German CULTURE SHOCKS 🇩🇪 That Never Actually Happened to Us (As Americans)!
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 มิ.ย. 2024
- There are many videos on the culture shocks foreigners experience when moving to Germany and other countries. We watched quite a few of them, and some of the things we thought about Germans before moving here from the USA...ended up not being true! We were waiting for them to happen, and they never did. Can you guess what some of them might be?
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🇩🇪 German Culture Shocks - They're NOT What You've Heard Before! • SURPRISING German Cult...
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14:18 - #7 - Something about how Germans dress
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I came to Germany 37 years ago as a young ballet dancer from Australia and had heard all the prejudices about unfriendly Germans. I was 20 and probably looked much younger, was travelling mostly alone with a back pack, going from town to town auditioning at the theatres and didn't speak German at the time. More than once I experienced people staying on the bus or tram past their own stop, escorting me to the door of the hostel or wherever I wanted to go and then going back the stop to get the next tram or bus back to their destination. I've been living and working in Germany since then, brought up my own kids here, am totally bilingual, have German citizenship and have never regretted moving here!
What a great experience! And how very cool you were a ballet dancer! Are you still involved in dance today? I was a ballet dancer and teacher for many years. My heart will always be in dance and 🩰 ballet!
Ich liebe interessante Geschichten. Freut mich, dass du eine neue Heimat gefunden hast. Alles Gute weiterhin 😊
That is not kind but taking responsibility for a youngster in a foreign country.
@@timontherocks7521 helping someone is kind.
We are only unfriendly to our own kind
Pure German, Bavarian here. It's definitely different in cities. But when I go jogging in our small town and or hiking in the mountains: a quick eye contact, a friendly face and a "Hallo" oder "servus" and you get the same thing back. I would say at least 80%. A short sentence often leads to a 10-minute conversation. Sometimes I have the feeling that the Germans are just waiting for someone to talk to them.
I very much agree with your last sentence! I also think that many people are longing for more interpersonal interaction but feel cultural boundaries when it comes to start them themselves. Sometimes I feel like the major part of this boundary is the fear to possibly bother or molest someone else.
Also in case of unplanned activities. You would never go visit anybody, not even a very close friend, without having been invited or having fixed the visit a certain time beforehand. In other cultures it seems to be more natural to go visit someone to chat, look for them, share some cake, stop at the house spontaneously after grocery shopping. Even with my own sister this would feel odd and inadequate as I could possibly crash her daily activities which would be real impolite.
This comment rings true in Berchtesgatenland as well!
It seems like small towns in any country are just incredibly friendly! In the U.S., most cities are terrible, but the slightly rural or smaller towns are completely the opposite. Even in the suburbs you can find incredible hospitality. Although, things are changing here, FAST. Enjoying it while it lasts.
Even Germans moving to other parts might have difficulties to connect when they move to another city. My parents who were from northern Germany never really became part of the community we lived in. And even couldn’t understand the local dialect. I think it depends very much on your own personality. You are such a positive, friendly family which really is attractive.
@SakuraAbsolutely not true!
I concur with that, one really can not say it's this way or that way. I persoally found them to be very unfriendly, superficiall and yes rude., so there is no missinterpretation as to their expression etc. Mind you I grew up there so it was really a culture shock. Yes there is a big difference betwen superficial small talk and regular conversation.
For the social stuff, I guess the area (south) and being in a "village" (people are really interested in what is going on around them) rather than a city may help, but I think the biggest factor is that you are a family with kids. Kids give you a lot of opportunities to meet and interact with new people with the added benefit of already having an "in". Parents are happy to meet their children's friends and family, be it to just know who their kid is hanging out with or to actually form a meaningful connection. Unless you are already friends Germans (and a lot of other Europeans) need pretext for interacting with people, that's why a lot of sources suggest clubs to meet new people. With clubs everyone is there for the same thing and you already passed the first hurdle of not knowing how to start a conversation. Kids give you the pretext in a lot of situations.
Yeah very true. Our kids have helped us to connect to the community much faster and deeper than before.
Yes, I have also already suggested to Sara - at the beginning of their Germany journey - to join a "Verein"! But not for the kids, for them, the adults. That is where you make connections.
By the way, it is something also Germans "have to" do! Every time when I moved I first joined a club (that fit my interests) for meeting new people - whether it was in a city or a small village!
I think there is no main difference between northern and southern Germany but mainly in regard of the town's size. I experienced that people in northern small villages are also friendly, say "Moin" to everyone and are happy to include new people to the village community. I personally live in a big city and here you only say hi to people that live in the same house with you - and to bus drivers of course 😊 - because we don't have something like a village community which is a shame.
I agree with you that the difference between small town and big city has a huge impact on your experience of a country. And having kids too. I guess the difference between small town and big city is prevalent in all countries around the world. I presume that living in NYC is a lot different from living in a small town in the US. I'm from the Netherlands and we greet each other in small towns as well, but in cities this would be really weird. I just got back from a hiking vacation in the Dolomites and there you greet each other on the trails as well. It's all about context and setting.
All very good points!
Yeah, I never forget the scene in 'Crocodile Dundee goes to New York', where Dundee puts his boots on the ground on a sidewalk in downtown Manhattan, amidst a crowd of stressed pedestrians, five rows thick, and starts greeting everyone. 'Hi mate, how you're doing?' And everyone of those pedestrians think they're gonna be robbed or molested.
I think whether you greet people or not directly correlates with population density. It's just too much of a hassle to greet everyone, when you're walking past hundreds of people...
I live in Dresden, never greet anyone while walking through the city, but when I go hiking in the Erzgebirge or Sächische Schweiz greeting everyone just happens naturally ^^
I think you left one important point out of your video. Your own personalities. Both of you come across as very friendly and outgoing and in return helps with my ex/still countrymen. That is also my experience here in the USA. You have an open mind and are friendly, people will respond the same.
