Before I found out I am autistic, I had so many unanswered questions about myself. The main one was "Why can't I just be like everyone else, what's wrong with me?". Also, "Why does everything bother me so much (sounds, textures, tastes, light, etc)?". Now it all makes so much sense! I've spent decades trying to fit in to this world, trying to not let things bother me. But it has never worked, and I have put myself through trauma trying to be someone I'm not, and I can never be. I related so much to your struggles with burnout, and what it feels like! I look back on various times in my life when I have literally shut down, unable to cope with everyday life. I've had periods of unemployment (like now), and times when I've been reclusive (like now), because I just can't do life. I've been diagnosed with "depression" and "anxiety", but those labels don't explain what's really going on with me. I totally relate to feeling like it's a huge effort to just do the simplest things, like go to the bathroom, take a shower, prepare a meal, because it just feels like too much, it's too overwhelming. I'm definitely in a burnout phase right now, and it's going on almost a year now! I thought taking a break from working would give me a chance to rest a get back on track, but it hasn't really made a difference in my energy levels, or my ability to get things done. Thank you for sharing your journey, it really helps to know I'm not alone!
It's so frustrating how docs want to diagnose everything except autism. But part of that is a General Practitioner can dx Anxiety and Depression. They can't dx autism. You have to go to a specialists. But a lot of docs don't understand that our anxiety and depression like symptoms come from being undiagnosed Autism. Hopefully that is starting to change.
When you said "every single one of US" (talking about being late-diagnosed, high-masking) I just started bawling. I've never been an "us" I've always been the weird one, or the crazy one, the one that just felt so different from everyone else my whole life. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. You have no idea how hopeful AND helpful it is to hear someone else talk about this 💛💛
you are doing so much good for us and your kids and our community. please always remember this when you hit roadblocks. you are making the future better.
I'm 43 now and I had a burnout at the end of 2017 that took the better part of 5 years to recover from, and I'm still super cautious about taking on too many things. Your description of the different aspects of burnout sounds almost like an echo of my mind, of the things we've all gone through in autistic burnout. It's so affirming to hear diagnosed autistics describe experiences. It tells me that I'm not an imposter and yes, I'm autistic too even if I don't have a diagnosis yet. Thank you for doing these videos and sharing them with the world
@@i.am.mindblindI wonder if doing these videos (super valuable) delays your burn out recovery? For half day out for example, I need one day and a half resting, no lights, quiet & soft music. I’m much older but still I wish you’d come out of it much sooner
Man, that is sooooo true! I was diagnosed on the Spectrum at age ten...in 1970. For whatever reason, "they" never saw fit to tell me. I only recently found out about this by digging through family records.The obvious question as to why will never be answered, but it has made a HUGE difference in my life...in a positive way. All of the things that I have gone through are starting to make sense now. The pieces are finally coming together. I will never know why my family (along with counselors/social workers, etc.) chose not to tell me I was/am Autistic. I am glad I found out though.
15:35 - "Autism From The Inside" made this great point: having the label "autistic" is valuable because in its absence, your mind will just attach some other label to your autistic traits. Probably a negative one. I've certainly spent years thinking "I guess I must be an asshole" lol :) Edited to add: I think you're doing amazing. These videos have really helped me and many others
i don't like to comment so early on videos, but the comment you put in the top right corner saying that "cheek blowing is a common stim" really hit home for me. i'd never, ever thought about my huffing and "sighing", as it's been criticised, could be stimming behaviour. thank you so much for including that, i don't know if i ever would have considered that it's something i do because of the physical comfort. only 25 seconds, and your video has been so helpful. you are doing something wonderful here in this little corner of the internet.
That made me smile, I didn't even realize I did it until editing. I used to edit stiff like that out, but now I put it in, because it's life, it's me, it's how I am in the world.
I'm 46 & got a diagnosis for autism & "unspecified trauma" 6 days ago. I hit early menopause @ 37 & autictic burnout @ 38, diagnosed as depression & anxiety. 2 1/2 years ago I watched a Katie Morton vid made for autism acceptance month. I was crying by the end. VA Dr.s ignored me until I did CBT (PTSD) & it worked opposite the way it's supposed to. Woopsie. My CBT coach referred me. I ❤ your vids & really ❤ you so much! Seeing you be authentically autictic has empowered me to unmask some & tell ppl off if THEY have a problem. FREEDOM! TY SO MUCH!!!
I just finished reading Fern Brady's new book, "Strong Female Character". She is also a late diagnosed autistic woman. Her struggles with autistic burnout is a major chunk of the book. I would never have read her book if I had not seen your videos, first. Thank you.
19:26 I just want to give you a big hug (if that's something you like - I know plenty of people who are not huggers) and say it'll be okay. Lots of folks on the internet suck, but it feels like you've really created such a warm and welcoming and kind environment here on your channel. I'm glad you're able to talk to us about it, and thank you for the probably-painful honesty. ❤
Until I found your channel, I had never known anyone who talks and experiences life like I do. I’m definitely going to pursue a diagnosis. I can relate to so much. I’m over 50, so it has been quite a journey. Amazingly, per an earlier video, we live in the same metro area. I am interested in any local resources - support, medical professionals, etc.
I'm finally getting to this video. I was finally diagnosed a little less than a year ago at 57. I've been in some state of burnout for at least the last 15 years. I just wanted to say thanks for posting these videos. I get a lot out of them. Even though, sometimes I get overwhelmed by the topic. Like this one. I've been feeling pretty pessimistic about ever recovering from the current burn out im in. Your videos provide a bit hope, so thanks for that.
You are such a helpful human being! This channel brings me so much comfort. You have a real gift of being able to explain your experiences which resonates with me as a female diagnosed late in life. Thank you!
