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Armour Doesn't Exist (RANT!!)
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 พ.ค. 2017
- Say what? Armour? Don't know what you are talking about mate.
An armour (spelled armor in the US) is a protective covering that is used to prevent damage from being inflicted to an object, individual, or vehicle by weapons or projectiles, usually during combat, or from damage caused by a potentially dangerous environment or action.
The word "armour" began to appear in the Middle Ages as a derivative of Old French. It is dated from 1297 as a "mail, defensive covering worn in combat". The word originates from the Old French armure, itself derived from the Latin armatura meaning "arms and/or equipment", with the root armare meaning "arms or gear".
Armour has been used throughout recorded history. It has been made from a variety of materials, beginning with rudimentary leather protection and evolving through mail and metal plate into today's modern composites.
Significant factors in the development of armour include the economic and technological necessities of its production. For instance, plate armour first appeared in Medieval Europe when water-powered trip hammers made the formation of plates faster and cheaper.
Well-known armour types in European history include the lorica hamata, lorica squamata, and the lorica segmentata of the Roman legions, the mail hauberk of the early medieval age, and the full steel plate harness worn by later medieval and renaissance knights, and breast and back plates worn by heavy cavalry in several European countries until the first year of World War I (1914-15). The samurai warriors of feudal Japan utilised many types of armour for hundreds of years up to the 19th century.
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If armor really did exist, then why are medieval times people extinct today ?
How can Armour be real if your eyes aren't?
Ornstein they aren't, they are alive in medieval times like the park
Shh... it's all a conspiracy
Adam J. Harper War, war never changes
PrimordialNightmare 🤔
"The Italian blood is really getting to boil."
Your Mario notebook is really undermining your fury.
Yes, it does. But at least it underlines his Italian-ness. 😅
Who else enjoy seeing angry Italian? I do... the hands gets wilder the more he gets more irritated... splendid...
As an Italian I approve this video, LOL
Red Hot Wop lol!
Kevin Yonathan try watching at double speed. It’s great
Bellisimo
Eetza armour anda eeta doesa not exeesta.
Everyone knows that medieval knights and soldiers used plasma edged blades. The only blades more powerful were dragon bone forged katana that were blessed by elemental spirits. Read a book you hippie.
its like these people know nothing about history
I'm surprised modern militaries haven't switched out traditional ammunition to have weapons that can launch these blades instead. Seriously, I can see a medieval sword cutting through a tank.
You forgot they were folded a billion times.
Not really a fair comparison. Katanas were forged with a 1 molecule thick edge imparted by the great god of lightning, Raijin.
It's said that when testing the first Katana in the world, they didn't understand its power and they split part of the Earth off. That's how the moon was formed.
Don't forget the super strength potions embued with the spirits of the ancestors and other celestials to allows even the laziest swing of the worst weapon at least dent Titanum.
What? Rome fell?! Spoilers dude!
blindeyes lkr?! like what the hell man think of the people who haven't seen that episode yet! not everyone read the book!!! xD :P
Jesus dies twice in the Bible
He said he reviews historical stories, not fantasy, so no Lord of the Rings, no Hobbit and no Bible.
I see you don't get the joke rip sense of humor
Yeah Hannibal destroyed it, right??
Hahahaha... oh Metraton... you are that angry because of armour? Just you wait until you realize how they use shields in movies...
No! What have you done?? He's gonna lose it!
Ssshhhhhhhhh he doesn’t know yet
*Best Palpatine voice*
Good. Do it.
But, but.. What shields?
Bah, everyone who watches mov...i mean hollywood's histcoricaly accurate documentations, knows that the shields only purposes is a) to provide a surface to paint a flag on and b) to act as a counterweight for the sword. So, since you need it that way, off course you hold it to the oposite side of the body from where your enemy is. I mean, if you put your shield in between you and potential harm, that nice painting might get damaged, duh.
Italian history teacher triggered by Celtic nationalist propaganda
The Welsh? I think they're of Celtic descent. I mean they have a Celtic language.
@@mrmoth26The welsh migrated from Brittany to wales at the same time as the Angles, Saxons and Jutes so they were Gaulish-Roman and not Britannic-Celtic like the Scots and Irish. They were technically Celts as Gauls were Celts but not the British natives that the term Celt now mostly exclusively refers to.
Dickhead7410 Wrong way around mate. Brythonic Celts lived in what was now England, Wales and parts of Scotland, they were pushed into the country’s extremities by the Anglo-Saxon migration, and some of them migrated to Brittany. Welsh, Cornish, Breton, Cumbric (long extinct) are all Insular (i.e. of the island) Celtic languages and peoples, same as the Goidelic ones like Gaelic, Scots Gaelic and Manx.
@Rikhard von Katzen Okay. Yes. However, it should be noted there are not many alternatives if your goal is to protecting your society, way of life, property, and those who can't defend themselves against force [assuming you can not use religion or governmental-decentralization / small-city-state / small/non-existant-government]. Of course, if you are a brainwashed post-modern/neo-Marxist who believes in nothing and/or would rather watch the world burn than to build a better world, then yeah sure, by all means, pass 'final judgement' based on 'the glass being half empty'.
