I post Daily on this new account make sure to go check it out... th-cam.com/channels/1sDyBIST9oxrLy1O3TLwUA.html 1 Hour slowed Version : th-cam.com/video/L-jdIE0QqJ8/w-d-xo.html ENJOY :)
My first love was a boy who had been abused since he was extremely young. His dad beat him senseless and his mom worked full time, emotionally unavailable and got home real late at night. He was the type of guy to hide his sadness with anger or humor and the only way he could cope with the abuse was by making jokes about it or getting high out of his mind. I remember one time he called me after he’d punched a hole in the wall he was so frustrated, talking about how angry he was with himself and his dad that he just wanted to end it all. He was just overall a real damaged guy with deep rooted issues and even though he treated me terribly, he was so important to me that I let him treat me like crap. I tried killing myself earlier that year before I met him, but he never knew. I had a plan to attempt again in August that same year on my birthday, but a lot changed within a few months and he became one of the main reasons I decided to get help. I eventually developed feelings and when I told him-was hardcore rejected. I was so embarrassed and self conscious after that, I altogether stopped having ‘crushes’ for a while. Not only did I lose the possibility of a relationship with him, but I also lost a friend. And in my young mind, he was a friend. But now that I’m older reminiscing about all the memories we made, it seemed like he really only wanted to get in my pants- which explains why he blocked me out of the blue one day. After that, I’d use my friends’ phone’s to text him on his birthday every year just to remind him someone out there cared about him unconditionally. It was a really loyal thing to do and I don’t know if I’ll ever stop (unless he gets a new phone and a stranger gets his old number, then that’d be awkward and I’d def stop) but point is, this song reminded me of him. It perfectly explains the relationship we had and the many after him I had with other guys just like him. It was like a cycle of self sabotage I set out for myself, rejecting guys that treated me well and befriending way too many that just wanted to get in my pants. Even though nobody’s going to see this, it felt nice to share my story after bottling it up for so long. Edit: Holy moly I got a lot of likes. It’s been a year since I posted this comment. I didn’t text him this year. I’ve bettered myself, grown from the experience, and realized I deserve better. Texting him is not going to help me heal and I’m glad that he left because this was a (extremely hard) life lesson. You cannot make someone want you-especially not someone who hurts you over and over, making it blaringly obvious that they DON’T want you. Please use this comment as an example of what NOT to do. I was extremely suffocating towards him as a “girlfriend” (because we weren’t really together, but we were definitely more than friends) and I later learned after months of therapy I had extreme attachment issues that stemmed from my childhood. Please don’t make the same mistake I did. Move on and cut the toxicity out of your life🤞
@@sadietaylor788 Thank you for the kind words. It really does mean a lot. I hope he is in a better position then when he was a teenager seeing as I’m going to therapy as well. I am definitely doing better then when he was around! xx
When I was 8 I found this girl, she was different from the others, she would smile every second every minute, every moment. She was always happy, she would stand up and be proud of who she is. I was 10 and realized I liked her... she and I became friends. I was 12 and we started liking each other, we hold hands and loved to be around together. I was 13 and she went to the hospital. She was getting abused and I didn’t even realize, all those smiles she gave was to hide the pain. She told me she loved me and she was laying down there on that bed. I asked do you truly like me or is it to hide the pain... she said, I guess you found out haha...I’m sorry. I was 14 and we broke up. I am now 15 and have realized that all those things she said about not liking me were a lie. She didn’t like me she loved me... and without realizing it I left her... she said she didn’t like me to let me go so I can find happiness. 6 months ago, she committed suicidal. Till this day I regret leaving her side. Everyday I tell myself it’s all my fault that I couldn’t be there for her when she was there for me. I miss you. (Thank you for taking your time to read this.)
