@Cindy Lou lol... its far more likely in females. Funny how men are criticized for judging borderline females but you guys are worse in the same position
What does it mean to feel empty inside? I know what boredom feels like. When I look inside myself I feel me in here so that makes me think that I'm not empty.
@@bonnielee7134 I can't speak for stuart little but for me personally(having bpd) the emptiness is more akin to lack of meaning. Lack of meaning translates into lack of purpose, or value(in self, or in..anything really) which leads to lack of motivation. Which for me, is what I think precipitates the depression. If/when meaning is found, it is often fleeting or ends up being a double edged sword unfortunately. Edit for clarity.
Julian Delphiki, See my other comment; also, I reread yours. I have that too, a lack of meaning, a lack of purpose but not too bad. Religion was in my life so that kept me busy and shaped me.
Suddenly this disorder and adds for research studies on this borderline disorder, started populating on my feed and news feeds etc.. throughout time the human race is being genetically modified on different ways. Through the food supply, pharma, technology like 3,4 & 5G. The awaken should know what I'm talking about. If you don't ? You are a woke person.. My question for Dr Grande is. With transgender people taking hormones, transgender women taking testosterone, beta males / men with low testosterone. Would this play a role into this type of disorder ?
My ex had BPD (while we were dating, he thought it was CPTSD). It was absolutely crazy trying to have a relationship with him. He was sweet and very attractive, but also needy, manipulative, spiteful, impulsive, chronically negative and would lash out over literally nothing. I broke up with him when I realized how difficult it would be to have a child and normal / healthy family life with him. I would have to go to great lengths to protect the child from his influence.
This is so disheartening bc I really want a stable normal life but idk if that’s achievable with this disorder. The older I get the more I want a more stable long term family life but I just don’t see it happening
I love listening to your "scientifically informed" approach... breath of fresh air in a TH-cam area bombarded with "opinion and disinformation". Thank you!!
that's because scientist facts are what we need to concentrate on. Appart from my disorder, I am so willing to understand exactly what is happening, and these videos are just a goldmine of information
I got diagnosed last December with BPD and BD1, I’m 22 and I pretty much knew that something was wrong since my early teenage years; went through manic and severe depressive episodes, substance abuse, mutilation, increased libido but also grandiose and narcissistic traits: my mind is a party 🥳
Do narcissist have that same feeling of something being wrong or off with them from a young age? I don't mean the feeling that they're superior, but rather as you described it. Wrong.
My father once directly told me that sometime in his teens he started to feel that he did not know who he was. He Used those words exactly, described it as feeling empty. I do not know if he did his own research but he was not in therapy, and we did not talk about personality disorders specifically ever, he jsut typically turns everyone around him into his personal therapist. He has had 4 mental breakdowns in my lifetime (im 20). He was almost diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic in one of them to show how insane he actually is when these happen. In these states he is completely disconnected from reality, more then usual. I can remember him beleiving my brother was the anti-chrit who would end the world, my mom was the baphomet, he also completely stopped eating because he 'did not deserve food'. Other then that, when he was 'sane', it was constant rage, he would go into fits of suicidal ideation or berating one of us and then snap out of it, act like he didnt remember it, sometimes even cry afterwards in remorse. To this day he claims he does not remember treating us the way he did. Either that or he is just lying. He is the most pessemistic and pathetic man I know. I know thats bad to say about your father, but he idolizes me as if I am god, while putting himself down constantly. He also tries to compete with me or follow me into my new field I started 2 years ago, as if I am his goal post. Most of my conversations with him are him essentially begging me to be his father, while simutaniously acting like a weak pathetic child. You want to help him but it doesnt matter what yo say he never changes. It drives me crazy. He is the last person id go to for advice because his view of relaity is warped completely. He is the lack of a father, as mean as it is to say, all he offered was a roof over my head, the bare minimum, my only discipline was being scared of him, and my only lesson in life was that commitment and work makes you suicidal and abusive to your family. He simply makes my life worse. Dont know if he is borderline, manic-depressive, narcissistic, or whatever hes messed up. Do not have kids with the mentally ill.
I found DBT the only tool to help me live with myself. Partook in the group 3 times & carried my workbook with me for at least a year because I seriously wanted to get better. Resistance = suffering. Commitment paid off, I can breath again.
From my personal experience, I've met more avoidant women who give me space, and more hyper-emotional men who have even gone so far as to stalk. So personally it feels really strange this disorder is given more to women.
I’ve had the exact same experiences as you! I’ve met so many men with the stereotypical “female” symptoms (with stalking, possessive tendencies) and more avoidant women. And what’s interesting is none of the men who have possessive and hyper emotional tendencies have been diagnosed with BPD despite seeing a therapist (one ex locked me in a room with him when I tried to break up with him and I was in there with him for 2 hours before a friend interfered.) I feel like we aren’t looking for or recognizing these tendencies in men when they are present. I know that of course personal experiences isn’t something to go on, but I find it interesting how so many guys with very possessive and hyper emotional tendencies don’t get a diagnosis of this, whereas a few women I know (Who are actually kind of avoidant or might lean more towards having anti social and calculating, manipulative traits) seem to be over diagnosed with BPD.
@@blythetaylor4063 Everytime I make a difference between men and women I have to remind myself that I don't date men. Therefore I don't see the stalker/emotional side of men but I mostly see those with women. I do believe bpd and narc are slowly straightening out across genders though
As a victim of one of these men, the stalking is minor! The destruction of my car, attempts on my family's safety, calling the police on me for false information, trying to get me fired, I had to move, it went on for YEARS and I only went out with the guy twice! It is RIDICULOUS and unreasonable that someone's life could be turned upside down to such an extent!! Someone I don't even know?!!!
I was diagnosed with this. (I'm a guy). Before all that, I had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder but, the symptoms never really fit for me. So, does anyone deal with bad anxiety? I feel on edge pretty much all of the time. Being around people sends it to overdrive. (The anger towards myself, follows soon after) Pushing people away in relationships is a big one for me. Everything's great for a short time then, it all falls apart. Just want to see if any guys can relate to this.
This is how 3 guys i dated were like. I didnt know why they do that but have you looked into fearful avoidant attachment. Adam lane and also the personal development school channels talk about this attachment style
@@The_NutritionChef That 'fearful avoidant attachment' thing is definitely new to me. At this point, I'm ready to try anything to feel better. I'll check out his videos. I appreciate it.
ADHD meds helped a ton. Maybe adhd overlap? I basically sat in my head, is how I'd describe it. Dissociating mid convo multiple times isn't that odd for me. These meds have removed a lot of social Anxiety, now I have a TERRIBLE increase to my panic disorder with more panic attacks, so that's fun lmao
My last partner has BPD and I loved him so much but the constant push and pull made it so difficult. I have no idea if it is possible to be in a healthy relationship with someone who has BPD with the help of therapy and/or meds 'cause I really love him and miss him so much.
My mother believed I had BPD at 17 observing and living with me and was told I didn't by mental health clinicians. Back than there was that stat it's found more in females than males, even back than I thought that was flawed. So I looked elsewhere for answers/solutions. Years later after much more damage I got diagnosed with BPD.
My late father had it, his mother, grandma, most definitely did (according to one of my therapists). Dad told me a lot of experiences 8 year olds should never hear about. He was unrepentant, cruel, blamed everyone, died with no friends, emotionally & verbally abusive.....I could go on and on. This was most of my childhood experience btw, and twenty years of therapy are just beginning to show progress. Let’s just say the rest of my family and myself do not miss him in the slightest and never speak of his existence ever. He had severe narcissistic traits as well and my poor mother most definitely has ptsd. what a waste of life and horrific destruction of a family because of one toxic human being couldn’t admit he needed help.
Seriously doubt he was solely borderline, sounds like a good bit of narcissism too. Make sure when you add something to a video about bpd you’re not just speculating. It just adds to the stigma surrounding emotionally unstable men.
I heard from my mom that my dad has BPD, bipolar, and I even think he was schizophrenic because I remember seeing him talking to himself a few times. Plus one of my older sisters is schizophrenic. He was an alcoholic, abusive physically, verbally, and emotionally cold at times. He was very narcissistic and would be quick to anger. I had a hard time in school. I could barely read or write and would call me stupid. I ended up hating school because of it even though I was eager to learn. I loved animals. Mostly dinosaurs. But I'm glad he's not in my life anymore. Once in a while I'll say wassup but I tend to keep it short. When he ask for money I hang up. I ain't give you shit after giving us a shitty life. Living in constant fear or wondering if we were going to stay in one place. We would constantly move room to room because he would spend most of his money gambling, hookers, drugs, and alcohol. My ex was BPD. She was super sweet at first but I'm the end became cold and it hurt a lot. But I wasn't really there for her like I should have been too. I felt drained sometimes. I'd get a little upset or even mad why she'd get upset. I really didn't know she was going through this. I feel bad because I wish I had know. Maybe I could have saved my relationship. Last I heard she's getting worst and there's time when I wanna go see her but also don't want to bother her either. Plus I suspect that she was also cheating on me since I would always find her talking or texting an ex friend of mine. I confronted her about it and she denies it but I also know my friends history. He tends to do shit like that but never expect him to do it to me since we've been homies since high school. Shit hope you feeling better at least. I hope to seek therapy since I know I have serious codependent issues, abandonment issues, and even get depress sometimes.
@@Austin-qj8qx BPD and NPD have a high co-occurrence rate (25%) and they lie on s spectrum with more overlap between the two as you move towards the NPD side of the spectrum so don’t try to INVALIDATE the experience of those who have suffered at the hands if s classic BPD/ NPD combo - you may not have but that doesn’t mean others didn’t.
I don't know if i have BPD, i have a lot of symptoms, i'm a male, my life is a total mess, I have anxiety so that makes it worse, i always felt that i was different from everyone else but just in personality, i thought that was normal, i never thought i had a mental disorder, i tend to take things very lightly, i have the same attitude with everything in my life, i don't like commitments or routines either, for some reason i like to feel different from everyone else, i like to be a rebel, i've never taken work or school seriously, i like to rely on talent alone, if i don't have talent for something or if i'm not good naturally i leave it, and if i'm good on a job i'm not safe either, i am a mess with my emotions, i can get along with people one moment and the other if they do something that i don't like and i get extremely mad or sad, to the point of crying, i've even cried in school and in jobs, but i tend to hide it always, and sometimes they aren't even things that i should get mad about, sometimes just seeing someone act a certain way towards others, and not being mean or anything, can bring me to tears, i know it sounds crazy and it actually is, i'm very impulsive too and that has gotten me into alcohol and drug addiction, i've cut my arm like 3 times while drunk, i'm quite self destructive, and i tend to manipulate people without even noticing, and without any purpose whatsoever, playing with their feelings, i don't know why i do it, but what i do know is that i feel like my life is missing something, it's not wealth or fame or a family or love or whatever normal people want in life, i see all of that as boring, it's almost like i want something that doesn't exist
This sounds exactly like my fiancé ......wow!! ....i mean word for word ..I just don’t know what to do at this point . His behaviors are erratic . Impulsive . Instability in his moods. The list goes on and on..
@@londonkristian777 There's nothing to do really, either you accept him and love him for who he is or leave him, there's just 2 options, my behaviour and my emotions get extremely bad when I drink so I don't drink anymore, not even a beer, maybe he drinks or does drugs? Idk but that definitely worsens his mental state, if he does you should try to make him stop consuming, if he doesn't well idk what to say, i'm not that bad right now, when I made the comment I was really bad mentally but now i'm quite stable, I have a good job now and I feel good, I feel more responsable now and more mature, I just need to get away from the things that trigger me, like alcohol or certain types of people
@@dovax7988 I'm always really skeptical when people are self reporting behaviors because people are biased. But I genuinely believe what you reported. I get what you're talking about. Your reactions to stuff like the crying at work and school, I react with anger. I'm not an angry or mean or cruel person, and I'm not even quick tempered. But when I snap I snap. Even though we react differently, the triggers you described causing that reaction I can completely relate to. Weird shit like seeing sincere hurt on someone's face, or not being understood properly by someone I'm close to. When they just aren't getting what I'm saying and idk why because it seems so simple to me. The other feeling I relate to is that I've always known that I was different. Like something was off or odd about me. I'd go back and forth on if it was a good thing or not. I didn't realize till I was older and had seen more of the world that I realized that I really was different from other people. People are always telling me they don't know how to take me. Sometimes people will tell me it looks like there is something behind my eyes. Like I look like I'm sincerely listening, but underneath that look it's like I'm plotting. I also manipulate people without even realizing it, and when later me another person talk about something like that, i can recognize that it is manipulative, but I know what my intentions were and where my head was at, and I never am trying to manipulate some one. More like frantic efforts in the middle of meltdown. I have periods of building myself up, then taring myself down. In the building phase, I can get start displaying a lot of narcissistic traits, and really sexually promiscuous and risky. I get more aggressive. And more charismatic. I will admit that I like that stage. But even then i am still an outsider. Even though I make friends really well anywhere I go. It's like I'm not the same as everyone, and in a way it's like they can sense it too. This comment is long as fuck
@@lou70x7 I also recognise NPD traits in you, you might have some covert narc traits as well. I had more of your traits when I was 12 - 17 and after that it's like I shifted to more covert and extravert NPD traits. I got diagnosed with 'just' ADD in 2017 but I'm quite certain there must be comorbidity with narcissist traits as well. I'm both handsome and vain. I'm an optician so also a salesman who thinks he is superior to colleagues because I'm like never sick but also believe I'm entitled to show up late because I'm special and never sick. I always take my break first and don't even offer coffee for my female colleagues unless I'm attracted to them. I like selling a lot but on the other hand I don't like solving complaints so I'm not a people pleaser lol. I've come to confront myself after I'm divorcing from a woman who has cptsd and/or borderline (both seperately diagnosed) I did treat her as an object in many ways, leaned on her and after years of devaluation from her side I started devaluation on her but even in a more mean way, like using the same ways but also putting an emphasis on them like 'You're calling me names I'm not while I'm calling you names you actually are'. And after this I've became physically aggressive as well like she was before. But unfortunately she completely destroyed our marriage in the end and she keeps on continuing in self harming behaviour like for instance substance abuse and making debt because of shopping sprees. While I'm more childish with finances and responsibilities, and my only self harm is smoking cigarettes at the moment. Although I'm convinced I'm not as extreme as her on many levels. (unfortunately she is and she took the children as well after deciding not to go into therapy) I'm seeing our children each weekend but I'm a 100% sure it's better for them if this becomes the other way around because I'm genuinely worried about her so I do have empathy. I do know now I need therapy and help as well because we have 2 small children and I'm not that self-centered to choose to continue living this way. We now both have a big problem with separating each other as (ex-)partner and parent to their child. She can be only mad at me at the moment and I'm going through emotions like intense feelings of love and hate. I want this out of my system ASAP and never want a woman with a cluster B disorder again and also don't want to bring my negative traits in my next marriage. I wish you the best and hope you can tackle this problem for your (future) kids! Btw, check out Sam Vaknin.
