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Most men on dating apps tend to be avoidant. Either they are separated, newly divorced, going through the screwing around stage after divorce, are married, living with someone, not wanting a relationship, but pretending they do. It is much better to meet someone IRL or through special intersts.
It's my current observation as well, that most men on the dating websites now are terrified of connection. I met my late beloved on one, when they'd say they were looking for an "LTR," or long-term relationship. Now? Not so much, it seems.
My ex was a very needy man even though he was extremely successful. after we got divorced. I asked him if I met most of his needs and he said absolutely but just having validation from you was not enough. I needed other women validate my worth to feel better about myself as a man. I personally don't want a man who's needy. I would prefer to be with somebody who is in tune with his wants and desires and is able to express them in an adult manner without acting out like a wounded child.
That was my experience, you can never satisfy a needy man and they don’t really appreciate what you do. They always need/want more and they can be extremely selfish!
This can be true. Are they loyal or seeking novelty? Never Forgive Infidelity Cheating -;Sam Vaknin podcast Cheating Triangulation In Sick Relationships ---Sam Vaknin podcast Love Addiction Craving Infatuation Limerance - Sam Vaknin podcast
@@sherriflemming3218in my experience they like to continue to enjoy the benefits of being married whilst also going outside the relationship. They want both.
@@camellia8625 Indeed the cake and eat it too. There's no such thing as an honest cheat. I've had these experiences as well. Married and attached. Ad nauseum.
I’m glad you mentioned being in a funk during the period of the solar eclipse. Me too! Nothing I could put my finger on and I’m glad to have a reason. I’ve been super mopey.
I tried to make it work with a man going through a divorce. He had allot of good qualities but he needed to do allot of healing, so I ended it after a year. Your video is excellent Jonathan and it really resonated with my last relationship.
Ladies please focus on a man’s action more than his words and listen to your guts. A man shows interest in you through his actions and his words. If you are not getting that, he doesn’t even like you to begin with. 😊
Indeed, not seriously interested. Wasting your valuable time. Men know exactly what they are doing. It's not about like. It's about alignment and credibility. Keep your standards high ladies. By keeping your standards high you will disqualify the wrong men. We can only lose the wrong men In this world verify everything.
I was waiting for Jonathan to comment on this woman's relationship, and as I listened, all I could hear was that this guy was not really into her. She wouldn't be confused if he was really into her. He sounds like he's wasting her precious time.
You nailed it, Jonathon! Thank you só much. At 73 I've experienced all of the above and am making better decisions!! Yes, the eclipse was a heavy one on our spiritual people😢 - we are all work in progress😅 🎉
She helped me so much to heal people need to know what to truly look for because a narcissist relationship is truly dangerous mentally emotionally and sometimes physically .
I have been healing since I was a teenager from my father wound. I'm now almost 40 and I have been divorced. My ex hubs is very narcissistic a covert type. I had to have a lot of therapy after him as well and it's now been 6 years. I can say now I know the red flags and things like that. I met a man recently and he's over 40 and he is recently divorced and I told him nope but we can be friends and he will talk to me about his pain from her and he sounds so sad, I said therapy is amazing for anyone. I love therapy and counseling, shadow work and all the stuff. It's been such a help but this video is awesome because it confirmed things for me and I learned a couple new things as well thanks so much for your time!
I'm dating a wonderful widower who lost his wife over a year ago. I encourage him to talk as much about his wife as he needs to, and he has said that she was the love of his life. We've been together over six months and he says he cares for me, but has not been able to say he loves me although I definitely feel it. He makes me feel cherished, appreciated and important in his life. it's hard but I really feel he's worth staying with because in my past relationships they said the words, but the actions didn't match the words. with Ed It's the opposite. He shows me he loves me through actions, but can't say the word.
Thank you for addressing all this. I'm 70, in excellent health and want to share all kinds of pleasure and discovery. I'm a 21 years-recovered alcoholic; I use nothing that reduces judgement AND the intensity of connection in a sexual relationship, and look only for a like-minded man. From CPTSD from my traumatized, alcoholic mother and traumatized adulterous father, and a caregiver they let abuse me, I neglected my own children, apologized, and live with regret. I'm drawn to "bad boys," like my dad, the best boyfriend I ever had, and my late beloved 2nd husband, who told me I made him want to be a better man. Like me, they all had deep remorse and had made changes. Men in the process of self-redemption inspire me and understand me, so yes, I'm drawn to bad boys gone better. Knowing how CPTSD impacts me, I've no further time for "casual" sex. For the likes of me, there ain't no such animal. The most intense pleasure and greatest safety and freedom I've ever felt, was in uncompromising monogamy with my late beloved. More, please!
I saw so many men on dating sites with wedding rings on their photo. Ugh. Or guys that were going through separation and not even divorced yet. Geez. Slim Pickins and lots of trouble out there.
Agree with you Jonathan. Finding out the type of love language your partner has shows you want to make them happy. Having a one sided relationship so your partner can retain “autonomy” to be cool seems like a testing ground for failure. Could this have to do with how much personal time each person needs to enjoy a hobby ? The happiest couples I know simply like spending time together. They weren’t tip toeing around issues and did not try to put a limit on their sweetheart’s boundaries.
Be careful not to confuse narcissistic rhetoric with watching out for people with real narcissistic personality traits or personality disorders. They really do exist and can be very dangerous. It's kind of sad that this word has gotten so overused lately that people don't believe you anymore when you are talking about a real narcissist. They will slowly drain you of your soul before they dispose of you, one way or another. 💔⚰️💀 Beware.
