"Ambiguity is ADHDer's kryptonight!" OMG! I never heard anyone say that and it is SOOOOOOO true. I used to have problems with that at work. Whenever there was ambiguous direction in a project I would just freeze, I didn't know what to do at all. My coworker said "just start", and I that made ZERO sense to me. But what happens if you are your own boss and must create fake deadlines and boundaries for yourself? My brain knows I made these constraints up and constantly bipasses them.
In some cases that freezing is reasonable. You don't «just start» a project that's *really* complicated, as there may be sh*tty consequences. You need to think about them first - it's not bad, it's just a byproduct of your mind warning itself.
For the last part about creating fake boundaries/deadlines Idk if this'll work for you, but my cheat is I make a to-do list, and then strike off the next thing needed done as if it's done. Makes me feel obligated to complete it. Sounds silly but works for me! so if your list is: -Groceries -Clean garage -Laundry -Dishes And you plan to do laundry next, strike it thru like you finishednit, then start on it right away. Helps me do things, worth a try😊
@@ArheIy what if you don't start can you put that project off at the end of the month you've got 10 of them staring at you that you haven't been able to start that's overwhelm
I ended up at my doctors office after dealing with this. Twice. I ended up avoiding tasks completely, and the work piled up . The first time, she said I had anxiety and prescribe me medication for anxiety. I started it, but didn’t feel much difference(even knowing that it takes time to start working). So I finally went back. she thought it could be ADHD, so now I’m on Adderall, which works instantly. The calm feeling is a bit strange to me, but I am finding myself working through things that I would have stressed over previously.
I can't tell you how much money I have spent on psychologists trying to explain this problem to them. Spoiler alert: they didn't get it and their advice was useless for me. Not only did you explain what is happening so well that i guarantee that's my problem, but your sticks is such a good problem solver (at least it sounds that way - ill try it out). You listed a couple reason for feeling this overwhelm that causes people to get stuck but for me, it's housework and daily living tasks like errands, bills, making appointments etc. I'm very grateful for this video. Thank you
I really appreciate the approach you have towards encouraging adults with ADHD. I really dislike the infantilization of adults with ADHD and using having a differently wired brain as an excuse to not act like an adult or avoid adult conversations; I feel I can do the thing !! Dare I say all the things !!
Unironically: “Resparklize” is my new favorite word and now a permanent part of my life. Also, I dig your channel and I swear it feels like you made this video for me. Thank you.
Watching this video makes me sink even deeper into my overwhelm. Feeling incapable in every way possible. I'm useless, seemingly can't be helped, and no will to do anything about it. I've been doing therapy, and I just can't make anything happen. I feel despair in everything.
Don’t worry you have a great purpose . You just have to overcome this obstacle . It’s actually somewhat of a gift to be going through this right now , once you crack the code on this and master it , you will see that you are quite useful and you can even help others in this same situation. I’m in the same boat at risk of failing my courses again , but I know that there is a plan for me I couldn’t even imagine a life without purpose I want it so bad . What I can imagine is overcoming this obstacle and seeing a great blessing that came from all of this struggle . Don’t give up keep your hope for the future , I pray often and make sure to keep my faith above all things. I’ve been considering getting medicine maybe for this issue , maybe that’s a route you might have to take just for the moment . Don’t give up God has a plan though you can’t see it yet , have hope .
This was great! My son, who is in high school, is having an overwhelming response to trying to organize and accomplish his work. It is so stressful for all of us and disheartening to see him hobbled by executive function issues. He’s such a bright, amazing person whose brain doesn’t easily succeed in this neurotypical world of school. I Can see him already limiting his beliefs of who he thinks he can be. I feel like I need a PhD in psychology to parent this kid.
Oh my gosh! Your post really touched my heart. It’s great to see that you’re such a caring parent. Just keep on supporting him and his beliefs and letting him know that he does not have to be main stream. ❤️
This video came at exactly the right time! Moving, starting a business, and applying for my citizenship - it's a bit nuts. I started freezing up a couple of days ago and the stress of it all was making me so tired. I'm going to work through this today. You're the best!! Seriously, thank you!!
At 54 years old I am finally looking into this. I would move provinces to get away from things. I feel for you Emily. I could have written this exact statement.
I've never had anything that I could do, even with decades of therapy, that allowed me to get myself unfrozen and out of an expectation talespin. This video is life.
pretty good advice, and while the one about jobs SHOULD work, I've never seen it actually work in practice. I've had a couple different corporate office jobs that were filled to the brim with meetings. Entire departments approached the powers that be and explained to them just how much time all the silly little meetings were taking and basically asked the same question. "Do you want us to sit in meetings or do you want us to get work done?" The answer was "both". I've even approached management on my own before and explained that you can't do 12 hours of work in a 8 hours shift. Their answer has always been "well you better figure out a way". I know it's really not what the video is about, but man, makes my blood boil.
It does. I actually can’t work due to a lifetime of bullying in primary, secondary and tertiary education and in the workplace I’m on disability support
I am currently a SAHM with ADHD. Having small ADHD children with me every second of the day is so disruptive. I never know if or when I can complete a task. My high demand, deadline driven career was so much easier to manage.
Man, my issue is a mix of overcommitting and too much to do. But a huge amount of my overcommitting has been projects to forever reduce the workload I’m facing. Issue being, now I’m a burnt husk who can’t do anything anymore anyway
This is really helpful and I resonate with the STICKS framework for sure. I've hit burnout already, which I thought I was healing last year and I spiraled right back into it. Luckily the one thing it did for me was show me what causes it (isolation and ambiguity) so I'm working with my manager to put me on better projects where I have a larger team and more accountability. Unfortunately because I'm so burnt out, it's still impossible to feel any motivation or have any sort of discipline. I'm realizing why burnout experts claim it takes 3-5 years to fully get out of it. I really feel how slow this process will be to get myself back to my old self. I'm really thankful I came across this channel though for helping me realize exactly how my (recently diagnosed) ADHD is contributing and what factors might help me channel my energy better.
