Im crying. Literally my self- esteem went downhill in the first year. And you're right, no one actually ever talks about student loneliness which just makes you feel like you're the only weird kid who experiences it. You're so strong for posting this!
:-( That's so upsetting, I know exact how you feel! Totally, the reaction to this video suggests that it's not nearly as uncommon as you feel it is when you're experiencing it. I hope you're feeling brighter now, lots of love and thank you for watching xxxxx
@@BottledBlueOnTH-cam Hey, you're absolutely right, I have not expected to get so many likes on this comment! And thank you, I am in a much better place right now❤️ (I have totally forgotten about this Google account, hence why I haven't replied earlier). I have changed subject since then and moved out of my parent's house, so I could be nearer to uni ( I had to travel 1,5 hours to get to my classes). From then on it was much easier to make new friends, so if you struggle with this right now, It has most likely nothing to do with you but with so many other little factors, so please people, dont take anything personally! Everyone deserves to have a good time, so keep trying, be patient and things eventually will work out🥰, I promise. ( Sending much love from Germany 😘)
Yeah it is very lonely which is weird since you're surrounded by people your age but I've never been more lonely in my life. It was a new level honestly because I'm an introvert and am generally used to being alone but every day of it just starts to become unbearable.
true. Honestly I didn't care at first about being alone but then when my friends from home or family constantly mention it I cant help but compare myself to others and feel inadequate. I literally have no one to talk to at uni, no friends no one. And the more and more it goes on the more depressed im becoming
I'm honestly so relieved that you pointed out that luck plays a part in your uni experience. I tried going to uni at like age 22 and everyone I met was 18 and felt super immature... like I literally didn't make friends in my flat or on my course, but I'm not an unfriendly person at all. It just made me feel like a big outcast xx
Ahh that's such a shame :-( But yes, luck does play a massive part! Which is why I think it's weird that there's an idea that it's going to be the best time ever for EVERYONE, because everyone's so different and everyone's experience is gonna be so different... Anyway, thanks so much for watching and hope you're doing well now! xxxx
Currently going through this, in my second year and can’t wait to leave. Before starting uni everyone use to say how uni is the best and that they made life long friends there and wish the could go back but this is not true for me. I wish I didn’t listen to people cause my expectations were so high.
I totally agree with you, I even felt like maybe I was the weird one so I started being started being depressed thinking I was the problem and that I wasn't gonna make it in life since I can't do the same
HOLD UP - I literally was saying the same thing.. before I started I had people saying it’s “the best years of your life” and you “Make lifelong friends there” which hasn’t been the case for me - it’s the first time EVER in my life I feel like I don’t fit in and hate education.
@@h.a.w.k7169 It's so true. But I've always been pessimistic about everything. So eventhough I was mainly hopeful and thought I would at least make one friend at uni. Another part of me thought it wouldn't be possible. And what hurts the most is that pessimistic mind of mine was right.
I can't imagine how tough uni is in a global pandemic!! It's tough at the best of times... I'm really sorry you're finding it hard, there's always always a way out of these things. I hope you feel better soon. xxx
It's basically everyone for themselves, and people are just selfish and cruel. One moment I thought I made some friends, seconds later I know they weren't even honest from the start. Some of my "friends" wouldn't even help me when I asked for help on studying methods, they'd gatekeep and even set me up for failure just so they can thrive. I never have to care about my good friends being better than me back then, because I'm happy for them, but in uni is just a battlefield. It's making my depression and anxiety worse and worse. And you are right it's basically a business, the more I go through it the foggier I get about finding careers and passion in life. Whenever I study or revise for exams, it always makes me feel sick in my stomach, I don't even want to eat. And just the extremely large amount of subjects (having to do 10 right now, and the exam dates are literally just day after day with no breaks in between), projects and homeworks are enough to kill me. Not to say my family has very high expectation so that puts a lot of pressure on me aswell. So I tried my best to study, to do the works, but whenever I see the exam paper it's like my mind went blank, all the informations I learned and now I don't know what must I use for the questions they asked. It's really killing me.
The first-year/all-years loneliness is so real, omfg. Even once I finally made some friends in my second year (which was, like you said, basically by chance- and none in my own major lol), there's still so much time that you just spend by yourself. I've been lucky enough to live with at least one person I was friendly with up until now, but I just found out that my roommate this year is dropping out and I have no idea what's going to happen with my living situation next year :/ Was really nice to listen to someone who has had similarly rough experiences with Uni, though, so thank you x
It is totally real! Ahh that's such a shame that your roommate is dropping out, hope you find someone else you click with and wish you all the best with the rest of your studies lovely
College years was the worst years of my life. I was a full blown atheist, on bad meds, glno friends, gained tons of weight. Now I am in my 40s reborn saved with many friends, losing weight, doing yoga for a year and finally happy.
University really gave me a mental outburst, especially in a final year when i have to finish that accursed thesis. During that time i was easily angry to anyone even to my little brother and parents. From that day on i swear that i will never take another college
I just feel so alone and isolated all my friends from home have moved away so I have no one. I have no one at uni either to talk to not even a single acquaintance. At first I was hopeful and didn't let it get to me, but then as the weeks keep on going by the more and more depressed and anxious I'm feeling. I can't talk to people properly even when they do start a conversation, I feel so useless.
You’re not alone. Never had a problem conversing with anyone. Ended up switching between two colleges and still ended up being friends with everyone in the classes. But University everyone feels like they’re on a different wavelength or frequency.. and it’s the first time I feel like the odd person out. You’re not alone - the whole thing has been shitty.
I'm an international student in my first year of uni in the states. I didn't feel lonely and sad during the first month but started to feel so lonely, I want to have an exciting uni experience so bad in the beginning but started to lose motivation and hope in everything. Everyone that I met till now is extremely nice, but there's no opportunity to develop a close and deep friendship, I also want a friend group that can do everything together and comes up with fun plans. But I just can't see the possibility. Walking alone on campus kinda gives me anxiety even though most of the people are walking by themselves to classes. Seeing others whether in real life or on social media enjoying college and having a wonderful time with their friends makes me feel like a loser. Every day is literally the same for me and nothing exciting is going on and knowing very well that there'll be nothing exciting going on in the future. I start to feel numb and lost. Tbh, I dunno if I'm going to be happier if I transfer to another uni or to other majors. Sooo I just don't know what to do with my life, I know that I shouldn't be like this, but I'm just waiting for a turning point in my life.
I felt really lonely in college, and I’m still struggling to socialise and fit in these days. Feels like my self esteem has been drained entirely. It’s comforting to know that other people feel this way too though, so thanks for posting this video
Woa, this was so relatable! I'm still in uni, but to be honest, I haven't found a group of friends where I feel part of, you know, I went to another city all by my self, didn't know the city, or anyone, and my friends (like 4) are at other cities in other universities, and also I didn't even want to be in the school I am now. The first year was a mess, I was always crying at night alone in my room just thinking about home and my friends far away from me, and just feeling like I don't fit in! Now I feel better, I don't cry anymore (no that much as before, lol) but still trying to find people that I actually feel as my friends, thanks Becky I hope you can understand something of what i said haha love from Mexico
HOW DID YOU KNOW this is exactly what I needed right now!! 😂 I've just started at University of Nottingham as a first year, and I'm also an introvert with social anxiety and have a close group of friends/family back home (and love second hand shopping). I thought this was going to be the best time of my life and was determined to finally be confident and extroverted and everything I'd ever wanted from what people told me it would be like, but this video proves that it doesn't have to be a certain idealised way. I have been feeling really lonely too and trying to rush friendships along has probably made it worse, I also think I'm on the wrong course and am in the process of trying to swap. I get on with my flatmates but don't click with them that well as they're mainly super confident, and finding course friends is quite hard when there's about 200 people in my lectures. Just realised how negative this all sounds, but I was shocked how much i related to you! Thank you so much for making this video honestly, I feel so much better and relaxed! I hope you're well too, and well done on completing your degree! ✨🎉
No way! That's so funny that you're at UoN ❤️ I completely agree - I feel like two weeks of Fresher's is not long enough to become really close friends with complete strangers? Maybe it's an introvert thing but I feel like that's an unrealistic expectation, y'know. I hope you can swap courses to something that suits you better and wish you all the best for the rest of uni! Nottingham has some great secondhand shops :-) Thanks so much for your kind words as well - I really appreciate it Ciara! xxxx
@@flossywaters omg saying this 2 years on from my comment, TRUST me it gets better. SO much better, I'm in 3rd year now still at Notts and honestly I never want to leave. I just needed to give it a little time and I think most uni students would agree when I say it takes at LEAST maybe 2 months/3 months to feel settled, and some people even longer to be fully settled, and for some people it may be that it's just not for them! But that doesn't mean you won't ever settle even if you feel like dropping out now (which I definitely did multiple times, and now I'm so glad I didn't- if you give it more time and still feel like it's not for you then omg there are soo many other things you can do!). Trying to rush all the friendships and all the good things all at once I think was my problem, in hindsight I should have just relaxed and embraced the new experience (easier said than done lol). Your flatmates you've been placed with now don't have to be your friends for life, but some of them could be, mine stuck around and I live with them now and am looking at 4th year houses with them, even though at the start I thought we were too different! We now have a laugh about what a state we all were in first year and how shy a lot of us were! I didn't properly make my course friends until 2nd year when I had the guts to just message a girl from my tutor group who I thought was nice and ask if she wanted to sit together in one of our lectures! I feel for you, especially in Corona times it must be so hard to fully enjoy uni and having to stay in your flat most of the time, but I guess maybe that means you can spend more time getting to know your flatmates if you're stuck with them, or going for nice walks and getting to know your city 🤷 it doesn't have to be perfect and you don't have to love everyone you live with (trust me some of my other first year flatmates were deffo not the one and we don't speak anymore), and everyone experiences it differently, and it's not easy for anyone! If you really want to stick at your degree then I say keep going and it will get better, but if it doesn't seem to look up after a few months and it impacts your mental health badly then there's no shame in dropping out and it may lead on to something better! ❤️ Sorry that was so long omg
I’m 2 months in my first year in uni and i feel exactly the same! I’ve been adapting to being in class bymyself but everytime group projects comes it feels so bad when you dont have anyone to pair up with, also during lunch breaks when you don’t have someone to talk to! I’ve been visiting my parent’s house everyweek, this is the only way im getting motivation for studying. I hope I can get through this quickly, I would come back from class and cry and sleep, idk how i’m going to pass my rest of 4 years. Also i have a few aquaintances but they make me feel left out most of the times! Maybe because im an international student.
Thank you (and well done!) for posting this video, I think student loneliness (and mental health in general) is a really important issue that needs discussing more, and it's so great that you're using this platform to do so! What you said about social anxiety and social isolation perpetuating each other really resonated with me, I experienced both for a lot of my first year at uni - I just started my third year and I'm doing much better now, but it was such a challenging time. It's incredible that you stuck with it despite your experience, you should be so proud!!
Thank you so much for your kind words lovely :-) I totally agree that this topic needs to be talked about more and addressed... The amount of people I've had messaging me saying they had similar experiences is so upsetting :-( Anyway, I'm really glad you're doing better now you're in third year and I wish you all the best with your studies :-) Thanks so much again!! xxxx
Thanks so much for this video... it can feel like you're the only person in the whole world who isn't having the time of their life in their late teens/early twenties. I've just finished my second year at uni, I have a loose group of friends that I made in halls in first year but I don't really click with them or see them much. The one person I clicked with was my girlfriend who I also met in halls, but she broke up with me a couple of weeks ago and now I feel like I'm drowning... she's had the time of her life the past two years, partying and meeting people, whereas for me she's the only thing that's gone right in this goddamn city. There's such a deep unhappiness in watching people both from afar and close to you live the life everyone told you you would live. Sometimes feels like I'm one hundred years old, or an alien. So I'm glad you spoke about it!!
