"When targets see themselves acting like their abusers, they often feel mortified and wonder if they've become the thing they despise. *But the fact they feel mortified shows that they haven't.* Their abusers don't feel remorse. " Such a good quote.
When you spoke of being kicked out, it happened to me when i was 23...after i came out of the closet,and moved in with the woman who would be my wife for the next ten years, my mom's Sunday School Class sent her a boquet of flowers with a card that said "So sorry for your loss"...as if I had died. Even though i no longer considered myself a Christian, seeing that a group of ppl you once considered extended family now considered you 'dead' still hurts like hell.
Funereal flowers. What a grotesque touch. To get children involved too. Like I've said before, you know there's something wrong when groups who claim divinity can't even demonstrate humanity.
In my pagan attempt I met a very nice girl and made friends with her. We were close and she used to say we were sisters. Ok. Some time later I could not follow that group anymore in honesty because I was fed up with many behaviours, especially one girl who was totally dishonest and malignant and even jealous, so I told my friend/sister that I was going out but we could still be friend or sister. She became so sad and told me: no, for me it's like loosing my sister. I felt sad. Somehow I thought that she trusted me as a person not because I was a pagan. I was always honest with her and she enjoyed being with me and now it was all over. She even proceeded to make her "sister" the malignant one, even if she knew her tricks, but she had the "powers". IMO they had none but the malignant one was a typical narcissist and quite a pathological one. With no surprise from me she had some hard time and wasted a few years more, until she left everything as well and take her own life back.
"If your problem is that your father tearing your family apart with malicious attacks, you might be told to focus on everything he's done for you." WOW. That hit REALLY close to home... I tried to tell so many people about my father's abusive behavior when I was younger, but over time, I stopped because of responses like that...
Rockstar Raccoon same with me. and with the idea that your parents always love you, and you should always love them back. it’s just not always the case.
My mother pulled this crap on me constantly. As the primary breadwinner of the household, she felt (and continues to feel) like that gives her a blank cheque to do and say whatever she wanted. On one occasion she upset me pretty badly, and I told her not to speak to me unless the house was burning down. She tried hitting me with a hypothetical "If a person does a thousand things right, and one thing wrong..." I told her to shove it.
😂 I got something like “without your dad youd be in the streets” . They feed you and clothe you , you see, that entitled them to abuse without consequences! Such superb logic from superb people
3:38 yes I remember... The exact moment. My mother was brushing my hair after I took a bath when I was around 8. The brush had most of its pins without the plastic tip, and it was scratching the skin of my head very harshly, it was painful. I told her to stop, and yet she ignored, saying the my hair was beautiful. She insisted and forced to brush my hair despite me almost crying over the pain and her disregard for that. After she brushed my hair flawlessly, she forced me to put on a smile for a picture. She loved it, and even has the picture framed in her house. She claims that is the most beautiful picture she ever took of me. That picture is the one I hate the most, absolutely hate it, I can still feel the pain in my eyes on that picture, with a fake smile trying to hide the sadness of the moment. From that moment on I never put on fake smiles for pictures. I only smiled when it was genuine, which wasn't often at all.
@@FireyDeath4 or maybe don't do it in a way that your mother can easily name-call you "insane" over. It's a good point to make, but doing it with your own blood by breaking in seems like it could way too easily lead to further verbal abuse
@@63452100 to quote theramintrees from another video that goes something like this "its not an act of love to embrace someone until you crush their bones". if your child, pet, whoever it is that is in your care is showing discomfort from your actions, it should be a natural reflex to stop and find a new or more comfortable starting point that makes everyone feel secure and promotes care. the last thing you want is to brew fear into those you are meant to take care of. some things are never forgotten, which op also makes a point of. you only get one chance to be a good parent for your child, there is little room for regrets and no going back. on that note, did the mom not realize her child crying and telling her to stop meant that they are feeling pain and discomfort? its not a good excuse at all and ignores basic consent
"The fact they feel mortified shows the haven't" I spent a full year after breaking up with my ex believing the breakup was evidence I had turned into my abusive narcissistic mother. This was something I needed to hear.
I started playing chess a few months ago and I got checkmated by the fried liver attack about 500 times until I saw I had the chance to do it to someone else. I am the abuser now.
My mom hitting us was her being a "good parent". My dad screaming at us, knocking off, or destroying our stuff was him "teaching us a lesson" despite the fact that we repeatedly told them that it wasn't working. As I grew older, I started acting out more violently and then I realize that I was acting just like my mother. I was screaming, hitting, insulting, and often belittling the opposing party. I was horrified but me realizing my mistake didn't make it any better. Instead of hurting others, I started hurting myself first I would pinch myself to stop myself from doing something harmful to others, then scratch marks and then cuts. The time I gave myself the deepest cut, I promised myself to never do that again because why do I have to suffer because of others' actions? It was 6 months ago. Not sure how long I will cope with their ongoing abuse now that the only mechanism I knew is not an option. But yeah, I'm alive. Please, you shouldn't be suffering from others' mistakes, flaws. You're better than that, I know it.
it's hard to imagine the psychological torment you went through. the self awareness is admirable but so sad... i hear you fellow human. i hope you are continuing to emulate your most authentic self rather than the actions of people that hurt you and no longer serve you. may you be free and at peace!
jesus, listening to ways that abusers flippantly treat those that they inflict makes me realize how abusive those actions are, and how much they were used against me. once you can define abuse, as i was eventually able to do with the help of your videos, it becomes easy to see abuse everywhere you go. it's a frustrating duality to be aware of the selfish abusiveness of everything around you while also knowing that they don't know any better.
It's kinda spooky how many of the things abusers are said to do in this video are also done by oppressive governments. In some nations, it's like living with an abusive partner or family member, but on a society-wide scale.
Nailed it. Born and raised to be a Baptist preacher. In my long journey out I still find that I can often be an intellectual bully. I am not proud of that. Your videos have been an immense help in softening my approach to the demons of my past that I occasionally find inhabiting my thought patterns. Thanks again!
