Jordan Peterson: Men who make the worst partners
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 26 ก.ค. 2018
- Jordan Peterson talks in this video about men who make the worst partners. ORDER Peterson's NEW book & audiobook Beyond Order: 12 More Rules for life amzn.to/33uho7H Australians click here for Beyond Order: amzn.to/3qfSxOI
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A friend of mine said, 'the reason you get married is so you can argue with someone who won't walk away.'
What a terrible life...
@Arora Thorne what? Why?
@@epinoob22 Actually its not terrible. It's better to have someone to talk to even arguing that is not walking away, than someone who doesn't care about you and it's leaving at any moment.
@@reperealegandirii how about the 3rd option. You live happily on your own and you dont have to deal with either of those. Garunteed the 1st will cause constant misery while the second can cause short term scars. The 3rd may cause a little bit of loneliness but it can easily be overcome. More time to do things you want too!
@@reperealegandirii so is creating and innovating. Having good support behined you. Giving and helping others that are in need. There are many opportunities and paths to go down that are not avaliable being married. If men want to marry, go for it but it is also much a benefit to staying single and walking a different path
Thanks, Internet Dad.
Yes
This hit hard
Camilo Vega these comments are so weird
Dad Bot😂😂😂
@@charlessncharge4920 he is a father figure to fatherless young men so not really
My husband once told me he appreciated our marriage because “you sharpen me.” When I asked what he meant, he said that I constantly question everything he says and make him defend his reasoning. Funny enough, he does the same for me. We’ve both come out better for it.
Could your ex challenge you? Maybe that’s why they are an ex.
That is how a secure man behaves.
@AliSand challenge is good, but always remember to have a balance. Not everything needs to be challenge. It can quickly becomes very annoying.
My ex hated that too.
You are incredibly fortunate because you can do that respectfully.
My partner of 11 years claimed we never really argue. I said we argue all the time - we just do it amicably. We then proceeded to argue (or didn't) over what constitutes an argument. I think the main key to being a good partner is simply to successfully develop a deep empathy for that person, and to control your emotions. Empathy is of course key to controlling said emotions - it's harder to get angry at someone if you put yourself in their shoes. Also just accept that relationships are hard work and involve compromise.
That first part just got me thinking of Monty Python.
"I came here for an argument!"
"No you didn't!"
My partner of 9 years and I don't really argue. We have conversations. And we don't agree on everything and thats fine.
My English professor said arguments aren't a bad thing, and everything is an argument. Proposal is an argument for marriage ......which blew my mind
I always say, it isn't how often you argue but HOW you argue. Everyone argues but not everyone knows how to argue in a healthy manner.
When it comes to my husband and I (10 years strong), we have never tried to hurt the other person by name calling or soul jabbing. And it seems afrer the argument it's a race to see who will apologize for their end first rather than being stubborn and wait for the other to apologize. We are blessed.
The basic three things that make a successful relationships have partners with insight, mutuality and emotional control/inhibition
The wisdom of a grandfather, the intellect of a professor, the heart of a healer. A special human being. Thank you for this man we need his voice more now than ever.
Well said Sir
Accurate description
He is a Grandfather that happens to be a professor who has his Doctorate in Clinical Psychology. His main professional practice was in Therapy that helped people fix underlying issues through proper diagnosis
And the voice of Kermit the frog
Kermit the frog and a small peepeeeeee. How do y’all like this intellectual convo now?!
A fulfilling relationship is a series of successfully resolving conflicts together.. over a lifetime...
Awww... nice.. cool; U get it. It just takes the understanding of CHOICE. Choosing that one person, committing, and, yes working TOGETHER to sort out, resolve the inevitable differences. N choosing to love the other, yields the necessary respect to caringly, intelligently resolve... How cool.. U get it. 🙏🏼
Better to stay single I suppose
@@king-nick2023 not necessarily. I mean though, it does seem like it, in these times. With so much cynicism and insincere people. But. Not really. Because there are still many good people too. You just have to try by taking the time to start it out as a friendship. Take the time to get to know different persons. Cultivate a friendship first. Even that just sounds like a drag to people though, lol.. thats the thing. But I think it takes that. And in these times, the initial time for us to be convinced someone is being genuine must be seriously extended, to really, I mean REALLY see. So, ya... depends if youre willing to do that. It isnt hard. Just depends on ones will power etc. Anywho. Best of luck 🙏🏼
And a narcissist will never work to achieve a solution. They keep themselves behind a wall free from any solution building in the relationship. He is right about the mistreatment beyond belief. They are willing to keep that up for a lifetime-they have no “mirror” for self-review. Without self-review one cannot transcend into building a better self.
@@king-nick2023 yes it is better to be single, if you don’t intend to work to resolve conflicts with a partner.
I will never in life put myself last again. Ever. This has been the absolute worst experience I’ve ever had in my life. Never again. Listen to your gut. That’s all you have to do. You already know.
My gut tells me to leave everyday, but my brain stops me because i have no money or a place to go... i don't know what to do, but i really hate where im at right now.
As someone who’s been raised by a narcissistic parent I’m painfully aware of my flaws, and crushed by the awareness of still having blind spots. I know I need a partner that has self awareness, because I want to grow with someone who doesn’t have it in them to believe that they are a finished product
wow thats a beautiful way to look at some of the effects of trauma
Yes exactly
Beautifully said.
I was also raised by a narcissistic (father)… lost my amazing mom suddenly at 10 yo then, enter the epitome of “evil”stepmom/stepsister a short 10 months after. It was a tough childhood.
I am learning not to identify myself with being a victim of my childhood, though! Easier said then done.
I married young to escape my dysfunctional family, had a basically conflict-less, comfortable marriage until 10 years in when it all blew up. My husband always did things for me, cared for me, showed me love (as the world portrays it- which is somewhat of a band-aid solution). In hindsight I can see there was little personal growth in this time. I personally believe God shook things up, because we were both stagnant in believing we were a “finished product” (as you said).
My husband has grown his self-awareness through this trial, basically becoming a different (more loving, but not in the conventional sense) person; and in kind my self-awareness is growing, too. It’s strange, but a good strange.
It’s hard to do heart-work, but so worth it. Here’s to hoping we come out on the other side as a family.
One thing I have learned- if you can learn to love yourself and see yourself as God sees you (that He made you perfect aka as He INTENDED for you to be; the world has knocked down that child and caused that child to build walls around their heart), you will be a better person for it. Tear down those walls and nurture that inner child, the child that God created intentionally. I wish I had known this before marriage.
@@WS-by5cl thanks for sharing your story. You confirmed a lot of my views. It’s such hard work. I’m working on that self love aspect and won’t consider entertaining a relationship until I’ve resolved my hang ups.
Perfection is not the goal but I know that I’ll destroy a relationship if I don’t get a handle on my insecurities. I’m also terrified of attracting someone like my father and a part of me believes that if I love myself, I can inherently show my potential patter how to love me properly.
I’m happy for you that you have found a loving husband because that is what you deserve. I hope everything settles for you so that you can continue growing together.
We can do it! One step at time
How blessed you are to recognize all of this before entering a relationship! That is more than half the battle, and will serve you well.
If one can love themselves, they really have no choice but to love others… because they can actually see themselves (warts and all) IN others.
Because one has faced their own faults, and loved themselves despite those faults, it is then so much easier to show love to others.
I hope this makes sense …
That’s why Christ gives that epitome as the greatest commandment. “love your neighbor as yourself.”
I never understood this concept fully until recently.
Blessings to you. 💕
I hope these students realize how lucky they were to be in that classroom.
Was just thinking that very same thing
Orenoryori ok boomer
darktennisball I laughed
@me and me aww life didn't go your way so you choose to a pessimistic party pooper.
