / has been difficult for me. Once In a while I will do something and almost say out loud that I need to give mom a call and tell her about it. It was great that she had a peaceful end. All of her children were with her and we made sure she knew we loved her. One thing I was able to do that she really appreciated was to take her on a drive to all of the houses she lived in. It was a way to let her take in old memories and pass on some new ones @@PoeLemic
Thank you for explaining this ❤ I have been my 89 yo mom's sole caregiver for 14 years. The last 4 have been rough and the last year has been worse. She's now on hospice. I do have a helper in the evening a few nights a week. I am struggling with my own health but, I keep going. I ❤ her so much. Im grateful my husband is so awesome and supportive too.
Lost my husband a few months ago and your description is exactly how it was for him. Thank you for these informative videos, so respect you. Thank you.
I lost my dad less than 4 months ago to bone cancer and I was at the hospice house with him. I didn't get to see him open his eyes a few times a couple hrs before he passed, but the nurses told me he opened them. I feel guilty for not being able to see that moment he opened them. I wish I had seen these videos before he passed away. It was exactly 25 months to the day from my mom passed away that he did.
My mom had terminal cancer and transitioned on December 13, 2023. She was in hospice care (at home) for two weeks, only seeing the nurses on three different days. My brother, sister, and I took turns taking care of her. While doing research I found your videos. I’ve been wanting to thank you for sharing your knowledge and expertise. Your videos educated me and helped me to better understand what was happening. Although I knew what to expect during the process, it was very hard to see her go through this. I can’t imagine what it would have been like for me if I had not known what to expect and what was “normal “. Again, thank you from someone who knows how much preparation and knowledge can help in the experience of your loved one dying. I would say it wasn’t a peaceful experience, but I understand (thanks to you) that it was all part of the process. God bless you. And again, thank you. 🙏
My condolences to your family, 2023 was very heartbreaking for our family as well, my mom passed away on Christmas Eve morning, she was under Hospice Care as well, It still doesn't seem real, 💐
Condolences to you and your family! 🙏 ❤ Dec 13 2023 was also a very symbolic day for my mom and I. While your mom transitioned that day, my mom was just beginning her journey as her cancer dr broke the news that her cancer was now terminal with no other options of treatment. It was a day I will never forget 😞. My mom is now currently on hospice at home. Some days she has confusion and hallucination as well as speaking to those whom have crossed over. I’m glad I came across this video as I know what is to come. ❤. God bless 🙏
Three of my loved ones were on hospice before they died. How I wish I had even a little of the education that you are providing! I am grateful to watch you now, because I can at least remind myself that a lot of what I saw was totally a normal part of death. Thank you, Nurse Julie!
Julie, your videos have helped me so much, especially right now that my mother-in-law is in hospice care, and completely unable to eat, drink or speak. Your videos make it so much less scary.
We're currently going through this with my 96yo grandfather. He went from relatively healthy at Christmas to the hospital and home on hospice just after New Year's. He was able to still do for himself with a little assistance when he first got home and in just over a week he needed help with basically everything except eating. He is eating less every day and we can see he is declining quickly. We know there isn't much time left at this point. My parents have been taking care of him and the hospice nurses have been a blessing.
We’re going through the same thing with our 75 yr old grandma. She was diagnosed with lung Ca stage four in end of November and given 3 months to live. She just after Christmas took a big turn and is now in the actively dying phase. Im sorry you’re going through this too. Its hard. But relieving to know she is comfortable and not alone.
@@Sam-qt5ff We went through this last year with my grandmother, but she failed much quicker. Suddenly couldn't get up one morning and went to the hospital. By the next day the doctor said she was actively dying. She came home with hospice care and she passed just 2 days later. It's been harder this time because my grandmother was basically sleeping all the time, but my grandfather has had a lot of agitation and has been difficult to deal with. He is now on medication which has helped a lot, but we suspect he only has days left. I'm also sorry you're having to go through this too. I've lost many family members and friends over the years, but never had to deal with hospice until my grandmother last year. No, it's not easy, but it is comforting having someone there. We made a promise to them many years ago that we would never put them in a home and would take care of them at home if we were able.
@@johnjr757 update-she passed away one day ago. We are devastated. It’s came so quickly it doesn’t even feel real. I’m glad she isn’t in pain. But I miss her already. I pray for her and will pray for your family members aswell. Its crushing to let someone go, no matter how young or old.
@@Sam-qt5ff I'm so sorry for your loss. I got the call yesterday morning at work. My mother left the room for a few minutes and when she came back he was gone. We're thankful that he transitioned so peacefully after struggling so much earlier. We're going to miss him very much, but we're trying to take comfort knowing he is no longer suffering and we have many great memories to look back on for the rest of our lives.
Thank you. I'm taking care of my 85 year old mother. She is eating less and sleeping more. It's all becoming real and I'm trying. It's just me. My sister who is actually a teacher has shunned us. So I'll do everything I can.
We just went thru that with my Dad and all of what you were explaining is what we saw in Dad. Even though I was present at the time of his death I can say that it came like a whisper... a good death. I'm glad to have found you before Dad went into hospice, it made everything so much easier to know what to expect in general. Thank you for sharing and thank you to all hospice teams for compassionate care and support.
I appreciate you so much nurse Julie! I’m a caretaker and this is so very helpful and important for me to know. I’m currently caring for a 96 yr old and he’s been doing all those things for 6 months now , little by little getting worse like you explain. All I can do is make their time here comfortable and I’ve noticed touch is so important, I like to rub their hand, their back, their leg, a hug here and there😢 because sometimes they don’t get that from family. So. I appreciate your videos ❤
I've come across your videos recently and have been listening intently. I believe my coming across your video is no accident but an act of God. My mother, 80+ yrs old has been given about 6 months to live. I've never been around someone who is nearing the end of their life. Your videos are a blessing of information about things I wondered about here recently and things I never knew. For that, I say thank you to God Almighty and to you for putting these things out there for us to learn from. My hope and prayer is that when my mother's time to go arrives, she will simply fall asleep and not wake. My prayer is that she will not suffer pain and indignity in her passing. This is the way my granddad passed...he laid his head on the kitchen table to take a nap, as he sometimes did, and never woke up.
Yes, it is quite a blessing when that happens. I just lost my Mom around December 23, 2023. She did exactly that. She was older (93 yoa), but she was in somewhat okay health. No, I'm lying to myself; she wasn't in that great of health, but we managed her condition with lots of medicine. So, yeah, it was expected that she was getting closer to the end, but we never expected it would be that day. She wasn't feeling well on that Wed, and I guess I should have taken her to hospital. But, she had days where she didn't feel good, so it was nothing new. So, maybe, whatever happened just took her by Sat morn. So, yes, she sat down, looked like she was taking a nap, and we were even going to cook pizza in our new pizza oven from Costco. Hey, it was $199 versus the normal $399, so we had to grab it. Anyway, she never got to taste the pizza. And, ever since then, it's hard to be normal now, because we miss her more than we thought we would.
Oh Poe....bake up a storm in your new pizza oven...bargain btw....coz Mum will be feasting on every delight that she could ever dream of in the Heavenly Gardens. She would be saddened to see you not enjoying your new gadget and taking pleasure in fancy homemade pizzas. Go have fun coz she would so want you to xx
The one thing I remember the most was their eyes even before the body was stopped their eyes clouded over. I have always been told the soul is behind the eyes & after witnessing it I 💯 believe it.
One thing I have noticed about losing several loved ones and patients as a nurse.... theres something about the temples that tell me when death will happen shortly. My mom had glass green eyes with yellow specks around the pupils. They looked like marbles. Such beautiful eyes. We had to close them ourselves since they were drying out. We asked the nurses and they said they would but never did. She was 49 years old and had just been declared pancreatic cancer free 4 days before. We were all so happy then her liver started failing. She went into a coma and passed 6 hours later.
Omg yes! In my experience; dad 4 days before he passed he opened his eyes from sleeping a lot just before his death rally and they were clouded over we were shocked because we didn't know
My grandmother's eyes clouded a few hours before she passed. My mother mentioned it when I was on the phone with her and about 4 hours later she called me back to tell me grandma had just passed.
I can close my eyes & remember what she looked like & sometimes I can smell her perfume those little things helped to ease my heart, the other thing that helped me was knowing she was going to heaven. My mom said maybe 30 cuss words my entire life. She would give her last dime to a stranger. She was diagnosed with lung cancer in April & was gone in September I thank God she got to see my daughter who was only 8mos old. A piece of advice I would give to someone losing a loved one is to not block it all let your emotions out.
The rally is an event for sure. Saw it throughout my career. But what a blessing when my grandmother rallied. It was just her and me and we talked about all the things that were hanging over us. We both felt this huge release from guilt and remorse. It was wonderful.
I just found your channel and it is so informative. My husband is 88 years old and has some dementia. I believe from watching your video that he may be entering into the last stage of his life. He eats very little. Mostly wants ice cream. His meals consist of just a few bites when he does eat. He has begun to experience incontinence. It upsets me when he doesn't want to eat but after watching your video I now understand. I have been feeling guilty thinking I must be doing something wrong. I now know that that is not the case. Thank you Julie for the videos preparing us for
I lost my grandmother a week ago tonight. This video helped me to put together her last few months. I have been a follower for a while. Thank you for what you do.
My grandma will be 98 in two weeks, she’s been on hospice for over two years, she’s bedridden, is alert but less, we can see a slow decline. She sleeps most of the time. I agree, it’s so hard to tell when it will happen.
