Thank you for your lucid and calm description of Borderline subtypes. I have varied in my presentation throughout my adult life. Do you have anything to say about individuals who display traits from multiple subtypes, and/or vacillate between different manifestations, depending on life cirumstances?
@@guyskillen Thank you. It had been a year since he posted the video, so I understand not getting a reply. I would like to learn more about the aforementioned details, though.
I have two adult children that have bpd due to neglect ,abuse , and abandonments throughout their lives from their dad with malignant npd and alcoholism . Just like their dad they also have alcoholism , Use me as a conditional transactional servant, and project their anger, blame for their issues,and abuse onto me Seeing the manifestation of the damage and corruption the ex has created in my children I spent my life trying to guide and protect them from I’m still living the ongoing nightmare I thought I could escape from divorcing him
My dad was a malignant narcissistic predator to all around him, including his children his spouses even his own dad. I remember the last time he was throwing full un-opened beer cans at all of us, and ended up shoving my moms head into a doorframe while choking her. He broke my mother and gave her her own sense of narcissism as well as pushed her to alcoholism. My mom was beat down her entire life and made a victim, and she succumbed to alcohol a few months ago as it had taken its toll on her. She had failed us, but to no fault of her own doing besides being reluctant and hesitant to get help (understandably). My dad terrorized her until her very last day. I understand your struggle from your son’s perspectives, because my mom never wanted anything but the best for me as mothers do and always tried her damndest. Bless you and always know your sons appreciate you even whilst not showing it, because I know I didn’t always.
Your awareness of matters is a rare and valuable asset. I commend you for gaining this awareness and utilizing it to understand yourself and those around you. I'm a "self-destructive Borderline." Though I've manifested three of the four subtypes variably throughout my life: petulant, impulsive and self-destructive. My Borderline mother was a "quiet Borderline" most of her life, and now vacillates between quiet and petulant traits. I think vacillation between different subtypes is more common than many clinicians seem to recognize.
Please ask them to get help via internal family systems. It’s a psycho therapy that’s so good so fast and incredible at dealing with the trauma parts inside us who then run us. They run our programs rather than letting the authentic self run us so they are constantly in trauma mode. It truely works its incredible
Excellent,. This single video could definitely be used as a tool in counselling so bpd folk can come to terms with the illness and help deconstruct themselves without any prejudices. I also think bpd folk need to look up 'bpd brain abnormalities mri scans'. The amount of damage in the brain is quite extensive among people with bpd. There are many conclusions when you study this but it actually gives bpd folk an identity and understanding of themselves.
This is just like complex post traumatic stress disorder due to being raised in an abusive toxic dysfunctional family lead by a narcissist. The sensitive empathic scape goat child becomes a self destructive borderline personality disorder adult child as can’t cope anymore around their toxic family members
I’ve never heard anyone explain BPD so perfectly over the 4 videos you’ve made about the sub-types. I span across all 4 and as blunt and painful it is to hear the negative parts of the illness, you have them absolutely spot on. I wish more people understood as well as you do! Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge 🙏🏼 you explain me better than I can explain myself 😂
@@newanas5271 when you use the word sabotage in past tense I assumed you meant you would figured a way out. I've been self-sabotaging in some sort of way for around 40 years as well, and I'm finally seeking help. I hope you can find a way to heal 🤞
I have the same issues I had even got beaten up by strangers and enjoyed chaos. I have learned have a rule Is just do what is sensible. And the little book of Confidence.
Something interesting to me is how my borderline is sometimes wonderful and sometimes horrible - that characteristic that they have no core but rather take on the personality of who they are with is the explanation (I think).
The one who doesn’t want help can’t get better. I’ve left my husband because no matter what nothing worked. Such drama and hyper sensitive and nothing works the cycle goes round and round. Nothing got any better. Never will. So I left. Can’t stand the abuse that comes with it.