@BrunDog63 so two healthy people would never argue in a relationship? Ofc they would, and the point of this video wasnt "to be a MAN" and always put the foot down and argue. In fact it stated the opposite and that constant argument would be bad, because that would mean there is no improvement happening. Which is what Peterson implies what will happen when two people argue it out and learn to be better people.
a narcissistic person doesn't want someone to challenge them.
Ekow Kumasi their relational matrix tends to be about subjugation and mantaining control. Had my N father tonight try to hold the “will” over my head to try and manipulate me. I had been grabbing dinner with him latley. And when it came down to it, I sat there and it’s not the logically smartest thing to do, but I just remember being like “I’m not going to sit there and be manipulated like this”. I named a new emotion that I call “f**k you!” As a body state and feeling. Def was feeling that here. And it’s like this shit is so annoying to even deal with.
@@youngpatrick29 in some way we all are indeed. I dont understand all the commotion about narcissists, as if they are criminals. one person attracts the other, for some reason....
VA Wat there’s malignant narcissist and than empathetic narcissists. I can be a know it all narcissist that has empathy for others and would give you the shirt off my back. Then there’s the narcissist that won’t have empathy for others and kill you for the shirt off your back.
@@thisreckless ok, stay away from the last kind of narcissist ;-)
If you've been with someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder all you want it peace. By yourself or with others.
It’s so much better when you can tell that the professor actually cares about what they are teaching
I grew up in a family where people wanted kids as people pleasers and that was the only way you'd get love. Imagine my surprise when I found out I could be loved even if I disagree with other people. Not only that but it's actually healthy and desirable in any relationship. That concept is something I'm still fighting every day. Like "I'm ok, even if I do something that upsets this person or that person" lol
How are you fighting against it? Could you explain the methods that you are employing?
I still fail to see in the real world that it is supposedly desirable in any relationship to disagree instead of sucking up. I could not name even just one example where that is true. Humans hate people who say the truth they do not want to hear, they love those who tell lies they enjoy more, and so on and on. Humans will be humans. It is not true that telling the truth will get you far, as long as telling the truth is often punished and telling lies is mostly rewarded and hardly ever punished.
"Pleasing" an adult doesn't necessary mean agreeing 100% with him. "Adult conversation" include civilized discussion and arguments.
U know what's an even funnier revelation too!!! Which I hope ya realize, is that most people don't even like people pleasers, majority of people will be polite to ya, but those same people won't actually like u. Better to be true to yourself and find some great friends who love you and let the rest hate you, coming from a past people pleaser.
@@GilmerJohn No, but I understand what Mila is saying. When your parents want you to be a people pleaser, you are taught to make your own desires and wants less of a priority, and if it is severe enough, you lose most of your natural wants and desires over time. Now at 27 I'm still learning to want things, that it is okay to want things, and that it isn't my job to make everyone happy. It's okay if people don't like me. I can just be myself and it will be okay. It's hard as a guy because in a relationship men are expected to take the lead in a lot of things and have direction and motivation.
He really upped his fashion game in the past few years.
Nah, a psychologist is supposed to wear a brown sweater. It's the "archetype of a psychologist" ;)
@@Jesuslily lol good one
I like his Mr. Rogers look 🤣
@TheBluearmy33 Get off your high horse. It was just a light hearted comment. I'd just watched a video were he was extremely well dressed and noticed the difference. Now go clean up your room instead of wasting your time making snarky comments bucko
The same reason Steve Jobs had the same outfit .creative people of high IQ minimise there options of things that have no real impact on emotions and or judgement .
I think the failure of relationships with too few negative interactions might also be explained by a lack of conflict resolution. Ignoring small disagreements and not talking about them when they arise builds resentment and leads to bigger conflicts.
That is a really good way to put it, I immediately thought of negative interaction as two people getting angry at each other but even if that is the case I feel like it's super important to speak up and resolve conflicts before they build resentment as you said it, so even if it's a negative interaction it's healthy at the end.
Yeah JP is making an unfounded assumption that “being challenged” = “negative interactions”.
I like a lot of his other discussions but this one is more of an opinion piece.
That part. Having a partner who thinks think disagreeing means certain doom lol
@@LawsofPaul But for some who take things personally it is a negative interaction.
Very well put. Relationships require continued effort and part of that involves conflict resolution. Things fall apart (or remain eternally unhappy / toxic) when one party won’t or can’t talk or be willing to dig deep. People give up on the basis that the symptoms of conflict recur or get progressively worse, but oftentimes just resolving the disagreements in a healthy and empathetic way is enough to understand each other better and keep otherwise great partnerships together. Continued effort should be everyone’s non-negotiable.
The worst one is the narc who is envious of u and everything about you so they just try to break u ..all the time...on all levels
I found that one and married him.
@@sharontennison6370 I found that one and married her!
That's my father. I'm 25 and he still tries.
@@severiomancieri6814 same. My mom. 26 years strong
@@aaronatwood9361 lol I found one and wasted 6 years on him. Now am almost a shell.
I always thought that finding someone who makes you want to be a better person was such bullshit.
Well I met my wife 15 years ago when I was 25 and I’m here to tell you, it’s absolutely true…I wasn’t the nicest person and in many ways I’m still not. But she made me want to do better try harder and just be a better person. And she challenges me constantly to this day…thank god!
Thank you for sharing this! I was moved to tears reading it. It brought to mind the blessing of companionship… being in reciprocal connection with someone who shows you yourself and stays with you to see you grow into a better human being is a true gift from God. We should all be so blessed to experience this in our lifetime 💛✨
The day you read this message, but her flowers for no reason
why were you incapable of doing this for yourself? why do men need to be raised by their wife?
"Maybe if you made the right sacrifices you wouldn't have so many problems with women."
I struggle with the difference between subordination and sacrifice.
believe me, that´s wrong.
@@Jarito1903 no one believes you. Stop associating with mean women and your problem will go away
@@dianeaishamonday9125 there are only mean women, that´s the problem
That hits hard
I always tell people, society focuses too much on positive only. They fail to see where this so-called “negative” isn’t actually negative. They blind themselves to reality. Positive only is opening doors to failure. You must be conscious of both. We need positive and negative in any relationship. Not all things are completely negative. Sometimes those “negatives” are necessary.
I agree. I see a lot of bad advice about dumping people in your life who are negative about your dreams and goals, or anything, for that matter. But what if somebody wants to do something that's a really bad idea, like investing their life savings in a crackpot money making scheme? I'm supposed to just smile and tell them what a great idea it is? My daughter-in-law is a lawyer who had a client last year who was really good at talking people into investing millions in a non-existent foreign bank! He bilked people out of fortunes. Or a friend wants to ditch his wife and kids to go backpacking for 2 years in the jungles of Brazil, or do some other wacky thing, are we just supposed to be "supportive" of this madness?
Spot on!
@@edennis8578 They don't have to be supportive but if the person does want to go through with that madness then it's in their best interest to cut out those people or don't bother talking to them about it.
@@danzena4059 I think when people say things like 'people can change' and 'theres good deep down inside him/her/zir, that means they know that that the person is acting unhealthy towards them, they just dont feel justified to stop helping them despite being used by them. They need to learn to set better boundaries with people so people dont walk all over them. Discovering their own self worth is the key to having them not let people treat them like garbage.
It's called risk management.
i’m dating a guy rn who always backs away from negative topics (past experiences, touchy subjects, current unsolved struggles, disagreements, self-criticism) so i’m really feeling/living what jordan’s talking about here. it’s been a couple months and at first the hyperpositivity was fun, but the >11 positive experiences and 1 negative experience a week makes things so strange, i feel idk what’s really going on in his mind - even though what he says is genuine, it’s just never negative. as a result i feel that i cant deepen the bond or challenge him (& vice versa), he always wants to help me ‘grow’ but idk how we’re meant to do that if he doesn’t divulge criticism, the things he’s struggling with, or issues that are harder to talk about - ones that we don’t have an answer for yet. he just says “it’s not nice to talk about, tell me what good thing happened to you today” or “talking about that won’t add anything to the conversation” or sometimes he even just goes into his own thoughts until i change the subject….might show him this cuz idk how else to tell him. it honestly is making me less attracted to him because things are always the same, shallow almost.
