Wondering if having a baby is right for you? Use these quick links to catch the highlights: 1:25 - Exactly how Marie knew she didn’t want biological kids of her own. 2:13 - Sound familiar? All the ways others will tell you to have kids. 3:28 - The message every. single. woman. needs to hear. 4:12 - Marie’s best advice for anyone wondering, “Should I have kids?” What’s next? Watch this playlist for more nuggets of wisdom: th-cam.com/play/PLAxUz0wM51b-f5hvOrlDdcHlUR-d0JcfF.html
My thinking is I would rather regret never having had kids than having kids and regretting it. I don't want to mess with another human being like that.
@@mbroussard212 That is so true, I have got two biological children and I took on two others that were not my own, I have absolutely no regrets at all what so ever, if anything it has given me quite an experience, wisdom and it has enriched my life, my children are a blessing and a joy who has brought happiness into my life, I invite you to my channel so you can see me when I have spent quality and valid time with my children . It does change you, your idea's on life, your prioritizes change. The child comes first, you become second best and your needs come last !!
As a mother of two kids I've always known I wanted, it really burns me up when women feel pressure to have children. The kindest thing you can do for yourself and the world is to be honest about what you really want, then go for it. Always remember that this is the only life you have. People have lots of advice, but no one will be around to take the consequences for you, so make your own decision.
Having kids can send some people over the edge and ruin lives. So it's actually incredibly stupid and insane that people have such a flippant attitude towards other people having kids. "Oh but you'd make a good mother" is an irresponsible statement, since you don't have a crystal ball.
Omg, what a powerful comment. No one will take the consequences for you. Thank you for that. So refreshing and helps me fit everything right into perspective 💕
@@automnejoy5308 indeed I will never understand it either. Specially when we litterally have a huge overpopulation problem!!! Like hello, where do these people think they live? We all have only 1 planet
@@audreym7119 Yeah, it's crazy. The human population was never supposed to be this big, and was never close to this for most of our history. We only reached one billion globally in 1804, and it's rapidly ballooned out of control since then. People are concerned about the economy and an imbalance if people don't have as many kids, but there is no economy anyway without a healthy environment.
I'm 31 no kids and very single. People are actually mad that I'm happy with my life. Lol I may have children in the future but it will be my decision and nobody can force me into that phase of life. I'm tired of people telling me that my clock is ticking.
I'm not sure if I want kids or not. I would like to have someone to whom I can teach and see grow... but at the same time, I would like to continue my life as it is; waking up at the time I want, having time to myself, enjoy quietness....
I feel the same way. Like during the holidays I always think about how much love I could provide for a kid and maybe I should adopt but at the same time I can't see myself being a mom.
It's sad that men aren't asked this question, when in fact having kids is not just a women's responsibility or job - it's a combined decision/choice from both the man and woman plus an equal responsibility.
I don't know what planet you are from, but in planet Earth, where I live, men are on the mainstream or many times more consistently shamed and pressured to "marry" and or "man-up" and take the role of a husband/dad supporting a family. And I say, this: just as women have the right to choose not to have kids, so do men have the right to choose to remain permanently single.
It will never be a equal responsibility. The women will most likely do everything for her kids. That just how we are. Be happy if he will change diapers without complaining about the smell. Haha. Even if you have a awesome partner one will always do more then the other.
Men don't get asked because men don't really get the option. Women have the right to choose parenthood, if they get pregnant, they can choose. With men, they do not have the right to choose parenthood. They just have to go with what the woman decides. They fact you are asked these questions show that people actually care, no one cares about men.
I am a mother of two and just because I made the choice to have children, I would NEVER shame another woman for choosing to do otherwise. Being a parent takes a lot of emotional, mental, physical and financial commitment and I admire someone who knows that they are not willing to make that commitment and consciously decides not to. It's not my place to decide what is right for another person. Thank you for making this video, it resonates with me as a woman who supports other women.
When I was 32, in 1998, I left a ‘safe’ career that I had studied for etc., to become a yoga teacher. It was pretty far off the grid back then, but I knew it was a better life for me. Most people around me were unable to understand what I was doing, but I got a new circle of friends and lived my truth. 20 years on I’m moving in a new direction, and following my current truth. The people who don’t support you are speaking from their own fears. Just keep going where you know you should each day. 🙏🏻
Susan Hopkinson Hi Susan, I'm 27 and considering leaving my career to study Ayurveda. Will you share what you are moving onto now? What is your new truth? Thank you
Em Holland Great to hear! I also studied Ayurveda and counsel people individually, through personalized sessions to help people through illness or transformation using what I’ve learned from yoga, Buddhism, Ayurveda and also as an astrologer. It’s a more focused version of what I was already doing for years, without the group classes that increasingly felt like they were no longer for me. I’m also writing now which feels like a better way to share my experience. Good luck 😘🙏🏻 Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu May all beings in all realms find happiness
Love what you're saying about supportive people. Yep, if people are against you, they're not for you. Simples. Ignore them, not worth the time and energy. Quality over quantity.
I have children (used to not want them but changed my mind) and I would NEVER shame a woman for her decision not to have children or assume she will change her mind like I did. I don’t even bring up children at all or ask any questions of my child-free friends (which is all my friend. I don’t know any other parents.). I will say, I wish that people showed me the same respect. I have had people tell me (without me asking) that they don’t want kids because it’s wrong to bring children into this environment, economy, etc. That’s essentially telling me that my decision is wrong. It’s very hurtful. People who experience pressure to have kids assume that once you have the kids the pressure is off. But it’s only the beginning. Mothers are pressured even more after they have the kids to parent a certain way. I wish we could all just support each other. The subtle bias against mothers in my generation (I’m under 30) is pervasive. If I walk into a restaurant people roll their eyes at my 3 young kids. I’m expected to endure all kinds of advice from people who don’t have kids or even listen to their theories of how there should be a test in order to be allowed to reproduce. I know that historically child-free women have really gotten the short-end of the stick. But these days you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Once you have kids there’s not some special club of normality. In fact, it feels more isolating than ever. Let’s all support each other’s decisions, ladies! I will continue to praise any choice another woman makes about her life and her body.
Anastasia Rath This was so well described and not something I have ever truly considered. I really agree with you and I feel awful that you’ve had to experience this. I’m 26 - no children - but I have not heard a modern mother’s experience and dilemma described so eloquently before. We definitely all need to be as respectful as you are towards others’ decisions 👍
SaintOrCinema thank you so much! I’m so glad you took this the right way. I feel compelled to talk about it but not tear down child-free women whatsoever. It’s not a contest of who had it worst or anything. I think maybe you’ve heard other mothers describe it in a way that’s more targeted at child-free people? It’s easy to justify our own decisions by tearing down others. Feeling ok with ourselves and those different from us at the same time - that’s harder than people think!
Same - I went through a period of time where I wanted ABSOLUTELY NO children (or at least, outwardly, and I haven't really FULLY changed my mind either) and so many people have been telling me "you'll change your mind" or "it'll happen" or "but you would be such an amazing mom" that it honestly makes me LESS inclined to consider changing my mind because it feels patronizing and I don't want to make others think they knew better than me... it's just a cruel thing to say to people, honestly. I don't go around telling (stay-at-home or other) moms that "they'll want a career someday, it'll happen, you'll change your mind and you'll be amazing at it".
I’m also 32 years old and wrestle with the decision. But here’s how I “deal” with it! I get very present and ask myself: do i want kids right now? The answer is a clear “no.” I know by the way I feel. So if and when the time is right, I’ll know. For now, I take the facts (and feeling) at hand to make my best decision possible!
But how do you feel exactly when asking yourself that question? I'm the type of persons who makes important descisions with a pro's & cons list but this item in particular you have to decide with the gut feeling... i find it the hardest thing to do in life, besides figuring out what to do with my carreer....... will I know the one thing if i'm settled in the other? Dilemmas dilemmas dilemmas...
I'm 37 and always assumed I'd have kids by 30 but it just hasn't happened yet mainly because none of my relationships have been with men I'd ultimately want to have kids with. I've heard all the typical comments and they've definitely made me panic and question my life decisions. But you know what, having children shouldn't be a forced thing. It'll happen if it's meant to be and if it doesn't then I'll have a fabulous independent life regardless :)
Jenny M Same here!! I’ve been in some pretty bad relationships and I thank God I didn’t procreate with those men! I would have been stuck dealing with them for the rest of my life! 😰
34 without kids. My mom was having kids at my age and I feel like with the economy and coronavirus...I just feel like hunkering down and focusing on art. Don’t judge me 🙃
I’m also 34 without kids, I recently made the decision to focus on art and my middle name is Lee. Seems like we have some things in common 😊 I hope you don’t mind me asking...has anything changed since you commented 10 months ago? Just curious how you’re feeling about it all now - like if you’ve decided either way or remain undecided. Sorry if this is weird. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this stuff because none of my friends are in a remotely similar situation.
I'd like to see myself, in 25 or 30 years, with one or two adult children who come home for dinner every once in a while and invite me to be a part of their lives. I just don't wanna spend the next 20 - 25 years helping someone become an adult, wiping their noses, being responsible for a whole other person. Being responsible for myself and my marriage feels more than enough. I'm 33. I'm still wondering what I should do.
That's exactly how I feel, too! Of course it'd be nice to have adult kids later on (good, sane adult kids you like, that is!). But is it worth sacrificing decades of your best years to raise them?
The story of my life! I'm 34 and happily married. I've always worked and been very independent, travelled, enjoyed every stage of my life to the fullest. I never had the desire to have kids. In my 20s I thought it was normal because I was too young. I always thought my maternal instinct would kick in eventually. Here we are 34 and kinda getting to the point were decisions must be made. My hubby doesn't worry about it, either way. As a woman I really feel the pressure to have kids. My fear is that I'll regret it if I do and if I don't. I really need to listen to my heart. Thank you Marie.
I feel you Brenda! I'm turning 33 in October and I just feel pretty stressed out as I STILL don't know! Having someone to relate to is totally comforting!
I can totally relate and as you get older is worse if you don't make a decision. I am 36. I sometimes go back in time and hear the old me talking about kids with my husband and it was always " if we have kids...". I think it was never: I want to. It was always more based on what you were supposed to do when you get married. I think my battles are more peer-pressure, so many friends pregnant, it is hard not to think about it.
yes Brenda same here, 36 and still waiting for that instinct to kick in. Like you I thought something will change when i hit 30 but nothing changed and exactly like you im stressed that the decision has to be made. And I feel nothing inside, not yet nor now sway. Thank you for sharing dear
vanegary I can totally relate. It's hard to know who's voice your listening to when you try to make a decision. I've been telling myself "I'll think about it next year" for a couple of years now...
I'm turning 26 and I've broke the news that I don't want goobers. Of course I get the comments about being young and changing my mind later (eff that) 🙄. Children are a personal choice and one day I took a look around at my circumstances and my goals and realized that it wasn't for me. 1. Not having a strong familial support system. It truly takes a village. 2. Wanting to travel (live in various places) and build my own company. 3. Responsibility only to myself. Largely financial. 4. I'd rather mentor kids than raise them. 5. I'm a dope auntie.
Kamilah Smith Wow! I feel like we're on pretty much the same page! I'm just about to turn 26 and have been seriously taking stock of my life after experiencing some major life changes over the past year or two which have woken me up regarding the direction of my life. Did you always know but keep it to yourself?
And I am also 26 and my son is 9 months now and I allways knew I want to have kids and career as well.... but it is so difficult now. I allways thought ok those people who say it is difficult taht they just don’t know how to arrange their time. But right now of course I am following my career dreams as well but having a baby at the same time complicates a lot. So I would say, If you are not sure if you want to have kids then maybe wait some more time because it is going to be hard sometimes and you should be ready 😀🙏
Weronika Bednarska Yes exactly Weronika! I've always felt like, if I were to ever have kids, I'd want to feel like I'd already achieved most/all of my dreams and be in a very good situation financially. This is probably influenced by the fact that my parents were in their late 30's by the time they had kids and my maternal grandmother was the same! I understand your struggle though as my best friend (who's actually 2 years younger than me) had her baby a year ago and I can see how she's struggling (not financially) and has told me repeatedly she feels like she lost her identity overnight and doesn't have any time to herself, even though she loves her daughter to bits and isn't career focused at the moment. I really wish you the best of luck in both areas of your life and hope you find a good balance soon! 😃
Esmeri Power is always in the present moment, you always have new choices to make and can choose to make them with courage and from a place of inner wisdom that we all have in us. x
Thank you for your honesty, Esmeri. Could you expand a little on what makes you wish you'd chosen differently? Maybe give a few things that you wish motherhood didn't entail? Thank you!
