The Truth About Your High Expectations and Your Creativity
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 มิ.ย. 2024
- Are you who everyone expects you to be? Why do we hold such high expectations of ourselves? Where do expectations even come from? And why are creative people especially unhappy?
Here’s the problem I think many of us face:
Our expectations become so inflated because of the success of past experiences. We get fixated on an imaginary projected outcome, that we don’t leave any room for failure or learning. We end up feeling disappointed in ourselves when we fall short of our goals. These experiences can scar us. Eventually, we stop trying altogether. Because we change our mindset slowly shifts from being fearless...to being fearful
In this video, Matthew Encina shares his personal story of fighting against his own bloated expectations of himself and ways to look at things differently.
0:00 - How to set yourself up for disappointment
1:22 - Who is Matthew Encina?
2:24 - What are the expectations of you?
3:21 - Melanie Whitney of The Common Collective
3:41 - What are all of the layers of expectations? Cultural, Familial, Professional.
5:17 - You're not a failure if you don't hit your goals
6:06 - Matthew Encina's personal struggle with expectations
8:27 - The expectation gap. Disappointment, guilt, and shame
8:45 - Shame is paralyzing and leads to self-doubt
9:27 - The expectation gap
10:20 - You are enough
More of Matthew:
@Matthew Encina
/ matthewencina
www.matthewencina.com/
More of Melanie Whitney:
/ melaniewhitney_
/ thecommon_collective
commoncollective.co/
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Written, Directed and Edited by Matthew Encina.
#Expectations #TheFutur #1BminusOne
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"This is gonna be the one that blows up". So True!!!!!!!🤣
It's better if you don't think in blowing up
Just the realisation that I’m not the only one who feels this way is very comforting. Thank you so much for this video.
I love your vulnerability, especially when you're talking about feeling shame. It touched me. Thank you for sharing!
That's how I started, stopped and starting again : drawing, writing, guitar, piano, singing, music composition/beatmaking, learning japanese, portuguese, korean, fashion design and almost photography. YUP !!!! Lol..... I feel like I am not creative but it's just lack of self confidence and carefree attitude... Thanks for this video.
are you kidding? Look at all you've gone through, that's only tolerable for someone who's really, REALLY creative!
same with me.
i want to do everything but can`t focus on one specific thing. thats so hard to choose..
A professional was once an amateur. Even geniuses have to "fine-tune". We as creatives need to recondition our mental atmosphere and we will reap the rewards.
"i had many points in my career where my expectations of the things i make where so unreasonably high, that it crushes my spirit when i'm unable to achieve the things i was hoping for".
jesus christ matthew, sums up pretty much everything i did in the last 15 years.
Wow. You have no idea how much this hits home. I'm that kid too. A stellar student that graduated high school at 16, and then championed through building a career. I've always been so driven and motivated no matter how hard life slapped me in the face. Recently though, I hit a concrete wall in the most acclaimed area of my life - my profession. Doubt, shame, self expectations and not measuring up to my past achievements - these are the challenges I've been trying to come out from. Seeing YOU - like this. Just thank you. Thank you for putting yourself out there, especially when you're not sure you should be. Much love from Palestine. xx
a lot of people will look at this and think that it applied to 'creativity' and it does, kind of. all creativity means is 'thinking outside the box' and the box is whatver you have built in your head. venturing out of that box to try new things is scary and perhaps fear of something new is the reason we get dejected when things dont work out. now thinking outside the box applies to everything in your life I believe. having great expectation is also a state of being that comes from a place of insecurity and vulnerability. if you are secure and self aware, you know who you are and your skill level and your capabilities. so when you venture outside of it, you dont expect much because you know you dont know anything and that you gotta take baby steps. currently I am not at a place where i seek external validation, so I wouldnt have been disappointed by negative comments on youtube. but I know I will definitely get disappointed when I dont meet my personal expectations and standards in what I do. So this hinders my ability to take baby steps in the stuff I have expectations of myself. But when I try things which I have never thought about before or have expectations from, I do it with ease and without being stressed. LE BRAINISFOONY
Editing Design From Scratch was tough. Like Matt said, there were high (made up) expectations for us since we were following up Building a Brand. When we dropped the first episode and it wasn't received well I also took it kinda hard. After reassurance from my colleagues saying how you can't compare the two I started to view it differently. I did my best and it's probably one of my favorite projects I got to work on, but it's not what the audience wanted...and that's okay. I still got to make something I was happy with and fun to work on. Everything "failure" is a learning lesson if you decide to view it as such. As long as you tried your best then that's all that matters.
