Agree - exactly my experience with causing my new car to do a donut across two lanes of traffic then over the kerb onto the nature strip, causing front end damage after he as the inebriated passenger reefed on the handbrake while sober I was driving home at 80kph ie 50mph late at night after my works senior management dinner. He was as nice as pie to fob off the worried homeowners who came to investigate then became a ranting destructive lunatic once we arrived home some time later.
Gods grace saved me so many times. Having a panic attack while driving because they are raging and punching everything in the car... he tried breaking the gas pedal off on the highway because I made him mad. My infant was in the back seat and he was driving 100+mph. I seriously thought we were going to die.
The darkest secrets are revealed ,then you realise why they lied about their true identity.For me it was worse than his cheating.They have no feelings for anyone and they know they are sick.
@@PassionateFlower I try to remind myself that the put downs are all how they feel about themselves it was never about me.I could see the envy in his eyes when I was happy.He would smirk when I was sad.They are on a carousel of insanity it's up to us to get off and stay off.
@@jacquelinegrace3 They feel deep shame and project it onto us...then we feel confused.Whilst we are busy with confusion they are full speed ahead with controlling us for gain.
Alcohol further reveals the narc's enormous selfishness and deep desire to hurt and destroy others. This episode needs to be viewed by attendees at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, as many of these addicts are clueless as to their true motivations to self destruct. Others are just full of shame. Excellent topic, Danish; thank u!
my ex husband of only 10 months said to me one day "all of us AAs are narcisists". the reality my husband was almost 40 years dry. recovered, with honesty and integrity? never. and he used AA like a cult leader. it was fertile ground for targets and a place to perform .. and the program he tried to use it to control me ike any religious cult leader. instead I ran. and divorced him.VERY BAD NEWS.
@@FM.......when I'm drunk I just want to have confidence and help everyone. I laughed and I enjoyed when I'm drunk. But when with my ex he would start a fight. How my mother's been behaving with me. 😢
I was married to a narcissist for 20 years. He was violent occasionally when sober but worse when he was drunk. Every special occasion, Christmas, New years Eve or when we were invited to a wedding was ruined by his behaviour. Exactly the behaviour described in this video, still have an occasional night mare. No one should stay in a situation like that, should have got out much earlier. Thank you for the video
That was spot on! I hated when my ex drank he would get so mean and say such mean and hurtful things would ruin my whole evening and day. Ruin holidays. I called him Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde but even sober he would sometimes be mean. I’m glad we broke up it was a blessing in disguise and getting a DUI didn’t change him at all.
Violent, screaming rage, degrading horrific words, dehumanizing, emasculating, murderous threats, picking up anything and threatening to murder. Anyone in their sphere will suffer this abuse when they drink. I’ve experienced this. It’s horrifying. Like a demon is inside of them. Next day - denial and pretend it didn’t even happen.
@soulTraveller144 I have been gaslit for the past four days. I am waiting for it to subside and for her to pretend like nothing ever happened. There’s gotta be a way out. I’m still trying to find it.
It can go either way. Alcoholic Narcissists abuse the drug like they would another human being. They drink and drink until they cannot feel anymore. I've seen this first hand, and it's very scary to watch a person you care about dig their own grave, then deny everything later when they're sober.😢
@jbrown2908 "that's not me", they might say. Giving up on themselves is just the beginning. The alarming number of steps they take to be right or self-validate is sobering and is a maladjusted coping mechanism of their own illness.
My narc always drank when the whole world couldn't see how amazing he was or he lost a supply or he claimed he was depressed so drank and blamed mental illness but it WASNT . IT WAS HIS NARCISSISM SIMPLE AS THAT
@jbrown2908 I did this! I used to videotape him every single day. I exactly 1,143 videos of him in all of his drunken stupors. He flat out REFUSED to watch a single one. Of course he wouldn't want to watch them because he would have to take accountability for his pisspoor behavior... he can't have that. When I first began taping him it was to show him who he becomes when he's drunk. One yr into taping him my reasons changed and I taped him for my own benefit. So that when the day came that I left and he tries to hoover me back in I can watch them to remind myself firsthand exactly WHY I left. I am proud to say all of that happened and the videos worked like a charm. I'm so happy to be rid of that toxicity in my life. I still have a lot of healing to do but the videos really helped a lot. When we leave a toxic person we often times get amnesia to exactly HOW BAD things were. Doing this was better than any mental recollection or diary log... seeing him in action and knowing that (and worse) is what would be in store for me if I ever went back. No thanks!
@@carmen6693you video taped him everyday? You're making yourself look worse than him. Why would you videotape someone in their worst moments? And over 1000 videos at that wtf!?!
@deconstructingnarcissism3062 That's your opinion and you're entitled to it. When I first began taping us (which he knew) I did so to show him the monster he becomes when drunk. Because he nvr believed he was capable of such things once he was sober. When he refused to watch them because it's too much reality for him- I then used those videos to remind myself that I deserve better. So whenever I would have moments of weakness and want to call him I would watch one. It's a great reminder and also helps you see things that we often times miss in the heat of the moment. Nvr judge someone else if you haven't walked in their shoes. Have a good day!
He became overt… aggressive… running around the house with weapons…. Bashing in doors… drunk driving…. No thought or responsibility for anyone except himself
That was my experience, as well. Holes in walls, broken glass, drunk driving, "I wanna die" and "I don't want to die". Crazy-making, scary. No one should have to be subjected to that. The narcissist hid his drinking until he couldnt anymore. He had become a very practiced liar.
Yep this was my ex. I got really good at patching up drywall holes. He tried to throw an oven at me once, but got pissed because it was mounted to the floor and he couldn't overcome it. He got a DUI. I've received three death threats in the last 8 years (I divorced 8 years ago) and resulted in two different PO and removal of his weapons. Someday I'm going to leave the country and completely disappear when my kids turn 18.
My Ex told me to F off and called me an embarrassing degrading idiot. He was drunk. Told me to pack up and get out. I did. Left and sued for divorce. He is a lying cheat.
Your informative videos have helped me to heal so much. Still have a long way to go. My narcissist husband of 37 years, drank himself to death because he was having an affair that lasted 6 years. I suspected but when I brought it up, he would leave the room. He died of stage 4 cirrohsis. It was a horrible ending. I've been a widow for 2 1/2 years and I love the peace. I'm 69 and plan to stay this way. No more men. I'm still so tired from my years of abuse from him.
You will never meet a Narc in Alcoholics Anonymous Mainly because they are not willing to introspect, or be honest. 19 years in recovery for alcohol, I have mainly met people who were victims seeking help. I myself drank to escape their (narc parents) abuse. The more healthier I became through this program the more aggressive and belittling towards me they became!
@terridillon3053 I might've misunderstood your comment, but still want to mention that I used to attend AA and NA meetings due to being bullied into it by an ex because I drank a lot when I was young as a way of coping with childhood trauma issues, as well as other traumatic experiences. I had to stop going altogether in the end because of all the narcissistic, or worse, people there, who caused even more trauma in my life. I won't go into the details since it's way too much and don't have time anyway. I will add that I'm managing without the meetings etc, which is the case for many other people nowadays, or they've found more suitable groups. 😊
I attended as a family invited, but supported someone thru their attendance, and saw this was the case. Lots of therapy needed and AA was just one piece. 99.9% imo stopped with AA. You do you and glad you're better. 👍
My narc alcoholic brother loved AA because he loved to hear himself talk and he manipulated others there and got lots of narcissistic supply. He knows the lingo of the 12 steps and has been involved in AA for many years, but almost entirely when he was locked up in prison. When he's out, he stops going to meetings. Too much more interesting stuff going on and chaos to cause.
I CALL BULLCRAP ON Narcissists dont go to AA~~ I am a member of AA~~ and had a female morbidly obese sponsor She was. COVERT NARC~~ was widowed three yrs into sobriety~~~ attempted dating in AA~~~~ COVERT NARCS ~~~ ALTRUISTIC NARCISSISTS!!!!!!!!! They are EVERY WHERE!
It's a complete story of my ex-husband, my ex-husband is a covert narcissist, and for 20 years I've lived in chaos and loneliness every day But I thought of him as a family and loved him more than I loved myself, and eventually I found out that he was a master of manipulation, having cheated on me with a lot of women and financially bankrupt me My ex-husband was out of control when he drank and had beaten my youngest daughter badly At that time, I was so angry that I complained it about what he was doing to our daughter and ex husband couldn't accept the accusation and ignored me for a year and a half. I've just divorced him, but I'm glad I'm free now He is socially self-destructive. I think of this as karma. But I don't like the fact that the father of the children loses his social status, so I'm struggling every day to overcome it
He beat your Daughter badly and you complained to him and then he ignored you for a year and a half,now you have just divorced him? You were still living with him after he beat your Daughter badly?Am i missing something and misinterpreted that?
@@clairejohnson6522 English is my second language and I am good at it. It's complicated. I'm from east asia and since the 1950 War, our country, which really had nothing, but has made tremendous progress thesedays. During the development, we grew up with an education that we must endure we face. But young generation thesedays is not like that, but I grew up in such an environment, and there are really no data on Narcissist in my country, so I recently found out that Narcissist a while ago. You may not understand, but I still have the feeling that women have to put up with it a lot at home. As generations have changed, the ideas are changing a lot, and in the East, it is accepted that corporal punishment of children was done in an educational way. I badly regret that I didn't report to the police at the time, too. I don’t know whatI was so afraid to lose. I had a fake divorce two years ago and it was my ex-husband who suggested that taxes would be reduced only if we had a fake divorce, and he sent us abroad and now he lives alone in my country and does not provide financial help. I just found out that my ex had an affair with 3 women 3 years ago and he lied to me and because he knew things would turn out to be like this. I am in chaos everyday everymoment whether I'm going to sue him for fraud or not but if I sue him for fraud, my kiz’s father will become a criminal.