Depending on the size of the village, you can be sure almost everyone knew about you before you arrived.
I can see how that’s true! Haha We will meet people in town who will say, “oh you’re the American family! We’ve heard about you.”
I think most things really boil down to the whole small town/ village thing.
I grew up in a village in rural NRW. My parents taught me very early on to greet everyone I meet.
Now I live in central Berlin and people would think I was mental if I said Hi to everyone.
Yeah very true!
I live 200 miles north of NYC and one of our customers at work was an elderly German gentleman that was a young child in Germany during WWII. He emigrated to the US in the 1960s. Whenever he came into the store, he was all business and never into small talk and most of my coworkers didn't like to deal with him because he was so gruff.
I started to wait on him every time he came into the store and would engage him while I was waiting on him but just one topic per visit. My maternal grandmother was from Germany so I talked to him about her. Then I told him about my previous job working for a US subsidiary of a German manufacturer. Little by little, I wore his gruff demeanor down and he would engage in small talk. Eventually, I discovered that he had a great sense of humor.
The greeting is a village / city thing. I live between two cities, each with a population of about 50,000 (Distance about 30 km) in Baden-Wuertemberg. Between the two cities people greet on the street, in the two cities they do not. A colleague moved from one city to our village and she told on her first day she was told by her landlady, "You're in the village now, we greet here."
Awe that’s great, love to hear it’s not just in the south. I love village life!
@@MyMerryMessyGermanLife Baden-Wurtemberg is not less south than Bavaria
@@Alexander-dt2eq Doesn't change the fact, that you greet in small villages. Same here in the north.
@@peter_meyer yes that's just a village thing. Here in the big city I only greet my immediate neighbors I know and recognize and otherwise keep my mouth shut and my eyes to myself.
About making friends in Germany vs. in the USA: as a German I wondered about the complaints by US expats how difficult it is to make friends in Germany. I came to the conclusion that both cultures use the term "friend" differently. In the US you meet someone and maybe after some minutes and sympathy you call each other "friends". On the contrary in Germany you don't do this so fast. It seems to me that germans have a honesty and diligence/care for expressing the quality of a relationship. E.g. there are "acquaintance", "buddy" etc. for more or less superficial connections. Calling each other in that way happens fast in Germany, and if after some more meetups there is more trust, then maybe you are "friends". That might happen slower or faster, but not as fast as in the US culture.
That’s a very important distinction between the two cultures!
@@MyMerryMessyGermanLife One learns in German-English lessons that "friend" is translated as " Freund" (friend) and vice versa. But what you don't learn there are the small cultural differences. That's why I got the idea that "friend" and "Freund" can be so-called false friends. (No pun intended, ha ha.)
@Rockemsockem I'd describe Americans as having good first impressions, kind of like going out to a banquet. At first, you want to make yourself incredibly well presented (maybe), nice, friendly, ect. But after the banquet (or a while) has past, then whatever your personality may be shows.
What a happy married couple, what a harmonious family!
Thank you for this great, healing and inspiring gift of participating in so much lively, varied and adventurous life!
Was für ein glückliches Ehepaar, was für eine harmonische Familie!
Danke, für dieses großartige, heilende und beflügelnde Geschenk der Teilhabe an so viel lebendigem, abwechslungsreichem und abenteuerlustigem Leben!
I think the reason why it may be harder to find friends in germany is because friendships here are less casual and tend to take more of your time. In Germany you spend time with your friends, often a lot of time, be it hiking, barbecue, coffee and cake, etc. And since there is only a limited amount of time, once the "time schedule" is full, it may be hard to let new people in the friendzone, since that's less time for friends you already have.
That's slowly changing nowadays, so there is also room for more casual friendships, where it isn't expected to meet often to call it friendship.
A famous German naturalist, Alexander von Humboldt (1769 to 1859), once said "The most dangerous worldview is the worldview of those who have never looked at the world". I've traveled a lot in the world and can really attest to this realization. The closer you get to know people and their families, the more things you have in common. You should focus on what connects you and not on what divides you. In my opinion, the quality of life in the smaller towns or villages, especially for families, is better than in large cities. You make friends faster and for the children who need security and nature, a manageable environment and an intact nature are the best prerequisites for growing up undamaged.
Well spoken 👍
useless tidbit of info: i went to the Alexander von Humboldt Gymnasium. I have found out that people are really interesting, once you start talking to them..... I talk to the weirdest people, about the weirdest things. They seem to appreciate it, too.
Sounds like propaganda for the travel industry. I'm staying where I am.
Actually, if Germany is like Denmark, then small talk is very common in small villages. Some will call it gossip. I lived 50 years in a small village with a lot of gossip. I have always found it OK, you do not lie dead 14 days in a village, but it is possible in a city.
I once had the neighbor coming over, she had noticed my car hadn't been out a couple of days, so she would just make sure everything was OK, I actually was sick, high fever, so she did a little shopping for me. I got used to telling my neighbor when I went on vacation or just away for days. She did same. Remember, it was before cellphones.
Yeah and in America, culture like what we see in German villages does happen, but in neighborhoods and also in small towns. Neighbors do watch out for each other and will talk and gossip.
That! I once read a piece by someone claiming that people in Denmark do not chat and altough I haven't been in ages I was WHAT? They just chat differently and on other occasions.
I do believe in "you are treated as you treat others", and this works very well all over Germany!
Yeah very true.
i think that works all over the world!
Ich lebe auf einem kleinen Dorf in Franken..jeder grüßt jeden und vor allem auch Fremde. Liebe es euch einfach nur zuzuhören. Ihr zwei seid echt super 👍😊
Just wanted to stop by and say that I’ve been enjoying your content very much. You seem like a super nice family and I’m glad to see/hear that you have been able to adapt to life in Germany relatively fast.