@Duncan M that is /part/ of the reason why. The other part is that they're taught half the story (assuming they are never lied to, which is highly improbable); "the glass half-empty", so-to-speak. Kind of like some of the comments in this reply-column. And let us not forget how easy it is to make quotes sound different if you leave out context or just parts of the sentence. How statistics are misleading and usually based on questionable data / data-gathering. But most of all, when someone tells you something, you usually believe them; humans have an instinctual, evolution-based, tendency to believe anecdotes (single-source-of-info-stories as proof), and "history is written by the victors". Before "the state", and perhaps as far as "before agriculture" (since that might also have created "The state"), the population was smaller, travel was slower, and it was an advantage to take seriously any one piece of information you got. The media and other groups now take advantage of our "brain hole" in this regard; we are evolved to be easily propagandized. We are also evolved to be averse to harming others of our species that look like us, and this too is taken advantage of by some power-groups today. if you do not know what i'm talking about, i suggest doing some research on your own; i can not spell it out here due to the looming shadow of tyranny (information-control via censorship in the name of "preventing rudeness") we see everywhere these days.
"Careful, arrows are raining!"
"Where?" *Looks up and gets shot in the eye*
Worst advice ever shouted during a hail of arrows "Heads up!" Lol.
@DeathsHood well generally arrows aren’t fired in a high arc like they do in movies
@@luckyblockyoshi how would you know
@@brazen4719 common sense
*his Italian blood boils as he peers into his super Mario notebook*
* cue angry defensive Italian argument about armour with the intent to educate invisible people while wildly gesturing to a bit of plastic called a camera *
*english accent overpowers this Italians body purely to execute sarcasm just that much better*
beatlebabe1969
Wait Brits, sarcastic? No way, what gave you that idea?
Brits? Sarcasm? Yeah right.
The fucking gesticulations are glorious too
The only armor we need is Plot Armor
ralynedin That shit from books, movies and video games? Shit how can we make that irl?
T.J Aarons right??
We don't even need armor, we just need *P L O T*
It's also remarkably effective as a weapon. Cuts through every type of armour known to mankind, and any number of layers of that armour. Arguably more effective than a light saber.
ralynedin FUCK PLOT ARMOR! ANARCHY!!! ANARCHY!!! ANARCHY!!!
Absolute favorite part: "The viking infantry charge towards that cavalry that stand still. OK, that's enough of that I think."
I love the scene in the Game of Thrones when one of these Dothraki warriors does this huge swing with his blade and hits Sir Jorah in the back in the waist area, and since Jorah is wearing a Plate Armor he just looks at the due like "Really man?" and cuts his face in half.
The Game of Thrones does have a fair bit of Goofups, but this is one of my favourite scenes!
That is the only point in that series where they treat armour properly.
@@TibiaOTarena Yeah because it was referenced in the book ... I have a hard time believing in the Dothraki anyway. Culturally they are just over-exagerrated barbarians with an over-the-top warrior culture (you kind of wonder how they reach adult age). But militarilly, especially in the series where you don't see them using bows, they seem like they'd be massacred by the Westerosi fighting shirtless with no spear or armor and only a scythe that doesn't look that practical.
@@barbarapanfilly84 I for one really hated when the cult follower pierced his "mace" into the mountains armor getting it all the way in with all 4 spikes. I thought he had heavier and BETTER armor than the normal soldier. But clearly it went through like butter.
@@barbarapanfilly84 Its kind of like they wanted Mongols... while dropping every cultural or military trait that made them so powerful. So we ended up with a biker gang on horses.
@@Matt-sf9ky "Biker gang on horses" a perfect description of the Dothraki!
Armor is for looking cool not for protecting you! Stormtroopers are a great example.
Paul Eccles clones are better
Paul Eccles yeah! Their armor actually attracts lasers & explodes 💥
EndoChamaeleo survive or not they have to be incompetent goons to outnumber untrained rebels by a ton and still lose, look as what happened to the guerrillas in the middle east when they tried fighting a well equipped professional army
draconianwarking
They didn't lose on the Tantive IV, on Tatooine, or on Hoth, did they? They only lost on Endor when they were outnumbered by something like a hundred to one. The reality of the Star Wars universe is that the _Rebels_ are the guerrillas, and the _Empire_ is the well equipped, professional army.
They lose on the movies because they got "plot aiming" xD
Metatron: "it's Italian blood, it's already boiling"
me: sees mario on the book he's holding
😆
Important characters could cut through steel plate armour with a club
They would leave long cut marks by bashing them with a rock
The Power of Protagonism!
Because the important character is always level 99 boss and the extras are level 3 peasants. Their gear scales with level.
1:43 This one is important: Is the butter room temperature or refrigerated?
Because you don't _just cut_ through refrigerated butter. It's the butter that cuts through your motivation to make yourself a sandwich.
It cuts through your motivation as it tears through your bread, lol.
Double whammy.
@@DeathsHood And this is why I started using rolls instead of bread. Screw that.
Ehhh with a big meat knife it can be cut through.
@@h3nder I assume you're using a cleaver to spread butter on your toasts.
@@LecherousLizard You know them big sharp meat knives used to cut meat, they cut anything.
Mel Gibson was swinging with the power of freedom.
but if he used the magic of friendship he might have survived at the end of the movie
Brad Deremer THEY CAN TAKE OUR SKIRTS, BAG-PIPES, AND GOATS, BUT THEY CAN NEVER TAKE OUR FREEDOM.
