They go go so that they don't have to sit with the demonic spirits in their mind. A peaceful person enjoys being at home, quiet or watching movies, etc. Peace kills narcs.
Wow!!!!!!! For 16 years I argued with my soon to be ex husband about not being at home. This explains a lot of everything. Thank you for sharing this nugget of wisdom and clarification because Lord knows these people will cause waves of confusion.❤
My next door "neighbor," is like that. I live at a senior citizen complex, & these walls are paper thin. He doesn't merely klunk the cabinets, he SLAMS them all the time; & it's Not bcz he's a happy go lucky guy. Sometimes my kitchen wall vibrates. HE needs a counselor so he can fix his anger issues! Don't drive everyone else crazy. 🙄 But narcs drive everyone else nuts, until They go to a shrink for meds. They're the ones who need the anti anxiety drugs, not me !!! 💗💗💗❤
Mine had a business card printed up, listing himself as a Visionary, Community Leader, Philosopher. I later found out that he'd completed one year at Wake Tech.
My ex was like this. I met him at church. We went to a "mega-church", there were thousands of people there and so they had LOT of activities to be involved in. The whole time we dated, we were doing church activities and fellowships. It was a lot of fun. But when we got married, we didn't stay home together more, but we kept up our busy schedule: teaching classes, being in music ministries, Bible studies, etc. My ex was at the forefront of these: doing the teaching, playing the guitar, facilitating the fellowships. When we had kids, I stayed home, and he was at church EVERY night of the week, and Saturdays. I would say, "please stay home with me at least ONE night a week. He literally said, "I am not going to promise you one night a week, because something important might come up". I could not explain or complain to anyone because they saw him as a "spiritual giant" because he was at church "giving" all them time. They saw me as a "backsliding, complaining, un-submissive wife" because I was not as involved as he was. Now I understand that his SUPPLY was all the adulations and attention that he got from church. He was always on stage playing the guitar. Always in front of the small group doing the teaching. Always entertaining everyone with witty sayings and verses. That's the person that I fell in love with: the mask he wore while "performing" at church. At home, he ignored me, bossed me around, and complained. No one believed me that he was a different person at home.
My sons father was a youth pastor. However, he has not seen our 11-year-old son since he was 5 years old. Everyone thinks he's great because he's a supposed Christian. I know the truth.
There are many parents and many spouses like this referred to as street Angels house devils. Thankfully people are becoming more and more aware bcuz of online awareness.
The narcissists in the crowds are extremely jealous, and wish they could also be part of the main act. So between the admirers and envious, I'd rather just not participate in such covetous activities at all.😅
It's crazy-making to hear everyone say how wonderful they are, while rolling their eyes at the partner who knows the truth. The one I dated was a *former* local politician, so no longer important.
You just described my ex husband PERFECTLY. He was ALWAYS gone but I didn’t even care cause he got on my nerves so bad I was glad when he was never home.
I remember when he Finally got back home 🏡 The Anxiety that I received when he put his key 🔑 in the door 🚪 😭 I thank God every day he found New SUPPLY and got her Pregnant 🤰 while he was Still with me good thing tho he wouldn't Touch Me when he was Cheating with her and I knew sometime was off buttt I had No Proof because he would demand Sex with me EVERY DAY 😢
My ex would go to parties we were invited to without me. Dinners too. Couples parties. Leave me at home sick. Instead of saying ok i will let them know we aren't coming he'd just say ok well im going, hope you feel better. His need for supply was more important than a sick wife.
@stephaniemcclesky Thanks for your post! I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Well, at least you were invited to parties! We were so isolated we had no friends. And what was worse is that I was sick all the time. I was always picking up some thing from the kids or just sick in general because the narcissism is what was killing me. Literally I was sick all the time. Fast forward to when I was able to divorce him and I wasn’t sick ever again like maybe catch a mild cold once a year or something like that. And all the weight that I had held onto back, then I lost 70 pounds and I was able to get back to myself. But it all came off. It all stopped and ended after I was away from that toxic environment.
@Jesuschild I don’t feel sorry for them anymore. Zero sympathy. They are not real humans! I truly believe that they are hybrids mixed with some sort of alien because they don’t have souls. They don’t have a self. I’ve been doing some underground Resurgeons a lot of information is pointing to this very thing. Haven’t you noticed how exponential the growth has been with narcissism lately? All of our heads of state or narcissists the people that are running the show all over the world they’re all narcissist. We live in a narcissistic world. And we have now become the minority! I don’t feel sorry for them anymore. They tried to destroy my very existence, they slandered my name, they gaslit me, they were being insidious with their predatory strategies towards me even when I was continue to love and forgive them over and over again. He took my money, my passion for life, my ENERGY/ ESSENCE!!! He even stole food from the fridge when he left!! They were not loyal to me when I was loyal to them. I was the one who ended up an emotional, rock-bottom, not them. I was the one who had to ~ along with the help of my Lord Jesus, help get me off the floor from that fetal position! Do I feel sorry for them? Absolutely not!!! They should all be SHOT & put OUT of their misery and OUT of SOCIETY!!!! RIP 🪦 💥🕳️🐇
I got sick. Couldn’t get out of bed. MY AUTISTIC daughter at home and my 6yr granddaughter. No he couldn’t stay home because he had a deacons meeting and he was head of deacons. I mean he came home and my granddaughter had paint all over the kitchen floor. I NEEDED HIM BUT AS USUAL EVERYTHING😢 ELSE COMES BEFORE ME. We have been married 35 years. Can I do this another 35? You know what he says to me when I tell him things that I don’t like. He says to Rise above it. He always makes me feel like I’m wrong. Don’t know what I’m going to do!
Driven by their senses and power-it is so exhausting-as they are aging, it is so sad to see a human being in that state-a child in an old body-it is so painful to witness.
Tell me about it 😅. The expression 'grow up' simply doesn't apply to the narcissist. I can understand feeling happy and young at heart, but the thought of living forever in the moment is a nightmare!
No kidding and up to that moment when they're truly falling apart they are spending all their time convincing everyone how wonderful and how much they've got it together!
@joseenoel8093 All that covering up too, whether shame or something else, is unique to narcissists. They don't have a true self to brag about. Upon close inspection, it's easy to see that the narcissist is copying someone else or acting how they think they should but in a dramatic way. It IS exhausting to witness for sure!! 🫣
My mother and my older sister never emotionally matured past early teenage. My sister is 75 years old and has the same behavior and thinking when she was 13 years old. My mother was 32 years old when I was born but I might as well been born to and raised by a 14 year old. What saved me was that I had a loving, mature father.
You described my ex fiance well, she couldn't sit still, always needed to be at other people's homes, when at home couldn't sit at home to have simple conversation about anything, 0 empathy, 0 ability to be romantic, she masquerade herself well , I'm glad I dodged this bullet
You dodged a bullet, a perpetual,monthly category 5 hurricane, sudden wildfires and weekly trainwrecks! My ex husband is like this and was like this before we tied the knot. I was young and stupid to say the least. Congratulations to you !!!
That's crazy. I'm sure you might have pondered "well if she spent as much time as attention on me as she does xyz we'd be perfect". In her world you might have served your purpose and the others serve theirs.
Same. I tried to suggest she get a hobby. Wanting to leave just for the sake of going, and at home - uncreative, staring at phone . No empathy for me or kids, no romance. This isnt the problem though, just an observation relating to the post. Mine is extremely toxic and violent. Rude to our 6 year old, but doesnt realize her behaviour is abrasive. Cant even try to discuss when come or instant rage. The type that would slap you in the face and blame it on you.
My sense is that part of this has to do with the driving need for admiration, opportunities to self elevate, and meet and influence new people - for the purpose of gathering brand new narcissistic supply.
Because they can't stand their own company. Self-reflection is Not in the cards for the narc. The narc is much more comfortable out ?there abusing, bullying, gaslighting, etc.
Right! I literally watched him work a room and was thinking “are these people serious to believe this bs coming out of his mouth?’” Even went to church talking that bs and the congregation is all in agreeance ! Saying’ amen!’ 😳🙄 Meanwhile I’m thinking “This guy is full of ish!” I’m just now becoming knowledgeable to his behavior! I’ve heard about narcissism back in 2019 and can say…” my last two exes were definitely undiagnosed Narc’s!”😩 I think Their families knows also, but tried to put them off on me!
100% spot on! The child like behavior is so strange! And the silent treatments and ignoring, walking way ahead! Its very distrubing that there are so many people like this! They must have demons inside!
Ok ok come on men need to work. Not invalidating your experience just letting commenters know men who work a lot is not always a sing of narcissism if you don’t work you can’t provide for a family
My husband had to: go surfing, go golfing, go hunting, go out with buddies, go gambling, go philandering...and any where he'd go if it wasn't stimulating enough ( aka about him?) he'd be bored and have to go, go,go...always had to go somewhere better
Yep. Mine likes to take us on "vacations" where we all sit in a different house separately while he plans the next "vacation" as he simultaneously complains about needing more money. He just sold our rental house which I thought was a bad idea. He got paid and said he would give me $10k. He gave me 1.5k(for kids sports, classes, clothes, food etc), went to the casino and is now talking about being broke again. Gee, wonder what happened?!🤦♀️ I put all my eggs in 1 basket just to find out it never even had a bottom. I have no idea how I'm going to get out of this but it's obvious I need to aquire a lot of money and a house...while also homeschooling kids...🤦♀️😔🥴
Sometimes they don't like to go out but they love having people visiting them all the time. Their house is always full of people, even at the point there will not be privacy and peace for their family members, just to give the appearance of social beings and give themselves self importance.
This is true. Always had to go somewhere. When we were out in stores or outside events he would walk way ahead of me or lag far behind. I told him we might as well not be going places together bc we were actually separate. For 10 years I never felt more alone at home or out. No more. I’m out now and it’s been an adjustment but have become to love my own company. Can you please do a video on how they walk way ahead as if you’re not together when out ???????
That way they can be the absolute center of attention to anyone they please. You're not there, so the other person cannot pay any attention to you, only them.
For years and years before I figured out narcissism, I used to google why my then husband needs to go out all the time. I never found any answers. So thank you for this
@@RStark-ek7mh Sorry to hear you went through all of that. I mean wow what a monster. Ya that's definitely far beyond the scope of a typical egotistical person.
I think the term childish is much better than child-like. Childish implies a perspective and attitude. To be childish is to be ego focused and self absorbed. Child-like however suggests an approach to life. An innocence and a sense of play and fun.
Oh, that's right. Childishness can also equate to immaturity... To be child-like is about an approach to life, an innocence and a sense of play & fun... Thanks for the great distinction here. Meant a lot here 👍
They can't introspect. Tgey use Primitive denial and delusional amnesia to try to say to themselves "I am a good person". They live off the adoration or hate or others [ sense of control]. Action discharge mode of functioning; performative actions. Impulsive for sure+ envy of what others have ( be it traits or material goods that others have- they think that should be mine. They have 2 boxes with me and against me ( a paranoid perspective- they won't tell you, you are the enemy. If you are nice and respectful it's a narc injury how dare you pretend to be nice. Alexithymia inability to understand their feelings and your feelings. Hell they don't know who had they feeling. Yet they will tell you they are great at reading people. Written by a psychologist who was fooled years ago by a vulnerable ( covert) narc w antisocial features. If they are not physically aggressive try to distance yourself emotionally from them. 2 methods deep from Dr. Romani and Observe don't absorb by Ross Rosenberg,m.ed on you tube. Hope it helps someone.