That really sucks about your break up :-( I’m so sorry. I hope you’re feeling better now some time has passed - even if it feels like the unhappiness seems like it’ll last forever, it never does ❤️ It is so hard to slowly admit to yourself that maybe the story others painted of uni don’t quite fit with your personality. But not everyone likes everything and I’m sure in time you’ll find that *thing* that ignites your soul and makes you really truly authentically happy :-) xxxxxx
@@BottledBlueOnTH-cam Thanks so much- I am doing better, reconnecting with old friends in my hometown and patching up my sense of self. Hopefully going to tackle my third year with a different perspective on the whole thing, in part thanks to your video! xxx
I had to stop watching this because it was hitting too close to home, as strange as that sounds, as I'm still very much in the thick of uni. I hope one day to come back to it because from what I did hear, it was appreciated and helpful, just to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way about the uni experience. Thanks for making it.
Ahh I'm so sorry :-( I wish you all the best for the rest of your time at uni - honestly I know it feels like everything rests on uni life at the moment, but as soon as you're out of it you realise that putting so much pressure on yourself to do well and to make friends was not worth the mental strain. Of course it's always nice to do well academically, but it's not the end of the world if you don't. It's truly not. I hope the rest of your time at uni goes okay and if you need someone to talk to at any stage I'm always here and willing to listen! Lots of love xxxx
seeing someone comment 1 day ago also made me feel less alone! :) im a v friendly person but I cant make friends that stick it seems. I'm coping by seeing my family regularly and being comfortable in my own company and making my uni room as cosy as I can. hope this helped a bit :))
Thank you for this video. I had to drop out my 4th year (out of a 4 year program) for mental and physical health reasons. It's been 3.5 years and I plan on going back to finish my degree someday soon but it was extremely difficult the whole time. It's definitely not something people talk about a lot so thank you
This is such an important topic. I'm a couple of years older than you (so graduated a couple of years ago), and as someone with a little bit more hindsight I'll tell you that even the people who seem to be having a blast are often lonely but just don't know how to talk about it. I live in the US where there's a huge university culture, from things like fraternities and media portrayal of university and the universities themselves trying to sell their campus/prestige/social life to young students, since uni here is so ridiculously expensive and definitely a huge business. I went to a well-known uni with a very stereotypical football-and-fraternity culture, which I thought it'd be a blast... but instead was miserable. When I'd talk to other people I knew, many felt that way, but the university was so well known for being "fun" that people felt ashamed to feel any other way so they'd hide it as best as possible. I also began uni in the year when instagram and snapchat really blew up (which tbh feels ridiculous to say because I'm still so young) and having all of us being so young and learning to navigate these immediate forms of self-polishing and self-editing was brutal. Constant self comparison was an awful epidemic, especially if you stayed in and saw your feed blowing up with acquaintances who looked like they were having the time of their lives. There are so many things I wish somebody had told me before I started uni, but I guess I learned a lot from the experience. Thank you for sharing this video with us!
I'm watching this again before second year I guess just for comfort. I've just accepted at this point that I have no uni friends and honestly it doesn't get to me as much as it used to. Maybe it's because it's summer so I haven't had to think about it. I just hope that in second year I can manage my loneliness better and not fall so deeply into depression like in first year.
@@morningstar6691 Youre not alone I was the same last year. And I think I'm starting to feel the same way again. :( It's scary isn't it. But I feel like I can't and couldn't tell anyone. I hate uni so much.
@@morningstar6691 I don't think they will. Well I hope they won't. Its just 3 years. We have our whole lives to make better memories to make up for these bad ones. I just hope that things get better after uni. But I'm scared it won't.
It could not have been easy for you to share such a personal story. This video reminded me that it isn't necessary to pretend the bad parts of school don't exist. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
Thanks for sharing. I've struggled in very similar ways with my education. Luckily I'm in my final year, but I took a 2 year break after the first year and a half. No one seems to tell you that dropping out, starting late, or taking a break is OK. My parents warned me that by taking a break to work, that I would never go back, but I did and I love learning. I dislike the education system in the US, but I learned to make it work for myself.
Taking a break/dropping out is TOTALLY okay!! More than okay, it's so good for you to take your time and make sure you can do the best you can do without overloading with pressure and stress because that can be so damaging. I'm so glad you love learning and have made the system work in a way that suits you :-) All the best for the future!! xxxx
It's so nice to hear someone talk about the negative sides of uni when most people seem to flourish and enjoy it so much. I dropped out of my first degree after one year and started a different degree at another uni (an didn't enjoy either tbh). Anxiety started to become an issue, seeming to be brought on by the shock of how different my uni experience was from expected. I had looked forwards to uni for as long as I can remember, and did well throughout my school years. I completely agree we are "sold" the idea that uni will be the time of our lives, but there are so many factors which influences this. I think some aspects of uni are invaluable, but it would have been great to be informed that uni can be difficult for reasons other than workload. I'm a few weeks off finishing my degree, and I guess we've got to remember it really is only a few years of our life :)
I know this is 5 years late - but I had the same shit going on - anxiety flared up like I’ve never seen before because of my disappointment with my uni experience - did you find a way to get over it?
Thank you for sharing! I struggle at my university at times as well. People keep saying these are the best years but it doesn’t feel that way. I’m glad that you are doing better and sharing your experience! Always love your videos.
Thank you so much Esther! Yeah I get you. Even if it's not the best time of your life, it's not forever (altho it may feel like it at times!). I wish you all the best for the rest of your time as a student and am sending lots of love xxxx
Thank you for this! I’m in university for the first year and loneliness is definitely a real thing. There’s a lot of pressure to make university the best years of your life and there’s not a lot of honesty about this time. I appreciated your candor.
Hi Amelia! Thank you so much for watching and for your kind words. I wish you all the best with your time at uni, like I said just because I didn't have the best time doesn't mean you won't. Loneliness suuuucckks so if you ever need anyone to talk to then I'm always here :-) Lots of love! xxxx
My University is Just crazy, they literally Release results after 1 year or more, sometimes paper goes missing and we have to take exams again. No one can question them!!
agree, i finished about 1,5yrs ago and i had no fun times at uni (in the netherlands) struggle to make friends, course didnt completely fit, no one really cares but unless you seem to not do as they please. don't even get me started on all the group projects we had to do aaaaaah wanted to quit many of times but never really came through with it. tried to reach out but never really got any help because i had no support from the people on my course. when i finally got to the uni psychologist they "forgot" to enroll me on a course. i'm glad i've finished. i loved learning and my study did have about 30 contact hours and a load of work.
I think it's so important to be honest about our college experiences! There are so many expectations placed on college and that it should and will be the "best years of your life." For so many of us it just isn't true and that's okay. Thank you, Becky ❤
Totally - giving a balanced account is only fair to people who may potentially be considering university so they can assess whether it's for them :-) It's really okay to not enjoy it and it's taken a while for me to accept, but got there in the end! Thank you so much for the comment Katelyn xxx
:-( ❤️ Try to remind yourself that even though it may suck, it's not forever. I know that's sooo unhelpful to hear, sorry. But honestly, one day you'll look back on it and it'll be a distant memory xxxxxx
Thanks for posting this, I'm in second year and I literally feel like I have had the exact same experience. It's nice for someone to actually speak about it! This video has helped me a lot xx
I've never heard of student loneliness being a thing until this video. Thank you so much for this! When I saw this on my suggested, I clicked on it instantly because I didn't enjoy uni very much either when I went and like you said, I think a lot about making solid friendships at uni is luck. I did meet some nice people and made some friends, but I wouldn't say we were close. For me, I feel like a lot to do with my loneliness and the difficulty I had in making good friends there was the fact that not many people from where I live in my city attended my university. It made me realise how people's upbringing can really shape a person and I guess I got unlucky in that I didn't meet a lot of people who I clicked with because of this (there was one girl in my course who I went to high school with though, but we weren't even friends back then, so...) Also I think university culture really relies on joining clubs too! I think I'm a bit of an ambivert in that I enjoy being around other people I somewhat know, but freeze up in new social environments. Hence, I didn't really join a lot of clubs except one. And the one I did join... my argument kinda goes back to the whole "we didn't click because they live on the other side of the city from me" thing! I'm still thankful for my time at uni though because no way would I be where I am now without it. University just wasn't the best time for me as it might be for many, many people out there.
Sorry for random late response - but so glad the 'luck' part struck a chord with you! It was so unexpected for me, you never hear about it in movies or shows. The only show I saw it on was on Normal People where Connell wasn't managing to fit in or make any connections at uni :-( I'm the same - I'm still thankful for the time even if it wasn't the best :) We can still be grateful for opportunities even if we didn't exactly enjoy them. I hope you're feeling better now and doing well! xxxx
9:54 I did one year in uni and it was all online coz of covid lockdown and this is something that I noticed as well. I personally felt like uni just didn’t give a crap about me. I was kicked off the course coz I failed first year and I didn’t even know I was kicked off until I emailed my tutor and then he told me 🤦♂️ bruh.. couldn’t he take out 2 mins to tell me that I’m kicked off. And I agree with you, it really did feel like a business, instead of a community for young adults. It’s not a nice feeling man. I’m currently jobless and not a student either, I’m in so much stress man. What on earth shall I do with my life 😭 I don’t want to end up as one of those lads that is 35 years old unmarried and living in my mums basement. I’m 19 right now, I just cannot be bothered with anything. I think I’m depressed
I wished I watched this before I went to uni. I’m currently in my first year, and it is absolutely miserable. 1. Friend group is a real thing, once they have a group they most likely will not bother being friends with other people. I joined a bit late, and the loneliness is insane. Most of the time I just sit alone or in a random group, just listening to everyone talking while I’m just sat there. No one cares about you. Especially if you’re an introvert, they just act like you don’t even exist. This makes it really hard since most of the classes requires group assignments, having no friends makes it so hard to keep track on each assignments because I have different group for each classes. People will be hard on you when they don’t know you compared to the people they’re friends with. 2. Highschool all over again. I thought uni would be different but I realised it’s just like high school, bunch of immature people stuck in a class together. I’ve never encountered a bully in my life, but omg it was so shocking when I met one in uni. I don’t know how people like them even exist, it was just straight out of mean girls. I unfortunately got caught up in the same group as these people for my first assignment, and they did not care at all about how their words affect people. Just straight up cussing me in group chats, mind u it was an assignment gc. I have no words to say, I’m flabbergasted that they act that way just because we had a little bit of misunderstanding. They don’t tolerate “mistakes” unless you’re friends with them ofc. 3. Group assignments. I hate it. Just HATE it. What’s the purpose of these assignments, if it’s going to be graded individually anyways. I’m stuck being in random groups trying to not make any mistakes bcs I don’t need anymore enemies in class. In conclusion, uni sucks if ur an introvert.
