Wow! And I thought the 1988 "Return of the Incredible Hulk" version of Thor was bad. At least he was honorable. This version's a total jackass. You made the movie far better than it deserved, Robin, thank you.
Etna clearly didn't teach him everything he knows because Thor never develops the power to narrate. I would think the Thor Thena relationship comes from the fact they both clearly found and read Etna's collection of John Norman novels, and got ideas from them. Your question could have been: who would win in a fight between Thor the conqueror and Ator the fighting eagle? I would go for the former, as he at least doesn't look like the guy who gets sand kicked in his face in the Charles Atlas. I got that Mr. Ed joke. I am that old..
@@mikesands4681 come to think of it, the answer to my question should be: Thong. As seen in Cave Dwellers, he does most of the work but gets none of the glory
Heh, you almost said "butt muppets", and nope, never been one. :) On a more "serious" note though, have you seen Thor at the DMV from Muppets Tonight? If not you should look it up.
Ed Wood scripted ORGY OF THE DEAD, though he didn't get to direct it (darn!). The director was someone named Stephen Apostolof f (I know I'm misspelling his surname), who was always listed in the credits as "A.C. Stephens". Mr. Apostoloff/Stephens made a number of entertaining soft core exploitation flicks in the Seventies.
I'd love to see a Thor vs. King Arthur movie. Just go all out bonkers - the Saxons call down the god of thunder and Merlin raises the Wild Hunt in response. Hire a couple 15 year old geeks hopped up on Jolt to write the script, get Michael Bay to direct.
Other mythological figures for a broader cinematic career? I'm always fond of Trickster deities, so Anansi, an African trickster god spider springs to mind. Admittedly he's gotten some recognition lately in American Gods. Also Susano-o, a Japanese rain/thunder God would be interesting, I make no claims at being an expert but from what I understand he was a very temperamental kind of anti-hero of Japanese mythology who eventually learns to calm down through his stories. There's also the time he killed a multiheaded demon/dragon thing by getting it drunk.
Was it just me, but didn't that Owl Guy sound just like Criswell? I was waiting for him to start talking the future because that's where we're all going to live. Loved the skeleton; I was so scared I found myself yawning. Was the script like for this movie? " Go out and shoot some stuff and when you run out of film come on back - The End ".
I think that Conan, Hercules, Gilgamesh and Samson should start a cinematic universe. Are there heroes from other cultures of similar stature that should be included, perhaps from India, China or Africa?
If you want cultural heroes, replace Conan with Cu Chulainn or other Celtic warriors. Africa likely has a number of warrior heroes, as do the Americas, Asia, and the Pacific peoples. Heck, you could get a whole cinematic universe from sub-Saharan Africa.
@@eddysgaming9868 The only "Thunderbird" I know of is a cheap class of fortified wine. Oh...I just remembered. It's also an extinct American make of automobile.
DIO? As in the late Ronnie James Dio? As in Metal Legend Ronnie James Dio? I went back and actually looked. I think you're right. The passing resemblance is definitely there.
Thor's ignorance of females is no worse than Siegfried's: "das ist kein manne" he says when he sees Brunhilde - and everyone thinks Wagner's lyrics are great!
Hahaha. I can just imagine the owl guy narrating Thor's sex scenes. Owl guy: "And then during the heat of the moment, Thor went flaccid. No longer being able to get it up like his hammer." Thor: "Dude. What the Hel?"
And here I thought Kull was the Conqueror. If there is one mythical hero who deserves a film, that would be the Greek hero Bellerophon. Traditionally known as the hero who tamed Pegasus, Bellerophon is often confused with Perseus, mostly from the Ray Harryhausen film "Clash Of The Titans" where part of Bellerophon's heroics were combined with Perseus' story. It might be fun to see Bellerophon be the lead hero just once in a film.
Wow! That pose of his with a triple flail on the movie poster was stolen for so many video games in the '80s! I'm pretty sure it showed up in the Gauntlet series at least once.
Not bad for a guy who did movies in which we NEVER heard his voice. I think we only heard Steve's voice twice: once in the Ed Woof film he did and some tv thing he guest starred in.
Where's the Thunder God version of Thor from Viking mythology we are accustomed to? Not just from MARVEL, from the mythical aspects of the character. Instead, we get a cheap ripoff of Conan The Barbarian, complete with a perverted magician who can tranform himself into an owl and not give dime store Thor some privacy with the beautiful ladies he meets.
What movie has spawned more Italian ripoffs, Conan the Barbarian or Mad Max? I'm pretty sure without those two to steal from, the Italian film industry would have collapsed in the 80s.