Child-like sensations an adult narcissist embodies is a powerful statement of truth. Sadism is their drug of choice, a complete horror story every day of the year! They will scare you, no doubt.👻🖤😱🌚
My narc husband uses bait n switch! He’ll set me up by not answering me. He’s hard of hearing, but won’t wear his hearing aid. So I holler the question. Now he’s been hollered at! He hollers back, and switches it from “I can’t hear well,” to, “You hollered at ME!” His biggest weapon is a deep, LOUD, voice!
I always wondered why my ex and his family members could not just sit and relax and visit, they had to always be going going going, planning this and that activity and always restless. Like sharks.
Ugh- yes, so true! He'd wake up and call me, expecting to be on the phone with me until he found something to do. He'd get angry when I wasn't interested in going out every night, and he would come to my house (often unannounced) whenever he didn't have anything to do. And once home, he'd call me at all hours of the night (2am, 3am). I later discovered he had a collection of dysfunctional, older, unattractive women who were grateful for his attention, would fawn over him and were thrilled to get the opportunity to go out with a man. The fact that I had none of those "qualities" and didn't conform meant I was a prize he needed to destroy.
@@joseenoel8093 That's for sure. Within a very short time my family noticed i'd become very anxious and I started to gain weight and I was rattled and unhappy and lost my joy for life. And we were only dating for a few months I think keeping me sleep-deprived was part of his tactic
You have validated me! You finally gave me the information i was looking for. NOW i understand why he has to be the comedian in a crowd. NOW i understand why he's had two sets of kids but failed at both. NOW i understand his deep seated addiction to pornography: he needs a new 8x10 glossy, not a real relationship, he can't handle a real relationship. NOW i understand why he is on his phone playing Word games constantly, AND he plays chess on the TV at the same time holding the phone! (he's retired). He's totally empty inside: I've known that basic fact for 47 years. No changing. Doesn't please others either. Not capable. I'm not mad anymore. It's taken me years to get to my "pink place of peace" of which he is jealous. Out of the blue, he said one time "you used to listen to me when we were 1st married." Yep, sure did, but 10 years in I realized he is just a hollow man, of no substance, therefore, haven't listened to him in the last 37 years. I wouldn't believe a word he says even if his tongue were notarized! He has a big capital "L" on his forehead, written backwards, so every time he looks in the mirror, he'll be able to comprehend what it means! Have I wasted my life?? Nope. Have learned and grown so much, and there's still enough time to enjoy life, enjoy others, and maybe.......even a #3, but of course, I will be educated enough to make a wiser choice.....or maybe no choice at all, just love the time I have; I've always been my best friend, comfortable in my own skin, and I have plenty of friends who are lovely people.......Thanks for the validation, Mr. Bashir!.....knowledge truly is power, but accurate knowledge gives us power beyond what is ordinary!
Sounds very familiar. I keep my distance from her because she can get mean in a minute but is a social butterfly. These people will make you nuts, please stay away. They will promise you a cookie and only give you crumbs.
If that, I didn't even get crumbs, and one narc I know wants anything they give back. It's plain selfishness and mental illness that drives all their thoughts and actions. I keep a healthy distance 😌❤️🎗
My narcissist wife will gaslight me that staying at home is definition of being lazy and home is worst place to be and exploring world is only way to become better.
They will stay at home, but do things really horrible. I can't really get into it, but we all know a narcissist cheats, lies, steals , and does some unspeakable betrayals in our or your home. I am very thankful I am alone because it could be worse. They could have killed me physically.❤❤❤
Me too I am on my own. I feel the same if I has not kicked him.out nearly 5years ago he would have killed me.. He did try getting a witchdictor to put a spirit of death on 2packets of sweets I eat them then I kept trying to commit suicide. I took a cocktail of drugs but my good Lord and saviour saved me to tell my story. Thank you Jesus..
@anneroarity I’m so sorry that happened to you. Thank you so much for sharing! I’m glad that you were able to get out. I came to find out that my ex narc hired a team of black magic individuals… Three of them were part of a coven, one was a hacker, and the other one was a warlock, and he paid the money to take me out and to stop me from having any type of love or success in any area of my life. People need to wake up to this because they get so desperate. They will do these things. He put love spells on me and maybe that’s why I was open to him those times I don’t know. But he got to the point where he didn’t want to pay them because their work did not Work on me. They said that it wasn’t their fault because I had too much divine protection on me. So he still owes them a bunch of money and they’re really upset with him and a lot of it has backfired on him as well. It’s important that us in recovery that we are in tune to our spiritual side, making sure that we’re taking our spiritual salt baths, that we are listening to frequency 432 MHz, they were listening to the healing bowls it’s important for our souls to be healed in the process. It needs to be a daily thing. This is really helped me. Namaste.
@@anneroarty6473Omgh! No! Please sell some help of a professional… I often have thoughts of death (and welcoming it), but have not attempted, since 2009… They drain you off all of your goodness and energy, but not worth it! Please give yourself time to heal, is what I’m doing! It’s not easy, for a long shot!😩
That is a malevolent narcissist. Old Saying: It is better to be alone than to live with a terrible person. There is a gradient of narcissism with the sociopaths and psychopaths at level 10.
I think its important to make the point that those of us who are withdrawn introverts and are in recovery from years of childhhod narcissistic abuse, also like to be at home (yes, playing Solitaire on my phone for fairly long periods in order to self-soothe) are not displaying narcissistic traits - I do it a lot to calm myself & to help process my inner turmoil which can be paralysing at times - home under the duvet is my safe place!
Wow!!! This was my exwife, she is still that way in her rediculous crazy life, can't be home, can't sit still for 5 min. She was like that when we were married, but back then, I didnt know she was a narcissist. She always had to be doing something or going somewhere to do nothing, just to be bored there. Terrible times.
So true.Even in Covid when everyone was in lockdown my husband wanted to go out.He was the only one who could not sit at home even for a day and his sister in the other home both roaming up and down in the compound like maniacs.
Same here. He went out but order me not to go out. He stayed in the car near the park not far from the house talking to someone on the phone. I went to check the park and sure enough he was there in the car. He won’t stay at home that long. He will only eat shower, dress up and go.
💯This makes so much sense. The narc that I know looked at my contentment being quiet and relaxed at home as odd. He could never sit still. He also did everything that he could to disturb peaceful rooms by creating clutter.
@@214ninaross Another channel,BurbNBougie,recently did a vid of a man who trashed the house like a child because he wife took a vacation alone. Narcissists are ridiculous.,
@@she-baartist Exactly. A mistake I made was telling him that if a visitor walked into a cluttered home,they assumed that the woman of the house,not the man,was messy. After I said that he cluttered the house even more.
I just want to say to the everyone who is struggling with self doubt that distracting yourself on social media can also be a coping mechanism for anxiety and depression in addition to avoiding interactions with the narcissist.
I eventually became like this to avoid interactions with the narcissist. But then he would follow me around even into the toilet to criticize me for being on my phone, when usually he would be out most of the time and I would be at home with the kids.
Narcissist's: - constantly on the go with everything because they are literally trying to escape themselves - have addictions (gaming, sex, junk food, partying, superstitions, seeking adrenaline or posing it as 'adventures') - can't stand peace and quiet - will blame others for every inconvenience - will use any mistake you make against you for revenge - terrible financial planning - distorted reality and reduced memory skills - seeks luxury life and wants it handed to them without much effort on their part - can't accept other people's opinions and will get aggressive if you prove them wrong - no long term commitments (work, relationships) - short temper and aggressive - odd rants that go on and on - their face changes and it looks like they aren't physically and mentally present. Eyes look dark and blank - feel inferior and will therefore externally show that they are superior to reassure themselves that they are better than others - deep self-esteem issues (may have body dysmorphia) - very fearful and doubtful (doesn't trust ANYONE). - perhaps at their core they want to feel love and all that good stuff (my wishful thinking), but very quickly all the other ugly traits they have take over. In a way I feel pity for these individuals, and hope they can heal and find peace. They will go through precious life and will never ever be truly happy, content and satisfied with their relationships. My ex-husband (very short marriage period) is an abusive narcissist. I thank God everyday for not having kids with him. I am still young and can at least move on and find another individual without worrying about children.
SAME My husband is always on the run, and what he's running from is himself. Travels for work- hates everywhere he goes. Bc he's there and can't escape himself.
Wow.. I am truly amazed at the fine nuances you cover. Including this aspect you mention of not wanting to be at home.. I find this SO true.. And even if they are at home ( my aging Mom) she would look for ways to invite people over for her full on supply. Now, my own brother, another narc has moved in with her and she is truly struggling with her health...it's like two narcs having a quiet power struggle within the four walls...
I bet whenever you wanted to have a peaceful chill indoors the narc would try make you feel guilty or try & accuse you of being boring did they?... Only because that's what happened in my case whenever I wanted some chill time indoors 😔 they would make me feel like I was seriously in the wrong for just wanting some peace & quiet 😮
@@fionahawkes1758 always ! The blurbs were negative , lazy , unhappy, buzz kill, selfish, no family values etc etc pretty much every adjective in the books !
I used to question why he never wanted to stay with the family as that wasn't how we planned it Before we married he wanted everything i wanted .... A huge trap. I soon relaised the moment i had our first child. Narccists are just evil people .. always looking for supply at the detriment of the family. Too self-absorbed, yes high risk behaviour. Im so sad even knowing inspent 32years of my life with and exoenses on such a person. Even at home the phone was his constant companion - shouting and acting as if he was everyone's saviour. Very insightful episode. You nailed this topic. Im healing well as i ran out of the marriage over 7years ago. The memories are too traumatic.
This is again so true. I'm in therapy right now for 2 months and hear exactly the things that I recognize. I'm diagnosed as a covert narcissist in 2020, but it is only now (3 years later) that I become to realise that this is exactly what I think and do. I really want to cure and to find a better way to experience more deeper emotions and to be relaxed. Thanks for the insight.
It is possible for narcissists to improve or recover. People can improve if they have awareness of their condition and realize how it affects them and others and if they strongly want to improve. Self reflection and honesty is difficult and painful. The first step is awareness and admitting there is a problem. The next step is wanting to improve and working hard to improve; and realizing it is worth the effort. This takes patience and may take years. However, it can be done. Never give up. My life certainly improved when I became less narcissistic.
You are no narc. Could be just as simple as having ADHD. Do not let yourself get told you are a narc. Narcs are sadists? Are you a sadist? Do you hurt people or animals for gratification? Do not let yourself be played my man.
As a narcissist in recovery, I completely agree with what you said. I'm curious about my reaction, I feel angry that someone is telling the whole world about my difficulties and experiences, but I also feel calm/relevied. I sincerely appreciate that you help me understand such situations and states so thoroughly
Wow... a self-aware narc? You guys are a rare gem. Glad to see you are working on yourself...please be mindful of your behaviour so you don't hurt others 'unknowingly'.