Just discovered Aphantasia and SDAM through your videos and resonated and now without a formal dx at 57 I keep relapsing back into coping and masking until I'm not coping so I then forget all the symptoms and don't relate it to my condition. So I understand how difficult it must be to integrate understanding with actual practice 😅😊
I'm so sorry you've had a bad experience as you allude to here. I am a touch behind watching your videos, but I hope you are doing better. I had a bad experience two and a half years ago (really an experience that lasted six months till I got out of a toxic job), and I'm still trying to recover. Your viewers will try to help you through it. :)
Thank you for your honesty. I’m experiencing a burn out of 65yo undiagnosed. I’m learning to take care of the triggers which is light, cel phone, etc I’m not sure I masked during childhood, more likely disassociated. As if I was invisible. Bulled and neglected at home. Healing now. Blessings 🙏🏼
Holy moly, I'm reading about sdam and omg, I didnt know this was a thing with a name but this is me! The only things I remember are from photos and from other people's anecdotes! I can have fleeting glimpses of the possibility of a recollection, but they're just a vague wisp. Woah.
Hi Amanda this was so wonderful and full of great insight for me to help my daughter. I would just like to say I hope you are doing and feeling much better. You are a wonderful person and it was hard to see you struggling but I hope you are taking the care and being gentle with yourself....warmest thank you for this amazing video. XXX
Liking the unedited version. can relate more. most videos cut the pauses, so they feel like bombarding words without mercy for ears...also appreciate the effort for not taking very long breaks
I'm so sorry you're having a hard time and dealing with burnout. Your channel and the videos you make are incredible, thank you for your honesty and vulnerability in making them and giving a "window" on autism - especially in a time where so much of "youtube standard" is polished/highlight reel of 'no ums../buts.../pauses/using script reading' style. You've made so much impact on me and helped me in coming to terms with my own realisation of autism (only in Jan of this year but not diagnosed) after decades of wondering why everything was so loud/noisy/scary/awful and trying-so-hard-yet-still-failing.
I never realized that was the meaning behind the autism puzzle logo. My son was born in 1992 and diagnosed with autism (actually PDD NOS at the time) along with cognitive delays. My wife was diagnosed as an adult about 4 years ago and I just realized I’m probably on the spectrum myself. This probably explains why I have the symptoms of depression and fatigue without antidepressants doing anything to it.
This is my first time watching your content and I just wanted to thank you. I started my diagnostic process over a year ago and have been in autistic burnout ever since. Sometimes, I feel very alone in that experience. I don't have alot of extra energy to engage in an online community regularly, but seeing vulnerable and relatable content like this is all I need sometimes to feel less alone and more valid in my own experience. Thank you again.
I have just watched about 5 of your videos in a row. I hope you can recover the energy and enthusiasm and the knowledge you are creating for me. Thank you and don't stop. A little controlled slow down is just fine.
Thank you for sharing as much as you felt able to, it means a lot. Thank you for trusting us. Take it easy we’ll still be here when you are ready. P.s. did you purposely hold your fidget below the camera view? You don’t need to if you did 😉
You're welcome, I really appreciate this community. I didn't actually, on the fidget. I didn't really notice until editing. Part of that was I was having difficulty getting my camera angle right for some reason. That's a new fidget and I love it! It's the Nee Doh Ice Cube. I added it to my Amazon storefront!
When I watch your videos I appreciate that you talk about and review similar topics many times. I almost never learn new information from hearing it one time. So it really helps information to sink in and improves my understanding. Sometimes one phrasing won't make as much sense to me, but the next time the phrasing might click for me. I also always appreciate the minimal editing for authenticity! Hearing you use the word trauma (as it relates to autistic experiences) is starting to normalize it for me, which is a process I'm working on. Thank you for your video! :) P.S. This is a super random question: would it be possible to add at least 5 seconds at the end of your videos after you finish talking? (Maybe you could show some of your art, or cute dog clips.) I like to pause at the end of the video to process my thoughts and decide if I want to comment, but often miss that moment to pause before it goes to the next video. I always go into my general settings to turn off auto-play, but it always gets turned back on eventually. Thanks for reading.
It's nice that worked out! Because of my Memory Disorder I often forget what I may have talked about. But the nature of TH-cam and always getting new subscribers repetition is often okay. Plus like you said I probably would never say the same thing exactly the same way because I'm always living in the moment and every moment I'm experiencing life slightly different. I like the idea about adding a few seconds at the end of the video I will try to do that.
I'm so glad I have your videos. Please do not feel you must keep the a video schedule. I wouldn't want you to work to our expectations, but just do as you can and want you. We have plenty of videos to keep us busy in the meantime. We journey with you - and some of us have the same experiences and wrestling with our autism, as we seek to understand ourselves, unmask and get through burnout. I'm so glad I am not alone. You have made a big difference to me Amanda. Thank you!
Thank you. I don't feel like I have to keep a video schedule. I love making videos. If anything I don't post as often as I'd like to because I don't want to saturate my audience or possibly run out of ideas? Lol. It seems like I always have an idea for a video though. But creating content is definitely a current special interest. So even when I'm tired making videos actually makes me happy. I really appreciate your concern and support. It means so much. ❤️
Hi, Amanda (and Watson 🥰). 💜 Good to see you. Sorry it's been a stressful and frustrating week. Hugs here if you want them. 🤗 I'm glad you made the compassionate choice for yourself to wait on the allergy test while you focused on your foot recovery. And I'm super glad that your doctor is arranging testing instead of "well, we'll just try the next one on the list and see how it goes." 🙄 My sister and I take different ADHD medications, and we each had to try twice to find one that worked without increasing anxiety. It makes daily life so much better. The first hour of taking my current Rx for the first time, I said aloud, "omg, is this executive function? Do neurotypical people feel like this every day? 🤯 I still have ADHD, of course, but sometimes I can now identify that I'm hungry and go make toast without crying about it for hours first, and it lessens my overall stress.
I'm hopeful for the adhd meds. They are helping my kids. On one hand I've gone so long without them, on the other if they help me focus without negative side effects then it'll be worth it.