@@aboetarikske thanks for reading and replying to my comment. Mental health is always so hard to discern, because everything is in a spectrum. One thing I related to in your comment was the handsome and vain thing. But maybe everyone who is good looking is this way to an extent. Also the tardiness thing. I never miss work, but I'm habitually 5-10 mins late, and even though I know it's wrong, I Ultima tell myself if that's the only flaw I have and am an otherwise excellent employee , then they are pretty lucky. I'm a good salesman, and good at resolving customer complaints. I would say there's a bit of approval seeking behavior there. Also (and its embarrassing to admit this) I absolutely crave and feed off of admiration/desire. Desire if it's a female that is in my sexual range, meaning not necessarily that I'm attracted to them, but that it would generally be socially acceptable for me to pursue them as a partner. Covert narcissism and bpd both seem real similar to me. One thing I am confused by is I've always been told that narcissist don't practice empathy, and they have no desire to change. I do both. You mentioned you won't get coffee for female coworkers unless your interested in them. I don't share this trait. I will do nude things for people I like our people I think are good people. I'd love to talk and explore all this more with you
I believe my daughter was a Borderline wrongfully diagnosed repeatedly and now I get to go through it all over again raising her son . I suppose there are differences but I see SO many similarities ! It is what has pushed me to try to get him the right treatment . Which is next to impossible . We are struggling every day as I watch this . Thank you it made a lot of sense .
Do you sing or dance or play sports...combining the anger with the creative angst is the way to make borderline your friend.. i took up dancing and singing from youtube.. now I can scream all morning (sing) without upsetting anyone including myself. And if that doesn't work I go outside and stomp the streets (dance).
I grew up with physical & emotional abuse and neglect, and was abandoned by both parents in different ways - that's where it manifested for me. I know I never would have developed this horrible disorder if I had healthy parents who accepted and loved me. It's a painful, horrible thing to live with but it does get better once you face your trauma and learn where these destructive patterns came from.
I once wrote a letter to the editor of an APA newsletter arguing that since only women were diagnosed with BPD, the disorder was physiological and should be removed from the DSM-IV. Very pleased to see that improvement has been made since that time. Very impressed that the first place Dr. Grande went was straight to potential confounding variables. Dr. Grande is evidence that belies my despair that clinical psychologists diagnose by throwing darts at a DSM-V pinned to the wall.
Dad been diagnosed with BPD. He had a cutting tool in his tool box and would always tell me he had cut himself moving sheets of roofing when plumbing. He also has a glass eye from a gun 'accident' when he was 15. He was explosive when his plans did not go according to his plan. Dr. Grade he was locked under the house when he was little for up five days without even a blanket in a small room. And his sister I think my aunt has NPD (Trump styled NPD). Mum is diagnosed with NPD. I seen him not remember who he is. Thank you Dr. Grande.
What a good representation. Thank you for helping our bpd man and woman.its a compliment. I felt better listening to these advices . Really really appreciated it doctor.
I have just been stuck with not being checked out due to irrational fear of others knowing that I got checked out. It's been 4 years since with these thoughts. I took an online personality disorder test on 7/31/19 (screenshotted the test and results) and my results were: Paranoid Personality Disorder - 82 Schizoid Personality Disorder - 89 Schizotypal Personality Disorder - 86 AntiSocial Personality Disorder - 68 Borderline Personality Disorder - 94 Histrionic Personality Disorder - 81 Narcissistic Personality Disorder - 78 Avoidant Personality Disorder - 100 Dependent Personality Disorder - 63 Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder - 94 I know that these results are not from an official diagnostic test but when I saw that I got a 10 possible personality disorders I felt bummed out that day. I got a unintentional 10/10 on a test that involves personality disorders and I still feel uneasy about being checked out because I know for a fact there a multitude of things different about me to the point where I feel like in some way it would be a wasted effort to get checked out because I already have the insight of a multiplicity of things (I don't want to use "wrong") different about me to the point where people (family, strangers, customers at my retail job) all don't want a part of me. Another reason I don't want to get checked out now is because I would rather be unchecked and have people not care, than to be checkout and for people to suddenly care; but for all I know it will still be the same. I am venting and rambling a bit but the thing is that now, I recently became more unhinged and starting to hear things. I'll summarize, I am unhinged because I have overheard my mom's boyfriend's son saying things that he done to my half sister and my mentality shifted from whatever it was before to a blistering obliterating rage which I have suppressed because my retaliation would have consequences that not even I would not go through, this has been going on for the past week. But because of me overhearing him I became a-tuned to overhearing voices now, but the scary thing to me is that sometime I hear voices in a skeptical way. For example after a few days of overhearing him and due to the walls in the house having sound cancellation like paper, he overhears me on my computer and talks shit. I don't mind him talking shit I would take that everyday other than hearing the shit he said to what he did to my sister once, regardless now I hear customers talking shit when I work at retail, I don't put much thought into it. I go on night walks very late from when I get home from work at 9pm and keep on walking sometimes till as late as 2-3am, but the thing is now I hear people talking shit in their cars now and it is exacerbated when drivers are consistently flashing, strobing or exclusively having the headlights on when I walk. It in some way gives me a bit of confirmation bias of them talking shit but I shouldn't be hearing them in the car, when I was home and heard the son talking shit about me but my mom comes to my room to talk to me and I tell her I hear him, she checks, comes back and tells me he left to school he is not here. That was the day I feel sliced in half, I do hear things that are real and not real, my new problem now is to tell the difference of the two. It's easy when you are face to face to someone but when they have their backed turned, in another room, aisle, or even car; I doubt if it's people talking shit or my consciousness, higher being, something mentally or metaphysically talking to me at this point. I understand it can be in some cases both but I always come back to if it's real or not, I do not care too much, I try to be indifferent if people do talk shit because I always felt outcasted and vilified anyway wouldn't make much of a difference anyway; I am more concerned to know if the comments they made are real or not. In some cases of weird and odd luck in my life it feels as if The Truman Show delusion has got to me finally. I am not gone completely but I am living a life with crutches on crutches to the point where I do doubt living, it's not like I have been to involved in life, relationships with family, few friends, and people in general anyway. I've been disconnected, that's all I know; if I want to connect, I just contemplate and deliberate by myself and go over and over the times where it just didn't happen; it feels doubtful at best to anyhow. No one wants to spend time with the loner, with subpar looks, with a nihilistic pessimistic mentality and either a forced bland personality because I am a degenerate or my authentic degenerate lackluster self. Since I am worthless in some sense there is a dissipation of my will to live, but stranger smiles, neutral faces, and even cars not high-beaming keep me going. As an introvert, INTP, virgin being born on 1-12-00 10:11am, being a coomer for 14 years, raised fatherless and with my multitude of self diagnostics of mental instability such as the 10 personality disorders above, dark triad, sociopath, possibly psychopath, and so on; I try to make sense of the madness within myself and the world and want to bring good but that idea is at a tug of war with my ideal idea of my hedonism that I want because I have the opposite, that emptiness, it needs filling. Either filled with good or bad, but in a contradictory way both. I always had the idea that I am a walking paradoxical oxymoronic contradiction, in some ways maybe then. I'll end off and say that I plan for risky and radical actions for the end of this year to hopefully bring my life anew. Also kinda hyped about the Saturn Conjunct Pluto on 1-12-20 maybe that will be in my favor too. If anyone has made it this far, thank you; your an amazing human, wish you the best for your life and your descendants.
This is one of the best, most detailed, and engaging videos I've seen about this disorder. I appreciate how clear you were I did not feel attacked or anythin negative and I think that's very important when it comes to talking about these types of disorders
Could you do a video about healthy romantic relationships with those with BPD (specifically, what a partner can do to help and keep in mind to avoid hurting both parties)? Or direct me to a video about this? I have a pretty healthy relationship with my bf of two years with it but I'm always interested in learning more about it and ways I can help him. I've found that knowing more about BPD has helped me a lot when he gets little anger spikes (he just gets quiet and a little snappy), because now I know that when it happens it's almost certainly not my fault and it's just something he has to work through on his own.
You’re great man. I learned a lot from you. Until now you are the best therapist I’ve seen who understands and analysis mental health topics and how it applies to real life situations.
My first exposure to BPD involved a male friend. I believe he also had NPD, but his BPD was more pronounced. That got me learning about Cluster B personality disorders and other personality disorders. I realized that I had more than one personality-disordered person in my circle! Of course, I've been going no contact with all of them for a long time-permanently. I totally agree that women are overdiagnosed with BPD, while men are underdiagnosed.
I love your videos! They're very unbiased. I was wondering if you could do a video like this but on women with antisocial personality disorder. Thanks for the great content!
A very interesting discussion about gender differences in this diagnosis. I’m a retired mental health nurse and I can remember commenting to the team that I worked with that in the 6 years I worked there, I hadn’t seen a single case of a male diagnosed with BPD and yet we encountered many females with that diagnosis. I knew that couldn’t be right. Personally I have known one male that I would say met most of the criteria for a diagnosis of BPD and he was my father. The mood swings were something to behold - it was like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, you never knew who you were dealing with. He was extremely paranoid, especially towards his family but it applied to everyone really. He had a history of unstable relationships that followed a pattern - they started with idealistic views of the new ‘friendship’ but quickly it would turn into fault finding and it always ended with the inevitable falling out. He was the same with my mother except for the fact that he couldn’t bare it after the fall out because she’d give him the silent treatment, and he experienced this as abandonment. Many of his relationships ended with abandonment which must have exacerbated his PD and probably explains why he was impulsive and he had major addictions to alcohol and gambling.
Geez, that sounds exactly like my husband. I have a huge feeling that he might have a BPD, hopefully no ASPD. Did your mom stay with him ? How was it for you as a child ? We have 2kids and I think we must split up asap while our kids are so small (1 a 3). He also likes to do things on purpose or annoying things as well intentiinally. He emotionally blackmails me if I wont give him money for weed even if he has no job for 2and half months and we have just enough for food and daipers. It seems I have no joy in my life. I have no will to plan anything with him for weekend or so, because of his unpredictable moods...its just chaos and problems plus imagine with two little kids. I know its my fault I was naive and thought he might change, but after 4years it seems Im done
tjradmila - I’m so sorry to hear about your circumstances, living with someone with BPD symptoms is very difficult unless they’re ready to address their own issues. My parents stayed together until their deaths in 1997 and 1998 and from my own personal point of view it was the marriage from hell. My childhood difficulties were exacerbated by a mother who was a covert narcissist and therefore was not emotionally or psychologically available to any of her children in a way that might have mitigated some of the confusion that I grew up with. From my experiences of working with families (I was a children’s mental health nurse and I worked with the whole family), if there is one parent who is stable and free from PD, this can go a long way to mitigate some of the confusion and chaos that the BPD parent brings into the family environment. That said, if the BPD parent is violent and abusive then the safety and well being of the children needs to be prioritised. In this circumstance it touches my child protection buttons. I can’t tell you what to do. These forums don’t really lend themselves to advising or counselling another and it wouldn’t be appropriate for me to do so. However, if you are at all concerned about your husband’s mental state and its impact on you and your children, then I would urge you to seek advice from someone that you trust, someone who would have yours and your children’s best interests at heart, especially if you are thinking of ending the relationship. I hope you find a solution that is right for you and your family.
This an excellent video. It was informative, intellectually rigorous and responsible while remaining accessible and friendly for non professional viewers. And I think it is helpful for those who are male BPD and their families/friends. Thank you very much.
Dr. Grande, I am so appreciative that you've taken this issue head on! There is a dearth of information about men and BPD, and I hope that you can continue to lead the conversation on this. I am not aware of a significant channel highlighting or content creator that is with or of a male with BPD. I found your conversations with Sherena (RecoveryMum) very helpful, and I also enjoy her channel. If you were to mirror the conversations you've done with her with a male counterpart, it would be extremely insightful. Additionally, if you were able to incorporate a 3 way conversation, I think it would add tremendous value to the community because as far as I know, nobody has done this. You have a great opportunity to take some leadership on this topic, and I hope you'll continue to address it with the careful research and thoughtful presentation you put into every piece of content you create.
I live in UK am under a agency called merseycare I have bpd am. 54 and have been under the above agency for over a decade no therapy it kills me each day I wake, I get alot from such talks thank you
I think my fiance has BPD traits--as well as his diagnosed TBI and PTSD. This can be very challenging. On the one hand he's brilliant, on the other hand in men BPD traits tend to manifest as anger and narcissistic Tendencies. This is true of him. When he's not engaging in these things he's very loving and empathetic and insightful and a deep person, also playful and wonderfully creative. But the TBI (traumatic brain injury), PTSD, and the Borderline traits, plus narcissistic tendencies make it very hard. Thankfully he responded to my urging him to get back on medication and find more relevant and effective therapy. But it's three steps forward then one alarming big step back. Were it not for the effective medication and the very great therapist he found, our relationship probably wouldn't have survived, which would have been tragic, because we love each other very dearly.