I noticed a few months before my mom died she would get up in the morning eat breakfast but would go to bed for the day around 2pm. She got out one day driving and got lost and we has to find her. A few weeks after that she stopped eating and drinking. Incontinence was very common as well as walking was difficult. She fell alot and stoped taliking. I miss my mom😔
Sorry that all happened and that she is no longer her. My mother just passed Dec. 23, 2023. Quite a shock. She was older and was not expected that day, but it was eventually expected. But, it just is surprising to wake up to the new year with this burden of her not being here. Quite a change, I must say.
Thank you so much for this 🙏🏼 I'm slowly dying from cancer and in my heart I feel like I'm changing I know I won't be here in a yr and tbh... maybe even a little less. This makes so much sense and this is a very strange process. I'm only 48 and was looking so good and thriving better than my 30's 💯...all the silly makeup cute purses shoes anything materialistic means nothing these days. Yes they r nice but I'm dying. I barely leave my home. No one seeing me. Thank you again ❤
I wish I had found your channel sooner. After watching a few of your videos, I can think back and understand where my loved one was at in their end of life. I just wish I knew it at the time to better understand it all. Love your videos!
i just lost my mom after 6 months on hospice. my mother went thru exactly everything you said except her burst of energy came 2 months prior to her passing and lasted almost a full week!( i call it a true miracle blessing) then the night before she passed i heard her moaning in pain ( 1st and only time in her 6 months on hospice) after giving her a bit of pain medication and waiting for her to feel more comfortable about a half hour later she went into the death rattle for about a half hour. (I knew from your videos and felt so blessrd to have had this knowledge before and often during the 6 months i was blessed to care forvmy mom as she had always been for me) BUT THEN as i played soft beautiful music litly and continued to speak to her and pray beside her she stopped the death rattle after approx another half hour and then began to breath like a comfotable sleeping baby. i stayed by her side snother 40 minutes as she continued breathing and seeming to have just gotten through a hard nite. since she appeared to now be sleeping comfortably i told her i was going to lay back down another hour so i was strong for our upcoming new day. i surprisingly fell into a peaceful sleep for an hour and woke to notice her legs had moved but thought she was still breathing and sleeping so contently. once the hospice nurse came she told me my mother had passed! i know for sure she was breathing wben i went to lay down. i now assume it was during thst hour she passed on. however, being the baby of my family i just know my mom did not want me to be there the moment she passed as she would never have wanted me feeling alone at that moment. i feel like her soul put me in this peaceful state and disbelief she had passed once i woke so that the visiting nurse would be there to announce her passing to me! Because i have no other understanding how i was able to go back to sleep so peacefully after such a night and then woke to believe she was also comfortably sleeping. once i was told i had someone to tell me and hold me tight.....just as i know she would have wanted😢. i must also say thank you to you and my hospice nurses who told me in advance when i mentioned fearing leaving her side to run to store or other appts i had in which i had someone else watchingbover her.- to be told in advance that if my mom passes at a moment im not beside her that i should never feel guilty because not all want their loved one there at their time of transitioning . Hearing that made me see that in a different perspective and helped me feel less guilt when i did have to take a store break or when she did actually pass with me not there- i realized that would be my mom thinking of me her 58 yr old baby and feeling it maybe too much on me to begin normal breathing again and keeping me in a peaceful place as she left !
Julie, my husband was on hospice for a little over 2 weeks. The hospice nurse kept telling me not to caresse or rub him due to it would overstimulate or cause aggitation and kept telling me his skin was thinning and blotching. It was traumatic to deal with not touching or soothing him. We were a touchy and feeling couple. So, it was difficult. I'm graceful I was able to keep him comfortable and dry. I was determined he would not have skin ulcers or typical terminology "bed sores". The whole ordeal was traumatic for me, I still breakdown when I relive it. I am trying to hold on to the good memories 😭💔💕
I’m so sorry for your loss. My husband died in March 2023 after a yearlong critical illness. My therapist says I have PTSD from going through that experience. Watching and walking with someone you love as they go through that changes you forever, and it will take a lot of time to process all that. You’ll likely need the help of a therapist, if you don’t already have one; a doctor and/or psychiatrist who can prescribe any medications you may need; a spiritual director or counselor; and lots of loving family members and friends. The flashbacks do eventually begin to fade and you learn ways of coping with the memories and identifying your triggers. At nearly 10 months since my husband died, I can say the pain is less sharp most of the time than it used to be, but I still feel I’m sleepwalking through life and not yet awakened from the nightmare. I’m told it just takes time and the amount is different for everyone. I bless you and wish you all the best, especially in being kind to yourself and surrounding yourself with people who support you.
@serenahm thank you, sadly folks don't want to hear about this traumatic experience. I find confort in other's stories. I have a strong faith and faithful friends I can confide in, I'm not one to be medicated, I need other ways such as walking, praying, and sharing with close friends that help me deal with this great loss. I need to forgive myself for feeling like I let him down. This has forever changed me however I'm trusting in Yahweh to bring me through victoriously💕
I am in hospice care and have been for a few months, I try to stay busy move around sit outside if its warm enough, I have a hx of emphysema and heart bypass and a hemathorax after a artery was nicked when they were putting a chest tube in. All in all I feel ok try to cook for my self thanks to a air fryer, I have a lot if faith that I know God will take me when he wants too, I pray for others who also are going through this, thank you Julie for giving us a little peek intomwhat could or will be next it really does make it easier. I find that everyday is something new, they want me to take the morphine I am hesitant. Thanks for listening I really have no one hear that wants to listen
I was a nurse for 40 years and saw many people die , so I can relate to your stories Julie. I now have aggressive MS and am coming to the end of my journey. It feels so surreal and taking all my mental energy to get my head around it.
This is so comforting, thank you so much we believe my dad is in the rally stage, he’s been seeing dead relatives, visits and conversations with God, he’s told me he’s got his life all sorted. Thank you.
My mom has cancer am watch this video and listing to my mom on baby monitor she sleeping alot and weak and bearly eating lot weight loss am taking care of her 24/7 she fully bed rest now lots pain and hot and cold 😢 she bestie i love her
First of all, a big thank you from the Netherlands for making this and all the other videos. My mother died in November 2022 after falling ill in July of that year. She had turned 81 that October. She got diagnosed with a tumor around the left ureter. They did a biopt while placing a stent in the ureter but the biopt was inconclusive as we had also planned a holiday in September and my mother wanted, no matter what, to go on that holiday, so the doctor in the hospital gave us options to think about what to do next. My brother and I have watched independently of each other your videos the last couple of months. And we can pin point certain events you talked about leading up to her death. The last week of her life went very fast. She was again in hospital after contracting fluid behind the lungs, I believe you call it 'pulmonary edema'. On Wednesday we got the final diagnosis of metastatic cancer and on Saturday we were called to come in as it didn't look good. When we entered her hospital room she was already in a coma. The nurses put her on an automated morfine pump to ease her breathing and in about 5 till 10 minutes after that while we sat by her side she past away. We knew that our mother had signed a DNR so we didn't panic and actually I myself found it fascinating to watch to see the life go out of her body. This is the short version of what happend during the last months of her life. My brother and I were in these months already preparing ourselves for her upcoming death and that has helped us a lot. Our parents always said: The only certain thing you know when you are born is that you are going to die, the how and when you don't know.
Turn to our God the Lord Jesus. He is the Prince of Peace & Lord of Pardon. You can have the Eternal Rest that can only be gained forever thru Faith in Jesus. Surrender your life over to HIM
Rest in peace to my sweet client who passed away in my care on Saturday 1/27/24. You are sorely missed, fly high with the angels and thank you for being so sweet to me through the years 🕊🎉
Beautiful video thankyou. We just lost a family member 2 days ago. We nursed him to the end and he had all those signs that you spoke about. So thankyou So much❤❤❤
You explain things so well & matter of fact. I started watching your videos a few months ago, when I found out my brother in law had stage 4 pancreatic cancer. He passed away a week before Christmas 2023. My husband is his identical twin. I've told my husband I'm here if he wants to talk & have a therapist lined up if he needs them. His brother was only 52. Your videos are a great source of information for so many.
I love that you have a tree up ❤ My daughter is 40 and I am 71. I am fairly healthy but she is in convalescent with stage 4 breast cancer diagnosed April 2022 but by then was spread to 8 places. Thank goodness I found your channel. It helps so much to understand what she is going through. Thank you ❤
My dad died a week on Monday. He had dementia and Parkinson’s and died of Covid. we got told the Thursday before he was going to pass and the day I seen him I knew he wasn’t going to make it. He was blue looking he had this rattle, his eyes were rolling back of his his eyes and his feet were huge. he looked like my dad. The past few months his ability to move was hard and me and my mum give him care 247 for 15 years. Am 38 from Glasgow Scotland And the day he died at 11am on Monday the 8th he kept opening his eyes asking for my mum she stayed with him in the hospital for 7 weeks. They were married for 45 years and the day he died he opened his eyes and asked for my mum and he died with my big sister and mum around him. he just went without saying a word. I said to him the Thursday this wasn’t good bye it was call ya later to check in. And his funeral is this Tuesday and am struggling. I’ve never seen a person dying or been to a funeral and I don’t know how to be. I’ve cut contact off with my friends for now and just staying in my room. It doesn’t make sense him passing. Am glad he’s out of pain and he’s happier but what now? It’s snowing in Scotland and I believe in robins and I know dad is here daily. I have a robin tattoo on my arm. I’m just up and down and don’t know what am feeling is normal. I cry then I don’t. I just miss my best friend Your videos have helped me it’s now what. Love all the way from Scotland
Prayers for peace for you from the States. My parents were born in Glasgow. My father passed away two years ago and now I am caring for my mom who has dementia. Take time to grieve and care for yourself.
