Esther is a genius! My husband & I play @ the park on the swings, slide & jungle gym! It is so fun to have him push me on the whirly, whirl! This 30 min fun activity causes the next 2-3 days to be joyful! Play is absolutely essential to our marriage! I am 54 & my husband is 62!
@@christinah.8504you need to play more instead of being an unpleasant person making gratuitously mean comments about people obviously far nicer than you 🤡
Single woman here who has followed Esther and her practices for some time now. Can never get enough of what she has to share. Unfortunately many people out there are not operating in a space that allows for successful relationships. These teachings should be mandatory before marriage and after divorce.
“humor and play is possibility. possibility invites change. change invites healing” what an incredible quote. i just recently found Esther and i love her perspective!
For real she is actually talking about people relationship, she is looking at human connection..but people these days are so stuck on gender roles it’s a lot of opinions not a lot of higher thinking. Esther is refreshing because of the authenticity of how she connects the dots and it resonates✨
To whoever is reading this, you are loved. You are blessed. Your dreams are manifesting as we speak. Time is on your side. Everything will work out in your favor. May you find more love, peace and prosperity. Keep shining your light in this world. We need you and we love you. Bless you with all the best🙂 💖💖💖
3:15 We are not the same person with different partners. Different things come out, depending on what is being sent over to us...we are constantly responding to each other. Different people bring out different aspects that are already within us. Thankyou Lewis & Esther for such an insightful & powerful interview! I feel more empowered to make positive changes within myself to heal a painful marriage. 🙏💖
Wow! Brilliantly authentic and insightful as always. The questions to ask ourselves. Who was I in this relationship? What role did I play? What did I see that I didn’t want to pay attention to? What things do I wish I had done differently? Where do I wish I said less and where more? What did I learn from this relationship ? Who do I want to be in the next relationship? 3:12 we are not the same person in every relationship which is a "figure 8" of dynamics 4:14 not blaming game but understanding the dynamics 5:34 What keeps us "connected-alive" with a sense of possibility? Calibrating expectations; Diversifying your social connections; taking risks, doing new things and play. 08:06 humour is essential
I’ve never heard anyone explain things so well like this before. It makes things so much easier to understand. It gives us a better insight into everything.
Wow! I have only watched a minute and a half and I am already blown away! I already need to rewind and then stop for personal reflection! If you are stumbling onto the work of Ester Perel for the first time, listen closely and find more videos! So much insight and wisdom and her ideas are applicable to both women and men. Thank you!
without communication there is no negotiation, no transformation, no relationship. And we can't blame or win anything unless both sides are heared. We must listen and communicate, the end. Beautiful interview Mr. Howes. 🤭🌹
i love how esther talks about the importance of humor even “making fun of”. i’m a survivor with cptsd and my favorite relationships involve roasting ourselves and one another in friendly ways that don’t cause pain just lots of laughter. i realized through this conflicting values don’t always have to mean tension, stress, and arguments. not everyone feels safe playing with everyone though.
I love the focus on humour! My friends and I call this “clowning”. Where we exaggerate an aspect of a situation with jokes or even an expression of emotive embodiment of the irrational fear. For the purpose of bringing it to light for observation of the group in a palpable, digestible way.
I truly wish I'd found her and these conversations at least 4 (if not more) years ago before the catastrophe I've experienced over the last 3 years-the loss of my beloved wife of 48 years due to the growing distance between us and ultimate "irreconcilable differences" that drove her to leave our marriage and not return. Everything I've heard so far is exactly what we needed to hear together.
This video of Esther Perel is great and more than great... enlightened, for us who walk in the dark without knowing it. Merci beaucoup Esther Perel !!! 🏮
Duuude I just realized that I hadn't had time to listen to your podcasts lately, I actually remembered how I enjoy them. Not just the guests but the interaction, your listening skills and the fluidity of it all.
This is an excellent clip. Understanding our role in our past relationship failures is key. It's much easier to blame and see the problems of our past partners then it is to accept that our role was just as significant and damaging. By taking time to heal our inner wounds it changes how we show up in relationships moving forward; which is definitely a blessing. What an unhealed heart looks for in a partner and brings to the relationship is much different than what a healed heart looks for and knows they now have to offer. 💛
Thank you both for this … great questions, wonderful insight and her wisdom is so valuable, I could listen to her all day….Esther’s a jewel. Appreciate this interview very much
The depth of understanding and ability to see how it all works (or doesn't work) is astonishing. I can see how my failed relationships went wrong but also my successful relationship worked. Then realising I knew this all along. Brilliant video. Should be compulsive viewing at 20 yrs old!