*with the power of sugartits
josh spradling Adam & Eve weren't' jews. the religion came after noah's arc
way to miss the joke
but
being Jewish doesn't have anything to do with religion, if you are born to a Jewish mother you can be a sadist, atheist, christian, Muslim or anything else and the most orthodox,conservative and transnational of the Jewish populace will accept you as 100% Jewish
Metatron, it's like how the Stormtroopers wear armour that never stops blaster shots...
Grant C have you read any of the works besides watching the movie? well the armor does stop blaster shots from going through but the force still disables them. Basically knocking them out. The stormtrooper on the floor aren't dead but passed out
coolpumas1000000 no I meant the movies, plus that joke from family Guy star wars... but yeah I'm sure in the written works it would do the job. shame that it's not shown like that, I love imperial and clone armor
Grant C the purpose of the the storm troopers armor isn't to block blaster fire but to prevent them from being killed by the shot
SlenpaiwasHere of course, I know that
Books aren't canon, though.
I realize now he's talking about films, but for a few minutes I thought he was referring to armor in history. Context people, context.
Excellent point i was confused af
Me too
I was waiting for a mention of movies. Also was starting to get confused at the start.
I use an Estoc, but I only strike with my pommel.
Kinuhbud
Lol, to end them rightly.
I use an eveningstar but i only thrust
I miss the days when revolvers had semi-auto fire and were able to shoot 10 times without chamber ever revolving.
Oh and gatling guns shooting from every barrel at the same time. Those were days.
VoresD Chuck Norris movies 😂
VoresD those damn gun restrictions!
Joynel Bonet Delgado almost every western movie in the 60s and earlier
some revolvers do have semi-auto fire. They are called double action revolvers. They are actually very common.
Also, there are also some revolvers that can hold 10 or more rounds. Very rare though.
Yes, but no Colt Army or Navy ;) I also like the ones carrying a Navy and in the Belt .45 LC Cartridges ^^
I always get annoyed in Skyrim when wielding a Greatsword. Sometimes you will stick the sword through the opponent's belly, straight through their heavy dwarven cuirass. It's great.
;D Dual wield death scenes are also stupid - two words straight trough the armor and pushing the enemy into the air
Yeah I mean if I can shout a giant to the ground and carry half of the continent in my back what makes you think armor is gonna do a thing to stop me
You can decapitate armored enemies with one handed maces in Skyrim....
Devs let us install mods to fix that. There are plenty, from performance friendly close to vanilla to FPS melting realistic ones.
I played an archer in skyrim, eventually got bored headshoting everyone before they could see me
This is one reason I like the Mandalorian; the main character’s beskar armor actually protects him...a lot.
That's plot armour, not real armour.
Skallaken It seems you haven’t watched the Mandalorian eh?
Skallaken don’t talk about something you don’t know about
@@Knookah Oh, so somehow his armour is able to prevent blunt force trauma from a multi-ton animal slamming into him? Do you even know what armour is for? I think it's you who should shut the fuck up and don't know anything.
Ohh the show with the space cowboy where everyone but him is inaccurate with a gun with perfect accuracy and no drop off?? Nahh that's plot armor
actually, if you look at the swordfight of aragorn in Lord of the rings, against the Uruk-hai, he often does NOT penetrate the armor of the Uruks. He often needs multiple blows and hit weakspots like neck and and schoulders. Even fanatasy seems to take armor more seriously...
Unfortunately, fantasy tends to take armor more seriously, but usually with the guise of "magic armor" because "normal armor wouldn't work." Not the case for LODR, but the case for many. It's better to have a fantasy world with really dumb logic than a historical setting with terrible historical accuracy.
@@pyroparagon8945
Obviously, normal armor wouldn't work against magic weapons.
But if a setting needs magic armor to protect against normal weapons, that's bullsh.
@@ParaSpite why wouldn't normal armor work for magic? If you used flame magic against someone wearing a fireman suit, why wouldnt it work? Unless the magic is "this sword cuts through steel easily" then it shouldn't matter.
@@pyroparagon8945
That's just it though. Why would you enchant a sword with flames? It would have to be a lot of flame or else it won't do anything other than look cool. The most logical enchantment to put on a weapon, is an enchantment that makes it more effective. For example, more effective against armor, since people wear armor to defend themselves. So the most likely enchantments _specifically,_ are such that you can slice straight through armor, or such that you can bypass the armor (some kind of ghostly intangible blade that passes through metal but is still solid to flesh, so it can still cut and kill, for example). For blunt weapons, they might get selectively heavier on impact, to have more inertia and smash through normal armor.
So you need magic armor to defend against that kind of thing, which means magic armor would be enchanted specifically to defend against it.
Now obviously this is not _inherently_ the case. It depends on how magic works in the setting, and whether this kind of thing is even possible. But you can bet your ass that enchantments will be designed to make weapons (and armor) more useful, because why else would you spend the money and/or effort to have it enchanted? So if enchanting armor and weapons to make them more useful is possible at all, you're only gonna do it if it gives you a benefit.
@@ParaSpite Exactly, but that's usually not explicitly stated. Unless it's like DnD where they specify if magic items have abnormal properties from their non-magic counterparts. It's been a few years since I played, but iirc the grease from the spell "grease" isn't flammable, it's just magic lubricant, and was specifically specified to not be flammable.
I know he's Italian but he sounds British sometimes when he's angry
Maxim Gun he's always British. He is good with language
Same
Not all Italians have a crappy accent
Disappointed, I expect every italian to sound like Ezio Auditore 24/7, even with his voice. I imagine a country full of Renaissance Assassins and it better be real.
hmmm... sure but
wasnt he a language teacher though?
i can be wrong😶
If Armour doesn't exist, then explain my lvl 100 Heavy Armour skill in Skyrim.
