I didn't think I would relate at all honestly but I relate more to dantes and his ideas towards life and sacrifice than I do anyone else in his streams. I saw dantes as his surface level persona but this stream made me appreciate him as a person so deeply
The unspoken challenge is to get doctor k to say “can I think for a second” Dante’s does it more then I’ve seen most people in a whole video do it in 15 minutes
if that is the unspoken challenge then doctor k wouldn't be able to get a honest answer, it is just "another" content made to deceive the audiences like us.
after watching until the later point of the video, I interpret this "can I think for a second" more of a "let me think how to really convey my point to him since he is a bit in denial and is not really understanding what he is thinking through, basically he think he is smart but he is also blindsided" that feel to me, this is not a good sign to be honest.
@@pencilcheck I know what it’s used for lol. The point is it’s the unspoken challenge to get it to happen. Literally just a meme comment. I’ve watched every doctor k interview.
I'm unironically happy to see our horse main getting his mental relaxed. As much as we love his schizo arc in league, I wouldn't watch 2 hours of league stream continuously, but I would watch this therapy session from start to finish.
Lmao no matter how much HealthyGamer and Dr K say these conversations are not therapy it is plain as day to normal people - this and all Dr K convos are clearly live-streamed virtual therapy sessions
it is not a therapy, it is a coaching like dr K said. who are we to say its therapy when even psychiatrist himself that studied this field knows what the therapy does
25:50 "At the end of the day, people will forget what you say. They'll forget the things you talk about. They'll forget the promises you made. They'll forget everything. But they'll never forget how you make them feel."
This talk is a great response to the “sigma male grindset” trend that young men might be gravitating to. Grind, workout, make money are all good things, but using them as an escape for insecurity isn’t what makes you truly strong or masculine. Also, Dantes was amazing here!
i’d complicate whether those things you mention are always just automatically “good things” because i think part of the problem with the _sigma grindset_ attitude is seeing them as some universal goods and easy fixes when, lilke with any health and lifestyle issue, context and execution is always key … grinding can be super unhealthy if it’s overworking and overstressing you; workouts that focus heavily on bodybuilding and muscle gains can lead to all sorts of health problems instead of benefits; having or making money does not lead directly to happiness. these should all be obvious in themselves but the meme/ideal never really gets into that sort of nuance and i think that is what can lead a lot of people to just be unhappy in new and different ways instead of more deeply understanding the fundamental problems they actually need to address.
anything can be an addiction, its just that the sigma grindset attitude normalises addictions to "healthy" things. It is ok to these people to abandon family, friends, things you enjoy and love if it's for some greater personal good that at the end of the day, even they dont understand@@scush
I wonder if my ex watched this. He deals with the exact same thing. Does everything he's "supposed" to do - works out, eats healthy, sleeps, makes good money, has interesting hobbies, limits media.... But he's still miserable. I just wanted to shake him. No amount of external achievements will suddenly flip the switch from insecure to secure. It's an inside job.
Such an interesting thing to think about. I did everything I thought I could do to get out of bad habits, being miserable, etc after I lost my mom. It took 18 months of intense therapy and just being vulnerable with myself, friends, and my now wife to understand what was happening. It was never the things I was doing, it was being open and honest with myself and letting go of things that were in my past. Wishing you, and also your ex, all the best in personal growth
Misery is just the norm. Accept it and cherish it. There's a Musashi quote I keep close to my heart that your comment actually reminds me of. "There is nothing outside of yourself that can ever enable you to become stronger, faster, richer, smarter, or happier. Everything is within. Everything exists. Seek nothing outside of yourself."
It is so profound to me that his biggest goal in life is actually to have fulfilling connections with others, a fulfilling relationship with kids, feeling secured with other people, yet his succes goals are doing anything to prevent that and he's doing anything to not aknowlage that his world view is not serving him
It is so frustrating hearing him go on about how he wants to at some point have lots time to relax and appreciate time and be with family and the way he thinks to accomplish that is to deny himself all that right now for years. I'm still at the start tho so let's try to temper judgement.
@@ZTanMURReneRs its like every other sentence that comes out of his mouth is him *describing* exactly what the issue is and the next one is him saying he can't identify what the issue is. And when Dr. K asks him a pointed question that immediately points out his own thoughts to him, you can physically SEE him backpedal and rationalize and defelct. He's so, *so* close!
@@marcog.verbruggen674 I think that's a little bit of human nature though. We want to minimize suffering, even if it means cutting out things that are very good for us in the long run, but takes time to build to that point.
I’m going to go armchair psychiatrist on this one, partly because I think I’m saying something useful and partly because I can admit I’m absolutely projecting something about my own life. He comes off super genuine and honest in his introspection. He does a great job of describing his goals and accepting that he only controls his own actions. It all sounds great and like he’s real close to lining everything up to a happy future, but when you look at how he’s actually living he’s not getting any closer to it. I think trauma from his past is making him think he needs to be be more perfect than himself to give himself the chance at those things. Dr K has another video where he says addiction, or our susceptibility to dopamine seeking, increases with negative emotion. Sumscars are pockets of this negative emotion stored in the mind from events in our past. To free ourselves from seeking more to cover up these scars, we can go back in our minds and heal the trauma that we are holding onto that put them there in the first place. He sounds like hes got a lot of answers but is still seeking self perfection in new ways constantly. Two of his Twitch clips have him after a LoL loss saying something like “if you just pretend your granddad/ whole family isn’t/ aren’t dead it’s like they’re still there. But you can’t do that with a LoL loss” with a strained almost panicked voice. It makes me wonder if his team losing is like losing family to him. I’ve heard a few different body builder type men imply that they sought their physical strength because of times they felt powerless and weak in their youth. From Dantes’s interview he had early experiences with losing people. never seeing his friends from other countries again, dealing with near-death danger on the boat, and with his online relationships that went bad quick. It seems to be something like thinking “if I was just strong enough I could keep anything from happening to these people”. A LoL career is the perfect trap for this sort of fixation, you might think you can just make no mistakes and your team makes it through alive every time. The answer is letting go of what makes him think he’s not capable of going for that kind of life yet. The Hindu concept of mukti refers to the desire for freedom from all problems of the world. They say that mukti is the strongest of all desires we have from the world, but the ultimate goal is Bhakti, to be free of desire and love the perfection of being/creation with all its problems. We have to let go of the idea that we can become free from problems and love the life we have. This is similar to what dr k is getting at when he says “the next level of control is allowing yourself to be hurt”.
“So be it. If this person wants to dislike me they can dislike me. If this person wants to judge me for this they can judge me. Let them. And even if they say things that hurt me, it will hurt. So be it. I do not need the avoidance of hurt to be able to control my life.” This is one of the most impactful things I’ve heard in my life. Thank you so much for this video and making the content you do:)
Yup, it's clearly blocking him and he only sees things from his own perspective because he believes that's the right way. He wants to be so authentic that it's more fake. He is very young though so he'll eventually find out everyone grows and there's more to life than the grind.
@@DieterPrivate What's funny is that part of being a more authentic you is to not really aim for being authentic. There's no benchmark to aim at -- just simply to exist with what you are right now.
@@latteARCH that's exactly what I'm saying. So many people want to be authentic and in doing so, play a character instead of just being themselves, which of course changes over time
@@DieterPrivateYES! Very well put. Im kind of shocked at the overwhelmingly positive comments on this thread, like, congratulating Dantes. I really don't get it.
I know I’m late, but I think everyone is a lot more relatable. We are all just as scared, lonely, and lost, at least at first. Save yourself from drowning before you pick up others, or else you’ll both drown.
47:00 that “yeah” he gives Dantes is the reason i love these interviews. His ability to realize what’s someone’s trying to say or figure out about themselves, but still guide them in a way that helps them figure it out on their own is nothing short of astounding. I hope to be this good at communicating with people one day.
Emotional problems require emotional solutions. His relationship history for such a young man is really sad & traumatizing (catfished so brutally). Sounds like he coped by diving into self-improvement. He needs to process these emotional situations!
@@mutokenji narcissists are a minority in society and Dante is not one of them. Maybe stop throwing that shit around like everyone you know is a actual narcissist that could be diagnosed with some shit like that either. Stop demonizing Dantes as if he is harming other people anyway. Wanting to self improve and wanting a good body while not shitting on others is not narcissist.
@@mutokenji Armchair psychology helps nobody, and is also the reason prescription medicin is such a wide spread problem in a country like America. You just are not qualified to diagnose such a broad and nuanced diagnosis as narcissism to this internet person you don't know on a personal level. If anything, ironically, that comes off as narcissistic.
wow Dantes what a guy, so cerebral and honest, wish him the best to reconnect with his emotional side! And the last 20 min of this talk hits hard, both in a sad and happy sense. When DrK mentions going beyond the axis of control and no-control, that made me almost tear up.
