The whole point of this video was for me to talk about my difficulty with feeling feminine and how it’s influenced my relationship with sex and the feeling of sexiness . A lot of you are too focused on preaching that sexiness is social construct but wanting to be sex and feel like you’re desirable is not this bad thing.
Also something else that is so tough to talk about, is that I mentally feel so much like a kid, that when I have sex I feel so like confused as to how it’s happening to me. Like even if I consent and go along with it, I’ll have a moment while doing it where I’m like “omg I’m a child what is this person doing”. I’ve literally never had any sort of childhood trauma related thing happen to me regarding sex so I have no idea where this comes from. But it definitely contributes to my discomfort. And being sexy is not something kids do and I feel like a kid and therefore, I feel like I am unable to BE sexy.
i feel exactly like this except in the way of always being seen as an object or something to mock if i don’t perform perfectly even tho its usually the people that also don’t know how to perform blaming everything on the person that wouldn’t ever talk about them like that
I relate to this so deeply. A lot of my problems w sex and desire come from growing up and getting 0 attention from others. I was typically picked last, if picked at all, and at 22 I still haven’t dated anyone in person. When I tried to hook up with a stranger, I ended it abruptly because they kept expecting me to basically lie and pretend and not be present. I am horrible at acting, and I have a low tolerance for being bossed around. Even tho they were angry w me, I got up and left to protect myself, but I fear that everyone will be the same. I’m getting to the point where I’d rather die a virgin than fake performative sex. I hope one day someone will appreciate me in my authenticity and realness. Esp in a world where hypersexuality, “strength,” and objectification are all projected onto Black women, I need someone who is safe and gentle with me.
Zion sis you just perfectly verbalized something I’ve been struggling with for so long… when I was younger I just thought it would eventually come to me? The feeling of being sexy and all that. I thought when my natural curves would set in and when I’ve had sexual experience it would all figure itself out. But naw I am still so uncomfortable with sex and I don’t like it. Still don’t have a solution lol I just relate so hard. And I appreciate you so much because I have never told anyone this and it’s nice to see someone who’s going through the same shit
When you live in a society that simultaneously praises & ridicules sex this is what happens. We live in a society where your HUMAN VALUE is potentially determined by how sexy you can be. If I’m not your definition of “sexy” today, do I not deserve the space I’m occupying? If I AM sexy, is that the only reason you respect me? Be done playing this game because anyone with that mindset towards you will never have the right intentions. You will always lose if you decide to play.
Zion. The clarity will reach you out with AGE. You are still really young. You need time, and also your brains and experiance. You are a soul. Just embrace the jouney. Surrender with joy.
Yeah I know what you mean I feel like I’ve been putting on a performance instead of actually feeling sexy or being myself. Doing what you think you should do or expected to do. I feel like part of being sexy/attractive is knowing yourself having that comfort/ self acceptance. Thats how some ppl will find you attractive when you’re not trying or thinking about it. I guess it’ll be/feel different for everyone. I guess you just focus on the pleasure and keep exploring that. The shame aspect drops away the more you get comfortable in what you like etc
I feel like for girls we always look to these huge feminine figures for the kind of sexy we want to be, but for me personally (I’m a woman) I think the sexual and sensual parts of woman that make them attractive is the authentic and unique quirks. It’s the mannerisms and personality in an everyday situation and I think that it’s because I am seeing them from an outside perspective without knowing them too well. I feel borderline asexual too sometimes and I feel that it’s because I get in my head too much trying to play role I don’t have to play. I love to be sensual but really only for myself and so I have chosen to stay out of the game because I don’t want the pressure of the hot girl summer culture going on right now. It’s all rlly cringey to me and so I rlly relate n I’m glad u spoke u truth cuz I used to feel like I was the issue. I once started making out with a guy and laughed in his face because I found the situation so ridiculous and he got so pissed off. Honestly u don’t gotta do too much just be yourself and if you feel sexual desire express that authentically (but only if u really want to). Don’t let everyone else’s dictate how you move. I’d rather go my whole life without sex than attempt to be a pornstar for no pay and no pleasure 💀
As a 24 year old woman who's still struggling with my sexuality, I can relate to everything you said! I struggle with being myself as sexy and trying to understand what it means to me and I'm getting to the point where I'm wondering if it's even worth it anymore 😭 I think maybe an aspect of channeling your sexiness is having a somewhat cocky mindset? Like, knowing that you're beautiful and that you look good and that you don't even have to try for people to think you're sexy, but you own it for yourself, if that makes sense? Idk, sexuality can mean so many different things, and the fact that sex is also inherently a social activity really makes it hard to determine where your sexuality ends and begins in your being.
