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What is the End of Life Conversation
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 17 ส.ค. 2024
- Yes, it's going to be uncomfortable but it's a conversation that every one of us is going to have.
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My ex wife died in April from brain cancer. Rather than trying to reach people individually my daughter went to her mother’s facebook page and made the announcement that she had cancer. My daughter had the foresight to ask people not to send Get Well cards but instead send cards that were uplifting and include a note talking about some memory they had with her. My ex wife had been a speech pathologist and had worked in 3 different school systems and multiple schools during her 40+ year career. The cards started coming in and there were at least 200+ cards. My daughter, son and daughter in law all made sure they read each and every card to her. That brought her a great deal of joy. Something else our kids did was to sit with her and play her favorite music. They would even sing along with her. I had my time with her as well to relive some memories and to square some things up between us. Her passing was quiet and happened at 6 am. Our son was with her and holding her hand as she passed.
What a brilliant idea
Of a sad thing, love and joy were chosen. Well done all. 🙏🕊️
@@Dave-hc6pp , what a beautiful story of your ex wife’s journey. Your children made certain that her days were filled with love and made beautiful memories each and every day. Ex husband….. you did right by your children and by your ex wife. Not many men would have done that. Sounds to me like she must have been a remarkable woman in her lifetime here on earth. Thank you for sharing your story.
What a beautiful idea! I'm sure she loved hearing the stories and memories! To hear the differences she made in so many lives must have been so rewarding for her!
I'm sorry for your loss. Like Julie and many other hospice nurses have said, she'll come to get you when it's your time, and what a glorious reunion it will be. I'm the meantime, take care of yourself and enjoy your loved ones and friends. Sending peace to you ❤
Absolutely beautiful. You obviously raised thoughtful, intelligent kids and I’m glad you had the time to share memories and square things up.
Hi. I’m a nurse at a nursing home..just worked a 16 hour shift (7a-11p) and lost a 91 year old patient around 6pm..and it was hard..when they are sick, when they are on hospice, etc, you’re prepared. But we weren’t prepared for this. She just became unresponsive and that was it. And it was so hard and it really sucked. And now, even though I have to be back to work in less than 5 hours to work another 16 hour shift, I’m sitting here on TH-cam bc I am NOT OKAY. I’m sad. This shit really HURTS..I decided to go onto TH-cam when I got home and found your channel and you are an absolute godsend. Thank you for doing what you do.❤️❤️
I'm a daughter who had to put my 89 yr old mother in a nursing home( i could no longer care for her once she started falling. I cannot pick her up. heartbreaking for us both) THANK YOU for what you do. This facility helped not only my mom by giving her a better level of care than I could, it also took a tremendous weight off my back I didn;t realize I had been carrying. All because of skilled, caring nurses. Thank you for being one of those. You may never know how many you have helped who are not your patients.
Thank you for your service. My Mom just went into nursing care and the people at the facility all know her, small town, the love she receives has eased my anxiety. Bless the health care workers.
You work too much, and that must change, but you already know that. Your 91 year old patient, whom you clearly loved? She was well aware of your love, and you did well for her. Be at peace!
@@e-spy she was grateful for you even tho she never got a chance to say this. My mom (95yo) says I don’t know what I’d do if I had no one. So know it matters so much🙏
Don’t forget to listen to the Holy Spirit whisper in caring, for yourself. 🕊
My father died 30 years ago at the age of 59. When Mom and I were having a quiet conversation by his bedside in the days before his passing, he lifted his finger to his mouth.... slowly. And he said, "Shh....we have guests."
Mom and I looked at each other in a bit of confusion, since we were the only two people in the house besides my dad. So, I asked him, "Daddy, who's here?"
And he pointed to the corner of the room, across from where he was laying, sitting propped up. He quietly said, "There are three of them. And they're wearing beautiful clothes."
So Mom and I just looked at the empty corner and back at each other. I turned back to Daddy and said, "We will be quiet. Thank you for telling us they are here "
And so....even though neither my mom nor I could actually see anyone, we believed the room was full. And we felt honored and a bit awed that Dad could see them so clearly. It was obvious to us he was in a place in between his life on earth and the spiritual one that awaited him just a few hours later.
I was with him when he passed. It was peaceful. Death came for him like it does for us all, but Daddy wasn't alone.
I feel great comfort in that memory.
@@laurajane213 That is a beautiful story, Laura Jane. I’m convinced I’ll see my son, Scott, who died at the age of 36. That was 21 years ago, and not a day has gone by that I don’t think of him. I’m sure he’s with my Mom and Dad, so that’s 3 people that I hope to see waiting for me at the end. 💜🩷💙
I just wanted you to know our resident 95 year old on hospice has found your channel and it has brought him so much comfort. The ripples of your acts of kindness are endless❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
While my husband was dying, he would see angels, and ask me if I saw them, and I said no, but that doesn't mean they dont exist. He would see loved ones who had passed on. And then while he was taking his last breaths, he said I love you, and I said it back and then he was gone.
Thanks for saying that a person "is not going to suddenly become emotionally mature". I needed to hear this.