This basically exactly describes my first year experience. I also have terrible social anxiety and was on a course that's 90% male so it was really hard to find friends. Luckily I had friendly flatmates but I had no close friends who I really connected with so I felt very isolated also. This year I've changed course and am living in halls again and really trying to make an effort socially so I hope it will be better. I also relate to the lack of support, my uni won't even offer me counselling! I'm so sorry you had this experience because I know how it feels, I wish you the best for the next chapter of your life though
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! That's such a shame that you didn't feel connected to anyone, it's such a horrible feeling. But amazing that you took the initiative to switch your course and change your living arrangements! I really hope it works out better for you, sometimes it takes a bit of tweaking to find what works best for you. That's so bad they don't offer counselling :-( To be fair to my uni, they did offer counselling which I took, I actually completely forgot to mention that in this video but their counselling service was a help!! It's the kind of help you have to seek out yourself, but still great that it's there. All the best for your next chapter too!! Lots of love and thank you so much for your kind words :-) xxxxxx
Thanks for sharing, Becky!! Sorry to hear you had a bit of a crap uni experience. I absolutely adored uni, but i could relate to a lot of this based on my grad school experience which is sooooo different from undergrad
Thank so much for watching lovely and for you kind words, I'm sorry you could relate in terms of grad school! It seems these feelings are far more common than I thought at the time :-( xxxx
Thank you so much for making this video, Becky. I related to so many things that you said. Like you said, being told "these are the best years of your life" can really sting when you are just wishing them away. It was sad to hear how you've struggled, but I was also glad to hear how you've made it through and come out the other side. I feel inspired to get through my final year
Thank you so much for watching Jess! I really appreciate it, I'm glad you could relate to some of the things I mentioned (although it's also upsetting that you felt the same). I wish you all the best with final year and then you can go out into the world and smash life :-) xxxx
Sorry you had a rough time at uni! Well done for getting through it, and it's great that you can still see the positive side and have gained experience and a fondness for Nottingham! I went to uni after two years out and was struggling a lot with anxiety at the time, which made socialising and relaxing into friendships pretty tough. I think showing the realistic side of such a big experience like going to uni is really important so thanks for sharing yours with us! xx
Thanks so so much for your kind words Nadia! I'm sorry you struggled a bit with making friends/socialising too, it can be tough especially when balancing the mental health side of things. Lots of love :-) xxx
Love this so much, thanks for being so honest Becky💕 I definitely suffered with loneliness in my late teens as I wasn’t very similar to the people in my friendship group so spent all of my free time studying. I then started working at 18 with people in their mid 20’s and so the loneliness continued which has had a massive impact on my mental health. I still to this day only have a couple of close friends but this is mostly due to my social anxiety☹️ however, hearing you talk about loneliness so openly has made me realise that I’m not alone and this topic needs to be discussed more openly amongst young people because it’s not just the older generation that it affects and I was always embarrassed to ever admit that I was lonely. Sending hugs to anyone that’s suffering through this right now, please know that you’re not alone💗 xxx
You described my uni experience so perfectly. I still have my master’s degree ahead of me but thankfully it’s just a year so maybe going to a full time job after would give me some structure
This is so relatable! Honestly I’m so glad I’ve stubbled across your channel and found this video! I am literally going through this exact thing at the moment, I started my third year in September and I’ve had to stop and take a year because I literally just couldn’t cope, and just wasn’t going in! Even though I’m not entirely in a great place at the moment it’s so amazing to realise that I’m not alone and it’s not just me that has these feelings! Thank you so much! 💖💖
Thank you for this. I'm in almost exactly the same position in my first year. I think withdrawing and finding a different path in life might be the way forward for me but trying to make a decision has been really stressful. I hope you're doing well in life. 🌄
I feel you it’s so hard to make friends in college when you’re not lucky enough to find people you click with. I feel like It’s all really about being lucky to find your crowd, and after many fail attempts it can be discouraging. But I’m gonna try really again for my last year of college lol
Im glad you made this video. I was the same way in my undergrad. I didn't really apply to a lot of schools, ended up at a school and major I didn't like but was going to get me a job. I think its good to show sometimes that its not all positive for everyone. I am back in school (for some reason haha) and choosing a major/school I love made a worlds of difference. It almost made me more sad that I had such a bad first experience haha.
I was the same! I only saw one uni before I applied and it was the one I went to (I didn't make that much of an informed decision to be honest). I'm so glad that you're back in a school that you like now :-) All the best for the future lovely xxxx
Thank you so much for posting this. I thought I was the only one who just couldn't seem to make in at college. It's especially distressing when constantly being told by older adults how it's the best time of your life when all I want is just for it to be over. So excited to graduate and jump into the real world! Inspired by you :)
You're definitely not the only one! It can be really distressing and it's just not for everyone. But honestly once you graduate all that studies/exam stress & social anxiety eases a lot! You just need to take what you've learned about yourself from uni in terms of how you work best and put that into a role that really works for you and your brain :) Thanks for your sweet comment, I hope you find something great once you graduate! xxx
Thank you for this video. I had the same experience and dropped out after the Christmas break in my first year as I already couldn’t cope with how it made me feel. Well done for getting through the 3 years, you should be very proud of yourself xx
Thank you so much Abby, I appreciate your kind words so much :-) And you should be proud too! Realising it wasn't for you early on was probably a wise move and must've taken strength to try something else instead. Lots of love xxxxxx
So glad I'm not alone! I left in the first year too. People seemed really shocked and were very unsupportive about how down I felt, so it really helps to hear that other people left that early too xx
Amelie Astor I didn’t know anyone else who left that early either, so thanks for sharing too. It seems uni isn’t all it’s cracked up to be for some of us. We made the right choices for us and that’s all that matters x
I have severed all communication with my uni classmates,except that one friend who i know from my A level period who graduated a year ago.I felt they were not genuinely affable and just acted friendly on the surface. In my senior year but my graduation will take a backseat owing to that one departmental course pending and an advance course which i wanted to enrol into but won’t be able to as the registrar office didn’t assign me with a course advisor yet to approve my checklist form(what’s worse is the deadline is next week to complete,fill the form and get it signed by my advisor,but how is it possible since my new advisor will be assigned by the end of March 2023),unfortunately as i had to skip past terms owing to personal emergency the registrar removed my recent advisor and they told me once i apply for my Summer then they will assign me an advisor,super frustrating!
it’s literally still freshers week and i’m considering moving out of accommodation and going back home cause i like not far away from the uni anyway. i have a lot of mental health issues and just generally feel really unsafe and anxious the entire time i’ve been here. i don’t really know anyone in my flat like they seem to be friends w other ppl in the building but there’s NO interaction between me and them i don’t even know all their names so i wanna move home n just do the 15 min cycle from the uni and back home
I just graduated in marketing there. As much as I don't regret the course but at the same time, 4 years wasted because I have fallen out with foreign students I was grouped with, I didn't make long term friends, night out was crap, councellor wasn't helpful, some of the lecturers weren't that great with their jobs and the study was very lonely with long hours. That's why I didn't bother go to my graduation like literally I felt my classmates were rather strangers since it was all online
This video really made me feel better:( I hate uni so much and to be honest I always dreaded uni even during highschool, growing up i saw a peak of what uni was like through my brother because we share a room. that made me develop a fear and anxiety towards uni which has honestly tortured me a lot. Im in my second year of uni and im honestly suffering so much especially because i think i have an anxiety disorder. I always felt like uni was not a fun experience at all and it always feels like no once can relate because everyone else seems to think its fine. My program has co-op too so it adds on the stress of always being worried you wont find a job. I really can't wait to graduate and finally have time for myself rather than being consumed with anxiety.
I've only been here two weeks and I've already had two breakdowns, a panic attack, been taken advantage of when drunk and relapsed into self harm. I have friends but I feel like I'm going back to being a bad person and I can't stand being alone rn but I don't want to be around too many people. I feel like I'm going off the rails
Omg I had literaly the same college experience with you I was thinking of dropping out the 2nd semester of my 1st year I was very depressed. Now I'm finishing my second year and I still don't have many friends and struggle a lot with loneliness. But at least I started to like my course. But my social life is non existent which sucks. And the thing I didn't like about college were the same with you but that lack of structure was the worst for me. Like you have nothing to do all day but to study at home and that leads me to mental breakdowns quite often.
I've just started my second year of uni and omg when you were speaking I felt like you were talking about me! We've had the exact same experience. I never studied business nor economics but I decided to study Economics and Management after high school but. I wasn't prepared AT ALL. I studied latin and greek during high school and did basically no math at all and when I started uni I felt like the only person in the whole university who was a complete idiot. This, plus my shyness, made me isolate from everyone else. There were 3 girls with whom I stayed during lectures and they were nice and everything but I felt like the only person in the whole uni who struggled with some subjects so I couldn't really open up with anyone. I was so (and kinda still am) convinced that everyone else was doing great, getting the highest grades possible and having fun with friends 24/7. This also had effects on my eating habits (I kinda developed an eating disorder due to stress and isolation, but I'm trying my best to get my shit back together now). Luckily I'm opening up with some people from my new class this year and they've had very similar experiences to mine, so I'm starting to accept the fact that there are others who struggled just as I did, and that isolation is not the right way to deal with this. Actually, isolating myself from others is what made everything worse. Thank you for sharing your experience, it really helps :) x
Holy shit im in nottingham dealing with all the same issues. Thankyou. Used to be so outgoing and confident at college. I box and im busy and there was a trial to get into the team week after freshers so i didnt drink or do anything like that just carried on training. Got into the advanced team, but didnt click with anyone in my flat and as the weeks went by my confidence was really knocked and i became so socially awkward at uni and was really anxious to talk to anyone new. I dont like my course but feel pressured by family im literally just doing pass level to get to the next year and focusing on my boxingbas thats the only good thing going for me. Everytime i went home my life was amazing could see my girlfriend and my friends my family it was perfect. But the dread of going back was abysmal. And then ive broken my rib boxing. Im here at uni without the people i care about no friends here i vant pursue my passion of boxing and im stuck foinga course i hate feeling surrounded by people yet so lonely. Thats how ive ended up here lmao jesus sorry for the self pity i just feel so shit and depressed and ive never been like this before
I'm so sad to hear you were feeling lonely at uni - I wish I'd met you at uni and we could have been fashion-loving vegan besties! 💕Student loneliness is likely more prevalent that it seems. I frequently felt lonely, and would cry a lot, but put up such a front that people often asked me how I always seemed so cheerful. I've always wondered - how did you manage film your videos in this setting when you were at uni? Did you come home frequently to film?
Awww me too!! I would have loved that :-) Where did you go to uni? I'm so sorry you felt lonely as well, I hope you feel brighter now. I've definitely learned how easy it is to put a front on when you're not having a good time (especially online on social media!). In regards to filming, I had to come home every month whilst I was on Roaccutane because you need to have regular blood tests to check your health because it's pretty strong (as well as pregnancy tests lol), so yeah I came home once a month for the first half of first year which was nice! But for the rest of the time I just filmed at home when I was there on holidays. I filmed once or twice in second year in my uni room but I felt soooOooo awkward as my housemates didn't know about my TH-cam - I literally piled my coats in front of the door to make sure the sound didn't travel into other peoples rooms in my student house hahaha. :-) xxxx
I am better now! 💕I still have social anxiety (which I've had for as long as I can remember) but it's not something that gets in the way of my life any more or upsets me often, so I'd say I have it pretty good in the grand scheme of things! I think the university environment can be quite damaging for social anxiety, when you're constantly surrounded by the same community of people, who know exactly who you are, and who I felt was always watching me, so that the thought of being seen going to a lecture or having lunch alone would send me into abject panic. I was on hormonal birth control too (which I'm no longer on) which could have contributed!