Thank you so much for sharing your journey. It takes great courage to be authentic and vulnerable with others (and with our own selves too!). Theresa Regan has a podcast called “Autism in the Adult.” Have you heard of it? Her most recent episode talked about Executive Function and she has other episodes on Autism and Intentional Living and Shifting Autistic Characteristics across the Lifespan. She talks about having different seasons in life where sometimes one may need more supports and interventions and other times one doesn’t. She is a neuropsychologist who diagnoses autism in her practice and her teen is on the spectrum. I am listening my way through the older episodes on dysregulation (recognizing, reducing, recovering from) and the ones on misdiagnosis right now. Wishing you and your family all the best.
Thank you again for taking the time to simply let it flow. It is like listening to a great story teller; your distinct style and depth conveys (…now I can’t think of the words!) experiences and information in a way that just works - yeah - it just works - thanks again!
Hugs Amanda!! We are both on a very similar road in life. Or rollercoaster rather!!! On my path of the last several years, ive learned of cptsd, ADHD, Trama, childhood trauma and then autism. So its been a mix of comfort in learning about myself and so much has a name and im not alone. And then also , at times feeling more isolated, in a deeper pit than I first thought, etc. I think you'll know what I'm trying to say here! Im not explaining myself very well, but I think you will understand what I mean!!! I just wanted to share with you my most recent loop of my rollercoaster is learning that the house I am renting has mold. MOLD. It is similar to autism only in the way that old stereotypes and the way we think about it, is actually VERY DIFFERENT than the reality of LIVING WITH IT. Or being exposed to it, not knowing about it, and it taking a while to finally discover that it's the reason behind many unexplained things in your life. I hope that makes sense, im having a hard time finding the right words still!!! So this will probably seem very strange, but maybe just give it some thought and an open mind to how mold actually affects people both physically and mentally. It affects everyone differently, some people are much more sensitive to mold than others. So, just a general example, you could have mold somewhere in your home and not know it. And you could have all these bizarre symptoms. Migraines, fatigue, anxiety and depression, brain fog. Hormonal changes or weirdness with your hormones. Hair loss. And then , still just a completely general example, then your husband living in the same home may just have sinus/allergy issues at random but nothing major. So, im not presuming to know anything about your house or where you live or anything like that so i hope it doesn't come across that way!!!! I am learning about mold because of my new situation and if you have a small leak or anything anywhere in the house and ot doesn't get fixed and dry within 24 hours, mold can start to grow. Which seems so crazy and impossible to have a home anywhere WITHOUT MOLD?? SO, this will probably seem like a very strange post! Only because i am trying to peel apart my layers to understand, ok this is autism, or i feel this way or react that way because of cptsd or i have anxiety because of xyz. I hope im making sense here!! I have had so many things since moving to this home about 6 months ago, i was contributing everything i was experiencing to autism, adhd, etc. When, while all of those things exist for me and i am trying to understand and work with and work through all of them, a huge and silent culprit of several odd things is actually due to mold exposure and mold toxicity. So i wanted to give you this food for thought. Some of your experiences you share resonate with me and my rollercoaster and I feel like its possible some of what you experience, or your kiddos, or husband, the dogs, everyone is differently affected of course. But just something else for you to research! I am honestly sharing this with you out of love and ive been learning so much lately, that just like autism, there is not enough info and its definitely not talked about and old stereotypes, etc. But actually SO MANY OF US LIVE WITH THIS and don't know anything about it. So I will send you a couple of links if thats ok? Just for anyone else who reads this and is interested, Michael Rubino is on TH-cam and he is PHENOMENAL. hes so great, so down to earth and so full of the most up to date information and is all about spreading the word and he backs everything with the science of it all. Anyway, all my fellow ADHD, AUTISTIC, ACTUALLY EVERY HUMAN, please check into the MOLD thing! We all deserve to live in safe places with the best air quality possible. Ill get off the soap box or mold box, but Amanda i urge you to check into it, and maybe you have and you may be very aware, i don't know i haven't watched all your videos!!! But we have so many similarities, I think you might have a mold loop in your rollercoaster!? Hugs and Love and i hope this rant/ramble makes sense!!!!! ❤❤❤❤ Hugs to my fave TH-cam dog Watson as well!!! Xoxo Michael Rubino Ill try to post a link if thats ok!? On his channel he does several interviews with people and they're all good and SO informative and it really is something that needs awareness. Hugs to EVERYONE 💖
It's definitely important for people to understand that symptoms for various things can overlap especially when people are self diagnosing Autism. I'm believe self dx is valid for autism but it has to be so thoroughly researched because of this. A couple things though. Autism is from birth. Looking back, I'm shocked no one saw my autism and adhd from childhood except of course to no one was looking at girls. Also there's a genetic component. My kids, me, my mom, my sister, nephew and grandpa are all Autistic. My sister was dx'd with ADD as a kid (before it is now ADHD.) And she self dx'd Autistic several years ago. My kids got diagnosed clinically last fall followed by me (yes, I'm clinically diagnosed Autistic & ADHD) from there my mom realized she was autistic and we know my grandpa is, but he's old enough to not really care. I'm sorry you're experiencing mold symptoms along with autism, adhd, trauma and the rest. That has got to be so frustrating to navigate how to get your environment safe again. I had a friend a couple years ago go through that and she ended up having to get rid of almost all her possessions.
Aww sweety, you are so strong, you will get through this. I just know. And you will come out of it stronger for it en more learned and you will tell us all about it and help us with that too. May I suggest you pick up one of your special interests and focus on that for a few days if you have the opportunity. Because it feels like you have a lot to think about and we have a tendency to run around in circles over-analyzing everything. Focusing on your special interests might give you the calm of mind to think about the things when you are ready for it.
i totally relate to the puzzle piece, and i am well aware how horrible the symbol is and i don't like using it, however i do feel like that "I HAD A MISSING PIECE AND I FOUND IT", it's a different meaning in this experience, nothing like the original idea behind the puzzle piece as a symbol for Autism.
I struggled with that too, I often want to say that my autism diagnosis was the missing piece of the puzzle of my life. The reason why i, refrain from using the puzzle piece, is because the autistic Advocates that came before me laid the work and did so much work to try to separate themselves from autism speaks. And so to support the work of The Advocates that came before me I don't want to undo any of the struggles that they went through with the negative symbol. I feel like I'm not explaining this very well but that's why I distance myself from the puzzle piece.
