Difficuly to accoplish when the "narcisist" is your mother? I love my mother and I know she loves me. Yes! Forsake not thy mother nor thy father sayeth the lord! Is the Bible wrong? Am I in denial that she can change? She is changing after I established STRICT BOUNDERIES ! Yes I hope I am not the one in denial? This video has solved and answered life long questions that have been driving me MAD! Thanking you!!!
im trying to show them grace and mercy ...i dont know what to think no more it hurts i have watched so many of your work so much info and this one just hits
It's not that simple. Narcissists are complex and cunning. The pain is when you think you are going to help them grow by seeing their bad behaviour and they don't accept or admit responsibility. They try to blame you! You question your sanity.
@@janefriendofbillw1641 true, true, but the problem arises because we form an addiction to them because we ourselves have a void that was not filled in childhood
@@janefriendofbillw1641 So why not be *honest* with ourselves, why question our own “sanity”, we know we’re sane. Question theirs not your own and it will help us get mentally free.
I know from experience that narcissists cannot relate to an authentic person. You cannot manipulate anyone who loves themselves, knows who they are and does not respond to narcissists. Acknowledge that you do not like someone and walk away from them.
It's demanding honesty from the narcissist that gets you in trouble, with the narcissist. Best thing to do is simply walk away. The abuse won't stop -- they'll continue their abuses -- but you don't have to stick around and tolerate it.
For what it's worth, it IS kind of fun to watch their faces contort as contradictions are being pointed out when they're caught in a lie. Their supposed life history being off by a decade or two on ABC or XYZ
True. Realizing I actually do not like my parents released a lot of pain in me. I got this idea from a dating coach, but it works with family as well. It's called Soft Nexting and Hard Nexting. When a person treats you in a way this is completely unacceptable you do not argue with them. You just step away from the person (a Soft Next). And if you find a pattern in their behavior or they get worse after the Soft Next, it's time to see them Less Frequently or Hard Next them--meaning exiting them from your life for good. You don't waste time arguing or setting them straight. Just walk away.
Forgive me father... I went off at my narcissistic mother today out of anger and being provoked. I didn't want to and I said awful things. This video is great. It's true. I don't like her and she doesn't like me. I walked away but I keep getting provoked. It's so hard to stop this. Jesus, please help me. Help us all be completely free from these people who clearly want bad things for us. 🙏❤💔🌈 Bless you all. Bless you brother.
@@TheRoyalWe Thanks brother. I hope Jesus forgives me. I lost my cool. I feel awful for it though it was truth, I just should have done better. Lots of love to you.🙏❤
I’ve been there. She gave Narc grin. She said God will punish me. They love to provoke you. I’m so peaceful I forgave myself ask for forgiveness and walk away from the relationship. I gave it to God! I’m free! God knows our heart. He know we’re flesh. He forgives you! If you ask for it. Honoring my mom is walking away! So she can never provoke me again!
@@Userw493 Thanks Brother. So much love to you. ❤😔🙏 God willing, He will forgive me and protect me from this storm. Hope you're in a much more peaceful and happy place.
@@Userw493 Half of their fun happens after you snap from ill treatment. Baiting you to react is fun for them, makes them feel intense pleasure even more deeply than the previous duping. Either way there is no love on their part, which is actually rather pitiable. And I think that asking them for love and respect reviles them on some level. They are too shallow.
Wow, thank you, Kevin. 👍 I went to a wedding recently and someone who has been so two-faced and hateful to me came up to shake my hand and say it was good to see me. I shook his hand but did not give him the warm reception he was expecting. I avoided him throughout the wedding activities of the weekend. I felt a little guilty about it afterward, but this video has relieved me of that guilt. I was being honest, and could not return his fake niceties in like manner. I feel like your video has helped me see that that was okay. 💕🙏🌷
A person in my life has treated me like a piece of garbage (family) and they KNOW what they have done, over and over and recently at my Mother's funeral this person came up and looked me in the eye and said "I love you" and just looked at me and waited for me to say it back to them. It felt like poison coming out of my mouth to give them the I love you too back. They always choose the most difficult situations to make sure you get baited. It is a total headF
At the beginning of this video I didn't like this guy and thought he didn't know what he was talking about but so glad I watched the whole thing, needed to hear this, knew it in the back of my mind but he really drives it home. It's exhausting to keep complaining about someone but stay with them. Even more exhausting for the people that love you having to hear about it every day.
@@xenatron9056 Yes, my narc sister did something similar at a family reunion. I just replied, “That’s interesting,” a non-defensive statement she couldn’t do much with.
@@billiemunn I have to laugh. Just yesterday, I got a random call from that person, sh told me once again she loves me. For the first time in my life I said, "I don't like it when you say that to me"...... the phone call finished in about 3 seconds and I am pretty sure, my name will once again be mud, but I get the feeling she won't bother with me any more....... because that is how much she loves me. Such a cruel and twisted joke.
I was honest about telling him I didn't like him. I couldn't leave. I'm in a wheelchair so I had to train myself how to do everything from the chair. That took some time. Then when I learned I threw his behind out. You gotta do what you gotta do. Now I'm doing well living alone in a wheelchair. I can even mow the yard with a push mower in my wheelchair!! I learned how to load my chair into the car standing on my one leg and hopping to the driver's door. I'm 100% independent and narcissist-free now!!!!!
Empaths have one problem they love others but don't love themselves and this here is a real problem because the hurtful words the narcissistic say to you,has truth in it.The narcissistic sees that you don't take care of yourself. The narcissistic on the other hand loves themselves as horrible as they are and they know they are they still put themselves first. Empaths love yourself first take Care of yourself first...your hair,your nails,your skin,be beautiful,improve on yourself.Take care of yourself the way you take care of others. As simple as this is,Empaths don't know how to do this. Prioritize yourself. You also need to have a very clear boundary,don't give people boundaries give yourself boundaries. Example:Tell yourself that no matter how someone may yell or curse at you,you will never yell back or take in the insults,it belongs to them not you.Maintain your composure,walk tall and be always beautiful...Male/Female.
Oh my gosh!!! “You don’t like them”!!!!! I’m totally shocked at your coaching style, very needed! Playing the victim gets us no where except stuck. Very refreshing perspective thank you
@@TheRoyalWe A lot of people aren't adults, emotionally because they have been arrested developmentally from Narcissistic Abuse. Trauma. It takes time to heal and grow up from the affects of the abuse.
I have never heard that word before ( Narcissistic) I had know idea that there was a word for people who acted crazy as hell, adults acting like a child or stabbing you in the back, I truly didn't know what that was. Throwing me under a bus, lying on me, I didn't know Why. Now I'm old and the only one I have in my life that has ever truly loved me is my Momzie girl ❤️ a Sweet Chawinnie who won't leave my side, and she has shown me more love and loyalty then any person in my 63 years of life. I thank God for her everyday.
Excellent! Integrity is when your words match your music. Being authentically who we are is the whole point of being alive. Time to be ok without the good or bad opinions of others.
I have been no contact for about 7 months with my former narc. Such a challenging decision, but my health was failing due to the relationship. I finally chose myself over him. It was time for me to be honest with myself.
"i don't like you cause in the mirror of you I see how weak and pathetic I am as I am unable to be my authentic self and deception is all I know, so all I can try to do is ruin you and take your shine"
11 minutes of listening to this youtube video to an extremely wise man clearly has dealt with at least 1 Narcissist in your life. The Narcissist love is definitely not 'my kind of love' it's a shame that it took me so long the dynamics of my birth family. But once you see it and are aware of what's happening you have to be honest with yourself and say No how can a beautiful innocent person be born for this. The hurts lays with the Narcissist and it is quite unbelievable that they cant see how much hurt they have given out to there birth children. Empowering video. Thank you.