@@hardymaritz1222 Cause being a christian does not immediately negate your intelligence and rejecting a common idea does not necessarily mean that either
Yup. I am always constantly terrified of becoming like my abusive mom. But the thing is, some of her unhealthy behaviors are healthy behaviors taken to unhealthy extremes. It's healthy to be angry sometimes. It's not healthy to swear and scream at minor inconveniences. I was never allowed to be angry, because when I got angry for unjust bullying, I was out of line. I carry that extreme discomfort with public displays of anger, frustration, and dismay to this day, but I am also terrified to express those emotions for fear of becoming my mom. I also expressed interest in trying to stop loving my mom, because that love is constantly used against me. When I told my friends who know about it, they were appalled that I was considering the option, and I started to wonder if I was falling into my mom's habit of isolating anyone that she is "hurt" by. My dad is probably not abusive, but he's definitely an enabler, and he has excused her behavior and reinforced my gaslighting. He once told me that my attempts to work through the abuses were something that all 20-somethings have to do because parents aren't perfect and they make mistakes. He made years of abuse sound like mistakes that everyone made. And sure, his mom was likely abusive, so he probably was telling me his truth... But what a huge gaslight that was. I've lived with other people. They don't exhibit the same adaptive behaviors I have: constantly apologzing, trying to stay out of people's way, being profoundly uncomfortable when someone walks up behind me in the kitchen, trying to soothe any hurt feelings with placating compliments, leaving the room when someone walked in the room annoyed or angry, extreme avoidance of anxieties, and changing the subject, usually in a deliberately child-like obliviousness to the situation (playing up the "I'm a happy-go-lucky airhead" angle). Those are all things healthy happy people don't feel compelled to do. They don't have a 6th Sense for when someone is angry or annoyed and they don't instantly feel panicked when they know someone is angry, frustrated, or annoyed. They are all maladaptive behaviors that I have, and I am trying to fix them. But it's hard. I'm using my friends as a model for behavior now- which probably has other issues that I'm unable to see right now. But it seems to be working well-ish, and it's a lot better than what I currently have.
I'm glad it's working well and that you're feeling improvements. Like you, I had an abusive - narcissistic - mother and an enabling father. He died last year, and was appeasing her temper even on his death bed. After moving away from them in early life I had to relearn all my emotions - which were all jumbled up and cross-wired. As my brother and I have both noted, for all the hell created by the narcissist, the worst is what they create for themselves. Neither of us would ever want to live in that head - that inescapable ball of shame and rage.
This is a 4-year-old comment, but as someone in a similar household (abusive mother, enabling father) I understand how it feels. Unfortunately, my younger sister still believes that since they're our parents, we should still love them. When my mom threatens to beat me for unloading the dishwasher wrong or forgetting about an assignment, and my father stands by and says nothing except, "Oh, you know how she is," I don't exactly feel very loving toward them.
You sound a lot like me and I repeatedly almost went insane just because I have been living in fear and sadly now there's no way out. I feel insane these days it's because of my parents but when I am alone is fine. But it's hard here most people are insane too
"Each time we deny the abusers behavior, we detox some of that poison with it." Being around constant violence and a father who forced me to believe everything wrong with me was a moral failing and that I was ungrateful and stuck-up. I've felt like I have to lie my whole life out of fear that nobody could ever love the true me, that if I ever took off a mask id be rejected. This made a once loving and peaceful child into a violent abuser who vents his anger physically and through personal attacks. And every time afterwards I feel just like him, like I'll never escape. But I can. I am not what his words are. I am NOT lazy, I was drained entirely. But I can recharge. Thank you.
How i coped with bullying in elementary until high school. "I can't find a way to save myself" I have to applaud my bullies, they were so good at it: -Choosing to target people who don't have friends who would support them. -Inflicting a punch first and then talking to me casually afterwards so people will then look at us and make it look like the bully did nothing. -Bumping in to me shoulder to shoulder and leaving, but then i realized he stole something from my pocket once i got to class. -When i decided to padlock my bag zipper, and even padlock the bag to my class chair to prevent stealing, the bullies just then decided to stomp and kick around my bag in place when no one around would tattle. -The bullies were mostly charismatic and friendly individuals in their social circle so if i pin any blame on them, they had multiple ways to deal with my accusations to a school authority via alibi. -The school being innately lazy in my perception seeing that most of my testimonies end in, "not enough evidence to blame them" Even my parents protested to the school authorities how i kept getting a new bruise everyday. Still nothing. -Betrayal, So many cases where i wanted a friend but instead later went to the bullies friendship circle because they were pretty much half the class and said to my former friend that he needed to dump a loser like me if they'd want more friends. I don't blame my former friends. The bullies were just that smart. Although the ones who actively enjoyed their new bullying role were still subject to my hate. -Although unintended by my bullies, it was a brilliant scheme. They steal from me. My parents later find out i lost something. My parents blaming me and scolding me for losing it. My parents showing slight doubt when i tell them the bullies stole it from me since "i can't explain how" they probably assumed i'm just another kid making excuses to avoid incompetence. OH it was painful to see it from a loved one, more so than from a bully. I even doubt myself if i actually legit lost it. -Of course my bullies sometimes offer to pick on my brains as a trade instead of physical harassment. They would ask for answers to a homework typically. I did it for them of course. Doing their homework was a lesser evil to harming my physical health. As a side effect, i got better test scores due to the increased study load, not that it matters now anyways. It was a painful experience definitely. I relied on Video Games to cope with my lack of friendship. I read books to cope with school having a lack of video games. And probably the cringiest quote i made for myself to cope with my suffering. "At least i'm making someone else happier" In stark contrast. College was perfect. Nobody steals, nobody bullies, everyone is well mannered behaved adults. i could not capitalize on it however. I distrust humans so much now that i have trouble communicating and making friends. Nowadays i find no comfort in telling people how i feel, so deep is the damage of my early school years that even my wish to look for friends is hindered by the fact that i don't even want to express my feelings to anyone. Here i am now. Made a grand total of only 7 friends from the hundreds of students i studied with on group projects, but my god they are the best friends i could hope for.