I have a hard time doing all the little things that have to be done to shower and dress again after. I also have that problem when I need to be all ready and all the family ready and be somewhere at a certain time in the morning is overwhelming. I'm 54.
I wish I could understand what you mean around the whole memory thing. The difference between remembering details vs episodic memory. I don't seem to be able to work that out for myself.
I have a whole Playlist about my memory disorder. But an analogy I came up with (I don't think I said in this video) is it's like I have the chapter titles of my life but not the pages. I know some things that I've done, but I can't relive the experience in my head. It's at most a dry list of facts (that often also get mis-remembered)
I have seen all the videos that you have made that I can find and I love them all. I gave you a link about how to deal wt internet trolls, if you want I can send it to you again.
Oh wow, thanks for the support! Thankfully I don't get many trolls. The ones I do I usually block. I didn't mention anything about trolls, have you seen one commenting on some videos? I don't always get notifications for every comment.
You're doing amazing 💙💙💙💙 I'm sorry for the difficult thing you've gone through, keep being awesome with yourself 🤗. Instead of counting our spoons (energy/ spoon theory), can we just pick our favourite spoon and dunk it into a big tasty tub of ice cream? (^_^) There is now a really cool little badge that you can get. It's in the shape of a battery, and in the middle it has a moveable arrow. Under the arrow are different smiley faces to show how energised/ low on energy you are. I'm not sure if it would be helpful, but it does make you stop and consider how you are feeling energy wise, and it's something that other people can see without you having to explain. Just thought it could be a helpful little tool for you or your kids.
I LOVE how you always acknowledge BIPOC. I appreciate this. Thank you. Thank you. My experience has been so devastating, dehumanizing, destabilizing and being a Black Woman on top of it all adds a layer of overwhelm 🫶🏾💜✊🏾🙏🏾 The inability to simply take a bath or cook a meal or have a conversation while in Burnout is INSANE and felt that loss of skill and never thought I'd heal. It does get better and with the knowledge that you are on the spectrum...this knowledge is LIFESAVING. It gets better and better and better.
❤️❤️❤️ Being a woman adds complication in this patriarchal society, then being a Black Woman is just another layer of oppression/difficulty. Sending hugs and support. ❤️
You'd need to do a lot more research or get an autism evaluation to find out of your Autistic. Just not liking loud noises doesn't mean you're autistic. This isn't a diagnositic channel, but if you relate to more and more of the traits I or other Autistic people have, follow up with your doctor. ❤️
A lot of times I'd "overshare" on the internet. I'd be just lost and confused and not understanding why something went the way it did so I'd try to ask on message boards or text friends a lot. Which would lead to "friends" feeling like I was "too much" and then ghosting me. It wasn't a healthy coping mechanism but I didn't have an outlet. I'd also just feel really bad about myself and wonder what I was doing wrong all the time. Otherwise I'd just throw myself into my special interests, not realizing that was a good coping mechanism to do on purpose. It's hard to say specifically because of my Memory Disorder, I can't remember past emotions so this is based off semantic memory of what I remember doing. Hope that helps.
Well, since the known lifespan for (diagnosed) autistics is so low, and since autistic people can't adopt children (they don't think we're capable of raising kids and clearly don't want us breeding and making more), and since medical community may not take your concerns seriously if they know you're autistic, and many other reasons, i could see why there is still a negative connotation to the label. Nobody wants to be mentally ill or disabled. Can autistic people exercise their 2nd amendment? I heard that there was something in Obamacare that people with any kind of mental health thing can't. I'd need to verify that, but if half of Americans are on antidepressants, it's a potential problem. I think the masses don't understand enough about the condition to not be biased against it. I feel like it may help in some areas, but could backfire in others in unexpected and undesired ways
The lifespan of Autistic people is low due to Burnout. With more awareness and accomodations that can change. You can adopt and foster if you are Autistic. If that wasn't the case it is now.
Systemic trauma caused by not being diagnosed and being forced neurotypical I tried to repeat it right after you and still didn't get it is good if we could repeat put on big signs and get them to at least understand statement I would be actually able to breathe
And yes I kind of wish there was a short version of this so I could re-watch and remember better cuz there's some really really good sticking points and I have medication that has ruined my brain
Before I found out I am autistic, I had so many unanswered questions about myself. The main one was "Why can't I just be like everyone else, what's wrong with me?". Also, "Why does everything bother me so much (sounds, textures, tastes, light, etc)?". Now it all makes so much sense! I've spent decades trying to fit in to this world, trying to not let things bother me. But it has never worked, and I have put myself through trauma trying to be someone I'm not, and I can never be.
I related so much to your struggles with burnout, and what it feels like! I look back on various times in my life when I have literally shut down, unable to cope with everyday life. I've had periods of unemployment (like now), and times when I've been reclusive (like now), because I just can't do life. I've been diagnosed with "depression" and "anxiety", but those labels don't explain what's really going on with me. I totally relate to feeling like it's a huge effort to just do the simplest things, like go to the bathroom, take a shower, prepare a meal, because it just feels like too much, it's too overwhelming.
I'm definitely in a burnout phase right now, and it's going on almost a year now! I thought taking a break from working would give me a chance to rest a get back on track, but it hasn't really made a difference in my energy levels, or my ability to get things done.
Thank you for sharing your journey, it really helps to know I'm not alone!
It's so frustrating how docs want to diagnose everything except autism. But part of that is a General Practitioner can dx Anxiety and Depression. They can't dx autism. You have to go to a specialists. But a lot of docs don't understand that our anxiety and depression like symptoms come from being undiagnosed Autism. Hopefully that is starting to change.
I'm in the same spot of being out of work, ugh it's so frustrating
When you said "every single one of US" (talking about being late-diagnosed, high-masking) I just started bawling. I've never been an "us" I've always been the weird one, or the crazy one, the one that just felt so different from everyone else my whole life. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. You have no idea how hopeful AND helpful it is to hear someone else talk about this 💛💛
Totally know what you mean about never been an “us”.