@@MatthewEncina the stoicism from Sang helped a lot lol
Even though you work for your audience, people tend to be selfish.
The end result of Design from Scratch might not have leveled with your expectation but the immense effort you put in easily reflected. I really appreciated Design from Scratch ESPECIALLY the fact that you didn't agree on the website design the first time. Little hiccups make us more grounded and connected.
@Jona Garcia @Matthew Encina Kudos! 💕
I think you guys did a great job on this, even if it didn't hit the same mark as the previous series. I'd love to see you guys continue to explore this style and format and try new things. Thanks for all that you do!
I've completely identified with the first minute.
That sensation of constanly look at your phone to see if anyone likes or comments on your artwork, and nothing... and nothing
I think that all designers should try to learn at least one skateboard trick, to get the perspective on this subject. You will fail many many times to land the trick, you will fall and probably hurt yourself. The initial expectation that "I can land it no problem" will diminish in minutes. But like someone said "It is not about how many times you fall and fail, it is about getting up and keep moving forward"
I love your honesty and vulnerability. I am not alone in shame and disappointment.... you inspired me for I AM ENOUGH! Keep doing great work, @Mathew Encina. I love your work and approach! The most humble person I have ever seen. Love+Respect
Matthew is this kind of a guy you cant be mad at.
If he ever crash my car (i have none) i couldnt be angry.
Id say „its ok. its my fault.“
No, it would definitely be my fault! 😅
i was going through this toxic loop of disappointment and unreasonably high expectations and this video is exactly what i needed it really comforted me. i totally agree and relate to everything you said here but i wanna add something from my opinion and point of view, i believe what drives those toxic thoughts and expectations is comparing yourself to others, as you mentioned in the beginning of the vid you see some amazing work online by experienced artists and people who have been in the industry for years and have much more knowledge and experience than you do and you say to yourself “oh i can do that” or “i can do even better” then you go on and do it then it doesn’t turn out as good as theirs then the toxic loop of disappointment and self hatred starts.. we have to tell ourselves that people are different what works for someone might not work for you and it’s OKAY because you are you and i am me everything from our backgrounds to our knowledge to our skills and experience to our pace and the way we learn things and even our finical status they all vary and everyone whenever i go through something like this i always look back and realize that it all started because i compared myself to someone else it’s the root of self hatred and if you don’t stop it grows into envy and jealousy and you’ll never be satisfied of yourself.. take inspiration from others and learn from them but never compare yourself to them be you and focus on your OWN journey and making yourself better do it for yourself and don’t do it to “beat” someone take your time to better yourself and keep in mind it’s not a competition and always remember to enjoy it
i also wanna add something people only post the results online they never show you the whole things, the ugly things and falls and failures and the hard process they go through so when you see a finished piece of artwork you think “wow this is so perfect” when there’s so much more to it than what you see so your brain unconsciously builds up more and more expectations.. we have to understand that things take time we need to learn how to be patient it takes a lot of tries and effort and failures to achieve and learn things it’s a hard pill to swallow but the truth is we have to ACCEPT and EMBRACE failures and look at them as a growing point for us
I feel like this almost every time when I create. Because after all of these hours of work you are so tired, exhausted, you poured all your soul, used all the skills you have and then you look what you did and it is not even close to your expectations. And then you think again that it was just a useless waste of time and nothing good will ever come out of these tries.
