This is an outstanding series. I'm an estate planning attorney and have posted a few of these on my Facebook page. A lot of my clients can benefit from her advice.
@@DementiaCareblazers Hi, I'm a new subscriber. My Mum has recently been placed in a home fulltime for dementia. Apart from the little I know already. As I understand it, dementia is incurable is that right?
My mom has always been selfish and manipulative and now with her cognitive decline it’s gotten worse. She blames me for anything not working on her world. We were always hoping those negative tendencies would soften and she’d b a better person in old age. We were wrong.
My mother in law is the same with my wife. Both In laws were selfish narcissists all their lives. Father in law passed away. I'm new to this. I feel for you.
I really appreciate your videos. I am my 94 year old Grandmother's power of attorney and I have had to place her in a Memory care facility. I appreciate the tips since there is some resentment since she feels she is not like these people. I am learning the skills not to reason which is hard for me and trying to change the subject. It truly is a battle not only for the person but the caregiver as we have to totally change how we would normally handle an objection.
Hi Judy! I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job. You are correct, it is truly a battle for both the person with dementia and the caregiver. As the caregiver, you are trying to find ways to respond to your grandmother and all the "usual ways" that you use to talk with 99% of the people in your life don't work with your grandmother. It's like learning a whole new skill. Be kind to yourself. Everyone slips up now and then. Just do the best you can. We are all human. I'm wishing you and your grandmother all the best in 2018. Keep up the good work!
I am so thankful these videos just showed up on my TH-cam list of favorites. I am the caregiver for my 89-year-old mom who has Alzheimer's. My husband and I moved in with her 2 years ago on May 28. Also my developmentally disabled sister lives in the home as well. Since moving here, my husband has been diagnosed with renal cell carcinoma and had his left kidney removed and is in stage 5 renal failure. He has also suffered a stroke which has affected his right side vision and he can no longer drive. To say our lives have drastically changed is a tremendous understatement. Mom does resent us being here on the one hand, but in the next breath is glad we are. She seems to be angry a lot, but I have realized, as the videos bring out, that my attitude plays a big role in the household atmosphere. I find that when there is conflict with mom, I tend to take it out on my husband, which I hate. Mom forgets that he is sick and needs a walker or cane to get around, and gets frustrated and calls him lazy and continually asks if he's older than her, which he is not. These videos and Dr. Natali are such a blessing. I plan to view them all as time permits. Thank you again.
My 89 year old mother has moderate dementia. She has also struggled throughout her life with major depression. Trying to keep her from going down the negative “I wish I were dead” or “why am I a prisoner” in the facility she is in rabbit hole has been an on going issue. I plan activities to give her something to look forward too. Even with that, it can be a real struggle some days. Your tips have been extremely helpful. Thank you so much
Excellent series of videos. So helpful and supportive for carers to enable them to be more supportive and effective in helping the dementia sufferer.Thank you very much.
Oh my gosh. You describe my mother to a t. First she turned her anger and suspicion toward my dad. When my dad died suddenly and my mom had to come to live with me, all those negative feelings turned toward me in a snap. You hit the nail on the head. My mother stayed with me for 3 years and is now in long term care. I wish the staff there would watch your videos.
Just started watching the videos and they are very helpful, and I have subscribed. My mom is 72 and although officially diagnosed in the last couple years, after talking with the doctor we can trace the early symptoms back to probably 2014 or before. Based on the stages you reviewed in the three stage she is at stage two and the seven stages she is a mix of five and six. This disease is certainly different in every patient.... She does not really resent us so much although she gets upset with us often because she does not believe she has anything wrong. She is extremely resentful of any mention for shower, bath, going to any doctor office or having a non family care giver come into the home.
Sending all the best to you and your mom! It is certainly a tricky disease and takes some trial and error in terms of how to say certain things. In some cases, no matter how you present things, your loved one may still become upset. You just do the best you can and hang in there! Welcome to the Careblazer family.
Thank you for these videos. You have helped me so much. My mother has dementia and I am her caregiver. It is the hardest job I have ever done in my life! Love your advice! It helps to get me through trying to understand this horrible disease.
My mother said she would call the law to me if i made her get a bath and go to the Dr. I have learned a lot from this site. I am still learning. Thank you for helping me.
I'm experiencing something similar. I have reacted in the wrong way, reminding him of his disease. It has added to his resentment of me. I now know that I should never do that. Practically everyday he is hell bent on buying a car because he needs to start driving again. Today I asked him about the car and what color does he want and so on. All the while instead of me taking him to a dealership I took him to the library that sits on a lake and we walked around the lake and then checked out a book. Much better day. Also, we've got POA paperwork set up but I didn't realize I need a letter from the Dr. to enact it. Meanwhile, my accountant suggested going to the bank and switch the money into new accounts without his name on it.
I’ve learned so many great tips from you, Natalie and, our carebkazer community. On the topic of resentment; I’ve experimented with providing stimulating experiences I know my DWEA can do as a diversion from those I know she would struggle with or that are beyond her capabilities. It’s also a way for me to see if she still can or can not manage various activities without drawing her attention.
Very helpful.. Most important is not to remind the loved one of dementia. There has to be some creative thinking on my part and I should realize it's not about me or my feelings of possibly being resented.
Dr Natali, thank you so much for these videos. My Wife was finally diagnosed with Young Onset Altzheimers 18 months ago and it’s progression has unfortunately been quite rapid. Whilst I have learnt/picked up various coping strategies over time your explanations and tips have brought everything into perspective. Thank you so much you have helped my understanding no end and I will be sure to put your advice into practice. - Lionel in the UK
Thank up for your information. My mom is just showing signs of dementia. She doesn't want to go anywhere now or do anything. She's been going through her papers and closets and throwing things away..says everyday that she has to do this because she will be dead soon..but it's things she needs..and then she will look for these items later and accuse me of taking them or she stresses because she can't find them..it's almost a daily thing and always a crises and gets her very upset.she doesn't seem to have a calm time, there's always something she has to have now or can't find now etc..one min.all is good the next I'm running to get something ..NOW or having to search for it all over house..and many times when I'm looking she says I took it or will say that I'm nosey and going through her stuff..and no when I do find it and it's in a very strange place she says I put it there to make her look bad..dhe can be very mean and sarcastic to me and she will say terrible things and laugh at me when I say that it was hurtful or if I look sad ..she sometimes will be so hateful I just have to tell her I will be back later, I try to stay calm and not say anything back to her but she can be so hateful. She wasn't like that before, she was opionated and never really took an interest in my life ,never asked or really talked to me.she would always talk at me or talk about what she was doing..we're very different in almost everything and I'm OK with that but she was never mean...I have heard from her work associates that she would tell them how proud she was of me and all that I had done etc..they also said how she would be so proud of my brother..now though my brother is a God in her eyes and too important and busy ...she gets upset if I ask him to help with her and her house..and he doesn't offer or ask and he's healthy. .I have several health problems and so does mom, but she's physically is better then me..but she will call me always to do heavy hard work..or ask me to bring my son who has aspergers to do things..she will pick on him the whole time he is there and they will drive me crazy..he's 39 and she's 86..and no its like being with two 6 yr olds...she will only say nice things to us or about us in a text, never in person or on the phone..it's no picnic being with the 2 of them together...my friends tell me I should get an Oscar for my great acting when I'm with them..but thanks to you and your great advice and seeing that there are others out they in a similar boat It makes me feel better that I'm not alone ...so thank you to u all...and my 2 therapy cats...
I can relate to this, when he gets upset he threatens to take my name off of our joint accout and leave the house. I first experienced this with him in 2016 this is when it first started, and he left our home cut off all utilities and took my name off of our life insurances. this all happened because of some of his relatives that encouraged it, he wanted to come back home in less than a month. I went to the court of appeals and talk to a Judge, I also got power of Attorney shortly after he came back home.