I struggled with this issue in my late 30s. I’m 42 now, but when I was 36, I fell in love with a wonderful man. Sadly, it didn’t work out. I struggled for years thinking there was something wrong with me because I didn’t have the life my friends and family had - married with children (and a dog!). However, unlike my friends, I was always drawn to travel, introspection, freedom, spirituality and personal development. Plus, I also struggled with a lot of internal rage and resentment towards my dad for his abuse. I never felt the “urge” to want a family of my own until I met this man. However, I wasn’t being completely honest with myself - my desire to be with this guy and have this dream life of being happily married with children (or a child) was motivated by fear of limited time and fear that my choice would be taken away from me in a few years if I didn’t make this happen now. The relationship I was in was meant to end (there were other issues I was blind to). I wish more women like Marie were candid about this subject. Watching this video gives me relief and has helped me make sense of some of the internal conflict I’ve had. Also, I wish people would mind their own business instead of espousing their own fears. Thank you, Marie for being true to yourself and being such an inspiration to me and so many women.
I was pressured by my mother to have kids and I never did. As the years passed some of my family members got divorced, kids had problems, financial problems and one by one they almost all ended up worse off than I did. I bought my property and paid off my mortgage, have zero debt, never got married so I've never been taken to the cleaners by way of divorce. I'm now almost 50 and I absolutely do not feel any regret for not having kids. As for my mother, after seeing how every one else ended up- she finally told me that I did the right thing and made the right decision as I avoided all the bs everyone else encountered. Just remember that life is short and children are people that you choose to bring into this world without their consent. Yet you have the responsibility of providing their food, shelter, deal with their sickness, education and every problem they create. It is not a decision that you should take lightly. You have to sacrifice your spare time, money and life in general. It lasts for the rest of your life. My attitude is that I chose to give the job of parenting to someone else. If you want that job, that responsibility, that most important act, the act of creating a person than do it. If you have found a good reason to bring this person into existence so that they can experience life and all it comes with, such as going to school, religion, politics,sickness, keeping up with paying bills, and the whole nine yards, finally having a job for 40 years, hardship, stress, anxiety, fear, worry, harassment that we all experience in one form or another and the eventual death that we all come to when we run out of time and our number comes up. Than by all means have a child, not one have at least 3 or more.
I'm on the same path. I've never wanted to be a mom. The amount of harrassing pressure from strangers, coworkers and family has been ridiculous. Coworkers started yelling at me when they over heard a conversation about my life choice. The choice to not be a mother was easy, handling the outside harassment and condescending attitude is irritating.
I'm 30 with one beautiful son and im sooo done and not having anymore!! Unless you really really feel like you "need" one don't go there. I can't explain how hard it is.
@@dermlover1 look for Dr Shefali Tsabary or read a lot about Peaceful or Conscious parenting before you decide to have a child. I have my first and only one at 42 and it is really hard, the emotional part is huge if you want to raise a healthy and whole human being. Kids are our mirror and we have to be prepare to face it and don't blame the child ( like most parents do unfortunately).
Seriously the story of my life right now lol No one thinks I know what I want for myself and try to lead with this fear of not having offspring if I choose that I don't want to. I appreciate this episode because in my ten year plan, there has never been kids in my plan.
I've been struggeling with this for my entire life. I never wanted kids and everyone keeps telling me that the feeling "will come soon" and that it's just my age. One time, someone even asked me "what was wrong with me" because I chose not to have kids. I'm happy that I have amazing parents who support me no matter what, but seeing my friends get married and have children is difficult, since I don't want the same thing. Sometimes, it's even hard to relate to them because of this. Wanting to have kids should be something you have to want 100%. Seeing this episode makes me realize that not having kids is okay too. Thank you!
Turning 33 in October. Married last September and this is so timely as I feel sooo stressed out wondering why I STILL do not know if I want to have kids. Some people choose not to because they generally don't like kids but I love kids and it's just confusing why I don't have a desire to have my own. Anyone feel the same?
I do. One thing is to really love my nephew like I do. Other is to want a kid on my own. raising a kid demands a lot of patience, dedication, money, and many other things. It is not as fun as playing with another person's kid. so, it is something to consider carefully.
totally with you dawn for life, you read my mind, I'm 36 and my partner wants kids, so Im subconsciously trying to convince myself to want them too. Its been a struggle for the last few years, I just want to wake up one day and simply know for sure, whichever it is yes or no. But just to know. I find the not knowing for sure in my hear the most tormenting. Hope we both find the answer
dawn for life. I understand where you're coming from. I love children but do not want children of my own. I enjoy my nieces & nephews very much. However, I have no desire to raise kids. Not having children doesn't mean you don't love kids. They're two separate issues. I think they're too many people blithely having children without properly thinking things through. It's great that you're taking time to explore what's right for you!
Anna Danicka I hear you Anna! I'm in a similar situation. I find that Meditation helps me draw wisdom from within. Trust that your intuition will rise up and guide you :)
We were married for 5 years before we felt like the time was right. We kept getting pressure from friends and family to hurry up and have a baby. Honestly, those five years were the best foundation we could have given our marriage because our children changed everything about our life... from the way we travel to the way we communicate. I totally believe in just trusting your feelings. You'll know when you're ready. :)
Being a 29 year old woman here, I never once wanted children of my own, mostly due to fear of raising one without the ability to give them all the love and needs I would want to give. I found out I was adopted, after my adopted father walked out the door on my mom one night. They divorced a week later. I was seven or eight at the time, I begged them to get back together, deep down I knew it wasn't a possibility. As I grew older, I knew SO many people who either divorced, or were children of divorce, the kids usually were negatively affected; befriending people whose parents divorced gave me a way to relate to them and understand how they felt, that it happens often. There are also so many kids who are orphans or in foster care, luckily my birthmother gave me up to parents who care for me. Ironically they divorced and my father killed himself when I was 21. So, all that kindof fucked up my perception on having children. Currently, I am with my boyfriend, he has twin daughters. We also have 3 cats. I am a stepmother in a sense, and it is fulfilling to watch them become young adolescents, 13 years old. They come to me for advice sometimes, and twins are fascinating to me, very unique bond that they share. It is rewarding to know they can look up to me, and call me their second mom, I do all I can to get what they need and make sure they are happy. This is as close to having children I will ever get.
So timely! I’m 33 married and do not want kids. I am an editorial photographer, food blogger and TH-camr. I’m so darn busy. The older I get the more certain I am. Adding kids to my life would derail my hobbies and interests and that would make me extremely unhappy and bitter which is not fair to a child. I’m not looking to add more responsibility to my life. I’m looking for more time to continue pursuing my career and traveling with my husband. Marie nailed it. My advice for Talia is to stick to your gut. You sound like you are very self aware which is great. Stick to that and do what you feel is best for your life. You can lead a very happy life without kids! 😀
I’ve never been into dating. I’ve had a few short relationships, but it has definitely caused concern from my family and friends. They think there must be something wrong or that I’m secretly deeply hurt haha. I just have things I’m working on in my life and I don’t want to date for the sake of dating (it takes a lot of time, energy, and work imo). I figure when I want to be with someone I’ll know and then I’ll put time and energy into it. Until then, I’m focused on my goals and myself 🙌
YASSSS! this is totally me! Ive never been in any serious relationships. More like SITUATIONships lol. But im pass those days. I'm past those days of just dating just because. It does take a lot of time and energy which I feel like right now im not at that stage yet to sacrifice or meet someone worth sacrificing for. Also marriage is an even bigger commitment. I'm happy being single, getting my finances in order, my goals, God's will for me. I'm glad to be in this season where I really get to be molded to the woman God intended for me to be. And when the time comes mr. right will pop up and I'll be ready or just know.
Laura Croft yes! I think people are still of the mindset that women just want/need a man. And while I would like to eventually have someone... it’s not my main priority in life 🤷🏻♀️
Hi Marie! Huh! Yup! This gets me in the gut so often. My grandmother basically told me that I’m not a woman if I don’t have a child. Oh and the best part, is that I don’t need a man to have one... like what the Royal F!?!?!? I’m the only one in control of my life choices. Period. The end. Thank you for this episode. Xo 😘
I think visualization is so important. When i see my life down the road i see myself surrounded by 6 kids. Lots of them. I see myself being a stay at home mom and wife and making my children my priority. I realize now that I don't want to be the career driven woman that I've told myself i have to be. I want to be a mom and raise my babies to be the best, happiest versions of themselves.
Not to be rude but you really think all your 6 kids are gonna grow up to be happy healthy adults? The amount of resources humans take up and overpopulation are things to consider too. 6 may not seem like much, but over the years, you'd have hundreds of direct descendants. Not very good for the planet, js.
Kids are responsibility. It's a huge task. Sacrifices and great patience are prerequisites. With world becoming increasingly bad, . If the parents can't find time on daily basis through a very long time say till around they graduate, it's no then.
@@TheFirstGoomba so people should have children and neglect them just so that they can just tick another box that they have spawned? What good can come out of people having kids that they cant be bothered to spend time with and invest in physically and emotionally?
@@TheFirstGoomba it is the best time to be alive, regardless of how good or bad our lives are. Technology is in abundance, and we are about to enter a world of A.I which will have a lot of benefits too. Even if your life sucks, it's better it sucks in 2020 than in 1920.
@@TheFirstGoomba what are you on about? I'm just saying it's literally the best time to be alive on the history of mankind. Don't get your closet panties in a twist.
@@TheFirstGoomba wow, you're saying 'don't be so judgemental' while being judgemental. We get it; your upbringing was not good, dad was not around, and you're not white. So you're bitter, but that's you're issue. Get rid of that chip on your shoulder. If you're in America or the UK for example, you have the same opportunities as everyone else. But I get it, it's very hard to really look around you with your eyes open and then admit that you're not really a victim.
For me, It was quitting my big corporate big money job to be a entrepreneur and make my vision a reality. Everybody was telling me that I was irresponsable. I did it anyway but I did it wisely. I reduce massively my monthly fees. Sold my house. Went back to a tiny apartment and have a bridge job. It’s been 10 years now, and I never regret it. In fact, I love so much what I do, I say I stop working 10 years ago.
i think having kids to not die alone is actually really selfish. these kids do not have to take care of you when you are older, this is also another burden that should be discussed. Beside that, they may be really busy with their lives when you are old, or they just dont want to take care of you or they live somewhere else, or they themselves can be really ill ...There are many probabilities. So, i see your point but i believe having kids is not related to this fear 💕
FINALLY! Heard Tom Bilyeu drop a similar answer, but this is the first female (public) explanation why no kids. There is lots of pressure typically from parents to get hitched and have seen too many marry the wrong spouse. I'm wayyy too early in my career to add children, and truthfully, at family parties where there are 20 grandkids romping around, kinda solidifies that decision - as adorable as they are, can only spend 30 minutes at a time with them
I'm 66 years old. I don't have any biological children, and I'm quite content with that. Always have been. As I wended my way through life, I just never hit a cross road where I felt I had to make a choice one way or another. I was fine working my way up the ladder in my career. At 33, I married. Before doing so, I asked my future husband whether he wanted to have kids, and he said definitely not. He already had three kids, and he didn't want more (been there, done that). I was only slightly disappointed (more attracted to the fantasy of it than anything else). But I never felt compelled to have kids, and his answer was enough to seal the deal. (I would never have gone ahead and married him and then tried to change his mind; I already knew that was a stupid thing to do and a lousy way to start a marriage.) My three step-kids lived out of state and just came to visit on some school holidays for a week or two, so we didn't really parent them. I'm on good terms with all three of them. We're scattered all over the country, and they've all made me a grandma (and even a great grandma), so we don't get a chance to see each other much. Their dad and I eventually divorced (all three were adults by that time), and I didn't hear much from them. Then we all gathered at his funeral and actually began to keep in closer touch after that. I don't expect them to feel a responsibility to look after me as I age. If they want to, that's great, but I never really think about that. I have a younger brother and two young nieces. I don't expect them to take care of me, either. I do have friends--some of whom are ten to fifteen years younger than I am, and they've said they want to keep an eye on me when I get older. But I'm in great health, still active professionally, and VERY independent. I enjoy my own company and am never bored or particularly lonely. Life is good. If I were to offer advice to someone wondering whether they should or should not have kids, I would say that if you don't feel a strong desire to have kids, then you probably shouldn't have them. Parenting is a full-time 24-7 stressful job even under the best of circumstances. It can't be done casually; as my ex-husband said, "Your whole life changes."