I think I had self destructive bpd. I went through a terrible time I did a lot of immature and attention seeking bad behaviour for years. To hurt myself because I enjoyed playing the victim and thinking people were bad and had it in for me . I behaved so recklessly and I got mocked and rejected and humiliated amd shouted at and attacked by people even complete strangers. When I had 2 ovarian cysts I was even more irrational and out of control. I had to go through a got of humiliation and deep emotional distress to get my self respect back . Because my brain had to learn from a lot of bad experiences to not to do it again. I also had an ovary and a half a ovary removed. Which really calmed me down because I had low hormone levels. I believe hormones play a big part of borderline personality disorder symptoms. And I think learning from bad experiences and staying calm and not taking life to seriously can help people with bpd to keep calm and carry on. And also the book don't sweat the small stuff is great for borderline personality disorder. Because it is all simple psychotherapy. Also having good relationships and not taking it personally what people say or do. with people and understanding if people show disrespect they lack respect. If we ignore drama we will feel calmer. And we will be less stressed if we care less. And knowing if we act like a fool we will get treated like a fool. There are a lot of disrespectful people who will make a fool out of people with bpd to feel better about themselves. It was only when I behaved a lot more mature and respectable I realised I was not giving people a reason to humiliate me or make unnecessary drama .
Self destruction happens due to high levels of dopamine. Most people with mental health problems have mania or psychotic episodes when their dopamine is high, so they unconsciously are rewarded by self-destructive and masochistic tendencies that keep their dopamine low.
I never knew of this illness and when my narcissist was so sensitive to just say I hurt his feelings, I had to think what I really said to hurt him. Then it got worst. Huge rage, smoking weed to numb himself which got worse with Adderall. Then a monster appeared. I gave him so much nurture & love. But it just got more wreckless & horrific!
At 61, I have had 2 main relationships and both were difficult. The question is 'Is it me or them?' I met someone some years ago and we have such similar beliefs and life goals that it is so easy to enjoy their company. Where as my partners have always been the exact opposite to me. I find them self destructive in their habits such as drinking, smoking, gambling, tv watching, no desire to exercise, and food choices. I think we don't know how to chose a partner and many of us end up in incompatible relationships and then struggle forever until it breaks. Although my partners have been intelectually intelligent, they seem to ignore some simple truths. Happyness is a constant pursuit of setting simple goals and progressing on achieving them. That's me, but for so many people they are just happy watching tv. I love life in so many ways but that exuberance attracts people who are in a different space and it tends to diminish my/our ability to progress together. For example: I don't much like tv. I would rather go for a moonlight walk but if my partner wants to catchup on the 100 hrs of tv shows they have pre-recorded, then that walk is just me on my own. I have done this compromise for 25 years and then one day you meet someone who loves doing the same as you and you are no longer alone. I feel I have wasted so much of my life trying to help women who had issues. The best I can figure is that they have a Self Destructive nature because, if you tell someone who you aee, what you like and they ignore you, how can you address the issue that you are caught in someone elses lifestyle choices? I would rather be on my own than be in a incompatible relationship. SDPD is a complex subject. Is it me or is it them?
Sabotaging to be happy, that's my worthless period walking and struggling on this planet. Already wishing my existance is vaporized, seeing it through the "eyes" of f.e. the year 2080 as, fortunately, nothing on this world reminds of me who contributed nothing.
How to cope with someone with all the traits but totally refuses to admit it, even consider needing help. Also how to stop reacting to the point where I become a mirror of everything I cant cope with them!
I was diagnosed with BPD after seeing a work mandated psychologist for report. I was younger and I remember reading the report and feeling so ashamed that I was diagnosed with BPD that I denied it for years. I started seeing a therapist before and through covid and looking back on those sessions now I can see that my therapist may not have been specialised in BPD and in fact I feel like she broke up with me. Although I did tell her I was “good now” I would like to know how to find a good therapist to help me manage self destructive BPD and do I just tell this therapist I’ve been diagnosed earlier in life with BPD?
Hello sir, please speak about attracting emotionally unavailable people and ancestral self destructive, sadistic and masochistic patterns in ourselves and how to decode them. If possible i would like to have a consultation with you.
'm a "self-destructive Borderline." Though I've manifested three of the four subtypes variably throughout my life: petulant, impulsive and self-destructive. My Borderline mother was a "quiet Borderline" most of her life, and now vacillates between quiet and petulant traits. I think vacillation between different subtypes is more common than many clinicians seem to recognize. I've seen a few individuals discuss this phenomenon, but many seem to think that Borderlines adhere to one style.
Use this template to profile politicians, uniformed and armed civil-servants(immigration, customs, police, military, ... ...), ... Also use on uniformed civilian-professions like pilots, security-guards, nurses ... Arrive at a more accurate and quicker checklist for businesses to assess employees across industries. Risk management.