sexy means sexual aspects of admiration we are beautiful though. but i want my soul to be the center of my beauty rather than just only looks theres more to me
ouuu dis tittle got me saying think pieces already 😹😹, I don’t think I’m sexy either and it’s like when I try to be it just comes off like I’m trying to be something I’m not… like why does it seem so easy for others & why am I so awkward 💀
It’s because everyone doesn’t have to be society’s image of sexy. Sexy could be someone doing something they love & the passion they may exude. Sexy could be cute for a different person. Find ur own sexy !! 🫶
Because you need to be sexy for you and not for anyone else, except for your partner maybe. Because people are always gonna say something. No matter what. I refuse to appeal to people who I know I will never satisfy no matter what I do.
As an older 20 Something woman, Im here to lyk that how youre feeling is totally valid and very real. My best advice for you that if I could I would go back in time and tell my 21 yr old self is.. to stay true to what makes you feel like.. you. The thing abt sexuality is that you are able to curate what you want to experience and how you want to present (to others). Ppl will always have some bs to say. Its all abt making the ride safe, comfortable and one that will allow you to grow more into who you want to be (in that sense). It will take time, but I know youll be alright 💯
Even under patriarchy, I respect women who seem inherently sexual and those who sell sex because I can’t seem to do either of those lmfao. I do like sex, I like learning about it and how to be better at it but I don’t feel sexy. Even when my ex would call me sexy I just didn’t feel it or see it. The thing is though, feeling sexy is essential to having good sex. If you can’t tap into that energy, I feel like the sex is just lackluster and for me it became more about just satisfying my partner more than anything. I do think looking sexy, being sexy, and feeling sexy are all separate things and it depends on who is perceiving you. I wish that I could be perceived as sexy without actually having to change my appearance. The women that I look up to and that I am also attracted to (i’m queer) are just sexy without even trying. I feel like if I need to put on certain clothes to feel/be sexy then it kinda defeats the purpose. I wanna still be & feel sexy even if I’m covered head to toe. Ugh I don’t even know i’m just rambling but I feel so much of what you’re saying.
I'm just glad you're back, it seems like talking about things is a good mental health exercise for you. I know you said you don't want to hear from men on this one, but for what it's worth, I think there's no reason you need to force yourself to dress anyway you don't want to dress, or be performative if you're not horny or enjoying it at the time. The world is full of people with varied taste, so regardless of which look/style you go with on any given day, finding someone who finds that look attractive won't be hard, so there's nothing wrong with just being yourself and carrying yourself in whatever way that you feel comfortable in; whoever sees you and likes what they see will notice. You have a pretty face, so a lot of different styles will work for you. As far as sex, some men won't care that you're not performative, I myself only want genuine energy. If you're concerned about pain, don't be afraid to check his/toy size before there's any real expectations, and pass if it's too big. Lastly, if desiring sex is an issue, and you're on any medication, keep in mind that some meds are known to have a side effect of dulling people's sexual appetite and physical sensitivity.
I’m a man so I can’t understand a woman’s perspective on it obviously, but I do think great sex depends on the connection and the chemistry you have with a person. If there’s no attraction beyond the surface level then the experience won’t be that good, maybe sometimes put you off the idea of sex completely. Or maybe you could have feelings for someone or care about them to a certain point, but not to the extent of having sex with them. I thinks it’s admirable and way more sexy when a woman wants to keep her clothes on, and not flaunt it all over the internet. That stuff is supposed to be sacred. There’s so many beautiful women out there that don’t need to dress half naked to get a man’s attention. That only fans for example is an abomination. Hate all that nonsense.
I'm probably in the minority but yes you're physically appealing but what makes you sexy to someone like myself is your thought process. The way your brain works is fascinating. Most treat sex as a surface level action but it should be seen as something much more profound and deeper to enhance a bond/connection. How you feel about yourself should matter more than strangers online however.