Checkmate, atheists.
unifieddynasty it just means your fat
Who the hell goes heavy armour in Skyrim? Thought it was always light, sneak and bow....
Least thats how all my playthroughs end up!
Realistically, I just maxed everything, because why not. :D
Not everyone has patience to snipe an entire camp of bandits..
Sorry guys, heavy armor two handed here.
Spoiler alert:
Julius Caesar died in real life.
pics or it didn't happen
Where's the video of him dying? If you can't prove it it didn't happen
Now you know what it's like to be a Stormtrooper.
And they don't even get the benefit of Robinhood aim.
That explains why I keep dying in Fallout 4, despite wearing that big bulky Marine Assault 'Armour' because I got gunned down by some random Super Mutant with a friggin' .38 pipe gun!
Super Mutants demand termination with extreme prejudice. Buffout, Psycho, rush them with Super Sledge and beat their brains out. I kill them all this way for the most part. It's really quite invigorating :)
If you get killed by a freaking .38 pipe rifle, while wearing Marine Assault Armour, then you have other problems than your armor, my dear friend ;P
thats why fallout 1/2 overly complicated armor system was more true to life I guess. the only way you take damage from a pistol in power armor is from a lucky critical.
Durandol I’m assuming you play on survival difficulty.
Durandol thats because you suck. Nothing else.
Armor does exist. It's called plot armor.
Pietree omg your right
Aaaye
Villain: I've got the best armour in the wo-
*Get's stabbed by hero*
Soldier 1: Oh you got me!
Soldier 2: Umm pretty sure I didnt...
Soldier 1: Shh. They don't know that. *Lies down on ground.*
When your axe cuts a guy
Like a big pizza pie,
That's Amore!
When your sword bounces off,
That pesky metal stuff,
That's Armour, eh!
When a sabre cuts like butta',
Through your lorica segmentata,
That's even more gay.
(not a homophobe...it just rhymes, ok?)
Still laughin
Ryk Latortuga the best comment I've seen today! Lol!
I love you
Thank you Metatron, I have been saying this for years. Armour was worn for protection, but Hollywood has never understood that. Great video, great rant!
Joshua Morris Megatron? from the transformer franchise? I think your auto correct messed it up lol
Star Fur, that's exactly what happened. Thanks for the heads up.
Joshua Morris no problem fellow Noble one
+Joshua Morris Fun fact: Even if you got a direct hit from a sword at the rips or chest, you wont die instantly because of adrenaline
X Infinity Yes there are many people who have survived what should have been mortal blows, or died, but not immediately. However it is well documented by numerous eyewitnesses that a forceful stab directly to the heart can cause a man to drop instantly. Historically, that seems to be the rule, whereas the exceptionally tough individual who survives trauma, or only dies very slowly, is the exception, otherwise cavalrymen and fencers on foot would not have been trained for more than 100 years to strike to the heart and expect a more or less instant death from the opponent.
"Well it depends on what you mean by armor."
- Jordan Peterson
Roughly speaking
So you're saying that women can't wear armour?
@@woodys9841 "You are saying that We Should be like Armor?"
The Metatron, Shad from Shadiversity and Skallagrim should get together and make a medieval video-game... Or at least a skyrim mod.
Shad should work on castles. Make sure those MACHICOLATIONS are in proper order.
The Metatron should design Armor.
Skallagrim should make sure Swords are proper as well as combat.
🤩🤩🤩
I swear if I had a video game development team I'd try to get these 3 together!
But what about dragons?
@@hippiehippo9030 well if it we're a medieval fantasy game, I'm sure they'd have some thoughts on those as well...
I also like for instance Shads take on the different fantasy races like dwarves, elves, centaurs etc. One example might be, dwarves being rather short in stature should use spears and bows instead of axes to compensate for the lack of reach. Or the fact that mounted grifffons and swords don't go well together... Given the high risk of cutting into the wings of the actual griffon you're riding 😅
@@hippiehippo9030 🤨
Story?
@@abuckarooboyo7104 good question...
Is Metatron holding the holy book of italian people?
RyuFireheart Its a me
Mario
sᴛᴀʟᴋᴇʀ
It's a me
Stereotypical Italian Jumping Man
RyuFireheart this made me laugh thanks
The more you know about something the less you can enjoy films about it, I can't watch films about WW2 without getting triggered.
why? you know nothing about ww2
Zag Zagzag My apologies, do you know him/her?
LolloBlue96 yes i do
Zag Zagzag
Proof?
None?
Exactly.
I know you all guys.... and you'll never know me, until its to late.....
Armor isn’t real? Right, tell that to my friend Havel the Rock
That's not armor. Thats a moving statue. There just happened to be an actual person in it.
There was at least one example (maybe a few, but namely The Gladiator wounded man) where you did not take into account possible impact damage. The Germanic tribes had some heavy weapons mixed in more often than not afaik.
That ONE soldier quote in the console versions of the Shrek 2 video game got it right.
"Why is armor so useless...?"
Abigdummy4life man, i loved that game.
Hell, you could even manually invoke idle actions with the interact button in that game; almost no other game does that where you instead had to wait for around 10 seconds for that shit.