Leaving is ideal. I feel for everyone caught up in circumstances, but even if you are caught up in circumstances, keep working on your escape plan, your freedom, your healing, and distance yourself as much as possible.
I am the survivor of an abusive, narcissistic father, and an enabling mother. I wrote a play about this as an adult trying to have a relationship with my abusive father. It is as honest as it gets.
I agree the narcissists are not honest, if they were they would want to talk when we come to them to discuss what is happening. They know if they were honest the real them would be exposed and they would have to repent.
I told my 1/2 sibling (only sibling) to never tell me she loves me again because she hates me. It only happened about once a year and I couldn’t stand letting her think that I believe it. Their lying just flows. It’s who they are.
@@deborahcollins1100 They truly think we are gullible idiots, they are taking a crap on us, smiling and saying I love you. You have said you are married to someone who hates you, you know what to do.
You are 100% RIGHT....God is whom I depend on, and I always know God's Presence brings good into my life, when I love, trust, honor God. I do not like to be around people that love to lie....It took me a long time to figure out that flying monkeys were still hanging around my life....I blocked them, and set myself free.
So very true. I had no clue that I was being dishonest not only with him, but with myself. I was not being my authentic self, I was camouflaging myself to be who he wanted me to be. I am so much more at peace without him.
I found myself doing the same thing today. I am acting like a friend, but hoping he will change if I can find a way to get through to hm. So I have been tap-dancing around being his “buddy” when I don’t need this kind of mind-F*#%. It’s making ME the manipulator! I can’t help him. He doesn’t want help. And he is no friend to me. Thank you for sharing.
Like so many of the folks commenting, this video is a hammer to my head. My emotionally immature (narcissism? Or what) discarded me 6 months ago .. I ran but have been pining ever since. Good grief. I disliked him and he so often treated me so badly at times. He certainly didn’t match my values and my behaviour at the end sure didn’t either. Hahaha😂 I’d never actually said.. I don’t like him so how could I love him? And he says he loves me but how could he given the way he treated me? 😂 Honesty.. who would have thought my path forward was so obvious.. live honestly according to my values! 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Holy cow--this is maybe the only video anyone really needs on this subject. Stunningly beautiful and succinct, words don't even express how perfect this is. Thank you so so soooooooo much!
Not everyone is in the position to be able to leave their relationships, though. A lot of people aren't. Can't walk away from your boss. Can't always immediately walk away from your parents or partners/spouses - especially in today's world.
I agree, in some situations you could leave, but on the most part you don't realize what you are dealing with until your invested somehow and you are already not able to just easily walk away. Because they don't show themselves until they see your stuck somehow. I don't think it is realistic to expect that people can just pick up on any given day to remove yourself. There is so many of these people, you would be disrupting your entire life every other day.
Trying to change someone is not being dishonest. Not having a boundary and being in denial of their behaviour is what happens. Often you don't realise what they are doing until much later (they are very clever at tricking you).
Or it could mean that you are trying to let them know that their behaviour is affecting you negatively. Or that there is something that they are not aware of. They don't want to self reflect though. And most likely they don't want to/can't change.
@@janefriendofbillw1641 yes I agree you can dislike a behavior and still like a person I don't dislike an entire person based on certain things they do / or not do
This is probably THEE best video I have heard on the topic! And I have heard A LOT!! I cannot thank you enough for this particular video.🎯 Maybe it's just me, but this one REALLY spoke to me!! Thank you Kevin, so very much. I keep listening to it over & over ... my takeaway is, ... DO NOT SECOND GUESS YOURSELF PEOPLE! Pay attention to those red flags, your gut, your instincts, your intuition because that IS God trying to protect you!!! Excellent content here ... truly excellent. God bless you mightily Sir. 🙏✝️❣️
@@TheRoyalWe thank you! Love your advice and all you do! I’ve had many epiphanies while watching your content and I can now make sense and move forward with my life. It’s not easy but there’s a reason we have a restless spirit.
Wow....exactly what I was thinking when he was being verbally abusive. I was betraying myself, but this time I shouted it out loud. 'I never ever wanted a relationship like this' .. I rang the police, reported his abuse, and walked out...
I FINALLY went no-contact from my abusive elderly narc mother. I am 60 yrs old; she is 88. My therapist asked me WHY DID YOU STAY SO LONG? Duty, I guess. I gave all I could.
I am proud of standing by my abusive family for so long. Not that I completely realized until much later what was going on. But in retrospect, I tried my best to turn the other cheek. Now that I'm done with them, I AM much better!
I've been wrestling with no contact for the last 3 weeks and grieving over it and trying to decide what to do, and this video has helped me tremendously to face the truth of the situation. i was trying to come to a peaceful solution but there is no changing the other person , and it is absolutely true that I do not like them. It is sad, it hurts, but the truth always has to prevail. There is no other way and it is the healthiest way. Thank you, Kevin for your incredible insight at just the right time. Thank you.
11 days for me…withdrawal is awful…. He’s the one who finally laid his hands on 😢me and he’s the one who blocked me on Facebook. Can’t allow any one to treat me that way. Gotta stay strong 💪 I just moved away from him, 15 min away. I was living right next to him for a year. We met he love bombed me April 2021. First 4 mos were amazing. Too good to be true and I would ask him is this for real?? Love seemed mutual! Then he broke up w me August 2021 but I moved in next to him already- so I was stuck for a year living side by side to him. So we ended up being friends with benefits and he would act like he was my boyfriend half the time, but we never put a title on it . The cycling and the discard happened several times. He’s 43 a disabled Navy combat with PTSD bipolar and with snap at me all the time and he has narcissistic personality disorder. I have a lot of healing to do.
@@mayday24176 I’m sorry for your pain. Hang in there. Grieving will be painful, but it’s better than what you described above. TH-cam and these comments has been so soothing. Most ppl don’t understand my pain nor want to keep hearing it. Therapy helps as well. 🖤
Please don't go back ever you don't deserve more pain 😢 Here I am sitting crying deciding to leave my narc family and that's not easy but after years of abuse I am done with them now my whole body and being is demanding to leave them behind for my sanity which I destroyed in efforts of changing them. I am not crying because of that loss. I am crying for help to get out here I can't bear more dishonesty to myself when I gave to others my heart and soul. Now is my time to give everything to myself because narc family has taught me how to finally love and prioritize myself first.
I agree with the bad feelings because of self betrayal, knowing you should leave but you don't because you make up excuses and whatnot. I felt this for so many years working for a narc boss and his narc higher up. I finally got out, after the last straw of making up lies and talking bad about me behind my back to others. I started to think it was me and that I could change the place but you can't change toxic people, especially in the workplace.
Love you for this.🌹🥂 for years i thought my mother was joking when she would say, she hates me. Until she tried to kill me. And when she could not kill me, she began destroying my character. This hurt deeply. But i have come to accept her view of me. Now i have began to learn to accept myself for who i am and not beg to be accepted by her or anybody else.
This main point is to me surprisingly valid. Point taken. I have been dishonest. I looked at myself as aspiring, the one who attempts to bring about change. But that was only superficially true. I have to become honest with my dislike and own it deeply. Thanks
@@TheRoyalWe I have to convey to you that I have worked with myself deeply for some 15 years and have in many circles become and authority when it comes to human growth. The home run that you facilitated for me is not a small thing.My appreciation and admiration is thus sent again to you.
