One line I think is so overlooked is "or do sad eyes blind me" When I struggle I often fight with thinking is my world really crumbling or is it just my darkness making me see everything so crushingly overwhelming.
As a survivor of an attempt 10 years ago, this song hits so hard. The one thing that pulled me thru was my lack of faith, which confuses my family. I explained, if this was my one shot at life, ending it too soon would have been so final....one act that could not have been reversed. 10 years and i still get down, but this keeps me here. I now want to see how my life turns out.
Chinchilla is such a powerhouse, her track " Fingers Live for Hunger TV " is just about as good as it ever gets! Ren and Chinchilla doing " Chalk Outlines LIVE " is stunning and my personal favourite is when they are Busking in the streets of Brighton UK doing " One Love/Drunk in Love " it was her first and last busking expereince and is so raw it is priceless! Love your reactions
Last April 30, in the early morning hours my only brother died alone as he took heroin and cocaine for the last time. I hadn’t spoken to him for about a month prior because I was so angry with him and his addiction. Almost a year later and I still am wrecked with such sobbing grief because how he died and how we weren’t in a good place. He texted me on Easter asking if I was doing anything with our parents. I didn’t reply. That was our last interaction and I’ve been watching this performance so many times since then. I miss him so much and wish I hadn’t pushed him away. His name was Nick and he was an incredible person despite his addiction. I haven’t found the new me yet, I’m still waiting for the creation after being crushed. I really appreciate what you shared at the end and it gives me hope that I will find the new me soon, a guy that makes my brother proud.
My heart hurts for you friend. My mother was schizophrenic and became an alcoholic after her mental break. I understand now that it was a coping mechanism, but at that time, I didn’t take the time to educate myself on her condition and to be more understanding of her human-ness if that makes sense. One morning I woke up and found her dead. Alcohol and pills. And that chance to understand and actually help, was gone. So I understand the guilt and the crushing grief. It’s been years and are finally days where I don’t hate myself, but that came with lots of therapy. I’m sending you virtual hugs because I get it. ❤️
From Lyss: @DakotaDogProductionsAk83 Hey there, First off I just want to say thank you for being so open with us here, we appreciate it and don't take it for granted. I am so sorry for your loss. I know loss, but not in this way, or this relation. I want you to know there was nothing you could have done to change this... a lot of people including myself with they had said more, done more, been there more, but you did the best you could at the time and that is okay. I have lost my grandparents due to old age, but I have also lost a close friend from a bike accident. For some reason I was mad at him, or annoyed with him... I didn't talk to him for months, I was short with him when he tried to talk to me. I didn't reach out. One day I learned that he had passed away... I felt so much guilt and sadness, I felt guilty for not reaching out, for being mad at him when I didn't even know the reason. Loss is so painful, and grief is so hard to work through. It is something I don't wish on anyone. My fathers sister had a struggle with drugs as well, and he tried to help, but you have to take care of yourself first. You can't pour from an empty cup. I used to get so consumed with trying to help others that I forgot what I needed, I forgot who I was. I think in this time you were doing what was best for you, you have to protect yourself, you have to take care of yourself. It is hard to accept that you did what was best for you at the time, you cannot save people, no matter how much we love them or support them or try to be there for them. Something I try to remind myself when I am upset thinking about my losses, is that they are with me in spirit. I am not really religious in any way but it brings me some sense of solace to remind myself that they are still with me in some way. With my grandparents I always wished I had done more, seen them more, been more myself, talked to them more. It is still something I find myself thinking about to this day even though it has been a year since my last loss. It is crucial to remember you did the best you can, and that is okay. It is easy to get caught up in things you wish you did, wish you said, wish you didn't do. Those thoughts can become consuming. I know it's hard, but please don't beat yourself up about these things. My friend things get better things get easier to handle, please know we are always here for you, to listen, to be a shoulder to lean on. You did what you could do, and that is okay. Much love to you, Lys
@@HeartSupport Wow Lyss, I wasn’t expecting a response like this. Your encouragement and words of wisdom are so very appreciated. I have taken them to heart and look forward to reminding myself that I did the best I could. That my Brother Nick is still with me, only in a different way. I will focus on being healthy, so that I can make a positive impact by pouring out from a cup that is full, not an empty cup. Your message has been heard and very much made a difference in my life today. I thank you sincerely. I will investigate more into the HeartSupport program. What a powerful way to give back.❤️🩹
Its not your fault honey. I hope you forgive yourself, your brother would want you too. He would not want you to be suffering. I lost my brother to suicide and for a while I could not forgive myself for not knowing he was in so much pain. But I had to accept that the last thing he would want was me to live my life filled with sadness and grief. You will find the new you, its definatly not going to be the same you. It definatly changes who you are losing someone young, who had so much promise. Do not waste another day of your life, your brother would say, if you feel guilty use that guilt to live a better life for me.
it is no way your fault. Nick loved you and He knew you love Him. My family have pushed me away over the years due to drugs but I knew they still oved me but did not understand me. Stay strong and give this a listen. song of the mamuna tribe.
You’re not going to like doing them, but I think it’s really important to do Patience and Crutch. To truly understand Ren’s story, you have to see what he made while he was at his lowest. Everything you’ve watched so far is Ren reflecting back on the worst parts of his life from a place of great improvement. He’s not perfect, but he’s better. He also wrote songs and made videos when he was at the bottom. Imagine the courage. Also, right before Hi Ren came out he shard a Vlog from near rock bottom. It will crush you…but again, the strength and courage to be so vulnerable.
What I always love every time Ren and Chinchilla collaborate is that they compliment eachother so well... Its not a battle of the voices. When a male and female vocalist duet, a female singing voice can be so powerful that it can drown out the male vocalist... Not with these two gems -or should i say MF Diamonds!!! Ive listened to their music for 3 or 4 yars now and every new release is an instant classic... And I regularly go to Brighton and all my 7 year old son and 3 year old daughter every want to do is go and look for Ren busking!!! 🥰
In the space of a few months he lost his best friend to suicide, lost another close friend to drowning at sea, his illness started to kick in, in a big way, which led to him losing his contract with Sony and he was facing a possibly short future, with whatever time he had left almost definitely filled with unrelenting pain and suffering... When he finally escaped from his bed, 7 years later, he emerged as a great artist! Battered and bruised but not broken! :)
As a therapist you HAVE TO watch Ren's One Million Subscriber Thank You video. The things he speaks of will definitely hit home for you and it'll give you even more insight into Ren's thinking and what he's been through.
Patience is the one that wrecks me the most. He is so full of hope after another partial/mis-diagnosis. He’s so frail and fucked up, but still hopeful. To know that like 10 years later he came out the other side in a much better place is such a victory.
Don't forget that Ren has some fun stuff too, like his "Love Music" parts 1-4 (separate songs - don't all need to be done in a single reaction). If you want more "therapy issues", then Ren X Chinchilla doing "Chalk Outlines" live is a must. Chinchilla's solo stuff is very much about empowerment - "Fingers (live)", "Little Girl Gone", "Cut You Off", or "MF Diamond" (yes, the "MF" is what you think). If you want Ren empowerment, check out "Power", which will also give you a peak at Samuel Perry-Falvey, the behind-the-camera part of "A film by Ren and Sam". He's driving the car in "Power". I will say that as much as I love them each solo, when Ren and Chinchilla get together, it's not Ren + Chinchilla, it's definitely Ren x Chinchilla - it's more than twice as good.
I found this song while recovering from an abusive relationship, and dealing with the aftermath. It helped me deal with a lot of things. I had spent a long time almost mourning the version of me that I was before her. I've come to terms that I'm not gonna be that man again. I don't need to remember how to be me. I need to learn how to be this me, and make friends with the person I am now. I hope you are doing well, and taking care of yourself.
Wow, great, heartfelt reaction. You obviously understood this right from the beginning. Now it should be the right time, to give a listen to "ONE MILLION SUBSCRIBERS - Defining success". Ren's way to say thank you (to you also).
From Lyss: @blackheartnation412 Hey there, First off I just want to say thank you for being open with us here, we appreciate it and don't take it for granted. I am so sorry for your loss. Loss is something that I know too well, but not in this way of suicide. I cannot even begin to think how painful it must be to experience loss in this way. Loss is so hard... a lot of people including myself ask what more could I have done? What more could I have said? I want you to know you did the best you could, and that is okay. There is nothing more you could have done to change the outcome of this. It is important to remember we cannot save people... it is hard to accept, as we just want to so bad especially when we love them so much. But we have to remember that we cannot save people... they have to make their own choices. Please know you are not alone in this, we are always here for you, to listen, to be a shoulder to lean on. When we lose someone it is so hard to get back up, to see the positives... I promise you it gets easier. In the moment I know it feels like this can never get better, but I promise you it does get better. Getting out of bed, or doing every day tasks can be difficult after loss, a lot of people struggle with that. Something that I have been trying to do is make myself just 1% better every day. One percent doesn't sound like a lot but it adds up. Maybe you get out of bed one day, maybe you take a shower one day, every day try to do something that will make you one percent better. When I lose someone I try to remind myself that even though they are not here with me on the plains of earth, they are with me in spirit. For me it can be some kind of solace to remind myself of that. I try to get things to help me remember them by, know that they are there in spirit. I cannot even begin to think how difficult it must be to overcome what comes with the loss of a friend to suicide. I am glad that you have this song to relate to, sometimes music helps me feel less alone. Just lets me know, reassures me, that I am not the only one going through this struggle. It is so hard to see the light, but I promise you there is light out there. There is love and happiness and you are worth it. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to do things you love. I hope that these words can help you in some way... bring a little support. You are not alone in this fight, and you are deserving of all good things. Please know we are always here for you. Take it slow friend. With love, Lys
He has the absolutely highest creativ intelligence of all stars and hits I've ever heard... As I heard him for the first time, up from this moment he is my favorite musician ever!
