Here is my alternative to obsession with growth: Growth shouldn't be the FOCUS, but rather the by-product of completely engaging with the present moment. Just like harvesting the fruit is a by-product of planting seeds, watering daily and weeding. In other words, have faith that growth is inevitable, it is in fact a certainty, but only to the degree that you fully participate with the present and LIVE your life here and now will you look back and say "wow, what a ride! I learned so much." Thinking that growth will come simply by focusing on it is a logical fallacy - and one I am more guilty of than anybody else I know! "I'll be ready to start living life fully once x,y,z... Once I heal my trauma, once I find my ultimate purpose, once I become confident" WRONG! Life is actually the thing that makes you ready, that heals your trauma, leads you to your passions and makes you more confident! The present moment is all there is, and is our home, and it is enough, and there is so much joy and passion to be found right in front of you if you simply look around! The future is a myth, and it is time to come home.
Damn. This is a hard pill to swallow. I was talking to my therapist about how passionate I am about the psyche and how I’ve been devouring psychology content (podcasts, ebooks) because I truly love it. But deep down, I fear that all of this intellectualization is just a way to avoid suffering (helplessness, loneliness, boredom) and that life is just… that! Thinking that growth will be the tool to endure suffering and contain the aggressive drive against the absurdity of life. I feel proud of all the work I’ve done to live a more conscious and authentic life and was aiming for more, but maybe you’re right… Life isn’t going to get better than this. The present moment, and all of this, is just a way to make me feel good about myself-trying to control the uncontrollable.
Bro, keep it up! If I may be so bold, I would highly encourage you to continue to follow your passion... That's what I'm doing! Continue to devour everything about the psyche... When our pursuits are motivated by love and interest, that's as real as it gets! In the vid, I don't mean to deny that an orientation towards growth is bad, I'm merely suggesting that we investigate when our desire might be more of a compulsion, and that we compliment our movement towards growth with an investigation into what is here, right now. It's definitely a both/and... "I'm perfect as I am (difficult thoughts and feeling included) AND I could always be better... Life is perfect as it is (difficult elements in included) AND it could always be better." Lots of nuance and holding seemingly contradicting elements simultaneously... Keep up your pursuits!! The world needs it! 🙌
@@Trevor_Brown_ With the quality of the Insight you do have. I would like to see a Q&A video from you where you answer existential questions to the best of your knowledge.
Life is never going to be a perfectly wrapped package tied with a neat bow. Its gonna be imperfect, messy, awkward, painful, disappointing & frustrating. Growth happens simply through the living of it fully moment to moment. I spent years making personal growth my purpose in life. It had its time and place. One can let go only when one is ready to let go. Glad i found your channel. Thanks.
I am a researcher in the field of self-optimization and I very much agree with your description. The connection with the eternal focus on a promising future is very well presented.
It's a good point. Sometimes we can focus too much on the destination instead of the journey. I see it with artists, actors and singers. They are more focused on how to create success instead of enjoying the craft itself.
Became a digital nomad for 2 years. It was fucking fantastic. Met my wife during that period :) I've been meditating a lot and feel happier. So there's that. Career is meh, but chilling with my friends, wife and myself (also through meditation) is beautiful. And on all of it, I did a lot of self-dev
The irony in the obession with growth is how so many people don't really like change. The idea of growth should inherently embody change, but it seems too often that we don't actually want change; we just want the circumstances around us to somehow become better for us personally. Personal growth becomes a defense mechanism of sorts when it's all about manipulating the environment around you to your liking, by focusing solely on externalities, instead of accepting it all. We can always grow, but in order to do that we have to accept real change. Or maybe I'm just yapping, who knows.
I get that a strong focus on personal growth can create discontent in some people. The key is balance. Accepting that our personal growth is going to be a cycle where we have days or weeks where our personal growth goes down, and not beating ourself up for declining in growth. For me personal growth helps me find more fulfillment in everyday life. We can also ask ourself if we have specific goals. My specific goals are to be myself wherever I go, and not needing someone to allow me to be myself.
This > "My specific goals are to be myself wherever I go, and not needing someone to allow me to be myself." What a great goal to pursue (and enjoy). Thank you for sharing 🙏
Well put, I am realizing this now also, thats why in the matrix movie its so painful to wake up, in your mind you make your own dopamine, to stop doing that and be present takes sacrifice and withdrawal, I think thats what we instinctively try to do with self help, but your mind outsmarts you.
Yeah, this is an important one for me. I’ve arrived at and forgot this one several times. Historically, I’ve been very avoidant, so there’s been this terrible force driving me towards the future, away from the present. I’ve wandered through Various flavours of Self help, magical thinking, spiritual bypassing… I looked at my book shelf last year and realized that most of these books arrived here because of this seed of “you’re not enough.” That saddened me, all these books are about taking me to a different place. There have been layers of acceptance. Now I take great pleasure in long walks in parks and watching birds and squirrels in my back yard. Grounding stuff is so great. Maybe I don’t need to figure it all out.
By the way, just wanted to share that I've been coming across spiritual bypassing a lot recently. I remember when I first was introduced to the term I thought I never did it and never would 😂 Pretty clear sign that I was, in fact, quite stepped in it... I'm sure I still am in ways I still don't yet see... Also, your phrase "maybe I don't need to figure it all out" is gold.