@@needmoresleep9041That's like a badge for the members of this YT channel, the colour changes depending on how long someone is members for in this channel
He's very his age. I sympathize a lot. He's constantly defining himself verbally. Its like half his speech is spent saying "the thing about me is...." and it does not stop. Its an intellectual crutch. And i think since young men by instinct crave guidance so much, he's spent so kuch effort figuring out intellectual/cognitive systems to come up with logic and rules to guide himself. But he's so unfamiliar yet with what being in the moment is and understanding peace is in the present. Hard to do, of course. Im so glad Doctor K is here to help shake him out of this little logic boxes. If any young men around his age out there also think and feel this way, i lovingly pressure you to please, please, go talk to a therapist. You cant logic your way to peace. Thats an emotional state only. Look into Buddhism as a start if you can. Just throwing that out there.
You can't logic your way to peace, I agree. But... You can logic your way out of logic and into awareness, and fall into peace as a result. When looking at the body as a compass, logic can help. I have to say it because I am doing it. I am just a regular person with tons of determination and zero social community or support, or family. I wouldn't recommend it, but I am sure I am not the only one in this position. And it really hurts to read or listen to people say that you absolutely can't do this alone just out of pure logic. Some of us are alone and there is no way around it. So, let's have a little faith in us.
@@artifundio1 "You can logic your way out of logic and into awareness". Yeah, of course. We agree. Thats why at the end of my statement i recommended looking into Buddhism, for those whoay not have already. Its not the only helpful philosophy for freeing one's mind and becoming mindful, but, its one of the handful of modalities that are pretty fined tuned to help with that. Obviously some amount of logic is needed to develop personal principles and philosophies on. Logic is kind of pike tue computational computer- its merely a tool. It almost seems to me you may have interpreted my comment as saying one cannot think their way to freedom. And thats not what im saying. What is being said by me, and many many other Masters before me; is that logic is merely a tool. It can be used to help the puzzle of confusion about our ultimate purpose/nature. But the logic itself is not the being. It translates our spiritual/practical desires into concrete concepts and plans. Thats the part youre claiming to do. This is common sense and no one is arguing against this. But once the tool of logic is leveraged, it can be abandoned- it is a means to an end. The logic was used in the first place to translate inner desires- which are emotion based. Our emotions feel our truth, both internally as well as sensing external truths. Underneath it all we are having an emotional and intuitive experience, the logic lays on top to decrypt the emotional reality- which is why we are sentient and "self aware" beings. Of course you should study yourself. But our logic is not the Master in our situation, but current culture has taught us logic and reason are the most noble of directions to seek. But they merely serve our intuitive truth. The young man in the video we are commenting on is falling into an understandable trap of identifting with his logic patterns as who he is. Its an egoic logic. He is overthinking. It has caused him to ingore the emotional truths he is experiencing underneath all his systems and labels and indetifiers he grants himself- which is why Doctor K eventually digs them out and forces him to look at them again- because thats his truth under all his emotionally charged computations about his life rules. That is all that is being said here.
wow, well said, especially the phrase "figuring out intellectual/cognitive systems to come up with logic and rules to guide himself," what an apt description of the phenomenon
As a fellow Dante, I wish he'd understand the quote of "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional" Life is gonna hurt you but you can't let that fear of pain keep you from ever attempting to be happy
That statement is so powerful and it's what I'm trying to come to terms with. I was talking to a girl I was totally in love with and after a few months she said she wasn't ready for any relationship. I had to cut it off with her and that resulted in pain that probably lasted a month or two. But yet I continued to SUFFER about it for another 5-6 months. That was all optional, in hindsight I could've skipped it all.
@@venrakdrake true but learning has to be taken from the pain and suffering. I've been there plenty of times and I learned to be open and up front about my intentions to pursue a relationship. A lot of times this plays out cause one or both people don't know the end goal and then someone gets hurt as a result. It's easier to get rejected after saying I want to date early than spending a season falling in love and then the next six months hurting. Thats truly wasting your time. Keep making attempts. Someone who thinks the world of you is out there.
@@venrakdrake tbh sometimes you gotta suffer to learn that it was “optional in hindsight”. I was like you but I was sad for two years… I learned that those two years weren’t optional. It was valuable time to feel emotions, grieve, and move onward. Now if someone rejects me I can move on really quickly, because of what I slowly learned about myself those two years.
True, I fully removed myself from the option of dating for 3 years after realizing I didn't even know who I was or what I wanted from myself let alone a partner. Now I gush about my dogs and Pokemon and know I wanna find someone who shares at least one of those loves with me.
Dantes is such an enlightened gentleman. We are all human and flawed in our individual ways, but the way he reframes his insecurity into motivation to better every aspect of himself is really commendable. The fact that he has come so far already at a young age really goes to show his strong willpower to improve and not wait around to be saved. He has a wealth of knowledge to share and I truly hope that his someone special comes along and will truly appreciate him.
“After I turn off the stream, I’ll stare at the wall and just feel empty…” Aw buddy I feel so bad for you. I hope he gets the help he needs processing these difficult life situations he’s had.
5:01 As an introvert I've done this a lot growing up because I had plenty of time to spend in my head. It tends to annoy people because I know myself so inside and out and it seems like a lot of people don't know themselves so if you ever question anything they will get emotional and freak out
When Dantes talked about being the fat kid and Dr. K broke it down and explained how the hurt was still there, it really struck a nerve with me. It made me realize how much I was hurting and been hurting and deep down that fat kid was still sobbing. So thank you both so much for the talk it helped a lot more than you realize.
I saw this whole chat on a mirror, well worth it. I initially had some judgements of Dantes that were skin deep but as he talked, I started to really like and empathize with him.
@@codycrawford7842 he had some drama before, but tbf it was when he was younger and more toxic (i think he was 17), but nowadays i truly believe he is one of the most positive streamers, atleast in the league scene
@@matiasalejandromab being real i think he leans a lot in satire on stream to lift the weight on his and his viewers shoulders, he is either extremely unhinged (obviously joking) or extremely honest with his feelings and its easy to detect when he is joking, i like his content for that
1:05:53 I can relate to this habit Dantes seems to have, answering a question with a story. I do it because I feel like I need them to know & understand where I’m coming from, & every bit of my life is connected, so I end up telling them a ton of information that wasn’t actually necessary for the answer. I’m also an introspective person, so I wonder if that’s a symptom of tracing thoughts & ideas to life experiences…like, we become unable to think of any given topic as a stand alone subject, we can only see the rows of dominoes that led us to our current conclusion. Very interesting! Edit: Also using that story as a roundabout answer, because being straightforward is vulnerable & that’s scary. Insecurity strikes again🎉
“It’s just one of those things where…” is a cue that he is intellectualizing away an emotional response. Every time he says that, he is focusing on finding/creating the “category” the response to the question would be in. Then he tells us what that category is characterized by, and why the instance fits into the category. Not his emotional response.
35:23 this is really tough for me too. I haven't had that person to talk to for like 7 years now. I feel like I wake up and immediately am reminded of the fact that I haven't woken up with a partner in bed in what feels like forever
Especially because he immediately presented a narrative of what the perfectly rational 5 year old boy in this story wanted to achieve by this. Foreshadowing a lot there of what is discussed much later.
@@sankeethganeswaran3024 I have to watch that part of the video again, what I remembered was that when Dr. K asked about the reason for the self-harm, Dantes didn't talk about his feelings or what he thinks he must have been feeling in that situation. Instead he phrased it like "5 year old Dantes wanted to achieve X by cutting his thumb", which seemed odd to me to not mention anything about the inner turmoil and confusion that 5 year old Dantes surely must have felt to do something like that. Later in the video, they talk about how Dantes intellectualizes a lot and doesn't allow himself to just feel (badly paraphrasing here), which I thought was already reflected in how Dantes handled this discussion of his self-harm as a kid. Probably I'm reading too much into it, in any case it was very notable.
2:11:37 "Just be who you are" literally this line for some reason... I feel relief... At that moment i felt such an relief and peace. Damn i need to speak to someone like this guy.
The phrase “It’s just one of those things where…” encapsulates this entire interview. I could discuss its meaning and nuances for a while due to how intriguing it is and what it implies…
@@AndreiTeodorPetre @erictruong2371 It seems like Dantes views certain "patterns" as "fixed" and "intrinsic", similar to how genetics and "nature" affect our lives. I felt like he struggled with "Nurture" and overcoming certain preconceptions of life, and while he would sit for hours and "think" about things in a seemingly open-minded "trance", he would tend to arrive to the same conclusions without changing his perspective. When someone repeats a similar phrase and justifies their actions with "This is just how it is", then it explains why they act the way they do and seem to feel a sense of "emptiness". Since our lives can end at any time due to external forces that we're not in direct control of, we have the opportunity to enjoy and appreciate every moment. Time is a variable that dictates this "necessity". If Dantes is able to explain himself so well while being extremely angry and unforgiving towards people when he interacts with them and they make mistakes (Gaming, relationships, etc.), then he exhibits confidence and seems assured of his values while not satisfying his innate desire to be "happy" and find his own reasons for living. He reminds me of a broad pond that expands beyond the horizon, yet it's a shallow pond that could be deeper if he "dug into the ground".