I so appreciate your time here. Educating about the end of life and care for those we love. When my Dad was in his last few weeks. I noticed his breathing would change as he slept. He was not breathing like usual. His intake of air was much slower and it would take longer for the next breath to come. I talked to his nurse as we all thought ok this is it. She kindly came to the house checking him out. She said that his body was practicing dying or something like that. Can you do a video on that at some time if you haven't already please. Thank you for all you do.
Hats off to you sister, people like you helped both my parents in there final days, my pop had a bad death rattle, the last 6 hrs. Of life, thank you for what you do !!!
These videos have helped so much! I'm going threw this with my mom right now. If I hadn't seen these videos I would be very concerned and a bit freaked out. Thank you!
I've been diagnosed with terminal cancer, before my diagnoses I had some prematory events and dreams...they were very astounding. Can you share any premonitions of death by some of your clients? Love your show.
My son and I are my Mom's caregivers until her body gives in.. My mom and me cared for both my Dad, and both my grandma's the last years of they're lives, at home. Wishing you the very best, and know this; I have been dead myself after I unalived myself at 19yo - and that this human experiance is not the end. I'm not religious, but it's a fact. You are either physical, with your body intact- or non-physical, after your body has given up on it's bodily existance. You are safe after your body has died, and my thoughts and prayers for you having no pain, and having as easy a passing possible. And I wish your family the very best during this time in your lives, and I hope everyone is taking good care of each other both before, during, and after The Great Passing. Let the Light and the Love you will experiance guide you, you might even get visits from loved ones, even previous pets, that you have had a deep Love and connection with, And as for them, you too will experiance coming Home again - where you once began your Journey. Watch this channel a lot, and it will help you and your family to get through the transition as smoothly as possible.. Much Love and Compassion, from Norway 🙏🏻💝
@@truthhurtswilky7785 Damndest thing, we ALL have two things in common we come from somewhere we're not supposed to remember and we all go somewhere we all guess at. BUTT no matter what Everything is cool and OK!
My dad passed away December 16. All these things occurred with the exception of the death rattle. He definitely had loss of appetite for a couple months and the last weeks there was only a few bites of food per day. A lot more sleep. Less leaving the house. Fevers were out of control the last three weeks. Eventually the yellowing skin, then purpling. We definitely discovered his circulation on his hands seemed to stop completely the day before he passed. His extremities were ice cold then.
I always appreciate your advice and personal experiences, Mam. You've been a wonderful guide through this life journey. Please know I'm always appreciative 😇🙏❤️
Julie, you videos have given me so much comfort. When We had to have the talk about "Comfort Care" I worried, I was rushing the end, and never intentionally wanted to do that, but I was tired also.. looking at your video I now realize, we had done the entire journey just as you described.. and I feel a sense of relief. We were in Palliative care for 6 months. I wanted to do the best for my friend, who I loved very much and felt honored to be his POA. Thanks to you describing the journey, I feel more at peace.. Never easy. Big Hugs Julie!
Bless you! I have attended several deaths....I didnt know what I was doing ...I actually did a pretty good job but I didnt know that until I began following your channel. I just sent your link to my niece in Britain who is a caregiver in geriatric care. (I have a personal interest as Im advanced in years. Ive witnessed "good deaths" and want one for myself. It seems to me that people in my age bracket have a responsibility, too, to be informed for the benefit of their loved ones). Sorry im off-topic but wanted you to know that Ive been following you a good while! Blessings, Wayne
Thank you so much for making these videos. My father is 94. Has been on hospice for 2 years and i suspect he is actively dying..it has put me at ease knowing that all of these things that he's experiencing are normal and part of the dying process
I really appreciate your videos. I've been through this 4 times with parents and in-laws. Now my 44 year old daughter is dying from a rare cancer. She's an incredible woman of faith, her blogs... wow. Regardless, this has been a grueling 5-year battle. Trying all the treatments and seeing them fail.. thanks for great information it helps to be aware
Bless you for your clear and honest information, and for saying Death and dying instead of “passing” or “transitioning”. We all will come to this and now that I’m facing it, I am interested to hear how it might go. When my husband died at home, I had nursing hospice help but was present, and toward the end he became very agitated physically, striking out with his arms and legs. Not conscious any more but very physically active so two nurses had to hold his limbs down so he would not harm himself. He was in hospice care a very short time but I bless them for their wonderful care and understanding.
Julie, thank you so much for your tapes. We NEED to know these things about the end of life occurrences but ordinarily, no one will talk about it! You are doing a great service with your honest accountings of what goes on when one dies. Knowing reduces anxiety and that's so important!
Thank you Julie, you help me understand my brother's health condition when he was in Hospice stage and it all makes sense to me now. He passed away on March 25, 2024 and it still hurts me. Also, l continue to watch your educational videos. God Bless you 🙏
Julie, thank you for all that you do to provide comfort and knowledge to not only your patients and their families, but to all of us on the internet who are going through something similar. I just lost my 93yo grandma last week after she suffered a TIA from having a uti. If I hadn’t found your channel by chance a few weeks ago, I think it would have been a lot harder for me to accept her passing. Knowing that the Rally was a sign it was almost over really saved me from even more heartbreak. I cannot thank you enough for the comfort your videos have provided me.
Julie, thank you for all that you do. There is an old saying, "Experience is what you get 15 minutes after you needed it." Your videos change that. Much appreciation for you!
Ms. Julie. God let you see his Angel with your own eyes. If you still don't believe, you probably never will. I hope you do. All the Hospice Nurses I've read stories about have witnessed many of these miracles. I pray God continues to bestow us these miracles. Thank you
In 1997 i used to work as a hospital porter in the physiotherapy department for elderly patients in London, UK. I saw examples you mention especially very high fever. It was sad to see them like this but the doctor's told me they could not do anything about it. It was a natural end of life process as you explain. I also encountered paranormal experiences. They came in my dream and were very happy and thankful.
There's my Beautiful Blessing Thanks for all the peace you bring to all of us Yes I always like to say that we never die but we are BORN INTO HEAVEN and we will be more ALIVE than we ever have been and you have a very soothing voice that is such a great Blessing. Keep up the great work your doing. Peace and GOD BLESS you from Saginaw Michigan Dontoons
![[LIVE] : ONE ลุมพินี 86 | คู่เอก "คมเพชร vs ชาติพยัคฆ์"](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/m3q_dRYDuU8/mqdefault.jpg)
I am 35 with stage 4 ovarian cancer. I was told in March 2023 that I had 6 months. Well that came and went... Halloween... Thanksgiving... Christmas... Then New Years. I never thought Id see 2024.
Im still hanging in there but its getting harder to tell what ls going on around me. Everything feels like a dream to me. Like how you are between awakw and asleep.
❤❤❤
Bless your heart.
@@Juggaletta "...but I can guarantee you that stage 4 will become stage 3 and 2 and finally remission."
How can you make good on that?
😢
I hope you pull through.
That Rallying is crazy. My dad was completely unresponsive for five days. No eating, no drinking no talking. He had Alzheimer's. Two days before he died he woke up. He sat up, ate and he knew who people were, he was like my old dad. I treasure having that day with him.
youre lucky to have that. My grandma passed today from dementia. last few minutes she sat up with her eyes closed then laid back down, took 2-3 deep breaths and then passed.
I hope you recorded that day!
@@catlyn777it's recorded in their mind and memory, that's even more special ❤️🥰✌️🙏🏼
My mom has severe dementia and I'm her sole caretaker. Been with her from the beginning (4 years now) She now talks to at least 3 other people, usually children. She's quite the actress, so to speak. She frequently says she wants to go home. I'm doing everything for her, with the exception of feeding her. Bless her heart, she's a trooper!
Bless YOUR heart! That’s a labor of love. Hard labor!
One of my mother's last statements was the dark clouds are rolling in but I'm walking in the sunshine.
@@lisasikes4801😢that’s beautiful!!! 🥰
Even though my mom was home she would ask to go home. We’d tell her she was at home and she didn’t believe us and would get very angry and argue. She would also ask for her car keys. Since she was bedridden I didn’t see any problem letting her have some kind of key and she was satisfied.
Four years is a long time. I hope you can maintain your strength. Please be sure to be good to yourself. This is a very difficult time and you have a lot on your plate.
All the best!
You are a wonderful child.
My 94 yr old mother has dementia and was so confused for months and didn’t know where she was from day to day. Now, she has rallied. She remembers me, she’s up and walking on her own. A complete turnaround. Her memory is back and she is my mom again. It’s been about two weeks. I’m happy and enjoying her but I am so sad. I know what’s next.
Idk if it will help you but I reached out to the hospital - my sons Dr they have a wealth of information.
Oh, bless you. That must be so hard. I hope she's at peace when she goes and you find comfort in her being this way ❤
Bless you for being willing to go through this with her. Too many take the cowardly or selfish way out. Massive respect to you.
My mom is 89. I am her sole caregiver. She’s starting some of these things your talking about she gets very agitated at night. She’s talking about going home. She says to her grandmas house. I follow you and want you to know that what you do for us is a blessing. It kind of puts things in order for me. It’s a scary process but I just want to do the best I can for her
Perhaps it is the parting gift of gratitude you will each share from the simple joy it has brought you both.
My wife went through all those stages in 2020. 3.5 years later I still dream and think of Dianne daily.
Very sorry for your loss.
@@Indianabones319 thanks
I understand, my husband died in October 2020 and I think of him daily. It’s hard, but I move on slowly!
Naming her Liveanne would not have helped. Rip
Wishing you strength.
I am so glad you made this video for those who are caretakers for their loved ones. My Husband battled cancer for 11 years and we both knew one day the cancer would finally take him. The last 6 months of his life I did notice that he was not wanting to get out of the house and do much of anything. We used to go out to eat at least every other week with his cousins and walk around the indoor flea markets. He was sleeping more and didn't really want to eat regular meals and instead ate a lot of ice cream. He wasn't visiting is best friend down the street much either. They used to be inseparable on the weekends.