It's crazy that you would release this reaction today, on a day that I'm struggling to continue pushing forward. This is the song that stopped me from ending it all last May. Late one night during a particularly dark period I couldn't sleep. It was about 3 am and I felt I couldn't continue in that much pain and I made the decision to end my pain. I had TH-cam just auto playing in the background and I started writing my note and this song started playing and for some reason caught my attention. I sat there silently listening, relating to the lyrics, feeling the music reverberate through my body. When Ren got to that last verse I saw the devastation losing someone to suicide causes. As I rewatched the video I saw my friends and family sitting there singing this song and I realized no matter how much pain I'm in, I can't force my loved ones to go through the pain of losing me like that. That realization has caused no small amount of turmoil in my head and I've had to fight against bitterness and resentment, but I can't put them through it. I do wonder sometimes how long my willpower can last, how much pain can I endure before I becomes overwhelmed and I can't hold on. When my fear of hurting others is the only thing keeping me here through extreme physical and mental pain, how long can I hold on.
I’m also a survivor and live with chronic pain that takes my breath away, even on major pain medication. I’m a survivor and when I saw my kids and how devastated they were I won’t do it again. Ren and his music has stopped me too. Reach out if you need someone to talk to..
@@SandraP3796 I'm sorry that you, or anyone, has to go through and live with chronic pain. I obviously can't know your situation, but one of the hardest aspects of my situation is the element of the unknown. The best the Doctors can tell me is that they think it's an unknown neurological condition. They don't know how to treat me. They have done every test they can think of with no answers. At this point pain management is the only thing they can do. It's hard not knowing when or if this pain will end.
@@MrNiccholas I have problems with all my joints and a number of other diseases. I've had chronic pain and CRPS in my right damaged arm (caused by doctors). After my arm everything went south. Neck fusion, double hip replacements, Spinal stenosis and problems with vascular and lymphodema in my legs. All the valves have stopped working properly. Need a knee replacement very soon and I'm trying to avoid it. I'm so tired of such severe pain even though I have the most amazing pain management doctor. Sorry for the essay:(. My heart goes out to you xoxo
From NateTriesAgain: @MrNiccholas Thanks so much for sharing friend. I can relate to a lot of this and have been in suicidal places myself. I recorded a video reply connecting with parts of your story, and I hope you find something helpful in it (~8.5m): www.loom.com/share/39ec7e984a674d068696eab6f36f2885 -nate, heartsupport staff
Your empathy, authenticity and passion for your work shines through with every reaction. Ren performs in a way that gets inside you. He communicates his emotions very clearly and passionately. He is very meticulous with his work. (His sentiments, not mine) . He is a visionary in music. He's picky about who he chooses to collaborate with and lifts them up. He wants them to shine over himself. He is a powerful positive force combined with passion, self confidence, humility, empathy, and a desire to change the world from our destruction of it. (you haven't heard those songs yet). ❤💜💙. Kind of like you.
I come from a long line of very strong very stoic men who show little emotion in the face of adversity and through my life unfortunately I've had to face many losses. At least 13 people close to me have passed from things ranging from heart attack, cancer, accidents, old age and suicide. And through all of these events I was always bothered by how little emotion I felt. Like everyone else was distraught, but I just felt numb. I'm not sure if I just subconsciously buried my emotions, because I had to be the strong one. But it all came to a head a few years ago when something triggered all those emotions I've been bottling up and pushing down to burst through to the surface and I experience for the first time in my life both crippling anxiety and horrible depression. I thought I understood what those things were from hearing other people talk about them. But You never truly understand until it happens to you. It was one of the most painful moments of my life and although I never felt suicidal, I could 100 percent sympathize with why someone could feel that taking their own life was the only way out of that feeling. I couldn't imagine feeling like that forever. I now have a new outlook on life and respect for people battling these demons. Luckily I had a good support structure and was able to get help. But not everyone is so lucky. God bless, Ren for speaking his truth.
While I was going through my breakdown of suffering through 2 lost pregnancies and a failed IVF I was watching a tv program, cant remember which, but there was a line said by one of the characters "If you are on a path and you find yourself going through HELL, don't stop as you could loose yourself, keep going because it is only a tunnel and you can get through it" which helped me to understand another phrase "Only in the dark will you see the light", your pain and experience in life is what defines you!, don't get lost!, focus and you will find your way through.
I dont know if anyone else mentioned it, but the first part was Ren dealing with his psychosis and dealing with his own suicidal thoughts. Certainly, Joe's death affected him as well. The last bit was directed at Joe. Joe's death played a big part in Ren's rejection of suicide. He never wanted others to feel the hurt he felt when he lost Joe. It gave him the courage and strength to move forward. He mentions it in the song, "For Joe."
Ren is brilliant at walking the tightrope, creating tension and awe as he dares to go where nobody else goes. But her voice oozes raw emotion, she could sing anything and you feel it.
"Do our saviors die too soo?" struck such a strong chord with me. When I was stuck in a dark place my friend who had been in similar place and in a way was still stuck in a much darker place told me "You have to do you." That helped pull me back to where I needed to be. Then I lost him to an overdose 2 weeks later hard to know if it was on purpose or not with what he was going through. To this day his words inspire me to be me.
This song always makes me reflect on the folks I've lost over the years (and how, in some ways, I can count myself among them) and then I remember this quote, which I feel like you're kinda getting at in how you talk about how you are, loving who you are now, shaped by the loss that came before: “We are all our own graveyards, I believe; we squat amongst the tombs of the people we were. If we're healthy, every day is a celebration, a Day of the Dead, in which we give thanks for the lives that we lived, and if we are neurotic we brood and mourn and wish that the past was still present.” - Clive Barker
I’ve listened to this song a thousand times but it wasn’t until I watched your reaction that it hit home. Thank you for your insight. Maybe this is the first step to healing.
I've watched dozens of reactions to this. Yours is by far the most heartfelt and insightful exploration of its many nuances and depth of meaning. I dealt with suicidal ideation off and on for decades as I found my way through healing from immense trauma. So grateful to be alive today and beginning a new, empowered path at age 62. What always stopped me was knowing the pain it would bring to my family and friends that they would carry with them for pethaps the rest of their lives. Also, devastating for the person who'd find me. Thank you and thank you all for the work you do and the healing space you offer others. 💕 Also, as others have mentioned, Chinchilla is a powerhouse in her own right. This song wouldn't work as well without her. Please react to their song 'Chalk Outlines'. Her songs, 'Fingers' Live for Hunger TV and 'Little Girl Gone' (I prefer her live version) as well as her newer videos are amazing! She's all about female empowerment, authenticity, and taking creative risks. I'd love to hear your take on them. 🙋♀️
As someone with an autoimmune disease like ren but not as bad but still. Losing who I used to be with my illness and the pain and energy I have lost plus memory and forgetting the best parts of my children's youngest years kills me. Plus people saying it's not that bad or in your head and rens music connects so much with how I feel and what I go thru all the time. Bless him for bringing his talents and his own health and mental problems to us through his music so we can connect and help us get thru our problems
Paused at 8:13 - I’ve been there before, and gotten out of it. I’m back in that dark room again and didn’t even realize it until watching this reaction and absolutely breaking down. Going through diagnostics for a rare illness and it’s scary, and I don’t feel well 80% of the time. I’m hopeful that I will get through the dark again like I always do, but it’s nice to feel understood when you’re there. This video helped me. Thank you ❤
"For Joe" hits pretty hard and is worth the listen; it explores things like guilt, blame and how he's grown after his friend's death. Sidenote: You might not know this, but Ren does a lot of interviews with reaction youtubers. He watches you guys break down his stuff and he loves talking honestly about things. Try reaching out - I suspect he will be fully on-board with what you do on your channel.
Love your heartfelt, lovely reaction. I’m a76 year old woman but one if the hardest memory I have is from when I was 13 and my 35 year-old father killed himself. You see, I was supposed to have gone to visit him but my mom changed her mind at the last minute. I KNOW he would have killed me first to keep me from going back to my mom. I’ve thought if suicide many times through the years, but will never inflict that awful numbing pain on people I love.
This young man has helped me so much. Since i found him. Ive been ill for so long i cant remember life before i broke. But Ren is giving me my light and power back. I love this guy so fucking much. And i loce toure reactions to this genius.❤
What a beautiful invitation you made, you are clearly one who wants to raise people up and I thank you for that. You might not know who you helped but know that it matters. Thank you for your commitment to bringing so many to a better place
I've watched a billion reactions to this and you're the first person to talk about the second verse being about being trapped inside oneself. For me that meaning hit immediately the first time I watched it and they sang "there are bruises on the walls".