His trust has been betrayed too many times so he's avoidant and wary. Both in romantic and friendly relationships. This is an extremely depressing thing, so he works out (mental health plus) and plays to his strengths in streaming, which gives him wide recognition. That's why he feels empty after streams, it's a reminder that he is truly by alone/unnoticed without it. His only solution is to open himself up to those betrayals again, because the connections he could possibly make far outweigh the rejection he may feel along the way. It's particularly exacerbated by the fact his early years to develop relationships were ruined by moving around ("They will eventually leave, this isn't permanent"). These times are important because you learn about rejection in a safe place around family. *fyi im only halfway through the video, maybe they discuss this solution.* I feel like all of us can find something we relate to in this. I definitely do.
Pro tip...Take some time to cultivate face-to-face relationships. I find this human's take on life fascinating and impressive but what I also see is someone who has replaced the awkwardness of human connection with the drive to 'succeed'. He even states that all he does is stream, doesn't spend time much with family or friends. All of life is about rejection and risk. When we spend all our time in reflection we easily fall into creating false narratives, it's the mirror of escaping into addiction. The sweet spot is recognizing those patterns and finding balance. I'm old. Been there done that.
Well stated. Cognition and actual reality of being in front of someone and spending time with them is not the same at all. Things are far more spontaneous. I relate to this kid in the sense I've been in the cognition realm for too long before
Reflection on thoughts or experiences as in 'studying' them. Based on what Dante shares in this video he seems to intellectualize everything as a way to create reasons why he should avoid anything that might cause him discomfort. Reflection is how humans learn but overdoing it is just as bad as not doing it at all. @@quan2x293
Dr. K you totally nailed it. I could feel the underlaying struggles of Dantes so hard through the stream and I think Dr. K found an amazing way of putting the cards on the table.
I'm not a streamer and just fell on a clip from Dr.K and Adin Ross from TikTok and I've been watching/listening to these conversations, it's so exciting for my brain and I'm in awe of Dr.K's ability to discern, and help. I'm literally a 33 year old Haitian French Canadian lesbian and I'm so not the target market but anyone can learn a lot from these conversations. It's brilliant. Thank you!
I didnt realise how much i related to Dantes. I'm a year older than him and bare the same struggles and this discussion helped me understand my circumstances. Thank you
I watched this live from both the HG Twitch and Dantes Twitch, it was a sight to see both totally different chats reacting to this collaboration, and both chats at some point were somehow in sync spamming FeelsStrongMan, that was awesome :)
In the last 2 years I really became self aware and I constantly spent time alone just thinking about my life and how certain events formed my personality. It came to the point where every thought thats isn't really meaningful or deep enough I think its boring or not even worth thinking about. I've seen a lot of Dantes clips, and really enjoyed watching his short form content but I never knew he is a thinker like this. And it really scares me while watching this podcast how similar we think and speak with Dantes. View of life, trust issues, fear of loosing controll. Even they way he starts to explain every emotion with a simple situation. I always thought a lot about the fact that every people views this world differently, but I came to the realization that every human starts off with a blank personality, and as life goes, events happen in our life, this personality fills in. I have a totally different life then Dantes, but the result is oddly similar.
i just love how this vide is basically three phases 1. Dr K asking questions to gather information 2. Dr K asking starting a crossfire shooting of questions to understand way of thinking 3. Dr K going on offensive to kind of flip the view of the past
unrelated to the video but Dr.K has that magic where he can touch the core of any mental issues you have and at times make you realize that you had an issue you thought you never did
@@MonkeyHero licensed therapist here… I've met lots and lots of trained medical psychiatrist and not one of them can hold a candle to Dr. K or even come close. Dr. K is a very very special kind of therapist with a gift that you can't just get from training or school
@@freeluigi4444 oh i didnt mean to imply that Dr K isnt special, but the notion that someone with his amount of training isnt going to be able to point out issues that the patient isnt aware of isnt rare. Thats basically the wording of the OP we're responding to. "Make you realize that you had an issue (that you didnt know you had)". My recent grad therapist was able to do that.
I’m learning a lot from this video. If a person set up a best goal for himself or herself, it only works for a while until life requires new things. Peaceful mind, balanced energy, and fulfilling self is the goal for life. Thanks for sharing! 💕🙏🕊️
@@firerams_and_arisinglion What do you think is the better alternative to seeing a therapist if someone is struggling with issues? Have you ever struggled with something and needed some help to think it out? How should someone go about doing this if they feel they need help?
@@addictedfoolgamer1970 yup. i live for me, everything i do is for me. so i learn how to manage my life. ppl wanna put meaning to everything thats why theyre so lost LOL. were here and then were not, thats it. so enjoy what u got. but nooooo everyone wants to mean something significant LOL. and i get to laugh at em all cry lmao.😂
Holy fuck, this is one of the best interviews. I've seen him do in a while… So much profound enlightenment, feel like I just walked out of a therapy session.
I don't watch Dantes, so this is my first interaction with him. He is very interesting. I really like him and how he thinks. He is highly analytical and craves authenticity. With that, comes extremely high expectations of himself and others. The thing is, he knows people are flawed. I just hope he can realize that being the "perfect" human being is not sustainable, let alone achievable for many people. There will be ups and downs. Constant growth is obviously great, but that seems to be his main priority in life (at least right now). At the same time, he really wants genuine relationships. That seems to be his ultimate goal. I hope he can realize that people dont need to be perfect to have these relationships and they dont just magically appear, they take effort and maintenance with the people, not only just introspection. The whole "people who take advantage are just NPCs" did rub me a little wrong. Relationships are often transactional, even genuine ones. One red flag does not make said person invaluable to you. I often find these relationships very helpful, so long as you know. And they can grow as well. I really like Dr. K's analysis about toxic positivity and control and being present and basically everything lol. He truly does call out how to help yourself and things about happiness. I really like that he said not to cut people off from a single mistake. Learn about why they did things at a minimum. Understanding people is so important. These are just my thoughts. Loved this whole interview. Thank you
Thank you for sharing, you've expressed many of my thoughts as well. I also love that Dr. K has known enough people to reassure this guy that he's gonna be ok in the long run, just being aware of how emotions can lead his cognitive function.
What Dantes says at 35:20 is such a good point, like I needed to hear that. People not being able to reprocicate the authenticity you show them are not worth your time. It's a pity, but true.
Watched it on Dantes channel before i saw it here. What an interesting talk. Dr K was thoroughly intrigued and enjoyed every minute of this conversation. The anomoly of a human being at his age spending so many hours on self reflection is truly fascinating. It made me want to spend more time reflecting on myself. 10/10
Yes, but his job as an entertainer basically includes lying. But some can't see through that and understand him, because to connect you need to actually listen/talk and not just hear rumors
I relate to Dantes a lot in the sense that working out ties into this idea of being perfect. That we have to find ways to keep our motivation alive out of fear that we may lose it someday. And losing that drive to improve would deem us undesirable by others. As much as we preach about "loving ourselves" and keeping ourselves to a high regard, we're still social creatures. We survive on social validation and a lack thereof has negative effects on us. Until we get that validation, we're simply left wondering how and when we'll achieve that advertised dream of "living life to the fullest."
I'm not really sure how I even ended up here, but this here, has been remarkably beneficial, and I'm not exactly sure why. But this was truly fascinating.
It reminds me of how I used to be growing up but then I had to basically learn what I had considered toxic traits like ignorance in order to make my mind less robotic towards progression and more able to enjoy the little things and not sweat the lack of progression either
How is ignorance not toxic? I mean, I guess people are ignorant all the time and obviously hating yourself for doing that isn't helpful either, but working on uncovering ignorance is good though, don't you think?