@@dashapulkova581 And what do you think his life was??? A party? Heaven? You really don't possess a high level of empathy towards abused and traumatized people... Glad you're happy, but please, practice some restraint. Some people with BPD will see your comment and it will only make them feel worst about themselves..
Just realized recently my mom had all the traits of BPD and now at the age of 40 I realize that I have it too. I'm 40 years no drug habits or alcohol abuse but I'm constantly homeless off and on due to financial instability. It wasn't as bad up until my mom passed, I lost my job, and my sociopathic ex who forced me to move across the country away from all my family took my kids away all in the same month. That was 11 years ago and I still haven't recovered. Meditation and fasting helps significantly but because I am impulsive it's extremely difficult to stick with anything consistently and I cant afford a regular therapist. All I can say is make sure you take good care of your kids cause this comes from child hood. I have two kids and because of uncontrollable impulsive I never have any money to see them. Sometimes suicide seems like a reasonable option. If it wasn't for them I would have done it for sure. Still crosses my mind from time to time
Thank you for reading comments and answering people's questions in video format. Myself, like alot of people, are gaining valuable insights into things we struggle with everyday. It provides knowledge and a sense of comfort to know that you're not the only one fighting it. Thanks again.
This is interesting. I'm diagnosed BPD but my new therapist thinks it's bipolar II. But she told me, based on what I've said about my husband, that HE has BPD instead. And it makes sooo much sense. However I am quick to anger (especially during a manic phase) but he never expresses anger, or much feelings at all actually besides excitement. That's the only thing I need to figure out, is why he's so emotionally blocked off. I can't ever tell if something bothers him.
Dr. Grande as a psychiatric nurse with 20 years experience you are willing to point out 1) the limitations with DSM and labeling symptoms. 2) To be critical of articles that list referencee may not necessarily be relevant. 3) Sensation seeking /habit forming tics are more clinical seen. 4) Skill level and experience of clinician and limited resources. Thanks!
Thanks for addressing this...because of the gender bias that can be present when diagnosing, I fear that people like myself may not get the treatment that they need to improve and get better. After 16 years of struggling with these issues, I finally suspect comorbid NPD and BPD but keep getting diagnosed with MDD, ADHD, generalized anxiety...so far my treatment hasn't been very effective and I suspect the gender bias you mention on this video may be the reason why. I'm a member of the lgbt community as well...I wonder how many gay males are diagnosed with BPD given that they may have endured a lot of bullying and/or trauma while growing up. Idk, just food for thought. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts on this in this video!
The miss diagnosis is because most mental health professionals just wanna get paid and don’t actually give a fuck about you. At least, that’s seems to be my experience with them.
Thank you Dr G for pointing out the false “differences”. It is so important to see commonalities, especially in mental health presentations. …. If only to reduce isolation in sufferers.
Dear Dr. Grande, thank you so much for this video. You're pointing out something that really makes me furious and that is a serious problem, namely the fact that so many clinicians (even some with a channel on this platform whose names I don't want to mention) call BPD things like a "typically female form of narcissism" or such. It's about time we took off our gender-colored glasses and look at mental disorders as what they are: existing impediments to the lives of far too many.
Could you discuss the overlap between BPD and Schizoaffective Disorder? How they affect each other, if at al; how to distinguish between the two, or how to know which disorder is causing specific issues, if possible.
I have BPD apparently. I do have identity disturbance, dissociation and relationships that are in a state of flux, but I can completely control my temper and push it deep down. So I definitely have many traits, but not anger problems. I do have emotional disregulation but people dont get to see it
I find this very odd. In my infinite research I've never noticed a difference in male or female diagnosis for BPD. But maybe in UK there isn't differentiation
Almost 2 a.m. here and... research indicates that Dr. Grande helps with sleeplessness. 😊 Thank you very much for entertaining us. ❤ I'm a bit biased regarding tonight's topic as I don't think that BPD is a good category in the first place. I think of it as a kind of modern Rohrschach-Inkblot test. Everybody sees something different in it. Therefore it's no wonder that there are gender issues, too. I know, there are people in this world who think this category explains everything in their lives soooo well, while I think, everybody is borderline, when he or she is a little bit drunk. Gender issues? - just one more case against using it. Good night and sleep well everyone. 🌛✨
@@mastiffmythslegendsandlore Devils, or demons, are fallen angels. There is no indication they have different races. Demons are smart enough to know how to exploit each person's weaknesses and shortcomings. So they adapt.
I am a male with BPD. I have been in therapy for 10 years, and I was only diagnosed this year because I brought it up. None of my therapists had considered that they were dealing with a male with BPD. My mother has severe BPD, I lived in an abusive household, and I was physically and emotionally abandoned by my peers and then my parents. No surprise that I ended up struggling with BPD. I personally found it very emotionally difficult to ascribe the word "abandonment" to the major traumatic events that were blatantly abandonment, so I wonder how many BPD people suppress or avoid those memories.
@@sssaiddddd Absolutely. People do incredible things to hide from their traumas. Confronting them in therapy is like ripping a band-aid off. Or with BPD, like unmummifying a person wrapped in duct tape.
I'm 62, male and I have it. Of course I got the bipolar II dx first. Trouble is, my mood swings are hour by hour, not weeks or months long, unless you want to count major depressive episodes. Therapist sees mood swings and automatically assumes bipolar. I don't even think bipolar II exists, but that's for another post. I got my bipolar II dx due to presenting with a massively triggered frustration freakout brought on from losing my patience with my control freak/slightly schizophrenic wife. How that was construed as bipolar is anybody's guess. The truly frustrating part is this happens ALL the time.
Well, maybe because they want to HELP you with it, don't you think? Bipolar 2 is the more optimistic diagnosis, because it is better treatable. To describe it as a "personality" disorder (seen from the perspective of the mental health professional) is always some sort of "surrender" , an admission that they can't help you with it as much as they would like to. I wish you the best. 🙏
This bothers me a lot too! Doctors always think I have bipolar as soon as I say mood swings, even though they are not the same as bipolar episodes. The reason this is so dangerous in my opinion is that bipolar medication can be very harmful if you do not have it! It messed up my life so badly for years. Also with Bipolar, Counseling isn’t as important to doctors for treatment. I didn’t get any better, just worse. Turns out I have CPTSD with BPD traits and ASD. It took until 31 to finally get the proper diagnosis but getting it has helped me so much!!!
@@sodakhan5463 Ok! So after this mess with the meds you are coping with it without any medication at all ? Does this work for you? I personally wouldn't want to live without any medication, too much unstableness, since I actually have a mood disorder. Psychotherapy/counseling alone is by far not sufficient for me. But I'm 15 years older than you and have a medical condition too. Ones overall health and age make a huge difference , I think.
Mrs. Reluctant i am on Lexapro (for anxiety) which has been great for me! It’s just the Seroquel (mood stabiliser for bipolar) that really messed me up. I was on it for two years and told my doctor I had to get off of it despite what was suggested. Then it took me 3 years to finally wean off of it. My body got super addicted to it and if I ever missed a dose I would start throwing up. I had some withdrawal symptoms every day because my body wanted a stronger dose than what I was on. It was just a big mess.
But yeah using both my anti anxiety/depressant and therapy together has been much better for me :) I still have some symptoms but I am able to manage them a lot better!
I was recently taught by a PhD professor at a university that BPD has a genetic component which is effectively switched on by trauma, and that BPD individuals need to learn to manage their distress (as with DBT) without hurting others but can't turn the switch off. What have you read about this?
I'm not a clinician, but I have done a lot of personal research and have a lot of personal experience growing up with a BPD parent and having a BPD sibling. I think you see it run in families, and because of this many presume a genetic component. I've developed my own theory about BPD and would love to hear others' views and experiences. Often in a family there is "the golden child" and the "black sheep or scapegoat". I was the latter, and eventually developed CPTSD. My sibling was the former and developed BPD. Because our parent was more emotionally dependent on her, I think it affected her differently. I've seen the same dynamics in other families. Any child of a parent with BPD is naturally going to experience trauma in really chronic, and often subtle ways. But not all children react and cope the same way- hence why I believe that it ultimately develops into a disorder or sorts. But whether it becomes a personality disorder has to do with attachment to the BPD parent.
Jack I think you're probably onto something. Lots of abusing kids going down, some of it is really obvious, especially physical, but the sexual less so, and psychological even less obvious (to those outside). One thing I have noticed many films and TV shows do a good job of portraying (take sopranos for eg) is how parents taking a favourite child, and leaving the other child left out, or lots of "shut up I don't care" and no love, hugs etc, really does screw the kids up eventually, to the point they grow up with issues. Now is this borderline, narc, or anti social, even sociopathic etc, I would say you're maybe onto something. I'm almost sure different kids abused in the same way, later messed up, are not likely to wind up with all the same diagnosis. The saddest aspect of this is: 1) kid is abused, unwanted unloved 2) kid grows up, messed up 3) now adult, despite best efforts, nobody wants to know. 4) the fear of being abandend now turns real as people always get away 5) the person now suffers again, both with the condition of bpd, and the results of how others avoid bpd. Very cruel condition, where nobody ever caring about the person results in pretty much what would be expected of people. Interestingly, certain agencies turn child abuse into a science, to discover what it takes to break people, and then use these people, often against their own awareness, to fulfill certain tasks. MkUltra might be the best (worst) example
@@CameTo It's difficult, but it's very hard to have sympathy after a while. My ex girlfriend was very low functioning, couldn't handle a job, would self harm, get drunk all the time, lie and cheat. For the first several months I was extremely supportive, consistently reassured her, Would have to take days off work when she was in a bad way just to spend time and comfort her. After a while her behaviors got more and more extreme and she would admit the next day after episodes she was deliberately trying to hurt me after a while because I was being so supportive. I was "too perfect" and blah blah. Pathological lying was common, and she started cheating on me like crazy. Dumped me when she was halfway across the world on a trip. No face to face, nothing. I had to literally cajole her into letting me pick up my stuff at her house. I pity her, but she was incredibly awful towards me in the end. Would try and hoover me every month or so, only to a couple days later tell me she was over me after I agreed to here her out. After the last hoover (last week no less), I spoke to her Monday, and she said some of the most hurtful stuff about our relationship that I'd ever heard. Compared me to past exes, just brutal, brutal stuff. Went no contact after that. I'm done.
I think the difference in BPD in regards to gender is more so in how society deals with it. Society has very little patience for emotional men and they are often seen as weak and need to just toughen up. While women actually receive understanding and are generally embraced for being emotional.
I read about studies showing that diagnosticians assign a diagnosis of histrionic personality disorder to women and to men a diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder even though the same symptoms are presented. Then while talking to a social worker about it, I found that psychologists/psychiatrists are taught to do this.
I truly believe I have BPD. I was diagnosed with bipolar but I do not believe the psychiatrist really delved into all the symptoms associated- I was never asked questions related to the system criteria. It could have saved me years of useless medications and frustration. The more I learn, the more I gain insight. I think insight is a huge part of getting better. I recognize that when I'm stressed that I become very angry and lash out: it's like a sudden switch. I believe my son suffers from this too- but he's at an age where he sees a mental health disorders as stereotypically bad. It's impacted his ability to maintain a job and relationships. I've sent him some of Dr. Grande's videos and told him that I believe I have it and that my dad did as well. He committed suicide after my mom left and could never cope. His moods vacillated and he met all these symptom criteria. He was put on so many medications and had numerous ECT treatments in the 70s and 80s- none of it worked. I pray that my son will gain insight and make the change.
I have a male relative who I believe has BPD. They think therapy is "quackery" and very insecure about feeling "weak." that they have a mental health issue.
There was a child that lived next door to me that was diagnosed with some severe mental disorder and prescribed mental meds. I'm not sure which disorder however. He was a very nervous child, pulled his hair out on one side of his head and he told me he was made fun of at school. When he was out on meds he seemed to be quiet, was always daydreaming and extremely tired. One day I was sitting in the back yard and he was playing football with his stepfather and siblings. His stepfather started calling him names like stupid, dumbaxx, and making fun of him terribly. His stepfather left.hisnjob and started working offshore out of the country for 3 months at a time. Almost immediate, the child improved, his hair grew back and his mother told me she took him off meds. He was actually acting like a normal child. The dad returned and the child's behavior returned. He left again and the childs behavior improved. Terribly sad situation. If someone can not see physical abuse such as a child protective service, they do not do anything. Mental abuse is as bad. I spoke to his mother about it and what I noticed and she told me that she could not afford to leave her husband with 3 children and she could not talk to him or he would take it out on the child.l even more. So she stayed in the relationship then they moved away. I sometimes wonder how this intelligent young child that used to visit me everyday to play with my children is doing today. The medicines were not needed but the absence during his stepdads job for 3 months was the cure in my opinion. This young man would be around 18 or older today. I hope he has found happiness and left this situation for good. I truly believe that children can be diagnosed with a mental illness and not have one but being mentally abused can sure cause an individual to seem to have a mental or behavioral problem in my opinion. That's when psychologist etc. should closely interview the interactions with a parent and a child, especially a step parent, whereas they could have resentment for their dad, for example, and take it out on the child destructively. I believe that was happening in this family situation.
I think it's obnoxious to categorically dismiss an entire group of the population, and state that they are ineligible to have a mental diagnosis. I'm even convinced there are extroverted people with Avoidant Personality Disorder, and my heart goes out to them. I think one of the reasons BPD is underdiagnosed because of the stigma and stereotypes associated with the diagnosis.
Dr. Grande, I do notice more women are dx with BPD and HPD than men (with men less likely to be dx with these and dx with narcissism and ASPD). It seems extremely gender biased. I've always thought this and had explained this on more than a few occasions to professors. I truly would like to know how many folk are out there wrongly diagnosed, because lets be fair, a lot of these symptoms overlap. Its quite difficult to differentiate. Its important for patients to be completely honest with the herapists and Doc's but also the same expectations for clinicians to look outside the box as well. Happy Wednesday Doc!
