People have a fear of quiet Black women. I don't know why. No I do know why. They expect us to be loud, obnoxious, angry, opinionated, and always have an attitude. When you are quiet you make people nervous. I'm in my 40s and very quiet, always have been. But best believe I hear and see everything.
Preach!! And, after sitting around some folks, I realize that I don't want to know them. Lol! Introverts are very picky about who we choose as friends. But, once we label you as "friend", we're very loyal. Truth
RIIIIIIGGGGHHHTTTTT!!!! I HATE WHEN PEOPLE ASSUME IM ANGRY WHEN IM JUST CHILLIN.....that is the easiest way to make me MAD.....like can I just chill without you assuming my goodness!!!
People say I’m unapproachable. Yet somehow they found a way to approach me about my unapproachableness. 😒 (BYE, Barbara!) Sheryll in Accounting... 🤣🤣🤣🤣
"Because I also hate being told what to do, EVEN IF I want to do it" Speak a word Ms. EveRyn!!!!!!!!! I felt that statement in my spirit. #SometimesImContraryThatWay 🤷🏾♀️
My name is Jamie and I Can relate. People have constantly misinterpreted my personality and labelled me shy. But I find that being quiet and observant can sometimes get you further than being a loud, empty barrel. #myvoiceisagift
“Your conversation is likely not awakening anything in my spirit” 😂😂 “My voice is a gift... and you probably haven’t earned it...” 🙌 This speaks to my SOUL 😂🖤🔥
Thank you! My grandmother (who I don't even speak to as an adult now) used to talk about me all the time as a kid for being quiet. I would just be in my own little world reading a book, doing homework, or watching cartoons and she wasn't here for it. She would even go so far as to insinuate that quiet people are crazy and/or hiding something (I.e. They turn out gay, steal money, etc.). She had this saying that "it's always the quiet ones" before she went on her little tangents. Little did she realize I was always quiet around her because SHE was the crazy one and even as a kid I felt like she never talked about anything of substance. All she's done her whole life is read magazines and watch and talk about the latest celebrity gossip or talk about the lives of her "friends". Thankfully my mom always understood my quietness and never shamed me for it.
Glad you had an understanding mom. Both my parents were the one to ask in public, "Are you shamed faceded?" Yes, they put the "ed" at the end of faced. Your grandma sounds like a very opinionated person who's thought process could have been similar to yours growing up, but the world got her, molded her, changed her (and, I agree, also a vampire @Desi R.)
I honestly think this is a race thing. White quiet people are deep thinkers, observant, or intellectuals. Focus, respectful, or good mannered. Black quiet people are shy, scared, lonely, rude, anti-social, or lazy. It's so annoying. Even more annoying because I used to be shy, and I'm proud to have gotten out of that, but everyone wants to throw that label back on me. I'm not afraid to talk to you, I just literally have nothing to say. My two favorite things in the world are peace and the good sis silence. I'm not disturbing either just to be heard or just to make you feel less uncomfortable.
It's also a sex thing too, men are suppose to be bold and outgoing, and when you aren't a lot of women perceive that we just have low self esteem, which is not true for men at all, I just don't see the point of running my mouth all the time especially to people I don't like lol. Every quiet person struggles but, if you are a quiet woman, you can still get a date
Being quite + having rbf = "Why are you mad?" This is my face man and my personality...like can I just sit in silence w/o people assuming I'm contemplating the murder of whoever is sitting in the general direction that I'm staring blankly into 😢😢😂😂
Yes!!!!! Story of my life! For years, I accepted others telling me that I was shy and scared to talk to people, when in reality I was quiet and observant. Even though my self-confidence significantly increased as I got older, I'm still quiet and observant. Except now, I see it as a strength and asset.
LITERALLY MY LIFE. Literally every African aunt who I’ve told that I’m studying journalism says “you’re to quiet” and I’m like “do you knooow me?!”. I don’t like raising my voice and I don’t like speaking if I have nothing to say like why waste my breath. I love LISTENING. And yes there are times I get anxious when it comes to talking to groups of people , but I’m nooot shy! Lol 😂
Thank you for this vid and setting the record straight! Shy is not introverted, and introverted is not quiet. They are all different things. People think I'm shy or will say "You're so quiet." Meanwhile I'm thinking, "Just because I'm not running my mouth about bs or I don't want to tell you my whole life story within 5 minutes of meeting you I'm quiet?? Could it be that I don't know you?!" Glad to see I'm not the only one that feels this way.
SAME GIRL, SAME!! I've been called shy so many times that I went to a party with an aquainti-friend and she introduced me like "Hey this is Keisha, she's shy hahaha!"...It was in that moment that I no longer considered her an aquainti-friend 😒
Come on somebody! I never really thought about the distinction between quiet and shy. I always just say I’m both. Which I still see but probably lean more toward just quiet and you said a word with “your conversation is likely not awakening anything within my spirit and I have nothing to add. My voice is a gift and you probably haven’t earned it. I do not fight for spotlight.” Mm. I feel so seen. Needed to hear that
My freshman year I WORKED MY ASS OFF in this student group. I practically moved mountains. So when I graduated I was saying goodbye, my teacher never said a WORD about my work ethic, but just said wow you are so quiet! I was so mad that out of all I did, my voice volume was what stuck out the most🙄
That's so upsetting...sad how some professors play favorites with students who are outgoing/charismatic or how some of them just straight up just act weird around you if you're quiet. It's not appropriate
I firmly believe that those who speak less, know more! People think that I’m shy bc I don’t speak a lot at work, but how can anyone else talk if folks never shut up; just nonstop talking about themselves from the beginning to the end of the day👀 🤐
I realized I was quiet and not actually shy years ago so whenever people say that I'm shy, I shut them down with "I'm not shy - I'm just quiet." They finally get the damn difference and then they get out of my face which is all I've ever wanted in life.
