I remember when people would write their most private thoughts in a personal diary and let nobody read it, nowadays everyone posts everything on social media and they get pissed off if nobody reads it. 🤔😂
Well that's not happening, because at the end of the day. Social media is all about money, and the only reason we see it more and more is because it's forced on us. People literally can't walk down the street without keeping stuck Ina phone and it's not just the kids either.
I’m 66. I remember life b4 social media. It seemed better. Felt like I had more time to do things. My friends were real people that I saw often, not talking heads. I killed all SM, except YT a couple months ago. I’m very choosy about what I watch. I’ve never felt so lonely as in a Zoom session. Ditched that too. Things are looking up! I have time to play music for folks at the care center. I found a drum circle and ukulele club in my small town. I spend more time outdoors.
Please keep sharing your experience with people. I think people who remember the before times speaking up is really helpful to us younger people who feel more trapped in a world that's so technology-centric. Glad things are looking up for you!
I had to learn this the hard way. But since April of 2020 I've limited myself to a total of ~20 minutes/day on social media, and it has been an incredibly healthy decision for me!
I've also implemented a limit on my app usage and am happy with this. I enjoy using reddit, but I know that it can become too much. So when it gets locked I'm fine because I know it was my choice to make sure I'll be happy. Many friends say they've tried this, but they often turn off the lock... So it seems difficult for some people to manage their own usage. Furthermore I make an effort to not go on there before 10am to have a clutter free start to the day. It's wild sometimes when after just a few minutes you've already seen: scary news, cute animals, some whacky video, war footage, some made up statistic. Maybe I can still tune it further down 🤔
I set up social accounts for my business ... but that's it. I have not checked my FB in over 10 years and could care less about all the others. Social media makes you anti-social. Go out and take a class, play an instrument, go to a coffee shop, try stand-up comedy, theater, improv ... life is always better when you take risks.
The craziest thing to me is the whole flirting through social media. People are getting uncomfortable flirting in real life. I heard a woman at a bar complaining after a guy flirted with her: "I came here to drink. If I wanted to flirt or find love, I'd browse Tinder." I don't even know how to respond to that.
I remember before people could become famous on Instagram and before there were all these dating apps. It used to be so simple and easy to talk to women, online and in real life. Nowadays the way culture has shifted, it has dudes scared to approach a woman. In fear of being called a creep and then even posted online to be made a mockery.
Example of how social media sucks: You send a friend request to an old friend over Facebook - they ignore it. This leaves a sour taste in your mouth. You then later on happen upon the person in real life somewhere, but the facebook sourness now means you probably don’t want anything to do with them either. If the facebook thing didn’t happen and you saw them in public, the possibility of getting back in touch would be much higher. One example of how social media keeps people apart.
Nah that's on the "friend" who ignored it. They clearly didn't want to be in contact with them again. If they would've met first in IRL it would've probably led to a fake convo and then ghosting either way
@@vi950 I think people are more receptive in-person and it’s a more natural meeting/re-introduction. It’s a chance meeting and it’s neutral - for example you’re not messaging them online and won’t be potentially misperceived as wanting something from them.
@@vitamincisgoodforme True, people tend to ignore messages on social media as they assume the other person might just want something from them. And many times it's true as well, so can't blame anyone. While like you said a chance encounter is neutral thing, the chances of it happening are very rare. And the chance that you're both free when you coincidentally meet are even lesser. If usually leads to people exchanging numbers and then deciding when to meet up. So, I think social media is still useful for getting back to old friends, classmates etc. it's obviously easier to find them there than randomly on the street.
I don't really have social medias but I still feel lonely af, all my friends have Instagram, Facebook, Tiktok... I see them rarely because "they don't have time", but they spend so much time in these apps. They usually don't answer me or just to 1 text now and then. I don't get it :/. I hate social medias so much.
I volunteer at my local museums when I have time, meeting new people. To thank volunteers, the museum invited us to a summer garden dinner, gave away free tickets from Fleet Science museum, so I get to watch iMac documentary, I even gave a ticket to my church. Try to look up volunteering opportunities at organizations which suits your interests. It might lead you to new opportunities, you can also put it on your resume.
they would say it's their boundaries, and that replying texts take way more energy than just browsing, posting, or socializing on social media. i understand that because sometimes i feel that way as well, but come on, is it so hard to reply a text? yes i chose to talk to you and i can't control your action, but is my time not as valuable as yours? i feel like people don't appreciate our efforts, but then maybe they don't even value us as friends so they don't bother. i try to spend more time with people who values me more now, instead of talking to people i thought i was close with
People don't care about friendships anymore. It's more on extracting validation from people and ensuring that they are being constantly rewarded for all the hard work they've achieved.
Exactly. They don't friends - - they want fans. The moment you might even hint that you may need even emotional support in return, folks vanish because to them you were only ever a fan.
Friendship is too hard, because it requires mutual attention and your friends do not validate your opinions 100% at the time. Man, I really should feel bad for these sorry losers. But I don't.
I feel bad for people that think like you. There is plenty of people looking for friendship out there. Stop finding excuses and go find those people instead of complaining here.
@@marianfrances4959 I also went to “Conversational English” meetups where people learning English just wanted to practice with real people. I met many unique people this way too.
It’s hard when it feels like everyone is so cold… I always reach out to friends and try to meet new people but not one seems to care or put in any effort…
Yes, dingletone. Sometimes, the jank far outweighs the ethical and valuable. 2020 helped to reveal that BIG-TIME. After that, it was both literally and figuratively: "masks came off".
Had a similar thought about gaming recently watching my kids. When they’re alone playing it’s like they’re zombies. Just filling time. But when gaming with friends they’re far more animated creative and engaged. And when those friends are in the room they’re even more communicative and the game becomes a truly collaborative activity. Don’t ban the screens… use them to come together.
For decades, I randomly called my friends and associates just to see how they were doing. NO AGENDAS. Nothing I wanted, nothing I needed--unless conversation counts as a desire. Anyhow, by 2014 or so, I noticed how few people called ME unless they *wanted* something. By 2016 or so, I rarely had any phone conversations, and once 2020 & 2021 hit... that was the end of it. 😂 Haven't really had many voice chats since. It do be what it do be.