That’s an intense and painful story to read about. Your friends must be amazing to have, I hope they help to grow your self confidence. Thanks for the story, sometimes I ignore the wrong that people did to me. It feels better to know I’m not foolish and alone
I'm 30, until 25 I struggled with abusive behaviour I learnt from my mother, who was extremely abusive and unhinged. I then went to therapy, and looking back horrifies me.
A friend of mine convinced me that another one of my friends was toxic and harmful. That I needed to cut them out of my life. Which i did. As time went on I began to realise she was trying to control my behaviour even further demanding more people I needed to stop associating with. I bit back against her and this turned all my friends against me leaving me with nothing. I mourned our friendship and blamed myself for a long time. But never once did she address any of the criticisms I brought forward to her and the problems I was having. To her, I was a black sheep and my words meant nothing. And so I was cut loose from the group. I no longer care, I am angry they never listened to what I had to say or that they never reached out on their own. No. They were a group. A unit. And nobody could breach this. Like a cult they were locked in and deviance was highly condemned.
Friend groups like that are the worst. It took me until college to find friends who knew how to be empathetic. I remeber one of my friends being startled when I told her that I didn't realize empathy and support were some of the best things you can get from a friendship, and, for many, the main reasons to have friends in the first place. I just thought friends were for playing video games with and maybe discussing intellectual topics if you were lucky. I remeber when I was a kid I always got mad when my friends continued to hang out with a friend I was having a fight with. I almost felt betrayed. When some friends didn't want to hang out with me because the friend who was having a fight with me convinced them in I was in the wrong, I realized the issue with my position. I've gotten to a point now where if I have a disagreement with a friend (which is much rarer) that isn't immediately solved through communication, I don't feel attacked when my other friends continue to spend time with that person.
Religion was not part of my childhood, but my father was an occasionally violent alcoholic. In some sense, I was fortunate enough that he died when I was 7, but my mother was still not there for us, emotionally, and she's similar today. You hit the nail on the head when you talked about emotional volatility and anger. We have never been able to have nuances of anger in our family. And in my adult life, I've been very much afraid of anger until recently. I realized that anger and aggression is directly tied to passion, and my suppression of it was the primary reason I felt helpless and impotent. I thought I was just more tolerant than most people - and maybe I am, but I've certainly realized just how terrified I am of acknowledging even small amounts of anger.
I implore you to watch the movie Inside Out. Emotions and desires are NECESSARY for our social and physical survival and are NOT HARMFUL on their own. That's why you hear such phrases like "constructive anger" instead of "destructive anger." You can use a hammer on a nail to build a house (constructive) or you can use it to bash someone's brains out (destructive).
It may be a year later, but this comment helped me to realize that, as someone who's struggled with "anger issues" through life and having subdued myself, I find I've demonized every bit of anger I feel. Thank you.
Theremintrees, you've done it again. I love to see how you consistently nail the experiences of victims in and out of high control groups. I'm a former Jehovah's Witness and the work you do gives me hope that others are taking note of our plight.
Thanks Amanda - I hope more people are taking note and that coverage of what goes on in the JW organisation will continue and expand in the media. So much has gone under the radar for so long hasn't it.
@@machida58 My mom fled because of abusive males, thinking they were superior and females inferior, like in most religions. It's criminal the Eve/Adam story isn't debunked after they found out women contribute an egg to the fetus.
The Bully is a programming concept built into western culture. Bullies are typically the psychopaths who run everything, marketing bullies you all the time in order to get you to purchase products, ‘put down marketing’, people who are hurt hurt others, Your boss has spent his/her whole life being bullied by other superiors, being condescended to, so in turn he/she condescends to his/her subordinates, subordinates at a job who have all kinds of things counting against them, weight, culture, race, height, belief, down to the way someone talks or walks, they go home to their families and make them into a kind of subordinate, the child who experiences this form of bullying then goes to school, to look for subordinates and weaker people to express his/her own form of condescension. Vicious cycle, everyone feels they have to become the bully to be powerful in situations.
This resonated deeply with me. I am still in the process of trying to detox and get rid of my fleas. It is a long, painful process but I am gradually learning to grow, accept myself, and be my authentic self that had been nearly extinguished many, many years ago. Thank you for your videos. They are so well put together and put into words things that are too painful to say myself.
I struggled with this for a long time. I thought I was a psychopath and eventually realized that I had just been raised by a psychopath, and briefly behaved like a psychopath, but felt remorseful and changed. Psychopaths don't feel remorse. Thanks again Theramin
I absolutely needed this. I was recently blamed and mocked for trying to point out the emotional issues in my family. They said the only problem was me and my lack of gratitude for all they do. They told me I was the toxic one for trying to talk about how unhappy I was. I was never allowed to ask for anything without also being "ungrateful".
@@Tzizenorec wrong interpretation of 'compulsory'. example, video states it's better to teach children as many religions (including atheism) and their dogmas, while enforcing none of these views. important is no matter the child's choice, they develop critical thinking and debate their choice. compulsory they can explain the formula and logic behind their answer, not the answer itself. ultimately, their choice will be tested by the free market of ideas, leading to atheism anyway.
@@mr.fabulousmegardev6256 Hell, it's been nearly a year and I can't even remember what I was talking about now. But knowing myself, I doubt I misused the word as you describe. It's more likely that I meant something even more extreme than it looks like I said.
I was raised non-religious, so I was basically an atheist by the time I was in the first grade, but it's amazing how your depictions of long term abuse in the church mirror my experiences being abused by a narcissist from ages 5-18. I'm in recovery now, but I've suffering an eating disorder and generalized anxiety, and now I'm faced with severe depression and C-PTSD. it feels hopeless at times, especially when hating yourself is so deeply is entrenched into your personality, it's almost like you don't want to let go of it because it feels like it's an intrinsic part of you. I'm trying to unlearn all the shame, but it feels hopeless right now. hopefully, as time goes on, it won't feel as impossible. kudos to you for making a video on what systemic abuse does to a victim, it hits a little too close to home
Thank you for what you said about being pushed to "forgive" abusers. I've never really understood the argument that by not forgiving, it means we haven't "let go" or aren't ever going to move on from the events. I don't believe anyone is entitled to forgiveness, and I'm not morally reprehensible for choosing not to forgive someone. I can emotionally move on from something someone did to me but still acknowledge that the person involved was a piece of shit.