Im so so sorry for your lost I've lost someone to suicide before and it hurts a lot but I honestly think the reason she made it as long as she did was because you were there to comfort her she knew she was loved and she knew what true love felt like now she is watching over you proud of how far you've come💖 keep going don't give up :)
I am so sorry. I am unbelievably sorry. I'm sorry that your friend felt she had no way out. I am sorry you had to witness a product of abuse. It is not your fault that she was abused, or that she killed herself. I know that is easier said than believed as a truism. That is horrifyingly terrible. I can only fathom all of the pain, and regret you are going through. I am fourteen years old, and I was suicidal once too. Do you ever ponder, are we too young for all of this hurt? All of this suffer? The answer is, we are. We don't deserve all of this pain. Trust me, it is not your fault. I mean this from the bottom of my heart. As I said, I have been suicidal, and I had extreme depression. The only reason I am not now, is because I have become a Christian, and saved by Jesus. I do not know you, or your religious status, but I just want to bring up, just in case I may be able to help you, that I am not broken anymore because of God. My family was not religious at all. To be honest, I knew nothing about God. Eventually, when I was depressed, I gained a loathing for the idea of a God. I figured, if there was a God, then why would he let me suffer so much? Why do I have such a crappy family? Why can't I be happy? Why is everyone these days so messed up? After some time, after my ultimate rock bottom of life, when I was fed up, and had no desire to exist anymore, God pulled me up out of the ditches. He brought me to my feet. This moment in time was monumental for me. I am now a saved Baptist Christian. Like I said, I don't know you, even if you are already a Christ follower or not, but just in case you are not, and I have a slim possibility of helping you in any way possible, I will take that chance. I want to recommend my church to you. It is not conventional, I must admit, but it does follow the teachings of the Bible. It is called Cornerstone AZ. They have a TH-cam channel, and post videos frequently. I am blessed; I have the opportunity to visit the place in person, every Wednesday and Sunday, sometimes even more often than that. So, if you are interested in it, please, check it out. Search up "Cornerstone Chandler," or "Cornerstone AZ." Thank you for reading this all the way through. I appreciate that. If you would like to communicate further, I am open. I am even willing to give you my email. I hope things begin to heal, dear stranger. Sincerely, An Anonymous Person In A TH-cam Comment Section
This was truly majestic I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling...I feel hurt but at the same time healed I feel hated but at the same time loved... Thank you for thismasterpiece.
coming back to this on a particularly apathetic night. really bad dysphoria episode about an hour and a half ago. wanted to be hurt until i cried earlier so that i could feel something. kind of just don't care. this just seems to fit. I'm sitting in bed in a hoodie and jeans despite it being 11 pm and I'm supposed to sleep soon. messy hair, messy thoughts, messy feelings, messy life.
This reminds me of my first bf, I wasn’t sure if I was ready for a relationship and I felt like it was a bad idea, he had weird personality and he used a lot of inappropriate words, I still liked him so I decided to date him and took the chance. A day or two in I felt regret, he wouldn’t stop txting and if I talked to another boy he would give out to me and try argue with the other boys. I would feel down all the time and I didn’t want my reputation going to waste so I broke up with him, next day we talked and he told me we could secretly date and I kind of agreed, at this point I wasn’t sure if I liked him anymore. After a week I think he was a complete jerk and he would call me beautiful even tho I wasn’t in the pictures and I realized I was used. My friends half believed and some didn’t. I broke up with him for real. We argued a lot and then I blocked him then unblocked him and we stayed friends. Then he Would embarrass me all the time tell me I’m in love with him and stuff. He even told everyone I was a schizophrenic and a weirdo. I was empty at this point and it was my first relationship. I’ve blocked him on everything and tried to move on from him and his friends since there like narcissists kind of and now this is where I’m at, bullied, empty and harassed Thank you for taking your time to read this remember, Be you! By Alexa :)
that’s so awful i’m so sorry that happened to you. there are always manipulative people around us in disguise. always know your worth and i’m happy that your doing better now 💕💕
Your little brother never tells you but he loves you so You said your mother only smiled on her TV show You're only happy when your sorry head is filled with dope I hope you make it to the day you're 28 years old You're dripping like a saturated sunrise You're spilling like an overflowing sink You're ripped at every edge but you're a masterpiece And now you're tearing through the pages and the ink Everything is blue His pills, his hands, his jeans And now I'm covered in the colors Pulled apart at the seams And it's blue And it's blue Everything is grey His hair, his smoke, his dreams And now he's so devoid of color He don't know what it means And he's blue And he's blue You were a vision in the morning When the light came through I know I've only felt religion when I've lied with you You said you'll never be forgiven 'til your boys are too And I'm still waking every morning but it's not with you You're dripping like a saturated sunrise You're spilling like an overflowing sink You're ripped at every edge but you're a masterpiece And now you're tearing through the pages and the ink Everything is blue His pills, his hands, his jeans And now I'm covered in the colors Pulled apart at the seams And it's blue And it's blue Everything is grey His hair, his smoke, his dreams And now he's so devoid of color He don't know what it means And he's blue And he's blue You were red and you liked me 'cause I was blue But you touched me and suddenly I was a lilac sky And you decided purple just wasn't for you Everything is blue His pills, his hands, his jeans And now I'm covered in the colors Pulled apart at the seams And it's blue And it's blue Everything is grey His hair, his smoke, his dreams And now he's so devoid of color He don't know what it means And he's blue And he's blue Everything is blue Everything is blue Everything is blue Everything is blue
Is it just me or.... G H O S T B U R Everything is blue, his pills his hands his jeans... [...] and it's blue~ Everything is grey, his hair his smoke his dreams... he's so devoid of colour, he don't know what it means.... And it's blue~ :( Revivedbur it hurts guys [*] Friend
Thanks for uploading! If you have a second, I tried my hand at a cover of Billie Eilish. As a fellow music lover, I'd love if you'd check it out. It's on my channel. Hope you like it!