This is one of the best live performances ever by any duo IMO! If you listen to the original which this still captures and moves beyond, you will see they emulated the string instruments with their voices and it is magnificent! There is a finely tuned rawness to this performance that hits your soul.
im so sorry for ur loss of a close one, something i read onine a while back that helps me **Love yourself. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to laugh, laugh. There is no one "right" way to do this. It never gets easy, the load is always a heavy one to carry, but our loved ones would not us to miss out on living and loving. Carrying on is not forgetting.**
I was so lost interpreting Hi Ren - Your reaction video's, especially Hi Ren - hit a home run! I've since thought of individuals in a room by themselves, this being who they truly are, and if they are flickering back and forth, and I enter their room, I get hurt from them to me, and if they are at the later part of the video, they help me, or we are mutually helpful. Thank you so much for a part of my life I hadn't known existed!
Honestly I think Ren is the first musician that my soul connected to, with his music I felt seen and for the first time not alone, for most of my life I never saw the point in hoping but I did have dreams and with his words I’m beginning to realize that it’s okay to hope and to want to be better
I attempted suicide in July of 2017. I been suffering a hemorrhagic stroke March 20th of 2023. I have suffered greatly from a myriad of issues all of my life essentially and I just wanted you to know that you have. You were part of getting me up and starting my life again. You inspired me to want to share my story. I've started a book and a way in the process of doing something on TH-cam or a documentary. Probably both but you Taylor specifically this group's. Incredible! You specifically struck such a cord with me and reminded me of some way who is smart and beautiful and passionate about many things. I also started my college career on a vocal music performance scholarship. So music is always held a to your place in my heart. I want to thank you for reminding me of my Muse when I was in my late teens and early twenties. When and the line in this song have I lost the Midas touch? My life was golden. We had everything we wanted and didn't know what to do with what else we had left over and I threw it all away because of alcohol and mental health. Other many very end of issues. That stroke was my wake up. I have no desire for alcohol anymore. I have a new understanding and perspective of life and so I had lost them. Eyes touch but the biggest mistake I could ever have made has been successful in July of 2017 and not had and please understand what I'm saying. Not had the blessing of having nearly died and been in and spent somewhere between 2 weeks and a month not fully back. I was hallucinating living essentially to realities that kind of coincided for a while but that is all getting better and I'm healing quickly and and you were part of my initial inspiration to get out of bed and go to what I needed to do with this new lease on life. Thank you. I hope that I don't know. I don't do this very often. I hope that somehow my contact information is attached
I have been there. I have felt it. My son who was also diagnosed as emotionally disabled was my anchor to this world. I knew losing me would have destroyed him and I could not do that. I have a semicolon branded on the inside of my right wrist. My children gave me no choice but to get help. 18 years ago I hit that bottom. 16 years ago hormone therapy turned my whole world upside down. Within 2 weeks of getting my brain and body chemistry straightened out the suicidal ideation disappeared. I wear the semicolon so that those who see it and know what it means feel free to talk or reach out for help. I remain.
i don't know about the rest of you, but this song doesn't just sound like you cant breathe, my diaphragm literally gets so tight i end up holding my breath through most of it. enough so that i sometimes joke about it being my ab workout for the day.
lol. Have fun watching everything (because I know you will)! I’ll be following along! You have such a great way of mixing and using both your compassion and your knowledge when you react. You’re just so very insightful and relatable! Best I’ve seen. I suspect you’re getting closer into the mind of the writer than most others in your comments. Kudos!
Chinchilla's pain also comes from a really abusive relationship that she has managed to break away from. Both of these artists bring so much of that emotion into their performances in their music. They are truly blessed musicians to be able to turn such a negative into such sad but also positive music ❤
Glad you keep exploring Ren's songs about loss and the aftermath. I've been there, close to doing the act and having lost friends to suicide, I see so much of my life in this song. One wonders what you missed, what subtle signal that should have been obvious so I could have stopped it. It took me a long time to just get over that. People often, having made the decision to kill themselves, thinking its the only way out, often seem to have broken out of their depression but its fact a choice has been made, a way forward to end their pain is there. One friend I felt I abandoned. I felt I had no choice. He was choosing a path I couldn't follow him down. Another had psychic damage from her early teens that finally overcame her. I could see in her eyes but she kept locked inside and it ate her up. And I almost made the same decision as them before they did. I still fight that feeling sometimes, even today. I don't have scars, that implies healing. I just oozing wounds. A poem I wrote many years ago, about a dark time: Fractured Seems everyday I feel less alive Left lost and shattered deep within As the world turns uncaring of me Leaving only scraps of sanity fading Inside my mind drifting further away Those moments I am standing are few As I fall farther with each heartbeat And faster with each breath taken I have given up grasping any hand to Stop me from following this trajectory To the final stop and impact below That will leave me completely fractured.
From JBrach: @AARONANKRUM I'm so glad you felt seen through Ren's songs. Music can be such an incredibly healing form of art. When you've had the trauma's of losing friends to suicide, hearing someone's story that mirrors yours may help you feel less alone. While you have wondered what signals you may have missed, the fact that you've been able to get through that shows your resilience and strength. That is an incredible insight and tragic depth that people kill themselves when depression gets so bad that they think its the only way out. It is so heartbreaking that you have had to deal with that aftermath of moving on after someone had decided to go that way. You have not let your losses swallow you whole and that is beautiful: to continue even when the pain and suffering exists. You have incorporated your losses into who you are through understanding what led them to that point and not putting blame on yourself. Your poem makes me think of the Red song "Breathe Into Me" about longing for new life in the depths of despair. And this is how it feels when I ignore the words you spoke to me And this is where I lose myself when I keep running away from you And this is who I am when, when I don't know myself anymore And this is what I choose when it's all left up to me Breathe your life into me I can feel you I'm falling, falling faster Breathe your life into me I still need you I'm falling, falling Breathe into me Breathe into me And this is how it looks when I am standing on the edge And this is how I break apart when I finally hit the ground And this is how it hurts when I pretend I don't feel any pain And this is how I disappear when I throw myself away Breathe your life into me I can feel you I'm falling, falling faster Breathe your life into me I still need you I'm falling, falling Breathe into me While today, you feel completely fractured, you have already found some healing in understanding and empathy for those you lost. You fight that feeling sometimes even today- and that's the key word "fight." It's an active engagement against the darkness trying to consume you. You are healing. You may be oozing wounds but you are not broken beyond repair. What these friends you have lost inspired in you lives on through you with the parts of them that impacted you. You can live for them and for the part of them that could've held on. Hold on for them and for yourself and for the people still in your life. I believe in you! And I am so proud that you have gone through that loss and are still healing and growing and learning! You got this! Sending so much love to you! Thank you for reaching out to HeartSupport! <3
From lu2910: @AARONANKRUM Hey, thank you for opening up to us, you're very brave for doing so. The poem you wrote is so moving, these must be such personal and deep emotions for you. The guilt that you could've done something and changed the past is a very heavy weight to bear. From what I have read, you feel things very strong and are able to empathize with others in their struggles. With such skills as those, I'm certain those who know you and have been blessed to know you, you definitely impacted their life for the better. The guilt and regret you feel is very real and hurts, yet you do not need to bear this weight when you have done everything in your power to support others. The hard truth is that we cannot always change people's minds when they are so set on what they want to do. The most that we can do is to try our hardest. People sometimes won't open up to us, and we have to take care of our own mental stability and make sure we don't lose ourselves when surrounded by so much hurt. From what I assume, you don't feel as if you healed, hence your lack of scars. It isn't easy to just let our wounds continue to ooze and bleed out, we only can lose so much blood before it takes a toll on us. With such feelings of grief having washed over you, it can take a while to fully processes all of our emotions and move on from our hurt, since the memories of those whom we loved never truly leave us. You seem like such an incredible person who has helped so many people. It is not your fault that your friends were overcame by their struggles, you definitely helped them hold on for as long as they did and make them feel loved while they were still on this Earth. They seem like amazing people, and I'm glad you got to know them. These wounds do not have to ooze forever, this pain is temporary. It is not easy to fully heal from our grief, but it is possible. I want to see you heal, find peace in yourself and process these loses so that you can live your life to the fullest, helping more people by sharing your struggles and the memories you have of such wonderful people. Keep holding your head up, you are so loved and such a fighter. This world is a better place with you in it. <3
@@HeartSupport Sorry it took so long to reply. For some technical reason, I never got a notice of your response. Thanks for support. I really appreciate. Oddly, though I never heard that song above, I wrote this poem not to long ago in response to a lot of loss in my family. In a 2 year time frame, an aunt on my Mom's side died, the an aunt on my Dad's died, unexpectedly, next my Dad died and finally my older brother died. All the deaths were to physical health issues. So, yeah, a lot of life point hits. Anyhow, here's my poem: Breathe! Just breathe! Remember that feeling of being alive, When life throws burdens upon your back without end, Never forget, to just breathe, just take a second, take five, Don't let those hundreds of rocks cause your soul to bend. Just breathe! Never let go that tomorrow will shine as light, When you feel anxiety shake your confidence down, And the sadness feels to much to bear; don't give up the fight. Don't let darkness win, don't give in, don't let yourself drown. Just breath! And know when you reach out, a hand will be there, When life is a its hardest, your family and friends enfold you, With love and hope so you can once more dare, Waves of pain, knowing to just breathe, you know its true. Just breathe!