❤️❤️❤️ I get it. I've always been on the outside looking in. Now I know I have a community.
So true! 58 y/o and finally feeling I belong… ❤️🩹
you are doing so much good for us and your kids and our community. please always remember this when you hit roadblocks. you are making the future better.
❤️ Thank you. It's semiotic, you guys help me too.
I appreciate your exposure Amanda.
Thank you, I really appreciate this. ❤️
I'm 43 now and I had a burnout at the end of 2017 that took the better part of 5 years to recover from, and I'm still super cautious about taking on too many things.
Your description of the different aspects of burnout sounds almost like an echo of my mind, of the things we've all gone through in autistic burnout.
It's so affirming to hear diagnosed autistics describe experiences. It tells me that I'm not an imposter and yes, I'm autistic too even if I don't have a diagnosis yet.
Thank you for doing these videos and sharing them with the world
❤️❤️❤️ Burnout recovery is so hard, emotionally, physically and socially.
@@i.am.mindblindI wonder if doing these videos (super valuable) delays your burn out recovery? For half day out for example, I need one day and a half resting, no lights, quiet & soft music. I’m much older but still I wish you’d come out of it much sooner
Regarding the parents who don’t want to “label” their children: yes! I absolutely agree, it does much more harm to grow up not knowing WHY
Man, that is sooooo true! I was diagnosed on the Spectrum at age ten...in 1970. For whatever reason, "they" never saw fit to tell me. I only recently found out about this by digging through family records.The obvious question as to why will never be answered, but it has made a HUGE difference in my life...in a positive way. All of the things that I have gone through are starting to make sense now. The pieces are finally coming together.
I will never know why my family (along with counselors/social workers, etc.) chose not to tell me I was/am Autistic. I am glad I found out though.
3:30 I also cried with every single memory that came up to my mind back when i was researching about autism and relived it. But it was worth it
15:35 - "Autism From The Inside" made this great point: having the label "autistic" is valuable because in its absence, your mind will just attach some other label to your autistic traits. Probably a negative one. I've certainly spent years thinking "I guess I must be an asshole" lol :)
Edited to add: I think you're doing amazing. These videos have really helped me and many others
Exactly. I'm so glad I learned I was Autistic. And thank you, I enjoy making videos, but only if they make a difference. ❤️
Just about fitting into my birth family , I’m the oldest of 4.almost 40 now. I saw the, over weekend. I feel left out sometimes and it hurts.
i don't like to comment so early on videos, but the comment you put in the top right corner saying that "cheek blowing is a common stim" really hit home for me. i'd never, ever thought about my huffing and "sighing", as it's been criticised, could be stimming behaviour. thank you so much for including that, i don't know if i ever would have considered that it's something i do because of the physical comfort.
only 25 seconds, and your video has been so helpful. you are doing something wonderful here in this little corner of the internet.
That made me smile, I didn't even realize I did it until editing. I used to edit stiff like that out, but now I put it in, because it's life, it's me, it's how I am in the world.
I'm 46 & got a diagnosis for autism & "unspecified trauma" 6 days ago. I hit early menopause @ 37 & autictic burnout @ 38, diagnosed as depression & anxiety. 2 1/2 years ago I watched a Katie Morton vid made for autism acceptance month. I was crying by the end. VA Dr.s ignored me until I did CBT (PTSD) & it worked opposite the way it's supposed to. Woopsie. My CBT coach referred me. I ❤ your vids & really ❤ you so much! Seeing you be authentically autictic has empowered me to unmask some & tell ppl off if THEY have a problem. FREEDOM! TY SO MUCH!!!
Thank you for leaving in the 'searching for a word' moments. So relateable!!
I just finished reading Fern Brady's new book, "Strong Female Character". She is also a late diagnosed autistic woman. Her struggles with autistic burnout is a major chunk of the book.
I would never have read her book if I had not seen your videos, first. Thank you.
Her book is so good!! I saw her on Taskmaster and immediately wanted to know all about her.
I'll look up that book, I haven't come across it. I like that I inspired you to look further into Autism. 😊
19:26 I just want to give you a big hug (if that's something you like - I know plenty of people who are not huggers) and say it'll be okay. Lots of folks on the internet suck, but it feels like you've really created such a warm and welcoming and kind environment here on your channel. I'm glad you're able to talk to us about it, and thank you for the probably-painful honesty. ❤
Until I found your channel, I had never known anyone who talks and experiences life like I do. I’m definitely going to pursue a diagnosis. I can relate to so much. I’m over 50, so it has been quite a journey. Amazingly, per an earlier video, we live in the same metro area. I am interested in any local resources - support, medical professionals, etc.
I haven't really found any local support for adults. I got diagnosed at Adventure Psychological Services in Vancouver.
I'm finally getting to this video. I was finally diagnosed a little less than a year ago at 57. I've been in some state of burnout for at least the last 15 years. I just wanted to say thanks for posting these videos. I get a lot out of them. Even though, sometimes I get overwhelmed by the topic. Like this one. I've been feeling pretty pessimistic about ever recovering from the current burn out im in. Your videos provide a bit hope, so thanks for that.
Do you have pain with it
You are such a helpful human being! This channel brings me so much comfort. You have a real gift of being able to explain your experiences which resonates with me as a female diagnosed late in life. Thank you!
This makes my day, thank you for letting me know.
Just discovered Aphantasia and SDAM through your videos and resonated and now without a formal dx at 57 I keep relapsing back into coping and masking until I'm not coping so I then forget all the symptoms and don't relate it to my condition. So I understand how difficult it must be to integrate understanding with actual practice 😅😊
I'm so sorry you've had a bad experience as you allude to here. I am a touch behind watching your videos, but I hope you are doing better.