Thank you so much for this. The part at 5:26 really resonates with me, and got me to realize that there were times when I justified my distorted reality. At times I convinced myself that the one who was making trouble was my brother, when in reality he was the one breaking the script.
That's beautiful-if only more could look back and possibly reassess the problems and conflict that occured inside their families,life would be a lot less tragic. A lot of people seem too proud to even consider the possibility that the former vantage point from which they tended to cast their judgements might not have allowed for them to see anything beyond 12 inches from their faces.
The videos really do help don't they? I find them so calming and enlightening. Not only are they insights to my past, highlighting not just what happened to me but WHY it happened and how I can make myself a better person despite it happening at all. Easily my favorite TH-camr. Never stop TT. You're videos make me feel like everything is going to be ok.
Thank you, so much, as always, for sharing your powerful, well-spoken, practical philosophy and psychology with us! I always find myself resonating with each lesson and finding specific points that I can use to improve and broaden my perspective. Your story about the atheists abducting and forcibly de-converting a Christian reminded me of something that I had heard from someone who grew up in a Soviet state, where they had been indoctrinated with atheism. It was shoved in their face just as dogmatically as Christianity was indoctrinated into you and me as children. They were not told to think for themselves; they were told that _"this"_ is true and _"that"_ is an evil lie. As they grew up and the Soviet Union collapsed, they were greatly attracted to religion as an expression of their personal freedom, a freedom that they had only recently obtained. Joining a religious tradition served for them as an expression of defiance against the oppressive state they had escaped. That story really struck me. It allowed me to realize the harm in trying to shout people down with one's ideas, even if those ideas are the "right" ones, because being emotionally bullied and manipulated into believing or affirming something, regardless of whether that thing is right or wrong, can frequently drive those subjects to rebel, driving those same people deep into the clutches of groups that propagate the opposite ideas. Forcibly bullying someone into believing the right thing is often one of the greatest gifts one can give to the opposition, as it serves their narrative of your own side being oppressive and incapable of winning through virtue and reason. By contrast, I was very pleased that you shared that story of the ex-Scientologists being able to share their diverse views without fear of being shamed and censored by one another. I was not aware that such a group existed or that it could really be sustainable, and it pleases me greatly to see that such a thing actually worked out. It serves as such an example of how _not_ to copy one's enemy.
"The Freedom to do my own mistakes is all I ever wanted". You can't force a man to be free. If done so by extrem means, he will fear the lack of chains.
it took me three years from being told by a close friend and family members that i should leave him. we were together 5 years and engaged. your videos make me feel so much less broken and alone and i cant thank you enough for helping me feel like i am okay on my own
Amazing as always. You and QualiaSoup have taken this medium, TH-cam, and in your videos elevate it and transcend it's purpose to that of enlightenment, education, comfort, and a path to healing and self-actualization - helping others to find meaning and joy in their lives. I can't express enough about the clever ways in which the video medium is used to visually illustrate your points, the comfort your voice brings to the audio, and the compassionate yet incisive points so articulately expressed in the extremely well-written content that is the foundation of your work for on this channel. Brilliant work. These videos should be an inspiration for others and showered with accolades by the public. I hope you and QualiaSoup are both awarded something for your efforts beyond knowing that the good work you do helps others. A medal from Her Majesty? Or a plaque. Or a monument.
@hold ness One of our oldest laws apparently (bear in mind this could be bollocks) is that the monarch cannot commit a crime. Meaning they can shoplift or kill whatever but cannot be tried. Now when I was told this by a (new) law student, they didn't have any real details. It was and is my understanding that since the English civil war and Charles the 1st with his storming in on parliament; the monarch now must send an emissary to parliament and is not permitted into the house. There is a ritual annually I believe, where this emissary goes to the door of the (old) house of commons, knocks three times with a staff of some kind and has the door closed in his face. Representing that the monarch cannot force their will onto the people without going through parliament, the people's representatives. It's an interesting area, certainly. Have a read up, tell me what you can find out :)
Sometimes I just need to hear your voice to feel calm and strong enough to move forward. Your work comforts and encourages me more than I could express, thank you sincerely.
I love the little things. I noticed the first letters of each word spell “pride” at 0:41. I love the jab at the Bible at 5:11. I’m reminded of sharing this verse, “lean not on your own understanding,” with a friend of mine at the private Christian college I’d attended for the past 4 years. She fully knew at the time that I was an atheist and yet she took the opposite reaction to the verse that I’d intended. She smiled and said something to the effect that she was comforted by it. I told her that such a verse told me that either Yahweh doesn’t want his followers thinking for themselves or men who wrote that verse don’t want the members of the faith thinking for themselves, and that either way it shows a lack of confidence on the author’s part that any freethinking person would be able to believe this religion’s claims in the long run. She ultimately didn’t change her mind. Not yet anyways.
Hey Tim ;8) Shame isn't it - I've spoken with people who've taken similar comfort in that kind of submission. If they realised it was the understanding of misguided humans they were leaning on - not the understanding of any 'gods' - then leaning on their own might seem suddenly more attractive.
I wish we could get away from lumping all religion and spirituality into the same category as fundamentalism or cult-like religion. It is true that in many places, there are dangerous cultish forms of christianity, but not all christians are like this. The Bible does not really teach blind, passive, unthinking obedience, but modern churchianity has twisted it into this. Oh, and God's name is not pronounced Yahweh.
@@TabithaElkinsI heartily agree with this. Many of the arguments that agnostics and atheists make against Christians are actually critical of Christian culture, not Bible Doctrine. I do have a counterpoint to what you said, though: Regardless of denomination, disobedience to God is considered sin. Even if obedience is done with awareness, thought, and intention, the fact remains that obedience to God is non-negotiable. A human being cannot assert their individuality and say "I disagree with you God and will act counter to what you've commanded," and not be sinning.