My last relationship was like this. I said, “I tell you everything. You tell me nothing.” Three years down the tubes.
Wow .. can relate 100%!
@@everysingleone8714ladies, the second he divulged, your perception of his masculinity is tarnished forever and you’ll just cheat because society empowers you to cheat
Maybe if you gave him resistance and safe space. Lot of times guys are scared to be a burden and hear "We are not your therapists"🤡
Me personally, I couldn’t be in a relationship like that for long. Like you said, it’s much too shallow and relationships require vulnerability and depth to grow. How are things going now?
Women like consistency, reliability, and someone who makes them a priority, therefore they'll receive feelings of value and worth. You get an argumentative woman if she doesn't receive these respects.
spot on
Do men not like these things in a partner? This really just sounds like how people ought to treat people they want to be close with.
@@eyesofthecervino3366 I hope men like that as well... Saying women like these things doesn't mean men don't either. Although I will say I don't see most people in general providing any three of those characteristics anymore.
@@axiomaticidioms3857 well of course men like consistency, reliability, and worth. Just think about the small things in life that equate to these principals. Coming home from work to a happy wife, thats worth. Always knowing that ur wife has ur back in case of an emergency of some kind whether emotional or physical is consistency and well, reliability too. Or even just in general. So on and so on.
🗣️ preaching facts 💯
This man is so popular because there is an entire generation of middle-aged boys wandering around aimlessly that were never taught to think for themselves.
Here!
I'd say there's an entire generation of middle aged boys being told that they are the cause of all the world's issues.
And those boys whom are white and straight are told by the left they are most at fault.
@@earthwormsim8068 I agree. people forget white people can be opressed to. everyone's too quit to point fingers without looking at what's true
2 entire generations brought up by single mothers talking down in men. Blaming him for everything. 60% divorce rate. Women keep custody 90% of times. Do the mat on how many single mommies crapping on their children's father.
Yupp
You attract what you are. I’ve attracted girls here and there sure yet I feel they were not quite on par completely. I took a good hard look at myself this last year. I am no where near my best and I’ve been personally developing myself now more than ever before. Everyone is looking externally for someone to “complete” them but no one wants to audit themselves and look internally. Happiness needs to be intrinsically motivated. We all have some baggage but most people are putting a band-aid on a broken leg. You have to dig deep about your own morals, values and vision of the world.
Absolutely agreed 👏👏
Very well put.
Agreed, we must address any issue that is holding us back.
Not many Individuals possess awareness of oneself. It takes work to go deep in your mind and analyze your thoughts, emotions, and behavior. Is the person who is standing in front of you being their authentic self, or is it just their public persona?
This is OK. but you need to learn to write without superlatives of all encompassing terms. 'Everyone' 'no one' etc.
Literally in the first 40 seconds this man outlined exactly how my last relationship went. Luckily it only lasted four months and I broke it off with her because I refused to be mistreated, however the relationship certainly taught me to not be a pushover, but of course to not lose the tenderness that I naturally posess.
@Adrian xo takes strength to admit your shortcomings to yourself
@Adrian xo you, and that comment were
Exactly the same bro. Lasted around 8 months for me and tbh for all the pain it was, Im happy i went through it. I learned a lot about myself and other people and gained a lot of experience with seeing who people actually are. Id rather it happened early in my life than later in life when i feel more desperate to maintain a connection to someone
I wish I was a pushover like you. But I'm so hard headed, emotionless and blunt, that I scare every woman I meet away after they figure out my real personality. They tend to like my fake persona as the nice guy, but I hate doing it. I cringe the entire time. Sucks man.
@@ChefofWar33 You could try working on your real personality.
But if you prefer the way it is then keep searching, you'll maybe find compatible woman eventually - after all finding fitting partner is numbers game
I broke up with a boy who said “I just want an easy life why are you questioning things that I do” and I told him “what do you want? Someone who doesn’t care then leaves you? I’m questioning because I want reassurance because without talking through things we are in a shallow relationship” his response was “well I want an easy relationship” so I left him. He wants sunshine and roses and eventually he will realise women will leave because no one could go against what he said or did
He should be in prison!
Why take a philosophy class when this guy is on TH-cam
Tyler Hart Yeah... and of course he’s actually a psychology professor. But I see what you’re saying.
@@Zorkmid123 Philosophy is a very broad construct. Many discussions&topics can be thought of as an extension of philosophy, since philosophy is the study of thinking itself. There's no reason why a psychology lecture couldn't contain philosphy; It's almost unavoidable that it does.
TH-cam needs.to start giving degrees. I feel like i have access to the best minds, lectures, tutorials and info available from the best in theor field. Im pretty sure im Phd status now.
Because this is a psychology class.
Blair Santillana Thank you, I was thinking “when is someone going to point out that he teaches psych?”
The worst partner for me would be a man who wants you to work hard to pay the bills, come home to cook clean, have sex, bear his children without marriage, and still look and act cute and feminine around him. This scenario actually terrifies me.
So if you're married, you would be okay with still working and doing the rest of what you mentioned?
David If I’m married i would want my husband to be the main bread winner. If I choose to go to work , it’s because I want to not because he forces me to.
@jeans423 Im not carrying a baby for 9 months and pushing it out of my vagina whilst in intense pain, then get home and experience vaginal bleeding for an entire month , bleeding nipples, postpartum depression, and a screaming hungry newborn for a man who forces me to work. Bitch you got me fucked up!
@@celestegarcia923 fair enough.
@@celestegarcia923 girl I've done it, not a nice place to be in, it's hard work, and in the end you will get resentful and it also causes stress in the relationship, hence why lots of marriages fail , because it's a whole lot work running a home tending to a baby or babies and work almost half of the week, running around getting the kids from child care, cooking cleaning etc. So you are right, it's best to actually agree with your husband long before hand, who will work and who will stay home when the babies come along. If not, as I say resentment or mental health can kick in when the bulk of the work is fall on just one person.
I just ended a relationship with a guy and I'm doing some reflecting on myself. I saw the signs in the beginning that he was emotionally unstable and unavailable. I didn't walk away because he said he's trying and I wanted to give it a try. I should have gone with my gut but I chose to give him a chance to fix it . looking back I think he tried but he realized he just can't be the man I want and he isn't strong enough for me he couldn't live up to my standards. .A strong women with standards, motivation and drive can't date men who aren't strong , motivated and who aren't driven. I made the right decision. He wasn't right for me. I'm learning a lot and I'm going to keep working on myself and I'm not going to make this mistake again.
@ Tammie I’m in a similar situation right now. He is a “good” guy but isn’t interested in self-reflection/growth. I know I must move on. Wondering if his never-married, no children, no long term relationships status should have been a red flag 🤔
@@dianepang808 I’m sitting here trying to figure out if I stay or go my husband a good man but unavailable to have a conversation
You just said "reflecting on yourself" and then dug into how wrong and low-value he was... Women have no accountability.
@@gum_thegod2637 There is no relationship if one person refuses to participate. How can a woman trust an unstable person?
@@heyhey439 Not sure if you're with me or against me as that is a pretty cryptic message.
I miss having real conversations with real feelings. I finally left a relationship where I wasnt allowed to be upset or speak up about any challenges or problems. There is some fun in disagreeing when new ideas emerge on both parties and you have two brains bringing in cognitive information rather than one.