Women take along time to build their pleasure with a partner/Self. An example being on the elusive w/ sexuality and exclusive narratives. You want the guy to be natural but if he is natural it won’t be sexual, It will be sensually partaking buildup. I sympathize how when women get the interest(s) of the guy they instantly regress into any and every survival guide. But my empathy never had any bearing on them unless we both are children in that moment. The weight of having a normal conversation with a fantasy enthralled woman is the same thing, She isn’t listening to me mentally, But women can’t do that stuff they prioritize fantasy sex development over applicable relationship sex. It would mean the illusion of choice goes away 😱
@zions_diary who is anyone to tell you what you should strive to be? You have such wonderful thoughts on the subject, and you're looking for an answer. Of course you will find it, it's already there. Remember who you are! **Edna voice**
Who the hell cares about being sexy? Who sold you that as a value? Gimme a break. No one who is healthy NEEDS to feel sexy. Appreciated by the oppposiste sex (or same sex) to a certain extent? Sure.....in that you know when you are attracted to someone and they are attracted to you. Other than that? It's all BS. DON'T fall for the social programming around "sexiness". Don't fall for celebrity culture....what is currently "cool" to be seen as etc. Think in terms of a mentally healthy person. What is inner health and does it truly involve the concept of sexiness? So kids can't be mentally well if they don't feel it? lol Or super old people? Gimme a break.............
I'm a BOY!... You focusing too much on the visual element of SEXY and that is the last part (the result) YOU DO NOT LEARN SEXY, YOU ARE BORN WITH IT. YOUR JOB IS TO ALLOW IT. START WITH WHY YOU FEEL GUILTY WHEN YOU ENJOY IT...
The whole point of this video was for me to talk about my difficulty with feeling feminine and how it’s influenced my relationship with sex and the feeling of sexiness . A lot of you are too focused on preaching that sexiness is social construct but wanting to be sex and feel like you’re desirable is not this bad thing.
Also something else that is so tough to talk about, is that I mentally feel so much like a kid, that when I have sex I feel so like confused as to how it’s happening to me. Like even if I consent and go along with it, I’ll have a moment while doing it where I’m like “omg I’m a child what is this person doing”. I’ve literally never had any sort of childhood trauma related thing happen to me regarding sex so I have no idea where this comes from. But it definitely contributes to my discomfort. And being sexy is not something kids do and I feel like a kid and therefore, I feel like I am unable to BE sexy.
i feel exactly like this except in the way of always being seen as an object or something to mock if i don’t perform perfectly even tho its usually the people that also don’t know how to perform blaming everything on the person that wouldn’t ever talk about them like that
I relate to this so deeply. A lot of my problems w sex and desire come from growing up and getting 0 attention from others. I was typically picked last, if picked at all, and at 22 I still haven’t dated anyone in person. When I tried to hook up with a stranger, I ended it abruptly because they kept expecting me to basically lie and pretend and not be present. I am horrible at acting, and I have a low tolerance for being bossed around. Even tho they were angry w me, I got up and left to protect myself, but I fear that everyone will be the same. I’m getting to the point where I’d rather die a virgin than fake performative sex. I hope one day someone will appreciate me in my authenticity and realness. Esp in a world where hypersexuality, “strength,” and objectification are all projected onto Black women, I need someone who is safe and gentle with me.
Zion sis you just perfectly verbalized something I’ve been struggling with for so long… when I was younger I just thought it would eventually come to me? The feeling of being sexy and all that. I thought when my natural curves would set in and when I’ve had sexual experience it would all figure itself out. But naw I am still so uncomfortable with sex and I don’t like it. Still don’t have a solution lol I just relate so hard. And I appreciate you so much because I have never told anyone this and it’s nice to see someone who’s going through the same shit
When you live in a society that simultaneously praises & ridicules sex this is what happens. We live in a society where your HUMAN VALUE is potentially determined by how sexy you can be. If I’m not your definition of “sexy” today, do I not deserve the space I’m occupying? If I AM sexy, is that the only reason you respect me? Be done playing this game because anyone with that mindset towards you will never have the right intentions. You will always lose if you decide to play.
Zion. The clarity will reach you out with AGE. You are still really young. You need time, and also your brains and experiance. You are a soul. Just embrace the jouney. Surrender with joy.