Yes, I’m a New caregiver. And she’s had it ( my Poor Mother) Lives with me my husband & Grandson we have raised since 3. ❤️🙏😱🙏❤️ Lord Help me I Pray Strength
Thank you, really I need to re-orientate my thoughts and my approach to handling dificult situation with my love one and not go on a logical approach. God bless you Dr Natalie.
How do you get someone diagnosed with Dementia? I also would like to know how to handle my mother in law who is 83 and has a lot of heart, copd and other health issue and possibly other issues.
Thank you so very much I've learned alot. I'm going to get a tablet and ear buds for my mom to watch your videos. She took care of grandpa for close to 15 yrs now 20 yrs later she's having to take care of dad. Now she's older and not in best health 78. It's hard for her to have the patience with dad with the type of dementia he has. Anyway thank you.
My partner has become oh so over-possessive. Will not do anything unless I am there. And as she was taken into a dementia home to give me a respite break. I find it heartbreaking and very difficult to handle the goodbyes every time I visit. It nearly always ends in tears for both of us. Had a phone put in her room so as we could contact each other but that seems as bad . I am now at my wit's end as I cannot cope anymore, as I also am very ill but she does not understand this and still wants more and more of my time. I love her dearly and understand it is only going to get worse but it is the worst thing imaginable to just see her, each time, gradually deteriorating before my eyes.
Couple of questions. How do you go about coaxing your mother into making her decision of where to live? My mother is at that point where she needs to be in an assisted living or myself and other with 3 dogs move in. She loves my dogs except they get excited when they see her cause she has avoided them for years which causes them to act out. If I had a choice, I would choose myself and the dogs verses a home. She is extremely independent. She has told me she absolutely doesn't want to go in a home. What can I say to her to to ease her mind with the dogs and us moving in? I forgot the other question. Lol My early dementia must be showing.
Try to start out with day visits, maybe for a lunch or dinner. Consider letting one dog loose at a time until all 3 dogs are around her. Sometimes it's easier to warm up to 3 dogs, 1 at a time than to unleash all 3 at once. To start or keeping them in a separate area until your mom gets into the home, then letting them loose. If your dogs are anything like mine, they love to greet at the door and welcome everyone in, which can seem a little overwhelming to someone with dementia. I hope this helps or gets your mind thinking of other ideas.
Hey girl well my Sweet momma has Dementia w/onset of Alzheimer’s… she’s 88 and Blessed her heart she’s to the point that she does blame us for a lot BUT she’s Every few minutes asking about my Brother who passed away 4 years ago and reliving all the pain and then she does the exact same thing with my Dad who passed 18 years ago and she just constantly cries… it’s like her poor brain has a recording because she says what she does verbatim… some days she does and says the EXACT same thing exactly like she did the day before almost the same time… it’s just unbelievable to me… and another thing that just BREAKS my heart so bad is She’s ALWAYS Negative… any ideas on how to help me reverse her so she will be Happy!!! It’s bringing me down… She lives with me and my Daughter comes to Helps me too!!! 😔🥺
Omg I’m reading this a year after you posted but it’s as if you were speaking about my life first hand. I am the primary caregiver to my mother in law who lives with her. I moved in three years ago to help keep her in her home. You have to be independently wealthy ti afford the care your loved ones deserve or the task falls on the family and my husband can’t do it and his sister won’t. Anyway she is so darn nasty and negative sometimes that it’s hard to not take it personal or to constantly redirect. She dies t want to do a damn thing but complain. She doesn’t have any medical issues. On paper she has slight issues with BP but is a hypochondriac who needs attention from everyone. I am exhausted. I have no breaks - ever. She has sundowners syndrome to boot and I am sleep deprived. I take whatever advice I can get but I am almost ready to check myself into a nursing home at 49 years of age. Sorry for the rant 🙏🏻
My friend absolutely blames her husband for every little thing that is wrong in her life. She makes an issue out of her money many times a day. They row constantly, he can't cope, with constant abuse. He has not been a good husband, but he is trying. Getting her to take medication while being watched is hell. She loses her pills, if she is not watched. Every minute is an attack at her husband, about pills and imaginary abuse. It's really hard to deal with it everyday, especially when she is at my home often at 6 6.30 am.
Thanks for great advice..my mom picks on me and puts me down or tells me I'm lying ..or is always correcting me.she demands I be there to care for her needs..not my brother..she will say I have to do it as my brother has a life znd is more important then me..I try to be mellow and when she gets so mean I will say I'm going home, then she calls me a big baby..or worse. She also cusses now and says terrible things.?
I'm so sorry to hear this Lynn. It's is painful to hear even if you understand that dementia can make people say the meanest of things. Be kind to yourself, surround yourself with supportive people. And even though she says she doesn't want help from others who she thinks are more important, I do hope you and your brother find ways to share the help and maybe even consider getting her to an adult day center or getting other people to help in the home. I hope that you have some positive/happy memories of your mom from before she had the dementia. Hang on to that.
Careblazers: dementia care heroes. Thank you so much...she did day to me after saying such mean things..she said don't take what I say but what I do..she texted nice things, but verbally says mean stuff. .she knew I was coming and she was watching men hunting and killing bears..she has a ton of channels..when I asked why she was watching this she yelled it's my TV ...and mean stuff ,I said yes it is and I had to leave..other day she said we should poison all homeless as there all criminals and druggies..she was never like that.but on texts she always says love you..or your the best kid..she also loves to say mean things to my Austistic son..hurtful things,like you should die..I've tried to get help to come in but she has a fit and brother says to leave her alone she's fine..she doesn't say mean things to him..I never know what's going on with her.she never was like this, never cussed, [no power of atttorney But I'm ex.on will.she has a trust.i feel like she's sybil...sometimes she's smart too and focused, then .not..I just hope she's not in pain or that she doesn't remember what she says.cant discuss with her anything she always takes the other side...thank you for being here with great advice...
Unfortunately a financial power of attorney doesn’t preclude your loved one from making decisions for themselves. It may be necessary to have a guardianship to limit their ability to act against their own interests
This was helpful. My problem is the hospital where I bring him every four months want him to explain how he is doing when he is basically in denial. I used the hospital portal before our last appointment to list his symptoms and how we were handling them. The first thing I heard was oh thanks Mrs Abrams for your list of observations. So now my husband sees me as a spy, and now I have to have him sign off on a medical diagnosis for an insurance policy we have, to be also signed by a Shands doctor treating him. I see no way of avoiding confronting him when he needs to sign the form! Any thoughts? He has Lewy body dementia. Thanks!!
HI Lynne, This is Trisha. Dr. Natali's social media manager. I'm sorry to hear about your situation;. Here is a TH-cam video she made that I hope can help you with your situation. 💖 th-cam.com/video/GYb8ZOiT3BU/w-d-xo.html
tell him , i filled out the portal because its better than you waiting for hours i had to do it fast ...so the doctors wont charge late fees! then smile and say yeah babay i saved you money! stick to saying things that will help them think they are saving money ,its a normal thing that people always remember and hate losing .it will help divert his way of thinking at that moment ,and you become the hero! always divert the conversation to feelings that they normally will remember in life .remember feelings always stay the same! so always make him think that your helping him save money! and always tell him that hes ok .blame the doctor!!!! he doesnt know what hes talking about , you have to be on his side be paranoid with him and agree with whatever hes saying ....... he will relax and feel like hes not alone! agreeing with them will usually calm them down! ice cream and snacks are a great distraction!
Help! Our mother has a sort of sour rancid smell that is not removed by bathing. It’s in her clothes and washing in vinegar and baking soda almost remove. When in the dryer it keeps the smell in the dryer and infuses other clothes with the Oder.
