Sincere and determined people need truthful information and a good plan to escape the cycle and hole you are in. Incredible marriages ARE possible. They are achieved by: 1. Learning about the mind and mastering it so your changes are permanent and you are always growing. 2. Learning how to behave, and not behave in marriage friendly ways 3. Making unconditional love and ever-expanding happiness your primary and constant missions. Go to themarriagefoundation.org and get the course if you need it. Now is not the time to experiment. It is the time for positive action.
You may not change your spouse but if the relationship is based on love they will have a high regard for you which will be extended to your family. Your spouse 😮will want to make you happy (even if they’re not super friendly and genuinely don’t like people). We cannot change our spouse but our spouse must also show a willingness to change and grow on his/her own. A relationship should be bi-directional and should involve compromise. I disagree that this must just be accepted without loving confrontation.
I'm just engaged at the moment but we have been together for 7 years. Family is so important to me, but my fiance doesn't like people in general, including my family. It's not even that he doesn't like them, it's that he doesn't want to go to events and has a super negative attitude towards doing things with family. This is becoming a huge issue as I am usually a very happy person but I'm finding myself unhappy with this impass in our relationship. I want to go to councling for it and hope that he can just get use to it in a way. He did not grow up with a great family and my family is opposite to what he knows. I just don't know what to do. This is so important to me and it feels like he doesn't care.
Now is the time to decide. No matter what, no matter how much counseling, he has made it clear he will not change. I don't think you should take it personally but you should recognize that he will never change anything that is important to you. He has made that clear. So, decide if you wish to be him or not with him being as he is.
I have the exact same situation! Thank you for making me feel not alone. It doesn't help that my mom is a complete snob to my bf (we're not getting married by choice). He and I have known each other our entire adult lives and he has met my parents twice since we've been dating at family events and he's been treated badly by my mom both times, but I'm close with my family. It sucks. Hope it works out for you.
@@jessicabrown7276 We got married in October and are doing great! I have learned that he has boundaries with family events and if we do things right, everything works out! I'll share them if they help you. 1) he really cares about planning far in advance so we plan who's holidays/what events we are going to a year out so he is able to prepare mentally for them. 2) we keep things even. We rotate holidays on a schedule so neither of us feels cheated with our own family time. 3) I had to realize and be ok with the fact that he just doesn't enjoy family time as much as me. Its not something thats going to change anytime soon. It was hard for me to really accept as I'm the opposite, but just being aware that he is uncomfortable and making sure we stick to the schedule really helps him a lot at events. We don't stay extra, even if I'm having a good time because I know we have a give and take. And it's worked out well. We both just had to adjust and also remember to empathize with the other persons needs. I hope you guys can find a balance too! Also, I totally get the mom thing. My mom's great, but she got super weird towards him for about a year leading up to the wedding. I had to talk to her and nicely point out some things that were making him upset and unhappy to be around her. I'm not sure if she knew she was doing those things or not, but she did try and change after I talked to her about it. Also, I think it made my husband feel good that I was standing up for him and saying something. Sorry I just typed a ton but I hope it helps!
@@terrymitchell4579 Ignorance is bliss my friend and time is the greatest healer. It eventually sorted itself out. Trick is to not get involved and not take sides to much but always stand by your wife. Happy wife happy life guaranteed.
Partners come and go whether married or not but family and close friends will always be the ones there waiting to help you pick up the pieces! If your family and friends don’t like you partner then there’s something wrong with your partner! They’re just being protective! 💯
@RareGem369 i know, i know. But honestly, we can ALL be ^&&holes. I always have to remember that. Forgiveness is the key. Unless of course he cheats on you. THAT breaks the covenant.
I have a question. I’ve seen your videos on how to handle and angry spouse and a spouse that doesn’t like your family. My question what if you apologize for being defensive but your spouse doesn’t apologize back? At that point I don’t feel respected or appreciated because no apology was said back even though I didn’t start anything. I apologized because I knew that was the right thing to do and the unconditional love answer. I didn’t say it for an apology and I didn’t mention it to my spouse. It bothers me a little and I feel like I’m taking for granted now.
The part of you that feels resentment is what undermines the natural love within yourself. Your spouse is who they are and you will only hurt yourself and them when you have expectations. There is no "right" other than to give, give, and give some more. It is about training your mind, not finding a balance.... this is a deep topic and this answer may not be satisfying but in the context of marriage and happiness it is correct.
@@TheMarriageFoundation I’ve read this in your voice sir. I appreciate the feedback as always. Thank you so much. It has helped and I will continue to train my mind.