It’s true that having children and also the setting of a small village helps with getting into contact with locals faster, but just being genuinely nice people goes a long way, too =)
I’d like to add an explanation where the “life-long friendships with Germans”-theme comes from (in my opinion). It’s mainly got to do with how the school system works here. Let’s say you attend a Gymnasium. With very few exceptions you will attend the same classes with the same people for 8-9 years (depending on whether school ends after grade 12 or 13). During that time you will often form such strong bonds with some of your school friends that they will last a lifetime. I’m not 100% sure how the American school system works, but as far as I know it’s quite different. So if I ask among my German friends, almost everyone still has some close friendships back from their schooldays. However, if I ask among my American friends, barely anybody is still in contact with people they went to middle school or high school with.
Anyways, I hope you will continue to enjoy your life here in Germany. Take care!
That’s a good point about how kids are together in the same classes much longer than in the US. Americans also move houses and towns more often than Germans do so that probably has something to do with it.
A small village is a better place to get in touch with people. Well, at least in my experience! Especially in the south of Germany. Anyway: Have a nice day and thanks for the video! :)
Hope you also have a wonderful Sunday! Yeah Dorf-Leben is really nice!
Ive just started a wonderful Sunday morning with your video. 😀👍
By moving to a Bavarian small town with 4 kids and into a nice one family home you have met all the requirements for feeling welcome in your new home and environment. That was a great decision and really pays off. In a big town it can be completely different. Especially for a single person or even a couple it might take a long time to get in closer touch with locals. And of course it also depends on your own personality.
So be happy and enjoy your new German life!
Yes very true. Schönen Sonntag to you, Beatrix! 🥰
Big cities are mostly social colder. But one importent thing is that you are open minded without arrogance. In small towns and villages one smile in the morning come back to you in the evening.
I'm so happy to hear that you've settled in and made friends so quickly! That certainly has something to do with your warm and open nature!❤️ I was actually surprised to find the opposite happening to me in the U.S.. I expected people in the US to be very open and welcoming, but it took a real effort to get closer to people and make friends. However, we live in a bigger city and maybe that's the difference, as you also mentioned. Wish you all the best and can't wait for your next video 😊
Hi Anni! Yes such a good point. Not all Americans are friendly and open either. It depends on the part of the country. And the part that you’re in is actually much more European than the rest of the country.
I'm a german, who lived in several federal states, in small villages and big cities in Germany. My own experience is, that the mindset of people is very different depending on the area where you live. In some federal states and areas, it was really hard for me to make friends. Now, I live near Frankfurt am Main. The people here are so kind and friedly and welcoming to strangers. Sure, that's only my experience, but I understand people who say, that germans seems to be very reserved and cold. But one thing for sure, germans are friends for life! 🙂
I guess it’s nearly the same in most little villages all over Germany. I‘m living my whole live in a Dorf in Nordhessen and it’s the same way you told. It’s absolutely usual and normal to greet and smile and to have a little smalltalk. People help each other …. Thank you for sharing.
That’s great to hear that it seems small town culture is similar all across Germany!
Hessen! 😍
Your faces always show humility and good intentions. Your neighbours, friends and future friends will see that and warm up quickly. Thank you for showing us
The "Kindergarten connection" is really important - we moved around a few times during my childhood, so I always was "the new kid", the outsider, never accepted into any "inner circle". Those experiences made it easy for me to fit in anywhere later in life, but came with unpleasant situations/constellations during childhood and youth.
The difference between cities vs small towns is the sense of community. It starts with you knowing all people in the town from seing. If you immerse yourself in a club (Verein) things progress very fast. There is lots of social work done by these clubs as well, which improve the feel of community. And thecommunity watches over you as well :-)
Yes so true! Vereins are really the place in Germany to make friends.
Much of what you noticed about living in a city versus in a little village relates to Germans as well. First when I started living alone I lived in an apartment in the city and I often felt lonely because except for the other people in my house I never got to know or talk to any one in my neighbourhood . Never would people in the city centre smile at you but instead rush past you and mind their own business.
Since I moved 13 km out into my little house in the countryside life has changed a lot for the better. In my village everybody acts like you described it . Nobody ever just walks past you without greeting and smiling, there is the occasional chat across the garden fence, the staff of our local supermarket knows you, the same with the pharmacy and the other shops. People look out for each other and the local 'Freiwillige Feuerwehr' keeps everything together by organising all kind of events from 'Ostereiersuchen' for the kids to 'Tannenbaum Schreddern' on Jan6th, all accompanied by the local marching band.
As for the clothing myth : I haven't been to the USA for over 20 years now and don't know how people dress but of course jeans is the most common piece of clothing worn here ( funny that that is considered 'elegant' or formal) but teenagers and young people wear hoodies and sweat pants a lot so nobody would turn their heads on that.
I do remember though 50 years back when I lived in the US for a year how many women were moving around with curlers in their hair even when shopping which would have been an absolutely no go in Germany. I guess the 'modern version of that would be the pyjamas that you mentioned lol.
So many good points! Yeah I think Germans dress more casually now so Americans and Germans dress a lot more similarly. And then COVID made everyone more casual.
Guten Abend, grandma k.!
I never had children (although I YEARNED to have them), but I can only agree with you that children create possibilities which bring us “fremde” into German society. In my case, my partner had a niece and nephew from her sister, who welcomed and embraced me from my first encounters with them when we visited at Christmas time, years before we moved to Germany. Plus, I had the love and trust of my partner’s brother’s daughter who visited with us in California. I was supported by their acceptance and love throughout those first years. And 35 years later, we STILL love and support each other. Children are ALWAYS a blessing, even when life seems to make them unsupportable burdens.
Your family looks so upbeat and friendly who wouldn’t want to be nice to you. I think you are very open minded that you do make it easy for people to like you. So glad you are enjoying Germany.