I love your pragmatism and analytical approach. I appreciate your analytical and fair assessment in your videos, and looking at a problem from many sides.
I wonder if the time of day and number of hours one has been working impact diagnosis. Years ago, at the inception of my psychoanalysis, I saw my provider at the end of the day. He was curt and irritable. When I began seeing this person in the morning, the experience was very different: the opposite. So...perhaps it is not just gender...but timing...Thanks so much!!!! Very thought-provoking!!!!!
We do have to think about that. Realize these doctors are also human and depending on what they are going though and if it might effect the patient. Now they should be able to separate that from their work, I'm pretty sure that's a part of their schooling, and why treating friends and family and people they know doesn't happen, because your own emotions and opinions get in the way.
First. I thought my kids dad had bipolar disorder. Hed go from pure joy to anger so fast. Hed go from loving me fully to hating me completely. Then for years i joined online groups for narcissistic abuse and checked off all the redflags. I still believe hes got npd and now bpd. Bpd because of his impulsiveness and substance abuse and severe childhood trauma. He refuses to get help for anything! So i left him. He is extremely manipulative, emotionally, mentally and verbally abusive. He treats everyone at home differently while out than in our own home. We dont ever have visitors over even tho he bragged that he had so many friends.. lying constantly. Never happy with our life. Blames me for all the wrong. Im just here educating myself.
Under-diagnosis is truly an issue, but not as much as virtual void of seeking help because the, quite rational in this case, fear of ridicule, loss, and abandonment. It's a sad fact that males with a mental health issue, physical disability, or general weakness, are commonly discarded by people, women specifically, and more generally society.... Perhaps there are far more BPD males than females....
I was with you for the first sentence, then you veered wildly and smashed into a tree . The disorder is stigmatized extensively for men and women by mental health professionals. I think it might be a bit.... of a merciful lie.... to say that the diagnosis is the reason for abandonment. Treatment can elicit some serious emotional turbulence, which could possibly scare off partners unprepared to handle that, but not just because they received a diagnosis.
I'm a 16 year old male and have recently noticed patterns in my behavior and people around me think I'm very paranoid, narcissistic and self destructive, emotionally sensitive, and many other borderline symptoms but I don't have violent outbursts so I think I have Quiet BPD, I'm going talk to someone to discuss a possible diagnosis.
Thank you for putting this extensive & very well informed video together. If there were more Doctors like yourself, perhaps I could find one that would be worth talking to, sadly it's been close to 30 years since I found a proper therapist, that I could actually trust, & that seemed to be honest & genuinely concerned to help. I suppose this doesn't help my BPD, feels like it would more re-enforce it, then anything.
Thank you for your videos, they're helpful. I have not been diagnosed with BPD because my therapist insists that my treatment would be the same whether or not I have it (and we don't want to waste our sessions on diagnosis rather than treatment). It was interesting to see your video stating that 56% of BPD partners have a personality disorder: I've had an extremely long relationship with one person with NPD, and a shorter relationship with someone who has ADHD and was heavily into alcoholism + drug abuse. (The latter mentioned person is now sober.) It's obvious that my behaviours/brain chemistry is attracting others with... Exceptional patterns.
I really enjoyed this video. It states that there probably is not that big of a difference (or at least shouldn`t be..) in gender characteristics in BPD diagnoses. Which is actually reliving to know, because males often tend to get the violent label a lot more. Also the video seems to state that of be more aware of references used in Internet posts on the subject. Which is very good information.
I love your video! I myself am looking into my own soul. At this time in my life, I have been able to sit back and look at my life with sort of a “monocle”. I believe that I as a Women may have BPD. Which is good news to me, because it allows me to heal with a larger perspective on myself. I noticed though, after researching BPD and then reflecting on my own personal life. I as a women amongst large group of female peers, am the only one that struggles with this mental disorder. In fact, I believe that I actually attract Men with BPD (or at least I did until I was aware of it in myself). Could that be true? From a very young age I began to experience trauma. I was out of place and I felt abandoned. So I looked for love anywhere. I always wondered why I couldn’t be like the other kids and just play. I was sitting there, thinking or trying to find someone to love. I noticed in my adult years that I was able to surround myself with honest friends that have good families, Careers, vehicles and even successful relationships. One of five is a Man, the rest are all successful Women. Each of these wonderful people are living a confident and happy life nearing to our thirty’s now. I am just starting to pull myself out of the endless cycle that I must have subconsciously put myself into. In that I realized, every single one of the men that I have been in deep intense relationships with, has portrayed all 9 of the traits that were listed. I have been deeply in love with each of these men. I have allowed them to hurt me and I guess they have allowed me to hurt them. I have two daughters, that I have pulled from home to home because let go of my self worth and allowed my addiction to love get in the way of my true self. Now that I realize this is what could be going on. I feel that I can move forward in life more clearly and without medication. Anyway, I feel that men have a higher rate of BPD. From my personal experience, but could that be because I have BPD? Is it maybe cause I attract men with this disorder? Perhaps I always recognized it in myself at some sort of level, and tried to heal in others what I couldn’t in myself?
To all the men with BPD in here. I wanna remind you that you are worthy of love, healing, happiness and peace. 💕 And I hope you all find it. As well as the women and men here because of an ex or women who are also suffering from BPD. Much love to everyone.
They BPD man I knew never got emotional but he would jump up and leave over anything. It was like he was playing a part in movie in his head. I think he was trying to "abandon" people before they could abandon him. It was completely dysfunctional, people were just confused and ignored him. Then he would complain that people didn't care about him or notice him.
There isn't much of a difference in male and female borderliners. My ex was definitely a combination of NPD, BPD, and ASPD and I'm glad you point at exactly these three disorders prone to occur in co-morbidity in male borderliners. Both, male and female, are on a spectrum and depending on their position on the spectrum, there might be differences, but essentially, they are the same. My ex would not cut himself for instance or take drugs. He had other addictions though, like sex, porn, cheating, or cigarettes. But male borderliners can be cutting themselves just like females - it depends where they are on the spectrum.
Both myself and my ex have BDP. One of us was more severe than the other and also our (up to) 9 criteria presented differently. I also think there were other disorders occurring alongside. Its so complicated, im not surprised people are either not diagnosed or misdiagnosed.
Hey Dr Grande, love you're content! I'm curious about what I would describe as pathological cynicism, is this a possible symptom of borderline or something else? I recently dated a man who has many of the symptoms of BPD and was severely abused in childhood, he also had the most cynical and negative response or outlook to almost everything he encountered in his life, apart from when he was idealising someone/thing. Could you do a video about highly cynical people? Where this trait might stem from, and what a partener can do to help someone with this trait rather than feeling defeated, hopeless and triggering defensiveness in the other. Thank you!
@@dahliafiend Thats really helpful to know, that puts a peice of the puzzle together for me regarding a few people Ive been close to throughout my life, its good to understand and feel compassion, thank you so much.
It's like a "mis-fortune telling" right? This is them trying to make sense of upcoming situations to be more prepared for them. It's a survival tactic for people (part of why we remember the bad easier than the good) and he's become attuned highly on it. Mentally he's in a "survival mode" when this is happening. He's not trying to be amusing. He's feeling threatened, and still feels it, and can't get to feeling "safe".
@@stratavosstuff7575 YES!! I totally agree and thank you for your insight. Its a bit heartbreaking really. The worst thing about it is that it seems to be a self fulfilling prophecy, he expects the worst, see's the worst in everything and so the worst seems to happen, he expects the worst luck and then always seems to get it because he cant see other pkssibilities. Its so sad 😢 I had to walk away from him because it started to affect my life really badly and began bordering on emotional abuse because he would see malicious intent in completely innocent situations involving me. So sad. Childhood abuse ruins lives.
My friend's son had this and he committed suicide at 27. After watching a video from another professional about BPD (and seeing the HORRIBLE comments) I could guess WHY he did. If people are that cynical and awful about it, how's he going to want to keep living. People almost NEVER consider what they say (and how it could affect someone) before they spew it into cyberspace, but I never thought it would happen on a professional video from a doctor whose opinions I greatly respected; I still respect most of them, but that video was a major disappointment. Esp the comments.
Her son's counselor/therapist flagrantly refused to give him a dx of BPD, probably because he got offended at her, a layperson, offering a different dx. I don't know for sure but I think she should sue him out of his job because her son is dead and that lasts forever.
My step son was very popular with women, got along great with the bro's. He was a chameleon. Body builder, was a natural at sales. Everything going well...and f it up. Left his wife at home while he spent all night partying with military buddies or Crack dealers. She left. First suicide attempt. Kicked out of military. Mother enabled. Put him through body building school, got him job, place to live in across the street, then 1/2 way house when she had to relocate to Vegas for job. F-ed that up drinking. Off to see if he could hook up with wife, kid, in-laws in Japan. She said no. A week later, moved in with girl#2. Found nice old couple who gave him job refurbishing pianos. Life was good. Broke up. Moved out of state and in with grandma. Got job as personal trainer. Asked wife to come back to states. She relents. A week before she arrives, girl#2 shows up on way to East Coast, where she grew up. Invites him to come with. Wife gets off plane. "Sorry, I am running off with other woman and leaving you here." Moves away with girl#2. Gets job as personal trainer. Does well and promoted to sales where he excels. Makes more money. Life is good. Leaves girl at home while drinking at bar all night. She leaves him. Suicide attempt #2. Admitted to hospital. Gets out. Finds place to live. A month later housemate finds suicide note. Suicide attempt #3. Stabs EMT with heroine needle while recessitated. Winds up in psychiatric hospital. Diagnosed. Says he will go to treatment in OR, where his mother now lives. Discharges himself. Moves in with mom. Doesn't go to treatment. Gets caught snorting coke in aunt's/uncle's house with 13 yr old cousin. Gets kicked out...this goes on till suicide #9. He succeeded. Two ex wives, a girl in between, and a woman he left the last one for was told not to attend funeral. He spent 3-1/2 on a porch getting drunk with her before another collapse. She did not attend. The girl he was sleeping with from the last treatment program was. Lots of drama and stuff in between that I omitted. He had plenty of opportunities. Sure, people said crap about him. But that's not why he died. It's because the horrible comments were internal. He talked shit about himself and believed it.
Would you do a video on bpd and secondary psychopathy...In your opinion do you think borderlines are Along the spectrum of a psychopath. Being a borderline myself I often drift between the good and the bad self and it makes me wonder. I would say that I do have Psychopathic tendencies but am able to control them.
Whenever fellow men think they just have a “quick temper” or they’re “extremely jealous”... they better check themselves.
Yeah.
...before they riggity wreck themselves?
im 22 and my mom actually thinks im still in pubery because of my mood swings.
or rather my extreme anger outbreaks from time to time, for the smallest things.
@Cindy Lou lol... its far more likely in females. Funny how men are criticized for judging borderline females but you guys are worse in the same position
The emptiness and boredom are I think the worst symptoms for me as they lead to aggression and self medication through addiction.
What does it mean to feel empty inside? I know what boredom feels like. When I look inside myself I feel me in here so that makes me think that I'm not empty.
@@bonnielee7134 I can't speak for stuart little but for me personally(having bpd) the emptiness is more akin to lack of meaning. Lack of meaning translates into lack of purpose, or value(in self, or in..anything really) which leads to lack of motivation. Which for me, is what I think precipitates the depression.
If/when meaning is found, it is often fleeting or ends up being a double edged sword unfortunately.
Edit for clarity.
@@Iodestarr , oh ok. Thank you.
Julian Delphiki,
See my other comment; also, I reread yours. I have that too, a lack of meaning, a lack of purpose but not too bad. Religion was in my life so that kept me busy and shaped me.
@Daniel Smith I can relate to your comment heavily. God it sucks.
Finding another youtuber that is as professional as our Dr. Todd Grande is utopia at it’s finest.
I agree! And I love the discussions that result. This is really a utopian TH-cam community! The quality and tone of discussion is really unrivaled.
Dr Daniel Fox, professor Sam Vacknin are amazing too..to name a few
Dr. Vaknin
Agreed. He seems quite objective and analytical.
Suddenly this disorder and adds for research studies on this borderline disorder, started populating on my feed and news feeds etc.. throughout time the human race is being genetically modified on different ways. Through the food supply, pharma, technology like 3,4 & 5G. The awaken should know what I'm talking about. If you don't ? You are a woke person..
My question for Dr Grande is.
With transgender people taking hormones, transgender women taking testosterone, beta males / men with low testosterone. Would this play a role into this type of disorder ?
My ex had BPD (while we were dating, he thought it was CPTSD). It was absolutely crazy trying to have a relationship with him. He was sweet and very attractive, but also needy, manipulative, spiteful, impulsive, chronically negative and would lash out over literally nothing. I broke up with him when I realized how difficult it would be to have a child and normal / healthy family life with him. I would have to go to great lengths to protect the child from his influence.
Wife just left me because of my bpd behaviors. The shit sucks. “Normal” is all I want. Life is funny
@@isaiahmelvin8727 stay strong brother, there will be better times ahead
@@pixulita thank you. Didn’t know until now how much I needed to hear that.
This is so disheartening bc I really want a stable normal life but idk if that’s achievable with this disorder. The older I get the more I want a more stable long term family life but I just don’t see it happening
My ex broke up with me because of it lol she did me a favor though I got a new girl and she’s way better
I love listening to your "scientifically informed" approach... breath of fresh air in a TH-cam area bombarded with "opinion and disinformation". Thank you!!
that's because scientist facts are what we need to concentrate on. Appart from my disorder, I am so willing to understand exactly what is happening, and these videos are just a goldmine of information
🥰
I got diagnosed last December with BPD and BD1, I’m 22 and I pretty much knew that something was wrong since my early teenage years; went through manic and severe depressive episodes, substance abuse, mutilation, increased libido but also grandiose and narcissistic traits: my mind is a party 🥳
mania cause grandiosity self flattered that's bipolar
I'm happy you've been diagnosed, good for you! Hope you can start to live a little more happily now. I wish you the best. Good luck!
