I’m A Bed Bug

Do you remember the Bed Bug panic? According to the news media they were multiplying like crazy, becoming resistant to all legal pesticides, and infesting mattresses and upholstery across the world. They particularly enjoyed lurking in hotel rooms, where they could creep into suitcases, and accompany holidaymakers home to take up residence there.
However, despite the dire predictions, we aren’t all a mass of blistered bites and don’t have bugs skulking in every corner of our homes. There are dark mutterings that the whole thing was hyped up as a Russian plot to damage the Western tourist industry.
I’m not sure what to believe, but the bed bug story was too good not to turn into a song, so here it is!