After watching this video I kinda understood why my relation collapsed, total and absolute lack of sense of Humour. I`m sure many people think sense of humour on both sides is not that important. I can freaking garantee you it is utterly important. And especially if your partner has basically zero sense of homour , then, my friend, you are Done. And I agree with Esther, at that point, when there is zero humour, the relationship is OVER, dont even try to salvage it, cause you cant.
Ahhhh my bf always tease me, every single day, never gives me normal selfies, always weird pose selfies. I asked him, when you're gonna stop to tease me like this? And he said, I wish never. The moment I stop tease you means I stop caring about you. Since then, I tried to loosen up and be playful with my bf like in the beginning of our relationship ☺️😆
I wish this Intelligent educational conversation had less of a commercial and simplistic headline, since it actually i think stops people from watching it for the correct reasons.
Lewis, you don't need to interject, it's ok to just listen sometimes. It was at times very distracting and frankly didn't apport anything to the conversation. But thank you for the content nontheless.
i loved the focus on "play" at the end of this conversation. When i was in university, i studied psychology and did some research and wrote papers on how fundamental play was in child emotional development for both boys and girls. Which also lead me to secondary research on how important fathers are in play and emotional development from childhood into adulthood
I knew my marriage was definitely over when he refused to laugh at my jokes anymore. I’m really funny. He would rarely have sex with me for 10 of our 24 year marriage but I knew it was over when he refused to play with me or laugh.
I cannot begin to express how grateful I am for this interview 🙏 So many great questions and break throughs for me.Absolutely magic especially about intimacy and yes I agree.Thank you to both of you.I feel empowered 🧡
Yes!! Humor and play is soo so important for passion and fun in a realionship! I bring so much to the table and if a guy doesn’t see it then oh well! 😂🥂🙏. I’m a hoot and amaze myself some days! lol
I think Esther is very wise. I have a question though. It happens sometimes that you are married and to a spouse that gets a mental illness or a dissorder and really doesn’t whant help. We are living in the assuption that everybody is just neurotic but never ill. But there are ill people, and I think that is something we must not be naive about. Many of us are trying to hard for too long.
I tell the men I dated, the common denominator in these relationships that have ended is me. I made significant contributions to the demise of the relationship.
The film Life is Beautiful is a powerful example of a father helping his son psychologically survive a concentration camp experience by creating/narrating an imaginary "game" to create joyful play in the midst of trauma and terror. Play is a survival skill!
How do you handle when I'm the only one wanting to play ...he plays and flirts with others but says we live together so no need to play with me and my desire for it pushes him away
I'm not and expert and far from it. My heart tells me if being playful is a need for you than just be playful for your own health. Be playful with others and with him if it is received, but never dim yourself. Be joyful for you... I think he will eventually see the value in it
My 3 rd marriage and we are still on fire for each other Of course I married the ultimate marriage therapist. It’s work but it’s work I love doing! There is nothing better than finding your true love 💗
Being the Perfect Partner means being a Whole Person without having to have another person to complete you. You Should already be complete. And as far as supplying someone else's needs be careful, because if you are a Whole Person and they are a Whole Person then each can take care of there own needs and that way a Whole Partner can be a Luxury and not a Needy Necessity in a Relationship. Whole Complete Mature Adults know how to behave with one another. Get Yourself Fixed so that you don't bring unwanted garbage in and "Ruin" what may be a Future Whole Relationship and a Life Story and perhaps also some Love as well.
My husband is leaving me for another woman. Should I beg him to stay? He says he no longer loves me and does not want to grow old with me. Should I beg him to stay with me???
Hell No, you deserve so much better.If he doesn’t love you now, begging him to stay will not change the facts. Work on loving yourself and finding someone who will treat you the way that you deserve.The love of my life ghosted me and I never went to chase him. It hurt so much but I will never beg a man to stay In my life.Ive even ran into this man and I don’t give him any acknowledgment to his existence because someone who hurt me like that does not deserve my attention or time.I had to learn to honour me even though it hurt like hell!