How stressful! Many caregivers I have talked to, swear by Odoban. You can find it on amazon or at home depot. It's pretty inexpensive and you can add it to laundry, use to clean the floors, basically anything. I sure to hope it helps! Have you talked to her PCP regarding what the smell could be caused by?
I'm here to try and learn how to take care of myself a more. My caregiver company stopped sending Caregivers and I no family and friends to help me! Just no one has come for a month and I just found out that they have been billing my insurance company for my full hours anyway . I also have Demyelination Syndrome Of The Nervous System thanks to Palomar Hospital in CA. But this BS with my Caregiver comp is just wrong to leave me alone, not even a call to see if I'm ok. I could die and it would be weeks before anyone found me! I'm scared!
Tazz Cortes Are you able to reach out to any agencies that help support people with your neurological condition? I’m not sure if somewhere like the MS Society would be able to help you? MS is an demyelination syndrome as well. I hope you keep contacting places and exploring resources from various agencies.
Thank-you so much my 89 y old mum is in last stages of dementia iiss her so much she also has cancer that has spread so I can't cope at-home as she needs so much care it's breaking my heart she's not happy at all kept in total agony for two weeks in hospital we had to fight for pain relief for her she was quite independent till then now she in a home where ther telling us not to visit her cos she's wandering at night falling over an bewildered we can't not visit her we love her so, uch we can't letter down she's always asking who is coming ne t please don't leave me absolutely heartbreaking please help me
My mom has absolutely this thing with her money. She had a new bank card every week and a new cellphone every week. She lets in anyone in her house. Her safety is a big worry. She won't move or leave her stuff as she calls it. I'm financially broke, she gives her money to all people she doesn't even know. I never mention her dementia but do tell her that her health is at risk and her safety. She keeps on saying she needs time to greet her old life and won't be able to stay at a place she's not used to.
I have just started watching these videos and have found them very useful. I like the simple and practical tips for dealing with my mother, who has had vascular dementia for over 15 years. All of the situations around resentment, anger, frustration have occurred and have caused difficulty in our relationship and extreme stress to me, as her carer. My question for Dr Natalie is around depression. I know there are strong links with depression and dementia but have found that dealing with my mothers depression has been harder than her dementia, as it is a constant low mood, with threats of suicide and feelings of paranoia. Do you have any tips for dealing with someone with depression, who feels that her depression is caused by loneliness, which is the result of living on her own (even though she has regular visitors, but forgets).
This is exactly why I don’t feel I can care for my mother at home unless I get financial POA and she’s declared financially Incapable. [She hasn’t had money sense for a few years now.]
My husband became unhappy with my driving, too fast, or too slow, never to his liking, so now he says he doesn't want me to drive his truck. My car does not fit him comfortable as he is very large. I don't think he should be driving.
I'm at work right now on the overnight shift. I have a new resident who is the sweetest old man but is so angry at his daughter & son for being here. He doesn't understand why they brought him here & thinks they took all his things. It's so sad bc his family loves him and lives 5 minutes away from here and visits. He wants to go home but doesn't understand why he can't. I just told him that id get the list of names and numbers of his family members for him and that id make sure I'd drop off the list b4 I leave in the morning but is that the right thing to do??? The facility I work at isn't to helpful or compassionate with them in the sense of being on their side. I feel like they tell them "sorry but they cant" but doesn't give them a reason. I understand they probably won't remember whatever answer we give them but most times it feels like they do understand so I don't want to underestimate their ability to remember. Ughhh, how can I help him understand this is for the best???
I can tell you really care. In these situations, caregivers sometimes have the best luck responding to the emotional need (feeling loved, needed, wanted) rather than actually responding to the actual request (wanting to go home, not understanding why his family put him there). Often, no matter how you phrase it, the person will never understand why they are in the nursing home because part of the disease doesn't allow them to understand all the help they need. You could try responding with simple statements like, I'm sorry you aren't in your home, I sure am happy to see you everyday. Or...your smile brightens up this whole place, I'm so happy that you are here and I get to know you. Something to that effect. Respond in ways that make him feel loved and wanted. If you haven't seen my video on anosagnosia yet, this may help you understand better. I'll post a link here: th-cam.com/video/SJegLeA4YTE/w-d-xo.html
Careblazers: dementia care heroes Thank you so much!!! Your video's help me out so much! After 10yr of being a CNA you wld think I'd have this down pack but it's still slips me at times. Thank you so much for making these vid's bc they truly do have a lot of insight and help remind me of the tools I've lost.
Anosognosia is also called "Lack of Insight" or brain-blindness. They lack awareness about their own unawareness. It is a brain-based functional deficit.
My husband got diagnosed with dementia June 2022 they gave him a brain scan and said everything looked ok and to come in 5 months for a checkup. That was it nothing else. Nothing. How or what do I do?
You know that old trees just grow stronger And old rivers grow wilder every day Old people just grow lonesome Waiting for someone to say, "Hello in there, hello"
I am trying to get help with understanding my mother in law. Whenever we take her to the grocery store she picks out groceries she will pick up things that she doesn't want, like pepperoni pizza whenever she doesn't like pepperoni pizza? Does she not have the ability to realize that she is picking out the wrong items or does she just not pay attention to what she is doing? She said that she doesn't know why she bought it , she said that she was trying to hurry. She is pretty good at taking care of herself however, i am concerned that she maybe needing to be diagnosed.
This is my greatest fear, that the person that I have been taking care of for many years, and that I have trusted with all my finances/life savings, will turn on me, and take it all away, when I need it most. This person was very controlling, and insisted on total control of the money. If they start to resent me, and go back on previous financial agreements/planning, I will be left destitute and homeless. I am walking on eggshells, because I saw how my grandma, became very angry and resentful at the end. When you give up everything to help a person, and in the end, they hate you, and want to make you suffer. Some dementia sufferers were keeping a lot of anger/frustration/resentment bottled up inside, all their lives, and let it out, and only get meaner, as the illness progresses.
Everyone from time to time feels resentful about something someone did that wasn't at all helpful to our emotianal and physical well being and theirs too. When a patient is at the same time experiencing what it is like being in a sleep walking state of mind while at the same time someone a lot younger trying way too hard in being able to treat the patient as a parent well then a lot can happen sometimes which can only be described as being one of those days. Like while that patient in an earliet stage of dementia which by the way sometimes does include what is called; Alcoholic Dementia; is trying to cope with other patients in the same nursing home facility at night who are in the habit of wandering at night while being in a later stage of demetia. -Like right after they arbitrarily while being treated like only a vegetable too on that set wing which got set aside only for dementia paitents too had just got assigned to the bed across the room instead.
Does it go in waves??? Mom was like that before but lately she seems to be trying to be nice and want to do things out of the house..even if she changes her mind and rain check it...it goes in waves...I don't know when or how it's going to be till I'm there...
Hi ... I’m having the worst time getting my mother to bathe... her last shower was 2/20/19. It is now 3/4/19. She smells soooo bad. I’ve tried everything I know and a lot of the things suggested on your program... help me please... I’m breaking!
I don’t know if this would work for you, but this is what I do for bath time. I say out of the blue “oh okay mom, let me get your stuff together so you’re ready for your bath, what would you like to wear?” and have her pick her clothes, then I’m matter of fact like “ok mom, you’re good to go, your bath is ready” and she just goes right along with it. I don’t say you haven’t bathed, or don’t smell clean. I just create the scenario and encourage her to participate by asking what she wants to wear, what scent body wash she prefers, if the water is warm enough or not. Etc. Then during the bath we talk about whatever she wants to and next thing you know the bath is done. I never say oh good mom because now you smell fresh or anything like that. I will say, I really like that outfit, or how your hair looks. Anyway, blessing and strength sent your way. Hope that helps some.
