I really liked "Praise for the Trees." The duality of nature and man and of noticing the world and being distracted really struck me. The irony of it amused me also.
Loving this series Andrew! Watching you help other poets polish up their work inspires me to be more attentive to the broader ideas and the modest flourishes when I’m editing my own work. I like the way you offer revision suggestions too, giving thoughtful examples of how to surmount the obstacles you call attention to, yet not being dogmatic about the approach you would take. Keep it up!
Thank you so much for looking at my poem (praise for the trees). I’m glad that you heard echoes of Pied Beauty in it, as this was one of my inspirations. What triggered the poem was a walk through a part of my twine with lots of trees. I was indeed staring at my phone before I decided to put it away and look up, and was so overcome with beauty that I dictated the poem on my phone. I usually only write old-fashioned lyrical poetry. But, following your suggestions elsewhere, I decided to branch out (pun intended) and try something new. Thanks for your feedback - it’s really helpful. Even if I won’t follow your exact suggestions, I can see a clearer direction for the piece now. I suspected that the poem lacked a bit of specificity (even if it is an improvement over my previous writing), and now I can see a way forward.
Thank you for reviewing my poem! Great points throughout this video. I love this series because it’s hard for me to judge poetry - my own especially - but you’ve given me lots of specific ways for me to improve my writing! Thanks again 🙏
I've been contemplating that question: "So what?" Perhaps inspired by the question brought up on discord: What is Art? And/or questioning the interpretation of symbolism in writing, I find myself wondering, Is a deeper meaning actually required? If I wrote a poem about a delicious sandwich I enjoyed and wanted to convey how amazing that experience was to my audience. Is that valid enough? Can the answer to "So what?" be: I wanted you to enjoy my sandwich experience too! Or does the question inherently imply that there must be something philosophical, spiritual, emotional, etc. underneath? As someone who still considers themself a student of poetry, I often will pen down some lines about something I come across in life that inspires me just by being beautiful. And I don't usually think those are my best poems, if they even can be called poems in such an unfinished state, but I feel like it's perhaps worthwhile practice to play with the words. Although, is it? If my goal is to write poems with quality content, would I perhaps be better off trying to write poems about deep and important topics that might need some finesse and improvement when it comes to prose and wordplay? Just some thoughts/questions I thought worth sharing.
I would think if that's what you're doing--conveying how amazing that sandwich was--that's enough of a so what. That's in contrast to a poem that just says what was on the sandwich: okay, cool, but why did that sandwich matter? (Because it was amazing! But just a description of the sandwich doesn't get us that.) Ross Gay's "A Poem in which I Try to Express My Glee at the Music My Friend Has Given Me" might be an example of a similar poem that doesn't just describe the music but gives us real insight into and sweeps us up in the speaker's enthusiasm
@@WritingwithAndrew Thanks! That's a great answer. I'll check out that poem. I love poems that aren't too serious. Almost as much as I love poems that are deeply serious! Haha.
rewriting my poem with these tips , I think 😅 Innocence Lost Dinosaurs lost in the thicketed yard, Smoke of dawn’s dreaming, drifting, unmarred, Not real, then real, now real no more- Memory’s self-feeding, meanings in store. Toys unfound, verses unvoiced, unviewed, What weight has tenderness? Chilled morning renewed, Comfort, keen ache in limbs, a gentle gnaw- Vision brightening space, space of memory’s maw. Was it real? It was real, and then- Gone as it came, yet coming again.
@@WritingwithAndrew I just discovered your channel and videos and I am enjoying them very much. I wanted to know if you would be evaluating your listensers poems again in the future? I self - published a book of poetry in 2023 and I am working on a second. Thank you for responding to my comment.
@@WritingwithAndrew So, in order to possibly have you review a poem on here, the person has to relinquish all of their rights over their work to you or your media company?
I really liked "Praise for the Trees." The duality of nature and man and of noticing the world and being distracted really struck me. The irony of it amused me also.
For sure!
Loving this series Andrew! Watching you help other poets polish up their work inspires me to be more attentive to the broader ideas and the modest flourishes when I’m editing my own work. I like the way you offer revision suggestions too, giving thoughtful examples of how to surmount the obstacles you call attention to, yet not being dogmatic about the approach you would take. Keep it up!