Amazing insight. All true. Tell me about it. I lived with a woman for seven year who had BPD (not that she ever admitted it). Impossible is the word. There is no fixing it. If you fill a hole another hole is immediately created. She would call the police on me whenever she attacked me and she had such a power of manipulation that the police would believe I was the attacker! She left me because I smoked pot. She was seriously against it. But the boyfriend she left me for (30 years younger than me) not only smokes pot but he is an alcoholic. He is in rehab as we speak! Yes. Unpredictable and erratic behavior. But at the same time, I learned a lot living with her. One of those. Very, very difficult situation but at the same time offered fertile grounds for growth (of a particular kind. Materially mostly. After dealing with her, any contentious business deal pales in comparison). But I am still healing from my emotional scars.
I feel like there's some NPD present in the comments on this video and others. Unfortunately Darren's videos appear to have attract those types as well, who seem to miss the message and make it all about themselves.
Bear in mind that currently there is a trend among amateur "psychologists" to label all abusers or difficult people as "narcs". It's like a thing. In reality, abusers and difficult people can have borderline personality disorder, psychosis, substance abuse, or a history of being abused themselves (learned behavior). Only a professional, like the man who made this video, could diagnose your mom or anyone else, and only in a therapeutic setting.
To answer your question, people with NPD or narcissistic traits often have substance abuse issues. Dr. Ramani who specializes in NPD talks about it on TH-cam a lot, so she would be a great source in you’d like more information.
Please use the comment section if there are any mental health topics you's like me to discuss in the future.
well said DOC everything you mentioned was right one the money
Thank you for your lucid and calm description of Borderline subtypes. I have varied in my presentation throughout my adult life. Do you have anything to say about individuals who display traits from multiple subtypes, and/or vacillate between different manifestations, depending on life cirumstances?
@@jaimebanks8377 not sure why he didn't answer your question - it's a good one.
@@guyskillen Thank you. It had been a year since he posted the video, so I understand not getting a reply. I would like to learn more about the aforementioned details, though.
Many of the symptoms you describe can also be said for complex PTSD.
I think Borderlines all have C-PTSD.
I have two adult children that have bpd due to neglect ,abuse , and abandonments throughout their lives from their dad with malignant npd and alcoholism .
Just like their dad they also have alcoholism ,
Use me as a conditional transactional servant, and project their anger, blame for their issues,and abuse onto me
Seeing the manifestation of the damage and corruption the ex has created in my children I spent my life trying to guide and protect them from
I’m still living the ongoing nightmare I thought I could escape from divorcing him
My dad was a malignant narcissistic predator to all around him, including his children his spouses even his own dad. I remember the last time he was throwing full un-opened beer cans at all of us, and ended up shoving my moms head into a doorframe while choking her. He broke my mother and gave her her own sense of narcissism as well as pushed her to alcoholism. My mom was beat down her entire life and made a victim, and she succumbed to alcohol a few months ago as it had taken its toll on her. She had failed us, but to no fault of her own doing besides being reluctant and hesitant to get help (understandably). My dad terrorized her until her very last day. I understand your struggle from your son’s perspectives, because my mom never wanted anything but the best for me as mothers do and always tried her damndest. Bless you and always know your sons appreciate you even whilst not showing it, because I know I didn’t always.
@@ryanfenter1853 I’m so sorry for what you have gone through . May your life be blessed with peace,healing , love, and happiness
Your awareness of matters is a rare and valuable asset. I commend you for gaining this awareness and utilizing it to understand yourself and those around you.
I'm a "self-destructive Borderline." Though I've manifested three of the four subtypes variably throughout my life: petulant, impulsive and self-destructive. My Borderline mother was a "quiet Borderline" most of her life, and now vacillates between quiet and petulant traits. I think vacillation between different subtypes is more common than many clinicians seem to recognize.
Please ask them to get help via internal family systems. It’s a psycho therapy that’s so good so fast and incredible at dealing with the trauma parts inside us who then run us. They run our programs rather than letting the authentic self run us so they are constantly in trauma mode. It truely works its incredible
Excellent,. This single video could definitely be used as a tool in counselling so bpd folk can come to terms with the illness and help deconstruct themselves without any prejudices. I also think bpd folk need to look up 'bpd brain abnormalities mri scans'. The amount of damage in the brain is quite extensive among people with bpd.
There are many conclusions when you study this but it actually gives bpd folk an identity and understanding of themselves.
This is just like complex post traumatic stress disorder due to being raised in an abusive toxic dysfunctional family lead by a narcissist. The sensitive empathic scape goat child becomes a self destructive borderline personality disorder adult child as can’t cope anymore around their toxic family members
The story of my life...