The girl who shared today was super helpful to me because I’m in a relationship that is so similar to hers. I loved your explanation that if your grateful for the person and would be miserable without them in your life being love, really gave me clarity. It also helped me know that I do have a quality guy. I have my mom telling me that I’m making a bad decision with him because he isn’t a part of my religion, but I really think he is wonderful especially because of how he treats me and makes me feel. I think it’s a hard thing to find sometimes so I’m not going to give him up. My mom currently is just giving me the silent treatment due to my relationship with this guy. It’s pretty heartless if you ask me. I’m only renting from her because she needed the income, but it’s so unfair to me when she won’t allow me to choose for myself.
I did the same thing that lady did. I asked him during a phone call if he was seeking a commitment or was he just casually dating Told him I was Catholic and was married forever and widowed and o wasn’t in this just for dating fun. He absolutely shared he was looking for a wife. Problem was (in my opinion) it was 6 months after her death and I thought that was too soon. I said no the first two times he asked me out and then the third time I said yes,
@@JonathonAslayhe turned out to be an Absolute coward. Hooked on porn, lied to me repeatedly, needed money. Had controlling grown kids he wouldn’t stand up to, he was a wolf In sheep’s Clothing. Never missed church on Sundays but was all About himself. He was a selfish lover and a love bomber from The get go. I should have listened to my gut! I kept Giving him chance after chance because we got along so well and enjoyed each other so much. He had zero personal Integrity and was a closet Pervert. So Sad I wasted a year on this loser. Oh well. Live and learn
@@sherriflemming3218it worked out badly actually. He was hooked on porn for 15 years during last years of his marriage. His wife died two years ago Long story. I gave him many chances to “get better.” Stupid me. Wasted over a year. He kept Improving and I hung in there because we got Along so well and he lied and said he had stopped The porn! He broke Uo with me via a text message. He knew I was on to him!! What a coward. I’m wiser for The experience but mad and sad too
I wasted three years in a man because he said he was looking for a relationship and marriage. One week turned into one year and so on with him telling me to be patient… if I remind him or ask him about marriage he would say that I can’t hold him to that because things change over time. Wow. I think he just wanted someone to spend time with, talk to when he was bored..this was a long distance relationship. Yes, we had a plan at the beginning but he never followed up with it. Truth? Yes, he wasted my time but I started dating after the second year and still waited on him. I think he’s done this before to other women…woo them the first year, promise them marriage and then nothing. He just needs company every once in awhile… we never even had sex so I feel good about that… everything you said was on point. We are still friends. He calls every few days but the love is gone now… never again.
I recently ended a relationship with a man I met online and dated for five months. I realized after a month that he was still going through a divorce. I talked with him about the possibility of needing more time to go through the grief process as well as the separating of material things. He said he was ready to move on. But he hadnt done any work on himself and yet I wanted to give him an opportunity to see if he was ready. I should've listened to my gut. He wasn't ready and was still looking at and talking with other women online. I finally ended it and now am looking at my part in this relationship. It still hurts to end a relationship that was less than ideal. Healing and learning is my journey.
Thank you for the knowledge. I wish I had sought all this before dating anyone in my 20s. I was too in love with the idea of love to actually see those men for who they really were. Now in my 40s I've been out of the dating to concentrate not only in better my life financially spiritually emotionally but also researching knowledge to prepare for a future relationship and marriage.
I just experienced this with a 63 Yr old man, we've known each other 2 yrs ❤ his true colors came out behaving like a child, shouting, all because I wanted to talk about 'feelings' iv realised its all about our self worth & boundaries. I'm not allowing bad behaviour anymore. ❤❤x thankyou Jonathon, new subscriber from 🇬🇧 xx
The guy i was in love with is a wonderful human. Shameful to admit there was no affection and he never even asked how my day was. I literally was in a fantasy of how good he may be....but never acknowledged he was using me for sex. We never even kissed or held hands or hugged for tje entire three years. How did i create a fantasy?
The success rate for recovery is about 10% Any sobriety is challenging. The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Safe People by Henry Cloud Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
We appreciate you immensely, Coach! Thank you for this huddle and pep talk. Viewer here for 2.5 years, and it's effectual. AMEN! 🙏 Our condolences, Sir. I am currently bonding again with my Persian Father. You remind me that's a gift to love a Stoic father. I'm picking Relationships that were almost lost, while finding peace in letting go of what's not serving us. Blessings everyone, from Austin ❤️🔥
Dr. Ramini said all JERKS aren’t narcissists but all Narcissists are JERKS! Sadly you don’t know if someone is until you’ve gone thru all the suffering. 😢 Trying to find a playbook to avoid future suffering isn’t reality cause at the end of the day narcissists do their research on the same playbook 😭searching for love is risky for a reason. If your intentions are in the right place does not necessarily mean others are as well. If you take the risk and suffered for it don’t let that discourage you from taking another risk. Too often we allow the fear of the unknown to dictate your relationship decisions.. Love is the reward that is worth the risk ❤
They tell you who they are / there are clues many times. I would not fall for it afín now that I encountered that type of person. You spend enough time and not rush into feelings and sex you will have a better idea what you are dealing with. I take people on day trips to get to know them. That tells me all in need to know when I travel with someone
As far as only having compassion for single mothers if they lost their husband due to death, I tried for years and years to stay with the husband and father of my girls who had serious addiction issues and it was life threatening to us each time we would try to leave. My ten year old daughter was told that he would kill her if she tried to call 911, and my infant at the time he told me he would twist her head off if we tried to leave. THAT was a marriage I needed to get out of. It wasn’t easy to do for obvious reasons. We have finally escaped the awful nightmare, but I still VERY much desire a healthy and happy marriage. I got nothing I hoped for from that relationship. So to say you only have compassion for single mothers who lost their spouse to death is cruel. We all have hopes desires and dreams and want to find love and connection.