Well said, thank you also for an intelligent posting. We are all smart ADHD’ers😊…we all just need a little encouragement to keep marching forward and to fully realize that all is not hopeless when we have a framework to work within. Also, address your endocrine systems and hormonal levels along with the structural behavior techniques. 🙏🏻 and let God be your guide.
This channel has helped me so much in the last week I feel the most productive I’ve been in a while just by implementing a few of the strategies (especially for my short term memory) and just overall understanding how my brain works
Good video. One thing I do if I'm in a "one person department" situation is write down everything that has to happen and then organize it into a timeline. Allowing for scheduling conflicts, prerequisite items, special circumstances. Then I make a schedule and only look at a small chunk of time at once. Go from task to task. And the second one doesn't exist until the first is accomplished. This works out best if you don't have a hard deadline, but it does work, for me.
The “clarity” example you gave is so me! I’m working on getting ahead of that but keep repeating the same mistake of going down that rabbit hole. I have to keep reminding myself to stop and ask for clarification.
omg I am so glad I found this channel have been feeling like my mind just has multiple personalities with careers, with my spirit, even with my heart and it is because I try to take on all the things that interest me this definitely speaks my language and makes me understand myself a lot better
I came across your clip at the right time and am in a similar situation as Emily, feeling like I have done so many things yet accomplished nothing. The project I'm working on is overwhelming me. Your instructions are clear and give me the strength to take a deep breath and sort things out. I'm glad I watched your video. This helps a lot. Thank you
My own notes on the STICKS method 🙂 I hope this helps anyone else to add to their own journaling or to come back to if they prefer to read tips 🩷 S- State: How are you FEELING in the moment? (physical pain, physiological needs not met, energy, mood?) THEN engage in emotional regulation/grounding (small movement, short outdoor activity, socialize, tapping EFT, maybe take medication) this will help you get out of freeze response. T- Think (Mindfulness): With COMPASSION, notice any cognitive distortions/intrusive thoughts (Types: All or Nothing, Mind Reading, Catastrophizing, Labeling, Wishful thinking, Emotional Reasoning, Unreal Ideal, etc.) REFRAME the thought with a response that you would say to a loved one if they thought the same. I- Interest If the task feels boring, is there a way to make it more interesting? (listen to music, body-double, habit pairing, fancy tea/coffee) C- Clarity: CHOOSE what your small, chunked out steps actually are, CHOOSE what "done" looks like. IDENTIFY length of time certain tasks take, IDENTIFY the task giver's expectations are instead of assuming. K- Knowledge: Do you have the research, tools, and skills to do the task? Be honest in order to prevent perfectionism. MEET YOURSELF WHERE YOU ARE. Is there any cognitive dissonance (intentions that don't match your actions like lying to yourself) at play? S- Structure: Routine, Schedule, To-Do lists, Organized Environment, and any other ADHD tools that work for YOU. - ADHD tools work different for every ADHDer! - Explore and discover what external triggers (like a tidy desk) help launch your executive function
Sticks is a lot to me. I get distracted 10 different ways in the first step, start on 1-2 of those, each of 1-2 leads to another, and pretty soon I’m just wandering in circles trying to recall what I started for, prioritizing all the “new” things, what can I do right now? and where AM I anyway 🤦♀️🤯😵💫
I absolutely thrilled that I just found your channel 🥹🌻 I finally feel like I’m going to get to embrace my ADHD and have a better life 😊💞 Thank you so much for caring and being here for us 🥰
Hey, great video! I feel overwhelmed all the time since forever and after watching this I can finally understand why, so thank you! Btw I love the way you talk about topics and I always feel hope after watching them, while watching other channels give me the opposite effect, since they generally only say stuff like "your brain is just like that, good luck". On the other hand, your content really helps to understand how these situations occur and give tools to deal with them, which I appreciate a lot. So again, thank you!
I just found your channel Oh my goodness you speak to so much of what I experience! So helpful to hear, I've never been diagnosed, but I am a trauma survivor (like so many) and freeze mode was my way to survive. Now as a 53 yr old woman I find I have had multiple coping mechanisms for my life to date. I have built some systems to help, but sometimes even those have failed. Some failures have led me to greater things though, so I cannot discount it. This is really making me think about having a therapist review, I've never thought of it before - I only sought therapy at different intervals for depression when I it was rather challenging but never thought about ADHD. I think I need to understand the different attributes of PTSD (which I know I have as a trauma of childhood) and ADHD. I also think I am similar in that I freeze and I have times when I am a massive idea generator like you have described. So many projects I have started and not finished! Like a boater on the lake I leave a bit of wake. cowabunga!
feeling so stuck because im in between jobs and i need to register for classes next semester but because its summer i feel like im in a floaty limbo part of my life and it makes absolutely everything impossible to do i just keep sleeping the time away because i feel so overwhelmed and this is an incredible video that is making me feel so heard and validated and now i know i am capable of literally anything!! I just need to have some boundaries and structure set up for myself! Thank you so much!
Wow wow!!! It's the first time here at your channel. The way you explain the steps with the acronym, the questions you use to give me guidance and your overall personality are wonderful. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!❤ You have gained a new subscriber. Looking forward to watch more videos
I need help understanding what is too much work. I feel like the right amount of work for most people is too much for me and then I have a shame spiral. Until recently, I also had a boss who never meaningfully answered my questions or gave me much structure. I would have burning questions and asking him for help just made them burn more. This did so much damage to me over two years. I am trying to recover but it's hard. I'm glad you're here for us.
so much of the solution is just simply being curious and earnestly asking other people questions. but unfortunately so many of us ADHDers are scarred from doing this as children because so many people, both kids and adults, are just willing to whip out the old “what, are you stupid? you really didnt understand what i said?” to a child and this only gets worse as you get older. I became petrified of asking questions or asking for any kind of help. this has been where most of my struggles stem from. i’m so petrified of re-experiencing that kind of rejection.
I’m a new subscriber, listening through your videos while I take care of tasks. It’s motivating and your advice is so logical. This channel was a great find. Thank you for what you do :) I’ll listen to some a few times so they sink in.