Thank you for this! You gave me another piece of the puzzle.
I’ve never heard anyone explain BPD so perfectly over the 4 videos you’ve made about the sub-types. I span across all 4 and as blunt and painful it is to hear the negative parts of the illness, you have them absolutely spot on. I wish more people understood as well as you do!
Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge 🙏🏼 you explain me better than I can explain myself 😂
I sabotaged my life for 40 years. I just didn't know why felt the way I did.
How did you fix it?
@@AJFAMMAN I didn't.
@@newanas5271 when you use the word sabotage in past tense I assumed you meant you would figured a way out. I've been self-sabotaging in some sort of way for around 40 years as well, and I'm finally seeking help. I hope you can find a way to heal 🤞
I have the same issues I had even got beaten up by strangers and enjoyed chaos. I have learned have a rule Is just do what is sensible. And the little book of Confidence.
I sabotaged mine for 32 years.
this vid popped up on my feed .... great vid Darren
hope you are keeping well.. im so surprised that you dont have more subscribers... x
Something interesting to me is how my borderline is sometimes wonderful and sometimes horrible - that characteristic that they have no core but rather take on the personality of who they are with is the explanation (I think).
I have BPD, bipolar 1 and CPTSD not a good mix. You describe everything perfect thank you to inform people.
thank you so much for this video, haven’t come across an explanation as clear and elaborate as this yet!
Thank you. This really helps explain my ex-husband's self destructive behavior. Sadly he refused to seek help.
The one who doesn’t want help can’t get better. I’ve left my husband because no matter what nothing worked. Such drama and hyper sensitive and nothing works the cycle goes round and round. Nothing got any better. Never will. So I left. Can’t stand the abuse that comes with it.
Thank you for your explanation. I'm trying to educate myself on the self-destructive subtype and the quiet BPD subtype.
I wish I could talk to a good therapist like you
I think I had self destructive bpd. I went through a terrible time I did a lot of immature and attention seeking bad behaviour for years. To hurt myself because I enjoyed playing the victim and thinking people were bad and had it in for me . I behaved so recklessly and I got mocked and rejected and humiliated amd shouted at and attacked by people even complete strangers. When I had 2 ovarian cysts I was even more irrational and out of control. I had to go through a got of humiliation and deep emotional distress to get my self respect back . Because my brain had to learn from a lot of bad experiences to not to do it again. I also had an ovary and a half a ovary removed. Which really calmed me down because I had low hormone levels. I believe hormones play a big part of borderline personality disorder symptoms. And I think learning from bad experiences and staying calm and not taking life to seriously can help people with bpd to keep calm and carry on. And also the book don't sweat the small stuff is great for borderline personality disorder. Because it is all simple psychotherapy. Also having good relationships and not taking it personally what people say or do. with people and understanding if people show disrespect they lack respect. If we ignore drama we will feel calmer. And we will be less stressed if we care less. And knowing if we act like a fool we will get treated like a fool. There are a lot of disrespectful people who will make a fool out of people with bpd to feel better about themselves. It was only when I behaved a lot more mature and respectable I realised I was not giving people a reason to humiliate me or make unnecessary drama .
Self destruction happens due to high levels of dopamine. Most people with mental health problems have mania or psychotic episodes when their dopamine is high, so they unconsciously are rewarded by self-destructive and masochistic tendencies that keep their dopamine low.
I never knew of this illness and when my narcissist was so sensitive to just say I hurt his feelings, I had to think what I really said to hurt him. Then it got worst. Huge rage, smoking weed to numb himself which got worse with Adderall. Then a monster appeared. I gave him so much nurture & love. But it just got more wreckless & horrific!
Great video.Hits the nail on the head.
At 61, I have had 2 main relationships and both were difficult. The question is 'Is it me or them?' I met someone some years ago and we have such similar beliefs and life goals that it is so easy to enjoy their company. Where as my partners have always been the exact opposite to me. I find them self destructive in their habits such as drinking, smoking, gambling, tv watching, no desire to exercise, and food choices. I think we don't know how to chose a partner and many of us end up in incompatible relationships and then struggle forever until it breaks. Although my partners have been intelectually intelligent, they seem to ignore some simple truths. Happyness is a constant pursuit of setting simple goals and progressing on achieving them. That's me, but for so many people they are just happy watching tv. I love life in so many ways but that exuberance attracts people who are in a different space and it tends to diminish my/our ability to progress together. For example: I don't much like tv. I would rather go for a moonlight walk but if my partner wants to catchup on the 100 hrs of tv shows they have pre-recorded, then that walk is just me on my own. I have done this compromise for 25 years and then one day you meet someone who loves doing the same as you and you are no longer alone. I feel I have wasted so much of my life trying to help women who had issues. The best I can figure is that they have a Self Destructive nature because, if you tell someone who you aee, what you like and they ignore you, how can you address the issue that you are caught in someone elses lifestyle choices? I would rather be on my own than be in a incompatible relationship. SDPD is a complex subject. Is it me or is it them?
