"How would you feel if you were 35 and alone and without many friends?" Oh, I feel fine, thanks for asking! And I've no need to borrow anyone's husbands.
38 and single. Hell yeah, no need for someone else. I have videogames, my brothers, and lots of friends gaming. I have no need for someone to come over take up all my time spend all my money and leave. I spent my whole twenties that way. I'm not doing that for my rest of my life.
OK in the one with the guy losing his temper when his nasty gf's comment about his 12 year old sister, he was right to do so no matter what. And she badmouthed him in front of everyone because he called her out on it?! The guy ought to stand his ground: "Nope, not apologizing until she apologizes to my sister for such a malicious comment."
Tbh, I personally think it is a red flag. She not only was saying something so nasty about a 12 year old, she expected OP to agree with her, and then (as you said) bad mouthed him to everyone. She clearly can’t see she is isn’t she wrong so she will not learn from the incident. Maybe she won’t say it to OP, but she will def still think nasty things like that still. And it’s just nasty.
At first I would have definitely apologized but after learning about the part where she told all his friends that he's a butthole I wouldn't apologize and in fact I would become single even if the sex was good
Okay the surrogate mom story, I just want to mention that is horrible for them to ask a mother to have another baby for their sake after so many children already. Childbirth take a toll on the body like nothing else. My mother birthed and raised 6 children, all of us healthy I might add. She had her uterus removed because it was giving her life threatening problems and recently she had to have an operation for her bladder issues. While giving birth to my youngest siblings she almost died. The woman in the story must be well past her prime age of childbirth and the older you get the more risks there are in having a baby. What an absolutely insensitive thing to ask of a woman already struggling with her health to have a baby for them. I have to be honest, I've had one child now and going through an entire pregnancy and painful birth for another person's baby would require some serious convincing and this woman already tried TWICE! NTA
The fact that Carly gets angry after setting boundaries leads me to believe she knew what she was doing, and was probably trying to break up OP and her husband.
I hope they're too cheap for that, they're EPs in the making and I dont want any kids subjected to them. Who takes personal wants before someone's health?
Not only that but to a child where her appearance is starting to become a massive concern for how she views her self worth. It's a vile thing to say period, but if the sister heard that comment it would probably destroy her self-esteem
Yes imo too. Definitely 5/5. OP gets 0/5 cause he is the big brother protecting his younger sister, and his reaction is completely understandable. Telling this to so many people is more than over the top, she didn't even tried to handle it in an appropriate way.
To the mother of the kid with the gaming computer: You're the best parent! Seriously, acknowledging that the kid earned his own money and bought his own computer, and therefore making it HIS, shows you actually respect your kid and that will definitely pay back in your favor.
Agree. Support the kid and show you recognize his rights as a person. Too many parents treat their kids as though their feelings don't matter. (I'm also impressed by the fact that the kid saved up the money to buy the computer himself. Sounds like they've raised a five-star kid.)
@@War_is_cool Not quite, but close. There was a story about a kid that had 2 computers (one was a server). He posted a story about a younger relative that wanted one of the computers and sat by them for a while before trying to rip the server from the equipment to take home.
Adoption isn't appealing to everyone, since many folks (especially nobles) care about bloodlines, but if this couple really wanted a kid they could hire a professional surrogate instead of badgering relatives
@@Wi-Fi-El A lot of children in care also tend to have medical, mental and physical problems, or are older and have behavioural issues. Not many are typical babies and those that are get adopted quickly.
@@JKintheAK I agree. I definitely felt weird about how he said that O.P was being overly aggressive with his girlfriend who thought it was cool to shit on a 12-year-old for her weight. That's incredibly fucked up.
I would have reacted the same way. It's rude for him to tell her to shut tf up, but it's not rude for her to bodyshame a CHILD and insult both him and his sister in one swing? Girl needs to go somewhere.
Carly is in the wrong. She needs to find someone else to cling to. He's MARRIED and she still won't give up. It'd be annoying if the first day off you want to spend with your husband, you can't and somehow you're in the wrong for that. Carly needs to get a grip.
@@Tues48 I agree. The husband needs to learn to say no. My dad was helping his dead friend's wife just to help her while she grieves and finds a way to live without her husband. But it got to the point where my dad was "helping" way too much and people started talking, including my mom who felt some type of way. Eventually that widow tried to take advantage of my father's generosity by stealing money and that's when he stopped helping, but it never should have even come to that. Eventually, you have to just say no.
That first story, I’m on the wife’s side. There is nothing wrong with having a female friend but when they become a constant presence in terms of getting in between husband and wife, that’s a problem. And the fact that the friend got defensive tells me that there was an ulterior motives there. Because a real friend would understand that a line was crossed and back off a bit. Not saying that the way wife confronted her was right, it could have been handled differently but come on, they are married and fact that the friend wanted to pull husband away from spending time with his wife, even if it was for a small amount of time, just rubs me the wrong way.
It could be possible that Carly has feelings for Jake , she maybe has never told him about him. And all the stuff she asked him to do makes her feel like that's his way of caring for her. I can understand she's lonely, she could start trying to date or she could go out and find friends instead of relying on someone else's husband
Except no one ever made any notion that that was the case and that she in any way was impeding until randomly out of the blue, which isnt on her. You're only viewing things this way because she's not a male. You can have same sex friendships that are just as impeding, but you wouldn't see it half as threatening because of your own insecurities.
Queen Cluster B I understand what you’re trying to say but I think it’s too far to get mad at your friend because he wants to spend time with his wife on her only day off.
What happened wasn't that she wanted to pull him away from his wife. What happened was that it was suddenly made an issue to her out of the blue when her shit was torn apart, she had just got chewed out unexpectedly, and she was given brand new boundaries in a state where she was obviously going to be upset. This isn't about stealing a man, there was no real evidence there was anything but a friendship going on other than the wife being insecure she was a woman and not a man, the woman friend relied on him because she didn't know other people, everyone in the situation seemed fine and comfortable with it except behind her back, and she's suddenly treated like a bad guy. She was defensive in a situation, not given a chance to really cool down and be reasonable, and was confronted at a bad time. She likely would have been rational about it if she wasn't suddenly accused of something she wasn't trying to do out of no where and treated like a human being from the start. The wife quickly apologizing for her really shitty comment doesn't mean it absolves her of the fact it was really shitty and upsetting and that they confronted her after just calling her a homewrecker with literally no other sign before this the wife had any issue with her friendship on her end. wtf is wrong with you.
@@pnss3569 opinions can be good or bad, just not fact or false. If someone’s opinion is “Hitler was a good person and he did great things”, they’re opinion can’t be true or false, despite the evidence against, but it is bad because of the obvious.
And the girlfriend deserves at least 3/5 buttholes. Also, as someone who was body shamed as an adolescent, I'm happy to hear that the OP had his sister's back.
I would give him 0.5, what he said was definitely justified, but closing the call right after saying it removed any possibility of resolving the issue immediately. She might have been more inclined to apologize if given the chance, but instead he choose to just end the call.
Imagine bodyshaming a 12yo girl, who is probably already struggling with her weight and maybe even being bullyied because of it, and then thinking you were in the right.
It's one of those single incidents which demonstrate how much of a piece of sh!t a person is. If that was me, she'd be out of my life before you could say narcissist.
I was kind of on the fence until the end, where she got into a shouting match with the husband because he chose to spend the day with his wife. Like, damn lady, you're making it too obvious.
This 100% i would of lost it worst told her to hit the road in more of a nasty way to. That is not right to say such stuff about a 12 year old you can tell how superficial his gf is now.
actually, it really sounded like they may have heard a very one-sided and overdramatized version of the story. Idk tho it could just be me who feels that way but who knows!
@@kathrinemller I don’t think that was the point for her it was that her boyfriend didn’t have her back yes I think she was being stupid and her boyfriend acted EMBARRASSED OF HIS OWN GIRLFRIEND
Honestly, I think you were too lenient on the girl who dissed her bf's sister's body. If it was one of my sisters that got insulted, I'd go nuclear; end the relationship, block her and her friends and explain what happened to my friends.
Exactly. I heard something similar to that when I was 8, and I still think about it when I look in the mirror. Some people seriously doubt what phrases like that can do to someone's self confidence, especially at such a formative age :(
@@breezingby2737 I was bullied all through school til 10 grade and people ask me how I dealt with it but I just ignored it. It stopped working because when I was young I had a really bad temper I still do but it takes a lot to piss me off and as I learned to control my temper I was able to just ignore what people say
Entitled sister: "your a spineless parent" 10 mins later "Its ok baby. Dont throw a tantrum. Here have whatever you want if you'll stop crying. There isn't that better."
Honestly OP was practicing good parenting in that situation as far as I'm concerned. Her son worked up the money to pay for the pc, therefore it really isn't the parent's place to tell their child what they can or can't do with it. He reaped the rewards of his labor, so he should have at least most of the say of what happens with his property. Good on him honestly.
Bad enough fat shaming adults, but children are very impressionable, especially around the age of 12. That's a good way to give her an eating disorder.
@@craz107 in most occasions these fat people have eaten the same amount as we have or even less but the way their metabolism works is the reason they are fat not because you have been giving your sibling enough food to eat
The cancer survivor story breaks my heart. I've heard of people who survived things that left them horribly scarred and they had self esteem issues because "nobody will want me like this." Hell, even things like sexuality can create that same fear - something you know about for years. So I absolutely understand her not being like "btw bab I'm shy one boob lol hope that's okay" because . . . you have this good thing going. This person who you love even without the physicality. I can understand the hesitation to bring it up. Maybe it *should* have before they decided to get more intimate, but his reaction is exactly something that *I* would be afraid of in her situation
I have an Ileostomy (similar to a colostomy, both are the bag). The surgery didn't go well and I am also covered in scars. When I'm about to date a new lady, I come out with it by the first or second date. I give it to them straight and encourage them to ask questions, as my body is different and there are some limitations. I want them to be aware early so that if they bail, it's before any emotional or time investment has happened. I won't have any hard feelings. I figure the worst time for them to discover is when the clothes are going to come off. I'm always a bit nervous when that happens...not gonna lie...I've been very lucky here...most women I've been with have either been fascinated and ask questions or empathetic, though that isn't what I necessarily look for. But being a man, I have no doubt that it's been easier for me than it would be for a woman in my shoes. But my situation aside, honesty is always the best policy.
@@23GreyFox Full disclosure is the only way to go. And yes...I really believe women with bigger scars and so on would probably have a tougher time than men. I know some women who have gone through this.. getting dumped or even abused for things similar.
I love how in the first story the husband was saying about his friend Carly “how would you feel if you were 35 with no husband or friends” like..... maybe there’s a reason for that 😂
The French restaurant story: if I were in her place, the missing prices would be odd but then again, I'm treated to a fine dining french restaurant so why question it? I mean, as long as I'm eating good food and spending time with me guy, why should customs matter?
Plus she didn't complain about the language of the menu. She complained when she saw hers didn't show the price so idk how people even bring up the language issue, she would've still ate something lol
She's literally doing the annoying turits stunt "if it's not like America it's bad", ppl need to accept that traditionality is part of what you're paying for while dining in an up-scale restaurant smh Edit: guys she's the asshole mostly bc she's still upset and trying to guilt trip the bf so long after the fact, tbh it's hard to tolerate traditions if you're unaware of them So like somebody already said 3/5 gf, 0.75/5 op
to be frank the Girl Friend is in the wrong here. She's the one starting an argument over the Menu's and then won't let go of it. Because I can tell you right now a 5 Star restaurant in France, would not comply to this request. and if you made a scene they'd just kick you out. They were both looking over the same Menu in the end.
I feel like it was a case of American Ignorance if I’m being honest. That’s just how it is, don’t be a bitch about it. Eat your food and keep it to yourself.
About that restaurant story: gonna side with the bf here. I don’t see why she would need the prices as he would have payed the meal probably anyway. Also after reading about the tradition in other comments where french people actually explained that the person who pays (usually the one who makes the reservation) gets the priced menu. I as a european (german dude) hate making a fuss about things like that, I see no harm done. They probably needed to share a menu either way with her not being able to talk and read French and he didn’t want to cause a scene as that can happen really fast because we all expect to be treated like humans and not boss around the waiter. And for the people who say „She couldn’t have know about this tradition without him telling her“, whenever I went to a different country I try to read up traditions on the internet and also learn a bit of the local language it comes in real useful and usually locals like it. Heck I love it when people try to speak German because you get the feeling people try to understand you. I have the feeling people from the US expect other people change to fit them instead of trying to fit in themselves. I’ve seen that happen, some Americans were trying to skip ahead of older Japanese people who probably wouldn’t have said anything so I just cut off the american tourists and the let the Japanese people in before me because I absolutely can’t stand this behavior.
I agree, when in someone else's home (country in this case), you don't assert your personal beliefs and potentially cause unnecessary drama. Yes, the bf could have agreed that he didn't like the practice (I don't personally think it matters), but that's not the underlying issue; the issue is that the gf was trying to force other people into doing things her way, instead of acknowledging that she was in a foreign environment and should have chosen to patiently observe to better understand the culture. Maybe there's a reason they do that, maybe there isn't, either way, immediate protest was not the answer.
Not gonna lie, I was yelling this same exact thought the whole time as I'm bi and may have to consider adopting, so I got annoyed they went so far as if it was an extreme measure.
@@LuckyPon3 They're totally bullying her and trying to guilt trip her. The baby would leave OP with so many health risks. I'm there with you. That makes me so angry.
“Implied legal threats” What they are going to sue you because they think they somehow have more rights to your body than you do? Tell them to screw off.
Legal threats. I would be amazed if they could find a lawyer scummy enough to actually take a case that boils down to "OP won't risk her health and life to be a surrogate for us". I would be floored if a judge didn't throw the case out straight away. If they have money to threaten legal action, that have the money for third party surrogacy, adoption or fostering. I also don't understand why the BIL and sister are so insistent on using OP, she's had two miscarriages and a stillbirth out of eight pregnancies. Even if OP was perfectly healthy and it posed little risk to her, why push to use a surrogate who has lost more than a third of her pregnancies? OP has every right to refuse, pregnancy is hard on women and highly disruptive to their lives at best. But her doctor is warning her, successful or not, getting pregnant again puts her health at risk, she has a solid gold reason to say no.
Here’s an idea for the couple that wants a baby: ADOPT!! There are tons of orphans out there who would give their left foot to be in a real family. Also, I don’t think the breast cancer survivor is totally in the wrong... she doesn’t have to tell him, no matter how long they were talking. However, before the act, she should have sat down with him and explained what happened and asked if he was still okay with it and told him that she didn’t feel comfortable with telling him. I wouldn’t be too keen on telling my fiancé when we were dating if that had happened to me. Physical deformities like that can scare the hell out of a girl because you don’t want to scare him away.
But those kids won't "really" be "theirs"! /sarcasm Seriously, tho, ADOPTION IS AN OPTION! Why are so many infertile people so forking entitled that they can't imagine adopting?
@@wmdkitty There was a couple I knew at church that I didn't know had infertility issues until the wife kind of blurted it out in conversation in the foyer outside the chapel. She didn't say straight up "we have infertility issues", but the way she talked about the topic made me feel she was talking first hand. they have 1 natural child, I watched her grow up from an adorable little girl to a beautiful young woman, and 2 adopted. It took 6 years for their adoption efforts to actually produce fruit. Man, the hoops you have to jump through to be awarded a child while a teenage girl can get knocked up just on her first try ( sometimes ).
Let me tell you a story, I met my gf almost 2 years ago in class. We talked for a bit and after that, we went for our first date after we got to know each other for about a month. During that time, I didn't really notice anything strange about her, but after our date. I saw her right arm was much shorter after her elbow and she only had 4 fingers on that arm (birth defect). Now what I do, I needed a minute to process, not because I was scared to continue, but what I was expecting is not quite the same as reality. What does that mean for us? I still love her to bits, and she is who I want to be with for the rest of my life. But understand that your expectations may not be the same as reality, and learn to accept the person and all their surprises for who they are.
As someone experiencing infertility (my husband in our case so no surrogate needed, but a sperm donor, adoption is not always a viable option, not only can it take years but there are no guarantees especially when the biological parents can and do back out on the adoption, sometimes right when the adoption is to be finalized. Ad thet doesn’t even touch on the child’s motional well being about his or her biological parents. I can and do understand the desire to have a biological child. I can also, to an extent, understand the desire for the sister in law to be a surrogate, as surrogacy can cost upwards of $100,000 USD, out of pocket. While adoption in this case is cheaper, it isn’t cheap itself either, often $30,000-$50,000 and I have no idea if they covers the multiple tries it might take for a successful adoption. Sorry for the novella but it can be a sensitive subject. I do think the couple should find a different surrogate though especially with the OP’s health issues, let alone the miscarriages.
For the sister story: Rslash i am so angry how you said that the guy was a bit harsh when the girlfriend (whos around 30 years old) fat shamed a 12 year old who was his sister! Gf gets solid 3/5 buttholes and OP gets 0.
@@pantsonparade have you ever been body shamed before? because if you have, it fucking HURTS. OP deserve 0 gf deserve at least 3. If your sister wa called fat, would you side with the person who called them fat? If you would, your not a very good person.
Exactly! I feel bad for the kid she hadn’t even LEFT THE ROOM so she probably heard it! My best friends get fat by their families and it can seriously lower self esteem and cause EDs
_About the second one_ He acted pretty fine I too would be mad, if someone had the audacity to disrespect my little sister, I would have do the same thing But with more cursing
I agree the girl in the restaurant OP explained to her it was a French tradition in fine dining and tbh if he made a scene they probably would have been told to leave and the gf who insulted the sister is just a bitch who op needs to get rid of
@@stargazer1998 Hey, this looks to be a great video to learn how to build a PC. th-cam.com/video/MtALhv22Ltk/w-d-xo.html&ab_channel=Robeytech I have built many in my time, this has very good step by step with full explanations.
yes, this is fair. coming from a family where EVERYTHING i recieved as a kid was considered the gifter's property (ex: telling a 5-year old his favorite toy belongs to the relative that gifted it, and said person can always take it back), i am very much against sharing things one pays for out of pocket. especially with snot-nosed brats that assume they can play on the host's computer.
If her son paid for the computer it's his choice who can use it. My buddy built a 12000 dollar gaming rig and he was sceptical of me using his machine but I did show him what I knew about computers and then he said I could. Maybe the cousin could show his cousin that he could use his machine without misusing it.
imagine being american, going to another country to experience their culture, then complaining that it isn't like american culture. that's the litteral most american thing i've ever heard in my life, and rslash agreed.
I know Im late reading this and watching this. Americans will never understand how some things are just different in Europe. Look Im UK born and bred, but I have spent alot of time in the states. They just dont understand there and its hard to explain. Well heeled people in Europe dont necessarily flaunt it, but there are unspoken rules, that some might call sexist. But I will also say if that American female had money and the male didnt she would of got the menu with the costs on it. Waiters are trained to watch and read people over here.
@@samstevens7888 that menu thing is just stupid and sexists, whatever country you are living in. I'm French, and last time I saw that was 20-30 years ago. I thought it wasn't a thing anymore. Anyway, if any tourist wants to try wonderful Michelin star restaurants, try NOT doing it in Paris and you will have a 20% lower bill at least. The smaller the city the better. Booking weeks in advance is still a thing everywhere though. And if you are given a menu without prices, just ask for another one. Nobody will bat an eye.