Preach! I hate that too!! If I tell you, "I'm an Introvert..." then proceed to finish talking, and your response is, "Oh, I get it; you're shy", I automatically stop listening to you. This conversation is OVER, and I have officially "left the building" and am now marinating in my own wonderful thoughts. 🤦♀️
This is soooooooo me! I feel so much better knowing I’m not alone. People (ESPECIALLY at work) love to tell me I’m shy. How are you going to tell me who I am?! I’m NOT shy! Like you said, I consider myself quiet and observant. Just because I don’t talk loud as hell all the time or talk over people every damn day doesn’t mean I’m shy! 😡😂
So I will admit, I'm all three - shy, introverted, and quiet (unless I'm with my friends). I have been shy since preschool. When you get me around friends I am very outgoing and sometimes my friends can't shut me up but when I am alone with people I don't know, and especially if they all know each other, it is difficult for me to force a conversation. In middle school this happened frequently because they all knew each other and I couldn't relate to them (they were all rich and me, not so much lol). Towards the end of high school and in my first sememster of college, I realized I was also introverted, because it takes so much energy for me to be around people, but I was getting better at the shy part because I became okay with being alone. I found that there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. In moments that I am feeling very shy, I also feel lonely because I can't relate to the people around me. When I am alone though, I am calm, I can recharge, and I feel more comfortable in the space that I am in. I can now take that energy that I've gained and not be as nervous when I'm around others.
This is SO ME! I'll admit it is strange feeling lonelier around other people than by yourself. But that's the phenomenon of being introverted. We draw our strength from the INSIDE not the outside.
I, too, am introverted, but I'm also a serious loner. Any friend I have is by accident. I've been described as Shy so much. But, people say I give off a friendly vibe, which seriously conflicts with my RBF. I am content with being a loner. I am content with the idea of not having any new friends. I don't even have any work friends, and the odd part of that for me is that this is the first job I've had that I actually love what I do. Any other job, I'd have work friends but hate what I do. Shrug. But it does irk me when people call me Shy or quiet...no, boo boo! I just don't know you, and now I REALLY don't want to know you. Thanks for trying, though!
I get that all the time too and I feel you!!!! especially when people use "you're shy" as an argument to tell you you can't do something, I hate that and I don't buy it anymore!
yessss Evelyn, we have the same personality! I definitely was shy as a kid, but I've always said that I"m more reserved and introverted. Maybe I don't want to talk b/c I have nothing interesting or original to provide to this conversation lol
"My voice is a gift and you probably haven't earned it." This speaks to me on a soul level. One thing, though: getting your energy/recharging from being alone is exactly what being introverted is. Social anxiety (and shyness) is something else entirely. People get them confused, which is understandable.
I'm not shy either. I'm very quiet, observant, and thoughtful (unless I know you). I don't consider myself an introvert, I love being alone. STOP ASKING WHY I'M QUIET! When and why did being quiet become a bad thing? Always wondered this.
"Your conversation is not awakening anything in my spirit, so I have nothing to add." If that aint a word, Evelyn! Thank you for seeing us quiet (storm) types. I do have social afflictions, so my introversion fits in nicely, but when I like being around someone who makes space instead of taking space, I can be very animated. I often get that I'm "mysterious" and I don't quite care to correct them, because those are the people that talk At me and only about what they're interested in.
In medical school and residency my Quietness was misinterpreted as unassertive, unaware, unconcerned and unintelligent ( they thought I didn’t know my stuff so imagine the surprise when I opened my mouth and actually got the answers correct). I have been quiet my whole life and there was a point when I was a child and felt shy but I am by no means shy. Now that I’m a practicing physician, my quietness is an asset because I actually listen to my patients and only speak when I have something important to convey to them. Quiet does not equal void of substance. “And that’s all I have to say about that”.
Evelyn, I TOTALLY RELATE!! People have considered me to be shy since I was a kid when really I’m just thoughtful with my words ☺️ Shy and quiet are NOT the same thing! Lol Thanks for making this vid! ✨
I felt this one in my soul. I like to be observant and listen too people to get a read on their personality and so many people call me either shy or boring!
Omggg Evelyn, why are you me?! I'm always perceived as shy. I hate it. I'm extremely introverted and I literally hate people in my space. I've heard people calling me bougie, rude, etc because I literally avoid talking if possible. I need to share this on every social media I have😪😪
I definitely care what people think, it affects how they treat me, how they speak about me to others. Being called shy when you aren’t (also story of my life) is honestly pretty damaging because people don’t think you can “handle” certain opportunities when you MOST DEFINITELY CAN and write you off sometimes
I hate it too. Just because I am not always up in everyone's face talking all the time. I like to observe and chose my words shy is not the same as introverted! Amen!