I went to uni at Oxford, which is such an amazing university and despite my anxiety issues those were the best years of my life - more ups than downs on the whole! My tutors too were extremely supportive. They were much much better than yours who would ignore your emails when you were dropping out - that was actually so rude and unprofessional! :(
Im so suprised youd never heard of student loneliness before. In my country the newspapers etc post articles about it all the time because so many students here are lonely, especially in the capital city. There are always debates on how to make it easier for students to make friends and stuff, and different cities compete to have the best environment for students :)
Where are you from? :-) I feel like I've heard about student depression and other mental health issues, but not loneliness before. That's amazing that different cities are trying to make the environment better for students! xxxx
Thank you so much for this video! 💖 I know it's 2 years old 😅, but I feel like almost everything you said I relate to. Not sure what to do about it, but hopefully I'll figure it out soon. 🤞😬
Oh, honey! I'm so sorry you were lonely. My son is at uni right now, and I'm so excited as he's finally making friends. He also suffered some from depression from the loneliness. He lives off-campus and doesn't click with his neighbours either. But now, he's doing his senior year project and he's finally spending time with others on a regular basis. He seems so much happier. I hope you have better luck once you start working; if you find a place where you find the work interesting and feel passionate about it, you will find like minded people and make friends. :) If you want to take a quick break and visit the US, I would love to have you visit. :) And not to set you up with my son; it would never work, he loves his meat. lol! Thanks for the honesty in your video. :)
Hahaha awww thanks for the invite, I would LOVE to visit America one day! So lovely to hear about your son, I completely underestimated how important even the simplest of social interactions are to us human! We do sometimes need other people even if we are shy or introverted. I wish him all the best with his senior year project!! Thanks again for watching lovely and thank you for your kind words :-) xxx
yeah lol i’m going into third year with no friends. was hopeful to make some in second year and try harder with some people i know to befriend them but covid happened. so now even in my third i’m alone. i do have the same issues as you did with the anxiety lol… i adapted well alone and it felt calming but now that i havent been here for so long it makes me feel terrible rn
I'm in my 6th year trying to finish some 4 year field... I've never struggled that much in my life until university. I hate it with my whole heart. I hope this torture will end soon.
the only reason im still at uni is because my mother did everything in her power to prevent me from dropping out. i hate it so much here and i cant wait to graduate. i constantly get rejected from opportunities to make my experience more enjoyable and my """ friends""" dont care about me. i even developed a neurological condition in my foundation year and it has been getting worse since. im so tired of being praised for 'sticking it out and staying' even though it is literally causing me to fall apart
Sue Davis Thank you so much lovely! Yes totally, it seems you learn a lot about yourself + what works for you by making ‘wrong’ decisions 🙂🙂 Thanks again xxx
Now i am at the state of mind where i think that its better to be alone.. than to be surrounded by people who have always made me feel left out🥺👍🙂 i think i should become independent more.. i should not depend on anyone 🙂
I feel the same way. But also so conflicted. I want someone to be friends with someone to talk to. Then at the same time I always feel left out and behind so maybe I'm just better off being alone.
Sorry to hear this Becky but very brave of you and it has clearly helped a lot of people from the comments. My son and daughter will be going to uni in the next two years and it’s certainly opened my eyes and made me more aware. Your parents must have worried about you bless xxx
I hated missing out on the opportunity to live at the campus when I was at university. I was car sick due to nerves and nobody in the class showed any compassion to me. I felt worthless and incapable, compared to everyone else. I also broke down near the deadline of all my assignments. I feel like I have to live with the loneliness I suffered with for the rest of my life. It makes me feel like screaming and bawling just thinking about it.
I also live off campus and I am completely alone. I barely have one acquaintance I barely talk to on social media and that’s it. The rest are terrible relationships with people I don’t want. Like a girl who wants to use me as a study sheet and never actually wants to hang out. Or this person that leaves me on seen but asks to hang out when they’re lonely. Or this guy who’s a massive misogynist and watches nonstop Loli anime, and he is terrible at talking. This is just my luck I guess, I really feel so incredibly awful and lonely and depressed. If I can’t make friends, how am I supposed to date or do anything? I already had a nervous breakdown earlier this year which is why I chose a local uni instead of one with a better reputation.
@@lauraramier5366 I feel exactly the same way. Its comforting to know im not the only one. But damn your "friends" sound like such assholes. Sorry you have to deal with such self absorbed people especially that lolicon guy 🤢. I live off campus as well and I don't have even one acquaintance anymore. I used to have one girl who was my acquaintance. But now I can't find her in my lectures because there's too many people. And this sounds ridiculous but I've kind of forgotten what she looks like. Like seriously brain. At this point I deserve to be friendless. I do follow her on Instagram but I feel too awakard to dm her because we were never friends to begin with. So idk and last time we talked was months ago so I don't want to seem like I'm just using her because I'm lonely. Ughhhhh. I'm just going to accept that this second year will be shit and third year will be the same.
I did my uni experience for 4 years on the biomedical degree. I worked everyday and I never really slept well, my close buddy committed suicide, I had no break from stress and was not in any group I was regarded as smart whilst had average grades other than my thesis, I joined a martial arts place and am now deformed for life because of the injuries I got there. It was shit. However, I met a lovely women who thought I was somewhat charming a couple of days after leaving and it dispersed most the misery those years incited.
I literally ruined my chances to make friends at Uni and my self-esteem is pretty much non-existent nowadays, except for my Job which I worked hard for. I got to uni, met some people I thought were friends, but I put too much confidence into them and they turned out to be dickheads who were more obsessed with doing uni work all the time and met behind my back. I felt very pushed out, I tried to make other friends, but they had mental health problems which made it difficult to be friends for them. I spent three years there, my social life non-existent most of the time except for society events once a week. I blame myself a lot for my issues and despite having a good degree and getting my job after six months searching, Uni will definitely stay with me for a long time. The problem for me was my problems with social ques and lack of routine. Graduation was awkward and I never really enjoyed it. Thanks for being honest and sharing your experience.
:( never feel like you have to do something! there's always another way or a way out... even if your parents push you to go to college, there are alternative ways to make it feel more enjoyable. Maybe part time studies alongside working or an apprenticeship that gets you a degree? I hope you feel better soon! xxx
Same here! :( Especially with everything that's going on in the world right now, it's like a bit of a disconnect to what I thought university would be.
first day I went into uni and the teachers don’t seem to care about students AT ALL! And other students don’t seem nice at all either. but then again it is only my first day so 🤷♂️ (if I remember and I’m still alive, I’ll give an update, 5,6 months down the line) ✌️
@@veIvette I was wrong about the people not being nice. majority of them seem cool now. That was all in my head. but I was right about the teachers not really caring about students. if you mess up, get lost or anything, they just don’t care. but then again we are adults now so 🤷♂️ Talking about friends. no one really bothers with other people in uni. Everyone minds their own business and people usually tend to chill with ppl they started uni with (high school mates or whatever). I’m blessed that I made this one friend. we were sat on the same table, he had come from Pakistan so he didn’t have any friends either. So I now just chill with him in uni. 🤷♂️ so yeah that’s my story so far lol
I only have one friend at university and he's one of the few who understands how I feel and isn't completely selfish or immature by taking drugs, partying etc. I'm 20 and can't wait to leave this shit hole and graduate with good grades so I can live how I want to. And those who aren't complete dickheads are too awkward to speak to. I hate people...
Damn at least you found one friend. I would like to find someone too. But everyone at my uni seems so superficial. Conversations go nowhere. And I'm not really someone who can go out every night so I think I'm not going to find anyone.
I am uni now, I’m hating it I don’t get on with my flat mates after making multiple efforts to get on with them it hasn’t worked. There is nothing to do in spare time and covid doesn’t help that, I’m 3hrs away from home and I haven’t fitted into any friendship groups at all. I’m thinking of dropping out but I don’t know what I’d do instead
I can't imagine how tough it must be at the moment! I think if I had my time at uni again I maybe would have dropped out in first year & tried part time uni alongside working - or an apprenticeship. Not sure what apprenticeships are out there at the moment but I know people doing them & you can get paid for studying and gain qualifications! I suppose it depends what you want to go on to do. But nothing is worth feeling that miserable and lonely :( I hope you find a solution that works soon! xxx
I feel like I've tried to make this video so many times and I've just never been comfortable posting....I am a senior in my last semester of university and I basically started making TH-cam videos because school is so lonely and horrible for me....thank you for this video! XO
Julia Nell Ahhh it took me so long to pluck up the courage to post this, but there should be no shame in not having a great time! Huge congrats on making it this far in your studies, I wish you all the best for the future ♥️🙂⭐️
I am lucky to have nice friends there , but everything else is too hard for me and i don't even like it . My family is pressuring me to go cause ( you will have a good paying job or do you want to wash toilets ?) The second thing is that i am working 24/7 and i have to be in uni every day almost . It's kind of impossible physically 💁♀️.
Hey Becky, so many similarities, only now i've been graduated for 3 years I realise that uni sucked ha! Isn't it a weird thing... thank you for sharing
ruthieieie Hello! Ahh yes, I feel like when you’re there it feels like your whole world and then you finish and realise... life can begin lol 🙂 Thanks so much for watching lovely! xxxx
hi, thank u for posting this vid. im feeling the same but with college. i hate it there. but hoping uni will be better for me. when you mentioned u lived elsewhere because to live on campus you have to be catered. is this just with ur uni or all of them? because i am vegan too and would like to live on campus since it seems like i’ll be able to make more friends like that. is there no way around it? i hope youre doing better now that you’ve left uni
Uni of Nottingham only offers catered halls on campus (unless it's changed now!) but most other unis offer an option :-) I hope uni is better for you! It's so important to do lots of research (I wish I had done more before deciding). Good luck with everything & I hope college gets better soon!! xxx
Hey great video! I've also had a similar experience as you, I just finished my second year of university and so far Ive hated the experience and I left my university. I don't want to get to the point where I finish my degree and just feel I've wasted my money and time. I also have videos on my channel talking about my experience on this, please do check it out!
Accutane is a horrible drug. There is plenty of anecdotal evidence that the side-effects can outlast the course of the drug. My friend blames it for his brother’s chronic depression.
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When university makes you hate learning you know something is wrong with the whole system
I feel like it’s just college but expensive.
😣 yeah i concur
Im crying. Literally my self- esteem went downhill in the first year. And you're right, no one actually ever talks about student loneliness which just makes you feel like you're the only weird kid who experiences it.
You're so strong for posting this!
:-( That's so upsetting, I know exact how you feel! Totally, the reaction to this video suggests that it's not nearly as uncommon as you feel it is when you're experiencing it. I hope you're feeling brighter now, lots of love and thank you for watching xxxxx
Literally me, I struggle so much with uni and I'm only halfway through my second year. I can't wait to graduate if I an last til them haha
@@Antoniakirann I relate so muchhh
@@BottledBlueOnTH-cam Hey, you're absolutely right, I have not expected to get so many likes on this comment! And thank you, I am in a much better place right now❤️ (I have totally forgotten about this Google account, hence why I haven't replied earlier). I have changed subject since then and moved out of my parent's house, so I could be nearer to uni ( I had to travel 1,5 hours to get to my classes). From then on it was much easier to make new friends, so if you struggle with this right now, It has most likely nothing to do with you but with so many other little factors, so please people, dont take anything personally! Everyone deserves to have a good time, so keep trying, be patient and things eventually will work out🥰, I promise.
( Sending much love from Germany 😘)
Yeah it is very lonely which is weird since you're surrounded by people your age but I've never been more lonely in my life. It was a new level honestly because I'm an introvert and am generally used to being alone but every day of it just starts to become unbearable.
true. Honestly I didn't care at first about being alone but then when my friends from home or family constantly mention it I cant help but compare myself to others and feel inadequate. I literally have no one to talk to at uni, no friends no one. And the more and more it goes on the more depressed im becoming
😢
@@veIvette So how are you now?