Omg...I love this topic! I too have never wrestled with my decision not to have kids. I am 45 now & have zero regrets about my decision. I used to feel shame sometimes about my life choices but NOT ANYMORE! I enjoy having my life be mine & not revolved around children. I've also heard all those same things to about not having them. Someone even went so far as saying I was selfish ...lol! That made me seriously laugh! Because that "selfishness" saved a child from possibly living & growing up in a horrible environment. Which I see over & over in this world.
Greetings from Germany! Thank you for this amazing answers. I‘m 34 years old, happily married and childfree. Since 2 years I feel totaly stressed and like an Alien because people asking me Why I haven‘t kids...these questions were batteling me every day. Now I made up my mind that its totaly ok to be childfree and still be a normal and lovely person and woman. I also see a caoch with whom i work on this subject and after every lesson i feel more comfortable with my opinion. To every woman who feels the same way: be brave to listen to your inner voice. It‘s ok to be and act different than most women in society do🙌🏼
THANK YOU for posting this. As a 41 year old woman who does not want kids, I get the business from so many different people. I'm secure in my own decision, yet it's nice to have this type of support available.
Marie. Thank you for sharing this! I 100% feel the same way about allowing intuition to guide my life and at 35 have never felt any sort of desire to have a baby. It is so refreshing to hear from others who feel the same way. It can be so challenging to tune out the shoulds and the coulds and the what-ifs that our Moms, culture, etc. seem to place on us, but man, the power of tuning into your body and your heart. Amen sister! Thank you :)
Very inspirational video! I have struggled with this decision since I was 30. Now I am 36 and society still makes me feel bad about being childfree; especially that I am married 😊 thanks for your insights!
Thank you very much for this. Let me just say that as a man this is very difficult too. Because I’ve known for a while that I don’t want kids, yet people constantly say those same kind of things to me. And it’s difficult finding a girl to be with who also doesn’t want children or is at least open to the idea of not having them.
I am 20 and have been gradually realizing I don't want kids. If anything, I want to adopt or foster in my 40's or 50's. I am a Christian and I have so much else I feel called to - the medical field, the mission field, grad school... I wouldn't want my kids to be loved/poured into less because of those things, nor would I want to give them up and resent my kids for that. The heartbreaking thing is I may have to end a happy relationship over this. My boyfriend very much wants to be a dad.
I'm 36 and have been struggling with this ever looming baby decision for years. My husband also isn't sure he wants a kid. He's 45 and sometimes feels he won't have the energy for a kid. I grew up believing that one day I would have kids cause it's what people do when they're married and grown. The problem is we've become very comfortable with the way our life is and not sure we want it to change. Plus, there is still things we want to do. I always thought that childlessness was an unfortunate fate couples went through, but didn't know until it was time for us to make our decision that it was also a viable option. I do look at my life 10, 20 yrs from now and wonder what each scenario might be like. I feel scared of being alone as an old woman one day with no one around and yet I could have a kid and still be alone when I'm old. I feel as though their is limiting beliefs on both sides of the spectrum. Not having kids won't necessarily condemn you to a life of loneliness and having kids won't necessarily ensure a life of constant comfort and belonging. I feel alot of pressure to make this decision soon because I am 36 and still don't know what I truly want. I don't really have a career but I do have dreams to start my own business. My husband and I both have goals and dreams we want to achieve but feel alot like it has to be one or the other. Especially with the ages we're at, it just feels like there's not enough time for both. Kids and chasing dreams. And maybe that's a limiting belief as well but, I feel there is a lot of grey areas when it comes to this decision.
I want kids, at least six. I’ve know this since I was five years old and nothing’s ever gonna change that. I want to know what it’s like to give birth or adopt, to wake up to them crying every night, the terrible two’s, going off to kindergarten and developing their own brain, the teenage years where they’ll go, “I hate you, Mom!” as they slam the door in my face, the heartbreak I’ll feel when they get their first SO, graduate, go off to college, being stuck in an empty home until I die in my nice rocking chair. That’s all I imagine myself in the future, to raise as many children as possible with my husband in our suburban home.
Amen! I knew I wasn’t going to have kids by my late 20’s. As a survivor of childhood sexual and emotional abuse I had a lot of healing to do and I knew I did not want to pass on this abuse on. I wanted it to end with me.
Marie you beautiful human being! I LOVE that more high-profile women are talking about this issue (Lisa Bilyeu recently posted something on Instagram about it, too). There's so much shame around voluntary childlessness for women - and yes, we need to stop looking for permission to live how we want to live! And that goes for women who know they want a family too, who I'm sure face their own share of judgment. The choice is always ours
Whether it's a man or a woman, the decision to choose to be a parent is entirely personal. No amount of peer pressure or expectations from family members must force anyone to take the decision to have offspring. Deep inside ,I have never ever seen myself as a dad. But I do think I would be a super cool uncle . I tend to invest all my resources and energy towards developing myself and would probably not be a good provider for a kid. I even don't think very highly of marriage. I am one of the very odd balls in my family and friend circles to think the way I do but I am being myself and true to my heart. At this point i really don't know if I would regret this decision 25 years later but I am prepared to face any consequences as a result.
My internal turmoil on the subject stems from just not knowing if I’ll regret it! Sometimes I can’t imagine a life without kids, the next I am repulsed by the idea. I’m normally indecisive, but this is on a whole different scale!
I am 39 and single without kids. And people are constantly asking me (moreso strangers than people I know) if I want kids. I know it's part of natural conversation when getting to know people--I'm fine with that. But when I answer no, I'm not married and no I don't have kids, people need to move on to another topic. Yes I've always wanted to be a mother but the fact is at the moment, I'm not and probably won't have any. And that is okay!
I'm in the same boat Natasha. I would have happily been a mom, but it didn't happen and that's ok. Just met a man with a 17 yr old and a 22 yr old and that's pretty cool too. Onwards!
THANK YOU for this video! Personally, I've known since I was 18 that I did not want kids. However, people seem to think that is what I SHOULD want and desire (especially since I work as an educator). I have no plans to change my mind . . . I plan to live MY truth!
Absolutely love this, Marie. Thank you for making me feel more confident about my own decision. Whenever I wrestle with “me against the society” - I feel alive! :)
A decision I just recently made that goes against the grain is to stay in a city across the country by myself and get myself a one-bedroom apartment while my boyfriend moves back to the other side of the country to our hometown. People think I’m crazy and that our relationship won’t work, but what I say is “if it’s meant to be, it will be.” If not, well then regardless of what happens, I still did what I knew was right for me which was staying in this city...alone! :) Thanks for the awesome advice and love the show!
We decided early on not to have kids. It never changed and after a while people stopped asking! One of my friends thought it was because my husband didn’t but asked me “just between us” did I secretly want them? Noooo I really don’t want any. I have had every single one of those sentences thrown at me and I am almost 40!! People seem to not comprehend that some of us just don’t want children. I love my life sans children 🤗
I so appreciated this video. I knew early on that I did not want to have kids either. Your video made me chuckle as I've heard all of those comments and questions about my decision! Thank you for reminding us that we're the experts of our own lives. I'm just happy that I don't receive a lot of pressure from my family. The most loving thing we can do is be supportive without adding our own judgements or thoughts to people's decisions. Thanks so much, Marie!
Thank you again Marie. 39 years old, no kids, and I totally relate to the way you answerd that question: « The question was never in my plans...I go after what I want and I get it ! ». I 100% agree with you, If you really want something truely (except If health problems of course) you get It. At one point I was honnest with myself : this is not a question because this is not my goal/intérêts/future...I have so many more things project I am/was excites about! 😘😘❤️
I wanted kids when I was in my 20's and 30's, but "Mr. Right" never materialized. Now I'm in my 40's, happily single, and I have to admit that I realize God knew exactly what He was doing. Life without kids suits me. And I know alot of women in my generation who are choosing to not have kids either. Maybe I'll adopt one day, but for now I'm content. Plus, I can always "borrow" my nieces or nephews at any time... and then give them back. :)
When people pressure me to have a kid, I always ask them how much money they plan on contributing to the child's care and when they plan on babysitting so I can get some time for myself. Oh, they aren't planning on those things? Well then they can shut right up. Remember if you have a kid, the kid is your responsibility and at the end of the day everyone can walk away from you and you will have to raise that child by yourself. I am split on having kids. I like kids but the level of responsibility it entails scares me. I do think I would get support from my family but another thing that scares me is waiting so long that when I do decide to have a kid, my parents are then too old to help me with the child and need care themselves.
Oh my gosh AMEN! We need to stop telling women what to do with their bodies. Brilliant. And for all the years that I have followed you, I have always wondered about your decision not to have kids! Thanks so much for sharing xx
Yes I did! and in my case it had to do with a relationship. I was a divorced mom of 41, had 2 adult children living elsewhere and I started a new relationship that really went against the grain: 💨💨💨 - it was a Moroccan man (Moroccans in general didn't have a good image here) - he was muslim while I was christian - he was almost 20 years younger than me I got remarks like: "one day you will come home and your apartment will be empty!" "You could be his mother!" "It is not allowed for muslims to live with a christian!" (and vice versa) In the first place I was wrestling with myself because of the age difference, the rest was not important to me. It took me 2 months to allow myself to go for it and I have never regretted it 💖 I have enjoyed every moment with him. It was the strongest love relationship I have ever had ❤️❤️❤️ We promised each other to be there for one another the rest of our life and we still keep that promise. Today I am almost 60 and what life has taught me is that, when you follow your gut feeling and you accept clearly at the moment of your decision all the possible consequences (which means that you take full responsability) , then you have a blessed experience and you will never regret your decision ✨ You can only do this if you take your decision independently of everything you hear around you. When I was 41, a certain day I promised myself that I would do everything I could to feel alive and to really experience love in my life. I kept that promise to myself ever since ❤️😇 The first step was leaving my husband and, although It was a big challenge and a struggle for me to live for the first time in my life completely on my own, it was the best decision of my life 😇💖 And since that day I have never regretted any big decision 😊 Even if it turned out to be wrong or that I had overlooked something. It was ok because I told myself from the beginning that that was a risk that I took and that I had to be able to accept it if it would go wrong or if things would happen that I didn't like. At 41 I took consciously control over my own life and it has brought me so much happiness, you can't imagine 😊🍀 The message for me back then was "Allow yourself to be completely you and discover how you can do it." These are the steps that I have followed that helped me to do it: 1) Be aware of all your feelings: emotionally and in your body; the ones you want to feel and the ones you want to get rid off 2) Take a clear decision about what is the most important to you (or like Marie says: "How do you see yourself living in 10 years and later?") 3) Be aware of all the facts 4) Accept/Acknowledge everything that you can not control 5) Take the most important action that brings you the closest to nr. 2) I wish everybody here a blessed life 😄💖🍀 Hug, Lieve 😊 #discover #feelgood2 www.feelgood2.be
I have two grown kids and love them very much. But if I was given a life do over I would and could not go through the emotional, time and financial sacrifice that raising kids involves again. No matter how well prepared you think you are for raising kids, you're not.
I relate so much to this. I've known since I was little that kids weren't for me. My mind has never changed, despite so many people telling me it would. I respect this video and Marie so much for spreading this message! And LOL the song and the clips cracked me up! :)
Great episode! We (my husband & I ) decided not to have kids. We love children but having kids just wasn't for us. I think more people need to stop & think about it before they have kids, "just because."
Brilliant subject choice! I’m 38 and have always known somehow that I don’t want to have children. I’ve also had to contend with ALL the helpful comments that people, sometimes strangers, like to give me 😂 The latest one is people indicating that I’m running out of time - for what? 🤷🏻♀️ is my usual response! I’m also not married but have been with my partner for 16 years. People like to share their opinions on that too! 😂
I am a 36, soon to be 37 year old woman who imagined herself as married with 2.5 kids and a white picket fence. I turned into an independent college drop-out, entrepreneur. I'm not married, nor do I have children (although I have two fur babies that I consider my kids) however, I am in a loving relationship, I've had many jobs that, I now consider myself a renaissance woman, and which has allowed me to gain enough experience to start my own business. I always beat myself up about not finishing college. Education is really important to me but, the environment I grew up in and the fact that I just didn't know any better at the time is something that I always saw as a negative. I realized its okay to be a late bloomer. I still wrestle with having children. My partner and I have the same views on biological children and leave adoption as an alternative, if down the line we feel a calling to be parents. It takes a lot of strength to go against the grain of what/who society "thinks" I should be. I wouldn't want it any other way and couldn't imagine my life any different. It took me accepting my journey as is, not comparing myself to anyone else, getting clarity on what I want, and celebrating me for me. xo
Terrific topic! I've known since I was a child myself that I didn't want kids & managed to stick to that decision although the social pressure has been intense at times. I spent most of my 20s being patronized & told "oh, you'll feel differently when you're older" & was forced to go on the pill, with all its health risks, because no doctor would take me seriously enough to make it permanent. I also didn't marry a man I loved at the time because he wanted children & while he assured me he was OK with my decision, I knew it wouldn't be fair on him & that it would probably become a problem after a while. He's has 3 kids & is a wonderful dad, so my decision, while painful, was the right one for us both. I was lucky in a way to never have a single doubt -- nor a single regret (my partner for the past 24 years has 2 grown kids, so it's never been an issue with us). There are a lot of people in this world all too ready to tell women what to do with their lives; thank goodness we still have the power to make that decision ourselves. Let's all make sure that power of choice isn't taken away from us!