@@Julie-ns8vm The definition of ignorant implies not knowing any better. Whereas toxic is likely knowledgeable about their actions and doing them on purpose
@@kylespevak6781 but ignorance means choosing to not gain a knowledge, usually about something you interact with regardless, or that affects you. Something like, having a suspicion you are doing something wrong, but unconsciously choosing not to reflect on it, for example because it can be painful, or uncomfortable. It's not a passive trait
@@Julie-ns8vm No it does not. The definition of ignorant means to not know something, hence the phrase "ignorance is bliss", meaning that then less knowledge you possess, typically you'll be happier. Choosing to actively disregard information because it conflicts with your worldview is toxic and something different completely. You see it a lot in politics and social justice warriors
@@kylespevak6781 then we have two different understandings of this word. I just know that the term is used to describe voluntary ignorance most of the time, not involuntary ignorance. Sjw's are the ignorant ones? Okay, if you think so, lol To add to the saying "ignorance is bliss", it's only ever bliss for the ones privileged enough, to be able to be ignorant. If you hurt others, but it doesn't affect you, sure you are probably happier not knowing how it affects others
believe it or not i relate to dantes in some way. his mentality of putting off gratification until he realises ultimate success/feeling secure (with it probably leading to him feeling insecure all the time) is a similar situation to mine. but in an alternative mentality where i put myself in temporary situations where i feel good about myself/feel good about my worth, but in reality its a pseudo feel good, since its not made of my own accomplishments/working on myself. analogy i can only really think of is building a house foundation out of hay instead of bricks. it lead to a constant cycle each year with high highs and low lows. but this video and further journal-taking helped me figure it all out, and break this karmic cycle. i was so happy after it, made me smile in a way that hasnt happened in a while. thank you dantes and dr k
Bruh, ive never even heard of Dante until today but damn I cant believe how similar we are or the experiences we've had. That being said we are different in a some big ways too. I'm impressed
Deffo feel this last sentiment, It doesn't become harder to progress and still be hungry when you become more secure. Being proud of yourself and moving towards improvement aren't mutually exclusive. In the end, the thing that is admirable is the mentality of progress and not the milestones along the way
Im amazed this guy has a better mental state at 21 than i do at 27, i need to catch up, but then again, i left home when I was 16, he was actually able to stay at home and work on himself, I wish I had a stable up bringing
I think a good conclusion of this would be something like: We take way too less time simply being happy with what we have right now compared to thinking of what would make us even more happy and walking towards that
I think I relate to Dantes a lot. I logic myself out of all of my feelings and I reflect on myself a lot. But I am shutting out emotion to reasonably think about it. I am missing a lot of things that way. Self awareness is a blessing and a curse, I think therapy is much harder for someone who has already thought about everything in a certain way. It's so damn interesting.
basically, he has growth from everytime something bad happens, that growth prove to be good, TOO good, that in its wake, it changes dante, but not in a overall goodway, because there's something he still left behind whenever he take the next step: his own emotional mental state. each time he done that, those emotions got suppresed behind a wall of quote unquote "insecurity within security". it expands yet the core remain trapped, like when you become untouchable, is there anything left for YOU to touch? so happy dr.K resolved his issues, cause' some point in time, i think all of us will need guidance or atleast, to be seen and heard, the echoes of our emotions.
I feel like dante's use of video game terminology when describing his life makes Dr.K feel like he relates better and feels that this is what his stream is all about
Wow. I haven't heard of this streamer fellow before, but now that I'm 1 hour and 40 minutes in, this guy kinda resonates with me to an extent. I'm glad to have listened to this interview.
This has got to be the best Dr.K conversation I've ever seen. The honesty and the pure genuinety and all the deep thoughts, I'm speechless and I think it gave me more insight and understanding than any other Dr.K video/stream. Just amazing.
This is one the best Dr K talks I’ve had the pleasure to experience. Two bros vibing and truly enjoying each others input on existential thoughts we can all relate too
When he described the background check his mom did on the catfish I realised his mom most likely stopped him from being kidnapped. 😱😱😱 Also this is why I hate when people misuse the term "catfish" to simply mean "same person but looks less attractive IRL" because actual catfishing - ie impersonations and fake identities online - are a real thing. If someone doesn't look as good to you as their photos where they got a professional make-up artist and photographer or were at a different weight or fitness level that is not the same as being catfished - stop muddying the waters, or just call their pictures misleading or outdated if you must, but be accurate in your terms. Because actual catfishing experiences where someone deliberately misleads the person about who they are are really insidious, they're not just a disappointing meetup where the person was honest but doesn't match the fantasy you built in your mind, they're far more dangerous and predatory and something to really be wary of and warn people about - they're not a joke and people can end up scammed, kidnapped or the target of violent crimes. Stay safe! I'm super glad his mom knew to look out for him, sounds like she was really smart about protecting her son and keeping the channels of communication open instead of trying to forbid him - I suspect she suspected what was going on and knew that she needed the hard data because kids don't listen to parents who simply try to forbid them.
Tbh, it's hard for me to believe that a voice changer convinced him so much, that he didn't hear something off even after hours and days of talking in vc. The fact, that it didn't occur to him that it might be just one person in vc, if they NEVER talked over each other, is also very weird. Not saying he's lying, but he might have come to a few conclusions, that don't actually make any sense
Literally yesterday I was thinking "It'd be cool if Dr. K did a collab with Dantes, but I doubt he has." I didn't think to check but it showed up in my feed today and I popped off.
Never in a million years could I’ve guessed this collab
I Had to Look twice at the Thumbnail because i didnt belive it xD
I'm here for it lmao
Imagine your surprise when I tell you this is their second collab
@@arindamroy5287 Imagine your surprise when I tell you it's the same podcast, just uploaded on a different channel
Sadly, this is a very late VOD upload. I watched it weeks ago on twitch. It was great.
Dr. K was his therapist all along
The fact he found what looks like a healthy relationship only a few months after this interview is beautiful. All the best Dantes
Makes me so happy to see that tbh.
LOL
they broke up
This didn't age well
@@jinri_p1042 it was healthy bro just sabotaged himself idk
This has to be the best Dr.K stream in a while. Learned alot from this
I didn't think I would relate at all honestly but I relate more to dantes and his ideas towards life and sacrifice than I do anyone else in his streams. I saw dantes as his surface level persona but this stream made me appreciate him as a person so deeply
Yeah man he really helps a lot if only he went into an in depth video of his life and how he got to become a monk and everything.
I love this. I'm new to this channel. So glad this was in my algorithm.
@@Ziaoe It was particularly clever of him to turn off Dantes stream. It is just a pity he didn't disco the chat stream. Puddle waders.
We are all looking to smile Dantess
The unspoken challenge is to get doctor k to say “can I think for a second” Dante’s does it more then I’ve seen most people in a whole video do it in 15 minutes
Can't blame Dr.K when Dantes says he fucks animals and yordles in game.
I wouldnt just assume ots a good thing 😂
if that is the unspoken challenge then doctor k wouldn't be able to get a honest answer, it is just "another" content made to deceive the audiences like us.
after watching until the later point of the video, I interpret this "can I think for a second" more of a "let me think how to really convey my point to him since he is a bit in denial and is not really understanding what he is thinking through, basically he think he is smart but he is also blindsided" that feel to me, this is not a good sign to be honest.
@@pencilcheck I know what it’s used for lol. The point is it’s the unspoken challenge to get it to happen. Literally just a meme comment. I’ve watched every doctor k interview.
I'm unironically happy to see our horse main getting his mental relaxed. As much as we love his schizo arc in league, I wouldn't watch 2 hours of league stream continuously, but I would watch this therapy session from start to finish.
Lmao no matter how much HealthyGamer and Dr K say these conversations are not therapy it is plain as day to normal people - this and all Dr K convos are clearly live-streamed virtual therapy sessions
it is not a therapy, it is a coaching like dr K said. who are we to say its therapy when even psychiatrist himself that studied this field knows what the therapy does
@@arthurporter131 anyone who watches any live streaming needs therapy anyways lmaooo. im just here to troll LOL.😂
@@firerams_and_arisinglionif you spend your spare time "trolling" in TH-cam comments, you’re the one that needs therapy the most 🤣🤣
@@firerams_and_arisinglion sure buddy
25:50 "At the end of the day, people will forget what you say. They'll forget the things you talk about. They'll forget the promises you made. They'll forget everything. But they'll never forget how you make them feel."
Mary angelou?
Oh yes, Dale Carnegie Noted that in his book too, helped me a lot :)
i wonder how he makes the people he flames feel
But only most of the time
That's starting to become overused
This talk is a great response to the “sigma male grindset” trend that young men might be gravitating to. Grind, workout, make money are all good things, but using them as an escape for insecurity isn’t what makes you truly strong or masculine. Also, Dantes was amazing here!
fr, when i first saw dantes on tiktok clips i thought he was some adan ross clone but it turns out hes a very genuine and kind hearted person
They’ll set the foundation for security.
@@AccountHolder007 true
i’d complicate whether those things you mention are always just automatically “good things” because i think part of the problem with the _sigma grindset_ attitude is seeing them as some universal goods and easy fixes when, lilke with any health and lifestyle issue, context and execution is always key … grinding can be super unhealthy if it’s overworking and overstressing you; workouts that focus heavily on bodybuilding and muscle gains can lead to all sorts of health problems instead of benefits; having or making money does not lead directly to happiness. these should all be obvious in themselves but the meme/ideal never really gets into that sort of nuance and i think that is what can lead a lot of people to just be unhappy in new and different ways instead of more deeply understanding the fundamental problems they actually need to address.
anything can be an addiction, its just that the sigma grindset attitude normalises addictions to "healthy" things. It is ok to these people to abandon family, friends, things you enjoy and love if it's for some greater personal good that at the end of the day, even they dont understand@@scush
That first "girlfriend" story was INSANE that would have been my villain arc.
"Letting yourself getting hurt is the next level of control" that hits hard Dr. K
wait till you find out about stoicism lmao
@@stefan_gordik ?
@@stefan_gordik i’m tellin u
that's literally the opposite of what K's saying here@@stefan_gordik
@@stefan_gordik Wait till you find out about nihilism.
I wonder if my ex watched this. He deals with the exact same thing. Does everything he's "supposed" to do - works out, eats healthy, sleeps, makes good money, has interesting hobbies, limits media.... But he's still miserable. I just wanted to shake him. No amount of external achievements will suddenly flip the switch from insecure to secure. It's an inside job.