I'm honestly so relieved that you pointed out that luck plays a part in your uni experience. I tried going to uni at like age 22 and everyone I met was 18 and felt super immature... like I literally didn't make friends in my flat or on my course, but I'm not an unfriendly person at all. It just made me feel like a big outcast xx
Ahh that's such a shame :-( But yes, luck does play a massive part! Which is why I think it's weird that there's an idea that it's going to be the best time ever for EVERYONE, because everyone's so different and everyone's experience is gonna be so different... Anyway, thanks so much for watching and hope you're doing well now! xxxx
@@BottledBlueOnTH-cam thank you xxx
Same :(
This is exactly what I’m going through right now
Currently going through this, in my second year and can’t wait to leave. Before starting uni everyone use to say how uni is the best and that they made life long friends there and wish the could go back but this is not true for me. I wish I didn’t listen to people cause my expectations were so high.
I totally agree with you, I even felt like maybe I was the weird one so I started being started being depressed thinking I was the problem and that I wasn't gonna make it in life since I can't do the same
HOLD UP - I literally was saying the same thing.. before I started I had people saying it’s “the best years of your life” and you “Make lifelong friends there” which hasn’t been the case for me - it’s the first time EVER in my life I feel like I don’t fit in and hate education.
@@h.a.w.k7169 It's so true. But I've always been pessimistic about everything. So eventhough I was mainly hopeful and thought I would at least make one friend at uni. Another part of me thought it wouldn't be possible. And what hurts the most is that pessimistic mind of mine was right.
@@firstlast9846🥺 i can relate with my own
@raisa_cherry33 - hope you’re doing better - I’ve finished Uni now.. but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t decimate my confidence ngl 🤷🏾♂️
I hate university 💔😭
I can't imagine how tough uni is in a global pandemic!! It's tough at the best of times... I'm really sorry you're finding it hard, there's always always a way out of these things. I hope you feel better soon. xxx
It's basically everyone for themselves, and people are just selfish and cruel. One moment I thought I made some friends, seconds later I know they weren't even honest from the start. Some of my "friends" wouldn't even help me when I asked for help on studying methods, they'd gatekeep and even set me up for failure just so they can thrive. I never have to care about my good friends being better than me back then, because I'm happy for them, but in uni is just a battlefield. It's making my depression and anxiety worse and worse.
And you are right it's basically a business, the more I go through it the foggier I get about finding careers and passion in life. Whenever I study or revise for exams, it always makes me feel sick in my stomach, I don't even want to eat. And just the extremely large amount of subjects (having to do 10 right now, and the exam dates are literally just day after day with no breaks in between), projects and homeworks are enough to kill me. Not to say my family has very high expectation so that puts a lot of pressure on me aswell. So I tried my best to study, to do the works, but whenever I see the exam paper it's like my mind went blank, all the informations I learned and now I don't know what must I use for the questions they asked. It's really killing me.
The first-year/all-years loneliness is so real, omfg. Even once I finally made some friends in my second year (which was, like you said, basically by chance- and none in my own major lol), there's still so much time that you just spend by yourself. I've been lucky enough to live with at least one person I was friendly with up until now, but I just found out that my roommate this year is dropping out and I have no idea what's going to happen with my living situation next year :/ Was really nice to listen to someone who has had similarly rough experiences with Uni, though, so thank you x
It is totally real! Ahh that's such a shame that your roommate is dropping out, hope you find someone else you click with and wish you all the best with the rest of your studies lovely
College years was the worst years of my life. I was a full blown atheist, on bad meds, glno friends, gained tons of weight. Now I am in my 40s reborn saved with many friends, losing weight, doing yoga for a year and finally happy.
University really gave me a mental outburst, especially in a final year when i have to finish that accursed thesis. During that time i was easily angry to anyone even to my little brother and parents. From that day on i swear that i will never take another college
@Justice i never liked my college because of their "sweet promises" and all of them turns out to be anything but true
I just feel so alone and isolated all my friends from home have moved away so I have no one. I have no one at uni either to talk to not even a single acquaintance. At first I was hopeful and didn't let it get to me, but then as the weeks keep on going by the more and more depressed and anxious I'm feeling. I can't talk to people properly even when they do start a conversation, I feel so useless.
You’re not alone. Never had a problem conversing with anyone. Ended up switching between two colleges and still ended up being friends with everyone in the classes. But University everyone feels like they’re on a different wavelength or frequency.. and it’s the first time I feel like the odd person out. You’re not alone - the whole thing has been shitty.
I'm an international student in my first year of uni in the states. I didn't feel lonely and sad during the first month but started to feel so lonely, I want to have an exciting uni experience so bad in the beginning but started to lose motivation and hope in everything. Everyone that I met till now is extremely nice, but there's no opportunity to develop a close and deep friendship, I also want a friend group that can do everything together and comes up with fun plans. But I just can't see the possibility. Walking alone on campus kinda gives me anxiety even though most of the people are walking by themselves to classes. Seeing others whether in real life or on social media enjoying college and having a wonderful time with their friends makes me feel like a loser. Every day is literally the same for me and nothing exciting is going on and knowing very well that there'll be nothing exciting going on in the future. I start to feel numb and lost. Tbh, I dunno if I'm going to be happier if I transfer to another uni or to other majors. Sooo I just don't know what to do with my life, I know that I shouldn't be like this, but I'm just waiting for a turning point in my life.
I felt really lonely in college, and I’m still struggling to socialise and fit in these days. Feels like my self esteem has been drained entirely. It’s comforting to know that other people feel this way too though, so thanks for posting this video
Woa, this was so relatable! I'm still in uni, but to be honest, I haven't found a group of friends where I feel part of, you know, I went to another city all by my self, didn't know the city, or anyone, and my friends (like 4) are at other cities in other universities, and also I didn't even want to be in the school I am now. The first year was a mess, I was always crying at night alone in my room just thinking about home and my friends far away from me, and just feeling like I don't fit in! Now I feel better, I don't cry anymore (no that much as before, lol) but still trying to find people that I actually feel as my friends, thanks Becky I hope you can understand something of what i said haha love from Mexico
I'm sorry you felt similarly in first year! Glad to hear you feel better now, I wish you the best with all your studies. Lots of love xxxx
HOW DID YOU KNOW this is exactly what I needed right now!! 😂 I've just started at University of Nottingham as a first year, and I'm also an introvert with social anxiety and have a close group of friends/family back home (and love second hand shopping). I thought this was going to be the best time of my life and was determined to finally be confident and extroverted and everything I'd ever wanted from what people told me it would be like, but this video proves that it doesn't have to be a certain idealised way. I have been feeling really lonely too and trying to rush friendships along has probably made it worse, I also think I'm on the wrong course and am in the process of trying to swap. I get on with my flatmates but don't click with them that well as they're mainly super confident, and finding course friends is quite hard when there's about 200 people in my lectures. Just realised how negative this all sounds, but I was shocked how much i related to you! Thank you so much for making this video honestly, I feel so much better and relaxed! I hope you're well too, and well done on completing your degree! ✨🎉
No way! That's so funny that you're at UoN ❤️ I completely agree - I feel like two weeks of Fresher's is not long enough to become really close friends with complete strangers? Maybe it's an introvert thing but I feel like that's an unrealistic expectation, y'know. I hope you can swap courses to something that suits you better and wish you all the best for the rest of uni! Nottingham has some great secondhand shops :-) Thanks so much for your kind words as well - I really appreciate it Ciara! xxxx
thats me now, pls tell me it gets better 🥺
@@flossywaters literally same
@@flossywaters omg saying this 2 years on from my comment, TRUST me it gets better. SO much better, I'm in 3rd year now still at Notts and honestly I never want to leave. I just needed to give it a little time and I think most uni students would agree when I say it takes at LEAST maybe 2 months/3 months to feel settled, and some people even longer to be fully settled, and for some people it may be that it's just not for them! But that doesn't mean you won't ever settle even if you feel like dropping out now (which I definitely did multiple times, and now I'm so glad I didn't- if you give it more time and still feel like it's not for you then omg there are soo many other things you can do!). Trying to rush all the friendships and all the good things all at once I think was my problem, in hindsight I should have just relaxed and embraced the new experience (easier said than done lol). Your flatmates you've been placed with now don't have to be your friends for life, but some of them could be, mine stuck around and I live with them now and am looking at 4th year houses with them, even though at the start I thought we were too different! We now have a laugh about what a state we all were in first year and how shy a lot of us were! I didn't properly make my course friends until 2nd year when I had the guts to just message a girl from my tutor group who I thought was nice and ask if she wanted to sit together in one of our lectures! I feel for you, especially in Corona times it must be so hard to fully enjoy uni and having to stay in your flat most of the time, but I guess maybe that means you can spend more time getting to know your flatmates if you're stuck with them, or going for nice walks and getting to know your city 🤷 it doesn't have to be perfect and you don't have to love everyone you live with (trust me some of my other first year flatmates were deffo not the one and we don't speak anymore), and everyone experiences it differently, and it's not easy for anyone! If you really want to stick at your degree then I say keep going and it will get better, but if it doesn't seem to look up after a few months and it impacts your mental health badly then there's no shame in dropping out and it may lead on to something better! ❤️ Sorry that was so long omg
@@ciaragrant8555 great story!
I’m 2 months in my first year in uni and i feel exactly the same! I’ve been adapting to being in class bymyself but everytime group projects comes it feels so bad when you dont have anyone to pair up with, also during lunch breaks when you don’t have someone to talk to! I’ve been visiting my parent’s house everyweek, this is the only way im getting motivation for studying. I hope I can get through this quickly, I would come back from class and cry and sleep, idk how i’m going to pass my rest of 4 years. Also i have a few aquaintances but they make me feel left out most of the times! Maybe because im an international student.
So relatable. Thanks for sharing. Sending love and light
Thank you (and well done!) for posting this video, I think student loneliness (and mental health in general) is a really important issue that needs discussing more, and it's so great that you're using this platform to do so! What you said about social anxiety and social isolation perpetuating each other really resonated with me, I experienced both for a lot of my first year at uni - I just started my third year and I'm doing much better now, but it was such a challenging time. It's incredible that you stuck with it despite your experience, you should be so proud!!
Thank you so much for your kind words lovely :-) I totally agree that this topic needs to be talked about more and addressed... The amount of people I've had messaging me saying they had similar experiences is so upsetting :-( Anyway, I'm really glad you're doing better now you're in third year and I wish you all the best with your studies :-) Thanks so much again!! xxxx
Thanks so much for this video... it can feel like you're the only person in the whole world who isn't having the time of their life in their late teens/early twenties. I've just finished my second year at uni, I have a loose group of friends that I made in halls in first year but I don't really click with them or see them much. The one person I clicked with was my girlfriend who I also met in halls, but she broke up with me a couple of weeks ago and now I feel like I'm drowning... she's had the time of her life the past two years, partying and meeting people, whereas for me she's the only thing that's gone right in this goddamn city. There's such a deep unhappiness in watching people both from afar and close to you live the life everyone told you you would live. Sometimes feels like I'm one hundred years old, or an alien. So I'm glad you spoke about it!!
That really sucks about your break up :-( I’m so sorry. I hope you’re feeling better now some time has passed - even if it feels like the unhappiness seems like it’ll last forever, it never does ❤️ It is so hard to slowly admit to yourself that maybe the story others painted of uni don’t quite fit with your personality. But not everyone likes everything and I’m sure in time you’ll find that *thing* that ignites your soul and makes you really truly authentically happy :-) xxxxxx
@@BottledBlueOnTH-cam Thanks so much- I am doing better, reconnecting with old friends in my hometown and patching up my sense of self. Hopefully going to tackle my third year with a different perspective on the whole thing, in part thanks to your video! xxx
I had to stop watching this because it was hitting too close to home, as strange as that sounds, as I'm still very much in the thick of uni. I hope one day to come back to it because from what I did hear, it was appreciated and helpful, just to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way about the uni experience. Thanks for making it.