One of my coworkers called me shy to my other coworkers and I rolled my eyes. This video is a mirror how I feel. This is my TED Talk. I'm a proud member of the "Introverted Observant Hush Gang."
Love this Evelyn. I'm an INFJ and we love to make real genuine connections with people and like connecting with people on a more than a surface level. But we hate "small talk" and find it just too fake, superficial and draining, which gets us labeled "anti social" or "stand offish"
I think the best way is to field people’s comments on labeling is to kinda say “whatevers” shy, introverted, quiet- call me what you want, I don’t care, i try not to analyze myself that way. Life is much more fun not worrying about that. A huge time suck and waste of days. Helps to just focus outward but it’s easier said than done at times.
Wow! I can relate to this so much!!! I always tell people I'm not shy, there's just no reason to talk if there's NOTHING to talk about lol. I'm not here to fill a quiet moment just because.
"Your conversation is not awakening anything in my spirit, so I don't have anything to add". Thank Youuuuu Internet Cousin! Some people will see me animated, interacting with others and be shocked. My ex would get UPSET and ACCUSE me of flirting/cheating when I converse with others. And in a strange way he was correct, because I was being satisfied by others in a way he couldn't satisfy me. With mind-intriguing conversation. Don't be mad at me because your conversation is dryayay!
Finally!!!! If there is not one thing I hate...it’s being called shy and even an introvert. I think personality placement puts people in an unnecessary box. I often believe people use it as a lazy way of getting to know or claiming to know a person. Don’t call me shy, intro, extro, call me by my name! 🤷🏾♀️Get to know me as a person...simple... 🤜🏾Boom🤛🏾
THE RELATABILITY!!! When I tell you I’ve heard that most of my life fam!! People always thought I was upset and I never was. There was just nothing inspiring about the conversation, didn’t need to add to it 🤷🏾♀️ #myvoiceisagift
Thank you Evelyn for explaining the difference between quiet & shy!! SPOT ON! I can 1000% relate :-D "YOUR CONVERSATION IS NOT AWAKENING ANYTHING WITHIN MY SPIRIT" "MY VOICE IS A GIFT" "I DO NOT FIGHT FOR SPOTLIGHT!" AMEN
Evelyn is so genuinely funny. When she was talking about liking listening to people but not necessarily remembering, I screamed 😂😂 (This 17 year old relates, shiiiid)
This whole video is basically a testimony of my life. I hate being called shy because I'm not... "your conversation is likely not awakening anything in my spirit". Facts!
People think the opposite with me. Because I’m so lively with my friends and family they think I’m just able to go out and be the same way. But if you put me in a group of people I don’t know. I totally shut down and go into a shell.
I'm an introvert but I'm not shy. I hate when people take my behavior for being distant or cold. It takes me a moment to warm up to you. Also, I need some time alone to recharge myself.
OMG SPEAK👏🏿ON👏🏿IT!!👏🏿You just told the story of my life. People never consider that I'm quiet cause I don't feel compelled to add to ashy conversation for the sake of filling silence!
I appreciate the distinction that you make between shy and quiet, both of which my freaking uncle calls me all the time! It's like just stop it!!! I don't always feel the need to add something to a conversation, including this one, goodbye
Leo's can be misunderstood as shy, when really we're just lurkin', on the prowl, Minding Our Business!!! knowing the Power of our Worth!!! and being strategic about who we share it with.
My quietness makes louder people give me a wide berth of space because I'm not hype enough. Even at work, I still get this,where people will actually groan if a cell center job (I've worked several) has assigned seats and a talkative person has to sit next to me. Managers do this to tame the louder person and keep them focused but it makes me feel like just sinking through the floor. I don't talk a lot so talkative people find me a bore. Talkative people wear me out, though, because while I like some conversations, I like to just inwardly reflect. I know the irony of not being a talker and working at a call center but at least I have a problem I can work on to reach a solution, so the conversations become formulaic and usually predictable to handle. No offense to extraverts but it seems like most quiet people and introverts understand the desire for extroversion but never the opposite way around. We're constantly having to explain and defend ourselves that we don't hate talking.
I had almost the exact same thing happen to me, a relative I was telling about journalism work (that I was getting consistently and LOVING) responded with, “I can’t see that, people have never been your thing.” People as individuals have always been my thing - humanity in general is not. 😄
People always say that I'm shy and mean. Am I quiet? Yes. Do I have a RBF? Yes. But literally every person after meeting me says the complete opposite. Nicest "mean" person you'll ever meet, and I don't speak often because when I do decide to speak people tend to listen more because they know I speak for a purpose and not just to hear myself talk.
As a child my cautious observance and quietness was labeled as shyness, so I started believing I was shy. Now I still struggle with shyness even as I’m more confident in who I am. I wonder who I would be if people had not labeled me from such a young age.