Still, the super/hyper-armored enemy attacks were bs tho; they often lead to a ton of deaths all because one thug was rev'ing up a punch and I couldn't kill him fast enough or get out of the way on time.
P.S. Gorilla Grood's armor in Injustice 2's story mode is also just as useless.
If you could accept all archers were Robin Hood, why not also think all soldiers as Heracles?
And all swords are in fact lightsabre from star was universe. that makes total sense.
Why not accept that all armor was in fact butter?
I don't think he accepted it, probably a whole different rant.
I think he was willing to accept the archery thing because there are arguments one could make to justify what we see in the movies. For example, one could argue that, even though maybe 1 out of every few thousand arrows hits a spot where it can penetrate, the ones that DO hit are the ones that are INTERESTING, and so they are the ones that show up in the movie. The vast majority miss or bounce off of armo(u)r or shields, but the camera doesn't zoom in and focus on them. It's just like how that the main character in the movie is always a hero: yes, only one in a million people accomplishes something truly great, but those are the ones that are interesting, and so those are the ones they make movies about.
But cutting through armor is different. If you fire hundreds or thousands of arrows, it's likely that a few of them will hit right in the target's weak spot. But you could swing a sword at an armor plate a million times and NONE of them will penetrate, so it's much harder to accept than the former.
Plus, it isn't a matter of strength: even if all of the soldiers WERE Heracles, they'd be more likely to bend or break their swords than to cut through plate armor.
Hercules also wouldn't be able to cut through metal. Keyword: cut.
One of the only films I've seen that had a some what realistic armored knight fight. Was Macbeth. Around the end two heavily armored men are bashing and throwing eachother around trying to find the opening to kill the other
The italian blood is already boiling ahahaha
Then it is time to put the pasta in.
when metatron's Italian blood boils you know it's going to be a good rant great video as always mate
*diluted pizza
Metatron needs to be more angry, it makes better videos!
I was almost expecting him to break into Latin when he was talking about Romans.
When his pizza sauce boils, his spaghetti roils, and his tortellini toils.
And his focaccia levels rise.
"He did not hit you!"
Also the reaction I have to watching footballers get "hurt" and filming.
Those swords were forged in the fires of badassatude
"All the archers in this movie are Robin Freaking Hood!" That was my favorite part
When I saw the title I thought he was going to tell me I have been spelling armour wrong.
MrMonkeybat sprll it in the ITALIAN way!!! (ノ｀△´)ノ
吳冠徵 Armatura?
ikr?
Ahh well you did put that extra "u" in there. Silly Englishman.
Whenever you remind me Rome fell, it will still be too soon.
"Help, I've fallen and I can't get up!"
-Rome, 476 A.D.
Sorry, just had to. XD
I love that moment in game of thrones where Arya tries to stab the Hound with her small sword and it does nothing against his mail armour. Fucking beautiful scene make me laugh multiple times at the shattering of that cliche.
wait Rome fell! I just finished the republic.
Feel your pain bro... those fucking spoilers...
Jason Cross. i just barely got over the kingdom of rome
Don't worry, the empire moved to Constantinople, so it's fine. I'm sure Constantinople won't fall like Rome did...
In other news, China broke again. Wait, now they're together again!
Welshie Ranger you read the books didn't you
You'd think they were wearing tin foil throughout the middle ages, based on Hollywood films. I laughed pretty hard, totally agree. Thank you.
Over two years later, this is still my favorite monologue lol
I'm glad you like It, I should make more rants these days.
Nobody:
Hollywood: Lets make every sword used in movies have the cutting power of a lightsaber!
5:52 You never know Metatron, he could be having a heart attack. I mean shit man, if I saw someone in armour stumbling around like that I would assume heart attack. Remind me never to go into cardiac arrest around you.
Or maybe a murder stroke cracked his ribs.
Scathsealgaire OR they could have used a HUGE sledge hammer everyone knows they used those and that they were common back then.......
Or he may have been hit square in the chest and just was regaining his breath.
+Scathsealgaire Fun fact: Even if you got a direct hit from a sword at the rips or chest, you wont die instantly because of adrenaline
+anotherrandomtexan25 Historical Warhammers weren't "Huge", that would make them almost unusable.
Ah Braveheart. The film where Mel Gibson's character .... impregnates the queen who was a four year old princess at the time!
Raphael Perry Hollywood is a cesspool of creeps
Raphael Perry and wears a kilt 400 years before it was invented, and fights with his Scottish troops in an attire which would have been anachronistic even if it was used 500 years before the time depicted, and fighting like a raging tribe of barbarians, naturally. Oh, and William Wallace paints his face like a Pict from 800 years prior, and of course he is a commoner and not a Scottish noble, and he speaks with a terrible Glasgow accent, which is probably the most Germanic sounding accent you can get from the British Isles, not even close to how Gaelic sounded 700-750 years ago, but that's just needlessly nitpicking right now.
And yet, it was ironically better than Russel Crow's Yorkshire accent for Robin Hood which was basically Irish for two thirds of the film. So much so that I constantly found myself wondering why he was playing Robin Hood with an Irish accent (when Barnsleydale would have been more accurate).
Raphael Perry Robin Hood accents? two words: Kevin Costner.