Ahh I'm so sorry :-( I wish you all the best for the rest of your time at uni - honestly I know it feels like everything rests on uni life at the moment, but as soon as you're out of it you realise that putting so much pressure on yourself to do well and to make friends was not worth the mental strain. Of course it's always nice to do well academically, but it's not the end of the world if you don't. It's truly not. I hope the rest of your time at uni goes okay and if you need someone to talk to at any stage I'm always here and willing to listen! Lots of love xxxx
As a first year student who’s struggling this made me feel so much less alone
seeing someone comment 1 day ago also made me feel less alone! :) im a v friendly person but I cant make friends that stick it seems. I'm coping by seeing my family regularly and being comfortable in my own company and making my uni room as cosy as I can. hope this helped a bit :))
I literally have no one. Its week 6 and I'm losing hope.
Thank you for this video. I had to drop out my 4th year (out of a 4 year program) for mental and physical health reasons. It's been 3.5 years and I plan on going back to finish my degree someday soon but it was extremely difficult the whole time. It's definitely not something people talk about a lot so thank you
This is such an important topic. I'm a couple of years older than you (so graduated a couple of years ago), and as someone with a little bit more hindsight I'll tell you that even the people who seem to be having a blast are often lonely but just don't know how to talk about it. I live in the US where there's a huge university culture, from things like fraternities and media portrayal of university and the universities themselves trying to sell their campus/prestige/social life to young students, since uni here is so ridiculously expensive and definitely a huge business. I went to a well-known uni with a very stereotypical football-and-fraternity culture, which I thought it'd be a blast... but instead was miserable. When I'd talk to other people I knew, many felt that way, but the university was so well known for being "fun" that people felt ashamed to feel any other way so they'd hide it as best as possible.
I also began uni in the year when instagram and snapchat really blew up (which tbh feels ridiculous to say because I'm still so young) and having all of us being so young and learning to navigate these immediate forms of self-polishing and self-editing was brutal. Constant self comparison was an awful epidemic, especially if you stayed in and saw your feed blowing up with acquaintances who looked like they were having the time of their lives. There are so many things I wish somebody had told me before I started uni, but I guess I learned a lot from the experience. Thank you for sharing this video with us!
I'm watching this again before second year I guess just for comfort. I've just accepted at this point that I have no uni friends and honestly it doesn't get to me as much as it used to. Maybe it's because it's summer so I haven't had to think about it. I just hope that in second year I can manage my loneliness better and not fall so deeply into depression like in first year.
I'm having a severe depression that I'm started to think about death all the time...
@@morningstar6691 Youre not alone I was the same last year. And I think I'm starting to feel the same way again. :( It's scary isn't it. But I feel like I can't and couldn't tell anyone. I hate uni so much.
@@veIvette scary to think that these memories will haunt us for the rest of our life...
@@morningstar6691 I don't think they will. Well I hope they won't. Its just 3 years. We have our whole lives to make better memories to make up for these bad ones. I just hope that things get better after uni. But I'm scared it won't.
It could not have been easy for you to share such a personal story. This video reminded me that it isn't necessary to pretend the bad parts of school don't exist. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
Thank you so much for watching! Totally - it’s important to talk about all aspects, the good + bad 🙂 xxxx
Thanks for sharing. I've struggled in very similar ways with my education. Luckily I'm in my final year, but I took a 2 year break after the first year and a half. No one seems to tell you that dropping out, starting late, or taking a break is OK. My parents warned me that by taking a break to work, that I would never go back, but I did and I love learning. I dislike the education system in the US, but I learned to make it work for myself.
Taking a break/dropping out is TOTALLY okay!! More than okay, it's so good for you to take your time and make sure you can do the best you can do without overloading with pressure and stress because that can be so damaging. I'm so glad you love learning and have made the system work in a way that suits you :-) All the best for the future!! xxxx
It's so nice to hear someone talk about the negative sides of uni when most people seem to flourish and enjoy it so much. I dropped out of my first degree after one year and started a different degree at another uni (an didn't enjoy either tbh). Anxiety started to become an issue, seeming to be brought on by the shock of how different my uni experience was from expected. I had looked forwards to uni for as long as I can remember, and did well throughout my school years. I completely agree we are "sold" the idea that uni will be the time of our lives, but there are so many factors which influences this. I think some aspects of uni are invaluable, but it would have been great to be informed that uni can be difficult for reasons other than workload. I'm a few weeks off finishing my degree, and I guess we've got to remember it really is only a few years of our life :)
I know this is 5 years late - but I had the same shit going on - anxiety flared up like I’ve never seen before because of my disappointment with my uni experience - did you find a way to get over it?
Thank you for sharing! I struggle at my university at times as well. People keep saying these are the best years but it doesn’t feel that way. I’m glad that you are doing better and sharing your experience! Always love your videos.
Thank you so much Esther! Yeah I get you. Even if it's not the best time of your life, it's not forever (altho it may feel like it at times!). I wish you all the best for the rest of your time as a student and am sending lots of love xxxx
Thank you for this! I’m in university for the first year and loneliness is definitely a real thing. There’s a lot of pressure to make university the best years of your life and there’s not a lot of honesty about this time. I appreciated your candor.
Hi Amelia! Thank you so much for watching and for your kind words. I wish you all the best with your time at uni, like I said just because I didn't have the best time doesn't mean you won't. Loneliness suuuucckks so if you ever need anyone to talk to then I'm always here :-) Lots of love! xxxx
My University is Just crazy, they literally Release results after 1 year or more, sometimes paper goes missing and we have to take exams again. No one can question them!!
agree, i finished about 1,5yrs ago and i had no fun times at uni (in the netherlands)
struggle to make friends, course didnt completely fit, no one really cares but unless you seem to not do as they please. don't even get me started on all the group projects we had to do aaaaaah wanted to quit many of times but never really came through with it. tried to reach out but never really got any help because i had no support from the people on my course. when i finally got to the uni psychologist they "forgot" to enroll me on a course. i'm glad i've finished. i loved learning and my study did have about 30 contact hours and a load of work.
Ahh that's so bad they forgot! :-( I hope you feel brighter now, you should feel so proud that you finished despite your struggles! ❤️❤️❤️
I think it's so important to be honest about our college experiences! There are so many expectations placed on college and that it should and will be the "best years of your life." For so many of us it just isn't true and that's okay. Thank you, Becky ❤
Totally - giving a balanced account is only fair to people who may potentially be considering university so they can assess whether it's for them :-) It's really okay to not enjoy it and it's taken a while for me to accept, but got there in the end! Thank you so much for the comment Katelyn xxx
literally me at college::(
:-( ❤️ Try to remind yourself that even though it may suck, it's not forever. I know that's sooo unhelpful to hear, sorry. But honestly, one day you'll look back on it and it'll be a distant memory xxxxxx
It does help ahhah thanks xxxx
Thanks for posting this, I'm in second year and I literally feel like I have had the exact same experience. It's nice for someone to actually speak about it! This video has helped me a lot xx
I've never heard of student loneliness being a thing until this video. Thank you so much for this! When I saw this on my suggested, I clicked on it instantly because I didn't enjoy uni very much either when I went and like you said, I think a lot about making solid friendships at uni is luck. I did meet some nice people and made some friends, but I wouldn't say we were close. For me, I feel like a lot to do with my loneliness and the difficulty I had in making good friends there was the fact that not many people from where I live in my city attended my university. It made me realise how people's upbringing can really shape a person and I guess I got unlucky in that I didn't meet a lot of people who I clicked with because of this (there was one girl in my course who I went to high school with though, but we weren't even friends back then, so...)
Also I think university culture really relies on joining clubs too! I think I'm a bit of an ambivert in that I enjoy being around other people I somewhat know, but freeze up in new social environments. Hence, I didn't really join a lot of clubs except one. And the one I did join... my argument kinda goes back to the whole "we didn't click because they live on the other side of the city from me" thing!
I'm still thankful for my time at uni though because no way would I be where I am now without it. University just wasn't the best time for me as it might be for many, many people out there.
Sorry for random late response - but so glad the 'luck' part struck a chord with you! It was so unexpected for me, you never hear about it in movies or shows. The only show I saw it on was on Normal People where Connell wasn't managing to fit in or make any connections at uni :-(
I'm the same - I'm still thankful for the time even if it wasn't the best :) We can still be grateful for opportunities even if we didn't exactly enjoy them. I hope you're feeling better now and doing well! xxxx
9:54 I did one year in uni and it was all online coz of covid lockdown and this is something that I noticed as well. I personally felt like uni just didn’t give a crap about me.
I was kicked off the course coz I failed first year and I didn’t even know I was kicked off until I emailed my tutor and then he told me 🤦♂️ bruh.. couldn’t he take out 2 mins to tell me that I’m kicked off. And I agree with you, it really did feel like a business, instead of a community for young adults. It’s not a nice feeling man.
I’m currently jobless and not a student either, I’m in so much stress man. What on earth shall I do with my life 😭 I don’t want to end up as one of those lads that is 35 years old unmarried and living in my mums basement. I’m 19 right now, I just cannot be bothered with anything. I think I’m depressed
this made me feel a lot better for some reason, positive for the first time since i got here. thank u
I have gone straight into work and have found it extremely lonely. Living at home during these times is really hard. So I am going to uni next year.
I wish you all the best at uni! :-) Everyone's different and everyone's experiences are different, so I hope yours is a great one! xxxxx
I wished I watched this before I went to uni. I’m currently in my first year, and it is absolutely miserable. 1. Friend group is a real thing, once they have a group they most likely will not bother being friends with other people. I joined a bit late, and the loneliness is insane. Most of the time I just sit alone or in a random group, just listening to everyone talking while I’m just sat there. No one cares about you. Especially if you’re an introvert, they just act like you don’t even exist. This makes it really hard since most of the classes requires group assignments, having no friends makes it so hard to keep track on each assignments because I have different group for each classes. People will be hard on you when they don’t know you compared to the people they’re friends with. 2. Highschool all over again. I thought uni would be different but I realised it’s just like high school, bunch of immature people stuck in a class together. I’ve never encountered a bully in my life, but omg it was so shocking when I met one in uni. I don’t know how people like them even exist, it was just straight out of mean girls. I unfortunately got caught up in the same group as these people for my first assignment, and they did not care at all about how their words affect people. Just straight up cussing me in group chats, mind u it was an assignment gc. I have no words to say, I’m flabbergasted that they act that way just because we had a little bit of misunderstanding. They don’t tolerate “mistakes” unless you’re friends with them ofc. 3. Group assignments. I hate it. Just HATE it. What’s the purpose of these assignments, if it’s going to be graded individually anyways. I’m stuck being in random groups trying to not make any mistakes bcs I don’t need anymore enemies in class.
In conclusion, uni sucks if ur an introvert.