This is my life 🙄😑. People also mistake quiet people for one's who don't have anything to say. Choosing ones words before speaking takes more thought and reasoning. I find that silence makes people feel uncomfortable. It also causes them to reflect more. That's scary to most people. No one really wants to be alone with their thoughts. I value peace and quiet. I only speak when I actually have something to say or there's a topic that I find interesting. Because of that people think I'm distant, disinterested, or lame. I've heard them all. But when I do speak to people, I choose to talk to, we have great conversations. Whenever I encounter such people who value noise and constant talking over meaningful conversations I always think of the words my mum would say to me. "Empty cans make a lot of noise".
I am what is called an "Outgoing Introvert". Its hard for people to understand that I like being the story teller at parties and making ppl laugh but I only go out 3x a year.... Everyone cares what people think of them. The key is not letting it affect you.
I deal with this allll the time! I once said I wanted to live in New York and someone said "you know they have alot of people there right?".... Like do I have to talk to them all?? No I don't.
tell them Evelyn...I'm shy, quiet and an introvert. You don't want no parts of this shy/timid life. You don't exude shyness to me. Ain't nothing wrong with being quiet.
You nailed this! I hate when people make that assumption. I am a Counselor and talk for a living, so Shy where? People always want you to perform for them. Sometimes I just do not care about what a person is talking about, or I'm not feeling like getting into gossip. I was at a meeting once with about 50 people, and I shared and even made a lil joke, we laughed and elaborated on what I mentioned in the meeting. Immediately after the meeting, this man who was a self promoting clown, said "you are so shy, we are going to have to get you out of that". I just looked at him. Sometimes when people know you will speak your mind they get upset when you wont jump out there and be a loud mouth and say all the things the group is thinking but no one is bold enough to say.
Words cannot describe how much I love this video. I've always thought it was dumb to be annoyed by this, but I'm glad so many people feel the same way. Ever since I was a kid, my family has always shamed me for being quiet. When I told my co-worker I wanted to go into the field of marketing, she replied, "But you don't really talk that much." It's things like this that hold people back from reaching their full potential. I plan on achieving my goals despite what anyone else says.
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“I’m not shy - you’re just uninspiring” #message
I need this on a shirt
The motto all 2019 😂😂
Right! I felt that one, shiiid
Im sooooooo using this!!!
"Your conversation is not awaking anything within my spirit and I have nothing to add" 😂😂 looovvvve it..
I get the why won't you smile more. Like dafuq I'm supposed to constantly be smiling about?
I get that all the time 😤
Me, too! Can I not RBF in peace, son?! Damn!
I get that as well! I just want to be left alone and people can’t handle it 😂.
Ugh same...it’s always “are you mad about something?” Well I am now 😒
Yooo I hate that. Ugh I tell them to go away.
People have a fear of quiet Black women. I don't know why. No I do know why. They expect us to be loud, obnoxious, angry, opinionated, and always have an attitude. When you are quiet you make people nervous. I'm in my 40s and very quiet, always have been. But best believe I hear and see everything.
Excellent point!! Never looked at it from that perspective before🤔
Huh, I've never heard that. But I have had people question my nationality, heck even my ethnic background because I'm a quiet black woman. 🤷🏾🤷🏾
girl im not quiet, im taking notes ;)
That’s true
CurlyChemist yes Lord! This is me
I’m not shy, I just don’t like when people hound my introverted ass about being so quiet. I DONT KNOW YALL 😂😂😂
Preach!! And, after sitting around some folks, I realize that I don't want to know them. Lol!
Introverts are very picky about who we choose as friends. But, once we label you as "friend", we're very loyal. Truth
Bih the world ending she done uploaded TWICE this month. Girl lemme get my Bible 😂😂😂
This WEEK. Repent sis
The kingdom of the Lord is Nigh!!
She said maybe you’re ASHY 😂😂😂😂
dsgbgirl8326 Ik I died 😂🤣😂🤣☠️💀😂🤣😂
Took me down!!
"why you so quiet" was my theme song....I did not choose
SAME!!!😭
Same smh
Girl! Story of my life.
Sooo is "I do not fight for the spotlight" going to be a shirt cause this has been my personal theme for a while...
That a good idea 💡
Fammmmmm. I hate when i am quiet and people think i am upset. Nah G i just don't wanna talk.
FattieSD Fattie is my nickname, hey fam!!!😃 I used to be quiet and when once I was fed up I responded that no one was saying anything interesting🤣🤣
RIIIIIIGGGGHHHTTTTT!!!! I HATE WHEN PEOPLE ASSUME IM ANGRY WHEN IM JUST CHILLIN.....that is the easiest way to make me MAD.....like can I just chill without you assuming my goodness!!!
It’s like what Justice from Poetic Justice said: ‘I ain’t got nothing to say’
FattieSD same here especially at work I hate when people come into my space
People say I’m unapproachable. Yet somehow they found a way to approach me about my unapproachableness.
😒 (BYE, Barbara!)
Sheryll in Accounting... 🤣🤣🤣🤣
OK, can we talk about that "Alone" Spongebob edit though?! 🔥🔥🔥
It wasn't all that calm down
Shy. adjective. "That piglet from Winnie-the-Pooh energy." 😂😂😂
"Because I also hate being told what to do, EVEN IF I want to do it" Speak a word Ms. EveRyn!!!!!!!!! I felt that statement in my spirit. #SometimesImContraryThatWay 🤷🏾♀️
This is me!! I'm the ONLY boss of me. No I'm not dancin on cue for you coworker Susan.