Lol! It is definitely a minefield. Being from Texas, you can just imagine what type of minefields I think it is with all the cattle, horses, and goats. I am sorry I just couldn't help myself. 😅
God I love you are soo spiritual 11:11 I so thst all the time but I usually always see dual numbers every hour..Don't forget about watching videos about avoidant attachment styles.Ken Reid
well I met a few men who I was very kind to over my life and I didn't know what was going on with their behaviour so I researched it and the word narcissism came up. we all have it to some degree apparently. I learned by meeting them what it was and to avoid the signs of severe narcissism. I don't think being aware of it is wrong it's necessary, I don't think people teaching awareness are saying everyone is a severe narc. probably small percentage of the population. These people have no empathy, never apologise, never their fault, people need to be aware who trust everybody.These people give nothing back, no support , only take. just saying.I'm glad I am aware now. And I.ve changed myself to aviod these people I was obviously giving the power to, yes working on myself. It's frightening that not all people are to be trusted. that's what I'm saying.
If one has a father wound, the mother wound is usually there too because the spouses enable each other so one is the active abuser, and the other is the permissive/enabler one.
Exactly. The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Safe People by Henry Cloud Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
You learn to love in a relationship but respect is definately more important. Thought experiment, Relationship A only has respect for each other but no love vs relationship B only has love but no respect, which relationship is more likely to stay together?
Respect and trust are the foundation of a healthy relationship. Love is the icing on the cake. Safe People by Henry Cloud The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
I would always ask him, Why do you shake your leg even when you’re in the bed? He could never be still, always needing the TV on. It’s like he’s trying to drown his thoughts, could never be alone. His response was: I’m self- soothing.. huh? At 50? 😳 I found out soon enough he is a vulnerable /covert narcissist. Needless to say, I was out! 🏃🏾♀️
I'm 55 and been single over 10 yrs. I prefer younger men but unfortunately I'm not confident enough to have a successful relationship. These days I find men of any age are either too busy, not interested or too picky !
Women over 40 consistently have totally unrealistic expectations about where they fall in the dating pool and think top quality, experienced men way above them will throw a relationship to them.
You need to meet 5 out of 9 criteria to be officially diagnosed as a narcissist. The traits must be pervasive. I only know of meeting one in my life and he absolutely was one. 9/9 pervasive traits
All I can say is: I feel sorry for this generation I don't see how today we can raise decent families based with such low standards on the dating scene- Been an independent, strong and honest person it's almost impossible to get a date without promiscuous behavior-
U likely already knew and just didn’t trust yourself, you have learned from this, move on, this is one person there are so many more-use good judgment etc
Also, even if u ask at day 1, no guarantee they won’t just lie-look for actions and signs and trust your timeline-when it’s time to be done (your time) it’s not easy!
I am dating someone for eight years and I am happy with the way it is. I do not and will not marry again, it is nice to live with someone for so long that is there with you with no legalities or perceived obligations. We are together because we both want it and can walk away and haven't . I enjoy long term dating
Will a spender still bring me around his family? I'm wondering if the man I was dating for the past year might have been a spender.. but he was bringing me around his family a lot which made me think he was serious about me.. he didn't want to meet my family though and the relationship was one sided.. so now I'm questioning if he was actually a spender?
I have never in my life.Had a healthy relationship and I don't know what it consists of or pertains.Or what is the right thing to do or not?The right thing to do on both party parts.. I've been single for 10 years now.Just because I'm afraid because I don't know what to expect.And I need help in having a healthy relationship. I'm not hurting anymore.I have no regrets.I just want to move forward with my life correctly like I wanna find somebody again. But i'm not desperate for just anyone. I don't know if there's a way you could find me in. Contact me, but I'll try to find you. This is my first time hearing you. It has to be it, can't be a coincidence..
I’m with you Jonathon. My all time most inspirational movie is the Shawshank Redemption!! I really like your definition of love and I will share it with my BF: I’m here You matter We’re important I got your back I’m not going anywhere I only want you Love your content! Thank you! 🙏
Hi Jonathon, I do meet quality men (the growers) but, my problem is I’m not attracted to them. They are usually very short (I’m 5’6) and I’m just not attracted to them. I’m trying to date outside of my usual type but, I’m finding the attraction just isn’t there. What am I doing wrong??
He has four of them and loves everybody he gets to people that are basically children on Facebook and everywhere else because they show attention to them says he doesn't want anybody that still does their stuff but is willing to raise another child and he's almost 50 and because I don't talk to him he'll go talk to everybody else but yet he gets mad when I confront him about it
Jonathan, this man struggles with soul to soul communication & texts books ...with way to many IIIIIIIII ? I refuse to respond at this point we have discussed it, and he comtinues as we struggle with the issue. ????? He expresses his needs & emotions only in writing ?
Action stop more and more once he couldn't keep taps on me! He very jealous of a lot family and close friends in my life always wanting to know about who or whom I was spending time with and what they said about him! Couldn't handle that I can be forgiveness in arguments!
Hey Jonathan. How do you handle sharing with someone you are dating that you’ve been married multiple Times without scaring them away. Through no fault of my own (two died and one was a bad egg)…I’ve been sharing details After something could Be serious , as I think There are some very religious and scared folks out there ….I share I’ve been widowed and tell Them I’ll unpack The baggage slowly and only according to If the relationship gets serious.
I'm curious if he shows physical initiative because if he doesn't, then is it possible she could be in the friend zone with him? It just sounds a lot like a situation that a friend of mine was in and it ended up that she was more into him than he was with her and he had the same wonderful qualities. I'm not trying to be a downer, I just know how hard it was for her and how hard it was as her friend, when I could see some of the signs.
God took my husband of 26 years and now dating at age 58 just sucks ! I have had a internet love for 5 years but always an excuse to visit ! So then my neighbor I’ve known 30 years but only wants hook up ! Im so frustrated ! I hate dating !