When I was placed in hospice’s care in September 2023, ( I accepted hospice early) I had people ask me how many liters of oxygen I was on. I stated 2 liters and there response was “ oh, you’re not that sick”.
I also was told by others, “ well, I know people that have been on hospice for 2 years” Personally, I took that as they didn’t take my illness seriously.
I’ve also had people drop out of my life.
There are many things that I’d like people to know and understand. I have so much to say yet, I have not said anything. I have end stage COPD and I continue to decline. I barely eat because it’s just too hard to eat. People don’t realize how hard it is to eat and breathe at the same time. I also just want to sleep but I fight it everyday. I love your channel, I started reading your book. Your channel and topics validate everything I am going through yet, the people in my life never appear open to hear what’s happening to me. My hospice team is wonderful to a point. It feels like even they don’t want to talk to me about dying. So I just want to say Thank you!! Thank you for your honesty. I know that I’m dying. I don’t know the how’s, when’s and what to expect. I’m not afraid of dying, I’m afraid of suffocating. I’ve had a tough time with medication. Morphine worked beautifully for shortness of breath until the first increase then it became apparent that I am allergic to it. 💔 Nothing has come close to morphine for SOB. So I do still fear suffocating. My nurse keeps promising me that I will not suffocate. Time will tell.
Any way, your honesty has really helped me in my journey. ❤
Morphine is one of those medications that does several things at once. I don’t know how bad your reaction was to it but most narcotics can cause a histamine response in your body. If the histamine release is not life threatening you could get an anti histamine from your care team. Other narcotics are good with pain but morphine decreases pain, and can make you rest but it also decreases your need for oxygen and your thirst for oxygen and it decreases the load on your heart. Starving for oxygen is an awful feeling I hope you find another treatment that helps.
Hi Cindy. I am so sorry to hear of your diagnosis yet happy to see you making the most of your time. Our hospice has pastoral counselors and grief counselors who call on clients weekly. Does your hospice group offer such services? Wish you the best on your journey. Blessings.
@@dagwood1327 , my reaction to morphine was pretty bad. It was a reaction that included swelling of the throat, tongue and lips. After several different opiates I became so depressed and frustrated. Since they have different manufacturers one being blue liquid and one pink we decided to try the one I hadn’t started with, same reaction. We also tried the pill form. Same reaction. The next drug I believe we tried was oxycodone , that did nothing for my SOB. On to Dilaudid, the liquid Dilaudid took a long time to kick in and the SOB relief was very short lived. So liquid lorazepam was added. Still nothing quite like morphine. I became despondent and so frustrated. Years of long term prednisone has caused me to develop avascular necrosis of my right femur and tibia so I can only use prednisone on very short term basis. Presently I take Dilaudid in pill form 3 times a day along with lorazepam, some form a cough medication 2x per day and 3 different nebulized medications twice a day. I still have SOB. I also take Daliresp for decreasing lung inflammation. This leaves me believing that I am going to die suffocating. 🤞🤞🙏
@@jojowallace5098 Thank you for your kind words. My team is amazing, I see my nurse twice a week, a health aide 5 times a week and a social worker weekly. They are all wonderful and caring .
@@dagwood1327 , I forgot my most important, I’m on oxygen 24/7. In the few weeks I’ve gone from 2 liters to 3.5, and 4 when up and walking.
My Grandma passed this Saturday June 22nd 2024 958am. Days prior to her passing I told her its okay and beautiful where she is going. She knew in my past I told her that I wouldn't know what to do if something happened to her and she worried about me. Even though it was hard I held my tears and told her I'll be alright she did an amazing job here on Earth. I listened to her speak while holding her hand to the other side and just embraced the experience she gave me. She seen her Mom and I strongly believe this. She said I had 2 kids a boy and a girl. Mind you I currently have 1 a boy. Only time will tell. RIP Grandma Carol 👼 I love you
I’m so sorry, I get it, my mom died 3-19-2024, it’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever lived through. My dad is in hospice who is deaf with dementia, I live about 3,000 miles round trip. My husband has helped me so much. We just got back from visiting my dad & putting flowers on my mom’s grave. Hang tight…it will be okay.
@@jimrebr yeah I understand we all face it and boy it sure does suck but I appreciate that. Keep your head up to🙏💕💫
Hi, Julie!
I love this channel and have recommended it to many others. In December, I’ll reach the grand old age of 80, and I really want to be prepared. I hope I will fall asleep one night and wake up in heaven, but in case I am suffering at the end, I want to know as much as I can about hospice before I need it.
I ordered your book just now and will receive it tomorrow. Thank you for your kindness and support in teaching us about death. I have always been an avid mystery reader, and this is the biggest mystery of all! 🌺
I love the last line of your post! It really opened up another line of thought for me... That crossing the veil should not just be only scary to contemplate, but a mystery that can also be looked at as an adventure - a voyage of discovery. Thanks!