I think there's too much focus on our expectations of how our partners should be rather than focusing on being a good partner. I think if we focus on improving ourselves it would be a much better investment since we only have control of ourselves anyways.
👏👏
true within reason...hard to be your best if your partner doesn't reciprocate your support
Well put! I’ve always said a good marriage results when both partners focus on making the other happy.
@@tinaferr but their point was even if your partner did not reciprocate the effort, you still at least worked on yourself which is the best thing since it’s all we can really do. Besides, you shouldnt rely on another person to improve yourself.
And there's those who don't think they need any improvements..."reciprocating" what's that they say!
narcissist wants a partner who does nothing but deliver exactly what they're told to deliver. #redflag #check 'they will mistreat you beyond belief."
True that my brother. I been there maaan. Worst life ever!
James Muthiani it truly is the worst. they damage men and blame men for being damaged then pray on men in their vulnerable state to take advantage of them and blame them for falling victim then force themselves on men and pressure them then blame them for not being open to them then project roles onto him and blame him for not fulfilling them after hurting him so deeply he's simply looking to heal and recover, then blame him for not doing so after trying to consume his energy, time, and resources then blame him for not having enough and make him feel small then blame men for not protecting women after they've put him through proving him unworthy once she's used him up through her phases and cycles. now it is man's fault for not saying no and giving her a chance. lesson to all, say no and don't give her a chance. focus on yourself. only way to fit her in is by having standards and values and creating a space for her to serve(business-wise). create assets that you can pass on for just in case moments of meeting someone who's capable and willing. it is a privilege and must be earned, she must earn her keep by doing what is necessary to comply with your lifestyle, live a sacred one and it will keep you and guide you, it also filters out nonsense, bs, and time-wasters. build an atmosphere only a righteous and virtuous woman can survive and thrive in, a complement, anything less is not for you. evaluate them thoroughly before proceeding further. inquire deeply and dig to uncover who they are. who they are is what it is, don't lower yourself to compromise your integrity, remain true and be honest. never relinquish or give power to another, woman or otherwise. they are human beings, just like us. human nature is unavoidable, face the fact and it will give you a level head and clarity to navigate wisely. we deserve better and must respect ourselves to the degree that we no longer tolerate abuse on any level nor stupidity. the greatest lesson I was given by an elder is, "show no sympathy for self-destructive and harmful people, they know what they're doing and if you let them, they'll do it to you if you allow them in." I also read a quote and heard in a lecture that broken people are incapable of love/loving, they don't even give it to themselves. how can someone give you what they themselves do not possess inwardly? the inner is the outer, so what people show of themselves is how they are, make no mistake in painting them as anything other than what they reveal, the light is that, what is fact. these people are out here playing games, we're not the one(not to be played with nor are we playing). fun is the most fun when you are serious about life and hurt people aren't serious about theirs, they only seek to do damage to others(misery loves company). leeches and vampires are always looking for an energy supply, don't give it to them. starve the negative of attention and honesty will bring you more of the positive. prioritize yourself and only put others after you after you've taken care of home and home base. we're better off doing for the community and the world rather than selfish and self-centered individuals, they are not built for love or goodness, and goodness has no opposite, therefore when they say opposites attract, it is merely a moment for reflection in looking into one's own self to see what the mirror presents, it is not a sign to engage or involve yourself with those types. good women are out there, they just don't normally put themselves out there, truth is you're more than likely not gonna find her on social media(unless it's for business). no matter where you are in life, remember, you're Numéro uno. never put another before, selflessness doesn't mean self-sacrifice, it is only duty to serve others, and yet, one's own cup must always be filled first. only the overflow(remainder) is for the rest.
Been there, done that, got the T-shirt and the hat. FUCK THAT.
You guys do realize this is a problem amongst both genders right? Every complaint you have for a particular woman who did you wrong in the past or currently, the same has been said by a woman/women about the Male species too. Narcissism doesnt discriminate against sex. race, age.
If your human your fair game.
"And while narcissism is certainly not limited to one gender, new research finds it is much more prevalent in men than in women."
"A new large-scale analysis of 355 previously published studies examined three decades worth of research involving more than 475,000 study participants. The researchers found that statistically men scored higher on personality tests for narcissism than women in every age group."
Source below:
www.cbsnews.com/news/who-is-more-narcissistic-men-or-women/
I was in a relationship with an extreme narcissist and I'm someone who agrees with everything - it was volatile. Then I was with someone where everything was a fairy tale, but we had one disagreement and he left and he never spoke to me again. So he was probably a narcissist too. I've never met a man who would allow me to disagree with them, but yes it's healthy to disagree and challenge and encourage one another. I'll have to listen to this a few times because I don't understand it really, but I want to
Late comment, but I just stumbled across this video and your comment. Details are important. If the issue you disagreed upon would've involved hurting the other person, or if they just wanted the fairy tale to persist
Maybe they weren’t a narcissistic but found you too agreeable and decided they couldn’t live that way forever after you both had your disagreement, maybe the communication in that negative scenario was far removed from what they’d find acceptable and they realised you weren’t the one so they didn’t want to waste your time anymore.
What was that one disagreement?
anyone that leaves me= narcissist
People who don't have the stamina to constructively work through healthy arguments, are better out of your life. Know yourself and what you like/dislike and stay genuine and true to yourself. You will never please everyone nor should you ever want to.
I’m going through the worst point in my life, suicidal, my wife has left me for someone else, I have an undiagnosed bowel condition - covid has stopped my investigations and they’re taking longer than usual, I’m unable to work my dream job so I’m stuck at home with my ex wife who’s life is going very well, I’m still madly in love with her and I have very few friends as my entire life has been devoted to her and our two children.
This gentleman is helping me hang on. My children, him and my parents are the only reason I haven’t taken my own life. I don’t usually talk to anyone about these things. I’m no victim. Just made the wrong decisions. Put my trust in people who have ultimately screwed me over. I’m 40 now. I can’t wait to get back to work. Bless this man.
I hope you are doing okay still.
If it makes you feel better, it's really not that bad. I'm going through the same thing (depression, not divorce though, never married) and I can assure you it isn't as bad as it sometimes seems. It gets much worse as you get older :)
Hope you're doing better and on the other side of your depression ❤️
Through Jordan, and David Goggins my life is transforming.
My depression is still there like a black dog waiting in the back ground. I still feel like I lost my family even though they live 5 mins away. My bowel condition turned out to be stress related and is now clear with “pristine” blood work.
I got a promotion at work, they’ve sent me to college. I stopped drinking, I’m smashing weight training and CrossFit 5x a week. Feeling physically and mentally stronger. Girls are interested like never before and I’m seeing a caring affectionate lady who understands my past and understands I want to take things dead slow because with all my time being taken up with kids, work, study and training I have set clear boundaries.
I still have down days but my focus is clear. My black dog is always there but the changes I have made have better equipped me to take on the pain of life.
Thank you few who have commented. Good luck on your journeys. God speed.
@@devilsoffspring5519 haha, yes I agree. So this is why I’m arming myself and preparing so I can handle the pain my brother. Good luck to you
He goes to really high and big concepts then immediately to smaller and more personal ones that parallel. Really cool stuff.
@meh I think he has a lot of talks about toxic femininity
Isn't that why we like him so much?
@@matthiasoberleitner5942 maybe it’s because it needs to be talked about.
That is incredibly satisfying. Goes to show how we, as individuals, are connected in numerous way to bigger things and concepts.
Jordan peterson: you have to have at least 5 positive interactions per 1 negative interaction
Parents: 1 positive per 10 negative take it or leave it
Perhaps that's why some adults don't visit their parents very often.
@Wiliam Forsythe gross
Sometimes as a parent you get the 10 negative to the 1 good. Nothing is perfect.