I post Daily on this new account make sure to go check it out...
th-cam.com/channels/1sDyBIST9oxrLy1O3TLwUA.html
1 Hour slowed Version :
th-cam.com/video/L-jdIE0QqJ8/w-d-xo.html
ENJOY :)
Sound quality >>>
That's what makes it so good
"Art is not what I create, what I create is chaos."
That hit deep
The one dislike is from a person that isn't blue
hhh
Or gray
D:
good pun
LMAO
My first love was a boy who had been abused since he was extremely young. His dad beat him senseless and his mom worked full time, emotionally unavailable and got home real late at night. He was the type of guy to hide his sadness with anger or humor and the only way he could cope with the abuse was by making jokes about it or getting high out of his mind. I remember one time he called me after he’d punched a hole in the wall he was so frustrated, talking about how angry he was with himself and his dad that he just wanted to end it all. He was just overall a real damaged guy with deep rooted issues and even though he treated me terribly, he was so important to me that I let him treat me like crap. I tried killing myself earlier that year before I met him, but he never knew. I had a plan to attempt again in August that same year on my birthday, but a lot changed within a few months and he became one of the main reasons I decided to get help. I eventually developed feelings and when I told him-was hardcore rejected. I was so embarrassed and self conscious after that, I altogether stopped having ‘crushes’ for a while. Not only did I lose the possibility of a relationship with him, but I also lost a friend. And in my young mind, he was a friend. But now that I’m older reminiscing about all the memories we made, it seemed like he really only wanted to get in my pants- which explains why he blocked me out of the blue one day. After that, I’d use my friends’ phone’s to text him on his birthday every year just to remind him someone out there cared about him unconditionally. It was a really loyal thing to do and I don’t know if I’ll ever stop (unless he gets a new phone and a stranger gets his old number, then that’d be awkward and I’d def stop) but point is, this song reminded me of him. It perfectly explains the relationship we had and the many after him I had with other guys just like him. It was like a cycle of self sabotage I set out for myself, rejecting guys that treated me well and befriending way too many that just wanted to get in my pants. Even though nobody’s going to see this, it felt nice to share my story after bottling it up for so long.
Edit: Holy moly I got a lot of likes. It’s been a year since I posted this comment. I didn’t text him this year. I’ve bettered myself, grown from the experience, and realized I deserve better. Texting him is not going to help me heal and I’m glad that he left because this was a (extremely hard) life lesson. You cannot make someone want you-especially not someone who hurts you over and over, making it blaringly obvious that they DON’T want you. Please use this comment as an example of what NOT to do. I was extremely suffocating towards him as a “girlfriend” (because we weren’t really together, but we were definitely more than friends) and I later learned after months of therapy I had extreme attachment issues that stemmed from my childhood. Please don’t make the same mistake I did. Move on and cut the toxicity out of your life🤞
I am so sorry you went through all of that. I hope you are doing well and are happier now. You deserve the best for that.
@@sadietaylor788 Thank you for the kind words. It really does mean a lot. I hope he is in a better position then when he was a teenager seeing as I’m going to therapy as well. I am definitely doing better then when he was around! xx
I wish u the best savannah especially in these trying times, Stay safe
@@thecatmeow757 thank you for the kind words. it’s been quite some time since then and i’m doing a lot better than i was. stay safe xx
omg my heart.