Thank you for sharing this Marie. I’m on board with you. I have been sharing my views ever since I was 5 years old. I’ve always told my family and friends I didn’t want them and 20 years later I know WHY I dont want them. Every woman should speak her voice with truth and respect, no matter who says we can’t.
Thank you so much for this. Yes, I really wrestled with this same issue - starting in my early 30s. I LOVE children, and without thinking much about it always assumed I'd have some, but when the time came I realised I didn't really want to be a parent. And boy, the judgements! All the time, from everywhere (person in shop, taxi driver, etc). Interestingly enough, I found a lot of mothers (not all, but most) understood and supported my decision - they knew exactly how tough mothering can be, and that it's not for everyone. But the fathers! Many of my male colleagues (and a few female colleagues) have laid all manner of trips on me, including: - but you would be a great mother and our planet needs people like you to help the gene pool (yes, seriously); - but being a parent is is the best thing ever, you have no idea ! (said by men who regularly leave home for work for 4-5 weeks at a time - common in my industry - while their wives take care of everything, sometimes struggling with depression: go figure); - but what meaning is there to your life without kids? - you'll never know love until you have kids; - etc etc When life's going well it's easy to be immune to this pressure, but when things are tough, when the career is stalling etc, it's hard not to take it on. It's helped so much hearing and reading what other women without children say on the matter. For example, I read something Elizabeth Gilbert wrote where she said that in all cultures across the world about 11-13% of women in a society will never have kids. It's like a universal ratio. And I believe this is because our "mothering" energy is needed by the culture in other ways - for creativity, for "broad" nurturing, for spiritual enquiry and teaching, etc. (Not that these things can't be done if you're a mother, but many of us can only focus on one thing!) Am now 49 and know I made the right choice for me. Also enjoy great relationships with some wonderful kids, including my sister's kids. Marie says it best: look inside yourself and listen to your inner voice. It knows.
I have had so much conflict in my head recently about having children. I have a boyfriend I love and he'd be such a good father. I think if we'd met 15 years ago we could've had beautiful children. He already has children and he thinks it's a bad idea to have any more. I have suffered a lot of pain trying to figure out if I should pursue that with another man. I hate dating, I hate meeting other men. I don't want another man. I want the boyfriend I have now. I think I'm so dissatisfied with my job, with my friendships/relationships, that I thought having a child would help me be less lonely. I went on FB and read some of the ' I regret having children' posts and it helped me so much. I think I'll always have a sore spot about not having had the family, but now I know that I don't have the right reasons for wanting a child either. I look good for 38, and I definitely think that having kids would definitely age me considerably. Thank you to everyone for their comments. Thank you Marie for the video.
Great advice Marie! Having children is not only a big, but personal decision that people feel all too comfortable in telling a woman what she should do with her own life and body. Blows my mind.
I just wouldn’t want my children to live in this type of society... look at it now so many children are committing suicide for little things. It would be hard to be a parent when you’re stressing about your financial issues as well.
I’m 32 as well married for 7 years. I do see myself as a mom in the future but It was my choice to hold on to the decision of stepping onto motherhood till now and hubby is cool with it too. But, Im kind of fed of people assuming that I have a medical problem given that I’m Asian. It’s so abnormal to women that I made the choice to not have kids for now. I always get told off for it or hear stuff like “your clock is ticking”. Someone or the other always has that awww I feel so sorry for you look when they hear that I have no kid. It really gets under my skin.
I think the meaning of life is as deep connection as u can get. If u strive to deepen connections with ur close friends, and love the work u do, then u will never be lonely. Kids arent there to give u life meaning. U will be awfull chaining them and expecting emotilnal support or anything like that from ur kids. In my opinion, if u are unable to detach, and feel the pressure then dont have the kids. Thats my opinion.
I have never been a Woman who's had a strong pull towards having children. My mind was always open to the possibility of, "if I meet the right man", "if it comes up at the right time". But that had never happened. I'm 40 this year. Then early this year, the idea was pretty much off the cards. Then, shit changed. I met someone, the conversation happened, I had two profound healing sessions which shifted 'something' from my ovaries, and suddenly BAM the desire was there. So so strange after a lifetime of not feeling it. It's like a light is now on that never was before. So I have zero judgement around it.
Interesting. So maybe it was due to lack of someone to share the responsibility with? I think my partner will make a good father but I am just not feeling it.
Sooo I admittedly had a age 35 cutoff for having kids. I just made 36 and still no kids or relationship. My fam asks me... eeeeverytime we gather. Like I'm breaking the rules some how. But whatever.
Never let anybody ( any guy !!!!!!) influence you, if you don't want children ( like me) but he wants, let him go ! He's not for you! I know that I will find a man to share my point of view one day. Thank you Marie !!
It's for every woman to decide for herself. I don't like babies or children (or anything to do with caring for them), but I have 4 (3 boys and 1 girl) - all adults now and moved out. But I always knew that I wanted to have a family, so I decided to have them very young (started at 19 - 4 children in 5 years). I love the people they have become; independent, kind to others, smart and funny. I love spending time with them NOW, not when they were crying little babies. I also never made a big deal about it, they never stopped my husband and I from traveling or following our dreams. We were never the "doting type" - but we were very strict. I can hear ask you parents scream; but since you had them you're suppose to sacrifice everything for them! Well, I don't agree, they will have their own life and adulthood to decide what they want to do with their life, but while they're children, just tag along with me, we might even end up having some fun! :-)
This video made me cry I am also 3 2 and child free and I feel just like you this video was so kind and compassionate thank you I adored this it’s given me a lot of peace god bless xxx
Thank you Marie for your never ending wisdom!!!! It is like a genuine friend that tells you “it is ok what you doing, just be yourself “, and comforts you. I don’t want to have kids and also want to pursue a different career that is viewed as not wise choices. But I also noticed, that if I ask for people ‘s opinions, start writing never endings lists of pluses and minuses, it all just messes with my intuition and I end up making wrong decisions. Thank you for encouraging us to listen to our inner voice!!!! ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much for sharing this. Everybody has to find their own way to happiness and no one can decide for anyone else what happiness should look like.
Yes! Every women on this planet, should be free to decide what is best for her, her body and life. I firmly believe this and I am a proud mom of two beautiful children and I feel so blessed to have them in my life but it was my decision.
Came to this video for some support, as a 32 year old woman, happily married, with a lovely job, childless and with no intent of having kids. Although I am starting to feel the pressure from my family, I do feel that my mindset is not going to change. I absolutely cannot imagine having kids. For me it falls into the same category as imagining that I should travel to space or climb Mt. Everest. I don't know why, I cannot explain it. But for some reason, I feel like I should have an explanation (or excuse!) when people ask me. But do I really need to have one...?
I'm 35 and I'm more on the fence than ever before and the pressure of time is not helping. I know I do not want to adopt or go through surrogacy or even IVF. What I cannot decide is if I want to try getting pregnant. I spent all of my adult life making sure I do not get pregnant if I'm not ready. Almost 2 decades later I am still not ready and time is running out. I'm happily married, my husband is 42, doesn't have children so the option of being a step-parent is out of the question as well. It's a now or never scenario and I'm frozen. We both are. I think we over though it for so long that now we are just stuck.
@@Drieleven Hey! Yeah baby fever came back! O_O We have stopped preventing 2 months ago (we aren't really trying hard, as in I'm not obsessing over testing if I'm ovulating or anything) we are kinda low key trying if you will... I think they call it "not trying not preventing" haha. We have both started nesting (make our place better and do all the home improvement projects, decluttering, cleaning, renovating.. it's been a crazy couple of months if you ask me). So yeah... if it doesn't happen by the time I hit 36 in May, then our family doc said we can get some tests to see if anything is wrong. So yeah.. that's where we are at!
ltlblugrl till menopause your body is capable. That’s how the universe has designed it. That’s why women can have kids from whenever they start their period which is as young as 9 for some and till 45/50. It’s 100% possible. Don’t let limiting beliefs hold you back as the universe will give you exactly what you believe
Wondering if having a baby is right for you? Use these quick links to catch the highlights:
1:25 - Exactly how Marie knew she didn’t want biological kids of her own.
2:13 - Sound familiar? All the ways others will tell you to have kids.
3:28 - The message every. single. woman. needs to hear.
4:12 - Marie’s best advice for anyone wondering, “Should I have kids?”
What’s next? Watch this playlist for more nuggets of wisdom: th-cam.com/play/PLAxUz0wM51b-f5hvOrlDdcHlUR-d0JcfF.html
My thinking is I would rather regret never having had kids than having kids and regretting it. I don't want to mess with another human being like that.
YES!
carlystur right!!!
I’ve never heard someone that had a kid then regrets it. Because kids change you .
@@mbroussard212 trust me its common, but people don't talk about it because it's not socially acceptable and people assume you are a bad parent
@@mbroussard212 That is so true, I have got two biological children and I took on two others that were not my own, I have absolutely no regrets at all what so ever, if anything it has given me quite an experience, wisdom and it has enriched my life, my children are a blessing and a joy who has brought happiness into my life, I invite you to my channel so you can see me when I have spent quality and valid time with my children . It does change you, your idea's on life, your prioritizes change. The child comes first, you become second best and your needs come last !!
As a mother of two kids I've always known I wanted, it really burns me up when women feel pressure to have children. The kindest thing you can do for yourself and the world is to be honest about what you really want, then go for it. Always remember that this is the only life you have. People have lots of advice, but no one will be around to take the consequences for you, so make your own decision.
Having kids can send some people over the edge and ruin lives. So it's actually incredibly stupid and insane that people have such a flippant attitude towards other people having kids. "Oh but you'd make a good mother" is an irresponsible statement, since you don't have a crystal ball.
Omg, what a powerful comment. No one will take the consequences for you. Thank you for that. So refreshing and helps me fit everything right into perspective 💕
@@automnejoy5308 indeed I will never understand it either. Specially when we litterally have a huge overpopulation problem!!! Like hello, where do these people think they live? We all have only 1 planet
@@audreym7119 Yeah, it's crazy. The human population was never supposed to be this big, and was never close to this for most of our history. We only reached one billion globally in 1804, and it's rapidly ballooned out of control since then. People are concerned about the economy and an imbalance if people don't have as many kids, but there is no economy anyway without a healthy environment.
Beautifully said !
I'm 31 no kids and very single. People are actually mad that I'm happy with my life. Lol I may have children in the future but it will be my decision and nobody can force me into that phase of life. I'm tired of people telling me that my clock is ticking.
Just giving you support to keep listening to your heart and your gut. I'm 36, and doing the same thing.
Rosannasfriend Thank you! Glad to see I'm not alone.
Alise Sloan That's exactly what it is..... you are happy and they are stressed!
Jealous...!
It is ticking. That’s the truth. Pretty soon you WON’T have a choice. At 31 you don’t have that much longer to decide.
I'm not sure if I want kids or not. I would like to have someone to whom I can teach and see grow... but at the same time, I would like to continue my life as it is; waking up at the time I want, having time to myself, enjoy quietness....
I feel the same way. Like during the holidays I always think about how much love I could provide for a kid and maybe I should adopt but at the same time I can't see myself being a mom.
Exactly! That's the real question..
If you are not sure then don’t or wait some years, not sure how old you are but your 20s are the most confusing years of all
Become a teacher!
I'm a preschool teacher and so thankful to arrive to my child free home :)
thats me.
It's sad that men aren't asked this question, when in fact having kids is not just a women's responsibility or job - it's a combined decision/choice from both the man and woman plus an equal responsibility.