@@annamin9986 I'm glad that you are away from the narcissist and yes different cultures have different ideas. Never go back to the narcissist as they get worse with age, they don't change. Take good care of yourself and I hope you find the peace and quiet that all Survivor's of narcissistic abuse deserve.🕊
They are literally dangerous af. My dad always left bruises on me and so did all my Narc exes. I finally put it all together a couple years ago . I am on my journey now as ex codepent
It IS co-dependent behavior on our part. we THINK we need them for some reason. but being honest with ourselves is exactly how we take our power back. we have to see what our part is and quit believing we are victims. when WE take responsibility for our beliefs or our attraction to it (how does it reflect us in any way? is it familiar to us in any way? be honest and you will see and be able to take your power back, then affirm positively in the direction you want to go). this is what I do. my mother wanted me to f'off and die already and secretly did things to me that only I knew about, then acted angelic and innocent in front of others. she knew, I knew so she hated me. I was the good one and she used to even deride me for it and use it against me for not being like her. she's dead now so now I am cleaning up my own behavior of having attracted it. the main lesson is SELF VALUING and SELF LOVE. God bless you in your healing journey.
true. being honest with our self is vital. God is always trying to show us what we need to heal in ourselves in order to be purified on our way (evolving) back to Him. that is what this whole journey is about. hard to admit sometimes that we attract abuse or bad things to ourselves but if we keep refusing to introspect as to how we got in this place and take responsibility, we stay in victim mode. God bless us. Life ain't for sissies @@jbrown2908
@@JackBeNimble-ff3hbomg YES!!!! I had to ask what was broken in me. Self value is hard and foreign at first but omg what a difference it makes. I watch a fem energy coach who teaches this too. I'm repulsed by addicts now and my kids say I have come a long way❤
5:39 its like living on a rollercoaster... My ex was a extremely heavy drinker it was awful... Never ending, i renamed him "Antifreeze" because he was killing me little by little everyday. Now his new but old one gets it and has a need to leave me a voicemail weekly. She says the utmost dumbest things and accuses me of wanting him back... I just let her vent. Why would i? I get ro watch qhat i want, eat when and what i want, go to bed when i want and the cat never throws fits. I love my life without that narcissistic alcoholic child in my life...
Spot on❤️ Great video, thank you for the validation and empathy. My nx got more overt... He was angry and explosive before ( physically & emotionally ) but this became extreme. He became dissociative, became another persona with alcohol. One time at a grocery store, I politely refused to carry a case of alcohol for him because I don't drink alcohol nor support his habit. He began his rage and got in my face with a mean growl and yelling, but stopped when his friend told him calm down. He realized his friend was with us and put his mask back in place and suddenly became supportive of my boundary and sweet as ever. lol, he couldn't let the mask slip 🤣). He became honest, cried more crocodile tears than I ever saw in 6 years..and the tears were all for himself, not me or us. He also became enraged... As I kept my boundaries up, the manipulation increased to the point where he told me he impregnated a young girl ( and we were still married "trying to work it out" after almost a year had passed ). His behavior became psychotic at my refusal to emotionally react/respond to his manipulation. I wished he and her the best with their new baby and told him God bless them. Extreme harassment, stalking, scary behaviors led me to get permanent protection order and file charges. He's miserable with the new supply, they were engaged within 3 months and got their first domestic violence charge within the first three months! Yes, alcohol exacerbated his persona, his true nature and I'm grateful to be free from the torment. Thank you for reading this and to all of us survivors out here, keep shining 🌟
@@jbrown2908 with grace, I accept these vibes. Right back atcha. And I Thank you truly. I'm 2.5 years narc free, except for court obligations )I wish you blessings of healing and kindness along your journey as well❤️
Alcohol and drugs are just another EXCUSE for the Narcissist to behave in a Vile manner!!! I've seen and lived it ALL! Another thing they reveal secrets when they're drunk or high is because they're the biggest cowards otherwise!!!!
My father and mother both behaved obnoxiously. My mother admitted that she enjoys behaving obnoxiously. When my sister and I would try to tell my mother how her drinking made us feel, she would give us the finger and tell us to shut up. Ive had my neigbours talk to me about my mothers drinking, but if you talk to her about it, shes in denial about it. It seems everyone else around her is a drunk except for her.
Stay away from addicts whoever they are especially if they got narc tendencies ...they crush your boundaries like pac man on mad sesh...stay safe and aware !
Mine likes to start talking around midnight and talks loudly on the phone. She then starts singing and playing music but she’s tone deaf. The whole point is sleep deprivation. Sleep deprivation is a tactic countries use against their enemies in war times.
Wow this makes so much sense why he kept delaying us to get back home and go to bed. I would be begging to leave as I was exhausted from my first trimester pregnancy and he was restless….
Time disappears when mine drinks. I could need to get up early the next day for something important and she will stay up so late, ignoring the time. Blaring the TV. Waking me up to ask questions. Then when it's obvious she had annoyed me all day and night, will insist on sex, sometimes aggressively.
My mom was a monster one of the times she was drunk she told me "you know why I hurt u emotionally"? She says "because I can't hurt u physically cause ur strong and you'll hurt me". Now at the time I did think tht was an odd thing to say but now tht I'm healing so well today I think tht, tht was so awful for her to tell me I didn't get it then but now im like so u'd preferably like to idk maybe lowkey kill me but u just can't. Jesus Christ! I asked her why she don't say I love u back and she said "thts work it dont come natural I gotta remind myself". She's the antithesis of kind and loving. Thank you for ur content Danish.
Emotionally heck yeah! And she understands tht she cannot live with me ever. I don't call her ever she only calls me an seems to be satisfied with tht if she behaves on the phone I'll entertain her but I talk so much truth im like over salted food to the narcissist so she doesn't last she'll either just hang up on me or say "I'll call u back" an of course she doesn't. I'm as Danish suggested Dispassionately curious and objective at the same time. I really do love her so honestly I have compassion for her she so sad and miserable but I'll never let her kno cause she'll weaponize it 💔
My narc was a SEVERE chronic alcoholic, he hid that from me for about 1 yr when we first met. Once I knew and he no longer had to hide it or put on an act things got even worse. In his heyday he was a pretty big deal in the martial arts world. So, even sober he would gloat and want admiration for all of his former accomplishments and was full of himself but was nvr disrespectful or abusive sober, just a general asshole. But when he drank he was a whole different monster. Always felt like he was entitled and could treat/speak to me however he wanted (not anyone else- he was great to his friends and family- what a show- none of them even knew he was an alcoholic). As time went on the disrespectful verbal attacks only got worse. He would go on 2 or 3 week benders, not go to work, and literally be verbally abusive the entire time. Then once sober had the convenience of saying "I don't remember". He believed sorry should fix everything and I should get over it. The final straw for me came when I received 2 terrible diagnosis that can potentially kill me. I have to focus on my health if I want to be here and the day I told him about my diagnosis that creature turned everything around to a "feel sorry for him" fest and tried to justify his behavior towards me by saying he felt helpless. Then proceeded to drink himself to fall down drunk the next 2 days. These ppl feel nothing for anyone but themselves and then once you add alcohol to an already toxic dynamic there is nothing that can happen except abuse. I'm so glad I left and I already have sorrow for any future women he dupes.
I was told by my doctor I could have owl cancer I lost over 3stone was very under weight by ex Narc would come homefrom the pub and tell me I was not fit to be thrown to the dogs never helped me but through thegrCe of God I survived and it was not cancer.
You’re absolutely right alcohol makes his aggression even worse very violent, physical scary controlling breaking things. Thank you thank you thank you.
The covert narcissist would go to the pub on a Friday night to play in a dart club and have a thoroughly good time. A few hours later he would come home in "Hulk" mode yelling at the top of his lungs and banging on walls for no real reason. Narcissist's are a living nightmare.😳
Omg right on point. Stuck living with one going on 16 years. I've been to hell and back and then some. This was a great video. Everything is fact. I noticed only people that really go through this are the only ones that really get it. Because most people if you try to open up and tell them some of the things you go through. They look at you like your crazy or they just look at you blank. I wish in the mental health field system should make this more known. Its a real thing being abused by a sick Narcissist person.
Thank you for this video. I just got out of a short but intense relationship with an alcoholic who has narcissitic traits. The blowup that caused the breakup happened when he was drunk. He is in complete denial about his drinking, even though he quit for three years and KNOWS he is an alcoholic. The projection and gaslighting are incredible. As someone in recovery from alcohol abuse I know that shame is at the core of addiction for most people, not just narcissists. While I feel for him I am not going to watch him destroy himself and take me down with him. Been there, done that, and I know both sides of the coin as an addict myself. I have no desire to go back, and want to be with someone who's committed to working on themselves.
That’s how my dad is. Volatile when he’s sober. But when he drinks he’s actually really nice. I think it’s because he lets his guard down and temporarily realizes that the worlds not against him. He only has one drink so idk how he’d be if he were actually drunk. Not sure I want to know. :/
Both of my parents were narcissists….my mother told me that my father never wanted children…she ended up with 2….while that is true, the real problem was her….I realized she was an alcoholic when I was about 10 yrs. old..the real problem was that she was restrained from going out to party with dad because she had small children and she resented us for it….while dad ignored us, mom would drink and when she got drunk, she would berate him, slap him and scream about his infidelity….I became the adult in the family at a very young age…many times my mother would say “there is something wrong with me “ because I resented her behavior….while my grades were excellent in school, my father refused to allow my higher education….therefore, I became pregnant at 18, graduated, married, had a child. Now looking back, it was a way to escape my home life. The marriage ended in divorce…while my father was dying he said he was a terrible father and that he always loved me….what could I possibly say to a dying man…nothing. Today at 76, I am a very happy, married person with 4 children whom I adore…because of my upbringing, I tried to make sure my children never experience what I did…today they are all accomplished, educated, and wonderful parents to their children….this style of narcissistic abuse can be stopped.