@@HeartSupport Exactly. But since that poem, years ago, other events caused me to write this one: Doubt I don’t care if you think you know my name; I am not that person anymore, I am not the same; But still I know what’s up with your game; You play with my emotions but I am not to blame. For the life you lead, for the blood you bleed; I am not your punching bag or some demon seed; You think you can act that way without heed; But I am here to say from you I have been freed. So just leave me alone, go off on your own way; I hate to think, to feel like I now do today; But the scars you gave me leave me with a display; Of your cold, uncaring soul and what you call play. Your thoughtless ways left me to stagger and reel; Your hollow love and comfort caused my heart to seal; Your honest lies and deceit made my life unreal. But now, only now, I have learned that I can deal. I will doubt myself no more. I know I was right. I will doubt myself no more. I will always fight. I will doubt myself no more. I know now hope. I will doubt myself no more. I will now cope. Without doubt.
From JBrach: @AARONANKRUM Your poems touched me more than you can imagine! Especially this first one and the first couple lives. There are so many instances when life throws burdens upon your back without end. When it feels like an elephant is sitting on you from all the rocks thrown, and it feels too heavy to get out of bed, the ability to breathe can save your life. I know from experience that taking a breath and trying to find space from the weight is crucial in getting through it. To tie in your other poem, when we are mistreated, manipulated, or fed false love, it is also important to breathe and get space from it to identify what is really going on. You have great insight to put words to these very nuanced and complicated emotions! I so treasure these poems and the fact that you shared them with us! Thank you for these gifts!
So as you noticed Ren is an amazing artist and really any of his songs have meaning. Chalk outlines is a great one. But 7 Sins is another. I think you should check out.
At the midpoint, and I don't have a hard life, not by a long shot. I've never been diagnosed with serious depression, I've never had some kind of mental illness, I've always had good grades and a decent cast of friends. But this is my senior year of high school, and my junior year devastated me. Something was so wrong and I still don't know exactly what it was, but since then I've felt so disconnected. I got somewhat better over the summer, but starting this senior year has just reset me to that state, and I've had some hard choices to make with friends and I just haven't been sure I can handle it. Thank you so much for your reactions, they continue to fill me with hope. And ren's songs make me feel heard, wirh all his extremes. Thank you so much
From TenaciousGrace: @isaacbarker7378 Life can be hard. Just because you havent had anything that you would consider qualifying you for having had a hard life, doesn't mean your struggles and feelings arent as important. It has been quite some time since I have been in high school, but I remember vividly how hard it can be at times. Everyone is growing and determining who they are and what direction they want to take in life. It's such a weird time. Its easy to start feeling disconnected from people and things. You sound very self-aware and level headed so i absolutely have faith that you can handle more than you realize. Making hard decisions suck to put it frankly. Just make sure you give yourself some grace too. You deserve it.
From mixdtapes: @isaacbarker7378 You are not alone and know we are here to listen and understand and provide support. I hear you so well. My junior year was rough losing a girlfriend. I just felt so empty. My aunt helped me get through. Senior year was hard because I lost a circle of friends who didn't want me around because I wasn't going to go along with their pranks and antics. I felt so alone. I found a way forward by focusing on me and my goals and rediscovering neighborhood friends who took me in. I'm thinking of you. I know high school can be such a difficult time but your life will be so much more than that. Give yourself that grace and permit those close to you in to lift you up.
From Mikefromwithin: @isaacbarker7378 Depression is definitely a hard thing to escape no matter your circumstances. My life is considerably better than years previous, and I have been considerably for depressed of late. Thinking about where I was and where I am now helps a lot.
You’re a LEGEND!!!! I’m a lifer with counseling therapy;etc I’m not going to say any more just YOU ARE SPECIAL AND TRUE!!! I for one appreciate your presents on this planet
Am looking forward to seeing a "For Joe" reaction as well and you did a.great job here as well. Their other live duet "Chalk Outlines" is also fire. I would like to point out that so far you have only exposed yourself to Ren's quote unquote "heavy" stuff, so I just want to remind you that there are equally impressive psychological nuggets to be found in his more happier, upbeat stuff. So I hope, sometime along your journey down this rabbithole, that you react to songs such as "Humble," "Hold On," and Mayne "life is funny". Also, it looked like your jaw dropped at some of Chinchilla's vocals, which is good, because hopefully there might be a shot of you listening to her solo stuff. If so, start with the live version of "fingers" for Hunger T.V
I lost my lifelong friend to suicide last summer. Days later I heard this song for the first time and it cracked me to my core. I have been with Ren ever since, he is my mental champion. He translates emotion into words and songs. It takes a very special person to be so in touch with that voice inside, to confront it and speak from that vulnerable place ... he never ceases to amaze me. But this song, this one is deeply personal and something I have to prepare myself to hear. That loss is still something I am working through, there is not a day goes by that I don't think about him. I think this song made me see a part of the pain he was battling ... a lot of Ren's songs give perspective on pain. That guy has been through a lot and I am grateful he is here, making music to help the rest of us...
From Micro: @grfxman09 I'm so sorry for your loss, friend. It is such a heartbreak to lose someone who matters so much to you to suicide. I've recorded a voice reply to you here: www.loom.com/share/fb994afaa7be4b89bab09115d8da3001?sid=a44b4542-d34f-46ee-b2a2-80f1b9d852b8 - but all of this to say: I see you and hear your pain. :heart:
ive just found ren accidentally. it is both the best accident caused by youtube and felt like a car crash realizing all at once that i was glad someone understood but hated myself for being glad someone understands
One year ago. 13" scar from wrist to inner elbow. 50 stitches and a transfusion. Alone in a room full of people is all I can describe the world as still. I manage daily. Let those in your life know you care. Cause from experience Even now I don't have the self worth to call the number cause to me it wouldn't matter either way. Ren is awesome chinchilla is awesome also.
I think the Ren video One Million Subscribers would resonate with Taylor and her audience. It’s a very insightful spoken word piece about his life, life in general, mental and physical pain, etc. I tear up when watching it.
Every day, at least once, I feel this way.... How do I keep going? I am a suic*de "survivor". I was engaged to someone who took his own life. We will never completely recover from that loss... all of us who loved him. But I never ever ever want to be the cause of that kind of pain. My spirituality and my spouse are what has most recently saved my life... Today, I find 5 things every day as reasons to stick around. Some days are easier than others.
Chalk Outlines, like others have said, is a must! Also, Fingers Live by Chinchilla, there’s a line at the end of that song that near enough every female can relate to. She’s a powerhouse is our Chinny 😊
Daisy (Chinchilla) is a freaking superstar! She’s criminally underated.
Maybe listen to ‘Chalk Outlines’ next?
It’s Ren with Chinchilla again!
take the live version :D
Yes this. Both of these
seriously, as a therapist, it should be required viewing.
here is the link to Chalk outlines Live
th-cam.com/video/35yALr_opeg/w-d-xo.html&pp=gAQBiAQB
Couldn't agree more! And Chalk Outlines is haaaaamazing!!
Suicide is not the end of the pain, it just transfers the pain to your loved ones.
One line I think is so overlooked is "or do sad eyes blind me" When I struggle I often fight with thinking is my world really crumbling or is it just my darkness making me see everything so crushingly overwhelming.
Chalk outlines is a must 🔥
I love @6:17 when Ren said "where is my god, where are you" he is looking up and you can see true pain in his eyes. Truly beautiful performance.
"Chalk Outlines (Live)", and then "Crutch." We are eagerly waiting!
Yessss
Crutch is masterfully written. One of my top 100 of all time.
As a survivor of an attempt 10 years ago, this song hits so hard. The one thing that pulled me thru was my lack of faith, which confuses my family. I explained, if this was my one shot at life, ending it too soon would have been so final....one act that could not have been reversed. 10 years and i still get down, but this keeps me here. I now want to see how my life turns out.
I love the phrase "I now want to see how my life turns out." All the best to you as you make your life amazing!
I’m glad you found a desire to see your life to its full duration. I’m still not sure i want to see mine.
Very glad that you decided to stick around and see how it goes. It gets easier!
I love you human
Great song and reaction and I love your shirt! I know where to get more of the first two, but where does your shirt come from?😊
This should be performed at awards show instead of the crap other celebrities perform. This is amazing and is raw and deserving.😢❤
Chinchilla is such a powerhouse, her track " Fingers Live for Hunger TV " is just about as good as it ever gets! Ren and Chinchilla doing " Chalk Outlines LIVE " is stunning and my personal favourite is when they are Busking in the streets of Brighton UK doing " One Love/Drunk in Love " it was her first and last busking expereince and is so raw it is priceless! Love your reactions
Oh I second this one!
THIS!!!!
Same
Oh F yes! Incredible performance
Last April 30, in the early morning hours my only brother died alone as he took heroin and cocaine for the last time. I hadn’t spoken to him for about a month prior because I was so angry with him and his addiction. Almost a year later and I still am wrecked with such sobbing grief because how he died and how we weren’t in a good place. He texted me on Easter asking if I was doing anything with our parents. I didn’t reply. That was our last interaction and I’ve been watching this performance so many times since then. I miss him so much and wish I hadn’t pushed him away. His name was Nick and he was an incredible person despite his addiction. I haven’t found the new me yet, I’m still waiting for the creation after being crushed. I really appreciate what you shared at the end and it gives me hope that I will find the new me soon, a guy that makes my brother proud.
