Couldn't agree more, having done that before, it's very easy to say that. When presented again, especially if its been a while, it's still a hard thing to do even though your gut gives you all the warning signs. Heart overrides the mind sometimes. Not always right though.
I walked away because she kept pushing and pulling. I tried the calm communicative way first and had forgiven a really nasty behavior on her side. But then she just did something really painful again. I told her then that I didn't want to associate with her anymore and blocked her. Feel awful about it but felt like another convo would be enabling very toxic behavior.
Their stonewalling when you’re just checking in to see if they’re alright is such a crap feeling! But, your videos give me peace so thank you (even though I’m so sad and angry)
Sorry! I am a DA and I can confirm that being checked up on to see if I am ok does feel intrusive, unnecessary and unwelcome - probably thinks you are up to something or after something. We are built the way we are built to deal with manipulative and controlling people so we have very strong boundaries around our personal space, the only time we can relax because we are certain that no drama can commence. We aren't used to people simply caring about us (with covert narcs the seemingly good will is a ploy to reel us in and usually precedes the drama). It's not you and it isn't personal. Avoidants are simply street dogs rather than Labradors - we need time to get to know you and what you are about before we trust your good will.
@ but he does know me! I’ve always been supportive and want nothing in return. He’s also struggling with sobriety. I’ve always left things open ended. He knows where to find me. I had to leave social media and delete him bc I didn’t feel valued and felt triggered.
@@ceciliamac4283 did you feel bad when you did it? I harbour so much of guilt but I also choose me. He wasn’t being kind to me - left me on read, liking others pics but ignoring me, never reaching out, etc.
I'm a secure person and I have a complete weak spot for the avoidants as there's always that allure of growth in them. But between giving them all the distance and space they need, not needing to constantly 'fix' everything, and creating a secure place for emotional safety there's a clear contradiction and it's quite delicate to know how to make that call each and every time.
Your ppl will either level up or fall away! I love that truth ❤ thank you Corri 🤗 I am a secure attachment and was completely blindsided by my best friend pulling away, breadcrumbing and avoiding the elephant in the room when I could feel things change. It’s been eye-opening…. Learning this DA way of life….it wasn’t like this before she moved.
I'm secure attachment style and did my time with an avoidant. Im just going to say it out loud. We ALL have had PAST trauma.. These people know they have a problem, and the amount of people who get hurt from them. The problem is they just refuse to help themselves. So with that being said, you can stay and be tortured until you snap or you can just walk away. I chose to walk away. The pattern of run away run back is just to overwhelming. Just leave and pray for them. It's healthy for you. Above all love yourself enough to leave. Great video ...😮
My first husband 30 yrs was avoidant my second husband was even more avoidant, been on my own for 8 yrs love my freedom maybe one day I will meet someone who is secure. Until then ….❤
Self validation is crucial . . The avoidant lacks this more than most and requires external validation.. spending a 9 months in a relationship with an avoidant triggered my anxiety but then the breakup/ discard actually healed that. . Much stronger for the experience.
I have so much empathy for avoidents and also have developed some strong, healthy boundaries in this last relationship. I had a strong fawn response that rolled into doing people pleasing activities. I specifically stayed in this relationship to use the mirroring so I could identify my needs and grow. I ended it last week. No way I'm going into 2025 dragging him with me. Stay strong and put your mask on first. ❤
An actually secure person would walk away from an avoidant rather quickly because why would you pursue a connection with a person trying to sabotage it constantly?
To many expectations or the wrong ones could also lead to problems. Both, to always blame the other or to always blame yourself , is a bad (likely unhealthy) habit.
Forrest Gump is one of the best films to watch to understand the avoidant. Jenny ran from Forrest every time she connected with him. Eventually she couldn't run from herself. Everyone in this current reality is anxious. Very few secure people operating in society right now. The key is to see that you are running because of fear. We are all avoiding pain and potential danger either from within or without.
Thank you for this! It has been healing for me to listen to you every day. I like how you encourage secure responses and manifestation in healthy ways (not being in denial about poor treatment)
I honestly don't know if I'm secure or anxious. My person lovebombed hard for four weeks, then avoided hard. It certainly made me anxious, but it also crossed my boundaries, and after two weeks I stepped away. But for three months since I've been heartbroken about it. Despite relative no contact, I'm still chasing in my head!