I don’t think OP is the a-hole. Carly clearly was relying on him to much. She also clearly didn’t care he was married because if she was an understanding person, she would understand that there are unspoken boundaries with friends in relationships because they have other priorities then yourself and won’t always have time for you. If this confrontation didn’t happen, she probably would had tried to sleep with him or lie and say he cheated on OP with her to end the marriage. She seemed desperate enough to do that since she was 35, had little to no friends, and liked him. So personally, OP is not the butt hole. OP’s husband however, 3/5 because he should had realized after the 4+ call that he was spending to much time with her and realize she was relying on him way to f-ing much. Buuut, I understand that he was to naive to see it since to him, he was just helping a lonely “friend” and felt bad for her. Thank you for listening to my tedTalk
This reminds me of my boyfriend's "Friends". These 2 girls were just trouble. To sum it up, when we first started dating these girls told my boyfriend that he can't spend time with me and NEEDS to be with. I sat at their lunch table with my bf and one friend even went as far as calling my boyfriend Daddy right in front of me and bragging to me how much their family loved him and how they should be together etc. My poor bf had known them for 2 years and couldn't tell they weren't good people and acting as if they were dating him, not me.They were very obsessive over him and acted as if they controlled him. They would always use him for their homework and tried to get him to pay for their meals and would show up to his house unannounced to pick him up and "hang out", which was going over the speed limit, drinking and vaping and trying to encourage my boyfriend to do it as well. These girls were 16. Not only that, they'd drive by where I lived on purpose and never took my boyfriend to see me when he asked, even though they would drive by. The whole thing got worse over time and they always would tell him how much of a bad person I was and that he should break up with me. That was one of my worst nights, I had dealt with them constantly bullying me and my own boyfriend just let it happen. We didn't break up though and agreed I would stop being upset when he hung out with those girls. About 3 months later I brought it up again and he finally listened and would hear me out. I don't know what took him so long but he realized that those people were not his friends. It was a whole show but, we're still happily together :)
I think also the fact that Carly seemed to not be interested in making friends with OP is kinda weird...like if i wanted a neighbor to come help me with something real quick and I knew he had a wife I would have invited her over too and made everyone some snacks for their trouble. The fact that she seems to invite only him over (and mostly when op seems to be gone a lot) and be friends with only him is a little strange and seems like she might have ulterior motives.
Pretty much agree with this. I think every couple, especially early in married relationships, kinda deal with this to an extent as you figure out how to be married. You learn fairly quickly the people who do respect the boundaries in your relationship and the people who don’t. Sometimes it’s a family member, a friend, a work associate, etc....and it’s not always romantic jealousy. Sometimes it’s that little snide remark they make about how they “don’t think this is gonna last” or something like that. It’s important to discuss boundaries with your partner so that there is a foundation of trust in your relationship. That way when stuff like that comes up, it’ll be easier to spot cause you’ll trust your gut and your partner.
I agree, I don’t see many people talking about the husband but I would definitely give him 3/5. He did the right thing by stopping it when OP said she was uncomfortable, but how could he not see it was becoming an issue before that? I mean he worked a lot, and then spent a ton of his off time at some other woman’s house. Having a friends is okay, but your friends shouldn’t ever be taking priority over your wife. That’s why I don’t get the comments saying both women are in the wrong.
1st story: NTA. Her husband is not a servant for his friends regardless of gender and household chores are a unit issue, not a friendship job. Her husband was being used as an emotional and life support animal and that's not friendship. I didn't hear any stories about the friend helping them. It's not equal or fair.
Yeah Carly was definitely over stepping boundaries. The wife and husband both talked thru their issues and the wife apologized realizing she had been rude. Carly not accepting that and making it seem the wife was controlling was waaay outta line. Especially when then husband set boundaries
The reason Carly got so bent out of shape was because she's totally into the husband, and is hoping he'll come around to wanting to be with her instead. The wife snapped because she'd been bottling things up instead of talking them out earlier, and work stress built up to her snap; she's not the butt-hole. Then, when the husband took the wife's side instead of Carly's, that made Carly lose her shit because it means he sees their relationship as purely platonic, which she doesn't want.
Yeah I think the same about the first story. Carly was totally using Jake and abusing of their supposed friendship and also she was intruding in the marriage, because, if Jake told her "hey Carly today I can't because I want to spend the day with my wife" that's it end of conversation; a real friend's answer to that should've been "ok dude, have fun" not insisting in that he went to help her anyways. It's a friend, not a servant and yes I also think she had second intentions with Jake. OP and Jake both dodge a bullet on that one. I hope in the future we don't see a continuation to this story where Carly went all crazy stalker on Jake.
It's not even the fact that she was his sister, what really pisses me off is the fact that she feels the need to comment on a prepubescent girl's body. That's disgusting and rude
Petrina Wilmot honestly. Especially around that age, it’s easy to feel insecure about your body. That’ll probably stick with her for a long time. I hope she won’t take it too seriously.
You wouldn't really know the feeling unless you had siblings, I think. I'm pretty chill. I don't get upset easily. It surprised me the first time someone said something off about my sibling. It's a rage so fast and intense even the calmest people can't control it.
Restaurant story: I'm not sure how things go really in French culture but it seemed like he didn't want to make a scene. It might not have been a big deal to get another menu or maybe it would've. I've heard of some pretty small stuff rubbing people the wrong way in high end restaurants where there are certain customs. I'm not saying the gf was wrong for being put off by it but also she's a tourist in another culture. There are going to be things in other cultures that are offputting by that's just part of visiting there
Hard agree dude. Rslash had a bad take on this; the world doesn’t revolve around Americans and their customs. Don’t like how they do it in France? Don’t go.
The French restaurant story reminded me of what my sister's boyfriend (who's Korean) said when he started taking her to Korean restaurants He explained not to be surprised if they hand her the bill because, in Korea, the woman often handled the finances
just like how some women still expect men to pay for everything. but the restaurant probably did the menu as such for people hosting friends/relatives. the host suggests/controls what the guests gets especially if they arent from around the region. that way they avoid the draining the host of everything and that everyone gets equal amount of food/plates/courses and the guest wont have any preconception of the food. some people will think a food item will taste better if its more expensive. as a result, they might be eating a food item/prepared in a manner that they are not keen with. i seen this way to many times as a waiter.. steaks untouched except a small corner because the item was not to their preference yet they ordered it as it was the most expensive item. (too big/ too tough when following their cooking temp preference... when there's a smaller steak that cooks faster and is more tender) idk about french tradition but maybe the guy should have asked for no prices menu for both instead of what R/slash saying. remember the saying of "if you have to ask for prices, you cant afford it" the guy could have said its not an issue...and earned points. and its a foreign country(to the girlfriend), what happened to "when in rome, do as the romans" ? creating a scene is humiliating for the host, might as well pour a drink on the guy's head. she could have asked about it after the meal. it may seem sexist small scale... but keep an open mind about other culture/tradition especially when you are abroad. its like demanding people speak english when you are in China/Thailand/japan...
I had told OP YTA because you didn't tell her beforehand, and because he "didn't want to start a scene" as if the waiter would stand his ground and be like "ABSOLUTLEY NOT!! WOMEN MUSN'T SEE THE PRICES." That type of tradition is there because hosts don't want their guests to worry about prices ffs.
Spineless parent??? You mean like a parent who rather than teaching their child that it's a person's right to say No and others need to accept that answer. Using it to teach their child about what hard work produces. What expensive means. How to look after expensive things and protect your property. That tantrums are not an acceptable way of handling rejection or emotions. Rather than using this situation as a teaching experience, they break their own parenting rules and give in allowing 3 times the amount of screen time. That's both spineless and lazy.
Restaurant Story: the girlfriend is heavily entitled, ever heard of “when in Rome do what the Romans do”. She doesn’t speak the language and doesn’t know the culture but thinks that SHE can dictate what is correct or not. Wanna see the menu?? Look at his, it’s not like she’s gonna pay her own bill He deserves better, he’s paying for a brat
I don't think it's “sexist" thing, in a lot of high class restaurants they only give a single priced menu to the one who will be paying and all the others get one without, it's something to make it so they don't worry about the costs and just enjoy what takes their fancy. My dad has a story about a boss of his who took a group to one of these restaurants and apparently started sweating profusely when one of the clients asked for a certain menu item, totally oblivious to the fact it was very very expensive. Basically for these places, if you have an issue with the way they do things, you're not part of their demographic
Exactly I've heard of people getting very very offended about traditions if u go there u go with the tradition. Same as the dress code I can imagine it was black tie so dress for the ladies prob saying no low cuts or sm and suits for the men no trainers? Shorts etc etc. That's OK but menu isn't. I like seeing prices too and yes I'd be a bit wtf but it means u don't have 2 stress about other person paying etc. Tradition this man had for 24 YEARS!! He's known u for 2 and only just brought u to France so not like u met many family at all no family gatherings not even spending Xmas together and now it's like yep OP change ur normal and disrespect the staff and chef and owner
Chunky sis story: OP was definitely justified in saying that to his gf. I remember being the same way when I was 12, having family and friends mock you because you're pudgy. Comments like that stay with kids longer than people realize.
Definitely agree. I wasn't even chubby, in fact I was bone thin from an eating disorder, but my family making rude comments about my weight, especially when I started putting weight on after beating it, almost made me fall back on it and I still have image issues to this day and it's been more than a decade.
the words are beyond cutting. also complaining to all the friends about what he said? she's at least a 4/5 buttholes. he could have handled it better, but not by much. 0.5/5 buttholes, but defending his sister gives him a 0/5
For the first time, I don’t agree with rSlash about the French restaurant story. If she wanted a menu with prices she should have gotten it herself, or shared (for a restaurant w/ Michelin stars, I'm pretty sure they speak English or at least understand if asked for a menu with prices). but making it a big deal about it and still talking about it is a red flag. I hope she paid a portion of the check.
The guy should have gotten her a menu with prices but the tradition of no prices is there so that the woman doesn't worry about it costing too much, he just handled it very poorly and should end the relationship
@@LuckyPon3 I agree. That country has deep, deep roots and does things the way they always have, I'm sure no one in France has an issue with it. Cultural thing I imagine.
Not only doesn't the girl speak a lick of French and expecting her boyfriend to act as her translator, no, she's also causing a scene like this even though she could just scoot over to her bf and look with him in his menue to see the prices. I would honestly re-consider that relationship.
Sorry rslash i so disagree with you on the guy telling his gf to shut the f up about his sis. I struggle with weight my whole life and when I was young being told to eat less and how I was the fat kid really messed me up. So the fact that a grown ass women would say that about a child is disgusting and deserve to be put in there place.
Yea. When I (Male) was younger one of my best friends mentioned once that I looked to be putting on weight and was getting fat (I wasn't). It really affects you when someone you care about says those things, even if it is false.
Well I think rslash agrees in that perspective. He did say he thought op was in the right in the situation, but that he should've handled it better, by instead of getting pissed and petty, he should've told her she stepped over the line and that he would not accept that behaviour again.
I disagree with Rslash COMPLETLY. For me, OP didn’t step over the line, he was defending his sister. I would do the exact same thing for my sister, even if she is older than me. I would’ve dumped the gf right then and there. *No one* messes with my family.
So true! I assume the gf is around OP's age (30yo), so why the fuck does a 30yo hag need to comment about anything on 12yo girls body who especially isn't her daughter or sister. I really hope that the little girl didnt hear it :.( OP reacted perfectly fine, the gf was rude and stepped over a boundary. Also as OP said the girl is a bit chubby, that doesn't equal overweight that affects her health, so they dont even have any real reason to worry about her. Probably the gf is just insecure about her own body image (thighs) and reflects that on other people
"You're a spineless parent for not taking possession of things that your son bought with his own money." *proceeds to be spineless by giving her son everything he wants so he won't cry or throw a tantrum* Hmmm, methinks someone is projecting.
Carly needs to find her own husband. Seriously, I know exactly how OP feels. I'd bet money on Carly having romantic feelings for OP's husband. Men and women can be friends for sure, but if your "friend" protests the establishing of boundaries and speaks ill of your spouse, it's 2000% time to end the friendship.
Number two: omg the brother is really not caring about op is she? Not only has she had trauma of miscarriges and stillbornes, but physical problems! And he still wants to make her have a Baby??? I woud cut all contact
Right? Like i am surprised she agreed on a second pregnancy after the miscarriage. She should not feel bad at all she has gone above and beyond for these people
I disagree with you about the French couple because they already had a menu with prices and op didn’t want to make a scene. I don’t understand why you or the girlfriend are upset about this sure it is a tad sexist but she can’t read the menu anyway because it is in French. Rant over great content Keep up the good work.
love how many people are saying they think hes an introvert i am assuming because somebody said it early in the comments and it made sense to them lol. i agree with you, theres no need to make such a big deal over literally just a menu since they already had a menu with prices
It's not an American thing, it's just a b****y thing. Same thing happened to my family while we were visiting France (it wasn't an as fancy place as the one described but still). We, being Americans, had no idea about the tradition, but thought it was funny only one menu had prices (the one my Dad had). We asked our waiter offhandedly about it, and she explained it as that back in the day men usually would be the ones who would not only pay for the meals but also order for everyone at the table. She asked us if we'd like menus with prices too but we didn't much care since we had already decided on what to get anyways. Just a quirky layover from another time period. When in Rome, you do as the Romans. There are MUCH worse sexist things going on in the world to get your feathers ruffled over rather than a simple old menu quirk. She couldn't even read French anyways! Clearly she was having to share menus with her bf for help unless it was a bilingual menu!
It's a menu. She doesn't know French. Pretty sure she wasn't going to pay for the dinner either. That girlfriend sounds more like a Karen than anything else. When you go to another country, you respect their culture and traditions and not try to pick a fight for stupid little things.
Is nobody going to talk about the fact in the breast cancer story the fact he said "You cheated me!" Proves he didn't care about the "lack of trust." Just the lack of a boob in general?
@@monet2779thats the point, he obviously only valued her for her body, whole thing is unironicly sexist. He felt cheated that he didnt get two full boobs and thats honestly like 12 year old mentality.
it was so uncomfy hearing not only the guy in the story, but rslash and the comment, saying that a medical proceedure, a scar, and a boob, is 'part of who you are'. blatant misogyny in this episode
@CatCheshire I mean it is if you are being sexist about it. Who she is and the exact details of her body are not the same thing. This is the equivalent of hiding a mole. It doesnt matter unless you are shallow/sexist.
I'd say she was lucky that he only told her to shut up. My best friend has a little sister (a late surprise pregnancy) she's also a little pudgy and very conscious about it. Everybody tries hard to make her feel better about herself. If anybody would dare to make such a comment the whole family+friends would go berserk on their arse.
I’m 12. I know much it can hurt and make you feel when somebody comments on your body. It can make you hate yourself and not stop thinking about it, she should know that. He was not in the wrong, the thing she said can scar her mentally for years.
(1st one) I think Carly’s response to the husbands attempt at boundaries says it all. OP isn’t the A-Hole and it’s fairly likely that Carly might actually like her husband.
It's hilarious to me that the girlfriend was complaining about not having prices on her menu when she wasn't the one paying. She wanted her boyfriend to take her to a Michelin star restaurant and foot the bill, but god forbid she couldn't see how much of HIS money she was spending.
Some people want to be conscious about how much money they’re spending even if it’s not their own money. That, and in the US, it’s generally a polite thing to not order a meal that’s more than the meal the person who’s paying is getting. Without that information, it could have made her uncomfortable.
@@minisn3066 Honestly my opinion is everyone sucks? The guy's GF is being a butthead for dragging this out as long as possible and not trying to start an adult conversation about the subject, but the guy is also an ass for being dismissive about her concerns and not doing that exact thing. I feel like the easiest compromise here is "Hey, let's just trade menus. I don't care how much we end up spending, but if you care about how much your meal is, feel free to use the one with the prices instead," since he seemed to not really care about the meal's price to begin with.
Honestly the French restaurant one gets me. It's someone else tradition. You don't go to someone's house and argue with them when they ask you to take off your shoes. If you travel somewhere excpect it to be diffrent than where you live
Its just a tradition. Many things that people do are offensive to others, its the fact of that she asked him to get her one and he refused and she didnt know of the tradition and was upset by it, its just a food menu its not like its a crazy tradition that hold super high respect
It's gets me too, tradition and culture never make sexism okay. Imagine a place where men were always abused. Now we don't abuse them anymore, but we give them a little slap in the face when they walk in the door just because we don't want to break the entire tradition. Traditions are only okay when they are okay for everyone. This is just a slap in the face to all women. You thought you were equal to us, think again. That is the message this sends. It has nothing to do with someones house rules. House rules would be to say "in this restaurant we acutally sit on the floor" or "we only have spicy food on the menu". It wouldn't be culture to say "blonde people pay 10% extra" or "black people or only allowed to sit on the left side on the resaurant" (and yes this last one would be considered culture many years ago, but we've learned that that's extremely inappropriate). so why would it be okay to say it's culture that women only get the kids menu because they couldn't understand prices.
@@whyyousotriggered6050 But he did tell her the tradition. She asked about why his had prices and her's didn't and he explained it to her. So she knew what she was doing. She could have shared if she wanted the prices, but it wasn't the prices that was the issue. She wanted to make a point to the restaurant. So she was trying to force a country to conform to her ways which is rude. Also, some people have really bad social anxiety, like myself, and it would be a big problem for me to ask the waiter to trade out the menu, more so that it would have been to share or switch. By the sounds of it was was upset before she wanted him to get her a menu. So she was already getting fussy. I would have been embarrassed to call over a waiter at that point. She was making a big deal over it before there was even a deal to make. If she wanted a new menu she could have asked. I'm sure the staff may have spoken English and if not she could have asked her bf how to ask in French. I would be trying to learn French phrases anyways if I was there. At least make and effort if she wanted the menu that badly.
That's like complaining about the tradition of using chopsticks when eating in an Asian resteraunt in Asia, and while yeah, they do offer other utensils, causing a big stink about a tradition of a different culture says more about her than anything else.
Also, the tradition isn't sexist per se. The menu with prices goes to whoever is buying the meal (yes, on a date generally assumed will be the man... we still have that tradition here in the states!). The idea is that the guest should feel comfortable ordering whatever they want and not feel guilty, as their date / host wouldn't bring them to such a place if money was an issue. These are very nice (aka expensive) restaurants and usually people are celebrating something, getting engaged, trying to impress, etc. It's an experience as much as a meal. I worked in a place like this for 6 years and only ate there once, but my husband and I had a great time.
For the first story the only one that was an asshole was Carly, the couple apologized and talked it out just fine but Carly was the one that didn’t accept the decision
Yup. Might have been debatable if they hadn’t talked about it and reached out, but Carly has to feel some help/support/friends who are NOT Jake. Even if you are someone’s best friend, you cannot expect their world to revolve around you if the friend is married. And it didn’t sound like Carly was pulling her weight in the friendship.
I'm not from France, but I am french Canadian and I know that like many countries France has a lot of old/weird traditions. But they are very nice people, and I think it was rude of the girlfriend to behave that way. Yeah, her boyfriend still should have asked for a menu, but since the tradition is old he maybe was to anxious to ask for that.