It’s slim Pickings out there! I’m Same age . It’s ok to hate dating. - I changed my focus from trying to meet a man, to developing female friendships, participating in local events, learning new things… so if I meet someone it will be based on my strengths, confidence, and inner peace vs. loneliness.
Thank you Jonathan. I’m nurse Susan and the person who asked the question. I’m no longer assuming I can change a man. Ask the hard question to prevent wasting wasting my time.
Could you stop giving people false hope! There’s no such thing as a normal human being, especially not a man, who would willingly date a single mother. It’s a big deal for a normal, healthy, sophisticated man to become a father to someone else’s children. Don’t give people false hope. It would be a different scenario if a single mother were a widow, and most normal women wouldn’t want to be with a man who has children. No normal, educated human being wants to be burdened with someone else’s mistake for the rest of their lives. It’s ridiculous. Single parents should stick together and raise their own bastards.
I think it's easier for single parents to date and perhaps form relationships if there is alignment. They may be a better match. Safe People by Henry Cloud The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
@@JonathonAslaybut words are meaningless if there is no action. The man was proving his love by his actions without knowing how to put it into words. Some people need the words to “feel” loved, and neglect to acknowledge the action that proves the love. I’ve been married three times to men who easily voice their love but fail to live it. The act of showing love is much more important than saying the words.
@@dancingfilly7355 Not when they don’t want to commit, then she could be a place holder… it could mean he’s not that into her and just having a FWB situation.
@@Bb-k4gdshe admitted he was proving through his actions that he loved her. She was getting caught up on hearing the words instead of accepting the facts.
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Most men on dating apps tend to be avoidant.
Either they are separated, newly divorced, going through the screwing around stage after divorce, are married, living with someone, not wanting a relationship, but pretending they do.
It is much better to meet someone IRL or through special intersts.
Absolutely! 💯
Agree. You nailed it Ambi.
Men will commonly tell women what they want to hear. What are they chasing?
Or engaged and having fun on the side. Oops
It's my current observation as well, that most men on the dating websites now are terrified of connection. I met my late beloved on one, when they'd say they were looking for an "LTR," or long-term relationship. Now? Not so much, it seems.
Totally
My ex was a very needy man even though he was extremely successful. after we got divorced. I asked him if I met most of his needs and he said absolutely but just having validation from you was not enough. I needed other women validate my worth to feel better about myself as a man. I personally don't want a man who's needy. I would prefer to be with somebody who is in tune with his wants and desires and is able to express them in an adult manner without acting out like a wounded child.
That was my experience, you can never satisfy a needy man and they don’t really appreciate what you do. They always need/want more and they can be extremely selfish!
This can be true. Are they loyal or seeking novelty?
Never Forgive Infidelity Cheating -;Sam Vaknin podcast
Cheating Triangulation In Sick Relationships ---Sam Vaknin podcast
Love Addiction Craving Infatuation Limerance - Sam Vaknin podcast
@@sherriflemming3218continuous validation of his worth
@@sherriflemming3218in my experience they like to continue to enjoy the benefits of being married whilst also going outside the relationship. They want both.
@@camellia8625 Indeed the cake and eat it too. There's no such thing as an honest cheat.
I've had these experiences as well. Married and attached. Ad nauseum.
Problem is sometimes they lie and tell you what they think you want to hear …ahhhh discernment. There ya go. We’ve got to be good discerners !!!
Exactly
Why not tell men to stop lying, to grow up 🙌🏻 and have some dignity, instead of gaslight your self thinking most men have good intentions 😉
Why not tell men to stop lying, to grow up 🙌🏻 and have some dignity, instead of gaslight your self thinking most men have good intentions 😉
Why not tell men to stop lying, to grow up 🙌🏻 and have some dignity, instead of gaslight your self thinking most men have good intentions 😉
Why not tell men to stop lying, to grow up 🙌🏻 and have some dignity, instead of gaslight your self thinking most men have good intentions 😉
You are indeed very humorous… ‘I gaslight myself’. Lol. Very authentic and relatable and funny.
I’m glad you mentioned being in a funk during the period of the solar eclipse. Me too! Nothing I could put my finger on and I’m glad to have a reason. I’ve been super mopey.
I get it...
I tried to make it work with a man going through a divorce. He had allot of good qualities but he needed to do allot of healing, so I ended it after a year. Your video is excellent Jonathan and it really resonated with my last relationship.
Separated = High risk
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
Never date anyone fresh out of any realtionship is a big rule for me.
It is a jungle out there if you care about yourself it is very important to know Who you are relating too.
Well said Maureen.
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Ladies please focus on a man’s action more than his words and listen to your guts. A man shows interest in you through his actions and his words. If you are not getting that, he doesn’t even like you to begin with. 😊
True, solid men will show you w/ actions n words and will not be confused.
Indeed, not seriously interested. Wasting your valuable time. Men know exactly what they are doing. It's not about like. It's about alignment and credibility. Keep your standards high ladies.
By keeping your standards high you will disqualify the wrong men. We can only lose the wrong men
In this world verify everything.
I was waiting for Jonathan to comment on this woman's relationship, and as I listened, all I could hear was that this guy was not really into her. She wouldn't be confused if he was really into her. He sounds like he's wasting her precious time.
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Amen Mya. Amen!!
You nailed it, Jonathon! Thank you só much. At 73 I've experienced all of the above and am making better decisions!! Yes, the eclipse was a heavy one on our spiritual people😢 - we are all work in progress😅 🎉
She helped me so much to heal people need to know what to truly look for because a narcissist relationship is truly dangerous mentally emotionally and sometimes physically .
Narcissistic relationships are doomed to fail
I have been healing since I was a teenager from my father wound.