They also produced loads of Cannibal Holocaust ripoffs as well. But excuse me as moment while I count . . . That's 7 Mad Max rip-offs (Endgame, 2020 Texas Gladiators, 2019: After the Fall of NY, 1990 The Bronx Warriors, Escape from the Bronx, Warriors of the Wasteland, and Rome 2072) and 12 Conan rip-offs (Ator 1-4, The Barbarians, Hundra, Conquest, The Invincible Barbarian, Sword of the Barbarians, Throne of Fire, Thor). Of course, there are at least 8 Filipino Mad Max rip-offs to choose from as well, and about 8 Corman-produced Conan rip-offs, so Italy hardly had a monopoly on this particular trend.
The more I see Dark Corners Reviews of Italian films, the more the Italian Spiderman seems actually rather on point. To summarize: 1. shout to that bad guy "Respect the woman!" 2. punch the bad guy 3. shout to the woman "Where's my cappuccino?!?" 4. punch the woman
Wow, this film is quite....something. I will give it this: it does actually seem like it could be one of the grosser ancient legends about one of the less sympathetic ancient gods. So points for that I guess.
A horse adds to his force. But of course Thor can't speak to his horse, because the horse can't speak Norse. Not sure if Thor actually has anything to do with the Norse gods though. It's probably just a case of getting a fancy foreign name and trying to live up to it.
As far as bad films are concerned, there’s bad films, very bad films, crap films, mega crap films, absolute shite, then there’s this film. Astounding fun video.
Hades deserves a movie that shows him as he really is - an introvert who just wants to punish the evil, reward the good, and love his wife. Zeus is the true villain of Greek mythology seeing how all he does is rape women and little boys.
Did i see this right. Not a single stone building or maybe even a single clay hut? All 'buildings' consisting of branches and maybe some cloth , hold together by a few ropes? Is this really some studio release or rather some amateur film , that made it to DVD?
at 0:20 the movie says that this isn't the actual God of Thunder Thor from Norse myths like Marvel's version is supposed to be, but rather his great-grandson or something who's just named after the Odinson. which explains quite a bit. and yeah, Thor's 'girlfriend' being okay with him killing her friends is pretty messed up, but hey, maybe she's just cool with having an open marriage?
There is Dionysus and Hephaestus. They can be MCs in a comedy. About the yelling, would it have made more sense if Thor was saying something? Thanks for sharing.
I am claiming this comments section for my self, I am its conqueror!
I for one welcome our new buff overlord!
My kingdom for a horse! ... whatever that is.
...good luck finding a virgin
You defeated all the trolls?
Alright, guess the rest of us need to get some sticks and wait in the grass to grab you.
Thor-oughly entertaining review of a Thor-oughly Bad Movie.
Hmmm, are you reading my Thor-ughts?
@@euansmith3699 Excellent! It is a bit of a Thor-ny subject. I get a pain in my Thor-ax when I talk about it.
@@tomsenior7405 and now I think of the Spam Song, but with Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor.
@@marqsee7948 Brilliant.
Wow, Thor the Conqueror makes Deathstalker 2 look like Braveheart. God bless it
Depends what you think of Braveheart.
@@mortdewerewolfe691 haha good point!
Wow! And I thought the 1988 "Return of the Incredible Hulk" version of Thor was bad. At least he was honorable. This version's a total jackass. You made the movie far better than it deserved, Robin, thank you.
Etna clearly didn't teach him everything he knows because Thor never develops the power to narrate.
I would think the Thor Thena relationship comes from the fact they both clearly found and read Etna's collection of John Norman novels, and got ideas from them.
Your question could have been: who would win in a fight between Thor the conqueror and Ator the fighting eagle? I would go for the former, as he at least doesn't look like the guy who gets sand kicked in his face in the Charles Atlas.
I got that Mr. Ed joke. I am that old..
John Norman novels!?! My man! SLAVE GIRLS OF GOR is a timeless sword & sorcery classic!
ator has actual fighting skills. fighting eagle beats talking owl!
@@mikesands4681 come to think of it, the answer to my question should be: Thong. As seen in Cave Dwellers, he does most of the work but gets none of the glory
My first thought during that fish spearing scene was "You left out the part about how to cook and clean fish. Guess that wasn't necessary."
'The Epic of Gilgamesh' could make an ideal Film Franchise! (Or possibly a Miniseries on Netflix!)
„This is set before the invention of the Horse.“
Probably my favourite of your reviews.
There needs to be a movie about Nimrod, the mightiest hunter. The problem is, after Bugs Bunny, most people think of him as Elmer Fudd.