I have to disagreee to some of the comments here… try living with a malignant narcissist.. you can only run and run fast.. the failure of a relationship with one of them has nothing to do with you or anything you’ve done.. it’s ALL about their evilness and it’s insidious.
Gonna go out on a limb here and say that I'm sure she wasn't addressing relationships where one partner has a personality disorder. Beyond that, I would agree - being involved with someone who has a personality disorder brings things into the relationship that is usually beyond the capabilities that a regular person, or anyone, could contend with. My wife is a narcissistic abuse therapist for women, and I've learned so much about what women go through in dealing with this. I'm sorry to hear that you went through this yourself.
When Women so many times say to a Man... 'My Children are the most important thing in My life and always will be'...'But I want you to make me the most important thing in your life'....how would you suggest a Man respond to that Esther?
Esther is a genius! My husband & I play @ the park on the swings, slide & jungle gym! It is so fun to have him push me on the whirly, whirl! This 30 min fun activity causes the next 2-3 days to be joyful! Play is absolutely essential to our marriage! I am 54 & my husband is 62!
This is so inspiring. 😊
humble brag much? Take it easy. Those things are what you should be doing.
that's really cute :)
Love that so much !
@@christinah.8504you need to play more instead of being an unpleasant person making gratuitously mean comments about people obviously far nicer than you 🤡
Single woman here who has followed Esther and her practices for some time now. Can never get enough of what she has to share. Unfortunately many people out there are not operating in a space that allows for successful relationships. These teachings should be mandatory before marriage and after divorce.
🙌
Q
Enjoy listening to you Ester thank you
What is your definition of "space?"
Completely mandatory!!
We literally know nothing about how to be humans
“humor and play is possibility. possibility invites change. change invites healing” what an incredible quote. i just recently found Esther and i love her perspective!
🧡
🎉🎉
"Play is the opposite of fear"
What a genial woman. I'm so grateful💖🙏
Thank you so much for watching!
She is one of the few people I hear who puts accountability on both parties.
🙌
For real she is actually talking about people relationship, she is looking at human connection..but people these days are so stuck on gender roles it’s a lot of opinions not a lot of higher thinking. Esther is refreshing because of the authenticity of how she connects the dots and it resonates✨
To whoever is reading this, you are loved. You are blessed. Your dreams are manifesting as we speak. Time is on your side. Everything will work out in your favor. May you find more love, peace and prosperity. Keep shining your light in this world. We need you and we love you. Bless you with all the best🙂 💖💖💖
❤❤❤
Bellisimo!!!! Thank YOU so much for this blessing. Much needed!!!!
Mom?
Thank you 😢
Amen
I am really impressed by the way that she explains difficult things in easy way
3:15 We are not the same person with different partners. Different things come out, depending on what is being sent over to us...we are constantly responding to each other. Different people bring out different aspects that are already within us.
Thankyou Lewis & Esther for such an insightful & powerful interview! I feel more empowered to make positive changes within myself to heal a painful marriage. 🙏💖
You're welcome, thank you for tuning in 🧡
I was thinking exactly those things. 😊
She is a smart person and one of the best I’ve heard on relationships. A true professional and specialist.
Absolutely...she is brilliant
Wow! Brilliantly authentic and insightful as always. The questions to ask ourselves.
Who was I in this relationship?
What role did I play?
What did I see that I didn’t want to pay attention to?
What things do I wish I had done differently?
Where do I wish I said less and where more?
What did I learn from this relationship ?
Who do I want to be in the next relationship?
3:12 we are not the same person in every relationship which is a "figure 8" of dynamics
4:14 not blaming game but understanding the dynamics
5:34 What keeps us "connected-alive" with a sense of possibility? Calibrating expectations; Diversifying your social connections; taking risks, doing new things and play.
08:06 humour is essential
Thank you for writing down and timing for each section. You are a great help
Thank you. This is so helpful
Thank you!
💞
Thank you for this. x
I’ve never heard anyone explain things so well like this before. It makes things so much easier to understand. It gives us a better insight into everything.