Profound. The feeling is indeed the secret. Whatever else is better, has no proof. We may see others that we can aspire to emulate, but whatever state you feel is enough, is enough for the this here bow moment. 🌸🌿
Just now I typed to myself that doing nothing is living and afterwards watched this video which is relevant to that. Even though I've had a vague knowing of this for a while, as I'm near the end of assuming I've been doing less than I actually am just because it's not what people usually expect a way of life to be like, it is now fully locked into the rest of my perspective thanks to it being summarised here. In fact, by doing less and being sensitive to my surroundings, I have been doing the most. I have been receptive to my circumstances as they are no matter what as to see it for what it is and I have had reserves of energy whenever my family falter in theirs due to constantly doing things. I am an emotional group anchor because of this, it is a strength that was constantly mischaracterised to me by others as a weakness, when I am actually the most sensible and focused person I know and that many others have known as to commonly be asked for advice in the first place. Having perspective is an important skill, because the speed with which you do things can be detrimental anyway when you are heading in the wrong direction with your life trajectory. The amount you do, while it can be impressive on the surface, may not be as fulfilling as being in flow and to directly absorb yourself in experiencing what you do. This is where sensitivity, being an emotional sponge and physical sponge in your senses, naturally absorbing everything around you, applies. You end up living more fully than other people who are desensitised by distractions splitting their attention in so many different directions, constantly achieving and chasing for a sense of value when that is already here. 💖
Wow, this was really well-timed to hit my life. I've been noticing that no matter how far I get I'm just thinking of the next step. I'm realizing that I need to work on the feeling of needing to be better because if I don't then I will never be good enough.
Our physiological reward system hard wires us to seek and make progress towards goals. Which makes sense, because resting on your laurels isn’t a great survival strategy
Amen... So then we can begin to explore/ask ourselves if we'd like to live a life that goes beyond survival strategies, i.e. that is about more than 'staying alive' (esp. bc those strategies rarely actually equate to 'staying alive' in a literal way anymore)
@@Trevor_Brown_ I don’t know how possible that is for most of us. Most guys I know who are not actively trying to improve themselves or go toward a goal that improves some situation, are pretty feeble in spirit. My family members who accept the dilapidating way things are, I find kind of suffocating to be around.
@@hickorysocks2628 Yeah, most people go in one direction or the other, or stay at one end of the spectrum for a while before getting sick of it and going to the other end... There's a lot of nuance/middle ground that balances the best of both, but a lot of us tend to jump right over it... If it's gotta be one of the extremes, self-improvement is clearly the better alternative
Our conditioning hard wires us to seek and make progress. We were taught that life is preparation for the next; look at school (in K5, we have to get ready for 1st grade, in 1st grade we have to get ready for second, up until 12th. Then it's get ready for college, career, you need a spouse, buy a house, become parents, then make sure you post, compare, and align your lifestyle with everyone else's). Its always and next, next, and we'll be happy when. We are addicted to dopamine bursts and do our best to avoid discomfort and lows (scrolling, binge watching videos, etc bc we know we will hit a low) until we are forced to because our body will naturally force us to balance. Our survival instincts are for self preservation and the gag and messaging is that there's not enough for everyone. Whereas we are a collective, we are mirrors to what is going on inside subconsciously. Ever be somewhere, meet someone, or have a reaction and you are not sure why? Before we are conscious from birth to about three (when we form I and me) our brains record and store information from the environment around us but we didn't have language to categorize it with. Those things may be triggered by something we are not aware of, but our survival instinct still runs off of the recognition.
This is powerful and so needed at this moment in my life. I will be working with this for a while., and revisiting this video to soak in the wisdom shared. Gratitude. Thank you.🙏🏽
I made $2k/month online and thought it would make me so happy. Nope. Time to start feeling alive in this present moment, just like when i was a kid and didn’t look to the future Video is spot on. Can’t believe 99.9999% of people will never learn this.
Totally agree. If your growth isn't something that you can measure and improve in small chunks, it's gonna be tough to actually grow. But as long as you do those things, self-help and self-improvement are great. This won't always be as easy as improving your bench press, for example. But you can always approximate a metric. "Did I spend 1 hour practicing x skill today?"
Measuring growth is part of the issue. What's behind needing to measure, see, know there's growth? That is what causes suffering because, on the one hand, the mind will set the standard and also cause guilt for not reaching the mark or doing enough. Being content in the now and being present (notice every breath, tendency to act/react in automatic, etc), not worried about the future or lamenting about the past that's it. Labeling, measuring, expectations, needing outcomes... all cause suffering. To whom? The I, Me (my personality). Take care 😊.
Thank you =) Ah, it's from A Buddhist History of the West by David Loy. And yes, he is quoting Huizinga's The Waining of the Middle Ages. Way to know that! Is the book worth reading?
2:07 I'm kind of addicted to investing, in a psychological and technical sense. Packing every skill possible is great, but even if I get to the 'ultimate', what would I experience? Lacking the meta withdraw skill, for all the things I have prepared or prepared myself by doing, it somehow baffles me sometimes to pull from it.
5:56 I must supply because I have prepared not pry because I got distracted and glared I must supply knowing that I am prepared, I'm not here to pry at things that distract me bc I glared .../
Yeah but growth is still better than no growth. Time is gonna pass anyway, no matter what we do. I’d rather have spent that time growing or bettering myself in some way, than zoning out watching tv shows or doing nothing. At least when you are investing in growth you will improve yourself over time in some way, and it may prove to be useful to you in the future. Yes, all we have is the present, but don’t forget that the future is also determined by what we choose to do in the present. If you spend a little time per day trying to grow in some way (e.g. practice a skill or hobby, rather than just watch netflix or scroll on social media), then after a span of months or years, you could become really good at that skill and who knows, it could bring you new friends, or a side income. In comparison, someone who just wasted that time not doing anything to grow themselves will be older by the same years but still stuck as the old version of themselves with nothing to show for it
Hey Trevor , very good video ! I was wondering if I can help you with more Quality Editing in your videos and make Highly Engaging Thumbnails which will help your videos to get more views and engagement . Please let me know what do you think ?
@@Trevor_Brown_ it's my favorite quote because when you implement it it is the fastest way to improve life without any "work". Having self control when consuming is cheat code in this day and age.
