I'm an italian woman and I never felt like "a piece of meat" just because someone stared at me in the street. On the contrary, usually italian women enjoy the male gaze, at least when it limits itself to ONLY that: a gaze. We love being admired for our appearance, that it's not, usually, just our body: it's presence and attitude and boldness and self-assurance. And style and elegance, and sense of fashion and good taste. The boundaries are overstepped only when some man dare to make verbal appreciations of the sexual kind (and in fact some italian men are quite annoying in that sense), but a single and no-string-attached "A bella!" is not an insult or a harassement for us.
As an American women who dated an Italian man, I got a lot of looks from Italian women. I had to deal with some brutal comments as well. I never experienced that with women in other countries. Jealousy is a thing in Italy. It was also the only country that I had a very hard time making female friends. Unless they where fellow expats. Regardless of all this Italy is one of a kind.
As a half-Italian and raised partially in Italy, I fully agree to your traditional descriptions of men and women, which, now being in my sixties, I really understand. It goes way deeper than the modern-liberal observations. Men do as much as women. It is just different. I wish I had understood that when I was younger. In regards to the wandering eye of men: it is actually a burden for men. They are imprinted to keep consolidating their manhood by looking around. It is a cultural imprint that many women in Italy actually enjoy as we are still ok with the deep women-men polar energy which is more a game then an insult as Northern women understand. For a woman there is a way to match this masculine energy and it will open up something very visceral in a woman.
Regarding "traditional gender roles" in Italy: I stayed with a family (a mom and 2 kids) about 6 years ago to help them with English (I'm American). While she was at work and the kids were at school, I'd do things around the house, like laundry. I had to hang the laundry outside on the balcony so, it was obvious what I was doing. The mom ran a language learning studio and one of her older male students told me I was making him and Italian men look bad because I was doing "women's work". And, he was genuinely annoyed with me over it. My response was something along the lines of 'maybe you should start doing better'. It didn't go over well.
I am the oldest daughter of and American mother and Italian man and have witnessed first hand all of the above in their relationship. You hit the nail on the head. All true - and it made me really commit to setting boundaries in my marriage. You either accept the facts or spend your life fighting them like my mother did.
it would be lovely to hear the experiance of someone living in the very opposite side of the country, like the alps area. From my native city i'm closer to denmark than i am to sicily, and i feel we are world apart. not better, not worse, just different countries.
Stages 2&3. 2: the way the men and women separate at gatherings. 3: managing a relationship with my mother in law when we are very different and she tells me what to do.
I think the men I met in Milan are very different from the ones you described. My English friend complained about the fact that after 6 months in Milan nobody had invited her out. No wandering eye here... sorry, but since this is the expectation she complained about it. I've got the impression that both Italians and foreigners should just try to get to know the other person as an individual, not as a living incarnation of a stereotype.
After living in Italy for 3 years now, I have come to the conclusion that I don't want to end up with an Italian man🤭 Physically and mentally I am not attracted to them... Only if they have lived some time abroad they might have a different outlook on life but other than that a big no for me😅.
Can you relate to any of these stages? Comment below and let me know!
I'm an italian woman and I never felt like "a piece of meat" just because someone stared at me in the street. On the contrary, usually italian women enjoy the male gaze, at least when it limits itself to ONLY that: a gaze. We love being admired for our appearance, that it's not, usually, just our body: it's presence and attitude and boldness and self-assurance. And style and elegance, and sense of fashion and good taste. The boundaries are overstepped only when some man dare to make verbal appreciations of the sexual kind (and in fact some italian men are quite annoying in that sense), but a single and no-string-attached "A bella!" is not an insult or a harassement for us.
It’s good to hear another person’s perspective - thanks for sharing
As an American women who dated an Italian man, I got a lot of looks from Italian women. I had to deal with some brutal comments as well. I never experienced that with women in other countries. Jealousy is a thing in Italy. It was also the only country that I had a very hard time making female friends. Unless they where fellow expats. Regardless of all this Italy is one of a kind.
Italy is complicated. Full stop. I'm sorry that you had these experiences - I too have experienced jealousy here and it's not nice.
As a half-Italian and raised partially in Italy, I fully agree to your traditional descriptions of men and women, which, now being in my sixties, I really understand. It goes way deeper than the modern-liberal observations. Men do as much as women. It is just different. I wish I had understood that when I was younger. In regards to the wandering eye of men: it is actually a burden for men. They are imprinted to keep consolidating their manhood by looking around. It is a cultural imprint that many women in Italy actually enjoy as we are still ok with the deep women-men polar energy which is more a game then an insult as Northern women understand. For a woman there is a way to match this masculine energy and it will open up something very visceral in a woman.
Regarding "traditional gender roles" in Italy: I stayed with a family (a mom and 2 kids) about 6 years ago to help them with English (I'm American). While she was at work and the kids were at school, I'd do things around the house, like laundry. I had to hang the laundry outside on the balcony so, it was obvious what I was doing. The mom ran a language learning studio and one of her older male students told me I was making him and Italian men look bad because I was doing "women's work". And, he was genuinely annoyed with me over it. My response was something along the lines of 'maybe you should start doing better'. It didn't go over well.
The traditions here can feel very old fashioned sometimes
I am the oldest daughter of and American mother and Italian man and have witnessed first hand all of the above in their relationship. You hit the nail on the head. All true - and it made me really commit to setting boundaries in my marriage. You either accept the facts or spend your life fighting them like my mother did.
Boundaries - the key to life!
it would be lovely to hear the experiance of someone living in the very opposite side of the country, like the alps area. From my native city i'm closer to denmark than i am to sicily, and i feel we are world apart. not better, not worse, just different countries.
Yes, in different parts of Italy there are different experiences.
Stages 2&3. 2: the way the men and women separate at gatherings. 3: managing a relationship with my mother in law when we are very different and she tells me what to do.
It's certainly an experience!
Great video! Thank you for sharing. You described everything in such a clear and honest way. No sugar coating! Facts 💯 . I love your nails color!!
Thank you!
I think the men I met in Milan are very different from the ones you described. My English friend complained about the fact that after 6 months in Milan nobody had invited her out. No wandering eye here... sorry, but since this is the expectation she complained about it. I've got the impression that both Italians and foreigners should just try to get to know the other person as an individual, not as a living incarnation of a stereotype.
Yes I think maybe also there could be a different experience based on where you are in Italy too….
I want to formally request that your voice be my new inner dialogue voice. It's quite pleasant. You should voice act 😊
Ahhaha thanks!
After living in Italy for 3 years now, I have come to the conclusion that I don't want to end up with an Italian man🤭 Physically and mentally I am not attracted to them... Only if they have lived some time abroad they might have a different outlook on life but other than that a big no for me😅.
Each to their own, absolutely.
I don’t get the whole laying hands on a woman thing. How can true love exist where there is fear? Sad
Exactly - it is something I can't wrap my head around either.
Really sad but just remember that woman also hit man not as much as the other way, but I see woman abusing their husbands too.
What about dating for us guys?
Ahahah just as problematic 😉
You look like Sicilian 🙂
ah thanks!
All true . The wandering eye is the worst!
Yes!