I’m very late watching this, but I was looking for this comment 🙌 I thought I was crazy when r/slash said the bf was a butthole for not sticking with his gf, but that the gf wasn’t a butthole for disrespecting their tradition? Majorly disagreed with this
Not only that, she already has health risks which includes high blood pressure. It’s extremely dangerous to get pregnant with high blood pressure because it can lead to a dangerous condition called preeclampsia which leads serious even fatal complications for both the mother and the baby. It’s highly recommended that you don’t get pregnant when you have high blood pressure.
@@limiv5272 yes but it sounded like they can't get their own children and sil is said to be at risk by getting more children so before putting a person at risk I would consider adopting.... And as I said there are lots of children without parents
@Not_Yuuji P Sure, I was talking about some other aspects, like having different traits from the parent owing to their different genetics or the adopted child possibly having some traumatic past which still affects them
The restaurant one. Why didn't she get a menu for herself? Upscale French restaurants generally have waiters that speak both French and English....so why did she need a man to request the menu for her? Seems a bit like she is selectively feminist here..... I also REALLY want to know who paid the cheque.......
That's why I said NTA when I read that story on Reddit. The gf could have easily asked for a different menu and op never said he would stop her if she did
Maybe the French restaurant gave him the priced menu for being the name on the reservation? Or for being the obvious french one assuming he was hosting a guest? Just seems pretty insensitive to assume people are doing something for evil reasons just because you refuse to contemplate other possibilities. Especially if they're another culture that you have very little knowledge about, at that point all you're doing is assuming their culture must be evil because it isn't just like yours.
In France, it is often expected of men to pay for their girlfriend at the restaurant. It is a way of saying "look, i'm interested in you". But it is not only for girlfriends, children also don't get the menu with prices. I must add it is debated in France nowadays, because a lot of people feel like they owe something after that. And also because girls want to invite their boyfriend to the restaurant. It leads to funny situation where the guy is handed the bill and the girl has to step up saying "Actually I am paying this". You are absolutely right, it is not evil or anything, it's just like that. As a French girl, it doesn't bother me at all since i speak the langage and can still explain things to the waiter. What bothers me though, is tourist acting completely obvious of French Culture. I've seen people snapping their fingers at the waiters to call them, which is EXTREMELY RUDE here (that's like saying the waiter is your dog) or just expecting all the waiters speak english (obviously not all of them speak english). Reading about a country "etiquette" in quintessential
@@ibourbia Snapping your fingers at anybody in any context except maybe a few rare cases is extremely rude, I don't think I've ever heard of a country where that is ok.
ibourbia im American but I still agree with you, only place I’m going to is Germany and that’s because I’m almost fluent and know their traditions and what to expect. Oh and the 🍺. But yeah she is in the wrong because instead of just asking for a menu, she made a scene about how the traditions of restaurant, that she was visiting, was sexist, but instead she got mad at her boyfriend too because he didn’t want to break the restaurants traditions, Jeez.
ibourbia oh and when vacationing in Florida in the US, we were visiting a nice restaurant and this blonde lady with her kids and her husband whistled and snapped her fingers at the waiter after taking too long to get their appetizers, they even mocked the waiter out loud after he said it will take them a bit longer because of how much people there were. Since I’m from a small town I’m not used to heckling at a waiter but I guess it’s big city traditions in America.
Okay, on the restaurant story, a few things to clarify, being French myself : If the restaurant was as upscale as said in the post (michelin stars and expansive enough for the women's menu to not have prices) they 100% have AT LEAST a server or two who is perfectly able to speak English for these kind of situations, if not all of them. It depends from place to place and person to person, but we're typically non confrontational when it comes to food businesses employees. From personal experience, that's even truer in Paris because the whole staff can and WILL band against you to make your evening as bad as possible within the confine of not being able to be fired. You can expect general rudeness, being talked down to, or even just plainly not listened at all. What OP doesn't say is that here's what would have probably happened : his girlfriend wouldn't have had her priced menu. They'd have switched her priceless menu for another, and had they requested it again, would have most certainly continued like that until they got confrontational, at which point they were gonna ruin their own evening. OP clearly knew this. On the one hand, we had someone who didn't want to kick up a storm and spend a quiet evening, though he should have explained himself better, and on the other we had someone who was actually unwilling to communicate in a foreign country by herself even though she had the means to. Not the asshole, but communication should have been better handled.
I think the couple could have also compromised the tradition. After figuring out what they wanted, he could have let her look at the menu with the prices on it. People often focus on what they want and how they think to get it that they fail to see they could have gotten the actual desired result by taking a completely different approach.
Not to mention that if it's part of the French tradition to do such things, it's part of the culture. Lady, you're a guest to your boyfriend's culture, don't be stomping in like you own the place. Yea you may not like certain things, but you have a home that you can go back to when the trip is all done with.
one thing that you also forgot to mention is that most michelin stars restaurant do have english menues so even if it was a tradition they could have asked for that for the gf
The one thing that could have helped, would have been a warning or an explanation besides tradition. Speaking as an American woman myself, I would have been bothered but wouldn't have made a scene about it since I'm non-confrontational. I like knowing the price of the food I'm ordering, since I don't want to fleece my boyfriend or anyone treating me. So he could have told her the differences to expect in a French restaurant as opposed to an American one. Though I find it weird she's been dating the guy for years and doesn't know ANY French? Especially since they were planning to go there to see his family. I would have made an effort to learn a little of my partners language, at least a few freaking sentences. So she might not have had 'pure' intentions of visiting France to begin with.
I knew a girl like Carly once, except she was my ex’s ex-girlfriend. They wanted to stay friends after the break up and I was ok with it.. until she continuously need him to be there for her emotionally/physically, calling him all day everyday, sending selfies of herself, asking him to be there for her when things went wrong with her life (she seems to get herself into trouble a lot). And my ex-bf who has a hero-complex wanted to always be there for her, to the point I had to put my foot down and said she isn’t invited to be part of this relationship and I know you two have a history, but this is beyond rude. She ended up calling me and scream at me for coming in between “their friendship”. He never stood up for me. He let her call me nasty names and even sided with her. I’ve also found out so many secret texts and phone calls between them. Towards the end, he ended up staying in a motel with her for 3 nights when she called and needed his “friendship” right now. This was kept a secret to me and I found out a month later. Pretty much why he’s an ex. Good riddance.
Damn thats horrible sorry sis but im happy to hear that you moved on. Her husband should have never thought it was cool to be that close with another single female while hes married. If his wife was cooking, cleaning and being there for another man would he be cool with that?
Okay, first off. Never. Never gwt with someone who is "just friends" after a relationship. That never works out. Also, hes garbage, shes garbage and im glad you know your worth.
rSlash really showing his american view of the world with the French tradition story. I've seen those types of americans come to my country and complain about our traditions and want to be confrontational about everything. I'm with OP on that one because I understand where he was coming from. It was more of a culture shock. The gf was the butthole for not letting it go.
I'm American, and I agree with you. I've fortunately travel the world quite a bit. I wouldn't go and complain about a tradition in another country. When travelling I try to read up on traditions for the counties I'm going to be a guest at. I definitely think she was in the wrong completely. I would have just been happy to try new food and learn new things. It's frustrating for me that some Americans act entitled when we are a guest in another country.
The funny part in the whole post was when she said she was going to leave the restaurant like where are you supposed to go you're in entirely different country where you don't even know the language
@@Aaa-oz1vh that’s the thing, the people from that culture don’t find that practice sexist. You - from your cultural experience view it as sexist, they - don’t, why is it such a hard concept to grasp?
The first I honestly don’t see how she’s in the wrong Carly seems hella obsessive and someone who doesn’t respect boundaries Also the second is hella gross trying force someone into pregnancy coz you want kids yes being infertile is awful beyond words but Jesus Christ this woman’s health is on the line
I definitely agree with that but I also think the wife should have communicated with the husband about it first. She should have approached him by saying “hey hubby, I know you and your friend have a close relationship and would never come between that. But I feel that she is trying to get between our marriage and not respecting boundaries. I just want her to understand that we are married and give you the right amount of distance.”
@@rockgirl369 luckily he realized he needed to lay down boundaries, because the husband did not handle it well either initially until he realized what he was doing was affecting his marriage too. It's not just OP that needed to say something, the husband had his hand in causing this situation too.
rockgirl369 or he can stop being stupid, and know that she went too far. She shouldn’t have to say anything, if a single woman invited your husband to her house alone, there is no communication, that’s ridiculous
Like lots of others are saying, you're wrong on the French one. Prices are for the paying party, not everything is seen in an American point of view. If they were going Dutch that'd be one thing, but since it's presumed he was paying there was no reason for those not paying to have menu with prices on it. It's a Michelin star restaurant, not an Applebees. It was such a non-issue till she had to get "American Karen" about it.
Also... She could have asked for a priced menu herself. They speak English in that kind of restaurants, especially in Paris. And I think the confrontational attitude was the real problem. He felt like she wanted to make a scene, so he refused to ask. It's really not the kind of places many French people would feel comfortable making a scene. Plus this kind of restaurant will tell you to leave as soon as you are disturbing other customers. They have a month-long waiting list and will value other customers' peace over a rude one.
Exactly it's not a big deal. If hes paying why should she be upset? If she was paying and couldnt see prices then thatd be sexist. Traditions in other countries are different and have deep history with them that your garden variety Karen wont understand. She should be happy hes paying for such a nice restaurant in the first place
agreed. I prefer menus with prices just so I can know I'm not spending too much of someone else's money, but I wouldn't make a scene about it. Especially if it's another country, since different countries have different customs (not all of us Americans are ethno-centric narcissists :) )
This is the first time I have to disagree with his verdict. True he could've asked for the menu; I get his point, but getting mad for something as minor as a menu price when you could've asked them yourself? Now I know this is highly unlikely, but what if he asked and the restaurant said "no sir"? What will she do? Something tells me this guy knows his GF too well to not embarass himself in front of his parents / relatives. This scenario sent karen signals all over the place for me. You're in another country jesus fking christ chill! She's just upset she waasn't able to talk to the manager.
The breast cancer survivor story: In my personal opinion, even though I agree 3 years is a long time and she could have opened up, a lot of people just want to be treated normally despite what they've been through. I'm personally a little on her side. Breasts shouldn't really matter, as long as you love the person, right? There are lots of points I suppose she could have told him or at least dropped hints to expect something, but I still sorta agree with her. The little sister story: Bish, get in the trash. The restaurant story: Sharing a menu wouldn't have been a problem, or ask the prices of what she sees she likes on her menu would've also sufficed. That's their tradition, it's not sexist, she don't understand it because she didn't bother researching, he's not sexist and she's the one constantly bringing it up while OP could and would gladly forget about the whole deal within a day if she would shut her yap. If ya want to break up with her because she won't let it go, do so. Seek out what's best for you.
Regarding the breast story, where you have it wrong is that she should've told him when she planned to move in or, failing that, when she planned to be intimate. If she had been up front and honest about it, it might've gone differently. But she assumed that because he "loved all of her" that she didn't need to tell him. So in that regard, the problem isn't that he didn't love her, it's that she didn't love him enough to be honest. You can't have a good relationship if you can't be honest with your partner.
I think my main issue with the breast story is that that one reddit commentor wrote as if one tit was the equivalent to a dishonesty equal to cheating.
@@MrCrunchytime if a missing breast is enough for you to stop loving someone, you never loved them. Perhaps, the real assholes are the people who use "love" se carelessly without actually meaning it.
Especially since in France, we don't like confronting people in public places. We don't really have Karen types of situation in restaurants, as that would be seen so badly.
Yes, how dare she not want to be discriminated against on the grounds of her gender, the audacity! What an uppity woman, actually wanting to be treated like an equal human being!
It’s literally impossible to not judge someone. It is a normal human behavior. It’s what you do with it that matters. Stop being so offended over other people’s preferences
TK UA I agree with you saying about how judgment is a natural behaviour. However, I disagree with you saying to stop being insulted by people’s judgement. We also have emotions and people can be really damaged mentally by someone making rude comments to them. Yes, it’s ok for people to judge others, it’s not ok however to speak out your judgement if it harms others. Just because you can say it doesn’t mean you should
I disagree Sith rSlash's take on the restaurant one. The tradition, while stupid, is quite the non issue. Like, you can easily get around it by just looking at the menu with the prices or just communicating openly with each other. But for the gf to bring it up for ages afterward is stupid and really making a mountain out of a molehill.
Right? Like if you want to see the prices just ask your bf the price. It’s really not that hard, yes a bit outdated of a tradition but it’s not that deep.
I'm with you on this one. Every culture has it's own traditions. I'm from the UK and I'm sure that there are things we do that I wouldn't think to mention to someome from another culture as for me, they are just normal everyday things. This story for me boils down to "Well this isn't how we do things where I'm from, I demand you complain and confront a waiter about this immediately!" That's a very intolerant and egocentric way of approaching the situation.
@Nathan545 To be honest I can't really think of anything off the top of my head but I'm sure there must be some things we do that could be odd. Like how we spontaneously queue.
Forget a surrogate, there's an estimated 35 million orphans in the world. Insisting on having a biological child when you could be giving one or more of those orphans a loving home is freaking selfish. If they really want to be parents then they should adopt. Girlfriend who insulted the 12 year old gets 20 out of 5 assholes.
I agree with you. But people want biological babies. They don’t understand how orphans become and feel like ur absolute family. But there’s a whole stigma on it and people want their own biological babies. Plus it’s so hard to get babies for adoption - absolutly true. What ur talking about is preteens/teens/almost adults. Most have extreme trauma and it takes a special kind of person with a lot A LOT of time on their hands.
You're not wrong, orphans deserve homes. Though some people simply want their own children. I think the problem there is with the people who go out and make all the orphans. It's not hard to wear a condom, or just not integrate with someone if you know you can't handle a baby. Abortion, is also a thing. I know many people don't like to even consider it. However weighing the effects of an unloved parentless child, vs one when the parents are ready well ... It's a large difference.
The first one: NTA. Carly needs to learn boundaries. The restaurant one, NTA. The guy didn't want to start a scene in the restaurant. She can't just go to another country and protest how they do things in restaurants. I'm kinda surprised r/Slash took her side on this. She was the one putting a restaurant above their relationship. Is the tradition ridiculous and sexist? Absolutely. But insisting that your boyfriend confront the waiter about it is more ridiculous. Calling your boyfriend sexist because he didn't want to go up against his birth country's tradition is beyond ridiculous. Just roll your eyes at how absurd the tradition is, enjoy your meal and go about your life. Pouting over it or confronting a waiter is not going to change that tradition.
It's not even sexist. It could have been 2 couples at the table. If there's only one person paying, that person (M or F) is the only one with prices on their menu.
It's about who's hosting. That way, guests have a nice time and don't worry about the money. If it were a group of people, only the host would have prices so they can figure out the bill
I get why they have the rule, but it is a little patronizing. I guess it's just a matter of opinion because I can really see it both ways. But either way, it really doesn't need to be a big deal.
It’s not sexist, IT’S. THE. HOST. THAT. HAS. THEIR. NAME. ON. THE. RESERVATION. rSlash doesn’t have enough information on the subject. Edit: said racist by accident
Restaurant story: yes, him getting another menu wouldn’t have been a big deal, but her just sharing his menu also wouldn’t have been a big deal. I feel like the issue was pretty even, but she decides to constantly bring it up and complain about this small situation they were in. Sounds like she’s the asshole.
True. I feel like she was making a fuss about nothing. Sure he could ask for another menu for her, but as she could see the one he already had, it was useless. Sounds incredibly childish and rude to me since the start.
I agree. It was dumb fight. I understand he could just have asked for that menu, and it is fine. But making it a big deal, like she somehow needs to teach this restaurant a lesson, is problematic.
Holy hell. The breast one... I'm sorry, that's a hard thing to bring up, first and foremost. I had a hard time even telling my parents that I wanted mine removed (both of them) and then freaking out about how society would treat me without them. Society is built around how women SHOULD look and if they don't then they are ugly. I can imagine OP was scared and didn't know how to bring that up. Sure some people have discomfort around amputations and such but if he can't understand that it's probably not easy for her to admit she's missing something society sees as vital for a woman to be a woman then he's not worth her time. I know someone who was afraid to remove her wig after she lost her hair. She went to great lengths to make sure her bf didn't know because she was 100% convinced that he'd never even look at her again if he found out. They are married now and the kicker...now that her hair is growing again she keeps shaving her head because he loves how she looks without it.
While Carly crossed the line, asking for Jake's time when she KNEW his day belonged to his wife, the problem is that when you're friends with a married person and you're single, you'll get scraps of their time. Either make peace with that or move on.
Absolutely true. And if the married person has a lot more time than average because their spouse is a hospital worker (respect to all medical workers especially right now) understand that on some days, they won't want to spend ANY time with anyone else, unless it is a family or close friend thing.
About the restaurant: I know some german restaurants where only one person gets a menu with prices, the host. This is so he and everyone else can order freely as it is tradition not to order anything more expensive than the host.
That isn't the case in this situation, I have been to upscale French restaurants, they are sexist and as someone who wasn't aware of the sexism that was going to occur I can understand why she was upset.
Yeah, people always make fun of others traditions especially Americans and Brits. I would love to tell them to frick off and throw their guns out first before talking about other nations traditions.
Yes, it is unreasonable to feel offended by something that is customary even if unknown. Culture is not logical and there was no attack to her. Making a scene there was unnecessary, but he could have handed her the priced one. However she should have gone if it was worth fighting over it for months. She is hugely unreasonable just for making a crusade out of it, despite staying.
wow this Carley is a piece of work, like i would give her the benefit of the doubt before the last call, but then she accuses OP of being sensitive?! this lady is playing the long game to sow divide between the couple, and they did great discussing it honestly together
For the cancer girl, I feel like she should have told him before getting intimate, but she's not an asshole for not doing it. She didn't cheat him by wearing a pad so that it's not completely obvious that she had a breast remove, it's probably super important for OP and her confidence. Unless she was like "I'm sure you'll love my TWO beautiful breastS when we'll sleep together" when talking to him, she definitely did not cheat. At this point it's a question of preference. Should you tell every potential partner about your pubic hair grooming habits to make sure it matches their preference? Although I'd say that a missing breast is a bit more extreme, that's why it would have been a good idea to tell him, but not telling doesn't make her an asshole.
I agree she didn't cheat him but she should have said something before they were getting intimate so it didn't come as a complete surprise when they were wanting to be intimate as that's not when you want any surprises that could effect the intimacy negatively
@@azroceankitarn9620 I agree that you don't ask certain things of anyone but if you're planning on getting intimate with someone, share things that you have going on with your body that may effect that intimate act or effect the other person but you don't have to share anything further than "i have no natural boobs and I use this method to look like I have boobs" or "I have this STD." Sharing info with a potential partner before you're actively trying to get intimate is a good way to make sure you don't get as hurt by a bad reaction to something as it stings way more to have a bad reaction when you're intimate or feeling vulnerable than it does if they react badly when you tell them when you're in a spot where you aren't feeling vulnerable or trying to be intimate with someone. Sharing info that may effect an intimate moment before it happens will also help with making sure if that does happen, you will have a more enjoyable time than if it's "surprise! (insert whatever info)" as you're trying to have that moment
“Your partner is supposed to support you in every situation” Also Unless if they only have one breast then u should definitely not support her and not consider the amount of crying,pain, and insecurity she felt before and after her surgery.