When I was 8 I found this girl, she was different from the others, she would smile every second every minute, every moment. She was always happy, she would stand up and be proud of who she is. I was 10 and realized I liked her... she and I became friends. I was 12 and we started liking each other, we hold hands and loved to be around together. I was 13 and she went to the hospital. She was getting abused and I didn’t even realize, all those smiles she gave was to hide the pain. She told me she loved me and she was laying down there on that bed. I asked do you truly like me or is it to hide the pain... she said, I guess you found out haha...I’m sorry. I was 14 and we broke up. I am now 15 and have realized that all those things she said about not liking me were a lie. She didn’t like me she loved me... and without realizing it I left her... she said she didn’t like me to let me go so I can find happiness. 6 months ago, she committed suicidal. Till this day I regret leaving her side. Everyday I tell myself it’s all my fault that I couldn’t be there for her when she was there for me.
I miss you.
(Thank you for taking your time to read this.)
I am so sorry, she is watching you and she feels so loved and wants you feel that as well
Im so so sorry for your lost I've lost someone to suicide before and it hurts a lot but I honestly think the reason she made it as long as she did was because you were there to comfort her she knew she was loved and she knew what true love felt like now she is watching over you proud of how far you've come💖 keep going don't give up :)
I am so sorry. I am unbelievably sorry. I'm sorry that your friend felt she had no way out. I am sorry you had to witness a product of abuse. It is not your fault that she was abused, or that she killed herself. I know that is easier said than believed as a truism. That is horrifyingly terrible. I can only fathom all of the pain, and regret you are going through.
I am fourteen years old, and I was suicidal once too. Do you ever ponder, are we too young for all of this hurt? All of this suffer? The answer is, we are. We don't deserve all of this pain. Trust me, it is not your fault. I mean this from the bottom of my heart. As I said, I have been suicidal, and I had extreme depression. The only reason I am not now, is because I have become a Christian, and saved by Jesus. I do not know you, or your religious status, but I just want to bring up, just in case I may be able to help you, that I am not broken anymore because of God.
My family was not religious at all. To be honest, I knew nothing about God. Eventually, when I was depressed, I gained a loathing for the idea of a God. I figured, if there was a God, then why would he let me suffer so much? Why do I have such a crappy family? Why can't I be happy? Why is everyone these days so messed up?
After some time, after my ultimate rock bottom of life, when I was fed up, and had no desire to exist anymore, God pulled me up out of the ditches. He brought me to my feet. This moment in time was monumental for me. I am now a saved Baptist Christian.
Like I said, I don't know you, even if you are already a Christ follower or not, but just in case you are not, and I have a slim possibility of helping you in any way possible, I will take that chance.
I want to recommend my church to you. It is not conventional, I must admit, but it does follow the teachings of the Bible. It is called Cornerstone AZ. They have a TH-cam channel, and post videos frequently. I am blessed; I have the opportunity to visit the place in person, every Wednesday and Sunday, sometimes even more often than that. So, if you are interested in it, please, check it out. Search up "Cornerstone Chandler," or "Cornerstone AZ."
Thank you for reading this all the way through. I appreciate that. If you would like to communicate further, I am open. I am even willing to give you my email. I hope things begin to heal, dear stranger.
Sincerely,
An Anonymous Person In A TH-cam Comment Section
This slowed + reverb is incredible !
i love this
3:19 - 3:36
"Art is not what I create, what I create....is chaos"
Gives me shivers every time ❤
this is so nostalgic
This was truly majestic I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling...I feel hurt but at the same time healed I feel hated but at the same time loved... Thank you for thismasterpiece.
coming back to this on a particularly apathetic night. really bad dysphoria episode about an hour and a half ago. wanted to be hurt until i cried earlier so that i could feel something. kind of just don't care. this just seems to fit. I'm sitting in bed in a hoodie and jeans despite it being 11 pm and I'm supposed to sleep soon. messy hair, messy thoughts, messy feelings, messy life.
I love
This song: exists
Gachatubers in 2018: *it's free real estate*
😂😂😭
😭🖐
I mean you ain’t wrong 😭
This is great!
I hope you make it to the day your 28 years old
I hope so too
I have no idea who you are but I can tell you’re a good man. Thank you king.
I hope so too. I still have 9 years to go.