I was involved with a narcissist a few years ago, and he was an alcoholic. He used to make plans he never kept ,he would message me all the hours of the night.. He used alcoholic to take advantage of ppl and exuse his own behaviour .It's discussing ,it's cowedly.After giving me a breakdown with 2 years of breaking my heart and disappointing me ,he says ,he.hardly remembers.Can u imagine how that made me feel given I lost my relationship with my only sister.😢
@@TheDiamondEdge1you guys just described my first wedding night, grabbed keys and drive home, punched me getting out. Neighbors saw, arrested, NC, divorced/annulment. Said he didn't drink, acted organic, and, known over a year. I'm sorry you went thru this, seems these guys from same garden. Be safe, be happy for those that didn't make it. 🕊️🫂🙏
I told him I couldn’t tolerate him when he drinks. This made him even angrier and was done with me. Was dismissive. It actually was what set me free. When not drinking he controlled his emotions. When drinking he became mean because he couldn’t control his narcissistic behavior
You've just described by X like u were there. Fortunately I'd my own place so I could leave. Towards the end, it was total critics & disrespectful remarks to me & he was a self confessessed alcoholic on spirits every single day. Thank u 4 this 💓 goes out to anyone going through this behaviour being directed at u right now ❤
Not only alcohol, they can be addicted to marihuana too for example, it calms their narcissist behavior, the narcissist I met has an alcoholic narcissist dad that he really hates, they hate each other, but he's just like his dad, kinda worse because he's a closeted gay man too and he's very homophobic and misogynistic, I pity him cuz his dad abused him emotional and physically but my narcissist mom was like that too and I'm here as an empath person, narcissism is a choice.
Agreed. It is a choice at a certain point. I was much worse before and have quelled a great deal of my narcissism or at least redirected it. Becoming conscious of it was helpful.
I can't believe people can be like this, and how naive and foolish I've been to keep believing he'd stop drinking like promised and go to therapy. On one hand this is validating because this is what I've endured for the past 8 years, on the other it makes me feel stupid for not leaving when I first saw this sick behavior. There comes a point in time when you become responsible for the continued abuse because they've shown you who they are, yet you still stay. What a fool I've been.
My narcissistic in laws literally gave alcohol to their minor kids. When the kids reached teen years. They used alcohol a lot and tried to get their kid and partner drunk. They succeeded. If you refused to drink the whole glass of alcohol they serve you they would say you were disrespectful. The mother knew and allowed the father to drive around tipsy/drunk with all the kids in the car all the time. The father would down 6 beers after picking up his youngest (girl 11) from her hobby every week. Then they would say you were an alcoholic. They truly are disgusting ppl the last time they offered alcohol to minors, the minors were 14 & 13. I learned that they used that as a tactic to cause chaos in other peoples lives. I now do not drink with anyone when I am getting to know them and I see it as a red flag if someone is insistent on you drinking.
My narc even confessed that sort of a demon enters them and thus not responsible for what they do . even if it is true they are responsible for substance abuse especially if you know that you are gonna rape someone or other mischief
I'm so thankful my mother didn't drink, she's already a devil sober. But I've seen the effects of alcohol on other narcs, and it's terrifying, especially when it gets physical.
It felt like everything that he did to hurt got louder. He would try to initiate sex and be rough and physically hurt me by hugging too hard or grabbing and not stopping things like that. He would explode at the smallest thing, it didn't even have to be an accusation or me telling him I don't like what he was doing. It would come from seemingly nowhere. His violence was scary and life threatening a few times even. He would say terrible things, which wasn't really different from his normal self but they were more in number and more quickly repeated. I used to literally jump with the slightest movements he would make when he got drunk. He seemed to need to be drunk 5 or more times a week. He said it was normal and would drink a bottle of wine at a time. It felt like he couldn't stand to be alone with himself. I don't know how to explain, but sometimes you just get a feeling
I've also experienced two or three distinctly similar toxic narcissists that are miserable when sober but aka "normal" when drinking. These Functional alcoholics are self regulating, self medicating to numb or block difficult emotions in order to cope. They drink to manage daily overwhelm, stress and discomfort and stabilize their mood, thoughts, and perspective. When sober, they are often moody broody intolerably difficult to be around. Has anyone else shared a similar experience?
Yup. My ex was more loving and forgiving. Usually. It was also when his try feelings and vulnerability would be exposed. He hated being vulnerable and would usually deny his loveable self once sober.
Overts just become bigger assholes...but coverts, holy Hell, they melt right down, crying, sobbing, calling family members at three in the morning, craziness.
Definitely got worse. He drank quite a lot, 1/2 bottle of scotch or gin every night. He would show up smashed at family gatherings, fall down stairs, then up the stairs. He’d come home early morning (1 to 2 a.m.), totally smashed and pick a fight (usually about man’s inhumanity to man) and put his fist through the wall. My neighbor asked if she should call the police when he did that. He booted our cat off the second story porch like a football. I could go on for hours. He was very, very, very angry when he was drunk. Rottenness is a good word for it.
@@rz9084 - yes, my neighbor below our apartment called saying she (the cat) was crawling up her screen door trying to get back up to our apartment. All these things really killed stuff inside me. I found a home for the cat because it wasn’t fair to her.
@@ericlarousse1149 - stay with these videos and learn more about how they manipulate, control and rage. They do a mind bender on you. He also isolated from home and family, moving 1,300 miles away, and I had three small children to think about. You really have no idea what you’re talking about. I was also raised to never divorce. It was totally unacceptable. There was no divorce in the family. This was in the 1970’s to 1993 when I divorced him. Thirty pounds underweight and very beat down and confused. They blame you for everything, even though they’re behaving like a monster. There was no internet back then and no one had ever heard of narcissism. Keep learning.
Most everything you explained (except the getting physically abusive and having to be locked in a room) is exactly what I have witness with my husband of 10 years. The confessions under the influence of alcohol, the hating self, the empty feeling they have...etc. So very much my negligent covert narc husband. Thank you for all your work.
this is how I figured out a guy I was dating was a narc in just a few weeks. He repeatedly called me while intoxicated, despite my asking him not to. I decided to just let him talk while I did household tasks. Well he told me all kinds of stuff , he admitted he was not actually divorced yet, he was planning on stealing from his parents, all the horrible stuff he had done to his X , and even admitted shoving his boss over stage required paperwork. This was my cue to block him get out.
A narc randomly called me while drunk kept hanging up and calling back, each time more aggressive, and in an obvious state of mental psychosis…….I was truly appalled.
He became grander than grand, knew all famous people, had experienced every kind of employment, and no one understood things at the level he could. My thoughts were fantasies. His were facts. Ten feet tall and bulletproof.
My ex husband would get dark. He’d say things like, “I’m not someone you want to f**k with” or something equally as threatening. He did get physically violent with me. I woke up to him urinating on me and the next morning he said he, “over drank”. He was truly as disgusting, pathetic and cowardly individual.
My father was laid bare for all to see when he drank. He completely lost his filter, or his "mask". Sometimes his self-preservation instincts left him, and he acted on his inner fantasies. He would hit on married women RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEIR HUSBANDS! He got in hot water several times for that. He would make sexual advances towards his own or his friend's daughters, shoot guns off in the backyard, drive intoxicated (he was on his third strike DUI when he moved out of state), gamble at high stakes tables, and throw M80s into the pond. Sometimes he became depressed and confessed things, tearliy telling me that my mother (his first wife) was the best thing that ever happened to him and he should never have given her up. Or that his mother (who abused and neglected him) was actually a saint and he misses her. Then other times, he would act totally deranged and play the same piece of music over and over again while telling anyone who'd listen how genius this riff or that was, or admit that he believes that aliens helped the freemasons build the pyramids. Still other times, he would fly into rages and destroy property (never his own) throw things at people, and lash out physically. He once rammed an old lady with his cart at the Home Depot. Also put my kitten in the dryer and turned it on. He was a certifiable psychopath. Of course he would deny everything the next day. Even the vomit on the floor.
Oh hell. They have no boundaries. Horrid. Mine idolised his neglectful mother too, still can't fathom what that's about. They're human tornadoes. Shut your doors and windows.
In fact, I haven't seen my ex- partner to behave badly WITHOUT being drunk, or rarely ( but most of the time he was- he drinks in the early afternoon and in the evening ,too.) That's why I used to think that only alcohol was the reason for his bad behavior. If I had know that the reason is narcissism, I would have left him immediately....but I realized it last month...after 8 years of relationship... Bu But all the symptoms and his traits lead to one thing - the diagnosis of narcissistic disorder... 7:25
My covert narcissistic g-f becomes overt = antagonistic, verbally abusive and just plain mean when under the influence of alcohol. And it's far worse when she is stressed about something like going back to work on Monday, making Sunday nights an absolute nightmare. About 3:30 in the afternoon on Sunday I would always hear the same thing "I can't believe the weekend is over and I have to go back to work tomorrow". Then the drinking would start, and the abuse would follow. I can't count how many Mondays I woke felling like I had the $h%t beat out of me the night before. That is if I managed to get any sleep. But her, she would sleep like a baby. And the next day get up and get ready for work as if nothing happened. What made matters worse was I didn't have to go back to work on Mondays which made her jealous. I know this will sound sick, but I am disabled from MS and in a wheelchair. But to a drunken- angry narc who only thinks of themselves, the reason doesn't matter. She had to work and I didn't. That's all that mattered to her.
I'm a wheelchair user too and dealing with an alcoholic covert narcissist who gets jealous I get to sleep in while he has to get up early for work. I know how annoying it is to deal with their bs.