@@ApplePi3.1415 I really don't think its about the breast, it that she lied about it for so long from someone who she should have felt comfortable sharing that with. If she wasn't, then maybe they aren't ready to live with each other if they aren't close enough. If I were him I would be like "wait.. What??" Then "why didn't you tell me? Do you not trust me? Do you not feel comfortable telling me things? It seems you don't trust me enough to tell me about something significant to you. What else haven't you told me? How can I trust you if you hide things from me? And if you feel like you have to hide them from me, how can you feel like we are ready to live together? Ect". The whole thing is so much deeper than just missing a breast. I completely understand being upset in that situation. Replace missing breast about anything that important. What if you have a kid and hid that for 3 years. Doesn't change how things have been in the relationship really or their sex life, but its the lie that changes things.
@@wilber9220 she never said anything about it because of insecurities, it shouldn't be a main thing to talk about. I mean nobody goes up to their partner and says "hey, I have stretch marks" or "hey, I have a bit of stomach fat" so why should there be higher expectations for her. I understand being shocked but not hating her. This amazing woman overcame CANCER and all you think about is that shes missing something that not even all women have? Tbh, I would even understand how the man got turned off by it at first. But breaking up with her and having people shame her for it is unbelievable. Her boyfriend is in the wrong, lets be honest he would be livid if she got turned off by by attributes of his body that made his insecure, so why should he turn around do the exact same thing to her?
The girl in the restaurant story is wrong for making a mountain out of a molehill. There was much better ways to spend there time together than telling french people to act american in france. Just pathetic
im sortof conflicted about that as well. i kinda like the idea, the guy taking his gf to a restaurant. i kind alike the idea that the lady doesnt need to know the prices, you can just order without having to consider if you are picking the cheapest or the most expensive option. sortof sexist. but then again, the guy in the post was talking about "it was not a problem since i was making good money". which i translate to mean he is paying for it. (cant be sure but that is how i understant it) which would mean, hes paying for it, and she is angry that the restaurant assumes he is paying for it. as a man im just thinking, if she was paying for the meal. id just swap the menus and thats it. no need to spoil an expensive night in a restaurant to bitch about equality. your partner is supposed to have your back over a restaurant sure. but your partner should also not ruin a special evening in a fancy restaurant with months of a line in and a dresscode.
I agree.Why did she want the price menu? It's not like she's paying her half. If she'd been going out with him for two years and didn't even attempt to learn the basics of the language, she's not that into him.
@@yunthi Having your partners back does not mean , always agreeing with them. It means doing your best for that person. Even if it means to say something as simple as " When in Rome do as the romans do " . In the long run, doing that is having your partners back in much a deeper way.
I mean the thing with not having prices for woman ist no big Deal in Europe every like 3 Star Restaurant ans even hotels and stuff expect us man to pay as its Tradition i mean wheres your Problem u get a price later anyway u can share but like why the fk would u be like that so 100% agree with u my man
I didn't realise the menu thing was a French thing. It dates back to when men were always paying, the women wouldn't be told the price, this way they could choose without taking the price into account. I think it's nice because if I know someone is paying for me, if I know the price I'll take whatever is cheapest even if I don't even like it. But nowadays the person paying isn't always a man, so they could have explained they were splitting the check and they would have been both given a menu with prices. I do however understand why OP didn't want to make a scene. These restaurants are so uptight, you're afraid to do anything wrong, and since waiters don't rely on tips in France like they do in the US (every price shown in every restaurant here includes the 15% gratuity for the waiter), they don't come back to your table to refill your glass, especially in upscale restaurants because it's considered rude to hover over customers and bother them. So OP would probably have needed to get up and go find someone, and everyone would have looked at him, or to wait until someone asked if they were ready to order, only to explain they weren't because the girlfriend didn't want to order from a menu without prices on it. Pretty uncomfortable, and since they could share the same menu, I think the girlfriend was unreasonable asking he make a scene for something completely unneeded. I mean, she couldn't even understand the menu in the first place and he was happy to share the prices with her. I do wish all restaurant asked when you come in who is paying so that only that person would get a menu with the prices on it. That would take a lot of stress off the people who aren't paying!
I completely get what you're talking about, I've personally never been to a super fancy restaurant but I know from experience that the waiter doesn't always hop by your seating area unless for asking for the order. Though, usually the menu with prices (according to what little bit I've read) goes to the people who are HOSTING so if he placed the reservations in his name he would've been automatically viewed as the host and given the priced menu.
Agreed. It's not 'sexist' per say, but it's how France does things. I can understand her frustration, but upscale restaurants don't help you unless you order. It'd be real weird to go up to a waiter and ask them for a second menu. It's time consuming and it makes everyone uncomfortable. I think the max i can really give is 1.5/5 assholes here, but she's being unreasonable and you need to break it off for both of your sakes. Better to end it instead of living in constant anger and guilt.
Agreed. Sometimes you have to choose your battles. GF shouldn’t have made a scene. That said, BF shouldn’t have dug his heels in and simply switched menus with her. Ideally, he would have told her what to expect beforehand.
Yea I totally agree different culture, different way to handle stuff like this. It's pretty sexist but it's other people culture either respect it or just leave. I know it sounds bad but this is still a gray area to mess with.
The uterus story: In the Netherlands we have this thing; baas in eigen buik. It means that you are boss about your belly, and basically nobody is allowed to physically force or restrain you from getting an abortion or having a baby.
10:40 I disagree with you, she could have accepted that it is a harmless tradition and if she wanted to see the prices she could have just looked into her BFs with him. OP can't change how french restaurants do their things. I'm a shy person that hates social interactions so for me asking a waiter would be hell. I also think she is going too far with reminding him of that small incident again and again
@@nobodyimportant9603 it depends on the waiter if they were young then they probably wouldn't care but if they were older and especially with how she was getting really mad at it they might have spit in their food or done something else to it and have gotten nasty looks from others in the restaurant
Nobody Important you can’t say that though. To you it’s not a big deal but they just said they were shy and it would’ve been hard for them. All people are different.
My best best friend in this world is a guy and Carly needs to realize that when your best friend is a guy, your relationship has to change when they get into a serious relationship. It's just the way it is and in order to stay in his life, there needs to be clear boundaries of respect for his significant other
Maria Hillenbrand I agree so much. My best friend is also a guy and me and his girlfriend are also super close. I basically lived with them for a while even. That only worked because it’s very obvious we’re just friends. And a big thing for having that relationship with the girlfriend was talking with her about all the annoying things he does. Lol we decided to handle his negative traits in halves. Doesn’t always work but honestly if the guy is actually your best friend and you’re not interested in each other. The friendship with his partner should be easy. As long as they’re not hyper jealous.
That’s also what should happen to a guy with a female best friend who gets into a serious relationship. You gotta realize that you aren’t the most important person of the opposite gender to them.
My mom's a Carly with my fiance and she always makes my fiance tag along while I am not (not ever) invited and it's all the time. We've tried talking to her about it and of course doesn't understand why it's too much
Agreed, I have the same. I am married and my husband has always been ok with my friend and me spending time together if it doesn't eat drastically into our alone time together - but my friend recently got a steady girlfriend who is more nervous about other women so we spend very little time together now. I'm ok with that, I want him to be happy and just make the most of the times we do go out :)
Also, my husband used to have a Carly - it came to boiling point when she used to phone him on his hour long commute home every night and he would go into other rooms to talk to her on lengthy chats.
"Hey, waiter, can you break standard tradition around these parts?" No, his girlfriend was being a karen and he did nothing wrong. The fact she still brings it up is evidence of this.
Nathaniel Lemon you’re right it is whoever booked the table no matter how many people are in the party receives the menu with prices is given to them unless otherwise requested so the host may order things for the table without anyone being self conscious
I actually feel really bad for the cancer survivor. Yeah she didnt tell him, but it seems that everyone just dogpiled on this poor woman without acknowledging how humiliating that whole event would have been, and how incredibly juvenile and shallow her boyfriend comes across.
I think the boyfriend did overreact, but she should have told him some time before they decided to have sex so it wouldn't be a shock. What did she expect? But he should have gotten over it and if he really loved her he would love her no matter what her body looked like. But I do agree that if she was hiding that from him, he's going to wonder what else she's hiding. They both exhibited bad behavior, IMO.
The whole "you lied about who you are" is really disgusting regardless, ir reeks of the stigma women face when removing their breasts for whatever reason and they are treated like they aren't women anymore. Obviously she should have told him but the take on the situation was really gross.
@Atori-san I agree with you on that part, I just feel like the response from rSlash and that commenter was disproportionately harsh about it. Saying she should've told her boyfriend on beforehand and that she might've startled him is one thing, going into a long "you've lied about your entire being because not having breasts is a defining factor into your personality" is another, and it was.... iffy, at best. Women without breasts are still women.
As for the French restaurant story, if she’s such a feminist, why did she not get a price menu herself? Why did he have to do it? And it IS a tradition in a lot of European countries that a host get the price menu so that their guest don’t feel uncomfortable ordering something too expensive. It’s not that big of a deal. She could have also offered to split the bill afterwards if she was concerned about him paying too much. I don’t think the OP was in the wrong.
@@Delphineas That kinda depends tbh. If he lives in america with her, and never showed any interest in her knowing french, then she obviously wouldn't learn it. On the other hand it is also possible she is bad at languages. I am Dutch myself and have tried learning french, but to me it is an insanely hard language to learn. To be honest It is not at all high on my priority list, as I don't really care about french that much at all, but still I can imagine it being difficult.
You’re 100% right. If she wanted a menu with prices because she wanted to prove their habit was sexist, then SHE should have asked for it, and SHE should have offered to split the bill. Especially since she picked the place to begin with.
@@Delphineas I mean, i've known my girlfriend for over 3 years now, and dated her for nearly 2. She speaks Albanian and i speak Danish, and while she does want to learn Danish, i'm honestly not too interested in learning Albanian, primarily because we intend to live in Denmark, so i don't really have a reason for it. I don't see how that's a red flag? I fully intend to live the rest of my life with her, and i consider myself very caring and supportive, she goes to me with all her troubles, and i gladly help her get through it. But i don't really have any intention of learning Albanian still.
@@toniwines9701 I'm guessing she would have if she knew the language. He said he had to do all of the communicating because she doesn't speak French. She had to ask him to translate for her.
The story where the guy sticks up for his little sister against his girlfriend that could damage his sister if she heard it she’s 12 girlfriend had it coming and I would’ve dumped the person.
Rslash showed off his own entitlement side on the restaurant story. "I'm American and don't like your country's customs. I demand you do it my country ". Smh
Yeah I am actually pretty mad about that one! You never say that kind of stuff about a child! That poor girl is probably going to have issues for her whole life because of that comment!
Oh no no no, that French story. Yeah it's weird that there is a tradition like that but it's a high rated restaurant, he had to make reservation early on, AND he forgot those traditions even existed. How was he suppose to know that she would be bothered by that. It's fine to be annoyed by it but to keep bringing up something he has no control over? That's absolutely a red flag. He can't change how the restaurant works. She already kept to the dress code and their rules but she's not making a problem out of that so why this? If people actually thought that idea was a problem, they would have changed it. But they don't, they adapt and accept for what it is. They could easily switch menu's or ya know.. discuss it with the person who has the prices.
Yeah, I give that guy no buttholes. I haven't even been to France, and even I could guess at least 3 different reasons for the tradition that have nothing to do with "sexism".
It'd be awesome if you could follow my podcast and give me 5 stars on itunes!
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Mk sure
Of course!
Sure thing
Already did it
How are you today rSlash?
"How would you feel if you were 35 and alone and without many friends?"
Oh, I feel fine, thanks for asking! And I've no need to borrow anyone's husbands.
Legend 😂
RUINED
@@tobydodson4673 yeah? Well some people ain't gay
R/murderedbywords
38 and single. Hell yeah, no need for someone else. I have videogames, my brothers, and lots of friends gaming. I have no need for someone to come over take up all my time spend all my money and leave. I spent my whole twenties that way. I'm not doing that for my rest of my life.
OK in the one with the guy losing his temper when his nasty gf's comment about his 12 year old sister, he was right to do so no matter what. And she badmouthed him in front of everyone because he called her out on it?! The guy ought to stand his ground: "Nope, not apologizing until she apologizes to my sister for such a malicious comment."
Tbh, I personally think it is a red flag. She not only was saying something so nasty about a 12 year old, she expected OP to agree with her, and then (as you said) bad mouthed him to everyone. She clearly can’t see she is isn’t she wrong so she will not learn from the incident. Maybe she won’t say it to OP, but she will def still think nasty things like that still. And it’s just nasty.
Yeah!! Like what kind of bitch body shames a 12 year old?? Jeez let the kid live!!
At first I would have definitely apologized but after learning about the part where she told all his friends that he's a butthole I wouldn't apologize and in fact I would become single even if the sex was good
Op is not the but hole
Yeah we have different opinions but don't badmouth someone because of their opinion he gives us this as enjoyment but the gf is the butthole
Okay the surrogate mom story, I just want to mention that is horrible for them to ask a mother to have another baby for their sake after so many children already. Childbirth take a toll on the body like nothing else. My mother birthed and raised 6 children, all of us healthy I might add. She had her uterus removed because it was giving her life threatening problems and recently she had to have an operation for her bladder issues. While giving birth to my youngest siblings she almost died. The woman in the story must be well past her prime age of childbirth and the older you get the more risks there are in having a baby. What an absolutely insensitive thing to ask of a woman already struggling with her health to have a baby for them. I have to be honest, I've had one child now and going through an entire pregnancy and painful birth for another person's baby would require some serious convincing and this woman already tried TWICE!
NTA
the sister in law could just have adopted a kid if they really wanted a kid that badly
@@Pixel-sv1zv people have this disgusting view that biological children are the best pff, i don't want bio kids my genetics are shit
Fanny Moring-Sakilayan simple solution.
*ADOPT*
The surrogate mom story feels like the before dystopia part of The Handmaid's Tale.
I just had my baby couple months ago and could not agree with you more!!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
The fact that Carly gets angry after setting boundaries leads me to believe she knew what she was doing, and was probably trying to break up OP and her husband.
The surrogate story:
If the in-laws want a child so bad, they can always adopt
imagine being entitled to another woman's uterus.
yikes.
I hope they're too cheap for that, they're EPs in the making and I dont want any kids subjected to them. Who takes personal wants before someone's health?
They honestly have no business being around children. Can you imagine how they would terrorize their children? They do this to a grown woman.
That is EXACTLY what I though. You pretty much took the exact words out of my head
(I say head because I was thinking)
Nobody owes you a baby. Not your husband, not your wife, not your siblings, cousins, in-laws, best friends, coworkers or step-family.
The girlfriend judging OPs sister is disgusting and a 5/5 butt imo, how messed up do you have to be to make a comment like that about a child?
Not only that but to a child where her appearance is starting to become a massive concern for how she views her self worth. It's a vile thing to say period, but if the sister heard that comment it would probably destroy her self-esteem
Yes imo too. Definitely 5/5. OP gets 0/5 cause he is the big brother protecting his younger sister, and his reaction is completely understandable. Telling this to so many people is more than over the top, she didn't even tried to handle it in an appropriate way.
Yeah, that's legit how easy and ED can form, especially at her age
Thank you! That comment was so nasty! And girls her age tend to have terrible body image issues. The guy was tote justified in telling her to stfu.
Well maybe not 5 like a 4!
To the mother of the kid with the gaming computer: You're the best parent! Seriously, acknowledging that the kid earned his own money and bought his own computer, and therefore making it HIS, shows you actually respect your kid and that will definitely pay back in your favor.
Agree. Support the kid and show you recognize his rights as a person. Too many parents treat their kids as though their feelings don't matter. (I'm also impressed by the fact that the kid saved up the money to buy the computer himself. Sounds like they've raised a five-star kid.)
I feel like I heard that story a while ago but from the kids perspective
@@War_is_cool Not quite, but close. There was a story about a kid that had 2 computers (one was a server). He posted a story about a younger relative that wanted one of the computers and sat by them for a while before trying to rip the server from the equipment to take home.
Indeed! The son will always remember that his mom had his back.
Yeah, I agree with this.
Brother-in-law:
"I want a child, you should risk your life to make one for me"
Children who are already alive in foster homes:
"Am I a joke to you?"
This.
Adoption isn't appealing to everyone, since many folks (especially nobles) care about bloodlines, but if this couple really wanted a kid they could hire a professional surrogate instead of badgering relatives
@@Wi-Fi-El nobles???
@@trustyrat8632 people from noble families. Where I'm from a lot of royal and prestigious families still exist, and they don't do adoption
@@Wi-Fi-El A lot of children in care also tend to have medical, mental and physical problems, or are older and have behavioural issues. Not many are typical babies and those that are get adopted quickly.
"I called his sister fat and he got mad at me, he's so mean."
@@JKintheAK I agree. I definitely felt weird about how he said that O.P was being overly aggressive with his girlfriend who thought it was cool to shit on a 12-year-old for her weight. That's incredibly fucked up.
I would have reacted the same way. It's rude for him to tell her to shut tf up, but it's not rude for her to bodyshame a CHILD and insult both him and his sister in one swing? Girl needs to go somewhere.
I'd of cut ties from those "friends" in a heartbeat. Simply put, by siding with her, then they agree with everything she said.
Sounds like a "nice girl."
Yea IKR? If my SO would ever talk about my sister in a way like that, i'd get pissy and tell him to fuck off. It's not okay. Period.
Carly is in the wrong. She needs to find someone else to cling to. He's MARRIED and she still won't give up. It'd be annoying if the first day off you want to spend with your husband, you can't and somehow you're in the wrong for that. Carly needs to get a grip.
Or the husband needs to set boundaries. We're forgetting the husband chooses to help, it's not like Carly has him hostage.
@@Tues48 Yeah. I'm surprised they lasted that long without him setting boundaries.
@@Tues48 I agree. The husband needs to learn to say no. My dad was helping his dead friend's wife just to help her while she grieves and finds a way to live without her husband. But it got to the point where my dad was "helping" way too much and people started talking, including my mom who felt some type of way. Eventually that widow tried to take advantage of my father's generosity by stealing money and that's when he stopped helping, but it never should have even come to that. Eventually, you have to just say no.
but carly knew him 8 years so while she was still in the wrong, i don't think it was that bad
@@josiahmahady2939 which is why it's mostly on the husband to set boundaries. People only go as far as you let them go.
That first story, I’m on the wife’s side. There is nothing wrong with having a female friend but when they become a constant presence in terms of getting in between husband and wife, that’s a problem. And the fact that the friend got defensive tells me that there was an ulterior motives there. Because a real friend would understand that a line was crossed and back off a bit. Not saying that the way wife confronted her was right, it could have been handled differently but come on, they are married and fact that the friend wanted to pull husband away from spending time with his wife, even if it was for a small amount of time, just rubs me the wrong way.
It could be possible that Carly has feelings for Jake , she maybe has never told him about him. And all the stuff she asked him to do makes her feel like that's his way of caring for her. I can understand she's lonely, she could start trying to date or she could go out and find friends instead of relying on someone else's husband
Except no one ever made any notion that that was the case and that she in any way was impeding until randomly out of the blue, which isnt on her. You're only viewing things this way because she's not a male. You can have same sex friendships that are just as impeding, but you wouldn't see it half as threatening because of your own insecurities.