I have to point out that needing to be distracted doesn't necessarily mean you're a Narcissist. A lot of people with Trauma need distraction because of their trauma. A simple way of knowing if someone is a Narcissist is their lack for empathy, shallowness and manipulative, sadistic nature.
I agree. I like to be out home. Love nature. Love activities and traveling. I don't think I'm narcissistic. I just like to be out of home with my kids. I don't like them in home playing video game all day long
Right! Then the moment I ask off his whereabouts, then I get a generic answer… like “oh, I was just out window shopping.” Who does that?! I mean, who goes out ALL DAY, but yet doesn’t tell you how their day went, other than his work issues that was draining the heck out of me?’ I knew then (along with other red flags) that something wasn’t right!
I have ADHD and a narcissistic mother. Even when i forget things or get distracted, i always try to be kind to other people. I care for my friends and my sister, and i am not a manipulative person. My mother is a hoarder, and she loves to go shopping. Lately her favorite thing to do is put down the sales clerks and associates by giving backhanded compliments. She likes to chat with other shoppers and pretend to be buying gifts for other people, even though most of what she buys, she just adds to her junk piles in our house.
My exhusban was an narcissist and he never wanted to be at home when he finished work he went to the pub to meet his buddies.and his lady friends. I could never understand why he never wanted to come home I always thought I must have been very boring. Excellent video.
Gosh this couldn’t be more on point 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️thank you for helping us understand these “fake ppl “ more , that’s what I call them because I feel like they are soul less . Your channel has definitely helped me soooo much , the hurt you go through is indescribable and extremely painful. I’ll be glad when I finally get on the other side and can heal more . The child like ways of a narcissist is incredible how much they literally move like a child , tantrums, petty , competitive, they all ways have to have more then anyone . And if they don’t get there way 😮 , watch out because the storm is coming 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
Narcissist's usually hate being home alone because there is no one there to play their mind games on. I was out shopping one day and I got a phone call from the covert narc telling me the house was too quiet and to hurry home, he had apparently only arrived home a half hour before his call. I had pointed out to him before that the Street we lived in was a very quiet Street, that's another thing narcissist's can be very suggestible.😀
Omgh!!!! Experienced that as well! I’m about 45 min to an hour away and he’s so impatient what me getting back home, all to say “I’m tired and ready to go to bed” at 7 ish to 8 o clock!😩
@@GailBlakely-n7j Narc's are all the same all bravado on the outside but big sooks inside of themselves. I think they are still secretly attached to their mommy.👶😄
On the weekends we always had to be running and doing something, usually the same things that to anyone else looked "great" - taking the boat out, riding the Harely - constantly on the go. When we were home, he was ALWAYS on his phone or laptop looking at social media. I used to feel guilty for wanting to relax at home after working all week, and he never wanted to do anything that interested me. I was always alone, even sitting right next to him. Ironically enough, he would say he has ADHD. False. He just couldn't stand self-reflection or put anything into the relationship that didn't result in a benefit for him.
Always wanted to making things in the yard cleaning ect... It was 95 degrees and in out back doing yard when no one is out because of the heat!!! I told him no one is out its too hot. He made me feel so bad because I wanted to go in the house and just relax. Whenever I wanted to relax i was being lazy!!!
You just described my late husband's mother 100 percent. She never stays home. She's always on the go. I have always thought that she's ADHD. But, I see now that she isn't. She destroyed my step son's high school graduation. She lost an insignificant item on the way there. She talked loudly the entire time. I told my husband to shut her up but all he did was get offended that I would suggest such a thing as that. If she goes to the hospital to visit someone she never talks to the person. All she does is frantically search her purse for the card that she had for the person. I highly doubt that she even had a card for them. She made sure that my husband's dad was too distracted to talk.The list goes on and on.
My mother in law first used her husband and he then died of many diseases at his 60s and now she is using my husband who is struggling to protect both me and her...her elder son by knowing her true self went away with her wife and living seperately..my innocent husband is serving her and if he dont do anything she asks ,make a big scene and ruin that day...we also often had fights because of her and my kids also get affected , nowadays I'm protecting him from all her dramatic behaviours byknowing her true nature..but still she tries her best ...they r not humans...vampires..
My husband would go to the bars every night after work and every weekend from in the evening. It was like he couldn't come home unless, he was drunk and then expected dinner then go to bed immediately after. The only thing that changed him was his triple bypass earlier this year, now he's retired but always glued to the TV or napping.
My dad was the same. I don't remember him spending 1 weekend with us as kids, or even coming home straight after work . Now he is sickly and alone in the very same house he was never in when we were growing up.
Thank you for making the clear difference between the narcissist who goes out and a plain old extrovert. I'm very introverted but normal extroverts actually do a lot to put me at ease, operate well in groups, and genuinely are interested in other people.
I can't believe how accurate this is. My mum is a massive narcissist, her life revolves around finding places to go as often as possible. These days it's nearly a daily basis. She likes to use people to eat their food and also for supply like you said.
Mine was an admitted sex maniac..before the internet it was alot harder to " charm". He said. He went after seeking long term women. He was a good liar, fake person, sexy too. The internet was a godsend. Easier than trolling live....After my devalued, bank account drained, I spent my last days with him growing more & more fearful realizing that this person I thought I loved wasnt really who this person was of front of me. He opened up his predator side, it was gross. Also, I was becoming a person I didnt want to be! He physically hurt me in a dangerous way, pretending it was an accident the last day I was there.
How do you know all this!!?? I never thought it was anything more than dislike of me and boredom with our kids. If I could force him into spending any time with us he would stay all day in his stinky pyjamas and nap and watch sport on the tv. I remember a Xmas day when I spring cleaned while he did this. I felt so hurt I was physically sick.
Wow you are so gifted with teaching us thank you so much. Exactly my ex. Couldn't stay home always had to be running around doing something. When I told him we couldn't afford it ( because he couldn't keep a job) then he distracted himself all day or night on chat rooms or on the phone for hours. And with his behavior I thought I had to be the parent of a 13 year old instead of a wife.
Well, that answers one of my questions about my narcissist sister. Ever since she started buying cars, she always had to have a new one. And she never held them very long. Her department at her job ended and I’m sure she could’ve taken something else but she didn’t. She would’ve been on phones. She left. She asked your husband do I have to work and he said no. So she stays home. When she wants. But most the time she’s out buying stuff and then she makes a big deal on returning everything. Banana republic told her they didn’t want her back in the store. She’s getting her car in hit all these different places and it was a big production and then it was a big production to return it all and ship everything back. That’s the sensations. She was so excited to find the Lago necklace and then she took it back. I asked her why did you do that? You just love that necklace. She said I guess it’s the money. That’s not it. It’s the money for everything. And then she told me that she bought it back again. Interesting. I did and I always wondered about that and she’s done that all her life.
A narc once told me he hated being inside his house. He said it was his prison & he despised it & if he had to stay indoors for whatever reason he would do anything to avoid being alone there.... Weird how they all have the same dislikes & the same things trigger them 😮
Imagine being married to a narcissist with off the charts ADHD like I was married to. It was HELL trying to have his attention for more than 10 seconds - like dealing with a self-righteous viscous squirrel on caffeine!!
Yeah some people are distracting themselves from literal Pain etc. distraction from a lost loved one for example there are many reasons to distract oneself or take your mind off intrusive thoughts like 9/11
What about the narc who is forced to be at home due to age, illness, or in recent years, the lockdown? The fact that they can't get their "supply" drives you mad. I'm the one who has to leave the house, just to get some peace.
I commented about this. My parents never got out into the world, they had their life-long supplies (adult children) and that was enough. They tortured anyone who lived with them and so anyone at home with them had to get out to have some peace. I wish he made a video about these types of narcissists.
When humans are empty inside, they tend to hold on to an imaginary-world they create for themselves to be admired. That would be a Narcissist. There is not much that can be done with these individuals. People around them do not seem to notice, since they do not do what is commonly referred to as, a systematic observation.
I was married to a musician. He loved being in front of lots of people. Wanting praise his music was the most important thing in his life. I finally came to accept this after the birth of my 3rd child. I couln't bonfd with my baby son. My psychiatrist recommended myself and my baby needed to spend time in a psychiatric facility so i could try to bond with my baby son. I had ECT. It was a very difficult time. The damage that narcissists can dp is almost sinful.
I had an old friend who was a covert narcissist and she had a lot of anxiety because of her narcissism, so she would actually like staying at home. She liked being at home and dragging people over to her place. Once there, she felt like she had full power over people on how they behave. She was living in a fantasy world where she was the main character and if you didn't play a supporting role, you were harshly discarded. Which is exactly what happened to me and my boyfriend. When my boyfriend didn't act on her advances [yes, she hit on him multiple times in front of me and her boyfriend] she gaslit the hell outta us and then discarded us. After 5 years she hoovered me and I never replied. It was a shitty apology that didn't even address what she did. Oh yeah, she was wasted when she discarded us. She had been drinking, popping Clonipin [anti anxiety meds that say right on the label Do Not Drink with this medication], and smoking weed. I do not miss that train wreck.
My Toxic ex loved being at home!! I wish he would have left for awhile so I could be able to enjoy my off day for a few hours by myself. He worked Fri. Sat. and Sun. 12 hr. shifts. Yes my Toxic ex did like Social Media, he did enjoy grocery shopping etc.
I’ve been Separated from my narcissistic husband 4 years now, had to move away. He was never home. On his days off he would find things to do 10 to 12 hrs a day. Found out he had a double life. A lot of people think he’s wonderful, so discouraging trying to convince people they are not, don’t go there, just leave!
7:40 i m diagnosed with adhd & i thought i was a narc for a bit: 1.not being able to sit still, 2.constantly craving stimulation, 3. love talking to people were some very convincing indications. But then i realized, 1. i can sit still n HYPERfocus on stuff, it just has to be interesting to me. 2. Constantly craving knowledge and wanting to find that topic that will get me to hyperfocus. 3. Masking or pretending to like being social is actually super exhausting. I take long naps after a hangout. Not to mention we are extremely empathetic, and have the ability to introspect and self criticize. Bit too much at times if you ask me😅
They do not like to be at home because they hate themselves and they get all the supply and a boost to their lack of self confidence outside 😢because outside for them is like a stage and they are the main character in this play so they think😮, being a partner to a narcissist is soo exhausting, because they are never at peace with themselves, everything is a constant chase and they need constant supply!!!
My fiance was always gone, never saying where she was going or who she was seeing. She'd just take off or sneak out or say she was home but was not. Then she would get home and not say a word on where she was. She had a seriously toxic verbage, always over talking, name calling. I break up with her she would not leave. Just crazy.
@@ladybird491 That's sad, This is just a small part of all that she has going on. I never knew that there was people out here like this, she nearly drained me, completely. I hope you're out of yours and have moved on safely.