I'm just so grateful that I find ur video, like... Thank u so much for helping me not drowing😣 I feel like now I can take baby step to clean this mess step by step
You're a natural teacher. So much energy and enthusiasm. by the way, when I worked in the office around 2010 the decided it was a good idea to get rid of cubicles and have everyone sit next to each other in a giant room with computers a foot away from each other. It was a true nightmare for an ADHD person. But no one at work even considers these things. They don't create work environments for neurodivergent people.
I'm recently diagnosed and my holistic medical practitioner explained that ADHD, PTSD and OCD are all trauma responses. She recommend Somatic experiencing to help release trauma because trauma gets trapped in the body, and when not released can cause a myriad of issues within the brain and body. Has anyone else heard of Peter Levine and Bessel van der Kolk? They're both amazing pioneers in the field of treating trauma ❤
There are many studies showing ADHD is a lifelong developmental condition. Those who think it's because of trauma refuse to look at the science and just make stuff up to feel like they are smarter than the actual specialists. People also used to think that autism was from bad parenting but were proven wrong. Let's not do the same thing with ADHD. ADHD can cause trauma as others don't understand the condition and expect too much, judge, and shame us.
“University of Google” ❤😂 I also love your point that most mistakes can be fixed. Give it a try and be willing to be bad at it, right? I remember that from one of your other videos. 😊
❤ absolutely brilliant Caren, thank you so much for posting this one. Clarity and knowledge if left unchecked I think are major in the contribution towards feelings imposter syndrome and the paralysis for me. And also not knowing if you have the time to do the task(s), the further compounded when the time is lost due to paralysis. I will definitely replay your post when I need help!
I think my over-whelm is shut down. I usually just want to come home and sleep and stay away from people. Work seems to be a huge trigger -especially if it is a new environment. I recently left a 3 year job. There was a company switch and the new demands were very unrealistic in my opinion. I've never worked a job more than three years and I think it also a pattern. Eventually my overwhelm leads to pretty intense emotional disregulation.
This is helpful. I also agree that nutrition has a lot to do with it. I saw a comment where someone was eating chocolate, which I also love. Unfortunately most chocolate has lead & cadmium in it…..which is obviously toxic. We can’t escape everything, but just do our best to eat Whole Foods & nothing processed. When we are not well, everything seems harder.
Thank you! Nice delivery. Very clear ideas, and I appreciated your writing it down. You have a calming manner about you, like you both understand and accept us. Having a traumatic brain injury exacerbates (rather than exasperates 😊) things even further. I've had ADD since before my TBI, but now executive functioning is really in the toilet. TBI fatigue also really slows things even further. My intentions far exceed my output, but I have to keep reminding myself I'm doing the best that I can in this moment, as I fall further and further behind. Heavy sigh. 😮😮is, Clarity is a biggie for me now, as many things I honestly don't know what to do next (when I used to) especially when it comes to paperwork and trying to develop a new working system that's functional for me. I can't find things, as if I don't see it, it disappears off the planet. Have even taken to taping important papers on the toilet seat as I know I'll see it there... Lol Anyhoos, thank you and blessings to you all!
Have been feeling that way a lot this year. Have been working toward taming the chaos in my world. It’s in all aspects. House clutter, too many tasks and no help, too many commitments, and lack of scaffolding.
Thank you for your videos, I really like them a lot! I just don’t have 16 minutes of attention 😂😂😂 I appreciate the chapters so that I can watch one at a time Subscribed!
I can’t believe all I’m hearing and seeing I was always so hard on my self my family always without knowing putting me down I couldn’t stay in a job more than 1 or 2 years getting depress and didn’t realize I had a problem until now and I just turn 30 years old . I found out studding for real estate and having an amazing boss and work and I had to quit loving my job being so overwhelm what it to do everything and no completing things. I couldn’t make a excuse like before saying bad boss work environment being toxic. Being in a job that I love and me reacting the way I did made me thing and search and then is when I found what ADHD was. Seeing all this people going threw the same thing or similar situation I thought I was the only one. Everything happen for a reason if I don’t had this job a had I wouldn’t had know what was going on .
I tried to advocate for myself at work explaining to my manager that it was impossible for me to complete my tasks without skipping lunch or working late and she just brushed me off saying that it was a time management issue when clearly her expectations were way out of line with my work schedule and availability
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Hey, "Emily"! 😅 I could totally relate to your email, you are not alone, I hope you are feeling better these days.
I needed sleep last night , instead I paced the house doing little jobs around house .. all 100 small jobs.. including a bath to relax. Didn’t happen. It’s now 1 pm following day .. Body and mind fighting over what’s to be done and voices of what they would say to me .😢😢echos of family suffering is loud 24/7
It's interesting the life partner comment. I'm 47 and my husband 52. I've only realized in the few years he is adhd and only recently I am too. We've been married 28 years and love each other and have a good time. But now I understand better both our struggles and how they have held us back soooooo much. He. Is an external tornado and I'm an internal one. Not only do we have to deal with our own issues but also the other person. I always say we need a nanny. We both agree not having kids was one of the best decisions we ever made. It has been a struggle just to take care of ourselves.
I am 54 and my paralysis has never been so bad, in fact my symptoms have really gotten out of control to be honest. I just feel like my legs are stuck in mud, I can’t move, I can’t seem to achieve anything, or even have the will to do anything.
My biggest problem is that I have ADHD, anxiety, and depression that I'm dealing with for a while. I'm trying to accept constructive criticism, and people in my life don't want to see me get better with my mental health. What hurts me the most, My father told me, Son, You won't be old enough to learn on your own. Honestly, I don't believe that, because deep inside, I do believe that I can and learned something on my own.
Freeze and burnout ! Wow ! This has happened to me soany times in life , to the point of destroying everthing I worked for . At this moment, I am froze , don't have a job , don't do my home chores. When i get a job ,I quickly burn out . I get bored so quick . I don't know whats wrong with me . I don't have insurance, so I can't get a therapist. I'm not really depressed , I'm just froze , I eat , sleep , and watch stuff like this , running out of money fast . 🙃
Adhd medications helps me lots, but I need more and more of course ,and then its going well as possible! Only one problem is that if methylphenidate ending, then I'm out and like my brain is broken and dead
Why am I so overwhelmed trying to declutter and organize my home that I avoid it all, but I'm perfectly organized and have no clutter at work? I don't get it.