Well at least they got a couple of the location names right. And they managed to set it somewhere on the right Island. Not totally inaccurate. >_>
To be perfectly fair, the bit about William Wallace? Splitting a guy's head in two through helmet and mail? Exactly the same thing is said of El Cid in the Cantar de Mío Cid -which is from the actual Middle Ages, so you'd think they knew what they were talking about. And I bet there are more examples. My point is, it's not just Hollywood: epic fiction has always tended towards exaggeration.
ArkadiBolschek
El Cid is a literal super hero character
None of the literature that depicts his deeds is historical
Also, to me it doesn't look so much like he's splitting the head, but rather crushing it by pure force (with the helmet staying in one piece).
@@imdamasta11 el cid is actually shown as a cunning, quick and not all that much of a "hero"
The problem with physics in movies is that they don't exist.
Not even just that, if they manage to, god forbid, sneak in some actual physics, those laws are more like ranges than actual laws.
"Yeah, so steel chainmail's toughness is somewhere between specialised tungsten alloy and fucking butter, depending on the circumstances."
Even cutting through bone is hard.
Kolibri can't even pierce skin
@pyropulse You commented on something from two years ago just to be a prick? A useless one at that.
@@Nyx_2142 you commented on a comment, commenting on a comment from a week ago to seem superior?
@@linkueicatastrophe9727 you commented on a comment that commented on a comment from a week before his which commented on a comment from 2 years before his just to seem smart.
@@linkueicatastrophe9727 Aren't you the little hypocrite.
Metatron please do your research before making these videos... Everybody knows that the picts had enchanted swords with all the perks on armour piercing!!!
Shhh Don't give away our secrets.
This was a hilarious rant
*angry italian noises get progressively louder for 15 minutes*
Why armour is obsolete:
1. Pommels
2. Pommels
3. Pommels
In all honesty, I'm pretty sure that cosplay armor would be better at protecting you than Hollywood armor.
Even being naked IRL protects more than hollywood full plate
"He didn't cut you, he did not!" (Tommy)
Oh hi Metatron.
That's why in the film "300", the Spartans wore only red leather underwear, a large red cloak, and a shield.
Never trust armour (even if it is made out of iron or steel). Have faith in your shield (even if it is made out of woven reeds or hide), as it is impenetrable.
It´s like when the bad guy takes a Ak, fires a long burst at the potaganist. and some how misses from 50 yards. the prontaganist take his pistol and shoots the bad guy in his head. the bad guy is blown 2 yards back.
Exploatores Idk, I think there's a special place in the world for batshit 80's style movies x)
Another problem in 80s action movies is that even the flimsyest balistic west stops rifle bulliets, So that is the tota opposit to historical armour
I mean missing with the AK could at least be chalked up to incompetence, assuming the bad guy is supposed to be untrained or something. A headshot at 50 yards with a pistol while being shot at it now that seems very improbable. I'd still watch it...
Also, it is impossible for bullets to hit you while you are rolling around on the ground. It is known!
6:04 Legend has it, that all Italians pray to their lord and savior Mario each night
Their prayers consist of, "It's a me!" and, "Yahooooo"
I bet season 8 of Game of Thrones was impossible to watch, with swords piercing through plate, mail, and padding in one strike.
As a person of Italian dissent I love how Metatron embodies my saying of "you can't hear me: if my hands are not talking" makes me chuckle.
Nevermind armor working or not. The only problem with all these movies is nobody unscrews the pommel to end him rightly.
Dmnt twice handing indeed
Skall fan XD
I’m not doing this shit again
LOL
We all know pommels were the WMD of the medieval world.
11:15 Oh I know, Metatron, I know! His helmet was made of a small dynamite charge set to explode upon impact; designed to help kill the man wearing it, rather than protect him.
John Fleming Maybe the man was a spy in possession of vital information. They couldn't risk him getting caught alive and being interrogated.
One thing I will say is true via my SCA and BoTN experience. Is that a Templar armour would resist cuts. The blunt trauma can still be quite nasty even from a sword. While a thrust with a pricing weapon or using a mace or ace would be more ideal. It would not be a invalid tactic to simply pummel a man to death in full mail with a broadsword and shield.
"I've written down a few points ..." I thought you may have, pray continue.
kingdom of heaven and a knights tale.
for all their flaws, they treated armor semi accurately
All this talk of penetration...
made me hard
Jeevo I know one thing I have that can *penetrate* plate mail...;)
is it long
C'mon baby
Do the penetration.
Sounds like my dad watching modern war movies.
Even after nearly three years one of the best of your vids!
Very true.
This channel has ruined movie fight scenes for me :/ I just started watching a Turkish series on Netflix called Resurrection: Ertugrul and one of the scenes in the first episode has the heroes cleaving through Templar knights in full maille armor like it was made out of pasta. My 'favorite' cringe was seeing the hero cut a man's throat straight through a maille coif with one quick ez slice as the CGI blood spurts out. Bravo choreographers, bravo.
p.s. luv these rants!
Welcome to the world of every medieval movie ever
It's still a great show I think. I enjoyed it
iNEXISter A Turk cleaving thru Templars? Sounds historically inaccurate already 😂
iNEXISter really? This channel is what ruined it? I thought movies made it obvious enough to ruin themselves lol
Wow TH-cam... never got a single notification until I randomly rewatched this video and saw my own old comment had replies. BAD TH-cam. BAD! BAD!! ...
anyway.. james allee. nah not just this channel of course, but I love the rants.
Justin Smith... same way you kill a knight, find the weak spots where armor doesn't cover. Or throw a pommel at em.
Xinji... they only had movie armor, makes total sense.