3 months before he died he was basically in bed all day and night, only getting up to go to the restroom or grabbing a drink or ice cream from the fridge. He was taking less showers and really not taking care of himself like he used too. The last month of his life he slept most of the time and was not eating and drinking as much. A couple of days before he died he had a rally. I have to be honest and say that I did not see his death coming. He had been sick for a few years and it seemed like he always slept a lot and not as active. I wish now, that I knew that day was the rally day. He was awake, up and moving around and wanting to go out for dinner with his cousins. The only problem was that he was very agitated that day and I refused to go out to eat because I was exhausted from hearing him complain and argue about anything that was upsetting him that day. So he cancelled the plans of going out to eat with his family and at 4pm he came into my office and apologized to me for the arguing, told me he loved me, asked for a kiss and said he wasn't feeling well and was going to lay down in bed. I fed him dinner at 5pm, he ate and went right back to sleep. At 10pm I crawled in bed, he was still sleeping and nothing seemed out of the normal.
I woke up the next morning to the sound of his breathing, it seemed shallow, usually he was a loud breather. I looked over at him and thought maybe he is just in a deep sleep, so I got up to have a cup of coffee and watch the morning news. About an hour went by and I decided to go check on him because I figured he should be awake by now. He was still sleeping and when I called out his name to wake him up he just kept sleeping. I went over and shook his arm and called out his name a little louder. When he opened his eyes he had a blank stare and I could see his pupils were very small, he said nothing and closed his eyes and went back to sleep. I knew right then and there he was actively dying.
I called hospice immediately and the nurse came out to confirm that he was indeed actively dying. By the late afternoon he started to have the death rattle. By night time the death rattle was very loud and I was afraid to go to bed, so I stayed up all night watching over him. The next morning I could hear his breathing change again, Cheyenne Stokes breathing patterns. Very loud, short intakes of rapid breathing. At 2:55pm that afternoon I was laying next to him telling him how much I loved him and he took his last breath. Watching him die has caused me so much anxiety and depression. It has been 7 months since his passing and I still cry everyday due to missing him so much. He was and will always be the love of my life.
Hi Indy, I am so sorry for your loss, time doesn't not heal really, just I suppose shock absorbs the pain, do look after yourself, of course if you have to work this complicates recovery but you are physically and mentally exhausted so do try to rest and walking in nature and self care should be your priority number 1. I was so touched by your story, you can be very proud of the way you conducted yourself in being such great support to your husband. All the very best greetings from Australia 🇦🇺
@@KristineCelestin Thank you 💜
My Dad was also watching my Mom die. He was listening to her death rattle and tried to alleviate her suffering as much as he could. She was only able to swallow a little bit of water and he kept moistening her lips. She died in his arms and he was heartbroken and inconsolable. Even now, 2 years later, as I'm typing this, my eyes fill with tears. To lose Mom was one of the most painful events in my life.
@deRose03 My husband has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, we are going through tough ropes of treatment, I am not a flimsy person, so far I thought I wasn't but nothing affects as much as seeing your soul mate in pain, and suffering through gruelling chemo, I think what keeps me afloat is that what he is going through is beyond anything imaginable, so he needs me being together for him, and our loved ones present and past...would want us to be joyful and fulfilled, of course grief will strike, but when you look at nature's gift - whether 🌼, ⛅️ or 🌊 appreciate that beauty as sharply as never before, for yourself and your mum and loved ones...
@@Laurie_Tinsley 🌼💗🌊
My sister (57) died yesterday from pancreatic cancer 😓. One thing I noticed is that she looked determined to not close her eyes. I was there until her last breath, about three hours, and she kept her eyes fixated on whoever was in front of her face at the time. It seemed like she was trying to say something but we couldn’t understand. I definitely saw her lips say “Hey baby” when she saw me, which is usual for her to say. At the very end, the last minute it looked as though she was gulping for more air. I hate that I couldn’t hear what she was trying to say, and I am heartbroken to have lost my best friend. But God as I grateful that the pain has stopped! The 17 months from diagnosis has been pure pain for her and hell for the people for loved her so much.
My Dad rallied and had a good day, less than 24 hours before he passed. We were grateful for the lucidity and his sense of humor.
IMPORTANT! I think it’s important to tell people that in a week or two before death that the patient may get angry. The closer they are to the patient the angrier they might get. Nobody told me and I took it very personal. My daughter passed away of cancer at the age of 38, sister at 32. My mom at 42, it goes on and on. I thought it was me until my friend who lost her sister told me what she went through. I never told anyone because I felt ashamed and guilty. It’s important to at least tell them it could possibly happen. If you’re a hospice nurse then you must have heard this. Thank you for what you do ❤
True, it's pretty common and no one should take it personally. The most people dying are desperate for a way out and the ones they always counted on have been their loved ones, but they can't help, often they can't even make it easier because of the costs, the time and distances of modern families. There is no way out, they are terrified and usually not thinking rationally and so they blame the people who are actually taking care of them.
However, my Dad was ready to go psychologically for years before he died. He died peacefully, no anger. Actually, the morning he died, he was at the hospital with my sister. The doctor said he was in no danger and my Dad told my sister to go to her work and continue her day because "He had to leave". My sister just thought it was a bit of confusion on my Dad's part. He died about a half an hour later.
@@reekinronald6776 I’m so sorry, it really upsets me to see this lady almost glamorizes others end of. I’ve burned my mom at 42, my sister at 32, all my grandparents, aunts and uncles not to mention my little girl. There were no angels or peace, with the exception of knowing they are no longer in pain. It’s very sad, I want to go next because I don’t want to bury another child.
Yes. 100%. The dying mourn too. All five Stages of Grief are in play. At least that was my experience with both of my parents passings.
Women’s longer lifespans subject you to so much more.
Thanks for telling me. I wasn't sure what is happening. This helps.
My wife passed from metastatic breast cancer. I observed all of these stages with her. Something as simple as a porty potty can make a huge difference. Hospice was very helpful and I was thankful for their assistance. I called a hospice nurse on my wife's last day. She got there about 15 minutes before my wife's passing, and afterward took care of the calls to the funeral home and the coroner. The funeral home took my good wife away after midnight. I was grateful that I didn't have to go it alone. Death is such a finality, you will never again have the ability to talk to or see your loved one. For a time something would occur where I would momentarily think to tell my wife, only to be reminded of that absoluteness.
❤
my Dad had his second heart attack when he was 69. I was going to Europe with a group of friends about 6 months after he had it and was worried about going. His medications were doubled and Mom said it was making his hands shake badly. I went but when I got to Berlin airport they were calling my name and I learned my Dad had passed. I had spoken to him about 4 hours Before I left and he said Have fun and dont worry about me Im fine. I learned that Mom had found 5 days worth of his medications in his pockets. He had died in his favorite chair with his 15 year old dog still sitting on his lap. I hope I have the strength to do something similar as I have a similar heart condition.
Prayers for strength. I have loss both my father and brother and now sadly my mom is very ill. I truly believe they know
But I love to sleep, and I love my naps. I am 75 years old. Not interested in social encounters, getting more reclusive. But I love food! I just feel very good at this point in my life and have a wife who keeps me in check and gives me love. I don't require anything else!
I'm 57 and love doing the same thing, but I'm single.
Haa.
I think after so many years of life, some people just like being quiet and living cozy.
Many Blessings and Love ❤
Great info, I'm dying myself. I hope to recognize this. Thank you
Prayers Your Way 🙏🙏🙏
We all must face it. I'm "only" 60 but I have spent time thinking about how to prepare myself for the end. I've lost both a father, mother, and brother in the last 7 years and I know that Death is never easy, nor dignified, but you can prepare yourself mentally to be kinder on those who will be there for your death both friends and relatives and strangers, and yourself for that matter. That strong young man that made the girls swoon, or ran a business, or was the patriarch of a large family will be gone. You will be as helpless as a baby. Not even a shadow what you once were. In the end you must give up your ego and stop fighting a fight that you lost months if not years ago.
if u truly are God bless you ❤
My mom had the rally and wanted to have Margaritas and a party. She was in the hospital and we had someone run to the restaurant down the rode and get her one. Haha!! At the time I didn’t know about the stages so I thought OMG she’s going to be ok. It came probably a wk before she passed. We were able to get her home to die. With my Dads death he would not go. Nurses kept saying any minute for 2 days. I finally told my daughter to say goodbye to grandpa and we left. It wasn’t 10 Min later and I got the call he passed. He didn’t want anyone around. Everyone is different!! 🙏
This may sound odd...but before I was diagnosed with a tumor...I was starting to die. I knew it, but was not diagnosed. I had already retreated from interactions, and two weeks before ending up in ICU on life support I wrote letters to my kids. The only otherworldly interaction at that point was I woke to see fluro green symbols coming out of my mirror, as clear as anything. I had only been told I was in perimenopause, with anxiety. Yet I knew deep down it was more. (please advocate for yourself people). So obviously I survived, although I had two heart events and they didn't think I was going to make it as the tumor had hemorrhaged. But I can see why there is a process.
I totally understand.
Everything that you described from 6 months to hours before death was spot on. I experienced this with my mom, the constant sleeping, loss of appetite, talking about dead relatives, the rally and the death rattle. Unfortunately I found your videos after mom died, it would have prepared me a lot better. But I thank you and understand so much about death and dying.
New subscriber here. A close friend of ours has stage IV kidney cancer. I accompany him to “big” appointments with the oncologist who is the head of his treatment team. I take careful notes, type and print them for him. He knows his cancer can’t be cured. He’s not afraid of death. He is afraid of suffering. He has a life partner of many years. She’s having a hard time emotionally. So I’m the person he talks to about the Big Stuff. I wish I could do more to help her. These videos are helping me understand what’s down the road for us. I took care of my father in his last illness so I have some idea what to expect. Thank you, Julie, for all you do. Hospice nursing isn’t just a job, and it’s even more than a profession. It’s a sacred calling.