That was great Caren. So, I talk my thoughts out loud to keep my own mind in order but I annoy the other people in the room by doing that. That has been a huge source of guilt for me. I have tackled that issue pretty well at age 62 although i still catch myself doing it. The other great takeaway is that my agency moved to a permanent location taking me from an almost perfect situation to a warehouse type office with low lighting and the most ear numbing echo sounds due to 20 ft. ceilings. The final takeaway for me is that I must talk to my boss today to find out if there is a new timeline for building out my office. TY.
Anyone else constantly frustrated by peoples lack of specificity in conversations, especially business discussions? I’m always that one person who is like “get to the point” and asks for “when does this need to be done?” And etc…. I have a zero chance of getting started on some thing work related if it doesn’t have real specifics, especially a timeframe. Someone recently hired me to build a sculpture and really didn’t have any timeframe so naturally what I did was wait and wait and wait until it was an emergency.
I have figured out work finally but because of all my effort to do my job the rest of my life outside of work is a mess and hard to get do (cleaning, feeding myself, workout, self care etc)
Caren!!!!! This video was illuminating!!!! I have been struggling at work like Emily. Things spiralled out of control for me when, after 10 years of being an Exec Assistant in this organization, I got a new boss (who I also believe suffers with adhd). He is always loud and blustery (like a bull in a china shop) , chaotic, unclear with instructions, gives incomplete or contradictory information, shows little to no appreciation for what is done. Gives no encouragement. Has shouted at me (and other coworkers) repeatedly in the past, criticises my performance which further pummels my morale and makes me feel supremely incompetent (notwithstanding reviews from his predecessors and other previous members of senior management had been glowing). I live in a perpetual state of anxiety and tenseness when he is around. He's like a human signal jammer. Ive got to the point where it is difficult to think when he is around. I've tried working remotely a few days a week to escape being around him every day. When I am in office i tried listening to white noise of falling rain that is supposedly to help persons with adhd focus, and this truly helped, until my boss deemed it rude for me to use ear buds to concentrate in the office. He claims ambient noise and interruptions are part of my job..... Added to this is the brain fog and other mental maladies of menopause and, to round out the trifecta of stress, until 6 weeks ago I was the sole caregiver to my almost 86 year old mother who has parkinsons. Over the past 3 years I have been diagnosed with hypertension, depression/anxiety, and type 2 diabetes.....all stress and lifestyle induced. The struggle has been REAL! When things came to a tipping point recently and I felt I was losing my mind, I came across TH-cam vids speaking about executive function and adhd. I was able to see how so much over the course of my life and particularly my present challenges could be because of undiagnosed adhd. The discovery has been liberating, and full of grace. Thanks to your channel and those of a couple other you tubers who I now follow, I no longer feel desperately isolated. And you generously share information that is SO helpful!! My deep and humble thanks to you, and to your fellow youtube ADHD warriors for the excellent work you do, and the community of people like me you help 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
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This is where I’m at… every part of my day is spent in “overwhelm.” Except at night when I think the next day will be different…
Darling get on with Dr. Charles, he's popularly known as charlesmyco_
On his Instagram page.
Me too
This happens to me to.
Same
"Ambiguity is ADHDer's kryptonight!" OMG! I never heard anyone say that and it is SOOOOOOO true. I used to have problems with that at work. Whenever there was ambiguous direction in a project I would just freeze, I didn't know what to do at all. My coworker said "just start", and I that made ZERO sense to me. But what happens if you are your own boss and must create fake deadlines and boundaries for yourself? My brain knows I made these constraints up and constantly bipasses them.
In some cases that freezing is reasonable. You don't «just start» a project that's *really* complicated, as there may be sh*tty consequences. You need to think about them first - it's not bad, it's just a byproduct of your mind warning itself.
For the last part about creating fake boundaries/deadlines Idk if this'll work for you, but my cheat is I make a to-do list, and then strike off the next thing needed done as if it's done. Makes me feel obligated to complete it. Sounds silly but works for me!
so if your list is:
-Groceries
-Clean garage
-Laundry
-Dishes
And you plan to do laundry next, strike it thru like you finishednit, then start on it right away. Helps me do things, worth a try😊
I agree, working freelance or being your own boss is very difficult with ADHD. Of you found anything that works please share
Truth, i don't hold myself accountable and no one else will
@@ArheIy what if you don't start can you put that project off at the end of the month you've got 10 of them staring at you that you haven't been able to start that's overwhelm
Girllllll I just went into a 2 week freezing procrastination overwhelmed phase with a mini panick attack
Me every day.😂
I ended up at my doctors office after dealing with this. Twice. I ended up avoiding tasks completely, and the work piled up . The first time, she said I had anxiety and prescribe me medication for anxiety. I started it, but didn’t feel much difference(even knowing that it takes time to start working). So I finally went back. she thought it could be ADHD, so now I’m on Adderall, which works instantly. The calm feeling is a bit strange to me, but I am finding myself working through things that I would have stressed over previously.
God Bless you All! Amen!
I can't tell you how much money I have spent on psychologists trying to explain this problem to them. Spoiler alert: they didn't get it and their advice was useless for me.
Not only did you explain what is happening so well that i guarantee that's my problem, but your sticks is such a good problem solver (at least it sounds that way - ill try it out).
You listed a couple reason for feeling this overwhelm that causes people to get stuck but for me, it's housework and daily living tasks like errands, bills, making appointments etc.
I'm very grateful for this video. Thank you
For me it’s giving minimal effort, losing interest in doing things and getting pulled away doing non productive stuff
Yeah I've found ADHD to be a very wide field with a lot of types and thus many solutions that work for some and not for others.
It was easier to just be crazy ronnie than try to explains to a the wanna be hacks
Important lesson to me: "Failure is not the opposite of success. It's part of it."