@@flora7297 alot of symptoms overlap each other
also, me too
Do narcissist have that same feeling of something being wrong or off with them from a young age? I don't mean the feeling that they're superior, but rather as you described it. Wrong.
My father once directly told me that sometime in his teens he started to feel that he did not know who he was. He Used those words exactly, described it as feeling empty. I do not know if he did his own research but he was not in therapy, and we did not talk about personality disorders specifically ever, he jsut typically turns everyone around him into his personal therapist. He has had 4 mental breakdowns in my lifetime (im 20). He was almost diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic in one of them to show how insane he actually is when these happen. In these states he is completely disconnected from reality, more then usual. I can remember him beleiving my brother was the anti-chrit who would end the world, my mom was the baphomet, he also completely stopped eating because he 'did not deserve food'. Other then that, when he was 'sane', it was constant rage, he would go into fits of suicidal ideation or berating one of us and then snap out of it, act like he didnt remember it, sometimes even cry afterwards in remorse. To this day he claims he does not remember treating us the way he did. Either that or he is just lying. He is the most pessemistic and pathetic man I know. I know thats bad to say about your father, but he idolizes me as if I am god, while putting himself down constantly. He also tries to compete with me or follow me into my new field I started 2 years ago, as if I am his goal post. Most of my conversations with him are him essentially begging me to be his father, while simutaniously acting like a weak pathetic child. You want to help him but it doesnt matter what yo say he never changes. It drives me crazy. He is the last person id go to for advice because his view of relaity is warped completely. He is the lack of a father, as mean as it is to say, all he offered was a roof over my head, the bare minimum, my only discipline was being scared of him, and my only lesson in life was that commitment and work makes you suicidal and abusive to your family. He simply makes my life worse. Dont know if he is borderline, manic-depressive, narcissistic, or whatever hes messed up. Do not have kids with the mentally ill.
I found DBT the only tool to help me live with myself. Partook in the group 3 times & carried my workbook with me for at least a year because I seriously wanted to get better. Resistance = suffering. Commitment paid off, I can breath again.
couldnt agree more! I wish more people knew there are many free DBT resources online.
@@luizag123 for real?! Do you have the website?
From my personal experience, I've met more avoidant women who give me space, and more hyper-emotional men who have even gone so far as to stalk. So personally it feels really strange this disorder is given more to women.
I’ve had the exact same experiences as you! I’ve met so many men with the stereotypical “female” symptoms (with stalking, possessive tendencies) and more avoidant women. And what’s interesting is none of the men who have possessive and hyper emotional tendencies have been diagnosed with BPD despite seeing a therapist (one ex locked me in a room with him when I tried to break up with him and I was in there with him for 2 hours before a friend interfered.)
I feel like we aren’t looking for or recognizing these tendencies in men when they are present. I know that of course personal experiences isn’t something to go on, but I find it interesting how so many guys with very possessive and hyper emotional tendencies don’t get a diagnosis of this, whereas a few women I know (Who are actually kind of avoidant or might lean more towards having anti social and calculating, manipulative traits) seem to be over diagnosed with BPD.
@@blythetaylor4063 Everytime I make a difference between men and women I have to remind myself that I don't date men. Therefore I don't see the stalker/emotional side of men but I mostly see those with women.
I do believe bpd and narc are slowly straightening out across genders though
As a victim of one of these men, the stalking is minor! The destruction of my car, attempts on my family's safety, calling the police on me for false information, trying to get me fired, I had to move, it went on for YEARS and I only went out with the guy twice! It is RIDICULOUS and unreasonable that someone's life could be turned upside down to such an extent!! Someone I don't even know?!!!
Is stalking a borderline thingy?
@@SirenaSpadessorry but our bpd is so hard to control, I'm stalking a girl rn too
I was diagnosed with this. (I'm a guy). Before all that, I had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder but, the symptoms never really fit for me. So, does anyone deal with bad anxiety? I feel on edge pretty much all of the time. Being around people sends it to overdrive. (The anger towards myself, follows soon after) Pushing people away in relationships is a big one for me. Everything's great for a short time then, it all falls apart. Just want to see if any guys can relate to this.
Yes bro.
This is how 3 guys i dated were like. I didnt know why they do that but have you looked into fearful avoidant attachment. Adam lane and also the personal development school channels talk about this attachment style
@@The_NutritionChef That 'fearful avoidant attachment' thing is definitely new to me.
At this point, I'm ready to try anything to feel better. I'll check out his videos. I appreciate it.
ADHD meds helped a ton. Maybe adhd overlap?
I basically sat in my head, is how I'd describe it. Dissociating mid convo multiple times isn't that odd for me.
These meds have removed a lot of social Anxiety, now I have a TERRIBLE increase to my panic disorder with more panic attacks, so that's fun lmao
My last partner has BPD and I loved him so much but the constant push and pull made it so difficult. I have no idea if it is possible to be in a healthy relationship with someone who has BPD with the help of therapy and/or meds 'cause I really love him and miss him so much.
My mother believed I had BPD at 17 observing and living with me and was told I didn't by mental health clinicians. Back than there was that stat it's found more in females than males, even back than I thought that was flawed. So I looked elsewhere for answers/solutions. Years later after much more damage I got diagnosed with BPD.
'anti' social,bad influences
You're extremely well spoken and intelligent. Thank you for your expertise and invaluable insight on these mental health topics.
You can’t obtain true insight from reading books, nor from learning from someone who learned from books.
My late father had it, his mother, grandma, most definitely did (according to one of my therapists). Dad told me a lot of experiences 8 year olds should never hear about. He was unrepentant, cruel, blamed everyone, died with no friends, emotionally & verbally abusive.....I could go on and on. This was most of my childhood experience btw, and twenty years of therapy are just beginning to show progress. Let’s just say the rest of my family and myself do not miss him in the slightest and never speak of his existence ever. He had severe narcissistic traits as well and my poor mother most definitely has ptsd. what a waste of life and horrific destruction of a family because of one toxic human being couldn’t admit he needed help.
Seriously doubt he was solely borderline, sounds like a good bit of narcissism too. Make sure when you add something to a video about bpd you’re not just speculating. It just adds to the stigma surrounding emotionally unstable men.
I heard from my mom that my dad has BPD, bipolar, and I even think he was schizophrenic because I remember seeing him talking to himself a few times. Plus one of my older sisters is schizophrenic. He was an alcoholic, abusive physically, verbally, and emotionally cold at times. He was very narcissistic and would be quick to anger. I had a hard time in school. I could barely read or write and would call me stupid. I ended up hating school because of it even though I was eager to learn. I loved animals. Mostly dinosaurs. But I'm glad he's not in my life anymore. Once in a while I'll say wassup but I tend to keep it short. When he ask for money I hang up. I ain't give you shit after giving us a shitty life. Living in constant fear or wondering if we were going to stay in one place. We would constantly move room to room because he would spend most of his money gambling, hookers, drugs, and alcohol. My ex was BPD. She was super sweet at first but I'm the end became cold and it hurt a lot. But I wasn't really there for her like I should have been too. I felt drained sometimes. I'd get a little upset or even mad why she'd get upset. I really didn't know she was going through this. I feel bad because I wish I had know. Maybe I could have saved my relationship. Last I heard she's getting worst and there's time when I wanna go see her but also don't want to bother her either. Plus I suspect that she was also cheating on me since I would always find her talking or texting an ex friend of mine. I confronted her about it and she denies it but I also know my friends history. He tends to do shit like that but never expect him to do it to me since we've been homies since high school. Shit hope you feeling better at least. I hope to seek therapy since I know I have serious codependent issues, abandonment issues, and even get depress sometimes.
So true! I have a similar story going on in my family.
Most people with BPD do not abuse their families
@@Austin-qj8qx BPD and NPD have a high co-occurrence rate (25%) and they lie on s spectrum with more overlap between the two as you move towards the NPD side of the spectrum so don’t try to INVALIDATE the experience of those who have suffered at the hands if s classic BPD/ NPD combo - you may not have but that doesn’t mean others didn’t.
I don't know if i have BPD, i have a lot of symptoms, i'm a male, my life is a total mess, I have anxiety so that makes it worse, i always felt that i was different from everyone else but just in personality, i thought that was normal, i never thought i had a mental disorder, i tend to take things very lightly, i have the same attitude with everything in my life, i don't like commitments or routines either, for some reason i like to feel different from everyone else, i like to be a rebel, i've never taken work or school seriously, i like to rely on talent alone, if i don't have talent for something or if i'm not good naturally i leave it, and if i'm good on a job i'm not safe either, i am a mess with my emotions, i can get along with people one moment and the other if they do something that i don't like and i get extremely mad or sad, to the point of crying, i've even cried in school and in jobs, but i tend to hide it always, and sometimes they aren't even things that i should get mad about, sometimes just seeing someone act a certain way towards others, and not being mean or anything, can bring me to tears, i know it sounds crazy and it actually is, i'm very impulsive too and that has gotten me into alcohol and drug addiction, i've cut my arm like 3 times while drunk, i'm quite self destructive, and i tend to manipulate people without even noticing, and without any purpose whatsoever, playing with their feelings, i don't know why i do it, but what i do know is that i feel like my life is missing something, it's not wealth or fame or a family or love or whatever normal people want in life, i see all of that as boring, it's almost like i want something that doesn't exist
This sounds exactly like my fiancé ......wow!! ....i mean word for word ..I just don’t know what to do at this point . His behaviors are erratic . Impulsive . Instability in his moods. The list goes on and on..
@@londonkristian777 There's nothing to do really, either you accept him and love him for who he is or leave him, there's just 2 options, my behaviour and my emotions get extremely bad when I drink so I don't drink anymore, not even a beer, maybe he drinks or does drugs? Idk but that definitely worsens his mental state, if he does you should try to make him stop consuming, if he doesn't well idk what to say, i'm not that bad right now, when I made the comment I was really bad mentally but now i'm quite stable, I have a good job now and I feel good, I feel more responsable now and more mature, I just need to get away from the things that trigger me, like alcohol or certain types of people
@@dovax7988 I'm always really skeptical when people are self reporting behaviors because people are biased. But I genuinely believe what you reported. I get what you're talking about. Your reactions to stuff like the crying at work and school, I react with anger. I'm not an angry or mean or cruel person, and I'm not even quick tempered. But when I snap I snap. Even though we react differently, the triggers you described causing that reaction I can completely relate to. Weird shit like seeing sincere hurt on someone's face, or not being understood properly by someone I'm close to. When they just aren't getting what I'm saying and idk why because it seems so simple to me. The other feeling I relate to is that I've always known that I was different. Like something was off or odd about me. I'd go back and forth on if it was a good thing or not. I didn't realize till I was older and had seen more of the world that I realized that I really was different from other people. People are always telling me they don't know how to take me. Sometimes people will tell me it looks like there is something behind my eyes. Like I look like I'm sincerely listening, but underneath that look it's like I'm plotting. I also manipulate people without even realizing it, and when later me another person talk about something like that, i can recognize that it is manipulative, but I know what my intentions were and where my head was at, and I never am trying to manipulate some one. More like frantic efforts in the middle of meltdown. I have periods of building myself up, then taring myself down. In the building phase, I can get start displaying a lot of narcissistic traits, and really sexually promiscuous and risky. I get more aggressive. And more charismatic. I will admit that I like that stage. But even then i am still an outsider. Even though I make friends really well anywhere I go. It's like I'm not the same as everyone, and in a way it's like they can sense it too. This comment is long as fuck
@@lou70x7 I also recognise NPD traits in you, you might have some covert narc traits as well. I had more of your traits when I was 12 - 17 and after that it's like I shifted to more covert and extravert NPD traits. I got diagnosed with 'just' ADD in 2017 but I'm quite certain there must be comorbidity with narcissist traits as well. I'm both handsome and vain. I'm an optician so also a salesman who thinks he is superior to colleagues because I'm like never sick but also believe I'm entitled to show up late because I'm special and never sick. I always take my break first and don't even offer coffee for my female colleagues unless I'm attracted to them. I like selling a lot but on the other hand I don't like solving complaints so I'm not a people pleaser lol.
I've come to confront myself after I'm divorcing from a woman who has cptsd and/or borderline (both seperately diagnosed) I did treat her as an object in many ways, leaned on her and after years of devaluation from her side I started devaluation on her but even in a more mean way, like using the same ways but also putting an emphasis on them like 'You're calling me names I'm not while I'm calling you names you actually are'. And after this I've became physically aggressive as well like she was before. But unfortunately she completely destroyed our marriage in the end and she keeps on continuing in self harming behaviour like for instance substance abuse and making debt because of shopping sprees. While I'm more childish with finances and responsibilities, and my only self harm is smoking cigarettes at the moment. Although I'm convinced I'm not as extreme as her on many levels. (unfortunately she is and she took the children as well after deciding not to go into therapy) I'm seeing our children each weekend but I'm a 100% sure it's better for them if this becomes the other way around because I'm genuinely worried about her so I do have empathy. I do know now I need therapy and help as well because we have 2 small children and I'm not that self-centered to choose to continue living this way. We now both have a big problem with separating each other as (ex-)partner and parent to their child. She can be only mad at me at the moment and I'm going through emotions like intense feelings of love and hate. I want this out of my system ASAP and never want a woman with a cluster B disorder again and also don't want to bring my negative traits in my next marriage. I wish you the best and hope you can tackle this problem for your (future) kids!
Btw, check out Sam Vaknin.