Yeah, Bugs was being facetious, but…
"Aroused voyeouristic giggle" has to be the best close-caption subtitle I have ever read
“I shall watch over you…”
“Yeah, I noticed!!”
Priceless.
Haven't we all been haunted but Muppets at one time or another?
Heh, you almost said "butt muppets", and nope, never been one. :)
On a more "serious" note though, have you seen Thor at the DMV from Muppets Tonight? If not you should look it up.
@@cord113 butt Muppets are also haunting and no I haven't but(t) I will
However, "Death Muppets" are an entirely different and credibly serious matter.
@@ashleys9397 I've always been more concerned of the "Plague Muppets " myself.
@@christopherwilson3754 I think it's pretty much the same thing. You know..."Death"..."Plague." I should go check.
4:12 ~ Drinking coffee as I watch this. _"And Etna is still watching!"_
That was the part where I nearly spit out my coffee.
Etna. I'm not glad I met ya.
The Owl Man sounded like Criswell at the start. And we know from Orgy of the Dead that he likes to watch.
I was going to comment that he reminded me of Criswell! 😁
"Can you prove that it didn't happen?"
Ed Wood scripted ORGY OF THE DEAD, though he didn't get to direct it (darn!). The director was someone named Stephen Apostolof f (I know I'm misspelling his surname), who was always listed in the credits as "A.C. Stephens". Mr. Apostoloff/Stephens made a number of entertaining soft core exploitation flicks in the Seventies.
@@ashleys9397 Too bad he didn't direct it. It might have been watchable had he done so. That movie is tedious.
_"Is it Thor?"_
_"...well, it stingths a little."_
-Robin Williams, Aladdin
This was a great review; especially the bit about Thor's inability to control a horse.
He was only Thor becauth he rode without a thaddle.
Good one!! LOL
@@wildman2012 Oh? So you think you're Thor, fella?
Oh very good!
"Oh, for the love of... _Etna! Seek help!"_ killed me.
It's a crime that Spring-Heeled Jack hasn't had such awful movies made about him.
1:04 I see Thor gets his arrow proof skin from his mother's side of the family.
But he is still left a little Thor when struck by one.
"What's a female?"
Sounds like a senate question to a new Supreme Court judge.
Funnily enough I thought of Mr Ed right before you made the reference :)
...for a Norse is a Norse is a Norse, of course...
I'd love to see a Thor vs. King Arthur movie. Just go all out bonkers - the Saxons call down the god of thunder and Merlin raises the Wild Hunt in response. Hire a couple 15 year old geeks hopped up on Jolt to write the script, get Michael Bay to direct.
And bring back Stanley Tucci to play Merlin
I'd watch it.
on the positives: the actor playing Thor does indeed look very 'barbarian-heroic'
on the negatives: literally everything else
"Oh no! Mimes!"
Was that a mime horse?
Other mythological figures for a broader cinematic career?
I'm always fond of Trickster deities, so Anansi, an African trickster god spider springs to mind.
Admittedly he's gotten some recognition lately in American Gods.
Also Susano-o, a Japanese rain/thunder God would be interesting, I make no claims at being an expert but from what I understand he was a very temperamental kind of anti-hero of Japanese mythology who eventually learns to calm down through his stories.
There's also the time he killed a multiheaded demon/dragon thing by getting it drunk.
Apparently Anansi influenced the Br'er Rabbit tales, so there's that...
Well, let's just say this makes Eric Allan Kramer's version in the Lou Ferrigno Incredible Hulk TV movie look stable and honorable....
This guy has the name and nothing else.
This version of thor seems to have way more in common with Zeus
He's got the rapist thing down pat, but not so much on the shapeshifting.
Was it just me, but didn't that Owl Guy sound just like Criswell? I was waiting for him to start talking the future because that's where we're all going to live. Loved the skeleton; I was so scared I found myself yawning. Was the script like for this movie? " Go out and shoot some stuff and when you run out of film come on back - The End ".
I think that Conan, Hercules, Gilgamesh and Samson should start a cinematic universe. Are there heroes from other cultures of similar stature that should be included, perhaps from India, China or Africa?
If you want cultural heroes, replace Conan with Cu Chulainn or other Celtic warriors. Africa likely has a number of warrior heroes, as do the Americas, Asia, and the Pacific peoples. Heck, you could get a whole cinematic universe from sub-Saharan Africa.
the Eternals movie, or American Gods tv series.
Please include Bugs Bunny.
@@fredblonder7850 Bugs IS God. And Daffy is His Son.