Yeah I know what you mean I feel like I’ve been putting on a performance instead of actually feeling sexy or being myself. Doing what you think you should do or expected to do. I feel like part of being sexy/attractive is knowing yourself having that comfort/ self acceptance. Thats how some ppl will find you attractive when you’re not trying or thinking about it. I guess it’ll be/feel different for everyone. I guess you just focus on the pleasure and keep exploring that. The shame aspect drops away the more you get comfortable in what you like etc
I feel like for girls we always look to these huge feminine figures for the kind of sexy we want to be, but for me personally (I’m a woman) I think the sexual and sensual parts of woman that make them attractive is the authentic and unique quirks. It’s the mannerisms and personality in an everyday situation and I think that it’s because I am seeing them from an outside perspective without knowing them too well. I feel borderline asexual too sometimes and I feel that it’s because I get in my head too much trying to play role I don’t have to play. I love to be sensual but really only for myself and so I have chosen to stay out of the game because I don’t want the pressure of the hot girl summer culture going on right now. It’s all rlly cringey to me and so I rlly relate n I’m glad u spoke u truth cuz I used to feel like I was the issue. I once started making out with a guy and laughed in his face because I found the situation so ridiculous and he got so pissed off. Honestly u don’t gotta do too much just be yourself and if you feel sexual desire express that authentically (but only if u really want to). Don’t let everyone else’s dictate how you move. I’d rather go my whole life without sex than attempt to be a pornstar for no pay and no pleasure 💀
Like it should rlly should be about making ur self feel turned on first and the other person second imo. The real ones will eat it up.
It does feel like cosplaying and I hate it fr. You said this so well
As a 24 year old woman who's still struggling with my sexuality, I can relate to everything you said! I struggle with being myself as sexy and trying to understand what it means to me and I'm getting to the point where I'm wondering if it's even worth it anymore 😭 I think maybe an aspect of channeling your sexiness is having a somewhat cocky mindset? Like, knowing that you're beautiful and that you look good and that you don't even have to try for people to think you're sexy, but you own it for yourself, if that makes sense? Idk, sexuality can mean so many different things, and the fact that sex is also inherently a social activity really makes it hard to determine where your sexuality ends and begins in your being.
The second puberty 😂 I don’t feel sexy either so I get it. Guilt afterwards, so real.
sexy means sexual aspects of admiration we are beautiful though. but i want my soul to be the center of my beauty rather than just only looks theres more to me
the “second puberty” thing was so validating dude
i loved your video!! i highly resonate and i think it's awesome to view someone in this way.. really down to earth and i see a lot of myself in you!!
ouuu dis tittle got me saying think pieces already 😹😹, I don’t think I’m sexy either and it’s like when I try to be it just comes off like I’m trying to be something I’m not… like why does it seem so easy for others & why am I so awkward 💀
ugh same, it seems to be so effortless for other people and it makes me feel like i’m missing something :(
It’s because everyone doesn’t have to be society’s image of sexy. Sexy could be someone doing something they love & the passion they may exude. Sexy could be cute for a different person. Find ur own sexy !! 🫶
Because you need to be sexy for you and not for anyone else, except for your partner maybe. Because people are always gonna say something. No matter what. I refuse to appeal to people who I know I will never satisfy no matter what I do.
As an older 20 Something woman, Im here to lyk that how youre feeling is totally valid and very real. My best advice for you that if I could I would go back in time and tell my 21 yr old self is.. to stay true to what makes you feel like.. you. The thing abt sexuality is that you are able to curate what you want to experience and how you want to present (to others). Ppl will always have some bs to say. Its all abt making the ride safe, comfortable and one that will allow you to grow more into who you want to be (in that sense). It will take time, but I know youll be alright 💯
Zion you are a pure suol. You will reach your confort. 21 is really really really common to feel this way. Ive felt that way too! You will get it.
Even under patriarchy, I respect women who seem inherently sexual and those who sell sex because I can’t seem to do either of those lmfao. I do like sex, I like learning about it and how to be better at it but I don’t feel sexy. Even when my ex would call me sexy I just didn’t feel it or see it. The thing is though, feeling sexy is essential to having good sex. If you can’t tap into that energy, I feel like the sex is just lackluster and for me it became more about just satisfying my partner more than anything.
I do think looking sexy, being sexy, and feeling sexy are all separate things and it depends on who is perceiving you. I wish that I could be perceived as sexy without actually having to change my appearance. The women that I look up to and that I am also attracted to (i’m queer) are just sexy without even trying. I feel like if I need to put on certain clothes to feel/be sexy then it kinda defeats the purpose. I wanna still be & feel sexy even if I’m covered head to toe. Ugh I don’t even know i’m just rambling but I feel so much of what you’re saying.
I'm just glad you're back, it seems like talking about things is a good mental health exercise for you.