I am fast approaching my 88th birthday and have been on palliative care at the local hospice and always try to watch this channel. I don't know how long that will be for but I can confirm that hospice is staffed with the most loving and thoughtful group of people I have ever met, who are making my life worth living for however long it will be.Thank you all the nurse Julie's.
Yes, I gave my son Julie's book since I'm old and my daugther-in-law's parents are around my age. Since I live alone and my son and family are some 45 minutes away, we've set up a daily text so they know I'm okay. They are very busy with 3 kids, a goat farm, and my son's carpentry business.
I purchased your book yesterday. I supported my best friend with the help of hospice during her last few months. She survived 6 years with a glioma. The hospice folks were there for us and were very supportive and comforting.
Glioma s almost always a certain and somewhat close death sentence. Did she do treatment for it? I have worked in healthcare since the 70’s and have had several patients with Gliomas. I have always said if I was given that diagnosis I would go to Hawaii and die on the beach. For her to have 6 years is a miracle. God bless you for helping her through that season of her life. 🙋♀️🙏⚔️🛡️
I love that you honor the silence and then can be honest when you speak. I had a patient with AIDS while a student nurse and I felt I should have the "death and dying" speech with him. He absolutely refused to have it. He said he was going to take me to Jamaica when he got well. So we talked about Jamaica. It's always all about "reading" and honoring the patient. Thank you for all the good work you do! You help so many people! What a blessing that is for all of us!
I had a nursing educator who told us “don’t make promises you can’t keep” I’ve always remembered that and used that great advice
That's fantastic! 👍
One day my kids asked me why I rarely promise them anything. I don't make a promise that I am not sure I can keep, and I always keep my promises.
I so wish I had listened to this conversation last year October when my baby sister passed on after 4 months of brain cancer. My only consolation is that I showed up and was there for her - my head and heart will hurt forever 💔 but I am grateful I could show up
As a nurse I found this helpful. It's so hard helping and listening to patients as they grieve their own life ending. Especially knowing there's nothing I can do to help or make them feel better.
Thank you for absorbing this for us, take care of you. 🙏🕊️
When my father was dying of a stroke, I told him I loved him, he shocked me when he asked me why ?
I was speechless. He passed away four hours later. I always asked him if he wanted anything and in the end he always said no. Making him comfortable was the key thing, just being there meant so much.
❤
Hi Julie, I was in the middle of your book when my mother passed away. you’ve been most comforting and it helped me tremendously. I owe you a debt of gratitude. Also, I had my mother on hospice too, and they were immensely helpful. She died last Tuesday.
I was able to get my grandmother to blink, once for yes & twice for no; her mind was with me till the end. I played her favorite hymns, brushed her hair & put lotion on her, as I always did. She died in my arms @96. Wish I could hold her again.
Hello,
What you say is so true! I am thinking about when my Dad was dying from cancer nearly 20 years ago now. Mom was out walking the dog we had and it was the home care nurse, Dad, and me. He asked me if he could stop the chemo he was on as we knew it would only possibly extend his life by a few months and it was doing a number on him that other treatments had not done.
I told him honestly, I hate knowing that I am going to lose you but I hate even more seeing you like this. So he chose to stop the chemo and passed away a month or so later, 3 days after my birthday. Though to do but he had become a shadow of the Dad I knew at that point.
Sandra
Never say "God only gives people what they can handle" As a mother of a child with cancer, DON'T SAY THAT!!!
I got your book about 2 weeks ago and although I’m only into the 2nd chapter, I’ve been telling others about it who have already lost loved ones. I believe it will/does bring comfort to those of us still here. I told them there is a chapter, #10, to deal with grief & sadness.
My parents are in their mid to late nineties & not doing well. I will miss them but I’m dealing better with what’s been termed ‘anticipatory grief’. Blessings, Marianne 😇❤️ 6:00
Hi again, love your channel ! I remember sitting alone with my Mom in her bedroom - I would say about 2 weeks before she passed - I was flipping through one of her catalogs and she ( is sitting up in her bed ) I was going to order a pair of gold shoes in there but I won’t be here 😢 I kept my head down looking at catalog but I couldn’t say anything and prayed for her to say something - anything - it still haunts me I didn’t say something and I know wonder if she “ needed “ to talk about it - but I knew if I said anything I couldn’t hold it together and didn’t want her to se me falling apart - one of her nurses in the hospital when we went to see her said “ your mother cares more about all of you kids more than herself ) she had 12 children 1 whom was a still born back in early 60’s so they went in thinking they would be bringing home a new baby - but that was Our Mother “ she was the sweetest and kindest person I have ever known 😞 thank you for letting me share
You know what? Your mother needed nothing more than to know you loved her, and you showed her that. Be at peace!
"I don't know" is my favorit honest answer in so many situations. I wish the answer itself was more respected.
There is nothing wrong with saying you dont know, if you dont..but since I feel I know what is on the otherside I wouldn't hesitate to tell a dying person I know they are going to feel more alive after their passing..only our body dies and it only restricts our soul..I studied near death experiences for over 20 years. We go home!.