Same here, my colleague best friend for 30 years stopped answering calls, busy on weekends and now even on summer vacation, she's a teacher 😅. I do get my text messages from my doctor's and physical therapy reminders😅
This might be one on the realest comments on here. Like why talk to friends, when you can just say some random shit that's on your mind on Twitter? Or scroll endlessly at photos and videos on Instagram. Or pour your heart out and get advice on Reddit. And then on top of that you never Ned to leave your home these days with working from home jobs. And ordering Amazon and food from apps for all your needs. It's really some crazy times out here and we might be too far too deep in to reverse things.
I don’t wanna try to act like I’m better than everyone else but I feel like I knew this before everyone else because I got off social media back in like 2016 and everyone thought I was so weird, but I realized it was killing all my relationships and if people wanted to reach out to me, they would just call or text me or or see me in person. And now I see i was right.
This completely ignores the fact that the alternative for kids is to simply not communicate with friends at all. In America, kids are severely isolated due to not being able to drive and the majority of our built environment being dedicated only for cars. If you want kids to spend time with each other then we need to build our cities to facilitate kids walking, biking, or taking public transit to do that. Until that is possible it is really out of touch to suggest kids spend less time interacting through the only means currently possible most of the time.
Plenty of earlier generations created friendships in cities as they are. So this is not the issue. You have to want to leave your house, and willingness to feel bored and create adventure.
@@tallspicy earlier generations did not live the same way we do today. kids used to walk to school (uphill both ways) but now they don't because our roads and cars have made it too dangerous. parents and siblings only tolerate so much driving around so kids learn to just spend time online with friends rather than making their parents drive them to their friend's house every single day
@@cashbuyer4221 it's more like a combination of both. and it's not the threat of kidnappers it's the unrealistic FEAR of kidnappers. kidnapping by strangers is extremely uncommon. you are more likely to run over your own child by accident than they are to be kidnapped by a stranger.
I was expecting another conclusion from this video. How come we still talk about knowledgeable, effective usage of social media as the solution to social media-induced problems (loneliness, mental disorders, dismantling of political communities, and so on and so forth...)? Zuckerberg admitted, on record, that his social media was designed to maximize the time spent on them, not to minimize online time and maximize offline experiences... Advising for a more thoughtful usage of social media is like asking for people - which, in order to get into a room full of their friends, have to open a door whose door knob is composed of multiple infinitesimal door knobs, each one of them to be turned left and right, then pulled back and forth uncountable times - to not forget to open the door in the end! The problem is in design, not in usage education/self-control etc. The problem demands a broad political solution, based on strict technological knowledge and tools!
This reminds me of trying to eat healthy in the US. We’re constantly told that we are responsible for making healthy choices, however, at the same time the whole food industry pushes us in the opposite direction. Our interests are not aligned, but the individual is blamed vs the industry.
Creating or finding a new meaningful relationship might not be as easy as it used to be, because the ammout of time dedicated regardless of circumstances will be deminish or destroyed by the maladaptive use of technology. Just drop social media (seems to be the * "fix"* to almost everything including mental health) and avoid consumerism*.
I just formed a meaningful relationship 8 months ago. We email one time per day and then meet for coffee once a month. We live 70 miles apart. It has been a joyous experience.
Social media, while connecting us in unprecedented ways, often sabotages our brain's natural friendship mechanisms. Our brains are wired for deep, meaningful connections, but the constant stream of likes, comments, and superficial interactions can leave us feeling isolated and disconnected. Genuine friendships require time, trust, and shared experiences, yet social media’s instant gratification can distort our perceptions and expectations. It's crucial to recognize this impact and make conscious efforts to nurture real-world relationships. By prioritizing authentic connections over digital interactions, we can reclaim the true essence of friendship and enrich our lives with genuine, heartfelt bonds.
Correct. But unfortunately, the more a person fights for legitimate phone calls and physical meetings, the further the 99% will run. 💪😎✌️ It do be what it do be.
@@Novastar.SaberCombat I think these who cannot give you what you give em are not worthy your time and that fight is going to give you nothing but the lost energy at the end
I disagree on the emphasis on eye contact. There are many cultures where eye contact and touching is seen as confrontational, point is non-verbal communication does not just center around western standards, there are many other ways to foster emotional bonds in-person.
we need more schools educating people how to use social media in the right and healthy way, to use as a tool to enrich our lives. too many people fall in unhealthy methods because they lack the self awareness and knowledge to navigate the platform healthily.
I have not used social media in over a year except for Twitter for news. Best decision ever. I'm so productive I've accomplished so much and I'm removed from the movements online it's such a pleasure, I've got real connections with people my circle is small but I'm so happy I escaped that place of comparison and time wastage
I love technology, I really do, but social media was a really bad invention. I'm super lonely and have no friends. I've tried for years, but no one is down to do anything. I do things by myself (going out to eat, going to amusement parks, road trips, etc.) And people can't believe I do that. They look at me like I'm wierder than Madonna on speed.
Human it's a social ''animal '' I'm lonely - 69 years old , divorced since 22 years lately retired , active ! but always solo 😔👎. I do not find appropriate place where I can socialize with other people in my position ( maybe even do organized outings ,travels ) members in a place like that would cover the cost . In Canada we have places for ; very old lonely people , for sick people , addicted to drugs ,homeless e.t. c. Yet nothing for us "regular "people . There is a great need for that !!! .We do agree we experiencing loneliness Epidemic ! - why don't we do something about this⁉ In Europe (Poland where I come from) there are social clubs for " young " pensioners .This People are happy and stay healthy 💪
The expansion of the problem of loneliness should stimulate us to think more deeply about the cognitive relationship we have with the me-me-me culture in which we live. This implies inquiring into the relationship we have with the mental image we hold of ourselves. Research has shown that people from Western cultures tend to remember and process things from a first-person perspective, while those from East Asian cultures often remember and process things from a third-person perspective, focusing on context and on relationships from a collective point of view. A deeper reflection on the psychological image we have of ourselves could lead to a better understanding of how self-centered we are and how many of our struggles derive from such a psychological state. This understanding would reduce our struggle with the loneliness and boredom that pervade the minds of modern society. Developing these sophisticated thinking skills appears to be a necessity these days and for the future to come.
there’s all kinds of ways to meet people. if someone is unhappy about their social life, they can do something about it, or not. there’s a larger issue. courage. courage to try new things, meet new people, and get out of the comfort zone. people are too afraid to take risks and too attached to comfort.