Noticed fairly early on father in law, always on the go doing do gooding. One day he announced to me in front of his friends he would help me with a job I had to get done tomorrow. Everyone applauded his sincere kindness and generosity and I thanked him sort of in advance in front of his friends. Next day, he showed up, was as usual in a hurry, asked me what I needed done, then he scoffed at me saying "What that! That doesnt even need doing! ..... well Ive got to be somewhere and Im running late, so I ll be off then" He left, and left me wondering why he bothered to show up at all. Then, I thought perhaps he was deceiving his wife, and used his fake generosity of helping me, as an alibi, while he was doing something else he wanted hidden. He probably thought of himself as quite clever.
That is my ex, gone every single night as soon as we moved into our first apartment, and he was out till at least 2 in the morning and up at 6 to get ready for work.
Hi again! With this episode you gave some clues about a guy who remembers me every ten years. I know him from highschool, but next year he will be 65 and stop working as a plane engineer. He moved with his work from Canada to Abu Dhabi and Nigeria, has two children but recently got divorced and unfortunately buried his wife from cancer. Now he's telling me that he wants to return to his native country to spend his old age hoping to receive him with open arms. The fact is that I changed, I don't trust or love him anymore and I suspect that he is a narcissist. When he texted out of the blue that he missed me, I went into no contact.
This happened a lot with my mom who often left us alone so much as children. I was always "babysitting" my siblings and even when my sister was newborn. There was always a different excuse.
Are these types of narcissists workaholics? I kind of doubt workaholics are all narcissists though. Or is this video more about narcissists who feel they need to always go out to have fun and not necessarily work? One woman I know who I suspect is a narcissist based on her traits and the way she treated me, I noticed she seemed to have to be busy often and I was a little worried about talking to her less often when we used to have more time to chat. I remember when she choose to spend her Fridays joining up singing with a cover band, singing classic songs of the 80s, feeling a little concerned about her being too busy but thought I should be happy she is doing something she enjoys. And not too long after she decided to start a tutoring business, even though she already had a lock business, and I thought it was little odd to be running 2 businesses when she seemed well off already. And I noticed since planning and starting that business, I rarely see her on Facebook or posting anything. It's as though she has to be constantly busy with something. She also sings for at a church Sunday mornings so I am sure she was busy rehearsing too. I messaged her once asking how she was doing, thought we could catch up on a movie we may both be interested in seeing, but she snapped back about her chat being intended for business and would message me back but she never did. And I thought it was best to keep my distance since then, since there's been many conversations where she made me feel stupid and my body didn't feel right. I really don't want to be friends or in a relationship with people who feel they have to constantly be busy or involved with something, always feel they have to go out and do something, can never stay home and relax. I know there's some personality types who get some rush from working on projects and accomplishing goals but often times these people know how to relax once in a while.
I love being at home, he kept distributing my peace. I actually didn’t care to hangout more than once a month😂 He finally got sick of me being boring lol. I don’t need people I’m happy alone🤷🏽♀️
Ha. Wow. I am so glad to be here. I remember a time my ex husband called me lazy, and all types of other names, simply because I was not cooperating with his nonsense. He had to go go go all the time. I was tired and put my foot down and said no in the end. Biggest bust up ensued after this. I had to pack my bags and relocate back to the UK 6 months into our marriage after that argument. He lives in the USA. This man then had the nerve to call and say “I did not think you would leave please come back…” 😭😅😅😭 after all the foul names he hurled at me. Grateful to have stumbled onto this channel. Thank you!!!!!💐💐
They always need to feel admired, when malignant mom got back inside she went straight for the phone, always and if you missed her call she'd be dialing up someone else!
I had a friend who was like that. She would go on a group trip for a week and on the way home would be on phone with others setting up plans for them to come over as soon as she got home. And she wasn't young either.
9:48 "...narcissists...that stay at home...seeking attention on social media..." This part nailed my narc-ex-wife to a "T". She didn't want to work, just be entertained. Nailed it.
Thank for you bringing up ADHD & extroversion. I have ADHD as well as CPTSD from growing up in a household with narcissists & suffering well into adulthood not knowing what this type of evil is called. I heard it said that ADHD is just a brain on trauma, in a constant state of hyper-vigilance. Always scanning the environment for danger, slightest changes in moods, etc. That is why people with ADHD do so well in high pressure jobs like emergency services, their brains have adapted to react to danger efficiently. It's an adaptation. One thing that really stands out to me is that people with ADHD are highly empathetic. Many of us are like super empaths. This too probably developed as a coping strategy. Thank you for the work you do Danesh, God bless you.
Thank you dear Danish again for this - spot-on - deskription of the behavior of a active narc! I have experienced this I always felt that I could NOT ever rest, not even at night time! Made me sick by all the overwhelming stress hormones all the time being on alertness! Always was she seeking something new, something happening etc and never being in harmony or peace or satisfied just being! Wishing you all here the very best and stay blessed!
I have ADHD and am a narcissistic abuse survivor. The relation between the 2 was noted by my previous partner, who also thought she had ADHD. But Dr. here hit it on the head; we self-reflect to a fault. Narcissistic tendencies do not allow the narcissist to genuinely critique themselves, they cannot consider themselves to be in the wrong. Everything here is spot on
❤ I have never felt more understood before in my life! I have lived with adhd my whole life & it was as if you were in my head. Thank you! You explain things in a way that is so easy to understand. I've been raised by & lived with narcissist my whole life. I have many tendencies and was even starting to question my self while watching this video. Until you finished it with reminding me of all the reasons i am not like them. I am almost 50 & just now realizing that i would have never been able to have been enough. I feel like i have died trying. Always feeling guilty because i made them hate me or hurt me. Smh. I couldn't see the lies. I couldn't understand the anger surrounding me even though it consumed me and became me.
My husband wants to be out all the time, but doesn’t want to be around people. He just chases after exciting activities, the next one always bigger than the last. Big vacations, expensive restaurants, almost anything to just be out of the house. He doesn’t participate in anything that is the care of the home- hates yardwork, and very very messy. Doesn’t take care of his own administrative stuff. I have thought that his narcissistic supply is from entertainment. But it’s like an addiction. Nothing is ever good enough.
Let me add-he doesn’t go alone, he insists I go with him, or one of the kids. Hates to be alone, but has no friends, me and the kids. But ALWAYS on the go, out the door.
That sounds so much like my obese Syrian husband. We met in college, but he never cracked a book, nor learned English. 30 years of grueling restaurant work, with clubbing 7 nights a week. I divorced him. 20 years later, died at 52 of a massive stroke.
They go go so that they don't have to sit with the demonic spirits in their mind. A peaceful person enjoys being at home, quiet or watching movies, etc. Peace kills narcs.
Correct.
Exactly! They’re running from themselves! 💯
@peacealways
OMG!! TYSM!!!! Makes perfect sense!!!!
Wow!!!!!!! For 16 years I argued with my soon to be ex husband about not being at home. This explains a lot of everything. Thank you for sharing this nugget of wisdom and clarification because Lord knows these people will cause waves of confusion.❤
My next door "neighbor," is like that. I live at a senior citizen complex, & these walls are paper thin. He doesn't merely klunk the cabinets, he SLAMS them all the time; & it's Not bcz he's a happy go lucky guy. Sometimes my kitchen wall vibrates. HE needs a counselor so he can fix his anger issues! Don't drive everyone else crazy. 🙄 But narcs drive everyone else nuts, until They go to a shrink for meds. They're the ones who need the anti anxiety drugs, not me !!! 💗💗💗❤
Because they constantly need an audience to validate their lies and self importance
Mine had a business card printed up, listing himself as a Visionary, Community Leader, Philosopher. I later found out that he'd completed one year at Wake Tech.
That is probably why so many are politicians and entertainers.
@@ganymeade5151bingo
@@ganymeade5151Well said.
So spot on
My ex was like this. I met him at church. We went to a "mega-church", there were thousands of people there and so they had LOT of activities to be involved in. The whole time we dated, we were doing church activities and fellowships. It was a lot of fun. But when we got married, we didn't stay home together more, but we kept up our busy schedule: teaching classes, being in music ministries, Bible studies, etc. My ex was at the forefront of these: doing the teaching, playing the guitar, facilitating the fellowships. When we had kids, I stayed home, and he was at church EVERY night of the week, and Saturdays. I would say, "please stay home with me at least ONE night a week. He literally said, "I am not going to promise you one night a week, because something important might come up". I could not explain or complain to anyone because they saw him as a "spiritual giant" because he was at church "giving" all them time. They saw me as a "backsliding, complaining, un-submissive wife" because I was not as involved as he was. Now I understand that his SUPPLY was all the adulations and attention that he got from church. He was always on stage playing the guitar. Always in front of the small group doing the teaching. Always entertaining everyone with witty sayings and verses. That's the person that I fell in love with: the mask he wore while "performing" at church. At home, he ignored me, bossed me around, and complained. No one believed me that he was a different person at home.
My sons father was a youth pastor. However, he has not seen our 11-year-old son since he was 5 years old. Everyone thinks he's great because he's a supposed Christian. I know the truth.
It's so hard when they neglect their spouse to go out and be praised by the public and everyone thinks you're just a mean, jealous, psychopath.
There are many parents and many spouses like this referred to as street Angels house devils. Thankfully people are becoming more and more aware bcuz of online awareness.
The narcissists in the crowds are extremely jealous, and wish they could also be part of the main act. So between the admirers and envious, I'd rather just not participate in such covetous activities at all.😅
It's crazy-making to hear everyone say how wonderful they are, while rolling their eyes at the partner who knows the truth. The one I dated was a *former* local politician, so no longer important.
You just described my ex husband PERFECTLY. He was ALWAYS gone but I didn’t even care cause he got on my nerves so bad I was glad when he was never home.
after a while you get glad that they aren't there to bother you. i understand.
🙌🏾
I remember when he Finally got back home 🏡 The Anxiety that I received when he put his key 🔑 in the door 🚪 😭 I thank God every day he found New SUPPLY and got her Pregnant 🤰 while he was Still with me good thing tho he wouldn't Touch Me when he was Cheating with her and I knew sometime was off buttt I had No Proof because he would demand Sex with me EVERY DAY 😢
Same here!
I'd cringe everytime he called when I heard the phone ring! Whats he going to say now! Or want me to do that he should have done when he was home!
Narcs only functions when they have an audience - with an audience they get to put on a show but with you they can’t because you know who they are.
My ex would go to parties we were invited to without me. Dinners too. Couples parties. Leave me at home sick. Instead of saying ok i will let them know we aren't coming he'd just say ok well im going, hope you feel better. His need for supply was more important than a sick wife.
@stephaniemcclesky
Thanks for your post! I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Well, at least you were invited to parties! We were so isolated we had no friends. And what was worse is that I was sick all the time. I was always picking up some thing from the kids or just sick in general because the narcissism is what was killing me. Literally I was sick all the time. Fast forward to when I was able to divorce him and I wasn’t sick ever again like maybe catch a mild cold once a year or something like that. And all the weight that I had held onto back, then I lost 70 pounds and I was able to get back to myself. But it all came off. It all stopped and ended after I was away from that toxic environment.