@@jayybaines3220 It's incomprehensible how bad they can feel for themselves while having zero compassion for others no matter what their circumstance. These are truly sick people that I wouldn't wish on anyone. How would she like it if I was taking my disability out on her just because she is able bodied. Plus, her work is only 8 hrs. a day while my disability is 24/7 for the rest of my life. She should be thankful she gets evenings and weekends off. lol
Narcissist plus fireworks 💥 = disaster The narcissist tenant doesn’t care if they use fireworks in an apartment complex near parked cars and apartment buildings (which are illegal to do !) causing a fire hazard and loud noises AT NIGHT ! The narcissist tenant will do it without asking permission ahead of time from the landlord (management office) because they think they’re entitled and above the rules Worse the narcissist will only do it at night when the landlord left the complex to go home and management office is closed - it shows how manipulative the narcissist is !
pretty sure landlords are way more likely to be narcisists. they thrive in this capitalist system. i wish you'd join forces with them and burn down the bank
Your format and the way you conveyed the information was very easy to follow along with conviction and precise accuracy Very well done God bless all! Thank you
Bashir my ex narc became more aggressive, he aggressived himself straight to jail for 9 months. During that time I made plans and moved away it's been 3years absolutely no contact. I felt not one bit of sadness. I did and still feel anger that that monster targeted me in the first place😮
A close relative said something, after several glasses of champagne, which froze the blood in my veins: "I wish you finally divorced your ex (separated)". Why? "Because, if something happens to you, I don't want to have to fight him in court for your money".
Our worst conflicts always arose when there was alcohol in the picture. The alcohol amplified her crazymaking. She would scream that she cheated on me, and enjoyed it.. and would cry the next morning while swearing she never did it. She said it was only said to hurt me for being so ridiculous and crazy, and that she cannot control herself because of my behaviour.
In my experience all reactions are magnified 4-10x and the absurdity of accusations, attempts at manipulation as well as taken as low of blows as possible when it isnt work out for them. Typically by attacking your character or focusing on times you shared your weaknesses or life struggles with them.
That was so exact it is scary to affirm and it also is sad to be aware, I guess I am saying it touches my inside soul to look at the one I loved and RELIZE the simple truths and to find in myself the strength to let it go. I have heard so much and let to much go for the sake of seeking solace, but foolishly know it is scarce and need to be what my uncle would call a man and turn the toxic loose. I do not apply giving up properly or in a healthy way always feeling something will break thru in pure soft faith and in this case this is my foolishness along with probably a lot more to explore inside to free myself from the twilight zone!!
My narcissist ex was such an alcoholic he would (probably still does) get a big styrofoam cup from one of the convenience stores (Big Gulp size) and he would put just a little coke in it and then fill the rest with Crown Royal. Then take pain pills on top of it. But I better not call him out on it. Oh, did I mention he drives a semi truck like that???? He would ask the same question over and over a thousand times and if i didn't answer the question on the one thousand and first time he would blow up! Throwing/breaking things and pitching a fit. Im so glad hes gone
Every time my mother got drunk she would tell me she wished I was the dead one because I didn't deserve to live while her precious golden child (my brother) passed away young. She would throw things, scream, and tried to push me down stairs. It happened multiple times and she would be in shock "I don't believe that at all". Needless to say, I refuse to be around her if she has alcohol now. Even sober she loves to remind me how perfect my brother was to her.
this is very interesting in light of Danish characterizing narcissists as living in internal chaos. when my alcoholic narcissist mother drinks, it is like pulling a random (chaotic) emotional card out of a hat. we never knew if she would be angry, or mean, or throw a tantrum, or break down crying, etc. the unpredictability was terrible and confusing.
There are people who live with or a married to a narc who doesn't drink, but the people suffering the abuse do drink in whatever amount as a coping mechanism and become less afraid to call out the narc on their behavior when the narc provokes a fight. The abusee can drink too and this isn't a good combination either, so this could also be a topic to cover.
I did. I got to the point I went straight to the bottle, preparing myself for whatever she had in store for me that evening. She eventually got bored trying to wind up a mellow drunk and left. 3 days later, a song waa playing "whiskey is best left ob the shelf" I took it out of the freezer, put it up on a high shelf, where my forgotten tackle box had been collecting dust, and there it sits, 8 months later and I still don't want it. I don't have time for it
Yep. The covert admitted to me his dark, inner emptiness when drunk. Then I watched him go to work on two women he perceived as vulnerable. Fortunately it didn’t work. He drinks steadily all the time when alone.
My mother was a pure nightmare when she was drunk. Every dinner out with my dad was a disaster as she drank more her temper was escalating and she started fights. The drama and nastiness was horrible. And of course, next day like it never happened she just would never acknowledge or apologize for her hateful words. She's a dry drunk now but she is still unloving, controlling and non-empathetic. I had some good times with her but that's only when I did what she wanted and was who she wanted me to be. You can't have your own ideas, mind or opinions or else that brings on criticism and wrath. Parents don't insult or hurt their children. They love, encourage and support but mine didn't. That's not love that she felt for me or gave me. I am better far away from her. She still tries to triangulate and use other people to bash me but I don't acknowledge her games. I will not contact her. Don't blame yourself. God loves you and doesn't expect you to tolerate that behavior. Find people who value you and treat you with tender loving care and encourage you!!
When you think they are an asshole because of the alcohol. Then they get sober and you realize it's just their personality....One of the worst times was I popped my own tire so he wouldn't drive drunk. He had a spare key to the car and had been driving it when I was at work. I confronted him about it and he treated me worse than a dog. I wasn't allowed to sleep in the bed. I had went upstairs and pushed a mattress against the door because I knew he would wake up eventually and find me. Well, he did. He raged at me for not sleeping in the bed room with him. Long story short he ending up "trying to kill himself" by driving the car off a cliff. My car.
I call alcohol " the lens of truth" because it always brings it the real person irrespective of how good they are at hiding themselves. I ended a friendship with a narcissist who is a raging alcoholic. He works get drink, go outside and literally yell into the neighborhood screaming for attention.
My father.. when my darling mother died. 'why couldn't it have been you instead?, at least your mother would cook and look after me, you are useless, why did God do this to me? why couldn't you have died instead?' We hadn't even been arguing, he was being 'truthful' as he saw it, I had spent some time travelling from my home to see mum in hospital and stayed on to help, as mum had been his carer. He also giggled that he had locked my elderly dog in the shed, and beaten him with his mahogany walking stick, and that's why my dog wouldnt sleep with the lights off wimpering in terror. My dad gleefully told me he beat my dog as payback, and he felt elated as he had been doing this and I was too stupid to know. Relatives were also sneaking him moonshine. You never come back from hearing something like that. Now he is spreading rumours he has given all my inheritance to my narc sister as I have 'abandon him' my mother covered up for my narc sister and father, as she wanted peace. I was the only one in the family who didn't knew what they were really like. Rest in peace Lexy boy 2006-2022. 🐾🐾
Yeah and imagine they take cocaine!! it was a living nightmare and he was Irish... so drunk, coke and his totally culturally backward thinking was in overdrive. I am away but have a child with him it's utterly unbearable when he's arranging access. Hateful rollercoaster ride 😢
What when the melignant covert narc is drunk day and they out. His Finkers trepbled intill he Has something to doo in the garage. And i am fould that he drinks
This ironically explains why my father refuses to drink alcohol. He's confessed to not enjoying the "loss of control". I'm just now realizing what he meant by that. Thank you.
Yup...sometimes they lower their guard and briefly become open and honest in that very moment but its fleeting, a snapshot in time. You may remember but they don't. Drunken Snippets of truth 😉
My ex is a binge drinker. He is also a domestic abuser. I wouldn't say that alcohol caused him to be physically abusive, but he was much louder and hit harder when he'd been drinking.
Link to my best resources for healing:
linktr.ee/narcabusecoach
It's a Dr. Jekill and Mr. Hyde kind of behavior.
Yes, the abuse is worst on alcohol. Yet the alcoholic narcissist DENIES their alcoholic addiction.
That’s alcoholism
Alcoholism is not narcissism. It’s addiction. Narcissists are just little bitty assholes
If you drink casually around a toxic person they will bust your boundaries whilst your unaware ...stay safe around these people ...
Many deny addiction. Meth heads, opioid addicts, etc
@@jocelynnowen3078 always heard in AA that many, many are selfish.
1,000 % true 🎯
Narcissist can be quite dangerous when they are drunk, they will hurt you or cause a car accident
Agree - exactly my experience with causing my new car to do a donut across two lanes of traffic then over the kerb onto the nature strip, causing front end damage after he as the inebriated passenger reefed on the handbrake while sober I was driving home at 80kph ie 50mph late at night after my works senior management dinner. He was as nice as pie to fob off the worried homeowners who came to investigate then became a ranting destructive lunatic once we arrived home some time later.
Gods grace saved me so many times. Having a panic attack while driving because they are raging and punching everything in the car... he tried breaking the gas pedal off on the highway because I made him mad. My infant was in the back seat and he was driving 100+mph. I seriously thought we were going to die.
That's my husband
Alcohol makes these monsters destructive and dangerous. Capable of any atrocity.
The darkest secrets are revealed ,then you realise why they lied about their true identity.For me it was worse than his cheating.They have no feelings for anyone and they know they are sick.
Yes
Honestly I can get over the cheating. It was the put downs and condescending looks that will take me years of therapy to treat my PTSD.
@@PassionateFlower I try to remind myself that the put downs are all how they feel about themselves it was never about me.I could see the envy in his eyes when I was happy.He would smirk when I was sad.They are on a carousel of insanity it's up to us to get off and stay off.
@@nessauk2786wow- it’s really so sad…. 😔 not sad enough to make me stay. But geez what happened that made them soooo self loathing..? 💔
@@jacquelinegrace3 They feel deep shame and project it onto us...then we feel confused.Whilst we are busy with confusion they are full speed ahead with controlling us for gain.
Alcohol further reveals the narc's enormous selfishness and deep desire to hurt and destroy others. This episode needs to be viewed by attendees at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, as many of these addicts are clueless as to their true motivations to self destruct. Others are just full of shame. Excellent topic, Danish; thank u!
Facts
my ex husband of only 10 months said to me one day "all of us AAs are narcisists". the reality my husband was almost 40 years dry. recovered, with honesty and integrity? never.
and he used AA like a cult leader. it was fertile ground for targets and a place to perform .. and the program he tried to use it to control me ike any religious cult leader.
instead I ran. and divorced him.VERY BAD NEWS.