Because all your faults can now be broadcasted to the world. Even saying how you feel on an issue or using a word can hurt your social standing much more than than before
Unfortunately, invisible social credits are everything. If you ain't popular and visible online, then you ain't SHEET. That's just how it is. If you're disregarded digitally, you'll be ignored on all other levels as well. No exceptions.
Lovely talk! Social media should be used vs abused. It's a process 2 find balance. In the world of duality our lonliness also may serve us, 2 find our selves. We are taught to find love n joy outwards, but it's within. It's within our self we find equanimity, peace, joy, unconditional love with no need/attachment 2 another. Once we find that, than we can truly contribute in other ppls lives vs just using them as our entertainment clowns.
I dunno if social media sabotages friendships. I think it makes people socially immature. And then are unable to make friends. But hey, if you’re a jerk. No one is going to be your friend anyway. So my favorite saying is: difficult person. Difficult life.
Nope, the only reason for social media for me is to find kin & communicate with them. And the eventual goal is to hang out! We all want this. I dunno for me social media is useless if i don't use to find people to meet up and do stuff with. So yeah, my brain already figured this out.
It's just not worth having to sort through 999 crappy friends who take advantage of you, act fake with you, steal from you and tear you down in order to find that 1 true friend.
They're not sure if they will get aroused by the opposite sex. That's the real life. Why think about stupid shit and get in your own way. Making it up without knowing shit. Don't let the scare tactics of douche bags that create digi shit get a hold on yee spritely nuts.
@@TheExistenceClass0Slowly getting comfortable with discomfort. It's the only way our muscle and our minds grow. I work with young people and you have to slowly ease them into managing self-talk, managing emotions, engaging in small talk, empathy, how to tell stories/jokes, etc. These are all skills you can learn ... they just haven't had enough practice due to social media hobbling them.
I especially hate tiktok and the ticktok mock offs like reels and shorts. I'm 22 and everyday at dinner table all my siblings(older and younger) keep scrolling through reels etc. When i ask them to put their phone down, they say "they're tired from the day and this is how they relax". Mind boggling. Even though we're all in the same room having dinner, i feel so lonely as if im eating by myself. I can prolly use my phone too but i have a strict no phone while eating policy so I'm forced to just sit and eat there alone amidst noises of 3 people watching reels. Thats annoying
if the formula for oxytocin was just "eye contact and/or touch", shop assistants who make eye contact with customers full time should love their job, but they don't. by the same logic, soldiers or workers whose boss expects them to make eye contact when he talks to them, that should feel good for them, but it doesn't, they're just forcing themselves to do it. now in regards to touch, if oxytocin was just about touch, then people like massage therapists should have an abundance of oxytocin, but they probably don't, it's just another job. so i guess my conclusion is that it has to be spontaneous, authentic, and psychologically pure (which is very rare), it's not something you can force or neurotically think your way to.
To see people means putting them in your daily schedule and to give them a chance to raise their opinion and to adapt to their type of personality. To be cooperative. Social media is speaking your mind and filtering through the messy parts. You also don't have to tolerate people's quirks and if you don't agree you can end the relationship without any disruption or repercussions.
all of this sounds great and I want to do it. the problem I have is that this is a two way street. i find that so many times i reach out to friends and family to do something via text or social media, god forbid i actually call, and i dont get a response that is timely. maybe two days later or at the end of the night before going to bed. i feel like im trying to make plans to meet up in person a lot, but 95% of it goes unresponded to or brushed off.
It's always been easy for me to make friends over the years. Which is interesting because I remember as a child people will always say I don't smile as much. Like I'd laugh and smile in convo but probably looked serious always afterwards, but never in a threatening way lol. But the thing is, as it's always been easy to make. It's been harder to maintain relationships, mainly because I've never been the best talker. I probably blame that on the strict household I grew up in, and kind of withheld me back from expressing my true self. So due to that problem of myself, I never kept up with relationships. And people would tend to drift away overtime. Probably because they thought he don't have time for me or maybe because they were scared to make the first move themselves and keep up the friendship. I've also gotten trapped in the social media hole very deeply, due to this. And it started years ago when I became addicted to my phone and just always communicating or sharing thoughts. And I think that's the other problem, social media allows you to find that exact niche market to talk about something. Because you can have friends, but maybe they don't give a shit to talk to you about healthy eating or technology lol.
Try volunteering at organizations which suits your interests. I volunteered at my local museums when I have time. I live alone. During December, I volunteered at the museum annual Christmas fund raiser party to get into the holiday spirit.
oh yes, the only problem is social media....sure sure.. lol. i cant find people i connect with to save my life, people just dont give a shit about connection anymore
Great video, however it did not mention the psychological tactics used by social media in the name of profit to encourage overuse of these platforms. Once you appraise the true usefulness of social media as advised in the video, it becomes easier to use it for our benefit and not the corporations
At least you would follow fictitious characters' perfect lives on TV instead of following real peoples' boring lives that only appear interesting on social media. And yes, you life is also boring for everyone, believe me.
Am also noticing that people are losing the skill of having basic conversations. Everyone is just staring at their phones all the time. It is so rare to find people that are just present and in the moment and not checking their bloody phone every 5 seconds.
Sir I was previously a extrovert (till age 12) but now due my one friend who is an extreme introvert I feel like I have also become one. Now I don't like to see new people and don't want to meet them. I like to be with people whom I already know like my friends or family. Pls provide a solution or reply
it’s ok if you don’t want to meet new people. not everyone is an oxytocin fiend like the video suggests. you can be someone with friends or without friends and still have a good life. I believe social media has shown us how overvalued friendship is. for a lot of people is actually a relief that “friendships” are loosing social relevance. humanity has been and will forever be too shitty to take this video seriously.
Gangstalking, relationship by proxy (the other person is removed and remote), confusion and unconsenting activitt is what erodes friendship far worse than social media imo.