Thank you so much for your feedback 🙂
Wow! I have only watched a minute and a half and I am already blown away! I already need to rewind and then stop for personal reflection! If you are stumbling onto the work of Ester Perel for the first time, listen closely and find more videos! So much insight and wisdom and her ideas are applicable to both women and men. Thank you!
You're welcome, thank you for being here 🧡
without communication there is no negotiation, no transformation, no relationship. And we can't blame or win anything unless both sides are heared. We must listen and communicate, the end. Beautiful interview Mr. Howes. 🤭🌹
Thank you so much! Your comment made my day 😊
i love how esther talks about the importance of humor even “making fun of”. i’m a survivor with cptsd and my favorite relationships involve roasting ourselves and one another in friendly ways that don’t cause pain just lots of laughter. i realized through this conflicting values don’t always have to mean tension, stress, and arguments. not everyone feels safe playing with everyone though.
Best part of a good relationship is communication. Being responsible and being respectful
Fun and humour I'm learning is in that list too.
I love the focus on humour! My friends and I call this “clowning”. Where we exaggerate an aspect of a situation with jokes or even an expression of emotive embodiment of the irrational fear. For the purpose of bringing it to light for observation of the group in a palpable, digestible way.
I truly wish I'd found her and these conversations at least 4 (if not more) years ago before the catastrophe I've experienced over the last 3 years-the loss of my beloved wife of 48 years due to the growing distance between us and ultimate "irreconcilable differences" that drove her to leave our marriage and not return. Everything I've heard so far is exactly what we needed to hear together.
48 years WTF? why i’m the world wouldn’t you too just stick it out!?? However I understand it only if infidelity was at play
I’m sorry to hear this Douglas. I’m healing from a recent breakup but your wound puts mine to shame. I’m still glad you learned❤
Why blaming yourself, when it’s true
This video of Esther Perel is great and more than great... enlightened, for us who walk in the dark without knowing it. Merci beaucoup Esther Perel !!! 🏮
She's deep and accurate. ❤
Duuude I just realized that I hadn't had time to listen to your podcasts lately, I actually remembered how I enjoy them. Not just the guests but the interaction, your listening skills and the fluidity of it all.
Appreciate you! 🙏
Yes, the fluidity!!
This is an excellent clip. Understanding our role in our past relationship failures is key. It's much easier to blame and see the problems of our past partners then it is to accept that our role was just as significant and damaging. By taking time to heal our inner wounds it changes how we show up in relationships moving forward; which is definitely a blessing. What an unhealed heart looks for in a partner and brings to the relationship is much different than what a healed heart looks for and knows they now have to offer. 💛
Glad you enjoyed it!
Thank you both for this … great questions, wonderful insight and her wisdom is so valuable, I could listen to her all day….Esther’s a jewel. Appreciate this interview very much
You're welcome, thank you for being here 🧡
4:00 This tapestry called Love is worth every stitch. Treasured ~
She’s the best! I learn so much from her wisdom and knowledge.
I love it when figure 8 is beautifully explained, thank you.
Love Ester's take on play. Now im being mindful of play and being more silly my aporoach to dating is less intense and im feeling much more relaxed.
I neverrrrrr thought of it this way! The figure 8 analogy makes soooo much sense 👏🏼
I like the figure 8 analogy. When I tried that in my marriage, I was accused of blaming. It was not a blame deal...but could never get past that hump.
This type of conversations heal my soul ❤ ty ty ty
Always learn so much from your interviews. Thank you both for all you do🙏
If you don't arouse that primal passion in a woman then it doesn't matter how good a partner a man is.
and how do you do that?
@@timothyn4699play and flirting and make sure to play with words! It’s hot!
Pearls of wisdom, Always! Thanks!
You're welcome,thank you for being here 🧡
The depth of understanding and ability to see how it all works (or doesn't work) is astonishing.
I can see how my failed relationships went wrong but also my successful relationship worked.
Then realising I knew this all along. Brilliant video. Should be compulsive viewing at 20 yrs old!
After watching this video I kinda understood why my relation collapsed, total and absolute lack of sense of Humour. I`m sure many people think sense of humour on both sides is not that important. I can freaking garantee you it is utterly important. And especially if your partner has basically zero sense of homour , then, my friend, you are Done.
And I agree with Esther, at that point, when there is zero humour, the relationship is OVER, dont even try to salvage it, cause you cant.