When i am drunk i want to be friend with everybody 😊
@@FM.......when I'm drunk I just want to have confidence and help everyone. I laughed and I enjoyed when I'm drunk. But when with my ex he would start a fight. How my mother's been behaving with me. 😢
He was horrible in drink. Caused trouble for the sake iof it.
I was married to a narcissist for 20 years. He was violent occasionally when sober but worse when he was drunk. Every special occasion, Christmas, New years Eve or when we were invited to a wedding was ruined by his behaviour. Exactly the behaviour described in this video, still have an occasional night mare. No one should stay in a situation like that, should have got out much earlier. Thank you for the video
Yep. That's when I get the worst accusations, confessions of cheating, real feelings about certain things I've told this person
That was spot on! I hated when my ex drank he would get so mean and say such mean and hurtful things would ruin my whole evening and day. Ruin holidays. I called him Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde but even sober he would sometimes be mean. I’m glad we broke up it was a blessing in disguise and getting a DUI didn’t change him at all.
Violent, screaming rage, degrading horrific words, dehumanizing, emasculating, murderous threats, picking up anything and threatening to murder. Anyone in their sphere will suffer this abuse when they drink. I’ve experienced this. It’s horrifying. Like a demon is inside of them. Next day - denial and pretend it didn’t even happen.
Sounds very familiar. And it's always wash, rince, repeat.
@soulTraveller144 I have been gaslit for the past four days. I am waiting for it to subside and for her to pretend like nothing ever happened. There’s gotta be a way out. I’m still trying to find it.
@soulTraveller144 this is the problem soul traveler. My daughters are still here. I try to protect them from the rage.
@soulTraveller144 stay strong. I wish I had the courage and strength to leave. My children keep me here I guess. I don’t even know why I stay.
It can go either way. Alcoholic Narcissists abuse the drug like they would another human being. They drink and drink until they cannot feel anymore. I've seen this first hand, and it's very scary to watch a person you care about dig their own grave, then deny everything later when they're sober.😢
@jbrown2908 "that's not me", they might say. Giving up on themselves is just the beginning. The alarming number of steps they take to be right or self-validate is sobering and is a maladjusted coping mechanism of their own illness.
My narc always drank when the whole world couldn't see how amazing he was or he lost a supply or he claimed he was depressed so drank and blamed mental illness but it WASNT . IT WAS HIS NARCISSISM SIMPLE AS THAT
@jbrown2908 I did this! I used to videotape him every single day. I exactly 1,143 videos of him in all of his drunken stupors. He flat out REFUSED to watch a single one. Of course he wouldn't want to watch them because he would have to take accountability for his pisspoor behavior... he can't have that. When I first began taping him it was to show him who he becomes when he's drunk. One yr into taping him my reasons changed and I taped him for my own benefit. So that when the day came that I left and he tries to hoover me back in I can watch them to remind myself firsthand exactly WHY I left. I am proud to say all of that happened and the videos worked like a charm. I'm so happy to be rid of that toxicity in my life. I still have a lot of healing to do but the videos really helped a lot. When we leave a toxic person we often times get amnesia to exactly HOW BAD things were. Doing this was better than any mental recollection or diary log... seeing him in action and knowing that (and worse) is what would be in store for me if I ever went back. No thanks!
@@carmen6693you video taped him everyday? You're making yourself look worse than him. Why would you videotape someone in their worst moments? And over 1000 videos at that wtf!?!
@deconstructingnarcissism3062 That's your opinion and you're entitled to it. When I first began taping us (which he knew) I did so to show him the monster he becomes when drunk. Because he nvr believed he was capable of such things once he was sober. When he refused to watch them because it's too much reality for him- I then used those videos to remind myself that I deserve better. So whenever I would have moments of weakness and want to call him I would watch one. It's a great reminder and also helps you see things that we often times miss in the heat of the moment. Nvr judge someone else if you haven't walked in their shoes.
Have a good day!
He became overt… aggressive… running around the house with weapons…. Bashing in doors… drunk driving…. No thought or responsibility for anyone except himself
That was my experience, as well. Holes in walls, broken glass, drunk driving, "I wanna die" and "I don't want to die". Crazy-making, scary. No one should have to be subjected to that. The narcissist hid his drinking until he couldnt anymore. He had become a very practiced liar.
Mine had a gun. Super scary. And when I did escape, he called police and reported his gun stolen by me!! Projection at it's worse.
Yep this was my ex. I got really good at patching up drywall holes. He tried to throw an oven at me once, but got pissed because it was mounted to the floor and he couldn't overcome it. He got a DUI. I've received three death threats in the last 8 years (I divorced 8 years ago) and resulted in two different PO and removal of his weapons. Someday I'm going to leave the country and completely disappear when my kids turn 18.
@@fluffbabiesRcrazy Maybe he will die before then. Although they seem to live on and on despite their hideous interiors and risky behaviors.
My Ex told me to F off and called me an embarrassing degrading idiot. He was drunk. Told me to pack up and get out. I did. Left and sued for divorce. He is a lying cheat.
Your informative videos have helped me to heal so much. Still have a long way to go. My narcissist husband of 37 years, drank himself to death because he was having an affair that lasted 6 years. I suspected but when I brought it up, he would leave the room. He died of stage 4 cirrohsis. It was a horrible ending. I've been a widow for 2 1/2 years and I love the peace. I'm 69 and plan to stay this way. No more men. I'm still so tired from my years of abuse from him.
You are a treasure Danish. You provide people, throughout the world, with so much help and you let them know that they are not alone.
You will never meet a Narc in Alcoholics Anonymous
Mainly because they are not willing to introspect, or be honest.
19 years in recovery for alcohol, I have mainly met people who were victims seeking help. I myself drank to escape their (narc parents) abuse.
The more healthier I became through this program the more aggressive and belittling towards me they became!
@terridillon3053 I might've misunderstood your comment, but still want to mention that I used to attend AA and NA meetings due to being bullied into it by an ex because I drank a lot when I was young as a way of coping with childhood trauma issues, as well as other traumatic experiences.
I had to stop going altogether in the end because of all the narcissistic, or worse, people there, who caused even more trauma in my life.
I won't go into the details since it's way too much and don't have time anyway. I will add that I'm managing without the meetings etc, which is the case for many other people nowadays, or they've found more suitable groups. 😊
I attended as a family invited, but supported someone thru their attendance, and saw this was the case. Lots of therapy needed and AA was just one piece. 99.9% imo stopped with AA. You do you and glad you're better. 👍
My narc alcoholic brother loved AA because he loved to hear himself talk and he manipulated others there and got lots of narcissistic supply. He knows the lingo of the 12 steps and has been involved in AA for many years, but almost entirely when he was locked up in prison. When he's out, he stops going to meetings. Too much more interesting stuff going on and chaos to cause.
I CALL BULLCRAP ON Narcissists dont go to AA~~
I am a member of AA~~ and had a female morbidly obese sponsor She was. COVERT NARC~~ was widowed three yrs into sobriety~~~ attempted dating in AA~~~~ COVERT NARCS ~~~ ALTRUISTIC NARCISSISTS!!!!!!!!!
They are EVERY WHERE!
It's a complete story of my ex-husband, my ex-husband is a covert narcissist, and for 20 years I've lived in chaos and loneliness every day But I thought of him as a family and loved him more than I loved myself, and eventually I found out that he was a master of manipulation, having cheated on me with a lot of women and financially bankrupt me My ex-husband was out of control when he drank and had beaten my youngest daughter badly At that time, I was so angry that I complained it about what he was doing to our daughter and ex husband couldn't accept the accusation and ignored me for a year and a half. I've just divorced him, but I'm glad I'm free now He is socially self-destructive. I think of this as karma. But I don't like the fact that the father of the children loses his social status, so I'm struggling every day to overcome it
He beat your Daughter badly and you complained to him and then he ignored you for a year and a half,now you have just divorced him? You were still living with him after he beat your Daughter badly?Am i missing something and misinterpreted that?
… why didn’t you call the police when he beat your daughter ? … 🤯🤯🤯
@@clairejohnson6522 English is my second language and I am good at it. It's complicated. I'm from east asia and since the 1950 War, our country, which really had nothing, but has made tremendous progress thesedays. During the development, we grew up with an education that we must endure we face. But young generation thesedays is not like that, but I grew up in such an environment, and there are really no data on Narcissist in my country, so I recently found out that Narcissist a while ago. You may not understand, but I still have the feeling that women have to put up with it a lot at home. As generations have changed, the ideas are changing a lot, and in the East, it is accepted that corporal punishment of children was done in an educational way. I badly regret that I didn't report to the police at the time, too. I don’t know whatI was so afraid to lose. I had a fake divorce two years ago and it was my ex-husband who suggested that taxes would be reduced only if we had a fake divorce, and he sent us abroad and now he lives alone in my country and does not provide financial help. I just found out that my ex had an affair with 3 women 3 years ago and he lied to me and because he knew things would turn out to be like this. I am in chaos everyday everymoment whether I'm going to sue him for fraud or not but if I sue him for fraud, my kiz’s father will become a criminal.