Sounds like he had BPD rather than an avoidant attachment style. If so you fell in love with a fantasy he created and he is a bullet worth dodging. Avoidants tend to warm up slowly in case we are dealing with a narc ourselves ❤
Excellent épisode ! It talk to me so much as à FA into a 22 yrs relationship with a DA… all this attachment stuff is new to me since the last 2 yrs so still learning. It helps me understand so much tough !
Thanks for this message. I’m never scared to lose the person but it seems like every single guy I meet has a problem with me having a problem - they don’t want to know so I eternally move on… it’s the same guy showing up in different guys.
@@HANZELVANDERLAAYMeaning when she notices there is an issue and she brings it up they don’t want to see it for what it is and just see that she simply has « a problem in herself » At least, that’s how I read it
I am secure (no reason to believe otherwise and the quizzes all say so lol) and a month ago was discarded over text kind of out of nowhere by my first ever girlfriend who I believe is a fearful-avoidant. This has been a very painful month, especially as I know she knows she's avoidant AND she assured me I had done nothing wrong. I instinctively went no contact and have been processing, but have a very strong desire to talk to her about it because I vainly hope I might convince her that what we had was good and that we should recover it, or at least remain in contact. It's a complicated situation and I'm not sure what I'll do, but I sure am learning a lot about attachment styles.
I'm an anxious spouse and my husband is DA. He left me in the middle of the night after an argument five months ago. He refuses to see or talk to me. He's threatened divorce but I'm now in limbo. I'm giving it til the end of this month and may unfortunately have to file for a divorce after being married to him for 30 years. He just won't budge 😢
Oh I understand what's going on here. I know my worth, I don't have time to sit around and wait, I no longer wish to do so. I have a life to live, and regardless of how either of us feels about the other, this isn't healthy for ME. I'm going to go about my business from here on out.
Thank you for this video, I've been really going through it with a whirlwind connection that all of a sudden ended with me being blocked. In hindsight I can see a lot of fear-based reactions from me which would have made her feel unsafe, so she avoided and I kept pushing. It feels good to know I can change and align more with how I want to act now
It's so great you're taking the opportunity to learn a lesson and learn more about yourself. It wasn't a waste of time if you can grow from the experience!
I set boundaries about a month ago via text (a strong harsh one) with a friend who has been abusive but she didn’t respond back. I feel really bad cause I’d love to manifest her best version back 😢
They would find another relationship 😅 So the avoidant can continue to live in their dysfunction You know people do recover from avoidant attachment with therapy and work Smh
Don’t get me wrong I love your videos and find them very insightful and intelligent , but don’t you feel like this recent focusing on avoidant’s and their problems is creating more of a sense of separation and negative expectancy, which might’ve created this situation to begin with?
Actually I think what created it to begin with was both people’s unconscious wounding that drew them to each other. We are matched to who mirror to us the lessons we need to learn the most. The awareness of how someone else is showing up gives us the opportunity to see what we have been expecting or allowing unconsciously in order to show us how to expect better for ourselves. We need the contrast, this is part of the journey x
“Losing yourself is 10x more painful than losing someone else.” This hits home
Couldn't agree more, having done that before, it's very easy to say that. When presented again, especially if its been a while, it's still a hard thing to do even though your gut gives you all the warning signs. Heart overrides the mind sometimes. Not always right though.
I walked away because she kept pushing and pulling. I tried the calm communicative way first and had forgiven a really nasty behavior on her side. But then she just did something really painful again. I told her then that I didn't want to associate with her anymore and blocked her. Feel awful about it but felt like another convo would be enabling very toxic behavior.
Their stonewalling when you’re just checking in to see if they’re alright is such a crap feeling! But, your videos give me peace so thank you (even though I’m so sad and angry)
Sorry! I am a DA and I can confirm that being checked up on to see if I am ok does feel intrusive, unnecessary and unwelcome - probably thinks you are up to something or after something. We are built the way we are built to deal with manipulative and controlling people so we have very strong boundaries around our personal space, the only time we can relax because we are certain that no drama can commence. We aren't used to people simply caring about us (with covert narcs the seemingly good will is a ploy to reel us in and usually precedes the drama). It's not you and it isn't personal. Avoidants are simply street dogs rather than Labradors - we need time to get to know you and what you are about before we trust your good will.