I know this was an old video. Power of attorney has limited value when a person wants to change things, as a person can revoke a power of attorney at any time. Gusrdianship might be the right move. I'm not sure if you did a video on power of attorney, but it would be good to have an elder law attorney to discuss the issues. They will want a disclaimer on legal advice just like the one saying that these videos don't provide specific medical advice. But, they can explain when one should see an attorney, and what the process is like. Someone who wants to take their spouse off bank accounts is not likely to agree to a PoA.
She doesn't remember a lot of the clothes that she has. So, when she wants to wear a scraggly jacket that gives her a "homeless" appearance, I hide it in the back of the closet, so she would not find it. She can wear it in the house, but not outside in public.
Duane Kudelski it’s okay. You are doing the best you can in a difficult situation. Don’t be hrs on yourself...this disease I hard enough. Sending strength.
I have been watching your videos. There are many things that are helpful. But to late finding your channel. MY husband threatened me with a loaded gun. That I called the police. They arrested him. He will be 73 in December. I am afraid of him. When he was before the judge, the judge ordered a mental and health evaluation. JUST watching this video brought my situation with my husband. He accused me of stealing his money his home. He accused people were breaking into the hour stealing his phone and his tablet among other things. I could go on and on.
go through your house and remove anything that can be used as a weapon. i took my husbands gun while he was still able to reason and understand why i was taking it. he later would say the government came and confiscated the guns and i just agreed. i removed pocket knives and box cutters as i would find them. i would tell him his pocket knife got lost in the washer. big vases that can be used as a weapon, get them out. if you have to get the kitchen knives out, do it. lock them in a box that needs a key and hide the key. i had a room in the house i could lock him out of so i could put things in there. my husband was a very gentle man, but he would get very angry towards the end. it turned out that he may have had a brain tumor also. he had metastatic bone cancer and dementia.
Please help,my step son who’s never was in my husband life for at least for 7 years , since I live with my husband, my husband know a woman who is homeless woman she is drugs addicted and dumpster diver, now she is living with my husband who his son want her there ,my husband who now hate me , she told him I am a thief, she is combining with his son who Remove my name from every think , and put the house and his father Retiermant and suing me for 8.1 Millions , even my husband saying now that he was never being married to me , that’s hurt me so much , since February I left home that woman hit me but my husband doesn’t want her out because she is homeless, she wrote a paper put it in front of him on the table say ur wife is a thief, your wife bad woman ,she take advantage of you ,she’s only after your money ,other care taker look for me on the internet find me and told me , social worker doesn’t listen to me she refuses to talk to me she listens to his son and that woman , she knows my husband being abuse but they don’t do nothing about it , I want to go back home to be with him I am worried my husband doesn’t want me anymore what I should do please help me
She is counselling people to lie. That's not right. Just tell them the SOBs at Motors Vehicle Branch took their license. Let them be resentful to the Gov't.
Mom's boyfriend is blaming us for trying to drive him crazy and never remember that TV shows are reruns, explodes in fits of rage, we always talk calmly he screams and hits and kicks walls and shouts expletives, blaming us for moving or stealing his stuff ,it is to the point where mom's blood pressure and my need to be on meds just to cope.
First i want to thank you for all you do. Sense 2013 I've been caring for my mother the last 2/yes have been 24/7 in my home for my 6th stage she is 78 yr old. She has always had bueatiful skin. After a fall she started picking her skin (arms and mostly her legs) went to dermatologist he treated for adult actnie with antibiotics. Which there is no pimple or bump on her skin she just gouges. I have clip nails...made it worse she could gouge more. Put on recomended glove. Now its to the point she wants to sit on toilet and pick. I ask her if shed like to go for ride to the thrift store, color, help me make cookies or do word book or watch her favorite show, help fold some towels. I ask if she will hell me shop we need some things for dinner... Its always no she just wants to pick. The doctor doesn't believe she has depression but says this is common. I got a bed alarm and I'm getting up 4-7 times a nite to find her in bathroom picking. And she gets upset saying she just has to get it out of her skin. I can't leave her in there she wil sit for hours if I did. And she gets angry with no reasoning. She is on Zoloft and we just had her labs blood urine done and there pretty good & no uti. What can I do? Dr at mayo Rochester, Alz assoc.. And many others I contact gave me advise and it doesn't ease this situation. I am her only family and I'm living in a town I don't know anyone & my car is waiting at deaths door. I have learned so much from the few videos ive been able to watch of yours, I love my mom and just need some skill advise how to deal with this issue. Please help. Thank you.
Her last fall was a week ago. In the bathroom. This is my worry and why I bought the bed alarm. So I would be alerted when she gets up as she's a fall risk. But me not getting sleep to care for her will at some point catch up.
I’m so sorry...how stressful! My biggest recommendation is to give your mom something to do to keep her hands busy. You’ll have to think of things that used to interest her in the past and ask for her “help” to keep her busy. Let me know how it goes. Give it a full attempt!
Careblazers: dementia care heroes I truly thank you for your reply her favorite things were sewing crocheting and baking. We did attempt to do the sewing and she gets frustrated because she can't, we did attempt to do crocheting, we attempted, but she gets frustrated because she doesn't have that ability, no more baking she gets upset because she gets confused with the measurements so she doesn't want anything to do with that, either. . So we did try taking yarn and see if she'd roll in a ball and we did a big picture box of buttons for her to sort by size or color but she doesn't like the clanging noise and it reminds her that she can't do it no more. The reminders for my mother seemed to be more of a depressant I tried a busy box & large shaped puzzles, a stress ball, spinner. She seems to have no interest. So far she can color but that's about the only thing she'll do. She says she has to get theses things out and picking away shr does. The doctors have no advice anymore, other than I keep applying neosporin even though she's scratching they say it can still get into her sores so to keep doing it. Thought maybe somebody out there might have had the same issue and got lucky with some kind of results if anyone reads this as well please let me know if you found or have any ideas to help mom from doing this. I appreciated thanks again.
Careblazers: dementia care heroes unfortunately, I am not, I use my cell phone to connect with the internet and I cant seem to get Facebook or any social media to be functionable. Thank you
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This is an outstanding series. I'm an estate planning attorney and have posted a few of these on my Facebook page. A lot of my clients can benefit from her advice.
It's so important to have a relationship with one's Bank Manager when dealing with a parent or spouse who has dementia.
I've tried this , tried everything
My mother resents me and the care I give.
At this point I don't care if she does or not.
My grandma, 74 years old, a retired teacher now suffers from Alzheimers with delusions, paranoia etc. Thanks for all your videos,they really help.
Jasmine Alya I'm glad that the videos are helping with this challenging disease. Sending you and your grandmother all the best!
@@DementiaCareblazers
Hi, I'm a new subscriber. My Mum has recently been placed in a home fulltime for dementia. Apart from the little I know already. As I understand it, dementia is incurable is that right?
Lazarus It’s Important to rule out things like normal pressure hydrocephalus and B 12 deficiency.
Jasmine, she is amazing and has helped me so much thru this Journey with my dad!
My mom has always been selfish and manipulative and now with her cognitive decline it’s gotten worse. She blames me for anything not working on her world. We were always hoping those negative tendencies would soften and she’d b a better person in old age. We were wrong.
My mother in law is the same with my wife.
Both In laws were selfish narcissists all their lives.
Father in law passed away.
I'm new to this.
I feel for you.
I really appreciate your videos. I am my 94 year old Grandmother's power of attorney and I have had to place her in a Memory care facility. I appreciate the tips since there is some resentment since she feels she is not like these people. I am learning the skills not to reason which is hard for me and trying to change the subject. It truly is a battle not only for the person but the caregiver as we have to totally change how we would normally handle an objection.
