The Only Funny White Man - Full Alpha Stand Up Comedy Special - Geoffrey Asmus
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 13 ก.ย. 2024
- Hello fellow alphas. Welcome to Geoffrey Asmus’ first stand-up comedy special, “The Only Funny White Man.”
This is the first 100% alpha stand up comedy special ever released. Others have tried, but none have succeeded. Congratulations on witnessing history.
The stand up comedy special was filmed in front of my parents in Minneapolis, the greatest city in America, at Sisyphus Brewery.
I'm trying to type stand up comedy as much as I can for the almighty algorithm.
In this stand-up comedy special I answer all of society’s pressing questions - Are dogs sexy? Do we need Democrats? Should abortions be mandatory? Can Lutherans enter into heaven? Why do people go ice fishing? And most importantly - Why are betas allowed to live?
Also please keep in mind that I don't believe almost a single thing I say in this stand up comedy special. Except that I h*te Lutherans.
As always. Please comment whether you liked or hated this stand up comedy special. As a sacrifice to the almighty Algorithm, may she ever rule over our pathetic lives.
All your help means a lot and thanks for going along with me on this stupid comedy journey.
Filming this cost me far too much. A man can only give away free content for so long before he has to return to dog walking in Brooklyn.
Please Paypal - paypal.me/geoffreyatm
or Venmo - account.venmo....
#GeoffreyAsmus #StandupComedy #Comedy #Standup #funny #alpha
Written & Performed By: Geoffrey Asmus
Directed By: Jesse Chieffo
Edited & Colored By: Jesse Chieffo
Filmed At: Sisyphus Brewery in Minneapolis, Minnesota
Music: "Rock N' Roll Machine" and "Island Man" by Family Business
More from Geoffrey Asmus:
Subscribe for daily jokes and a new special early next year with better material
Instagram: / geoffreyatm
Watch and listen to my weekly podcast “You’re An Idiot” with Alex Dragicevich - New episodes every Monday on TH-cam
Join our Patreon for weekly bonus episodes: linktr.ee/Your...
I'm touring all over the nation this fall with an almost entirely new hour. Buy tickets to an upcoming show here: linktr.ee/Geof...
Sign up for my Mailing List to find out when I’m performing near you: eepurl.com/h_HMIX
Comment where I should tour next.
Love to all my betas.
:08 Intro
:22 The Sign
:47 The Parents
1:20 The Haircut
1:40 The Weather
2:25 The Bathroom
3:08 The Civil War
3:43 The Bar Specials
4:25 Ice Fishing
5:52 The Girlfriend
6:37 The One Black Guy
7:19 Dirty Talk
8:10 Cumming Right On Time
8:45 King of Sex
9:10 Girlfriend Meeting Parents
9:53 Black Girlfriend
10:45 Komanda
11:55 Geoff With A G
13:09 Dogwalking
14:45 Anyone in College?
15:10 Storming the Capitol
16:10 The War In Ukraine
17:05 True Crime
18:11 Anthropology Degree
18:50 Religious Studies Degree
19:10 Lutherans
20:32 Raised Religious
20:49 Hot Cousins
21:37 The Catholic Prayer
22:30 My Mom
23:19 Recognizing Audience Member
24:30 Body Positivity
26:55 The One Impression
28:25 Doing Shows in Small Towns
29:03 Small Town Parks
29:30 Small Town Racism
29:53 Small Town Festivals
30:35 Every Small Town Hates Another Small Town
31:28 Bad Tattoos in Small Town
32:00 Mocking Rural America
33:16 New Yorkers Suck
34:00 The Neighbors
35:40 Abortion
37:51 I Know All The World Capitals
42:20 Choke S*x
43:30 Fingering
44:30 The Cl*t
45:00 My Pen*s
46:40 Conception
47:35 The Big Closer
Hey gang. Thanks for watching the big special. I hope you enjoyed it. And if you didn’t I’m extremely sorry you were born with bad taste.