I had a bad experience two and a half years ago (really an experience that lasted six months till I got out of a toxic job), and I'm still trying to recover. Your viewers will try to help you through it. :)
❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for your honesty. I’m experiencing a burn out of 65yo undiagnosed. I’m learning to take care of the triggers which is light, cel phone, etc I’m not sure I masked during childhood, more likely disassociated. As if I was invisible. Bulled and neglected at home. Healing now. Blessings 🙏🏼
Holy moly, I'm reading about sdam and omg, I didnt know this was a thing with a name but this is me! The only things I remember are from photos and from other people's anecdotes! I can have fleeting glimpses of the possibility of a recollection, but they're just a vague wisp. Woah.
Hi Amanda this was so wonderful and full of great insight for me to help my daughter. I would just like to say I hope you are doing and feeling much better. You are a wonderful person and it was hard to see you struggling but I hope you are taking the care and being gentle with yourself....warmest thank you for this amazing video. XXX
You help me understand myself…I feel like you do, and you are doing so well! Hugs from far!
Liking the unedited version. can relate more. most videos cut the pauses, so they feel like bombarding words without mercy for ears...also appreciate the effort for not taking very long breaks
Thanks, it's always good to know I'm on the right track for things my audience appreciates. ☺️❤️
I'm so sorry you're having a hard time and dealing with burnout. Your channel and the videos you make are incredible, thank you for your honesty and vulnerability in making them and giving a "window" on autism - especially in a time where so much of "youtube standard" is polished/highlight reel of 'no ums../buts.../pauses/using script reading' style. You've made so much impact on me and helped me in coming to terms with my own realisation of autism (only in Jan of this year but not diagnosed) after decades of wondering why everything was so loud/noisy/scary/awful and trying-so-hard-yet-still-failing.
Thank you. ❤️
thank you for existing and making this video that helped me. I love this raw format, so thanks for being able to do that, too!
I never realized that was the meaning behind the autism puzzle logo. My son was born in 1992 and diagnosed with autism (actually PDD NOS at the time) along with cognitive delays. My wife was diagnosed as an adult about 4 years ago and I just realized I’m probably on the spectrum myself. This probably explains why I have the symptoms of depression and fatigue without antidepressants doing anything to it.
I’m feeling a lot right now .
This is my first time watching your content and I just wanted to thank you. I started my diagnostic process over a year ago and have been in autistic burnout ever since. Sometimes, I feel very alone in that experience. I don't have alot of extra energy to engage in an online community regularly, but seeing vulnerable and relatable content like this is all I need sometimes to feel less alone and more valid in my own experience. Thank you again.
I have just watched about 5 of your videos in a row. I hope you can recover the energy and enthusiasm and the knowledge you are creating for me. Thank you and don't stop. A little controlled slow down is just fine.
I'm glad you enjoy my videos. I don't plan on stopping anytime soon, they've helped me by making them. ❤️
Thank you for sharing as much as you felt able to, it means a lot. Thank you for trusting us.
Take it easy we’ll still be here when you are ready.
P.s. did you purposely hold your fidget below the camera view? You don’t need to if you did 😉
You're welcome, I really appreciate this community. I didn't actually, on the fidget. I didn't really notice until editing. Part of that was I was having difficulty getting my camera angle right for some reason. That's a new fidget and I love it! It's the Nee Doh Ice Cube. I added it to my Amazon storefront!
When I watch your videos I appreciate that you talk about and review similar topics many times. I almost never learn new information from hearing it one time. So it really helps information to sink in and improves my understanding. Sometimes one phrasing won't make as much sense to me, but the next time the phrasing might click for me. I also always appreciate the minimal editing for authenticity! Hearing you use the word trauma (as it relates to autistic experiences) is starting to normalize it for me, which is a process I'm working on. Thank you for your video! :)
P.S. This is a super random question: would it be possible to add at least 5 seconds at the end of your videos after you finish talking? (Maybe you could show some of your art, or cute dog clips.) I like to pause at the end of the video to process my thoughts and decide if I want to comment, but often miss that moment to pause before it goes to the next video. I always go into my general settings to turn off auto-play, but it always gets turned back on eventually. Thanks for reading.
It's nice that worked out! Because of my Memory Disorder I often forget what I may have talked about. But the nature of TH-cam and always getting new subscribers repetition is often okay. Plus like you said I probably would never say the same thing exactly the same way because I'm always living in the moment and every moment I'm experiencing life slightly different. I like the idea about adding a few seconds at the end of the video I will try to do that.
I'm so glad I have your videos.
Please do not feel you must keep the a video schedule. I wouldn't want you to work to our expectations, but just do as you can and want you. We have plenty of videos to keep us busy in the meantime.
We journey with you - and some of us have the same experiences and wrestling with our autism, as we seek to understand ourselves, unmask and get through burnout.
I'm so glad I am not alone.
You have made a big difference to me Amanda.
Thank you!
Thank you. I don't feel like I have to keep a video schedule. I love making videos. If anything I don't post as often as I'd like to because I don't want to saturate my audience or possibly run out of ideas? Lol. It seems like I always have an idea for a video though. But creating content is definitely a current special interest. So even when I'm tired making videos actually makes me happy. I really appreciate your concern and support. It means so much. ❤️
Hi, Amanda (and Watson 🥰). 💜 Good to see you. Sorry it's been a stressful and frustrating week. Hugs here if you want them. 🤗 I'm glad you made the compassionate choice for yourself to wait on the allergy test while you focused on your foot recovery. And I'm super glad that your doctor is arranging testing instead of "well, we'll just try the next one on the list and see how it goes." 🙄
My sister and I take different ADHD medications, and we each had to try twice to find one that worked without increasing anxiety. It makes daily life so much better. The first hour of taking my current Rx for the first time, I said aloud, "omg, is this executive function? Do neurotypical people feel like this every day? 🤯 I still have ADHD, of course, but sometimes I can now identify that I'm hungry and go make toast without crying about it for hours first, and it lessens my overall stress.
I'm hopeful for the adhd meds. They are helping my kids. On one hand I've gone so long without them, on the other if they help me focus without negative side effects then it'll be worth it.