My name is Jamie and I Can relate. People have constantly misinterpreted my personality and labelled me shy. But I find that being quiet and observant can sometimes get you further than being a loud, empty barrel. #myvoiceisagift
Truth!
AMEN!
I felt that ✨🙌🏾
YES!!
Amen sister! I’m quite a chilled person, I’ll go with the flow, so people also interpret that as me being a pushover. 🙄🙄🙄
“Your conversation is likely not awakening anything in my spirit” 😂😂
“My voice is a gift... and you probably haven’t earned it...” 🙌
This speaks to my SOUL 😂🖤🔥
Thank you! My grandmother (who I don't even speak to as an adult now) used to talk about me all the time as a kid for being quiet. I would just be in my own little world reading a book, doing homework, or watching cartoons and she wasn't here for it. She would even go so far as to insinuate that quiet people are crazy and/or hiding something (I.e. They turn out gay, steal money, etc.). She had this saying that "it's always the quiet ones" before she went on her little tangents. Little did she realize I was always quiet around her because SHE was the crazy one and even as a kid I felt like she never talked about anything of substance. All she's done her whole life is read magazines and watch and talk about the latest celebrity gossip or talk about the lives of her "friends".
Thankfully my mom always understood my quietness and never shamed me for it.
Glad you had an understanding mom. Both my parents were the one to ask in public, "Are you shamed faceded?" Yes, they put the "ed" at the end of faced. Your grandma sounds like a very opinionated person who's thought process could have been similar to yours growing up, but the world got her, molded her, changed her (and, I agree, also a vampire @Desi R.)
@Desi R. Trust me I know. I'm 100% sure she's a narcissist too. I don't keep in touch with her at all.
Same Sis, same!
My paternal grandmother was like that, and I haven't spoken to her in mannnnnny years ( and she's alive and well).
I honestly think this is a race thing. White quiet people are deep thinkers, observant, or intellectuals. Focus, respectful, or good mannered. Black quiet people are shy, scared, lonely, rude, anti-social, or lazy.
It's so annoying. Even more annoying because I used to be shy, and I'm proud to have gotten out of that, but everyone wants to throw that label back on me. I'm not afraid to talk to you, I just literally have nothing to say. My two favorite things in the world are peace and the good sis silence. I'm not disturbing either just to be heard or just to make you feel less uncomfortable.
It's also a sex thing too, men are suppose to be bold and outgoing, and when you aren't a lot of women perceive that we just have low self esteem, which is not true for men at all, I just don't see the point of running my mouth all the time especially to people I don't like lol. Every quiet person struggles but, if you are a quiet woman, you can still get a date
Being quite + having rbf = "Why are you mad?"
This is my face man and my personality...like can I just sit in silence w/o people assuming I'm contemplating the murder of whoever is sitting in the general direction that I'm staring blankly into 😢😢😂😂
Quiet is digging the scene with the gangsta lean!!!! Yessssss!
Pausing the video to say I SEE YOU WITH THE STYLIZED BACKGROUND SET UP THOUGH! *Goes back to watching*
This made my day. I hate being called shy. I'm an introvert. There's a big difference.
Introverts UNITE!
Yes!!!!! Story of my life! For years, I accepted others telling me that I was shy and scared to talk to people, when in reality I was quiet and observant. Even though my self-confidence significantly increased as I got older, I'm still quiet and observant. Except now, I see it as a strength and asset.
So on point! I tell people that I'm quiet bc i like being so. Also, it gives me time to think abt moves and be observant abt my surrounding!
LITERALLY MY LIFE. Literally every African aunt who I’ve told that I’m studying journalism says “you’re to quiet” and I’m like “do you knooow me?!”. I don’t like raising my voice and I don’t like speaking if I have nothing to say like why waste my breath. I love LISTENING. And yes there are times I get anxious when it comes to talking to groups of people , but I’m nooot shy! Lol 😂
Thank you for this vid and setting the record straight! Shy is not introverted, and introverted is not quiet. They are all different things. People think I'm shy or will say "You're so quiet." Meanwhile I'm thinking, "Just because I'm not running my mouth about bs or I don't want to tell you my whole life story within 5 minutes of meeting you I'm quiet?? Could it be that I don't know you?!" Glad to see I'm not the only one that feels this way.
"They got a lil something for Cheryl in accounting" my laughter startled the dogs. I love it. #whenyourerightyoureright
SAME GIRL, SAME!! I've been called shy so many times that I went to a party with an aquainti-friend and she introduced me like "Hey this is Keisha, she's shy hahaha!"...It was in that moment that I no longer considered her an aquainti-friend 😒
I like that word :D
Your ex aquainti-friend was messed up for that
👏👏👏👏👏
Come on somebody! I never really thought about the distinction between quiet and shy. I always just say I’m both. Which I still see but probably lean more toward just quiet and you said a word with “your conversation is likely not awakening anything within my spirit and I have nothing to add. My voice is a gift and you probably haven’t earned it. I do not fight for spotlight.” Mm. I feel so seen. Needed to hear that
"I do not fight for spotlight" may just be a new mantra. Thank you again Not Shy Evelyn.