Hi Judy! I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job. You are correct, it is truly a battle for both the person with dementia and the caregiver. As the caregiver, you are trying to find ways to respond to your grandmother and all the "usual ways" that you use to talk with 99% of the people in your life don't work with your grandmother. It's like learning a whole new skill. Be kind to yourself. Everyone slips up now and then. Just do the best you can. We are all human. I'm wishing you and your grandmother all the best in 2018. Keep up the good work!
I am so thankful these videos just showed up on my TH-cam list of favorites. I am the caregiver for my 89-year-old mom who has Alzheimer's. My husband and I moved in with her 2 years ago on May 28. Also my developmentally disabled sister lives in the home as well. Since moving here, my husband has been diagnosed with renal cell carcinoma and had his left kidney removed and is in stage 5 renal failure. He has also suffered a stroke which has affected his right side vision and he can no longer drive. To say our lives have drastically changed is a tremendous understatement. Mom does resent us being here on the one hand, but in the next breath is glad we are. She seems to be angry a lot, but I have realized, as the videos bring out, that my attitude plays a big role in the household atmosphere. I find that when there is conflict with mom, I tend to take it out on my husband, which I hate. Mom forgets that he is sick and needs a walker or cane to get around, and gets frustrated and calls him lazy and continually asks if he's older than her, which he is not. These videos and Dr. Natali are such a blessing. I plan to view them all as time permits. Thank you again.
❤🙏
My 89 year old mother has moderate dementia. She has also struggled throughout her life with major depression. Trying to keep her from going down the negative “I wish I were dead” or “why am I a prisoner” in the facility she is in rabbit hole has been an on going issue. I plan activities to give her something to look forward too. Even with that, it can be a real struggle some days. Your tips have been extremely helpful. Thank you so much
Excellent series of videos. So helpful and supportive for carers to enable them to be more supportive and effective in helping the dementia sufferer.Thank you very much.
God bless you Dr. Natalie I am the caregiver for my 68 year old mother and I pray everyday for patience to keep helping my loved one
Sending you love and strength, Lidia! I know it's not easy but it sounds like you are doing a great job. Keep it up.
It's so hard and you must be young if your mum is only 68!! I hope you have help❤️❤️
Oh my gosh. You describe my mother to a t. First she turned her anger and suspicion toward my dad. When my dad died suddenly and my mom had to come to live with me, all those negative feelings turned toward me in a snap. You hit the nail on the head. My mother stayed with me for 3 years and is now in long term care. I wish the staff there would watch your videos.
I needed this. I have always been honest with her because she is so intelligent. I will never say the word again.
Just started watching the videos and they are very helpful, and I have subscribed. My mom is 72 and although officially diagnosed in the last couple years, after talking with the doctor we can trace the early symptoms back to probably 2014 or before. Based on the stages you reviewed in the three stage she is at stage two and the seven stages she is a mix of five and six. This disease is certainly different in every patient.... She does not really resent us so much although she gets upset with us often because she does not believe she has anything wrong. She is extremely resentful of any mention for shower, bath, going to any doctor office or having a non family care giver come into the home.
Sending all the best to you and your mom! It is certainly a tricky disease and takes some trial and error in terms of how to say certain things. In some cases, no matter how you present things, your loved one may still become upset. You just do the best you can and hang in there! Welcome to the Careblazer family.
Thank you for these videos. You have helped me so much. My mother has dementia and I am her caregiver. It is the hardest job I have ever done in my life! Love your advice! It helps to get me through trying to understand this horrible disease.
Sending you and your mother all the best!
My mother said she would call the law to me if i made her get a bath and go to the Dr. I have learned a lot from this site. I am still learning. Thank you for helping me.
It's a learning process for sure. Hang in there and keep up the good work!
I'm experiencing something similar. I have reacted in the wrong way, reminding him of his disease. It has added to his resentment of me. I now know that I should never do that. Practically everyday he is hell bent on buying a car because he needs to start driving again. Today I asked him about the car and what color does he want and so on. All the while instead of me taking him to a dealership I took him to the library that sits on a lake and we walked around the lake and then checked out a book. Much better day. Also, we've got POA paperwork set up but I didn't realize I need a letter from the Dr. to enact it. Meanwhile, my accountant suggested going to the bank and switch the money into new accounts without his name on it.
I’ve learned so many great tips from you, Natalie and, our carebkazer community. On the topic of resentment; I’ve experimented with providing stimulating experiences I know my DWEA can do as a diversion from those I know she would struggle with or that are beyond her capabilities. It’s also a way for me to see if she still can or can not manage various activities without drawing her attention.
Very helpful.. Most important is not to remind the loved one of dementia. There has to be some creative thinking on my part and I should realize it's not about me or my feelings of possibly being resented.
Dr Natali, thank you so much for these videos. My Wife was finally diagnosed with Young Onset Altzheimers 18 months ago and it’s progression has unfortunately been quite rapid. Whilst I have learnt/picked up various coping strategies over time your explanations and tips have brought everything into perspective. Thank you so much you have helped my understanding no end and I will be sure to put your advice into practice. - Lionel in the UK
My husband has vascular dementia & now is bi-polar. He has extreme resentment.
Thank up for your information. My mom is just showing signs of dementia. She doesn't want to go anywhere now or do anything. She's been going through her papers and closets and throwing things away..says everyday that she has to do this because she will be dead soon..but it's things she needs..and then she will look for these items later and accuse me of taking them or she stresses because she can't find them..it's almost a daily thing and always a crises and gets her very upset.she doesn't seem to have a calm time, there's always something she has to have now or can't find now etc..one min.all is good the next I'm running to get something ..NOW or having to search for it all over house..and many times when I'm looking she says I took it or will say that I'm nosey and going through her stuff..and no when I do find it and it's in a very strange place she says I put it there to make her look bad..dhe can be very mean and sarcastic to me and she will say terrible things and laugh at me when I say that it was hurtful or if I look sad ..she sometimes will be so hateful I just have to tell her I will be back later, I try to stay calm and not say anything back to her but she can be so hateful. She wasn't like that before, she was opionated and never really took an interest in my life ,never asked or really talked to me.she would always talk at me or talk about what she was doing..we're very different in almost everything and I'm OK with that but she was never mean...I have heard from her work associates that she would tell them how proud she was of me and all that I had done etc..they also said how she would be so proud of my brother..now though my brother is a God in her eyes and too important and busy ...she gets upset if I ask him to help with her and her house..and he doesn't offer or ask and he's healthy. .I have several health problems and so does mom, but she's physically is better then me..but she will call me always to do heavy hard work..or ask me to bring my son who has aspergers to do things..she will pick on him the whole time he is there and they will drive me crazy..he's 39 and she's 86..and no its like being with two 6 yr olds...she will only say nice things to us or about us in a text, never in person or on the phone..it's no picnic being with the 2 of them together...my friends tell me I should get an Oscar for my great acting when I'm with them..but thanks to you and your great advice and seeing that there are others out they in a similar boat It makes me feel better that I'm not alone ...so thank you to u all...and my 2 therapy cats...
I can relate to this, when he gets upset he threatens to take my name off of our joint accout and leave the house. I first experienced this with him in 2016 this is when it first started, and he left our home cut off all utilities and took my name off of our life insurances. this all happened because of some of his relatives that encouraged it, he wanted to come back home in less than a month. I went to the court of appeals and talk to a Judge, I also got power of Attorney shortly after he came back home.
Yes, I’m a New caregiver. And she’s had it ( my Poor Mother) Lives with me my husband & Grandson we have raised since 3. ❤️🙏😱🙏❤️ Lord Help me I Pray Strength
Thank you, really I need to re-orientate my thoughts and my approach to handling dificult situation with my love one and not go on a logical approach. God bless you Dr Natalie.
Sometimes explaining dementia calms my mum down so for a moment she understands why she feels confused.