@@TheMarriageFoundation it does work because my parents are in another country so I go with my daughter if I want without my partner and his family is closer but have no interest in me or my daughter so he goes to see them without us simple.... I really like what you posted in "highlight" about the priorities of a couple thank you for doing that channel
I really just need some help. It’s like I understand my spouse doesn’t care for my sister. So I will go out of my way to arrange my time with her when I know he will be at work and still he gets upset with me. Like I am disrespecting him,when all I want to do is spend time with my sister
Rather than work on ways to solve that problem you will do much better working on the connection you have with your husband so there is nothing he would do to make you unhappy and both of you strive to please each other out of love.
This is one of the most EXCELLENT pieces of advice I've ever seen on TH-cam. I'm very impressed! Seems like so many in our culture have devalued the institution of marriage, but YOU sir have brought the sanctity of it back to life. You are absolutely correct. Spouse first, family second. The woman shall leave her family, as the Good Book says. This is VERY hard to do I admit. My roots run deep with my family and they have left a real imprint on me. Do you have any advice on how to handle that feeling of being disloyal to sibs? It's a really weird feeling, but I feel like I am betraying my siblings by allowing my husband to limit when and how much time I spend with them . Hubby says I get too anxious after I've seen them.....
@@RareGem369 agreed, but it happens. Are you married? Have u ever tried to change your spouse? I think we all are wise to give and receive feedback from people in our lives, no?
I don't have advice for you because when your wife is intentionally not placed before your wife in your heart's intent, and culture is a poor excuse for not doing so, the marriage is not going to deliver the benefits of unconditional love.
@@TheMarriageFoundation there’s no such thing as unconditional love. It’s embarrassing that you have this channel. My girlfriend who I’m very serious about doesn’t like my mom. She told me last night that if we were to have kids, she would not allow our kids to see my parents. I told her she could bounce. I’ve never been the biggest fan of my parents. To be honest, my mom drives me crazy. But under no circumstances is it okay to allow your girlfriend or wife to make that decision for me. It’s going to be interesting to see how this all plays out because I have every intention of marrying this girl. I want to spend the rest of my life with her, but she can walk out the door if she thinks she’s making that decision for me
I totally agree . Your spouse, and your family comes first. If your spouse truly loves you, they will not keep you from your family. Yes you should also make sure your family respects your spouse as well. If your family truly loves you, they will respect your spouse. He is giving false information. Love comes first, and that applies to all. Marriage is not mental for you to hate, or not love your family.
@@TheMarriageFoundation I am the sister of my brother, whose wife wont allow him to see me. I have done nothing to her. She just dont like me. Should I never be allowed to see my only brother again. How can I even mend things, if she or him never speaks to me. Are you just assuming that I am the trouble maker? I was very nice to the both of them. I provided them a place to live when they needed it. Isn't it abusive of her to not allow her husband to see me, if he wants too? How can I fix that? Or should I count him as dead.
@@bettymedley2777 same issue I have. My wife doesn't like my sis for no reason and resents her. Also my mom and family who are v innocent and love her a lot, where she resents
@@bettymedley2777 my brother's wife are freakin btch for disrespecting my family but I gotta keep up with her because standing up for our family will likely makes them divorce. She is no good, very manipulative person.
I suggest you listen to Indian commentators on family. This is the woke American version, where the separation of family is ok. Listen to people outside the U.S. their family values are higher
![[UNCUT] The Loyal Pin ปิ่นภักดิ์ EP.15 (2/4)](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/qbHbshrA1f0/mqdefault.jpg)
![“อ.เบียร์ คนตื่นธรรม” มาตามคำเรียกร้อง แหกศาสตร์ฮวงจุ้ย เตือนสติอย่างมงาย | แฉ 7 พ.ย. 67 [1/3]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/5fc4S3xBNfc/mqdefault.jpg)
Sincere and determined people need truthful information and a good plan to escape the cycle and hole you are in. Incredible marriages ARE possible. They are achieved by:
1. Learning about the mind and mastering it so your changes are permanent and you are always growing.
2. Learning how to behave, and not behave in marriage friendly ways
3. Making unconditional love and ever-expanding happiness your primary and constant missions.
Go to themarriagefoundation.org and get the course if you need it. Now is not the time to experiment. It is the time for positive action.
You may not change your spouse but if the relationship is based on love they will have a high regard for you which will be extended to your family. Your spouse 😮will want to make you happy (even if they’re not super friendly and genuinely don’t like people). We cannot change our spouse but our spouse must also show a willingness to change and grow on his/her own. A relationship should be bi-directional and should involve compromise. I disagree that this must just be accepted without loving confrontation.
Your heart, and the science of human nature and interaction agrees with what I shared while our experiences confirm it is correct
When wife is loved right, prioritized and defended, everything falls into place.