@@chomama1628 kids are taught behavior.
The '11 positive to 1 negative" relationship not lasting is not a truth, but maybe a consistent. My husband and I are about to celebrate our 29th anniversary, and dated for three to four years before marriage. We rarely argue. His father is an alcoholic, and my mother was a fighter, who would constantly rile up my Dad. Neither of us want that. So, if you are watching this and in a very positive, no-argueing relationship, do not become discouraged. It is possible to have a life-long relationship and not be '11 to 1".
(And, before marriage, I only dated "nice guys". Very thankful for a father who protected us three girls.
That's an awesome and positive story Kimberley. Hope you had or will have an awesome 29th Anniversary.
I think that’s because you and your husband communicate genuinely and constructively which is why it stays so positive.
May other agreeable people won’t actually communicate their true feelings (even in a positive way) so resentment builds and the relationship becomes stagnant.
What emotion. What intellectual curiosity. What fearlessness. Wish more humans were like this...
The Javanese have an expression, that marriage is like rubbing two rice grains together to knock off the outer dried, sharp edged hulls, exposing the sweet cores.
Mike S I’ve never been to the country of Java. 😁
@@jaywilley955 Java is a part of Indonesia.
@Mike S But what's the expression?
That's very nice.
That’s beautiful.
I'm running out of words to describe this man's brilliance.
he is the only brightness lighting our future
Incredible mindset
hes really not that brilliant its just basic intuitive things everyone knows but hes a good teacher
@@Takid118 you assume everyone knows these basic things but it’s just not the case, it’s not the reality of the situation a lot of young people are fed bad nutrients from an early age from parents who are not stable
@@Takid118 if people want to overcome I believe they can but they have to want it for themselves and dig deeper then they ever have
Relationships are hard when you had a really bad relationship with your mother (narcissist). I have been in therapy for years. It's horrifying, to realize love and suffering seem intertwined. Thank-you JP!
Try having a stepmother on top of that
I had a narcissistic mother too. There's a channel on here called the little shaman. She explains narcissists and how their minds work. It really helped me.
I don't want to sound inappropriate by asking this, but it's something I feel and can't help it, so from your perspective: did you find dominant women attractive or no?
I think the term narcissist is abused constantly. The need to label anyone acting outside of parameters you consider acceptible with a pathological (terminally so) diagnosis is itself a pathology.
The man who is emotionally unavailable and only has the ability to take care of themselves.... it becomes a very lonesome, exhausting, and stressful relationship that eats away at your very life force.
You picked him. Maybe you mistook his coldness for emotional strength.
Fuckbois ain't husbands, sorry.
@@archesworn377 he is my husband -21 years..... I think the worst part about it is covert narcissism is a sneaky long process of being sold an idea of a person that’s not real. It’s a slow calculated manipulation of being sold that they are humble, modest, a perfect role model of a man.... but they will never let you see the truth.... even their closest friends, family, and even their wives don’t get to see the things they hid. They will say things like cheaters are sneaky cowards and I would never do that because it’s the worst thing a man can do to his wife. Even making shows of how moral they are. Meanwhile.... they are doing exactly that. They are the cheater. So when something seems off or strange and you ask normal questions you are shamed for even thinking that. They will cry tears of sadness to you of how they knew a cheater and how destructive that cheater was to their lives and how could you compare him to that?!?! Their emotions seem so real....so that when things come up you question yourself. They will bad mouth you backhanded comments like.... she is so forgetful and sometimes just does stuff without talking to me but she’s that’s just her and I love her.... or she is in her own world and sometimes forgets about the important things like our kids but I wouldn’t want to be married to anyone else.....granted none of what he said is true (most of the times they are the ones doing the things they are blaming you for) but he plants these little thoughts to your friends, family, neighbors so that you are slowly discredited to everyone.
Everything they do or say even if it’s hurtful it’s all for your benefit. I did that because I care about you. They will do things and they say I never said that.... that never happened and it will be situations that the only witnesses are you and him. So you start to question well.... maybe he didn’t say that.... maybe I’m remembering it wrong..... these things happen over years... not months or days.... your friends are bad mouth as not good for you... they drink too much, they go out too much, should a married women have single friends and it’s all presented in being “loving” and suddenly after 5-6 years your friends are his friends.... so you have no one. The sabotage is crazy making... it’s the person who helps you plan a party but on the party day decides to go golfing or go to work that day leaving you with more work then you can handle. Or talking planning something special for you that never happens but the idea is used as they care about you, forgetting your anniversary, birthday, Christmas, or holidays... gifts are always unthoughtful almost like they are hoping you react to the crappy present so they can chastised you for being selfish and ungrateful. After 21 years, I survive by having zero expectations.... you can’t get hurt or upset if you just expect they aren’t going to show up, bail on you, or get you a broken picture frame from Walmart for your anniversary. When you expect normal loving husband behavior then you will be heavily disappointed.
It’s a slow, sick, lonely, and mind fking..... before you know it... your so enmeshed with this person that it’s difficult to find your way out.
@@mcawesomest1 hi Val, my heart pours out to you because I know first hand exactly how that feels, I haven’t done 25 years I’ve done 2 years and have experienced unbelievable hurt grief and distress. We didn’t choose them they chose us and we really didn’t see it coming whatsoever. Just know you not alone. I understand 💔
@@mcawesomest1 All I can say is wow, I’m incredibly sorry that you find yourself in that position. I hope you find peace, even if that means leaving the safety of what you currently have. Things like this terrify me because they’re incredibly real and common. Sounds like doing a prototypical screen for “red flags” in a partner doesn’t always catch potential futures like this .. a much more insidious way to break someone down. So sorry
@@ancek404 For now, I’m surviving and hanging in there for my kids... I’m very aware to the reality of my situation and it would be significantly worse for my children if we weren’t together. They would be used, manipulated and emotional abused... not to mention the courts and Im fairly sure he would use any means necessary to remove them from my care (he has threatened that... and don’t forget he has an army of friends and family to testify what an amazing father he is... not to mention all the “seeds” he has planted through the years. At least I can be around 24/7 to shelter and protect them from a good portion of it... it’s like throwing yourself on a grenade.
I was a perfect mark....I grew up with various learning disabilities and with a parent who was an abusive addict. Looking back.... I would have told my 20 something self to trust your instincts. When something doesn’t feel right or sound right then trust it. I’m a teacher with a massive heart, mega Empathy and an agreeable personality. I was and still am a perfect match for someone like this. Know yourself. Know your strengths and your weaknesses. Had I been aware of my personal inventory then I would have been more aware. I’m in intensive therapy for childhood trauma along with spousal emotional abuse trauma (he thinks it’s just childhood) which works because of course “I’m the broken one and he is perfect” it fits his relationship narrative. I’ve got 9 more years in the trenches until my youngest is old enough and I will survive this. I’m not a victim... I will not be a victim and I will make it but in the meantime just using all the tools I can to get through this.
A good partner pushes you to be your best self and challenges you to grow. Not to control you but to show you when you’re out of line as well as how they expect you to treat them going forward. Nobody wants to be w a spineless yes man but they will try to turn you into a doormat if you allow it.
Geep1778 does a good partner threaten to leave you unless you grow in a particular way?
Tallonest
I happened across your unanswered question.
I think the question you asked may be difficult to answer in its form. Bare with me.
JPs point seems to be about healthy challenge in relationships. Extremes in behavior, like being to nice, usually causes the other person to leave or view that person like a door mat, the relationship fails. A healthy relationship requires patience & understanding from your partner regarding issues your working through & you give the mutual respect back about their issues. A healthy relationship stimulates each other, supports & recognizes the differences in each other as an asset. People are messy though, they make mistakes, sometimes really bad ones. Most of the time, healthier relationships can weather through. People usually dont just up & leave each other without good reson as in there's underlying problems that hasn't been resolved, such as becoming a door mat, too much drama( drugs/alcohol/ poor mental health) or any other extreme you can think of. I hope that helps?