This was a very helpful video. Thanks so much!
5:43 what about they resent you cause they think you are stealing from them or tearing things up that belong to them
i needed to see this today!!!!
I'm glad it was here for you. Sending love.
How do you get someone diagnosed with Dementia? I also would like to know how to handle my mother in law who is 83 and has a lot of heart, copd and other health issue and possibly other issues.
this video makes me understand more
I find you most helpful and practical so thank you
Excellent Dr Thank you
Thank you so very much I've learned alot. I'm going to get a tablet and ear buds for my mom to watch your videos. She took care of grandpa for close to 15 yrs now 20 yrs later she's having to take care of dad. Now she's older and not in best health 78. It's hard for her to have the patience with dad with the type of dementia he has. Anyway thank you.
My partner has become oh so over-possessive. Will not do anything unless I am there. And as she was taken into a dementia home to give me a respite break. I find it heartbreaking and very difficult to handle the goodbyes every time I visit. It nearly always ends in tears for both of us. Had a phone put in her room so as we could contact each other but that seems as bad . I am now at my wit's end as I cannot cope anymore, as I also am very ill but she does not understand this and still wants more and more of my time. I love her dearly and understand it is only going to get worse but it is the worst thing imaginable to just see her, each time, gradually deteriorating before my eyes.
Couple of questions. How do you go about coaxing your mother into making her decision of where to live? My mother is at that point where she needs to be in an assisted living or myself and other with 3 dogs move in. She loves my dogs except they get excited when they see her cause she has avoided them for years which causes them to act out. If I had a choice, I would choose myself and the dogs verses a home. She is extremely independent. She has told me she absolutely doesn't want to go in a home. What can I say to her to to ease her mind with the dogs and us moving in?
I forgot the other question. Lol
My early dementia must be showing.
Try to start out with day visits, maybe for a lunch or dinner. Consider letting one dog loose at a time until all 3 dogs are around her. Sometimes it's easier to warm up to 3 dogs, 1 at a time than to unleash all 3 at once. To start or keeping them in a separate area until your mom gets into the home, then letting them loose. If your dogs are anything like mine, they love to greet at the door and welcome everyone in, which can seem a little overwhelming to someone with dementia. I hope this helps or gets your mind thinking of other ideas.
Hey girl well my Sweet momma has Dementia w/onset of Alzheimer’s… she’s 88 and Blessed her heart she’s to the point that she does blame us for a lot BUT she’s Every few minutes asking about my Brother who passed away 4 years ago and reliving all the pain and then she does the exact same thing with my Dad who passed 18 years ago and she just constantly cries… it’s like her poor brain has a recording because she says what she does verbatim… some days she does and says the EXACT same thing exactly like she did the day before almost the same time… it’s just unbelievable to me… and another thing that just BREAKS my heart so bad is She’s ALWAYS Negative… any ideas on how to help me reverse her so she will be Happy!!! It’s bringing me down…
She lives with me and my Daughter comes to Helps me too!!! 😔🥺
Omg I’m reading this a year after you posted but it’s as if you were speaking about my life first hand. I am the primary caregiver to my mother in law who lives with her. I moved in three years ago to help keep her in her home. You have to be independently wealthy ti afford the care your loved ones deserve or the task falls on the family and my husband can’t do it and his sister won’t. Anyway she is so darn nasty and negative sometimes that it’s hard to not take it personal or to constantly redirect. She dies t want to do a damn thing but complain. She doesn’t have any medical issues. On paper she has slight issues with BP but is a hypochondriac who needs attention from everyone. I am exhausted. I have no breaks - ever. She has sundowners syndrome to boot and I am sleep deprived.
I take whatever advice I can get but I am almost ready to check myself into a nursing home at 49 years of age.
Sorry for the rant 🙏🏻
My friend absolutely blames her husband for every little thing that is wrong in her life. She makes an issue out of her money many times a day. They row constantly, he can't cope, with constant abuse. He has not been a good husband, but he is trying. Getting her to take medication while being watched is hell. She loses her pills, if she is not watched. Every minute is an attack at her husband, about pills and imaginary abuse. It's really hard to deal with it everyday, especially when she is at my home often at 6 6.30 am.
Thanks for great advice..my mom picks on me and puts me down or tells me I'm lying ..or is always correcting me.she demands I be there to care for her needs..not my brother..she will say I have to do it as my brother has a life znd is more important then me..I try to be mellow and when she gets so mean I will say I'm going home, then she calls me a big baby..or worse. She also cusses now and says terrible things.?
I'm so sorry to hear this Lynn. It's is painful to hear even if you understand that dementia can make people say the meanest of things. Be kind to yourself, surround yourself with supportive people. And even though she says she doesn't want help from others who she thinks are more important, I do hope you and your brother find ways to share the help and maybe even consider getting her to an adult day center or getting other people to help in the home. I hope that you have some positive/happy memories of your mom from before she had the dementia. Hang on to that.
Careblazers: dementia care heroes. Thank you so much...she did day to me after saying such mean things..she said don't take what I say but what I do..she texted nice things, but verbally says mean stuff. .she knew I was coming and she was watching men hunting and killing bears..she has a ton of channels..when I asked why she was watching this she yelled it's my TV ...and mean stuff ,I said yes it is and I had to leave..other day she said we should poison all homeless as there all criminals and druggies..she was never like that.but on texts she always says love you..or your the best kid..she also loves to say mean things to my Austistic son..hurtful things,like you should die..I've tried to get help to come in but she has a fit and brother says to leave her alone she's fine..she doesn't say mean things to him..I never know what's going on with her.she never was like this, never cussed, [no power of atttorney But I'm ex.on will.she has a trust.i feel like she's sybil...sometimes she's smart too and focused, then .not..I just hope she's not in pain or that she doesn't remember what she says.cant discuss with her anything she always takes the other side...thank you for being here with great advice...
Unfortunately a financial power of attorney doesn’t preclude your loved one from making decisions for themselves. It may be necessary to have a guardianship to limit their ability to act against their own interests
How about your need for a normal life?
My mother has mild dementia, she recently said I have taken over her life, how do I response to that. I feel like shit.
This was helpful. My problem is the hospital where I bring him every four months want him to explain how he is doing when he is basically in denial. I used the hospital portal before our last appointment to list his symptoms and how we were handling them. The first thing I heard was oh thanks Mrs Abrams for your list of observations. So now my husband sees me as a spy, and now I have to have him sign off on a medical diagnosis for an insurance policy we have, to be also signed by a Shands doctor treating him. I see no way of avoiding confronting him when he needs to sign the form! Any thoughts? He has Lewy body dementia. Thanks!!
HI Lynne, This is Trisha. Dr. Natali's social media manager. I'm sorry to hear about your situation;. Here is a TH-cam video she made that I hope can help you with your situation. 💖 th-cam.com/video/GYb8ZOiT3BU/w-d-xo.html
tell him , i filled out the portal because its better than you waiting for hours i had to do it fast ...so the doctors wont charge late fees! then smile and say yeah babay i saved you money! stick to saying things that will help them think they are saving money ,its a normal thing that people always remember and hate losing .it will help divert his way of thinking at that moment ,and you become the hero! always divert the conversation to feelings that they normally will remember in life .remember feelings always stay the same! so always make him think that your helping him save money! and always tell him that hes ok .blame the doctor!!!!
he doesnt know what hes talking about ,
you have to be on his side be paranoid with him and agree with whatever hes saying ....... he will relax and feel like hes not alone! agreeing with them will usually calm them down! ice cream and snacks are a great distraction!
Just forge his signature
Jfc
I've being watching your videos and I've learned a lot. Many thanks 😊
So make a believable lie. I have learned a lot from this Chanel validation of the emotions, great tip
I'm so glad!