But anyways, thank you for this video, It made me feel a little better, I hope that you will also take a little easy to yourself and keep creating
Anyone else feel like they’ve been stuck on Step 7 for a few years?
I just started a colective art group 4 days ago, I felt so bad when i saw my designs had less likes than other newbies designs, felt like I'm not really made for this, and i shoul stop trying, but this video really opened my chest to a better feeling with my project, I feel like leading again, and putting all my effort in my project. Thank you so much Matthew, and all the team.
This is one of those videos where I simply, for the life of me, cannot understand the dislikes, as few of them as they are.
Awesome. Thanks for this. It is always hard to separate accomplishment from who I am. This is a good reminder that I (without my accomplishment or work) am enough!
This is my problem too! I am too severe with myself. I'm also a creator (young architect) and the lack of experience often puts me down, but deep in my heart I know it takes time to become who you want to be. Just one step at a time.
This is one thing I really do not care for. Since I started posting my own ramblings, & EDITS because I had NO idea how to design a single thing back in 2010 (I just used an app for edits) I have been posting for a long time. even though I didn't have many followers it wasn't ever about that. Sharing my hand drawings (which was therapy) & edits made on comp (cuz I didn't know how to digitally draw) was what I did for a hobby *& to keep myself sane whilst I was a full time carer for my then terminally ill mum. I was a carer my whole 20s , so I was very secluded , my social life was doc / nurses & spent half the time in hospitals, mum being admitted ,. sleeping in my car in car park etc. So posting my "art" & writing was my LIFELINE. There wasn't much about "followers" & likes back then, I mean it wasn't a big deal, So I really never thought about it. THEN when I started to teach my self how to use a design program & actually draw from scratch , I started posting that too. I guess over the years because im 100% posting from the heart, who I am, what I love, am inspired by, (& client work of course) I really dont get tied up in the likes/follower game. I do not even check the numbers. Because I had no idea about anything in the graphic design world when I first started I didn't even know anyone to comapre myself too. I have rolled with my own ways, process & style ever since. Of course I follow other creatives, & 100% always wanting to learn more because one can never know enough . thats what I care about. Learning from the people who are where I want to be one day , like you guys! But I honestly dont worry about what other people are doing. I dont conform to a norm & I believe thats how I am doing what I love every day & getting paid to do it! No two people have the same journey. I know nothing but I know more than I did yesterday , I am no one, but I am someone of insane intense passion who cannot stop creating, I just wanna keep going & never loose myself in the process! thanks for sharing this its always awesome to get your insight & knowledge ! I have always looked up to you guys since 2016 !! Love LOZ CHAI from AUSTRALIA ! :D
LOZ Always good hearing your progress. Thanks for sharing and being part of the community!
Brah... I realised through observing the great sport of boxing; "winning" all the time doesn't make a legend, it's how the person in question come back from the floor. Stay blessed. 🙏🏿
I'm currently an interior architecture student and last semester I started off with a lot of confidence in my designs, which made it feel 'easy' to come up with those ideas. But I didn't realize how key that confidence was. As time progressed, I started burning out and design ideas didn't always come 'easy' (obviously), but that messed with my ego and my confidence. As a result, I started spiraling. The lack of confidence made it harder to design, which made me lose more confidence in myself.
Altogether I forgot about the sole purpose of design which was to solve problems for people. I ended up focusing too much on having the 'coolest' or most 'interesting' project in class. This turned into countless nights that lacked any sleep just to end up getting stuck over and over again --- to the point where I couldn't even meet the deadline. That crushed me, 40 hours in one weekend and I could not even turn it in on time. Then I realized that my ego and blown up expectations were my enemies.
In short, expectations and ego are not what you need to satisfy. They are just a driving force to get you going. Like Melanie said, you must fall in love with the journey, because in the end, that is all you are as a person: a collection of journeys.