I kind of fully disagree with this video, though that might be because I'm fully in grip of the "cult" you speak of 😅 My criticism mainly consits of the fact that, it seems to me as if you lump "self improvement" and "self optimization"-movement together. 1) You describe self improvement and self optimization (as a movement in general and in relation to most individuals who strongly associate with it) as this sort of vehicle for hopes and dreams, with the convinient property that one never has to actually work for them and or do an honest review on how to operationalize actually achieving them, to continue to believe in one day achieving these hopes and dreams. This than leads to inertia and stagnation, because this vehicle is used to hold onto those dreams, because without them life would be unbearable, while at the same time subtly allowing yourself to not make any reasonable progress. You say this comes from, and furthers, a contempt of "the here and now" and leads to missing the opportunity to "seize the day", so to speak. I definitly see this happening to some people, but many others, including myself, pursue self improvement not primarily for achieving some specific goal some day, but to kind of "breath life" into our lifes. By setting challenges day to day, or even moment to moment, overcoming the diffrence between ourselves right now and the person who will complete said challenges in the very near future, not only creates a feeling of movement and direction, like you speak of in the characterization above, but *actually* moves your "inner self" up a (small) notch. This kind of goal setting (i.e. honest, reflective, purely internal and most importantly *autotelic* self improvement, ) more akin to Nietzsche, Frankl and Camus, than to modern hustle culture, seems to me like clean fuel source of motivation. Afterall, you're not merely "enduring life" in hopes of salvation through a better future, you find the salvation every day in overcoming yourself, in overcoming some real and tangible internal obstacle that you grow above of. 2) Imo, one can definitly find purpose in pursuing a long term future oriented goal, as long as this envisioned future goal comes specifically from the above mentioned internal source of purpose and motivation. Even if the direction of the goal is nudged a bit by external reasons, if your fuel is purely this internal statisfaction in overcoming, than you won't aim at something not worthwile, and your journey along the way won't be unfulfilling, even if you never achieve the end goal. I'd say this is true, because your internal challenges must come mostly from external ones and your source of those can pretty much be chosen arbitrarily; let's say there is a subset of sources from the choice can be made arbitrary without later regret or non optimal life statisfaction. If than external influences, like salary, influence your choice from that subset, I don't think that's terrible, at least not in regard to the truthfulness and quanity of your felt purpose in life. ------------ Now, a simply rebbutal to that whole idea would be "Is that really the most statisfying life you can live?" and I think actually, for most people the answer is no. But for those people who obsess with self improvement in the first place, the answer is, sadly, likely yes. The most some people can even hope to get out of life is feeling alive for the time being and having purpose, that's it. The problem than is not their quest for self improvement in of itself, but the reasons for it and what those reasons lead them to do. Orthodox "self improvers" should be known as the type of person, who think like Frankl and practice (somewhat) like David Goggins, who use Eisenhower Matrices to make sure they're at least 80% on top of their life as they could be, they should be known as those who try to maximize their life not for some compulsion of achieving some fantasy but out of appreciation for life. Instead, when people hear this term they think of people making impossible To Do lists, unrealistic goals, people who listen to some motivation music video 5 times a day, day dreamers busy using the whimsical "power of visualizing", people who take 30 supplements and half-heartedly listen to some podcast daily. That is however not the fault of this idea of self overcoming in of itself, but it's commercialisation. I thinks is admirable to help people not dream their life away and also protect them from punishing themselves as some show of strength to prove how worthy they are of their dreams/goals, but at the same time, the ability and act of exerting control over oneself is for many people the only reason they keep going, and preaching mindfulness and gratefulnesss (for their life) to these people is only going to make them feel bad. Sure this can become very pathological VERY quickly, like eating disorders, physical self harm, intentional self endangerment, etc. But as long as you practice awarness you can direct this exertation of control over yourself in the right way and not only find purpose and psychological stability but you might also actually improve the circumstances of your life. Afterall, working in retail while also being a marathon runner and programmer is better than just working in retail. And obviously, even though the former person is challenged a lot more in their life(though through their own volitiation) than the latter, everyone would expect the former to have a way better life statisfaction.
This is such a thoughtful response - thank you for taking the time to share it here. I respect and actually agree with many of the points you make... The distinction you offer between autotelic self improvement/self-optimization versus self-improvement is valuable. And, of course, my critique is more of "hustle culture" or "compulsive and unending self-improvement." What I propose - a turning towards the present moment to investigate what is that we claim makes it so problematic - can itself become pathological and destructive. Just as a one-sided turn towards growth can. The point, I think, is to find a balance (not a middle ground) between cultivating a relationship with the here and now (which, in my opinion, is different from mindfulness and definitely doesn't always generate gratitude) and, as you thoughtfully write about, the pursuit of goals that "breath life into our lives" and "take us up a notch." But then again, I might have it wrong 😂 Thank you again for your comment - much appreciated!
Watching videos isn't self-growth. If you spend all your time watching growth videos without putting any effort in behind it, you will not grow. Going through pain by sacrificing something like a bad habit is growth. Pain gets you in touch with reality. It makes you strong. Ppl spend all of their time trying to avoid pain, and they wind up going around in circles. There is always work to do. If you can be present with life, not focusing on the past or the future, even while you're in pain, you will be OK. Business and technology or any other worldly material things like $ have nothing to do with growth. Growth is about building character. Growth is doing those things that you don't like doing. Growth is forcing yourself to face your fears (if you're afraid of going into tight spaces like elevators, you go in an elevator everyday and force yourself to be uncomfortable until you overcome that fear).