Help! Our mother has a sort of sour rancid smell that is not removed by bathing. It’s in her clothes and washing in vinegar and baking soda almost remove. When in the dryer it keeps the smell in the dryer and infuses other clothes with the Oder.
How stressful! Many caregivers I have talked to, swear by Odoban. You can find it on amazon or at home depot. It's pretty inexpensive and you can add it to laundry, use to clean the floors, basically anything. I sure to hope it helps! Have you talked to her PCP regarding what the smell could be caused by?
Careblazers: dementia care heroes
Yes thanks. They we’re clueless
I'm here to try and learn how to take care of myself a more. My caregiver company stopped sending Caregivers and I no family and friends to help me! Just no one has come for a month and I just found out that they have been billing my insurance company for my full hours anyway . I also have Demyelination Syndrome Of The Nervous System thanks to Palomar Hospital in CA. But this BS with my Caregiver comp is just wrong to leave me alone, not even a call to see if I'm ok. I could die and it would be weeks before anyone found me! I'm scared!
Tazz Cortes Are you able to reach out to any agencies that help support people with your neurological condition? I’m not sure if somewhere like the MS Society would be able to help you? MS is an demyelination syndrome as well. I hope you keep contacting places and exploring resources from various agencies.
Thank-you so much my 89 y old mum is in last stages of dementia iiss her so much she also has cancer that has spread so I can't cope at-home as she needs so much care it's breaking my heart she's not happy at all kept in total
agony for two weeks in hospital
we had to fight for pain relief for her she was quite independent till then now she in a home where ther telling us not to visit her cos she's wandering at night falling over an bewildered we can't not visit her we love her so, uch we can't letter down she's always asking who is coming ne t please don't leave me absolutely heartbreaking please help me
My mom has absolutely this thing with her money. She had a new bank card every week and a new cellphone every week. She lets in anyone in her house. Her safety is a big worry. She won't move or leave her stuff as she calls it. I'm financially broke, she gives her money to all people she doesn't even know. I never mention her dementia but do tell her that her health is at risk and her safety. She keeps on saying she needs time to greet her old life and won't be able to stay at a place she's not used to.
3:46 am. Pacific. Taking my husband to a care home today. What tips do you have? For no other reason that he wanders out at night.
Ok how about this... Husband has been an entrepreneur for 35 years. Still wants to start new businesses, wants to fly his airplane again... Etc.. Help
I have just started watching these videos and have found them very useful. I like the simple and practical tips for dealing with my mother, who has had vascular dementia for over 15 years. All of the situations around resentment, anger, frustration have occurred and have caused difficulty in our relationship and extreme stress to me, as her carer. My question for Dr Natalie is around depression. I know there are strong links with depression and dementia but have found that dealing with my mothers depression has been harder than her dementia, as it is a constant low mood, with threats of suicide and feelings of paranoia. Do you have any tips for dealing with someone with depression, who feels that her depression is caused by loneliness, which is the result of living on her own (even though she has regular visitors, but forgets).
This is exactly why I don’t feel I can care for my mother at home unless I get financial POA and she’s declared financially Incapable. [She hasn’t had money sense for a few years now.]
My husband became unhappy with my driving, too fast, or too slow, never to his liking, so now he says he doesn't want me to drive his truck. My car does not fit him comfortable as he is very large. I don't think he should be driving.
How do we react when our mom with dementia asks about her dead husband and son not coming to visit her?
I'm at work right now on the overnight shift. I have a new resident who is the sweetest old man but is so angry at his daughter & son for being here. He doesn't understand why they brought him here & thinks they took all his things. It's so sad bc his family loves him and lives 5 minutes away from here and visits. He wants to go home but doesn't understand why he can't. I just told him that id get the list of names and numbers of his family members for him and that id make sure I'd drop off the list b4 I leave in the morning but is that the right thing to do??? The facility I work at isn't to helpful or compassionate with them in the sense of being on their side. I feel like they tell them "sorry but they cant" but doesn't give them a reason. I understand they probably won't remember whatever answer we give them but most times it feels like they do understand so I don't want to underestimate their ability to remember. Ughhh, how can I help him understand this is for the best???
I can tell you really care. In these situations, caregivers sometimes have the best luck responding to the emotional need (feeling loved, needed, wanted) rather than actually responding to the actual request (wanting to go home, not understanding why his family put him there). Often, no matter how you phrase it, the person will never understand why they are in the nursing home because part of the disease doesn't allow them to understand all the help they need. You could try responding with simple statements like, I'm sorry you aren't in your home, I sure am happy to see you everyday. Or...your smile brightens up this whole place, I'm so happy that you are here and I get to know you. Something to that effect. Respond in ways that make him feel loved and wanted. If you haven't seen my video on anosagnosia yet, this may help you understand better. I'll post a link here: th-cam.com/video/SJegLeA4YTE/w-d-xo.html
Careblazers: dementia care heroes Thank you so much!!! Your video's help me out so much! After 10yr of being a CNA you wld think I'd have this down pack but it's still slips me at times. Thank you so much for making these vid's bc they truly do have a lot of insight and help remind me of the tools I've lost.
Anosognosia is also called "Lack of Insight" or brain-blindness. They lack awareness about their own unawareness. It is a brain-based functional deficit.
My husband got diagnosed with dementia June 2022 they gave him a brain scan and said everything looked ok and to come in 5 months for a checkup. That was it nothing else. Nothing. How or what do I do?
So I think my husband has dementia but hasnt been diagnosed yet. When he is diagnosed shouldnt he know the diagnosis?
You know that old trees just grow stronger
And old rivers grow wilder every day
Old people just grow lonesome
Waiting for someone to say, "Hello in there, hello"
I am trying to get help with understanding my mother in law. Whenever we take her to the grocery store she picks out groceries she will pick up things that she doesn't want, like pepperoni pizza whenever she doesn't like pepperoni pizza? Does she not have the ability to realize that she is picking out the wrong items or does she just not pay attention to what she is doing? She said that she doesn't know why she bought it , she said that she was trying to hurry. She is pretty good at taking care of herself however, i am concerned that she maybe needing to be diagnosed.
Thank you. This video is very helpful.
You are welcome, I'm glad it helped!
I'm learning
Good
This youtub videos are so helpful thank you Dr Natali
Thank you so much😊
This is my greatest fear, that the person that I have been taking care of for many years, and that I have trusted with all my finances/life savings, will turn on me, and take it all away, when I need it most.
This person was very controlling, and insisted on total control of the money.
If they start to resent me, and go back on previous financial agreements/planning, I will be left destitute and homeless.
I am walking on eggshells, because I saw how my grandma, became very angry and resentful at the end.
When you give up everything to help a person, and in the end, they hate you, and want to make you suffer.
Some dementia sufferers were keeping a lot of anger/frustration/resentment bottled up inside, all their lives, and let it out, and only get meaner, as the illness progresses.
Everyone from time to time feels resentful about something someone did that wasn't at all helpful to our emotianal and physical well being and theirs too. When a patient is at the same time experiencing what it is like being in a sleep walking state of mind while at the same time someone a lot younger trying way too hard in being able to treat the patient as a parent well then a lot can happen sometimes which can only be described as being one of those days. Like while that patient in an earliet stage of dementia which by the way sometimes does include what is called; Alcoholic Dementia; is trying to cope with other patients in the same nursing home facility at night who are in the habit of wandering at night while being in a later stage of demetia. -Like right after they arbitrarily while being treated like only a vegetable too on that set wing which got set aside only for dementia paitents too had just got assigned to the bed across the room instead.
Does it go in waves??? Mom was like that before but lately she seems to be trying to be nice and want to do things out of the house..even if she changes her mind and rain check it...it goes in waves...I don't know when or how it's going to be till I'm there...