Lilac skies forever
This reminds me of my first bf, I wasn’t sure if I was ready for a relationship and I felt like it was a bad idea, he had weird personality and he used a lot of inappropriate words, I still liked him so I decided to date him and took the chance. A day or two in I felt regret, he wouldn’t stop txting and if I talked to another boy he would give out to me and try argue with the other boys. I would feel down all the time and I didn’t want my reputation going to waste so I broke up with him, next day we talked and he told me we could secretly date and I kind of agreed, at this point I wasn’t sure if I liked him anymore. After a week I think he was a complete jerk and he would call me beautiful even tho I wasn’t in the pictures and I realized I was used. My friends half believed and some didn’t. I broke up with him for real. We argued a lot and then I blocked him then unblocked him and we stayed friends. Then he Would embarrass me all the time tell me I’m in love with him and stuff. He even told everyone I was a schizophrenic and a weirdo. I was empty at this point and it was my first relationship. I’ve blocked him on everything and tried to move on from him and his friends since there like narcissists kind of and now this is where I’m at, bullied, empty and harassed
Thank you for taking your time to read this remember,
Be you! By Alexa :)
That sounds horrible. I hope you're okay now :)
@@josusuu kind of the bad thing is he is in my form in school but I’m better now thank you 💞
that’s so awful i’m so sorry that happened to you. there are always manipulative people around us in disguise. always know your worth and i’m happy that your doing better now 💕💕
@@idkwhattoput6729 thank you sm 🥺💕 I hope you know your worth too 💕💕
woah I found this beautiful slowed version exactly after one year! ❤️❤️
“ art is not what I create, what I create is chaos” I feel that, that is me
oml this hits differnettt
Pure art
gorgeous..
This is amazing
Bro, add this on Spotify please!!
I need an instrumental version 😻😻
This is for the boy In college that wouldn’t let me love him because his past didn’t love him and he felt like nobody could
“You were red and you liked me because I was blue, when you touched me I turned into a lilac sky, but then you decided purple just wasn’t for you”
Wow... 😳
Your little brother never tells you but he loves you so
You said your mother only smiled on her TV show
You're only happy when your sorry head is filled with dope
I hope you make it to the day you're 28 years old
You're dripping like a saturated sunrise
You're spilling like an overflowing sink
You're ripped at every edge but you're a masterpiece
And now you're tearing through the pages and the ink
Everything is blue
His pills, his hands, his jeans
And now I'm covered in the colors
Pulled apart at the seams
And it's blue
And it's blue
Everything is grey
His hair, his smoke, his dreams
And now he's so devoid of color
He don't know what it means
And he's blue
And he's blue
You were a vision in the morning
When the light came through
I know I've only felt religion when I've lied with you
You said you'll never be forgiven 'til your boys are too
And I'm still waking every morning but it's not with you
You're dripping like a saturated sunrise
You're spilling like an overflowing sink
You're ripped at every edge but you're a masterpiece
And now you're tearing through the pages and the ink
Everything is blue
His pills, his hands, his jeans
And now I'm covered in the colors
Pulled apart at the seams
And it's blue
And it's blue
Everything is grey
His hair, his smoke, his dreams
And now he's so devoid of color
He don't know what it means
And he's blue
And he's blue
You were red and you liked me 'cause I was blue
But you touched me and suddenly I was a lilac sky
And you decided purple just wasn't for you
Everything is blue
His pills, his hands, his jeans
And now I'm covered in the colors
Pulled apart at the seams
And it's blue
And it's blue
Everything is grey
His hair, his smoke, his dreams
And now he's so devoid of color
He don't know what it means
And he's blue
And he's blue
Everything is blue
Everything is blue
Everything is blue
Everything is blue
I like how you didn’t have to say the stripped part in the title because we all know, there’s only one real colors song
And here I was, back on a nostalgic trip to this era wondering what the fuck I missed🤣 suddenly the song was more beautiful than ever
@@LizzyCreatesx 😂😅me too
Reminds me of Atlast Corrigan 😳🥹 it ends with us
Lilac 4ever
✨✨
4:00
🔥
Que triste 😔😔😔😔
Vaibe boa💎
❤❤❤
Is it just me or.... G H O S T B U R
Everything is blue, his pills his hands his jeans... [...]
and it's blue~
Everything is grey, his hair his smoke his dreams... he's so devoid of colour, he don't know what it means....
And it's blue~ :( Revivedbur
it hurts guys [*] Friend
❤💙💚🧡🖤
❤
Thanks for uploading! If you have a second, I tried my hand at a cover of Billie Eilish. As a fellow music lover, I'd love if you'd check it out. It's on my channel. Hope you like it!