I’m touring all over this godforsaken nation through the rest of the year - buy tickets here - linktr.ee/Geoffreyatm11
Don’t see your city - sign up for my mailing list and I’ll let you know when I’m performing nearby - eepurl.com/h_HMIX
Venmo -account.venmo.com/u/geoffrey-asmus
Paypal - paypal.me/geoffreyatm
- please, I’m $15,000 in the hole from this special
Also listen to my amazing You’re An Idiot podcast - linktr.ee/YoureAnIdiot
New episodes every Monday
Join the Patreon for weekly bonus eps and early access- www.patreon.com/youreanidiot
Catch me on tour in all these godforsaken places the rest of the year -
8/11 - 8/12 - Toronto - www.royalcomedy.ca/events
8/13 - Buffalo - buffalo.heliumcomedy.com/shows/219497
8/16 - NYC - www.eventbrite.com/e/geoffrey-asmus-headlines-sesh-tickets-674434139667?aff=oddtdtcreator
8/25 - 8/26 - Rutherford, New Jersey - www.bananascomedyclub.com/events/75586
8/31 - 9/2 - Madison, Wisconsin - www.madisoncomedy.com/event/geoffrey_asmus23/2023-08-31/
9/15 - 9/16 - San Diego - thecomedystore.com/la-jolla/calendar/la-jolla/#
9/21 - Miami - www.eventbrite.com/e/662546473337
9/22 - Orlando - www.eventbrite.com/e/642358961947
9/23 - Jacksonville - www.eventbrite.com/e/comedy-night-in-st-augustine-wgeoffrey-asmus-tickets-657388916947
9/24 - Tampa - ci.ovationtix.com/35578/production/1163571
10/7 - Boise - www.eventbrite.com/e/geoffrey-asmus-tickets-676048929547
10/8 - Spokane - www.spokanecomedyclub.com/shows/227530
10/11 - Portland - portland.heliumcomedy.com/shows/223167
10/12 - Vancouver - admitone.com/events/geoffrey-asmus-vancouver-9024509
10/15 - Tacoma - www.tacomacomedyclub.com/shows/224484
10/19 - 10/21 - Kansas City - www.thecomedyclubkc.com/events/72628
10/22 - Huntsville, Alabama - huntsville.standuplive.com/shows/226740
10/27 - 10/28 - Dallas - dallas-comedyclub.com/shows/
11/5 - Chattanooga - www.thecomedycatch.com/shows/226837
11/16 - Brea, CA - www.ticketweb.com/event/geoffrey-asmus-brea-improv-tickets/13414358?pl=breaimprov
11/17 - 11/18 - Bakersfield, CA - venue-the-well-comedy-club-502.seatengine.cloud/events/77716
@@GeoffreyAsmus 11/19 - San Francisco - www.cobbscomedy.com/EventDetail?tmeventid=G5vYZ9R5SN6CX
12/1 - 12/2 - Phoenix - www.micdropmania.com/events/77317
12/3 - Sacramento - concerts.livenation.com/geoffrey-asmus-sacramento-california-12-03-2023/event/1C005EF2F593747F
12/8 - 12/9 - Austin, TX - www.creekandcave.com/shows/geoffrey-asmus-73601 12/18 - 12/20 - Chicago - chicago.zanies.com/calendar/
I got $10 on it
I jizzed everywhere
@@GeoffreyAsmus would you have gotten the capitol of South Sudan? Or Eritrea
We have comedian frauds who keep getting Netflix specials for who knows why. And then there is Geoffrey who actually makes you laugh out loud.
😅😅
You mean Bert and Tom 😂
@unbroken1010 100%. Segura isnt that funny anymore and Berts whole "shtick" is that he laugh cries at his own jokes. Seguras last special was as bad as watching these female comedian hacks. Best comedians atm are small timers.
@@unbroken1010 imagine thinking Tom Segura isnt funny. Some people live sad lives 😂
@@choppatool he used to be. Now he is elite cringe . Literally 💩 on his fans
Geoffrey going head to head with Barbie's opening weekend... What an Alpha!
barbie never had a chance
Geoffrey is alpha ken
I’ve seen most of the jokes in this special because I’m too beta and I’ve watched all your videos multiple times. You killed dude! Can’t wait for more
same haha
Same and it was still hilarious. Great job dude. On Wisconsin.
Glad I’m not the only one
Same but some of these definitely hit different knowing his parents were there. 😅
Only Betas need new material.
Best comedy special ever filmed in a brewery next to a community college.
Haha this is true
😂
As a broke anthropologist this special killed and thanks for the shout out 😂
YT algo is busted when it takes THIS long to finally recommend Asmus. Talented and hilarious comic.
There’s been some great stand up specials this year. Never heard of this guy until I saw him on We Might Be Drunk an hour ago. This is arguably the best stand up special this year. Rare unexpected treat
hell yea. Thanks man
Never heard of him either, but I liked this a lot. I watch a crap load of comedy and am always pleased to find a new comedian to add to my list of favorites. For his first special this was excellent. Good material, clever subversions of expectations, fitting stage presence and persona. Only minor criticism is that as much as I love dick jokes, the set was too reliant on genitalia as a source of laughs. There were a lot of good dick jokes, but just too many in comparison to other topics. Still I loved it and hope to see more from him.