Thank you for being there for your friend.
I have watched my mother, father then my 15yr son died at home. Hospice was a god send for them but it was very traumatic to me & my children however I would do it all again because it was their wish & I believe that is the last thing you can do for a loved one respect their wishes & the fact I got to say goodbye.
I lost my 2 month old daughter in 2009. The pain never gets better... you only learn how to cope with it better.
I am so sorry for your losses. I pray that you have peace in your heart.
hi, i am truely sorry for your loss. I have a question for you, if your son was the later to pass did he see his grand/grand father when he passed? please believe i want to be respectful
@@teejay112 he was born premature I was 6wks to the day when they had to take him he knew & loved my parents but Jeff was being he had severe cerebral palsy total dependent care & he was blind. He didn't see them but the moment my mother died he woke screaming so I do believe he knew. My 2 older boys were there & seen more than I wanted them to
@@jrmckim no it doesn't I think it gets easier as you go or at least it has for me because they have no more pain.
My father passed away on August 25th 2023 after 7 years battling Colon cancer. My mom and I were with him every step of the way including the last 6 weeks at the hospice. This was the most heartbreaking and traumatizing experience of my life watching my father slip away. Everything that has been described here is accurate. I am hoping that my father is in a better place now.
I am sorry for your loss. I watched my dad slip away on Christmas Eve 2017 and haven’t recovered from it. I developed panic attacks from the shock of it all so I know how you feel. It’s life changing, isn’t it? Let’s hope that time heals for both of us. Lots of luck.
I'm 67, live alone, no friends or family locally, avoid my hostile neighbors. Stage 4 cancer that started off as Parotid cancer - the first and only operation was over a year too late after being mis-diagnosed. Oncology only succeeded in making me sick with no improvement overall. Doctors haven't given me a time line - ER docs have given me more info than anyone. I feel like I'm in the 6 month window: increased sleeping, rarely do anything outside of the house - or inside of the house for that matter. Maintenance Services take care of the yard and minor repairs. Unable to sleep comfortably in my bed - must sleep in my rocker recliner. Was getting very difficult to get out of bed anyway. Rarely bathe or get dressed . Visiting nurses come twice a week - being handed off to Palliative-Hospice nurses after next week. Glad I found this clip as I feel it will help motivate me to be more active and better maintain my home. I've lived a hard life, but did well overall. Looking forward to my 'eternal rest'.
I know I’m a complete stranger, but I’m sending you my love and hope that you are at peace.
Sending my alive too. Where are you at?
Home care is great 95/dad has threw va most insurance covers
Turn to our God the Lord Jesus. He is the Prince of Peace & Lord of Pardon. You can have the Eternal Rest that can only be gained forever thru Faith in Jesus. Surrender your life over to HIM
@@JobyJoby-iw2wr may the universe bless you with all the good things I hear about the afterlife ❤️
My mother-in-law passed away on December 22, six months after a terminal cancer diagnosis. You described EXACTLY how her last six months happened.
My dad was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer with an expected life span of less than a year. Your videos are honestly so helpful in reducing my anxiety, and are helping me be a better care giver. Thank you for the amazing work you are doing to help so many people understand that death doesn't have to be scary, and that understanding/education can be supremely enlightening.
I love your channel. Thank you for all you do to bring awareness to death and being a hospice nurse.❤
My mother and father both died from cancer a few months ago. My father was fully unconscious for a week before he passed. My mother was bed bound at home for 4 weeks. Didn’t eat. Didn't drink much. She was incontinent. We took her to hospital a week before she died. We had no idea she had cancer till the consultants told us in the hospital
So sorry. They were working on a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer just before he died. He left the hospital f9r hospice that night and then died the next morning before got to see him.
Thanks Julie. My dog recently passed away. The time scales are different. Once dogs go down, progress is more rapid toward s death. What I was not aware of was the "rally" just before death. But the phases are generally similar. Of course, dogs and humans can be stoic when confronted by pain or discomfort. With a dog is is sometimes a little harder to tell. In the last week Sam wanted to go for a walk, and could go to the toilet, with assistance. The vet said there would be good and bad days, and when there are more bad days, then palliative care goes into another phase. With animal friends, there is a little more freedom in that regard in helping for a more peaceful death. Sam was a very active and athletic dog, and very intelligent. He could run in his last year. He had a few operations, and the last major one was as a result of a dog attack, and he was over 14. He was badly injured. But he rallied, and in the beginning rallied well. I thought we had lost him on the day of the attack, but we got a few GOOD weeks to say our goodbyes. He wanted to go on a walk, so that was what happened. More doddery of course, but he loved it. He got more tired than before, but the pain meds "held" him [except at the very end], and he obviously enjoyed it. And yet I think he knew what was coming. He was "carpe diem", all the way. But his will to live, and enjoyment of life waned. In the end, you have to be the "adult in the room" and do your duty, because it is not about you and what your will lose, [the companionship of your dear friend] but it is about his comfort, and a peaceful death. Anyway, that is how I figure it.
Thanks for sharing your story about your Dogster. Yes, I lost two dogs during Covid Times that were older due to cancer (most likely) and old age. So hard to say goodbye. I think of both of them on a daily basis -- in some way. They were toughies and were troopers until the end. One passed when she slept, because she had a syncope event a week before and then one more on the day of. And, the other had a slow decline for a week, because we thought she had gotten some stomach infection. But, it turned out to be cancer, and we had to put her to sleep. So, gosh, I miss them both dearly. But, we got new dogs now, and they're okay. Two sisters this time from a shelter who really love each other. But, I do miss my other monsters (Oreo, an Australian cattle dog, and Cocoa, a pitt-bull mix with a lab) who were my heart and soul for 16y and 11y. Again, thank you for sharing your story.
❤
It's not always like that! I had a 9 month old Springer spaniel puppy! Last week she was running around as normal, stood up and literally dropped down dead in front of me! Such a huge shock! I didn't want to put her through an autopsy, most probably a massive cardiac arrest! So it's not always a slow decline!
@@cypruscats8450 That is really horrible. I am really sorry for your loss. As Sam got old, I really hoped he would die suddenly, while running and playing. But it was not to be. The dog attack was really sudden, so I can really understand the shock. I thought I had lost him then and there, but luckily, the vet surgeons saved him and we had a few weeks to say goodbye. Most of that time was good for us and for Sam, only the last few days were bad.
Sorry for your loss too!
Hi Julie, I am watching your videos from Germany.
Last October I lost my beloved auntie, and I was devastated, because I loved her so much, and I am still grieving.
She lived 300 miles away in a very very good retirement home, where she was excellently cared for, she loved it to live there. We talked on the telephone at least once a week, and I regularly talked to the nurses. Auntie was very much interested in nearly everything, she liked dinners in restaurants, she read about to books a week, she loved Sudoku, you name it. And all of this at an age of 97. So I was a little bit concerned the two last times I talked to her, because she sounded a bit tired and not as vivid as she usually was. When I asked her, she said she caught a cold. She didnt talk to me about all the things we talked about all the times, and she told me, she had just finished a book, but didn't know what to Reader next, she wasn't intersted in the themes. I was a bit concerned, but I thougt, that the cold knocked her out a bit.
The day before she died she fell and got a little hurt. She Was taken to the ER, where she got treated and then sent home. Next day, she didn't wann to get up - the very first time in her life. And in late afternoon, she died.
There was a nurse sitting by her side, so she didn't die alone. She died on a sunny day, last looks out of her window on the town she loved, without suffering or being bedridden - so great, I am happy for her, even so I am really sad.
When I talked to the nurse who sat beside her, she said, that auntie did breathe in a special way and then died peacefully. I Never knew, what that "special breathing" should be.
And then by chance I found your videos. Now I know what kind of breathing was meant, and I know, why she sounded so tired and uninterested. And the more videos I see, the better I understand, what happened in her last days.
And this is such a relief for me! Now I know she really didn't suffer, and everything was the way a peaceful death had to be. I even called the nurses and asked them about aunties last days, and they told me, that aunties body was slowly shutting down.
Now I have a little peace in my heart, and I really want to say thank you! Your videos made it easyer for me to accept that she is gone.
Your auntie is so very proud of you, and of the positive person you are, and of the positive changes you make in the community around you. May peace, love, Grace, and serenity go with you, and the memory of your auntie. For as long as her name is spoken, she shall never be forgotten. 💜 🕊️
You need to talk about the year after death of a loved one who found out they had cancer January 29 and chose to die by April 10th. I have never felt so alone and empty. I keep saying - I just want to go home. This hurts so much. Death is so incredibly final, but the helplessness seems to go on and on. IDK, the whole process happened so fast and decisions felt like a freight train heading for a cliff with no ability to pause.
Yes, you can't really stop what already in motion. I just learned (or saw that) with my Mom who passed Dec. 23, 2023. No, we don't have control. They're taken from us without our approval. So, you are not alone in feeling "helplessness" after a passing. I do feel like that. Good word to sum it all up.
God bless the hospice staff! Angels among us indeed. My late wife passed at home while in hospice care nearly 6 years back. The assistance and comfort they gave to her (and myself as caregiver) was wonderful. Thank you for what you do and the care you show while explaining these difficult things.
When my mom passed it was a little different. She had lung cancer. She decided to stop the Chemo. She went on hospice. After that she stayed on Oxygen until all of her great grandchildren were able to visit (They had the trip to visit great gramma planned before we even found out she even had cancer - so we asked to her stay on oxygen until after their visit) During the visit we had our annual "rib fest" my mom always loved, and she got to make some memories with the great grandkids.