@@elizabethwolfgang4017 thanks for your input, Elizabeth. It helps a bit. I still have unanswered questions but I think I have to ponder on them and come to my own answers.
@@Tallonest 👍
Elizabeth Wolfgang what you said scares me because I feel like I am too nice .. and maybe I’m becoming a doormat and confrontation or standing up for myself/ speaking up scares the life out of me .. the best way I can help you understand me is the “INFP personality type or Type 6 personality” .. Sometimes I feel like my partner knows he can walk all over me, say mean things to me (even if he is teasing me) or sometimes I can’t handle a tease because I’m too sensitive.. I don’t know how to change that because I don’t want to be seen as a weak person nor as a door mat .. please any advice?
Thomas Szasz said " I understand why people get married. I undestand why people get divorced. What I don't understand is why people stay together"
Because change is always stressful to humans.
Staying together builds up familiarity.
And familiarity sometimes extends into pathological traits like repetition compulsion or Stockholm syndrome. So even if there is more suffering in staying together, humans are more likely to choose to suffer from people they know than from people they don't know.
Fuck yeah, Thomas Szasz is the shit!!
Well, if its a good relationship over time its wonderful. Someone to witness your life, support you and love you. You giving love and support in return. Growing and learning as a team, tackling challenges together. If you actually like each other and work to keep liking each other, marriage is pretty powerful.
Female here. It's so true to say that women want someone who will challenge them. I've met nice guys who really are nice, but they are too agreeable. By agreeing quickly with me, it comes across as if he isn't thinking about what I said, and in that, it means he doesn't care or bother to put in the same amount of thought as me. I'm not saying always disagree, but give me something other than "yes".
@Joseph Chatfield yes, exactly. Someone who will add something to the conversation, regardless if they agree or disagree. A simple "yes" does not a discussion make.
I don't mean to be an ass but you sound like you see yoursefl as a prize, maybe they just weren't interested and stuck to being polite
@@shparto1118 That's certainly not out of the realm of possibility. However, most of the conversations I'm referring to are with men I know platonically or professionally, so I'm assuming romantic interest or lack thereof isn't the cause.
Whatever the case, I have realized that I hold everyone to high standards and while I believe it's right to have high standards, especially with regards to finding a future spouse, it also must be taken into account that everyone will fall short of the ideal, including myself. I think the important thing is that the two spouses have the same ideal they're working toward.
Very thoughtful. Most of my failed dates just complain that I don't have a middle class job/own house at age 21 as if that's reasonably possible without inheritance.
@@archesworn377 imho, that shows their immaturity. Marrying young includes marrying the *potential* career of that person and everything that comes with it--good and bad. I know JP says women are generally attracted to ambitious men and even prefer ambitious poor men to unambitious wealthy men. Perhaps it's good that your dates didn't work out. They think they want wealth when marrying for wealth will ultimately leave them dissatisfied emotionally.
I’m learning this now at 32. A relationship is supposed to transform people. Wow what a concept! What if toxicity in relationships just means staying stagnant even when it hurts? Things to think about.
it really does mean that, a lot of the times at least, a couple can have a lot of troubles because both know they are not the best for the other, yet they're still together and remain stagnant, therefore they become toxic
Arrested development is a huge problem in modern society at least in the west.
“You need two peoples’ flaws to feed into each other. What’s that called?”
“Codependency.”
“Synergy!”
Suffering teaches if we listen.
Phenomenal professor. I bet everyone in that class will always remember him and his lessons.
Absolutely amazing
It's astounding how this man is able to formulate philosophical thinking patterns and feelings so eloquently.
The bit at the end where he compares cathedrals and rock concerts is wonderful. I love how JBP understands that a lot of seemingly disparate things are fundamentally the same thing.
High (creative) intelligence is often judged by the ability to link completely disparate concepts from utterly different fields of experience.
This ability to link completely disparate concepts is rooted primarily in breadth of experience and time (age).
I’ve missed you. I almost flipped out when I saw you in these comments. ❤️
Somebody just uses this titles to bring attention to their channel and this is a catchy easy title. You can see full lecture somewhere on the youtube i think.
I’ve had that thought before-that as an atheist and someone who was never raised religious, the closest thing to a collective release I’ve ever experienced was a great concert, in which a unified joy seems to emerge from a mass of people.
@@oscarwilde9581 Interesting. I've always wondered why people like to go to concerts or rather why people would like to do irrational things (such as paying hundreds of dollars just to stand in a loud crowd in front of a live artist). Is it so they get a sense of belonging? Is it because their parents never passed down this sense of belonging to a greater collective (could be nationality, religion, or any other group) to them?
Between video, text, & audio- book this man has occupied countless hours of my life ; since finding this man I've genuinely improved as a person. Beyond thankful for you JP.
Congratulations!
He's a bright man in many ways, no doubt about that, but a little to much of a vulnerable narcissist for my taste. I dislike the victim mentality I've seem him display one too many times, and then when he became an addict I new my assumption was no longer an assumption but an accurate perception of his underlying psychopathology.
Narcissists get addicted so easily they now treat the underlying personality disorder while they try and treat the addiction too.
@@le_th_ Another awakened to his charming allure and what lies behind it. His hedonistic early life as a heavy drinker shows the same addictive trait. The problem with a narcissist unravelling a narcissist, which he’s done, is that it will crush you, as happened to him, but rather than learning from it and correcting the deficit, he’s become addicted to his notoriety and the cult following, the catalyst of this, these lectures he made.
The capitalist motivator in him gave access to high level careerists with issues which he often talks about, in lectures, revelling in the associations, revealing another dimension of narcissism.
His righteous preacher style, and confrontational tactics, now his hallmark after the mental collapse, has, in my opinion, diminished his status, due to associations with extremist TH-camrs, such as Rogan.
Is he a prophet for a new age or a prejudiced protagonist fitting the want of social media to breed extreme views because they attract more views. His followers see their prophet. His critics see the protagonist.
Since his wonderful Rules preceded his collapse he’s hardly the best walking talking advert for his psychological ideology. But like all Narcissists deflection of the blame onto any other target and gaslighting failure, are ways to divert overt criticism. His victim status has been reinforced by his collapse. However I’m not at all convinced by the stagecraft he’s learnt along the way, so victim can be also seen as abuser, and abusive. Create your downfall to profit from it. Another narcissistic tactic. They really rather mount up to the inevitable conclusion you’ve arrived at.
"I just broke up with my bitch cause we ain't argue enough"
Earl Sweatshirt- Really Doe
It's incredible to see how passionate he is about sharing all of his knowledge. I can't articulate how much respect I hold for this man. Few people have meant more.
The problem is when you pair one person that wants others to challenge them with another person that wants to dominate. Often the dominator wins. So it is not enough to just want a back and forth, but you also must be able to recognize those who don't want it and handle them correctly. And handling people who want to dominate is what is not being taught enough.
I think maybe we should be teaching the people who want to dominate.
"When people say, 'Why is the world so rife with suffering?' one answer to that is because we're not yet what we could be. And at least that's an answer that we have some control over."
This is so helpful in cutting through all the misconceptions about relationships! Thank you!! 🤗🙏
I was very weak in my early-mid 20's. A lack of self confidence lead to me really sacrificing my values just to have a girl. They can treat me like shit, because I'm not handsome or charismatic enough for anyone else. I've gained some self confidence in recent years, but it's important for me to remind myself not to get resentful at these women that treated me so poorly. I was an ACTIVE participant in my own misery. These bad relationships were a reflection of my own short-comings and missed opportunities. Everyone gets exactly what they deserve.