Quality comedian coming through. This is what peak male performance looks like folks.
true
and there ain't a fuckin thing you can do about it!
(camera zooms in face intensely)
Peak white male*
Fuck yeah dude. I’ve seen most of your jokes before but to see them all woven together in your first special is amazing. You’re gonna be packing theatres in no time my dude. Keep bringing us that alpha comedy
The Goofrey joke just murdered me. I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time 😂😂😂
Andrew Tate needs to watch this so he can learn what a true alpha looks like
this is true
Tate is such a fraud
Corniest comment I've ever read. L
@@sloanmagnum5009 You have Stockholm syndrome from working his webcams. Get help.
@@sloanmagnum5009try reading yours
When you get Netflix, don't let them make you compromise your material. Funniest special I've seen in a long time. 🤣 💯
Hell yea. Thank you!
Finally, a straight white comic getting a big break. You're gonna blow up big man that was killer.
poor choice of words there, buddy. He's an Alpha. He doesn't blow anything! ;-P
You should swallow some of that ejaculate ma man at least he's the killer an alpha needs to be
"Your Tinder says down to Earth so get in that foxhole!" What a great line dude lol
Saw him on We Might Be Drunk, took me to this special, bought a ticket for the Vancouver show. You are deservedly monetized sir!
Hell yea 🤟
Darn, I can't see it. Did they pull it?
@@BillHicks420 Ep #140
@@BillHicks420 the show or the pod?
@@shack_SI Thanks, that's it!
Can’t wait to have some alpha comedy unleashed upon my beta brain, but I’ll be watching this later tonight. Thanks for sharing your gift, man!
I’ve been taking extra dumps at work just so I can watch more of this. Excellent work from the true alpha male of comedy
i applaud this effort
Looking forward to a nice run of podcast guest appearances to compliment this bad boy
If only
Are you garbage!!!
Hopefully he does! Dude is hilarious
Get on "We Might Be Drunk" and "Are you Garbage". Perfect.
I would love to see him on Theo Von or Stavros Halkias
I saw you perform to about 10 people in a hotel in Sioux Falls over the pandemic and you were one of the best comics I’ve ever seen. My wife and I had really low expectations and you blew us away! It was kind of weird seeing a high performer in that environment lol.
Great stuff my man. My girl and I saw you in Raleigh this year. We were the ones who met on Tinder, to which you said “I didn’t know they let senior citizens on there”. Solid joke and a little painful like a solid joke should be.
haha Raleigh was so fun
"If global warming is real then why am I dying of hypothermia?!"
I have never heard a funnier bit, possibly ever but definitely not about ice fishing. This is my first time seeing you and you definitely earned a new fan! The jokes are high octane and the delivery is on fucking point. Thanks for posting this for free and sharing your incredible wit with the rest of us!
Congratulations, dude! Let's make this bigger than smallpox!
You do great job making people laugh and forget about their problems. Such great delivery and respect for you my man!!!
I have high hopes for you. You're gonna be a comedy star!
Truly one of the best right now. Great to see all the bits be perfected over the past few years
hell yea. thank you!
Can’t believe your Mom was there for some of these 😂 congrats Geoff!!
haha she will never recover. thanks man
@@GeoffreyAsmus oh wow, so they tried the anal?
"im going to huddle around a hole in silence.. thats what cuddling is" 😂😂😂😂 tHis guy is HILARIOUS 😂😂😂
Just found you from your Reddit posts, and I couldn't stop laughing. Saving this special for anytime I need a laugh. Hope to see you in Nashville!
Hell yea. I’m in Nashville in April - www.etix.com/ticket/e/1040200/2024-geoffrey-asmus-nashville-zanies-comedy-club
Grabbing 4 right now! ...unfortunately gotta bring a Council of Trent denying motherfucker... my wife... sorry about that
The likes don't do this special justice. This guy is one of the best coming up in comedy now. King of crowd work. Ps you owe me a coffee, spit that out on my desk when you dropped that "alpha comedy, it's a lil different" under your breath 😂
Fine I’ll buy you a coffee
One of the top alpha comedians alive right now. Goofrey is gonna be a legend you just watch.