@@aboetarikske thanks for reading and replying to my comment. Mental health is always so hard to discern, because everything is in a spectrum. One thing I related to in your comment was the handsome and vain thing. But maybe everyone who is good looking is this way to an extent. Also the tardiness thing. I never miss work, but I'm habitually 5-10 mins late, and even though I know it's wrong, I Ultima tell myself if that's the only flaw I have and am an otherwise excellent employee , then they are pretty lucky. I'm a good salesman, and good at resolving customer complaints. I would say there's a bit of approval seeking behavior there. Also (and its embarrassing to admit this) I absolutely crave and feed off of admiration/desire. Desire if it's a female that is in my sexual range, meaning not necessarily that I'm attracted to them, but that it would generally be socially acceptable for me to pursue them as a partner. Covert narcissism and bpd both seem real similar to me. One thing I am confused by is I've always been told that narcissist don't practice empathy, and they have no desire to change. I do both. You mentioned you won't get coffee for female coworkers unless your interested in them. I don't share this trait. I will do nude things for people I like our people I think are good people. I'd love to talk and explore all this more with you
I believe my daughter was a Borderline wrongfully diagnosed repeatedly and now I get to go through it all over again raising her son . I suppose there are differences but I see SO many similarities ! It is what has pushed me to try to get him the right treatment . Which is next to impossible . We are struggling every day as I watch this . Thank you it made a lot of sense .
The short answer is yes. I have it and it completely sucks
Do you sing or dance or play sports...combining the anger with the creative angst is the way to make borderline your friend.. i took up dancing and singing from youtube.. now I can scream all morning (sing) without upsetting anyone including myself. And if that doesn't work I go outside and stomp the streets (dance).
I grew up with physical & emotional abuse and neglect, and was abandoned by both parents in different ways - that's where it manifested for me. I know I never would have developed this horrible disorder if I had healthy parents who accepted and loved me. It's a painful, horrible thing to live with but it does get better once you face your trauma and learn where these destructive patterns came from.
I once wrote a letter to the editor of an APA newsletter arguing that since only women were diagnosed with BPD, the disorder was physiological and should be removed from the DSM-IV. Very pleased to see that improvement has been made since that time. Very impressed that the first place Dr. Grande went was straight to potential confounding variables. Dr. Grande is evidence that belies my despair that clinical psychologists diagnose by throwing darts at a DSM-V pinned to the wall.
100% agree about the shortage of treatment resources for BPD, irrespective of gender. Thanks for such an informative video.
Dad been diagnosed with BPD. He had a cutting tool in his tool box and would always tell me he had cut himself moving sheets of roofing when plumbing. He also has a glass eye from a gun 'accident' when he was 15. He was explosive when his plans did not go according to his plan. Dr. Grade he was locked under the house when he was little for up five days without even a blanket in a small room. And his sister I think my aunt has NPD (Trump styled NPD). Mum is diagnosed with NPD. I seen him not remember who he is.
Thank you Dr. Grande.
What a good representation. Thank you for helping our bpd man and woman.its a compliment. I felt better listening to these advices . Really really appreciated it doctor.
I have just been stuck with not being checked out due to irrational fear of others knowing that I got checked out. It's been 4 years since with these thoughts. I took an online personality disorder test on 7/31/19 (screenshotted the test and results) and my results were:
Paranoid Personality Disorder - 82
Schizoid Personality Disorder - 89
Schizotypal Personality Disorder - 86
AntiSocial Personality Disorder - 68
Borderline Personality Disorder - 94
Histrionic Personality Disorder - 81
Narcissistic Personality Disorder - 78
Avoidant Personality Disorder - 100
Dependent Personality Disorder - 63
Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder - 94
I know that these results are not from an official diagnostic test but when I saw that I got a 10 possible personality disorders I felt bummed out that day. I got a unintentional 10/10 on a test that involves personality disorders and I still feel uneasy about being checked out because I know for a fact there a multitude of things different about me to the point where I feel like in some way it would be a wasted effort to get checked out because I already have the insight of a multiplicity of things (I don't want to use "wrong") different about me to the point where people (family, strangers, customers at my retail job) all don't want a part of me. Another reason I don't want to get checked out now is because I would rather be unchecked and have people not care, than to be checkout and for people to suddenly care; but for all I know it will still be the same. I am venting and rambling a bit but the thing is that now, I recently became more unhinged and starting to hear things. I'll summarize, I am unhinged because I have overheard my mom's boyfriend's son saying things that he done to my half sister and my mentality shifted from whatever it was before to a blistering obliterating rage which I have suppressed because my retaliation would have consequences that not even I would not go through, this has been going on for the past week. But because of me overhearing him I became a-tuned to overhearing voices now, but the scary thing to me is that sometime I hear voices in a skeptical way. For example after a few days of overhearing him and due to the walls in the house having sound cancellation like paper, he overhears me on my computer and talks shit. I don't mind him talking shit I would take that everyday other than hearing the shit he said to what he did to my sister once, regardless now I hear customers talking shit when I work at retail, I don't put much thought into it. I go on night walks very late from when I get home from work at 9pm and keep on walking sometimes till as late as 2-3am, but the thing is now I hear people talking shit in their cars now and it is exacerbated when drivers are consistently flashing, strobing or exclusively having the headlights on when I walk. It in some way gives me a bit of confirmation bias of them talking shit but I shouldn't be hearing them in the car, when I was home and heard the son talking shit about me but my mom comes to my room to talk to me and I tell her I hear him, she checks, comes back and tells me he left to school he is not here. That was the day I feel sliced in half, I do hear things that are real and not real, my new problem now is to tell the difference of the two. It's easy when you are face to face to someone but when they have their backed turned, in another room, aisle, or even car; I doubt if it's people talking shit or my consciousness, higher being, something mentally or metaphysically talking to me at this point. I understand it can be in some cases both but I always come back to if it's real or not, I do not care too much, I try to be indifferent if people do talk shit because I always felt outcasted and vilified anyway wouldn't make much of a difference anyway; I am more concerned to know if the comments they made are real or not. In some cases of weird and odd luck in my life it feels as if The Truman Show delusion has got to me finally. I am not gone completely but I am living a life with crutches on crutches to the point where I do doubt living, it's not like I have been to involved in life, relationships with family, few friends, and people in general anyway. I've been disconnected, that's all I know; if I want to connect, I just contemplate and deliberate by myself and go over and over the times where it just didn't happen; it feels doubtful at best to anyhow. No one wants to spend time with the loner, with subpar looks, with a nihilistic pessimistic mentality and either a forced bland personality because I am a degenerate or my authentic degenerate lackluster self. Since I am worthless in some sense there is a dissipation of my will to live, but stranger smiles, neutral faces, and even cars not high-beaming keep me going. As an introvert, INTP, virgin being born on 1-12-00 10:11am, being a coomer for 14 years, raised fatherless and with my multitude of self diagnostics of mental instability such as the 10 personality disorders above, dark triad, sociopath, possibly psychopath, and so on; I try to make sense of the madness within myself and the world and want to bring good but that idea is at a tug of war with my ideal idea of my hedonism that I want because I have the opposite, that emptiness, it needs filling. Either filled with good or bad, but in a contradictory way both. I always had the idea that I am a walking paradoxical oxymoronic contradiction, in some ways maybe then. I'll end off and say that I plan for risky and radical actions for the end of this year to hopefully bring my life anew. Also kinda hyped about the Saturn Conjunct Pluto on 1-12-20 maybe that will be in my favor too. If anyone has made it this far, thank you; your an amazing human, wish you the best for your life and your descendants.
Haven't checked out your videos on each personality disorder i've listed. Plan on seeing them on my nightwalk tonight.
This is one of the best, most detailed, and engaging videos I've seen about this disorder. I appreciate how clear you were I did not feel attacked or anythin negative and I think that's very important when it comes to talking about these types of disorders
I've been diagnosed since I was 13 with BPD and I'm a male it's kind of tough explaining it to people but I am grateful I had a good doctor
Probably shouldn't tell people about it
Could you do a video about healthy romantic relationships with those with BPD (specifically, what a partner can do to help and keep in mind to avoid hurting both parties)? Or direct me to a video about this?
I have a pretty healthy relationship with my bf of two years with it but I'm always interested in learning more about it and ways I can help him. I've found that knowing more about BPD has helped me a lot when he gets little anger spikes (he just gets quiet and a little snappy), because now I know that when it happens it's almost certainly not my fault and it's just something he has to work through on his own.
Was he diagnosed with it? I think my BF has it
@@misselizmae Yes he has been diagnosed. If you want to talk about it somewhere less public, we can, just let me know where and how to contact you :)
I’ll delete this message when I hear from
You
You’re great man. I learned a lot from you. Until now you are the best therapist I’ve seen who understands and analysis mental health topics and how it applies to real life situations.
I like how Dr. Todd explains the mysteries of the mind without being at all pretentious, with loads of patience and clarity. cheers😊
My first exposure to BPD involved a male friend. I believe he also had NPD, but his BPD was more pronounced. That got me learning about Cluster B personality disorders and other personality disorders. I realized that I had more than one personality-disordered person in my circle! Of course, I've been going no contact with all of them for a long
time-permanently.
I totally agree that women are overdiagnosed with BPD, while men are underdiagnosed.
people cant have bpd and npd at the same time, the core is very different
@@yo7989 Yes they can. Up to 40% of the population are comorbid with BPD and NPD. Also, having different cores doesn't mean you can't have both.
@ Not sure what you're on about.
6:53 he explains how often bpd and npd are comorbid disorders. Your welcome 😉
Do you think women are undiagnosed with pyschopathy and NPD?
I love your videos! They're very unbiased. I was wondering if you could do a video like this but on women with antisocial personality disorder. Thanks for the great content!
A very interesting discussion about gender differences in this diagnosis. I’m a retired mental health nurse and I can remember commenting to the team that I worked with that in the 6 years I worked there, I hadn’t seen a single case of a male diagnosed with BPD and yet we encountered many females with that diagnosis. I knew that couldn’t be right.
Personally I have known one male that I would say met most of the criteria for a diagnosis of BPD and he was my father. The mood swings were something to behold - it was like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, you never knew who you were dealing with. He was extremely paranoid, especially towards his family but it applied to everyone really. He had a history of unstable relationships that followed a pattern - they started with idealistic views of the new ‘friendship’ but quickly it would turn into fault finding and it always ended with the inevitable falling out. He was the same with my mother except for the fact that he couldn’t bare it after the fall out because she’d give him the silent treatment, and he experienced this as abandonment. Many of his relationships ended with abandonment which must have exacerbated his PD and probably explains why he was impulsive and he had major addictions to alcohol and gambling.
Geez, that sounds exactly like my husband. I have a huge feeling that he might have a BPD, hopefully no ASPD. Did your mom stay with him ? How was it for you as a child ? We have 2kids and I think we must split up asap while our kids are so small (1 a 3). He also likes to do things on purpose or annoying things as well intentiinally. He emotionally blackmails me if I wont give him money for weed even if he has no job for 2and half months and we have just enough for food and daipers. It seems I have no joy in my life. I have no will to plan anything with him for weekend or so, because of his unpredictable moods...its just chaos and problems plus imagine with two little kids. I know its my fault I was naive and thought he might change, but after 4years it seems Im done
tjradmila - I’m so sorry to hear about your circumstances, living with someone with BPD symptoms is very difficult unless they’re ready to address their own issues. My parents stayed together until their deaths in 1997 and 1998 and from my own personal point of view it was the marriage from hell. My childhood difficulties were exacerbated by a mother who was a covert narcissist and therefore was not emotionally or psychologically available to any of her children in a way that might have mitigated some of the confusion that I grew up with.
From my experiences of working with families (I was a children’s mental health nurse and I worked with the whole family), if there is one parent who is stable and free from PD, this can go a long way to mitigate some of the confusion and chaos that the BPD parent brings into the family environment. That said, if the BPD parent is violent and abusive then the safety and well being of the children needs to be prioritised. In this circumstance it touches my child protection buttons.
I can’t tell you what to do. These forums don’t really lend themselves to advising or counselling another and it wouldn’t be appropriate for me to do so. However, if you are at all concerned about your husband’s mental state and its impact on you and your children, then I would urge you to seek advice from someone that you trust, someone who would have yours and your children’s best interests at heart, especially if you are thinking of ending the relationship.
I hope you find a solution that is right for you and your family.
This an excellent video. It was informative, intellectually rigorous and responsible while remaining accessible and friendly for non professional viewers. And I think it is helpful for those who are male BPD and their families/friends. Thank you very much.
Dr. Grande, I am so appreciative that you've taken this issue head on! There is a dearth of information about men and BPD, and I hope that you can continue to lead the conversation on this. I am not aware of a significant channel highlighting or content creator that is with or of a male with BPD. I found your conversations with Sherena (RecoveryMum) very helpful, and I also enjoy her channel. If you were to mirror the conversations you've done with her with a male counterpart, it would be extremely insightful. Additionally, if you were able to incorporate a 3 way conversation, I think it would add tremendous value to the community because as far as I know, nobody has done this. You have a great opportunity to take some leadership on this topic, and I hope you'll continue to address it with the careful research and thoughtful presentation you put into every piece of content you create.
I live in UK am under a agency called merseycare I have bpd am. 54 and have been under the above agency for over a decade no therapy it kills me each day I wake, I get alot from such talks thank you
I think my fiance has BPD traits--as well as his diagnosed TBI and PTSD. This can be very challenging. On the one hand he's brilliant, on the other hand in men BPD traits tend to manifest as anger and narcissistic Tendencies. This is true of him.
When he's not engaging in these things he's very loving and empathetic and insightful and a deep person, also playful and wonderfully creative.
But the TBI (traumatic brain injury), PTSD, and the Borderline traits, plus narcissistic tendencies make it very hard. Thankfully he responded to my urging him to get back on medication and find more relevant and effective therapy. But it's three steps forward then one alarming big step back. Were it not for the effective medication and the very great therapist he found, our relationship probably wouldn't have survived, which would have been tragic, because we love each other very dearly.
@@divya-u9i
Sounds like you took care of yourself.
Warm wishes. ⚘🥰⚘
How are you doing now?
@@judeannethecandorchannel2153
i wish people would talk about bpd in men more. My exboyfreind had bpd and i had no idea until years later
Mine as well. I escaped. It was hell. Now happier and much better without him. Educate yourself on BPD and NPD. Peace!🙏
@@dashapulkova581 And what do you think his life was??? A party? Heaven? You really don't possess a high level of empathy towards abused and traumatized people... Glad you're happy, but please, practice some restraint. Some people with BPD will see your comment and it will only make them feel worst about themselves..