Your wonderful, Louis. Thank you!! And your guest just gives me hope for myself every single time I hear her speak. Keep up the great work!!
Esther is amazing. I'm learning so much from her.
fantastic! from start to finish. she is brilliant as always.
🧡
It takes one to know one Tonista
Ahhhh my bf always tease me, every single day, never gives me normal selfies, always weird pose selfies. I asked him, when you're gonna stop to tease me like this? And he said, I wish never. The moment I stop tease you means I stop caring about you. Since then, I tried to loosen up and be playful with my bf like in the beginning of our relationship ☺️😆
So good! I will watch it again! Beautifull woman and teacher! Tnx a lot! ❤❤
I wish this Intelligent educational conversation had less of a commercial and simplistic headline, since it actually i think stops people from watching it for the correct reasons.
Lewis, you don't need to interject, it's ok to just listen sometimes. It was at times very distracting and frankly didn't apport anything to the conversation. But thank you for the content nontheless.
Absolutely wonderful just listening to her great insight and wisdom...
Humar and playing is what got is through all the really hard conversations.
I love these greatness clips!
Appreciate you and your support! 🙏
i loved the focus on "play" at the end of this conversation. When i was in university, i studied psychology and did some research and wrote papers on how fundamental play was in child emotional development for both boys and girls. Which also lead me to secondary research on how important fathers are in play and emotional development from childhood into adulthood
I knew my marriage was definitely over when he refused to laugh at my jokes anymore. I’m really funny. He would rarely have sex with me for 10 of our 24 year marriage but I knew it was over when he refused to play with me or laugh.
shes amazing
It all boils down to people’s level of consciousness!
I cannot begin to express how grateful I am for this interview 🙏 So many great questions and break throughs for me.Absolutely magic especially about intimacy and yes I agree.Thank you to both of you.I feel empowered 🧡
So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching!
So much to learn from Esther. Thank you.
You're welcome,thank you for tuning in 🧡
I just love her!
Thank you for being here 🧡
I love this woman 😘✨
🧡
She's great.
🧡
Yes!! Humor and play is soo so important for passion and fun in a realionship! I bring so much to the table and if a guy doesn’t see it then oh well! 😂🥂🙏. I’m a hoot and amaze myself some days! lol
I think Esther is very wise. I have a question though. It happens sometimes that you are married and to a spouse that gets a mental illness or a dissorder and really doesn’t whant help. We are living in the assuption that everybody is just neurotic but never ill. But there are ill people, and I think that is something we must not be naive about. Many of us are trying to hard for too long.
I have a question. Does Perel discuss abuse in relationships?
I believe that her advice is solid. It just won’t work in abusive relationships.
@AlbertNewton-bf6cr I left my abusive ex seven years ago. I was just curious to know if she mentions abusive relationships in any of her work.
@AlbertNewton-bf6cr Single, not ready to mingle.😆
I tell the men I dated, the common denominator in these relationships that have ended is me. I made significant contributions to the demise of the relationship.
Love this two🤗🙏🏻❤️
There are 3 sides to every situation his truth, her truth and the actual truth
Say yes dear all the time and keep your eyes only on your pride and joy!!!!🇨🇦
And attention!!
Cannot say it enough!!!!
I was hoping to see both of you play this anticipated game.😮
Love this thank you
You're welcome,thank you for being here 🧡
I love the way she refers to it as ‘being in transition’
What about people with addiction? How does this change the dynamic?
I love her insights
🧡
"Each one creates the other..."
I really love this two. 🙏🏻🙏🏻
🧡
The film Life is Beautiful is a powerful example of a father helping his son psychologically survive a concentration camp experience by creating/narrating an imaginary "game" to create joyful play in the midst of trauma and terror. Play is a survival skill!
We all need to fix something!!
This lessons are awesome
Thanks
You're welcome, thank you for tuning in 🧡
Gracias ❤
Totally agree 100%...
🙌
This one video is eeeeverythiiing. Eyes wise n wide opening
Appreciate you for watching. 🧡
How do you handle when I'm the only one wanting to play ...he plays and flirts with others but says we live together so no need to play with me and my desire for it pushes him away
I'm not and expert and far from it. My heart tells me if being playful is a need for you than just be playful for your own health. Be playful with others and with him if it is received, but never dim yourself. Be joyful for you... I think he will eventually see the value in it
Express that it's important to you. Tell him you want to play together. I hope he responds well x
Thank you 💝
You're welcome, thank you for tuning in 🧡
So helpful!