I don't know what planet you are from, but in planet Earth, where I live, men are on the mainstream or many times more consistently shamed and pressured to "marry" and or "man-up" and take the role of a husband/dad supporting a family. And I say, this: just as women have the right to choose not to have kids, so do men have the right to choose to remain permanently single.
It will never be a equal responsibility. The women will most likely do everything for her kids. That just how we are. Be happy if he will change diapers without complaining about the smell. Haha. Even if you have a awesome partner one will always do more then the other.
I think my husband gets the question more often than I do.
@@av-ns2no true
Men don't get asked because men don't really get the option. Women have the right to choose parenthood, if they get pregnant, they can choose. With men, they do not have the right to choose parenthood. They just have to go with what the woman decides. They fact you are asked these questions show that people actually care, no one cares about men.
I am a mother of two and just because I made the choice to have children, I would NEVER shame another woman for choosing to do otherwise. Being a parent takes a lot of emotional, mental, physical and financial commitment and I admire someone who knows that they are not willing to make that commitment and consciously decides not to. It's not my place to decide what is right for another person. Thank you for making this video, it resonates with me as a woman who supports other women.
Star Davis love it Star, back at you
You sound like a wonderful mother. I appreciate your respect and support to us childfree'ers and I respect and admire you as a parent.
You're the type of parents that every kids must have not the type of breeders that are rude
When I was 32, in 1998, I left a ‘safe’ career that I had studied for etc., to become a yoga teacher. It was pretty far off the grid back then, but I knew it was a better life for me. Most people around me were unable to understand what I was doing, but I got a new circle of friends and lived my truth. 20 years on I’m moving in a new direction, and following my current truth. The people who don’t support you are speaking from their own fears. Just keep going where you know you should each day. 🙏🏻
Susan Hopkinson Hi Susan,
I'm 27 and considering leaving my career to study Ayurveda. Will you share what you are moving onto now? What is your new truth? Thank you
Em Holland Great to hear! I also studied Ayurveda and counsel people individually, through personalized sessions to help people through illness or transformation using what I’ve learned from yoga, Buddhism, Ayurveda and also as an astrologer. It’s a more focused version of what I was already doing for years, without the group classes that increasingly felt like they were no longer for me.
I’m also writing now which feels like a better way to share my experience. Good luck 😘🙏🏻
Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu
May all beings in all realms find happiness
Love what you're saying about supportive people. Yep, if people are against you, they're not for you. Simples. Ignore them, not worth the time and energy. Quality over quantity.
I’m similar in this. Also thinking about leaving safe career to pursue fulltime art. But kids in the pic? Idk
I have children (used to not want them but changed my mind) and I would NEVER shame a woman for her decision not to have children or assume she will change her mind like I did. I don’t even bring up children at all or ask any questions of my child-free friends (which is all my friend. I don’t know any other parents.). I will say, I wish that people showed me the same respect. I have had people tell me (without me asking) that they don’t want kids because it’s wrong to bring children into this environment, economy, etc. That’s essentially telling me that my decision is wrong. It’s very hurtful. People who experience pressure to have kids assume that once you have the kids the pressure is off. But it’s only the beginning. Mothers are pressured even more after they have the kids to parent a certain way. I wish we could all just support each other. The subtle bias against mothers in my generation (I’m under 30) is pervasive. If I walk into a restaurant people roll their eyes at my 3 young kids. I’m expected to endure all kinds of advice from people who don’t have kids or even listen to their theories of how there should be a test in order to be allowed to reproduce. I know that historically child-free women have really gotten the short-end of the stick. But these days you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Once you have kids there’s not some special club of normality. In fact, it feels more isolating than ever. Let’s all support each other’s decisions, ladies! I will continue to praise any choice another woman makes about her life and her body.
Anastasia Rath This was so well described and not something I have ever truly considered. I really agree with you and I feel awful that you’ve had to experience this. I’m 26 - no children - but I have not heard a modern mother’s experience and dilemma described so eloquently before. We definitely all need to be as respectful as you are towards others’ decisions 👍
SaintOrCinema thank you so much! I’m so glad you took this the right way. I feel compelled to talk about it but not tear down child-free women whatsoever. It’s not a contest of who had it worst or anything. I think maybe you’ve heard other mothers describe it in a way that’s more targeted at child-free people? It’s easy to justify our own decisions by tearing down others. Feeling ok with ourselves and those different from us at the same time - that’s harder than people think!
Anastasia Rath Thank you Anastasia
Well said. Completely agree. It goes both ways.
Same - I went through a period of time where I wanted ABSOLUTELY NO children (or at least, outwardly, and I haven't really FULLY changed my mind either) and so many people have been telling me "you'll change your mind" or "it'll happen" or "but you would be such an amazing mom" that it honestly makes me LESS inclined to consider changing my mind because it feels patronizing and I don't want to make others think they knew better than me... it's just a cruel thing to say to people, honestly. I don't go around telling (stay-at-home or other) moms that "they'll want a career someday, it'll happen, you'll change your mind and you'll be amazing at it".
I battle this topic in my head everyday
Same here.
Not everyday, but same
Same here
Just started and I'm a 47-year-old guy, so far no regrets yet, but it's starting to brew.
Me every single second 🤔 wondering if i am the only one choosing not to have kids, or will I regret in future
I’m also 32 years old and wrestle with the decision. But here’s how I “deal” with it! I get very present and ask myself: do i want kids right now? The answer is a clear “no.” I know by the way I feel. So if and when the time is right, I’ll know. For now, I take the facts (and feeling) at hand to make my best decision possible!
OMG I'm turning 33 this year and happy to see someone who feels like me.
Totally girl!
Same same! :)
But how do you feel exactly when asking yourself that question? I'm the type of persons who makes important descisions with a pro's & cons list but this item in particular you have to decide with the gut feeling... i find it the hardest thing to do in life, besides figuring out what to do with my carreer....... will I know the one thing if i'm settled in the other? Dilemmas dilemmas dilemmas...
where do you find a girlfriend that does not want kids is there meet up groups or dating sites that help out with this?
I'm 37 and always assumed I'd have kids by 30 but it just hasn't happened yet mainly because none of my relationships have been with men I'd ultimately want to have kids with. I've heard all the typical comments and they've definitely made me panic and question my life decisions. But you know what, having children shouldn't be a forced thing. It'll happen if it's meant to be and if it doesn't then I'll have a fabulous independent life regardless :)
Jenny M Same here!! I’ve been in some pretty bad relationships and I thank God I didn’t procreate with those men! I would have been stuck dealing with them for the rest of my life! 😰
And the dog in your pic is super cute so you're doing it right.
Same! Im 41. Your not alone
Jenny Marchal Amen! 🙌🏾💕
@@JenJenCrz
"procreate with those men!"
the proverbial pump and dump
34 without kids. My mom was having kids at my age and I feel like with the economy and coronavirus...I just feel like hunkering down and focusing on art. Don’t judge me 🙃
I’m also 34 without kids, I recently made the decision to focus on art and my middle name is Lee. Seems like we have some things in common 😊
I hope you don’t mind me asking...has anything changed since you commented 10 months ago? Just curious how you’re feeling about it all now - like if you’ve decided either way or remain undecided. Sorry if this is weird. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this stuff because none of my friends are in a remotely similar situation.
I am frm India..You can imagine the pressure here to have kids as soon as you reach 30s..I am trying to stand by my decision .let's see how it goes
Totally in your same direction...
I'd like to see myself, in 25 or 30 years, with one or two adult children who come home for dinner every once in a while and invite me to be a part of their lives. I just don't wanna spend the next 20 - 25 years helping someone become an adult, wiping their noses, being responsible for a whole other person. Being responsible for myself and my marriage feels more than enough. I'm 33. I'm still wondering what I should do.
That's exactly how I feel, too! Of course it'd be nice to have adult kids later on (good, sane adult kids you like, that is!). But is it worth sacrificing decades of your best years to raise them?
Holy ... are you me? I want the family but I don't want to resent them if they don't turn out to be responsible or good human beings.
@@rubylace9963 It's a gamble. You have to want the family so bad that it's worth the risk. Some of us just don't want it that much.
You can adopt kids later in in life? That way you won't have to put up with raising a little kid to become an adult.
@@AWlpsSHOW36 but what if they already have bad habits or something? I know this sounds mean
The story of my life! I'm 34 and happily married. I've always worked and been very independent, travelled, enjoyed every stage of my life to the fullest. I never had the desire to have kids. In my 20s I thought it was normal because I was too young. I always thought my maternal instinct would kick in eventually. Here we are 34 and kinda getting to the point were decisions must be made. My hubby doesn't worry about it, either way. As a woman I really feel the pressure to have kids. My fear is that I'll regret it if I do and if I don't. I really need to listen to my heart. Thank you Marie.
I feel you Brenda! I'm turning 33 in October and I just feel pretty stressed out as I STILL don't know! Having someone to relate to is totally comforting!
I can totally relate and as you get older is worse if you don't make a decision. I am 36. I sometimes go back in time and hear the old me talking about kids with my husband and it was always " if we have kids...". I think it was never: I want to. It was always more based on what you were supposed to do when you get married. I think my battles are more peer-pressure, so many friends pregnant, it is hard not to think about it.
yes Brenda same here, 36 and still waiting for that instinct to kick in. Like you I thought something will change when i hit 30 but nothing changed and exactly like you im stressed that the decision has to be made. And I feel nothing inside, not yet nor now sway. Thank you for sharing dear
dawn for life thank you so much! It feels so much better to know you're not alone ❤
vanegary I can totally relate. It's hard to know who's voice your listening to when you try to make a decision. I've been telling myself "I'll think about it next year" for a couple of years now...
THANK YOU for doing this episode! As a 30-year-old woman who has never wanted kids and is sick of everyone telling me I do (🧐), I appreciate this.
Same Erica...im also 30 and feel the same pressure to have kids while i dont want really...and become unsure only because of societal pressure
@@divyapathak6746same here...
I'm turning 26 and I've broke the news that I don't want goobers. Of course I get the comments about being young and changing my mind later (eff that) 🙄. Children are a personal choice and one day I took a look around at my circumstances and my goals and realized that it wasn't for me. 1. Not having a strong familial support system. It truly takes a village. 2. Wanting to travel (live in various places) and build my own company. 3. Responsibility only to myself. Largely financial. 4. I'd rather mentor kids than raise them. 5. I'm a dope auntie.
Kamilah Smith Wow! I feel like we're on pretty much the same page! I'm just about to turn 26 and have been seriously taking stock of my life after experiencing some major life changes over the past year or two which have woken me up regarding the direction of my life.
Did you always know but keep it to yourself?
And I am also 26 and my son is 9 months now and I allways knew I want to have kids and career as well.... but it is so difficult now. I allways thought ok those people who say it is difficult taht they just don’t know how to arrange their time. But right now of course I am following my career dreams as well but having a baby at the same time complicates a lot. So I would say, If you are not sure if you want to have kids then maybe wait some more time because it is going to be hard sometimes and you should be ready 😀🙏
Weronika Bednarska Yes exactly Weronika! I've always felt like, if I were to ever have kids, I'd want to feel like I'd already achieved most/all of my dreams and be in a very good situation financially. This is probably influenced by the fact that my parents were in their late 30's by the time they had kids and my maternal grandmother was the same!
I understand your struggle though as my best friend (who's actually 2 years younger than me) had her baby a year ago and I can see how she's struggling (not financially) and has told me repeatedly she feels like she lost her identity overnight and doesn't have any time to herself, even though she loves her daughter to bits and isn't career focused at the moment.
I really wish you the best of luck in both areas of your life and hope you find a good balance soon! 😃
You spoke my life❤
I ADMIRE women that make these decision to not “follow the norm” and NOT have kids...I wish I would have been strong enough to make that decision.
Esmeri Power is always in the present moment, you always have new choices to make and can choose to make them with courage and from a place of inner wisdom that we all have in us. x
@@mojcahenigman5310
((()))
Thank you for your honesty, Esmeri. Could you expand a little on what makes you wish you'd chosen differently? Maybe give a few things that you wish motherhood didn't entail? Thank you!
You regret having children?
I struggled with this issue in my late 30s. I’m 42 now, but when I was 36, I fell in love with a wonderful man. Sadly, it didn’t work out. I struggled for years thinking there was something wrong with me because I didn’t have the life my friends and family had - married with children (and a dog!). However, unlike my friends, I was always drawn to travel, introspection, freedom, spirituality and personal development. Plus, I also struggled with a lot of internal rage and resentment towards my dad for his abuse. I never felt the “urge” to want a family of my own until I met this man. However, I wasn’t being completely honest with myself - my desire to be with this guy and have this dream life of being happily married with children (or a child) was motivated by fear of limited time and fear that my choice would be taken away from me in a few years if I didn’t make this happen now. The relationship I was in was meant to end (there were other issues I was blind to).