Thank you for your insight. I have been awakening for the past 2 decades to the realization that I don’t feel good when I’m with my Mother, or my older brother, or my sister. This summer I travelled home to help my mom and brother with house projects. My spirit was high and I was happy to help because I show my love through ACTIONS. 6 weeks later I did the work I intended, but to my family I was out of control? Mind you, I was never paid a cent for the construction work I did, and I even bought supplies to complete tasks. I left to drive 1200+ miles home with my pets and I just KNOW that I CANNOT BE AROUND these family members and NO ONE CAN MAKE ME! 🥹 There is ZERO comfort or safety for ME with them. I provided comfort for THEM, and I’m relieved to BREAK THE CHAINS and simply live my best fucking life. Life is easy when I pay attention to myself. I feel so light without the weight of their problems.
Thank you so much for your insight. God has used you to help me heal. The abuse and brainwashing has been the most horrific thing to try to overcome. I felt so alone like no one understood the trauma I have endured. Please keep making videos and educating people on this topic. I pray everyday that God can help me through each day because most of the time I just want to give up. There has to be purpose. God has a plan to use the experiences I went through for his glory. Unfortunately I have a child with this man and I am struggling really hard on how have handle that. Thank you Jesus thank you God for giving me these words of wisdom to keep me going.
This is one of those truths that separate the wheat from the chaff. A lot of people are interested in narcissistic abuse and cast themselves as victims, but the truth is narcissists (especially in romantic relationships) feed off a lack of moral integrity. It's a different story for the unfortunate children who grew up in households with narcissistic parents, who had no choice. ✌
Parents have so much power...it is often misused against their children, no matter the age. It is nice to say be honest. But that can get you killed or seriously injured with these people. Write your thoughts & feelings for yourself, privately, if you are in a hostage situation with parents/ friends/ associates/ partners. Honesty with some people is not safe. Be honest with yourself. There are situations we find ourselves in that it is not always easy or even feasible to leave. Women trapped with children & financially dependent or adult children being financially encouraged to remain at home. People who are abused for years like this often are too exhausted from constantly having to battle keeping feelings to yourself because it is just not safe to share anything honestly with abusers. Let us not further abuse the already abused !
Absolutely Kevin I agree with you 100%. You can never be honest with a narcissist, but you can be honest with yourself. Anything good you do for them is out of the goodness of your heart not to appease them or to get them to change. If we're honest with them it doesn't do any good because they will never ever agree with your true accusations. Narcissistic people live in their delusions. That's why I agree with the fact that to show honesty to a narcissist is not to point out their mistakes, but to get them a silent treatment. The way I started coping is that the narcissist is good in giving you the silent treatment whenever he or she wants, it's about time you get them the silent treatment also. And if you miss out on their company then you have a few good friends to rely on who bring out the best in you. There is no need to be chummy with them just because you need some company due to loneliness.
Yes, i often thought about that ; the most hurtful thing is not what someone did to you, it's what you did to yourself. And that takes a long time to heal. Damn !
I don't think so much not liking them as a person, is the nastiness or the darkness that they release within themselves that is not liked. We all have a dark side is just the choice of which one you're going to feed. Like I say i can love someone but I don't have to like how they choose to behave. Love people from a far!
We've been "working it out", and truthfully, this video is the best video I've ever seen on the relationship we have with narcissists. The whole REASON I'm crying like a baby is because I KNOW I'm not walking in my integrity and being honest. I have nowhere to live, though, and I'm having to sell my soul to the "devil" in order to have a roof over my head. I'm just not able to be honest right now. I let him break me down, and the best thing I can do is fight to rebuild myself so that I can be whole and walk in honesty with myself and everyone else.
Thank you Kevin, I needed this reality check. It’s crazy I stayed with someone I didn’t like for two years. Wow. Gotta get honest with myself. Thank you for this community!
Once one is honest and acknowledges that we don't like the narcissist, leaving can be immensely difficult where children are involved. However, one can leave psychologically - move to another bed, withhold everyday pleasantries, state that from now on, one is cook/housekeeper/child raiser, but not spouse/partner. Make him no cups of tea, show no interest in his life, etc. This can be extraordinary difficult, but it is honest.
Thank you Kevin, you're so right about everything. It's so very true. Amen I walk away from people who are Narcissists since i know my values and my worth.i enjoy doing things on my own for myself now . It's best not to be around Narcissists at all and not to say anthing to them at all. It's better for our own health. Better to keep calm as well stay quiet and walk away from Narcissists. We are Better then Narcissists. Narcissists are pure evil souls who never loved us they are from rhe Devil. Narcissists dont know how to love. Narcissists never care about us at all.
If they are your neighbors and your stuck and can't move. They are aware of the no contact rule and just laugh at it and continue to stalk me. So slick that you can't prove anything they do . Continue to steal things from my yard and when I take my trash out they come out on their porch and stare, spit even howl like a wolf at me. Their latest was a week ago at 3:30 am tried to break in my bedroom window slamming my screen up and down and crawling on it. Where I live is by a high school and in the past anything that happens in my housing apartments are blamed on high school kids running through here. But I have put two and two together and all that goes on here is those two neighbors that are so sweet and helps out others going out of their way at times to do it. My landlord has even drank their kook- aid. I told her about the window and as always it must be those high school kids again. She said call the police and let them know but I told her I already did. But as usual I can't prove it was them oh they ate so slick and get away with everything for years. Before my window they had broke into a neighbors car in the parking lot and stole some money and a car charger. It's not about what the stole it about sound the act and getting away with it is how they get their high their kicks off. And again it was blamed on the high school kids running through here which they hardly ever do. I stay no contact and have for years but it does not end. This is low income housing and I can't wait to save enough to move. They prey on single men and women living alone in these apartments so I am not the only one being attacked a lot of singles here complain also about having window peekers that includes me it started four years ago when I first moved on. They do all of this stuff about every three for so months apart and in between times just sweet and wonderful people you ever met. I have gorilla taped my window shut and put a bar across it at night. Oh and I forgot they steal are mail and take when they want people's UPS packages too mine included. My mail and any packages is sent to family members house that I go by and pick up myself now. That has royal passed them off and yet they get their Amazon Prime delivered every week no problem. Landlord is useless which possibly be a narc on her own. Any way saving like crazy to get out of here but looks it won't be till spring.
Thank you for this great message!! I just recently have been honest with my boss about me sitting close to a toxic bully person and insisted they move me to another desk to sit at. Finally they did move me & am so free!! I still do see this person and she's been spreading nasty rumors about me but I don't engage in any convo with her at all. I know eventually her evil wicked toxic behavior will be exposed to all.