@Jesuschild
I don’t feel sorry for them anymore. Zero sympathy. They are not real humans! I truly believe that they are hybrids mixed with some sort of alien because they don’t have souls. They don’t have a self. I’ve been doing some underground Resurgeons a lot of information is pointing to this very thing. Haven’t you noticed how exponential the growth has been with narcissism lately? All of our heads of state or narcissists the people that are running the show all over the world they’re all narcissist. We live in a narcissistic world. And we have now become the minority! I don’t feel sorry for them anymore. They tried to destroy my very existence, they slandered my name, they gaslit me, they were being insidious with their predatory strategies towards me even when I was continue to love and forgive them over and over again. He took my money, my passion for life, my ENERGY/ ESSENCE!!! He even stole food from the fridge when he left!!
They were not loyal to me when I was loyal to them. I was the one who ended up an emotional, rock-bottom, not them. I was the one who had to ~ along with the help of my Lord Jesus, help get me off the floor from that fetal position!
Do I feel sorry for them? Absolutely not!!! They should all be SHOT & put OUT of their misery and OUT of SOCIETY!!!! RIP 🪦 💥🕳️🐇
Wow! Yes! My ex was the same!
Same! “They” are “cut from the same cloth” 😳
I got sick. Couldn’t get out of bed. MY AUTISTIC daughter at home and my 6yr granddaughter. No he couldn’t stay home because he had a deacons meeting and he was head of deacons. I mean he came home and my granddaughter had paint all over the kitchen floor. I NEEDED HIM BUT AS USUAL EVERYTHING😢 ELSE COMES BEFORE ME. We have been married 35 years. Can I do this another 35? You know what he says to me when I tell him things that I don’t like. He says to Rise above it. He always makes me feel like I’m wrong. Don’t know what I’m going to do!
Driven by their senses and power-it is so exhausting-as they are aging, it is so sad to see a human being in that state-a child in an old body-it is so painful to witness.
Tell me about it 😅. The expression 'grow up' simply doesn't apply to the narcissist. I can understand feeling happy and young at heart, but the thought of living forever in the moment is a nightmare!
No kidding and up to that moment when they're truly falling apart they are spending all their time convincing everyone how wonderful and how much they've got it together!
@joseenoel8093 All that covering up too, whether shame or something else, is unique to narcissists. They don't have a true self to brag about. Upon close inspection, it's easy to see that the narcissist is copying someone else or acting how they think they should but in a dramatic way. It IS exhausting to witness for sure!! 🫣
My mother and my older sister never emotionally matured past early teenage. My sister is 75 years old and has the same behavior and thinking when she was 13 years old. My mother was 32 years old when I was born but I might as well been born to and raised by a 14 year old. What saved me was that I had a loving, mature father.
It’s pathetic and disgusting to say the least!
You described my ex fiance well, she couldn't sit still, always needed to be at other people's homes, when at home couldn't sit at home to have simple conversation about anything, 0 empathy, 0 ability to be romantic, she masquerade herself well , I'm glad I dodged this bullet
You dodged a bullet, a perpetual,monthly category 5 hurricane, sudden wildfires and weekly trainwrecks! My ex husband is like this and was like this before we tied the knot. I was young and stupid to say the least. Congratulations to you !!!
@@kirahoward23 thanks, 💗
That's crazy. I'm sure you might have pondered "well if she spent as much time as attention on me as she does xyz we'd be perfect". In her world you might have served your purpose and the others serve theirs.
Same. I tried to suggest she get a hobby. Wanting to leave just for the sake of going, and at home - uncreative, staring at phone . No empathy for me or kids, no romance. This isnt the problem though, just an observation relating to the post. Mine is extremely toxic and violent. Rude to our 6 year old, but doesnt realize her behaviour is abrasive. Cant even try to discuss when come or instant rage. The type that would slap you in the face and blame it on you.
@@bradmettler4566 plenty of those in the world will call the cops too. You deserve better. They get worse as they get away with bull$hit.
My sense is that part of this has to do with the driving need for admiration, opportunities to self elevate, and meet and influence new people - for the purpose of gathering brand new narcissistic supply.
Because they have low self-esteem and empty void, they can never fill.
Because they can't stand their own company. Self-reflection is Not in the cards for the narc. The narc is much more comfortable out ?there abusing, bullying, gaslighting, etc.
Right! I literally watched him work a room and was thinking “are these people serious to believe this bs coming out of his mouth?’”
Even went to church talking that bs and the congregation is all in agreeance ! Saying’ amen!’ 😳🙄
Meanwhile I’m thinking “This guy is full of ish!”
I’m just now becoming knowledgeable to his behavior! I’ve heard about narcissism back in 2019 and can say…” my last two exes were definitely undiagnosed Narc’s!”😩
I think Their families knows also, but tried to put them off on me!
Brilliant comment and true.
And/or just constantly getting supply for their empty sad internal underdeveloped stunted self.
@@jbrown2908 Wait - I think you just solved the mystery of why they end up with Breaking-Bad type lowlifes! They can’t find anyone else!
100% spot on! The child like behavior is so strange! And the silent treatments and ignoring, walking way ahead! Its very distrubing that there are so many people like this! They must have demons inside!
Very true! Feel like some demons inside! Realizing when sleeping ..
These types of people have been described in all religions. These are just modern terms now.
They get off on it .
Walking way ahead!! Yes!! Glad I’m not the only one!!
I agree!!
Very true. My ex always avoided being home and always had multiple jobs to keep busy.
Multiple jobs...yes Multiple jobs and always blaming everyone at home why they have to "constantly work"
My husband
Ok ok come on men need to work. Not invalidating your experience just letting commenters know men who work a lot is not always a sing of narcissism if you don’t work you can’t provide for a family
Women are never happy even he’s paying all the bills.
@@usernameonutubethis isn't about working. It's about distraction and needing to get fuel from outside.
My husband had to: go surfing, go golfing, go hunting, go out with buddies, go gambling, go philandering...and any where he'd go if it wasn't stimulating enough ( aka about him?) he'd be bored and have to go, go,go...always had to go somewhere better
Yep. Mine likes to take us on "vacations" where we all sit in a different house separately while he plans the next "vacation" as he simultaneously complains about needing more money. He just sold our rental house which I thought was a bad idea. He got paid and said he would give me $10k. He gave me 1.5k(for kids sports, classes, clothes, food etc), went to the casino and is now talking about being broke again. Gee, wonder what happened?!🤦♀️ I put all my eggs in 1 basket just to find out it never even had a bottom. I have no idea how I'm going to get out of this but it's obvious I need to aquire a lot of money and a house...while also homeschooling kids...🤦♀️😔🥴
What if he genuinely likes those hobbies?
@@meltingspot1064right. I have an outdoor hobby. I'm not into sitting around watching TV for hours in the house. That doesn't make one a narcissist.
I experienced this first hand!!
@@S2pidMediaHobbies are great and healthy, it's the narcissist that can never sit still always looking for the next distraction
Have you ever noticed that when texting the NARC they OVERLOOK importance in what is trying to be conyed.?
100%
All the time! Well, back then….
💯💯
Absolutely, once they get started texting, they don't stop
Don’t forget cellphone addiction! In restaurants, all through the meal - can you relate, gals?
Sometimes they don't like to go out but they love having people visiting them all the time. Their house is always full of people, even at the point there will not be privacy and peace for their family members, just to give the appearance of social beings and give themselves self importance.
Hahaha - this is correct
Endless supply.
This is true. Always had to go somewhere. When we were out in stores or outside events he would walk way ahead of me or lag far behind. I told him we might as well not be going places together bc we were actually separate. For 10 years I never felt more alone at home or out. No more. I’m out now and it’s been an adjustment but have become to love my own company. Can you please do a video on how they walk way ahead as if you’re not together when out ???????
That way they can be the absolute center of attention to anyone they please. You're not there, so the other person cannot pay any attention to you, only them.
I don’t know if it was him or someone else I think he did a short of Haley and Justin Bieber, and it was similar to that.
Walking ahead is a definite trait.
@@beaglerescue5281 What is that about? Drove me crazy!
It’s about not looking like you’re together
They want your attention and admiration BAD!! Ignore them. Reflect to them their empty nothingness. They FREAK at the truth!
For years and years before I figured out narcissism, I used to google why my then husband needs to go out all the time. I never found any answers. So thank you for this
So you divorced him over a personality difference? Or why did you get divorced?
@@RStark-ek7mh Sorry to hear you went through all of that. I mean wow what a monster. Ya that's definitely far beyond the scope of a typical egotistical person.
@@7F0X7I separated after I figured out he was a narcissist and the abuse reached hell levels!
I know this feeling!!
Because if narcissists don't have people around, to throw their BS off them and onto others, they die from an overload of their own crap.
True!!! 🤣🤣
Absolutely 💯
I think the term childish is much better than child-like. Childish implies a perspective and attitude. To be childish is to be ego focused and self absorbed. Child-like however suggests an approach to life. An innocence and a sense of play and fun.
Immature
Oh, that's right. Childishness can also equate to immaturity... To be child-like is about an approach to life, an innocence and a sense of play & fun... Thanks for the great distinction here. Meant a lot here 👍
Godspeed
I agree!!
I am suspicious of people who flew into a depression from lock down. I find it odd that being at home is so terrible for so many.
I agree!
I feel the same.
YES!😭
I know right? I never want to go out ..I loved lockdown
@@marir838Same !! I don’t crave attention, so being at home was relaxing !
Beware of anyone who cannot sit in silence...cause they aren't interested in introspection
They can't introspect. Tgey use Primitive denial and delusional amnesia to try to say to themselves "I am a good person". They live off the adoration or hate or others [ sense of control]. Action discharge mode of functioning; performative actions. Impulsive for sure+ envy of what others have ( be it traits or material goods that others have- they think that should be mine.
They have 2 boxes with me and against me ( a paranoid perspective- they won't tell you, you are the enemy. If you are nice and respectful it's a narc injury how dare you pretend to be nice. Alexithymia inability to understand their feelings and your feelings. Hell they don't know who had they feeling. Yet they will tell you they are great at reading people. Written by a psychologist who was fooled years ago by a vulnerable ( covert) narc w antisocial features. If they are not physically aggressive try to distance yourself emotionally from them. 2 methods deep from Dr. Romani and Observe don't absorb by Ross Rosenberg,m.ed on you tube. Hope it helps someone.
Yes they are afraid of being alone nd this is a red flag
What's harder, is not wanting to leave the house
So true..
Child-like sensations an adult narcissist embodies is a powerful statement of truth. Sadism is their drug of choice, a complete horror story every day of the year! They will scare you, no doubt.👻🖤😱🌚
Does everything to extremes
They are addicts.
Godspeed
Yeah I can't stand a 11 yr old who's 50
My narc husband uses bait n switch! He’ll set me up by not answering me. He’s hard of hearing, but won’t wear his hearing aid. So I holler the question. Now he’s been hollered at! He hollers back, and switches it from “I can’t hear well,” to, “You hollered at ME!” His biggest weapon is a deep, LOUD, voice!
I always wondered why my ex and his family members could not just sit and relax and visit, they had to always be going going going, planning this and that activity and always restless. Like sharks.
😂like sharks had me laughing .