I wish more women like Marie were candid about this subject. Watching this video gives me relief and has helped me make sense of some of the internal conflict I’ve had. Also, I wish people would mind their own business instead of espousing their own fears.
Thank you, Marie for being true to yourself and being such an inspiration to me and so many women.
I was pressured by my mother to have kids and I never did. As the years passed some of my family members got divorced, kids had problems, financial problems and one by one they almost all ended up worse off than I did. I bought my property and paid off my mortgage, have zero debt, never got married so I've never been taken to the cleaners by way of divorce. I'm now almost 50 and I absolutely do not feel any regret for not having kids. As for my mother, after seeing how every one else ended up- she finally told me that I did the right thing and made the right decision as I avoided all the bs everyone else encountered. Just remember that life is short and children are people that you choose to bring into this world without their consent. Yet you have the responsibility of providing their food, shelter, deal with their sickness, education and every problem they create. It is not a decision that you should take lightly. You have to sacrifice your spare time, money and life in general. It lasts for the rest of your life. My attitude is that I chose to give the job of parenting to someone else. If you want that job, that responsibility, that most important act, the act of creating a person than do it. If you have found a good reason to bring this person into existence so that they can experience life and all it comes with, such as going to school, religion, politics,sickness, keeping up with paying bills, and the whole nine yards, finally having a job for 40 years, hardship, stress, anxiety, fear, worry, harassment that we all experience in one form or another and the eventual death that we all come to when we run out of time and our number comes up. Than by all means have a child, not one have at least 3 or more.
Best comment ever. Very smart. Think the same
make it more east, just comment life is not easy , same thoughts here!
I'm on the same path. I've never wanted to be a mom. The amount of harrassing pressure from strangers, coworkers and family has been ridiculous. Coworkers started yelling at me when they over heard a conversation about my life choice. The choice to not be a mother was easy, handling the outside harassment and condescending attitude is irritating.
Yes it is
I'm 30 with one beautiful son and im sooo done and not having anymore!! Unless you really really feel like you "need" one don't go there. I can't explain how hard it is.
Can you elaborate. What exactly has been so hard for you? I'm on the fence about kids and need solid advice. Thanks!
@@dermlover1 look for Dr Shefali Tsabary or read a lot about Peaceful or Conscious parenting before you decide to have a child. I have my first and only one at 42 and it is really hard, the emotional part is huge if you want to raise a healthy and whole human being. Kids are our mirror and we have to be prepare to face it and don't blame the child ( like most parents do unfortunately).
MyAndreia70 Yeah I don’t think I’ll have one honestly. I just love my free time, money, and sleep too much.
Seriously the story of my life right now lol No one thinks I know what I want for myself and try to lead with this fear of not having offspring if I choose that I don't want to. I appreciate this episode because in my ten year plan, there has never been kids in my plan.
I've been struggeling with this for my entire life. I never wanted kids and everyone keeps telling me that the feeling "will come soon" and that it's just my age. One time, someone even asked me "what was wrong with me" because I chose not to have kids. I'm happy that I have amazing parents who support me no matter what, but seeing my friends get married and have children is difficult, since I don't want the same thing. Sometimes, it's even hard to relate to them because of this.
Wanting to have kids should be something you have to want 100%. Seeing this episode makes me realize that not having kids is okay too. Thank you!
Turning 33 in October. Married last September and this is so timely as I feel sooo stressed out wondering why I STILL do not know if I want to have kids. Some people choose not to because they generally don't like kids but I love kids and it's just confusing why I don't have a desire to have my own. Anyone feel the same?
I do. One thing is to really love my nephew like I do. Other is to want a kid on my own. raising a kid demands a lot of patience, dedication, money, and many other things. It is not as fun as playing with another person's kid. so, it is something to consider carefully.
totally with you dawn for life, you read my mind, I'm 36 and my partner wants kids, so Im subconsciously trying to convince myself to want them too. Its been a struggle for the last few years, I just want to wake up one day and simply know for sure, whichever it is yes or no. But just to know. I find the not knowing for sure in my hear the most tormenting. Hope we both find the answer
dawn for life. I understand where you're coming from. I love children but do not want children of my own. I enjoy my nieces & nephews very much. However, I have no desire to raise kids. Not having children doesn't mean you don't love kids. They're two separate issues. I think they're too many people blithely having children without properly thinking things through. It's great that you're taking time to explore what's right for you!
Anna Danicka I hear you Anna! I'm in a similar situation. I find that Meditation helps me draw wisdom from within. Trust that your intuition will rise up and guide you :)
We were married for 5 years before we felt like the time was right. We kept getting pressure from friends and family to hurry up and have a baby. Honestly, those five years were the best foundation we could have given our marriage because our children changed everything about our life... from the way we travel to the way we communicate. I totally believe in just trusting your feelings. You'll know when you're ready. :)
Being a 29 year old woman here, I never once wanted children of my own, mostly due to fear of raising one without the ability to give them all the love and needs I would want to give. I found out I was adopted, after my adopted father walked out the door on my mom one night. They divorced a week later. I was seven or eight at the time, I begged them to get back together, deep down I knew it wasn't a possibility. As I grew older, I knew SO many people who either divorced, or were children of divorce, the kids usually were negatively affected; befriending people whose parents divorced gave me a way to relate to them and understand how they felt, that it happens often.
There are also so many kids who are orphans or in foster care, luckily my birthmother gave me up to parents who care for me. Ironically they divorced and my father killed himself when I was 21. So, all that kindof fucked up my perception on having children.
Currently, I am with my boyfriend, he has twin daughters. We also have 3 cats. I am a stepmother in a sense, and it is fulfilling to watch them become young adolescents, 13 years old. They come to me for advice sometimes, and twins are fascinating to me, very unique bond that they share. It is rewarding to know they can look up to me, and call me their second mom, I do all I can to get what they need and make sure they are happy. This is as close to having children I will ever get.
So timely! I’m 33 married and do not want kids. I am an editorial photographer, food blogger and TH-camr. I’m so darn busy. The older I get the more certain I am. Adding kids to my life would derail my hobbies and interests and that would make me extremely unhappy and bitter which is not fair to a child. I’m not looking to add more responsibility to my life. I’m looking for more time to continue pursuing my career and traveling with my husband. Marie nailed it. My advice for Talia is to stick to your gut. You sound like you are very self aware which is great. Stick to that and do what you feel is best for your life. You can lead a very happy life without kids! 😀
I’ve never been into dating. I’ve had a few short relationships, but it has definitely caused concern from my family and friends. They think there must be something wrong or that I’m secretly deeply hurt haha. I just have things I’m working on in my life and I don’t want to date for the sake of dating (it takes a lot of time, energy, and work imo). I figure when I want to be with someone I’ll know and then I’ll put time and energy into it. Until then, I’m focused on my goals and myself 🙌
YASSSS! this is totally me! Ive never been in any serious relationships. More like SITUATIONships lol. But im pass those days. I'm past those days of just dating just because. It does take a lot of time and energy which I feel like right now im not at that stage yet to sacrifice or meet someone worth sacrificing for. Also marriage is an even bigger commitment. I'm happy being single, getting my finances in order, my goals, God's will for me. I'm glad to be in this season where I really get to be molded to the woman God intended for me to be. And when the time comes mr. right will pop up and I'll be ready or just know.
LuvSoundz I agree 100% 🙌🙌🙌
Laura Croft yes! I think people are still of the mindset that women just want/need a man. And while I would like to eventually have someone... it’s not my main priority in life 🤷🏻♀️
Hi Marie!
Huh! Yup! This gets me in the gut so often. My grandmother basically told me that I’m not a woman if I don’t have a child. Oh and the best part, is that I don’t need a man to have one... like what the Royal F!?!?!? I’m the only one in control of my life choices. Period. The end. Thank you for this episode. Xo 😘
I think visualization is so important. When i see my life down the road i see myself surrounded by 6 kids. Lots of them. I see myself being a stay at home mom and wife and making my children my priority. I realize now that I don't want to be the career driven woman that I've told myself i have to be. I want to be a mom and raise my babies to be the best, happiest versions of themselves.
Not to be rude but you really think all your 6 kids are gonna grow up to be happy healthy adults? The amount of resources humans take up and overpopulation are things to consider too. 6 may not seem like much, but over the years, you'd have hundreds of direct descendants. Not very good for the planet, js.
❤️
I’m not a career woman. I don’t want to work. N I still don’t want kids. I just want to be my own person
Kids are responsibility. It's a huge task. Sacrifices and great patience are prerequisites. With world becoming increasingly bad, . If the parents can't find time on daily basis through a very long time say till around they graduate, it's no then.
@@TheFirstGoomba so people should have children and neglect them just so that they can just tick another box that they have spawned? What good can come out of people having kids that they cant be bothered to spend time with and invest in physically and emotionally?
@@TheFirstGoomba it is the best time to be alive, regardless of how good or bad our lives are. Technology is in abundance, and we are about to enter a world of A.I which will have a lot of benefits too.
Even if your life sucks, it's better it sucks in 2020 than in 1920.
@@TheFirstGoomba what are you on about? I'm just saying it's literally the best time to be alive on the history of mankind. Don't get your closet panties in a twist.
@@TheFirstGoomba wow, you're saying 'don't be so judgemental' while being judgemental. We get it; your upbringing was not good, dad was not around, and you're not white. So you're bitter, but that's you're issue. Get rid of that chip on your shoulder. If you're in America or the UK for example, you have the same opportunities as everyone else. But I get it, it's very hard to really look around you with your eyes open and then admit that you're not really a victim.
For me, It was quitting my big corporate big money job to be a entrepreneur and make my vision a reality. Everybody was telling me that I was irresponsable. I did it anyway but I did it wisely. I reduce massively my monthly fees. Sold my house. Went back to a tiny apartment and have a bridge job. It’s been 10 years now, and I never regret it. In fact, I love so much what I do, I say I stop working 10 years ago.
Love this!
“You’re gonna die alone” was what hit it hard for me. I need to get over that fear.
I mean there’s no guarantee that you won’t die alone even if you do have children.
Kristen Couch I totally agree....you have no control over your kids as they get older...like we can’t rely on them to be there til the end
People with kids can die alone too if they live longer than their kids.
We came alone and will leave alone just matter of fact when!!
i think having kids to not die alone is actually really selfish. these kids do not have to take care of you when you are older, this is also another burden that should be discussed. Beside that, they may be really busy with their lives when you are old, or they just dont want to take care of you or they live somewhere else, or they themselves can be really ill ...There are many probabilities. So, i see your point but i believe having kids is not related to this fear 💕
FINALLY! Heard Tom Bilyeu drop a similar answer, but this is the first female (public) explanation why no kids. There is lots of pressure typically from parents to get hitched and have seen too many marry the wrong spouse.
I'm wayyy too early in my career to add children, and truthfully, at family parties where there are 20 grandkids romping around, kinda solidifies that decision - as adorable as they are, can only spend 30 minutes at a time with them
I'm 66 years old. I don't have any biological children, and I'm quite content with that. Always have been. As I wended my way through life, I just never hit a cross road where I felt I had to make a choice one way or another. I was fine working my way up the ladder in my career. At 33, I married. Before doing so, I asked my future husband whether he wanted to have kids, and he said definitely not. He already had three kids, and he didn't want more (been there, done that). I was only slightly disappointed (more attracted to the fantasy of it than anything else). But I never felt compelled to have kids, and his answer was enough to seal the deal. (I would never have gone ahead and married him and then tried to change his mind; I already knew that was a stupid thing to do and a lousy way to start a marriage.) My three step-kids lived out of state and just came to visit on some school holidays for a week or two, so we didn't really parent them. I'm on good terms with all three of them. We're scattered all over the country, and they've all made me a grandma (and even a great grandma), so we don't get a chance to see each other much. Their dad and I eventually divorced (all three were adults by that time), and I didn't hear much from them. Then we all gathered at his funeral and actually began to keep in closer touch after that. I don't expect them to feel a responsibility to look after me as I age. If they want to, that's great, but I never really think about that. I have a younger brother and two young nieces. I don't expect them to take care of me, either. I do have friends--some of whom are ten to fifteen years younger than I am, and they've said they want to keep an eye on me when I get older. But I'm in great health, still active professionally, and VERY independent. I enjoy my own company and am never bored or particularly lonely. Life is good. If I were to offer advice to someone wondering whether they should or should not have kids, I would say that if you don't feel a strong desire to have kids, then you probably shouldn't have them. Parenting is a full-time 24-7 stressful job even under the best of circumstances. It can't be done casually; as my ex-husband said, "Your whole life changes."