Fortunately, or unfortunately, this is something I don't have to worry about anymore. For me, the two greatest things I had said to my mom just before she died was that I loved her, and that it's ok for her to go. (In a way I felf as though I had lied to her because I didn't want to lose her, but I knew it was more about her and her comfort than about my need to keep her here with me.) I'm glad I had said that. Thanks nurse Julie.
I told my dad it was ok to go and not to worry about my mum. He passed that night.
I did exactly the same with my mum 2 weeks ago. I didn't want to say these words. I wanted her to be here. But, it was not about me and the pain and suffering she was in. She needed to hear that from me. She would've known I was saying it for the right reason and that deep down I was not ready. However, she would've known I know that it was the right time. She passed two days later. I'm broken. I miss her.
Hi Julie,
I follow you from France,
Thank you for your videos and to make this difficult topic of death reachable and more understandable.
I'm about to lose my father who has a pancreatic cancer, I think it's now a question of days, weeks... That's so hard,
And I feel less alone around you and your community followers.
Love and light on you all ❤✨️🙏🏻
@juliepeltier-lalot6419 Hi Julie, My mother is also dying from pancreatic cancer in hospice. I am so afraid and don't know what to say to her apart from I love you. 💔 I don't think I know what this really means, I can't imagine a world without her. Her unconditional love and care is so unique and can't be found anywhere else. Can't believe its almost over so soon. I had many years to try to reconnect in our relationship but we were both traumatised and hurt. So different in our personality. But her terminal illness has laid those sins to rest and forgiveness is there instead. I pray I will see her in heaven one day and be granted enough time by God's grace to share the whole truth about his salvation plan. Feeling lonely and not sure where to go or live in future. May God make it clear. X
I can really relate to what you said about anger. My mother died when I was 12 and i really had nobody to help me sort out my feelings. When i was in my 30's I had a dream that she really didn't die but ran away. I was yelling at her in my dream and woke up so angry. I felt better/stronger after that but wondered why. Your explanation helped me understand. Thank you so much!!! I am now 75 and preparing for my own time to go.
I'm glad you made this video, I can recall when I was homeless and faced with many things in life until $75,000 biweekly began rolling in and my Life went from A homeless nobody to a different person with good things to offer!!!!!!
That's lovely 🌹 if I may ask, How did you come up with so much biweekly?
It's Andrea Sheryl Fox doing she's changed my life. A BROKER- like her is what you need.
$_700k and yet still counting on.
Andrea Sheryl Fox is the kind of person one needs in his or her life to be honest❤️❤️❤️>>>>
Wow 😱I know her too Miss Andrea Sheryl Fox is a remarkable individual who has brought immense positivity and inspiration into my life. Her unwavering wisdom have been invaluable assets, enriching my journey in countless ways.
I googled about her and yes, she's won my heart. She just gained herself a new
In Islam.. we are taught that when we visit someone dying, we should start by telling them they look good today and listen to them more than talk , respect their pain, we say only positive comments, pray for them and stay for a short time to allow them to rest..
We are also taught to take care of their family and loved ones ❤️
I'm all alone in this world, so when I die, I'll be alone, and I'm okay with it. I'm hoping my end will be quick.
I used to feel that way. You really are not alone as there are people who do want to connect with you on many different levels. Just let them in.
God and Jesus are Really Real. Sweetheart, you are not alone.
I am so upset I missed your book signing yesterday in Erie!!! Your book is awesome and I continue to love all the information you spread and help many people with.
Tomorrow is one year since my mother died. She was gone in 36 hours, all in hospital. It was awful. She was clawing at the side of her bed, rolling quickly a couple of times. Emptying her bowels without noticing. She kept trying to pull her oxygen mask off. I kept trying to put it back on her. I didn’t know any better. Her hands were freezing. I wish I knew then what I know now. I was sure it would just be a few days of being unwell but couldn’t leave her side except to make calls to family. So much awful stuff in the last couple of hours. I was getting both my sisters from overseas on the one call beside her pillow for her last breaths. I wish I had known what was coming and would never have spent our last hours together like that. Her priest must have broken every traffic rule to get there in time for Last Rites.
I regret so much.
She is such a loving, giving, and thoughtful person who never had an unkind about anyone. She spent so much time doing things quietly for other people and always ready to laugh.
The only saving grace is that I said, “You can go to Nanna now.” Her whole body jerked. I hope that was when she truly left.
We are all dying every day. I honestly can’t understand how this is different from the knowledge and understanding that we are dying.
This is an everyday thought and reality for me. Let me know.
If someone is actively dying, definitely do what you can to help them grieve themselves and definitely educate their pursuit to whatever realm they idealize.
My wife volunteers at the local hospice. Your videos are very revealing and instructive. Please don't remove the spaces between your thoughts. The result is an unfortunate
barrage' of information and doesn't sound natural, the way speech has 'breaths'. I will send for your book. Your revelations are inspiring and honest.
Hi Julie, I’m close to the end and have been watching all your videos and I even bought your book. I have one question that I haven’t found in any of your videos and I don’t know myself, can you make a video on the cost of hospice care and how it really works financially? Thank you for all you do for us.
