You just won over a dedicated subscriber Ren ;) Thanks so much for your insight. I'm only in my early 20s and have never dated or been in a relationship before. I have quite a few female friends (I believe I get along with them better than my bros) but it does get lonely at times, feeling like no one can "truly get you." You want that someone who you can share everything with. But what you said only validates what other INFJs I'm watching have also said. Self-confidence comes by being grounded in your sensitivity and owning up to it, and that is the most attractive thing of all. I do appreciate my ability to feel strongly for others just as much as I can "be rational" about the world, but perhaps I have indeed been repressing this "feeling" side to others for far too long. I'm not going all the way and owning it. Appreciate the advice. (oh, I am also taking an existentialism class right now so your content is perfect! I need to watch your philosophy vids haha)
Hi Kino, that's great! I'm glad that you enjoyed my video. I said I would make one, and I did! ;) I think I would have some more things to say on the topic, actually, so it's quite possible that I will make a "part 2" at some point, maybe next weekend, or in the future. We'll see. I'm certainly very happy if what I said was of any support to you. As for the existentialism class, that's great! Do you know that this is actually my "tradition", too? Most of my philosophical writing is steeped in existentialism. If you have any question about it, feel free to ask me :)
Im an INFJ and im very self conscious of how i act around women but hearing this made me smile so much. What you said sounds like common knowledge (be who you are, not fake...etc) id assume; but for me this video is my first experience hearing something like this explained so that i understand it.
Oh my gosh, i should've watched this video before commenting on the previous one, because you touched on a lot of what I was trying to say. I just want to say this is my favorite video of yours so far because it like... idk, it just meant something to me and it connected with me so deeply and it actually made me cry at the end. I needed to hear these things and I also agreed with everything you said regarding what people are attracted to. Really, this video was profound for me. I found myself saying "Yes! Exactly!" So many times! I'm also really happy you two are so happy together, and neither of you deserve any less
Well done Ren! ♡ I would like to add that intelligence is attractive, being oneself is attractive too. On the down side, cultural, familial and societal constructs play an important part in dating and relationships, often not to ones benefit. IMHO, personally, I'm attracted to genuiness in individuality...following along what everyone else is doing is unattractive to me. At my age, meeting someone in 2018 with a 1980's, (when I was 20-something), mindset is a turnoff. There is indeed a favor for maturity, but also for integrity. 😉
It took me awhile to be comfortable with myself. My INTJ partner does describe me as emotional at times, but I accept that about myself. I did go on 1-2 dates before meeting her and it wasn’t too bad.
Female INFJ are so much of thinkers for females especially in Middle East. Men here think I am a threat, because I can think for myself. They love everything about me, but being my own saviour most of the time and having my own mind and saying: I think, philosophy, logic, my vision, I stand for and stating my cause. This is too much for most men here. But I love that about me. I think we INFJ are the prove that humanity can understand gender differences in a whole new way. We are physically either males or females, but the rest of our being is a borderline between men and women . We get both sides through our 3 higher function in function stack. We can synthesis our feelings and thinking through our intuition. Carl Jung has a reason for considering anima and animus. It is inside every INFJ in a very healthy way , when we are healthy. I loved Jungian psychology even before knowing I am an INFJ . Most Ns especially NFs find it more appealing than most psychological theories. They are rich and deep and can help with creative writing.