@@DJHastingsFeverPitch Yes! And yet in the Bible there's parables that say God welcomes good-faith tests (whatever that means to YHWH) such as the one where that one guy spends like 3 days getting God to make it rain without wetting a stone and wetting a stone without making it rain. There are inconsistencies that seem to be addressed by saying "The New Testament overwrites the Old", though I find it dissatisfying that a perfect deity would ever need a 2nd draft to begin with! Raised Protestant Christian and now agnostic for nearly a year; I still struggle with feelings of lost purpose, but I feel like I finally have control and any such feelings are due to a lack of my own drive, not because my life is without meaning.
@@TabithaElkins for the biblical god, in the original language it was written in, there were no vowels but the letters had the sounds the English would use as YHWH. This is called the tetragrammaton, if you'd like to research it further. In German, it was spelled JHWH, hence Jehovah, which lead the the current English usage. However, the vowels were simply guesses. As we now know though, it would be Y_hw_h which modern historians have translated to be Yahweh
Always good day for a TT video. As someone who suffered from abusive relationships (she literally tried to kill me, stabbed me with a steak knife), family (shunned by my father's side for leaving the Watchtower org), and religious entities (Jehovah's Witnesses) I enjoyed the video very much. It's actually something I've worried about for a long time. That after being abused for so long I would become like my abusers, but I've been told that I've been spared. I do my best to be a good father, partner to my girlfriend, and patriarch for my extended family (even though I'm only 25, I have the most responsibility). Seems like you CAN live through lifelong abuse and make it out the other side ok. Thanks for the video TT. They're really therapeutic. Are you a counseler by any means? I suspect you live in the UK and I'm US based, but I'd love to pick your brain if you are so inclined. If you're interested, pm me and well set it up, but no pressure.
My entire family taught me that abusive, manipulative behavior is good and empathy is bad. I'm absolutely covered in fleas but I think I've shed a lot on my own over the years. Maybe I'll finally stop breaking down every time I step foot into the therapists' office building and get some help. :')
Apart from the value of the extremely good spoken content of your videos, can I appreciate for a while the graphics of them? As a person who struggles a lot to understand more about personal growth, psychology and - well - how to become a more decent human being, your graphical representations are extremely effective and clear in illustrating the points you are making. And making them more visual helps making them more real. In this video especially, the distorted axonometry that makes sense only from one perspective, the unsure ground that shows more coverage upon time, and the outside street with the toxic environment pattern are GENIUS. One of the best and consistent representations I've seen in my entire life. I don't know if you make these graphics by yourself or not, but either way it shows a very analytical process, where every tiny detail is necessary to the whole picture
This is to the man talking. THANK YOU! Sooo helpful and just at the right time. Im struggling finding 'me' my own thoughts, ways of self expression and trying to REPROGRAME every damnd little thing about me. Even my own voice, laughter, sense of humour, hobbies. Right down to the food i eat! The musuc i listen to the cloeths i wear the movies i watch the list goes on. Ive saved this video and will use it to help monitor my progress as well as the re-enforcing value it brings that it can be done because am not the first one to be abused. AND THAT IM NOT ALONE !!!!
I've been really depressed the last year after a break up I went through, I'm aften finding myself judging the person I was with harshly but really judging tge way I acted from the break up the most... your videos stimulate my introspective options and have enabled at times to deescalate the continuing cycle in my head of the events that occurred, i really appreciate what you do, in the last few weeks I've subscribed, I've been able to reevaluate my position on the religion that I converted to as a means to impress this person and to also self reflect on myself the person I was with and my social upbringing to the point where I'm becoming calm and understanding, i'd like to thank you
As response to abuse I tried distorting my character with the goal of forcing my mind to find happiness in my pain. And it worked but not 100%.I managed to turn myself to feel joy in my suffering while I wasnt able to shut down the part of me that does feel the pain. I knew from the beginning that I may drive myself to suicide and made a rule forbiding suicide from the very beginning. I think that is why I am still alive. Over the years I attempted multiple times to get rid of my learned traits but was never able to, it got worse instead slowly driving me deep into selfhate and without any drive to be alive. I knew all along that simply talking to someone about what caused all of it and what I have been thinking over the years would help, but I didnt allow myself to drag anyone down with me, and I wanted the problems to end with me. the moment I talk I risk inciting hate towards the abusers wich in turn may leave a scar in possible future generations (for example if it ends up with cutting contact with parents, sure it may be the right choice, but I wish to let my possible future kids have the absolute trust that they can always turn to their family and talk without any worry). But at the beginning of this year I decided to talk to a friend about everything, I dont need a therapy since I know exactly what in my past caused wich problem, how and why, I just never accepted the available options to deal with it. And since I decided to talk I already feel better even though the conversation didnt take place yet. All this rant may not really fit for this video but I just thought about it at the beginning minutes of the video.
I'm proud of you for this change, but I do want to encourage you to seek therapy anyway. It's not always about finding out what hurt you and how and why, once you know all that you still need therapy. They can help you unwind the emotions and develope concrete strategies.
This has really helped me understand and start to truly detox from my abusive childhood. I have hope now that maybe I can shake off the poison. I see it sometimes when reacting to various stimuli, and though I know this is aimed at religion it stinks of my own upbringing, which wasn't religious at all. I appreciate your help more than I can say.
I'm glad it's helped. Yes, this piece was an attempt to draw together common strands from lots of abusive environments - from relationships and families to religious/political groups. So much overlap isn't there - just packaged differently.
I knew that one looked like L! And how Light steps over him to show the "truth" god this isn't just a deconstruction of abuse this is an implicit analyzation of deathnote!
Thanks. I m coming out from a abusive relationship. And i mirrow myself i saw me abusing others. Now i learned i can be aware of it and walk out of these fantasy
Thank you so much for videos like this one. It’s so hard to sort out the jumble of thoughts when you’re in the thick of it, it’s truly a balm to hear things explained in this logical manner.
Thank you for all your hard work. You are producing the most consistent thought provoking content on youtube. Once I pay off some debt, I will undoubtedly become a patron.