Do they help pain Dr lenz says they do though one diagnosed Asperger's not add yet though
Thank you so much for sharing your journey. It takes great courage to be authentic and vulnerable with others (and with our own selves too!).
Theresa Regan has a podcast called “Autism in the Adult.” Have you heard of it? Her most recent episode talked about Executive Function and she has other episodes on Autism and Intentional Living and Shifting Autistic Characteristics across the Lifespan.
She talks about having different seasons in life where sometimes one may need more supports and interventions and other times one doesn’t. She is a neuropsychologist who diagnoses autism in her practice and her teen is on the spectrum. I am listening my way through the older episodes on dysregulation (recognizing, reducing, recovering from) and the ones on misdiagnosis right now.
Wishing you and your family all the best.
I'll have to look up that podcast. I struggle to listen to most podcasts.
Thank you again for taking the time to simply let it flow. It is like listening to a great story teller; your distinct style and depth conveys (…now I can’t think of the words!) experiences and information in a way that just works - yeah - it just works - thanks again!
I appreciate this more than you know, growing up being told to get to the point. It's so nice to find people who enjoy listening to me talk. 😊
Hugs Amanda!! We are both on a very similar road in life. Or rollercoaster rather!!! On my path of the last several years, ive learned of cptsd, ADHD, Trama, childhood trauma and then autism. So its been a mix of comfort in learning about myself and so much has a name and im not alone. And then also , at times feeling more isolated, in a deeper pit than I first thought, etc. I think you'll know what I'm trying to say here! Im not explaining myself very well, but I think you will understand what I mean!!! I just wanted to share with you my most recent loop of my rollercoaster is learning that the house I am renting has mold. MOLD. It is similar to autism only in the way that old stereotypes and the way we think about it, is actually VERY DIFFERENT than the reality of LIVING WITH IT. Or being exposed to it, not knowing about it, and it taking a while to finally discover that it's the reason behind many unexplained things in your life. I hope that makes sense, im having a hard time finding the right words still!!! So this will probably seem very strange, but maybe just give it some thought and an open mind to how mold actually affects people both physically and mentally. It affects everyone differently, some people are much more sensitive to mold than others. So, just a general example, you could have mold somewhere in your home and not know it. And you could have all these bizarre symptoms. Migraines, fatigue, anxiety and depression, brain fog. Hormonal changes or weirdness with your hormones. Hair loss. And then , still just a completely general example, then your husband living in the same home may just have sinus/allergy issues at random but nothing major. So, im not presuming to know anything about your house or where you live or anything like that so i hope it doesn't come across that way!!!! I am learning about mold because of my new situation and if you have a small leak or anything anywhere in the house and ot doesn't get fixed and dry within 24 hours, mold can start to grow. Which seems so crazy and impossible to have a home anywhere WITHOUT MOLD??
SO, this will probably seem like a very strange post! Only because i am trying to peel apart my layers to understand, ok this is autism, or i feel this way or react that way because of cptsd or i have anxiety because of xyz. I hope im making sense here!! I have had so many things since moving to this home about 6 months ago, i was contributing everything i was experiencing to autism, adhd, etc. When, while all of those things exist for me and i am trying to understand and work with and work through all of them, a huge and silent culprit of several odd things is actually due to mold exposure and mold toxicity. So i wanted to give you this food for thought. Some of your experiences you share resonate with me and my rollercoaster and I feel like its possible some of what you experience, or your kiddos, or husband, the dogs, everyone is differently affected of course. But just something else for you to research! I am honestly sharing this with you out of love and ive been learning so much lately, that just like autism, there is not enough info and its definitely not talked about and old stereotypes, etc. But actually SO MANY OF US LIVE WITH THIS and don't know anything about it. So I will send you a couple of links if thats ok? Just for anyone else who reads this and is interested, Michael Rubino is on TH-cam and he is PHENOMENAL. hes so great, so down to earth and so full of the most up to date information and is all about spreading the word and he backs everything with the science of it all. Anyway, all my fellow ADHD, AUTISTIC, ACTUALLY EVERY HUMAN, please check into the MOLD thing! We all deserve to live in safe places with the best air quality possible. Ill get off the soap box or mold box, but Amanda i urge you to check into it, and maybe you have and you may be very aware, i don't know i haven't watched all your videos!!! But we have so many similarities, I think you might have a mold loop in your rollercoaster!? Hugs and Love and i hope this rant/ramble makes sense!!!!! ❤❤❤❤ Hugs to my fave TH-cam dog Watson as well!!! Xoxo
Michael Rubino
Ill try to post a link if thats ok!?
On his channel he does several interviews with people and they're all good and SO informative and it really is something that needs awareness. Hugs to EVERYONE 💖
It's definitely important for people to understand that symptoms for various things can overlap especially when people are self diagnosing Autism. I'm believe self dx is valid for autism but it has to be so thoroughly researched because of this. A couple things though. Autism is from birth. Looking back, I'm shocked no one saw my autism and adhd from childhood except of course to no one was looking at girls. Also there's a genetic component. My kids, me, my mom, my sister, nephew and grandpa are all Autistic. My sister was dx'd with ADD as a kid (before it is now ADHD.) And she self dx'd Autistic several years ago. My kids got diagnosed clinically last fall followed by me (yes, I'm clinically diagnosed Autistic & ADHD) from there my mom realized she was autistic and we know my grandpa is, but he's old enough to not really care.
I'm sorry you're experiencing mold symptoms along with autism, adhd, trauma and the rest. That has got to be so frustrating to navigate how to get your environment safe again. I had a friend a couple years ago go through that and she ended up having to get rid of almost all her possessions.
I'm so sorry you're having a hard time. ♥ Sending spoons 🥄🥄🥄🥄🥄🥄🥄🥄
Much appreciated! 😊
Aww sweety, you are so strong, you will get through this. I just know. And you will come out of it stronger for it en more learned and you will tell us all about it and help us with that too. May I suggest you pick up one of your special interests and focus on that for a few days if you have the opportunity. Because it feels like you have a lot to think about and we have a tendency to run around in circles over-analyzing everything. Focusing on your special interests might give you the calm of mind to think about the things when you are ready for it.