You are on the right track but remember that it is not taught so you need to explore
I'm just engaged at the moment but we have been together for 7 years. Family is so important to me, but my fiance doesn't like people in general, including my family. It's not even that he doesn't like them, it's that he doesn't want to go to events and has a super negative attitude towards doing things with family. This is becoming a huge issue as I am usually a very happy person but I'm finding myself unhappy with this impass in our relationship. I want to go to councling for it and hope that he can just get use to it in a way. He did not grow up with a great family and my family is opposite to what he knows. I just don't know what to do. This is so important to me and it feels like he doesn't care.
Now is the time to decide. No matter what, no matter how much counseling, he has made it clear he will not change. I don't think you should take it personally but you should recognize that he will never change anything that is important to you. He has made that clear. So, decide if you wish to be him or not with him being as he is.
Leave
I have the exact same situation! Thank you for making me feel not alone. It doesn't help that my mom is a complete snob to my bf (we're not getting married by choice). He and I have known each other our entire adult lives and he has met my parents twice since we've been dating at family events and he's been treated badly by my mom both times, but I'm close with my family. It sucks. Hope it works out for you.
@@jessicabrown7276 We got married in October and are doing great! I have learned that he has boundaries with family events and if we do things right, everything works out! I'll share them if they help you. 1) he really cares about planning far in advance so we plan who's holidays/what events we are going to a year out so he is able to prepare mentally for them. 2) we keep things even. We rotate holidays on a schedule so neither of us feels cheated with our own family time. 3) I had to realize and be ok with the fact that he just doesn't enjoy family time as much as me. Its not something thats going to change anytime soon. It was hard for me to really accept as I'm the opposite, but just being aware that he is uncomfortable and making sure we stick to the schedule really helps him a lot at events. We don't stay extra, even if I'm having a good time because I know we have a give and take. And it's worked out well. We both just had to adjust and also remember to empathize with the other persons needs. I hope you guys can find a balance too! Also, I totally get the mom thing. My mom's great, but she got super weird towards him for about a year leading up to the wedding. I had to talk to her and nicely point out some things that were making him upset and unhappy to be around her. I'm not sure if she knew she was doing those things or not, but she did try and change after I talked to her about it. Also, I think it made my husband feel good that I was standing up for him and saying something. Sorry I just typed a ton but I hope it helps!
Just break off the relationship before you dig a deeper hole for yourself. If it hasn’t gotten better yet, it’s not going to.
Well said. You can't change how people feel. You just have to except. Had a lot problems recently with wife and mother not getting along crazy.
How did you fix that?
@@terrymitchell4579 Ignorance is bliss my friend and time is the greatest healer. It eventually sorted itself out. Trick is to not get involved and not take sides to much but always stand by your wife. Happy wife happy life guaranteed.
Partners come and go whether married or not but family and close friends will always be the ones there waiting to help you pick up the pieces! If your family and friends don’t like you partner then there’s something wrong with your partner! They’re just being protective! 💯
@@RareGem369 difference between "partners" and spouses. Marriage is a covenant. It is lifelong.
@@LawnCareLady It’s supposed to be lifelong but you know, people turn out to be a**holes! 😏
@RareGem369 i know, i know. But honestly, we can ALL be ^&&holes. I always have to remember that. Forgiveness is the key. Unless of course he cheats on you. THAT breaks the covenant.
Or unless he leaves YOU. either is reason to leave, according to God's law.
Yyoou are completely missing the point of marriage!
themarriagefoundation.org/reviews/
Thank you. I needed to hear this.
I have a question. I’ve seen your videos on how to handle and angry spouse and a spouse that doesn’t like your family. My question what if you apologize for being defensive but your spouse doesn’t apologize back? At that point I don’t feel respected or appreciated because no apology was said back even though I didn’t start anything. I apologized because I knew that was the right thing to do and the unconditional love answer. I didn’t say it for an apology and I didn’t mention it to my spouse. It bothers me a little and I feel like I’m taking for granted now.
The part of you that feels resentment is what undermines the natural love within yourself. Your spouse is who they are and you will only hurt yourself and them when you have expectations. There is no "right" other than to give, give, and give some more. It is about training your mind, not finding a balance.... this is a deep topic and this answer may not be satisfying but in the context of marriage and happiness it is correct.
@@TheMarriageFoundation I’ve read this in your voice sir. I appreciate the feedback as always. Thank you so much. It has helped and I will continue to train my mind.
Join the club bro. I also have the same problem. I have never heard a sorry from Her. Finally you become the wrong doer.