@@annamin9986 I'm glad that you are away from the narcissist and yes different cultures have different ideas. Never go back to the narcissist as they get worse with age, they don't change. Take good care of yourself and I hope you find the peace and quiet that all Survivor's of narcissistic abuse deserve.🕊
Venomous 😮 rage... horrible words
You got that right.😮
They are literally dangerous af. My dad always left bruises on me and so did all my Narc exes. I finally put it all together a couple years ago . I am on my journey now as ex codepent
It IS co-dependent behavior on our part. we THINK we need them for some reason. but being honest with ourselves is exactly how we take our power back. we have to see what our part is and quit believing we are victims. when WE take responsibility for our beliefs or our attraction to it (how does it reflect us in any way? is it familiar to us in any way? be honest and you will see and be able to take your power back, then affirm positively in the direction you want to go). this is what I do. my mother wanted me to f'off and die already and secretly did things to me that only I knew about, then acted angelic and innocent in front of others. she knew, I knew so she hated me. I was the good one and she used to even deride me for it and use it against me for not being like her. she's dead now so now I am cleaning up my own behavior of having attracted it. the main lesson is SELF VALUING and SELF LOVE. God bless you in your healing journey.
true. being honest with our self is vital. God is always trying to show us what we need to heal in ourselves in order to be purified on our way (evolving) back to Him. that is what this whole journey is about. hard to admit sometimes that we attract abuse or bad things to ourselves but if we keep refusing to introspect as to how we got in this place and take responsibility, we stay in victim mode. God bless us. Life ain't for sissies @@jbrown2908
@@JackBeNimble-ff3hbomg YES!!!! I had to ask what was broken in me. Self value is hard and foreign at first but omg what a difference it makes. I watch a fem energy coach who teaches this too. I'm repulsed by addicts now and my kids say I have come a long way❤
5:39 its like living on a rollercoaster... My ex was a extremely heavy drinker it was awful... Never ending, i renamed him "Antifreeze" because he was killing me little by little everyday. Now his new but old one gets it and has a need to leave me a voicemail weekly. She says the utmost dumbest things and accuses me of wanting him back... I just let her vent. Why would i? I get ro watch qhat i want, eat when and what i want, go to bed when i want and the cat never throws fits. I love my life without that narcissistic alcoholic child in my life...
Yes. The food, music and TV, the sleep. Seems to be a pattern. If the new supply is fine with that, good luck to her, she's gonna need it.
True thank u now iam suffering alcohol+narcissist that moment I move on quitely😢
Leave them 😊
Spot on❤️ Great video, thank you for the validation and empathy.
My nx got more overt...
He was angry and explosive before ( physically & emotionally ) but this became extreme.
He became dissociative, became another persona with alcohol. One time at a grocery store, I politely refused to carry a case of alcohol for him because I don't drink alcohol nor support his habit. He began his rage and got in my face with a mean growl and yelling, but stopped when his friend told him calm down. He realized his friend was with us and put his mask back in place and suddenly became supportive of my boundary and sweet as ever. lol, he couldn't let the mask slip 🤣).
He became honest, cried more crocodile tears than I ever saw in 6 years..and the tears were all for himself, not me or us.
He also became enraged...
As I kept my boundaries up, the manipulation increased to the point where he told me he impregnated a young girl ( and we were still married "trying to work it out" after almost a year had passed ).
His behavior became psychotic at my refusal to emotionally react/respond to his manipulation. I wished he and her the best with their new baby and told him God bless them.
Extreme harassment, stalking, scary behaviors led me to get permanent protection order and file charges. He's miserable with the new supply, they were engaged within 3 months and got their first domestic violence charge within the first three months!
Yes, alcohol exacerbated his persona, his true nature and I'm grateful to be free from the torment.
Thank you for reading this and to all of us survivors out here, keep shining 🌟
@@jbrown2908 with grace, I accept these vibes. Right back atcha. And I Thank you truly. I'm 2.5 years narc free, except for court obligations )I wish you blessings of healing and kindness along your journey as well❤️
Thank you for your content
🙂 I am glad you find it helpful
@@narcabusecoach thank you very much so :)
Alcohol and drugs are just another EXCUSE for the Narcissist to behave in a Vile manner!!! I've seen and lived it ALL! Another thing they reveal secrets when they're drunk or high is because they're the biggest cowards otherwise!!!!
They use the excuses of the alcohol for their vile behaviour,
My father and mother both behaved obnoxiously. My mother admitted that she enjoys behaving obnoxiously. When my sister and I would try to tell my mother how her drinking made us feel, she would give us the finger and tell us to shut up. Ive had my neigbours talk to me about my mothers drinking, but if you talk to her about it, shes in denial about it. It seems everyone else around her is a drunk except for her.
Stay away from addicts whoever they are especially if they got narc tendencies ...they crush your boundaries like pac man on mad sesh...stay safe and aware !
Danish, you have such a way with words. This is why I watch you.
Mine likes to start talking around midnight and talks loudly on the phone. She then starts singing and playing music but she’s tone deaf. The whole point is sleep deprivation. Sleep deprivation is a tactic countries use against their enemies in war times.
Wow this makes so much sense why he kept delaying us to get back home and go to bed. I would be begging to leave as I was exhausted from my first trimester pregnancy and he was restless….
Time disappears when mine drinks. I could need to get up early the next day for something important and she will stay up so late, ignoring the time. Blaring the TV. Waking me up to ask questions. Then when it's obvious she had annoyed me all day and night, will insist on sex, sometimes aggressively.
My mom was a monster one of the times she was drunk she told me "you know why I hurt u emotionally"? She says "because I can't hurt u physically cause ur strong and you'll hurt me". Now at the time I did think tht was an odd thing to say but now tht I'm healing so well today I think tht, tht was so awful for her to tell me I didn't get it then but now im like so u'd preferably like to idk maybe lowkey kill me but u just can't. Jesus Christ! I asked her why she don't say I love u back and she said "thts work it dont come natural I gotta remind myself". She's the antithesis of kind and loving. Thank you for ur content Danish.
Emotionally heck yeah! And she understands tht she cannot live with me ever. I don't call her ever she only calls me an seems to be satisfied with tht if she behaves on the phone I'll entertain her but I talk so much truth im like over salted food to the narcissist so she doesn't last she'll either just hang up on me or say "I'll call u back" an of course she doesn't. I'm as Danish suggested Dispassionately curious and objective at the same time. I really do love her so honestly I have compassion for her she so sad and miserable but I'll never let her kno cause she'll weaponize it 💔
My narc was a SEVERE chronic alcoholic, he hid that from me for about 1 yr when we first met. Once I knew and he no longer had to hide it or put on an act things got even worse. In his heyday he was a pretty big deal in the martial arts world. So, even sober he would gloat and want admiration for all of his former accomplishments and was full of himself but was nvr disrespectful or abusive sober, just a general asshole. But when he drank he was a whole different monster. Always felt like he was entitled and could treat/speak to me however he wanted (not anyone else- he was great to his friends and family- what a show- none of them even knew he was an alcoholic). As time went on the disrespectful verbal attacks only got worse. He would go on 2 or 3 week benders, not go to work, and literally be verbally abusive the entire time. Then once sober had the convenience of saying "I don't remember". He believed sorry should fix everything and I should get over it. The final straw for me came when I received 2 terrible diagnosis that can potentially kill me. I have to focus on my health if I want to be here and the day I told him about my diagnosis that creature turned everything around to a "feel sorry for him" fest and tried to justify his behavior towards me by saying he felt helpless. Then proceeded to drink himself to fall down drunk the next 2 days. These ppl feel nothing for anyone but themselves and then once you add alcohol to an already toxic dynamic there is nothing that can happen except abuse. I'm so glad I left and I already have sorrow for any future women he dupes.
I was told by my doctor I could have owl cancer I lost over 3stone was very under weight by ex Narc would come homefrom the pub and tell me I was not fit to be thrown to the dogs never helped me but through thegrCe of God I survived and it was not cancer.
You’re absolutely right alcohol makes his aggression even worse very violent, physical scary controlling breaking things. Thank you thank you thank you.
The covert narcissist would go to the pub on a Friday night to play in a dart club and have a thoroughly good time. A few hours later he would come home in "Hulk" mode yelling at the top of his lungs and banging on walls for no real reason. Narcissist's are a living nightmare.😳
Omg right on point. Stuck living with one going on 16 years. I've been to hell and back and then some. This was a great video. Everything is fact. I noticed only people that really go through this are the only ones that really get it. Because most people if you try to open up and tell them some of the things you go through. They look at you like your crazy or they just look at you blank. I wish in the mental health field system should make this more known. Its a real thing being abused by a sick Narcissist person.
Thank you for this video. I just got out of a short but intense relationship with an alcoholic who has narcissitic traits. The blowup that caused the breakup happened when he was drunk. He is in complete denial about his drinking, even though he quit for three years and KNOWS he is an alcoholic. The projection and gaslighting are incredible.
As someone in recovery from alcohol abuse I know that shame is at the core of addiction for most people, not just narcissists. While I feel for him I am not going to watch him destroy himself and take me down with him. Been there, done that, and I know both sides of the coin as an addict myself. I have no desire to go back, and want to be with someone who's committed to working on themselves.
For me ironically he was worse sober than when he was drunk.
That’s how my dad is. Volatile when he’s sober. But when he drinks he’s actually really nice. I think it’s because he lets his guard down and temporarily realizes that the worlds not against him. He only has one drink so idk how he’d be if he were actually drunk. Not sure I want to know. :/
I can relate!!
Both of my parents were narcissists….my mother told me that my father never wanted children…she ended up with 2….while that is true, the real problem was her….I realized she was an alcoholic when I was about 10 yrs. old..the real problem was that she was restrained from going out to party with dad because she had small children and she resented us for it….while dad ignored us, mom would drink and when she got drunk, she would berate him, slap him and scream about his infidelity….I became the adult in the family at a very young age…many times my mother would say “there is something wrong with me “ because I resented her behavior….while my grades were excellent in school, my father refused to allow my higher education….therefore, I became pregnant at 18, graduated, married, had a child. Now looking back, it was a way to escape my home life.
The marriage ended in divorce…while my father was dying he said he was a terrible father and that he always loved me….what could I possibly say to a dying man…nothing. Today at 76, I am a very happy, married person with 4 children whom I adore…because of my upbringing, I tried to make sure my children never experience what I did…today they are all accomplished, educated, and wonderful parents to their children….this style of narcissistic abuse can be stopped.
I was involved with a narcissist a few years ago, and he was an alcoholic. He used to make plans he never kept ,he would message me all the hours of the night.. He used alcoholic to take advantage of ppl and exuse his own behaviour .It's discussing ,it's cowedly.After giving me a breakdown with 2 years of breaking my heart and disappointing me ,he says ,he.hardly remembers.Can u imagine how that made me feel given I lost my relationship with my only sister.😢
Such evil and sadistic things are said. The kind of things you don’t hear even in horror movies.