@@edenlass9062You said it so well. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It’s really really helpful.
@ but he does know me! I’ve always been supportive and want nothing in return. He’s also struggling with sobriety. I’ve always left things open ended. He knows where to find me. I had to leave social media and delete him bc I didn’t feel valued and felt triggered.
@@JM-bv2mo I did the same. Keep staying in your truth 🤍☀️
@@ceciliamac4283 did you feel bad when you did it? I harbour so much of guilt but I also choose me. He wasn’t being kind to me - left me on read, liking others pics but ignoring me, never reaching out, etc.
I'm a secure person and I have a complete weak spot for the avoidants as there's always that allure of growth in them.
But between giving them all the distance and space they need, not needing to constantly 'fix' everything, and creating a secure place for emotional safety there's a clear contradiction and it's quite delicate to know how to make that call each and every time.
Your ppl will either level up or fall away!
I love that truth ❤ thank you Corri 🤗
I am a secure attachment and was completely blindsided by my best friend pulling away, breadcrumbing and avoiding the elephant in the room when I could feel things change. It’s been eye-opening…. Learning this DA way of life….it wasn’t like this before she moved.
I'm secure attachment style and did my time with an avoidant. Im just going to say it out loud. We ALL have had PAST trauma.. These people know they have a problem, and the amount of people who get hurt from them. The problem is they just refuse to help themselves. So with that being said, you can stay and be tortured until you snap or you can just walk away. I chose to walk away. The pattern of run away run back is just to overwhelming. Just leave and pray for them. It's healthy for you. Above all love yourself enough to leave.
Great video ...😮
My first husband 30 yrs was avoidant my second husband was even more avoidant, been on my own for 8 yrs love my freedom maybe one day I will meet someone who is secure. Until then ….❤
You will ❤❤❤
Self validation is crucial . . The avoidant lacks this more than most and requires external validation.. spending a 9 months in a relationship with an avoidant triggered my anxiety but then the breakup/ discard actually healed that. . Much stronger for the experience.
its so funny how they'll act like they are independent. Nah, you use people. You just don't rely on your partners. They are somthing else I tell ya.
That just NAILED my current experiwnce.@bulldogsnewleaf-m7g Don't need me but entirely relies on her mom and grandpa.
your videos speak to me in so many levels
I have so much empathy for avoidents and also have developed some strong, healthy boundaries in this last relationship. I had a strong fawn response that rolled into doing people pleasing activities. I specifically stayed in this relationship to use the mirroring so I could identify my needs and grow. I ended it last week. No way I'm going into 2025 dragging him with me. Stay strong and put your mask on first. ❤
Shrug and walk away. I know, it can be painful and difficult to make that cut-off, but I reckon it's healthiest. Good luck!
10:33 don’t try to explain yourself anymore. You are understood. ✅
You are ❤️
@ Thank you my dear 🫶🏽💕
An actually secure person would walk away from an avoidant rather quickly because why would you pursue a connection with a person trying to sabotage it constantly?
I feel you are correct. In for allot of bewildering experiences. Who wants that?
To many expectations or the wrong ones could also lead to problems. Both, to always blame the other or to always blame yourself , is a bad (likely unhealthy) habit.
Forrest Gump is one of the best films to watch to understand the avoidant. Jenny ran from Forrest every time she connected with him. Eventually she couldn't run from herself. Everyone in this current reality is anxious. Very few secure people operating in society right now. The key is to see that you are running because of fear. We are all avoiding pain and potential danger either from within or without.
Right on, you're speaking my language!! Skills matter for socially awkward people. I want somebody that wants me. Thank you for your kindness 🙏
Thank you for this! It has been healing for me to listen to you every day. I like how you encourage secure responses and manifestation in healthy ways (not being in denial about poor treatment)
I honestly don't know if I'm secure or anxious. My person lovebombed hard for four weeks, then avoided hard. It certainly made me anxious, but it also crossed my boundaries, and after two weeks I stepped away. But for three months since I've been heartbroken about it. Despite relative no contact, I'm still chasing in my head!