After the visit was over, she stopped using the oxygen and she went down pretty quick - about 2 weeks. She never had her "rally" She was still able to do for herself until the day before she passed, on the last day her O2 levels dropped real low and she just went to sleep. It was a very peaceful end for her.
When my father in law passed he went through the full process you described. He had a peaceful end as well
It's wonderful that they both had "peaceful ends". My Mom just had Dec of 2023. It was not expected, but it was due to her age. Quite a change in life (for us) after it. Really hard to get my head around it. I only wish that I would have had prior indictators that it was going to happen soon. I didn't.
Well it was / has been difficult for me. Once In a while I will do something and almost say out loud that I need to give mom a call and tell her about it. It was great that she had a peaceful end. All of her children were with her and we made sure she knew we loved her. One thing I was able to do that she really appreciated was to take her on a drive to all of the houses she lived in. It was a way to let her take in old memories and pass on some new ones @@PoeLemic
Thank you for explaining this ❤ I have been my 89 yo mom's sole caregiver for 14 years. The last 4 have been rough and the last year has been worse. She's now on hospice. I do have a helper in the evening a few nights a week. I am struggling with my own health but, I keep going. I ❤ her so much. Im grateful my husband is so awesome and supportive too.
Lost my husband a few months ago and your description is exactly how it was for him. Thank you for these informative videos, so respect you. Thank you.
I lost mine 25 years ago Just breathe you are NOT alone reach out, people are too scared to make the "first contact"
I lost my dad less than 4 months ago to bone cancer and I was at the hospice house with him. I didn't get to see him open his eyes a few times a couple hrs before he passed, but the nurses told me he opened them. I feel guilty for not being able to see that moment he opened them. I wish I had seen these videos before he passed away. It was exactly 25 months to the day from my mom passed away that he did.
My mom had terminal cancer and transitioned on December 13, 2023. She was in hospice care (at home) for two weeks, only seeing the nurses on three different days. My brother, sister, and I took turns taking care of her. While doing research I found your videos. I’ve been wanting to thank you for sharing your knowledge and expertise. Your videos educated me and helped me to better understand what was happening. Although I knew what to expect during the process, it was very hard to see her go through this. I can’t imagine what it would have been like for me if I had not known what to expect and what was “normal “. Again, thank you from someone who knows how much preparation and knowledge can help in the experience of your loved one dying. I would say it wasn’t a peaceful experience, but I understand (thanks to you) that it was all part of the process. God bless you. And again, thank you. 🙏
My condolences to your family, 2023 was very heartbreaking for our family as well, my mom passed away on Christmas Eve morning, she was under Hospice Care as well, It still doesn't seem real, 💐
Condolences to you and your family! 🙏 ❤ Dec 13 2023 was also a very symbolic day for my mom and I. While your mom transitioned that day, my mom was just beginning her journey as her cancer dr broke the news that her cancer was now terminal with no other options of treatment. It was a day I will never forget 😞. My mom is now currently on hospice at home. Some days she has confusion and hallucination as well as speaking to those whom have crossed over. I’m glad I came across this video as I know what is to come. ❤. God bless 🙏
Three of my loved ones were on hospice before they died. How I wish I had even a little of the education that you are providing! I am grateful to watch you now, because I can at least remind myself that a lot of what I saw was totally a normal part of death. Thank you, Nurse Julie!
Julie, your videos have helped me so much, especially right now that my mother-in-law is in hospice care, and completely unable to eat, drink or speak. Your videos make it so much less scary.
We're currently going through this with my 96yo grandfather. He went from relatively healthy at Christmas to the hospital and home on hospice just after New Year's. He was able to still do for himself with a little assistance when he first got home and in just over a week he needed help with basically everything except eating. He is eating less every day and we can see he is declining quickly. We know there isn't much time left at this point. My parents have been taking care of him and the hospice nurses have been a blessing.
We’re going through the same thing with our 75 yr old grandma. She was diagnosed with lung Ca stage four in end of November and given 3 months to live. She just after Christmas took a big turn and is now in the actively dying phase. Im sorry you’re going through this too. Its hard. But relieving to know she is comfortable and not alone.
@@Sam-qt5ff We went through this last year with my grandmother, but she failed much quicker. Suddenly couldn't get up one morning and went to the hospital. By the next day the doctor said she was actively dying. She came home with hospice care and she passed just 2 days later. It's been harder this time because my grandmother was basically sleeping all the time, but my grandfather has had a lot of agitation and has been difficult to deal with. He is now on medication which has helped a lot, but we suspect he only has days left.
I'm also sorry you're having to go through this too. I've lost many family members and friends over the years, but never had to deal with hospice until my grandmother last year. No, it's not easy, but it is comforting having someone there. We made a promise to them many years ago that we would never put them in a home and would take care of them at home if we were able.
@@johnjr757 update-she passed away one day ago. We are devastated. It’s came so quickly it doesn’t even feel real. I’m glad she isn’t in pain. But I miss her already. I pray for her and will pray for your family members aswell. Its crushing to let someone go, no matter how young or old.
@@Sam-qt5ff I'm so sorry for your loss. I got the call yesterday morning at work. My mother left the room for a few minutes and when she came back he was gone. We're thankful that he transitioned so peacefully after struggling so much earlier. We're going to miss him very much, but we're trying to take comfort knowing he is no longer suffering and we have many great memories to look back on for the rest of our lives.
@@johnjr757 I’m sorry to hear of your loss. Know you are not alone in this difficult time. Sending love from up North in Canada ❤️
Thank you. I'm taking care of my 85 year old mother. She is eating less and sleeping more. It's all becoming real and I'm trying. It's just me. My sister who is actually a teacher has shunned us. So I'll do everything I can.
I can relate. 😢
❤
Prayers Your Way 🙏🙏🙏
@@carolkingsafer9728 Thank You
@@SilverSparkles22 Thank You.
We just went thru that with my Dad and all of what you were explaining is what we saw in Dad. Even though I was present at the time of his death I can say that it came like a whisper... a good death. I'm glad to have found you before Dad went into hospice, it made everything so much easier to know what to expect in general. Thank you for sharing and thank you to all hospice teams for compassionate care and support.
I appreciate you so much nurse Julie! I’m a caretaker and this is so very helpful and important for me to know. I’m currently caring for a 96 yr old and he’s been doing all those things for 6 months now , little by little getting worse like you explain. All I can do is make their time here comfortable and I’ve noticed touch is so important, I like to rub their hand, their back, their leg, a hug here and there😢 because sometimes they don’t get that from family. So. I appreciate your videos ❤
I just lost my grandmother today following less than two weeks on hospice. These videos were very helpful.
I've come across your videos recently and have been listening intently. I believe my coming across your video is no accident but an act of God. My mother, 80+ yrs old has been given about 6 months to live. I've never been around someone who is nearing the end of their life. Your videos are a blessing of information about things I wondered about here recently and things I never knew. For that, I say thank you to God Almighty and to you for putting these things out there for us to learn from. My hope and prayer is that when my mother's time to go arrives, she will simply fall asleep and not wake. My prayer is that she will not suffer pain and indignity in her passing. This is the way my granddad passed...he laid his head on the kitchen table to take a nap, as he sometimes did, and never woke up.
Yes, it is quite a blessing when that happens. I just lost my Mom around December 23, 2023. She did exactly that. She was older (93 yoa), but she was in somewhat okay health. No, I'm lying to myself; she wasn't in that great of health, but we managed her condition with lots of medicine. So, yeah, it was expected that she was getting closer to the end, but we never expected it would be that day. She wasn't feeling well on that Wed, and I guess I should have taken her to hospital. But, she had days where she didn't feel good, so it was nothing new. So, maybe, whatever happened just took her by Sat morn. So, yes, she sat down, looked like she was taking a nap, and we were even going to cook pizza in our new pizza oven from Costco. Hey, it was $199 versus the normal $399, so we had to grab it. Anyway, she never got to taste the pizza. And, ever since then, it's hard to be normal now, because we miss her more than we thought we would.
Oh Poe....bake up a storm in your new pizza oven...bargain btw....coz Mum will be feasting on every delight that she could ever dream of in the Heavenly Gardens. She would be saddened to see you not enjoying your new gadget and taking pleasure in fancy homemade pizzas. Go have fun coz she would so want you to xx
I just love what you are doing here. Bringing light to what has been lost.
The one thing I remember the most was their eyes even before the body was stopped their eyes clouded over. I have always been told the soul is behind the eyes & after witnessing it I 💯 believe it.
One thing I have noticed about losing several loved ones and patients as a nurse.... theres something about the temples that tell me when death will happen shortly. My mom had glass green eyes with yellow specks around the pupils. They looked like marbles. Such beautiful eyes. We had to close them ourselves since they were drying out. We asked the nurses and they said they would but never did. She was 49 years old and had just been declared pancreatic cancer free 4 days before. We were all so happy then her liver started failing. She went into a coma and passed 6 hours later.
Omg yes! In my experience; dad 4 days before he passed he opened his eyes from sleeping a lot just before his death rally and they were clouded over we were shocked because we didn't know
My grandmother's eyes clouded a few hours before she passed. My mother mentioned it when I was on the phone with her and about 4 hours later she called me back to tell me grandma had just passed.
@@jrmckim my mother died on September 25,1994 she was born on September 28, 1944 we buried her on her 50th birthday.
I can close my eyes & remember what she looked like & sometimes I can smell her perfume those little things helped to ease my heart, the other thing that helped me was knowing she was going to heaven. My mom said maybe 30 cuss words my entire life. She would give her last dime to a stranger. She was diagnosed with lung cancer in April & was gone in September I thank God she got to see my daughter who was only 8mos old. A piece of advice I would give to someone losing a loved one is to not block it all let your emotions out.