Personal growth involves facing uncomfortable truths about reality. What would you replace working to be the best version of yourself with, if you don't mind me asking? I just gave you a def of personal growth in the above comment, btw. This is how to do it. I think that everybody should do this. You're just throwing a bunch of random arguments against personal growth out there, but you aren't offering an alternative. You are sitting there saying "It's a cultist obsession", but all you are doing is taking a crap on it without saying "This is what you ought to do instead." Sounds like you are saying 'Stay in the moment and face reality.' and 'Don't obsess over personal growth' right after taking a crap on it, but that's what adhering to personal growth is all about. When you quit a really bad habit or a drug you've been on for a while, you will be stuck with yourself in the moment for several months, in a place a pain, that eventually transitions to a life of peace, and staying in the moment will become a part of your routine. You didn't actually offer an alternative solution after saying "But you're probably objecting saying "What is the solution, then?" you just keep spouting random facts and say "Don't obsess over it and stay in the moment" but aren't actually listing any ways to do that without personal growth. This video is really bad sounds like you're just stroking yourself off. It's idiotic and other idiots will watch it and think you are making a good point, but there is no substance to this video.
You could have done without the last two sentences 😅 I remember hearing once, "Don't let a great message get lost in a poor delivery." You were doing well there until the end. And I do appreciate the rest of what you wrote. Yes, staying present with pain and discomfort will generate personal transformation - amen. Compulsive future-oriented 'growth', on the other hand, is precisely the opposite of that - it is a glorified escape of the immediacy of pain. Which results, as I think you quite rightly pointed out, in going around in circles. Clearly - at least in your eyes, and I'm sure they're not the only ones! - I could have done a better job at presenting that as the solution, and maybe got to it a bit quicker, lol. So I thank you for sharing and I appreciate your perspective and your feedback. (Btw, if you're up for doing a little work, you might consider asking yourself what 'pain' were you feeling underneath, or just before, you decided to write those last couple of lines...)
I am sorry but I strongly disagree... If your parents did a bad job, you need thousand hours of personal growth to learn how to live after you realize that your "parents mind" was leading you to death, not to life. Sometimes you need to read the equivalent of 100 lives to really understand how to live... ¿Why does that happen you may ask? Because some minds get massively corrupted by the "new values of society", that are not aligned to our divine wisdom based on kindness, care and love. For example: Nowadays I hate people who make a living by selling personal growth courses, I feel like they are defrauding people, they are not selling anything that really can get you out of your current problems, which are generally technical/professional, not by miraculous habits or high frecuency phrases, however, I can only say this because I have managed to create my own mind or wash my own brain, from millions of hours and courses of personal growth. That is, when you start to hate what you are doing, it may be that you are reaching the critical point that you needed to really start living your life in Peace, without invented illusions, false promises or desires that never come.
No need to apologize man. Thank you very much for you comments. I’m very glad you found your way and that it continues to work for you. My position is definitely *not* that personal growth should be avoided, it shouldn’t. It’s essential. However, I do often see people putting a full engagement with life into the future (“ONCE I heal/get what I want/etc THEN I’ll show up fully in my life). It’s in those instance when personal growth projects might be investigated. But we definitely need personal growth in the beginning (to overcome the messy hand we were dealt) and off and on again throughout life. This isn’t about discrediting personal growth, but instead introducing a dialogue where we can experiment with turning towards the immediacy of our lives as they already are, vulnerability and all. Then pg becomes a practical thing, not a compulsive thing (btw, I’m not saying your personal approach is compulsive, I’m speaking generally). 🙏
@@Trevor_Brown_Hi man, I agree, I just wanted to add that when something GOOD as Personal Growth starts feeling "compulsive", "pointless", "redundant" or even "harmful" it means that you are almost ready to reach the level of wisdom needed to live a less corrupted live, with more space for peace, love, trust, gratefulness and kindness... I have a really bad example but it may illustrate my point: a lot of drug abusers or alcoholics abuse the substance as a tool to cope with life (not commit suicide or harm others). Once they have mannaged to reach the level of wisdom needed to hate that substance (that helped them to stay alive in the first place), they can hard and slowly start to leave it...
![PASULOL รามเกียรติ์ ตอนที่ 4 นนทกพบรัก [Ramakien Ep.4: Nonthok in love]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/tMUQgmZzf_A/mqdefault.jpg)
"People sometimes fail to live because they are always preparing to live." - Alan Watts
Here is my alternative to obsession with growth: Growth shouldn't be the FOCUS, but rather the by-product of completely engaging with the present moment. Just like harvesting the fruit is a by-product of planting seeds, watering daily and weeding. In other words, have faith that growth is inevitable, it is in fact a certainty, but only to the degree that you fully participate with the present and LIVE your life here and now will you look back and say "wow, what a ride! I learned so much."
Thinking that growth will come simply by focusing on it is a logical fallacy - and one I am more guilty of than anybody else I know!
"I'll be ready to start living life fully once x,y,z... Once I heal my trauma, once I find my ultimate purpose, once I become confident" WRONG!
Life is actually the thing that makes you ready, that heals your trauma, leads you to your passions and makes you more confident! The present moment is all there is, and is our home, and it is enough, and there is so much joy and passion to be found right in front of you if you simply look around! The future is a myth, and it is time to come home.
Yes!! Wow. Incredibly well said. Thank you so much. I hope everybody sees your comment.
☝🏽☝🏽☝🏽
I call this “ inviting failure into your life. “ Very well said
Wow amazingly well said. Thank you for sharing. Make the present moment your home - I think am gonna abide by this dictum. Thanks again.
wooosh beautiful comment man, thank you, Ive been there for years
Damn. This is a hard pill to swallow. I was talking to my therapist about how passionate I am about the psyche and how I’ve been devouring psychology content (podcasts, ebooks) because I truly love it. But deep down, I fear that all of this intellectualization is just a way to avoid suffering (helplessness, loneliness, boredom) and that life is just… that! Thinking that growth will be the tool to endure suffering and contain the aggressive drive against the absurdity of life. I feel proud of all the work I’ve done to live a more conscious and authentic life and was aiming for more, but maybe you’re right… Life isn’t going to get better than this. The present moment, and all of this, is just a way to make me feel good about myself-trying to control the uncontrollable.