Thank you, that’s very nice to say. 😄
I think much of your expieriences also depend on the fact, that both of you seem very much open, friendly and curious about the others around you. We say: "Wie es in den Wald hineinschallt, so kommt es heraus." - "How you shout in the woods, so will be the response." :)
Love this video, you are happy contented and grateful People and the world mirror's that back to you. Everything on the outside mirror's back what's on the inside of us People ❤️❤️👍😉🇮🇪🍀
What an interesting topic! Thank you so much for sharing your view and experiences!
Glad you enjoyed it!
Habt schöne Ferien! Have a great vacation!
Finding friends, children and dogs always help.
Living in the village is just different. Our small retailer (no chain) drives in the evening, the old and disabled customers, the groceries home, for over 20 years.
People who live in cities are often lonelier, although there are more people around them. 🤔
But you are also so open nice people. As we say here: "Wie man in den Wald hineinruft, so schallt es heraus!"(What goes around comes around) 🙋♂️
What a breath of fresh air your video is. I have lived in Germany for nearly 40 years now (English by birth) and my experience of Germans is the same as yours. I live in the Hannover area in a small town and have always found the locals friendly and helpful and yes, I engage in small talk on a daily basis when out and about, even with strangers. I've watched many videos from Americans/ New Zealanders and so on who say all the cliche things you mention and I often wonder where does the fault lie. I suppose if you are expecting hostility or indifference that's what you get. Many have recently posted videos about the "German Stare "and I can't relate to that at all, I've never been stared at by a German!!
As you say everybody's experience is different but it's nice to hear what I would consider a normal German life experience.
I love your honesty and that of "our story to tell ". Best wishes to you and your lovely family.
Yeah I wonder if their experience is just because they live in big cities, but who knows. We have gotten the German stare many times, so we have had that culture shock. But we are a huge family all loudly speaking English, and our kids are cute 🥰, so I can understand why people stare! Haha
Ich schreibe mal in deutsch 🤭.
Anstarren ist (zumindest in meiner Region/Hessen) ein No-go.
Wir haben einen Ausdruck dafür.
Wenn dich jemand länger und komisch anstarrt, ist er entweder "dumm" oder verrückt....🤭🤣
As a citizen born and raised in a big city it's kinda true that you keep your distance, because a lot of people are not here to stay. As you rightly said, make friends and you'll get a friend for a lifetime. It's the excatly this feeling that people want to offer but often can't. Fact is: when you were seen severaly times at grocery stores, having kids in the same kindergarten etc. you'll get the same connection with peoples in a bigger city just as in countrysides 😅
(We love yoga pants and sweatsuits!🤣😅)
Love it! Yes!
It depends on location and personality. The bigger the community the more difficult it becomes to connect. Small towns or villages are easier in that way especially if you have kids. In that areas greeting everyone is a habit from history to let people know "I've seen you. I know your face. We know who lives here and you're not. No chance for stealing because you are under observation" The second thing with location is in some areas people are not friendly because were are you from - and they know it from your dialect.
And personality - Outgoing people, extroverts like you connect more easily. Introverts like me have a harder time.
It seems that paradise is always in the south.😊😉Thank you for this special video! Wiping away the prejudices. I love your channel so much although it always makes me homesick.
Well, when you come to a big town in Germany you'll experience these culture shocks for sure. 😅 Munich, Cologne, Hamburg, Berlin. 🤣🙃 To live in such a Bavarian culture in a small village makes a really big difference. Your life there is absolutely gorgeous to hear about and it would be wonderful if we Stadtleute would be like this, too, buuuut... I don't even my neighbors in my house! Aaah!
The scenery is really stunning
Thank you so much for your video. You are helping people understand each other better and put aside their prejudices. I myself am often in the States and have had many enjoyable experiences there that have helped to shed my prejudices. Strangely enough, in modern and media global society, many prejudices against other cultures persist despite, or perhaps even because of, all the media. I myself always tell a lot about my positive experiences in the States and about the friendly and very helpful people there to my German friends. Certainly, there are always contrary things to report everywhere as well.
Overall, however, you two contribute with your videos to the fact that people understand each other better and reservations are reduced. I also watch other videos of Germans who have emigrated to the USA or very much Hayley Alexis' channel.
People like you make the world a little bit better.
Thank you for that.
Thank you so very much - that means a lot to us and it’s a small way we can use our channel for good.
#2, #3, and #6 I can definitely relate and I live in a big city (Cologne). Its super cool to watch your outdoor videos. BTW, my family and I will be travelling to Vienna next week for about a week before heading to a kinderhotel (thanks for your kinderhotel video for this) near Kalkalpen National Park for a week and we are definitely planning to visit Hallstatt/Obertraun during that week. Your videos are so awesome, always looking forward to it on jeden Sonntag.
Oh so cool you’ll be going to Hallstatt! There are no crowds after about 4 pm - all of the day trippers leave and the town is calm. Obertraun’s main attraction is the park by the lake that you see here in this video. And of course, all of the caves, and hikes.
@@MyMerryMessyGermanLife oh wow thanks for the advice. I know it gets really crowded at Hallstatt with so many tourists! Vielin Dank!
People in southern Germany are a lot more open and laid back than in the North. It's a lot harder to strike up small talk with someone in Bremen or Hamburg, or on the coast. And I am saying that as a Northerner, born and bred.
I totally disagree. I am also from the north and moved to Hamburg after my studies. I never met so many people so easily anywhere else in the world. I live in the Netherlands where it is much harder to make friends than in northern Germany. Which nobody would expect.
I'm from Munich from a traditional Bavarian family (which today isn't as easy to be found in Munich, because so many people moved to Munich and so many of us locals moved away because housing is so expensive). I grew up spending all my holidays in a small village around Dachau.
What I can tell you is that when I grew up in Munich in the 80ies it was absolutely normal to do small talk with strangers in Munich. I used to to go school by tram, S-Bahn and bus and often would have a chat with some elderly person on the ride. In the 90ies it became less common, after lots of people from Eastern Germany moved to Munich. They brought a different culture with them and the atmosphere in Munich changed somewhat. Before, even being a big city it had a village vibe, but then in public transport the drivers were forbidden to speak our local dialect and to make jokes and everything became more "efficient and professional" due to the demographic change.