Love your channel. You do a great job
He acted like a complete idiot. Gets very violent when drinking. Becomes super abusive, totally out of control. 😮
You will see pure Evil.
Yes lord.😢
Absolutely what I saw with my mothers. Her rages appeared demonic in nature
You may need an exorcist. I'm not joking. I've seen it on a sibling, like a "On" switch and the Demon shows up
Mine would refuse to give me the keys and I had no way of getting home so he in turn drove dangerously. I then started bringing the extra set of keys.
Clever and smart!
My ex would insist on driving drunk so I used to try and wrestle the keys off him…it never ended well, he’d usually drive off and leave me.
@@TheDiamondEdge1you guys just described my first wedding night, grabbed keys and drive home, punched me getting out. Neighbors saw, arrested, NC, divorced/annulment. Said he didn't drink, acted organic, and, known over a year. I'm sorry you went thru this, seems these guys from same garden. Be safe, be happy for those that didn't make it. 🕊️🫂🙏
I told him I couldn’t tolerate him when he drinks. This made him even angrier and was done with me. Was dismissive. It actually was what set me free. When not drinking he controlled his emotions. When drinking he became mean because he couldn’t control his narcissistic behavior
You've just described by X like u were there. Fortunately I'd my own place so I could leave. Towards the end, it was total critics & disrespectful remarks to me & he was a self confessessed alcoholic on spirits every single day. Thank u 4 this 💓 goes out to anyone going through this behaviour being directed at u right now ❤
Not only alcohol, they can be addicted to marihuana too for example, it calms their narcissist behavior, the narcissist I met has an alcoholic narcissist dad that he really hates, they hate each other, but he's just like his dad, kinda worse because he's a closeted gay man too and he's very homophobic and misogynistic, I pity him cuz his dad abused him emotional and physically but my narcissist mom was like that too and I'm here as an empath person, narcissism is a choice.
Agreed. It is a choice at a certain point. I was much worse before and have quelled a great deal of my narcissism or at least redirected it. Becoming conscious of it was helpful.
oh, no marihu-hu-huana!
No it just brings out who you are faster
True. Thank you
I can't believe people can be like this, and how naive and foolish I've been to keep believing he'd stop drinking like promised and go to therapy. On one hand this is validating because this is what I've endured for the past 8 years, on the other it makes me feel stupid for not leaving when I first saw this sick behavior. There comes a point in time when you become responsible for the continued abuse because they've shown you who they are, yet you still stay. What a fool I've been.
don't blame yourself. you're continuing the abuse without him even being there. it's not your fault, but you can learn from it. good luck
My narcissistic in laws literally gave alcohol to their minor kids. When the kids reached teen years. They used alcohol a lot and tried to get their kid and partner drunk. They succeeded. If you refused to drink the whole glass of alcohol they serve you they would say you were disrespectful. The mother knew and allowed the father to drive around tipsy/drunk with all the kids in the car all the time. The father would down 6 beers after picking up his youngest (girl 11) from her hobby every week. Then they would say you were an alcoholic. They truly are disgusting ppl the last time they offered alcohol to minors, the minors were 14 & 13. I learned that they used that as a tactic to cause chaos in other peoples lives. I now do not drink with anyone when I am getting to know them and I see it as a red flag if someone is insistent on you drinking.
My narc even confessed that sort of a demon enters them and thus not responsible for what they do . even if it is true they are responsible for substance abuse especially if you know that you are gonna rape someone or other mischief
I'm so thankful my mother didn't drink, she's already a devil sober. But I've seen the effects of alcohol on other narcs, and it's terrifying, especially when it gets physical.
Narcissist and alcohol is like a match to gasoline, something is going to blow and it's never pretty.
It felt like everything that he did to hurt got louder. He would try to initiate sex and be rough and physically hurt me by hugging too hard or grabbing and not stopping things like that. He would explode at the smallest thing, it didn't even have to be an accusation or me telling him I don't like what he was doing. It would come from seemingly nowhere. His violence was scary and life threatening a few times even. He would say terrible things, which wasn't really different from his normal self but they were more in number and more quickly repeated. I used to literally jump with the slightest movements he would make when he got drunk. He seemed to need to be drunk 5 or more times a week. He said it was normal and would drink a bottle of wine at a time. It felt like he couldn't stand to be alone with himself. I don't know how to explain, but sometimes you just get a feeling
Geez, that people is so damaged
Me too. I think it's your intuition telling you they're dangerous.
I've also experienced two or three distinctly similar toxic narcissists that are miserable when sober but aka "normal" when drinking. These Functional alcoholics are self regulating, self medicating to numb or block difficult emotions in order to cope. They drink to manage daily overwhelm, stress and discomfort and stabilize their mood, thoughts,
and perspective. When sober, they are often moody broody intolerably difficult to be around. Has anyone else shared a similar experience?
Yup. My ex was more loving and forgiving. Usually. It was also when his try feelings and vulnerability would be exposed. He hated being vulnerable and would usually deny his loveable self once sober.
Overts just become bigger assholes...but coverts, holy Hell, they melt right down, crying, sobbing, calling family members at three in the morning, craziness.
Definitely got worse. He drank quite a lot, 1/2 bottle of scotch or gin every night. He would show up smashed at family gatherings, fall down stairs, then up the stairs. He’d come home early morning (1 to 2 a.m.), totally smashed and pick a fight (usually about man’s inhumanity to man) and put his fist through the wall. My neighbor asked if she should call the police when he did that. He booted our cat off the second story porch like a football. I could go on for hours. He was very, very, very angry when he was drunk. Rottenness is a good word for it.
Oh my GOD! Poor cat!!
Did the cat live? Poor kitty.
@@rz9084 - yes, my neighbor below our apartment called saying she (the cat) was crawling up her screen door trying to get back up to our apartment. All these things really killed stuff inside me. I found a home for the cat because it wasn’t fair to her.
You are equally evil for staying with him.
@@ericlarousse1149 - stay with these videos and learn more about how they manipulate, control and rage. They do a mind bender on you. He also isolated from home and family, moving 1,300 miles away, and I had three small children to think about. You really have no idea what you’re talking about. I was also raised to never divorce. It was totally unacceptable. There was no divorce in the family. This was in the 1970’s to 1993 when I divorced him. Thirty pounds underweight and very beat down and confused. They blame you for everything, even though they’re behaving like a monster. There was no internet back then and no one had ever heard of narcissism. Keep learning.
They like to fight so they can justify their mistreatment of you stay calm and listen appreciate your information have witnessed that during my life
Most everything you explained (except the getting physically abusive and having to be locked in a room) is exactly what I have witness with my husband of 10 years. The confessions under the influence of alcohol, the hating self, the empty feeling they have...etc. So very much my negligent covert narc husband. Thank you for all your work.
this is how I figured out a guy I was dating was a narc in just a few weeks. He repeatedly called me while intoxicated, despite my asking him not to. I decided to just let him talk while I did household tasks. Well he told me all kinds of stuff , he admitted he was not actually divorced yet, he was planning on stealing from his parents, all the horrible stuff he had done to his X , and even admitted shoving his boss over stage required paperwork. This was my cue to block him get out.
A narc randomly called me while drunk kept hanging up and calling back, each time more aggressive, and in an obvious state of mental psychosis…….I was truly appalled.
He became grander than grand, knew all famous people, had experienced every kind of employment, and no one understood things at the level he could. My thoughts were fantasies. His were facts. Ten feet tall and bulletproof.
My ex husband would get dark. He’d say things like, “I’m not someone you want to f**k with” or something equally as threatening. He did get physically violent with me. I woke up to him urinating on me and the next morning he said he, “over drank”. He was truly as disgusting, pathetic and cowardly individual.
Thank you for your willingness to educate us on this significant topic. I appreciate your time and kindness
So true! My ex narc was always absolutely a POS to me when he drank. He told me he was a non drinker when we met. Worst relationship I’ve ever had! 💩
Very good video! ❤
My father was laid bare for all to see when he drank. He completely lost his filter, or his "mask". Sometimes his self-preservation instincts left him, and he acted on his inner fantasies. He would hit on married women RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEIR HUSBANDS! He got in hot water several times for that. He would make sexual advances towards his own or his friend's daughters, shoot guns off in the backyard, drive intoxicated (he was on his third strike DUI when he moved out of state), gamble at high stakes tables, and throw M80s into the pond.
Sometimes he became depressed and confessed things, tearliy telling me that my mother (his first wife) was the best thing that ever happened to him and he should never have given her up. Or that his mother (who abused and neglected him) was actually a saint and he misses her.
Then other times, he would act totally deranged and play the same piece of music over and over again while telling anyone who'd listen how genius this riff or that was, or admit that he believes that aliens helped the freemasons build the pyramids.
Still other times, he would fly into rages and destroy property (never his own) throw things at people, and lash out physically. He once rammed an old lady with his cart at the Home Depot. Also put my kitten in the dryer and turned it on.
He was a certifiable psychopath.
Of course he would deny everything the next day. Even the vomit on the floor.
Oh hell. They have no boundaries. Horrid. Mine idolised his neglectful mother too, still can't fathom what that's about. They're human tornadoes. Shut your doors and windows.
Wow!
Jesus christ that's intense my dad was like that too .. minis the hitting on people's wives and firing guns and hitting an old lady
In fact, I haven't seen my ex- partner to behave badly WITHOUT being drunk, or rarely ( but most of the time he was- he drinks in the early afternoon and in the evening ,too.)
That's why I used to think that only alcohol was the reason for his bad behavior.
If I had know that the reason is narcissism, I would have left him immediately....but I realized it last month...after 8 years of relationship...
Bu
But all the symptoms and his traits lead to one thing - the diagnosis of narcissistic disorder... 7:25
My ex narc always gets caught when drunk. From the hideous infidelities and tons of lies.