It’s comforting to see other people managing similar issues like yourself. Most of the times we tend to believe that we are the only ones who are dealing with a particular problem, that we are alone and no one else can understand us but that’s not true! We are unique but not so different after all!
Matthew thank you for sharing this video!🙏🤍
As creatives I think we always hold ourselves accountable if we don't recreate the success we had in previous projects, me being the first to do that actually, and that's where anxiety and shame (couldn't have expressed it with a better word) kicks in. I felt this so many times before that it drained my energy and creativity but now I began to see it in a different way. Like Melanie said it's all about the journey. It's okay to fail because if we don't we will not learn from our mistakes and get better. Love this! Thank you Matthew and the futur team keep 'em coming🙌
Thank you for this. Made feel much better and rethink how bad I feel when I don't meet the expectations of my work colleagues.
I appreciate the vulnerability of this video! It addresses a topic that creatives don’t enjoy talking about, and it’s helping me to get out of my creative slump! Thank you 🙌
I also thought I couldn't get up after failing. But, they are right. It might be a redirection. Reflecting on past failures makes you gain more perspective and wisdom. Going back, you're right. It isn't as bad as you think it was.
It's so easy to forget that as designers, we really need to give ourselves more grace and let go of the shame that comes with not measuring up to our lofty expectations. Sometimes we're just too hard on ourselves. Thanks for the great advice as always!
What I love about this channel is you guys are intentional about tackling the creative experience from a multifaceted vantage-point. The actual "design" aspect of what we do is just the surface. Although we as designers are unique we are also very much so alike. We struggle with the same things and need constant reaffirmation. It is comforting and motivating to know I'm not alone. Thank you.
I really appreciate this video! "I am afraid to feel shame because I don't want to be a failure." That was the story I used to tell myself, now I'm working to be more kind with myself. Thanks, I'm glad we all are on this beautiful journey.
this made me think twice before feeling disappointed not reaching expectations, but you know what !! it's about the journey, not the designation
Thank you Matthew, I actually enjoy all your posts as there's a vulnerability and natural empathy that you bring to your work. It fell authentic and that's how I feel about your personal brand. In relation to building a brand which I thoroughly enjoyed and learned a lot from, that felt authentic and you also had the right client, their brand chemistry and what they stood for helped draw people into their story as a whole and your team's desire to help them get to their desired outcome was fascinating. It was a first and then you wanted to replicate it which is a natural instinct. You should take the time to understand what people really enjoyed about building a brand and for me it was the combination of having the ideal client and also sharing your process in helping that specific client. It was more spontaneous and not so controlled. You had a client who was so authentic and communicated that authenticity so well with your support. If you can find that combination again then it would be awesome. Make it more about the client and less about you. The reason you may feel shame is because you really wanted it to work for your own ego more than you wanted to serve your audience. If you just created because you believe something would be great content and put it out there, then you would not feel all that guilt not receiving the outcome you desired. Just create because you are a creative person and quite enjoyable to learn from. I like your process of being vulnerable and well detailed in your content delivery. Keep doing that because you love it and because you are serving but not solely for the social praise and popularity. You are enough Mathew... You are enough whether you are amazing today or not. It doesn't really make a difference. The reason why people connect with you is because you help them connect with themselves so once you know and accept that, you become more free to express and create as you will. People don't smoke Marijuana or take drugs because they like it, they take them because of how it makes them feel. It helps them to forget about their pain and feel their higher frequency. If they knew another way to get to that end goal then they would. So people love your content because of what it activates in them. Connect to that intention rather than on people liking you. Keep on shining bright mind! 🙌🏾
This hit home real hard. Especially in this point in time with everything going on with this crisis we are all struggling with. My business was affected 100% due to the pandemic. I own a Landscape Design business and that means my business is all about meeting clients at their homes to conduct the remodeling of their outdoor spaces. So this pandemic slammed my business to the ground. This video showed exactly what I am currently feeling (although I am fully aware that this was never my fault), but it still is a huge ache to see how quickly business owners can get shot down from the cloud we live in. This video really made me feel better and I really thank you for that. It is hard to not forget that we are not alone. Regardless the struggle and heartache I currently am living with because of my business, I somehow motivated myself this morning to stand strong with it and came up with the idea of commencing a second business as a Graphic Designer. That would allow me to function online, without the need of having personal contact with people. After watching this video, it definitely motivated me to carry through with my idea. You guys are game changers! Thank you!