Love that !!
Great one
I really appreciate the approach you have towards encouraging adults with ADHD. I really dislike the infantilization of adults with ADHD and using having a differently wired brain as an excuse to not act like an adult or avoid adult conversations; I feel I can do the thing !! Dare I say all the things !!
Unironically: “Resparklize” is my new favorite word and now a permanent part of my life.
Also, I dig your channel and I swear it feels like you made this video for me. Thank you.
Watching this video makes me sink even deeper into my overwhelm. Feeling incapable in every way possible. I'm useless, seemingly can't be helped, and no will to do anything about it. I've been doing therapy, and I just can't make anything happen. I feel despair in everything.
Don’t worry you have a great purpose . You just have to overcome this obstacle . It’s actually somewhat of a gift to be going through this right now , once you crack the code on this and master it , you will see that you are quite useful and you can even help others in this same situation. I’m in the same boat at risk of failing my courses again , but I know that there is a plan for me I couldn’t even imagine a life without purpose I want it so bad . What I can imagine is overcoming this obstacle and seeing a great blessing that came from all of this struggle . Don’t give up keep your hope for the future , I pray often and make sure to keep my faith above all things. I’ve been considering getting medicine maybe for this issue , maybe that’s a route you might have to take just for the moment . Don’t give up God has a plan though you can’t see it yet , have hope .
This was great! My son, who is in high school, is having an overwhelming response to trying to organize and accomplish his work. It is so stressful for all of us and disheartening to see him hobbled by executive function issues. He’s such a bright, amazing person whose brain doesn’t easily succeed in this neurotypical world of school. I Can see him already limiting his beliefs of who he thinks he can be. I feel like I need a PhD in psychology to parent this kid.
Oh my gosh! Your post really touched my heart. It’s great to see that you’re such a caring parent. Just keep on supporting him and his beliefs and letting him know that he does not have to be main stream. ❤️
I feel this 😢 same
ditto!!! same here!!!!!!!
The fact that you're actively seeking out different ways to potentially help him makes you an amazing parent.
@@ameliarose47 thank you for your kind reassurance.
This video came at exactly the right time! Moving, starting a business, and applying for my citizenship - it's a bit nuts. I started freezing up a couple of days ago and the stress of it all was making me so tired. I'm going to work through this today. You're the best!! Seriously, thank you!!
Glad it was helpful! Good luck!!
At 54 years old I am finally looking into this. I would move provinces to get away from things. I feel for you Emily. I could have written this exact statement.
I've never had anything that I could do, even with decades of therapy, that allowed me to get myself unfrozen and out of an expectation talespin. This video is life.
I can't even get through this video 😭
That's because she took long time to get to the point...
@@sasimaarika14 its only 15 min though
@@Hans-j5c yea still i lose patience if people dont get to the point sooner.
Same. And I didn't finish 😢
Too stressful
pretty good advice, and while the one about jobs SHOULD work, I've never seen it actually work in practice. I've had a couple different corporate office jobs that were filled to the brim with meetings. Entire departments approached the powers that be and explained to them just how much time all the silly little meetings were taking and basically asked the same question. "Do you want us to sit in meetings or do you want us to get work done?"
The answer was "both".
I've even approached management on my own before and explained that you can't do 12 hours of work in a 8 hours shift. Their answer has always been "well you better figure out a way". I know it's really not what the video is about, but man, makes my blood boil.
I get ADHD Paralysis all the time! It sucks!
It does. I actually can’t work due to a lifetime of bullying in primary, secondary and tertiary education and in the workplace I’m on disability support
❤ 😊 *** Please keep 🙏 looking at these Great Videos 😊 * they are so very Helpful!
@@Dancestar1981
A lifetime of bullying as the reason you can’t work sounds like massive insecurity and excuse making
@@bperez8656 it isn’t it’s real discrimination at its highest
@@bperez8656 said the bully. Jesus. Way to victim shame and blame.
I am currently a SAHM with ADHD. Having small ADHD children with me every second of the day is so disruptive. I never know if or when I can complete a task. My high demand, deadline driven career was so much easier to manage.
Man, my issue is a mix of overcommitting and too much to do. But a huge amount of my overcommitting has been projects to forever reduce the workload I’m facing. Issue being, now I’m a burnt husk who can’t do anything anymore anyway
Every parent should watch this, even parents who don’t have kids with ADHD. Thank you very much.
This is really helpful and I resonate with the STICKS framework for sure. I've hit burnout already, which I thought I was healing last year and I spiraled right back into it. Luckily the one thing it did for me was show me what causes it (isolation and ambiguity) so I'm working with my manager to put me on better projects where I have a larger team and more accountability. Unfortunately because I'm so burnt out, it's still impossible to feel any motivation or have any sort of discipline. I'm realizing why burnout experts claim it takes 3-5 years to fully get out of it. I really feel how slow this process will be to get myself back to my old self. I'm really thankful I came across this channel though for helping me realize exactly how my (recently diagnosed) ADHD is contributing and what factors might help me channel my energy better.
Glad it's helpful!
I feel exactly like you. Wow. Thank you posting it.
Well said, thank you also for an intelligent posting. We are all smart ADHD’ers😊…we all just need a little encouragement to keep marching forward and to fully realize that all is not hopeless when we have a framework to work within. Also, address your endocrine systems and hormonal levels along with the structural behavior techniques. 🙏🏻 and let God be your guide.
Thank you for making me feel less crazy 😭
This channel has helped me so much in the last week I feel the most productive I’ve been in a while just by implementing a few of the strategies (especially for my short term memory) and just overall understanding how my brain works
Is stück in my sofa for 9 months and is surposed to seek a new job - Next month I have no money and I dont what to do ❗️
Oh man - same. I hear you.
❤❤❤ to both of you
Same 😂 good thing we don't live forever
Good video.
One thing I do if I'm in a "one person department" situation is write down everything that has to happen and then organize it into a timeline. Allowing for scheduling conflicts, prerequisite items, special circumstances.