Modern human interaction can be traditionally simple for some, but for many more rather tricky. The tragedy ( to be overly dramatic) is that despite the tools it is foolishly difficult for various people to be in touch, let alone touch them and/or have them touch you. If one doesn't have the people that earn the time(the most valuable commodity) and x,y,z, then what's next?
1:001:50 Very much so... either that or just forcing yourself to be ?uncomfortably? close because oxytocin. 2:06 Yup. Sucks that there's so much stigma against it... that we all have to be far away from each other because of all these artificial barriers, like our houses fences, and border restrictions and so on... even countries themselves keep us apart... with the irony in social media being that it was supposed to "break" those barriers.
I never got into them social media things youtube is the only thing i watch for entertainment , but people i usually hungnout with did use all the different social platform, are not around any more ...
I think there is too much blame on social media. Life is just more convenient now compared to even 10 years ago. Food delivery, work from home and endless entertainment in the forms of games, movies, youtube .etc. In the past we would get bored and go hang out with people because there was not that much else to do ON YOUR OWN. Maybe you would take up sports, go join an interest group (painting, yoga .etc). Many of these activities force you to be around others for at least some amount of time (buying supplies, training .etc). Now staying at home and playing games/watching movies provides so much entertainment value per dollar, and have a very low barrier to entry, thats what most people choose. So relationships are suffering because they require too much effort. Social media definitely exacerbates this trend but it didn't cause it.
I think at the end of the day most of us want to be good people but none of us truly give a f&$k about people except ourselves and our direct family. So prioritizing friendships isnt important because we cant trust or truly believe others or their intentions. Perhaps Soical Media helps in assisting in that. People dont want to be bothered or bother . They want privacy and to only focus in a busy life on their direct family.
Humans establish friendship not from a neutral and objective psychological standpoint, but driven by their own biases. E.g. European would be far less keen to establish friendship with a Thai or Sri Lankan, than other way around. The latter would consider having a white friend, a major social upgrade. Even within same country India, relatively Caucasian looking Punjabi would have greater social muscle than short stub Bengali. Within Europe, an extroverted Spaniard would fare better than introverted Swiss. A tall domineering German would network far better in Dubai, than their Korean and Japanese counterparts. Social media gives people a more levelled platform, where they are evaluated based more on their characters than external features. In the age of Instagram it sounds paradoxical, but social media puts lesser positive weight on good looks, tallness, extroversion, European physiognomy, lighter skin colour, while general society still prizes them massively.
Or Social Media exposes how pathetic our original friends are? I offer to go out and they leave me hanging. I saved and help many of my Poker-Jack-Asses friends only to get a mediecre friendship to a Poker Ace like me. Social Media is a great tool to scan and keep old friends at a distance until they actully meet my requests. Why do I want to hangout with Poker-Jack-Asses friends who intentionally do not read my Amazon novels? I use those Amazon novels as "Blade Runner" Tests to filter levels of friendship and, thus, physical interaction.
It’s happening for Americans because of Toxic Hyper Individualistic Culture, Car Centric Infrastructure, Lack of affordable of third places It’s all about the individual over community, change my mind
Social media has put everyone into right and left, im not interested in politics im not right not left but people assume you're one of them all the time. I'm sick to the back teeth of everyone.
When someone does not get the actual thing(friendship and human connection) then they go for another(technology to other addictions)😅 Everyone is missing the points here😞
“If something is a replacement to your social life, it’s a bad thing. If it’s a complement to it, it’s good.”
👏🏼
I remember when people would write their most private thoughts in a personal diary and let nobody read it, nowadays everyone posts everything on social media and they get pissed off if nobody reads it. 🤔😂
humankind has lived without social media and can live without it again
And *should* live without it again.
If Facebook ever closed you'd have people running around shoving pictures in strangers faces screaming "DO YOU LIKE THIS?.... WELL DO YOU?" 🤔😂
You're delusional😅
Well that's not happening, because at the end of the day. Social media is all about money, and the only reason we see it more and more is because it's forced on us. People literally can't walk down the street without keeping stuck Ina phone and it's not just the kids either.
No
I’m 66. I remember life b4 social media. It seemed better. Felt like I had more time to do things. My friends were real people that I saw often, not talking heads.
I killed all SM, except YT a couple months ago. I’m very choosy about what I watch. I’ve never felt so lonely as in a Zoom session. Ditched that too.
Things are looking up! I have time to play music for folks at the care center. I found a drum circle and ukulele club in my small town. I spend more time outdoors.
I'm 22 and this brought me hope.. bless you
Sounds great!
Please keep sharing your experience with people. I think people who remember the before times speaking up is really helpful to us younger people who feel more trapped in a world that's so technology-centric. Glad things are looking up for you!
@@sushitoad6738 thank you! 🙏
This is beautiful, truly! Thank you for sharing this perspective with us ❤
I had to learn this the hard way. But since April of 2020 I've limited myself to a total of ~20 minutes/day on social media, and it has been an incredibly healthy decision for me!
bold! need to do that for myself
Yes its definitely much better
I've also implemented a limit on my app usage and am happy with this. I enjoy using reddit, but I know that it can become too much. So when it gets locked I'm fine because I know it was my choice to make sure I'll be happy.
Many friends say they've tried this, but they often turn off the lock... So it seems difficult for some people to manage their own usage.
Furthermore I make an effort to not go on there before 10am to have a clutter free start to the day.
It's wild sometimes when after just a few minutes you've already seen: scary news, cute animals, some whacky video, war footage, some made up statistic.
Maybe I can still tune it further down 🤔
@@dennishartmann6838 wisdom upon wisdom. I shall implement all of these. Thank you very much
I set up social accounts for my business ... but that's it. I have not checked my FB in over 10 years and could care less about all the others. Social media makes you anti-social. Go out and take a class, play an instrument, go to a coffee shop, try stand-up comedy, theater, improv ... life is always better when you take risks.
The craziest thing to me is the whole flirting through social media. People are getting uncomfortable flirting in real life. I heard a woman at a bar complaining after a guy flirted with her: "I came here to drink. If I wanted to flirt or find love, I'd browse Tinder." I don't even know how to respond to that.