P.s. Screw all those negative people who don't know a damn thing about hard work and sacrifice, especially as a creative professional. Their bad comments towards your series are only grains of salt in your global sea of success. Let them talk. Keep doing your thing.
'be committed to the journey'.. nice.
Matthew, your videos are my favourite part of The Futur now. That's high praise.
Keep going, keep sharing.
the futur clears my mind every time. it's like taking a shower for creative brains
Glad to hear
This is very relatable. This is what I'm experiencing right now as a designer. I'm planning to post my works on social media but then negativity always gets into me, thinking that my works aren't good, I'm not good enough, and no one will support me. I never had the courage to post them and it has been months.. since I started planning. I hope I can collect my courage and confidence soon.
This is 100% me. Coupled with depression, it's a horrid cocktail to take. Thank you for putting this out there. I'm sure I'll watch it at least 10 more times before I can really start to stop being so hard on myself.
Amaizing video! So much raw honesty and truth. Deep change can be acquierd by truly understanding this and feeling it. I had my mind-blown when I came to live in other culture, far away from my home. That is one of the many ways to become ultra aware of numerous expectations we hold, and spread your perception more toward reality. Cuz reality is much more fun and alive than looping expectations. That's when the change come, and where you can find infinite inspiration and creativity. Love the process, love to grow, love to know more about everything. Peace out! Keep safe!
Awesome and valuable video! Thanks for your honesty Matthew. I feel that high self-expectations is hitting many of us that have high ambitions/goals. I think that we too often focus our minds on the end result, that the work we make before reaching that result is perceived as "not enough". So instead of focusing that it took me a few steps closer to my goal (as a learning process), we get frustrated that we're not there yet this particular time. All the best Matthew! 👏
You have no idea guys how much y’all inspired us new designers. Thank you for putting Design from scratch out here! It helped me a LOT
Our pleasure!
Thank you!!! Now I can get back to the game and create more works without feeling frustrated.
Matthew this was just what I needed to hear. Recently I have not been hitting home-runs at all with multiple clients and it weighs heavy on my heart and my confidence when I mess up or I fall short of what these clients are expecting from me. I expect too much of myself and then begin to question my abilities all together. Thank you for this reflection of yourself and your own expectations, it has helped me tremendously.
Matthew, thank you for this. I am the oldest child and my high expectations stem from my upbringing and nothing was ever good enough. Even into adulthood, my family never acknowledged my accomplishments. Sadly, it's been a new feeling to me to get amazing feedback and support from others.
This video is gonna be bigger than "Building a brand". Honesty wins myaan. ❤
I've always known expectations are a pain point in my life in all its different ways. But this still was an eyeopener.
"No one expects you to hit a homerun every single time" Gotta frame that one. It says it all.
8:46 Nails it. At college that was the moment I changed as a person (partially for the worse). Never really failed very hard before, but suddenly external expectations raised and I didn't know how to deal with the recurring rejection. If you identify yourself as a person with your creativity, you will feel worthless as a whole person then. To the point of depression. And that should never happen. Thanks for sharing this to help people out.
Thank you for sharing this with us Matthew!!!
This is so beautiful. great work. beautiful story. I love how Matthew Encina explain.
This is my favourite video in a long while. It address circumstances currently happening in my life. Thank you for this!