Couldn't have said it better myself. The more shit you take, the more people will give you. I used to be the same way. I tried to become what these women wanted me to be and lost them anyway. I never asked myself what kind of woman I wanted. I just thought I was lucky to find one who liked me. That's why it's important to learn to love yourself before you start dating.
@@redrover5264 nice doesn't mean you treat a girl normally and she sleeps with you, nice means you want a relationship , commitment , loyalty and want love and treat her like a princess,
Some guys are like " I am a nice guy sleep with me without a relationship, so if a fat girl is nice to you, would you marry her cause she is nice "
@@lotuswolf1518 Did you even read what I said 🤣 Never said I believe a woman should sleep with me just because I'm nice to her. Who actually believes that bullshit? Go somewhere else with your common sense lessons.
@@redrover5264 alot of men say that even though you didn't say that, alot of men who claim to be nice guys are coercive and manipulative
I was the same bro, I guess i still am. Im trying to find that balance between compromise and subordination. One thing ive started to realise is not to trust people to be honest, but to trust them to be who they are. Trust that a chef will cook a meal, trust that a liar will lie, trust that an alcoholic will drink etc. I cant stay mad at my narc ex who treated me like shit, because the signs were there and i shouldve trusted that she would treat me like shit.
Whoever titles these clips are pretty horrible at it. There is so much that Professor Peterson talks about and covers, and it's pretty amazing stuff. I wish the titles would do him some justice.
To be fair, he covers a lot of things under a single topic. The description is more accurate
The worst is the JORDAN PETERSON DESTROYS titles most of the times he's just having an honest conversation with someone and they may disagree on something but it's not heated and the other person (unless an sjw) might have some good points too
I think this is clickbait for MGTOW, incels and people having relationship problems
This title attracts people either searching for a mate or unhappy in a marriage. Specifically, targetting women in this case seeking men as well as MGTOW, albeit indirectly criticized, but targeted nonetheless. Life is complex and someone of his intellect knows it's more complex than a title. However, were all here because the title worked.
The titles draw in a LOT of people, while the videos deliver a payload of utter brilliance
What I would give to sit in a classroom with this man, what a legend.
But u are...TH-cam
Nah, he's only a legend to other narcissists. He's an intelligent man, for sure, but you would be to if you'd studied as much as he has.
@@le_th_found the narcissist who thinks they can solve All the worlds problems but chooses not to cus they have better things to do
@@le_th_ He seems an adept orator but perhaps not a great researcher. I find his need to draw on great minds in debate rather irritating and perhaps indicating a low underlying sense of self esteem. Rather than being an authority himself he needs to bring the authority of greats to validate himself. Notoriety has fed his ego. And, looking at the dysfunctional daughter, one wonders what psychological damage occurred due to his rising popularity and the interpretation of his views as objectionable to those in true authority. Daughters look to fathers as their ideal. Sons to their mothers. Have the sins of the father been inflicted on the daughter, to paraphrase an old saying. And her health consequences were the result. In another lecture he states that the majority of mental illness is the result of an overload of unresolved conflict. I’ve not seen him apply that to her or want to open that can of worms.
I hope the students know how blessed they are! And the end was the cherry on top for me „…everything falls together, but you know that you are going to rock concerts“ l love how he talks about these huge things and comes back with it to everyday scenerios and stuff everybody can relate to
I have felt the alignment that he is talking about, and it mostly happens when I’m mowing the lawn or doing a long hard but low brain capacity task, and while im working, I’m thinking of ways or words to say to inspire someone to be selfless. Or what it would be like to be to give my life for my friend or family.
I’m in my mid 30s and only discovered recently that I’m a codependent. My entire life of relationships with women has only been about attracting toxic narcissists, while pushing away normal, healthy women.
It drove me insane for most of my life; I didn’t get it. I thought I was cursed. And then, a psychiatrist pointed out that, because I have no boundaries, I attract women who need a man to dominate, and who better than man who bends at other people’s will.
Anyway, I’ve been single now for three years because I refuse to be with a narcissist any longer (I’ve been with so many and they are all the same), but I don’t know how to be anything but a codependent, which repulses normal women. It drives me insane. And Jordan Peterson is absolutely right - what killed my last relationship was that it was too perfect, or rather, I was too perfect; always agreeable, never fighting, always valuing her opinions over mine, always revolving my time and schedule around hers, giving up my friends for time with her, because she wanted it. In the end, she left me for a much meaner, albeit healthy meaner, guy (a man, who is decisive, knows what he wants and takes it, knows when to say no, etc - not the fucking 35 yo boy that I am).
I’m good looking, motivated to work, don’t use drugs, not an alcoholic, and very creative. You would assume I’m a perfect catch. And you’d be dead wrong. I’ll probably be single for the rest of my life. And it drives me fucking insane because I don’t know how to fix what I know is broken.
Move and keep moving and please stop ruminating it stops your progress of reality. Learn languages an instrument. Forget what ya think you've lost, its her loss, better yet ya could have been innately cycle of pain & heartache for years.....
I think your problem is very much like mine. You have a deep need to connect and when you find that person you are scared to push them away. So you don't enforce your boundaries.
I am slowly becoming more assertive and I am not a pushover at all. The right woman would see that.
HSP I definitely always feel like I’m going to fuck it up some how in some way.
@@TheBulian1 I think as long we recognize it and work on it that is enough. There are a lot of people spreading really unhealthy advice on relationships and I'm not taking it anymore. I don't want to play mind games for example, I want to be myself and be loved for it.
When you really know what the person you want to live with for the rest of your life looks like, the skills and habits that person has that fits into your life, you will recognize him or her when you see them. Best to live your life developing yourself into the best person you can be and into someone that has something to bring to the table besides a paycheck then make yourself visible to people who enjoy doing the things you like to do, and be patient and live your life in enjoyment. Be a happy, content person and you can attract the kind of person you are. The kind of person I would have like to share my life with most would have been a person who would make great father. In my opinion, in this way a woman is the backbone of her family even though the husband is the authority. I was single many years and married more then once but I was bound and determined to learn from each and I finally found a wonderful man after I decided never to marry again. He is all I ever wanted and we are like iron on iron. I thank God for him everyday. Neither one of us are perfect but we are committed and both of us have a great sense of humor that we use and need. We are alike, not opposites. We are both devoted in our same faith, which is the glue that brought and holds together. We got married when I was 55. Most of our arguments end in laughter. Don't give up, just be the best you and be interesting. Find happiness in life to bring to another. All my own opinion - what life has taught me. I am from a broken home, so I had to be proactive. Best wishes.
Every time I achieve something, I feel like I’m another car merging into a lane. Like I’m literally switching into my lifes track
Jasmine Ward women don’t achieve things lol
@@TexboyGamer TexBoy is a resentful loser confirmed
@@kartech6938 just edgy lol. I don’t remember writing that
@@TexboyGamer Marie Curie ? Claire Voisin ? Saint-Raymomd ? Choquet-Bruhat ? Mirzahani ?
What’s weird is how much sense he makes....thank you for providing the understanding! 🙏🙌
Hello - thank you for providing this excellent clip,
I really would love the full link to this lesson if you have it, it has been really meaningful and helpful to me, thank you,
Jack
You can never sacrifice enough for someone to love you. They will only take and leave you an empty husk.
Not sacrifice to them and their ego, sacrifice something you value for the betterment of the relationship. That might even be you sacrifice a quiet life to tell them uncomfortable truths. Of course I agree no-one can be MADE to love you.
Jeremy Duke This statement doesn’t make sense.
Jeremy Duke I screenshotted this. Life advice!