That’s so sad.
I remember before people could become famous on Instagram and before there were all these dating apps. It used to be so simple and easy to talk to women, online and in real life. Nowadays the way culture has shifted, it has dudes scared to approach a woman. In fear of being called a creep and then even posted online to be made a mockery.
@@Dave.... try being gay it’s even worse. I’ve accepted that I’ll die alone
"Ok, sorry." and then you move on and flirt with the next girl. What the hell do they expect
Example of how social media sucks: You send a friend request to an old friend over Facebook - they ignore it. This leaves a sour taste in your mouth. You then later on happen upon the person in real life somewhere, but the facebook sourness now means you probably don’t want anything to do with them either. If the facebook thing didn’t happen and you saw them in public, the possibility of getting back in touch would be much higher. One example of how social media keeps people apart.
Nah that's on the "friend" who ignored it. They clearly didn't want to be in contact with them again. If they would've met first in IRL it would've probably led to a fake convo and then ghosting either way
@@vi950 I think people are more receptive in-person and it’s a more natural meeting/re-introduction. It’s a chance meeting and it’s neutral - for example you’re not messaging them online and won’t be potentially misperceived as wanting something from them.
@@vitamincisgoodforme True, people tend to ignore messages on social media as they assume the other person might just want something from them. And many times it's true as well, so can't blame anyone. While like you said a chance encounter is neutral thing, the chances of it happening are very rare. And the chance that you're both free when you coincidentally meet are even lesser. If usually leads to people exchanging numbers and then deciding when to meet up.
So, I think social media is still useful for getting back to old friends, classmates etc. it's obviously easier to find them there than randomly on the street.
I don't really have social medias but I still feel lonely af, all my friends have Instagram, Facebook, Tiktok... I see them rarely because "they don't have time", but they spend so much time in these apps. They usually don't answer me or just to 1 text now and then. I don't get it :/. I hate social medias so much.
Same 😢
I volunteer at my local museums when I have time, meeting new people. To thank volunteers, the museum invited us to a summer garden dinner, gave away free tickets from Fleet Science museum, so I get to watch iMac documentary, I even gave a ticket to my church.
Try to look up volunteering opportunities at organizations which suits your interests. It might lead you to new opportunities, you can also put it on your resume.
they would say it's their boundaries, and that replying texts take way more energy than just browsing, posting, or socializing on social media.
i understand that because sometimes i feel that way as well, but come on, is it so hard to reply a text? yes i chose to talk to you and i can't control your action, but is my time not as valuable as yours?
i feel like people don't appreciate our efforts, but then maybe they don't even value us as friends so they don't bother.
i try to spend more time with people who values me more now, instead of talking to people i thought i was close with
People don't care about friendships anymore. It's more on extracting validation from people and ensuring that they are being constantly rewarded for all the hard work they've achieved.
🎯 🎯
Exactly. They don't friends - - they want fans. The moment you might even hint that you may need even emotional support in return, folks vanish because to them you were only ever a fan.
Friendship is too hard, because it requires mutual attention and your friends do not validate your opinions 100% at the time.
Man, I really should feel bad for these sorry losers. But I don't.
I feel bad for people that think like you. There is plenty of people looking for friendship out there. Stop finding excuses and go find those people instead of complaining here.
Facts
I suffered from shyness and social anxiety, so I forced myself to go to dozens of meetup groups to gradually build more interpersonal confidence.
Our city has 1.6M and very few meetup groups. I've never found one that was a fit.
Congratulations! It couldn't have been easy at the start. So happy for you!
@@marianfrances4959 I also went to “Conversational English” meetups where people learning English just wanted to practice with real people. I met many unique people this way too.
It’s hard when it feels like everyone is so cold… I always reach out to friends and try to meet new people but not one seems to care or put in any effort…
SAMEEEE
So you just…keep doing the same but with different people. Can *everyone* be cold except you? :)
Yes, dingletone. Sometimes, the jank far outweighs the ethical and valuable. 2020 helped to reveal that BIG-TIME. After that, it was both literally and figuratively: "masks came off".
Try volunteering at organizations which suits your interests. I volunteered at my local museums.
How social media destroys everything for the profit of a few
Had a similar thought about gaming recently watching my kids. When they’re alone playing it’s like they’re zombies. Just filling time. But when gaming with friends they’re far more animated creative and engaged. And when those friends are in the room they’re even more communicative and the game becomes a truly collaborative activity.
Don’t ban the screens… use them to come together.
👍
For decades, I randomly called my friends and associates just to see how they were doing. NO AGENDAS. Nothing I wanted, nothing I needed--unless conversation counts as a desire. Anyhow, by 2014 or so, I noticed how few people called ME unless they *wanted* something. By 2016 or so, I rarely had any phone conversations, and once 2020 & 2021 hit... that was the end of it. 😂 Haven't really had many voice chats since. It do be what it do be.
Same here, my colleague best friend for 30 years stopped answering calls, busy on weekends and now even on summer vacation, she's a teacher 😅.
I do get my text messages from my doctor's and physical therapy reminders😅
This might be one on the realest comments on here. Like why talk to friends, when you can just say some random shit that's on your mind on Twitter? Or scroll endlessly at photos and videos on Instagram. Or pour your heart out and get advice on Reddit. And then on top of that you never Ned to leave your home these days with working from home jobs. And ordering Amazon and food from apps for all your needs. It's really some crazy times out here and we might be too far too deep in to reverse things.
I don’t wanna try to act like I’m better than everyone else but I feel like I knew this before everyone else because I got off social media back in like 2016 and everyone thought I was so weird, but I realized it was killing all my relationships and if people wanted to reach out to me, they would just call or text me or or see me in person. And now I see i was right.
Let's call it for what it really is. Antisocial media.
This completely ignores the fact that the alternative for kids is to simply not communicate with friends at all. In America, kids are severely isolated due to not being able to drive and the majority of our built environment being dedicated only for cars. If you want kids to spend time with each other then we need to build our cities to facilitate kids walking, biking, or taking public transit to do that. Until that is possible it is really out of touch to suggest kids spend less time interacting through the only means currently possible most of the time.