My partner cut all ties with my family so I did the same with his and as you mentioned my family comes first and I'm ok with that
If that works then that works. Your marriage comes first.
@@TheMarriageFoundation it does work because my parents are in another country so I go with my daughter if I want without my partner and his family is closer but have no interest in me or my daughter so he goes to see them without us simple.... I really like what you posted in "highlight" about the priorities of a couple thank you for doing that channel
Short and to the point
Marriage is meant to be lived in joy isn't it. So that's where to put your focus.
Thanks for this, it helped with a recent argument.
No don't cave in. Read the other comments here.
I really just need some help. It’s like I understand my spouse doesn’t care for my sister. So I will go out of my way to arrange my time with her when I know he will be at work and still he gets upset with me. Like I am disrespecting him,when all I want to do is spend time with my sister
Rather than work on ways to solve that problem you will do much better working on the connection you have with your husband so there is nothing he would do to make you unhappy and both of you strive to please each other out of love.
Do you even spend time with your husband???
Are you guys still together? Never let a boyfriend come between you and your family!
The video was very short. I need more knowledge on this. Please help.🙏
The vast possibilities... Write to our counselors (it is free) and they will help you. themarriagefoundation.org/free-marriage-help/
Golden words. Thank you!
This is one of the most EXCELLENT pieces of advice I've ever seen on TH-cam. I'm very impressed! Seems like so many in our culture have devalued the institution of marriage, but YOU sir have brought the sanctity of it back to life. You are absolutely correct. Spouse first, family second. The woman shall leave her family, as the Good Book says. This is VERY hard to do I admit. My roots run deep with my family and they have left a real imprint on me. Do you have any advice on how to handle that feeling of being disloyal to sibs? It's a really weird feeling, but I feel like I am betraying my siblings by allowing my husband to limit when and how much time I spend with them . Hubby says I get too anxious after I've seen them.....
Learn to control the mind, put love as your highest wisdom and act from the heart.
No partner should ever try to impose limits on you especially when it comes to your family! That’s controlling behaviour! 😏
@@RareGem369 agreed, but it happens. Are you married? Have u ever tried to change your spouse? I think we all are wise to give and receive feedback from people in our lives, no?
No Sir! I am Indian. it’s not our culture.. My family comes first.. Its simple: Its not small.. Its a freaking big deal
I don't have advice for you because when your wife is intentionally not placed before your wife in your heart's intent, and culture is a poor excuse for not doing so, the marriage is not going to deliver the benefits of unconditional love.
90% of indian girls are suffering because of this damn fucking culture..
@@TheMarriageFoundation there’s no such thing as unconditional love. It’s embarrassing that you have this channel. My girlfriend who I’m very serious about doesn’t like my mom. She told me last night that if we were to have kids, she would not allow our kids to see my parents. I told her she could bounce. I’ve never been the biggest fan of my parents. To be honest, my mom drives me crazy. But under no circumstances is it okay to allow your girlfriend or wife to make that decision for me. It’s going to be interesting to see how this all plays out because I have every intention of marrying this girl. I want to spend the rest of my life with her, but she can walk out the door if she thinks she’s making that decision for me
@@montanamanculich7188 you married yet?
I totally agree . Your spouse, and your family comes first. If your spouse truly loves you, they will not keep you from your family. Yes you should also make sure your family respects your spouse as well. If your family truly loves you, they will respect your spouse. He is giving false information. Love comes first, and that applies to all. Marriage is not mental for you to hate, or not love your family.
What if the spouse denies you of seeing your family, cause they don't like them.
Your loyalty is to your husband and your family needs to love your husband to keep the peace, not the other way around.
@@TheMarriageFoundation I am the sister of my brother, whose wife wont allow him to see me. I have done nothing to her. She just dont like me. Should I never be allowed to see my only brother again. How can I even mend things, if she or him never speaks to me. Are you just assuming that I am the trouble maker? I was very nice to the both of them. I provided them a place to live when they needed it. Isn't it abusive of her to not allow her husband to see me, if he wants too? How can I fix that? Or should I count him as dead.
People are what they are. Love them both from a distance and let go of your sadness.
@@bettymedley2777 same issue I have. My wife doesn't like my sis for no reason and resents her. Also my mom and family who are v innocent and love her a lot, where she resents
@@bettymedley2777 my brother's wife are freakin btch for disrespecting my family but I gotta keep up with her because standing up for our family will likely makes them divorce.
She is no good, very manipulative person.
Please I need more video on this. Thank you
I suggest you listen to Indian commentators on family. This is the woke American version, where the separation of family is ok. Listen to people outside the U.S. their family values are higher
I need your help
themarriagefoundation.org/ then go to the ask a counselor tab