😂😂😂😂😂😂
Lol 🦈🦈🦈
Ugh- yes, so true! He'd wake up and call me, expecting to be on the phone with me until he found something to do. He'd get angry when I wasn't interested in going out every night, and he would come to my house (often unannounced) whenever he didn't have anything to do. And once home, he'd call me at all hours of the night (2am, 3am). I later discovered he had a collection of dysfunctional, older, unattractive women who were grateful for his attention, would fawn over him and were thrilled to get the opportunity to go out with a man. The fact that I had none of those "qualities" and didn't conform meant I was a prize he needed to destroy.
Your qualities are far too good for an old narcissist anyway. I also find it ironic and repulsive the thought that they will never die. Wow.
They're downright exhausting!
@@joseenoel8093 That's for sure. Within a very short time my family noticed i'd become very anxious and I started to gain weight and I was rattled and unhappy and lost my joy for life. And we were only dating for a few months I think keeping me sleep-deprived was part of his tactic
This!!!! So accurate! He likes older unattractive women that looks older than him!
He’ll be 60 years old on 11/7, but looks younger!
They are sick emotionally destructive souls
They make no one happy... Spooky MF
You have validated me! You finally gave me the information i was looking for. NOW i understand why he has to be the comedian in a crowd. NOW i understand why he's had two sets of kids but failed at both. NOW i understand his deep seated addiction to pornography: he needs a new 8x10 glossy, not a real relationship, he can't handle a real relationship. NOW i understand why he is on his phone playing Word games constantly, AND he plays chess on the TV at the same time holding the phone! (he's retired). He's totally empty inside: I've known that basic fact for 47 years. No changing. Doesn't please others either. Not capable. I'm not mad anymore. It's taken me years to get to my "pink place of peace" of which he is jealous. Out of the blue, he said one time "you used to listen to me when we were 1st married." Yep, sure did, but 10 years in I realized he is just a hollow man, of no substance, therefore, haven't listened to him in the last 37 years. I wouldn't believe a word he says even if his tongue were notarized! He has a big capital "L" on his forehead, written backwards, so every time he looks in the mirror, he'll be able to comprehend what it means! Have I wasted my life?? Nope. Have learned and grown so much, and there's still enough time to enjoy life, enjoy others, and maybe.......even a #3, but of course, I will be educated enough to make a wiser choice.....or maybe no choice at all, just love the time I have; I've always been my best friend, comfortable in my own skin, and I have plenty of friends who are lovely people.......Thanks for the validation, Mr. Bashir!.....knowledge truly is power, but accurate knowledge gives us power beyond what is ordinary!
This is so amazing ma'am!! I just loved the last line!!
Sounds very familiar. I keep my distance from her because she can get mean in a minute but is a social butterfly. These people will make you nuts, please stay away. They will promise you a cookie and only give you crumbs.
If that, I didn't even get crumbs, and one narc I know wants anything they give back. It's plain selfishness and mental illness that drives all their thoughts and actions. I keep a healthy distance 😌❤️🎗
My narcissist wife will gaslight me that staying at home is definition of being lazy and home is worst place to be and exploring world is only way to become better.
Same here with my bf 😒
My passion is literature. Single for 19 years, I read about 4 hours in daytime, then half the night. While lazing!
Yes and don’t take into account whether you have the finances to partake in those activities.
They will stay at home, but do things really horrible. I can't really get into it, but we all know a narcissist cheats, lies, steals , and does some unspeakable betrayals in our or your home. I am very thankful I am alone because it could be worse. They could have killed me physically.❤❤❤
Me too I am on my own. I feel the same if I has not kicked him.out nearly 5years ago he would have killed me.. He did try getting a witchdictor to put a spirit of death on 2packets of sweets I eat them then I kept trying to commit suicide. I took a cocktail of drugs but my good Lord and saviour saved me to tell my story. Thank you Jesus..
@@anneroarty6473😮😮😮Thank you Jesus!🙏🙏🙏🙏
@anneroarity
I’m so sorry that happened to you. Thank you so much for sharing! I’m glad that you were able to get out. I came to find out that my ex narc hired a team of black magic individuals… Three of them were part of a coven, one was a hacker, and the other one was a warlock, and he paid the money to take me out and to stop me from having any type of love or success in any area of my life. People need to wake up to this because they get so desperate. They will do these things. He put love spells on me and maybe that’s why I was open to him those times I don’t know. But he got to the point where he didn’t want to pay them because their work did not Work on me. They said that it wasn’t their fault because I had too much divine protection on me. So he still owes them a bunch of money and they’re really upset with him and a lot of it has backfired on him as well. It’s important that us in recovery that we are in tune to our spiritual side, making sure that we’re taking our spiritual salt baths, that we are listening to frequency 432 MHz, they were listening to the healing bowls it’s important for our souls to be healed in the process. It needs to be a daily thing. This is really helped me. Namaste.
@@anneroarty6473Omgh! No! Please sell some help of a professional…
I often have thoughts of death (and welcoming it), but have not attempted, since 2009…
They drain you off all of your goodness and energy, but not worth it!
Please give yourself time to heal, is what I’m doing!
It’s not easy, for a long shot!😩
That is a malevolent narcissist. Old Saying: It is better to be alone than to live with a terrible person. There is a gradient of narcissism with the sociopaths and psychopaths at level 10.
Very true! My ex constantly wanted to have company and go all the time! He constantly needed an audience! It was exhausting!
I think its important to make the point that those of us who are withdrawn introverts and are in recovery from years of childhhod narcissistic abuse, also like to be at home (yes, playing Solitaire on my phone for fairly long periods in order to self-soothe) are not displaying narcissistic traits - I do it a lot to calm myself & to help process my inner turmoil which can be paralysing at times - home under the duvet is my safe place!
Currently reading this chilling under my blankets lol
Godspeed
Wow!!! This was my exwife, she is still that way in her rediculous crazy life, can't be home, can't sit still for 5 min. She was like that when we were married, but back then, I didnt know she was a narcissist. She always had to be doing something or going somewhere to do nothing, just to be bored there. Terrible times.
Bugger all the perfect people
So true.Even in Covid when everyone was in lockdown my husband wanted to go out.He was the only one who could not sit at home even for a day and his sister in the other home both roaming up and down in the compound like maniacs.
Same with me
Maniac. Mine said. Why can't I be out. I can't die
Same with me
Same here. He went out but order me not to go out. He stayed in the car near the park not far from the house talking to someone on the phone. I went to check the park and sure enough he was there in the car. He won’t stay at home that long. He will only eat shower, dress up and go.
My aunt did the same - she ignored lock down, visited me then decided she’d have to stay with her boyfriend rather than be on her own during lockdown.
💯This makes so much sense. The narc that I know looked at my contentment being quiet and relaxed at home as odd. He could never sit still. He also did everything that he could to disturb peaceful rooms by creating clutter.
Please explain that cause mine does that to purposely clutter everything purposely makes a mess like a child when he's mad it's so disgusting
@@214ninaross Another channel,BurbNBougie,recently did a vid of a man who trashed the house like a child because he wife took a vacation alone. Narcissists are ridiculous.,
yes, my ex bf would leave a lot of clutter... but is turned off if a woman is messy... double standard anyone?
@@she-baartist Exactly. A mistake I made was telling him that if a visitor walked into a cluttered home,they assumed that the woman of the house,not the man,was messy. After I said that he cluttered the house even more.
@dyoung2739 literally mine does this I never knew ppl could be so evil
I just want to say to the everyone who is struggling with self doubt that distracting yourself on social media can also be a coping mechanism for anxiety and depression in addition to avoiding interactions with the narcissist.
I eventually became like this to avoid interactions with the narcissist. But then he would follow me around even into the toilet to criticize me for being on my phone, when usually he would be out most of the time and I would be at home with the kids.
Maybe because social media seems more normal? Lol. I'd say.
That’s me .
I'm elderly, and can take or leave technology. Have no problem shutting it off.
@@gatorgear4350agreed.
Narcissist's:
- constantly on the go with everything because they are literally trying to escape themselves
- have addictions (gaming, sex, junk food, partying, superstitions, seeking adrenaline or posing it as 'adventures')
- can't stand peace and quiet
- will blame others for every inconvenience
- will use any mistake you make against you for revenge
- terrible financial planning
- distorted reality and reduced memory skills
- seeks luxury life and wants it handed to them without much effort on their part
- can't accept other people's opinions and will get aggressive if you prove them wrong
- no long term commitments (work, relationships)
- short temper and aggressive
- odd rants that go on and on - their face changes and it looks like they aren't physically and mentally present. Eyes look dark and blank
- feel inferior and will therefore externally show that they are superior to reassure themselves that they are better than others
- deep self-esteem issues (may have body dysmorphia)
- very fearful and doubtful (doesn't trust ANYONE).
- perhaps at their core they want to feel love and all that good stuff (my wishful thinking), but very quickly all the other ugly traits they have take over. In a way I feel pity for these individuals, and hope they can heal and find peace. They will go through precious life and will never ever be truly happy, content and satisfied with their relationships. My ex-husband (very short marriage period) is an abusive narcissist. I thank God everyday for not having kids with him. I am still young and can at least move on and find another individual without worrying about children.
@ue2267 - Yours did financial planning? That’s a plus.
@r 4:10 ubyparchment5523
I mean name me a human who doesn’t have one if not two of these qualities everyone is a narc then lol
I was literally discussing this with my friend that my narc ex would run away from himself
@garimasortey5968, if they can’t run, they will play movies nonstop to draw their mind away from self-reflection.
@@Patricia_Stewart337 that's so true
SAME My husband is always on the run, and what he's running from is himself. Travels for work- hates everywhere he goes. Bc he's there and can't escape himself.
Addictive personalities use drinks or drugs running away. Can't fill the spiritual empty holes
Godspeed
Wow..
I am truly amazed at the fine nuances you cover.
Including this aspect you mention of not wanting to be at home..
I find this SO true..
And even if they are at home ( my aging Mom) she would look for ways to invite people over for her full on supply. Now, my own brother, another narc has moved in with her and she is truly struggling with her health...it's like two narcs having a quiet power struggle within the four walls...
This is true!!! All the Narc's I know, never like to stay at home...
I was exhausted with this alien always wanting to do something
I bet whenever you wanted to have a peaceful chill indoors the narc would try make you feel guilty or try & accuse you of being boring did they?... Only because that's what happened in my case whenever I wanted some chill time indoors 😔 they would make me feel like I was seriously in the wrong for just wanting some peace & quiet 😮
@@fionahawkes1758 always ! The blurbs were negative , lazy , unhappy, buzz kill, selfish, no family values etc etc pretty much every adjective in the books !
@@creativearena “Boring” and “lazy” were my middle names. But I got the 2 college degrees.
@@rubyparchment5523 hugs !
I used to question why he never wanted to stay with the family as that wasn't how we planned it Before we married he wanted everything i wanted .... A huge trap. I soon relaised the moment i had our first child. Narccists are just evil people .. always looking for supply at the detriment of the family. Too self-absorbed, yes high risk behaviour. Im so sad even knowing inspent 32years of my life with and exoenses on such a person. Even at home the phone was his constant companion - shouting and acting as if he was everyone's saviour. Very insightful episode. You nailed this topic. Im healing well as i ran out of the marriage over 7years ago. The memories are too traumatic.