This basically exactly describes my first year experience. I also have terrible social anxiety and was on a course that's 90% male so it was really hard to find friends. Luckily I had friendly flatmates but I had no close friends who I really connected with so I felt very isolated also. This year I've changed course and am living in halls again and really trying to make an effort socially so I hope it will be better. I also relate to the lack of support, my uni won't even offer me counselling! I'm so sorry you had this experience because I know how it feels, I wish you the best for the next chapter of your life though
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! That's such a shame that you didn't feel connected to anyone, it's such a horrible feeling. But amazing that you took the initiative to switch your course and change your living arrangements! I really hope it works out better for you, sometimes it takes a bit of tweaking to find what works best for you. That's so bad they don't offer counselling :-( To be fair to my uni, they did offer counselling which I took, I actually completely forgot to mention that in this video but their counselling service was a help!! It's the kind of help you have to seek out yourself, but still great that it's there. All the best for your next chapter too!! Lots of love and thank you so much for your kind words :-) xxxxxx
Thanks for sharing, Becky!! Sorry to hear you had a bit of a crap uni experience. I absolutely adored uni, but i could relate to a lot of this based on my grad school experience which is sooooo different from undergrad
Thank so much for watching lovely and for you kind words, I'm sorry you could relate in terms of grad school! It seems these feelings are far more common than I thought at the time :-( xxxx
Thank you so much for making this video, Becky. I related to so many things that you said. Like you said, being told "these are the best years of your life" can really sting when you are just wishing them away. It was sad to hear how you've struggled, but I was also glad to hear how you've made it through and come out the other side. I feel inspired to get through my final year
Thank you so much for watching Jess! I really appreciate it, I'm glad you could relate to some of the things I mentioned (although it's also upsetting that you felt the same). I wish you all the best with final year and then you can go out into the world and smash life :-) xxxx
omg im feeling pretty much the same now 😭
Sorry you had a rough time at uni! Well done for getting through it, and it's great that you can still see the positive side and have gained experience and a fondness for Nottingham! I went to uni after two years out and was struggling a lot with anxiety at the time, which made socialising and relaxing into friendships pretty tough. I think showing the realistic side of such a big experience like going to uni is really important so thanks for sharing yours with us! xx
Thanks so so much for your kind words Nadia! I'm sorry you struggled a bit with making friends/socialising too, it can be tough especially when balancing the mental health side of things. Lots of love :-) xxx
Love this so much, thanks for being so honest Becky💕 I definitely suffered with loneliness in my late teens as I wasn’t very similar to the people in my friendship group so spent all of my free time studying. I then started working at 18 with people in their mid 20’s and so the loneliness continued which has had a massive impact on my mental health. I still to this day only have a couple of close friends but this is mostly due to my social anxiety☹️ however, hearing you talk about loneliness so openly has made me realise that I’m not alone and this topic needs to be discussed more openly amongst young people because it’s not just the older generation that it affects and I was always embarrassed to ever admit that I was lonely. Sending hugs to anyone that’s suffering through this right now, please know that you’re not alone💗 xxx
I feel like most international students are lonely in college but for college friends, most of those friends were your friends in high school
You described my uni experience so perfectly. I still have my master’s degree ahead of me but thankfully it’s just a year so maybe going to a full time job after would give me some structure
This is so relatable! Honestly I’m so glad I’ve stubbled across your channel and found this video! I am literally going through this exact thing at the moment, I started my third year in September and I’ve had to stop and take a year because I literally just couldn’t cope, and just wasn’t going in! Even though I’m not entirely in a great place at the moment it’s so amazing to realise that I’m not alone and it’s not just me that has these feelings! Thank you so much! 💖💖
Thank you for this. I'm in almost exactly the same position in my first year. I think withdrawing and finding a different path in life might be the way forward for me but trying to make a decision has been really stressful. I hope you're doing well in life. 🌄
thank you so much for such a lovely comment ❤️ I hope you find what’s right for you! xxxx
I feel you it’s so hard to make friends in college when you’re not lucky enough to find people you click with. I feel like It’s all really about being lucky to find your crowd, and after many fail attempts it can be discouraging. But I’m gonna try really again for my last year of college lol
totally just luck 99% of the time! sending you lots of love - after this last year you’re free!!! ❤️🫶🏻
Im glad you made this video. I was the same way in my undergrad. I didn't really apply to a lot of schools, ended up at a school and major I didn't like but was going to get me a job. I think its good to show sometimes that its not all positive for everyone. I am back in school (for some reason haha) and choosing a major/school I love made a worlds of difference. It almost made me more sad that I had such a bad first experience haha.
I was the same! I only saw one uni before I applied and it was the one I went to (I didn't make that much of an informed decision to be honest). I'm so glad that you're back in a school that you like now :-) All the best for the future lovely xxxx
Thank you so much for posting this. I thought I was the only one who just couldn't seem to make in at college. It's especially distressing when constantly being told by older adults how it's the best time of your life when all I want is just for it to be over. So excited to graduate and jump into the real world! Inspired by you :)
You're definitely not the only one! It can be really distressing and it's just not for everyone. But honestly once you graduate all that studies/exam stress & social anxiety eases a lot! You just need to take what you've learned about yourself from uni in terms of how you work best and put that into a role that really works for you and your brain :) Thanks for your sweet comment, I hope you find something great once you graduate! xxx
Thank you for this video. I had the same experience and dropped out after the Christmas break in my first year as I already couldn’t cope with how it made me feel. Well done for getting through the 3 years, you should be very proud of yourself xx
Thank you so much Abby, I appreciate your kind words so much :-) And you should be proud too! Realising it wasn't for you early on was probably a wise move and must've taken strength to try something else instead. Lots of love xxxxxx
So glad I'm not alone! I left in the first year too. People seemed really shocked and were very unsupportive about how down I felt, so it really helps to hear that other people left that early too xx
Amelie Astor I didn’t know anyone else who left that early either, so thanks for sharing too. It seems uni isn’t all it’s cracked up to be for some of us. We made the right choices for us and that’s all that matters x
I have severed all communication with my uni classmates,except that one friend who i know from my A level period who graduated a year ago.I felt they were not genuinely affable and just acted friendly on the surface.
In my senior year but my graduation will take a backseat owing to that one departmental course pending and an advance course which i wanted to enrol into but won’t be able to as the registrar office didn’t assign me with a course advisor yet to approve my checklist form(what’s worse is the deadline is next week to complete,fill the form and get it signed by my advisor,but how is it possible since my new advisor will be assigned by the end of March 2023),unfortunately as i had to skip past terms owing to personal emergency the registrar removed my recent advisor and they told me once i apply for my Summer then they will assign me an advisor,super frustrating!
it’s literally still freshers week and i’m considering moving out of accommodation and going back home cause i like not far away from the uni anyway. i have a lot of mental health issues and just generally feel really unsafe and anxious the entire time i’ve been here. i don’t really know anyone in my flat like they seem to be friends w other ppl in the building but there’s NO interaction between me and them i don’t even know all their names so i wanna move home n just do the 15 min cycle from the uni and back home
I hope things are better for you now ♡
I just graduated in marketing there. As much as I don't regret the course but at the same time, 4 years wasted because I have fallen out with foreign students I was grouped with, I didn't make long term friends, night out was crap, councellor wasn't helpful, some of the lecturers weren't that great with their jobs and the study was very lonely with long hours. That's why I didn't bother go to my graduation like literally I felt my classmates were rather strangers since it was all online
This video really made me feel better:( I hate uni so much and to be honest I always dreaded uni even during highschool, growing up i saw a peak of what uni was like through my brother because we share a room. that made me develop a fear and anxiety towards uni which has honestly tortured me a lot. Im in my second year of uni and im honestly suffering so much especially because i think i have an anxiety disorder. I always felt like uni was not a fun experience at all and it always feels like no once can relate because everyone else seems to think its fine. My program has co-op too so it adds on the stress of always being worried you wont find a job. I really can't wait to graduate and finally have time for myself rather than being consumed with anxiety.
I feel exactly the same. Anxiety and depression really make uni so unbarable. I hope things are better for you now though. ♡
I've only been here two weeks and I've already had two breakdowns, a panic attack, been taken advantage of when drunk and relapsed into self harm. I have friends but I feel like I'm going back to being a bad person and I can't stand being alone rn but I don't want to be around too many people. I feel like I'm going off the rails
Your so pretty and I agree as a person uni it's Hella stressful and some lecturers are unhelpful
Omg I had literaly the same college experience with you I was thinking of dropping out the 2nd semester of my 1st year I was very depressed. Now I'm finishing my second year and I still don't have many friends and struggle a lot with loneliness. But at least I started to like my course. But my social life is non existent which sucks. And the thing I didn't like about college were the same with you but that lack of structure was the worst for me. Like you have nothing to do all day but to study at home and that leads me to mental breakdowns quite often.
I've just started my second year of uni and omg when you were speaking I felt like you were talking about me! We've had the exact same experience. I never studied business nor economics but I decided to study Economics and Management after high school but. I wasn't prepared AT ALL. I studied latin and greek during high school and did basically no math at all and when I started uni I felt like the only person in the whole university who was a complete idiot. This, plus my shyness, made me isolate from everyone else. There were 3 girls with whom I stayed during lectures and they were nice and everything but I felt like the only person in the whole uni who struggled with some subjects so I couldn't really open up with anyone. I was so (and kinda still am) convinced that everyone else was doing great, getting the highest grades possible and having fun with friends 24/7. This also had effects on my eating habits (I kinda developed an eating disorder due to stress and isolation, but I'm trying my best to get my shit back together now). Luckily I'm opening up with some people from my new class this year and they've had very similar experiences to mine, so I'm starting to accept the fact that there are others who struggled just as I did, and that isolation is not the right way to deal with this. Actually, isolating myself from others is what made everything worse. Thank you for sharing your experience, it really helps :) x
Holy shit im in nottingham dealing with all the same issues. Thankyou. Used to be so outgoing and confident at college. I box and im busy and there was a trial to get into the team week after freshers so i didnt drink or do anything like that just carried on training. Got into the advanced team, but didnt click with anyone in my flat and as the weeks went by my confidence was really knocked and i became so socially awkward at uni and was really anxious to talk to anyone new. I dont like my course but feel pressured by family im literally just doing pass level to get to the next year and focusing on my boxingbas thats the only good thing going for me. Everytime i went home my life was amazing could see my girlfriend and my friends my family it was perfect. But the dread of going back was abysmal. And then ive broken my rib boxing. Im here at uni without the people i care about no friends here i vant pursue my passion of boxing and im stuck foinga course i hate feeling surrounded by people yet so lonely. Thats how ive ended up here lmao jesus sorry for the self pity i just feel so shit and depressed and ive never been like this before
your reason #4 is so well spoken, i really feel amazed at that. thank you
I'm so sad to hear you were feeling lonely at uni - I wish I'd met you at uni and we could have been fashion-loving vegan besties! 💕Student loneliness is likely more prevalent that it seems. I frequently felt lonely, and would cry a lot, but put up such a front that people often asked me how I always seemed so cheerful. I've always wondered - how did you manage film your videos in this setting when you were at uni? Did you come home frequently to film?
Awww me too!! I would have loved that :-) Where did you go to uni? I'm so sorry you felt lonely as well, I hope you feel brighter now. I've definitely learned how easy it is to put a front on when you're not having a good time (especially online on social media!).
In regards to filming, I had to come home every month whilst I was on Roaccutane because you need to have regular blood tests to check your health because it's pretty strong (as well as pregnancy tests lol), so yeah I came home once a month for the first half of first year which was nice! But for the rest of the time I just filmed at home when I was there on holidays. I filmed once or twice in second year in my uni room but I felt soooOooo awkward as my housemates didn't know about my TH-cam - I literally piled my coats in front of the door to make sure the sound didn't travel into other peoples rooms in my student house hahaha. :-) xxxx
I am better now! 💕I still have social anxiety (which I've had for as long as I can remember) but it's not something that gets in the way of my life any more or upsets me often, so I'd say I have it pretty good in the grand scheme of things! I think the university environment can be quite damaging for social anxiety, when you're constantly surrounded by the same community of people, who know exactly who you are, and who I felt was always watching me, so that the thought of being seen going to a lecture or having lunch alone would send me into abject panic. I was on hormonal birth control too (which I'm no longer on) which could have contributed!