@@vip3re well spoken
@@vip3re thank you
@@vip3reshe thinks her life was hell, how cute...
Just realized recently my mom had all the traits of BPD and now at the age of 40 I realize that I have it too. I'm 40 years no drug habits or alcohol abuse but I'm constantly homeless off and on due to financial instability. It wasn't as bad up until my mom passed, I lost my job, and my sociopathic ex who forced me to move across the country away from all my family took my kids away all in the same month. That was 11 years ago and I still haven't recovered. Meditation and fasting helps significantly but because I am impulsive it's extremely difficult to stick with anything consistently and I cant afford a regular therapist. All I can say is make sure you take good care of your kids cause this comes from child hood. I have two kids and because of uncontrollable impulsive I never have any money to see them. Sometimes suicide seems like a reasonable option. If it wasn't for them I would have done it for sure. Still crosses my mind from time to time
It crosses my mind almost daily, hang in there my man, much love.
Thank you for reading comments and answering people's questions in video format. Myself, like alot of people, are gaining valuable insights into things we struggle with everyday. It provides knowledge and a sense of comfort to know that you're not the only one fighting it. Thanks again.
This is interesting. I'm diagnosed BPD but my new therapist thinks it's bipolar II. But she told me, based on what I've said about my husband, that HE has BPD instead. And it makes sooo much sense. However I am quick to anger (especially during a manic phase) but he never expresses anger, or much feelings at all actually besides excitement. That's the only thing I need to figure out, is why he's so emotionally blocked off. I can't ever tell if something bothers him.
Dr. Grande as a psychiatric nurse with 20 years experience you are willing to point out 1) the limitations with DSM and labeling symptoms. 2) To be critical of articles that list referencee may not necessarily be relevant. 3) Sensation seeking /habit forming tics are more clinical seen. 4) Skill level and experience of clinician and limited resources. Thanks!
Meant to say, Dr. Grande, myself....
Thanks for addressing this...because of the gender bias that can be present when diagnosing, I fear that people like myself may not get the treatment that they need to improve and get better. After 16 years of struggling with these issues, I finally suspect comorbid NPD and BPD but keep getting diagnosed with MDD, ADHD, generalized anxiety...so far my treatment hasn't been very effective and I suspect the gender bias you mention on this video may be the reason why. I'm a member of the lgbt community as well...I wonder how many gay males are diagnosed with BPD given that they may have endured a lot of bullying and/or trauma while growing up. Idk, just food for thought. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts on this in this video!
From some of the older studies with bpd, half of the males who do seek mental health assistance are "not straight"
The miss diagnosis is because most mental health professionals just wanna get paid and don’t actually give a fuck about you.
At least, that’s seems to be my experience with them.
10:54 I think I'll have to subscribe because this dialogue in very thought provoking. I like the way Dr. Todd Grande engages the audience.
Thank you Dr G for pointing out the false “differences”. It is so important to see commonalities, especially in mental health presentations. …. If only to reduce isolation in sufferers.
Dear Dr. Grande, thank you so much for this video. You're pointing out something that really makes me furious and that is a serious problem, namely the fact that so many clinicians (even some with a channel on this platform whose names I don't want to mention) call BPD things like a "typically female form of narcissism" or such. It's about time we took off our gender-colored glasses and look at mental disorders as what they are: existing impediments to the lives of far too many.
Could you discuss the overlap between BPD and Schizoaffective Disorder? How they affect each other, if at al; how to distinguish between the two, or how to know which disorder is causing specific issues, if possible.
I have BPD apparently. I do have identity disturbance, dissociation and relationships that are in a state of flux, but I can completely control my temper and push it deep down. So I definitely have many traits, but not anger problems. I do have emotional disregulation but people dont get to see it
how did you go with this was it bpd? sounds similar
Always back up your opinions with studies and research.
That is the way of a scientist!
I find this very odd. In my infinite research I've never noticed a difference in male or female diagnosis for BPD. But maybe in UK there isn't differentiation
Almost 2 a.m. here and... research indicates that Dr. Grande helps with sleeplessness. 😊 Thank you very much for entertaining us. ❤
I'm a bit biased regarding tonight's topic as I don't think that BPD is a good category in the first place. I think of it as a kind of modern Rohrschach-Inkblot test. Everybody sees something different in it.
Therefore it's no wonder that there are gender issues, too. I know, there are people in this world who think this category explains everything in their lives soooo well, while I think, everybody is borderline, when he or she is a little bit drunk. Gender issues? - just one more case against using it. Good night and sleep well everyone. 🌛✨
@@mastiffmythslegendsandlore Devils, or demons, are fallen angels. There is no indication they have different races. Demons are smart enough to know how to exploit each person's weaknesses and shortcomings. So they adapt.
I am a male with BPD. I have been in therapy for 10 years, and I was only diagnosed this year because I brought it up. None of my therapists had considered that they were dealing with a male with BPD.
My mother has severe BPD, I lived in an abusive household, and I was physically and emotionally abandoned by my peers and then my parents. No surprise that I ended up struggling with BPD.
I personally found it very emotionally difficult to ascribe the word "abandonment" to the major traumatic events that were blatantly abandonment, so I wonder how many BPD people suppress or avoid those memories.
Theitsybitsyspider I feel someway our minds delete and suppress the traumatic event but at at a high cost
@@sssaiddddd Absolutely. People do incredible things to hide from their traumas. Confronting them in therapy is like ripping a band-aid off. Or with BPD, like unmummifying a person wrapped in duct tape.
Excellent info. IMO besides aggression, I see very little difference between BPD presentation in male/female
Dr.Grande thank you so much for being so precise, and not giving false information for personal gain.🙏
I'm 62, male and I have it. Of course I got the bipolar II dx first. Trouble is, my mood swings are hour by hour, not weeks or months long, unless you want to count major depressive episodes. Therapist sees mood swings and automatically assumes bipolar. I don't even think bipolar II exists, but that's for another post. I got my bipolar II dx due to presenting with a massively triggered frustration freakout brought on from losing my patience with my control freak/slightly schizophrenic wife. How that was construed as bipolar is anybody's guess. The truly frustrating part is this happens ALL the time.
Well, maybe because they want to HELP you with it, don't you think? Bipolar 2 is the more optimistic diagnosis, because it is better treatable. To describe it as a "personality" disorder (seen from the perspective of the mental health professional) is always some sort of "surrender" , an admission that they can't help you with it as much as they would like to. I wish you the best. 🙏
This bothers me a lot too! Doctors always think I have bipolar as soon as I say mood swings, even though they are not the same as bipolar episodes. The reason this is so dangerous in my opinion is that bipolar medication can be very harmful if you do not have it! It messed up my life so badly for years. Also with Bipolar, Counseling isn’t as important to doctors for treatment. I didn’t get any better, just worse. Turns out I have CPTSD with BPD traits and ASD. It took until 31 to finally get the proper diagnosis but getting it has helped me so much!!!
@@sodakhan5463 Ok! So after this mess with the meds you are coping with it without any medication at all ? Does this work for you?
I personally wouldn't want to live without any medication, too much unstableness, since I actually have a mood disorder. Psychotherapy/counseling alone is by far not sufficient for me. But I'm 15 years older than you and have a medical condition too. Ones overall health and age make a huge difference , I think.
Mrs. Reluctant i am on Lexapro (for anxiety) which has been great for me! It’s just the Seroquel (mood stabiliser for bipolar) that really messed me up. I was on it for two years and told my doctor I had to get off of it despite what was suggested. Then it took me 3 years to finally wean off of it. My body got super addicted to it and if I ever missed a dose I would start throwing up. I had some withdrawal symptoms every day because my body wanted a stronger dose than what I was on. It was just a big mess.
But yeah using both my anti anxiety/depressant and therapy together has been much better for me :) I still have some symptoms but I am able to manage them a lot better!
Anger is an emotion, not sure why that cannot be seen since it's number on on the dysfunctional list of males in many disorders.
I was recently taught by a PhD professor at a university that BPD has a genetic component which is effectively switched on by trauma, and that BPD individuals need to learn to manage their distress (as with DBT) without hurting others but can't turn the switch off. What have you read about this?
I'm not a clinician, but I have done a lot of personal research and have a lot of personal experience growing up with a BPD parent and having a BPD sibling. I think you see it run in families, and because of this many presume a genetic component. I've developed my own theory about BPD and would love to hear others' views and experiences. Often in a family there is "the golden child" and the "black sheep or scapegoat". I was the latter, and eventually developed CPTSD. My sibling was the former and developed BPD. Because our parent was more emotionally dependent on her, I think it affected her differently. I've seen the same dynamics in other families. Any child of a parent with BPD is naturally going to experience trauma in really chronic, and often subtle ways. But not all children react and cope the same way- hence why I believe that it ultimately develops into a disorder or sorts. But whether it becomes a personality disorder has to do with attachment to the BPD parent.
Jack I think you're probably onto something.
Lots of abusing kids going down, some of it is really obvious, especially physical, but the sexual less so, and psychological even less obvious (to those outside).
One thing I have noticed many films and TV shows do a good job of portraying (take sopranos for eg) is how parents taking a favourite child, and leaving the other child left out, or lots of "shut up I don't care" and no love, hugs etc, really does screw the kids up eventually, to the point they grow up with issues.
Now is this borderline, narc, or anti social, even sociopathic etc, I would say you're maybe onto something. I'm almost sure different kids abused in the same way, later messed up, are not likely to wind up with all the same diagnosis.
The saddest aspect of this is:
1) kid is abused, unwanted unloved
2) kid grows up, messed up
3) now adult, despite best efforts, nobody wants to know.
4) the fear of being abandend now turns real as people always get away
5) the person now suffers again, both with the condition of bpd, and the results of how others avoid bpd.
Very cruel condition, where nobody ever caring about the person results in pretty much what would be expected of people.
Interestingly, certain agencies turn child abuse into a science, to discover what it takes to break people, and then use these people, often against their own awareness, to fulfill certain tasks. MkUltra might be the best (worst) example
@@CameTo It's difficult, but it's very hard to have sympathy after a while. My ex girlfriend was very low functioning, couldn't handle a job, would self harm, get drunk all the time, lie and cheat. For the first several months I was extremely supportive, consistently reassured her, Would have to take days off work when she was in a bad way just to spend time and comfort her. After a while her behaviors got more and more extreme and she would admit the next day after episodes she was deliberately trying to hurt me after a while because I was being so supportive. I was "too perfect" and blah blah. Pathological lying was common, and she started cheating on me like crazy. Dumped me when she was halfway across the world on a trip. No face to face, nothing. I had to literally cajole her into letting me pick up my stuff at her house.
I pity her, but she was incredibly awful towards me in the end. Would try and hoover me every month or so, only to a couple days later tell me she was over me after I agreed to here her out. After the last hoover (last week no less), I spoke to her Monday, and she said some of the most hurtful stuff about our relationship that I'd ever heard. Compared me to past exes, just brutal, brutal stuff. Went no contact after that. I'm done.
@@duderanch18237
not having romantic relationships with borderlines is ideal. it's just hell.
I think the difference in BPD in regards to gender is more so in how society deals with it. Society has very little patience for emotional men and they are often seen as weak and need to just toughen up. While women actually receive understanding and are generally embraced for being emotional.
I read about studies showing that diagnosticians assign a diagnosis of histrionic personality disorder to women and to men a diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder even though the same symptoms are presented. Then while talking to a social worker about it, I found that psychologists/psychiatrists are taught to do this.
I truly believe I have BPD. I was diagnosed with bipolar but I do not believe the psychiatrist really delved into all the symptoms associated- I was never asked questions related to the system criteria. It could have saved me years of useless medications and frustration. The more I learn, the more I gain insight. I think insight is a huge part of getting better. I recognize that when I'm stressed that I become very angry and lash out: it's like a sudden switch. I believe my son suffers from this too- but he's at an age where he sees a mental health disorders as stereotypically bad. It's impacted his ability to maintain a job and relationships. I've sent him some of Dr. Grande's videos and told him that I believe I have it and that my dad did as well. He committed suicide after my mom left and could never cope. His moods vacillated and he met all these symptom criteria. He was put on so many medications and had numerous ECT treatments in the 70s and 80s- none of it worked. I pray that my son will gain insight and make the change.
13:05 that's why i like dr Grande. Common sense and reason. TY doc
I have a male relative who I believe has BPD. They think therapy is "quackery" and very insecure about feeling "weak." that they have a mental health issue.
Exactly.
There was a child that lived next door to me that was diagnosed with some severe mental disorder and prescribed mental meds. I'm not sure which disorder however. He was a very nervous child, pulled his hair out on one side of his head and he told me he was made fun of at school. When he was out on meds he seemed to be quiet, was always daydreaming and extremely tired. One day I was sitting in the back yard and he was playing football with his stepfather and siblings. His stepfather started calling him names like stupid, dumbaxx, and making fun of him terribly. His stepfather left.hisnjob and started working offshore out of the country for 3 months at a time. Almost immediate, the child improved, his hair grew back and his mother told me she took him off meds. He was actually acting like a normal child. The dad returned and the child's behavior returned. He left again and the childs behavior improved. Terribly sad situation. If someone can not see physical abuse such as a child protective service, they do not do anything. Mental abuse is as bad. I spoke to his mother about it and what I noticed and she told me that she could not afford to leave her husband with 3 children and she could not talk to him or he would take it out on the child.l even more. So she stayed in the relationship then they moved away. I sometimes wonder how this intelligent young child that used to visit me everyday to play with my children is doing today. The medicines were not needed but the absence during his stepdads job for 3 months was the cure in my opinion. This young man would be around 18 or older today. I hope he has found happiness and left this situation for good. I truly believe that children can be diagnosed with a mental illness and not have one but being mentally abused can sure cause an individual to seem to have a mental or behavioral problem in my opinion. That's when psychologist etc. should closely interview the interactions with a parent and a child, especially a step parent, whereas they could have resentment for their dad, for example, and take it out on the child destructively. I believe that was happening in this family situation.