YOU'RE ARTICULATING ALL OF THE TRUTH. "My voice is a gift, and you probably haven't EARNED IT." THANK YOU.
My freshman year I WORKED MY ASS OFF in this student group. I practically moved mountains. So when I graduated I was saying goodbye, my teacher never said a WORD about my work ethic, but just said wow you are so quiet!
I was so mad that out of all I did, my voice volume was what stuck out the most🙄
That's so upsetting...sad how some professors play favorites with students who are outgoing/charismatic or how some of them just straight up just act weird around you if you're quiet. It's not appropriate
I firmly believe that those who speak less, know more! People think that I’m shy bc I don’t speak a lot at work, but how can anyone else talk if folks never shut up; just nonstop talking about themselves from the beginning to the end of the day👀 🤐
f them. ur their for funds not to feed their social needs/expectations
I realized I was quiet and not actually shy years ago so whenever people say that I'm shy, I shut them down with "I'm not shy - I'm just quiet." They finally get the damn difference and then they get out of my face which is all I've ever wanted in life.
Preach! I hate that too!! If I tell you, "I'm an Introvert..." then proceed to finish talking, and your response is, "Oh, I get it; you're shy", I automatically stop listening to you. This conversation is OVER, and I have officially "left the building" and am now marinating in my own wonderful thoughts. 🤦♀️
"Y'all not gon' shame me for my silence, tho!" Love it. Story of my life.
This is soooooooo me! I feel so much better knowing I’m not alone. People (ESPECIALLY at work) love to tell me I’m shy. How are you going to tell me who I am?! I’m NOT shy! Like you said, I consider myself quiet and observant. Just because I don’t talk loud as hell all the time or talk over people every damn day doesn’t mean I’m shy! 😡😂
#facts👌
Desi R. 😂😂😂 yes!!!!
"I'm glad I get to talk about books at the end my videos, instead of...detox teas."...Love you girl 😆
You just said a word!! They love putting social anxiety on people, keep it!!
So I will admit, I'm all three - shy, introverted, and quiet (unless I'm with my friends). I have been shy since preschool. When you get me around friends I am very outgoing and sometimes my friends can't shut me up but when I am alone with people I don't know, and especially if they all know each other, it is difficult for me to force a conversation. In middle school this happened frequently because they all knew each other and I couldn't relate to them (they were all rich and me, not so much lol). Towards the end of high school and in my first sememster of college, I realized I was also introverted, because it takes so much energy for me to be around people, but I was getting better at the shy part because I became okay with being alone. I found that there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. In moments that I am feeling very shy, I also feel lonely because I can't relate to the people around me. When I am alone though, I am calm, I can recharge, and I feel more comfortable in the space that I am in. I can now take that energy that I've gained and not be as nervous when I'm around others.
When I was a toddler I used hide in the house when we have company so Im everything and in-between but I'm trying to get out of it.
Carol Merengza w2\aaa1a11 wa
This is SO ME!
I'll admit it is strange feeling lonelier around other people than by yourself. But that's the phenomenon of being introverted. We draw our strength from the INSIDE not the outside.
“I hate being told what to do, even if I want to do it” I felt that in my soul!
I feel this, people keep confusing quiet with shy. If I wanted to talk, I would, and when I want to talk, I will, but if I don't, I won't.
Same here 🙋🏾♀️. I’m quiet and people just don’t seem to understand the difference between quiet and shy. 🤷🏽♀️
I, too, am introverted, but I'm also a serious loner. Any friend I have is by accident. I've been described as Shy so much. But, people say I give off a friendly vibe, which seriously conflicts with my RBF. I am content with being a loner. I am content with the idea of not having any new friends. I don't even have any work friends, and the odd part of that for me is that this is the first job I've had that I actually love what I do. Any other job, I'd have work friends but hate what I do. Shrug. But it does irk me when people call me Shy or quiet...no, boo boo! I just don't know you, and now I REALLY don't want to know you. Thanks for trying, though!
I get that all the time too and I feel you!!!! especially when people use "you're shy" as an argument to tell you you can't do something, I hate that and I don't buy it anymore!
yessss Evelyn, we have the same personality! I definitely was shy as a kid, but I've always said that I"m more reserved and introverted. Maybe I don't want to talk b/c I have nothing interesting or original to provide to this conversation lol
I applaud your ability to always have a clean and made bed.
The saiyan hair 😂😂
"I hate when people misinterpret my personality." Hunty. THAT.
"My voice is a gift and you probably haven't earned it." This speaks to me on a soul level.
One thing, though: getting your energy/recharging from being alone is exactly what being introverted is. Social anxiety (and shyness) is something else entirely. People get them confused, which is understandable.
OMG! You spoke to my soul!!!! I hate being called shy or people acting like being quiet or introverted is a problem. Not everyone is loud.
I'm not shy either. I'm very quiet, observant, and thoughtful (unless I know you). I don't consider myself an introvert, I love being alone. STOP ASKING WHY I'M QUIET! When and why did being quiet become a bad thing? Always wondered this.