Hello how are you doing hope you're safe over there?
39, married for 10 years and still going strong. No kids by choice. :)
Omg...I love this topic! I too have never wrestled with my decision not to have kids. I am 45 now & have zero regrets about my decision. I used to feel shame sometimes about my life choices but NOT ANYMORE! I enjoy having my life be mine & not revolved around children. I've also heard all those same things to about not having them. Someone even went so far as saying I was selfish ...lol! That made me seriously laugh! Because that "selfishness" saved a child from possibly living & growing up in a horrible environment. Which I see over & over in this world.
You are smart!
Greetings from Germany! Thank you for this amazing answers. I‘m 34 years old, happily married and childfree. Since 2 years I feel totaly stressed and like an Alien because people asking me Why I haven‘t kids...these questions were batteling me every day. Now I made up my mind that its totaly ok to be childfree and still be a normal and lovely person and woman. I also see a caoch with whom i work on this subject and after every lesson i feel more comfortable with my opinion. To every woman who feels the same way: be brave to listen to your inner voice. It‘s ok to be and act different than most women in society do🙌🏼
THANK YOU for posting this. As a 41 year old woman who does not want kids, I get the business from so many different people. I'm secure in my own decision, yet it's nice to have this type of support available.
When people ask me why I don't have kids I respond by saying... "I'm just lucky I guess." You should see the look on their faces. 😂
you're "secure" and yet you need support. right
Wow, didn't realise that parent support groups were because parents are insecure about having children, makes a lot of sense
Marie. Thank you for sharing this! I 100% feel the same way about allowing intuition to guide my life and at 35 have never felt any sort of desire to have a baby. It is so refreshing to hear from others who feel the same way. It can be so challenging to tune out the shoulds and the coulds and the what-ifs that our Moms, culture, etc. seem to place on us, but man, the power of tuning into your body and your heart. Amen sister! Thank you :)
Hello how are you doing hope you're safe over there ?
Very inspirational video! I have struggled with this decision since I was 30. Now I am 36 and society still makes me feel bad about being childfree; especially that I am married 😊 thanks for your insights!
Thank you very much for this. Let me just say that as a man this is very difficult too. Because I’ve known for a while that I don’t want kids, yet people constantly say those same kind of things to me. And it’s difficult finding a girl to be with who also doesn’t want children or is at least open to the idea of not having them.
I am 20 and have been gradually realizing I don't want kids. If anything, I want to adopt or foster in my 40's or 50's. I am a Christian and I have so much else I feel called to - the medical field, the mission field, grad school... I wouldn't want my kids to be loved/poured into less because of those things, nor would I want to give them up and resent my kids for that. The heartbreaking thing is I may have to end a happy relationship over this. My boyfriend very much wants to be a dad.
I'm 36 and have been struggling with this ever looming baby decision for years. My husband also isn't sure he wants a kid. He's 45 and sometimes feels he won't have the energy for a kid. I grew up believing that one day I would have kids cause it's what people do when they're married and grown. The problem is we've become very comfortable with the way our life is and not sure we want it to change. Plus, there is still things we want to do. I always thought that childlessness was an unfortunate fate couples went through, but didn't know until it was time for us to make our decision that it was also a viable option. I do look at my life 10, 20 yrs from now and wonder what each scenario might be like. I feel scared of being alone as an old woman one day with no one around and yet I could have a kid and still be alone when I'm old. I feel as though their is limiting beliefs on both sides of the spectrum. Not having kids won't necessarily condemn you to a life of loneliness and having kids won't necessarily ensure a life of constant comfort and belonging. I feel alot of pressure to make this decision soon because I am 36 and still don't know what I truly want. I don't really have a career but I do have dreams to start my own business. My husband and I both have goals and dreams we want to achieve but feel alot like it has to be one or the other. Especially with the ages we're at, it just feels like there's not enough time for both. Kids and chasing dreams. And maybe that's a limiting belief as well but, I feel there is a lot of grey areas when it comes to this decision.
I guess you're 39 now...did you decide? I'm still wrestling with this.
I want kids, at least six. I’ve know this since I was five years old and nothing’s ever gonna change that. I want to know what it’s like to give birth or adopt, to wake up to them crying every night, the terrible two’s, going off to kindergarten and developing their own brain, the teenage years where they’ll go, “I hate you, Mom!” as they slam the door in my face, the heartbreak I’ll feel when they get their first SO, graduate, go off to college, being stuck in an empty home until I die in my nice rocking chair. That’s all I imagine myself in the future, to raise as many children as possible with my husband in our suburban home.
Amen! I knew I wasn’t going to have kids by my late 20’s. As a survivor of childhood sexual and emotional abuse I had a lot of healing to do and I knew I did not want to pass on this abuse on. I wanted it to end with me.
Marie you beautiful human being! I LOVE that more high-profile women are talking about this issue (Lisa Bilyeu recently posted something on Instagram about it, too). There's so much shame around voluntary childlessness for women - and yes, we need to stop looking for permission to live how we want to live! And that goes for women who know they want a family too, who I'm sure face their own share of judgment. The choice is always ours
I'm 33 years old and marrying the love of my life in June 2019. I am still undecided of I want kids or not. I really just do not know.
Whether it's a man or a woman, the decision to choose to be a parent is entirely personal. No amount of peer pressure or expectations from family members must force anyone to take the decision to have offspring. Deep inside ,I have never ever seen myself as a dad. But I do think I would be a super cool uncle . I tend to invest all my resources and energy towards developing myself and would probably not be a good provider for a kid. I even don't think very highly of marriage. I am one of the very odd balls in my family and friend circles to think the way I do but I am being myself and true to my heart. At this point i really don't know if I would regret this decision 25 years later but I am prepared to face any consequences as a result.
My internal turmoil on the subject stems from just not knowing if I’ll regret it! Sometimes I can’t imagine a life without kids, the next I am repulsed by the idea.
I’m normally indecisive, but this is on a whole different scale!
I am 39 and single without kids. And people are constantly asking me (moreso strangers than people I know) if I want kids. I know it's part of natural conversation when getting to know people--I'm fine with that. But when I answer no, I'm not married and no I don't have kids, people need to move on to another topic.
Yes I've always wanted to be a mother but the fact is at the moment, I'm not and probably won't have any. And that is okay!
I'm in the same boat Natasha. I would have happily been a mom, but it didn't happen and that's ok. Just met a man with a 17 yr old and a 22 yr old and that's pretty cool too. Onwards!
THANK YOU for this video! Personally, I've known since I was 18 that I did not want kids. However, people seem to think that is what I SHOULD want and desire (especially since I work as an educator). I have no plans to change my mind . . . I plan to live MY truth!
I'm 32 and childfree..still in the 'would I regret' phase..so guess this video was exactly for me!
Absolutely love this, Marie. Thank you for making me feel more confident about my own decision. Whenever I wrestle with “me against the society” - I feel alive! :)
A decision I just recently made that goes against the grain is to stay in a city across the country by myself and get myself a one-bedroom apartment while my boyfriend moves back to the other side of the country to our hometown. People think I’m crazy and that our relationship won’t work, but what I say is “if it’s meant to be, it will be.” If not, well then regardless of what happens, I still did what I knew was right for me which was staying in this city...alone! :)
Thanks for the awesome advice and love the show!
Hello how are you doing hope you're safe over there ?
We decided early on not to have kids. It never changed and after a while people stopped asking!
One of my friends thought it was because my husband didn’t but asked me “just between us” did I secretly want them? Noooo I really don’t want any.
I have had every single one of those sentences thrown at me and I am almost 40!! People seem to not comprehend that some of us just don’t want children.
I love my life sans children 🤗
i have not had children and often feel alone in this tribe of women who choose not to be mothers. Thank you for sharing this !
Hello how are you doing hope you're safe over there?
I’m 35, childless and LOVIN IT!
I so appreciated this video. I knew early on that I did not want to have kids either. Your video made me chuckle as I've heard all of those comments and questions about my decision! Thank you for reminding us that we're the experts of our own lives. I'm just happy that I don't receive a lot of pressure from my family. The most loving thing we can do is be supportive without adding our own judgements or thoughts to people's decisions. Thanks so much, Marie!
Uh, did you post this for me? I’m 32 and I’m going through the same exact thing right now.
Julie Homer that seems to happen to a lot of us 30-teenagers ^^ very helpful
33 in October. Feeling the same!
dawn for life how amazing, my BD is also in october
I’m 33 in September.
I'm 33 this month (June)
Thank you again Marie. 39 years old, no kids, and I totally relate to the way you answerd that question: « The question was never in my plans...I go after what I want and I get it ! ». I 100% agree with you, If you really want something truely (except If health problems of course) you get It. At one point I was honnest with myself : this is not a question because this is not my goal/intérêts/future...I have so many more things project I am/was excites about! 😘😘❤️
I wanted kids when I was in my 20's and 30's, but "Mr. Right" never materialized. Now I'm in my 40's, happily single, and I have to admit that I realize God knew exactly what He was doing. Life without kids suits me. And I know alot of women in my generation who are choosing to not have kids either. Maybe I'll adopt one day, but for now I'm content. Plus, I can always "borrow" my nieces or nephews at any time... and then give them back. :)
When people pressure me to have a kid, I always ask them how much money they plan on contributing to the child's care and when they plan on babysitting so I can get some time for myself. Oh, they aren't planning on those things? Well then they can shut right up. Remember if you have a kid, the kid is your responsibility and at the end of the day everyone can walk away from you and you will have to raise that child by yourself.
I am split on having kids. I like kids but the level of responsibility it entails scares me. I do think I would get support from my family but another thing that scares me is waiting so long that when I do decide to have a kid, my parents are then too old to help me with the child and need care themselves.
Oh my gosh AMEN! We need to stop telling women what to do with their bodies. Brilliant. And for all the years that I have followed you, I have always wondered about your decision not to have kids! Thanks so much for sharing xx
Hello how are you doing hope you're safe over there ?
WOHOOOOO!!!! "I'm the expert of my own life" - I love it!
Yes I did! and in my case it had to do with a relationship.
I was a divorced mom of 41, had 2 adult children living elsewhere and I started a new relationship that really went against the grain: 💨💨💨
- it was a Moroccan man (Moroccans in general didn't have a good image here)
- he was muslim while I was christian
- he was almost 20 years younger than me
I got remarks like: "one day you will come home and your apartment will be empty!" "You could be his mother!"
"It is not allowed for muslims to live with a christian!" (and vice versa)
In the first place I was wrestling with myself because of the age difference, the rest was not important to me.
It took me 2 months to allow myself to go for it and I have never regretted it 💖
I have enjoyed every moment with him. It was the strongest love relationship I have ever had ❤️❤️❤️
We promised each other to be there for one another the rest of our life and we still keep that promise.
Today I am almost 60 and what life has taught me is that, when you follow your gut feeling and you accept clearly at the moment of your decision all the possible consequences (which means that you take full responsability) , then you have a blessed experience and you will never regret your decision ✨
You can only do this if you take your decision independently of everything you hear around you.
When I was 41, a certain day I promised myself that I would do everything I could to feel alive and to really experience love in my life. I kept that promise to myself ever since ❤️😇
The first step was leaving my husband and, although It was a big challenge and a struggle for me to live for the first time in my life completely on my own, it was the best decision of my life 😇💖
And since that day I have never regretted any big decision 😊 Even if it turned out to be wrong or that I had overlooked something. It was ok because I told myself from the beginning that that was a risk that I took and that I had to be able to accept it if it would go wrong or if things would happen that I didn't like.
At 41 I took consciously control over my own life and it has brought me so much happiness, you can't imagine 😊🍀
The message for me back then was "Allow yourself to be completely you and discover how you can do it."
These are the steps that I have followed that helped me to do it:
1) Be aware of all your feelings: emotionally and in your body; the ones you want to feel and the ones you want to get rid off
2) Take a clear decision about what is the most important to you (or like Marie says: "How do you see yourself living in 10 years and later?")
3) Be aware of all the facts
4) Accept/Acknowledge everything that you can not control
5) Take the most important action that brings you the closest to nr. 2)
I wish everybody here a blessed life 😄💖🍀
Hug,
Lieve 😊
#discover #feelgood2
www.feelgood2.be
Hello how are you doing hope you're safe over there?
