AITAH for now realizing my worth(36F) and wanting out of my marriage with (38m)?

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 3 พ.ย. 2024

ความคิดเห็น • 30

  • @minohki
    @minohki 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +34

    As the child in a toxic relationship, you’re kids knows if you’re miserable and it makes them miserable too.

  • @r10greyhoundsrule87
    @r10greyhoundsrule87 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +16

    Cheated twice, has a temper, gets in moods, ruins good moments, self medicates, must be asked to be intimate and then feels obligated to do so, is emotionally absent yet she calls him a good father? Does she hear herself?

  • @mangamegbe
    @mangamegbe 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +25

    I’m always irritated by the people that don’t listen to what their partner needs until they are threatening divorce. Like either put the effort in when your partner expresses their concerns or know that when they check out that’s on you. The number of times I’ve heard divorce stories where one spouse was drowning and crying out and the other didn’t care until they were done infuriates me. This guy has cheated on OP and through that realized that they could simply get away with anything they did until now. Now that there are consequences the husband cares a lot or says he does. My problem with that is if he’s managed with the bare minimum this long he could just try until he thinks he’s in the clear. If they do decide to make it work ( I’d have left his cheating hide forever ago but that’s me) OP has to set clear boundaries for what she won’t tolerate or she walks. If he backslides she’s out. Period.

  • @jambalie
    @jambalie 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +27

    OP, as the former child of a toxic marriage and the divorcee of a toxic ex husband, my strong advice is Get Out, if you are able and don't wait for his new round of pretending and love bombing to wear off before you do. Be honest with your kids. Don't let him control the narrative. If he uses their emotions to get to you,, call him out. Make sure you're all safe... But get out. You will be So. Much. Better. In the long run. It will not be easy. There will be pain. There will be continued manipulation. Your kids may not realize right away that things are better. But you will be free and you will heal and there will be a better life waiting for you down the line. A life where you remember how powerful and beautiful and talented you are without someone constantly undermining those beliefs and truths. Go. Be free.

  • @ivylovesrunning
    @ivylovesrunning 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

    I recommend getting out. I am a child of an abusive marriage and they are still together over 50 years later. I wish my mom would have left him, then we could have had a different life, and maybe I would need therapy due to the abuse I saw and became a victim of.

  • @alyzu4755
    @alyzu4755 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    NTA. If he's emotionally abusing her, he'll do the same to their kids (if he isnt already). And, yes, he's a bad role model for the kids.
    Eventually he's going to get comfortable again and go back to his old behavior.

  • @abbym3915
    @abbym3915 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    The thing I'd be leary of with telling someone they have X amount of time to clean up their act and if there isn't a change you'll leave is I think it can turn into a cycle of badsliding, promising to shape up ("I promise I'll be good!"), doing well for a brief period, and then backsliding. I've seen kids do it frequently where they try to get themselves out of a tough spot by trying to convince an adult right before the consequences are doled out that they're being good, they won't do it again, and whatever else they can come up with. OP's person (I can't bring myself to use any other appropriate term than that) seems like the kind to try to pull that, but then again, I don't know these people, so I could be wrong.

  • @mleighqs
    @mleighqs 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    I agree with Candy, op said they have no love left to give. At that point start making the exit plan and safely move on. The kids in the end will be okay.

  • @sallyjopatriot
    @sallyjopatriot 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    OP should get individual counseling to help her sort things out and find her way.

  • @nikkiewhite476
    @nikkiewhite476 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    My mom stayed with my dad for years despite his constant cheating. All of the kids in the family knew how unhappy she was. She walked away when I was 12. She was much better for it
    I to stayed with a partner for five years longer than I should. It was horrible for my mental health but I was physically disabled and terrified of what would happen to me. When I finally made the leap it was hard but I am so much better for it.

  • @Rubsomedirtonitgardening
    @Rubsomedirtonitgardening 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Good lord girl! Were we married to the same man? Until you got to substance use, every word was my story. BTW, I escaped. Best. Decision. Ever! I have never felt better about myself without his influence. I highly recommend being by yourself and finding your own happiness within. Good luck! You got this!