I know you said you don't want to hear from men on this one, but for what it's worth, I think there's no reason you need to force yourself to dress anyway you don't want to dress, or be performative if you're not horny or enjoying it at the time. The world is full of people with varied taste, so regardless of which look/style you go with on any given day, finding someone who finds that look attractive won't be hard, so there's nothing wrong with just being yourself and carrying yourself in whatever way that you feel comfortable in; whoever sees you and likes what they see will notice. You have a pretty face, so a lot of different styles will work for you. As far as sex, some men won't care that you're not performative, I myself only want genuine energy. If you're concerned about pain, don't be afraid to check his/toy size before there's any real expectations, and pass if it's too big. Lastly, if desiring sex is an issue, and you're on any medication, keep in mind that some meds are known to have a side effect of dulling people's sexual appetite and physical sensitivity.
Sound like there's some more inner work to be had then, wishing you the best
this is sooo relatable 🗣️‼️
pretty arbitrary and vain consideration to me, if i am sexy or not. or if others are sexy or not.
That’s why it’s my video and not yours ? If I wanted to know what you thought about yourself I would’ve asked you to make one
I love your hair
thank you ❤️
As a man, this was so refreshing to hear🥺✨
U are beautiful you should remember that always really I mean that keep you head up
I’m a man so I can’t understand a woman’s perspective on it obviously, but I do think great sex depends on the connection and the chemistry you have with a person.
If there’s no attraction beyond the surface level then the experience won’t be that good, maybe sometimes put you off the idea of sex completely.
Or maybe you could have feelings for someone or care about them to a certain point, but not to the extent of having sex with them.
I thinks it’s admirable and way more sexy when a woman wants to keep her clothes on, and not flaunt it all over the internet.
That stuff is supposed to be sacred.
There’s so many beautiful women out there that don’t need to dress half naked to get a man’s attention.
That only fans for example is an abomination. Hate all that nonsense.
In the future people will value their privacy public places like schools clubs city will be deserted
Thx for the video, ill enjoy your thought provoking company for the next 30 minutes.
Edit: 2:55 sorry for commenting as a male i guess😂❤
LOL I was exaggerating a little bit , your comments are welcomed I didn’t want anyone being weird lol ❤️
I'm probably in the minority but yes you're physically appealing but what makes you sexy to someone like myself is your thought process. The way your brain works is fascinating. Most treat sex as a surface level action but it should be seen as something much more profound and deeper to enhance a bond/connection. How you feel about yourself should matter more than strangers online however.
I think im sexy.
Women take along time to build their pleasure with a partner/Self. An example being on the elusive w/ sexuality and exclusive narratives. You want the guy to be natural but if he is natural it won’t be sexual, It will be sensually partaking buildup. I sympathize how when women get the interest(s) of the guy they instantly regress into any and every survival guide. But my empathy never had any bearing on them unless we both are children in that moment. The weight of having a normal conversation with a fantasy enthralled woman is the same thing, She isn’t listening to me mentally, But women can’t do that stuff they prioritize fantasy sex development over applicable relationship sex. It would mean the illusion of choice goes away 😱
That's because they found their sexy. You must find your own.
Glad you got what I meant instead of preaching to me that i shouldn’t strive to be sexy lol
@zions_diary who is anyone to tell you what you should strive to be? You have such wonderful thoughts on the subject, and you're looking for an answer. Of course you will find it, it's already there. Remember who you are! **Edna voice**
have u thought u might just be asexual?
I am not lol
Hau
Who the hell cares about being sexy? Who sold you that as a value? Gimme a break. No one who is healthy NEEDS to feel sexy. Appreciated by the oppposiste sex (or same sex) to a certain extent? Sure.....in that you know when you are attracted to someone and they are attracted to you.
Other than that? It's all BS. DON'T fall for the social programming around "sexiness". Don't fall for celebrity culture....what is currently "cool" to be seen as etc.
Think in terms of a mentally healthy person. What is inner health and does it truly involve the concept of sexiness? So kids can't be mentally well if they don't feel it? lol Or super old people? Gimme a break.............
I'm a BOY!... You focusing too much on the visual element of SEXY and that is the last part (the result) YOU DO NOT LEARN SEXY, YOU ARE BORN WITH IT. YOUR JOB IS TO ALLOW IT. START WITH WHY YOU FEEL GUILTY WHEN YOU ENJOY IT...