I'm now almost 40 and I have been divorced. My ex hubs is very narcissistic a covert type. I had to have a lot of therapy after him as well and it's now been 6 years. I can say now I know the red flags and things like that. I met a man recently and he's over 40 and he is recently divorced and I told him nope but we can be friends and he will talk to me about his pain from her and he sounds so sad, I said therapy is amazing for anyone. I love therapy and counseling, shadow work and all the stuff. It's been such a help but this video is awesome because it confirmed things for me and I learned a couple new things as well thanks so much for your time!
So true Jonathan
I want a man who appreciates the fact that you have feelings for them....
Agreed. Instead of being disgusted or running for cover 😂
@@robyntorres7117 I hear that!
Me2
I'm dating a wonderful widower who lost his wife over a year ago. I encourage him to talk as much about his wife as he needs to, and he has said that she was the love of his life. We've been together over six months and he says he cares for me, but has not been able to say he loves me although I definitely feel it. He makes me feel cherished, appreciated and important in his life. it's hard but I really feel he's worth staying with because in my past relationships they said the words, but the actions didn't match the words. with Ed It's the opposite. He shows me he loves me through actions, but can't say the word.
Thank you for addressing all this. I'm 70, in excellent health and want to share all kinds of pleasure and discovery. I'm a 21 years-recovered alcoholic; I use nothing that reduces judgement AND the intensity of connection in a sexual relationship, and look only for a like-minded man. From CPTSD from my traumatized, alcoholic mother and traumatized adulterous father, and a caregiver they let abuse me, I neglected my own children, apologized, and live with regret. I'm drawn to "bad boys," like my dad, the best boyfriend I ever had, and my late beloved 2nd husband, who told me I made him want to be a better man. Like me, they all had deep remorse and had made changes. Men in the process of self-redemption inspire me and understand me, so yes, I'm drawn to bad boys gone better. Knowing how CPTSD impacts me, I've no further time for "casual" sex. For the likes of me, there ain't no such animal. The most intense pleasure and greatest safety and freedom I've ever felt, was in uncompromising monogamy with my late beloved. More, please!
I saw so many men on dating sites with wedding rings on their photo. Ugh. Or guys that were going through separation and not even divorced yet. Geez. Slim Pickins and lots of trouble out there.
Amen!!
@@Tbn48ibp Be careful!
Big PASS recently out of realtionship! I hear you!
Agree Mari.
It's the new disgusting style now! "Polygamous!!! Open relationship ", ohhh we r free",... etc crap.... 🤢🤢
Jonathon, You definitely make a difference in my life. Thank You!
Agree with you Jonathan. Finding out the type of love language your partner has shows you want to make them happy. Having a one sided relationship so your partner can retain “autonomy” to be cool seems like a testing ground for failure.
Could this have to do with how much personal time each person needs to enjoy a hobby ?
The happiest couples I know simply like spending time together. They weren’t tip toeing around issues and did not try to put a limit on their sweetheart’s boundaries.
💯 agree tired of narcissistic rhetoric
Indeed
Yes
Be careful not to confuse narcissistic rhetoric with watching out for people with real narcissistic personality traits or personality disorders. They really do exist and can be very dangerous.
It's kind of sad that this word has gotten so overused lately that people don't believe you anymore when you are talking about a real narcissist. They will slowly drain you of your soul before they dispose of you, one way or another. 💔⚰️💀 Beware.
So true. I married a narcissist
The girl who shared today was super helpful to me because I’m in a relationship that is so similar to hers. I loved your explanation that if your grateful for the person and would be miserable without them in your life being love, really gave me clarity. It also helped me know that I do have a quality guy. I have my mom telling me that I’m making a bad decision with him because he isn’t a part of my religion, but I really think he is wonderful especially because of how he treats me and makes me feel. I think it’s a hard thing to find sometimes so I’m not going to give him up. My mom currently is just giving me the silent treatment due to my relationship with this guy. It’s pretty heartless if you ask me. I’m only renting from her because she needed the income, but it’s so unfair to me when she won’t allow me to choose for myself.
I did the same thing that lady did. I asked him during a phone call if he was seeking a commitment or was he just casually dating Told him I was Catholic and was married forever and widowed and o wasn’t in this just for dating fun. He absolutely shared he was looking for a wife. Problem was (in my opinion) it was 6 months after her death and I thought that was too soon. I said no the first two times he asked me out and then the third time I said yes,
And?
This was the last nightmare situation, Mari?
@@JonathonAslayhe turned out to be an
Absolute coward. Hooked on porn, lied to me repeatedly, needed money. Had controlling grown kids he wouldn’t stand up to, he was a wolf
In sheep’s
Clothing. Never missed church on Sundays but was all
About himself. He was a selfish lover and a love bomber from
The get go. I should have listened to my gut! I kept
Giving him chance after chance because we got along so well and enjoyed each other so much. He had zero personal
Integrity and was a closet
Pervert. So
Sad
I wasted a year on this loser. Oh well. Live and learn
@@sherriflemming3218it worked out badly actually. He was hooked on porn for 15 years during last years of his marriage. His wife died two years ago Long story. I gave him many chances to “get better.” Stupid me. Wasted over a year. He kept
Improving and I hung in there because we got
Along so well and he lied and said he had stopped
The porn! He broke
Uo with me via a text message. He knew I was on to him!! What a coward. I’m wiser for
The experience but mad and sad too
Well I’ve been dating him for a year or so. He wants to marry me but I’m
Working out kinks!! lol
I wasted three years in a man because he said he was looking for a relationship and marriage. One week turned into one year and so on with him telling me to be patient… if I remind him or ask him about marriage he would say that I can’t hold him to that because things change over time. Wow. I think he just wanted someone to spend time with, talk to when he was bored..this was a long distance relationship. Yes, we had a plan at the beginning but he never followed up with it. Truth? Yes, he wasted my time but I started dating after the second year and still waited on him. I think he’s done this before to other women…woo them the first year, promise them marriage and then nothing. He just needs company every once in awhile… we never even had sex so I feel good about that… everything you said was on point. We are still friends. He calls every few days but the love is gone now… never again.