"That is a real affliction. I rebuke!" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
“Quiet is choosing your words wisely” 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 it’s like you’re (quietly) reading my mind haha
"Your conversation is not awakening anything in my spirit, so I have nothing to add." If that aint a word, Evelyn! Thank you for seeing us quiet (storm) types. I do have social afflictions, so my introversion fits in nicely, but when I like being around someone who makes space instead of taking space, I can be very animated. I often get that I'm "mysterious" and I don't quite care to correct them, because those are the people that talk At me and only about what they're interested in.
I resonateeeeeee! I’ve had people confuse me being quiet and not having nothing to say or lack of self confidence. And it really pisses me off!
In medical school and residency my Quietness was misinterpreted as unassertive, unaware, unconcerned and unintelligent ( they thought I didn’t know my stuff so imagine the surprise when I opened my mouth and actually got the answers correct). I have been quiet my whole life and there was a point when I was a child and felt shy but I am by no means shy. Now that I’m a practicing physician, my quietness is an asset because I actually listen to my patients and only speak when I have something important to convey to them. Quiet does not equal void of substance. “And that’s all I have to say about that”.
Evelyn, I TOTALLY RELATE!! People have considered me to be shy since I was a kid when really I’m just thoughtful with my words ☺️ Shy and quiet are NOT the same thing! Lol Thanks for making this vid! ✨
I felt this one in my soul. I like to be observant and listen too people to get a read on their personality and so many people call me either shy or boring!
Omggg Evelyn, why are you me?! I'm always perceived as shy. I hate it. I'm extremely introverted and I literally hate people in my space. I've heard people calling me bougie, rude, etc because I literally avoid talking if possible. I need to share this on every social media I have😪😪
I definitely care what people think, it affects how they treat me, how they speak about me to others. Being called shy when you aren’t (also story of my life) is honestly pretty damaging because people don’t think you can “handle” certain opportunities when you MOST DEFINITELY CAN and write you off sometimes
Yes!!! To everything in this video! I’m NOT shy at all... yet I just choose to be quiet sometimes🤷🏽♀️
What did I do to deserve this blessing?? A video!?! Gloooorrryy!!!
I’m the sammmme way . Like I’m not shy . I’m chilled/quiet at first. Somtimes I feed off other people’s energy so energize me .
I hate it too.
Just because I am not always up in everyone's face talking all the time.
I like to observe and chose my words
shy is not the same as introverted! Amen!
Omg thank you so much. People call me”Shy” and “soft spoken” ESPECIALLY my family but they are literally just loud and have HUGE personalities
You described my whole life. At one point I think I internalized the idea of being shy and didn't realize how much of an extrovert I am
One of my coworkers called me shy to my other coworkers and I rolled my eyes. This video is a mirror how I feel. This is my TED Talk. I'm a proud member of the "Introverted Observant Hush Gang."
Telling me or commenting how "shy" I am is the fastest way to make me shut down on conversation. You are spot on!
Love this Evelyn. I'm an INFJ and we love to make real genuine connections with people and like connecting with people on a more than a surface level. But we hate "small talk" and find it just too fake, superficial and draining, which gets us labeled "anti social" or "stand offish"
Absolutely HATE when people tell me I’m intimidating!
I think the best way is to field people’s comments on labeling is to kinda say “whatevers” shy, introverted, quiet- call me what you want, I don’t care, i try not to analyze myself that way. Life is much more fun not worrying about that. A huge time suck and waste of days. Helps to just focus outward but it’s easier said than done at times.
Wow! I can relate to this so much!!! I always tell people I'm not shy, there's just no reason to talk if there's NOTHING to talk about lol. I'm not here to fill a quiet moment just because.
"Your conversation is not awakening anything in my spirit, so I don't have anything to add". Thank Youuuuu Internet Cousin! Some people will see me animated, interacting with others and be shocked. My ex would get UPSET and ACCUSE me of flirting/cheating when I converse with others. And in a strange way he was correct, because I was being satisfied by others in a way he couldn't satisfy me. With mind-intriguing conversation. Don't be mad at me because your conversation is dryayay!
“ a lil #FUSTRATING “ 👈🏾👈🏾👈🏾😂😂😂😭😭😭
Yass, lol! Fellow Natasha agrees!
Finally!!!! If there is not one thing I hate...it’s being called shy and even an introvert. I think personality placement puts people in an unnecessary box. I often believe people use it as a lazy way of getting to know or claiming to know a person. Don’t call me shy, intro, extro, call me by my name! 🤷🏾♀️Get to know me as a person...simple... 🤜🏾Boom🤛🏾
THE RELATABILITY!!! When I tell you I’ve heard that most of my life fam!! People always thought I was upset and I never was. There was just nothing inspiring about the conversation, didn’t need to add to it 🤷🏾♀️ #myvoiceisagift
Thank you Evelyn for explaining the difference between quiet & shy!! SPOT ON! I can 1000% relate :-D
"YOUR CONVERSATION IS NOT AWAKENING ANYTHING WITHIN MY SPIRIT"
"MY VOICE IS A GIFT"
"I DO NOT FIGHT FOR SPOTLIGHT!"