You Are Right, You Know I Was Blaming Family Members For Years, N Trying To Change Them, I Was So Used To Trying To Be There For Them N Trying To ‘Save’ Or ‘Help’ Them While Neglecting Myself ‘Self Betrayal’ You Know I Got To Be Honest, Cause The Truth Is I Can’t Change Them. Trying My Best To Cope With The ‘LongSuffering’ After Affects Of The Abuse, Since Being No Contact I’ve Been Really Depressed N Sad It’s Hard To Get Out Of Bed Some Days It’s Hard To Keep Myself Together N Get Into The Bible The Depression Is Deeper Then It Was When I Had Contact, Sometimes I Feel I Cannot Survive The Loneliness N Sadness Considering The Fact I Did It Because I Had To Do What’s Best For Me, But At The Same Time I Love My Family Members So Much It’s So Painful
Please have mercy on yourself don't go back to them 🙏 I have grieved over the loss of my narc family.i loved them did everything possible for them but now I am in pain and agony and anger of what I have done to myself. I don't deserve anymore pain because of the people who never existed. That was not family that was my illusions of being with family 😢
Love it! Great point. I started to dislike his ways after like 3 months. I didn’t care to the inconsistencies in his stories. When I wanted my boundaries respected he would lose it on texts and devalue me with whatever I shared with him. All of the sudden what he said I shared was amazing and great that I had gone through now was turned on me. Oh no I started to not like this at all. It was him who I didn’t like. I was trying to make him see what he was doing but I didn’t like him period. By month 4.5 I thought I am really dealing with someone whose crazy and I left and no contact since. Now this man 4 months later is showing up at my local hangout place before him with his new supply. I mean how immature and hurtful and vindictive. Oh for sure he’s really messed up. Who does that? He’s in his early 60’s and I am in my late 50’s. Wow! Yup I don’t like him one bit. Thank you I am glad that you put it from that perspective. His wife left him and 4 months later he met me and after I left he is now with someone else asap. Zero healing. I learned a lot from this. I have gone back to the first moments when I was noticing stuff and I can look at each scenario is that I was allowing someone to lie to me and because I believed something that wasn’t real. Thanks thanks thanks
Your video was recommended to me by TH-cam. I read the title and I found myself greatly disagreeing with what I understood from my interpretation. I'm glad I still watched it to the end. I agree with the main message -- I was not honest with my significant other (at the time) because I learned to dislike her from the way I saw her use and abuse relationships with others (myself included). Only when I had an honest conversation with myself did I see that I did not believe that our newborn baby should witness the abuse I was experiencing. Three weeks after he was born, I called it quits -- I couldn't bear look at her anymore and it drove me insane to think that our newborn was constantly in her arms when she would rage at me 4-6 times a day for hours. It broke me down... And I had to question my values, my convictions ... I tore myself apart: How could I believe I was a good father if I let our son witness this? How can I "climb back the mountain" to love his mother again after the constant abuse? How can I teach him to trust and respect her, when I lost all hope? How could I inflict this type of mistreatment to my eldest son (from a previous relationship)? I left. For the first time in my life, I felt at ease. I genuinely care about people and avoid confrontations by "pleasing" others. When I left, I did. Not. Care. I have never looked back and for once, I am at peace with "quitting". Although I have been dealing with her for the last 2 years for our custody case, I am still better off than living the hell she wanted me to accept and that I had started to believe that I deserved. Many thanks for this video. It sums up a moment of great realization where we finally understand that we are lying to ourselves, and have betrayed ourselves, to discover that no one else is there for us and that is why we were so angry.
My mom said something cliche but it struck me to the core that i walk away and left the narcissist. She said "before you love someone, you need to love yourself first"
Thanks Kevin for a great video. I had to be honest and live out my values and principles when I left my church. The abuse I saw and experienced was more than I could bare, and staying in that situation would have made me a liar. I'm still healing from the grief, but at least I am walking in my integrity.
Even before I knew I was dealing with a narc MIL, before I was born again, I realized the key point was my integrity. And what is integrity? Core values you live by and refuse to compromise. Once these core values are identified, live by them. You live by them, those become your Truth. You live your Truth, you become your Truth. You become your Truth, you become unshakeable. And I never saw my narc MIL become so desperate to get to me!!
I had to let go of toxic narc family members who will not stop. No matter what I tried in the past, I decided that enough was enough. I'm older now, and I took back the hope. And, you're right, I betray myself every time I try with them. So many people who believe the narcs portrayal of you, are all one and the same if they enable them, too.
You have spoken the truth! So simple, yet we make it difficult for ourselves in trying to figure out why. Personally, I have lived in this cycle for the past two years with a man who doesn't like me.....and I've made it clear to him that I know. Thank you so much, now I know how to depart this crazy train in a dignified way.
He did actually tell me he doesn’t like me lol. It took some years but he finally said it out loud. “I don’t like you. I don’t care about how things would hurt you.” So I guess I finally got some honesty from him. After years of denying that he blatantly was hurting me with no regard.
I can relate to this so much. I struggle with the fact that this is my mom and brother. The question of why? Why can't they change and be loving and kind! It drives me nuts!! I am not built like them.
This was a powerful one Kevin. 'The pain of self betrayal' Because you are not being honest with yourself -I've never heard it put this way and it was a bit of a penny drop. 🙏
I am honest with myself. I know, that I hate that narcissist, with whome I am in contact, but unfortunately many people are in contact with narcissists, because they are dependent on them financially and have fears of their revenge.
You helped me to be true to myself and admitt I don't like my narcissistic abusive adult 35 year old son. I felt too guilty to admit it, I had to let go.😢
1 on 1 Support & More 👉 linktr.ee/theroyalwe
Difficuly to accoplish when the "narcisist" is your mother? I love my mother and I know she loves me. Yes! Forsake not thy mother nor thy father sayeth the lord! Is the Bible wrong? Am I in denial that she can change? She is changing after I established STRICT BOUNDERIES ! Yes I hope I am not the one in denial? This video has solved and answered life long questions that have been driving me MAD! Thanking you!!!
im trying to show them grace and mercy ...i dont know what to think no more it hurts i have watched so many of your work so much info and this one just hits
No Contact 19 months! My sanity is being restored!!
Yes Miss Mysanity let it be restored
Proud of you ❤
Leaving a narcissist is the most honest thing you can do for yourself. Leave these nasty m’fer’s! No contact and no going back EVER!
Yes
But, there are so many around us. I'm not sure if it is that easy because you bump into another one.
@@graceelizabeth4070: Keep leaving them. Friends, relatives, etc…Why keep someone around that wants to destroy you.
Thank you very much, Will. 😊
You will never be good enough for the wrong person. Be right for the right person...YOU!
WOW! The pain is not because of the Narcissist but because of the self betrayal. I have studied NPD for 37 years and this nails it. Thank you!!
Yes thank you Margaret
It's not that simple. Narcissists are complex and cunning. The pain is when you think you are going to help them grow by seeing their bad behaviour and they don't accept or admit responsibility. They try to blame you! You question your sanity.
@@janefriendofbillw1641 true, true, but the problem arises because we form an addiction to them because we ourselves have a void that was not filled in childhood
@@janefriendofbillw1641 So why not be *honest* with ourselves, why question our own “sanity”, we know we’re sane. Question theirs not your own and it will help us get mentally free.
@@DanielWiebrands yeh I found out that my mum was a narcissist from knowing them
I know from experience that narcissists cannot relate to an authentic person. You cannot manipulate anyone who loves themselves, knows who they are and does not respond to narcissists. Acknowledge that you do not like someone and walk away from them.
Takes a really long time to heal from self betrayal. Yes it does kevin. The most honest thing said right there.
Yes
@@lookupyourredemptiondrawsn7285 same. Been betraying or self sabotaging myself for way too long. Way too long.
@@lookupyourredemptiondrawsn7285 One day at a time.
@@sophiyahsunflower7259 does feel weird and wrong to forgive them I have to admit.
Yes when you finally love yourself,you won't tolerate it.
Yes Joshua
It's demanding honesty from the narcissist that gets you in trouble, with the narcissist. Best thing to do is simply walk away. The abuse won't stop -- they'll continue their abuses -- but you don't have to stick around and tolerate it.
Yes,I tried to get him to communicate effectively but it was a waste of time.He was committed to a life of deception.
You are sooooo awesome, I wish I could have found you 50 years ago. God bless you and keep up the good work.
Sometimes walking away could end up in a tragedy 😢we need to stay safe
For what it's worth, it IS kind of fun to watch their faces contort as contradictions are being pointed out when they're caught in a lie. Their supposed life history being off by a decade or two on ABC or XYZ
Healing from Self betrayal…. Wow….This was such a great point thank you!
Thank you for watching
Maybe this is the root of autoimmune diseases, when you betray yourself?
True. Realizing I actually do not like my parents released a lot of pain in me.
I got this idea from a dating coach, but it works with family as well. It's called Soft Nexting and Hard Nexting. When a person treats you in a way this is completely unacceptable you do not argue with them. You just step away from the person (a Soft Next). And if you find a pattern in their behavior or they get worse after the Soft Next, it's time to see them Less Frequently or Hard Next them--meaning exiting them from your life for good. You don't waste time arguing or setting them straight. Just walk away.