Hahahaha I love her vibe so much
Thank you for this, you are both brilliant! Is it possible to purchase the game in Mexico?
How many of you are in a happy and successful relationship or marriage, and how long have you been together?
My 3 rd marriage and we are still on fire for each other
Of course I married the ultimate marriage therapist. It’s work but it’s work I love doing! There is nothing better than finding your true love 💗
🧡
Give us some tips….I’m considering a 3rd marriage but fear the odds are so terrible!
@@akcr5769 Same here. Too scared after 2 divorces!
@@shaaddhillon3819 3rd time is a charm! Is for me, 17 years and still as happy. Each year gets better! 🤍
@@akcr5769 do it! My third is 17 years and getting better!
Being the Perfect Partner means being a Whole Person without having to have another person to complete you. You Should already be complete. And as far as supplying someone else's needs be careful, because if you are a Whole Person and they are a Whole Person then each can take care of there own needs and that way a Whole Partner can be a Luxury and not a Needy Necessity in a Relationship. Whole Complete Mature Adults know how to behave with one another. Get Yourself Fixed so that you don't bring unwanted garbage in and "Ruin" what may be a Future Whole Relationship and a Life Story and perhaps also some Love as well.
Excellent! ❤👍❤👍
Thank you!
I got used once.Thats why i stay single I travel on my own.Clubs.Eat on my own.Looks funny sitting by myself.You learn to live with it.
Esther, you flower🤲🤗💞.
How would you do this if your husband is going blind and is angry
I use to feel hurt by my wife now i dont feel anything. I must say, i prefer this feeling.
What book would you recommend I start with?
Grazie.
You're welcome!
What exactly are these risks that push you beyond your comfort threshold?
❤ excellent advice❤
Thank you for tuning in 🧡
p l a y ❤
creating
healing
My husband is leaving me for another woman. Should I beg him to stay? He says he no longer loves me and does not want to grow old with me. Should I beg him to stay with me???
Hell No, you deserve so much better.If he doesn’t love you now, begging him to stay will not change the facts. Work on loving yourself and finding someone who will treat you the way that you deserve.The love of my life ghosted me and I never went to chase him. It hurt so much but I will never beg a man to stay In my life.Ive even ran into this man and I don’t give him any acknowledgment to his existence because someone who hurt me like that does not deserve my attention or time.I had to learn to honour me even though it hurt like hell!
How do I speak with her? I NEED some advice
People want to have have have have
How about doing something yourself
I just found out that 2 of my grown children are not my biological children? The oldest is 45 my ex wife kept the lie for 45years
Which podcast episode is this extract from?
I would love to hear a podcast on how someone at 50 can find there soulmate? Where to go and what to do?
Match making services.
Why wouldn't you be able to find someone?! Of course you can!
I have to disagreee to some of the comments here… try living with a malignant narcissist.. you can only run and run fast.. the failure of a relationship with one of them has nothing to do with you or anything you’ve done.. it’s ALL about their evilness and it’s insidious.
This is what I was thinking too
You are right
Sometimes ppl just are not able to be a partner as you have said. Not always equal contribution
Gonna go out on a limb here and say that I'm sure she wasn't addressing relationships where one partner has a personality disorder.
Beyond that, I would agree - being involved with someone who has a personality disorder brings things into the relationship that is usually beyond the capabilities that a regular person, or anyone, could contend with.
My wife is a narcissistic abuse therapist for women, and I've learned so much about what women go through in dealing with this. I'm sorry to hear that you went through this yourself.
If you were in an abusive relationship…. Particularly a covertly abusive relationship?
This is a very important question.
Therapy first. So simple
Run from toxic evil. Wont work. Dont waste your time. They will destroy you.
When they start to pull back you’d better run away.
PLEASE INTERVIEW JONATHAN ASLAY‼️🎤💜
When Women so many times say to a Man... 'My Children are the most important thing in My life and always will be'...'But I want you to make me the most important thing in your life'....how would you suggest a Man respond to that Esther?
Sounds like a one way street. Step one is reciprocity. If not it’s not a relationship.