Game of Thrones actually pulled off an accurate representation of armor once. During Ned Stark's fight against Sir Arthur Dayne, Dayne throws a cut at Ned that Ned blocks with his vambrace. Of course, during the rest of that fight, Dayne was cutting and stabbing through armor like it was nothing, anyway.
Doesn't quite make up for the rest of the bullshit XD. Though the show is really fun to watch even if the hound is cleaving a fully armoured person in half
Also when Jorah is fighting a Dothraki in season 1, and arguably a couple other times. Armor works when they want to... Must be made of scenarium.
well. Dawn is made from a milky shite type of steel from a fallen star. its refered as been "like valyrian steel".
True, but valyrian steel doesn't seem to be that overpowered in the books. It's an excellent steel, near unbreakable and retaining its edge forever (which is actually the same thing if you think of it), but it's never stated that it could cleave through plate, nor even mail. Although it probably theorically could if wielded with titanic amounts of force and crazy speed, since it's so much harder and stronger, but no man would be strong enough to do so.
That being said, as they portray it in the show, Dayne mainly pierces with Dawn, and his opposants don't have plate but rather some kind of leather surcoat worn on mail, so yeah, could potentially work, but Dayne also dual wields another, normal sword, which is a problem.
Bombur I always trought that think northmen used was a coat of plates. Arent those square things under the leather plate?
If you read Le Morte d'Arthur written by Malory in the late 15th century, it is full of examples of swords cutting all the way through helms and splitting skulls in twain, but it is always presented as a remarkable thing, normally when someone is "waxing wonderly wroth".
"Laser blade" *Triggering intensifies*
Achilles is not afraid because he saw Loyds video on archers in Troy!
Metatron you should start reviewing sword fight scenes and what have you. Like on a scale from complete bullsh*t to realistic.
Arkillik I would like this. Would be good to see an analysis of what's done right and wrong on fight scenes
Yes plz that would be glorius.
Lindybeige got some super funny movie fight reviews.
Arkillik Don't you mean "somewhat realistic"
Matt Easton from Scholagladiatoria has done a few of those. He distinguishes primarily between garbage and "acceptably unrealistic". The problem is that a realistic fight which is not over in a matter of seconds is a fight which drags on with both opponents cautiously prodding and probing eachother's defences, and you can forget entirely about anything where one guys fights more than one opponent at a time, so there's always an inherent element of unrealism. Otherwise we'd have to confront the grim reality that two people trying to kill eachother is not actually all that fun.
Good points. I think a hollywood exception that proves the preponderance of armour not working was in Troy, where Achilles deflects a slash from Hector with his shin guard and immediately my thought was 'what just happened?' Oh, he blocked it with his armour. I had to rewind and watch in slow motion. You don't see armour working often.
You must have loved that scene in Game of Thrones where the Dothraki horse lords sword bounces off Jorah Mormont's armour.
Not only do people get cut through their armor, but instantly die to glancing or partially parried hits. Instantly! All casualties caused by paper armor are fatalities.
Have fun cutting through the armor of your enemies in Skyrim, noble one.
Metatron,
You seem to had forgotten or perhaps you don't know about one of these movies rules,.. Bad Guys loses regardless of armour. Movies where the Romans are the bad guys, which is often the case; they lose, movies or shows where the Norse-men or Vikings are the Good Guys, they win even if they are naked.
That just goes to show the only armor that matters to Hollywood is plot armor
agree :D
But, you know... mostly, the Romans were the bad guys... They were conquering territories and making slaves out of free people... saving them from tribal ritual warfare and lack of water canalization... Well... go ask the Celtiberians in Numancia and Cantabria who the bad guys were xDD
*Hint: You can't, Romans obliterated these people from existence, it was a Genocide.
There's a little of that. There's also the concept sometimes referred to as "Flynning": on stage or on film, actors simply don't use "realistic" hand-to-hand combat techniques because a) Realistic attacks are actually dangerous or even deadly to the actors involved, b) Realistic attacks are not as good for drama and showmanship as something flashy and choreographed to allow the delivery of lines and such, and c) Reality and realism just don't look realistic on stage or on film to audiences who expect the "Hollywood" version. As a result, even actors who know what they're doing will put all that aside and learn stage "fighting" techniques because that's what the show demands.
tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Flynning
I thought that the "experts" knew this sort of thing better than anyone - it's a bit like seeing boxers and Olympic wrestlers acting surprised and angry that Professional Wrestling doesn't look like "real" fighting (hint: surprise, professional wrestling is NOT real fighting, and trying to use real fighting techniques in professional wrestling will get your performers killed, and the results won't be the sort of show that professional wrestling fans paid to see - cool but impractical moves, exaggerated blows, people getting pummeled by villains with steel folding chairs and cement blocks all night and then magically reviving enough to wrap up the match, a lot of silly trash-talking and grand-standing and posing, and that sort of thing - it's a weird fake version of fighting driven by the Rule of Drama!)
For what it's worth, martial arts films use dramatic fake "martial arts", too - the fake stuff is, again, safer, looks better on film, and allows for better drama and story-telling than a real brawl would. Hollywood gunfights and war are very different from the real deal, too. (A parallel could also be drawn to sex in adult and Hollywood movies, too: it rarely looks anything like the real deal, because it isn't the real deal, it's a fantasy version of sex that looks better on film and sells better to the audiences.... Hollywood science looks nothing like real science... etc.)