I don't think an INFJs general reliance on Fe necessarily makes INFJs fundamentally less manly or masculine. It depends on how we "wield" it and what behavior we allow it to govern during our interactions with our chosen partner. TLDR; our personality type or cognitive stack does not automatically dictate our behavior, if we a conscious of how the various functions affects it. For example, Fe can sometimes make it difficult to create a sexual spark between ourselves and a partner, because it makes us tend to naturally seek harmony in almost any interaction; but sexual spark is typically all about disrupting harmony and creating excitement and sexual desire between two people, with typically one being the "chaser" and the other the "chasee" (each person swapping roles at different moments). Without this tension of opposites meeting each other and the subsequent interpersonal game, attraction just doesn't happen or the spark misfires and the relationship ends up a dud or as a only a friendship. Overuse of Fe simply leads to dull interactions and lack of effective emotional spikes, so it's worth being mindful of how Fe is impacting our interactions and whether creating harmony or creating dissonance is required to keep the tension at the desired level. For example, learning how to not always automatically be friendly and agreeable (because of Fe), can help build attraction, because we, reducing our desire for harmony, can display that we too have opinions and aren't afraid to stand by them (guess we tap into Fi for that). This manifests as confidence in who we are and what we stand for, which almost any prospective partner is going to find attractive. Learning to manage Fe this way, we can choose to display both submissive "feminine" behavior, but also manage it to display more "dominant" masculine behavior. On the flipside, due to being practiced Fe users, we can use Fe to resonate really well with the other person and make the interaction a lot easier, than had Fe been a shadow function. Fe will often allow us to quickly tap into what kind of humor the other person enjoys, what their mood is any given time and generally quickly "download" the essence of the other person, which makes it really easy to establish rapport and a sense of confidentiality. It sounds pretty manipulative typing it out, but having Fe in our secondary role just makes it really easy to "get" someone else and what they are about and allow us to target those things specifically to make them like us - regardless whether we or they are male or female or in their masculine or feminine aspect. :)
I don't think I ever tried to seem tougher, at least not successfully. The issue with showing the caring side is it gets you - I hate the term, but it's true - "friend zoned." Needing space and needing someone is another really difficult thing for other people to understand without feeling rejected. My "mind reading" (when somebody says to you, "you don't understand," they don't actually want to hear you explain exactly why you understand. That often has the reverse of the intended effect) and shutting down unwinnable arguments about nothing ("Sorry I did X, yes I am listening, - never explain why you did what you did here, even if it was a good reason - I won't do it again" = conversation over? Apparently not). I tried to give more insight but my thoughts are in knots - clearly I haven't worked this out yet.
I think neither your facial structure or mannerisms (facial expressions, gestures etc) are feminine. A lot of INFJ males come across as way more "feminine" in these aspects. Taken these things in mind, I think the more feminine INFJ man possible will have more issues with his perceived femininity in dating, as they're typically looking for masculinity.
Thanks for your comment! You are right to point out that even among INFJ men, there are differences in mannerisms and - obviously - physique. That being said, you'd be quite surprised to hear how many times I have been called effeminate (either explicitly or in veiled language) both other people, male or female. I honestly take that as a compliment and not a challenge to my masculinity. I agree with you, though, that it could be harder for other male INFJs who are more outwardly "feminine" (for lack of a better word) than myself. Thanks again for making that point!
I completely agree with this. And more generally, need to have broader conceptions of what it is to have integrity and strength, as many current conceptions encourage psychological vicious cylces.
We agreed on this, Rowan :) I used to fall prey to the psychological vicious cycles you are talking about... Interestingly, discovering that I am INFJ has helped me accept myself as a "feeling person" way more than I used to. I realized that I had my own strengths to feel proud about.
Thanks! I think I'll make a video specifically on INFJ and relationships, because there is this widespread idea that an INFJ/INFJ couple is a bad option, while I don't think it's necessarily true.
Super happy I can connect with others on levels of myself besides my INFJ level !!! Dont understand why people box themselves and disconnect from the other parts of themselves!! If you connect just on one aspect of yourself, what happens when one begins to awaken to other aspects of themselves ?
@@RensRoom yeah it is fun, discovering the sides of yourself, the not so fun part is finding out you are so much more then you thought and what others have created you to be !! If I were to define what is most important to me,,,,that would be spirituality, my spirituality, not some others but my own, being connected to all, in my experience, has helped to show me what I am not ! Not sure if that makes sense, it is my experience
Oh no. INFJs are not necessarily always on time. In some respects they are more P-esque than INFPs, haha. Their leading function is Introverted Intuition, which is very free-floating. It is because of Fe that INFJs tend to feel the need to be on time, among other social obligations, and that "checks" the formlessness of Ni. So in general, INFJs will tend to be more or less on time, yes. But that doesn't mean there won't be exceptions, particularly when there is less of a social obligation perceived via Fe.