Hospice in the US is paid for strictly by Medicaid. We received no bills for the hospice care for my dad. Your insurance will no longer pay for treatment for the condition qualifying you for hospice, but you can still receive treatment for things that are NOT part of that condition.
They are paid through your Medicare and Medicaid...my mom went through all of this..
@reallifesurvivalschool6157 I hope you enjoy the rest of your life. ❤🙏🏻
@@melndeward786 thank you very much
@@lorpsandorps3729 thank you so much, God bless!
Thank you, Julie. 🌹💝🙏🏽
Thank you so much for mentioning not to tell people about miracle cures. I have multiple sclerosis and I absolutely hate it when people tell me that bee sting therapy works or if I just changed my diet it would cure me.
YES!
Exactly the same here 😊
We buried my father in law yesterday after a short stint in ICU. I wish your book had been available a month earlier… reading it so far has been so helpful in understanding the mentality difference between ICU care and end of life care. I’m only starting chapter 5 now but so far everything has tracked as the book says. Thank you.
2 Corinthians 5:8. To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. Wanda. Thanks
@@jamesgross5052 AMEN
The biggest regret I had when my Dad was dying was I said “ we had some great times Dad “ I didn’t realise he could hear me I was so shocked in a very quiet voice he said “ we can have some more “ it haunts me to my grave 😢 it was the last thing he said
Thanks for your helpful comment🙏🏻
My father is dying from a pancreatic cancer, it's a question of days... I had in mind that maybe at the very end, I could have some profound words with him but I think he 's able to cope the idea of his end of life with a certain denial....
Your comment helps me a lot to accept and respect that even if it burns my lips to tell him what lies in my heart...
You are a very wisdom filled soul. If only people could also carry out your don’t list during loved ones lives, and not just at the end, the world would be a more beautiful place 🙏
It's always appropriate to say, "I don't know." The key is the tone and sincerity with which you say it. Try not to be too clinical unless it is the first time a patient is receiving information. Listen!, Listen!, Listen! Affirm their feelings. Don't try to blow smoke! Be honest. Most know they are dying, they just need hand holding going through it. Yes indeed share, but this is not about you, don't dominate the discussion. Listen, Listen, Listen!
Thank you for sharing your experience and what you've learned. I appreciate your advice on not just saying everything "will be okay" or "happens for a reason" and ESPECIALLY not pressing your own religious or lack of religious beliefs on someone else.
Thank you Julie, I lived this too. Ultimately her death shaped the contours of the deep spiritual growth I have experienced since I lived that same horrific day. I believe that your loss has perhaps shaped your life too.? You are giving so much back to the world!!!I am so grateful to you for sharing 🙏💜
I’m going to get your book. When my dad died I was so angry and had to work through it with my psychologist. It takes time. Thank you for sharing because all of us need this.
Love 💕 and Hugs. 💙💙💙
My husband was in a medically induced coma, we were told that he would never make it through, so I had to make that horrible decision to let him go. But to keep him from feeling pain they gave him meds to let him go but never regain consciousness. So we just told him we loved him over n over it was OK to let go. He was gone within 10 mins of the receiving life ending meds. I have always wondered if we were right but I do believe that he heard us.
You have such a beautiful channel. Thank you for speaking on this.
Julie, when Christians expresse a need for comfort it is helpful to share God's word. Here are my favorite scriptures, and they speak to the Christian heart. Psalm 23, Romans 8:38 and John 3:16. ❤ You dont really need any more than Gods word; it fills the soul with peace and gives rest from care. Bless you for being present with those who need it the most. ❤
Shortly after my wife passed away suddenly and unexpectedly, I found a piece of paper in her bible with Psalm 17 vs 15 written on it, "Because I am righteous I will see you, when I awake I will see you face to face and be satisfied" This blew me away at the time. God’s word is relevant and timely.
It seems more prudent IMHO to have family, friends, and/or clergy provide such readings. Also, her answer was entirely appropriate because how does she know her patient will see God or go to heaven? It might be a different outcome according to her religion. Also, do non-Christian patients get ignored if they express a desire to hear/talk about what their beliefs and their religion (or no religion at all) has to say about the dying process?
My husband passed on March 6 he said please help me he wanted to come home to pass at that point he couldn't walk he couldn't get up to go to the bathroom.everything happened so fast he went to a doctor's appointment then the doctor said if u don't go to the hospital u will die at home. So he went to the hospital I thought that he was going to go home it was 6 days .i felt like I was on a roller coaster up and I thought he was going to get better and come home and down I thought he was going to die.it was the worst 6 days of my life.i am having a very hard time wishing I would have had things in place and a hospice nurse could have came in but everything just happened way to fast.i love my husband very much I always will but will never really know if I did the right thing by not bringing him home but what else could I have done
You did the best you could in a difficult situation. You did the right thing. Be kind to yourself. Sending light and love your way. ❤❤❤
Thank you , Julie. You provide such valuable information. ❤❤❤❤
Love you Julie. ❤
Julie, You are such a blessing. I truly appreciate everything you share with us. Thank you.
