The ADHD Love Languages: How to Communicate Better to Solve Relationship Problems (w/ Melissa Orlov)

In this hour-long ADDitude webinar from 2/7/23, Melissa Orlov presents strategies to resolve conflict in relationships touched by ADHD. She focuses on verbal cues, apologies, and repair techniques to improve communication.
Download the slides associated with this webinar here: www.additudema...
8:00 example of how to set up verbal cue
11:00 do-over, for lying
13:00 exposing invisible ADHD overwhelm
15:00 making a good apology
22:00 repair techniques, "bids for repair"
27:00 conflict resolution
29:00 conflict intimacy
32:00 "rules" for CI
38:00 emotional dysregulation
41:00 hurt vs anger - how to deal with explosions from partner
44:00 division of labor in house/ coordination meetings
49:00 how do you know when its too late to save a relationship?
53:00 how to validate what you don't agree wit
Related Resources
1. Download: Manage ADHD’s Impact on Your Relationship
www.additudema...
2. Read: Loving Someone with ADHD Is Easy…
www.additudema...
3. Read: Married with ADHD: How Real Couples Make It Work
www.additudema...
4. eBook: The ADHD Guide to Making Social Connections
www.additudema...
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[@runningmama4793]

This was absolutely amazing and incredibly helpful. Watching in the middle of the night after quite the difficult conversation with my husband (I'm the one with all the emotional dysregulation), and can't wait to watch it again with him and take notes. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

[@nnylasoR]

Excited and thankful for this one! You guys seem to have read my mind. 🧡

[@Epiphalactic]

So many good ideas in here. I'm going to put these into place for myself and my partner. She and I are both ADHD, myself being a little more fully enveloped in it. A lot of these ideas seem like they could help, and would definitely be approved by our therapist.

[@efib5514]

I find Mrs. Melissa Orlov really great and helpful in her answers. Thank you

[@AutiSam1974]

I wish you made more shorter videos. I find it hard to concentrate on webinars for more than about 10 minutes, a condensed summary would be helpful

[@cynthiaracicot6502]

My partner drags everything out, making me go nuts.

[@deltastripes]

Just adding chapters (timestamps) for the main topics would really help

[@Darthflips]

Lol. I had to keep rewinding

[@priusa8113]

😂lol typical adhd commentary… welcome to the club :)

[@simonedugal7831]

I hear you lol. I addressed this by watching it at 1.5x lol!

[@herlindasanchez5736]

Thank you

[@Mixer-he2wb]

I was reading the apology slide and the first thing it reminded me of was elementary school with my step mom (new mom).

[@karladolman9664]

Because of course, the only barrier to getting a diagnosis is wanting one...

[@EsonIndustries]

Why do I find this woman to be so RSD provoking :D On the other hand, thank you for sharing.

[@seolajun3653]

What is RSD?

[@ChaiLatte13]

8:32 Yep. Interesting my ADHD partner is better at arguing than me. He is better at remembering every single part of the argument. I just shutdown and get tired of it all. I feel like these roles are flipped in our relationship. I get tired of talking about and fighting about everything.

[@clairerhojon]

There is no talking or understanding with my ADHD husband. He is so closed and defensive. He does not see an issue and then he has a traumatic crisis when I speak ( banging his ears and singing while crying... Dont know to walk away at this point. Opinions welcome. X

[@DynAmisch69]

Leave him behind and let him drown in his chaos. You’re not the disabled one. You can go on and live a perfectly fine orderly life with someone else. Just make sure your next partner isn’t adhd.

[@smilejesuslovesyoutoo]

So I'm a female who has A.D.D. and my boyfriend is an introvert who hates talking about feelings, love or intimate things. It drives me mad sometimes. Would this be the same techniques to use for us? I'm not ADHD I'm A.D.D. but my Adderall can make me over concentrate at times when we have a disagreement. I end up always feeling unheard or hurt because he will never talk to me. I can literally talk till I'm blue in the face but he won't say one word. I'm at my end sometimes because I just feel ignored and unloved when he does it. I know he loves me and he is a very gentle man I just can't break through to get him to talk to me and I'm wondering if it's because I'm A.D.D. and I'm just over reacting. I can be all over the place at times.

[@ChaiLatte13]

Your dynamic sounds a lot like me and my husband. He says a lot of the things you mentioned here (feel unheard, hurt, ignored, nothing is resolved). He is ADHD, but I immediately shut down and just cannot stand arguing with him. He can talk and talk and talk for literally hours!! and I'm just plain exhausted.

[@natalyaa4928]

Omg, did Melissa Orlov GET DIVORCED from her ADHD husband?? 😮 with all that knowledge and intentions to make the ADHD marriage it still did not work?! 😢

[@seolajun3653]

😂😂😂😂😂

[@mhuzzell]

I'm really shocked to hear you listing possible reasons for non-diagnosis that are all to do with the suspected-ADHD-person's lack of engagement or desire for diagnosis. In my observation and experience, MONEY is far and away the biggest barrier between suspected-ADHD and diagnosed ADHD. Money and difficulties getting appointments within the person's public health or insurance network (which can in many cases be resolved with more money, but without it can mean years-long waiting lists).