Queen Cluster B I understand what you’re trying to say but I think it’s too far to get mad at your friend because he wants to spend time with his wife on her only day off.
Queen Cluster B who are you responding to...
What happened wasn't that she wanted to pull him away from his wife. What happened was that it was suddenly made an issue to her out of the blue when her shit was torn apart, she had just got chewed out unexpectedly, and she was given brand new boundaries in a state where she was obviously going to be upset. This isn't about stealing a man, there was no real evidence there was anything but a friendship going on other than the wife being insecure she was a woman and not a man, the woman friend relied on him because she didn't know other people, everyone in the situation seemed fine and comfortable with it except behind her back, and she's suddenly treated like a bad guy. She was defensive in a situation, not given a chance to really cool down and be reasonable, and was confronted at a bad time. She likely would have been rational about it if she wasn't suddenly accused of something she wasn't trying to do out of no where and treated like a human being from the start. The wife quickly apologizing for her really shitty comment doesn't mean it absolves her of the fact it was really shitty and upsetting and that they confronted her after just calling her a homewrecker with literally no other sign before this the wife had any issue with her friendship on her end. wtf is wrong with you.
Bruh, he doesn’t deserve 1/5 buttholes, he deserves 0, he defended the one person that was practically a daughter to him.
Yeah r/slashes opinions are getting worse
@@dallioncoker4127 opinions aren’t good or bad, that’s why they are called opinions
@@pnss3569 opinions can be good or bad, just not fact or false. If someone’s opinion is “Hitler was a good person and he did great things”, they’re opinion can’t be true or false, despite the evidence against, but it is bad because of the obvious.
And the girlfriend deserves at least 3/5 buttholes. Also, as someone who was body shamed as an adolescent, I'm happy to hear that the OP had his sister's back.
I would give him 0.5, what he said was definitely justified, but closing the call right after saying it removed any possibility of resolving the issue immediately. She might have been more inclined to apologize if given the chance, but instead he choose to just end the call.
Imagine bodyshaming a 12yo girl, who is probably already struggling with her weight and maybe even being bullyied because of it, and then thinking you were in the right.
It's one of those single incidents which demonstrate how much of a piece of sh!t a person is. If that was me, she'd be out of my life before you could say narcissist.
@@233kosta Agreed. Those things really show a person's true face.
@@233kosta yea, my little brother is very annoying, but I’d mess up anyone who says anything mean about him whatsoever.
@@GhostHunterDipperPines Oh absolutely! Nobody talks sh!t about my sister but me!
@@233kosta so true
Yeah, Carly is definitely after OP's husband.
Nova Brilliant I subbed to you
Agreed 💯 Carly is an a$shole for sure
At the start op was the a-hole but she apologized and then Carly was being mean making her the a-hole
Yup
I was kind of on the fence until the end, where she got into a shouting match with the husband because he chose to spend the day with his wife.
Like, damn lady, you're making it too obvious.
Um hell no. That guy whos gf made fun of his sister. He gets 0/5, she gets 4/5
He should break up with her and dump his friends and get new ones. They jump to conclusions too soon.
This 100% i would of lost it worst told her to hit the road in more of a nasty way to. That is not right to say such stuff about a 12 year old you can tell how superficial his gf is now.
actually, it really sounded like they may have heard a very one-sided and overdramatized version of the story. Idk tho it could just be me who feels that way but who knows!
naw I think like 2.5 is enough, because she didn't shame the kid directly.
If she had told the kid to stop eating so much, THAT would be 4/5
Yeah but R/Slash does this quite often.
rslash: "your partner is supposed to have your back in all situations"
me: "but.....what if they're wrong?"
truth
The gf was defo wrong. Like relax girl, it’s not a big deal.. 🤷🏼♀️
Stopping them from doing the wrong thing is also having someone's back.
My world view is shattering before my eyes! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAQQAAAAA
@@kathrinemller I don’t think that was the point for her it was that her boyfriend didn’t have her back yes I think she was being stupid and her boyfriend acted EMBARRASSED OF HIS OWN GIRLFRIEND
Honestly, I think you were too lenient on the girl who dissed her bf's sister's body. If it was one of my sisters that got insulted, I'd go nuclear; end the relationship, block her and her friends and explain what happened to my friends.
Absolutely. Siblings are a pain, but when push comes to shove we can and will defend them.
Exactly. I heard something similar to that when I was 8, and I still think about it when I look in the mirror. Some people seriously doubt what phrases like that can do to someone's self confidence, especially at such a formative age :(
@@breezingby2737 I was bullied all through school til 10 grade and people ask me how I dealt with it but I just ignored it. It stopped working because when I was young I had a really bad temper I still do but it takes a lot to piss me off and as I learned to control my temper I was able to just ignore what people say
Yeah you'll find that rSlash is nicer to girls then guys in the butthole rating's
@@pokemonfanj Like judges during sentencing. So much for equality 😒
Entitled sister: "your a spineless parent"
10 mins later
"Its ok baby. Dont throw a tantrum. Here have whatever you want if you'll stop crying. There isn't that better."
Honestly OP was practicing good parenting in that situation as far as I'm concerned. Her son worked up the money to pay for the pc, therefore it really isn't the parent's place to tell their child what they can or can't do with it. He reaped the rewards of his labor, so he should have at least most of the say of what happens with his property. Good on him honestly.
The gf who talked about his little sister literally body shamed A CHILD, that is not ok
Bad enough fat shaming adults, but children are very impressionable, especially around the age of 12. That's a good way to give her an eating disorder.
I read that as body slammed and I was so confused at first lol like did I miss something but reread it
I feel like it's more of an insult to him as he's not taking care of her properly. It's not like a child has much of a choice in that matter
@@craz107 ah yes another man who thinks feeding someone is wrong
@@craz107 in most occasions these fat people have eaten the same amount as we have or even less but the way their metabolism works is the reason they are fat not because you have been giving your sibling enough food to eat
The cancer survivor story breaks my heart. I've heard of people who survived things that left them horribly scarred and they had self esteem issues because "nobody will want me like this." Hell, even things like sexuality can create that same fear - something you know about for years. So I absolutely understand her not being like "btw bab I'm shy one boob lol hope that's okay" because . . . you have this good thing going. This person who you love even without the physicality. I can understand the hesitation to bring it up. Maybe it *should* have before they decided to get more intimate, but his reaction is exactly something that *I* would be afraid of in her situation
Sadly she didn't trust him enough to tell him. And that can hurt too.
the problem is thats a normal reaction if you dont tell him first. its a surprise which is terrible if you tell him in advance then that wont happen
I have an Ileostomy (similar to a colostomy, both are the bag). The surgery didn't go well and I am also covered in scars. When I'm about to date a new lady, I come out with it by the first or second date. I give it to them straight and encourage them to ask questions, as my body is different and there are some limitations. I want them to be aware early so that if they bail, it's before any emotional or time investment has happened. I won't have any hard feelings. I figure the worst time for them to discover is when the clothes are going to come off. I'm always a bit nervous when that happens...not gonna lie...I've been very lucky here...most women I've been with have either been fascinated and ask questions or empathetic, though that isn't what I necessarily look for. But being a man, I have no doubt that it's been easier for me than it would be for a woman in my shoes. But my situation aside, honesty is always the best policy.
@@ferox965 I can only agree to this.
@@23GreyFox Full disclosure is the only way to go. And yes...I really believe women with bigger scars and so on would probably have a tougher time than men. I know some women who have gone through this.. getting dumped or even abused for things similar.
What kind of adult makes fun of a 12-year-old girl's body!? Holy hell that is a huge red flag.
That was so big of a red flag there might as well been a Soviet Union.
yeah wtf i know that and im A FURRY
@@interactivehusky8374 maybe I'm just not savvy with the furry community, but I don't see what that has to do with anything...
I love how in the first story the husband was saying about his friend Carly “how would you feel if you were 35 with no husband or friends” like..... maybe there’s a reason for that 😂
facts!
AS SOON AS THE COMMENT LEFT RSLASHS MOUTH I LEGIT, OUTLOUD SAID THAT.
I got a weird look for it, but its true! 😂😂
Lol I would reply “I won’t be after another woman’s husband like a bunny boiler”
The French restaurant story: if I were in her place, the missing prices would be odd but then again, I'm treated to a fine dining french restaurant so why question it? I mean, as long as I'm eating good food and spending time with me guy, why should customs matter?
Plus she didn't complain about the language of the menu. She complained when she saw hers didn't show the price so idk how people even bring up the language issue, she would've still ate something lol
She's literally doing the annoying turits stunt "if it's not like America it's bad", ppl need to accept that traditionality is part of what you're paying for while dining in an up-scale restaurant smh
Edit: guys she's the asshole mostly bc she's still upset and trying to guilt trip the bf so long after the fact, tbh it's hard to tolerate traditions if you're unaware of them
So like somebody already said 3/5 gf, 0.75/5 op
And if anything she should have done her research instead of relying on her boyfriend, I honestly think she’s in the wrong and being a whiny brat
to be frank the Girl Friend is in the wrong here.
She's the one starting an argument over the Menu's and then won't let go of it.
Because I can tell you right now a 5 Star restaurant in France, would not comply to this request.
and if you made a scene they'd just kick you out.
They were both looking over the same Menu in the end.
I feel like it was a case of American Ignorance if I’m being honest. That’s just how it is, don’t be a bitch about it. Eat your food and keep it to yourself.
About that restaurant story: gonna side with the bf here. I don’t see why she would need the prices as he would have payed the meal probably anyway. Also after reading about the tradition in other comments where french people actually explained that the person who pays (usually the one who makes the reservation) gets the priced menu. I as a european (german dude) hate making a fuss about things like that, I see no harm done. They probably needed to share a menu either way with her not being able to talk and read French and he didn’t want to cause a scene as that can happen really fast because we all expect to be treated like humans and not boss around the waiter. And for the people who say „She couldn’t have know about this tradition without him telling her“, whenever I went to a different country I try to read up traditions on the internet and also learn a bit of the local language it comes in real useful and usually locals like it. Heck I love it when people try to speak German because you get the feeling people try to understand you. I have the feeling people from the US expect other people change to fit them instead of trying to fit in themselves. I’ve seen that happen, some Americans were trying to skip ahead of older Japanese people who probably wouldn’t have said anything so I just cut off the american tourists and the let the Japanese people in before me because I absolutely can’t stand this behavior.
Yea, weirdos like the lady in this story really give us Americans a bad wrap 😅
I agree, when in someone else's home (country in this case), you don't assert your personal beliefs and potentially cause unnecessary drama. Yes, the bf could have agreed that he didn't like the practice (I don't personally think it matters), but that's not the underlying issue; the issue is that the gf was trying to force other people into doing things her way, instead of acknowledging that she was in a foreign environment and should have chosen to patiently observe to better understand the culture. Maybe there's a reason they do that, maybe there isn't, either way, immediate protest was not the answer.
She couldn't even ask for a menu with prices?
I mean rslash is the typical american, can't expect him to understand things not done the "american" way
To the sister in law: ADOPT A CHILD OR FOSTER ONE.
OP'S HEALTH IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR WANTS.
Not gonna lie, I was yelling this same exact thought the whole time as I'm bi and may have to consider adopting, so I got annoyed they went so far as if it was an extreme measure.
@@LuckyPon3 They're totally bullying her and trying to guilt trip her. The baby would leave OP with so many health risks. I'm there with you. That makes me so angry.
“Implied legal threats” What they are going to sue you because they think they somehow have more rights to your body than you do?
Tell them to screw off.
That’s what I was thinking like what are they going to tell the e court “she didn’t have our baby force her to*
Adopt a babie then
What hard about that
Not the other one thats gonna kill op
Legal threats. I would be amazed if they could find a lawyer scummy enough to actually take a case that boils down to "OP won't risk her health and life to be a surrogate for us". I would be floored if a judge didn't throw the case out straight away.
If they have money to threaten legal action, that have the money for third party surrogacy, adoption or fostering.
I also don't understand why the BIL and sister are so insistent on using OP, she's had two miscarriages and a stillbirth out of eight pregnancies. Even if OP was perfectly healthy and it posed little risk to her, why push to use a surrogate who has lost more than a third of her pregnancies?
OP has every right to refuse, pregnancy is hard on women and highly disruptive to their lives at best. But her doctor is warning her, successful or not, getting pregnant again puts her health at risk, she has a solid gold reason to say no.
This /\
Popopopooooooooh
Here’s an idea for the couple that wants a baby: ADOPT!! There are tons of orphans out there who would give their left foot to be in a real family. Also, I don’t think the breast cancer survivor is totally in the wrong... she doesn’t have to tell him, no matter how long they were talking. However, before the act, she should have sat down with him and explained what happened and asked if he was still okay with it and told him that she didn’t feel comfortable with telling him. I wouldn’t be too keen on telling my fiancé when we were dating if that had happened to me. Physical deformities like that can scare the hell out of a girl because you don’t want to scare him away.
But those kids won't "really" be "theirs"! /sarcasm
Seriously, tho, ADOPTION IS AN OPTION! Why are so many infertile people so forking entitled that they can't imagine adopting?
@@wmdkitty There was a couple I knew at church that I didn't know had infertility issues until the wife kind of blurted it out in conversation in the foyer outside the chapel. She didn't say straight up "we have infertility issues", but the way she talked about the topic made me feel she was talking first hand. they have 1 natural child, I watched her grow up from an adorable little girl to a beautiful young woman, and 2 adopted. It took 6 years for their adoption efforts to actually produce fruit. Man, the hoops you have to jump through to be awarded a child while a teenage girl can get knocked up just on her first try ( sometimes ).
Let me tell you a story, I met my gf almost 2 years ago in class. We talked for a bit and after that, we went for our first date after we got to know each other for about a month. During that time, I didn't really notice anything strange about her, but after our date. I saw her right arm was much shorter after her elbow and she only had 4 fingers on that arm (birth defect). Now what I do, I needed a minute to process, not because I was scared to continue, but what I was expecting is not quite the same as reality. What does that mean for us? I still love her to bits, and she is who I want to be with for the rest of my life. But understand that your expectations may not be the same as reality, and learn to accept the person and all their surprises for who they are.
I know right.!!!! There are so many kids out there that are looking for their forever parents.
As someone experiencing infertility (my husband in our case so no surrogate needed, but a sperm donor, adoption is not always a viable option, not only can it take years but there are no guarantees especially when the biological parents can and do back out on the adoption, sometimes right when the adoption is to be finalized. Ad thet doesn’t even touch on the child’s motional well being about his or her biological parents. I can and do understand the desire to have a biological child. I can also, to an extent, understand the desire for the sister in law to be a surrogate, as surrogacy can cost upwards of $100,000 USD, out of pocket. While adoption in this case is cheaper, it isn’t cheap itself either, often $30,000-$50,000 and I have no idea if they covers the multiple tries it might take for a successful adoption.
Sorry for the novella but it can be a sensitive subject. I do think the couple should find a different surrogate though especially with the OP’s health issues, let alone the miscarriages.
For the sister story:
Rslash i am so angry how you said that the guy was a bit harsh when the girlfriend (whos around 30 years old) fat shamed a 12 year old who was his sister! Gf gets solid 3/5 buttholes and OP gets 0.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I'd say more butthole score for gf, she could've just.. kept her mouth shut?? Its a young child, who does that
I'm surprised he didn't give OP more buttholes for not having his partners back in this situation.
WTF. HOW DID HE GET 1/5 HE NEEDS A 0/5 AND A GOLD STAR
@@pantsonparade have you ever been body shamed before? because if you have, it fucking HURTS. OP deserve 0 gf deserve at least 3. If your sister wa called fat, would you side with the person who called them fat? If you would, your not a very good person.
No no no, the guy defending his sister gets 0/5 and she gets 5/5
Popopoooooooooh
Exactly! I feel bad for the kid she hadn’t even LEFT THE ROOM so she probably heard it! My best friends get fat by their families and it can seriously lower self esteem and cause EDs
I think rslash made two wrong calls:
1) The girl in the french restaurant is a lot of work
2) the man defending her sister is not at all aggressive
_About the second one_
He acted pretty fine
I too would be mad, if someone had the audacity to disrespect my little sister, I would have do the same thing
But with more cursing
I agree the girl in the restaurant OP explained to her it was a French tradition in fine dining and tbh if he made a scene they probably would have been told to leave and the gf who insulted the sister is just a bitch who op needs to get rid of
@@caitbee18 why didnt SHE ask for the menu with prices?
Was about to write exactly this
@@matthewsthatsit5717 probably because it said she couldn't speak any French
Your son builds a gaming PC with his own hands with parts that he bought with his own money. Nobody but the son is entitled to that PC.
I agree. Mad respect to that guy.
I wish I knew how to build a computer, but I am not the best engineer. I am thinking about learning how to
@@stargazer1998 Hey, this looks to be a great video to learn how to build a PC. th-cam.com/video/MtALhv22Ltk/w-d-xo.html&ab_channel=Robeytech I have built many in my time, this has very good step by step with full explanations.
yes, this is fair. coming from a family where EVERYTHING i recieved as a kid was considered the gifter's property (ex: telling a 5-year old his favorite toy belongs to the relative that gifted it, and said person can always take it back), i am very much against sharing things one pays for out of pocket. especially with snot-nosed brats that assume they can play on the host's computer.
If her son paid for the computer it's his choice who can use it. My buddy built a 12000 dollar gaming rig and he was sceptical of me using his machine but I did show him what I knew about computers and then he said I could. Maybe the cousin could show his cousin that he could use his machine without misusing it.
imagine being american, going to another country to experience their culture, then complaining that it isn't like american culture. that's the litteral most american thing i've ever heard in my life, and rslash agreed.
heh heh i agree,
"why they not speak English? So rude"
I know Im late reading this and watching this. Americans will never understand how some things are just different in Europe. Look Im UK born and bred, but I have spent alot of time in the states. They just dont understand there and its hard to explain. Well heeled people in Europe dont necessarily flaunt it, but there are unspoken rules, that some might call sexist. But I will also say if that American female had money and the male didnt she would of got the menu with the costs on it. Waiters are trained to watch and read people over here.
@@samstevens7888 that menu thing is just stupid and sexists, whatever country you are living in.
I'm French, and last time I saw that was 20-30 years ago. I thought it wasn't a thing anymore.
Anyway, if any tourist wants to try wonderful Michelin star restaurants, try NOT doing it in Paris and you will have a 20% lower bill at least. The smaller the city the better. Booking weeks in advance is still a thing everywhere though.
And if you are given a menu without prices, just ask for another one. Nobody will bat an eye.
I wanted to type exactly this
I don’t think OP is the a-hole. Carly clearly was relying on him to much. She also clearly didn’t care he was married because if she was an understanding person, she would understand that there are unspoken boundaries with friends in relationships because they have other priorities then yourself and won’t always have time for you. If this confrontation didn’t happen, she probably would had tried to sleep with him or lie and say he cheated on OP with her to end the marriage. She seemed desperate enough to do that since she was 35, had little to no friends, and liked him. So personally, OP is not the butt hole.
OP’s husband however, 3/5 because he should had realized after the 4+ call that he was spending to much time with her and realize she was relying on him way to f-ing much. Buuut, I understand that he was to naive to see it since to him, he was just helping a lonely “friend” and felt bad for her.