Bro, keep it up! If I may be so bold, I would highly encourage you to continue to follow your passion... That's what I'm doing! Continue to devour everything about the psyche... When our pursuits are motivated by love and interest, that's as real as it gets!
In the vid, I don't mean to deny that an orientation towards growth is bad, I'm merely suggesting that we investigate when our desire might be more of a compulsion, and that we compliment our movement towards growth with an investigation into what is here, right now. It's definitely a both/and... "I'm perfect as I am (difficult thoughts and feeling included) AND I could always be better... Life is perfect as it is (difficult elements in included) AND it could always be better."
Lots of nuance and holding seemingly contradicting elements simultaneously...
Keep up your pursuits!! The world needs it! 🙌
@@Trevor_Brown_ With the quality of the Insight you do have. I would like to see a Q&A video from you where you answer existential questions to the best of your knowledge.
That's a great idea! I'd love to. Once I get a few more ppl interested, I'll do that
Yeah, I’m interested in that
Thank you. Much peace to you.
Life is never going to be a perfectly wrapped package tied with a neat bow. Its gonna be imperfect, messy, awkward, painful, disappointing & frustrating. Growth happens simply through the living of it fully moment to moment. I spent years making personal growth my purpose in life. It had its time and place. One can let go only when one is ready to let go. Glad i found your channel. Thanks.
The endless loop of self help videos.
I am a researcher in the field of self-optimization and I very much agree with your description. The connection with the eternal focus on a promising future is very well presented.
That's great to hear! Thank you for the compliment and for taking the time to write =)
It's a good point. Sometimes we can focus too much on the destination instead of the journey. I see it with artists, actors and singers. They are more focused on how to create success instead of enjoying the craft itself.
Yes. We are simply too materially wealthy to know the difference. Good video.
Enjoy life and do your thing.
Became a digital nomad for 2 years. It was fucking fantastic. Met my wife during that period :)
I've been meditating a lot and feel happier.
So there's that.
Career is meh, but chilling with my friends, wife and myself (also through meditation) is beautiful.
And on all of it, I did a lot of self-dev
Digital nomad life! 🙌
Glad to hear it's been paying off so well. I hope the good keeps getting better
@@Trevor_Brown_ It does :)
Very compelling video. Really enjoyed.
The irony in the obession with growth is how so many people don't really like change. The idea of growth should inherently embody change, but it seems too often that we don't actually want change; we just want the circumstances around us to somehow become better for us personally. Personal growth becomes a defense mechanism of sorts when it's all about manipulating the environment around you to your liking, by focusing solely on externalities, instead of accepting it all. We can always grow, but in order to do that we have to accept real change. Or maybe I'm just yapping, who knows.
That’s a great take! Definitely resonates with me
Excellent!! Way better than most Diary of a CEO videos.
Thank you!
Personal growth comes naturally in pursuit of the hobbies that drive you.
I get that a strong focus on personal growth can create discontent in some people. The key is balance. Accepting that our personal growth is going to be a cycle where we have days or weeks where our personal growth goes down, and not beating ourself up for declining in growth. For me personal growth helps me find more fulfillment in everyday life. We can also ask ourself if we have specific goals. My specific goals are to be myself wherever I go, and not needing someone to allow me to be myself.
This > "My specific goals are to be myself wherever I go, and not needing someone to allow me to be myself." What a great goal to pursue (and enjoy). Thank you for sharing 🙏
Well put, I am realizing this now also, thats why in the matrix movie its so painful to wake up, in your mind you make your own dopamine, to stop doing that and be present takes sacrifice and withdrawal, I think thats what we instinctively try to do with self help, but your mind outsmarts you.
Thank you for making this and putting things so eloquently!
Thank you 🙌
Yeah, this is an important one for me. I’ve arrived at and forgot this one several times. Historically, I’ve been very avoidant, so there’s been this terrible force driving me towards the future, away from the present. I’ve wandered through Various flavours of Self help, magical thinking, spiritual bypassing… I looked at my book shelf last year and realized that most of these books arrived here because of this seed of “you’re not enough.” That saddened me, all these books are about taking me to a different place.
There have been layers of acceptance. Now I take great pleasure in long walks in parks and watching birds and squirrels in my back yard. Grounding stuff is so great. Maybe I don’t need to figure it all out.
That's lovely. Thank you for sharing 🙏
By the way, just wanted to share that I've been coming across spiritual bypassing a lot recently. I remember when I first was introduced to the term I thought I never did it and never would 😂 Pretty clear sign that I was, in fact, quite stepped in it... I'm sure I still am in ways I still don't yet see...
Also, your phrase "maybe I don't need to figure it all out" is gold.
Profound. The feeling is indeed the secret. Whatever else is better, has no proof. We may see others that we can aspire to emulate, but whatever state you feel is enough, is enough for the this here bow moment. 🌸🌿
*now
🙌 🙏
Just now I typed to myself that doing nothing is living and afterwards watched this video which is relevant to that. Even though I've had a vague knowing of this for a while, as I'm near the end of assuming I've been doing less than I actually am just because it's not what people usually expect a way of life to be like, it is now fully locked into the rest of my perspective thanks to it being summarised here. In fact, by doing less and being sensitive to my surroundings, I have been doing the most. I have been receptive to my circumstances as they are no matter what as to see it for what it is and I have had reserves of energy whenever my family falter in theirs due to constantly doing things. I am an emotional group anchor because of this, it is a strength that was constantly mischaracterised to me by others as a weakness, when I am actually the most sensible and focused person I know and that many others have known as to commonly be asked for advice in the first place. Having perspective is an important skill, because the speed with which you do things can be detrimental anyway when you are heading in the wrong direction with your life trajectory. The amount you do, while it can be impressive on the surface, may not be as fulfilling as being in flow and to directly absorb yourself in experiencing what you do. This is where sensitivity, being an emotional sponge and physical sponge in your senses, naturally absorbing everything around you, applies. You end up living more fully than other people who are desensitised by distractions splitting their attention in so many different directions, constantly achieving and chasing for a sense of value when that is already here. 💖
Wow, this was really well-timed to hit my life. I've been noticing that no matter how far I get I'm just thinking of the next step. I'm realizing that I need to work on the feeling of needing to be better because if I don't then I will never be good enough.
good shit, big dog! Keep it up.