Why bother remaining friends with him and talking to him? Waste of time and energy--value yourself.
Agree Marigold. Next!
Yeah. This isn't really a friendship at all. It's just a part time companion
I recently ended a relationship with a man I met online and dated for five months. I realized after a month that he was still going through a divorce. I talked with him about the possibility of needing more time to go through the grief process as well as the separating of material things. He said he was ready to move on. But he hadnt done any work on himself and yet I wanted to give him an opportunity to see if he was ready. I should've listened to my gut. He wasn't ready and was still looking at and talking with other women online. I finally ended it and now am looking at my part in this relationship. It still hurts to end a relationship that was less than ideal. Healing and learning is my journey.
Thank you for the knowledge. I wish I had sought all this before dating anyone in my 20s. I was too in love with the idea of love to actually see those men for who they really were. Now in my 40s I've been out of the dating to concentrate not only in better my life financially spiritually emotionally but also researching knowledge to prepare for a future relationship and marriage.
Good luck and you gooo girl!!
@@Tbn48ibpthank you 😊
Jonathan " I have compassion for everybody" ❤ a true gentleman.
I believe that healing takes time. Good things can happen, with being patient. Prayer in my life has been a blessing.
First twenty minutes of talk/content was rich with content. It really takes us right to the important points. Thank you so much.
Glad it was helpful!
Thank you for your answer to "neediness" I appreciate you and your candor and honesty.
You are so welcome
I just experienced this with a 63 Yr old man, we've known each other 2 yrs ❤ his true colors came out behaving like a child, shouting, all because I wanted to talk about 'feelings' iv realised its all about our self worth & boundaries. I'm not allowing bad behaviour anymore. ❤❤x thankyou Jonathon, new subscriber from 🇬🇧 xx
The guy i was in love with is a wonderful human. Shameful to admit there was no affection and he never even asked how my day was. I literally was in a fantasy of how good he may be....but never acknowledged he was using me for sex. We never even kissed or held hands or hugged for tje entire three years. How did i create a fantasy?
You're human is why...
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Agreed with introspection!!! Yes, I am still learning and working on me!
You got this!
Thanks your the best
Awe... thank you 😊
😮..... As I was listening to this my boyfriend surprised me by coming home on lunch break he always suspects me of being up to something
Why are you with a man who doesn't trust you and is consistently suspicious? Life is too short--value yourself.
That must be so exhausting. Why does he get those vibes from you? Or is he not healed from past trauma?
Love this one Jonathon! This is a real message of hope for all of us out there who are working on ourselves and looking for our partner❤❤❤
You're making a difference in my life Jonathan and I appreciate you
Same here. I learning so much about relationships from the Jonathan💜
Don't forget sober for at least a year. My friend dated a Guy who was an alcoholic in the first fight. he broke his year long sobriety
The success rate for recovery is about 10%
Any sobriety is challenging.
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Safe People by Henry Cloud
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
Thanks Jonathon… you are making a difference in my life.
WOW! Thank you, and much appreciated. Any chance you can share this video with friends?
I just love how you throw it down. I'm fucked up ,your fucked, we're all a little fucked up. 🤘🤘🖤
Lol 😆 exactly
I read so many who hae not yet learned correct English, "You are" = you are, not your..
We appreciate you immensely, Coach! Thank you for this huddle and pep talk. Viewer here for 2.5 years, and it's effectual. AMEN! 🙏 Our condolences, Sir. I am currently bonding again with my Persian Father. You remind me that's a gift to love a Stoic father. I'm picking Relationships that were almost lost, while finding peace in letting go of what's not serving us.
Blessings everyone, from Austin ❤️🔥
Awe... thank you 😊 Your message touched my heart ❤️
Jonathon you're making a huge difference in my life. Thank you!! 🎉🎉🎉
Happy to hear that!
I wish I could move to LA to meet you Jonathan. I don’t do social media or dating apps.
Moonstruck. Love it. Reminds me of my family
Dr. Ramini said all JERKS aren’t narcissists but all Narcissists are JERKS! Sadly you don’t know if someone is until you’ve gone thru all the suffering. 😢
Trying to find a playbook to avoid future suffering isn’t reality cause at the end of the day narcissists do their research on the same playbook 😭searching for love is risky for a reason. If your intentions are in the right place does not necessarily mean others are as well. If you take the risk and suffered for it don’t let that discourage you from taking another risk. Too often we allow the fear of the unknown to dictate your relationship decisions..
Love is the reward that is worth the risk ❤
Yes!
They tell you who they are / there are clues many times. I would not fall for it afín now that I encountered that type of person. You spend enough time and not rush into feelings and sex you will have a better idea what you are dealing with. I take people on day trips to get to know them. That tells me all in need to know when I travel with someone
Thank you. Very useful reminders. Common sense that we can easily lose sight of.💕
Absolutely Marvellous man.Very interesting and engaging.
Glad you enjoyed it!
As far as only having compassion for single mothers if they lost their husband due to death, I tried for years and years to stay with the husband and father of my girls who had serious addiction issues and it was life threatening to us each time we would try to leave. My ten year old daughter was told that he would kill her if she tried to call 911, and my infant at the time he told me he would twist her head off if we tried to leave. THAT was a marriage I needed to get out of. It wasn’t easy to do for obvious reasons. We have finally escaped the awful nightmare, but I still VERY much desire a healthy and happy marriage. I got nothing I hoped for from that relationship. So to say you only have compassion for single mothers who lost their spouse to death is cruel. We all have hopes desires and dreams and want to find love and connection.