Thank you for listening to my tedTalk
This reminds me of my boyfriend's "Friends". These 2 girls were just trouble. To sum it up, when we first started dating these girls told my boyfriend that he can't spend time with me and NEEDS to be with. I sat at their lunch table with my bf and one friend even went as far as calling my boyfriend Daddy right in front of me and bragging to me how much their family loved him and how they should be together etc. My poor bf had known them for 2 years and couldn't tell they weren't good people and acting as if they were dating him, not me.They were very obsessive over him and acted as if they controlled him. They would always use him for their homework and tried to get him to pay for their meals and would show up to his house unannounced to pick him up and "hang out", which was going over the speed limit, drinking and vaping and trying to encourage my boyfriend to do it as well. These girls were 16. Not only that, they'd drive by where I lived on purpose and never took my boyfriend to see me when he asked, even though they would drive by. The whole thing got worse over time and they always would tell him how much of a bad person I was and that he should break up with me. That was one of my worst nights, I had dealt with them constantly bullying me and my own boyfriend just let it happen. We didn't break up though and agreed I would stop being upset when he hung out with those girls. About 3 months later I brought it up again and he finally listened and would hear me out. I don't know what took him so long but he realized that those people were not his friends. It was a whole show but, we're still happily together :)
I think also the fact that Carly seemed to not be interested in making friends with OP is kinda weird...like if i wanted a neighbor to come help me with something real quick and I knew he had a wife I would have invited her over too and made everyone some snacks for their trouble. The fact that she seems to invite only him over (and mostly when op seems to be gone a lot) and be friends with only him is a little strange and seems like she might have ulterior motives.
Pretty much agree with this. I think every couple, especially early in married relationships, kinda deal with this to an extent as you figure out how to be married. You learn fairly quickly the people who do respect the boundaries in your relationship and the people who don’t. Sometimes it’s a family member, a friend, a work associate, etc....and it’s not always romantic jealousy. Sometimes it’s that little snide remark they make about how they “don’t think this is gonna last” or something like that. It’s important to discuss boundaries with your partner so that there is a foundation of trust in your relationship. That way when stuff like that comes up, it’ll be easier to spot cause you’ll trust your gut and your partner.
Yeaaa Boi have you put this on Reddit?
I agree, I don’t see many people talking about the husband but I would definitely give him 3/5. He did the right thing by stopping it when OP said she was uncomfortable, but how could he not see it was becoming an issue before that? I mean he worked a lot, and then spent a ton of his off time at some other woman’s house. Having a friends is okay, but your friends shouldn’t ever be taking priority over your wife. That’s why I don’t get the comments saying both women are in the wrong.
1st story: NTA. Her husband is not a servant for his friends regardless of gender and household chores are a unit issue, not a friendship job. Her husband was being used as an emotional and life support animal and that's not friendship. I didn't hear any stories about the friend helping them. It's not equal or fair.
Crystal Owens thank you
Yeah Carly was definitely over stepping boundaries. The wife and husband both talked thru their issues and the wife apologized realizing she had been rude. Carly not accepting that and making it seem the wife was controlling was waaay outta line. Especially when then husband set boundaries
The reason Carly got so bent out of shape was because she's totally into the husband, and is hoping he'll come around to wanting to be with her instead. The wife snapped because she'd been bottling things up instead of talking them out earlier, and work stress built up to her snap; she's not the butt-hole. Then, when the husband took the wife's side instead of Carly's, that made Carly lose her shit because it means he sees their relationship as purely platonic, which she doesn't want.
Yeah I think the same about the first story. Carly was totally using Jake and abusing of their supposed friendship and also she was intruding in the marriage, because, if Jake told her "hey Carly today I can't because I want to spend the day with my wife" that's it end of conversation; a real friend's answer to that should've been "ok dude, have fun" not insisting in that he went to help her anyways. It's a friend, not a servant and yes I also think she had second intentions with Jake. OP and Jake both dodge a bullet on that one. I hope in the future we don't see a continuation to this story where Carly went all crazy stalker on Jake.
When you read the one with the girlfriend insulting the sisters thighs it was the appropriate response. If you had a sister you would know.
It's not even the fact that she was his sister, what really pisses me off is the fact that she feels the need to comment on a prepubescent girl's body. That's disgusting and rude
Petrina Wilmot honestly. Especially around that age, it’s easy to feel insecure about your body. That’ll probably stick with her for a long time. I hope she won’t take it too seriously.
Agreed.
You wouldn't really know the feeling unless you had siblings, I think. I'm pretty chill. I don't get upset easily. It surprised me the first time someone said something off about my sibling. It's a rage so fast and intense even the calmest people can't control it.
And "2.5 buttholes" absolutely not, bloody 250000 buttholes, so horrible
“Gave him three more hours of ipad time to calm down”
And op’s the one who’s a spineless parent WTF!!!????
Restaurant story: I'm not sure how things go really in French culture but it seemed like he didn't want to make a scene. It might not have been a big deal to get another menu or maybe it would've. I've heard of some pretty small stuff rubbing people the wrong way in high end restaurants where there are certain customs. I'm not saying the gf was wrong for being put off by it but also she's a tourist in another culture. There are going to be things in other cultures that are offputting by that's just part of visiting there
Hard agree dude. Rslash had a bad take on this; the world doesn’t revolve around Americans and their customs. Don’t like how they do it in France? Don’t go.
Agreed. "When in Rome"
Exactly, their in France, not murica, put your bald eagle away and enjoy the culture as it is, don't take differences as a personal insult.
She asked to go their he didn’t offer to go there and when she gets there she complains? Who dose that
Also the story sounds like the girl wanted to cause a scene or pick a fight. Rslash is totally wrong here. The gf was the asshole on the situation
The French restaurant story reminded me of what my sister's boyfriend (who's Korean) said when he started taking her to Korean restaurants
He explained not to be surprised if they hand her the bill because, in Korea, the woman often handled the finances
Wow I didn’t know that. Thanks for sharing.
At least he had the decency to inform her. The guy from the story didn't >.>
just like how some women still expect men to pay for everything.
but the restaurant probably did the menu as such for people hosting friends/relatives.
the host suggests/controls what the guests gets especially if they arent from around the region.
that way they avoid the draining the host of everything and that everyone gets equal amount of food/plates/courses and the guest wont have any preconception of the food.
some people will think a food item will taste better if its more expensive. as a result, they might be eating a food item/prepared in a manner that they are not keen with. i seen this way to many times as a waiter.. steaks untouched except a small corner because the item was not to their preference yet they ordered it as it was the most expensive item. (too big/ too tough when following their cooking temp preference... when there's a smaller steak that cooks faster and is more tender)
idk about french tradition but maybe the guy should have asked for no prices menu for both instead of what R/slash saying. remember the saying of "if you have to ask for prices, you cant afford it"
the guy could have said its not an issue...and earned points.
and its a foreign country(to the girlfriend), what happened to "when in rome, do as the romans" ?
creating a scene is humiliating for the host, might as well pour a drink on the guy's head.
she could have asked about it after the meal.
it may seem sexist small scale... but keep an open mind about other culture/tradition especially when you are abroad.
its like demanding people speak english when you are in China/Thailand/japan...
I had told OP YTA because you didn't tell her beforehand, and because he "didn't want to start a scene" as if the waiter would stand his ground and be like "ABSOLUTLEY NOT!! WOMEN MUSN'T SEE THE PRICES." That type of tradition is there because hosts don't want their guests to worry about prices ffs.
@@settheshallow8913 well the girlfriend is also in the wrong a little since she is still talking about it after months
Spineless parent???
You mean like a parent who rather than teaching their child that it's a person's right to say No and others need to accept that answer.
Using it to teach their child about what hard work produces.
What expensive means.
How to look after expensive things and protect your property.
That tantrums are not an acceptable way of handling rejection or emotions.
Rather than using this situation as a teaching experience, they break their own parenting rules and give in allowing 3 times the amount of screen time.
That's both spineless and lazy.
No kidding.
Ego projection, thy name is Karen.
Restaurant Story: the girlfriend is heavily entitled, ever heard of “when in Rome do what the Romans do”. She doesn’t speak the language and doesn’t know the culture but thinks that SHE can dictate what is correct or not. Wanna see the menu?? Look at his, it’s not like she’s gonna pay her own bill
He deserves better, he’s paying for a brat
Exactly, in many countries if you break a tradition it’s seen as rude and disrespectful, so what would be the point?
She doesn't speak French and probably can't read it either. What difference does it make?
I don't think it's “sexist" thing, in a lot of high class restaurants they only give a single priced menu to the one who will be paying and all the others get one without, it's something to make it so they don't worry about the costs and just enjoy what takes their fancy. My dad has a story about a boss of his who took a group to one of these restaurants and apparently started sweating profusely when one of the clients asked for a certain menu item, totally oblivious to the fact it was very very expensive. Basically for these places, if you have an issue with the way they do things, you're not part of their demographic
Exactly I've heard of people getting very very offended about traditions if u go there u go with the tradition. Same as the dress code I can imagine it was black tie so dress for the ladies prob saying no low cuts or sm and suits for the men no trainers? Shorts etc etc. That's OK but menu isn't. I like seeing prices too and yes I'd be a bit wtf but it means u don't have 2 stress about other person paying etc. Tradition this man had for 24 YEARS!! He's known u for 2 and only just brought u to France so not like u met many family at all no family gatherings not even spending Xmas together and now it's like yep OP change ur normal and disrespect the staff and chef and owner
Thank youso much i was so thinking the exact same thing
Chunky sis story:
OP was definitely justified in saying that to his gf. I remember being the same way when I was 12, having family and friends mock you because you're pudgy. Comments like that stay with kids longer than people realize.
Definitely agree.
Definitely agree. I wasn't even chubby, in fact I was bone thin from an eating disorder, but my family making rude comments about my weight, especially when I started putting weight on after beating it, almost made me fall back on it and I still have image issues to this day and it's been more than a decade.
the words are beyond cutting. also complaining to all the friends about what he said? she's at least a 4/5 buttholes.
he could have handled it better, but not by much. 0.5/5 buttholes, but defending his sister gives him a 0/5
body-shaming is pretty unhelpful in general, but with children it's actually harmful.
"She demands that i confront the waiter", come on!, he is probably just a normal guy doing his job, it isin't his fault.
Classic karen
For the first time, I don’t agree with rSlash about the French restaurant story. If she wanted a menu with prices she should have gotten it herself, or shared (for a restaurant w/ Michelin stars, I'm pretty sure they speak English or at least understand if asked for a menu with prices). but making it a big deal about it and still talking about it is a red flag. I hope she paid a portion of the check.
^^
^^ Tradition means a lot to many restaurants, it’s the experience.
@@Sukehiro2029 Exactly. I'm glad someone understands.
The guy should have gotten her a menu with prices but the tradition of no prices is there so that the woman doesn't worry about it costing too much, he just handled it very poorly and should end the relationship
@@LuckyPon3 I agree. That country has deep, deep roots and does things the way they always have, I'm sure no one in France has an issue with it. Cultural thing I imagine.
Not only doesn't the girl speak a lick of French and expecting her boyfriend to act as her translator, no, she's also causing a scene like this even though she could just scoot over to her bf and look with him in his menue to see the prices.
I would honestly re-consider that relationship.
Haha i thought the same thing hearing the story like red flag, red flag, red flag
Entitled Sister: Accuses OP of being a spineless parent
Also Entitled Sister: Gives her kid 3 more hours of iPad time to stop his tantrum.
My words exactly
yeah, the parent should have revoked iPad privileges for 3 days and teach the kid an important lesson about respecting personal property.
ES's projection jumped out
Ya OP’s the spineless parent when your kid is literally Dudley Dursley
That way the child thinks he is being rewarded for the tantrum.
Sorry rslash i so disagree with you on the guy telling his gf to shut the f up about his sis. I struggle with weight my whole life and when I was young being told to eat less and how I was the fat kid really messed me up. So the fact that a grown ass women would say that about a child is disgusting and deserve to be put in there place.
Yea. When I (Male) was younger one of my best friends mentioned once that I looked to be putting on weight and was getting fat (I wasn't). It really affects you when someone you care about says those things, even if it is false.
Well I think rslash agrees in that perspective. He did say he thought op was in the right in the situation, but that he should've handled it better, by instead of getting pissed and petty, he should've told her she stepped over the line and that he would not accept that behaviour again.
I disagree with Rslash COMPLETLY. For me, OP didn’t step over the line, he was defending his sister. I would do the exact same thing for my sister, even if she is older than me. I would’ve dumped the gf right then and there. *No one* messes with my family.
Preach!
So true! I assume the gf is around OP's age (30yo), so why the fuck does a 30yo hag need to comment about anything on 12yo girls body who especially isn't her daughter or sister. I really hope that the little girl didnt hear it :.( OP reacted perfectly fine, the gf was rude and stepped over a boundary. Also as OP said the girl is a bit chubby, that doesn't equal overweight that affects her health, so they dont even have any real reason to worry about her. Probably the gf is just insecure about her own body image (thighs) and reflects that on other people
Insulting my sibling and acting snobby. She asking to get dumped and punched
No kidding. I'm not a violent guy, but if anyone spoke about my little sisters like that, they'd be getting ripped a new one.
No simp this a king here you dropped this 👑
I know! I don't even think the boyfriend reacted badly, calling a CHILD chubby, seriously?!
Thank God I'm not the only one who thought that!
"You're a spineless parent for not taking possession of things that your son bought with his own money."
*proceeds to be spineless by giving her son everything he wants so he won't cry or throw a tantrum*
Hmmm, methinks someone is projecting.
Carly needs to find her own husband. Seriously, I know exactly how OP feels. I'd bet money on Carly having romantic feelings for OP's husband. Men and women can be friends for sure, but if your "friend" protests the establishing of boundaries and speaks ill of your spouse, it's 2000% time to end the friendship.
Number two: omg the brother is really not caring about op is she? Not only has she had trauma of miscarriges and stillbornes, but physical problems! And he still wants to make her have a Baby??? I woud cut all contact
Right? Like i am surprised she agreed on a second pregnancy after the miscarriage. She should not feel bad at all she has gone above and beyond for these people
Hell yeah, dude! Same here! I swear!
I disagree with you about the French couple because they already had a menu with prices and op didn’t want to make a scene.
I don’t understand why you or the girlfriend are upset about this sure it is a tad sexist but she can’t read the menu anyway because it is in French.
Rant over
great content Keep up the good work.
I think it's an American thing to make an unnecessary fuss about something like this
love how many people are saying they think hes an introvert i am assuming because somebody said it early in the comments and it made sense to them lol. i agree with you, theres no need to make such a big deal over literally just a menu since they already had a menu with prices
It's not an American thing, it's just a b****y thing. Same thing happened to my family while we were visiting France (it wasn't an as fancy place as the one described but still). We, being Americans, had no idea about the tradition, but thought it was funny only one menu had prices (the one my Dad had). We asked our waiter offhandedly about it, and she explained it as that back in the day men usually would be the ones who would not only pay for the meals but also order for everyone at the table. She asked us if we'd like menus with prices too but we didn't much care since we had already decided on what to get anyways. Just a quirky layover from another time period.
When in Rome, you do as the Romans. There are MUCH worse sexist things going on in the world to get your feathers ruffled over rather than a simple old menu quirk. She couldn't even read French anyways! Clearly she was having to share menus with her bf for help unless it was a bilingual menu!
It would make sense if she complained to understand the menu but the issue was seeing the price not understanding the menu unless I missed that part
It's a menu. She doesn't know French. Pretty sure she wasn't going to pay for the dinner either. That girlfriend sounds more like a Karen than anything else. When you go to another country, you respect their culture and traditions and not try to pick a fight for stupid little things.
Is nobody going to talk about the fact in the breast cancer story the fact he said "You cheated me!" Proves he didn't care about the "lack of trust." Just the lack of a boob in general?
He said you cheated me not cheated on me
@@monet2779thats the point, he obviously only valued her for her body, whole thing is unironicly sexist.
He felt cheated that he didnt get two full boobs and thats honestly like 12 year old mentality.
it was so uncomfy hearing not only the guy in the story, but rslash and the comment, saying that a medical proceedure, a scar, and a boob, is 'part of who you are'. blatant misogyny in this episode
@@azroceankitarn9620
No, she cheated him, because she was not who she made him believe she was.
It's like hiding debt for example
@CatCheshire I mean it is if you are being sexist about it.
Who she is and the exact details of her body are not the same thing.
This is the equivalent of hiding a mole. It doesnt matter unless you are shallow/sexist.
Oh wow, right after the line “our baby died right after birth” a pampers commercial came up. That’s one way to market I guess.
Big Oof
Oof
O
That guys girlfriend who made the chonky comment about his sister, I dont think he was aggressive at all, I would have done the same thing.
I'd say she was lucky that he only told her to shut up. My best friend has a little sister (a late surprise pregnancy) she's also a little pudgy and very conscious about it. Everybody tries hard to make her feel better about herself. If anybody would dare to make such a comment the whole family+friends would go berserk on their arse.
To be honest, I’m surprised he didn’t break up with her on the spot. Who the heck says that about a kid?
Same
@@dahsamadness2475 right????? I would have been a lot harsher
I’m 12. I know much it can hurt and make you feel when somebody comments on your body. It can make you hate yourself and not stop thinking about it, she should know that. He was not in the wrong, the thing she said can scar her mentally for years.
Video:”the first child died right after birth”
Sudden Random ad: “this pill could save a child’s life”
Me:😐
The ad I got was a jarring Michael’s commercial with sudden upbeat music.
After that story I had an ad about trading 😂
I did not get add
I had something exactly like that happen except happy music started playing right after the died line and I was like: damn that’s some dark ass humour
(1st one)
I think Carly’s response to the husbands attempt at boundaries says it all.
OP isn’t the A-Hole and it’s fairly likely that Carly might actually like her husband.
It's hilarious to me that the girlfriend was complaining about not having prices on her menu when she wasn't the one paying. She wanted her boyfriend to take her to a Michelin star restaurant and foot the bill, but god forbid she couldn't see how much of HIS money she was spending.
Some people want to be conscious about how much money they’re spending even if it’s not their own money. That, and in the US, it’s generally a polite thing to not order a meal that’s more than the meal the person who’s paying is getting. Without that information, it could have made her uncomfortable.
Brad Hicks so she chose to make the guy who’s paying for her uncomfortable? She could’ve just look at his menu.
Honestly, if someone is paying for my meal, I would like to see the price, so I don't end up accidentally ordering the most expensive item.
Omg this is exactly what I was thinking but I can see both their points
@@minisn3066 Honestly my opinion is everyone sucks? The guy's GF is being a butthead for dragging this out as long as possible and not trying to start an adult conversation about the subject, but the guy is also an ass for being dismissive about her concerns and not doing that exact thing. I feel like the easiest compromise here is "Hey, let's just trade menus. I don't care how much we end up spending, but if you care about how much your meal is, feel free to use the one with the prices instead," since he seemed to not really care about the meal's price to begin with.