Such an interesting thing to think about. I did everything I thought I could do to get out of bad habits, being miserable, etc after I lost my mom. It took 18 months of intense therapy and just being vulnerable with myself, friends, and my now wife to understand what was happening. It was never the things I was doing, it was being open and honest with myself and letting go of things that were in my past. Wishing you, and also your ex, all the best in personal growth
Misery is just the norm.
Accept it and cherish it.
There's a Musashi quote I keep close to my heart that your comment actually reminds me of.
"There is nothing outside of yourself that can ever enable you to become stronger, faster, richer, smarter, or happier.
Everything is within.
Everything exists.
Seek nothing outside of yourself."
@@DeadpoolX9 but why tho? why accept it and cherish it?
@@w花b ily
How is he still miserable? It doesn't sound like it...
Half an hour in and I'm enthralled and impressed by his story. It's wild so far. He's so introspective and articulate. I blame the boat.
dont search his clips tho ahaha
Bro probably doesn't want to carry the boat anymore.
Yeah no part of being a 5 year old on a boat in the Carribbean screams I've got control of my life
Shoutout to the random chatter: "Over indexing on control to defeat hurt is being controlled by hurt"
What a raw ass quote
Oh yeah that’s harddddd
Oh shi that's tufffffff
Dear God that is raw AS FUCK.
It is so profound to me that his biggest goal in life is actually to have fulfilling connections with others, a fulfilling relationship with kids, feeling secured with other people, yet his succes goals are doing anything to prevent that and he's doing anything to not aknowlage that his world view is not serving him
You can't be successful and be social.
That's the inherent paradox of the modern age.
It is so frustrating hearing him go on about how he wants to at some point have lots time to relax and appreciate time and be with family and the way he thinks to accomplish that is to deny himself all that right now for years. I'm still at the start tho so let's try to temper judgement.
@@ZTanMURReneRs its like every other sentence that comes out of his mouth is him *describing* exactly what the issue is and the next one is him saying he can't identify what the issue is. And when Dr. K asks him a pointed question that immediately points out his own thoughts to him, you can physically SEE him backpedal and rationalize and defelct. He's so, *so* close!
@@marcog.verbruggen674 I think that's a little bit of human nature though. We want to minimize suffering, even if it means cutting out things that are very good for us in the long run, but takes time to build to that point.
I’m going to go armchair psychiatrist on this one, partly because I think I’m saying something useful and partly because I can admit I’m absolutely projecting something about my own life. He comes off super genuine and honest in his introspection. He does a great job of describing his goals and accepting that he only controls his own actions. It all sounds great and like he’s real close to lining everything up to a happy future, but when you look at how he’s actually living he’s not getting any closer to it.
I think trauma from his past is making him think he needs to be be more perfect than himself to give himself the chance at those things. Dr K has another video where he says addiction, or our susceptibility to dopamine seeking, increases with negative emotion. Sumscars are pockets of this negative emotion stored in the mind from events in our past. To free ourselves from seeking more to cover up these scars, we can go back in our minds and heal the trauma that we are holding onto that put them there in the first place. He sounds like hes got a lot of answers but is still seeking self perfection in new ways constantly. Two of his Twitch clips have him after a LoL loss saying something like “if you just pretend your granddad/ whole family isn’t/ aren’t dead it’s like they’re still there. But you can’t do that with a LoL loss” with a strained almost panicked voice. It makes me wonder if his team losing is like losing family to him. I’ve heard a few different body builder type men imply that they sought their physical strength because of times they felt powerless and weak in their youth. From Dantes’s interview he had early experiences with losing people. never seeing his friends from other countries again, dealing with near-death danger on the boat, and with his online relationships that went bad quick. It seems to be something like thinking “if I was just strong enough I could keep anything from happening to these people”. A LoL career is the perfect trap for this sort of fixation, you might think you can just make no mistakes and your team makes it through alive every time.
The answer is letting go of what makes him think he’s not capable of going for that kind of life yet. The Hindu concept of mukti refers to the desire for freedom from all problems of the world. They say that mukti is the strongest of all desires we have from the world, but the ultimate goal is Bhakti, to be free of desire and love the perfection of being/creation with all its problems. We have to let go of the idea that we can become free from problems and love the life we have. This is similar to what dr k is getting at when he says “the next level of control is allowing yourself to be hurt”.
“So be it. If this person wants to dislike me they can dislike me. If this person wants to judge me for this they can judge me. Let them. And even if they say things that hurt me, it will hurt. So be it. I do not need the avoidance of hurt to be able
to control my life.”
This is one of the most impactful things I’ve heard in my life. Thank you so much for this video and making the content you do:)
he wants to be so genuine, so consistent, that it totally blocks change
Yup, it's clearly blocking him and he only sees things from his own perspective because he believes that's the right way. He wants to be so authentic that it's more fake. He is very young though so he'll eventually find out everyone grows and there's more to life than the grind.
great way to put it
@@DieterPrivate What's funny is that part of being a more authentic you is to not really aim for being authentic. There's no benchmark to aim at -- just simply to exist with what you are right now.
@@latteARCH that's exactly what I'm saying. So many people want to be authentic and in doing so, play a character instead of just being themselves, which of course changes over time
@@DieterPrivateYES! Very well put. Im kind of shocked at the overwhelmingly positive comments on this thread, like, congratulating Dantes.
I really don't get it.
I loved watching tiktoks of him saying "silly" things, but wow, NEVER IMAGINED HE COULD BE SOOOOOOO EXTREMELY RELATABLE
I know I’m late, but I think everyone is a lot more relatable. We are all just as scared, lonely, and lost, at least at first. Save yourself from drowning before you pick up others, or else you’ll both drown.
@@egorsdeimos3523 insightful. build yourself a boat before inviting others, or else your log will sink.
47:00 that “yeah” he gives Dantes is the reason i love these interviews. His ability to realize what’s someone’s trying to say or figure out about themselves, but still guide them in a way that helps them figure it out on their own is nothing short of astounding. I hope to be this good at communicating with people one day.
Sounds like you’re very perceptive, imo you’re already on your way to getting there
@@purendar7210 i truly appreciate that! Doing my best for sure
Emotional problems require emotional solutions. His relationship history for such a young man is really sad & traumatizing (catfished so brutally). Sounds like he coped by diving into self-improvement. He needs to process these emotional situations!
Also the other relationship don't help
@@mutokenjiyou have no idea what you’re saying homie
@@mutokenji narcissists are a minority in society and Dante is not one of them. Maybe stop throwing that shit around like everyone you know is a actual narcissist that could be diagnosed with some shit like that either. Stop demonizing Dantes as if he is harming other people anyway.
Wanting to self improve and wanting a good body while not shitting on others is not narcissist.
@@mutokenji Armchair psychology helps nobody, and is also the reason prescription medicin is such a wide spread problem in a country like America. You just are not qualified to diagnose such a broad and nuanced diagnosis as narcissism to this internet person you don't know on a personal level. If anything, ironically, that comes off as narcissistic.
love the first sentence, very true. you can only rationalize emotional problems to an extent
wow Dantes what a guy, so cerebral and honest, wish him the best to reconnect with his emotional side! And the last 20 min of this talk hits hard, both in a sad and happy sense. When DrK mentions going beyond the axis of control and no-control, that made me almost tear up.
What is that thing next to your name
@@needmoresleep9041It means they're a 1 month sponsor, it's a custom emoji
@@needmoresleep9041 it's a healthygamer membership marker. Kind of like a twitch sub marker
@@needmoresleep9041That's like a badge for the members of this YT channel, the colour changes depending on how long someone is members for in this channel
He's very his age. I sympathize a lot.
He's constantly defining himself verbally. Its like half his speech is spent saying "the thing about me is...." and it does not stop. Its an intellectual crutch. And i think since young men by instinct crave guidance so much, he's spent so kuch effort figuring out intellectual/cognitive systems to come up with logic and rules to guide himself. But he's so unfamiliar yet with what being in the moment is and understanding peace is in the present. Hard to do, of course. Im so glad Doctor K is here to help shake him out of this little logic boxes. If any young men around his age out there also think and feel this way, i lovingly pressure you to please, please, go talk to a therapist. You cant logic your way to peace. Thats an emotional state only. Look into Buddhism as a start if you can. Just throwing that out there.
👍🙏👏
You can't logic your way to peace, I agree. But...
You can logic your way out of logic and into awareness, and fall into peace as a result. When looking at the body as a compass, logic can help. I have to say it because I am doing it. I am just a regular person with tons of determination and zero social community or support, or family. I wouldn't recommend it, but I am sure I am not the only one in this position. And it really hurts to read or listen to people say that you absolutely can't do this alone just out of pure logic. Some of us are alone and there is no way around it. So, let's have a little faith in us.