This is again so true. I'm in therapy right now for 2 months and hear exactly the things that I recognize. I'm diagnosed as a covert narcissist in 2020, but it is only now (3 years later) that I become to realise that this is exactly what I think and do. I really want to cure and to find a better way to experience more deeper emotions and to be relaxed. Thanks for the insight.
I admire your confession. What do you think causes someone to be a narcissist?
It is possible for narcissists to improve or recover. People can improve if they have awareness of their condition and realize how it affects them and others and if they strongly want to improve. Self reflection and honesty is difficult and painful. The first step is awareness and admitting there is a problem. The next step is wanting to improve and working hard to improve; and realizing it is worth the effort. This takes patience and may take years. However, it can be done. Never give up. My life certainly improved when I became less narcissistic.
You are no narc. Could be just as simple as having ADHD. Do not let yourself get told you are a narc. Narcs are sadists? Are you a sadist? Do you hurt people or animals for gratification?
Do not let yourself be played my man.
As a narcissist in recovery, I completely agree with what you said. I'm curious about my reaction, I feel angry that someone is telling the whole world about my difficulties and experiences, but I also feel calm/relevied. I sincerely appreciate that you help me understand such situations and states so thoroughly
I feel the same way- the more I learned about narcissists, I realized I was one also. Earth shattering lol. Let’s talk more…
Wow... a self-aware narc? You guys are a rare gem. Glad to see you are working on yourself...please be mindful of your behaviour so you don't hurt others 'unknowingly'.
I have a lot of respect for you owning it like that. Takes guts.
Godspeed
@@michellel44
I might be one to☺
I have to point out that needing to be distracted doesn't necessarily mean you're a Narcissist. A lot of people with Trauma need distraction because of their trauma. A simple way of knowing if someone is a Narcissist is their lack for empathy, shallowness and manipulative, sadistic nature.
I agree. I like to be out home. Love nature. Love activities and traveling. I don't think I'm narcissistic. I just like to be out of home with my kids. I don't like them in home playing video game all day long
@ThePatynight You are not!
Thank you, Danish. This explains so much. He is always going out and never wants to bother with telling me where or how long!
I know the feeling. My sister is the same way.
Right! Then the moment I ask off his whereabouts, then I get a generic answer… like “oh, I was just out window shopping.”
Who does that?!
I mean, who goes out ALL DAY, but yet doesn’t tell you how their day went, other than his work issues that was draining the heck out of me?’
I knew then (along with other red flags) that something wasn’t right!
I have ADHD and a narcissistic mother.
Even when i forget things or get distracted, i always try to be kind to other people. I care for my friends and my sister, and i am not a manipulative person.
My mother is a hoarder, and she loves to go shopping. Lately her favorite thing to do is put down the sales clerks and associates by giving backhanded compliments. She likes to chat with other shoppers and pretend to be buying gifts for other people, even though most of what she buys, she just adds to her junk piles in our house.
The narcs in my life did very badly during the lockdowns!
I think the corona exposed these mfs because I never knew this existed, but now I know what my “parents” and bf are … evil
OMG, Yes! Mine revealed himself after 10 years of marriage.
I finally saw the narcs in my life.
That’s when I discovered it too. During lock down. Dr Ramani, Dr Les Carter, Narc Survivor, Jess Stanley…
My exhusban was an narcissist and he never wanted to be at home when he finished work he went to the pub to meet his buddies.and his lady friends. I could never understand why he never wanted to come home I always thought I must have been very boring. Excellent video.
Gosh this couldn’t be more on point 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️thank you for helping us understand these “fake ppl “ more , that’s what I call them because I feel like they are soul less . Your channel has definitely helped me soooo much , the hurt you go through is indescribable and extremely painful. I’ll be glad when I finally get on the other side and can heal more .
The child like ways of a narcissist is incredible how much they literally move like a child , tantrums, petty , competitive, they all ways have to have more then anyone . And if they don’t get there way 😮 , watch out because the storm is coming 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
Narcissist's usually hate being home alone because there is no one there to play their mind games on. I was out shopping one day and I got a phone call from the covert narc telling me the house was too quiet and to hurry home, he had apparently only arrived home a half hour before his call. I had pointed out to him before that the Street we lived in was a very quiet Street, that's another thing narcissist's can be very suggestible.😀
@@user-ss9ph9xb5k That makes sense relaxing on the sofa etc doesn't chill them out at all. There is no pleasing these nasty little critters.
Omgh!!!! Experienced that as well!
I’m about 45 min to an hour away and he’s so impatient what me getting back home, all to say “I’m tired and ready to go to bed” at 7 ish to 8 o clock!😩
@@sashaclarke2749 Lol narcissists always find something to complain about they will never build you up.
U are so funny I lol when I read your comment sounds like my narc husband 😂
@@GailBlakely-n7j Narc's are all the same all bravado on the outside but big sooks inside of themselves. I think they are still secretly attached to their mommy.👶😄
On the weekends we always had to be running and doing something, usually the same things that to anyone else looked "great" - taking the boat out, riding the Harely - constantly on the go. When we were home, he was ALWAYS on his phone or laptop looking at social media. I used to feel guilty for wanting to relax at home after working all week, and he never wanted to do anything that interested me. I was always alone, even sitting right next to him. Ironically enough, he would say he has ADHD. False. He just couldn't stand self-reflection or put anything into the relationship that didn't result in a benefit for him.
Always wanted to making things in the yard cleaning ect... It was 95 degrees and in out back doing yard when no one is out because of the heat!!! I told him no one is out its too hot. He made me feel so bad because I wanted to go in the house and just relax. Whenever I wanted to relax i was being lazy!!!
You just described my late husband's mother 100 percent. She never stays home. She's always on the go. I have always thought that she's ADHD. But, I see now that she isn't. She destroyed my step son's high school graduation. She lost an insignificant item on the way there. She talked loudly the entire time. I told my husband to shut her up but all he did was get offended that I would suggest such a thing as that. If she goes to the hospital to visit someone she never talks to the person. All she does is frantically search her purse for the card that she had for the person. I highly doubt that she even had a card for them. She made sure that my husband's dad was too distracted to talk.The list goes on and on.
I sympathize. My MiL is like this also.
My mother in law first used her husband and he then died of many diseases at his 60s and now she is using my husband who is struggling to protect both me and her...her elder son by knowing her true self went away with her wife and living seperately..my innocent husband is serving her and if he dont do anything she asks ,make a big scene and ruin that day...we also often had fights because of her and my kids also get affected , nowadays I'm protecting him from all her dramatic behaviours byknowing her true nature..but still she tries her best ...they r not humans...vampires..
My husband would go to the bars every night after work and every weekend from in the evening. It was like he couldn't come home unless, he was drunk and then expected dinner then go to bed immediately after.
The only thing that changed him was his triple bypass earlier this year, now he's retired but always glued to the TV or napping.
My dad was the same. I don't remember him spending 1 weekend with us as kids, or even coming home straight after work . Now he is sickly and alone in the very same house he was never in when we were growing up.
Sounds familiar
Sounds like fun ..
My Ex spouse was the same!!
Thank you for making the clear difference between the narcissist who goes out and a plain old extrovert. I'm very introverted but normal extroverts actually do a lot to put me at ease, operate well in groups, and genuinely are interested in other people.
Yup. I’m a total E and I have lots of I friends who think it’s great because they get engaged and involved around me
I can't believe how accurate this is. My mum is a massive narcissist, her life revolves around finding places to go as often as possible. These days it's nearly a daily basis. She likes to use people to eat their food and also for supply like you said.
Thanx for the explanation. That's something I always wondered after the breakup. He would not stand still at all. It was crazy behavior
This is absolutely the very best definition of a narcissist I have ever heard. Excellent video and education. Thank you!
Including the homes they've gifted from "loved ones" as well.
Very interesting, thank you Danish 😊😊
Mine was an admitted sex maniac..before the internet it was alot harder to " charm". He said. He went after seeking long term women. He was a good liar, fake person, sexy too. The internet was a godsend. Easier than trolling live....After my devalued, bank account drained, I spent my last days with him growing more & more fearful realizing that this person I thought I loved wasnt really who this person was of front of me. He opened up his predator side, it was gross.
Also, I was becoming a person I didnt want to be!
He physically hurt me in a dangerous way, pretending it was an accident the last day I was there.
Wow, you’re like to be alive.
So glad you escaped!
They get bored easily and are always after supply. They like a challenge but they need a home base so they feel some sort of security
How do you know all this!!?? I never thought it was anything more than dislike of me and boredom with our kids. If I could force him into spending any time with us he would stay all day in his stinky pyjamas and nap and watch sport on the tv. I remember a Xmas day when I spring cleaned while he did this. I felt so hurt I was physically sick.
Wow you are so gifted with teaching us thank you so much. Exactly my ex. Couldn't stay home always had to be running around doing something. When I told him we couldn't afford it ( because he couldn't keep a job) then he distracted himself all day or night on chat rooms or on the phone for hours. And with his behavior I thought I had to be the parent of a 13 year old instead of a wife.
Well, that answers one of my questions about my narcissist sister. Ever since she started buying cars, she always had to have a new one. And she never held them very long. Her department at her job ended and I’m sure she could’ve taken something else but she didn’t. She would’ve been on phones. She left. She asked your husband do I have to work and he said no. So she stays home. When she wants. But most the time she’s out buying stuff and then she makes a big deal on returning everything. Banana republic told her they didn’t want her back in the store. She’s getting her car in hit all these different places and it was a big production and then it was a big production to return it all and ship everything back. That’s the sensations. She was so excited to find the Lago necklace and then she took it back. I asked her why did you do that? You just love that necklace. She said I guess it’s the money. That’s not it. It’s the money for everything. And then she told me that she bought it back again. Interesting. I did and I always wondered about that and she’s done that all her life.
A narc ‘friend’ used to do this - she even returned 2 mattresses.
A narc once told me he hated being inside his house. He said it was his prison & he despised it & if he had to stay indoors for whatever reason he would do anything to avoid being alone there.... Weird how they all have the same dislikes & the same things trigger them 😮
I mean to me why would you want to be home all the time i tell you what just going for a walk is amazing being in nature is amazing
As someone who is diagnosed with inattentive ADHD you did a great job at describing the differences between a narcissist and someone with ADHD.
Imagine being married to a narcissist with off the charts ADHD like I was married to. It was HELL trying to have his attention for more than 10 seconds - like dealing with a self-righteous viscous squirrel on caffeine!!
@@fluffytail6355How long did you take to get to know him before you moved in with him and married him?
@@RStark-ek7mhyou're right
@@fluffytail6355I'm sorry, I'm not laughing at your experience, but your squirrel description was hilarious and I can't stop laughing 😂
Yeah some people are distracting themselves from literal Pain etc. distraction from a lost loved one for example there are many reasons to distract oneself or take your mind off intrusive thoughts like 9/11
What about the narc who is forced to be at home due to age, illness, or in recent years, the lockdown? The fact that they can't get their "supply" drives you mad. I'm the one who has to leave the house, just to get some peace.
I commented about this. My parents never got out into the world, they had their life-long supplies (adult children) and that was enough. They tortured anyone who lived with them and so anyone at home with them had to get out to have some peace. I wish he made a video about these types of narcissists.