@@eddysgaming9868 The only "Thunderbird" I know of is a cheap class of fortified wine. Oh...I just remembered. It's also an extinct American make of automobile.
Oh thank you! I've seen this movie when I was like six or seven. Didn't remember the title.
6:37 I can't believe I exclaimed an exasperated 'Why?!?' in unison with Robin! 🤣
So that's where Steve Martin got his arrow-thru-the-head inspiration!
I wonder if he'll say bring me Thanos.
Man, that creep looks like a discount Dio
DIO? As in the late Ronnie James Dio? As in Metal Legend Ronnie James Dio? I went back and actually looked. I think you're right. The passing resemblance is definitely there.
@@ashleys9397 Indeed dear, that very one, God rest him!!
Ator VS Thor VS Yor must be a thing. I demand it!
Thor's foster dad is every reddit poster rolled into one!
Thor's ignorance of females is no worse than Siegfried's: "das ist kein manne" he says when he sees Brunhilde - and everyone thinks Wagner's lyrics are great!
Aetna may not be the best teacher but at least Thor will have good insurance!
This might be one of your best reviews. 😁👍
Definitely a product of its time! I don't know what they were smoking when they filmed this but it must have been some REALLY good shit!
This is my favourite review so far. I had a few bladder problems watching this..
We have tackled Gor, Yor and Thor... look out for Tor coming soon.
I think I knew a guy who took how to pick up girls lessons from watching this movie. He has since been arrested.
So excited that your books are coming today !
Hope you enjoy them! Be sure to tell your friends.
That wizardorwhatever is creepy af.
Hahaha. I can just imagine the owl guy narrating Thor's sex scenes.
Owl guy: "And then during the heat of the moment, Thor went flaccid. No longer being able to get it up like his hammer."
Thor: "Dude. What the Hel?"
Your humor is very Loki. And I got the hel joke.
@@TheRealNormanBates Lol!
And here I thought Kull was the Conqueror. If there is one mythical hero who deserves a film, that would be the Greek hero Bellerophon. Traditionally known as the hero who tamed Pegasus, Bellerophon is often confused with Perseus, mostly from the Ray Harryhausen film "Clash Of The Titans" where part of Bellerophon's heroics were combined with Perseus' story. It might be fun to see Bellerophon be the lead hero just once in a film.
Get your popcorn Ednar 😂😂
"As big as a hut!" Jabba the Hut?
Wow! That pose of his with a triple flail on the movie poster was stolen for so many video games in the '80s! I'm pretty sure it showed up in the Gauntlet series at least once.
This is not Thor. Just a freak who's happened to be named Thor.
If you're doing sword and sandals you should cover the Lou Ferrigno Hercules movies!
The narrator sounds a bit like Criswell.
The, arrow into the baby, caught me
I didn't see that coming
There's been a couple of MEDUSA. Movies hasn't there
@@andrewyoung2796 Yep, there sure were. I starred in one of 'em. And please---don't ask.
Anyone who doubts that Steve Reeves actually had some talent should see this.
Not bad for a guy who did movies in which we NEVER heard his voice. I think we only heard Steve's voice twice: once in the Ed Woof film he did and some tv thing he guest starred in.
Where's the Thunder God version of Thor from Viking mythology we are accustomed to? Not just from MARVEL, from the mythical aspects of the character. Instead, we get a cheap ripoff of Conan The Barbarian, complete with a perverted magician who can tranform himself into an owl and not give dime store Thor some privacy with the beautiful ladies he meets.
What movie has spawned more Italian ripoffs, Conan the Barbarian or Mad Max? I'm pretty sure without those two to steal from, the Italian film industry would have collapsed in the 80s.
They also produced loads of Cannibal Holocaust ripoffs as well. But excuse me as moment while I count . . . That's 7 Mad Max rip-offs (Endgame, 2020 Texas Gladiators, 2019: After the Fall of NY, 1990 The Bronx Warriors, Escape from the Bronx, Warriors of the Wasteland, and Rome 2072) and 12 Conan rip-offs (Ator 1-4, The Barbarians, Hundra, Conquest, The Invincible Barbarian, Sword of the Barbarians, Throne of Fire, Thor). Of course, there are at least 8 Filipino Mad Max rip-offs to choose from as well, and about 8 Corman-produced Conan rip-offs, so Italy hardly had a monopoly on this particular trend.
The Horse bit at the end killed me🤣🤣🤣🤣
Another great review. 👍 👌 👏
The more I see Dark Corners Reviews of Italian films, the more the Italian Spiderman seems actually rather on point.
To summarize:
1. shout to that bad guy "Respect the woman!"