Thank you bro!
Thank you for this video, very well said.
Thank you =)
Beautifully said…thank you, dear brother. Namaste 🙏❤️
If we want to change, it should be definite and measurable. As in learning a new language, or painting still lifes.
Our physiological reward system hard wires us to seek and make progress towards goals. Which makes sense, because resting on your laurels isn’t a great survival strategy
Amen... So then we can begin to explore/ask ourselves if we'd like to live a life that goes beyond survival strategies, i.e. that is about more than 'staying alive' (esp. bc those strategies rarely actually equate to 'staying alive' in a literal way anymore)
@@Trevor_Brown_ I don’t know how possible that is for most of us. Most guys I know who are not actively trying to improve themselves or go toward a goal that improves some situation, are pretty feeble in spirit. My family members who accept the dilapidating way things are, I find kind of suffocating to be around.
@@hickorysocks2628 Yeah, most people go in one direction or the other, or stay at one end of the spectrum for a while before getting sick of it and going to the other end... There's a lot of nuance/middle ground that balances the best of both, but a lot of us tend to jump right over it... If it's gotta be one of the extremes, self-improvement is clearly the better alternative
Our conditioning hard wires us to seek and make progress. We were taught that life is preparation for the next; look at school (in K5, we have to get ready for 1st grade, in 1st grade we have to get ready for second, up until 12th. Then it's get ready for college, career, you need a spouse, buy a house, become parents, then make sure you post, compare, and align your lifestyle with everyone else's). Its always and next, next, and we'll be happy when. We are addicted to dopamine bursts and do our best to avoid discomfort and lows (scrolling, binge watching videos, etc bc we know we will hit a low) until we are forced to because our body will naturally force us to balance. Our survival instincts are for self preservation and the gag and messaging is that there's not enough for everyone. Whereas we are a collective, we are mirrors to what is going on inside subconsciously. Ever be somewhere, meet someone, or have a reaction and you are not sure why? Before we are conscious from birth to about three (when we form I and me) our brains record and store information from the environment around us but we didn't have language to categorize it with. Those things may be triggered by something we are not aware of, but our survival instinct still runs off of the recognition.
thank you for this video.
Thank you =)
Wow, this 15 min essay gave me a lot to reflect on! You got yourself a sub💓
Thank you so much 😊
Thank you!
'One must imagine Sisyphus happy'. Great video and timely in this time of endless distraction.
Thank you so much 🙏
Correct. Place between RISK & REWARD. Just trying to survive man lol
Awesome video! Embrace the power of now!
🙌 🙏
This is powerful and so needed at this moment in my life. I will be working with this for a while., and revisiting this video to soak in the wisdom shared. Gratitude. Thank you.🙏🏽
So happy to hear that it resonated with you 🙌
Great insights on simply enjoy the now
Thank you very much =)
I made $2k/month online and thought it would make me so happy.
Nope.
Time to start feeling alive in this present moment, just like when i was a kid and didn’t look to the future
Video is spot on. Can’t believe 99.9999% of people will never learn this.
Thank you 🙏 And even tho the money online may not have made you super happy, congratulations on finding a way to do it!
@Trevor_Brown_ thank you Trevor 🙏🏼
Totally agree. If your growth isn't something that you can measure and improve in small chunks, it's gonna be tough to actually grow. But as long as you do those things, self-help and self-improvement are great.
This won't always be as easy as improving your bench press, for example. But you can always approximate a metric.
"Did I spend 1 hour practicing x skill today?"
Measuring growth is part of the issue. What's behind needing to measure, see, know there's growth? That is what causes suffering because, on the one hand, the mind will set the standard and also cause guilt for not reaching the mark or doing enough. Being content in the now and being present (notice every breath, tendency to act/react in automatic, etc), not worried about the future or lamenting about the past that's it. Labeling, measuring, expectations, needing outcomes... all cause suffering. To whom? The I, Me (my personality). Take care 😊.
✨
Thanks, this is mighty thought exercises.
Thank you 🙌
Heaven is here. There is nowhere else. Heaven is now. There is no other time.
Very interesting.
Because it is a never ending cycle achieving the goal and then doing nothing other then rest will feel depressing,
Really helpful thank you.
I'm glad you think so =)
Heading to the gym now.... will try not to grow
💪🦾💪
Adapt & Change,...
I really got a lot out of this video. Thank you. Subbed 😊We’re you reading from “The waining of the Middle Ages?”
Thank you =) Ah, it's from A Buddhist History of the West by David Loy. And yes, he is quoting Huizinga's The Waining of the Middle Ages. Way to know that! Is the book worth reading?
@@Trevor_Brown_ thank you so much. And yes it definitely is.👍🏾
2:07 I'm kind of addicted to investing, in a psychological and technical sense.
Packing every skill possible is great, but even if I get to the 'ultimate', what would I experience? Lacking the meta withdraw skill, for all the things I have prepared or prepared myself by doing, it somehow baffles me sometimes to pull from it.