Dan Soder said to come watch your special on his latest appearance on Bertcast so I stopped the EP and clicked over and holy shit, this was amazing! You are a new favorite! Thank you for the special! 🙏
Hyped to watch this, I’ve enjoyed watching your set(s) progress over time 👏
Same saw him in 2019 and he's only gotten better. Such a joy to watch!
Such a relief to finally see some alpha comedy. The world might not be ready though
The anthropology joke 😂 I remember there was an option to take an anthropology in high school. I chose psychology and criminal justice
Geoffrey has performed a truly herculean task. He has surmounted obstacles both structural and person. Ever since Andy Kaufman died we hoped and prayed for another funny white man while we drowned in a sea of Adam Carollas and Anthony Cumias. Geoffrey answered our calls and made the ultimate sacrifice to become the most alpha comic in all of crackerdom.
this is all true
You're very overweight and visibly old
FINALLY! A REAL ALPHA SPECIAL ON TH-cam
Watched this last night. We absolutely laughed from beginning to end. An unstoppable Rising Star.
Great job Goofree. Looking forward to more.
This was an impressive show. Whole way through, pushing the boundaries and had everyone laughing their asses off. Riffing off the crowd, then breaking the 4th wall with consistent comedic timing. Definitely wanna see you live one day 🤣
Plz come to a show
Loved seeing the development of all these bits through youtube clips and reels... you seemed more relaxed/playful as you were developing the jokes; however it came down to game-time and you delivered with this special, well memorized and strung them all well together. Cheers m8!
Thank you! This is a good comment
Dude, you're so cool! Awesome jokes and very appropriate crowdwork! One of the main comedy discoveries of recent years!
Underrated Comic. Haven't laughed this much in a minute!
hell yea. thanks man
A special that deserved to be made!
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
This deserves 1M+ views
true
Oh fuck, the other month I thought it was the first time you actually replied to something instead of ❤'ing it, but here we were 11 months ago geoffffreyasmus. I promise #notparasocial
This should have a million views, you are by far one of funniest comedians in the game. I had tears I was laughing so hard. So bummed I missed your show in Minneapolis.
hell yea. im back in december. sign up for my dumb email list and ill let you know when those tix go on sale - eepurl.com/h_HMIX
@@GeoffreyAsmus just seen your show in Brainerd, absolutely killed it man.
This was one of the funniest sets I’ve seen/“heard” in a very long time; in all of comedy. Very well done! I was losin’ it over here 😂😂😂😂👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
"You can't eat a podcast" fuckin' decapitated me.
Bravo, sir.
Watching a comic successfully use the internet to come up is refreshing. I swear I haven’t heard of most comics until they get they first special but I’m glad I found your stuff early!
I've caught some shorts from you recently that actually made me laugh so i decided to dig into your stuff. This was seriously one of the best modern specials I've seen. You're very good at framing things in a way that makes them obviously jokes. You make fun of conservative and liberal ideas and ppl without it feeling like a hate lecture, so everyone laughs. Shane Gillis is very good at this too. It appeals to most people, which are normal non-extreme people that just want to laugh and observe the same things. Delivery and personality is great. Takes risks. A lot of wit on display. No gimmicks that are tired. My sense of commedy. I'll be following you for sure.
this is a great comment. thanks for watching!
2 mins in and laughing by myself in my backyard like a weirdo. Good stuff!!
The Stavy’s World appearance brought me here. You crushed!
White guys we are so freaking back ❤
White people got some of the best comedians to me Jim Gaffigan, Louis ck, John mulaney 🔥🔥🔥
Lmao
@@nawfr223but there is only ONE G.O.A.T ... #chapelle
@@trademarksmoto🤏🧠🤡
It’s such a rare thing to find a comedian I can recommend to friends on both sides of the political spectrum!! Looking forward to your Seattle show! Congratulations on the special. You killed it!
Sad that that’s even hard at all
Been having such a shitty week and I was so excited to see your special. Can’t wait to see more from you in the future.
hell yea!
Hoooooooly shit. I’ve been watching a lot of stand-up on TH-cam, and I haven’t laughed this hard in years. This guy is amazing.
thank youuuu
Peak "Just a Little Stinker" vibes with this guy. 10/10.
Geoffrey is the shit ! I wanna see this dude live so bad he straight up RIPS !!!! If you’re not down with this promise me you’ll never consume comedy again please
Fantastic! Kept me laughing from beginning to end! Some of the best crowd work in the business!
Content, content. Amazing joke writing.
Can’t wait!!! Mission impossible & this in the same month! What a treat!
To do those jokes in front of your parents is WILD! Total Alpha move 😂😂😂😂
This was way funnier than anything that’s hit Netflix in a while. 10/10
Excellent writing!! You’re so quick on the spot!!