My covert narcissistic g-f becomes overt = antagonistic, verbally abusive and just plain mean when under the influence of alcohol. And it's far worse when she is stressed about something like going back to work on Monday, making Sunday nights an absolute nightmare. About 3:30 in the afternoon on Sunday I would always hear the same thing "I can't believe the weekend is over and I have to go back to work tomorrow". Then the drinking would start, and the abuse would follow. I can't count how many Mondays I woke felling like I had the $h%t beat out of me the night before. That is if I managed to get any sleep. But her, she would sleep like a baby. And the next day get up and get ready for work as if nothing happened. What made matters worse was I didn't have to go back to work on Mondays which made her jealous. I know this will sound sick, but I am disabled from MS and in a wheelchair. But to a drunken- angry narc who only thinks of themselves, the reason doesn't matter. She had to work and I didn't. That's all that mattered to her.
I'm a wheelchair user too and dealing with an alcoholic covert narcissist who gets jealous I get to sleep in while he has to get up early for work. I know how annoying it is to deal with their bs.
@@jayybaines3220 It's incomprehensible how bad they can feel for themselves while having zero compassion for others no matter what their circumstance. These are truly sick people that I wouldn't wish on anyone. How would she like it if I was taking my disability out on her just because she is able bodied. Plus, her work is only 8 hrs. a day while my disability is 24/7 for the rest of my life. She should be thankful she gets evenings and weekends off. lol
Narcissist plus fireworks 💥 = disaster
The narcissist tenant doesn’t care if they use fireworks in an apartment complex near parked cars and apartment buildings (which are illegal to do !) causing a fire hazard and loud noises AT NIGHT !
The narcissist tenant will do it without asking permission ahead of time from the landlord (management office) because they think they’re entitled and above the rules
Worse the narcissist will only do it at night when the landlord left the complex to go home and management office is closed - it shows how manipulative the narcissist is !
pretty sure landlords are way more likely to be narcisists. they thrive in this capitalist system. i wish you'd join forces with them and burn down the bank
Your format and the way you conveyed the information was very easy to follow along with conviction and precise accuracy
Very well done
God bless all!
Thank you
Bashir my ex narc became more aggressive, he aggressived himself straight to jail for 9 months. During that time I made plans and moved away it's been 3years absolutely no contact. I felt not one bit of sadness. I did and still feel anger that that monster targeted me in the first place😮
I'm not sad either. Ferrel rats belong in the sewer, not in my home.
A close relative said something, after several glasses of champagne, which froze the blood in my veins: "I wish you finally divorced your ex (separated)". Why? "Because, if something happens to you, I don't want to have to fight him in court for your money".
Wow. Cold blooded.
Our worst conflicts always arose when there was alcohol in the picture. The alcohol amplified her crazymaking. She would scream that she cheated on me, and enjoyed it.. and would cry the next morning while swearing she never did it. She said it was only said to hurt me for being so ridiculous and crazy, and that she cannot control herself because of my behaviour.
In my experience all reactions are magnified 4-10x and the absurdity of accusations, attempts at manipulation as well as taken as low of blows as possible when it isnt work out for them. Typically by attacking your character or focusing on times you shared your weaknesses or life struggles with them.
Thank you so much. You are helping so many people with your expertise. Thank you.
That was so exact it is scary to affirm and it also is sad to be aware, I guess I am saying it touches my inside soul to look at the one I loved and RELIZE the simple truths and to find in myself the strength to let it go. I have heard so much and let to much go for the sake of seeking solace, but foolishly know it is scarce and need to be what my uncle would call a man and turn the toxic loose. I do not apply giving up properly or in a healthy way always feeling something will break thru in pure soft faith and in this case this is my foolishness along with probably a lot more to explore inside to free myself from the twilight zone!!
OMG yes 😢 exactly And literarily everything You have explained Tfs 😘
Ok, you are just getting better with these.
Thank you for your advice! I’m trying to understand narcissist
My narcissist ex was such an alcoholic he would (probably still does) get a big styrofoam cup from one of the convenience stores (Big Gulp size) and he would put just a little coke in it and then fill the rest with Crown Royal. Then take pain pills on top of it. But I better not call him out on it. Oh, did I mention he drives a semi truck like that???? He would ask the same question over and over a thousand times and if i didn't answer the question on the one thousand and first time he would blow up! Throwing/breaking things and pitching a fit. Im so glad hes gone
I've been there, and can attest to that
Explosive aggressive anger is unhealthy toxic energy to endure, when these people drink its best to strictly avoid these hostile attackers.
It's just a toddler throwing a temper tantrum 😂 I actually find it hilarious, stay calm, record everything and show the world what a big baby they are
Very very true 💯
Every time my mother got drunk she would tell me she wished I was the dead one because I didn't deserve to live while her precious golden child (my brother) passed away young. She would throw things, scream, and tried to push me down stairs. It happened multiple times and she would be in shock "I don't believe that at all". Needless to say, I refuse to be around her if she has alcohol now. Even sober she loves to remind me how perfect my brother was to her.
🙏❤️
That's so sad🥺🙏🙌
Yea...my ex husband, a narcissist, once drank 10 pints of beer then went into a rage before smashing all the glass out my car windows !!!
Thanks for this explanation. It makes so much sense. ❤
this is very interesting in light of Danish characterizing narcissists as living in internal chaos. when my alcoholic narcissist mother drinks, it is like pulling a random (chaotic) emotional card out of a hat. we never knew if she would be angry, or mean, or throw a tantrum, or break down crying, etc. the unpredictability was terrible and confusing.
There are people who live with or a married to a narc who doesn't drink, but the people suffering the abuse do drink in whatever amount as a coping mechanism and become less afraid to call out the narc on their behavior when the narc provokes a fight. The abusee can drink too and this isn't a good combination either, so this could also be a topic to cover.
I did. I got to the point I went straight to the bottle, preparing myself for whatever she had in store for me that evening. She eventually got bored trying to wind up a mellow drunk and left. 3 days later, a song waa playing "whiskey is best left ob the shelf" I took it out of the freezer, put it up on a high shelf, where my forgotten tackle box had been collecting dust, and there it sits, 8 months later and I still don't want it. I don't have time for it
Yep. The covert admitted to me his dark, inner emptiness when drunk. Then I watched him go to work on two women he perceived as vulnerable.
Fortunately it didn’t work.
He drinks steadily all the time when alone.
I watched him play knight in shining armour for 3 vulnerable women, but I knew his game. Game over sex pest.
Dangerous when narcissist gets drunk
may hurt anybody around him
My mother was a pure nightmare when she was drunk. Every dinner out with my dad was a disaster as she drank more her temper was escalating and she started fights. The drama and nastiness was horrible. And of course, next day like it never happened she just would never acknowledge or apologize for her hateful words. She's a dry drunk now but she is still unloving, controlling and non-empathetic. I had some good times with her but that's only when I did what she wanted and was who she wanted me to be. You can't have your own ideas, mind or opinions or else that brings on criticism and wrath. Parents don't insult or hurt their children. They love, encourage and support but mine didn't. That's not love that she felt for me or gave me. I am better far away from her. She still tries to triangulate and use other people to bash me but I don't acknowledge her games. I will not contact her. Don't blame yourself. God loves you and doesn't expect you to tolerate that behavior. Find people who value you and treat you with tender loving care and encourage you!!
When you think they are an asshole because of the alcohol. Then they get sober and you realize it's just their personality....One of the worst times was I popped my own tire so he wouldn't drive drunk. He had a spare key to the car and had been driving it when I was at work. I confronted him about it and he treated me worse than a dog. I wasn't allowed to sleep in the bed. I had went upstairs and pushed a mattress against the door because I knew he would wake up eventually and find me. Well, he did. He raged at me for not sleeping in the bed room with him. Long story short he ending up "trying to kill himself" by driving the car off a cliff. My car.
😒🫂🕊️
I call alcohol " the lens of truth" because it always brings it the real person irrespective of how good they are at hiding themselves. I ended a friendship with a narcissist who is a raging alcoholic. He works get drink, go outside and literally yell into the neighborhood screaming for attention.
My father..
when my darling mother died.
'why couldn't it have been you instead?, at least your mother would cook and look after me, you are useless, why did God do this to me? why couldn't you have died instead?'
We hadn't even been arguing, he was being 'truthful' as he saw it, I had spent some time travelling from my home to see mum in hospital and stayed on to help, as mum had been his carer. He also giggled that he had locked my elderly dog in the shed, and beaten him with his mahogany walking stick, and that's why my dog wouldnt sleep with the lights off wimpering in terror. My dad gleefully told me he beat my dog as payback, and he felt elated as he had been doing this and I was too stupid to know. Relatives were also sneaking him moonshine.
You never come back from hearing something like that. Now he is spreading rumours he has given all my inheritance to my narc sister as I have 'abandon him' my mother covered up for my narc sister and father, as she wanted peace. I was the only one in the family who didn't knew what they were really like. Rest in peace Lexy boy 2006-2022. 🐾🐾
😢 so sad
They say some truly evil things.
Yeah and imagine they take cocaine!! it was a living nightmare and he was Irish... so drunk, coke and his totally culturally backward thinking was in overdrive. I am away but have a child with him it's utterly unbearable when he's arranging access. Hateful rollercoaster ride 😢
The worse combination is coke and alcahol in a said normal human without npd...let alone with it...they are callous.
Yes coke as well as alcohol! Omg it was scary af! 😱
Make sure it's supervised access as well. Good luck.
What when the melignant covert narc is drunk day and they out.
His Finkers trepbled intill he Has something to doo in the garage.
And i am fould that he drinks
This ironically explains why my father refuses to drink alcohol. He's confessed to not enjoying the "loss of control". I'm just now realizing what he meant by that. Thank you.
Yup...sometimes they lower their guard and briefly become open and honest in that very moment but its fleeting, a snapshot in time. You may remember but they don't. Drunken Snippets of truth 😉
My ex is a binge drinker. He is also a domestic abuser. I wouldn't say that alcohol caused him to be physically abusive, but he was much louder and hit harder when he'd been drinking.