So TRUE 😔
Wow.. Danish is by far the best on youtube. Thank you.
When humans are empty inside, they tend to hold on to an imaginary-world they create for themselves to be admired. That would be a Narcissist. There is not much that can be done with these individuals. People around them do not seem to notice, since they do not do what is commonly referred to as, a systematic observation.
I was married to a musician. He loved being in front of lots of people. Wanting praise his music was the most important thing in his life. I finally came to accept this after the birth of my 3rd child. I couln't bonfd with my baby son. My psychiatrist recommended myself and my baby needed to spend time in a psychiatric facility so i could try to bond with my baby son. I had ECT. It was a very difficult time. The damage that narcissists can dp is almost sinful.
I had an old friend who was a covert narcissist and she had a lot of anxiety because of her narcissism, so she would actually like staying at home. She liked being at home and dragging people over to her place. Once there, she felt like she had full power over people on how they behave. She was living in a fantasy world where she was the main character and if you didn't play a supporting role, you were harshly discarded. Which is exactly what happened to me and my boyfriend. When my boyfriend didn't act on her advances [yes, she hit on him multiple times in front of me and her boyfriend] she gaslit the hell outta us and then discarded us. After 5 years she hoovered me and I never replied. It was a shitty apology that didn't even address what she did. Oh yeah, she was wasted when she discarded us. She had been drinking, popping Clonipin [anti anxiety meds that say right on the label Do Not Drink with this medication], and smoking weed. I do not miss that train wreck.
My Toxic ex loved being at home!! I wish he would have left for awhile so I could be able to enjoy my off day for a few hours by myself. He worked Fri. Sat. and Sun. 12 hr. shifts. Yes my Toxic ex did like Social Media, he did enjoy grocery shopping etc.
Yup, the narc I know was the same.
@@ladybird491 Thanks for sharing.
Mine was the same! I couldn't get him to go anywhere! Quite boring
I’ve been Separated from my narcissistic husband 4 years now, had to move away. He was never home. On his days off he would find things to do 10 to 12 hrs a day. Found out he had a double life. A lot of people think he’s wonderful, so discouraging trying to convince people they are not, don’t go there, just leave!
7:40 i m diagnosed with adhd & i thought i was a narc for a bit:
1.not being able to sit still,
2.constantly craving stimulation,
3. love talking to people
were some very convincing indications. But then i realized,
1. i can sit still n HYPERfocus on stuff, it just has to be interesting to me.
2. Constantly craving knowledge and wanting to find that topic that will get me to hyperfocus.
3. Masking or pretending to like being social is actually super exhausting. I take long naps after a hangout.
Not to mention we are extremely empathetic, and have the ability to introspect and self criticize. Bit too much at times if you ask me😅
True, I've observed it
They do not like to be at home because they hate themselves and they get all the supply and a boost to their lack of self confidence outside 😢because outside for them is like a stage and they are the main character in this play so they think😮, being a partner to a narcissist is soo exhausting, because they are never at peace with themselves, everything is a constant chase and they need constant supply!!!
My fiance was always gone, never saying where she was going or who she was seeing. She'd just take off or sneak out or say she was home but was not. Then she would get home and not say a word on where she was. She had a seriously toxic verbage, always over talking, name calling. I break up with her she would not leave. Just crazy.
Wow! I went through the same thing with my male narc and when I decided to treat him the same he was outraged.
@@ladybird491 That's sad, This is just a small part of all that she has going on. I never knew that there was people out here like this, she nearly drained me, completely. I hope you're out of yours and have moved on safely.
Noticed fairly early on father in law, always on the go doing do gooding. One day he announced to me in front of his friends he would help me with a job I had to get done tomorrow. Everyone applauded his sincere kindness and generosity and I thanked him sort of in advance in front of his friends. Next day, he showed up, was as usual in a hurry, asked me what I needed done, then he scoffed at me saying "What that! That doesnt even need doing! ..... well Ive got to be somewhere and Im running late, so I ll be off then" He left, and left me wondering why he bothered to show up at all. Then, I thought perhaps he was deceiving his wife, and used his fake generosity of helping me, as an alibi, while he was doing something else he wanted hidden. He probably thought of himself as quite clever.
That is my ex, gone every single night as soon as we moved into our first apartment, and he was out till at least 2 in the morning and up at 6 to get ready for work.
Definitely nailed it! 🔥🔥🔥describes my husband always needs constant attention and blames everyone for his life derailments and it’s sad
Hi again! With this episode you gave some clues about a guy who remembers me every ten years. I know him from highschool, but next year he will be 65 and stop working as a plane engineer. He moved with his work from Canada to Abu Dhabi and Nigeria, has two children but recently got divorced and unfortunately buried his wife from cancer. Now he's telling me that he wants to return to his native country to spend his old age hoping to receive him with open arms. The fact is that I changed, I don't trust or love him anymore and I suspect that he is a narcissist. When he texted out of the blue that he missed me, I went into no contact.
Home is where the heart is. I love home. It’s where I feel plugged in and can recharge. I couldn’t be anything else.
You described my then friend I always wondered why she was on the go so much!!!!!!
I had sooooo much peace when I let her go.
My narc mom plans our her supply two weeks in advance, every second is scheduled.
Yep, sticky notes galore. I wondered why the narcissist never took a breath to relax and enjoy the thought of simply being alive.
This happened a lot with my mom who often left us alone so much as children. I was always "babysitting" my siblings and even when my sister was newborn. There was always a different excuse.
Me too. Exactly the same!
No no no no I understand you very well on this narcissism thing more than any other narrator on or about it, thanks for your calmness
Are these types of narcissists workaholics? I kind of doubt workaholics are all narcissists though. Or is this video more about narcissists who feel they need to always go out to have fun and not necessarily work?
One woman I know who I suspect is a narcissist based on her traits and the way she treated me, I noticed she seemed to have to be busy often and I was a little worried about talking to her less often when we used to have more time to chat. I remember when she choose to spend her Fridays joining up singing with a cover band, singing classic songs of the 80s, feeling a little concerned about her being too busy but thought I should be happy she is doing something she enjoys. And not too long after she decided to start a tutoring business, even though she already had a lock business, and I thought it was little odd to be running 2 businesses when she seemed well off already. And I noticed since planning and starting that business, I rarely see her on Facebook or posting anything. It's as though she has to be constantly busy with something. She also sings for at a church Sunday mornings so I am sure she was busy rehearsing too. I messaged her once asking how she was doing, thought we could catch up on a movie we may both be interested in seeing, but she snapped back about her chat being intended for business and would message me back but she never did. And I thought it was best to keep my distance since then, since there's been many conversations where she made me feel stupid and my body didn't feel right.
I really don't want to be friends or in a relationship with people who feel they have to constantly be busy or involved with something, always feel they have to go out and do something, can never stay home and relax. I know there's some personality types who get some rush from working on projects and accomplishing goals but often times these people know how to relax once in a while.
💯 even busy bodies sleep well and relax. I believe there is a difference between a workaholic and a narcissist with loose ends everywhere.
I love being at home, he kept distributing my peace. I actually didn’t care to hangout more than once a month😂 He finally got sick of me being boring lol. I don’t need people I’m happy alone🤷🏽♀️
A big giveaway to a narcissist is that they have no self-awareness and no ability to reflect on what they've done to others.
Ha. Wow. I am so glad to be here. I remember a time my ex husband called me lazy, and all types of other names, simply because I was not cooperating with his nonsense. He had to go go go all the time. I was tired and put my foot down and said no in the end. Biggest bust up ensued after this. I had to pack my bags and relocate back to the UK 6 months into our marriage after that argument. He lives in the USA. This man then had the nerve to call and say “I did not think you would leave please come back…” 😭😅😅😭 after all the foul names he hurled at me.
Grateful to have stumbled onto this channel. Thank you!!!!!💐💐
They always need to feel admired, when malignant mom got back inside she went straight for the phone, always and if you missed her call she'd be dialing up someone else!
I had a friend who was like that. She would go on a group trip for a week and on the way home would be on phone with others setting up plans for them to come over as soon as she got home. And she wasn't young either.
9:48 "...narcissists...that stay at home...seeking attention on social media..."
This part nailed my narc-ex-wife to a "T". She didn't want to work, just be entertained. Nailed it.
💯 spot on - thanks for opening my eyes to this revelation 😮
Thank for you bringing up ADHD & extroversion. I have ADHD as well as CPTSD from growing up in a household with narcissists & suffering well into adulthood not knowing what this type of evil is called. I heard it said that ADHD is just a brain on trauma, in a constant state of hyper-vigilance. Always scanning the environment for danger, slightest changes in moods, etc. That is why people with ADHD do so well in high pressure jobs like emergency services, their brains have adapted to react to danger efficiently. It's an adaptation.
One thing that really stands out to me is that people with ADHD are highly empathetic. Many of us are like super empaths. This too probably developed as a coping strategy.
Thank you for the work you do Danesh, God bless you.
Yes, I experienced all these symptoms with my ex narc husband. All your words are so true. Thank you
Thank you dear Danish again for this - spot-on - deskription of the behavior of a active narc! I have experienced this I always felt that I could NOT ever rest, not even at night time! Made me sick by all the overwhelming stress hormones all the time being on alertness! Always was she seeking something new, something happening etc and never being in harmony or peace or satisfied just being! Wishing you all here the very best and stay blessed!
I have ADHD and am a narcissistic abuse survivor. The relation between the 2 was noted by my previous partner, who also thought she had ADHD. But Dr. here hit it on the head; we self-reflect to a fault. Narcissistic tendencies do not allow the narcissist to genuinely critique themselves, they cannot consider themselves to be in the wrong. Everything here is spot on
❤ I have never felt more understood before in my life! I have lived with adhd my whole life & it was as if you were in my head. Thank you! You explain things in a way that is so easy to understand. I've been raised by & lived with narcissist my whole life. I have many tendencies and was even starting to question my self while watching this video. Until you finished it with reminding me of all the reasons i am not like them. I am almost 50 & just now realizing that i would have never been able to have been enough. I feel like i have died trying. Always feeling guilty because i made them hate me or hurt me. Smh. I couldn't see the lies. I couldn't understand the anger surrounding me even though it consumed me and became me.
My husband wants to be out all the time, but doesn’t want to be around people. He just chases after exciting activities, the next one always bigger than the last. Big vacations, expensive restaurants, almost anything to just be out of the house. He doesn’t participate in anything that is the care of the home- hates yardwork, and very very messy. Doesn’t take care of his own administrative stuff.
I have thought that his narcissistic supply is from entertainment. But it’s like an addiction. Nothing is ever good enough.
Let me add-he doesn’t go alone, he insists I go with him, or one of the kids. Hates to be alone, but has no friends, me and the kids. But ALWAYS on the go, out the door.
That sounds so much like my obese Syrian husband. We met in college, but he never cracked a book, nor learned English. 30 years of grueling restaurant work, with clubbing 7 nights a week. I divorced him. 20 years later, died at 52 of a massive stroke.
Wow ! this really blew my mind. Explained with 1000 % accuracy .