Honestly the French restaurant one gets me. It's someone else tradition. You don't go to someone's house and argue with them when they ask you to take off your shoes. If you travel somewhere excpect it to be diffrent than where you live
Its just a tradition. Many things that people do are offensive to others, its the fact of that she asked him to get her one and he refused and she didnt know of the tradition and was upset by it, its just a food menu its not like its a crazy tradition that hold super high respect
It's gets me too, tradition and culture never make sexism okay. Imagine a place where men were always abused. Now we don't abuse them anymore, but we give them a little slap in the face when they walk in the door just because we don't want to break the entire tradition. Traditions are only okay when they are okay for everyone. This is just a slap in the face to all women. You thought you were equal to us, think again. That is the message this sends. It has nothing to do with someones house rules. House rules would be to say "in this restaurant we acutally sit on the floor" or "we only have spicy food on the menu". It wouldn't be culture to say "blonde people pay 10% extra" or "black people or only allowed to sit on the left side on the resaurant" (and yes this last one would be considered culture many years ago, but we've learned that that's extremely inappropriate). so why would it be okay to say it's culture that women only get the kids menu because they couldn't understand prices.
@@whyyousotriggered6050 But he did tell her the tradition. She asked about why his had prices and her's didn't and he explained it to her. So she knew what she was doing. She could have shared if she wanted the prices, but it wasn't the prices that was the issue. She wanted to make a point to the restaurant. So she was trying to force a country to conform to her ways which is rude.
Also, some people have really bad social anxiety, like myself, and it would be a big problem for me to ask the waiter to trade out the menu, more so that it would have been to share or switch. By the sounds of it was was upset before she wanted him to get her a menu. So she was already getting fussy. I would have been embarrassed to call over a waiter at that point. She was making a big deal over it before there was even a deal to make. If she wanted a new menu she could have asked. I'm sure the staff may have spoken English and if not she could have asked her bf how to ask in French. I would be trying to learn French phrases anyways if I was there. At least make and effort if she wanted the menu that badly.
That's like complaining about the tradition of using chopsticks when eating in an Asian resteraunt in Asia, and while yeah, they do offer other utensils, causing a big stink about a tradition of a different culture says more about her than anything else.
Also, the tradition isn't sexist per se. The menu with prices goes to whoever is buying the meal (yes, on a date generally assumed will be the man... we still have that tradition here in the states!). The idea is that the guest should feel comfortable ordering whatever they want and not feel guilty, as their date / host wouldn't bring them to such a place if money was an issue. These are very nice (aka expensive) restaurants and usually people are celebrating something, getting engaged, trying to impress, etc. It's an experience as much as a meal. I worked in a place like this for 6 years and only ate there once, but my husband and I had a great time.
For the first story the only one that was an asshole was Carly, the couple apologized and talked it out just fine but Carly was the one that didn’t accept the decision
Yup. Might have been debatable if they hadn’t talked about it and reached out, but Carly has to feel some help/support/friends who are NOT Jake. Even if you are someone’s best friend, you cannot expect their world to revolve around you if the friend is married. And it didn’t sound like Carly was pulling her weight in the friendship.
I'm not from France, but I am french Canadian and I know that like many countries France has a lot of old/weird traditions. But they are very nice people, and I think it was rude of the girlfriend to behave that way. Yeah, her boyfriend still should have asked for a menu, but since the tradition is old he maybe was to anxious to ask for that.
I’m very late watching this, but I was looking for this comment 🙌
I thought I was crazy when r/slash said the bf was a butthole for not sticking with his gf, but that the gf wasn’t a butthole for disrespecting their tradition? Majorly disagreed with this
About the second story: she has the right to say no with no guilt attached, and after two unsuccessful attempts I feel it's wrong even to ask again.
Not only that, she already has health risks which includes high blood pressure. It’s extremely dangerous to get pregnant with high blood pressure because it can lead to a dangerous condition called preeclampsia which leads serious even fatal complications for both the mother and the baby. It’s highly recommended that you don’t get pregnant when you have high blood pressure.
They could just adopt a child there are lots of children without parents....
I hate when people say that. Adopting can be great for many reasons, but it's not the same as having a child that is biologically your own
Or the people could get another person to birth their Child or try again on there own
@@limiv5272 yes but it sounded like they can't get their own children and sil is said to be at risk by getting more children so before putting a person at risk I would consider adopting.... And as I said there are lots of children without parents
@Not_Yuuji P Sure, I was talking about some other aspects, like having different traits from the parent owing to their different genetics or the adopted child possibly having some traumatic past which still affects them
@king Dre 2.0 What is better and what makes you think I even have sisters?
The restaurant one. Why didn't she get a menu for herself? Upscale French restaurants generally have waiters that speak both French and English....so why did she need a man to request the menu for her? Seems a bit like she is selectively feminist here.....
I also REALLY want to know who paid the cheque.......
ACCER for real!
ACCER wow that shows another side of the story for me
Also, it was tradition, if you don't like the rules it's their house LEAVE. Those traditions are usually older than our grandparents.
Edit: spelling
That's why I said NTA when I read that story on Reddit. The gf could have easily asked for a different menu and op never said he would stop her if she did
The French are non confrontational. Are there menu printed in French or English?
"I'm a strong independent woman and want a menu with prices" "I need my boyfriend to ask for a menu with prices for me." Pick one. NTA.
she literally couldn’t do that because she didn’t speak the language, but okay. sure.
@@charliedrew9225 that’s his point, but okay, sure
I mean let's be honest, she would never have paid for the meal anyway. She's just an annoying woke idiot. NTA.
More to the point, she was having HIM pay. Nta unless she was gonna pay for hers...as SHE was just as sexist
@@75ur15no she could of paid for mouth’s before
Maybe the French restaurant gave him the priced menu for being the name on the reservation? Or for being the obvious french one assuming he was hosting a guest?
Just seems pretty insensitive to assume people are doing something for evil reasons just because you refuse to contemplate other possibilities. Especially if they're another culture that you have very little knowledge about, at that point all you're doing is assuming their culture must be evil because it isn't just like yours.
In France, it is often expected of men to pay for their girlfriend at the restaurant. It is a way of saying "look, i'm interested in you". But it is not only for girlfriends, children also don't get the menu with prices. I must add it is debated in France nowadays, because a lot of people feel like they owe something after that. And also because girls want to invite their boyfriend to the restaurant. It leads to funny situation where the guy is handed the bill and the girl has to step up saying "Actually I am paying this".
You are absolutely right, it is not evil or anything, it's just like that. As a French girl, it doesn't bother me at all since i speak the langage and can still explain things to the waiter. What bothers me though, is tourist acting completely obvious of French Culture. I've seen people snapping their fingers at the waiters to call them, which is EXTREMELY RUDE here (that's like saying the waiter is your dog) or just expecting all the waiters speak english (obviously not all of them speak english). Reading about a country "etiquette" in quintessential
@@ibourbia Snapping your fingers at anybody in any context except maybe a few rare cases is extremely rude, I don't think I've ever heard of a country where that is ok.
ibourbia im American but I still agree with you, only place I’m going to is Germany and that’s because I’m almost fluent and know their traditions and what to expect. Oh and the 🍺. But yeah she is in the wrong because instead of just asking for a menu, she made a scene about how the traditions of restaurant, that she was visiting, was sexist, but instead she got mad at her boyfriend too because he didn’t want to break the restaurants traditions, Jeez.
ibourbia oh and when vacationing in Florida in the US, we were visiting a nice restaurant and this blonde lady with her kids and her husband whistled and snapped her fingers at the waiter after taking too long to get their appetizers, they even mocked the waiter out loud after he said it will take them a bit longer because of how much people there were. Since I’m from a small town I’m not used to heckling at a waiter but I guess it’s big city traditions in America.
@@rordongamsay7941 it is not a tradition, those are just asshole people.
Okay, on the restaurant story, a few things to clarify, being French myself :
If the restaurant was as upscale as said in the post (michelin stars and expansive enough for the women's menu to not have prices) they 100% have AT LEAST a server or two who is perfectly able to speak English for these kind of situations, if not all of them.
It depends from place to place and person to person, but we're typically non confrontational when it comes to food businesses employees. From personal experience, that's even truer in Paris because the whole staff can and WILL band against you to make your evening as bad as possible within the confine of not being able to be fired. You can expect general rudeness, being talked down to, or even just plainly not listened at all.
What OP doesn't say is that here's what would have probably happened : his girlfriend wouldn't have had her priced menu. They'd have switched her priceless menu for another, and had they requested it again, would have most certainly continued like that until they got confrontational, at which point they were gonna ruin their own evening.
OP clearly knew this.
On the one hand, we had someone who didn't want to kick up a storm and spend a quiet evening, though he should have explained himself better, and on the other we had someone who was actually unwilling to communicate in a foreign country by herself even though she had the means to.
Not the asshole, but communication should have been better handled.
I think the couple could have also compromised the tradition. After figuring out what they wanted, he could have let her look at the menu with the prices on it. People often focus on what they want and how they think to get it that they fail to see they could have gotten the actual desired result by taking a completely different approach.
Not to mention that if it's part of the French tradition to do such things, it's part of the culture. Lady, you're a guest to your boyfriend's culture, don't be stomping in like you own the place. Yea you may not like certain things, but you have a home that you can go back to when the trip is all done with.
one thing that you also forgot to mention is that most michelin stars restaurant do have english menues so even if it was a tradition they could have asked for that for the gf
The one thing that could have helped, would have been a warning or an explanation besides tradition. Speaking as an American woman myself, I would have been bothered but wouldn't have made a scene about it since I'm non-confrontational. I like knowing the price of the food I'm ordering, since I don't want to fleece my boyfriend or anyone treating me. So he could have told her the differences to expect in a French restaurant as opposed to an American one.
Though I find it weird she's been dating the guy for years and doesn't know ANY French? Especially since they were planning to go there to see his family. I would have made an effort to learn a little of my partners language, at least a few freaking sentences. So she might not have had 'pure' intentions of visiting France to begin with.
I knew a girl like Carly once, except she was my ex’s ex-girlfriend. They wanted to stay friends after the break up and I was ok with it.. until she continuously need him to be there for her emotionally/physically, calling him all day everyday, sending selfies of herself, asking him to be there for her when things went wrong with her life (she seems to get herself into trouble a lot). And my ex-bf who has a hero-complex wanted to always be there for her, to the point I had to put my foot down and said she isn’t invited to be part of this relationship and I know you two have a history, but this is beyond rude. She ended up calling me and scream at me for coming in between “their friendship”. He never stood up for me. He let her call me nasty names and even sided with her. I’ve also found out so many secret texts and phone calls between them. Towards the end, he ended up staying in a motel with her for 3 nights when she called and needed his “friendship” right now. This was kept a secret to me and I found out a month later. Pretty much why he’s an ex. Good riddance.
Your ex-bf sounds almost exactly like my ex. What fucksticks.
Damn thats horrible sorry sis but im happy to hear that you moved on. Her husband should have never thought it was cool to be that close with another single female while hes married. If his wife was cooking, cleaning and being there for another man would he be cool with that?
Okay, first off. Never. Never gwt with someone who is "just friends" after a relationship. That never works out. Also, hes garbage, shes garbage and im glad you know your worth.
Lilly Lovegood lesson learned!
rSlash really showing his american view of the world with the French tradition story. I've seen those types of americans come to my country and complain about our traditions and want to be confrontational about everything. I'm with OP on that one because I understand where he was coming from. It was more of a culture shock. The gf was the butthole for not letting it go.
I'm American, and I agree with you. I've fortunately travel the world quite a bit. I wouldn't go and complain about a tradition in another country. When travelling I try to read up on traditions for the counties I'm going to be a guest at. I definitely think she was in the wrong completely. I would have just been happy to try new food and learn new things. It's frustrating for me that some Americans act entitled when we are a guest in another country.
The funny part in the whole post was when she said she was going to leave the restaurant like where are you supposed to go you're in entirely different country where you don't even know the language
Culture and traditions are not excuses for sexism and other forms of discrimination
@@Aaa-oz1vh that’s the thing, the people from that culture don’t find that practice sexist. You - from your cultural experience view it as sexist, they - don’t, why is it such a hard concept to grasp?
@@nai-chiichan3413 discrimination doesn't cease to be discrimination when someone doesn't see it as such. Why is it such a hard concept to grasp?
The first I honestly don’t see how she’s in the wrong Carly seems hella obsessive and someone who doesn’t respect boundaries
Also the second is hella gross trying force someone into pregnancy coz you want kids yes being infertile is awful beyond words but Jesus Christ this woman’s health is on the line
Agreed and agreed. Both can be explained with the same reason. When someone says no, it doesn't mean maybe or yes. No means no.
Carly seems like a freeloader to me it’s like the scenario of guy simps for girl but instead of for love it’s just because he’s a good friend
First story: i think they handled fine, the girl is clearly crossing a line.
Agreed, those boundaries should have been set up earlier
I definitely agree with that but I also think the wife should have communicated with the husband about it first. She should have approached him by saying “hey hubby, I know you and your friend have a close relationship and would never come between that. But I feel that she is trying to get between our marriage and not respecting boundaries. I just want her to understand that we are married and give you the right amount of distance.”
@@rockgirl369 luckily he realized he needed to lay down boundaries, because the husband did not handle it well either initially until he realized what he was doing was affecting his marriage too. It's not just OP that needed to say something, the husband had his hand in causing this situation too.
rockgirl369 or he can stop being stupid, and know that she went too far. She shouldn’t have to say anything, if a single woman invited your husband to her house alone, there is no communication, that’s ridiculous
Like lots of others are saying, you're wrong on the French one. Prices are for the paying party, not everything is seen in an American point of view. If they were going Dutch that'd be one thing, but since it's presumed he was paying there was no reason for those not paying to have menu with prices on it. It's a Michelin star restaurant, not an Applebees. It was such a non-issue till she had to get "American Karen" about it.
Also... She could have asked for a priced menu herself. They speak English in that kind of restaurants, especially in Paris.
And I think the confrontational attitude was the real problem. He felt like she wanted to make a scene, so he refused to ask. It's really not the kind of places many French people would feel comfortable making a scene. Plus this kind of restaurant will tell you to leave as soon as you are disturbing other customers. They have a month-long waiting list and will value other customers' peace over a rude one.
yeah, i agree
Exactly it's not a big deal. If hes paying why should she be upset? If she was paying and couldnt see prices then thatd be sexist. Traditions in other countries are different and have deep history with them that your garden variety Karen wont understand. She should be happy hes paying for such a nice restaurant in the first place
agreed. I prefer menus with prices just so I can know I'm not spending too much of someone else's money, but I wouldn't make a scene about it. Especially if it's another country, since different countries have different customs (not all of us Americans are ethno-centric narcissists :) )
This is the first time I have to disagree with his verdict. True he could've asked for the menu; I get his point, but getting mad for something as minor as a menu price when you could've asked them yourself? Now I know this is highly unlikely, but what if he asked and the restaurant said "no sir"? What will she do? Something tells me this guy knows his GF too well to not embarass himself in front of his parents / relatives. This scenario sent karen signals all over the place for me. You're in another country jesus fking christ chill! She's just upset she waasn't able to talk to the manager.
The breast cancer survivor story:
In my personal opinion, even though I agree 3 years is a long time and she could have opened up, a lot of people just want to be treated normally despite what they've been through. I'm personally a little on her side. Breasts shouldn't really matter, as long as you love the person, right? There are lots of points I suppose she could have told him or at least dropped hints to expect something, but I still sorta agree with her.
The little sister story:
Bish, get in the trash.
The restaurant story:
Sharing a menu wouldn't have been a problem, or ask the prices of what she sees she likes on her menu would've also sufficed. That's their tradition, it's not sexist, she don't understand it because she didn't bother researching, he's not sexist and she's the one constantly bringing it up while OP could and would gladly forget about the whole deal within a day if she would shut her yap. If ya want to break up with her because she won't let it go, do so. Seek out what's best for you.
Regarding the breast story, where you have it wrong is that she should've told him when she planned to move in or, failing that, when she planned to be intimate. If she had been up front and honest about it, it might've gone differently. But she assumed that because he "loved all of her" that she didn't need to tell him.
So in that regard, the problem isn't that he didn't love her, it's that she didn't love him enough to be honest. You can't have a good relationship if you can't be honest with your partner.
I think my main issue with the breast story is that that one reddit commentor wrote as if one tit was the equivalent to a dishonesty equal to cheating.
If the breast doesn't matter than there shouldn't have been a problem with bringing it up
@@ezgin5925 yea thats insane but it would prob make me have a bit harder time trusting her
@@MrCrunchytime if a missing breast is enough for you to stop loving someone, you never loved them. Perhaps, the real assholes are the people who use "love" se carelessly without actually meaning it.
On the restaurant one i disagree, the way she wanted to confront a waiter in a foreign country about their customs came off rather karen to me.
would you say the same thing about Saudi Arabia publicly beheading gay people?
Especially since in France, we don't like confronting people in public places. We don't really have Karen types of situation in restaurants, as that would be seen so badly.
Yes, how dare she not want to be discriminated against on the grounds of her gender, the audacity! What an uppity woman, actually wanting to be treated like an equal human being!
@@karar7796 It wasn't that big of a deal
@@whateverdude1669 ok incel
Judging people is literally just a lifestyle
BUT REMEMBER THATS JUST A THEORY A GAME THEORY
z-dawg hacker soundcloud.com/user-3909721/yvngvdz-money-on-my-mind
@@revengeprod.4528 ew shit hop
It’s literally impossible to not judge someone. It is a normal human behavior. It’s what you do with it that matters. Stop being so offended over other people’s preferences
TK UA I agree with you saying about how judgment is a natural behaviour. However, I disagree with you saying to stop being insulted by people’s judgement. We also have emotions and people can be really damaged mentally by someone making rude comments to them. Yes, it’s ok for people to judge others, it’s not ok however to speak out your judgement if it harms others. Just because you can say it doesn’t mean you should
I disagree Sith rSlash's take on the restaurant one.
The tradition, while stupid, is quite the non issue. Like, you can easily get around it by just looking at the menu with the prices or just communicating openly with each other. But for the gf to bring it up for ages afterward is stupid and really making a mountain out of a molehill.
Right? Like if you want to see the prices just ask your bf the price. It’s really not that hard, yes a bit outdated of a tradition but it’s not that deep.
I'm with you on this one. Every culture has it's own traditions. I'm from the UK and I'm sure that there are things we do that I wouldn't think to mention to someome from another culture as for me, they are just normal everyday things.
This story for me boils down to "Well this isn't how we do things where I'm from, I demand you complain and confront a waiter about this immediately!" That's a very intolerant and egocentric way of approaching the situation.
and you rly think she wanted it to pay for her food? 100s of dollars? or she just did it to make her partner unhappy.
@Nathan545 it's always sad imo when you realize the one you loved dont worth it
@Nathan545 To be honest I can't really think of anything off the top of my head but I'm sure there must be some things we do that could be odd. Like how we spontaneously queue.
The second story:
Guys, adoption is always an option, please have mercy of that poor woman
Forget a surrogate, there's an estimated 35 million orphans in the world. Insisting on having a biological child when you could be giving one or more of those orphans a loving home is freaking selfish. If they really want to be parents then they should adopt.
Girlfriend who insulted the 12 year old gets 20 out of 5 assholes.
I agree with you. But people want biological babies. They don’t understand how orphans become and feel like ur absolute family. But there’s a whole stigma on it and people want their own biological babies.
Plus it’s so hard to get babies for adoption - absolutly true. What ur talking about is preteens/teens/almost adults. Most have extreme trauma and it takes a special kind of person with a lot A LOT of time on their hands.