I would be very interested in a video on "healthy anger".. I am 35 and grew up in christianity.. (not a part of it now) it wasn't until earlier this year whilst really taking a deep look inside I realized.. I have anger issues, in particular I internalize anger.. Christianity taught me something is wrong with myself, and I have been trying to shake this depression for years now.. Anyway, I really enjoy your videos, and find them very insightful.. thank you!
I’ve been feeling like a terrible person for a week now so I cannot thank you enough for this video, it really helped me a lot to cope with my feelings. I’m getting a new perspective on how to move on.
i have often berated myself for constantly trying to find external validation in my adult life. but now i understand that it's likely a survival response left over from when i was growing up. i've been slowly trying to teach myself not to need EV but it's really very hard! my self esteem is still quite flimsy even after a lot of work put into it, and i'm so tired -w-. Anyway. I wanted to say thank you for helping me again, Theramin. I hope you're having a lovely day despite the quarantine stuff! Best regards
Thank you dearly for this video. One watch feels like the fresh air on a wound for the first moment after a bandage is removed I've just watched it 3 times in a row. I'm a performer, educator and expert in music. I see amazing things all the time. I don't think I've ever watched a TH-cam video 3x in a row since it was built. Thank you from the bottom of my heart
Omg I didbt know how bad i needed these videos until i started listening to them. About a year ago I found Theramin Trees and haven't stopped since. Ty for these. They help me locate, understand and work through personal and social issues in my life. Also helps me to realize when I should get professional help. Thank you Thank you Thank you.
What I love about returning to this is how I've seen the understanding of this concept used in fiction and it made is just so... engaging and real. But also taught the lesson, something desperately needed
Videos like these make me appreciate how non-abusive my immediate family is. Sure, my parents are definitely not perfect people, but they did their honest best raising me and never have they said or done anything to me that couldn't be legitimately seen as being concerned for my future. A few of the other comments here also make me appreciate the counselling I got during my otherwise lonely and bitter schooldays, and how I never gave in to people trying to bully me. I got in trouble multiple times for reacting violently to bullying and harassment, but it was worth it: I stood up for myself, and people learned not to bother me. It's chilling to think how many people begin their lives in abusive social circles and they just grow up thinking that everything they're subjected to is normal. 😬
1 out of 5 in USA, is Living this Matrix. Lucky you to have had a Supportive family. I had religious and Control issue family. It is amazing though, having traveled many States and several countries, Abuse is Sooooooo Regular across the Board, more in Highly religious States and/or Countries, from my observance. I generally, reflect on How Easy I have it, only had some a Small Amount of Abuse compared to those of, Other place's... My PTSD and Scare's are Nothing, Small and little in comparison to those I've Witnessed. Again, Lucky You... life
Setting the bar ever higher with usefulness and helpfulness in the basic script, but also accompanying visuals! Absolutely brilliant! Kudos, and a big Thank You!
Makes me glad i stuck to following what _I_ know rather early on in my life I'm with somewhat abusive parents, but once i get out of this house i'll live my life the way i want to For every question or problem i'll seek my own answer to, using all the valid information i've been given And hopefully, this way of thinking will rub off on everyone i meet, it would truly be a pleasure
Thank you for this video Helped me realize that even though I haven't been under my parent's abuse in years I still look for validation by those I see as superior constantly I definitely needed that sense smacked into me
This was one of the first (if not THE first) videos I saw of yours a few years back around the onset of the Covid-19 pandemic that made me feel inclined to gradually watch more of your content. There is still so much value and insight to be gained even upon rewatching it; a few years can give a lot of context to past behavior and incidents. One thing is for certain though, all the content you have shared with the world over the years has certainly "empowered" me and I'm sure many others to think independently. Many thanks for what you do here on this online platform, Theramin.
i like that you not only spoke about making it out of abusive groups but also about how we act after leaving that group the first few months after i left religion i became a militant atheist, very persecutory. i now realize how not healthy this was. i also think about how i speak about people who are still suffering from abusive religions because i also remember being one of them. thank you for your videos ❤
Very well done. It helps all of us to recognize the red flags of abuse (even if we’re not in an abusive situation, we can learn how to help those that may be).
I grew up in a home where basically everything I say is undermined and contested. My siblings act like their word is gospel. So I educated myself on various topics and I only care about the scientific research behind those things and I am able to determine what is true and what is bullshit. When people undermine me I do copy their behavior but I reflect it back to them magnified. And that pisses people of so much. My brother is a classic know it all that always needs to be right. So any time he tries to argue with me on topics I am extremely knowledgeable about and he is ignorant I just spank him intellectually. If we talk about other topics and he starts doing the same I just do what he does. I pick out false details and make fun of him in front of everyone and he really hates that. With these people I found that the only way they will shut up and 'respect' you is to do the thing they do to you. I also have a control freak sibling constantly telling me what to do even in shit that don't matter like the way I sit. So I go into asshole mode. I micromanage her so hard to the point where she gets annoyed. And that's the only way to survive. Or else I just take it and ruminate for weeks and feel depressed. My character is someone who doesn't tell people what to do because it's their life, but whoever steps over that with me they are getting their mirrored behavior back magnified and it works so well.
I can’t express how much your videos are helping me. I grew up in a high control group mentioned frequently in your videos and growing up my home environment featured several of the abusive patterns you touch on. I left the religion years ago and moved out soon after. The distance has dramatically improved my life but dealing with my family continues to be one of my greatest burdens. I want so badly to share your videos with my sibling who experienced the same abusive upbringing but I fear the criticality of religion would shut her down and drive a wedge between us which would devastate me. I feel like we’re the only two sane people in that house and I couldn’t bare to lose her.
Excellent video TheraminTrees. Great editing, captivating voiceover and most of all the amount of research and attention to detail that is done is phenomenal. This goes for all of your previous videos too. Keep up the good work. A truly unique and indeed my favourite channel on youtube.
I can’t thank you enough for this video. I came across it today after venting to the dog about my less-than-stellar living situation, and it led me to a greater understanding of my frustrations. First, that I wasn’t really communicating those frustrations with my roommates, and second, that my anger toward them and fear of any confrontation about their actions were products of growing up with an abusive father. Passive-aggressive behavior and making me feel guilty for setting reasonable boundaries were my father’s bread and butter-both which he developed through abuse from his own father. I’ve fallen prey to the path of least resistance, simply wishing I could burn these bridges instead of working to fix the relationship due to my own deep-seated fears. I believe I can and *will* try a different approach this time.