My heart hurts for you friend. My mother was schizophrenic and became an alcoholic after her mental break. I understand now that it was a coping mechanism, but at that time, I didn’t take the time to educate myself on her condition and to be more understanding of her human-ness if that makes sense. One morning I woke up and found her dead. Alcohol and pills. And that chance to understand and actually help, was gone. So I understand the guilt and the crushing grief. It’s been years and are finally days where I don’t hate myself, but that came with lots of therapy. I’m sending you virtual hugs because I get it. ❤️
From Lyss: @DakotaDogProductionsAk83 Hey there,
First off I just want to say thank you for being so open with us here, we appreciate it and don't take it for granted.
I am so sorry for your loss. I know loss, but not in this way, or this relation. I want you to know there was nothing you could have done to change this... a lot of people including myself with they had said more, done more, been there more, but you did the best you could at the time and that is okay.
I have lost my grandparents due to old age, but I have also lost a close friend from a bike accident. For some reason I was mad at him, or annoyed with him... I didn't talk to him for months, I was short with him when he tried to talk to me. I didn't reach out. One day I learned that he had passed away... I felt so much guilt and sadness, I felt guilty for not reaching out, for being mad at him when I didn't even know the reason. Loss is so painful, and grief is so hard to work through. It is something I don't wish on anyone.
My fathers sister had a struggle with drugs as well, and he tried to help, but you have to take care of yourself first. You can't pour from an empty cup.
I used to get so consumed with trying to help others that I forgot what I needed, I forgot who I was. I think in this time you were doing what was best for you, you have to protect yourself, you have to take care of yourself. It is hard to accept that you did what was best for you at the time, you cannot save people, no matter how much we love them or support them or try to be there for them.
Something I try to remind myself when I am upset thinking about my losses, is that they are with me in spirit. I am not really religious in any way but it brings me some sense of solace to remind myself that they are still with me in some way.
With my grandparents I always wished I had done more, seen them more, been more myself, talked to them more. It is still something I find myself thinking about to this day even though it has been a year since my last loss. It is crucial to remember you did the best you can, and that is okay.
It is easy to get caught up in things you wish you did, wish you said, wish you didn't do. Those thoughts can become consuming. I know it's hard, but please don't beat yourself up about these things.
My friend things get better things get easier to handle, please know we are always here for you, to listen, to be a shoulder to lean on.
You did what you could do, and that is okay.
Much love to you,
Lys
@@HeartSupport Wow Lyss, I wasn’t expecting a response like this. Your encouragement and words of wisdom are so very appreciated. I have taken them to heart and look forward to reminding myself that I did the best I could. That my Brother Nick is still with me, only in a different way. I will focus on being healthy, so that I can make a positive impact by pouring out from a cup that is full, not an empty cup. Your message has been heard and very much made a difference in my life today. I thank you sincerely. I will investigate more into the HeartSupport program. What a powerful way to give back.❤️🩹
Its not your fault honey. I hope you forgive yourself, your brother would want you too. He would not want you to be suffering. I lost my brother to suicide and for a while I could not forgive myself for not knowing he was in so much pain.
But I had to accept that the last thing he would want was me to live my life filled with sadness and grief.
You will find the new you, its definatly not going to be the same you. It definatly changes who you are losing someone young, who had so much promise.
Do not waste another day of your life, your brother would say, if you feel guilty use that guilt to live a better life for me.
it is no way your fault. Nick loved you and He knew you love Him.
My family have pushed me away over the years due to drugs but I knew they still oved me but did not understand me.
Stay strong and give this a listen. song of the mamuna tribe.
Ren's song Penitence and Crutch are both art pieces filled with pain and hope.
Crutch is one of my absolute favourites! Just stunning.
Yea, Crutch is absolutely underrated. It's so heartbreaking, beautiful and deep. The no-budget video is great as well.
I love how Ren puts into words the things we all feel but lack the ability to express.
I want ren to be my English teacher
A lot of people know how but it takes a huge sacrifice to put your naked soul out to the public. Thanks for spreading the word.
I think you tied the songs together perfectly, because in Su!cide he says "when you jumped, my childhood jumped too".
You’re not going to like doing them, but I think it’s really important to do Patience and Crutch. To truly understand Ren’s story, you have to see what he made while he was at his lowest.
Everything you’ve watched so far is Ren reflecting back on the worst parts of his life from a place of great improvement. He’s not perfect, but he’s better.
He also wrote songs and made videos when he was at the bottom. Imagine the courage. Also, right before Hi Ren came out he shard a Vlog from near rock bottom. It will crush you…but again, the strength and courage to be so vulnerable.
Crutch: th-cam.com/video/3gC2kq6E5Mo/w-d-xo.htmlsi=EU-VsoUXgzeOkW4-
Patience: th-cam.com/video/284ugnS_ruQ/w-d-xo.htmlsi=IiyyfwS0ehJFKfJB
Vlog: th-cam.com/video/jaltehH_cNo/w-d-xo.htmlsi=3wNIoF-gcK6Gq-2-
Agreed!
What I always love every time Ren and Chinchilla collaborate is that they compliment eachother so well... Its not a battle of the voices. When a male and female vocalist duet, a female singing voice can be so powerful that it can drown out the male vocalist... Not with these two gems -or should i say MF Diamonds!!!
Ive listened to their music for 3 or 4 yars now and every new release is an instant classic... And I regularly go to Brighton and all my 7 year old son and 3 year old daughter every want to do is go and look for Ren busking!!! 🥰
Musically, Lyrically, and performance of this masterpiece are nothing short of a command performance.
Love the way you talk and think about ren × I feel it and have been for a long long time . Good job sad
It's well worth going down the Chinchilla rabbit-hole. Little Girl Gone and Cut You Off are stunning x
💯 would love to see these reactions too
Elements, Trigger, Cold Water, Lockdown Getdown, Know No, Demand Respect, and a dozen more.
I get chills every time.
In the space of a few months he lost his best friend to suicide, lost another close friend to drowning at sea, his illness started to kick in, in a big way, which led to him losing his contract with Sony and he was facing a possibly short future, with whatever time he had left almost definitely filled with unrelenting pain and suffering...
When he finally escaped from his bed, 7 years later, he emerged as a great artist! Battered and bruised but not broken! :)
Add Dominos to your ren list please.
I second this one as it really is an important message. I love this one and know it will be totally appreciated here
Can concur. Dominos takes on a completely different societal topic than what you've seen him do so far. Masterfully, as always.
Another vote for "Dominos" which covers a very important subject and doesn't seem to be reacted to as nearly as it should.
I agree that I would be fascinated with your take and discussion of Ren- Dominos
Yes, yes, yes 😊
As a therapist you HAVE TO watch Ren's One Million Subscriber Thank You video. The things he speaks of will definitely hit home for you and it'll give you even more insight into Ren's thinking and what he's been through.
Patience is the one that wrecks me the most. He is so full of hope after another partial/mis-diagnosis. He’s so frail and fucked up, but still hopeful. To know that like 10 years later he came out the other side in a much better place is such a victory.
Don't forget that Ren has some fun stuff too, like his "Love Music" parts 1-4 (separate songs - don't all need to be done in a single reaction). If you want more "therapy issues", then Ren X Chinchilla doing "Chalk Outlines" live is a must. Chinchilla's solo stuff is very much about empowerment - "Fingers (live)", "Little Girl Gone", "Cut You Off", or "MF Diamond" (yes, the "MF" is what you think).
If you want Ren empowerment, check out "Power", which will also give you a peak at Samuel Perry-Falvey, the behind-the-camera part of "A film by Ren and Sam". He's driving the car in "Power".
I will say that as much as I love them each solo, when Ren and Chinchilla get together, it's not Ren + Chinchilla, it's definitely Ren x Chinchilla - it's more than twice as good.
When I first heard this song, I was in an abusive relationship and it spoke to me. The song gave me strength to come back to "me".
I found this song while recovering from an abusive relationship, and dealing with the aftermath. It helped me deal with a lot of things.
I had spent a long time almost mourning the version of me that I was before her. I've come to terms that I'm not gonna be that man again. I don't need to remember how to be me. I need to learn how to be this me, and make friends with the person I am now.
I hope you are doing well, and taking care of yourself.
Wow, great, heartfelt reaction. You obviously understood this right from the beginning. Now it should be the right time, to give a listen to "ONE MILLION SUBSCRIBERS - Defining success". Ren's way to say thank you (to you also).
I recently lost my friend of 22 yrs to suicide and this song just IS what I am now
I also lost my best friend of 20 something years *hugs*
From Lyss: @blackheartnation412 Hey there,
First off I just want to say thank you for being open with us here, we appreciate it and don't take it for granted.
I am so sorry for your loss. Loss is something that I know too well, but not in this way of suicide. I cannot even begin to think how painful it must be to experience loss in this way.
Loss is so hard... a lot of people including myself ask what more could I have done? What more could I have said? I want you to know you did the best you could, and that is okay. There is nothing more you could have done to change the outcome of this. It is important to remember we cannot save people... it is hard to accept, as we just want to so bad especially when we love them so much. But we have to remember that we cannot save people... they have to make their own choices.
Please know you are not alone in this, we are always here for you, to listen, to be a shoulder to lean on.
When we lose someone it is so hard to get back up, to see the positives... I promise you it gets easier. In the moment I know it feels like this can never get better, but I promise you it does get better. Getting out of bed, or doing every day tasks can be difficult after loss, a lot of people struggle with that. Something that I have been trying to do is make myself just 1% better every day. One percent doesn't sound like a lot but it adds up. Maybe you get out of bed one day, maybe you take a shower one day, every day try to do something that will make you one percent better.