The rally is an event for sure. Saw it throughout my career. But what a blessing when my grandmother rallied. It was just her and me and we talked about all the things that were hanging over us. We both felt this huge release from guilt and remorse. It was wonderful.
I just found your channel and it is so informative. My husband is 88 years old and has some dementia. I believe from watching your video that he may be entering into the last stage of his life. He eats very little. Mostly wants ice cream. His meals consist of just a few bites when he does eat. He has begun to experience incontinence. It upsets me when he doesn't want to eat but after watching your video I now understand. I have been feeling guilty thinking I must be doing something wrong. I now know that that is not the case. Thank you Julie for the videos preparing us for
I lost my grandmother a week ago tonight. This video helped me to put together her last few months. I have been a follower for a while. Thank you for what you do.
My grandma will be 98 in two weeks, she’s been on hospice for over two years, she’s bedridden, is alert but less, we can see a slow decline. She sleeps most of the time. I agree, it’s so hard to tell when it will happen.
I noticed a few months before my mom died she would get up in the morning eat breakfast but would go to bed for the day around 2pm. She got out one day driving and got lost and we has to find her. A few weeks after that she stopped eating and drinking. Incontinence was very common as well as walking was difficult. She fell alot and stoped taliking. I miss my mom😔
Sorry that all happened and that she is no longer her. My mother just passed Dec. 23, 2023. Quite a shock. She was older and was not expected that day, but it was eventually expected. But, it just is surprising to wake up to the new year with this burden of her not being here. Quite a change, I must say.
@@PoeLemic thank you. Sorry for your loss. With both of my parents gone Im just lost now😔
Thank you so much for this 🙏🏼 I'm slowly dying from cancer and in my heart I feel like I'm changing I know I won't be here in a yr and tbh... maybe even a little less. This makes so much sense and this is a very strange process. I'm only 48 and was looking so good and thriving better than my 30's 💯...all the silly makeup cute purses shoes anything materialistic means nothing these days. Yes they r nice but I'm dying. I barely leave my home. No one seeing me. Thank you again ❤
I'm glad you are filming in your home. I like seeing the change of decor and seasons. 🙂
I wish I had found your channel sooner. After watching a few of your videos, I can think back and understand where my loved one was at in their end of life. I just wish I knew it at the time to better understand it all.
Love your videos!
i just lost my mom after 6 months on hospice. my mother went thru exactly everything you said except her burst of energy came 2 months prior to her passing and lasted almost a full week!( i call it a true miracle blessing)
then the night before she passed i heard her moaning in pain ( 1st and only time in her 6 months on hospice) after giving her a bit of pain medication and waiting for her to feel more comfortable about a half hour later she went into the death rattle for about a half hour. (I knew from your videos and felt so blessrd to have had this knowledge before and often during the 6 months i was blessed to care forvmy mom as she had always been for me) BUT THEN as i played soft beautiful music litly and continued to speak to her and pray beside her she stopped the death rattle after approx another half hour and then began to breath like a comfotable sleeping baby. i stayed by her side snother 40 minutes as she continued breathing and seeming to have just gotten through a hard nite. since she appeared to now be sleeping comfortably i told her i was going to lay back down another hour so i was strong for our upcoming new day. i surprisingly fell into a peaceful sleep for an hour and woke to notice her legs had moved but thought she was still breathing and sleeping so contently. once the hospice nurse came she told me my mother had passed! i know for sure she was breathing wben i went to lay down. i now assume it was during thst hour she passed on. however, being the baby of my family i just know my mom did not want me to be there the moment she passed as she would never have wanted me feeling alone at that moment. i feel like her soul put me in this peaceful state and disbelief she had passed once i woke so that the visiting nurse would be there to announce her passing to me! Because i have no other understanding how i was able to go back to sleep so peacefully after such a night and then woke to believe she was also comfortably sleeping. once i was told i had someone to tell me and hold me tight.....just as i know she would have wanted😢. i must also say thank you to you and my hospice nurses who told me in advance when i mentioned fearing leaving her side to run to store or other appts i had in which i had someone else watchingbover her.- to be told in advance that if my mom passes at a moment im not beside her that i should never feel guilty because not all want their loved one there at their time of transitioning . Hearing that made me see that in a different perspective and helped me feel less guilt when i did have to take a store break or when she did actually pass with me not there- i realized that would be my mom thinking of me her 58 yr old baby and feeling it maybe too much on me to begin normal breathing again and keeping me in a peaceful place as she left !
Julie, my husband was on hospice for a little over 2 weeks. The hospice nurse kept telling me not to caresse or rub him due to it would overstimulate or cause aggitation and kept telling me his skin was thinning and blotching. It was traumatic to deal with not touching or soothing him. We were a touchy and feeling couple. So, it was difficult. I'm graceful I was able to keep him comfortable and dry. I was determined he would not have skin ulcers or typical terminology "bed sores". The whole ordeal was traumatic for me, I still breakdown when I relive it. I am trying to hold on to the good memories 😭💔💕
I’m so sorry for your loss. My husband died in March 2023 after a yearlong critical illness. My therapist says I have PTSD from going through that experience. Watching and walking with someone you love as they go through that changes you forever, and it will take a lot of time to process all that. You’ll likely need the help of a therapist, if you don’t already have one; a doctor and/or psychiatrist who can prescribe any medications you may need; a spiritual director or counselor; and lots of loving family members and friends. The flashbacks do eventually begin to fade and you learn ways of coping with the memories and identifying your triggers. At nearly 10 months since my husband died, I can say the pain is less sharp most of the time than it used to be, but I still feel I’m sleepwalking through life and not yet awakened from the nightmare. I’m told it just takes time and the amount is different for everyone. I bless you and wish you all the best, especially in being kind to yourself and surrounding yourself with people who support you.
@serenahm thank you, sadly folks don't want to hear about this traumatic experience. I find confort in other's stories. I have a strong faith and faithful friends I can confide in, I'm not one to be medicated, I need other ways such as walking, praying, and sharing with close friends that help me deal with this great loss. I need to forgive myself for feeling like I let him down. This has forever changed me however I'm trusting in Yahweh to bring me through victoriously💕
Sending kind thoughts and prayers your way ❤❤❤❤
I’m so sorry. It’s so hard going through the dying process with someone. I still relive the process (brother died 2022)
I am in hospice care and have been for a few months, I try to stay busy move around sit outside if its warm enough, I have a hx of emphysema and heart bypass and a hemathorax after a artery was nicked when they were putting a chest tube in. All in all I feel ok try to cook for my self thanks to a air fryer, I have a lot if faith that I know God will take me when he wants too, I pray for others who also are going through this, thank you Julie for giving us a little peek intomwhat could or will be next it really does make it easier. I find that everyday is something new, they want me to take the morphine I am hesitant. Thanks for listening I really have no one hear that wants to listen
I was a nurse for 40 years and saw many people die , so I can relate to your stories Julie. I now have aggressive MS and am coming to the end of my journey. It feels so surreal and taking all my mental energy to get my head around it.
@@clementulcoq5440 ❤️
@@clementulcoq5440 sending so much love ❤️
This is so comforting, thank you so much we believe my dad is in the rally stage, he’s been seeing dead relatives, visits and conversations with God, he’s told me he’s got his life all sorted. Thank you.
Lord, I sure am happy I found this channel! Thank you, Nurse Julie.
My mom has cancer am watch this video and listing to my mom on baby monitor she sleeping alot and weak and bearly eating lot weight loss am taking care of her 24/7 she fully bed rest now lots pain and hot and cold 😢 she bestie i love her
You are a special type person.Thank God for people like you..
First of all, a big thank you from the Netherlands for making this and all the other videos.
My mother died in November 2022 after falling ill in July of that year. She had turned 81 that October. She got diagnosed with a tumor around the left ureter. They did a biopt while placing a stent in the ureter but the biopt was inconclusive as we had also planned a holiday in September and my mother wanted, no matter what, to go on that holiday, so the doctor in the hospital gave us options to think about what to do next.
My brother and I have watched independently of each other your videos the last couple of months. And we can pin point certain events you talked about leading up to her death.
The last week of her life went very fast. She was again in hospital after contracting fluid behind the lungs, I believe you call it 'pulmonary edema'. On Wednesday we got the final diagnosis of metastatic cancer and on Saturday we were called to come in as it didn't look good.
When we entered her hospital room she was already in a coma. The nurses put her on an automated morfine pump to ease her breathing and in about 5 till 10 minutes after that while we sat by her side she past away.
We knew that our mother had signed a DNR so we didn't panic and actually I myself found it fascinating to watch to see the life go out of her body.
This is the short version of what happend during the last months of her life.
My brother and I were in these months already preparing ourselves for her upcoming death and that has helped us a lot. Our parents always said: The only certain thing you know when you are born is that you are going to die, the how and when you don't know.
Nurse Julie, could you please be there before I die? You sound so kind, sensitive, and attentive! ❤ 🙏🕊🫶
Turn to our God the Lord Jesus. He is the Prince of Peace & Lord of Pardon. You can have the Eternal Rest that can only be gained forever thru Faith in Jesus. Surrender your life over to HIM
Rest in peace to my sweet client who passed away in my care on Saturday 1/27/24. You are sorely missed, fly high with the angels and thank you for being so sweet to me through the years 🕊🎉
How old he/she was?
She had just turned 93 years old 21 days prior
Beautiful video thankyou. We just lost a family member 2 days ago. We nursed him to the end and he had all those signs that you spoke about. So thankyou So much❤❤❤
Thank you Julie, you are a STAR!
What you’re doing is a wonderful service for everyone. THANK YOU SOOO MUCH
I cannot express how much you have helped me.
Thank you for everything.