I went to uni at Oxford, which is such an amazing university and despite my anxiety issues those were the best years of my life - more ups than downs on the whole! My tutors too were extremely supportive. They were much much better than yours who would ignore your emails when you were dropping out - that was actually so rude and unprofessional! :(
Im so suprised youd never heard of student loneliness before. In my country the newspapers etc post articles about it all the time because so many students here are lonely, especially in the capital city. There are always debates on how to make it easier for students to make friends and stuff, and different cities compete to have the best environment for students :)
Where are you from? :-) I feel like I've heard about student depression and other mental health issues, but not loneliness before. That's amazing that different cities are trying to make the environment better for students! xxxx
Thank you so much for this video! 💖 I know it's 2 years old 😅, but I feel like almost everything you said I relate to. Not sure what to do about it, but hopefully I'll figure it out soon. 🤞😬
Thanks so much for your sweet comment! I'm glad it helped - still figuring it out now 2 years later haha but we'll get there in the end! :) xxx
Yeah Its really lonely university, I couldn't wait to finish
same, this is so damn relatable!!! scarily much so 😆 thank you becky 🙌 I'll share this vid on my IG 🙌
Thank you so much for watching and sharing! I appreciate it greatly xxxxx
The way you have spoken about your experience is really useful and thank you ❤️
Thanks a lot! xxx
Oh, honey! I'm so sorry you were lonely. My son is at uni right now, and I'm so excited as he's finally making friends. He also suffered some from depression from the loneliness. He lives off-campus and doesn't click with his neighbours either. But now, he's doing his senior year project and he's finally spending time with others on a regular basis. He seems so much happier. I hope you have better luck once you start working; if you find a place where you find the work interesting and feel passionate about it, you will find like minded people and make friends. :) If you want to take a quick break and visit the US, I would love to have you visit. :) And not to set you up with my son; it would never work, he loves his meat. lol! Thanks for the honesty in your video. :)
Hahaha awww thanks for the invite, I would LOVE to visit America one day! So lovely to hear about your son, I completely underestimated how important even the simplest of social interactions are to us human! We do sometimes need other people even if we are shy or introverted. I wish him all the best with his senior year project!! Thanks again for watching lovely and thank you for your kind words :-) xxx
yeah lol i’m going into third year with no friends. was hopeful to make some in second year and try harder with some people i know to befriend them but covid happened. so now even in my third i’m alone. i do have the same issues as you did with the anxiety lol… i adapted well alone and it felt calming but now that i havent been here for so long it makes me feel terrible rn
I'm in my 6th year trying to finish some 4 year field... I've never struggled that much in my life until university. I hate it with my whole heart. I hope this torture will end soon.
Im in my first year of college it’s been a month and I’m so miserable I am so homesick and can’t seem to stop crying
the only reason im still at uni is because my mother did everything in her power to prevent me from dropping out. i hate it so much here and i cant wait to graduate. i constantly get rejected from opportunities to make my experience more enjoyable and my """ friends""" dont care about me. i even developed a neurological condition in my foundation year and it has been getting worse since. im so tired of being praised for 'sticking it out and staying' even though it is literally causing me to fall apart
Really enjoyed listening to your advice Becky ❤️
Thanks Thomas :)
This made me sad for you and your experience at Uni. Happy you’ve moved beyond it and learned what does work for you in like situations.
Sue Davis Thank you so much lovely! Yes totally, it seems you learn a lot about yourself + what works for you by making ‘wrong’ decisions 🙂🙂 Thanks again xxx
Now i am at the state of mind where i think that its better to be alone.. than to be surrounded by people who have always made me feel left out🥺👍🙂 i think i should become independent more.. i should not depend on anyone 🙂
I feel the same way. But also so conflicted. I want someone to be friends with someone to talk to. Then at the same time I always feel left out and behind so maybe I'm just better off being alone.
I relate so much. It’s not only me then
Definitely not only you! I'm glad you could relate but I hope you feel better soon xxx
Sorry to hear this Becky but very brave of you and it has clearly helped a lot of people from the comments. My son and daughter will be going to uni in the next two years and it’s certainly opened my eyes and made me more aware. Your parents must have worried about you bless xxx
I hated missing out on the opportunity to live at the campus when I was at university. I was car sick due to nerves and nobody in the class showed any compassion to me. I felt worthless and incapable, compared to everyone else. I also broke down near the deadline of all my assignments. I feel like I have to live with the loneliness I suffered with for the rest of my life. It makes me feel like screaming and bawling just thinking about it.
I also live off campus and I am completely alone. I barely have one acquaintance I barely talk to on social media and that’s it. The rest are terrible relationships with people I don’t want. Like a girl who wants to use me as a study sheet and never actually wants to hang out. Or this person that leaves me on seen but asks to hang out when they’re lonely. Or this guy who’s a massive misogynist and watches nonstop Loli anime, and he is terrible at talking. This is just my luck I guess, I really feel so incredibly awful and lonely and depressed. If I can’t make friends, how am I supposed to date or do anything? I already had a nervous breakdown earlier this year which is why I chose a local uni instead of one with a better reputation.
@@lauraramier5366 I feel exactly the same way. Its comforting to know im not the only one. But damn your "friends" sound like such assholes. Sorry you have to deal with such self absorbed people especially that lolicon guy 🤢. I live off campus as well and I don't have even one acquaintance anymore. I used to have one girl who was my acquaintance. But now I can't find her in my lectures because there's too many people. And this sounds ridiculous but I've kind of forgotten what she looks like. Like seriously brain. At this point I deserve to be friendless. I do follow her on Instagram but I feel too awakard to dm her because we were never friends to begin with. So idk and last time we talked was months ago so I don't want to seem like I'm just using her because I'm lonely. Ughhhhh. I'm just going to accept that this second year will be shit and third year will be the same.
I did my uni experience for 4 years on the biomedical degree. I worked everyday and I never really slept well, my close buddy committed suicide, I had no break from stress and was not in any group I was regarded as smart whilst had average grades other than my thesis, I joined a martial arts place and am now deformed for life because of the injuries I got there. It was shit. However, I met a lovely women who thought I was somewhat charming a couple of days after leaving and it dispersed most the misery those years incited.
I can relate. Thank you for talking about this.
I literally ruined my chances to make friends at Uni and my self-esteem is pretty much non-existent nowadays, except for my Job which I worked hard for. I got to uni, met some people I thought were friends, but I put too much confidence into them and they turned out to be dickheads who were more obsessed with doing uni work all the time and met behind my back. I felt very pushed out, I tried to make other friends, but they had mental health problems which made it difficult to be friends for them. I spent three years there, my social life non-existent most of the time except for society events once a week. I blame myself a lot for my issues and despite having a good degree and getting my job after six months searching, Uni will definitely stay with me for a long time. The problem for me was my problems with social ques and lack of routine. Graduation was awkward and I never really enjoyed it. Thanks for being honest and sharing your experience.
Im going to college only because of my parents 😭 I want to quit college asap I feel like i can't do this anymore! Im tired :/
:( never feel like you have to do something! there's always another way or a way out... even if your parents push you to go to college, there are alternative ways to make it feel more enjoyable. Maybe part time studies alongside working or an apprenticeship that gets you a degree? I hope you feel better soon! xxx
I going through everything ur saying rn:(
Same here! :( Especially with everything that's going on in the world right now, it's like a bit of a disconnect to what I thought university would be.
first day I went into uni and the teachers don’t seem to care about students AT ALL!
And other students don’t seem nice at all either. but then again it is only my first day so 🤷♂️ (if I remember and I’m still alive, I’ll give an update, 5,6 months down the line) ✌️
How are u now
@@veIvette I was wrong about the people not being nice. majority of them seem cool now. That was all in my head. but I was right about the teachers not really caring about students. if you mess up, get lost or anything, they just don’t care. but then again we are adults now so 🤷♂️
Talking about friends. no one really bothers with other people in uni. Everyone minds their own business and people usually tend to chill with ppl they started uni with (high school mates or whatever). I’m blessed that I made this one friend. we were sat on the same table, he had come from Pakistan so he didn’t have any friends either. So I now just chill with him in uni. 🤷♂️ so yeah that’s my story so far lol
I only have one friend at university and he's one of the few who understands how I feel and isn't completely selfish or immature by taking drugs, partying etc. I'm 20 and can't wait to leave this shit hole and graduate with good grades so I can live how I want to. And those who aren't complete dickheads are too awkward to speak to. I hate people...
Damn at least you found one friend. I would like to find someone too. But everyone at my uni seems so superficial. Conversations go nowhere. And I'm not really someone who can go out every night so I think I'm not going to find anyone.
@@veIvette Being an autistic introvert in an environement full of normies is hell, but at least I can focus on getting grades.
I am uni now, I’m hating it I don’t get on with my flat mates after making multiple efforts to get on with them it hasn’t worked. There is nothing to do in spare time and covid doesn’t help that, I’m 3hrs away from home and I haven’t fitted into any friendship groups at all. I’m thinking of dropping out but I don’t know what I’d do instead
I can't imagine how tough it must be at the moment! I think if I had my time at uni again I maybe would have dropped out in first year & tried part time uni alongside working - or an apprenticeship. Not sure what apprenticeships are out there at the moment but I know people doing them & you can get paid for studying and gain qualifications! I suppose it depends what you want to go on to do. But nothing is worth feeling that miserable and lonely :( I hope you find a solution that works soon! xxx
College was the best years of my life I made a best friend there but uni I have no friends in second year and omg it sucks i talk to no one in my uni
I hate uni my mental health goin down
I feel like I've tried to make this video so many times and I've just never been comfortable posting....I am a senior in my last semester of university and I basically started making TH-cam videos because school is so lonely and horrible for me....thank you for this video! XO
Julia Nell Ahhh it took me so long to pluck up the courage to post this, but there should be no shame in not having a great time! Huge congrats on making it this far in your studies, I wish you all the best for the future ♥️🙂⭐️
I am lucky to have nice friends there , but everything else is too hard for me and i don't even like it . My family is pressuring me to go cause ( you will have a good paying job or do you want to wash toilets ?)
The second thing is that i am working 24/7 and i have to be in uni every day almost . It's kind of impossible physically 💁♀️.
I'm so sorry you were having a bit of a tough time! Hope you're feeling better & keeping safe at the mo xxxx
Hey Becky, so many similarities, only now i've been graduated for 3 years I realise that uni sucked ha! Isn't it a weird thing... thank you for sharing
ruthieieie Hello! Ahh yes, I feel like when you’re there it feels like your whole world and then you finish and realise... life can begin lol 🙂 Thanks so much for watching lovely! xxxx
I’m in second year and hating it I haven’t found my group :( there are some people I can talk to but I don’t have my group it’s so annoying
hi, thank u for posting this vid. im feeling the same but with college. i hate it there. but hoping uni will be better for me. when you mentioned u lived elsewhere because to live on campus you have to be catered. is this just with ur uni or all of them? because i am vegan too and would like to live on campus since it seems like i’ll be able to make more friends like that. is there no way around it? i hope youre doing better now that you’ve left uni
@Hxris7 thats relieving. thank u! just been doing some research about different unis and have more of an idea about it all now :)
Uni of Nottingham only offers catered halls on campus (unless it's changed now!) but most other unis offer an option :-) I hope uni is better for you! It's so important to do lots of research (I wish I had done more before deciding). Good luck with everything & I hope college gets better soon!! xxx
@@BottledBlueOnTH-cam thanks so much, i hope so too :)
Hey great video! I've also had a similar experience as you, I just finished my second year of university and so far Ive hated the experience and I left my university. I don't want to get to the point where I finish my degree and just feel I've wasted my money and time. I also have videos on my channel talking about my experience on this, please do check it out!
Wow thank you for sharing.
My son is at a UC and is lonely
Your personal tutor sounded AWFUL
She wasn't the best... very clever but pastoral, not so much :(
Accutane is a horrible drug. There is plenty of anecdotal evidence that the side-effects can outlast the course of the drug. My friend blames it for his brother’s chronic depression.