I have two grown kids and love them very much. But if I was given a life do over I would and could not go through the emotional, time and financial sacrifice that raising kids involves again. No matter how well prepared you think you are for raising kids, you're not.
I relate so much to this. I've known since I was little that kids weren't for me. My mind has never changed, despite so many people telling me it would. I respect this video and Marie so much for spreading this message! And LOL the song and the clips cracked me up! :)
Hello how are you doing hope you're safe over there?
Great episode! We (my husband & I ) decided not to have kids. We love children but having kids just wasn't for us. I think more people need to stop & think about it before they have kids, "just because."
Brilliant subject choice! I’m 38 and have always known somehow that I don’t want to have children. I’ve also had to contend with ALL the helpful comments that people, sometimes strangers, like to give me 😂 The latest one is people indicating that I’m running out of time - for what? 🤷🏻♀️ is my usual response! I’m also not married but have been with my partner for 16 years. People like to share their opinions on that too! 😂
I am a 36, soon to be 37 year old woman who imagined herself as married with 2.5 kids and a white picket fence. I turned into an independent college drop-out, entrepreneur. I'm not married, nor do I have children (although I have two fur babies that I consider my kids) however, I am in a loving relationship, I've had many jobs that, I now consider myself a renaissance woman, and which has allowed me to gain enough experience to start my own business. I always beat myself up about not finishing college. Education is really important to me but, the environment I grew up in and the fact that I just didn't know any better at the time is something that I always saw as a negative. I realized its okay to be a late bloomer. I still wrestle with having children. My partner and I have the same views on biological children and leave adoption as an alternative, if down the line we feel a calling to be parents. It takes a lot of strength to go against the grain of what/who society "thinks" I should be. I wouldn't want it any other way and couldn't imagine my life any different. It took me accepting my journey as is, not comparing myself to anyone else, getting clarity on what I want, and celebrating me for me. xo
Hello how are you doing hope you're safe over there?
Terrific topic! I've known since I was a child myself that I didn't want kids & managed to stick to that decision although the social pressure has been intense at times. I spent most of my 20s being patronized & told "oh, you'll feel differently when you're older" & was forced to go on the pill, with all its health risks, because no doctor would take me seriously enough to make it permanent. I also didn't marry a man I loved at the time because he wanted children & while he assured me he was OK with my decision, I knew it wouldn't be fair on him & that it would probably become a problem after a while. He's has 3 kids & is a wonderful dad, so my decision, while painful, was the right one for us both. I was lucky in a way to never have a single doubt -- nor a single regret (my partner for the past 24 years has 2 grown kids, so it's never been an issue with us). There are a lot of people in this world all too ready to tell women what to do with their lives; thank goodness we still have the power to make that decision ourselves. Let's all make sure that power of choice isn't taken away from us!
Thank you for sharing this Marie. I’m on board with you. I have been sharing my views ever since I was 5 years old. I’ve always told my family and friends I didn’t want them and 20 years later I know WHY I dont want them. Every woman should speak her voice with truth and respect, no matter who says we can’t.
Thank you so much for this. Yes, I really wrestled with this same issue - starting in my early 30s. I LOVE children, and without thinking much about it always assumed I'd have some, but when the time came I realised I didn't really want to be a parent.
And boy, the judgements! All the time, from everywhere (person in shop, taxi driver, etc).
Interestingly enough, I found a lot of mothers (not all, but most) understood and supported my decision - they knew exactly how tough mothering can be, and that it's not for everyone. But the fathers! Many of my male colleagues (and a few female colleagues) have laid all manner of trips on me, including:
- but you would be a great mother and our planet needs people like you to help the gene pool (yes, seriously);
- but being a parent is is the best thing ever, you have no idea ! (said by men who regularly leave home for work for 4-5 weeks at a time - common in my industry - while their wives take care of everything, sometimes struggling with depression: go figure);
- but what meaning is there to your life without kids?
- you'll never know love until you have kids;
- etc etc
When life's going well it's easy to be immune to this pressure, but when things are tough, when the career is stalling etc, it's hard not to take it on. It's helped so much hearing and reading what other women without children say on the matter. For example, I read something Elizabeth Gilbert wrote where she said that in all cultures across the world about 11-13% of women in a society will never have kids. It's like a universal ratio. And I believe this is because our "mothering" energy is needed by the culture in other ways - for creativity, for "broad" nurturing, for spiritual enquiry and teaching, etc. (Not that these things can't be done if you're a mother, but many of us can only focus on one thing!)
Am now 49 and know I made the right choice for me. Also enjoy great relationships with some wonderful kids, including my sister's kids.
Marie says it best: look inside yourself and listen to your inner voice. It knows.
I have had so much conflict in my head recently about having children. I have a boyfriend I love and he'd be such a good father. I think if we'd met 15 years ago we could've had beautiful children. He already has children and he thinks it's a bad idea to have any more. I have suffered a lot of pain trying to figure out if I should pursue that with another man. I hate dating, I hate meeting other men. I don't want another man. I want the boyfriend I have now. I think I'm so dissatisfied with my job, with my friendships/relationships, that I thought having a child would help me be less lonely. I went on FB and read some of the ' I regret having children' posts and it helped me so much. I think I'll always have a sore spot about not having had the family, but now I know that I don't have the right reasons for wanting a child either. I look good for 38, and I definitely think that having kids would definitely age me considerably. Thank you to everyone for their comments. Thank you Marie for the video.
Hello how are you doing hope you're safe over there?
Great advice Marie! Having children is not only a big, but personal decision that people feel all too comfortable in telling a woman what she should do with her own life and body. Blows my mind.
Preeeach!!! It’s crazy how much I get asked this question since from the age of 23 to 27 I am so tired of having to explain myself.
Omg! Thank you! I know deep down that not having kids is right for me! Thank you!
Hello how are you doing hope you're safe over there?
Here's how I decided, logged into my bank account and think that's why I dont have and dont plan to have kids.
I just wouldn’t want my children to live in this type of society... look at it now so many children are committing suicide for little things. It would be hard to be a parent when you’re stressing about your financial issues as well.
"We need to stop looking outside of ourselves for permission to live how we want to live" - Imma remember that one, thanks!
Hello how are you doing today hope you're safe over there?
I’m 32 as well married for 7 years. I do see myself as a mom in the future but It was my choice to hold on to the decision of stepping onto motherhood till now and hubby is cool with it too. But, Im kind of fed of people assuming that I have a medical problem given that I’m Asian. It’s so abnormal to women that I made the choice to not have kids for now. I always get told off for it or hear stuff like “your clock is ticking”. Someone or the other always has that awww I feel so sorry for you look when they hear that I have no kid. It really gets under my skin.
I think the meaning of life is as deep connection as u can get.
If u strive to deepen connections with ur close friends, and love the work u do, then u will never be lonely.
Kids arent there to give u life meaning. U will be awfull chaining them and expecting emotilnal support or anything like that from ur kids.
In my opinion, if u are unable to detach, and feel the pressure then dont have the kids.
Thats my opinion.
Nailed it. This should be a top comment.
Story of my life! I never pictured my life with kids! And now people don't even bother asking anymore. Lol
I have never been a Woman who's had a strong pull towards having children. My mind was always open to the possibility of, "if I meet the right man", "if it comes up at the right time". But that had never happened. I'm 40 this year. Then early this year, the idea was pretty much off the cards. Then, shit changed. I met someone, the conversation happened, I had two profound healing sessions which shifted 'something' from my ovaries, and suddenly BAM the desire was there. So so strange after a lifetime of not feeling it. It's like a light is now on that never was before. So I have zero judgement around it.
Interesting. So maybe it was due to lack of someone to share the responsibility with? I think my partner will make a good father but I am just not feeling it.
Sooo I admittedly had a age 35 cutoff for having kids. I just made 36 and still no kids or relationship. My fam asks me... eeeeverytime we gather. Like I'm breaking the rules some how. But whatever.
Never let anybody ( any guy !!!!!!) influence you, if you don't want children ( like me) but he wants, let him go ! He's not for you! I know that I will find a man to share my point of view one day. Thank you Marie !!
YES GIRL!!!! I feel you on this!!!!!! I feel EXACTLY the same! Sooo fed up with people telling me what to do with my body!! Xxxxxxx
We are SO glad that Marie's perspective on this conversation hit you in such a beautiful way. Rock on!
- Team Forleo
This is so to true to be a mom its something you want to be
I honestly i dont see myself as a mom i see myself as a married woman but not a mom
It's for every woman to decide for herself. I don't like babies or children (or anything to do with caring for them), but I have 4 (3 boys and 1 girl) - all adults now and moved out. But I always knew that I wanted to have a family, so I decided to have them very young (started at 19 - 4 children in 5 years). I love the people they have become; independent, kind to others, smart and funny. I love spending time with them NOW, not when they were crying little babies. I also never made a big deal about it, they never stopped my husband and I from traveling or following our dreams. We were never the "doting type" - but we were very strict.
I can hear ask you parents scream; but since you had them you're suppose to sacrifice everything for them! Well, I don't agree, they will have their own life and adulthood to decide what they want to do with their life, but while they're children, just tag along with me, we might even end up having some fun! :-)
Hello how are you doing hope you're safe over there?
Having kid,s isn’t for everyone. There’s a certain percentage that chooses not to . To each their own.
Absolutely. Thank you for being here and for sharing! 😊
This video made me cry I am also 3 2 and child free and I feel just like you this video was so kind and compassionate thank you I adored this it’s given me a lot of peace god bless xxx
It’s no one else’s business if you have kids or how many. The people that suggest you have some, or more, aren’t going to help you take care of them!
So true!!
Thank you Marie for your never ending wisdom!!!! It is like a genuine friend that tells you “it is ok what you doing, just be yourself “, and comforts you. I don’t want to have kids and also want to pursue a different career that is viewed as not wise choices. But I also noticed, that if I ask for people ‘s opinions, start writing never endings lists of pluses and minuses, it all just messes with my intuition and I end up making wrong decisions. Thank you for encouraging us to listen to our inner voice!!!! ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much for sharing this.
Everybody has to find their own way to happiness and no one can decide for anyone else what happiness should look like.
Yes! Every women on this planet, should be free to decide what is best for her, her body and life. I firmly believe this and I am a proud mom of two beautiful children and I feel so blessed to have them in my life but it was my decision.
I don't know what i want 30 days frm now Marie.. how can I think about 10 yrs , What I will want ..?
Came to this video for some support, as a 32 year old woman, happily married, with a lovely job, childless and with no intent of having kids. Although I am starting to feel the pressure from my family, I do feel that my mindset is not going to change. I absolutely cannot imagine having kids. For me it falls into the same category as imagining that I should travel to space or climb Mt. Everest. I don't know why, I cannot explain it. But for some reason, I feel like I should have an explanation (or excuse!) when people ask me. But do I really need to have one...?
I'm 35 and I'm more on the fence than ever before and the pressure of time is not helping. I know I do not want to adopt or go through surrogacy or even IVF. What I cannot decide is if I want to try getting pregnant. I spent all of my adult life making sure I do not get pregnant if I'm not ready. Almost 2 decades later I am still not ready and time is running out. I'm happily married, my husband is 42, doesn't have children so the option of being a step-parent is out of the question as well. It's a now or never scenario and I'm frozen. We both are. I think we over though it for so long that now we are just stuck.
Have you made any headway on your decision? In the same boat
@@Drieleven Hey! Yeah baby fever came back! O_O We have stopped preventing 2 months ago (we aren't really trying hard, as in I'm not obsessing over testing if I'm ovulating or anything) we are kinda low key trying if you will... I think they call it "not trying not preventing" haha. We have both started nesting (make our place better and do all the home improvement projects, decluttering, cleaning, renovating.. it's been a crazy couple of months if you ask me). So yeah... if it doesn't happen by the time I hit 36 in May, then our family doc said we can get some tests to see if anything is wrong. So yeah.. that's where we are at!
If you want children at 40-45 it’s also very possible. Don’t let limiting beliefs hold you back. Halle Berry had a child at 44.
Lisa Simoes I agree
And if you DON'T want children at 40-45; that's just fine, too.
ltlblugrl till menopause your body is capable. That’s how the universe has designed it. That’s why women can have kids from whenever they start their period which is as young as 9 for some and till 45/50. It’s 100% possible. Don’t let limiting beliefs hold you back as the universe will give you exactly what you believe