Most folks understand all that, don't really care, and just hand-wave it in the name of enjoying the entertainment. The experts tend to forget that they're watching a movie, and then drive themselves mad worrying over the accuracy....
@Pietyr Ayday: And that is the exact reason why modern people become more & more ignorant to common knowledge or when they try to make a serious argument base on their "experience" from movie/tv propaganda, thanks to Hollywood or whatever entertainment program's doctrine.
I believe that within the evolvement of virtual reality technology, there will be a solvement for the dilemma between the safety concern and realistic performance. Also I had watched a lots of reenactor fighting base on the historical fencing treaties which is still better and enjoyable than typical Hollywood's franchastic way.
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I'm actually crying from laughter - more of these please!!
By Odins Eye! The Norns decide the moment of your death, you don't need no silly armour!
I think Excalibur (the 1980) has the best depiction. Cause they had armor and were just hammering at each other until one got lucky. But it had its flaws too.
Oroku Saki Like when Arthur went straight through a halberd piercing his chestplate like butter for some reason. Loved that movie tho
Yes that was a good one. One of the Shakespeare movies, Macbeth I think (don't know what year) had at least one good fight like that as well.
Oroku Saki agreed it did the best tbh
Sam Percy, that's very good and gruesome description. I would love to see this depicted in a movie.
There is also this thing... monthy python or how its spelt. Just perfection. Not of realism but perfection...
I completely agree, and this is one thing that has always irked me about such films.
However, if you're giving LotR a pass because fantasy, I think it'd be fair to give Troy the same consideration, as the Iliad is arguably a bit more mythical than it is historical.
BladePaladin Especially since Achilles, being a demigod of sorts, would have god level equipment, thus able to cut through armor. And it was shown that his skills were unequalled, meaning he might dual wield just to make things interesting.
Well Metatron doesn't talk in the comment section anymore. So I wonder if he's gonna see your gud comment.
Until he took an arrow to the knee...
BladePaladin the film did not depict the Iliad doe XD it made up its own thing. Also the actual book was pretty good with realistic armour. In one bit it describes someone being hit in the helmet with a spear and it breaking through but I believe that is something to do with iron weapons and bronze armour. Honestly I dunu, it's all a mess XD
Alex PJP He still has the "only can be killed in the heel" weakness though, which implies he's been dipped in the Styx at least. So he's still Clearly near-superhuman
I've a PhD in physics. You're going on about historical armor the same way I get upset that the freaking space shuttle is flying around like an X-Wing in Armageddon.
Metatron: Armour doesn't exist
Bullet-proof vest: *Exists*
Soldier: Thank you, you saved my life!
You know what's funny? "Normal" people will keep defending those things cause "it's just a movie", "not supposed to be realistic", "it'll be boring", "it serves the story " etc.
Yet if they find equal mistakes in things they are familiar with they'll squeak like hell. The usual" why those horror characters split up, so stupid", "why those scientists make stupid things no scientist will ever make" etc. Ignorant hypocrites.
I've completely lost any hope in cinematography. We will never have great movies with good sword fights, smart combat tactics and realistic armor physics. Majority doesn't care
IMO it's because of the lack of knowledge in this field (i.e Medieval armor and weapons) that people tend to be more forgiving, since it's more convincing if it looks better. Another example are shooting scenes in most movies (body armour + protagonist = immortality)
Sheol_IK What annoys me most is when people are bothered that people act illogical in stress situations or when emotional, but ignore the fact that people will think a bit different if they are about to be killed and maybe not have the time to think things true that the so much "smarter" viewer in his comfortable chair has.
This is why I prefer video games.
In the past, the weapons and armor were mostly just numbers on tables due to constraints in hardware, but with those mostly gone we see amazing things like Mount and Blade and the much more impressive Kingdom Come: Deliverance, along with quite a few other games that did well but that I never played.
But even in games that have unrealistic weapons or insane tactics nobody would ever use, armor plays a vital role and everyone is longing for those few extra armor points.
I highly recommend Mount and Blade: Warband if you are interested. It doesn't have physics, but the combat simulations are actually quite good even though they are heavily simplified. They are so well done that I found myself using tactics that I only found out about later, just because they were obvious and made sense.
Of course, the best thing to do would be a reenactment, but a video game is just slightly cheaper ^.^
Katoki Yes, thats true most soldiers will be able to keep calm and follow orders in a battle.
Too many critical rolls to hit. Or 1's on armour save rolls if you use that system.
The reason archers seem such accurate snipers might be that only the good hits manage to reach the screen. I mean every battlefield is riddled with stray arrows on the ground? Maybe, dunno. Believing that would be a nice bandaid on a fleshwound underneath your armor.
Thanks for the analysis!
Would you share your thoughts on the 13th Warrior movie, per chance?
It is really odd that the people in the Arn movie would just let their lord bleed out like that. It's a good bunch of movies but I never liked that ending.
Also fun fact related to that movie: I went to see Knut Eriksson's (Arn's friend and king of sweden guy) grave and monument thingy in the Varnhem abbey, in his alcove there was this huge slab of marble which had a "picture" of him inscribed (or carved? whatever) and he was wearing the standard mail and plate armor, but he lived in the late 12th century. So that kinda puzzled me, it turned out that the inscribtion of Knut was ordered in the 16th century, so apparently they didn't know history in those days either. It seems you are never free from anachronism, not even "back then"