@@artifundio1 "You can logic your way out of logic and into awareness". Yeah, of course. We agree. Thats why at the end of my statement i recommended looking into Buddhism, for those whoay not have already. Its not the only helpful philosophy for freeing one's mind and becoming mindful, but, its one of the handful of modalities that are pretty fined tuned to help with that. Obviously some amount of logic is needed to develop personal principles and philosophies on. Logic is kind of pike tue computational computer- its merely a tool. It almost seems to me you may have interpreted my comment as saying one cannot think their way to freedom. And thats not what im saying. What is being said by me, and many many other Masters before me; is that logic is merely a tool. It can be used to help the puzzle of confusion about our ultimate purpose/nature. But the logic itself is not the being. It translates our spiritual/practical desires into concrete concepts and plans. Thats the part youre claiming to do. This is common sense and no one is arguing against this. But once the tool of logic is leveraged, it can be abandoned- it is a means to an end. The logic was used in the first place to translate inner desires- which are emotion based. Our emotions feel our truth, both internally as well as sensing external truths. Underneath it all we are having an emotional and intuitive experience, the logic lays on top to decrypt the emotional reality- which is why we are sentient and "self aware" beings. Of course you should study yourself. But our logic is not the Master in our situation, but current culture has taught us logic and reason are the most noble of directions to seek. But they merely serve our intuitive truth. The young man in the video we are commenting on is falling into an understandable trap of identifting with his logic patterns as who he is. Its an egoic logic. He is overthinking. It has caused him to ingore the emotional truths he is experiencing underneath all his systems and labels and indetifiers he grants himself- which is why Doctor K eventually digs them out and forces him to look at them again- because thats his truth under all his emotionally charged computations about his life rules.
That is all that is being said here.
@@MonkeyHero Beautifully said, this really resonated with me!
wow, well said, especially the phrase "figuring out intellectual/cognitive systems to come up with logic and rules to guide himself," what an apt description of the phenomenon
As a fellow Dante, I wish he'd understand the quote of "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional"
Life is gonna hurt you but you can't let that fear of pain keep you from ever attempting to be happy
That statement is so powerful and it's what I'm trying to come to terms with. I was talking to a girl I was totally in love with and after a few months she said she wasn't ready for any relationship. I had to cut it off with her and that resulted in pain that probably lasted a month or two. But yet I continued to SUFFER about it for another 5-6 months. That was all optional, in hindsight I could've skipped it all.
@@venrakdrake true but learning has to be taken from the pain and suffering. I've been there plenty of times and I learned to be open and up front about my intentions to pursue a relationship. A lot of times this plays out cause one or both people don't know the end goal and then someone gets hurt as a result.
It's easier to get rejected after saying I want to date early than spending a season falling in love and then the next six months hurting. Thats truly wasting your time.
Keep making attempts. Someone who thinks the world of you is out there.
Im really hoping this video gets him closer to this
@@venrakdrake tbh sometimes you gotta suffer to learn that it was “optional in hindsight”. I was like you but I was sad for two years… I learned that those two years weren’t optional. It was valuable time to feel emotions, grieve, and move onward. Now if someone rejects me I can move on really quickly, because of what I slowly learned about myself those two years.
True, I fully removed myself from the option of dating for 3 years after realizing I didn't even know who I was or what I wanted from myself let alone a partner.
Now I gush about my dogs and Pokemon and know I wanna find someone who shares at least one of those loves with me.
Dantes is such an enlightened gentleman. We are all human and flawed in our individual ways, but the way he reframes his insecurity into motivation to better every aspect of himself is really commendable. The fact that he has come so far already at a young age really goes to show his strong willpower to improve and not wait around to be saved. He has a wealth of knowledge to share and I truly hope that his someone special comes along and will truly appreciate him.
“After I turn off the stream, I’ll stare at the wall and just feel empty…” Aw buddy I feel so bad for you. I hope he gets the help he needs processing these difficult life situations he’s had.
5:01 As an introvert I've done this a lot growing up because I had plenty of time to spend in my head. It tends to annoy people because I know myself so inside and out and it seems like a lot of people don't know themselves so if you ever question anything they will get emotional and freak out
what do you usually question that makes them emotional?
@adventuretimedaily9335 I didn't say it was
@@Real_Helix Usually asking why someone would do something toxic, harmful to others, etc
When Dantes talked about being the fat kid and Dr. K broke it down and explained how the hurt was still there, it really struck a nerve with me. It made me realize how much I was hurting and been hurting and deep down that fat kid was still sobbing.
So thank you both so much for the talk it helped a lot more than you realize.
I saw this whole chat on a mirror, well worth it. I initially had some judgements of Dantes that were skin deep but as he talked, I started to really like and empathize with him.
That is based purely on this talk, I've heard he is a toxic steamer. I totally believe that too
@@codycrawford7842toxic streamers are better
@@codycrawford7842 he had some drama before, but tbf it was when he was younger and more toxic (i think he was 17), but nowadays i truly believe he is one of the most positive streamers, atleast in the league scene
@@matiasalejandromab being real i think he leans a lot in satire on stream to lift the weight on his and his viewers shoulders, he is either extremely unhinged (obviously joking) or extremely honest with his feelings and its easy to detect when he is joking, i like his content for that
@@codycrawford7842 hes not rlly toxic at all. Atleast from what I've seen. He just says some weird shit very often
1:05:53 I can relate to this habit Dantes seems to have, answering a question with a story. I do it because I feel like I need them to know & understand where I’m coming from, & every bit of my life is connected, so I end up telling them a ton of information that wasn’t actually necessary for the answer. I’m also an introspective person, so I wonder if that’s a symptom of tracing thoughts & ideas to life experiences…like, we become unable to think of any given topic as a stand alone subject, we can only see the rows of dominoes that led us to our current conclusion. Very interesting!
Edit: Also using that story as a roundabout answer, because being straightforward is vulnerable & that’s scary. Insecurity strikes again🎉
“It’s just one of those things where…” is a cue that he is intellectualizing away an emotional response. Every time he says that, he is focusing on finding/creating the “category” the response to the question would be in. Then he tells us what that category is characterized by, and why the instance fits into the category. Not his emotional response.
Yup, I do the same thing and I relate very strongly.
35:23 this is really tough for me too. I haven't had that person to talk to for like 7 years now. I feel like I wake up and immediately am reminded of the fact that I haven't woken up with a partner in bed in what feels like forever
You will get it chief, we all will eventually 💙
lol ew. sharing your most vulnerable state (sleep) with someone else is disgusting lol. 🤢
@@firerams_and_arisinglion sounds like an insecurity bro
Dr. K is having to "think for a second" so many times is hilarious 😂
He handled the boss fight pretty well, he definitely lost some hearts though
It’s just one of those things
Holy shit, this conversation is 2 hours and 20 minutes of free therapy for me! Thank you!!
The collab we didn’t know we wanted but that we NEEDED
Exactly.
its nto a collab its an itnerview
This was one of the best Dr. K interviews in a long while imo.
Came here to state the same thing… And I don't think he even made him cry
Yeah it’s definitely one that’s got great stories and advice for everyone.
Fr all those uninteresting streamers with very little personality were getting boring
And don’t get me started on V-tubes
What is wrong with V-tubes?@@talosgak1236
dantes has to be one of the most fascinating humans ever
Ngl, hearing him talk about when he was 5 and threatening to harm himself made me rethink everything he had said up until then
Especially because he immediately presented a narrative of what the perfectly rational 5 year old boy in this story wanted to achieve by this. Foreshadowing a lot there of what is discussed much later.
@@JoHouse533 sry wdym by this? just a bit confused
@@sankeethganeswaran3024 I have to watch that part of the video again, what I remembered was that when Dr. K asked about the reason for the self-harm, Dantes didn't talk about his feelings or what he thinks he must have been feeling in that situation. Instead he phrased it like "5 year old Dantes wanted to achieve X by cutting his thumb", which seemed odd to me to not mention anything about the inner turmoil and confusion that 5 year old Dantes surely must have felt to do something like that. Later in the video, they talk about how Dantes intellectualizes a lot and doesn't allow himself to just feel (badly paraphrasing here), which I thought was already reflected in how Dantes handled this discussion of his self-harm as a kid. Probably I'm reading too much into it, in any case it was very notable.
@@JoHouse533 oooh ok yeah that makes sense, thanks for clarifying!
Holy shit!! He said it is what it is!! He defined "It is what it is"
I hate that saying 😒
I love how this is getting recommended to us now lmao. aged like fine wine
2:11:37 "Just be who you are" literally this line for some reason... I feel relief... At that moment i felt such an relief and peace. Damn i need to speak to someone like this guy.
The phrase “It’s just one of those things where…” encapsulates this entire interview. I could discuss its meaning and nuances for a while due to how intriguing it is and what it implies…
Could you elaborate?
I noticed it as well but what does it imply? 🤔
@@AndreiTeodorPetre @erictruong2371 It seems like Dantes views certain "patterns" as "fixed" and "intrinsic", similar to how genetics and "nature" affect our lives. I felt like he struggled with "Nurture" and overcoming certain preconceptions of life, and while he would sit for hours and "think" about things in a seemingly open-minded "trance", he would tend to arrive to the same conclusions without changing his perspective.