Sabotaging to be happy, that's my worthless period walking and struggling on this planet. Already wishing my existance is vaporized, seeing it through the "eyes" of f.e. the year 2080 as, fortunately, nothing on this world reminds of me who contributed nothing.
Thanks for your thoughts!
How to cope with someone with all the traits but totally refuses to admit it, even consider needing help. Also how to stop reacting to the point where I become a mirror of everything I cant cope with them!
I was diagnosed with BPD after seeing a work mandated psychologist for report. I was younger and I remember reading the report and feeling so ashamed that I was diagnosed with BPD that I denied it for years.
I started seeing a therapist before and through covid and looking back on those sessions now I can see that my therapist may not have been specialised in BPD and in fact I feel like she broke up with me. Although I did tell her I was “good now”
I would like to know how to find a good therapist to help me manage self destructive BPD and do I just tell this therapist I’ve been diagnosed earlier in life with BPD?
This answered some of my questions very helpful 🙂
What if the patient is presenting symptoms from all 4 types of BPD?
The scary this is everything you said is exactly who I am 😔
I feel the same
Same
I appear to be a combination of the self-destructive and quiet BPD subtypes. Have you considered doing a video of these hybrid subtypes?
Really enjoyed your series.
Thank
Hello sir, please speak about attracting emotionally unavailable people and ancestral self destructive, sadistic and masochistic patterns in ourselves and how to decode them. If possible i would like to have a consultation with you.
Irrelevant but your voice is so soothing! I can listen to you all-day
'm a "self-destructive Borderline." Though I've manifested three of the four subtypes variably throughout my life: petulant, impulsive and self-destructive. My Borderline mother was a "quiet Borderline" most of her life, and now vacillates between quiet and petulant traits. I think vacillation between different subtypes is more common than many clinicians seem to recognize. I've seen a few individuals discuss this phenomenon, but many seem to think that Borderlines adhere to one style.
Use this template to profile politicians, uniformed and armed civil-servants(immigration, customs, police, military, ... ...), ...
Also use on uniformed civilian-professions like pilots, security-guards, nurses ...
Arrive at a more accurate and quicker checklist for businesses to assess employees across industries. Risk management.
🦻🦻🦻. Thank you 🙏🙏🙏
Amazing insight. All true. Tell me about it. I lived with a woman for seven year who had BPD (not that she ever admitted it). Impossible is the word. There is no fixing it. If you fill a hole another hole is immediately created. She would call the police on me whenever she attacked me and she had such a power of manipulation that the police would believe I was the attacker!
She left me because I smoked pot. She was seriously against it. But the boyfriend she left me for (30 years younger than me) not only smokes pot but he is an alcoholic. He is in rehab as we speak! Yes. Unpredictable and erratic behavior.
But at the same time, I learned a lot living with her. One of those. Very, very difficult situation but at the same time offered fertile grounds for growth (of a particular kind. Materially mostly. After dealing with her, any contentious business deal pales in comparison). But I am still healing from my emotional scars.
my dad just got diagnosed with this wish me luck yall
Do self harming with undiagnosed bpd takes breaks in between and do it?
I feel like there's some NPD present in the comments on this video and others. Unfortunately Darren's videos appear to have attract those types as well, who seem to miss the message and make it all about themselves.
Are Narcs self-destructive too? My mother is an alcoholic.
Bear in mind that currently there is a trend among amateur "psychologists" to label all abusers or difficult people as "narcs". It's like a thing. In reality, abusers and difficult people can have borderline personality disorder, psychosis, substance abuse, or a history of being abused themselves (learned behavior). Only a professional, like the man who made this video, could diagnose your mom or anyone else, and only in a therapeutic setting.
To answer your question, people with NPD or narcissistic traits often have substance abuse issues. Dr. Ramani who specializes in NPD talks about it on TH-cam a lot, so she would be a great source in you’d like more information.
❤