It's a mental DISORDER...please avoid them..or ..
it can rub off
Take it from someone who stayed for almost a decade...I wish I was you right now. Stay away! You're doing great!!
Sounds like he had BPD rather than an avoidant attachment style. If so you fell in love with a fantasy he created and he is a bullet worth dodging. Avoidants tend to warm up slowly in case we are dealing with a narc ourselves ❤
@@edenlass9062What do you mean at the end when you said unless we are dealing with a Narcissist ?
How would a NORMAL person respond? RUN 🏃♀️ they NEVER change. 😂
Excellent épisode ! It talk to me so much as à FA into a 22 yrs relationship with a DA… all this attachment stuff is new to me since the last 2 yrs so still learning. It helps me understand so much tough !
really appreciate these videos
Thanks for this message. I’m never scared to lose the person but it seems like every single guy I meet has a problem with me having a problem - they don’t want to know so I eternally move on… it’s the same guy showing up in different guys.
Confusing...me have a problem they don't want to know...that's. Like a double negative..oh well...maybe it's just me
@@HANZELVANDERLAAYMeaning when she notices there is an issue and she brings it up they don’t want to see it for what it is and just see that she simply has « a problem in herself »
At least, that’s how I read it
I am secure (no reason to believe otherwise and the quizzes all say so lol) and a month ago was discarded over text kind of out of nowhere by my first ever girlfriend who I believe is a fearful-avoidant. This has been a very painful month, especially as I know she knows she's avoidant AND she assured me I had done nothing wrong. I instinctively went no contact and have been processing, but have a very strong desire to talk to her about it because I vainly hope I might convince her that what we had was good and that we should recover it, or at least remain in contact. It's a complicated situation and I'm not sure what I'll do, but I sure am learning a lot about attachment styles.
I'm an anxious spouse and my husband is DA. He left me in the middle of the night after an argument five months ago. He refuses to see or talk to me. He's threatened divorce but I'm now in limbo. I'm giving it til the end of this month and may unfortunately have to file for a divorce after being married to him for 30 years. He just won't budge 😢
You are rad! So happy I found this channel
Thank you. Very thoughtful and comprehensive content.
Oh I understand what's going on here.
I know my worth, I don't have time to sit around and wait, I no longer wish to do so.
I have a life to live, and regardless of how either of us feels about the other, this isn't healthy for ME.
I'm going to go about my business from here on out.
Thank you for this video, I've been really going through it with a whirlwind connection that all of a sudden ended with me being blocked. In hindsight I can see a lot of fear-based reactions from me which would have made her feel unsafe, so she avoided and I kept pushing.
It feels good to know I can change and align more with how I want to act now
Whoa, very similar situation here, it ain't easy.
It's so great you're taking the opportunity to learn a lesson and learn more about yourself. It wasn't a waste of time if you can grow from the experience!
Thankyou for making this video.
Thank you so much, this was so helpful and so well timed 🙏
I set boundaries about a month ago via text (a strong harsh one) with a friend who has been abusive but she didn’t respond back.
I feel really bad cause I’d love to manifest her best version back 😢
It is so hard. You want to help, but they don’t want it.
You are a blessing.❤
Avoid them. 🤣
Will you please do a video on, "what if I'm the avoidant"? My regret and shame over pushing him away, are killing me. Thank you for your expertise.
Yes. Please do this Corri as I was also an anxious avoidant with my sp before we broke up.
YES 🙌🏼
❤ watching your videos, very helpful. Thank you ❤
Walk away
They would find another relationship 😅
So the avoidant can continue to live in their dysfunction
You know people do recover from avoidant attachment with therapy and work
Smh
It feels like dying,
You will get through this x
Don’t get me wrong I love your videos and find them very insightful and intelligent , but don’t you feel like this recent focusing on avoidant’s and their problems is creating more of a sense of separation and negative expectancy, which might’ve created this situation to begin with?
Actually I think what created it to begin with was both people’s unconscious wounding that drew them to each other. We are matched to who mirror to us the lessons we need to learn the most. The awareness of how someone else is showing up gives us the opportunity to see what we have been expecting or allowing unconsciously in order to show us how to expect better for ourselves. We need the contrast, this is part of the journey x
@ yes I think both factors are in play and that is the challenge
Don't.
❤