Most definitely, sometimes when I feel like this it's hard to get started on a project, but if I can, it really helps me. Thanks for the reminder. ❤️
Great video
Thank you.
i totally relate to the puzzle piece, and i am well aware how horrible the symbol is and i don't like using it, however i do feel like that "I HAD A MISSING PIECE AND I FOUND IT", it's a different meaning in this experience, nothing like the original idea behind the puzzle piece as a symbol for Autism.
I struggled with that too, I often want to say that my autism diagnosis was the missing piece of the puzzle of my life. The reason why i, refrain from using the puzzle piece, is because the autistic Advocates that came before me laid the work and did so much work to try to separate themselves from autism speaks. And so to support the work of The Advocates that came before me I don't want to undo any of the struggles that they went through with the negative symbol. I feel like I'm not explaining this very well but that's why I distance myself from the puzzle piece.
Thank you Amanda 😊
I have a hard time doing all the little things that have to be done to shower and dress again after. I also have that problem when I need to be all ready and all the family ready and be somewhere at a certain time in the morning is overwhelming. I'm 54.
Sounds like you have depression. I hope you get some help to recover.
before I went to school for the first time was the last time without Burnout.
Yeah most school settings are not good environments for Autistic people.
I wish I could understand what you mean around the whole memory thing. The difference between remembering details vs episodic memory. I don't seem to be able to work that out for myself.
I have a whole Playlist about my memory disorder. But an analogy I came up with (I don't think I said in this video) is it's like I have the chapter titles of my life but not the pages. I know some things that I've done, but I can't relive the experience in my head. It's at most a dry list of facts (that often also get mis-remembered)
I have seen all the videos that you have made that I can find and I love them all. I gave you a link about how to deal wt internet trolls, if you want I can send it to you again.
Oh wow, thanks for the support! Thankfully I don't get many trolls. The ones I do I usually block. I didn't mention anything about trolls, have you seen one commenting on some videos? I don't always get notifications for every comment.
You're doing amazing 💙💙💙💙 I'm sorry for the difficult thing you've gone through, keep being awesome with yourself 🤗.
Instead of counting our spoons (energy/ spoon theory), can we just pick our favourite spoon and dunk it into a big tasty tub of ice cream? (^_^)
There is now a really cool little badge that you can get. It's in the shape of a battery, and in the middle it has a moveable arrow. Under the arrow are different smiley faces to show how energised/ low on energy you are. I'm not sure if it would be helpful, but it does make you stop and consider how you are feeling energy wise, and it's something that other people can see without you having to explain. Just thought it could be a helpful little tool for you or your kids.
I have one of those pins on my wishlist! It's so cute. 😊
😊❤❤
I LOVE how you always acknowledge BIPOC. I appreciate this. Thank you. Thank you. My experience has been so devastating, dehumanizing, destabilizing and being a Black Woman on top of it all adds a layer of overwhelm 🫶🏾💜✊🏾🙏🏾
The inability to simply take a bath or cook a meal or have a conversation while in Burnout is INSANE and felt that loss of skill and never thought I'd heal. It does get better and with the knowledge that you are on the spectrum...this knowledge is LIFESAVING. It gets better and better and better.
❤️❤️❤️ Being a woman adds complication in this patriarchal society, then being a Black Woman is just another layer of oppression/difficulty. Sending hugs and support. ❤️
BTW, I'm in southern Oregon. You said you're in the Pacific Northwest. Are you nearby?
I'm north of Portland 😊
i can have autism and not know it sometimes i dont like sounds
You'd need to do a lot more research or get an autism evaluation to find out of your Autistic. Just not liking loud noises doesn't mean you're autistic. This isn't a diagnositic channel, but if you relate to more and more of the traits I or other Autistic people have, follow up with your doctor. ❤️
Good Morning! =o)
❤️❤️ Morning!
I have a honest question (not offense intended) How did you used to manage your emotions before you got diagnosed?
A lot of times I'd "overshare" on the internet. I'd be just lost and confused and not understanding why something went the way it did so I'd try to ask on message boards or text friends a lot. Which would lead to "friends" feeling like I was "too much" and then ghosting me. It wasn't a healthy coping mechanism but I didn't have an outlet. I'd also just feel really bad about myself and wonder what I was doing wrong all the time. Otherwise I'd just throw myself into my special interests, not realizing that was a good coping mechanism to do on purpose. It's hard to say specifically because of my Memory Disorder, I can't remember past emotions so this is based off semantic memory of what I remember doing. Hope that helps.
Well, since the known lifespan for (diagnosed) autistics is so low, and since autistic people can't adopt children (they don't think we're capable of raising kids and clearly don't want us breeding and making more), and since medical community may not take your concerns seriously if they know you're autistic, and many other reasons, i could see why there is still a negative connotation to the label. Nobody wants to be mentally ill or disabled. Can autistic people exercise their 2nd amendment? I heard that there was something in Obamacare that people with any kind of mental health thing can't. I'd need to verify that, but if half of Americans are on antidepressants, it's a potential problem.
I think the masses don't understand enough about the condition to not be biased against it. I feel like it may help in some areas, but could backfire in others in unexpected and undesired ways
The lifespan of Autistic people is low due to Burnout. With more awareness and accomodations that can change.
You can adopt and foster if you are Autistic. If that wasn't the case it is now.
The executive function is destroying me.
Systemic trauma caused by not being diagnosed and being forced neurotypical I tried to repeat it right after you and still didn't get it is good if we could repeat put on big signs and get them to at least understand statement I would be actually able to breathe
And yes I kind of wish there was a short version of this so I could re-watch and remember better cuz there's some really really good sticking points and I have medication that has ruined my brain
Yep never really talked about spoons but yep been down to a half a spoon a day and I'm actually in a breathing space so I still look perfectly fine
i really appreciate 🧡 you being genuine, it validates my own reality
t h a n k 💚 y o u
8 years for a diagnosis? Try 25 years!
❤️
Try 43