Yes Angelika
Honesty= quiet our souls. Listen to conscience. Narc’s conscience is burned calloused with a hot iron.
Yes David this is true
Forgive me father... I went off at my narcissistic mother today out of anger and being provoked. I didn't want to and I said awful things. This video is great. It's true. I don't like her and she doesn't like me. I walked away but I keep getting provoked. It's so hard to stop this. Jesus, please help me. Help us all be completely free from these people who clearly want bad things for us. 🙏❤💔🌈 Bless you all. Bless you brother.
Yes Maranatha, No Contact is often the only way
@@TheRoyalWe Thanks brother. I hope Jesus forgives me. I lost my cool. I feel awful for it though it was truth, I just should have done better.
Lots of love to you.🙏❤
I’ve been there. She gave Narc grin. She said God will punish me. They love to provoke you.
I’m so peaceful I forgave myself ask for forgiveness and walk away from the relationship. I gave it to God! I’m free! God knows our heart. He know we’re flesh. He forgives you! If you ask for it. Honoring my mom is walking away! So she can never provoke me again!
@@Userw493 Thanks Brother. So much love to you. ❤😔🙏 God willing, He will forgive me and protect me from this storm. Hope you're in a much more peaceful and happy place.
@@Userw493 Half of their fun happens after you snap from ill treatment. Baiting you to react is fun for them, makes them feel intense pleasure even more deeply than the previous duping. Either way there is no love on their part, which is actually rather pitiable. And I think that asking them for love and respect reviles them on some level. They are too shallow.
I like what you're saying here. Not being honest with yourself. Start living in your integrity and values and walk away. Set yourself free ...
Exactly,we can't change anyone,just ourselves,we must be honest and depart from what doesn't respect us.
Yes Jennifer Haynes
My standard is no contact and no allowing a narcissist in my life. Amen.
Yes RKhealth
@@TheRoyalWe Thank you, THe ROYAL WE. Great job. I will email you.
The pain is self-betrayal.
Haven't heard that yet , thx 👍
@@jennyanderson4796 yea, me neither till this video but it makes sense in my case for sure.
😭
Wow, thank you, Kevin. 👍 I went to a wedding recently and someone who has been so two-faced and hateful to me came up to shake my hand and say it was good to see me. I shook his hand but did not give him the warm reception he was expecting. I avoided him throughout the wedding activities of the weekend. I felt a little guilty about it afterward, but this video has relieved me of that guilt. I was being honest, and could not return his fake niceties in like manner. I feel like your video has helped me see that that was okay. 💕🙏🌷
Yes Billie Munn thank you
A person in my life has treated me like a piece of garbage (family) and they KNOW what they have done, over and over and recently at my Mother's funeral this person came up and looked me in the eye and said "I love you" and just looked at me and waited for me to say it back to them. It felt like poison coming out of my mouth to give them the I love you too back. They always choose the most difficult situations to make sure you get baited. It is a total headF
At the beginning of this video I didn't like this guy and thought he didn't know what he was talking about but so glad I watched the whole thing, needed to hear this, knew it in the back of my mind but he really drives it home. It's exhausting to keep complaining about someone but stay with them. Even more exhausting for the people that love you having to hear about it every day.
@@xenatron9056 Yes, my narc sister did something similar at a family reunion. I just replied, “That’s interesting,” a non-defensive statement she couldn’t do much with.
@@billiemunn I have to laugh. Just yesterday, I got a random call from that person, sh told me once again she loves me. For the first time in my life I said, "I don't like it when you say that to me"...... the phone call finished in about 3 seconds and I am pretty sure, my name will once again be mud, but I get the feeling she won't bother with me any more....... because that is how much she loves me. Such a cruel and twisted joke.
I was honest about telling him I didn't like him. I couldn't leave. I'm in a wheelchair so I had to train myself how to do everything from the chair. That took some time. Then when I learned I threw his behind out. You gotta do what you gotta do. Now I'm doing well living alone in a wheelchair. I can even mow the yard with a push mower in my wheelchair!! I learned how to load my chair into the car standing on my one leg and hopping to the driver's door. I'm 100% independent and narcissist-free now!!!!!
Empaths have one problem they love others but don't love themselves and this here is a real problem because the hurtful words the narcissistic say to you,has truth in it.The narcissistic sees that you don't take care of yourself.
The narcissistic on the other hand loves themselves as horrible as they are and they know they are they still put themselves first.
Empaths love yourself first take Care of yourself first...your hair,your nails,your skin,be beautiful,improve on yourself.Take care of yourself the way you take care of others.
As simple as this is,Empaths don't know how to do this.
Prioritize yourself.
You also need to have a very clear boundary,don't give people boundaries give yourself boundaries.
Example:Tell yourself that no matter how someone may yell or curse at you,you will never yell back or take in the insults,it belongs to them not you.Maintain your composure,walk tall and be always beautiful...Male/Female.
Oh my gosh!!! “You don’t like them”!!!!! I’m totally shocked at your coaching style, very needed! Playing the victim gets us no where except stuck. Very refreshing perspective thank you
Narcissistic parents can make it feel dangerous to be honest with yourself. Good video. Interesting perspective.
That is so very true!
Narcissistic parents should no longer be an issue when you are an adult
@@TheRoyalWe correct 👍
@@TheRoyalWe A lot of people aren't adults, emotionally because they have been arrested developmentally from Narcissistic Abuse. Trauma. It takes time to heal and grow up from the affects of the abuse.
@@kimvannote5024 🎯
I have never heard that word before ( Narcissistic) I had know idea that there was a word for people who acted crazy as hell, adults acting like a child or stabbing you in the back, I truly didn't know what that was. Throwing me under a bus, lying on me, I didn't know Why. Now I'm old and the only one I have in my life that has ever truly loved me is my
Momzie girl ❤️ a Sweet Chawinnie who won't leave my side, and she has shown me more love and loyalty then any person in my 63 years of life. I thank God for her everyday.
Must be evil narcs working at and killing white dogs by the millions every years
Excellent! Integrity is when your words match your music. Being authentically who we are is the whole point of being alive. Time to be ok without the good or bad opinions of others.
Yes Still Awake, Aware & Discerning
I have been no contact for about 7 months with my former narc. Such a challenging decision, but my health was failing due to the relationship. I finally chose myself over him. It was time for me to be honest with myself.
"i don't like you cause in the mirror of you I see how weak and pathetic I am as I am unable to be my authentic self and deception is all I know, so all I can try to do is ruin you and take your shine"
That about summarizes it Alexandra
You’d say this to the narc? The last line threw me so asking for clarity because the rest of it I resonate with - thank you
11 minutes of listening to this youtube video to an extremely wise man clearly has dealt with at least 1 Narcissist in your life. The Narcissist love is definitely not 'my kind of love' it's a shame that it took me so long the dynamics of my birth family. But once you see it and are aware of what's happening you have to be honest with yourself and say No how can a beautiful innocent person be born for this. The hurts lays with the Narcissist and it is quite unbelievable that they cant see how much hurt they have given out to there birth children. Empowering video. Thank you.
Thank you for watching Jan Heywood
Leaving is ideal. I feel for everyone caught up in circumstances, but even if you are caught up in circumstances, keep working on your escape plan, your freedom, your healing, and distance yourself as much as possible.
I am the survivor of an abusive, narcissistic father, and an enabling mother. I wrote a play about this as an adult trying to have a relationship with my abusive father. It is as honest as it gets.
That would be an interesting read! Good on you.
Hi! I love to see that play!
I agree the narcissists are not honest, if they were they would want to talk when we come to them to discuss what is happening. They know if they were honest the real them would be exposed and they would have to repent.