2. punch the bad guy
3. shout to the woman "Where's my cappuccino?!?"
4. punch the woman
"Before the invention of the horse" - tea was spat at this one
The Norse God Thor rode out to war upon his favourite filly, "I'm Thor!" He cried, the horse replied, "You forgot your thaddle, thilly!"
Master-ful!
Hiiiiiigh--Yoooooo, Cowboy! Wanna party sometime?
Made all the worse because the filly was a shapechanged Loki.
Maybe he needs an athprin.
As far as other mythic figures who need more media...
The Hound Culann is tragically under represented.
I loved the Mister Ed reference....I'm probably the only one who caught that. God I'm old!
Centuries from now, you will be called a Norse.
A movie made for the 13 year old male psyche, gotta love it!
Someone has a folder full of discarded scenes they wanted to use.
Thought for certain his blindness would be cured by magic but rubbing that shit in his face worked just as well.
"Many warriors coming..." Shows group of about 12..."Not THAT many..." You kill me
Wow, this film is quite....something. I will give it this: it does actually seem like it could be one of the grosser ancient legends about one of the less sympathetic ancient gods. So points for that I guess.
Thor was a fun guy. Very popular with warriors. Odin was the shady fellow.
This is not the deity.
2:14 "Possibly the worst..." 😂🤣🤣😭👍
I'd like to see a proper version of Beowulf.
"Are you Thor?"
"Yeth, it'th thethe underpanth"
A horse adds to his force. But of course Thor can't speak to his horse, because the horse can't speak Norse.
Not sure if Thor actually has anything to do with the Norse gods though. It's probably just a case of getting a fancy foreign name and trying to live up to it.
“I’m Thor!”
“You’re Thor? I’m tho Thor I can hardly pith!”
Can't we get a Conan-esque Sword N' Sorcery film of Thor Vs. Herakles?
I bet somebody could "play" Thor's massive chest like a pair of bongos.
As far as bad films are concerned, there’s bad films, very bad films, crap films, mega crap films, absolute shite, then there’s this film. Astounding fun video.
But what happened to the first female Thor "took"? The running gag of Etna watching was hillarious.
A decent movie about Gilgamesh would be nice.
Wicker virgins? Is that what they call the girls who leave Summer's Isle to find a mate?
Someone desperately wants to be the dungeonmaster of this adventure.
Wait a minute, that wasn't miles O'Keefe. This blade master sequel is full of crap!
...did Aetna see that cloak in the window and just had to have it?
Hades deserves a movie that shows him as he really is - an introvert who just wants to punish the evil, reward the good, and love his wife. Zeus is the true villain of Greek mythology seeing how all he does is rape women and little boys.
You apparently have some scholarly (?) insight into Greek mythology. I definitely agree with you that Zeus is a real scumfuck.
Did i see this right. Not a single stone building or maybe even a single clay hut? All 'buildings' consisting of branches and maybe some cloth , hold together by a few ropes? Is this really some studio release or rather some amateur film , that made it to DVD?
This isn't the Norse god: this is a cheap rip-off of Conan.
Would've liked to have seen the further adventures of Ilya Morometz.
Less A Thor, more Athor the Fighting Eagle.
at 0:20 the movie says that this isn't the actual God of Thunder Thor from Norse myths like Marvel's version is supposed to be, but rather his great-grandson or something who's just named after the Odinson. which explains quite a bit.
and yeah, Thor's 'girlfriend' being okay with him killing her friends is pretty messed up, but hey, maybe she's just cool with having an open marriage?
1:30 It's Freddie Mercury in a rare cameo... No 1:43 my mistake : it's John Travolta.
There is Dionysus and Hephaestus. They can be MCs in a comedy. About the yelling, would it have made more sense if Thor was saying something? Thanks for sharing.
There is a simple explanation for how awful this movie is. It was meant to lose money as part of a money-laundering scheme.
There have been 13 actors to play Hercules in movies or on TV including, unbelievably, Ryan Gosling?!
there any pre80s thor films?
Cthulhu needs more starring roles in movies.
Viking naming traditions would mean his full name was Thor Thorson.
"Make her lay down and play with her?" 🤯😳
A horse is the size of a hut, depending on the size of the hut.
I’s say this horse is about the size of Jabba the Hutt.
That sword. That ridiculous sword.
I wanna see the Jesus version of the mythical hero sword and sandal movie. Also isn't the poster in the thumbnail also used in the "Ator" movie?
That Ireland's Cú Chulainn hasn't been the subject of several terrible Thor ripoffs means someone is napping on the job.