Thanks, I really appreciate that--and I'm glad to hear it's translating to your own process too!
Thank you so much for looking at my poem (praise for the trees). I’m glad that you heard echoes of Pied Beauty in it, as this was one of my inspirations. What triggered the poem was a walk through a part of my twine with lots of trees. I was indeed staring at my phone before I decided to put it away and look up, and was so overcome with beauty that I dictated the poem on my phone. I usually only write old-fashioned lyrical poetry. But, following your suggestions elsewhere, I decided to branch out (pun intended) and try something new.
Thanks for your feedback - it’s really helpful. Even if I won’t follow your exact suggestions, I can see a clearer direction for the piece now. I suspected that the poem lacked a bit of specificity (even if it is an improvement over my previous writing), and now I can see a way forward.
Of course--thanks to you for sending it in!
Thank you for reviewing my poem! Great points throughout this video. I love this series because it’s hard for me to judge poetry - my own especially - but you’ve given me lots of specific ways for me to improve my writing! Thanks again 🙏
Of course--thanks for sending it! I'm glad it was helpful
Another one--watched this immediately! Maybe I'll feature one day~
I was interested in all of the poems and what you had to say about them. I'm loving this critique series!
Glad to hear it!
What I learned from this... don't be ambiguous, add more detail, and cut the fat...
Nice!
learning so much by listening to this, thank you
I've been contemplating that question: "So what?"
Perhaps inspired by the question brought up on discord: What is Art? And/or questioning the interpretation of symbolism in writing, I find myself wondering, Is a deeper meaning actually required?
If I wrote a poem about a delicious sandwich I enjoyed and wanted to convey how amazing that experience was to my audience. Is that valid enough? Can the answer to "So what?" be: I wanted you to enjoy my sandwich experience too! Or does the question inherently imply that there must be something philosophical, spiritual, emotional, etc. underneath?
As someone who still considers themself a student of poetry, I often will pen down some lines about something I come across in life that inspires me just by being beautiful. And I don't usually think those are my best poems, if they even can be called poems in such an unfinished state, but I feel like it's perhaps worthwhile practice to play with the words. Although, is it? If my goal is to write poems with quality content, would I perhaps be better off trying to write poems about deep and important topics that might need some finesse and improvement when it comes to prose and wordplay?
Just some thoughts/questions I thought worth sharing.
I would think if that's what you're doing--conveying how amazing that sandwich was--that's enough of a so what. That's in contrast to a poem that just says what was on the sandwich: okay, cool, but why did that sandwich matter? (Because it was amazing! But just a description of the sandwich doesn't get us that.) Ross Gay's "A Poem in which I Try to Express My Glee at the Music My Friend Has Given Me" might be an example of a similar poem that doesn't just describe the music but gives us real insight into and sweeps us up in the speaker's enthusiasm
@@WritingwithAndrew Thanks! That's a great answer. I'll check out that poem. I love poems that aren't too serious. Almost as much as I love poems that are deeply serious! Haha.
Does the Skull have a name? Is it Heckle Skull?
Andrew sounds like a business man
rewriting my poem with these tips , I think 😅
Innocence Lost
Dinosaurs lost in the thicketed yard,
Smoke of dawn’s dreaming, drifting, unmarred,
Not real, then real, now real no more-
Memory’s self-feeding, meanings in store.
Toys unfound, verses unvoiced, unviewed,
What weight has tenderness? Chilled morning renewed,
Comfort, keen ache in limbs, a gentle gnaw-
Vision brightening space, space of memory’s maw.
Was it real? It was real, and then-
Gone as it came, yet coming again.
A comfortable escape towards seemingly simpler times, I really like this.
Do you have a Facebook page or are you on Tik Tok?
Nope, just TH-cam (for better or worse)
@@WritingwithAndrew I just discovered your channel and videos and I am enjoying them very much. I wanted to know if you would be evaluating your listensers poems again in the future? I self - published a book of poetry in 2023 and I am working on a second. Thank you for responding to my comment.
Yep, as long as the submission keep coming in (link in the description), I'll keep selecting a few to review here and there
@@WritingwithAndrew So, in order to possibly have you review a poem on here, the person has to relinquish all of their rights over their work to you or your media company?
can you review my poetry