  • @amyjean999
    @amyjean999 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    @animorphs17 😂🤣😭💀😂 Thanks. I needed a good laugh!

    • @user-blob
      @user-blob 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      👏👏👏

  • @michellenorwick4956
    @michellenorwick4956 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    You can love someone, but not be in love with someone. You and your kids will be so much happier .... leaving this marriage.

  • @evies1050
    @evies1050 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    I agree that OP needs to be a good role model for her children. Also, has OP's husband been physically abusive? OP needs to keep a journal and write down everything that he has done and she needs to figure out if the children will be safe when they visit their father. And start putting money aside in a safe place where OP's husband won't have access to. Like a bank where he does not have an account.

  • @susansuresh6057
    @susansuresh6057 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    We begged our Mother to divorce Dad, a serial cheater and verbally abusive man. She was afraid to because he controlled the finances ( & it was the 70s/80s when women truly had less rights) and there were 5 of us kids. Cue his stroke at age 51 and her caring for him until ' death did he part' at age 79. She f-ing wasted her life on him out of her overly kind heart, let her own health slide and she passed 5 years later, but at least spent her last 5 years staying between my house and that of one of my brothers. (we moved her here after Dad died ...they lived in another state). I wish her life had been better...and it would have been without him. Notice how one of his skanks didn't take him in after the stroke....

  • @yamairad1
    @yamairad1 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

    This is why I'm against people getting marry young. It's much easier to destroy a person that doesn't even know who they are yet.

  • @merlinathrawes746
    @merlinathrawes746 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

    NTA! OP, he will continue to "improve" right up until he thinks he can get away with going back to his old ways.

  • @ladylauraanne
    @ladylauraanne 21 วันที่ผ่านมา

    NTA. if OP wants to divorce him she should. It kills me when someone stays for the kids. That's total BS. Yes kids want their parents together, but all you're teaching them is it's ok to stay in an abusive relationship.

  • @razredge07
    @razredge07 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Abusive relationships don't improve. Maybe a person can change, maybe they can't, but such things occur long after the party that was harmed (you) has long since moved on.
    Children adapt to just about anything short of miserable parents. Being around miserable parents means they'll develop maladaptive coping skills that won't work in healthy relationships. Better to divorce now and show the children how to responsibly dissolve a relationship without sacrificing those you love along with all the relevant responsibilities.
    You only have so much time in this world. Don't waste it on someone who doesn't value you, let alone the time you've given them.

  • @HaleyJo1992
    @HaleyJo1992 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    Honestly if you have any reason to leave, even if it's a bad one, you should. Either you suck or they suck or both, and the relationship should end. I'm going NTA here. Sometimes even if you are truly sorry, you've done too much damage for someone to ever trust you again. Too little too late is a true thing.

  • @wamx3vlog280
    @wamx3vlog280 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

    OP as someone who left an abuser (like your husband) not only you deserve a better life so do your kids. Leaving my ex was the best decision ever for not only myself but my kids. Was it easy? No. Was it worth it? Hell yes! Seven years later I found a wonderful man who took my kids in and loves them to death. I have no regrets beyond wishing I left my ex sooner.

  • @Rainbowofthefallen
    @Rainbowofthefallen 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

    💙❤️🧡

  • @animorphs17
    @animorphs17 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    OP is being the asscanaut of she leaves.
    In regards to the cheating after the kid, guys should get a pass on that. Men have needs, and after a childbirth, a wife is less likely to be able to provide that. So him getting it taken care of else where is a non issue.
    As for the present, she is a mother and a wife. Those are priorities over everything else and she needs to focus on that first. By doing so, she will find happiness and contentment. It sounds like he's doing better, and she likely said "for better or worse" in her vows, so she should not leave over whatever petty complaints she has.

    • @deannasnyder5481
      @deannasnyder5481 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      You just told on yourself. You're an ascon 1. Are you op's husband?

    • @cynthiaguzman7130
      @cynthiaguzman7130 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Seriously? Get out of here, troll. "Men have needs"??? Are you serious? So do women!

    • @jenniferalberstein8057
      @jenniferalberstein8057 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      We found the husband

    • @cynthiaguzman7130
      @cynthiaguzman7130 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@jenniferalberstein8057 Precisely