I am INFJ, even tho I dont live by time, I do respect those who do,,,,,I am always a bit early actually and never late unless there is an unusual amount of traffic due to unforseen circumstances.
@Care glow, I am a INFJ with lots of INFP tendencies, and i am late a lot, due to procrastination and also not being able to get my thoughts organized. I've struggle with this and even thought I'd been mistyped, but no, I am seriously INFJ when it comes to cognitive functions and just because I am late or have trouble getting organized doesn't mean I'm not INFJ... It means I am an individual and not a "typical" type, but then again, is anyone? Also, I wanted to add that even though I have trouble getting organized I truly cherish order and organization. It lessens my stress and helps me to gather my thoughts if my surroundings are in order. I love routine. I absolutely suck at it, but it stresses me out that I am not more orderly and more typical of a "J". Make sense? I truly value it and when in order, I can be more put together in a sense, and this shows my "J" nature while my actions may not... It's all complicated, but hey, that's INFJs for you! :)
infj we are passionate and with my experience that scare some people so at the beginning i try to refrain that trait until i see the other person's reaction.Sometimes that pretend as to be played too long and so how long can we hide ourselves?
I have never been in a relationship with an ENFP, but I have been on dates with some in the past. Is there anything specific you want to know about the INFJ-ENFP interaction?
You just won over a dedicated subscriber Ren ;) Thanks so much for your insight. I'm only in my early 20s and have never dated or been in a relationship before. I have quite a few female friends (I believe I get along with them better than my bros) but it does get lonely at times, feeling like no one can "truly get you." You want that someone who you can share everything with. But what you said only validates what other INFJs I'm watching have also said. Self-confidence comes by being grounded in your sensitivity and owning up to it, and that is the most attractive thing of all. I do appreciate my ability to feel strongly for others just as much as I can "be rational" about the world, but perhaps I have indeed been repressing this "feeling" side to others for far too long. I'm not going all the way and owning it. Appreciate the advice.
(oh, I am also taking an existentialism class right now so your content is perfect! I need to watch your philosophy vids haha)
Hi Kino, that's great! I'm glad that you enjoyed my video. I said I would make one, and I did! ;) I think I would have some more things to say on the topic, actually, so it's quite possible that I will make a "part 2" at some point, maybe next weekend, or in the future. We'll see. I'm certainly very happy if what I said was of any support to you. As for the existentialism class, that's great! Do you know that this is actually my "tradition", too? Most of my philosophical writing is steeped in existentialism. If you have any question about it, feel free to ask me :)
Im an INFJ and im very self conscious of how i act around women but hearing this made me smile so much. What you said sounds like common knowledge (be who you are, not fake...etc) id assume; but for me this video is my first experience hearing something like this explained so that i understand it.
Oh my gosh, i should've watched this video before commenting on the previous one, because you touched on a lot of what I was trying to say. I just want to say this is my favorite video of yours so far because it like... idk, it just meant something to me and it connected with me so deeply and it actually made me cry at the end. I needed to hear these things and I also agreed with everything you said regarding what people are attracted to. Really, this video was profound for me. I found myself saying "Yes! Exactly!" So many times! I'm also really happy you two are so happy together, and neither of you deserve any less
Mommy calling you for lunch = instant thumbs up 👍
Haha, I know right ;)
Well done Ren! ♡
I would like to add that intelligence is attractive, being oneself is attractive too.
On the down side, cultural, familial and societal constructs play an important part in dating and relationships, often not to ones benefit.
IMHO, personally, I'm attracted to genuiness in individuality...following along what everyone else is doing is unattractive to me. At my age, meeting someone in 2018 with a 1980's, (when I was 20-something), mindset is a turnoff. There is indeed a favor for maturity, but also for integrity. 😉
Absolutely! By being oneself, I meant something like integrity. A very attractive trait, indeed :)
I totally agree about mindset being a turn off, ahhhh yes, so much more to life then mindset ^5
It took me awhile to be comfortable with myself. My INTJ partner does describe me as emotional at times, but I accept that about myself. I did go on 1-2 dates before meeting her and it wasn’t too bad.