I’ve been no contact with my narcissistic mother for 10 years and I don’t expect her to be here much longer. I have a mixed bag of emotions, but part of me will feel relief.
Durelle, that's OK. I have very limited contact with my 3 brothers and no contact with my half brother. We are recognizing that we can't turn back the water that has gone under the bridge.
When you said…if your loved one wasn’t this way in life they probably won’t be at end of life. I’m gonna try the sharing with my non talkative loved one to see if I can get her to talk more and open up.
Dear Julie, thank you so much for another wonderful video, for all your tips, and for these inspirational stories you relate! You really show and make us feel that death is truly smth. not to be feared. May you be blessed in every way, and let me wish you a wonderful and bright week ahead.
i love this channel,so honest-mother is in a carehome now,shes 87 with the onset of dementia,its heart breaking to see to be honest but i am starting to steel myself for the eventual shitty time when she passes.i really looking forward to it,thats for sure.i carry so much guilt cus of decisions i have to make(which kinda go against hers but we could never have that convo as it would defo finish her) but i know you have helped me see things clearly when its time.and that gives me comfort.THEN i will have to go thro it all again when my wifes parents pass,nothing in life is easy but,thats just life i guess.
I have been present for few loved ones over the years, my grandpa, my mom, uncle, mother in law and my stepmom just passed away this past Saturday after receiving hospice care in her home going to miss her so very much she was an amazing woman, wife yes she was my stepmom but I just called her mom so did my husband and she was grandma to my children and she was an awesome grandma 💞🦋😊❤💔
You make everything simple and clear!
This is so helpful. We can all say things, with the BEST of intentions, and it comes out wrong, a few words needed to be added, or taken out - Be kind, be helpful, that can be cooking , cleaning, holding hands, giving the family a break
You can fake caring, but you can’t fake showing up.
THIS ✅
Julie, you are so human. I just love your level-headedness and your insights how about death and dying and the afterlife. I wish I could have you around as my hospice nurse and however many years. I'm 67 years old in Ohio. Hope you could drop by someday, (ha-ha). God bless you and you go and bless others. Thank you for yourself and your channel.
We had family members who plotted to force pray over my dying husband without permission. It was all about them not him. It angered my children and myself. He was Christian, just not going to church - he was dying for crimoney's sake!
This has bothered me since my husband passed a few months ago. He was in a nursing home to gain strength,was doing therapy,etc. I was not impressed with this place and was upset before he even got there because i was not notified 🙄. After about a week there, he started to act different. He didn't want anyone to stay long,not even myself. That was not his character. I kept visiting and he said he could do therapy but afterwards he was so tired. I wasn't extremely worried because this had happened before when he broke his tailbone.
This all occurred quickly as he was only in there for one month. What was the most concerning was him being distant. (2 times during his stay they had dicharge dates) I usually visited every other day or most days.
I came on a Friday and brought him lunch, Saturday I missed, then came Sunday. I called first because I seen they had called and they told me "yes he was calling for you to come during the night." That was not like Tay,so I got there as quick as I could. When I arrived, Ray said to me "you have to call an ambulance, I don't know what is happening!!" I got the nurse and she said as she sipped her coffee so nonchalantly, "I'm sorry but "Ray is actively dying ". I don't remember a whole lot, except that he had signed on to hospice on Thursday and that day, Sunday, he passed away.
I was told Ray did not want me to know. You would never have known he was THAT sick, I was told nothing. He was of sound mind so that was his right. I was not told he was even sick. I do not know why he didn't want me to know.
Julie, is it common for someone that close to death to not want to talk about it? What would be their reason? I'm confused and wonder if you have any thoughts on this?? Thanks!!
@@tiam3663 my thoughts are he was on a mind altering medicine and may been having a stroke unnoticed! So sorry for your loss! He's happy in heaven watching over you now!♥️🥰👍
@@PSYCHICVIBES Thank you for your thoughts, I'm still not at peace because when I came Friday he said "why did you have to come?" He was the most kind & gentle man I ever knew, as far as drugs, he had been on methadone & Klonopin for years , he had a high tolerance. This odd behavior should have been noticed by nursing home & hospice. after he passed hospice said he was very emotional and cried, he just didn't want me to know, if i were to guess, he was protecting me, as my brother passed 6 months before him. When I came Sunday, I saw the look of death immediately. He waited til his 2 brothers came and passed 5 minutes later. He knew what was happening, I do not believe it was a stroke. That was not his cause of death on paper
Julie thank you for all of your TH-cam videos. They give everyone watching them a better understanding of the death process. I will be ordering your book very soon. Thank you again.
Wow. Thank you for unravelling the emotions that we go through. It's like a tangled ball of wool.
Julie, I was wondering if you followed Dr.Dan Says on You Tube. He is terminal and has fight cancer four years. He is now at the end and did his finally stage of life. He is a wonderful man, as you are a wonderful person also, I enjoy your videos.