5:56
I must supply because I have prepared not pry because I got distracted and glared
I must supply knowing that I am prepared, I'm not here to pry at things that distract me bc I glared .../
🎯❤️🙌
I've grown more this year then any I'm proud o have a stronger character self respect and I'm wiser I'm a Christian
I'm happy to hear that. Keep it up 🙏
Yeah but growth is still better than no growth. Time is gonna pass anyway, no matter what we do. I’d rather have spent that time growing or bettering myself in some way, than zoning out watching tv shows or doing nothing. At least when you are investing in growth you will improve yourself over time in some way, and it may prove to be useful to you in the future. Yes, all we have is the present, but don’t forget that the future is also determined by what we choose to do in the present. If you spend a little time per day trying to grow in some way (e.g. practice a skill or hobby, rather than just watch netflix or scroll on social media), then after a span of months or years, you could become really good at that skill and who knows, it could bring you new friends, or a side income. In comparison, someone who just wasted that time not doing anything to grow themselves will be older by the same years but still stuck as the old version of themselves with nothing to show for it
Halbrand here to drop some wisdom
Who dat?
@@Trevor_Brown_ Halbrand from Rings of Power, played by Charlie Vickers! You’re like a better-looking version of him
😂 Hahah that's awesome, thank you!
Hey Trevor , very good video ! I was wondering if I can help you with more Quality Editing in your videos and make Highly Engaging Thumbnails which will help your videos to get more views and engagement . Please let me know what do you think ?
"Desires make slaves out of kings"
That’s so funny, I just saw that quote somewhere else. I’d never heard it before
@@Trevor_Brown_ it's my favorite quote because when you implement it it is the fastest way to improve life without any "work".
Having self control when consuming is cheat code in this day and age.
I kind of fully disagree with this video, though that might be because I'm fully in grip of the "cult" you speak of 😅
My criticism mainly consits of the fact that, it seems to me as if you lump "self improvement" and "self optimization"-movement together.
1) You describe self improvement and self optimization (as a movement in general and in relation to most individuals who strongly associate with it) as this sort of vehicle for hopes and dreams, with the convinient property that one never has to actually work for them and or do an honest review on how to operationalize actually achieving them, to continue to believe in one day achieving these hopes and dreams. This than leads to inertia and stagnation, because this vehicle is used to hold onto those dreams, because without them life would be unbearable, while at the same time subtly allowing yourself to not make any reasonable progress.
You say this comes from, and furthers, a contempt of "the here and now" and leads to missing the opportunity to "seize the day", so to speak.
I definitly see this happening to some people, but many others, including myself, pursue self improvement not primarily for achieving some specific goal some day, but to kind of "breath life" into our lifes. By setting challenges day to day, or even moment to moment, overcoming the diffrence between ourselves right now and the person who will complete said challenges in the very near future, not only creates a feeling of movement and direction, like you speak of in the characterization above, but *actually* moves your "inner self" up a (small) notch.
This kind of goal setting (i.e. honest, reflective, purely internal and most importantly *autotelic* self improvement, ) more akin to Nietzsche, Frankl and Camus, than to modern hustle culture, seems to me like clean fuel source of motivation.
Afterall, you're not merely "enduring life" in hopes of salvation through a better future, you find the salvation every day in overcoming yourself, in overcoming some real and tangible internal obstacle that you grow above of.
2) Imo, one can definitly find purpose in pursuing a long term future oriented goal, as long as this envisioned future goal comes specifically from the above mentioned internal source of purpose and motivation. Even if the direction of the goal is nudged a bit by external reasons, if your fuel is purely this internal statisfaction in overcoming, than you won't aim at something not worthwile, and your journey along the way won't be unfulfilling, even if you never achieve the end goal.
I'd say this is true, because your internal challenges must come mostly from external ones and your source of those can pretty much be chosen arbitrarily; let's say there is a subset of sources from the choice can be made arbitrary without later regret or non optimal life statisfaction. If than external influences, like salary, influence your choice from that subset, I don't think that's terrible, at least not in regard to the truthfulness and quanity of your felt purpose in life.
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Now, a simply rebbutal to that whole idea would be "Is that really the most statisfying life you can live?" and I think actually, for most people the answer is no. But for those people who obsess with self improvement in the first place, the answer is, sadly, likely yes. The most some people can even hope to get out of life is feeling alive for the time being and having purpose, that's it.
The problem than is not their quest for self improvement in of itself, but the reasons for it and what those reasons lead them to do.
Orthodox "self improvers" should be known as the type of person, who think like Frankl and practice (somewhat) like David Goggins, who use Eisenhower Matrices to make sure they're at least 80% on top of their life as they could be, they should be known as those who try to maximize their life not for some compulsion of achieving some fantasy but out of appreciation for life.
Instead, when people hear this term they think of people making impossible To Do lists, unrealistic goals, people who listen to some motivation music video 5 times a day, day dreamers busy using the whimsical "power of visualizing", people who take 30 supplements and half-heartedly listen to some podcast daily.
That is however not the fault of this idea of self overcoming in of itself, but it's commercialisation.
I thinks is admirable to help people not dream their life away and also protect them from punishing themselves as some show of strength to prove how worthy they are of their dreams/goals, but at the same time, the ability and act of exerting control over oneself is for many people the only reason they keep going, and preaching mindfulness and gratefulnesss (for their life) to these people is only going to make them feel bad.
Sure this can become very pathological VERY quickly, like eating disorders, physical self harm, intentional self endangerment, etc.
But as long as you practice awarness you can direct this exertation of control over yourself in the right way and not only find purpose and psychological stability but you might also actually improve the circumstances of your life.
Afterall, working in retail while also being a marathon runner and programmer is better than just working in retail. And obviously, even though the former person is challenged a lot more in their life(though through their own volitiation) than the latter, everyone would expect the former to have a way better life statisfaction.
This is such a thoughtful response - thank you for taking the time to share it here. I respect and actually agree with many of the points you make... The distinction you offer between autotelic self improvement/self-optimization versus self-improvement is valuable. And, of course, my critique is more of "hustle culture" or "compulsive and unending self-improvement."
What I propose - a turning towards the present moment to investigate what is that we claim makes it so problematic - can itself become pathological and destructive. Just as a one-sided turn towards growth can.