Then I make a schedule and only look at a small chunk of time at once. Go from task to task. And the second one doesn't exist until the first is accomplished.
This works out best if you don't have a hard deadline, but it does work, for me.
The “clarity” example you gave is so me! I’m working on getting ahead of that but keep repeating the same mistake of going down that rabbit hole. I have to keep reminding myself to stop and ask for clarification.
She’s worried about her job because she cannot focus on her work and get it done.
omg I am so glad I found this channel have been feeling like my mind just has multiple personalities with careers, with my spirit, even with my heart and it is because I try to take on all the things that interest me this definitely speaks my language and makes me understand myself a lot better
I came across your clip at the right time and am in a similar situation as Emily, feeling like I have done so many things yet accomplished nothing. The project I'm working on is overwhelming me. Your instructions are clear and give me the strength to take a deep breath and sort things out. I'm glad I watched your video. This helps a lot. Thank you
My own notes on the STICKS method 🙂 I hope this helps anyone else to add to their own journaling or to come back to if they prefer to read tips 🩷
S- State: How are you FEELING in the moment? (physical pain, physiological needs not met, energy, mood?)
THEN engage in emotional regulation/grounding (small movement, short outdoor activity, socialize, tapping EFT, maybe take medication) this will help you get out of freeze response.
T- Think (Mindfulness): With COMPASSION, notice any cognitive distortions/intrusive thoughts (Types: All or Nothing, Mind Reading, Catastrophizing, Labeling, Wishful thinking, Emotional Reasoning, Unreal Ideal, etc.)
REFRAME the thought with a response that you would say to a loved one if they thought the same.
I- Interest
If the task feels boring, is there a way to make it more interesting? (listen to music, body-double, habit pairing, fancy tea/coffee)
C- Clarity:
CHOOSE what your small, chunked out steps actually are, CHOOSE what "done" looks like.
IDENTIFY length of time certain tasks take, IDENTIFY the task giver's expectations are instead of assuming.
K- Knowledge:
Do you have the research, tools, and skills to do the task? Be honest in order to prevent perfectionism.
MEET YOURSELF WHERE YOU ARE. Is there any cognitive dissonance (intentions that don't match your actions like lying to yourself) at play?
S- Structure:
Routine, Schedule, To-Do lists, Organized Environment, and any other ADHD tools that work for YOU.
- ADHD tools work different for every ADHDer!
- Explore and discover what external triggers (like a tidy desk) help launch your executive function
LOVE this!! thank you
Sticks is a lot to me. I get distracted 10 different ways in the first step, start on 1-2 of those, each of 1-2 leads to another, and pretty soon I’m just wandering in circles trying to recall what I started for, prioritizing all the “new” things, what can I do right now?
and where AM I anyway 🤦♀️🤯😵💫
I absolutely thrilled that I just found your channel 🥹🌻 I finally feel like I’m going to get to embrace my ADHD and have a better life 😊💞 Thank you so much for caring and being here for us 🥰
This video is a life changer - I’m feeling overwhelmed right now
Hey, great video! I feel overwhelmed all the time since forever and after watching this I can finally understand why, so thank you!
Btw I love the way you talk about topics and I always feel hope after watching them, while watching other channels give me the opposite effect, since they generally only say stuff like "your brain is just like that, good luck". On the other hand, your content really helps to understand how these situations occur and give tools to deal with them, which I appreciate a lot. So again, thank you!
I just found your channel Oh my goodness you speak to so much of what I experience! So helpful to hear, I've never been diagnosed, but I am a trauma survivor (like so many) and freeze mode was my way to survive. Now as a 53 yr old woman I find I have had multiple coping mechanisms for my life to date. I have built some systems to help, but sometimes even those have failed. Some failures have led me to greater things though, so I cannot discount it. This is really making me think about having a therapist review, I've never thought of it before - I only sought therapy at different intervals for depression when I it was rather challenging but never thought about ADHD. I think I need to understand the different attributes of PTSD (which I know I have as a trauma of childhood) and ADHD. I also think I am similar in that I freeze and I have times when I am a massive idea generator like you have described. So many projects I have started and not finished! Like a boater on the lake I leave a bit of wake. cowabunga!
This is the perfect video that described everything I'm currently going through - thank you for validating my experience and for the great coaching.
feeling so stuck because im in between jobs and i need to register for classes next semester but because its summer i feel like im in a floaty limbo part of my life and it makes absolutely everything impossible to do i just keep sleeping the time away because i feel so overwhelmed and this is an incredible video that is making me feel so heard and validated and now i know i am capable of literally anything!! I just need to have some boundaries and structure set up for myself! Thank you so much!
Wow wow!!! It's the first time here at your channel. The way you explain the steps with the acronym, the questions you use to give me guidance and your overall personality are wonderful. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!❤ You have gained a new subscriber. Looking forward to watch more videos
I need help understanding what is too much work. I feel like the right amount of work for most people is too much for me and then I have a shame spiral.
Until recently, I also had a boss who never meaningfully answered my questions or gave me much structure. I would have burning questions and asking him for help just made them burn more. This did so much damage to me over two years. I am trying to recover but it's hard. I'm glad you're here for us.
You are friggin hilarious! I ❤it! Subscribed! I just uncovered ADHD in my life...sadly, so late in life!
This is incredibly helpful for sharing this! My ADHD brain is thankful for this.
so much of the solution is just simply being curious and earnestly asking other people questions. but unfortunately so many of us ADHDers are scarred from doing this as children because so many people, both kids and adults, are just willing to whip out the old “what, are you stupid? you really didnt understand what i said?” to a child and this only gets worse as you get older. I became petrified of asking questions or asking for any kind of help. this has been where most of my struggles stem from. i’m so petrified of re-experiencing that kind of rejection.
I’m a new subscriber, listening through your videos while I take care of tasks. It’s motivating and your advice is so logical. This channel was a great find. Thank you for what you do :)
I’ll listen to some a few times so they sink in.