I follow Dr Dan
Julie, Thank you for this discussion, spot on. I had this very experience with my dad a few years ago during his time of needs/death. -Jim
Your channel is so needed. Thank you! Would you consider covering what not to say once a loved one has transitioned to the other side? Thank you so much for sharing your time here!❤
I just bought and read your book. I’m encouraging all my pastor friends to read it too. Great resource and very helpful. Soooo good.
My ex mil passed on the 1st of this month in Hospice. We went to see her at the hospital and ahe started introducing my daughter to people that only she could see. Went to see her in the nursing facility and she wasn't doing Cheyne Stokes breathing but almost. She passed the following day. The family didn't realize the breathing was what it was. She had inoperable brain cancer. She went peacefully and quickly from diagnosis to passing it was less than a week. She had been asking for my daughter for a few days before she went to the hospital.
Respect and meet them where they are the things Mom liked best when she was dying.
Hello 👋...Pretty lady.🌹.How are you doing and the weather conditions like
“It’s funny how things unfold as you breathe” I deeply felt that
Hello 👋...Pretty lady.🌹.How are you doing and the weather conditions like
You and your channel are a blessing. Thank you for sharing.
I just received your book today. Thank you for all the wonderful information in your book and on your videos. You are helping so many.
My mom had COPD and was put on Hospice care, and now I have to live with the abuse she suffered from Hospice here in Brandon FL in my home and I think I was in shock, because I record everything and I didn't record them, and it was DEFINITELY ABUSE
Hi Julie l lost my sister-in-law last Thursday. I spent all day Wed with her, but she was right out of it. I just kept telling her how much l loved her and the family loved her. It is extremely sad and I'm trying to work through it. At least l was there. She is now in heaven with her 2 children 💔
I AM THE WAY+ THE TRUTH+ LIFE= JESUS CHRIST
My sis had end-stage liver disease and was hospitalized and brought to ICU/intubated for blood loss from esophageal varices. No hope of recovery, but they repaired the varices once she was stable, and she woke up after 11 days. They temporarily removed the tube, then had to reinstall it 2 days later as she declined. She remained that way for 3 more days. Intubation can only be used a total of 14 days before a tracheostomy is necessary, and a decision was made to allow her to pass due to her extremely poor overall conditon.
Her uncaring H was absent during her passing, only stopping in a few times to see how much longer. My other sis and I stayed w/her - she was heavily sedated with morphine. We ea took a hand in ours and spoke softly about mostly mundane things, occasionally telling her we loved her. It took several agonizing hours and we watched her breathing slow and saw/heard the heartbeat monitor slow till the end. I don't know if my sis knew we were there, but i hope she did and that it brought her some comfort. Otherwise she might have been left to die alone.
She knew.
My mom was terrified of dying at 59 with lung cancer. She hung on through pain, bone fractures, etc. She would become very agitated if I tried to talk with her about anything even remotely connected with cancer or death. She loved hymns, I tried singing softly once and she shook her head vehemently. I think she was scared, literally, that crying would drown her. It was an awful death. I often wonder if her fear made the end worse.
Great suggestions. Minor last addition...this will never be easy.
Hello 👋Beautiful Lady 🌹..How are you and the weather condition like ?
As someone who at one point was very close to death, and visibly looked very ill, don’t go into the hospital room and say “are you dying”. Thankfully the Lord saved me, but I didn’t like answering that question.
Thank you Julie. It's good to hear about death and dying from your perspective.
I honestly think we're eternal beings and are all experiencing aspects of life before, after, and thereon. So why not have a bigger picture on lifes nuances. Im 70 but would not presume how many years I have in this incarnation. And whatever it will be..... it will be. I appreciate your overview. Thanking you, love Gary from Seaton in Devon UK X
My Dad passed last year 2023 from Esophageal Cancer, so sad myself, my sister & brother were not allowed to see him as his hideous, evil so called, self appointed carer/partner stopped any visits or communication with him, she controlled from the time he was diagnosed to the last 3 months of his life in Palliative Care. To this day, we (my siblings and children and nephew and neice) will never know his final days. We were such a loving close family, losing our Mum 20 years earlier😢💔
You are such a help! Thank you, Julie.
I can't thank you so very much, you helped me understand my Auntie's passing, thank you
My sister passed from alcohol and pushed us away and sent her carers away, she was worried about us seeing the mess I feel so bad that she passed alone after a fall.
I always believed the same regarding the "afterlife." Now I know we are not going to have our eyes and/or our brains, so certainly we are not going to see or think things. Aside from that, we'll all find out.