You don’t give love to be loved. Thats approval seeking behaviour and so shows you are not worthy. You give love because you enjoy giving it, nothing more, nothing less.
no on can be made to love you but if you value your relationship with someone you need to put in work too. u cant be a contrarian just to argue, u need to look inward and LISTEN
someone who has something wrong with them wants a pushover. check.
Yup. Women do want a pushover, but unfortunately, they are running out of stock real quick thanks to the Red Pill and Mgtow!
something is WRONG with YOU if YOU become the push over in a relationship
We all have something(in most cases a lot) that is wrong with us and that we need to work over.
I'm so lucky to be in the relationship I am in. My boyfriend does so much for me and I am so grateful for that. But he is definitely no pushover. It's crazy how well matched we are. We take turns being in charge, and being vulnerable or strong. And we repay each other's help with our own. One day he might do my laundry and the next I will clean our room and his desk, or he will cook or I will cook. We always express lots of gratitude and we challenge each other by being very honest yet encouraging. I believe (if you haven't already) you can find this dynamic in a partner. Unfortunately there are a lot of takers and a lot or pleasers in this world. You yourself have to understand how to be in balance and know when you are taking or giving too much, and must find a person who wants to respect you and this balance.
@@emberlite
Amber dont yell at us! Jk
Vision is a very important aspect of life. Living life just to enjoy it is fun but without vision it’s hard to overcome obstacles and one starts to feel empty.
This is the smartest man on the planet and these lectures are a gift.
There is negative masculinity and positive masculinity. There is negative femininity and positive femininity. Within each of us, our energy has been suppressed, our trust has been broken and that’s not a good thing. If everyone practices and learns to be happy by themselves, then you will be happy even if someone does leave you. To be self-sufficient means one needs to handle each level of their emotion without another human.
Mike Knight It’s like the point of this whole lecture literally went above your head
Yes 🔥♥️
How the HELL can have a single damn thing against someone that speaks such truth and sense to us?
Because hes not correct on everything. No one is. That is how you can have a single thing about him. Example; he has said before you can not quit smoking without a mystical experience. That is a patently false assertion.
He's simply relating the truths he learned from jung and the stoic philosopher kings...
JP restates some brilliant ideas but his notions about God are erroneous, arrogant, and based in fear vs. love.
Not trying to insult him but i don't worship him the way so many lost young men and incels do.
He perceives the universe as hostile, so his universe is hostile.
Because he always gets so close but loses the direction at the last minute. He takes human problems and presents it as men problems. He has a very jaded way of looking at the world and its problems, making his resolutions sketchy. He adresses the problems but always concludes it in a rather impractical way. What can you actually imply into your life after listening to this video? If you want to understand relationships as someone that fancies women, you need to listen to them first before making points about them.
I guess I'm a narcissist
I can't deal with a woman being challenging w me especially when it's daily
Nothing is wrong with you. I think he meant when/if necessary. Not daily abuse, that's psycho on her end.
@@mikimiki6202 i was going to say the exact same thing. There's a difference between a woman who challenges you and a woman who harasses you daily. I think you had the latter, Daniel Ross. 🤣
This is why I got so interested in Jordan. I've always believed this, I've always known it, and in many ways, I've acted accordingly, but I've never thought enough to articulate it.
We should all be so lucky to have had a professor like this.
The title has nothing to do with the content
Carl Andrews well there’s that, but also the fact that he is just talking about couples in general. The title of this clip is designed to lure in insecure men. Period. Once that happens the YT algorithm leads them down a rabbit hole of increasingly extreme views, eventually going to neo Nazis. I’ve seen it happen to my own feed. I had to delete JP, Stephen molyneux, etc for MONTHS to get it to fucking stop. So glad my recommends are back to music and tech.
@Boj Z Wow, someone who can barely speak english and has no sub history on a Jordan Peterson vid? Color me shocked.
@@themoonsbluelight no, he's talking about the MGTOW and how their goal is to give nothing to women. And how they believe that women do nothing but take.
He's saying it's not a good thing. That the basis of our existence as humans has only come this far BECAUSE we (male and female) have done these things. We give and provide. It's how we survive as a species.
Karol Trojanowski happens A lot with his videos
Couldn’t agree more... I was lost half way of what is the video about it not the title
I love when professors get all insightful.
Both my creative writing professor and my European history professor were so knowledgeable and engaging. I could listen to them lecture for 2 hours straight. About the only times I felt good about being pressured into college.
The fact that you updated the description of the video to promote his new book. Mad Props
Dr. Peterson is such a genius. I would be so grateful to have one conversation with him. Would probably be the most enlightening one I'd ever have
This talk distilled: Do your actions and words edify and strengthen your partner, or do they go out like arrows to destroy them?
When he talks about challenges, it all boils down to what kind of challenges you think are healthy, worth your time and energy and in line with your values. And the answer to that is going to vary a lot from person to person, it's very subjective.
This man has weathered some of the worst storms because he speaks the truth. Love this man! God speed, good Doctor ❤
Does he end up drinking the water ?
Hahahahahaha nope
But sooo close tho 😂
XD
Arash Maslehati lol right? Legit made me thirsty
he just like to sniff it
I'm very thankful to have these to watch and ponder upon after.
I absolutely love his lectures ❤
I absolutely love this. Thank you, Mr. Peterson!
I totally agree with him, but nowadays people will break up at the slightest discomfort. Some are waiting for that perfect mate for them that just doesn’t exist.
There is a huge amount of useful and amazing info in just this particular excerpt, let alone all the others from Peterson. I love the idea of the Cathedral representing the light coming through the trees, and the rock concert-religion relationship
Thank you Jordan, you’ve spoken my experience. Grateful to be free. 🌎
I love how his videos start from 00:01 second vs the 1:45 minutes (advertising) of most videos.
Love this man. Genuine, a genius, and my hero of commonsense awesomeness.
Yes, you can create and sustain a happy marriage! Look for someone who can play a fair game, if the candidate can do it with others then s/he might be able to be fair to you, too. Nobody can thrive with an unfair, entitled, stubborn person who "orders" a happy marriage but doesn't contribute actively and responsibly. The happiest, talented, nicest person can get depressed, unhappy, sullen if not treated well. A marriage is a relationship. Don't put up with being unfairly treated. Even if it is a promise you must make it conditional, especially if you are one of the nice ones, and be responsible that you get out of it if you are mistreated.
Amazing. Superb synthesis and delivery of these ideas
You cannot influence what life will do to you. You have to accept that anything may happen no matter how balanced, wise, self-improved, etc you are. The core of what Dr. Peterson is advocating is simply that we make a mitigation plan, which includes growing ourselves. So, when shit hits the fan, which will happen less than before (because of your mitigation plan of optimising the important parts of your life), you'll be more capable of dealing with it (because of your mitigation plan of optimising your character). He's not saying that if you optimise as he advises, that your wife won't leave you and take everything. She still might.
It’s like he speaks a language that I understand.☺️
Dr. Peterson is so correct. The tyrant will demand complete obeisance and obedience then mistreat you as you meet and exceed their goals. Please be careful. They are not to be suffered or toyed with. As a decent human being, you have nowhere near the capacity to withstand their cruelty and remain healthy.
What we as people do is give power over ourselves to others, the care we place in the words they use allows them to have control over our emotional states. Noone can define, change or take any of that power unless you allow them to. So just remember you are as amazing as anyone &everyone else, a better you than you were yesterday, the best you that you can be today, tomorrow you will be better than today that's okay because today was tomorrow yesterday.
The journey starts inside
@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?
He just worded what I've never been able too. Amazingly aware
This part about music being a transcendent experience is very true.
Thank you Jordan. Helpful for reflective analysis.
I don't want to be challenged. I want to be comforted and understood. I don't want to play games.
Perfectly explained! The first 40 seconds sums up exactly what you should strive for in a relationship.