When I lose someone I try to remind myself that even though they are not here with me on the plains of earth, they are with me in spirit. For me it can be some kind of solace to remind myself of that. I try to get things to help me remember them by, know that they are there in spirit.
I cannot even begin to think how difficult it must be to overcome what comes with the loss of a friend to suicide. I am glad that you have this song to relate to, sometimes music helps me feel less alone. Just lets me know, reassures me, that I am not the only one going through this struggle. It is so hard to see the light, but I promise you there is light out there. There is love and happiness and you are worth it. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to do things you love.
I hope that these words can help you in some way... bring a little support. You are not alone in this fight, and you are deserving of all good things. Please know we are always here for you.
Take it slow friend.
With love,
Lys
I literally only watch Ren and Ren's reactions, so I'll never get tired of watching you do Ren reactions or praising them. 🤷♂️
I love Chinchilla! Thank you for your reaction.
He has the absolutely highest creativ intelligence of all stars and hits I've ever heard... As I heard him for the first time, up from this moment he is my favorite musician ever!
It's crazy that you would release this reaction today, on a day that I'm struggling to continue pushing forward.
This is the song that stopped me from ending it all last May. Late one night during a particularly dark period I couldn't sleep. It was about 3 am and I felt I couldn't continue in that much pain and I made the decision to end my pain. I had TH-cam just auto playing in the background and I started writing my note and this song started playing and for some reason caught my attention. I sat there silently listening, relating to the lyrics, feeling the music reverberate through my body. When Ren got to that last verse I saw the devastation losing someone to suicide causes. As I rewatched the video I saw my friends and family sitting there singing this song and I realized no matter how much pain I'm in, I can't force my loved ones to go through the pain of losing me like that.
That realization has caused no small amount of turmoil in my head and I've had to fight against bitterness and resentment, but I can't put them through it. I do wonder sometimes how long my willpower can last, how much pain can I endure before I becomes overwhelmed and I can't hold on. When my fear of hurting others is the only thing keeping me here through extreme physical and mental pain, how long can I hold on.
I’m also a survivor and live with chronic pain that takes my breath away, even on major pain medication. I’m a survivor and when I saw my kids and how devastated they were I won’t do it again. Ren and his music has stopped me too. Reach out if you need someone to talk to..
@@SandraP3796 I'm sorry that you, or anyone, has to go through and live with chronic pain. I obviously can't know your situation, but one of the hardest aspects of my situation is the element of the unknown. The best the Doctors can tell me is that they think it's an unknown neurological condition. They don't know how to treat me. They have done every test they can think of with no answers. At this point pain management is the only thing they can do. It's hard not knowing when or if this pain will end.
@@MrNiccholas I have problems with all my joints and a number of other diseases. I've had chronic pain and CRPS in my right damaged arm (caused by doctors). After my arm everything went south. Neck fusion, double hip replacements, Spinal stenosis and problems with vascular and lymphodema in my legs. All the valves have stopped working properly. Need a knee replacement very soon and I'm trying to avoid it. I'm so tired of such severe pain even though I have the most amazing pain management doctor. Sorry for the essay:(. My heart goes out to you xoxo
From NateTriesAgain: @MrNiccholas Thanks so much for sharing friend. I can relate to a lot of this and have been in suicidal places myself. I recorded a video reply connecting with parts of your story, and I hope you find something helpful in it (~8.5m): www.loom.com/share/39ec7e984a674d068696eab6f36f2885
-nate, heartsupport staff
I'm glad you're still here ❤❤️🩹
Your empathy, authenticity and passion for your work shines through with every reaction. Ren performs in a way that gets inside you. He communicates his emotions very clearly and passionately. He is very meticulous with his work. (His sentiments, not mine) . He is a visionary in music. He's picky about who he chooses to collaborate with and lifts them up. He wants them to shine over himself. He is a powerful positive force combined with passion, self confidence, humility, empathy, and a desire to change the world from our destruction of it. (you haven't heard those songs yet). ❤💜💙. Kind of like you.
I come from a long line of very strong very stoic men who show little emotion in the face of adversity and through my life unfortunately I've had to face many losses. At least 13 people close to me have passed from things ranging from heart attack, cancer, accidents, old age and suicide. And through all of these events I was always bothered by how little emotion I felt. Like everyone else was distraught, but I just felt numb. I'm not sure if I just subconsciously buried my emotions, because I had to be the strong one. But it all came to a head a few years ago when something triggered all those emotions I've been bottling up and pushing down to burst through to the surface and I experience for the first time in my life both crippling anxiety and horrible depression. I thought I understood what those things were from hearing other people talk about them. But You never truly understand until it happens to you. It was one of the most painful moments of my life and although I never felt suicidal, I could 100 percent sympathize with why someone could feel that taking their own life was the only way out of that feeling. I couldn't imagine feeling like that forever. I now have a new outlook on life and respect for people battling these demons. Luckily I had a good support structure and was able to get help. But not everyone is so lucky. God bless, Ren for speaking his truth.
While I was going through my breakdown of suffering through 2 lost pregnancies and a failed IVF I was watching a tv program, cant remember which, but there was a line said by one of the characters "If you are on a path and you find yourself going through HELL, don't stop as you could loose yourself, keep going because it is only a tunnel and you can get through it" which helped me to understand another phrase "Only in the dark will you see the light", your pain and experience in life is what defines you!, don't get lost!, focus and you will find your way through.
I get goosebumps and a lump in my throat every time I hear this. So glad you got to this one! ❤️
I dont know if anyone else mentioned it, but the first part was Ren dealing with his psychosis and dealing with his own suicidal thoughts. Certainly, Joe's death affected him as well. The last bit was directed at Joe. Joe's death played a big part in Ren's rejection of suicide. He never wanted others to feel the hurt he felt when he lost Joe. It gave him the courage and strength to move forward. He mentions it in the song, "For Joe."
Ren is brilliant at walking the tightrope, creating tension and awe as he dares to go where nobody else goes. But her voice oozes raw emotion, she could sing anything and you feel it.
"Do our saviors die too soo?" struck such a strong chord with me. When I was stuck in a dark place my friend who had been in similar place and in a way was still stuck in a much darker place told me "You have to do you." That helped pull me back to where I needed to be. Then I lost him to an overdose 2 weeks later hard to know if it was on purpose or not with what he was going through. To this day his words inspire me to be me.
This song always makes me reflect on the folks I've lost over the years (and how, in some ways, I can count myself among them) and then I remember this quote, which I feel like you're kinda getting at in how you talk about how you are, loving who you are now, shaped by the loss that came before:
“We are all our own graveyards, I believe; we squat amongst the tombs of the people we were. If we're healthy, every day is a celebration, a Day of the Dead, in which we give thanks for the lives that we lived, and if we are neurotic we brood and mourn and wish that the past was still present.” - Clive Barker
Thanks for that quote - sums up perfectly some of my thought processing.
WOW. JUST WOW. That quote 😮❤
Clive Barker is a creative genius. What an imagination that man has!
I’ve listened to this song a thousand times but it wasn’t until I watched your reaction that it hit home. Thank you for your insight. Maybe this is the first step to healing.
The most beautiful part of this video is seeing Taylors expression as she tries to reach through the screen to help them! ❤❤❤
I've watched dozens of reactions to this. Yours is by far the most heartfelt and insightful exploration of its many nuances and depth of meaning.
I dealt with suicidal ideation off and on for decades as I found my way through healing from immense trauma. So grateful to be alive today and beginning a new, empowered path at age 62.
What always stopped me was knowing the pain it would bring to my family and friends that they would carry with them for pethaps the rest of their lives. Also, devastating for the person who'd find me.
Thank you and thank you all for the work you do and the healing space you offer others. 💕
Also, as others have mentioned, Chinchilla is a powerhouse in her own right. This song wouldn't work as well without her. Please react to their song 'Chalk Outlines'.
Her songs, 'Fingers' Live for Hunger TV and 'Little Girl Gone' (I prefer her live version) as well as her newer videos are amazing! She's all about female empowerment, authenticity, and taking creative risks. I'd love to hear your take on them. 🙋♀️
As someone with an autoimmune disease like ren but not as bad but still. Losing who I used to be with my illness and the pain and energy I have lost plus memory and forgetting the best parts of my children's youngest years kills me. Plus people saying it's not that bad or in your head and rens music connects so much with how I feel and what I go thru all the time. Bless him for bringing his talents and his own health and mental problems to us through his music so we can connect and help us get thru our problems
Paused at 8:13 - I’ve been there before, and gotten out of it. I’m back in that dark room again and didn’t even realize it until watching this reaction and absolutely breaking down. Going through diagnostics for a rare illness and it’s scary, and I don’t feel well 80% of the time. I’m hopeful that I will get through the dark again like I always do, but it’s nice to feel understood when you’re there. This video helped me. Thank you ❤
"For Joe" hits pretty hard and is worth the listen; it explores things like guilt, blame and how he's grown after his friend's death.
Sidenote: You might not know this, but Ren does a lot of interviews with reaction youtubers. He watches you guys break down his stuff and he loves talking honestly about things. Try reaching out - I suspect he will be fully on-board with what you do on your channel.
Ren's POWER video is a terrific example of HALLELUIA.
Love your heartfelt, lovely reaction. I’m a76 year old woman but one if the hardest memory I have is from when I was 13 and my 35 year-old father killed himself. You see, I was supposed to have gone to visit him but my mom changed her mind at the last minute. I KNOW he would have killed me first to keep me from going back to my mom. I’ve thought if suicide many times through the years, but will never inflict that awful numbing pain on people I love.