It happens recently where my own mind turns against me, it pulls me back. Observe and let go is my mantra for my self. Sometime do what you want, embrace slow down, failure and guilt. Allow time to do its job and bounce back with your best version.
@@MatthewEncina Absolutely!!
Nice, and very relatable. Finding that Balance of pushing yourself to be your best and not hurting yourself when you aren't your best
Same...same...glad you made this video!
Thanks for sharing Matthew
This really hit home. For me, not meeting my high expectations translates to not being as valuable as I wish to be. We certainly can't please everyone or our selves every time ... It's very counterintuitive to be able to let go, it brings out a lot of insecurities from us creators. As you said, life is kind of like a game, which we should enjoy, even the struggles and failures which are just lessons on the end and shift our focus to the "cheese" instead of the holes in it. The video was professionally made dude, you got this! Keep it up :)!
The calmness you exude when you talk is soothing. It puts me in this zen state of total focus. Design from scratch was where I got exposed to webflow, so it wasn't a bad series for me.
Cheers to winning without unrealistic expectations.
Thank you!
Relate Relate Relate! Thank you for putting this out.
Thanks Matthew for sharing all these. I would love to see more
Thanks, Matthew.
Thank you for this, i badly needs this.
Perfect timing..I needed this! Thank you ♥
Thank you Matthew.
woow, thank you so much for this video! This was exactly the message I needed to hear right now! Thanks for being so honest and encouraging others with it!
Thanks Mathew for being so honest and transparent, amazing content, this is so soooo relatable!
just on time , thank you
remember you are enough thanks for the advice
Thanks for opening up Mat. It takes courage. I learn from you a lot.
I needed to hear this. Thank you!
Thank you for this ❤️
uh i needed this so so so so bad! thank you guys
Man! This video is amazing. Thank you...I needed that.
“You are enough”
Thank you for sharing this Matthew! Your openness and vulnerability is truly inspiring. I needed this!
thank you for this! Thank you for being so honest and open and for making me feel like I'm not alone in expecting so much of myself. It's been such an eye-opener and means so much for you to share this
Thank you so much, this is soooo helping for a graphic designer!!
Thank you so much for this!!
Well done (as usual) Matthew! I love how deep you went on this. Your calm, considered approach is the perfect vehicle for the message.
I really needed this! Thank you Matthew & The Futur Team 😇
Thank you so much for this!! Have struggled with this for so long and this gave me so much clarity today. 🙏💯💯
thanks fot the video guys... i really need it .... (really thanks Matthew)
Wonderful insight. Absolutely touched.
Thank you.
Ups and downs....you make it real for us. Love you guys.
I feel you... Cause i am right at this point right now. Thanks for the encouragement and motivation, really need that.
thank you matthew
I appreciate the transparency and display of growth! Thanks for sharing this Matthew :)
thank you Matthew, I really love this video. we should remind ourself that and live fully and happily our journey! leaving room for learning
so trueee, omg this so true !! great video!!!
Thank you for making me cry...
Thanks for putting this out here! I feel like this is such an important topic to be able to talk openly about within the creative community, and definitely one we all dealt with at some point.
Thank you Mattew, wise word at the end i really appreciate it !
Man, just found this now and it couldn't have come at a better time. I really needed this, Thank You.
This video is so great. I feel like this always happens and it scares me, I feel like it holds me back. I’m going to keep pushing forward, thank you for the reminder to keep going. Love the futur and can’t wait too see even more!
I really appreciate your vulnerability and honesty
omg this was so needed. did I just cry idk but thank you Matthew Encina for this.
Welcome back Matt, Happy new year 🎊
Matthew, it’s so great to see you again on the channel! I can relate to everything that was said here, since I’m a perfectionist myself. Thanks for your words, and keep up your amazing work 👏👏👏
This immediately made me think that I'm not alone in this creative journey. Thanks for sharing your honesty and vulnerability!!
Thanks Matthew. This was a great video, and would love to see the full interview.