I told my 1/2 sibling (only sibling) to never tell me she loves me again because she hates me.
It only happened about once a year and I couldn’t stand letting her think that I believe it.
Their lying just flows. It’s who they are.
Yes Debbie, the most hurtful thing narcissists can do is keep telling you they “love you” when they really don’t
I have actually told my narcissistic husband to stop telling me that he loves me because I absolutely know he really hates me!
@@deborahcollins1100 It feels like a constant mind game and trying to not get played.
yes they are pathological liars. Thats what they are doing in their smear campaign
@@deborahcollins1100 They truly think we are gullible idiots, they are taking a crap on us, smiling and saying I love you. You have said you are married to someone who hates you, you know what to do.
You are 100% RIGHT....God is whom I depend on, and I always know God's Presence brings good into my life, when I love, trust, honor God. I do not like to be around people that love to lie....It took me a long time to figure out that flying monkeys were still hanging around my life....I blocked them, and set myself free.
That hit hard, but it’s so true. Self betrayal is what hurts, don’t like them or what they represent. How didn’t I realise this.
So very true. I had no clue that I was being dishonest not only with him, but with myself. I was not being my authentic self, I was camouflaging myself to be who he wanted me to be. I am so much more at peace without him.
Yes Mary Ellen DeLong we find peace when we can live honestly and in our own integrity
I found myself doing the same thing today. I am acting like a friend, but hoping he will change if I can find a way to get through to hm. So I have been tap-dancing around being his “buddy” when I don’t need this kind of mind-F*#%. It’s making ME the manipulator! I can’t help him. He doesn’t want help. And he is no friend to me. Thank you for sharing.
Like so many of the folks commenting, this video is a hammer to my head. My emotionally immature (narcissism? Or what) discarded me 6 months ago .. I ran but have been pining ever since. Good grief. I disliked him and he so often treated me so badly at times. He certainly didn’t match my values and my behaviour at the end sure didn’t either. Hahaha😂 I’d never actually said.. I don’t like him so how could I love him? And he says he loves me but how could he given the way he treated me? 😂 Honesty.. who would have thought my path forward was so obvious.. live honestly according to my values! 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Holy cow--this is maybe the only video anyone really needs on this subject. Stunningly beautiful and succinct, words don't even express how perfect this is. Thank you so so soooooooo much!
Thank you Claire Purcell
Not everyone is in the position to be able to leave their relationships, though. A lot of people aren't. Can't walk away from your boss. Can't always immediately walk away from your parents or partners/spouses - especially in today's world.
I agree, in some situations you could leave, but on the most part you don't realize what you are dealing with until your invested somehow and you are already not able to just easily walk away. Because they don't show themselves until they see your stuck somehow. I don't think it is realistic to expect that people can just pick up on any given day to remove yourself. There is so many of these people, you would be disrupting your entire life every other day.
That's the truth! Sometimes, we have to go along to get along. It wouldn't be a problem if we had the money/connections to solve our problems.
Precisely. I feel as if I lost a little of my integrity being involved with a narcissist. Love this channel ❤️
Thank you so much!
Trying to change someone is not being dishonest. Not having a boundary and being in denial of their behaviour is what happens. Often you don't realise what they are doing until much later (they are very clever at tricking you).
Trying to change someone means you don’t like who they are. That’s being honest
Or it could mean that you are trying to let them know that their behaviour is affecting you negatively. Or that there is something that they are not aware of. They don't want to self reflect though. And most likely they don't want to/can't change.
@@janefriendofbillw1641 yes I agree you can dislike a behavior and still like a person
I don't dislike an entire person based on certain things they do / or not do
This is probably THEE best video I have heard on the topic! And I have heard A LOT!! I cannot thank you enough for this particular video.🎯 Maybe it's just me, but this one REALLY spoke to me!! Thank you Kevin, so very much. I keep listening to it over & over ... my takeaway is, ... DO NOT SECOND GUESS YOURSELF PEOPLE! Pay attention to those red flags, your gut, your instincts, your intuition because that IS God trying to protect you!!! Excellent content here ... truly excellent. God bless you mightily Sir. 🙏✝️❣️
Thank you Julie Natoli
Shame on us for thinking these people will change. When they’ve never given us a reason to think otherwise
Yes PONSE, you got it
@@TheRoyalWe thank you! Love your advice and all you do! I’ve had many epiphanies while watching your content and I can now make sense and move forward with my life. It’s not easy but there’s a reason we have a restless spirit.
Wow....exactly what I was thinking when he was being verbally abusive. I was betraying myself, but this time I shouted it out loud. 'I never ever wanted a relationship like this' .. I rang the police, reported his abuse, and walked out...
I FINALLY went no-contact from my abusive elderly narc mother. I am 60 yrs old; she is 88. My therapist asked me WHY DID YOU STAY SO LONG? Duty, I guess. I gave all I could.
I am proud of standing by my abusive family for so long. Not that I completely realized until much later what was going on. But in retrospect, I tried my best to turn the other cheek. Now that I'm done with them, I AM much better!
Wow
Yes Jasmine B
Congratulations upon enacting your decision. Sorry that you missed having a loving whole mother.
I've been wrestling with no contact for the last 3 weeks and grieving over it and trying to decide what to do, and this video has helped me tremendously to face the truth of the situation. i was trying to come to a peaceful solution but there is no changing the other person , and it is absolutely true that I do not like them. It is sad, it hurts, but the truth always has to prevail. There is no other way and it is the healthiest way. Thank you, Kevin for your incredible insight at just the right time. Thank you.
Thank you D.R. Q.
It’s been 3 weeks for me too 😢
I feel your pain
He is absolutely right about the no contact
11 days for me…withdrawal is awful…. He’s the one who finally laid his hands on 😢me and he’s the one who blocked me on Facebook. Can’t allow any one to treat me that way. Gotta stay strong 💪 I just moved away from him, 15 min away. I was living right next to him for a year. We met he love bombed me April 2021. First 4 mos were amazing. Too good to be true and I would ask him is this for real?? Love seemed mutual! Then he broke up w me August 2021 but I moved in next to him already- so I was stuck for a year living side by side to him. So we ended up being friends with benefits and he would act like he was my boyfriend half the time, but we never put a title on it . The cycling and the discard happened several times. He’s 43 a disabled Navy combat with PTSD bipolar and with snap at me all the time and he has narcissistic personality disorder. I have a lot of healing to do.
@@mayday24176 I’m sorry for your pain. Hang in there. Grieving will be painful, but it’s better than what you described above. TH-cam and these comments has been so soothing.
Most ppl don’t understand my pain nor want to keep hearing it. Therapy helps as well. 🖤
Please don't go back ever you don't deserve more pain 😢
Here I am sitting crying deciding to leave my narc family and that's not easy but after years of abuse I am done with them now my whole body and being is demanding to leave them behind for my sanity which I destroyed in efforts of changing them. I am not crying because of that loss. I am crying for help to get out here I can't bear more dishonesty to myself when I gave to others my heart and soul. Now is my time to give everything to myself because narc family has taught me how to finally love and prioritize myself first.
This video needs to go viral.
Make it happen Milagros! Share this
I agree with the bad feelings because of self betrayal, knowing you should leave but you don't because you make up excuses and whatnot. I felt this for so many years working for a narc boss and his narc higher up. I finally got out, after the last straw of making up lies and talking bad about me behind my back to others. I started to think it was me and that I could change the place but you can't change toxic people, especially in the workplace.
Love you for this.🌹🥂 for years i thought my mother was joking when she would say, she hates me. Until she tried to kill me. And when she could not kill me, she began destroying my character. This hurt deeply. But i have come to accept her view of me. Now i have began to learn to accept myself for who i am and not beg to be accepted by her or anybody else.