Being emotional is a good thing :)
Female INFJ are so much of thinkers for females especially in Middle East. Men here think I am a threat, because I can think for myself. They love everything about me, but being my own saviour most of the time and having my own mind and saying: I think, philosophy, logic, my vision, I stand for and stating my cause. This is too much for most men here. But I love that about me.
I think we INFJ are the prove that humanity can understand gender differences in a whole new way. We are physically either males or females, but the rest of our being is a borderline between men and women . We get both sides through our 3 higher function in function stack. We can synthesis our feelings and thinking through our intuition. Carl Jung has a reason for considering anima and animus. It is inside every INFJ in a very healthy way , when we are healthy.
I loved Jungian psychology even before knowing I am an INFJ . Most Ns especially NFs find it more appealing than most psychological theories. They are rich and deep and can help with creative writing.
I don't think an INFJs general reliance on Fe necessarily makes INFJs fundamentally less manly or masculine. It depends on how we "wield" it and what behavior we allow it to govern during our interactions with our chosen partner.
TLDR; our personality type or cognitive stack does not automatically dictate our behavior, if we a conscious of how the various functions affects it.
For example, Fe can sometimes make it difficult to create a sexual spark between ourselves and a partner, because it makes us tend to naturally seek harmony in almost any interaction; but sexual spark is typically all about disrupting harmony and creating excitement and sexual desire between two people, with typically one being the "chaser" and the other the "chasee" (each person swapping roles at different moments).
Without this tension of opposites meeting each other and the subsequent interpersonal game, attraction just doesn't happen or the spark misfires and the relationship ends up a dud or as a only a friendship. Overuse of Fe simply leads to dull interactions and lack of effective emotional spikes, so it's worth being mindful of how Fe is impacting our interactions and whether creating harmony or creating dissonance is required to keep the tension at the desired level.
For example, learning how to not always automatically be friendly and agreeable (because of Fe), can help build attraction, because we, reducing our desire for harmony, can display that we too have opinions and aren't afraid to stand by them (guess we tap into Fi for that). This manifests as confidence in who we are and what we stand for, which almost any prospective partner is going to find attractive.
Learning to manage Fe this way, we can choose to display both submissive "feminine" behavior, but also manage it to display more "dominant" masculine behavior.
On the flipside, due to being practiced Fe users, we can use Fe to resonate really well with the other person and make the interaction a lot easier, than had Fe been a shadow function.
Fe will often allow us to quickly tap into what kind of humor the other person enjoys, what their mood is any given time and generally quickly "download" the essence of the other person, which makes it really easy to establish rapport and a sense of confidentiality.
It sounds pretty manipulative typing it out, but having Fe in our secondary role just makes it really easy to "get" someone else and what they are about and allow us to target those things specifically to make them like us - regardless whether we or they are male or female or in their masculine or feminine aspect. :)
instablaster
I don't think I ever tried to seem tougher, at least not successfully. The issue with showing the caring side is it gets you - I hate the term, but it's true - "friend zoned." Needing space and needing someone is another really difficult thing for other people to understand without feeling rejected. My "mind reading" (when somebody says to you, "you don't understand," they don't actually want to hear you explain exactly why you understand. That often has the reverse of the intended effect) and shutting down unwinnable arguments about nothing ("Sorry I did X, yes I am listening, - never explain why you did what you did here, even if it was a good reason - I won't do it again" = conversation over? Apparently not). I tried to give more insight but my thoughts are in knots - clearly I haven't worked this out yet.
I think neither your facial structure or mannerisms (facial expressions, gestures etc) are feminine. A lot of INFJ males come across as way more "feminine" in these aspects.
Taken these things in mind, I think the more feminine INFJ man possible will have more issues with his perceived femininity in dating, as they're typically looking for masculinity.
Thanks for your comment! You are right to point out that even among INFJ men, there are differences in mannerisms and - obviously - physique. That being said, you'd be quite surprised to hear how many times I have been called effeminate (either explicitly or in veiled language) both other people, male or female. I honestly take that as a compliment and not a challenge to my masculinity. I agree with you, though, that it could be harder for other male INFJs who are more outwardly "feminine" (for lack of a better word) than myself. Thanks again for making that point!
are you an Infj?