Totally agree. Our cities are designed for isolation.
Plenty of earlier generations created friendships in cities as they are. So this is not the issue. You have to want to leave your house, and willingness to feel bored and create adventure.
@@tallspicy earlier generations did not live the same way we do today. kids used to walk to school (uphill both ways) but now they don't because our roads and cars have made it too dangerous. parents and siblings only tolerate so much driving around so kids learn to just spend time online with friends rather than making their parents drive them to their friend's house every single day
Honestly, it’s not traffic that people fear for their children. It’s the threat of sicko kidnappers.
@@cashbuyer4221 it's more like a combination of both. and it's not the threat of kidnappers it's the unrealistic FEAR of kidnappers. kidnapping by strangers is extremely uncommon. you are more likely to run over your own child by accident than they are to be kidnapped by a stranger.
I was expecting another conclusion from this video. How come we still talk about knowledgeable, effective usage of social media as the solution to social media-induced problems (loneliness, mental disorders, dismantling of political communities, and so on and so forth...)? Zuckerberg admitted, on record, that his social media was designed to maximize the time spent on them, not to minimize online time and maximize offline experiences... Advising for a more thoughtful usage of social media is like asking for people - which, in order to get into a room full of their friends, have to open a door whose door knob is composed of multiple infinitesimal door knobs, each one of them to be turned left and right, then pulled back and forth uncountable times - to not forget to open the door in the end! The problem is in design, not in usage education/self-control etc. The problem demands a broad political solution, based on strict technological knowledge and tools!
This reminds me of trying to eat healthy in the US. We’re constantly told that we are responsible for making healthy choices, however, at the same time the whole food industry pushes us in the opposite direction. Our interests are not aligned, but the individual is blamed vs the industry.
Creating or finding a new meaningful relationship might not be as easy as it used to be, because the ammout of time dedicated regardless of circumstances will be deminish or destroyed by the maladaptive use of technology.
Just drop social media (seems to be the * "fix"* to almost everything including mental health) and avoid consumerism*.
I just formed a meaningful relationship 8 months ago. We email one time per day and then meet for coffee once a month. We live 70 miles apart. It has been a joyous experience.
Social media, while connecting us in unprecedented ways, often sabotages our brain's natural friendship mechanisms. Our brains are wired for deep, meaningful connections, but the constant stream of likes, comments, and superficial interactions can leave us feeling isolated and disconnected. Genuine friendships require time, trust, and shared experiences, yet social media’s instant gratification can distort our perceptions and expectations. It's crucial to recognize this impact and make conscious efforts to nurture real-world relationships. By prioritizing authentic connections over digital interactions, we can reclaim the true essence of friendship and enrich our lives with genuine, heartfelt bonds.
Too late, unfortunately. Can't be salvaged.
it's hard being young in this age, people would rather be talking or viewing things on their phones in public than having authentic human interaction
the dystopia is already here
Hello from Bucharest, Romania - a huge underrated city in Europe:)
Very true, even a phone call does more than chatting, all these high tech tools further push humans away from each other
Correct. But unfortunately, the more a person fights for legitimate phone calls and physical meetings, the further the 99% will run. 💪😎✌️ It do be what it do be.
@@Novastar.SaberCombat I think these who cannot give you what you give em are not worthy your time and that fight is going to give you nothing but the lost energy at the end
I disagree on the emphasis on eye contact. There are many cultures where eye contact and touching is seen as confrontational, point is non-verbal communication does not just center around western standards, there are many other ways to foster emotional bonds in-person.
we need more schools educating people how to use social media in the right and healthy way, to use as a tool to enrich our lives. too many people fall in unhealthy methods because they lack the self awareness and knowledge to navigate the platform healthily.
I have not used social media in over a year except for Twitter for news. Best decision ever. I'm so productive I've accomplished so much and I'm removed from the movements online it's such a pleasure, I've got real connections with people my circle is small but I'm so happy I escaped that place of comparison and time wastage
Never intentionally play with anyone’s emotions! Never show too much care and likings just for fun or revenge! Keep your own characteristics strong!
I love technology, I really do, but social media was a really bad invention.
I'm super lonely and have no friends. I've tried for years, but no one is down to do anything.
I do things by myself (going out to eat, going to amusement parks, road trips, etc.) And people can't believe I do that. They look at me like I'm wierder than Madonna on speed.
The game is all about continuous reinforcement.
the key part about initiating change: start small, be kind and continuous
Human it's a social ''animal '' I'm lonely - 69 years old , divorced since 22 years lately retired , active ! but always solo 😔👎. I do not find appropriate place where I can socialize with other people in my position ( maybe even do organized outings ,travels ) members in a place like that would cover the cost . In Canada we have places for ; very old lonely people , for sick people , addicted to drugs ,homeless e.t. c. Yet nothing for us "regular "people . There is a great need for that !!! .We do agree we experiencing loneliness Epidemic ! - why don't we do something about this⁉ In Europe (Poland where I come from) there are social clubs for " young " pensioners .This People are happy and stay healthy 💪
hi I would love to be your friend and I'm not saying this out of pity I genuinely like your thoughts very much
@@nehasingh-cb7iq Thanks ,but no ! . Not looking for a internet friend .
The expansion of the problem of loneliness should stimulate us to think more deeply about the cognitive relationship we have with the me-me-me culture in which we live. This implies inquiring into the relationship we have with the mental image we hold of ourselves.
Research has shown that people from Western cultures tend to remember and process things from a first-person perspective, while those from East Asian cultures often remember and process things from a third-person perspective, focusing on context and on relationships from a collective point of view.
A deeper reflection on the psychological image we have of ourselves could lead to a better understanding of how self-centered we are and how many of our struggles derive from such a psychological state. This understanding would reduce our struggle with the loneliness and boredom that pervade the minds of modern society.
Developing these sophisticated thinking skills appears to be a necessity these days and for the future to come.
So important! But yet so very odd that we need to remind ourselves of that.
there’s all kinds of ways to meet people. if someone is unhappy about their social life, they can do something about it, or not. there’s a larger issue. courage. courage to try new things, meet new people, and get out of the comfort zone. people are too afraid to take risks and too attached to comfort.