This main point is to me surprisingly valid. Point taken. I have been dishonest. I looked at myself as aspiring, the one who attempts to bring about change. But that was only superficially true. I have to become honest with my dislike and own it deeply. Thanks
Yes Jonas Hjerpe
@@TheRoyalWe I have to convey to you that I have worked with myself deeply for some 15 years and have in many circles become and authority when it comes to human growth. The home run that you facilitated for me is not a small thing.My appreciation and admiration is thus sent again to you.
This is profoundly insightful,thankyou.
Thank you for your insight. I have been awakening for the past 2 decades to the realization that I don’t feel good when I’m with my Mother, or my older brother, or my sister.
This summer I travelled home to help my mom and brother with house projects. My spirit was high and I was happy to help because I show my love through ACTIONS.
6 weeks later I did the work I intended, but to my family I was out of control? Mind you, I was never paid a cent for the construction work I did, and I even bought supplies to complete tasks.
I left to drive 1200+ miles home with my pets and I just KNOW that I CANNOT BE AROUND these family members and NO ONE CAN MAKE ME! 🥹
There is ZERO comfort or safety for ME with them. I provided comfort for THEM, and I’m relieved to BREAK THE CHAINS and simply live my best fucking life.
Life is easy when I pay attention to myself.
I feel so light without the weight of their problems.
Wow, bingo. I just told my ex in a text message " I don't like you"
"I fell in love with you but I had no right to expect you to love me back"
Yea Deborah
Wow nice, time to be honest I like that.
Thank you so much for your insight. God has used you to help me heal. The abuse and brainwashing has been the most horrific thing to try to overcome. I felt so alone like no one understood the trauma I have endured. Please keep making videos and educating people on this topic. I pray everyday that God can help me through each day because most of the time I just want to give up. There has to be purpose. God has a plan to use the experiences I went through for his glory. Unfortunately I have a child with this man and I am struggling really hard on how have handle that. Thank you Jesus thank you God for giving me these words of wisdom to keep me going.
I feel like crawling out of a caterpiller shell ...and honesty gives me new beatiful wings ..thanks !
You and me both! Thank you Nilla Rohr
I just now remembered, 'to thine own self be true'. Thank you Kevin!!!
You are amazing ..oh my goodness..I've never heard a better teaching on narcissism
This is one of those truths that separate the wheat from the chaff. A lot of people are interested in narcissistic abuse and cast themselves as victims, but the truth is narcissists (especially in romantic relationships) feed off a lack of moral integrity. It's a different story for the unfortunate children who grew up in households with narcissistic parents, who had no choice. ✌
Thank you for being a mentor. You are the best. You changed my thinking and changing my life for better everyday.
Parents have so much power...it is often misused against their children, no matter the age. It is nice to say be honest. But that can get you killed or seriously injured with these people. Write your thoughts & feelings for yourself, privately, if you are in a hostage situation with parents/ friends/ associates/ partners. Honesty with some people is not safe. Be honest with yourself. There are situations we find ourselves in that it is not always easy or even feasible to leave. Women trapped with children & financially dependent or adult children being financially encouraged to remain at home. People who are abused for years like this often are too exhausted from constantly having to battle keeping feelings to yourself because it is just not safe to share anything honestly with abusers. Let us not further abuse the already abused !
It’s even harder to be honest with close family members such as siblings and kids because of deep conditioning.
Absolutely Kevin I agree with you 100%. You can never be honest with a narcissist, but you can be honest with yourself. Anything good you do for them is out of the goodness of your heart not to appease them or to get them to change. If we're honest with them it doesn't do any good because they will never ever agree with your true accusations. Narcissistic people live in their delusions. That's why I agree with the fact that to show honesty to a narcissist is not to point out their mistakes, but to get them a silent treatment. The way I started coping is that the narcissist is good in giving you the silent treatment whenever he or she wants, it's about time you get them the silent treatment also. And if you miss out on their company then you have a few good friends to rely on who bring out the best in you. There is no need to be chummy with them just because you need some company due to loneliness.
Yes, i often thought about that ; the most hurtful thing is not what someone did to you, it's what you did to yourself. And that takes a long time to heal. Damn !
I don't think so much not liking them as a person, is the nastiness or the darkness that they release within themselves that is not liked. We all have a dark side is just the choice of which one you're going to feed. Like I say i can love someone but I don't have to like how they choose to behave. Love people from a far!
Yes Joanna
We've been "working it out", and truthfully, this video is the best video I've ever seen on the relationship we have with narcissists. The whole REASON I'm crying like a baby is because I KNOW I'm not walking in my integrity and being honest. I have nowhere to live, though, and I'm having to sell my soul to the "devil" in order to have a roof over my head. I'm just not able to be honest right now. I let him break me down, and the best thing I can do is fight to rebuild myself so that I can be whole and walk in honesty with myself and everyone else.
Ooh… ‘the pain of self-betrayal,’ damn this a powerful, powerful message. Self-inflicted pain, this is what it comes down to. Holy shit, thank you.
Yea Danielle Staley
So true Kevin and honesty gives us the Peace we need deep In our very own Soul 🙏🏻 no more Living on the lies!
Yes Karina Mia Famme
Simple truth. Simply awesome. I receive this. Amen. Preach 🙏
Thank you Kevin, I needed this reality check. It’s crazy I stayed with someone I didn’t like for two years. Wow. Gotta get honest with myself. Thank you for this community!
Once one is honest and acknowledges that we don't like the narcissist, leaving can be immensely difficult where children are involved. However, one can leave psychologically - move to another bed, withhold everyday pleasantries, state that from now on, one is cook/housekeeper/child raiser, but not spouse/partner. Make him no cups of tea, show no interest in his life, etc. This can be extraordinary difficult, but it is honest.
Thank you Kevin, you're so right about everything. It's so very true. Amen I walk away from people who are Narcissists since i know my values and my worth.i enjoy doing things on my own for myself now . It's best not to be around Narcissists at all and not to say anthing to them at all. It's better for our own health. Better to keep calm as well stay quiet and walk away from Narcissists. We are Better then Narcissists. Narcissists are pure evil souls who never loved us they are from rhe Devil. Narcissists dont know how to love. Narcissists never care about us at all.
Thank you I'm getting there finally . Rounding down to the last 3rd of my life and NOTHING will continue without honesty..
Yes Pam
Same here no more self betrayal
We need to be accountable and stop being the victim. I don't like him and I walked away 9 days ago....no contact.
You are so right Sir.. thank you for being here for us all.. God bless you 🙏😊
Exactly true 👍💯Like Jesus said "The truth will set you free". Living in a lie is the most painful thing. Thanks Kevin🌺
Yes Shiny
Stay away from narcissists.
Yes truffles
If they are your neighbors and your stuck and can't move. They are aware of the no contact rule and just laugh at it and continue to stalk me. So slick that you can't prove anything they do . Continue to steal things from my yard and when I take my trash out they come out on their porch and stare, spit even howl like a wolf at me. Their latest was a week ago at 3:30 am tried to break in my bedroom window slamming my screen up and down and crawling on it. Where I live is by a high school and in the past anything that happens in my housing apartments are blamed on high school kids running through here. But I have put two and two together and all that goes on here is those two neighbors that are so sweet and helps out others going out of their way at times to do it. My landlord has even drank their kook- aid. I told her about the window and as always it must be those high school kids again. She said call the police and let them know but I told her I already did. But as usual I can't prove it was them oh they ate so slick and get away with everything for years. Before my window they had broke into a neighbors car in the parking lot and stole some money and a car charger. It's not about what the stole it about sound the act and getting away with it is how they get their high their kicks off. And again it was blamed on the high school kids running through here which they hardly ever do. I stay no contact and have for years but it does not end. This is low income housing and I can't wait to save enough to move. They prey on single men and women living alone in these apartments so I am not the only one being attacked a lot of singles here complain also about having window peekers that includes me it started four years ago when I first moved on. They do all of this stuff about every three for so months apart and in between times just sweet and wonderful people you ever met. I have gorilla taped my window shut and put a bar across it at night. Oh and I forgot they steal are mail and take when they want people's UPS packages too mine included. My mail and any packages is sent to family members house that I go by and pick up myself now. That has royal passed them off and yet they get their Amazon Prime delivered every week no problem. Landlord is useless which possibly be a narc on her own. Any way saving like crazy to get out of here but looks it won't be till spring.