I love her already.
Whelp, time to binge watch another reactor i guess lol
Cant wait!
This young man has helped me so much. Since i found him. Ive been ill for so long i cant remember life before i broke. But Ren is giving me my light and power back. I love this guy so fucking much. And i loce toure reactions to this genius.❤
What a beautiful invitation you made, you are clearly one who wants to raise people up and I thank you for that. You might not know who you helped but know that it matters. Thank you for your commitment to bringing so many to a better place
Hello heart Support I have quit smoking It has been 2 weeks your videos help me get through the days Thank you.
Thank you for your amazing reaction, looking forward to the next video!
I've watched a billion reactions to this and you're the first person to talk about the second verse being about being trapped inside oneself. For me that meaning hit immediately the first time I watched it and they sang "there are bruises on the walls".
Ren and Chinchilla write amazing music when they get together!
This song hit me like a brick as I’ve never heard overwhelming loss and depression described so accurately (and beautifully)
This one is my Achilles heal 💔 wonderful reaction & insights x Thank you.
Chinchilla is incredible - check out Fingers live for Hunger TV and Little Girl Gone
This is one of the best live performances ever by any duo IMO! If you listen to the original which this still captures and moves beyond, you will see they emulated the string instruments with their voices and it is magnificent! There is a finely tuned rawness to this performance that hits your soul.
This song is so powerful. What a great reaction.
im so sorry for ur loss of a close one, something i read onine a while back that helps me **Love yourself. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to laugh, laugh. There is no one "right" way to do this. It never gets easy, the load is always a heavy one to carry, but our loved ones would not us to miss out on living and loving. Carrying on is not forgetting.**
I was so lost interpreting Hi Ren - Your reaction video's, especially Hi Ren - hit a home run! I've since thought of individuals in a room by themselves, this being who they truly are, and if they are flickering back and forth, and I enter their room, I get hurt from them to me, and if they are at the later part of the video, they help me, or we are mutually helpful. Thank you so much for a part of my life I hadn't known existed!
I really enjoyed your take on it!❤
Honestly I think Ren is the first musician that my soul connected to, with his music I felt seen and for the first time not alone, for most of my life I never saw the point in hoping but I did have dreams and with his words I’m beginning to realize that it’s okay to hope and to want to be better
Thank you for sharing these insights
I attempted suicide in July of 2017. I been suffering a hemorrhagic stroke March 20th of 2023. I have suffered greatly from a myriad of issues all of my life essentially and I just wanted you to know that you have. You were part of getting me up and starting my life again. You inspired me to want to share my story. I've started a book and a way in the process of doing something on TH-cam or a documentary. Probably both but you Taylor specifically this group's. Incredible! You specifically struck such a cord with me and reminded me of some way who is smart and beautiful and passionate about many things. I also started my college career on a vocal music performance scholarship. So music is always held a to your place in my heart. I want to thank you for reminding me of my Muse when I was in my late teens and early twenties. When and the line in this song have I lost the Midas touch? My life was golden. We had everything we wanted and didn't know what to do with what else we had left over and I threw it all away because of alcohol and mental health. Other many very end of issues. That stroke was my wake up. I have no desire for alcohol anymore. I have a new understanding and perspective of life and so I had lost them. Eyes touch but the biggest mistake I could ever have made has been successful in July of 2017 and not had and please understand what I'm saying. Not had the blessing of having nearly died and been in and spent somewhere between 2 weeks and a month not fully back. I was hallucinating living essentially to realities that kind of coincided for a while but that is all getting better and I'm healing quickly and and you were part of my initial inspiration to get out of bed and go to what I needed to do with this new lease on life. Thank you. I hope that I don't know. I don't do this very often. I hope that somehow my contact information is attached
I have been there. I have felt it. My son who was also diagnosed as emotionally disabled was my anchor to this world. I knew losing me would have destroyed him and I could not do that. I have a semicolon branded on the inside of my right wrist. My children gave me no choice but to get help. 18 years ago I hit that bottom. 16 years ago hormone therapy turned my whole world upside down. Within 2 weeks of getting my brain and body chemistry straightened out the suicidal ideation disappeared. I wear the semicolon so that those who see it and know what it means feel free to talk or reach out for help. I remain.
thank you for continuing to react and support my favourite artist ever please please please more Ren ❤❤❤
i don't know about the rest of you, but this song doesn't just sound like you cant breathe, my diaphragm literally gets so tight i end up holding my breath through most of it. enough so that i sometimes joke about it being my ab workout for the day.
lol. Have fun watching everything (because I know you will)! I’ll be following along! You have such a great way of mixing and using both your compassion and your knowledge when you react. You’re just so very insightful and relatable! Best I’ve seen. I suspect you’re getting closer into the mind of the writer than most others in your comments. Kudos!
Such a great commentary that is so helpful to me today and many others. Thank you.
Chinchilla's pain also comes from a really abusive relationship that she has managed to break away from. Both of these artists bring so much of that emotion into their performances in their music. They are truly blessed musicians to be able to turn such a negative into such sad but also positive music ❤
Glad you keep exploring Ren's songs about loss and the aftermath. I've been there, close to doing the act and having lost friends to suicide, I see so much of my life in this song. One wonders what you missed, what subtle signal that should have been obvious so I could have stopped it. It took me a long time to just get over that. People often, having made the decision to kill themselves, thinking its the only way out, often seem to have broken out of their depression but its fact a choice has been made, a way forward to end their pain is there. One friend I felt I abandoned. I felt I had no choice. He was choosing a path I couldn't follow him down. Another had psychic damage from her early teens that finally overcame her. I could see in her eyes but she kept locked inside and it ate her up. And I almost made the same decision as them before they did. I still fight that feeling sometimes, even today. I don't have scars, that implies healing. I just oozing wounds.
A poem I wrote many years ago, about a dark time:
Fractured
Seems everyday I feel less alive
Left lost and shattered deep within
As the world turns uncaring of me
Leaving only scraps of sanity fading
Inside my mind drifting further away
Those moments I am standing are few
As I fall farther with each heartbeat
And faster with each breath taken
I have given up grasping any hand to
Stop me from following this trajectory
To the final stop and impact below
That will leave me completely fractured.
From JBrach: @AARONANKRUM I'm so glad you felt seen through Ren's songs. Music can be such an incredibly healing form of art. When you've had the trauma's of losing friends to suicide, hearing someone's story that mirrors yours may help you feel less alone. While you have wondered what signals you may have missed, the fact that you've been able to get through that shows your resilience and strength. That is an incredible insight and tragic depth that people kill themselves when depression gets so bad that they think its the only way out. It is so heartbreaking that you have had to deal with that aftermath of moving on after someone had decided to go that way. You have not let your losses swallow you whole and that is beautiful: to continue even when the pain and suffering exists. You have incorporated your losses into who you are through understanding what led them to that point and not putting blame on yourself.
Your poem makes me think of the Red song "Breathe Into Me" about longing for new life in the depths of despair.
And this is how it feels when I ignore the words you spoke to me
And this is where I lose myself when I keep running away from you
And this is who I am when, when I don't know myself anymore
And this is what I choose when it's all left up to me
Breathe your life into me
I can feel you
I'm falling, falling faster
Breathe your life into me
I still need you
I'm falling, falling
Breathe into me
Breathe into me
And this is how it looks when I am standing on the edge
And this is how I break apart when I finally hit the ground
And this is how it hurts when I pretend I don't feel any pain
And this is how I disappear when I throw myself away
Breathe your life into me
I can feel you
I'm falling, falling faster
Breathe your life into me
I still need you
I'm falling, falling
Breathe into me
While today, you feel completely fractured, you have already found some healing in understanding and empathy for those you lost. You fight that feeling sometimes even today- and that's the key word "fight." It's an active engagement against the darkness trying to consume you. You are healing. You may be oozing wounds but you are not broken beyond repair. What these friends you have lost inspired in you lives on through you with the parts of them that impacted you. You can live for them and for the part of them that could've held on. Hold on for them and for yourself and for the people still in your life. I believe in you! And I am so proud that you have gone through that loss and are still healing and growing and learning! You got this! Sending so much love to you! Thank you for reaching out to HeartSupport! <3
From lu2910: @AARONANKRUM Hey, thank you for opening up to us, you're very brave for doing so.
The poem you wrote is so moving, these must be such personal and deep emotions for you. The guilt that you could've done something and changed the past is a very heavy weight to bear. From what I have read, you feel things very strong and are able to empathize with others in their struggles. With such skills as those, I'm certain those who know you and have been blessed to know you, you definitely impacted their life for the better. The guilt and regret you feel is very real and hurts, yet you do not need to bear this weight when you have done everything in your power to support others. The hard truth is that we cannot always change people's minds when they are so set on what they want to do. The most that we can do is to try our hardest. People sometimes won't open up to us, and we have to take care of our own mental stability and make sure we don't lose ourselves when surrounded by so much hurt.
From what I assume, you don't feel as if you healed, hence your lack of scars. It isn't easy to just let our wounds continue to ooze and bleed out, we only can lose so much blood before it takes a toll on us. With such feelings of grief having washed over you, it can take a while to fully processes all of our emotions and move on from our hurt, since the memories of those whom we loved never truly leave us.