Amazing video. ..especially about the difference between love and in love ❤ thank you
I’m glad you got something out of it!
Lol! It is definitely a minefield. Being from Texas, you can just imagine what type of minefields I think it is with all the cattle, horses, and goats. I am sorry I just couldn't help myself. 😅
Oh wow!
God I love you are soo spiritual 11:11 I so thst all the time but I usually always see dual numbers every hour..Don't forget about watching videos about avoidant attachment styles.Ken Reid
Indeed
Hi Jonathon, you are making a difference in my life. Thank you!
My pleasure!
LOVE Shawshank redemption!
Me too
The Burned Haystack Dating Method is a great way to weed out the men who aren't for you. It helps to find your needle in the haystack❤
well I met a few men who I was very kind to over my life and I didn't know what was going on with their behaviour so I researched it and the word narcissism came up. we all have it to some degree apparently. I learned by meeting them what it was and to avoid the signs of severe narcissism. I don't think being aware of it is wrong it's necessary, I don't think people teaching awareness are saying everyone is a severe narc. probably small percentage of the population. These people have no empathy, never apologise, never their fault, people need to be aware who trust everybody.These people give nothing back, no support , only take. just saying.I'm glad I am aware now. And I.ve changed myself to aviod these people I was obviously giving the power to, yes working on myself. It's frightening that not all people are to be trusted. that's what I'm saying.
In this world verify everything.
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Safe People by Henry Cloud
I loved this talk! Thank you!
You are so welcome!
If one has a father wound, the mother wound is usually there too because the spouses enable each other so one is the active abuser, and the other is the permissive/enabler one.
Exactly.
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Safe People by Henry Cloud
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
The guy I’m dating says he doesn’t believe in love he believes in respect. Idk what to do with that. I want the love as well.
You learn to love in a relationship but respect is definately more important.
Thought experiment,
Relationship A only has respect for each other but no love vs relationship B only has love but no respect, which relationship is more likely to stay together?
Respect and trust are the foundation of a healthy relationship. Love is the icing on the cake.
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
There are two choices. Stay and accept the situation without your needs being met or leave. You cannot change a man.
Thank you Big Brother ❤ Love from Chile 🇨🇱
Jonathon, while we can all have narcissistic traits, I've learned that the personality disorder is marked by the inability to be introspective.
Best advice ❤ I agree with all these been there. The narcissist we will be AI soon left me rolling on the floor dude that’s iconic!😂😂😂😂
I would always ask him, Why do you shake your leg even when you’re in the bed? He could never be still, always needing the TV on. It’s like he’s trying to drown his thoughts, could never be alone.
His response was: I’m self- soothing.. huh? At 50? 😳
I found out soon enough he is a vulnerable /covert narcissist. Needless to say, I was out! 🏃🏾♀️
Could also be anxiety disorder and ADHD.
@@Rett-qv7ti Good point.
I've Scanned 250,000 Brains This Is Really How Men Think - Dr Daniel Amen and Lisa Biyeu podcast
I'm 55 and been single over 10 yrs. I prefer younger men but unfortunately I'm not confident enough to have a successful relationship. These days I find men of any age are either too busy, not interested or too picky !
Not confident enough? So you need to work on yourself first?
Yeah a decade of homework only to find out others have not. 🙄
Jonathan you are making a difference in my life 😊🌹🙏
Thank you
That's so sweet of you to send me a heart ❤️😊
There’s a lid for every pot!
Women over 40 consistently have totally unrealistic expectations about where they fall in the dating pool and think top quality, experienced men way above them will throw a relationship to them.
Sometimes
You need to meet 5 out of 9 criteria to be officially diagnosed as a narcissist. The traits must be pervasive. I only know of meeting one in my life and he absolutely was one. 9/9 pervasive traits
All I can say is: I feel sorry for this generation I don't see how today we can raise decent families based with such low standards on the dating scene-
Been an independent, strong and honest person it's almost impossible to get a date without promiscuous behavior-
We live in an instant gratification and promiscuous society.
21:27 Jonathon:insightful content-my 70 yr old boyfriend of 2 years is all in-at 60 and a widow-why am I afraid to say I love you?
You should pull back. He can only realize his feelings while you are away. Id give him space. You cannot desire something thats right in front of you.
A lot of them are superficial.
I...hate...the...'smart'...deVICE. I knew this was going to happen. I refused to get into that and still do. I feel like I'm on another planet.
You are such a delight to watch 😊 you’re the Seth Hazlitt to my Jessica Fletcher…
Wow, thank you!
Why do we take the time to invest then we go on a break?
After 7 years of dating , I asked, what are your intentions. “he said to have a good time”.
7 years of dating the same guy?
@@h8h215 yes! I should have ask that day one !
U likely already knew and just didn’t trust yourself, you have learned from this, move on, this is one person there are so many more-use good judgment etc
Also, even if u ask at day 1, no guarantee they won’t just lie-look for actions and signs and trust your timeline-when it’s time to be done (your time) it’s not easy!
I am dating someone for eight years and I am happy with the way it is. I do not and will not marry again, it is nice to live with someone for so long that is there with you with no legalities or perceived obligations. We are together because we both want it and can walk away and haven't . I enjoy long term dating
Will a spender still bring me around his family? I'm wondering if the man I was dating for the past year might have been a spender.. but he was bringing me around his family a lot which made me think he was serious about me.. he didn't want to meet my family though and the relationship was one sided.. so now I'm questioning if he was actually a spender?
Yes... but they can't commit
One sided anything is a yes! It takes time but study these men! I have a case of books and it’s depressing
So sorry for the loss of your son😢
Im just curious, why do men lie about their intentions?