Very true and honest video. Hard to listen for some of us that have been “too soft” with narcissists.
I have been too soft with narc family and people. Now they will see the other side of me after years of abuse I am choosing myself over everyone.
Thank you for this great message!! I just recently have been honest with my boss about me sitting close to a toxic bully person and insisted they move me to another desk to sit at. Finally they did move me & am so free!! I still do see this person and she's been spreading nasty rumors about me but I don't engage in any convo with her at all. I know eventually her evil wicked toxic behavior will be exposed to all.
Yes A CA, You have done the right thing
It always is
The mask ALWAYS FALLS OFF! They will see!
You're absolutely right. Self betrayal.
Its the toxicity they release that is just contagious and disgusting. Cant handle someone else's darkness for themselves.
The truth really does set you free.
You Are Right, You Know I Was Blaming Family Members For Years, N Trying To Change Them, I Was So Used To Trying To Be There For Them N Trying To ‘Save’ Or ‘Help’ Them While Neglecting Myself ‘Self Betrayal’ You Know I Got To Be Honest, Cause The Truth Is I Can’t Change Them. Trying My Best To Cope With The ‘LongSuffering’ After Affects Of The Abuse, Since Being No Contact I’ve Been Really Depressed N Sad It’s Hard To Get Out Of Bed Some Days It’s Hard To Keep Myself Together N Get Into The Bible The Depression Is Deeper Then It Was When I Had Contact, Sometimes I Feel I Cannot Survive The Loneliness N Sadness Considering The Fact I Did It Because I Had To Do What’s Best For Me, But At The Same Time I Love My Family Members So Much It’s So Painful
The pain is real Ebony Green
What about them do you love?
Please have mercy on yourself don't go back to them 🙏 I have grieved over the loss of my narc family.i loved them did everything possible for them but now I am in pain and agony and anger of what I have done to myself. I don't deserve anymore pain because of the people who never existed. That was not family that was my illusions of being with family 😢
Love it! Great point. I started to dislike his ways after like 3 months. I didn’t care to the inconsistencies in his stories. When I wanted my boundaries respected he would lose it on texts and devalue me with whatever I shared with him. All of the sudden what he said I shared was amazing and great that I had gone through now was turned on me. Oh no I started to not like this at all. It was him who I didn’t like. I was trying to make him see what he was doing but I didn’t like him period. By month 4.5 I thought I am really dealing with someone whose crazy and I left and no contact since. Now this man 4 months later is showing up at my local hangout place before him with his new supply. I mean how immature and hurtful and vindictive. Oh for sure he’s really messed up. Who does that? He’s in his early 60’s and I am in my late 50’s. Wow! Yup I don’t like him one bit. Thank you I am glad that you put it from that perspective. His wife left him and 4 months later he met me and after I left he is now with someone else asap. Zero healing. I learned a lot from this. I have gone back to the first moments when I was noticing stuff and I can look at each scenario is that I was allowing someone to lie to me and because I believed something that wasn’t real. Thanks thanks thanks
Your video was recommended to me by TH-cam. I read the title and I found myself greatly disagreeing with what I understood from my interpretation.
I'm glad I still watched it to the end.
I agree with the main message -- I was not honest with my significant other (at the time) because I learned to dislike her from the way I saw her use and abuse relationships with others (myself included). Only when I had an honest conversation with myself did I see that I did not believe that our newborn baby should witness the abuse I was experiencing. Three weeks after he was born, I called it quits -- I couldn't bear look at her anymore and it drove me insane to think that our newborn was constantly in her arms when she would rage at me 4-6 times a day for hours. It broke me down... And I had to question my values, my convictions ... I tore myself apart: How could I believe I was a good father if I let our son witness this? How can I "climb back the mountain" to love his mother again after the constant abuse? How can I teach him to trust and respect her, when I lost all hope? How could I inflict this type of mistreatment to my eldest son (from a previous relationship)?
I left. For the first time in my life, I felt at ease. I genuinely care about people and avoid confrontations by "pleasing" others. When I left, I did. Not. Care. I have never looked back and for once, I am at peace with "quitting". Although I have been dealing with her for the last 2 years for our custody case, I am still better off than living the hell she wanted me to accept and that I had started to believe that I deserved.
Many thanks for this video. It sums up a moment of great realization where we finally understand that we are lying to ourselves, and have betrayed ourselves, to discover that no one else is there for us and that is why we were so angry.
Glad you took the time to watch this video Alex
My mom said something cliche but it struck me to the core that i walk away and left the narcissist. She said "before you love someone, you need to love yourself first"
Thanks Kevin for a great video. I had to be honest and live out my values and principles when I left my church. The abuse I saw and experienced was more than I could bare, and staying in that situation would have made me a liar. I'm still healing from the grief, but at least I am walking in my integrity.
Even before I knew I was dealing with a narc MIL, before I was born again, I realized the key point was my integrity. And what is integrity? Core values you live by and refuse to compromise. Once these core values are identified, live by them. You live by them, those become your Truth. You live your Truth, you become your Truth. You become your Truth, you become unshakeable. And I never saw my narc MIL become so desperate to get to me!!
The best video in the history of narcissistic abuse videos. Thank you so much. Straight facts like wow. This truly helped. Thank YOU!!
I had to let go of toxic narc family members who will not stop. No matter what I tried in the past, I decided that enough was enough. I'm older now, and I took back the hope. And, you're right, I betray myself every time I try with them. So many people who believe the narcs portrayal of you, are all one and the same if they enable them, too.
I had to cry out to the heavenly FATHER
Honesty keeps you from narcissistic abuse! This is a very profound statement!💯👍
Spot on. It is high time to be honest. I agree with everything you said Kevin. Amen.
Thank you Iza Waniek
Yes it is high time to be honest with yourself ❤
This is so true ❤
This!!!!’THIS! The truth shall set you free! Thank you 🙏
You have spoken the truth! So simple, yet we make it difficult for ourselves in trying to figure out why. Personally, I have lived in this cycle for the past two years with a man who doesn't like me.....and I've made it clear to him that I know. Thank you so much, now I know how to depart this crazy train in a dignified way.
Thank you
i can not thank you enough.
He did actually tell me he doesn’t like me lol. It took some years but he finally said it out loud. “I don’t like you. I don’t care about how things would hurt you.” So I guess I finally got some honesty from him. After years of denying that he blatantly was hurting me with no regard.
it is a betrayal of self but many of us dont have a self. we were frozen as children and lost our voice, our self and our choices to survive
The truth will set you free
I can relate to this so much. I struggle with the fact that this is my mom and brother. The question of why? Why can't they change and be loving and kind! It drives me nuts!! I am not built like them.
This was a powerful one Kevin. 'The pain of self betrayal' Because you are not being honest with yourself -I've never heard it put this way and it was a bit of a penny drop. 🙏
I am honest with myself. I know, that I hate that narcissist, with whome I am in contact, but unfortunately many people are in contact with narcissists, because they are dependent on them financially and have fears of their revenge.
You helped me to be true to myself and admitt I don't like my narcissistic abusive adult 35 year old son. I felt too guilty to admit it, I had to let go.😢