Yeah they’re lost causes. They’re fundamentally bad/defective/inadequate people, as you say, right?
Because all your faults can now be broadcasted to the world. Even saying how you feel on an issue or using a word can hurt your social standing much more than than before
Unfortunately, invisible social credits are everything. If you ain't popular and visible online, then you ain't SHEET. That's just how it is. If you're disregarded digitally, you'll be ignored on all other levels as well. No exceptions.
@@jelaninoel the answer to that is to nit give a sht. do what you think is right
@@jamesstrom6991 most people care how they’re perceived. Is ingrained in us
That is a very informative and eye-opening video. You cannot be distracted from real life systematically by the technological methods.
Lovely talk! Social media should be used vs abused. It's a process 2 find balance. In the world of duality our lonliness also may serve us, 2 find our selves. We are taught to find love n joy outwards, but it's within. It's within our self we find equanimity, peace, joy, unconditional love with no need/attachment 2 another. Once we find that, than we can truly contribute in other ppls lives vs just using them as our entertainment clowns.
This would be good to share on social media
Profound insight 👌🤞🎉
I dunno if social media sabotages friendships. I think it makes people socially immature. And then are unable to make friends. But hey, if you’re a jerk. No one is going to be your friend anyway. So my favorite saying is: difficult person. Difficult life.
Nope, the only reason for social media for me is to find kin & communicate with them. And the eventual goal is to hang out! We all want this. I dunno for me social media is useless if i don't use to find people to meet up and do stuff with.
So yeah, my brain already figured this out.
It's just not worth having to sort through 999 crappy friends who take advantage of you, act fake with you, steal from you and tear you down in order to find that 1 true friend.
Nailed it.
I've been saying for years that the Internet should complement rather than replace real life interactions...
why is it that people feel uncomfortable in public areas in these times?
Hiding true self, images is the rule happier even better
It's simple; they don't have nearly enough exposure to it, which only entices them to more isolation.
They're not sure if they will get aroused by the opposite sex. That's the real life. Why think about stupid shit and get in your own way. Making it up without knowing shit. Don't let the scare tactics of douche bags that create digi shit get a hold on yee spritely nuts.
@@mikitzSolutions?
@@TheExistenceClass0Slowly getting comfortable with discomfort. It's the only way our muscle and our minds grow. I work with young people and you have to slowly ease them into managing self-talk, managing emotions, engaging in small talk, empathy, how to tell stories/jokes, etc. These are all skills you can learn ... they just haven't had enough practice due to social media hobbling them.
I especially hate tiktok and the ticktok mock offs like reels and shorts. I'm 22 and everyday at dinner table all my siblings(older and younger) keep scrolling through reels etc. When i ask them to put their phone down, they say "they're tired from the day and this is how they relax". Mind boggling. Even though we're all in the same room having dinner, i feel so lonely as if im eating by myself. I can prolly use my phone too but i have a strict no phone while eating policy so I'm forced to just sit and eat there alone amidst noises of 3 people watching reels. Thats annoying
if the formula for oxytocin was just "eye contact and/or touch", shop assistants who make eye contact with customers full time should love their job, but they don't. by the same logic, soldiers or workers whose boss expects them to make eye contact when he talks to them, that should feel good for them, but it doesn't, they're just forcing themselves to do it. now in regards to touch, if oxytocin was just about touch, then people like massage therapists should have an abundance of oxytocin, but they probably don't, it's just another job. so i guess my conclusion is that it has to be spontaneous, authentic, and psychologically pure (which is very rare), it's not something you can force or neurotically think your way to.
Wrong!
@@marianfrances4959 please elaborate.
To see people means putting them in your daily schedule and to give them a chance to raise their opinion and to adapt to their type of personality. To be cooperative. Social media is speaking your mind and filtering through the messy parts. You also don't have to tolerate people's quirks and if you don't agree you can end the relationship without any disruption or repercussions.
Good commentary!!
all of this sounds great and I want to do it. the problem I have is that this is a two way street. i find that so many times i reach out to friends and family to do something via text or social media, god forbid i actually call, and i dont get a response that is timely. maybe two days later or at the end of the night before going to bed. i feel like im trying to make plans to meet up in person a lot, but 95% of it goes unresponded to or brushed off.
Wonderfull!
Social media is my escapism.. although I hear your point 🌀
Finally a good video.
Been ALONG time.
It's always been easy for me to make friends over the years. Which is interesting because I remember as a child people will always say I don't smile as much. Like I'd laugh and smile in convo but probably looked serious always afterwards, but never in a threatening way lol.
But the thing is, as it's always been easy to make. It's been harder to maintain relationships, mainly because I've never been the best talker. I probably blame that on the strict household I grew up in, and kind of withheld me back from expressing my true self.
So due to that problem of myself, I never kept up with relationships. And people would tend to drift away overtime. Probably because they thought he don't have time for me or maybe because they were scared to make the first move themselves and keep up the friendship.
I've also gotten trapped in the social media hole very deeply, due to this. And it started years ago when I became addicted to my phone and just always communicating or sharing thoughts. And I think that's the other problem, social media allows you to find that exact niche market to talk about something. Because you can have friends, but maybe they don't give a shit to talk to you about healthy eating or technology lol.
Only a few deserve of our limited energy. One's higher Self is our ultimate connection.
I'VE BEEN SAYING THIS FOR YEARS
How cold and lonely the world has become 🌍
Try volunteering at organizations which suits your interests. I volunteered at my local museums when I have time. I live alone. During December, I volunteered at the museum annual Christmas fund raiser party to get into the holiday spirit.
Social media is not social.
oh yes, the only problem is social media....sure sure.. lol. i cant find people i connect with to save my life, people just dont give a shit about connection anymore
Great video, however it did not mention the psychological tactics used by social media in the name of profit to encourage overuse of these platforms. Once you appraise the true usefulness of social media as advised in the video, it becomes easier to use it for our benefit and not the corporations
From Happy Birthday (HB) to RIP everything today is a few characters.
Great Socks, Arthur! 👍
Anyone who has been in a distant relationship has known all of this all along.
Working from home post Covid certainly doesnt help
Everyone that joins the carousel is mind locked as the Puppetmaster did to Pinocchio.