Why are they so afraid of having feelings?
Because they lie to themselves...
I have never in my life.Had a healthy relationship and I don't know what it consists of or pertains.Or what is the right thing to do or not?The right thing to do on both party parts.. I've been single for 10 years now.Just because I'm afraid because I don't know what to expect.And I need help in having a healthy relationship. I'm not hurting anymore.I have no regrets.I just want to move forward with my life correctly like I wanna find somebody again. But i'm not desperate for just anyone. I don't know if there's a way you could find me in. Contact me, but I'll try to find you. This is my first time hearing you. It has to be it, can't be a coincidence..
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
How do you feel about a man who will talk to you on the phone for a year but won't date physically.
A pen pal
@@JonathonAslay Is there a way to get him to become more then a pen pal?
@@colleenhann9248 Yes, drive to his house and ask him out on a date.
@@JonathonAslay how do I do that he is painfully shy
He is a recluse will he turn me down.
Thank you Johnathon
I’m with you Jonathon. My all time most inspirational movie is the Shawshank Redemption!!
I really like your definition of love and I will share it with my BF:
I’m here
You matter
We’re important
I got your back
I’m not going anywhere
I only want you
Love your content! Thank you! 🙏
🙏
Hi Jonathon,
I do meet quality men (the growers) but, my problem is I’m not attracted to them. They are usually very short (I’m 5’6) and I’m just not attracted to them. I’m trying to date outside of my usual type but, I’m finding the attraction just isn’t there. What am I doing wrong??
It's not wrong, but just remember... a man with a big heart is effectively 6'2". A beautiful heart is the perfect height.
He has four of them and loves everybody he gets to people that are basically children on Facebook and everywhere else because they show attention to them says he doesn't want anybody that still does their stuff but is willing to raise another child and he's almost 50 and because I don't talk to him he'll go talk to everybody else but yet he gets mad when I confront him about it
Needy is not sexy.
Jonathan, this man struggles with soul to soul communication & texts books ...with way to many IIIIIIIII ? I refuse to respond at this point we have discussed it, and he comtinues as we struggle with the issue. ????? He expresses his needs & emotions only in writing ?
All the information you provide is very helpful however kinda makes it seem difficult.
Action stop more and more once he couldn't keep taps on me! He very jealous of a lot family and close friends in my life always wanting to know about who or whom I was spending time with and what they said about him! Couldn't handle that I can be forgiveness in arguments!
Jonathan, Mercury is in retrograde as of April 1st.
Hey Jonathan. How do you handle sharing with someone you are dating that you’ve been married multiple
Times without scaring them away. Through no fault of my own (two died and one was a bad egg)…I’ve been sharing details
After something could
Be serious , as I think
There are some very religious and scared folks out there ….I share I’ve been widowed and tell
Them I’ll unpack
The baggage slowly and only according to
If the relationship gets serious.
I've only been married once...
I’m asking advice for me. Sorry to confuse.
The below is the best dating advice ever !
Below?
Can you shed some light on Mother/ Son relationships, and if men unconsciously want to create the same dynamic with you,,,😉
I'm curious if he shows physical initiative because if he doesn't, then is it possible she could be in the friend zone with him? It just sounds a lot like a situation that a friend of mine was in and it ended up that she was more into him than he was with her and he had the same wonderful qualities. I'm not trying to be a downer, I just know how hard it was for her and how hard it was as her friend, when I could see some of the signs.
You make a difference!
Awe... thank you 😊
God took my husband of 26 years and now dating at age 58 just sucks ! I have had a internet love for 5 years but always an excuse to visit ! So then my neighbor I’ve known 30 years but only wants hook up ! Im so frustrated ! I hate dating !
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Safe People by Henry Cloud
It’s slim Pickings out there! I’m Same age . It’s ok to hate dating. - I changed my focus from trying to meet a man, to developing female friendships, participating in local events, learning new things… so if I meet someone it will be based on my strengths, confidence, and inner peace vs. loneliness.
Thank you Jonathan. I’m nurse Susan and the person who asked the question. I’m no longer assuming I can change a man. Ask the hard question to prevent wasting wasting my time.
Exactly
Most of them are jerks self centered and don’t care they just want to use you
Because women are usable now thanks to the s3xual liberation movement
Could you stop giving people false hope! There’s no such thing as a normal human being, especially not a man, who would willingly date a single mother. It’s a big deal for a normal, healthy, sophisticated man to become a father to someone else’s children. Don’t give people false hope. It would be a different scenario if a single mother were a widow, and most normal women wouldn’t want to be with a man who has children. No normal, educated human being wants to be burdened with someone else’s mistake for the rest of their lives. It’s ridiculous. Single parents should stick together and raise their own bastards.
That's not true
I think it's easier for single parents to date and perhaps form relationships if there is alignment. They may be a better match.
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Jennifer. Listen to your gut. I didn’t listen to mine and got burned terribly!!
Mari, you learned through trial and error.
Thank you Jonathan! I don't want smoke blowed up my ass! Lol 😂😅
Lol
Love is action not words
Both...
@@JonathonAslaybut words are meaningless if there is no action. The man was proving his love by his actions without knowing how to put it into words. Some people need the words to “feel” loved, and neglect to acknowledge the action that proves the love. I’ve been married three times to men who easily voice their love but fail to live it. The act of showing love is much more important than saying the words.
@@dancingfilly7355 Not when they don’t want to commit, then she could be a place holder… it could mean he’s not that into her and just having a FWB situation.
@@Bb-k4gdshe admitted he was proving through his actions that he loved her. She was getting caught up on hearing the words instead of accepting the facts.
@@dancingfilly7355 Imho, it’s not just about ‘hearing the words’ it’s about him saying ‘I’m not in love with you’.