You seem like such an incredible person who has helped so many people. It is not your fault that your friends were overcame by their struggles, you definitely helped them hold on for as long as they did and make them feel loved while they were still on this Earth. They seem like amazing people, and I'm glad you got to know them. These wounds do not have to ooze forever, this pain is temporary. It is not easy to fully heal from our grief, but it is possible. I want to see you heal, find peace in yourself and process these loses so that you can live your life to the fullest, helping more people by sharing your struggles and the memories you have of such wonderful people.
Keep holding your head up, you are so loved and such a fighter. This world is a better place with you in it. <3
@@HeartSupport Sorry it took so long to reply. For some technical reason, I never got a notice of your response. Thanks for support. I really appreciate. Oddly, though I never heard that song above, I wrote this poem not to long ago in response to a lot of loss in my family. In a 2 year time frame, an aunt on my Mom's side died, the an aunt on my Dad's died, unexpectedly, next my Dad died and finally my older brother died. All the deaths were to physical health issues. So, yeah, a lot of life point hits. Anyhow, here's my poem:
Breathe!
Just breathe! Remember that feeling of being alive,
When life throws burdens upon your back without end,
Never forget, to just breathe, just take a second, take five,
Don't let those hundreds of rocks cause your soul to bend.
Just breathe! Never let go that tomorrow will shine as light,
When you feel anxiety shake your confidence down,
And the sadness feels to much to bear; don't give up the fight.
Don't let darkness win, don't give in, don't let yourself drown.
Just breath! And know when you reach out, a hand will be there,
When life is a its hardest, your family and friends enfold you,
With love and hope so you can once more dare,
Waves of pain, knowing to just breathe, you know its true.
Just breathe!
@@HeartSupport Exactly. But since that poem, years ago, other events caused me to write this one:
Doubt
I don’t care if you think you know my name;
I am not that person anymore, I am not the same;
But still I know what’s up with your game;
You play with my emotions but I am not to blame.
For the life you lead, for the blood you bleed;
I am not your punching bag or some demon seed;
You think you can act that way without heed;
But I am here to say from you I have been freed.
So just leave me alone, go off on your own way;
I hate to think, to feel like I now do today;
But the scars you gave me leave me with a display;
Of your cold, uncaring soul and what you call play.
Your thoughtless ways left me to stagger and reel;
Your hollow love and comfort caused my heart to seal;
Your honest lies and deceit made my life unreal.
But now, only now, I have learned that I can deal.
I will doubt myself no more. I know I was right.
I will doubt myself no more. I will always fight.
I will doubt myself no more. I know now hope.
I will doubt myself no more. I will now cope.
Without doubt.
From JBrach: @AARONANKRUM Your poems touched me more than you can imagine! Especially this first one and the first couple lives. There are so many instances when life throws burdens upon your back without end. When it feels like an elephant is sitting on you from all the rocks thrown, and it feels too heavy to get out of bed, the ability to breathe can save your life. I know from experience that taking a breath and trying to find space from the weight is crucial in getting through it. To tie in your other poem, when we are mistreated, manipulated, or fed false love, it is also important to breathe and get space from it to identify what is really going on.
You have great insight to put words to these very nuanced and complicated emotions! I so treasure these poems and the fact that you shared them with us! Thank you for these gifts!
So as you noticed Ren is an amazing artist and really any of his songs have meaning. Chalk outlines is a great one. But 7 Sins is another. I think you should check out.
At the midpoint, and I don't have a hard life, not by a long shot. I've never been diagnosed with serious depression, I've never had some kind of mental illness, I've always had good grades and a decent cast of friends. But this is my senior year of high school, and my junior year devastated me. Something was so wrong and I still don't know exactly what it was, but since then I've felt so disconnected. I got somewhat better over the summer, but starting this senior year has just reset me to that state, and I've had some hard choices to make with friends and I just haven't been sure I can handle it. Thank you so much for your reactions, they continue to fill me with hope. And ren's songs make me feel heard, wirh all his extremes. Thank you so much
From TenaciousGrace: @isaacbarker7378 Life can be hard. Just because you havent had anything that you would consider qualifying you for having had a hard life, doesn't mean your struggles and feelings arent as important. It has been quite some time since I have been in high school, but I remember vividly how hard it can be at times. Everyone is growing and determining who they are and what direction they want to take in life. It's such a weird time. Its easy to start feeling disconnected from people and things. You sound very self-aware and level headed so i absolutely have faith that you can handle more than you realize. Making hard decisions suck to put it frankly. Just make sure you give yourself some grace too. You deserve it.
From mixdtapes: @isaacbarker7378 You are not alone and know we are here to listen and understand and provide support. I hear you so well. My junior year was rough losing a girlfriend. I just felt so empty. My aunt helped me get through. Senior year was hard because I lost a circle of friends who didn't want me around because I wasn't going to go along with their pranks and antics. I felt so alone. I found a way forward by focusing on me and my goals and rediscovering neighborhood friends who took me in. I'm thinking of you. I know high school can be such a difficult time but your life will be so much more than that. Give yourself that grace and permit those close to you in to lift you up.
From Mikefromwithin: @isaacbarker7378 Depression is definitely a hard thing to escape no matter your circumstances. My life is considerably better than years previous, and I have been considerably for depressed of late. Thinking about where I was and where I am now helps a lot.
Love this performance. Love your reaction. Your reaction is my favorite one I’ve seen.
You’re a LEGEND!!!! I’m a lifer with counseling therapy;etc I’m not going to say any more just YOU ARE SPECIAL AND TRUE!!! I for one appreciate your presents on this planet
PLEASE do Chalk Outlines next! It's stunning and as much as I love How To Be Me, I think Chalk Outlines is better.
I wholeheartedly feel this song.
That is a little masterpiece! So good, TY ❤
Chalk outlines is fantastic. Another superb hitter is Seven Sins - it blew me away..
My favourite Ren song. And that’s a tough statement to commit to, amongst all of his genius. So great to watch you experience it. x
Am looking forward to seeing a "For Joe" reaction as well and you did a.great job here as well. Their other live duet "Chalk Outlines" is also fire. I would like to point out that so far you have only exposed yourself to Ren's quote unquote "heavy" stuff, so I just want to remind you that there are equally impressive psychological nuggets to be found in his more happier, upbeat stuff. So I hope, sometime along your journey down this rabbithole, that you react to songs such as "Humble," "Hold On," and Mayne "life is funny". Also, it looked like your jaw dropped at some of Chinchilla's vocals, which is good, because hopefully there might be a shot of you listening to her solo stuff. If so, start with the live version of "fingers" for Hunger T.V
Yes! More Ren reactions. Good form!
I lost my lifelong friend to suicide last summer. Days later I heard this song for the first time and it cracked me to my core. I have been with Ren ever since, he is my mental champion. He translates emotion into words and songs. It takes a very special person to be so in touch with that voice inside, to confront it and speak from that vulnerable place ... he never ceases to amaze me. But this song, this one is deeply personal and something I have to prepare myself to hear. That loss is still something I am working through, there is not a day goes by that I don't think about him. I think this song made me see a part of the pain he was battling ... a lot of Ren's songs give perspective on pain. That guy has been through a lot and I am grateful he is here, making music to help the rest of us...
From Micro: @grfxman09 I'm so sorry for your loss, friend. It is such a heartbreak to lose someone who matters so much to you to suicide. I've recorded a voice reply to you here: www.loom.com/share/fb994afaa7be4b89bab09115d8da3001?sid=a44b4542-d34f-46ee-b2a2-80f1b9d852b8 - but all of this to say: I see you and hear your pain. :heart:
ive just found ren accidentally. it is both the best accident caused by youtube and felt like a car crash realizing all at once that i was glad someone understood but hated myself for being glad someone understands
So glad to have found your channel! Love your reaction
One year ago. 13" scar from wrist to inner elbow. 50 stitches and a transfusion. Alone in a room full of people is all I can describe the world as still. I manage daily. Let those in your life know you care. Cause from experience Even now I don't have the self worth to call the number cause to me it wouldn't matter either way. Ren is awesome chinchilla is awesome also.
Awesome Reaction as always! Keep doing what you!
I think the Ren video One Million Subscribers would resonate with Taylor and her audience. It’s a very insightful spoken word piece about his life, life in general, mental and physical pain, etc. I tear up when watching it.
You've gotta watch the lyric version, it hits so hard
Every day, at least once, I feel this way.... How do I keep going? I am a suic*de "survivor". I was engaged to someone who took his own life. We will never completely recover from that loss... all of us who loved him. But I never ever ever want to be the cause of that kind of pain. My spirituality and my spouse are what has most recently saved my life... Today, I find 5 things every day as reasons to stick around. Some days are easier than others.
Crutch is just beautiful. It was done with his girlfriend at the time Bibi. It’s just art.
They have another heart wrenching duet in "Chalk Outlines"
I took this as the song is in Joe’s voice. The end is Ren talking to Joe.
Either way you slice it, beautiful song.
Such an emotional song.
i love that you saw the same thing i saw. you very perspective and compassionate
Please do “for joe” soon
Chalk Outlines, like others have said, is a must!
Also, Fingers Live by Chinchilla, there’s a line at the end of that song that near enough every female can relate to. She’s a powerhouse is our Chinny 😊
This one makes me ball my eyes out every time ❤
great reaction didnt dissapoint at all like always :) keep up the amazing reactions.