Hey this is an older video so you may not see my comment, but I just wanted to thank you, especially for this video. I came from this background, and your understanding has been refreshing and helpful.
Thank you for making this video. You provided words to so much ineffable pain and suffering I personally have sustained. Having these ideas in hand is a serious step toward having a life of my own.
![double binds | narcissistic ‘no-win’ mind games [cc]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/vnSiJOOdo30/mqdefault.jpg)
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![bending truth | how adults get indoctrinated [cc]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/IaUhR-tRkHY/mqdefault.jpg)
![infantilisation | a regressive abuse [cc]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/c39F04inLJ0/mqdefault.jpg)
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"When targets see themselves acting like their abusers, they often feel mortified and wonder if they've become the thing they despise. *But the fact they feel mortified shows that they haven't.* Their abusers don't feel remorse. "
Such a good quote.
A very comforting quote as well.
It separates those who empathize and recognize their faults vs those who only feel bad because it endangers their character in front of other people.
I have to think, how many abusers think that of themselves?
but who says that their abusers do not feel remorse?
@@Pituzer Abusers may feel temporary remorse, but not enough to truly stop their behavior.
When you spoke of being kicked out, it happened to me when i was 23...after i came out of the closet,and moved in with the woman who would be my wife for the next ten years, my mom's Sunday School Class sent her a boquet of flowers with a card that said "So sorry for your loss"...as if I had died. Even though i no longer considered myself a Christian, seeing that a group of ppl you once considered extended family now considered you 'dead' still hurts like hell.
Funereal flowers. What a grotesque touch. To get children involved too. Like I've said before, you know there's something wrong when groups who claim divinity can't even demonstrate humanity.
@@FireyDeath4 believe what you want kid Christianity isn't a scam
@bo rick not to mention very unChristlike.
In my pagan attempt I met a very nice girl and made friends with her. We were close and she used to say we were sisters. Ok. Some time later I could not follow that group anymore in honesty because I was fed up with many behaviours, especially one girl who was totally dishonest and malignant and even jealous, so I told my friend/sister that I was going out but we could still be friend or sister. She became so sad and told me: no, for me it's like loosing my sister.
I felt sad. Somehow I thought that she trusted me as a person not because I was a pagan. I was always honest with her and she enjoyed being with me and now it was all over. She even proceeded to make her "sister" the malignant one, even if she knew her tricks, but she had the "powers".
IMO they had none but the malignant one was a typical narcissist and quite a pathological one.
With no surprise from me she had some hard time and wasted a few years more, until she left everything as well and take her own life back.
Just curious, how is your mother's attitude today?? Has she ever changed or tried to change? Has she ever reached out to you since then?
"If your problem is that your father tearing your family apart with malicious attacks, you might be told to focus on everything he's done for you."
WOW. That hit REALLY close to home... I tried to tell so many people about my father's abusive behavior when I was younger, but over time, I stopped because of responses like that...
Rockstar Raccoon same with me. and with the idea that your parents always love you, and you should always love them back. it’s just not always the case.
Same thing happened to me. My mom and teachers did this when I told them about my dad.
SireVivitan We has no choice but to at least give it a try
My mother pulled this crap on me constantly. As the primary breadwinner of the household, she felt (and continues to feel) like that gives her a blank cheque to do and say whatever she wanted. On one occasion she upset me pretty badly, and I told her not to speak to me unless the house was burning down. She tried hitting me with a hypothetical "If a person does a thousand things right, and one thing wrong..." I told her to shove it.
😂 I got something like “without your dad youd be in the streets” .
They feed you and clothe you , you see, that entitled them to abuse without consequences!
Such superb logic from superb people
3:38 yes I remember... The exact moment.
My mother was brushing my hair after I took a bath when I was around 8. The brush had most of its pins without the plastic tip, and it was scratching the skin of my head very harshly, it was painful. I told her to stop, and yet she ignored, saying the my hair was beautiful. She insisted and forced to brush my hair despite me almost crying over the pain and her disregard for that.
After she brushed my hair flawlessly, she forced me to put on a smile for a picture. She loved it, and even has the picture framed in her house. She claims that is the most beautiful picture she ever took of me.
That picture is the one I hate the most, absolutely hate it, I can still feel the pain in my eyes on that picture, with a fake smile trying to hide the sadness of the moment.
From that moment on I never put on fake smiles for pictures. I only smiled when it was genuine, which wasn't often at all.
@@FireyDeath4 or maybe don't do it in a way that your mother can easily name-call you "insane" over. It's a good point to make, but doing it with your own blood by breaking in seems like it could way too easily lead to further verbal abuse
Burn that picture
Youve got one life
Lol what she just didnt know she was hurting you
@@63452100 to quote theramintrees from another video that goes something like this "its not an act of love to embrace someone until you crush their bones". if your child, pet, whoever it is that is in your care is showing discomfort from your actions, it should be a natural reflex to stop and find a new or more comfortable starting point that makes everyone feel secure and promotes care. the last thing you want is to brew fear into those you are meant to take care of. some things are never forgotten, which op also makes a point of. you only get one chance to be a good parent for your child, there is little room for regrets and no going back. on that note, did the mom not realize her child crying and telling her to stop meant that they are feeling pain and discomfort? its not a good excuse at all and ignores basic consent
@@Littlevampiregirl100 A shame this had to be explained, although I think that person was trolling
"The fact they feel mortified shows the haven't"
I spent a full year after breaking up with my ex believing the breakup was evidence I had turned into my abusive narcissistic mother. This was something I needed to hear.
The graphical analogies are superbly thought out.
it is so much better than applying 50-60 stock footages.
Honestly... there aren't many content creators this original and punctilious.
I started playing chess a few months ago and I got checkmated by the fried liver attack about 500 times until I saw I had the chance to do it to someone else. I am the abuser now.