I think it's obnoxious to categorically dismiss an entire group of the population, and state that they are ineligible to have a mental diagnosis. I'm even convinced there are extroverted people with Avoidant Personality Disorder, and my heart goes out to them. I think one of the reasons BPD is underdiagnosed because of the stigma and stereotypes associated with the diagnosis.
Watch your wording. Underdiagnosed IN MEN. Generally it's actually overdiagnosed
@@Relytxz Duh - the video is specifically about men...
@@ck2d Okay? That doesn't mean a specific comment is specifically talking about men. Context within context exists.
@@Relytxz Um yes a comment in a video about a specific topic will be about that topic. Again, duh.
Dr. Grande, I do notice more women are dx with BPD and HPD than men (with men less likely to be dx with these and dx with narcissism and ASPD). It seems extremely gender biased. I've always thought this and had explained this on more than a few occasions to professors. I truly would like to know how many folk are out there wrongly diagnosed, because lets be fair, a lot of these symptoms overlap. Its quite difficult to differentiate. Its important for patients to be completely honest with the herapists and Doc's but also the same expectations for clinicians to look outside the box as well.
Happy Wednesday Doc!
i was recently diagnosed with bpd & i'm just trying to understand it more. thank you dr. grande for your help & education, i appreciate you.
Protect this man. He speaks fairly and unbiased. 💜
I wish I had a personality.
I will lend you mine for a price !
@@TPGNATURAL Good one!
Same but I have BPD.
You probly set it down somewhere...
You can have mine. It’s a disorder of sorts
I love your pragmatism and analytical approach. I appreciate your analytical and fair assessment in your videos, and looking at a problem from many sides.
I wonder if the time of day and number of hours one has been working impact diagnosis. Years ago, at the inception of my psychoanalysis, I saw my provider at the end of the day. He was curt and irritable. When I began seeing this person in the morning, the experience was very different: the opposite. So...perhaps it is not just gender...but timing...Thanks so much!!!! Very thought-provoking!!!!!
We do have to think about that. Realize these doctors are also human and depending on what they are going though and if it might effect the patient. Now they should be able to separate that from their work, I'm pretty sure that's a part of their schooling, and why treating friends and family and people they know doesn't happen, because your own emotions and opinions get in the way.
@@ocpd23 Schedule your surgery in the AM also. You want your surgeon as sharp as the scalpel.
@@pauladuncanadams1750let's hope he's not a night owl lkke me... oh almost 4 in the morning...
@@Relayzy1 Are you a surgeon? If so, when do you schedule your surgeries?
First. I thought my kids dad had bipolar disorder. Hed go from pure joy to anger so fast. Hed go from loving me fully to hating me completely. Then for years i joined online groups for narcissistic abuse and checked off all the redflags. I still believe hes got npd and now bpd. Bpd because of his impulsiveness and substance abuse and severe childhood trauma. He refuses to get help for anything! So i left him. He is extremely manipulative, emotionally, mentally and verbally abusive. He treats everyone at home differently while out than in our own home. We dont ever have visitors over even tho he bragged that he had so many friends.. lying constantly. Never happy with our life. Blames me for all the wrong. Im just here educating myself.
Under-diagnosis is truly an issue, but not as much as virtual void of seeking help because the, quite rational in this case, fear of ridicule, loss, and abandonment. It's a sad fact that males with a mental health issue, physical disability, or general weakness, are commonly discarded by people, women specifically, and more generally society....
Perhaps there are far more BPD males than females....
I was with you for the first sentence, then you veered wildly and smashed into a tree . The disorder is stigmatized extensively for men and women by mental health professionals. I think it might be a bit.... of a merciful lie.... to say that the diagnosis is the reason for abandonment. Treatment can elicit some serious emotional turbulence, which could possibly scare off partners unprepared to handle that, but not just because they received a diagnosis.
I have a lot of respect for you, Dr. Grande. Always laying out the facts and nothing more. Are you an INTJ?
Hello Doctor.. Thank you for this information 🙏🏻
thanks Dr. Todd. I enjoy your knowledge.
I'm a 16 year old male and have recently noticed patterns in my behavior and people around me think I'm very paranoid, narcissistic and self destructive, emotionally sensitive, and many other borderline symptoms but I don't have violent outbursts so I think I have Quiet BPD, I'm going talk to someone to discuss a possible diagnosis.
Very helpful video which answered my questions regarding BPD & comorbidity. Thank you! ♥️✌🏽
Rethinking rapid cycling bipolar in men may shed some clues , especially in men with intense anger and abandonment complexes.
Thank you for putting this extensive & very well informed video together. If there were more Doctors like yourself, perhaps I could find one that would be worth talking to, sadly it's been close to 30 years since I found a proper therapist, that I could actually trust, & that seemed to be honest & genuinely concerned to help. I suppose this doesn't help my BPD, feels like it would more re-enforce it, then anything.
Thank you for your videos, they're helpful. I have not been diagnosed with BPD because my therapist insists that my treatment would be the same whether or not I have it (and we don't want to waste our sessions on diagnosis rather than treatment). It was interesting to see your video stating that 56% of BPD partners have a personality disorder: I've had an extremely long relationship with one person with NPD, and a shorter relationship with someone who has ADHD and was heavily into alcoholism + drug abuse. (The latter mentioned person is now sober.) It's obvious that my behaviours/brain chemistry is attracting others with... Exceptional patterns.
I really enjoyed this video. It states that there probably is not that big of a difference (or at least shouldn`t be..) in gender characteristics in BPD diagnoses.
Which is actually reliving to know, because males often tend to get the violent label a lot more. Also the video seems to state that of be more aware of references used in Internet posts on the subject. Which is very good information.
Thank you. I am grateful. You explain things in a way I can understand a bit better. good going
Thank you! So helpful as a clinician!
Thanks for another great video Dr. Grande 😃🇳🇱
I love your video!
I myself am looking into my own soul. At this time in my life, I have been able to sit back and look at my life with sort of a “monocle”. I believe that I as a Women may have BPD. Which is good news to me, because it allows me to heal with a larger perspective on myself. I noticed though, after researching BPD and then reflecting on my own personal life. I as a women amongst large group of female peers, am the only one that struggles with this mental disorder. In fact, I believe that I actually attract Men with BPD (or at least I did until I was aware of it in myself). Could that be true?
From a very young age I began to experience trauma. I was out of place and I felt abandoned. So I looked for love anywhere.
I always wondered why I couldn’t be like the other kids and just play. I was sitting there, thinking or trying to find someone to love. I noticed in my adult years that I was able to surround myself with honest friends that have good families, Careers, vehicles and even successful relationships. One of five is a Man, the rest are all successful Women. Each of these wonderful people are living a confident and happy life nearing to our thirty’s now. I am just starting to pull myself out of the endless cycle that I must have subconsciously put myself into. In that I realized, every single one of the men that I have been in deep intense relationships with, has portrayed all 9 of the traits that were listed. I have been deeply in love with each of these men. I have allowed them to hurt me and I guess they have allowed me to hurt them. I have two daughters, that I have pulled from home to home because let go of my self worth and allowed my addiction to love get in the way of my true self. Now that I realize this is what could be going on. I feel that I can move forward in life more clearly and without medication.
Anyway, I feel that men have a higher rate of BPD. From my personal experience, but could that be because I have BPD? Is it maybe cause I attract men with this disorder?
Perhaps I always recognized it in myself at some sort of level, and tried to heal in others what I couldn’t in myself?
Very possible, I’m a male and I feel like I attract women with bpd
Also, Dr. Todd, doesn't bpd have the component of loneliness, and fear of being alone
I completely agree with you. I do not believe any “research indicate” if there is nothing to back up their claim.
how common is it for someone to feel ashamed of having a developmental disability
Which developmental disability?
thank you, very informative and helpful for my own therapy practice
I enjoyed the video about signs of BPD in wives/female partners. I'd like to see a video on signs of BPD in husbands/male partners.
Dr Todd is a legend been watching for a few years now
You are a blessing!!! Thank you for making these!!!
To all the men with BPD in here. I wanna remind you that you are worthy of love, healing, happiness and peace. 💕 And I hope you all find it. As well as the women and men here because of an ex or women who are also suffering from BPD. Much love to everyone.
They BPD man I knew never got emotional but he would jump up and leave over anything. It was like he was playing a part in movie in his head. I think he was trying to "abandon" people before they could abandon him. It was completely dysfunctional, people were just confused and ignored him. Then he would complain that people didn't care about him or notice him.
Been there :/
@@Relytxzjup that's how i operate as well
Good point about including references to actual, but irrelevant, research papers and the reluctance to challenge ‘professionals’
There isn't much of a difference in male and female borderliners. My ex was definitely a combination of NPD, BPD, and ASPD and I'm glad you point at exactly these three disorders prone to occur in co-morbidity in male borderliners. Both, male and female, are on a spectrum and depending on their position on the spectrum, there might be differences, but essentially, they are the same. My ex would not cut himself for instance or take drugs. He had other addictions though, like sex, porn, cheating, or cigarettes. But male borderliners can be cutting themselves just like females - it depends where they are on the spectrum.
Both myself and my ex have BDP. One of us was more severe than the other and also our (up to) 9 criteria presented differently. I also think there were other disorders occurring alongside. Its so complicated, im not surprised people are either not diagnosed or misdiagnosed.
I'm an autistic male who is probably borderline. It causes suffering to me AND those I love. Very sad 😔 😟 🙁 😥 😞 😿 😔 😟
Hey Dr Grande, love you're content! I'm curious about what I would describe as pathological cynicism, is this a possible symptom of borderline or something else? I recently dated a man who has many of the symptoms of BPD and was severely abused in childhood, he also had the most cynical and negative response or outlook to almost everything he encountered in his life, apart from when he was idealising someone/thing. Could you do a video about highly cynical people? Where this trait might stem from, and what a partener can do to help someone with this trait rather than feeling defeated, hopeless and triggering defensiveness in the other. Thank you!
I don’t know about BPD but that is certainly of of the more common traits of clinical depression.
@@dahliafiend Thats really helpful to know, that puts a peice of the puzzle together for me regarding a few people Ive been close to throughout my life, its good to understand and feel compassion, thank you so much.
It's like a "mis-fortune telling" right? This is them trying to make sense of upcoming situations to be more prepared for them. It's a survival tactic for people (part of why we remember the bad easier than the good) and he's become attuned highly on it. Mentally he's in a "survival mode" when this is happening. He's not trying to be amusing. He's feeling threatened, and still feels it, and can't get to feeling "safe".
@@stratavosstuff7575 YES!! I totally agree and thank you for your insight. Its a bit heartbreaking really. The worst thing about it is that it seems to be a self fulfilling prophecy, he expects the worst, see's the worst in everything and so the worst seems to happen, he expects the worst luck and then always seems to get it because he cant see other pkssibilities. Its so sad 😢 I had to walk away from him because it started to affect my life really badly and began bordering on emotional abuse because he would see malicious intent in completely innocent situations involving me. So sad. Childhood abuse ruins lives.
My friend's son had this and he committed suicide at 27.
After watching a video from another professional about BPD (and seeing the HORRIBLE comments) I could guess WHY he did. If people are that cynical and awful about it, how's he going to want to keep living.
People almost NEVER consider what they say (and how it could affect someone) before they spew it into cyberspace, but I never thought it would happen on a professional video from a doctor whose opinions I greatly respected; I still respect most of them, but that video was a major disappointment. Esp the comments.
Her son's counselor/therapist flagrantly refused to give him a dx of BPD, probably because he got offended at her, a layperson, offering a different dx. I don't know for sure but I think she should sue him out of his job because her son is dead and that lasts forever.
My step son was very popular with women, got along great with the bro's. He was a chameleon. Body builder, was a natural at sales. Everything going well...and f it up. Left his wife at home while he spent all night partying with military buddies or Crack dealers. She left. First suicide attempt. Kicked out of military. Mother enabled. Put him through body building school, got him job, place to live in across the street, then 1/2 way house when she had to relocate to Vegas for job. F-ed that up drinking. Off to see if he could hook up with wife, kid, in-laws in Japan. She said no. A week later, moved in with girl#2. Found nice old couple who gave him job refurbishing pianos. Life was good. Broke up. Moved out of state and in with grandma. Got job as personal trainer. Asked wife to come back to states. She relents. A week before she arrives, girl#2 shows up on way to East Coast, where she grew up. Invites him to come with. Wife gets off plane. "Sorry, I am running off with other woman and leaving you here." Moves away with girl#2. Gets job as personal trainer. Does well and promoted to sales where he excels. Makes more money. Life is good. Leaves girl at home while drinking at bar all night. She leaves him. Suicide attempt #2. Admitted to hospital. Gets out. Finds place to live. A month later housemate finds suicide note. Suicide attempt #3. Stabs EMT with heroine needle while recessitated. Winds up in psychiatric hospital. Diagnosed. Says he will go to treatment in OR, where his mother now lives. Discharges himself. Moves in with mom. Doesn't go to treatment. Gets caught snorting coke in aunt's/uncle's house with 13 yr old cousin. Gets kicked out...this goes on till suicide #9. He succeeded. Two ex wives, a girl in between, and a woman he left the last one for was told not to attend funeral. He spent 3-1/2 on a porch getting drunk with her before another collapse. She did not attend. The girl he was sleeping with from the last treatment program was. Lots of drama and stuff in between that I omitted. He had plenty of opportunities. Sure, people said crap about him. But that's not why he died. It's because the horrible comments were internal. He talked shit about himself and believed it.
Thank u Dr Todd, very informative and helpful perspective and information.
Really great channel.I like watching your videos in order to have a better picture on my own emotional difficulties .Thank you for that
Would you do a video on bpd and secondary psychopathy...In your opinion do you think borderlines are Along the spectrum of a psychopath. Being a borderline myself I often drift between the good and the bad self and it makes me wonder. I would say that I do have Psychopathic tendencies but am able to control them.