I am :)
😁yes I know! sorry I was not being clear, wondering @PowerRedBull
@@careglow7669 Haha ok, no worries!
I completely agree with this. And more generally, need to have broader conceptions of what it is to have integrity and strength, as many current conceptions encourage psychological vicious cylces.
We agreed on this, Rowan :) I used to fall prey to the psychological vicious cycles you are talking about... Interestingly, discovering that I am INFJ has helped me accept myself as a "feeling person" way more than I used to. I realized that I had my own strengths to feel proud about.
interesting! especially jou being in a relationship with an infj, I often wondered about the competabilaty of the to types together.
Thanks! I think I'll make a video specifically on INFJ and relationships, because there is this widespread idea that an INFJ/INFJ couple is a bad option, while I don't think it's necessarily true.
Super happy I can connect with others on levels of myself besides my INFJ level !!! Dont understand why people box themselves and disconnect from the other parts of themselves!! If you connect just on one aspect of yourself, what happens when one begins to awaken to other aspects of themselves ?
That's a great question :) What other levels do you consider of importance for the definition of your selfhood?
@@RensRoom I really could not answer that, as I am not one to live by a definition :)
@@nancyc5922 Haha, good answer! :)
@@RensRoom yeah it is fun, discovering the sides of yourself, the not so fun part is finding out you are so much more then you thought and what others have created you to be !! If I were to define what is most important to me,,,,that would be spirituality, my spirituality, not some others but my own, being connected to all, in my experience, has helped to show me what I am not ! Not sure if that makes sense, it is my experience
Real is the only way I can be
I like the colour of your room
Thank you!
are INFJ's always on time? and good with time? are there reasons why INFJ's having a hard time to be on time? or when this is the case they are INFP?
Oh no. INFJs are not necessarily always on time. In some respects they are more P-esque than INFPs, haha. Their leading function is Introverted Intuition, which is very free-floating. It is because of Fe that INFJs tend to feel the need to be on time, among other social obligations, and that "checks" the formlessness of Ni. So in general, INFJs will tend to be more or less on time, yes. But that doesn't mean there won't be exceptions, particularly when there is less of a social obligation perceived via Fe.
I am INFJ, even tho I dont live by time, I do respect those who do,,,,,I am always a bit early actually and never late unless there is an unusual amount of traffic due to unforseen circumstances.
@@nancyc5922 usefull information, thank you!
@@RensRoom thank you for explaining this!
@Care glow, I am a INFJ with lots of INFP tendencies, and i am late a lot, due to procrastination and also not being able to get my thoughts organized. I've struggle with this and even thought I'd been mistyped, but no, I am seriously INFJ when it comes to cognitive functions and just because I am late or have trouble getting organized doesn't mean I'm not INFJ... It means I am an individual and not a "typical" type, but then again, is anyone?
Also, I wanted to add that even though I have trouble getting organized I truly cherish order and organization. It lessens my stress and helps me to gather my thoughts if my surroundings are in order. I love routine. I absolutely suck at it, but it stresses me out that I am not more orderly and more typical of a "J". Make sense? I truly value it and when in order, I can be more put together in a sense, and this shows my "J" nature while my actions may not... It's all complicated, but hey, that's INFJs for you! :)
infj we are passionate and with my experience that scare some people so at the beginning i try to refrain that trait until i see the other person's reaction.Sometimes that pretend as to be played too long and so how long can we hide ourselves?
Hi Ren. You've just had an encounter with the Type Police! th-cam.com/video/ImVrAahw4YQ/w-d-xo.html
Wow, cool! I'll check the video presently and let you know my thoughts :)
Ren where are u from ? I don’t recognize ur accent.
Hi Lara! I am from France, but lived in Ireland for 7 years in my twenties, so I guess I've got a bit of a weird mix?
Great Video! thank you:)
Thanks to you for watching, Helena :)
Merci pour les conseils!
have you ever dated an enfp? Please post more videos :)
I have never been in a relationship with an ENFP, but I have been on dates with some in the past. Is there anything specific you want to know about the INFJ-ENFP interaction?