I grew up greeting all people in our building (there were 10 flats) and generally greeting people in the neighborhood I'd see often on the street. That was considered polite. In the 90ies we got new neighbors from another Bundesland and they never greeted. I kept greeting them for months. One day this neighbour got angry and asked if I'm stupid, because I keep greeting him even though he's showing he doesn't want to interact by not greeting ever back. I told him I was greeting because we're neighbors and I was raised to be polite and wishing someone a good day was a nice ways to show you care for someone you share the building with. After that he started greeting everyone in the building. So seemingly where he came from the local culture saw greeting people differently from us Bavarians. Knowing village life and city life in Bavaria I'd dare to say in smaller places people are a bit more open. But I think what's key is your own attitude. I manage to do small talk everywhere I go. I did in Hamburg and in Chemnitz and in Hannover. So I'd say you shouldn't expect people in big cities start small talk but if you get it started, most people will have a nice chat with you.
No its NOT the difference city or small town. Its the way how are you interacting everyday. I life in Düsseldorf Benrath. I great persons and also kids ive seen once before, i try to say hello with kids name. Others acting here in the same way. All at Rewe, Aldi, Penny. Sooo friendly, you can talk with them, be human, relaxed. Really since 3 years Düsseldorf, i know so many people for talking. Im old 61, for this no possibillity making friends with childs. And i dont want a dog for this😅🤣. Iam sure, now after Corona i will make real friends
The saying hello to strangers depends on where you are at. In Munich you dont say hello to anyone you dont know basicly. I live in Lindau now at lake constance and here its normal to say hello to people passing, but its just a "hello" and nothing more most of the time. This is especially true when you walk on the lake or in the greenery somewhere. But on the island (the old town is on an island) this is not common since there are way too many people and tons of tourists and stuff. Or when you go to the mall or something. But hiking on the lake with your dog its rather uncommon not to say hello. And sure people you see regularly, neighbors or the people at the bus stop where you enter you greet usually even in munich.
The best way to make friends is go to the local events and drink with them. Not so true for Oktoberfest, but there are like festivals at least once a year in every other small town.
And the sunday thing is true, but usually not a big deal if you have to hit 1 or 2 nails into the wall or vacuum for 5 min. after you spill something like an ash tray. But dont do it all the time or make noise for like an hour. Sure its not allowed but this isnt a big deal usually. Occasionally you have a bad neighbor who is even angry about that but thats pretty rare.
Hi Sara, 🙋♂, for your today`s video, I have to submit 110 % acceptance 👍!
There`s no need for more words from me.
Well noticed/observed from you guys, during your first year in Germany and well presented in your video !
Morgen, Klaus! Thanks for watching. 😄
I'm from the Munsterland, a town of about 10.000. You absolutely greet everyone you walk by, if you don't, you are considered rude.
That’s great! And in a town of 10,000.
That's why it's always good to make the experiences yourself, people can tell a lot, but experiences also come about as a result of how we approach people ourselves and what we radiate. If I feel like getting to know people myself, then it can probably be much easier.
Children are much easier to knit, they don't think too much, they approach each other and see if they can somehow play and have fun together, the rest will take care of itself.
We adults think way too much beforehand, all sorts of things go through our heads and then make it more complicated than it needs to be. And of course we don't get access to everyone around us, but without trying it yourself it won't work.
If I wait for everyone to come up to me, then I may never get to know new friends.
It makes a big Differnce about being in a little Village (Dorf), Markt, Town, Kleinstadt, Mittelstandt or Großstadt (Big-City)! You allwas must go in a Club, Sport-Verein, Church, Town-Meeting, Straßenfest usw., so you become in very short Time close and god Aquantance and Frends!
Thank you for this different culture shock video.
The most important things have already been said: living in a small town in Bavaria and having kids in Kindergarten really helps you when meeting people.
I want to throw in a different aspect: Germany has changed in the last several decades, has become more open and diverse, Germans have had exposure to different cultures and traditions through travel and immigration to Germany.
Many stereotypes, like Germans being cold and unfriendly, stems from many decades ago, people were more formal then, for example for my parents it was normal to use "Sie" unless you talk to close friends (not to co- workers for example), whereas today you use "du" unless you are in formal situations, like interacting with the cashier or the doctor (I use "du" with all of my co-workers).
And if you use "du", there is less social distance and it is easier to meet new people and make (to offer someone to say "du" instead of "Sie" used to be a big deal, an older person had to offer it to a younger one, or they had to be at least equals. Therefore the expression: jemandem das DU anbieten)
Probably older people (above 65/70 🤔) are still more likely to use "Sie".
"You made an acquaintance" And that's how friendships start, mostly, first you get acquainted with someone, then they (might) become friends.
I live in a big town, here you greet everyone you see often, like neighbours or people at the busstop or something like that, if you have a dog of course every other dog owner.
The Family House thing is pretty funny in Berlin, its a big city, Neukölln is known as Ghetto, and then you walk 5 Minutes and there are beautiful little houses.. You are still in Neukölln.
I think its because our citys are grown from Dorf to City, so often there are many Dörfer which grow bigger and bigger and then build one big City. So you have in every Stadtteil a Downtown area and the outside houses and so on.
i Dont see people in Yoga-Pants here often, i would say the normal casual German allday outfit ist jeans and tshirt.
Thank you for giving me a smile on every sunday. I like also your traveling videos.
Thank you for watching! We appreciate it.
A big hello to to my favourite American family! Thanks for your heart warming feedback. I'm from Austria and some weeks ago I hosted a friend who flew in from Ireland. He met an Irish/German couple on his stopover in Munich and told them where he was going. The woman seemed surprised and asked him if Austrians aren't boring. So he informed them that they definitely met the wrong Austrians so far...