AMEN
Evelyn is so genuinely funny. When she was talking about liking listening to people but not necessarily remembering, I screamed 😂😂 (This 17 year old relates, shiiiid)
This whole video is basically a testimony of my life. I hate being called shy because I'm not... "your conversation is likely not awakening anything in my spirit". Facts!
People think the opposite with me. Because I’m so lively with my friends and family they think I’m just able to go out and be the same way. But if you put me in a group of people I don’t know. I totally shut down and go into a shell.
EVELYN BACK AT IT AGAIN !!! Go on head cousin!
I'm an introvert but I'm not shy. I hate when people take my behavior for being distant or cold. It takes me a moment to warm up to you. Also, I need some time alone to recharge myself.
Shy is NOT the same as quiet! PREACH!
OMG SPEAK👏🏿ON👏🏿IT!!👏🏿You just told the story of my life. People never consider that I'm quiet cause I don't feel compelled to add to ashy conversation for the sake of filling silence!
I appreciate the distinction that you make between shy and quiet, both of which my freaking uncle calls me all the time! It's like just stop it!!! I don't always feel the need to add something to a conversation, including this one, goodbye
I am loud and that makes people think that I can’t be insightful. It’s just the way I am and I still know when to shut up.
Leo's can be misunderstood as shy, when really we're just lurkin', on the prowl, Minding Our Business!!! knowing the Power of our Worth!!! and being strategic about who we share it with.
My quietness makes louder people give me a wide berth of space because I'm not hype enough. Even at work, I still get this,where people will actually groan if a cell center job (I've worked several) has assigned seats and a talkative person has to sit next to me. Managers do this to tame the louder person and keep them focused but it makes me feel like just sinking through the floor.
I don't talk a lot so talkative people find me a bore. Talkative people wear me out, though, because while I like some conversations, I like to just inwardly reflect. I know the irony of not being a talker and working at a call center but at least I have a problem I can work on to reach a solution, so the conversations become formulaic and usually predictable to handle.
No offense to extraverts but it seems like most quiet people and introverts understand the desire for extroversion but never the opposite way around. We're constantly having to explain and defend ourselves that we don't hate talking.
This whole video is the perfect description of me!! I’m happy someone else gets it!
I had almost the exact same thing happen to me, a relative I was telling about journalism work (that I was getting consistently and LOVING) responded with, “I can’t see that, people have never been your thing.” People as individuals have always been my thing - humanity in general is not. 😄
People always say that I'm shy and mean. Am I quiet? Yes. Do I have a RBF? Yes. But literally every person after meeting me says the complete opposite. Nicest "mean" person you'll ever meet, and I don't speak often because when I do decide to speak people tend to listen more because they know I speak for a purpose and not just to hear myself talk.
As a child my cautious observance and quietness was labeled as shyness, so I started believing I was shy. Now I still struggle with shyness even as I’m more confident in who I am. I wonder who I would be if people had not labeled me from such a young age.
This is my life 🙄😑. People also mistake quiet people for one's who don't have anything to say. Choosing ones words before speaking takes more thought and reasoning. I find that silence makes people feel uncomfortable. It also causes them to reflect more. That's scary to most people. No one really wants to be alone with their thoughts. I value peace and quiet. I only speak when I actually have something to say or there's a topic that I find interesting. Because of that people think I'm distant, disinterested, or lame. I've heard them all. But when I do speak to people, I choose to talk to, we have great conversations.
Whenever I encounter such people who value noise and constant talking over meaningful conversations I always think of the words my mum would say to me. "Empty cans make a lot of noise".
Lmao not giving ASHY & UNINSPIRING people any of your energy is a mood!! A lifestyle really!
I am what is called an "Outgoing Introvert". Its hard for people to understand that I like being the story teller at parties and making ppl laugh but I only go out 3x a year....
Everyone cares what people think of them. The key is not letting it affect you.
I deal with this allll the time! I once said I wanted to live in New York and someone said "you know they have alot of people there right?".... Like do I have to talk to them all?? No I don't.
tell them Evelyn...I'm shy, quiet and an introvert. You don't want no parts of this shy/timid life. You don't exude shyness to me. Ain't nothing wrong with being quiet.
You nailed this! I hate when people make that assumption. I am a Counselor and talk for a living, so Shy where? People always want you to perform for them. Sometimes I just do not care about what a person is talking about, or I'm not feeling like getting into gossip. I was at a meeting once with about 50 people, and I shared and even made a lil joke, we laughed and elaborated on what I mentioned in the meeting. Immediately after the meeting, this man who was a self promoting clown, said "you are so shy, we are going to have to get you out of that". I just looked at him. Sometimes when people know you will speak your mind they get upset when you wont jump out there and be a loud mouth and say all the things the group is thinking but no one is bold enough to say.
Words cannot describe how much I love this video. I've always thought it was dumb to be annoyed by this, but I'm glad so many people feel the same way. Ever since I was a kid, my family has always shamed me for being quiet. When I told my co-worker I wanted to go into the field of marketing, she replied, "But you don't really talk that much." It's things like this that hold people back from reaching their full potential. I plan on achieving my goals despite what anyone else says.