When someone repeats a similar phrase and justifies their actions with "This is just how it is", then it explains why they act the way they do and seem to feel a sense of "emptiness". Since our lives can end at any time due to external forces that we're not in direct control of, we have the opportunity to enjoy and appreciate every moment. Time is a variable that dictates this "necessity". If Dantes is able to explain himself so well while being extremely angry and unforgiving towards people when he interacts with them and they make mistakes (Gaming, relationships, etc.), then he exhibits confidence and seems assured of his values while not satisfying his innate desire to be "happy" and find his own reasons for living. He reminds me of a broad pond that expands beyond the horizon, yet it's a shallow pond that could be deeper if he "dug into the ground".
so annoying xD
OP is being ironic
His trust has been betrayed too many times so he's avoidant and wary. Both in romantic and friendly relationships. This is an extremely depressing thing, so he works out (mental health plus) and plays to his strengths in streaming, which gives him wide recognition. That's why he feels empty after streams, it's a reminder that he is truly by alone/unnoticed without it. His only solution is to open himself up to those betrayals again, because the connections he could possibly make far outweigh the rejection he may feel along the way. It's particularly exacerbated by the fact his early years to develop relationships were ruined by moving around ("They will eventually leave, this isn't permanent"). These times are important because you learn about rejection in a safe place around family. *fyi im only halfway through the video, maybe they discuss this solution.*
I feel like all of us can find something we relate to in this. I definitely do.
epitome of “that’s rough buddy”
This is literally me . What do I do now
36:00 dantes literally explaining the core tenant of stoicim and doesn’t even realize it, it’s great they discussed it
Pro tip...Take some time to cultivate face-to-face relationships. I find this human's take on life fascinating and impressive but what I also see is someone who has replaced the awkwardness of human connection with the drive to 'succeed'. He even states that all he does is stream, doesn't spend time much with family or friends. All of life is about rejection and risk. When we spend all our time in reflection we easily fall into creating false narratives, it's the mirror of escaping into addiction. The sweet spot is recognizing those patterns and finding balance. I'm old. Been there done that.
Well stated. Cognition and actual reality of being in front of someone and spending time with them is not the same at all. Things are far more spontaneous. I relate to this kid in the sense I've been in the cognition realm for too long before
let these grown up kids today figure it out or actually fail trying to lmao.😂
@@firerams_and_arisinglionYou think your generation didn't do this?
When you say "we spend our time in reflection" do you mean the everlasting regret of not doing things? Or ruminating for example?
Reflection on thoughts or experiences as in 'studying' them. Based on what Dante shares in this video he seems to intellectualize everything as a way to create reasons why he should avoid anything that might cause him discomfort. Reflection is how humans learn but overdoing it is just as bad as not doing it at all. @@quan2x293
Dr. K you totally nailed it. I could feel the underlaying struggles of Dantes so hard through the stream and I think Dr. K found an amazing way of putting the cards on the table.
I love how Dr. K can always ask good questions. He really hits the right spots in EVERY interview. I love this man
I'd like to see David Goggins in an interview like this. Deep questions to truly get at his motives for what he does.
@@AndrewPick6 That would be very interesting
I'm not a streamer and just fell on a clip from Dr.K and Adin Ross from TikTok and I've been watching/listening to these conversations, it's so exciting for my brain and I'm in awe of Dr.K's ability to discern, and help. I'm literally a 33 year old Haitian French Canadian lesbian and I'm so not the target market but anyone can learn a lot from these conversations. It's brilliant. Thank you!
I didnt realise how much i related to Dantes. I'm a year older than him and bare the same struggles and this discussion helped me understand my circumstances. Thank you
I watched this live from both the HG Twitch and Dantes Twitch, it was a sight to see both totally different chats reacting to this collaboration, and both chats at some point were somehow in sync spamming FeelsStrongMan, that was awesome :)
In the last 2 years I really became self aware and I constantly spent time alone just thinking about my life and how certain events formed my personality. It came to the point where every thought thats isn't really meaningful or deep enough I think its boring or not even worth thinking about. I've seen a lot of Dantes clips, and really enjoyed watching his short form content but I never knew he is a thinker like this.
And it really scares me while watching this podcast how similar we think and speak with Dantes. View of life, trust issues, fear of loosing controll. Even they way he starts to explain every emotion with a simple situation.
I always thought a lot about the fact that every people views this world differently, but I came to the realization that every human starts off with a blank personality, and as life goes, events happen in our life, this personality fills in. I have a totally different life then Dantes, but the result is oddly similar.
i just love how this vide is basically three phases
1. Dr K asking questions to gather information
2. Dr K asking starting a crossfire shooting of questions to understand way of thinking
3. Dr K going on offensive to kind of flip the view of the past
I love how Dr.K just smiles with enthusiasm. clearly loves his job. inspiring
4:30 I just love how in-depth the guy went inside of his own mind, appreciate it!
I haven't finished yet, but I want to thank you Dantes for doing this I think that everyone who watches this will learn something about themselves.
unrelated to the video but Dr.K has that magic where he can touch the core of any mental issues you have and at times make you realize that you had an issue you thought you never did
He's a trained medical psychiatrist
@@MonkeyHero licensed therapist here… I've met lots and lots of trained medical psychiatrist and not one of them can hold a candle to Dr. K or even come close. Dr. K is a very very special kind of therapist with a gift that you can't just get from training or school
@@freeluigi4444 oh i didnt mean to imply that Dr K isnt special, but the notion that someone with his amount of training isnt going to be able to point out issues that the patient isnt aware of isnt rare. Thats basically the wording of the OP we're responding to. "Make you realize that you had an issue (that you didnt know you had)".
My recent grad therapist was able to do that.
@@MonkeyHero it's their job :D
@@ledgy69 yes i know
I’m learning a lot from this video. If a person set up a best goal for himself or herself, it only works for a while until life requires new things. Peaceful mind, balanced energy, and fulfilling self is the goal for life. Thanks for sharing! 💕🙏🕊️
2:11:00 That is such a perfect question. More people need to honestly ask their therapist exactly this.
lol more ppl need to stop seeing a therapist LOL too many soft chipmunks today LOL
@@firerams_and_arisinglion What do you think is the better alternative to seeing a therapist if someone is struggling with issues?
Have you ever struggled with something and needed some help to think it out? How should someone go about doing this if they feel they need help?
@@addictedfoolgamer1970 lol they need to quit being little sissies and figure it out and keep it pushing lmaoo thats what😂
@@firerams_and_arisinglion you’re able to figure out stuff on your own? You’re ‘strong’ enough to never need support?
@@addictedfoolgamer1970 yup. i live for me, everything i do is for me. so i learn how to manage my life. ppl wanna put meaning to everything thats why theyre so lost LOL. were here and then were not, thats it. so enjoy what u got. but nooooo everyone wants to mean something significant LOL. and i get to laugh at em all cry lmao.😂
Hope this guy finds someone who cares for him despite his insecurity.
Holy fuck, this is one of the best interviews. I've seen him do in a while… So much profound enlightenment, feel like I just walked out of a therapy session.
This guy is ridiculously well spoken and interesting to listen to. He seems so genuine. Great stuff.
I don't watch Dantes, so this is my first interaction with him. He is very interesting. I really like him and how he thinks. He is highly analytical and craves authenticity. With that, comes extremely high expectations of himself and others. The thing is, he knows people are flawed. I just hope he can realize that being the "perfect" human being is not sustainable, let alone achievable for many people. There will be ups and downs. Constant growth is obviously great, but that seems to be his main priority in life (at least right now). At the same time, he really wants genuine relationships. That seems to be his ultimate goal. I hope he can realize that people dont need to be perfect to have these relationships and they dont just magically appear, they take effort and maintenance with the people, not only just introspection. The whole "people who take advantage are just NPCs" did rub me a little wrong. Relationships are often transactional, even genuine ones. One red flag does not make said person invaluable to you. I often find these relationships very helpful, so long as you know. And they can grow as well. I really like Dr. K's analysis about toxic positivity and control and being present and basically everything lol. He truly does call out how to help yourself and things about happiness. I really like that he said not to cut people off from a single mistake. Learn about why they did things at a minimum. Understanding people is so important. These are just my thoughts. Loved this whole interview. Thank you
Good points, I like how you summarized some of the key points from this conversation.
It's funny because I'm the exact opposite of him 😂
I wonder if we'd get along.
you just summarized all of my thoughts , i hope dantes reads this
TLDR
Thank you for sharing, you've expressed many of my thoughts as well. I also love that Dr. K has known enough people to reassure this guy that he's gonna be ok in the long run, just being aware of how emotions can lead his cognitive function.
What Dantes says at 35:20 is such a good point, like I needed to hear that. People not being able to reprocicate the authenticity you show them are not worth your time. It's a pity, but true.