Oh my, thinking an entire country of people is one way is such small-minded thinking! 🤦♀️
@@MyMerryMessyGermanLife But most people think in stereotypes...
@@walterrudich2175 to that level though?
When you get a German friend this friendship's for life
Big or small town makes the difference! Berlin and a small “Dorf” is like two different planets! I have made experiences with both. Since I am living in Berlin, I have met so many people, but made hardly real friends. It is all so anonymous, I live in an appartmentblock and do not know most of the people here in the house. People move in or out, they do not introduce themselves or say good bye. In a Dorf this would never happen! So I am thinking about moving back to the country side, it feels much more comfortable and safe. And yes, kids make a difference. I often see families in my neihbourhood talking to each other and walking together to events for families.
I agree. Still it is sad that not being noticed or suffering straight loneliness in cities is somewhat accepted. Part of the job maybe.
Even sadder is the ongoing trek from country to city we see globally. Bad for the city and bad for the countryside. As a result, some regions in completely overpopulated countries are almost deserted. In France, Italy, Belgium, Germany, even the Netherlands, ghosttowns can be seen. Weird.
Maybe it's Berlin being Berlin as well? It seems to be different from other places I've been to.
I really rather like living in a Kleinstadt - especially because we have villages right next to us and lovely country side while being well connected to larger ones. But that is Hessen for you... Mecklenburg-Vorpommern probably would feel different (not worse, just different).
I change my greeting & small talk behaviour depending if I'm in a city or more rural area. I feel, the more people in one area, the more the norm changes to keep your distance.
You are so likable. Who doesn't want to be your friend?
❤️❤️🥰🥰
This is a small town- big town difference. My kid, who mainly grew up in a city in Austria, was very irritated when we vacationed in the mountains/countryside, and everyone said "Grüß Gott" or "Hallo" when we passed by. He was like, "Who is this? Do you know them? Why did you say Hello?" I grew up in a village, where saying hello to everyone is what parents train you to do, I had a reverse irritating experience when I first travelled to a city.
And yes, there are a few stages where you make friends easily, like school, university and having kids, but it's the same everywhere I have lived (UK, 3 Asian countries). And also, how open you are and how much you jump in despite language barriers, as the newbie you have to do the work of being friendly and humble.
Wirklich schönes Video!
We are nice people, i also grew up in a very small village/Dorf in the Taunus region, and i allways experienced nice and friendly interactions even with strangers, my grandparents built the house i grew up in and we allways had tenants in one of the flats in the house who were in fact americans or british who worked at the nearby airport in Frankfurt or at the military base in Wiesbaden ;-) (Maybe thats part of the reason i love your videos or "expat in germany"-videos so much) 😉
So happy! Missed you the last couple of weeks!
We are glad to be back! 😍
Having a dog and going to dog school is another aspect that helps to connect easily to a community. Dog owners kind of have this instand-friendship to other dog owners in small towns as well. Because its easier to trust someone when you see how they treat thier dogs. Dogs are also good character judges - if your dog likes someone then there is a good chance that it is someone nice.
Also playing an instrument and joining an hobby orcestra or playing a sport and joining a club is also very helpful to quickly form connections in rural Areas. (The orchestra was the option I took. I'm still part of it - now 32 years later...)
Here in my town at a young age you had four main options and every kid did one or two of them: Learn a) an Instrument & join the orcestra or Spielmannszug b) join the "Freiwillige Feuerwehr" & become a firefighter (There are the adult version that are actuall called out when there is a fire and there is the version for youngsters that learn the trade and go to camps and competitions to compete with other young groups) and c) join the "Schützenverein" where you learn to shoot a rifle. They have yearly competitions as well where the "Schützenkönig" (The one who shoots best and has deep pockets for buying drinks ;-) ) is "crowned". And last but not least play soccer or volleyball. Becoming part of a club is a good way too.
Everyone was part of one of those four groups here. Some leave at some ponint others stay in those organisations for life. Anyway it's a really good way to become part of the community.
Yes ! After the death of a family member I changed 2020 from a small town in Niedersachsen to small village in middle of Hessen at the age of 66 with my dog. Covid unfortunately destroyed opportunities to join a community to find new friends. But my charming dog help me a lot . I found some new friends though even in these difficult times. Everybody here likes to make smalltalk from garden to garden and all neighbours are very helpful. You greet each other in the street. Just last week I had defect pneu, which did not take any air, at my bicycle . So I had to move by feet with my dog and bike . Over a distance of 5 km 3 men stopped their ride and asked if they coud help. I was really surprised ! So nice people here !
Oh guys, so happy for you! How funny to hear about the misconception that Germans don't do small talk. Although we are Germans, we also don't think it to be true. When we lived in our house, everyone was new in the area (as the houses were all newly build homes) and of course we weren't friends with everybody but there was always time for a small talk with neighbours. It's definitely easier to make friends when you have children and it takes longer without but it's still working. Oh and by the way: Such gorgeous scenery there in Austria, thank you for sharing.xx
Hey guys!! Well and you are such friendly people, too, I imagine you have people responding to you very well. 🥰
I live in the suburb of a city and when i enter the bakery on a sunday morning it is there not usual to say Guten Morgen. 10 km away is a large grown village (nearly. 15.000 inhabitants) and it is there still usual to say Guten Morgen to the other peope and staff if you enter the bakery. Same for the doctors waiting room, etc..
A really nice family you are! 🇩🇪😁...Carry on with the good work here, plse!
Thank you 😍
I am really enjoying your videos !
saying Hello to people you meet on the street is absolutely normal in "Dörfer", small cities and even quarters in a big city. in big city quarters (Borrows or what du you call them) you do know your neighbours. maybe not by name but from seeing them on the streets or at the grocery. so you say "Hallo" or "Moin" as we do here up in the north.