TV since it's inception has been doing the same thing but not as successfully as social media.
AMEN
People used to gather around to watch TV in the same space, as a social experience. That has never been true of social media.
At least you would follow fictitious characters' perfect lives on TV instead of following real peoples' boring lives that only appear interesting on social media. And yes, you life is also boring for everyone, believe me.
This exactly why I'm going back to school to help us get better at resolving this…
where can I find the background music? It's so calming. I want to listen to it while working
Always something to blame and control. Want more friends go make friends. If everyone is so lonely go make friends.
GLOBALIZATION only means to see people with eyes on screen not with heart means physically. Key to happiness is go outside shake hands.
Am also noticing that people are losing the skill of having basic conversations. Everyone is just staring at their phones all the time. It is so rare to find people that are just present and in the moment and not checking their bloody phone every 5 seconds.
Sir I was previously a extrovert (till age 12) but now due my one friend who is an extreme introvert I feel like I have also become one.
Now I don't like to see new people and don't want to meet them.
I like to be with people whom I already know like my friends or family.
Pls provide a solution or reply
it’s ok if you don’t want to meet new people. not everyone is an oxytocin fiend like the video suggests. you can be someone with friends or without friends and still have a good life. I believe social media has shown us how overvalued friendship is. for a lot of people is actually a relief that “friendships” are loosing social relevance. humanity has been and will forever be too shitty to take this video seriously.
true!
1:00 Is that b-roll reference to Future's DS2 album cover art and in the exact segment appears "oxytocin" similiar "oxycodone"? :D
Gangstalking, relationship by proxy (the other person is removed and remote), confusion and unconsenting activitt is what erodes friendship far worse than social media imo.
Yep. Facts. 😏
Modern human interaction can be traditionally simple for some, but for many more rather tricky. The tragedy ( to be overly dramatic) is that despite the tools it is foolishly difficult for various people to be in touch, let alone touch them and/or have them touch you. If one doesn't have the people that earn the time(the most valuable commodity) and x,y,z, then what's next?
Great video 👍🏿
Pretty sure I saw this exact same thing somewhere else sometime back...
Cool video. Really insightful
1:00 1:50 Very much so... either that or just forcing yourself to be ?uncomfortably? close because oxytocin. 2:06 Yup. Sucks that there's so much stigma against it... that we all have to be far away from each other because of all these artificial barriers, like our houses fences, and border restrictions and so on... even countries themselves keep us apart... with the irony in social media being that it was supposed to "break" those barriers.
The moment you watching this on a social network.
Now show this to every 11 year old school child in the world and then again at 16.
I never got into them social media things youtube is the only thing i watch for entertainment ,
but people i usually hungnout with did use all the different social platform, are not around any more ...
Hmmmm. Interesting
someone who looks like this guy is no expert on maintaining relationships without having the means to make more. Dude pays for relationships
Big Video!
I think there is too much blame on social media. Life is just more convenient now compared to even 10 years ago. Food delivery, work from home and endless entertainment in the forms of games, movies, youtube .etc. In the past we would get bored and go hang out with people because there was not that much else to do ON YOUR OWN. Maybe you would take up sports, go join an interest group (painting, yoga .etc). Many of these activities force you to be around others for at least some amount of time (buying supplies, training .etc). Now staying at home and playing games/watching movies provides so much entertainment value per dollar, and have a very low barrier to entry, thats what most people choose.
So relationships are suffering because they require too much effort. Social media definitely exacerbates this trend but it didn't cause it.
I think at the end of the day most of us want to be good people but none of us truly give a f&$k about people except ourselves and our direct family. So prioritizing friendships isnt important because we cant trust or truly believe others or their intentions. Perhaps Soical Media helps in assisting in that. People dont want to be bothered or bother . They want privacy and to only focus in a busy life on their direct family.
Delete social media now, you can do it
Real life is awesome.
Humans establish friendship not from a neutral and objective psychological standpoint, but driven by their own biases. E.g. European would be far less keen to establish friendship with a Thai or Sri Lankan, than other way around. The latter would consider having a white friend, a major social upgrade. Even within same country India, relatively Caucasian looking Punjabi would have greater social muscle than short stub Bengali. Within Europe, an extroverted Spaniard would fare better than introverted Swiss. A tall domineering German would network far better in Dubai, than their Korean and Japanese counterparts. Social media gives people a more levelled platform, where they are evaluated based more on their characters than external features. In the age of Instagram it sounds paradoxical, but social media puts lesser positive weight on good looks, tallness, extroversion, European physiognomy, lighter skin colour, while general society still prizes them massively.
Wow...generalize much?
@@marianfrances4959 You are clearly new to the concept of statistics, eh?
@@marianfrances4959 Racism is NORM in Germany, and your denial proves that.
Or Social Media exposes how pathetic our original friends are? I offer to go out and they leave me hanging. I saved and help many of my Poker-Jack-Asses friends only to get a mediecre friendship to a Poker Ace like me. Social Media is a great tool to scan and keep old friends at a distance until they actully meet my requests. Why do I want to hangout with Poker-Jack-Asses friends who intentionally do not read my Amazon novels? I use those Amazon novels as "Blade Runner" Tests to filter levels of friendship and, thus, physical interaction.
What can be done, im almost incompetent to meet onljne friend in real life, i just can't face them
Well modern day life is lonely, is what it is.. 🌀
It’s happening for Americans because of
Toxic Hyper Individualistic Culture,
Car Centric Infrastructure,
Lack of affordable of third places
It’s all about the individual over community, change my mind
Is "The Well" here the Whole Earth eLectronic Link?
Sorry social media, my family sabotaged my brain's friendship mechanism a long time ago. In your face!
Social media has put everyone into right and left, im not interested in politics im not right not left but people assume you're one of them all the time. I'm sick to the back teeth of everyone.
lol the well also showed me this video
the 2 channels didn't recommend the same vid twice before
Around 8bn to be precise
real life can be shitty as hell. not everyone is good at living life, like any skill.
When someone does not get the actual thing(friendship and human connection) then they go for another(technology to other addictions)😅
Everyone is missing the points here😞