The point, I think, is to find a balance (not a middle ground) between cultivating a relationship with the here and now (which, in my opinion, is different from mindfulness and definitely doesn't always generate gratitude) and, as you thoughtfully write about, the pursuit of goals that "breath life into our lives" and "take us up a notch."
But then again, I might have it wrong 😂
Thank you again for your comment - much appreciated!
As Carly Simon lamented, "These are the good old days". 😁
th-cam.com/video/4NwP3wes4M8/w-d-xo.html
Watching videos isn't self-growth. If you spend all your time watching growth videos without putting any effort in behind it, you will not grow. Going through pain by sacrificing something like a bad habit is growth. Pain gets you in touch with reality. It makes you strong. Ppl spend all of their time trying to avoid pain, and they wind up going around in circles. There is always work to do. If you can be present with life, not focusing on the past or the future, even while you're in pain, you will be OK.
Business and technology or any other worldly material things like $ have nothing to do with growth. Growth is about building character. Growth is doing those things that you don't like doing. Growth is forcing yourself to face your fears (if you're afraid of going into tight spaces like elevators, you go in an elevator everyday and force yourself to be uncomfortable until you overcome that fear).
Personal growth involves facing uncomfortable truths about reality. What would you replace working to be the best version of yourself with, if you don't mind me asking?
I just gave you a def of personal growth in the above comment, btw. This is how to do it. I think that everybody should do this. You're just throwing a bunch of random arguments against personal growth out there, but you aren't offering an alternative. You are sitting there saying "It's a cultist obsession", but all you are doing is taking a crap on it without saying "This is what you ought to do instead."
Sounds like you are saying 'Stay in the moment and face reality.' and 'Don't obsess over personal growth' right after taking a crap on it, but that's what adhering to personal growth is all about. When you quit a really bad habit or a drug you've been on for a while, you will be stuck with yourself in the moment for several months, in a place a pain, that eventually transitions to a life of peace, and staying in the moment will become a part of your routine.
You didn't actually offer an alternative solution after saying "But you're probably objecting saying "What is the solution, then?" you just keep spouting random facts and say "Don't obsess over it and stay in the moment" but aren't actually listing any ways to do that without personal growth.
This video is really bad sounds like you're just stroking yourself off. It's idiotic and other idiots will watch it and think you are making a good point, but there is no substance to this video.
You could have done without the last two sentences 😅 I remember hearing once, "Don't let a great message get lost in a poor delivery." You were doing well there until the end.
And I do appreciate the rest of what you wrote. Yes, staying present with pain and discomfort will generate personal transformation - amen. Compulsive future-oriented 'growth', on the other hand, is precisely the opposite of that - it is a glorified escape of the immediacy of pain. Which results, as I think you quite rightly pointed out, in going around in circles.
Clearly - at least in your eyes, and I'm sure they're not the only ones! - I could have done a better job at presenting that as the solution, and maybe got to it a bit quicker, lol. So I thank you for sharing and I appreciate your perspective and your feedback.
(Btw, if you're up for doing a little work, you might consider asking yourself what 'pain' were you feeling underneath, or just before, you decided to write those last couple of lines...)
Are you a licensed psychologist?
Yes
amazing video. all we have, and all we ever will have, is the present moment.
Thank you! 🙏
ik this is sort of ironic.. but if i could invest in ur channel right now. if put all my money
Thank you! 🙌
Same
I am sorry but I strongly disagree... If your parents did a bad job, you need thousand hours of personal growth to learn how to live after you realize that your "parents mind" was leading you to death, not to life. Sometimes you need to read the equivalent of 100 lives to really understand how to live... ¿Why does that happen you may ask? Because some minds get massively corrupted by the "new values of society", that are not aligned to our divine wisdom based on kindness, care and love. For example: Nowadays I hate people who make a living by selling personal growth courses, I feel like they are defrauding people, they are not selling anything that really can get you out of your current problems, which are generally technical/professional, not by miraculous habits or high frecuency phrases, however, I can only say this because I have managed to create my own mind or wash my own brain, from millions of hours and courses of personal growth. That is, when you start to hate what you are doing, it may be that you are reaching the critical point that you needed to really start living your life in Peace, without invented illusions, false promises or desires that never come.
👏
No need to apologize man. Thank you very much for you comments. I’m very glad you found your way and that it continues to work for you. My position is definitely *not* that personal growth should be avoided, it shouldn’t. It’s essential. However, I do often see people putting a full engagement with life into the future (“ONCE I heal/get what I want/etc THEN I’ll show up fully in my life). It’s in those instance when personal growth projects might be investigated. But we definitely need personal growth in the beginning (to overcome the messy hand we were dealt) and off and on again throughout life. This isn’t about discrediting personal growth, but instead introducing a dialogue where we can experiment with turning towards the immediacy of our lives as they already are, vulnerability and all. Then pg becomes a practical thing, not a compulsive thing (btw, I’m not saying your personal approach is compulsive, I’m speaking generally). 🙏
@@Trevor_Brown_Hi man, I agree, I just wanted to add that when something GOOD as Personal Growth starts feeling "compulsive", "pointless", "redundant" or even "harmful" it means that you are almost ready to reach the level of wisdom needed to live a less corrupted live, with more space for peace, love, trust, gratefulness and kindness... I have a really bad example but it may illustrate my point: a lot of drug abusers or alcoholics abuse the substance as a tool to cope with life (not commit suicide or harm others). Once they have mannaged to reach the level of wisdom needed to hate that substance (that helped them to stay alive in the first place), they can hard and slowly start to leave it...
Hi🤍🤍🙋
I disagree
"Hearth" is pronounced "harth"
Hahah, thank you 🙏
Do you have to read? It would be more impactful if you just tell a story
Thank you for the feedback... I'm still experimenting with how to deliver it... I appreciate your suggestion 🙏
I disagree.
Very true! Im very glad i watched this. It's like a light bulb moment. Thank you very much 🩷🙏
Thank you! =)