❤
You explain things so well & matter of fact. I started watching your videos a few months ago, when I found out my brother in law had stage 4 pancreatic cancer. He passed away a week before Christmas 2023. My husband is his identical twin. I've told my husband I'm here if he wants to talk & have a therapist lined up if he needs them. His brother was only 52. Your videos are a great source of information for so many.
I love that you have a tree up ❤
My daughter is 40 and I am 71.
I am fairly healthy but she is in convalescent with stage 4 breast cancer diagnosed April 2022 but by then was spread to 8 places.
Thank goodness I found your channel. It helps so much to understand what she is going through. Thank you ❤
My dad died a week on Monday. He had dementia and Parkinson’s and died of Covid. we got told the Thursday before he was going to pass and the day I seen him I knew he wasn’t going to make it. He was blue looking he had this rattle, his eyes were rolling back of his his eyes and his feet were huge. he looked like my dad.
The past few months his ability to move was hard and me and my mum give him care 247 for 15 years.
Am 38 from Glasgow Scotland
And the day he died at 11am on Monday the 8th he kept opening his eyes asking for my mum she stayed with him in the hospital for 7 weeks. They were married for 45 years and the day he died he opened his eyes and asked for my mum and he died with my big sister and mum around him. he just went without saying a word.
I said to him the Thursday this wasn’t good bye it was call ya later to check in.
And his funeral is this Tuesday and am struggling. I’ve never seen a person dying or been to a funeral and I don’t know how to be. I’ve cut contact off with my friends for now and just staying in my room. It doesn’t make sense him passing. Am glad he’s out of pain and he’s happier but what now?
It’s snowing in Scotland and I believe in robins and I know dad is here daily. I have a robin tattoo on my arm.
I’m just up and down and don’t know what am feeling is normal. I cry then I don’t. I just miss my best friend
Your videos have helped me it’s now what.
Love all the way from Scotland
Beautiful
Prayers for peace for you from the States. My parents were born in Glasgow. My father passed away two years ago and now I am caring for my mom who has dementia. Take time to grieve and care for yourself.
@@adrianneelbe3616where in Glasgow x
My dad was only 67 when he passed
This is the realization I came to after my mom died. She released me so that I can go live my life. Maybe your dad did the same for you.
Thank you, Julie. These always help!
I so appreciate your time here. Educating about the end of life and care for those we love. When my Dad was in his last few weeks. I noticed his breathing would change as he slept. He was not breathing like usual. His intake of air was much slower and it would take longer for the next breath to come. I talked to his nurse as we all thought ok this is it. She kindly came to the house checking him out. She said that his body was practicing dying or something like that. Can you do a video on that at some time if you haven't already please.
Thank you for all you do.
Hats off to you sister, people like you helped both my parents in there final days, my pop had a bad death rattle, the last 6 hrs. Of life, thank you for what you do !!!
Thankyou for your view and content. Few people want to openly talk
on this subject. Bless you.
These videos have helped so much! I'm going threw this with my mom right now. If I hadn't seen these videos I would be very concerned and a bit freaked out. Thank you!
I've been diagnosed with terminal cancer, before my diagnoses I had some prematory events and dreams...they were very astounding. Can you share any premonitions of death by some of your clients? Love your show.
Super interesting question, thanks! Also, I am praying for you!
My son and I are my Mom's caregivers until her body gives in.. My mom and me cared for both my Dad, and both my grandma's the last years of they're lives, at home. Wishing you the very best, and know this; I have been dead myself after I unalived myself at 19yo - and that this human experiance is not the end. I'm not religious, but it's a fact. You are either physical, with your body intact- or non-physical, after your body has given up on it's bodily existance. You are safe after your body has died, and my thoughts and prayers for you having no pain, and having as easy a passing possible. And I wish your family the very best during this time in your lives, and I hope everyone is taking good care of each other both before, during, and after The Great Passing. Let the Light and the Love you will experiance guide you, you might even get visits from loved ones, even previous pets, that you have had a deep Love and connection with, And as for them, you too will experiance coming Home again - where you once began your Journey. Watch this channel a lot, and it will help you and your family to get through the transition as smoothly as possible.. Much Love and Compassion, from Norway 🙏🏻💝
I hope it will be peaceful for you. Life is not fair to good people.
@@truthhurtswilky7785 Damndest thing, we ALL have two things in common we come from somewhere we're not supposed to remember and we all go somewhere we all guess at. BUTT no matter what Everything is cool and OK!
@@sungirl2656 Thank you! your prayers matter. 🎯
My dad passed away December 16. All these things occurred with the exception of the death rattle. He definitely had loss of appetite for a couple months and the last weeks there was only a few bites of food per day. A lot more sleep. Less leaving the house. Fevers were out of control the last three weeks. Eventually the yellowing skin, then purpling. We definitely discovered his circulation on his hands seemed to stop completely the day before he passed. His extremities were ice cold then.
Thank you for sharing your knowledge to help those of us taking care of elderly family members ❤️
I always appreciate your advice and personal experiences, Mam. You've been a wonderful guide through this life journey. Please know I'm always appreciative 😇🙏❤️
I work as a caregiver. I wanted to thank you for all your information and education. Thank you.
Julie, you videos have given me so much comfort. When We had to have the talk about "Comfort Care" I worried, I was rushing the end, and never intentionally wanted to do that, but I was tired also.. looking at your video I now realize, we had done the entire journey just as you described.. and I feel a sense of relief. We were in Palliative care for 6 months. I wanted to do the best for my friend, who I loved very much and felt honored to be his POA. Thanks to you describing the journey, I feel more at peace.. Never easy. Big Hugs Julie!
I thank you for teaching because it makes it so much easier.
Bless you! I have attended several deaths....I didnt know what I was doing ...I actually did a pretty good job but I didnt know that until I began following your channel. I just sent your link to my niece in Britain who is a caregiver in geriatric care.
(I have a personal interest as Im advanced in years. Ive witnessed "good deaths" and want one for myself. It seems to me that people in my age bracket have a responsibility, too, to be informed for the benefit of their loved ones). Sorry im off-topic but wanted you to know that Ive been following you a good while!
Blessings,
Wayne
Thank you so much for making these videos. My father is 94. Has been on hospice for 2 years and i suspect he is actively dying..it has put me at ease knowing that all of these things that he's experiencing are normal and part of the dying process
I really appreciate your videos. I've been through this 4 times with parents and in-laws. Now my 44 year old daughter is dying from a rare cancer. She's an incredible woman of faith, her blogs... wow. Regardless, this has been a grueling 5-year battle. Trying all the treatments and seeing them fail.. thanks for great information it helps to be aware
Bless you for your clear and honest information, and for saying Death and dying instead of “passing” or “transitioning”. We all will come to this and now that I’m facing it, I am interested to hear how it might go. When my husband died at home, I had nursing hospice help but was present, and toward the end he became very agitated physically, striking out with his arms and legs. Not conscious any more but very physically active so two nurses had to hold his limbs down so he would not harm himself. He was in hospice care a very short time but I bless them for their wonderful care and understanding.
I took care of my parents til they passed now im seriously considering wanting to be a hospice nurse. Thank you for all your videos
Julie, thank you so much for your tapes. We NEED to know these things about the end of life occurrences but ordinarily, no one will talk about it! You are doing a great service with your honest accountings of what goes on when one dies. Knowing reduces anxiety and that's so important!
This is a great service to the public and myself. Keep it up and much thanks.
Good info. Helpful. Thank you and have a good week!
Thank you Julie, you help me understand my brother's health condition when he was in Hospice stage and it all makes sense to me now. He passed away on March 25, 2024 and it still hurts me. Also, l continue to watch your educational videos. God Bless you 🙏
U r truly a very special person to deal with this issue.bless you!! From the frozen praire of south dakota .peace b with you.
Julie, thank you for all that you do to provide comfort and knowledge to not only your patients and their families, but to all of us on the internet who are going through something similar. I just lost my 93yo grandma last week after she suffered a TIA from having a uti. If I hadn’t found your channel by chance a few weeks ago, I think it would have been a lot harder for me to accept her passing. Knowing that the Rally was a sign it was almost over really saved me from even more heartbreak. I cannot thank you enough for the comfort your videos have provided me.
💕💕💕💕💕💕
Thank you, I'm so lost and confused this helps me to understand more....my circumstance is common, yet anyways
Thank you Julie.
Julie, thank you for all that you do. There is an old saying, "Experience is what you get 15 minutes after you needed it." Your videos change that. Much appreciation for you!
Ms. Julie. God let you see his Angel with your own eyes. If you still don't believe, you probably never will. I hope you do. All the Hospice Nurses I've read stories about have witnessed many of these miracles. I pray God continues to bestow us these miracles. Thank you
In 1997 i used to work as a hospital porter in the physiotherapy department for elderly patients in London, UK. I saw examples you mention especially very high fever. It was sad to see them like this but the doctor's told me they could not do anything about it. It was a natural end of life process as you explain. I also encountered paranormal experiences. They came in my dream and were very happy and thankful.
There's my Beautiful Blessing Thanks for all the peace you bring to all of us Yes I always like to say that we never die but we are BORN INTO HEAVEN and we will be more ALIVE than we ever have been and you have a very soothing voice that is such a great Blessing. Keep up the great work your doing. Peace and GOD BLESS you from Saginaw Michigan Dontoons
So go for a long hike during the rally, got it thanks!!!
Thank you so much! Your videos are helping me to understand all the steps my mom gone through at the end of her life ❤
I am 53, and my handsome dad passed about 12 months ago. Many of your videos I saw on tiktok leading up to his passing helped me. Thanks, Julie.
Wish I had known this stuff before my loved ones passed. :( Thank God for Hospice nurses though! You are invaluable!!!