Watched it on Dantes channel before i saw it here. What an interesting talk. Dr K was thoroughly intrigued and enjoyed every minute of this conversation. The anomoly of a human being at his age spending so many hours on self reflection is truly fascinating. It made me want to spend more time reflecting on myself. 10/10
This is one of the best interviews on the channel, masterclass
The monologue after was cut but was also so damn good
Totally agree 100%
Is there a place where I can watch the monologue?
This kid is a trip to listen to. More wisdom in his fingernails than most people I know have in their whole bodies.
Yes, but his job as an entertainer basically includes lying. But some can't see through that and understand him, because to connect you need to actually listen/talk and not just hear rumors
A lot of it seemed pretty superficial and defensive to me
@@FrenchToastMafia735 same
At the same time he completely fails to properly apply it
Never heard of this guy, but what a great personality!
I relate to Dantes a lot in the sense that working out ties into this idea of being perfect. That we have to find ways to keep our motivation alive out of fear that we may lose it someday. And losing that drive to improve would deem us undesirable by others. As much as we preach about "loving ourselves" and keeping ourselves to a high regard, we're still social creatures. We survive on social validation and a lack thereof has negative effects on us.
Until we get that validation, we're simply left wondering how and when we'll achieve that advertised dream of "living life to the fullest."
this is more thrilling than most action movies, feels like a sort of war ongoing here.
I'm not really sure how I even ended up here, but this here, has been remarkably beneficial, and I'm not exactly sure why. But this was truly fascinating.
The fact that he had the urge to stand up and walk around is so funny
Dr. K predicted what would've happened
It's absurd how I learn more watching Dr. K than with the therapist I pay hundreds for :x
Have you tried HG coaching ? I'm starting considering it
It reminds me of how I used to be growing up but then I had to basically learn what I had considered toxic traits like ignorance in order to make my mind less robotic towards progression and more able to enjoy the little things and not sweat the lack of progression either
How is ignorance not toxic? I mean, I guess people are ignorant all the time and obviously hating yourself for doing that isn't helpful either, but working on uncovering ignorance is good though, don't you think?
@@Julie-ns8vm The definition of ignorant implies not knowing any better. Whereas toxic is likely knowledgeable about their actions and doing them on purpose
@@kylespevak6781 but ignorance means choosing to not gain a knowledge, usually about something you interact with regardless, or that affects you. Something like, having a suspicion you are doing something wrong, but unconsciously choosing not to reflect on it, for example because it can be painful, or uncomfortable. It's not a passive trait
@@Julie-ns8vm No it does not. The definition of ignorant means to not know something, hence the phrase "ignorance is bliss", meaning that then less knowledge you possess, typically you'll be happier.
Choosing to actively disregard information because it conflicts with your worldview is toxic and something different completely. You see it a lot in politics and social justice warriors
@@kylespevak6781 then we have two different understandings of this word. I just know that the term is used to describe voluntary ignorance most of the time, not involuntary ignorance.
Sjw's are the ignorant ones? Okay, if you think so, lol
To add to the saying "ignorance is bliss", it's only ever bliss for the ones privileged enough, to be able to be ignorant. If you hurt others, but it doesn't affect you, sure you are probably happier not knowing how it affects others
believe it or not i relate to dantes in some way. his mentality of putting off gratification until he realises ultimate success/feeling secure (with it probably leading to him feeling insecure all the time) is a similar situation to mine. but in an alternative mentality where i put myself in temporary situations where i feel good about myself/feel good about my worth, but in reality its a pseudo feel good, since its not made of my own accomplishments/working on myself. analogy i can only really think of is building a house foundation out of hay instead of bricks. it lead to a constant cycle each year with high highs and low lows. but this video and further journal-taking helped me figure it all out, and break this karmic cycle. i was so happy after it, made me smile in a way that hasnt happened in a while. thank you dantes and dr k
"Your whole life is the avoidance of hurt." sums up this stream
Bruh, ive never even heard of Dante until today but damn I cant believe how similar we are or the experiences we've had. That being said we are different in a some big ways too. I'm impressed
I'd love a channel where Dantes just reflects about life on the mic. It's so refreshing to hear deep thoughts like this
Especially after he talks about "in game" staff
Deffo feel this last sentiment, It doesn't become harder to progress and still be hungry when you become more secure. Being proud of yourself and moving towards improvement aren't mutually exclusive. In the end, the thing that is admirable is the mentality of progress and not the milestones along the way
Im amazed this guy has a better mental state at 21 than i do at 27, i need to catch up, but then again, i left home when I was 16, he was actually able to stay at home and work on himself, I wish I had a stable up bringing
@tommm2kk definitely need work there I'm still caught up on trauma from 15 years ago
we need the part 2 of this so bad rn
I think a good conclusion of this would be something like: We take way too less time simply being happy with what we have right now compared to thinking of what would make us even more happy and walking towards that
His self awarness is something to strive for
I think I relate to Dantes a lot. I logic myself out of all of my feelings and I reflect on myself a lot. But I am shutting out emotion to reasonably think about it. I am missing a lot of things that way.
Self awareness is a blessing and a curse, I think therapy is much harder for someone who has already thought about everything in a certain way. It's so damn interesting.
I learned a lot about myself from this talk. Thank you Dr K and dantes. Both fantastic human beings.
Wow.. I never would have guessed how emotionally intelligent this man actually is. Big man with a big heart.
"no matter how sexy you look in that tank top you still adjust your hair
when will it be enough?"
what a good line
1:34:16
basically, he has growth from everytime something bad happens, that growth prove to be good, TOO good, that in its wake, it changes dante, but not in a overall goodway, because there's something he still left behind whenever he take the next step: his own emotional mental state. each time he done that, those emotions got suppresed behind a wall of quote unquote "insecurity within security". it expands yet the core remain trapped, like when you become untouchable, is there anything left for YOU to touch?
so happy dr.K resolved his issues, cause' some point in time, i think all of us will need guidance or atleast, to be seen and heard, the echoes of our emotions.
Not to look down other interviews, I've enjoyed many of them, but this here is by far the best talk in this channel imo
I feel like dante's use of video game terminology when describing his life makes Dr.K feel like he relates better and feels that this is what his stream is all about
Petition to have Dr. K react to some of the most unhinged Dantes clips after interviewing him
I was shook seeing this thumbnail i would've never expected this collab
Wow. I haven't heard of this streamer fellow before, but now that I'm 1 hour and 40 minutes in, this guy kinda resonates with me to an extent. I'm glad to have listened to this interview.
This has got to be the best Dr.K conversation I've ever seen. The honesty and the pure genuinety and all the deep thoughts, I'm speechless and I think it gave me more insight and understanding than any other Dr.K video/stream. Just amazing.
This is one the best Dr K talks I’ve had the pleasure to experience. Two bros vibing and truly enjoying each others input on existential thoughts we can all relate too
I never imagined such a collab, you're both great to hear
Genuinly one of the most insightful guests. Its different from every other interview in that he has thought about everything he is saying.
The penultimate level of enlightenment is being able to say "it is what it is"
When he described the background check his mom did on the catfish I realised his mom most likely stopped him from being kidnapped. 😱😱😱
Also this is why I hate when people misuse the term "catfish" to simply mean "same person but looks less attractive IRL" because actual catfishing - ie impersonations and fake identities online - are a real thing.
If someone doesn't look as good to you as their photos where they got a professional make-up artist and photographer or were at a different weight or fitness level that is not the same as being catfished - stop muddying the waters, or just call their pictures misleading or outdated if you must, but be accurate in your terms.
Because actual catfishing experiences where someone deliberately misleads the person about who they are are really insidious, they're not just a disappointing meetup where the person was honest but doesn't match the fantasy you built in your mind, they're far more dangerous and predatory and something to really be wary of and warn people about - they're not a joke and people can end up scammed, kidnapped or the target of violent crimes. Stay safe!
I'm super glad his mom knew to look out for him, sounds like she was really smart about protecting her son and keeping the channels of communication open instead of trying to forbid him - I suspect she suspected what was going on and knew that she needed the hard data because kids don't listen to parents who simply try to forbid them.
Very well put comment
SIR YES SIR
Tbh, it's hard for me to believe that a voice changer convinced him so much, that he didn't hear something off even after hours and days of talking in vc. The fact, that it didn't occur to him that it might be just one person in vc, if they NEVER talked over each other, is also very weird. Not saying he's lying, but he might have come to a few conclusions, that don't actually make any sense
@@Julie-ns8vm If you never think anyone would do something like that even if something weird happens you just ignore it.
Dr. K is so hyper in the second half, I love it
"Letting yourself be hurt, that's the next level of control."
only 🐩🐩get hurt lmaoo.
@@firerams_and_arisinglion does saying that make you feel better?
@@capnbarky2682 i mean it is what it is lmaooo. 😂
@@firerams_and_arisinglion you probably need to take in what was said in this video lol
@@outlawthesecond7597 naaw thats for🐩🐩 lmaoo.
Literally yesterday I was thinking "It'd be cool if Dr. K did a collab with Dantes, but I doubt he has." I didn't think to check but it showed up in my feed today and I popped off.