I'm just so grateful that I find ur video, like... Thank u so much for helping me not drowing😣 I feel like now I can take baby step to clean this mess step by step
You're a natural teacher. So much energy and enthusiasm. by the way, when I worked in the office around 2010 the decided it was a good idea to get rid of cubicles and have everyone sit next to each other in a giant room with computers a foot away from each other. It was a true nightmare for an ADHD person. But no one at work even considers these things. They don't create work environments for neurodivergent people.
Oh man - I had to do that for a while. It was the WORST!!!!!
Just found this channel, and I love it. These are useful tips for just about anyone, regardless if they have an ADHD diagnosis. Thank you!
Wow. This sounds like me. I've not be diagnosed but keep hearing symptoms that match up with me.
What does done look like?
Such a good question.
I am swamped with “Tasks” and yet I have not examined what life looks like when it’s done
I agree and would really appreciate more detail on this?
I'm recently diagnosed and my holistic medical practitioner explained that ADHD, PTSD and OCD are all trauma responses. She recommend Somatic experiencing to help release trauma because trauma gets trapped in the body, and when not released can cause a myriad of issues within the brain and body.
Has anyone else heard of Peter Levine and Bessel van der Kolk? They're both amazing pioneers in the field of treating trauma ❤
ADHD is a medical condition, not a trauma response. It's not behavioral.
There are many studies showing ADHD is a lifelong developmental condition. Those who think it's because of trauma refuse to look at the science and just make stuff up to feel like they are smarter than the actual specialists.
People also used to think that autism was from bad parenting but were proven wrong. Let's not do the same thing with ADHD.
ADHD can cause trauma as others don't understand the condition and expect too much, judge, and shame us.
I was always in fight mode never flight but I’m in freeze mode for almost two years 😒
me too 😢
I feel understood! These solutions makes sense for “my brain”! (Unlike other videos on procrastination) The handouts are awesome!
Glad it's helpful!
“University of Google” ❤😂
I also love your point that most mistakes can be fixed. Give it a try and be willing to be bad at it, right? I remember that from one of your other videos. 😊
This is Fire!!! I do not have ADHD - & this is extremely helpful
❤ absolutely brilliant Caren, thank you so much for posting this one. Clarity and knowledge if left unchecked I think are major in the contribution towards feelings imposter syndrome and the paralysis for me. And also not knowing if you have the time to do the task(s), the further compounded when the time is lost due to paralysis. I will definitely replay your post when I need help!
I needed this. Today was a three meeting day and I'm sitting in the dark trying to recuperate! This gave me language.
Ty. You just brought a lot of clarity into the world of ADHD.
Thank you so much for this. I always wondered what I could do to I prove my overwhelm
OMGe, thank you. I have been in freeze mode. I love what you have shared. Thank you!
God Bless you All! Amen!
Lack of clarity gets me everytime😩
I think my over-whelm is shut down. I usually just want to come home and sleep and stay away from people. Work seems to be a huge trigger -especially if it is a new environment. I recently left a 3 year job. There was a company switch and the new demands were very unrealistic in my opinion. I've never worked a job more than three years and I think it also a pattern. Eventually my overwhelm leads to pretty intense emotional disregulation.
Hugs.
This is helpful. I also agree that nutrition has a lot to do with it. I saw a comment where someone was eating chocolate, which I also love. Unfortunately most chocolate has lead & cadmium in it…..which is obviously toxic. We can’t escape everything, but just do our best to eat Whole Foods & nothing processed. When we are not well, everything seems harder.
This channel should have much-much more views and subscribers!
Now I know why my job stressed me out so much, I would ask clarifying questions and get no answers. So glad I quit.
You picked the perfect name to use in this video ❤
Thank you! Nice delivery. Very clear ideas, and I appreciated your writing it down. You have a calming manner about you, like you both understand and accept us.
Having a traumatic brain injury exacerbates (rather than exasperates 😊) things even further. I've had ADD since before my TBI, but now executive functioning is really in the toilet. TBI fatigue also really slows things even further. My intentions far exceed my output, but I have to keep reminding myself I'm doing the best that I can in this moment, as I fall further and further behind. Heavy sigh. 😮😮is,
Clarity is a biggie for me now, as many things I honestly don't know what to do next (when I used to) especially when it comes to paperwork and trying to develop a new working system that's functional for me. I can't find things, as if I don't see it, it disappears off the planet. Have even taken to taping important papers on the toilet seat as I know I'll see it there... Lol
Anyhoos, thank you and blessings to you all!
Have been feeling that way a lot this year. Have been working toward taming the chaos in my world. It’s in all aspects. House clutter, too many tasks and no help, too many commitments, and lack of scaffolding.
5:53: Beginning of framework
When I’m overwhelmed, I sleep
I used to, now I only wish I could…
Thank you for your videos, I really like them a lot!
I just don’t have 16 minutes of attention 😂😂😂
I appreciate the chapters so that I can watch one at a time
Subscribed!
WOW!!!!! Thank you!!!! I didn’t know this was a thing. I have been frozen for weeks and I feel like I’ve already passed crazy. ❤
I can’t believe all I’m hearing and seeing I was always so hard on my self my family always without knowing putting me down I couldn’t stay in a job more than 1 or 2 years getting depress and didn’t realize I had a problem until now and I just turn 30 years old . I found out studding for real estate and having an amazing boss and work and I had to quit loving my job being so overwhelm what it to do everything and no completing things. I couldn’t make a excuse like before saying bad boss work environment being toxic. Being in a job that I love and me reacting the way I did made me thing and search and then is when I found what ADHD was. Seeing all this people going threw the same thing or similar situation I thought I was the only one. Everything happen for a reason if I don’t had this job a had I wouldn’t had know what was going on .
I tried to advocate for myself at work explaining to my manager that it was impossible for me to complete my tasks without skipping lunch or working late and she just brushed me off saying that it was a time management issue when clearly her expectations were way out of line with my work schedule and availability
Hey, "Emily"! 😅 I could totally relate to your email, you are not alone, I hope you are feeling better these days.