Your channel is so helpful, Your videos are amazing. Thank you so much for everything you explain to us. 🙏
Hello 👋...Pretty lady.🌹.How are you doing and the weather conditions like
When my sister was dying from pancreatic cancer and in hospice the last 11 days of her life, I stayed with her during the night at the hospice facility and her husband spent the days with her. One night, she was very angry and insisted on getting up to use the bathroom taking the hanging drip with her. It took me by surprise and I didn't think to call the nurse. She made it there and back. Anger gives one plenty of energy. Frankly, she didn't look like she was dying, and you've explained this sort of rebound. The next day, she apologized to me for her action. I told her she didn't have to apologize for anything. She said she knew she was dying. I said, "Well, if you survive, that's a win. If you don't, it's a win because you won't hurt any more and you'll be on the other side. " I don't know if that makes any sense, but she seemed to accept that. I always told her I loved her when I left and she'd return the sentiment. I think it was just being there that made the difference. I lived about 300 miles away at the time, but came up when my borther-in-law called. He made the hospital wait to discharge her until I got there. I rode in the front of the ambulance from the hospital to the hospice facility so she could hear me. I'm not sure she fully understood or didn't want to understand what it meant to be going to hospice. Our mother was not much of a mother, and although we didnt' grow up together in the same house, she needed someone who would listen to her without judgment. I was 7 years older than her and 8 years older than our younger sister. I think our younger sister had trouble dealing with this, but finally stayed the last night so I could sleep in a bed. We found out the next day that she had passed when my youngest sister went out to the publilc bathroom. When she came back, our sister was gone.
Got your book, am reading your book, and love it. We communicated on your website recently ... anyway, I'm going to gift this to each of my clinical research study nurses... they've taken such good care of me, and maybe your book will help them with the difficult questions that cancer pts. may have. Thank you for doing what you do Julie. I think it will help many, many people. Dottie
Awesome ! Thank you for sharing . You appear to be close siblings.❤❤❤
I just lost my soulmate! I am dying inside and i cannot cope
Hi Julie When my husband died he yelled out Help me I can't breath. He said this twice. I am having a trouble dealing with this. This was one of his biggest fears. There was nothing I could do. Is this common? It will effect me for the rest of my life. He was at home with me.
In my 'knowing' the moments of dying are our release from the body, and if he was shouting, or talking... he had breath, he had to breathe to speak. Please be comforted, he would not need you to carry that burden
My grandma said “help” in her final hour. I also can tell she didn’t want to go. I struggled with the fact that I thought a family member rushed it. The latter was really difficult at first, but I don’t feel as much pain anymore.
@@AllThingsGina I smiled at this one, I feel your funny old grandma was saying help to the thousands awaiting her in spirit realm, I believe that dropping the body is like getting out of a bath full of glue and jelly, I feel they were ALL collapsing in laughter at her struggle to leave the body, her included. You see, she had completed her perfect and beautiful life
@@mayetchells8884 bs
I have decided that I will no longer help my ex husband with eating foods while he has end of care treatments. He has to figure it out and while the dietician has given him food choices and I bought groceries and gave advice on how to combine for optimum nutrition his friends and family bring him foods that he likes. Calories over nutrtion.
Hello 👋...Pretty lady.🌹.How are you doing and the weather conditions like
3 Truths:
1. The real truthful absolute truth.
2. The truth as I know it to be.
3. Tell me what you want to hear and I will tell that to you. (Even lies are truth, they are truly lies).
LANGUAGE:
Consider the following: Language, the very thing we utilize to think thoughts and convey ideas.
Un-named Concepts -> Given a Name (could be a sound, symbol, etc) -> With an attached meaning -> And maybe even other meanings depending upon context -> And maybe even other names with the same meaning.
(Basically a Dictionary and a Thesaurus for a language).
BUT:
a. How exactly do we know for 100% certainty that we have all the un-named concepts that could ever be named?
b. How exactly do we know for 100% certainty that the meanings we give named concepts are 100% correct?
We truly do not know what we do not know.
This is a part of the 'Great Unknown'. Never stop learning.
(Always have an 'unknown' in every analysis and an 'oops' in every experiment.)
Of which, an entity or a society of entities:
1. Can name their own un-named concepts.
2. Can give their own meanings to named concepts.
3. Can have alternative meanings to named concepts depending upon context.
4. Can have alternative names with the same meaning.
(Basically, create their own language that only they and they alone know).
Learn to function in the 'Great Unknown'.
(OSICA)
This is wonderful. I have enjoyed volunteering for hospice companies since January. I am driven to make a difference for people who are aging and at the end of life. I also attended my first death café yesterday and that was neat! I recently learned about death or end of life doulas who can take on the education and emotional support for this population. Have you ever worked with a death doula or know one that visited one of your patients? What are your thoughts on a death doula?
Such a great video, Julie. You’re the best. Love your book SO MUCH ❤
Such a powerful story!!❤
Hello 👋Beautiful Lady 🌹..How are you and the weathet condition like ?
All great advice! Love your content!
Hey Julie, this is the Bluesman from Nashville and just had to drop by and say you remind me of my granddaughter and she is very special and looks at things a lot like you do, I thank God has gives you a voice that makes the listener feel better and also your book is awesome, how can I get an autographed copy? Thank you and God Bless
Keep educating us J
Thanks for your Honesty your confidence in saying your experience Julie.
Your have helped me very much.
I think your wonderful.
I live in Australia and in my experience with losing loved ones it's a complete throw out your dead and dieing very callous..
Have enjoyed watching your videos and have recommended them to a nice young lady at my work who would like to do what you do which is very required in my country it would seem.xox