About smalltalk, making friends... besides living in a small village or a larger city it also matters how you approach people (and if you approach them at all). I can't imagine that you and your family, with your positive and charming nature (which feels totally natural and not at all put-on), would have larger problems elsewhere to get in contact with people.
I (German) had never had problems finding random people to have a chat with in my neighbourhood no matter if it was in Dortmund, Kassel or Radevormwald (large city, smaller city and small town). As soon as you are noticed as someone people see regulary they open up if you care for them to open up. You may have to do the first step though.
And about being rude - we see it more as beeing blunt. We don't sugercoat things but come right to the point. If you are not used to it it can feel rude but we usually prefer honesty over kindness. Benefit is that you mostly know that people say what they mean. If they invite you to their house or tell you, you all should meet sometime they mean it. If they tell you your hair looks beautiful they mean it. Of course we have also people who are just rude but I guess they exist everywhere in the world.
That is such an important thing to know about being honest - it’s not rude from the German perspective, it’s a kindness. And I truly understand that now after living here and appreciate it.
@@MyMerryMessyGermanLife And of course there are regional differences. In the cologne area it's easy to get in contact. In other area like east westfalia people seem to behave rude. But if you are open, interested and get to the core, these connections go really deep and intense. Your open minded behaviour is a key to make positive experiences, too.
Nice video! I would love to see a video on how houses are different in Germany. I remember that the windows are different. Maybe a house tour of the kitchen, bathroom, laundry room etc….
We do have a video touching on this that we did last year 😄- th-cam.com/video/csFz6oOBFbk/w-d-xo.html
as a expat myself i feel its really down to you. i am good at interactions and generally do quite well, wether its expats or lokals. you can get the best of all
I live in Northrhine Westfalia and here it depends on the ocasion what most people were. If you go out dancing in the evening you usually dress up. At work or just meeting friends you mostly were jeans (unless for special jobs people need to wear suits or uniforms). If you go to do sports you also dress accordingly.
In a small town it makes sense to say hello ... because you are LIKELY to meet them again. In a city that is unlikely ... and would take an age to cross a few blocks.
Meistens haben wir einen zweiten großen Kühlschrank im Keller mit einem großen Gefrierfach. Das spart den Platz in der Küche. Ich selbst hatte auch Mal einen Trockner, aber als er kaputt ging, haben wir ihn nicht ersetzt. Sobald es das Wetter zulässt Trockner ich die Wäsche im Garten, sie wird schon glatt und riecht gut. Und im Winter nutze ich solche Wäscheständer wie du sie auch hast und habe zwei Wäsche Seile gespannt im Keller für Bettwäsche und ähnliches. Ich brauche keinen Trockner.
Hallo Merry Family 😀happy sunny sunday from Münsterland 😊
Hallo! Guten Morgen! 🌞
grandios euer kanal, ich rühre und hype euch, so mein schlechtes deutsch, ich bleibe schuster, leisten. wer so klug ist, wie ihr, liebenswert, gibt es steigerung zu liebe auf euch und deutschland. ich hoffe auf antwort und reaktion. danke.
One thing about the 'How are you' being a little fake it´s not 100% true. Cause of we germans are very honest, it´s for sure okey, if you answer: 'Nahh, I´m pretty stressed atm because of xy(organize a birthday or a vacation f.e.), but that will pass by time. How about you?' or somethine like that. So it´s totally fine, to say in a small talk, that you don´t feel completly fine atm, it´s normal humanbeing, that not everytime everything is fine. ;)
When I worked as a Seller at Netto and Edeka there were costumers that only say hello and bye, but there were also those, who really talk much to you and after some time, also a more personal. That was a great time. The thing I loved the most in the work a s a seller were the conversations with our recurring customers.
14:35 Bonn! My beautiful hometown :-)
6:39 This sing about greeting each and everyone or not, depends heavily on the size of the town you live in... In Rural areas, it's completely normal .. in urban areas not so much ... so in bigger cities, ppl don't do that but only greet ppl they actually know. ;)
So weird, rarely been so early, I was about to click the like button and thought "Why are there only 5 likes?".
both of you, especially your husband, are sooooo german, i just kick laugh. it is so charming seeing you and hearing your kids fighting in german in the back while you are filming. well, i make the story short: i love you so much - and i hope you feel welcome, not just being german myself. we are forced not to be pride. so, you do it for us. thx.
bad to mention. in a way, we are proud, but never show. the usa always show, but...
As you mentioned "south" .. In my experience there is a difference between people in the south and in the north of Germany. When I lived in north Germany I got strange looks greeting everybody on the street. 😅I was so used to it - it´s much more common in the south. Grüße vom Bodensee! 💛🌻💛
It’s funny because there’s a similar culture in the USA, too! People in the south are known for being much more open and friendly to strangers than in the north.
Living in a small town is certainly different than living in a big city. If you walk around in a city and say hello to random people in the street, it will get you some strange looks. I'd guess that is not so different in the US as well.
Yeah pretty similar in the US for sure.
Welcome to Austria, I hope you enjoy your vacation here! I love the "Salzkammergut" area myself, have a good time.
It’s an amazing place!
Here is my theory: if you live in a high-density area (Germany in general compared to the US, but cities more so), and you can’t separate physically from people, then you have to seprate emotionally from other people, i.e. no smiling at strangers or small-talk on the street. I live in Oregon, where we have lots of space and people are known to be much more friendly than let’s say people in New York or Boston. The same goes for rural Germany vs big cities. Doesn’t mean that people are unfriendly or cold when you get to know them personally.
Yeah that’s a very good point!
You have to visit the Saarland - all very friendly and communicative people. Lots of smalltalk around here.
Also we are the state with the most homeowners in Germany (64+%)
Oh how interesting! Most homeowners in Germany!
In big cities you can meet many people without having a small talk.
But in the villages it is more relaxed and friendly.