I feel like you were a little nervous but you powered thru and crushed. This is great, excited to see what opportunities this opens up for you. 😂😂😂
i was actually really sick the 10 days before the recording so i was a little rusty for sure.
@@GeoffreyAsmusman you killed it, haven’t literally laughed out loud for a stand up comedian ever since Louis CK and you my friend are just as brutal. Loved it!
I have loved watching you work this material over the past year and you CRUSHED it in this special. Well done, Joff!
Saw this dude in Grand Rapids and he fucking killed. Can’t wait to be alphaed tonight!
love GR. im back in december
So good. Love all this but the cousin joke fucking up thanksgiving always makes me laugh out loud at my phone. This is better than 99.9% of the shit on Netflix
Hell yea love to hear that
This is absolutely hilarious, Geoffrey.
Finally comedy worth watching! Genius writing. Really killing it on the delivery. Love the audience insults and self compliments. And excellent job of improvising and tieing the jokes together / closing them. AWESOME!
Well crafted! I enjoy seeing the development. Keep killing it!
That 'give it to daddy, but dont wake father' line was 😂
I feel so left out. He is amazing
A lot of specials coming out now and this one had me laughing more than any of them. Keep it up Asmus!
hell yea. please spread the good word
One of my favorite comedians doing it right now
this guy is like if Matt Rife traded his looks for humor 😂
lets goooo
This dude is now my favorite comic. Wtf man great set!
11/10, the last true alpha
@@tommyg2147 in the immortal words of everyone who has ever spoken to you: go away nobody cares
Amazing performance! Love this guy
Thanks Goofrey!
I hate I missed your show in Charleston. You are one of the strongest up and coming comics. Don’t let up. You got us right where you want us!
Hell yea. I’ll be back in charleston. Great city
I cannot believe how much I'm NOT the target group for this, yet scream-laughed a bunch of times while watching this by myself. That's skill!!
Love from Europe
hell yea
Before watching a single joke, I converted the special to mp3 and then listened on my phone while cooking dinner. While listening, I imagined what Geoffrey looked like based on the voice, the content of the jokes, the hints into the background and overall vibe. Suffice to say, he looked nothing like I imagined. Not more or less attractive per se, just entirely different.
Good show.
What an explosive ending! Well done sir
Hell yeah man. I’m here from Reddit. Excellent stuff as always
You have such an excellent set! I bought a ticket and missed your show in Denver because I had to work. Your alpha comedy always has me hooting like a chimp on the train to work.
One of my favorite comedians for real.
ill be back dont worry. denver was a great time. sorry you missed it
Geoffrey you are so fucking funny. You may get these kinds of comments all the time but if you can listen to one... you remind me of all the witty people in my life, yet you obviously also have a unique and hilarious delivery and speech, especially your effective sardonic and ever flat tone. And the jokes never stop coming out. Those people persistently guffawing during your set aren't fibbing whatsoever. Please keep being funny. I hope to see you get as far as you want to because maybe being famous is a pain in the ass :) cheers
LETS. FUCKING. GO!!!!!!
I saw your clip from Ben Saphiro reaction and now I'm here. Dude, you are extremely funny. The jokes are relentless, my eyes are wet and I hurt my stomach because of laughing. And your knowledge of geography is really astonishing, and I saw you in other clips showing what a bookworm you are. You're smart my dude, hopefully good things happen to you a lot. Love from Indonesia!
How have I never come across this dude?! He is absolutely killer. Good things to come for this fucking legend. Keep on keepin' it raw, bro!
hell yea
The flashes to the crowd that absolutely no one can see are my favorite
hahaha
do i want to watch this before or after i see you live in Providence?
Providence set will be 70% different. Some of the same jokes but I’ve added on and made em better honestly
@@GeoffreyAsmus Tell Alex he should open for you.
Thanks Stavvy for sending me here! Great special Geoff!
Deserves a special on Netflix 💪🏽
Just rewatched this for a second time, love it. It's one of my favourite specials from the past 12 months! Really looking forward to the next special!
Finally someone sticks it to the Lutherans
They’ve had it too easy for too long
Keoffrey is the definition of thinking out loud 😂
This special fuckin ripped dude!! I hope one day when I grow up I can be as much of a alpha as you Geoffrey!! (I’m 30 btw) 😂 but we can all dream right!
i believe in you
you gotta see this man live! excellent show goofery ❤️
God damn he makes me feel like such a beta