You're not wrong, orphans deserve homes. Though some people simply want their own children. I think the problem there is with the people who go out and make all the orphans. It's not hard to wear a condom, or just not integrate with someone if you know you can't handle a baby. Abortion, is also a thing. I know many people don't like to even consider it. However weighing the effects of an unloved parentless child, vs one when the parents are ready well ... It's a large difference.
The first one: NTA. Carly needs to learn boundaries.
The restaurant one, NTA. The guy didn't want to start a scene in the restaurant. She can't just go to another country and protest how they do things in restaurants. I'm kinda surprised r/Slash took her side on this. She was the one putting a restaurant above their relationship. Is the tradition ridiculous and sexist? Absolutely. But insisting that your boyfriend confront the waiter about it is more ridiculous. Calling your boyfriend sexist because he didn't want to go up against his birth country's tradition is beyond ridiculous. Just roll your eyes at how absurd the tradition is, enjoy your meal and go about your life. Pouting over it or confronting a waiter is not going to change that tradition.
It's not even sexist. It could have been 2 couples at the table. If there's only one person paying, that person (M or F) is the only one with prices on their menu.
It's about who's hosting. That way, guests have a nice time and don't worry about the money. If it were a group of people, only the host would have prices so they can figure out the bill
I get why they have the rule, but it is a little patronizing. I guess it's just a matter of opinion because I can really see it both ways. But either way, it really doesn't need to be a big deal.
It’s not sexist, IT’S. THE. HOST. THAT. HAS. THEIR. NAME. ON. THE. RESERVATION.
rSlash doesn’t have enough information on the subject.
Edit: said racist by accident
Restaurant story: yes, him getting another menu wouldn’t have been a big deal, but her just sharing his menu also wouldn’t have been a big deal. I feel like the issue was pretty even, but she decides to constantly bring it up and complain about this small situation they were in. Sounds like she’s the asshole.
True
True. I feel like she was making a fuss about nothing. Sure he could ask for another menu for her, but as she could see the one he already had, it was useless. Sounds incredibly childish and rude to me since the start.
2nd story: The girl sounds like an entitled American demanding another culture conform to her point of view.
I agree. It was dumb fight. I understand he could just have asked for that menu, and it is fine. But making it a big deal, like she somehow needs to teach this restaurant a lesson, is problematic.
Exactly. Was looking for a sensible comment.
Holy hell. The breast one... I'm sorry, that's a hard thing to bring up, first and foremost. I had a hard time even telling my parents that I wanted mine removed (both of them) and then freaking out about how society would treat me without them. Society is built around how women SHOULD look and if they don't then they are ugly. I can imagine OP was scared and didn't know how to bring that up. Sure some people have discomfort around amputations and such but if he can't understand that it's probably not easy for her to admit she's missing something society sees as vital for a woman to be a woman then he's not worth her time. I know someone who was afraid to remove her wig after she lost her hair. She went to great lengths to make sure her bf didn't know because she was 100% convinced that he'd never even look at her again if he found out. They are married now and the kicker...now that her hair is growing again she keeps shaving her head because he loves how she looks without it.
While Carly crossed the line, asking for Jake's time when she KNEW his day belonged to his wife, the problem is that when you're friends with a married person and you're single, you'll get scraps of their time. Either make peace with that or move on.
Absolutely true. And if the married person has a lot more time than average because their spouse is a hospital worker (respect to all medical workers especially right now) understand that on some days, they won't want to spend ANY time with anyone else, unless it is a family or close friend thing.
About the restaurant: I know some german restaurants where only one person gets a menu with prices, the host. This is so he and everyone else can order freely as it is tradition not to order anything more expensive than the host.
That isn't the case in this situation, I have been to upscale French restaurants, they are sexist and as someone who wasn't aware of the sexism that was going to occur I can understand why she was upset.
Yeah, people always make fun of others traditions especially Americans and Brits. I would love to tell them to frick off and throw their guns out first before talking about other nations traditions.
Yes, it is unreasonable to feel offended by something that is customary even if unknown. Culture is not logical and there was no attack to her. Making a scene there was unnecessary, but he could have handed her the priced one. However she should have gone if it was worth fighting over it for months. She is hugely unreasonable just for making a crusade out of it, despite staying.
@@mirrorflame1988 just saying but we don't do guns in UK
That doesn't make sense. How are the others supposed to order things less expensive than the host if they don't see the prices?
wow this Carley is a piece of work, like i would give her the benefit of the doubt before the last call, but then she accuses OP of being sensitive?! this lady is playing the long game to sow divide between the couple, and they did great discussing it honestly together
For the cancer girl, I feel like she should have told him before getting intimate, but she's not an asshole for not doing it.
She didn't cheat him by wearing a pad so that it's not completely obvious that she had a breast remove, it's probably super important for OP and her confidence. Unless she was like "I'm sure you'll love my TWO beautiful breastS when we'll sleep together" when talking to him, she definitely did not cheat. At this point it's a question of preference. Should you tell every potential partner about your pubic hair grooming habits to make sure it matches their preference? Although I'd say that a missing breast is a bit more extreme, that's why it would have been a good idea to tell him, but not telling doesn't make her an asshole.
I agree she didn't cheat him but she should have said something before they were getting intimate so it didn't come as a complete surprise when they were wanting to be intimate as that's not when you want any surprises that could effect the intimacy negatively
@@missqueenbee98idk been a year and my first thought is still
You dont ask a cancer patient certain questions no matter how close you are.
@@azroceankitarn9620 I agree that you don't ask certain things of anyone but if you're planning on getting intimate with someone, share things that you have going on with your body that may effect that intimate act or effect the other person but you don't have to share anything further than "i have no natural boobs and I use this method to look like I have boobs" or "I have this STD." Sharing info with a potential partner before you're actively trying to get intimate is a good way to make sure you don't get as hurt by a bad reaction to something as it stings way more to have a bad reaction when you're intimate or feeling vulnerable than it does if they react badly when you tell them when you're in a spot where you aren't feeling vulnerable or trying to be intimate with someone. Sharing info that may effect an intimate moment before it happens will also help with making sure if that does happen, you will have a more enjoyable time than if it's "surprise! (insert whatever info)" as you're trying to have that moment
Rslash: "Your parthner is supposed to support you in every situation"
Rslash on the iterall next post: "well yes, but actually no"
“Your partner is supposed to support you in every situation”
Also
Unless if they only have one breast then u should definitely not support her and not consider the amount of crying,pain, and insecurity she felt before and after her surgery.
@@ApplePi3.1415 I really don't think its about the breast, it that she lied about it for so long from someone who she should have felt comfortable sharing that with. If she wasn't, then maybe they aren't ready to live with each other if they aren't close enough. If I were him I would be like "wait.. What??" Then "why didn't you tell me? Do you not trust me? Do you not feel comfortable telling me things? It seems you don't trust me enough to tell me about something significant to you. What else haven't you told me? How can I trust you if you hide things from me? And if you feel like you have to hide them from me, how can you feel like we are ready to live together? Ect". The whole thing is so much deeper than just missing a breast. I completely understand being upset in that situation. Replace missing breast about anything that important. What if you have a kid and hid that for 3 years. Doesn't change how things have been in the relationship really or their sex life, but its the lie that changes things.
Ya'll are fkn stupid. She lied, I would be mad too if after 3 years i find out that my gf has lied to me
@@wilber9220 she never said anything about it because of insecurities, it shouldn't be a main thing to talk about. I mean nobody goes up to their partner and says "hey, I have stretch marks" or "hey, I have a bit of stomach fat" so why should there be higher expectations for her. I understand being shocked but not hating her. This amazing woman overcame CANCER and all you think about is that shes missing something that not even all women have? Tbh, I would even understand how the man got turned off by it at first. But breaking up with her and having people shame her for it is unbelievable. Her boyfriend is in the wrong, lets be honest he would be livid if she got turned off by by attributes of his body that made his insecure, so why should he turn around do the exact same thing to her?
@@Plushiguro I aint saying that he's in the right, I just meant that she isn't in the right either.
The girl in the restaurant story is wrong for making a mountain out of a molehill. There was much better ways to spend there time together than telling french people to act american in france. Just pathetic
This tbh
im sortof conflicted about that as well.
i kinda like the idea, the guy taking his gf to a restaurant. i kind alike the idea that the lady doesnt need to know the prices, you can just order without having to consider if you are picking the cheapest or the most expensive option.
sortof sexist.
but then again, the guy in the post was talking about "it was not a problem since i was making good money". which i translate to mean he is paying for it. (cant be sure but that is how i understant it)
which would mean, hes paying for it, and she is angry that the restaurant assumes he is paying for it.
as a man im just thinking, if she was paying for the meal. id just swap the menus and thats it. no need to spoil an expensive night in a restaurant to bitch about equality.
your partner is supposed to have your back over a restaurant sure.
but your partner should also not ruin a special evening in a fancy restaurant with months of a line in and a dresscode.
I agree.Why did she want the price menu? It's not like she's paying her half. If she'd been going out with him for two years and didn't even attempt to learn the basics of the language, she's not that into him.
@@yunthi Having your partners back does not mean , always agreeing with them. It means doing your best for that person. Even if it means to say something as simple as " When in Rome do as the romans do " . In the long run, doing that is having your partners back in much a deeper way.
I mean the thing with not having prices for woman ist no big Deal in Europe every like 3 Star Restaurant ans even hotels and stuff expect us man to pay as its Tradition i mean wheres your Problem u get a price later anyway u can share but like why the fk would u be like that so 100% agree with u my man
I didn't realise the menu thing was a French thing. It dates back to when men were always paying, the women wouldn't be told the price, this way they could choose without taking the price into account.
I think it's nice because if I know someone is paying for me, if I know the price I'll take whatever is cheapest even if I don't even like it. But nowadays the person paying isn't always a man, so they could have explained they were splitting the check and they would have been both given a menu with prices.
I do however understand why OP didn't want to make a scene. These restaurants are so uptight, you're afraid to do anything wrong, and since waiters don't rely on tips in France like they do in the US (every price shown in every restaurant here includes the 15% gratuity for the waiter), they don't come back to your table to refill your glass, especially in upscale restaurants because it's considered rude to hover over customers and bother them. So OP would probably have needed to get up and go find someone, and everyone would have looked at him, or to wait until someone asked if they were ready to order, only to explain they weren't because the girlfriend didn't want to order from a menu without prices on it. Pretty uncomfortable, and since they could share the same menu, I think the girlfriend was unreasonable asking he make a scene for something completely unneeded. I mean, she couldn't even understand the menu in the first place and he was happy to share the prices with her.
I do wish all restaurant asked when you come in who is paying so that only that person would get a menu with the prices on it. That would take a lot of stress off the people who aren't paying!
I just realized... Why didn't they just switch menus?
I completely get what you're talking about, I've personally never been to a super fancy restaurant but I know from experience that the waiter doesn't always hop by your seating area unless for asking for the order. Though, usually the menu with prices (according to what little bit I've read) goes to the people who are HOSTING so if he placed the reservations in his name he would've been automatically viewed as the host and given the priced menu.
Agreed. It's not 'sexist' per say, but it's how France does things. I can understand her frustration, but upscale restaurants don't help you unless you order. It'd be real weird to go up to a waiter and ask them for a second menu. It's time consuming and it makes everyone uncomfortable. I think the max i can really give is 1.5/5 assholes here, but she's being unreasonable and you need to break it off for both of your sakes. Better to end it instead of living in constant anger and guilt.
Agreed. Sometimes you have to choose your battles. GF shouldn’t have made a scene. That said, BF shouldn’t have dug his heels in and simply switched menus with her. Ideally, he would have told her what to expect beforehand.
Yea I totally agree different culture, different way to handle stuff like this. It's pretty sexist but it's other people culture either respect it or just leave. I know it sounds bad but this is still a gray area to mess with.
The uterus story:
In the Netherlands we have this thing; baas in eigen buik.
It means that you are boss about your belly, and basically nobody is allowed to physically force or restrain you from getting an abortion or having a baby.
10:40 I disagree with you, she could have accepted that it is a harmless tradition and if she wanted to see the prices she could have just looked into her BFs with him. OP can't change how french restaurants do their things. I'm a shy person that hates social interactions so for me asking a waiter would be hell.
I also think she is going too far with reminding him of that small incident again and again
I gotta disagree. It wouldn’t have been a big deal for him to ask for another one, he just didn’t want to... for some reason.
@@nobodyimportant9603 it depends on the waiter if they were young then they probably wouldn't care but if they were older and especially with how she was getting really mad at it they might have spit in their food or done something else to it and have gotten nasty looks from others in the restaurant
Nobody Important she could’ve asked
Nobody Important why couldn’t she just read his menu tho?
Nobody Important you can’t say that though. To you it’s not a big deal but they just said they were shy and it would’ve been hard for them. All people are different.
My best best friend in this world is a guy and Carly needs to realize that when your best friend is a guy, your relationship has to change when they get into a serious relationship. It's just the way it is and in order to stay in his life, there needs to be clear boundaries of respect for his significant other
Maria Hillenbrand I agree so much. My best friend is also a guy and me and his girlfriend are also super close. I basically lived with them for a while even. That only worked because it’s very obvious we’re just friends. And a big thing for having that relationship with the girlfriend was talking with her about all the annoying things he does. Lol we decided to handle his negative traits in halves. Doesn’t always work but honestly if the guy is actually your best friend and you’re not interested in each other. The friendship with his partner should be easy. As long as they’re not hyper jealous.
That’s also what should happen to a guy with a female best friend who gets into a serious relationship. You gotta realize that you aren’t the most important person of the opposite gender to them.
My mom's a Carly with my fiance and she always makes my fiance tag along while I am not (not ever) invited and it's all the time.
We've tried talking to her about it and of course doesn't understand why it's too much
Agreed, I have the same. I am married and my husband has always been ok with my friend and me spending time together if it doesn't eat drastically into our alone time together - but my friend recently got a steady girlfriend who is more nervous about other women so we spend very little time together now. I'm ok with that, I want him to be happy and just make the most of the times we do go out :)
Also, my husband used to have a Carly - it came to boiling point when she used to phone him on his hour long commute home every night and he would go into other rooms to talk to her on lengthy chats.
"Hey, waiter, can you break standard tradition around these parts?"
No, his girlfriend was being a karen and he did nothing wrong. The fact she still brings it up is evidence of this.
Plus I read another comment saying that it's not a gender thing, it's about whoever is the host.
What was she going to do with the menu? She doesn't speak French.
@@animatorstanley Literally this
Nathaniel Lemon you’re right it is whoever booked the table no matter how many people are in the party receives the menu with prices is given to them unless otherwise requested so the host may order things for the table without anyone being self conscious
I thought the fact that she keeps bringing it up when it's basically a non-issue was pretty strange. I have no doubt she's a Karen.
Definitely Carly! Jake and OP did everything perfectly, from apologizing to talking it out rationally. Kudos! Score 2 or 3 A**holes for Carly.
I actually feel really bad for the cancer survivor. Yeah she didnt tell him, but it seems that everyone just dogpiled on this poor woman without acknowledging how humiliating that whole event would have been, and how incredibly juvenile and shallow her boyfriend comes across.
Honestly the boyfriend was far more of an asshole than OP. He completely overreacted.
I think the boyfriend did overreact, but she should have told him some time before they decided to have sex so it wouldn't be a shock. What did she expect? But he should have gotten over it and if he really loved her he would love her no matter what her body looked like. But I do agree that if she was hiding that from him, he's going to wonder what else she's hiding. They both exhibited bad behavior, IMO.
The whole "you lied about who you are" is really disgusting regardless, ir reeks of the stigma women face when removing their breasts for whatever reason and they are treated like they aren't women anymore. Obviously she should have told him but the take on the situation was really gross.
@Atori-san I agree with you on that part, I just feel like the response from rSlash and that commenter was disproportionately harsh about it. Saying she should've told her boyfriend on beforehand and that she might've startled him is one thing, going into a long "you've lied about your entire being because not having breasts is a defining factor into your personality" is another, and it was.... iffy, at best. Women without breasts are still women.
i cant stop thinking bout 3 yr relationship with no sex
As for the French restaurant story, if she’s such a feminist, why did she not get a price menu herself? Why did he have to do it? And it IS a tradition in a lot of European countries that a host get the price menu so that their guest don’t feel uncomfortable ordering something too expensive. It’s not that big of a deal. She could have also offered to split the bill afterwards if she was concerned about him paying too much. I don’t think the OP was in the wrong.
Because she didn't speak French. Although maybe that's the biggest red flag, that she showed no interest in learning after dating for 2 years.
@@Delphineas That kinda depends tbh. If he lives in america with her, and never showed any interest in her knowing french, then she obviously wouldn't learn it. On the other hand it is also possible she is bad at languages. I am Dutch myself and have tried learning french, but to me it is an insanely hard language to learn. To be honest It is not at all high on my priority list, as I don't really care about french that much at all, but still I can imagine it being difficult.
You’re 100% right. If she wanted a menu with prices because she wanted to prove their habit was sexist, then SHE should have asked for it, and SHE should have offered to split the bill. Especially since she picked the place to begin with.
@@Delphineas I mean, i've known my girlfriend for over 3 years now, and dated her for nearly 2. She speaks Albanian and i speak Danish, and while she does want to learn Danish, i'm honestly not too interested in learning Albanian, primarily because we intend to live in Denmark, so i don't really have a reason for it. I don't see how that's a red flag? I fully intend to live the rest of my life with her, and i consider myself very caring and supportive, she goes to me with all her troubles, and i gladly help her get through it. But i don't really have any intention of learning Albanian still.
@@toniwines9701 I'm guessing she would have if she knew the language. He said he had to do all of the communicating because she doesn't speak French. She had to ask him to translate for her.
The story where the guy sticks up for his little sister against his girlfriend that could damage his sister if she heard it she’s 12 girlfriend had it coming and I would’ve dumped the person.
Exactly the girlfriend should have gotten 5/5 buttholes
Rslash showed off his own entitlement side on the restaurant story. "I'm American and don't like your country's customs. I demand you do it my country ". Smh
No one:
Karen: your 12 year old sister's thigh is so chunky
Yeah I am actually pretty mad about that one! You never say that kind of stuff about a child! That poor girl is probably going to have issues for her whole life because of that comment!
@@Upper_echelon_exotics I got *SO* ticked off at that part
She already tried 2 times to have a child for them and they should respect when she said no to trying a 3rd
Oh no no no, that French story.
Yeah it's weird that there is a tradition like that but it's a high rated restaurant, he had to make reservation early on, AND he forgot those traditions even existed.
How was he suppose to know that she would be bothered by that. It's fine to be annoyed by it but to keep bringing up something he has no control over? That's absolutely a red flag.
He can't change how the restaurant works. She already kept to the dress code and their rules but she's not making a problem out of that so why this?
If people actually thought that idea was a problem, they would have changed it. But they don't, they adapt and accept for what it is. They could easily switch menu's or ya know.. discuss it with the person who has the prices.
In those high ends restaurants, the host (the one who the reservation) has the price menu and the guest has the non price menu
@@helenemuscagorry244 it's French tradition and every country doesn't revolve around America and it's traditions.
Yeah, I give that guy no buttholes. I haven't even been to France, and even I could guess at least 3 different reasons for the tradition that have nothing to do with "sexism".