I do that, I feel for my wife but I panick about money which I never did previously.
Hi ... I’m having the worst time getting my mother to bathe... her last shower was 2/20/19. It is now 3/4/19. She smells soooo bad. I’ve tried everything I know and a lot of the things suggested on your program... help me please... I’m breaking!
I don’t know if this would work for you, but this is what I do for bath time. I say out of the blue “oh okay mom, let me get your stuff together so you’re ready for your bath, what would you like to wear?” and have her pick her clothes, then I’m matter of fact like “ok mom, you’re good to go, your bath is ready” and she just goes right along with it. I don’t say you haven’t bathed, or don’t smell clean. I just create the scenario and encourage her to participate by asking what she wants to wear, what scent body wash she prefers, if the water is warm enough or not. Etc. Then during the bath we talk about whatever she wants to and next thing you know the bath is done. I never say oh good mom because now you smell fresh or anything like that. I will say, I really like that outfit, or how your hair looks. Anyway, blessing and strength sent your way. Hope that helps some.
I know this was an old video. Power of attorney has limited value when a person wants to change things, as a person can revoke a power of attorney at any time. Gusrdianship might be the right move. I'm not sure if you did a video on power of attorney, but it would be good to have an elder law attorney to discuss the issues. They will want a disclaimer on legal advice just like the one saying that these videos don't provide specific medical advice. But, they can explain when one should see an attorney, and what the process is like. Someone who wants to take their spouse off bank accounts is not likely to agree to a PoA.
I wish this videos had subs in Spanish to shared within my family
She doesn't remember a lot of the clothes that she has. So, when she wants to wear a scraggly jacket that gives her a "homeless" appearance, I hide it in the back of the closet, so she would not find it. She can wear it in the house, but not outside in public.
I made the mistake of telling my 96 year old mother she has dementia. do you think she remembers what I said to her? I feel terrible for saying that.
Duane Kudelski it’s okay. You are doing the best you can in a difficult situation. Don’t be hrs on yourself...this disease I hard enough. Sending strength.
Thank you again
You are welcome again! :)
Yeah, they love banks, dont they...
I have been watching your videos. There are many things that are helpful. But to late finding your channel. MY husband threatened me with a loaded gun. That I called the police. They arrested him. He will be 73 in December. I am afraid of him. When he was before the judge, the judge ordered a mental and health evaluation. JUST watching this video brought my situation with my husband. He accused me of stealing his money his home. He accused people were breaking into the hour stealing his phone and his tablet among other things. I could go on and on.
go through your house and remove anything that can be used as a weapon. i took my husbands gun while he was still able to reason and understand why i was taking it. he later would say the government came and confiscated the guns and i just agreed. i removed pocket knives and box cutters as i would find them. i would tell him his pocket knife got lost in the washer. big vases that can be used as a weapon, get them out. if you have to get the kitchen knives out, do it. lock them in a box that needs a key and hide the key. i had a room in the house i could lock him out of so i could put things in there. my husband was a very gentle man, but he would get very angry towards the end. it turned out that he may have had a brain tumor also. he had metastatic bone cancer and dementia.
I sometimes feel that my mom resents me and it worries me!
We cannot be responsible for how others think feel or act....only how we respond...be kind to yourself
Can you address: Tips on how not resent your loved one w dementia
No, but my 42 yr. Old daughter does
Please help,my step son who’s never was in my husband life for at least for 7 years , since I live with my husband, my husband know a woman who is homeless woman she is drugs addicted and dumpster diver, now she is living with my husband who his son want her there ,my husband who now hate me , she told him I am a thief, she is combining with his son who Remove my name from every think , and put the house and his father Retiermant and suing me for 8.1 Millions , even my husband saying now that he was never being married to me , that’s hurt me so much , since February I left home that woman hit me but my husband doesn’t want her out because she is homeless, she wrote a paper put it in front of him on the table say ur wife is a thief, your wife bad woman ,she take advantage of you ,she’s only after your money ,other care taker look for me on the internet find me and told me , social worker doesn’t listen to me she refuses to talk to me she listens to his son and that woman , she knows my husband being abuse but they don’t do nothing about it , I want to go back home to be with him I am worried my husband doesn’t want me anymore what I should do please help me
Please stop the gratuitous music.
She is counselling people to lie. That's not right. Just tell them the SOBs at Motors Vehicle Branch took their license. Let them be resentful to the Gov't.
Mom's boyfriend is blaming us for trying to drive him crazy and never remember that TV shows are reruns, explodes in fits of rage, we always talk calmly he screams and hits and kicks walls and shouts expletives, blaming us for moving or stealing his stuff ,it is to the point where mom's blood pressure and my need to be on meds just to cope.
Quit. On him. Stop tolerating it
First i want to thank you for all you do.
Sense 2013 I've been caring for my mother the last 2/yes have been 24/7 in my home for my 6th stage she is 78 yr old. She has always had bueatiful skin. After a fall she started picking her skin (arms and mostly her legs) went to dermatologist he treated for adult actnie with antibiotics. Which there is no pimple or bump on her skin she just gouges. I have clip nails...made it worse she could gouge more. Put on recomended glove. Now its to the point she wants to sit on toilet and pick. I ask her if shed like to go for ride to the thrift store, color, help me make cookies or do word book or watch her favorite show, help fold some towels. I ask if she will hell me shop we need some things for dinner... Its always no she just wants to pick. The doctor doesn't believe she has depression but says this is common. I got a bed alarm and I'm getting up 4-7 times a nite to find her in bathroom picking. And she gets upset saying she just has to get it out of her skin. I can't leave her in there she wil sit for hours if I did. And she gets angry with no reasoning. She is on Zoloft and we just had her labs blood urine done and there pretty good & no uti. What can I do? Dr at mayo Rochester, Alz assoc.. And many others I contact gave me advise and it doesn't ease this situation. I am her only family and I'm living in a town I don't know anyone & my car is waiting at deaths door. I have learned so much from the few videos ive been able to watch of yours, I love my mom and just need some skill advise how to deal with this issue.
Please help.
Thank you.
Her last fall was a week ago. In the bathroom. This is my worry and why I bought the bed alarm. So I would be alerted when she gets up as she's a fall risk. But me not getting sleep to care for her will at some point catch up.
I’m so sorry...how stressful! My biggest recommendation is to give your mom something to do to keep her hands busy. You’ll have to think of things that used to interest her in the past and ask for her “help” to keep her busy. Let me know how it goes. Give it a full attempt!
Careblazers: dementia care heroes I truly thank you for your reply her favorite things were sewing crocheting and baking. We did attempt to do the sewing and she gets frustrated because she can't, we did attempt to do crocheting, we attempted, but she gets frustrated because she doesn't have that ability, no more baking she gets upset because she gets confused with the measurements so she doesn't want anything to do with that, either. . So we did try taking yarn and see if she'd roll in a ball and we did a big picture box of buttons for her to sort by size or color but she doesn't like the clanging noise and it reminds her that she can't do it no more. The reminders for my mother seemed to be more of a depressant I tried a busy box & large shaped puzzles, a stress ball, spinner. She seems to have no interest. So far she can color but that's about the only thing she'll do. She says she has to get theses things out and picking away shr does. The doctors have no advice anymore, other than I keep applying neosporin even though she's scratching they say it can still get into her sores so to keep doing it. Thought maybe somebody out there might have had the same issue and got lucky with some kind of results if anyone reads this as well please let me know if you found or have any ideas to help mom from doing this. I appreciated thanks again.
Annette Jones are you a part of the Careblazers community FB support group? You can ask the members in that group for input.
Careblazers: dementia care heroes unfortunately, I am not, I use my cell phone to connect with the internet and I cant seem to get Facebook or any social media to be functionable. Thank you
Trickery, no good