I needed sleep last night , instead I paced the house doing little jobs around house .. all 100 small jobs.. including a bath to relax. Didn’t happen. It’s now 1 pm following day .. Body and mind fighting over what’s to be done and voices of what they would say to me .😢😢echos of family suffering is loud 24/7
It's interesting the life partner comment. I'm 47 and my husband 52. I've only realized in the few years he is adhd and only recently I am too. We've been married 28 years and love each other and have a good time. But now I understand better both our struggles and how they have held us back soooooo much. He. Is an external tornado and I'm an internal one. Not only do we have to deal with our own issues but also the other person. I always say we need a nanny. We both agree not having kids was one of the best decisions we ever made. It has been a struggle just to take care of ourselves.
I am 54 and my paralysis has never been so bad, in fact my symptoms have really gotten out of control to be honest. I just feel like my legs are stuck in mud, I can’t move, I can’t seem to achieve anything, or even have the will to do anything.
I just needed to say I LOVE YOUR SHIRT - Toronto vs. Everyone!!! love it!
you are amazinggggggg , you have cleared everything i have been deeling with
for months now
I didn’t realize that feeling frozen was an adhd symptom.
I literally sit there unsure of the next action in my volunteer activities.
Interesting tips I’ll be surely using them to prevent the overwhelming feeling from causing me more struggles
My biggest problem is that I have ADHD, anxiety, and depression that I'm dealing with for a while. I'm trying to accept constructive criticism, and people in my life don't want to see me get better with my mental health. What hurts me the most, My father told me, Son, You won't be old enough to learn on your own. Honestly, I don't believe that, because deep inside, I do believe that I can and learned something on my own.
Brain Dumping and To Do lists help me most
Drill down on the difference between exacerbate and exasperate: what exacerbates may eventually exasperate.
Freeze and burnout ! Wow !
This has happened to me soany times in life , to the point of destroying everthing I worked for .
At this moment, I am froze , don't have a job , don't do my home chores. When i get a job ,I quickly burn out . I get bored so quick .
I don't know whats wrong with me .
I don't have insurance, so I can't get a therapist. I'm not really depressed ,
I'm just froze , I eat , sleep , and watch stuff like this , running out of money fast . 🙃
Adhd medications helps me lots, but I need more and more of course ,and then its going well as possible! Only one problem is that if methylphenidate ending, then I'm out and like my brain is broken and dead
Why am I so overwhelmed trying to declutter and organize my home that I avoid it all, but I'm perfectly organized and have no clutter at work?
I don't get it.
That was great Caren. So, I talk my thoughts out loud to keep my own mind in order but I annoy the other people in the room by doing that. That has been a huge source of guilt for me. I have tackled that issue pretty well at age 62 although i still catch myself doing it. The other great takeaway is that my agency moved to a permanent location taking me from an almost perfect situation to a warehouse type office with low lighting and the most ear numbing echo sounds due to 20 ft. ceilings. The final takeaway for me is that I must talk to my boss today to find out if there is a new timeline for building out my office. TY.
Thinking aloud is essential do it all the time to keep brain focused
My daughter is often overwhelmed but doesn't stop and feels highly stressed makes more mistakes in the process
wow, I really resonate with "Emily"
Anyone else constantly frustrated by peoples lack of specificity in conversations, especially business discussions? I’m always that one person who is like “get to the point” and asks for “when does this need to be done?” And etc…. I have a zero chance of getting started on some thing work related if it doesn’t have real specifics, especially a timeframe. Someone recently hired me to build a sculpture and really didn’t have any timeframe so naturally what I did was wait and wait and wait until it was an emergency.
Perfect! Thank you 😍
This is great! Thank you for breaking this down.
I have figured out work finally but because of all my effort to do my job the rest of my life outside of work is a mess and hard to get do (cleaning, feeding myself, workout, self care etc)
Thank you for this .. I am now unstuck. you definitely get a sub and a thumbs up :) I have ADHD and autism .. i have been stuck for months
Fantastic video, really REALLY helpful ❤
I cant believe I discovered you just now
wow. this video is going into my toolbox! subscribed!
this info was immensely helpful. thank you!
Caren!!!!!
This video was illuminating!!!!
I have been struggling at work like Emily. Things spiralled out of control for me when, after 10 years of being an Exec Assistant in this organization, I got a new boss (who I also believe suffers with adhd). He is always loud and blustery (like a bull in a china shop) , chaotic, unclear with instructions, gives incomplete or contradictory information, shows little to no appreciation for what is done. Gives no encouragement. Has shouted at me (and other coworkers) repeatedly in the past, criticises my performance which further pummels my morale and makes me feel supremely incompetent (notwithstanding reviews from his predecessors and other previous members of senior management had been glowing).
I live in a perpetual state of anxiety and tenseness when he is around. He's like a human signal jammer. Ive got to the point where it is difficult to think when he is around. I've tried working remotely a few days a week to escape being around him every day. When I am in office i tried listening to white noise of falling rain that is supposedly to help persons with adhd focus, and this truly helped, until my boss deemed it rude for me to use ear buds to concentrate in the office. He claims ambient noise and interruptions are part of my job.....
Added to this is the brain fog and other mental maladies of menopause and, to round out the trifecta of stress, until 6 weeks ago I was the sole caregiver to my almost 86 year old mother who has parkinsons. Over the past 3 years I have been diagnosed with hypertension, depression/anxiety, and type 2 diabetes.....all stress and lifestyle induced. The struggle has been REAL!
When things came to a tipping point recently and I felt I was losing my mind, I came across TH-cam vids speaking about executive function and adhd. I was able to see how so much over the course of my life and particularly my present challenges could be because of undiagnosed adhd. The discovery has been liberating, and full of grace.
Thanks to your channel and those of a couple other you tubers who I now follow, I no longer feel desperately isolated. And you generously share information that is SO helpful!!
My deep and humble thanks to you, and to your fellow youtube ADHD warriors for the excellent work you do, and the community of people like me you help 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
When you're treated for years then untreated it's like walking around with untreated acute appendicitis, when u can walk 😂
Great tips! Thank you for the list ❤
Listening to this is overwhelming 😂no offence .
But Thankyou