In Berlin, we don't do small talk. Maybe if you own a dog and you see other dog owners while walking your dog. Even then it is mostly just a "hello". With the neighbors in our building (6 appartments) we do say hello and take their package if they are not home. We do know a lot of people in our "Kiez" from Kita and school. Plus, I work nearby and always meet people from work.
The footage from 14:35 is shot in Bonn, isn't it? I grew up there... That must be the view on the Bonner Münster when you walk from the old city hall to the Beethoven monument.
Yes! It is Bonn.
Yes there is deffinitely a difference between bigger cities and small towns and villages. Not only that in bigger cities everything is usually a little more unpersonal and distanced than in villages, but also that it is easier to find other expats there. So very often people tend to group then and have less contacts to local people, because they make contacts with other expats. I was experiencing that myself, when I lived in scotland for a while. While I lived in Glasgow, I personally met a lot with other germans living there, simply because I got the oportunity and loved to hear german once in a while, although I could already speak english. When I moved to a smaller village, there were no other german expats, so I was simply forced to connect with the locals. I guess thats just the way it is everywhere, people are lazy and if there is an easy oportunity to connect with other people from your own country or mother tongue you just do it, but if not ....! 😉
Duplex is Doppelhaus, there are also Reihenhäuser
I think the "Germans do or don't do small talk" highly depends on the place. On the countryside ppl are different than city people. I grew up in a village, and were told to greet everyone passing by etc. If i'd do this here in the city, ppl would think "what's wrong with her? Why is she talking to me?"🤣🤣
Yeah that makes sense! In cities it’s hard to know who are the locals or tourists or visitors so it’s be stranger to say hi.
Yeah, one reason why I'm living in a small town. big cities like Berlin, Hamburg etc. would be ... like a jungle? Survival fight.
Living in small villages has its ups and downs, too. But especially living there with kids has by far more ups than downs. It is like this - somehow it is positive that neighbours are curious as they guard your house and somehow your kids for you, too - on the other hand it somehow is some kind of social control, too. Are your curtains hanging straight, are your flowers taken care off, who is that boyfriend of your teenage daughter... Especially when you are a teenager or young adult that often seems to be a "small world" of which you want to break out.
Very true! Small town life has its pros and cons, as does city life.
I have to say being 'cold' (germans) and 'rude' (french) is the biggest misconception and ignorance especially Anglo-Saxon cultures have towards some European countries.
Yeah agreed.
I would not say cold, but reserved and individualistic.
Willkommen in Deutschland!
Besucht doch auch bitte den Norden Deutschlands.
Ihr werdet sehen .... Wie schön und unterschiedlich gut Deutschland ist.
Eigentlich ein kleiner Staat, im Verhältnis zur USA, und dennoch sehr vielseitig !
Hope to see and maybe meet you here, ..in my Hometown!
Nice video. 🥰
I was waiting for the 8th culture shock that you'd never experienced: that Germans allegedly have no sense of humour.
I was 'accused' 😉 of being the exception to the rule, the other day, by a Brit who said I was funny. 🤣
I'd like to insists that we ARE funny, and just because we don't vacuum clean on a Sunday doesn't mean we don't have a sense of humour 😉 😜.
Oh, I'm German and sometimes I vacuum clean on Sundays if it's necessary. None of my neighbours have ever complained. Yesterday, Sunday, my neighbour to the right mowed his lawn for about 15 minutes. Nobody complained either.
The "culture shock" I missed was the one about the so called "German stare", which I just don't get at all.
Villages really are a different story, we moved a few years ago from our home village and mainly know our landlord and direct neighbors better but we still greet everyone in case they expect it. It’s one of those rules but it comes with people being interested and caring. The local store knew what I liked the second time and the bus drivers are open to make the extra loop for someone with a heavy grocery haul. When my parents moved into the region originally it was still said to them that they don’t really let people in easily and they just didn’t make that experience because they were open minded and willing to integrate a little which is a key, if you’re bothered by peoples‘ curiosity in a rural area you’re going to have a hard time getting to know people. My mom wants to move back here because it still feels like home for her. She raised children in a progressive church community here and the people generally are content and open minded and you will find your community easily, my hairstylist and I talked ice cream and recipes and now I’m bringing him my barbecue sauce recipe and talked about favorite farm shops and spice mixes. I did experience cities too but you gotta find your cafe or small shops to get that level of community that just comes with the rural living if you’re willing to be open to the wonderful quirks and odd aspects that also come with it, at least that curiosity leads to community. And there’s just something wonderful about hearing the horns and trumpets whenever the hunters’ marching band practices, makes us think back to our childhood where everyone but our father played, he preferred singing over playing the horn, but loved the sound of it and he was excited when he heard it and wanted me to hear it too.
The perceived coldness in bigger cities is a form of carefulness and self-preservation. Big cities attract shady people and greeting, smiling at, or talking to the wrong stranger (gangs, drunks, hooligans, haughty adolescents, etc.) can land you in an argument or, worse, bodily harm. Hence, and speaking from personal experience, inhabitants of bigger cities will learn to adopt an initial stand-offish approach to strangers and elect to mind their own business to some degree. It's different with people you know that live in the vicinity ("village feeling").
06:15
Na na, in the north (S-H +Niedersachsen)we always say Moin (day/night). 😉😅
Yeah, different greetings in different parts of Germany.
@@MyMerryMessyGermanLife
Yes... Der Norden ist genauso freundlich.. fahrt doch mal hin..
St. Peter Ording, Büsum 🌅 ostfriesische Insel 🏝️ 🏖️ usw.
special for kid's ... Wangerooge.
Or ..mit dem Katemaran 🛥️ from CUXHAVEN to Helgoland.
GUDE at Hessen ☝😊
Which is a whole conversation in one Word. 🤭
@@a.d.1563
Hessen...?
@@diedruidin ---- Hessen/Hassia/Hesse.
Frankfurt, Darmstadt, Wiesbaden etc.