My mom hitting us was her being a "good parent". My dad screaming at us, knocking off, or destroying our stuff was him "teaching us a lesson" despite the fact that we repeatedly told them that it wasn't working.
As I grew older, I started acting out more violently and then I realize that I was acting just like my mother. I was screaming, hitting, insulting, and often belittling the opposing party.
I was horrified but me realizing my mistake didn't make it any better. Instead of hurting others, I started hurting myself first I would pinch myself to stop myself from doing something harmful to others, then scratch marks and then cuts. The time I gave myself the deepest cut, I promised myself to never do that again because why do I have to suffer because of others' actions? It was 6 months ago.
Not sure how long I will cope with their ongoing abuse now that the only mechanism I knew is not an option. But yeah, I'm alive.
Please, you shouldn't be suffering from others' mistakes, flaws. You're better than that, I know it.
I hope you're in a better place now than when you wrote this comment.
it's hard to imagine the psychological torment you went through. the self awareness is admirable but so sad... i hear you fellow human. i hope you are continuing to emulate your most authentic self rather than the actions of people that hurt you and no longer serve you. may you be free and at peace!
Jesus loves you He will heal you like He healed me if you call out to Him and accept Him as Lord and Savior. John 3:16. God bless.
hey, i hope you're still well out there. good on you for realizing you don't deserve harm either. i wish you the best and take care!!!!
I hope you’re faring well. Wherever you are.
jesus, listening to ways that abusers flippantly treat those that they inflict makes me realize how abusive those actions are, and how much they were used against me. once you can define abuse, as i was eventually able to do with the help of your videos, it becomes easy to see abuse everywhere you go. it's a frustrating duality to be aware of the selfish abusiveness of everything around you while also knowing that they don't know any better.
You know it was a productive day of self healing when you cry uncontrollably over hearing your lived experience affirmed
It's kinda spooky how many of the things abusers are said to do in this video are also done by oppressive governments. In some nations, it's like living with an abusive partner or family member, but on a society-wide scale.
Pretty much all states do this
@@LillyAnarkitty Yes, but to *widely* varying degrees.
@@LillyAnarkittyWe don't have to let them.
it's should be the other way that government should fear its people
@@Unleashed_Beasts Then it wouldn't have to exist, instead withering away.
"Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town."
-George Carlin
It’s endless with these demons.
Man Carlin is great
Nailed it. Born and raised to be a Baptist preacher. In my long journey out I still find that I can often be an intellectual bully. I am not proud of that. Your videos have been an immense help in softening my approach to the demons of my past that I occasionally find inhabiting my thought patterns. Thanks again!
Wow that is a great reply. Here's to rationality and compassion!
An intellectual preacher? Please explain how the two go together if this is what you meant.
@@hardymaritz1222 Cause being a christian does not immediately negate your intelligence and rejecting a common idea does not necessarily mean that either
Self reflection is always a good sign. Being human is a work in progress.
Yup. I am always constantly terrified of becoming like my abusive mom. But the thing is, some of her unhealthy behaviors are healthy behaviors taken to unhealthy extremes. It's healthy to be angry sometimes. It's not healthy to swear and scream at minor inconveniences. I was never allowed to be angry, because when I got angry for unjust bullying, I was out of line. I carry that extreme discomfort with public displays of anger, frustration, and dismay to this day, but I am also terrified to express those emotions for fear of becoming my mom.
I also expressed interest in trying to stop loving my mom, because that love is constantly used against me. When I told my friends who know about it, they were appalled that I was considering the option, and I started to wonder if I was falling into my mom's habit of isolating anyone that she is "hurt" by.
My dad is probably not abusive, but he's definitely an enabler, and he has excused her behavior and reinforced my gaslighting. He once told me that my attempts to work through the abuses were something that all 20-somethings have to do because parents aren't perfect and they make mistakes. He made years of abuse sound like mistakes that everyone made. And sure, his mom was likely abusive, so he probably was telling me his truth... But what a huge gaslight that was.
I've lived with other people. They don't exhibit the same adaptive behaviors I have: constantly apologzing, trying to stay out of people's way, being profoundly uncomfortable when someone walks up behind me in the kitchen, trying to soothe any hurt feelings with placating compliments, leaving the room when someone walked in the room annoyed or angry, extreme avoidance of anxieties, and changing the subject, usually in a deliberately child-like obliviousness to the situation (playing up the "I'm a happy-go-lucky airhead" angle).
Those are all things healthy happy people don't feel compelled to do. They don't have a 6th Sense for when someone is angry or annoyed and they don't instantly feel panicked when they know someone is angry, frustrated, or annoyed. They are all maladaptive behaviors that I have, and I am trying to fix them. But it's hard. I'm using my friends as a model for behavior now- which probably has other issues that I'm unable to see right now. But it seems to be working well-ish, and it's a lot better than what I currently have.
I'm glad it's working well and that you're feeling improvements. Like you, I had an abusive - narcissistic - mother and an enabling father. He died last year, and was appeasing her temper even on his death bed. After moving away from them in early life I had to relearn all my emotions - which were all jumbled up and cross-wired. As my brother and I have both noted, for all the hell created by the narcissist, the worst is what they create for themselves. Neither of us would ever want to live in that head - that inescapable ball of shame and rage.
This is a 4-year-old comment, but as someone in a similar household (abusive mother, enabling father) I understand how it feels. Unfortunately, my younger sister still believes that since they're our parents, we should still love them. When my mom threatens to beat me for unloading the dishwasher wrong or forgetting about an assignment, and my father stands by and says nothing except, "Oh, you know how she is," I don't exactly feel very loving toward them.
I am glad you are working on your maladaptive people pleasing and avoiding habits. Good for you.
You sound a lot like me and I repeatedly almost went insane just because I have been living in fear and sadly now there's no way out. I feel insane these days it's because of my parents but when I am alone is fine. But it's hard here most people are insane too
"Each time we deny the abusers behavior, we detox some of that poison with it."
Being around constant violence and a father who forced me to believe everything wrong with me was a moral failing and that I was ungrateful and stuck-up. I've felt like I have to lie my whole life out of fear that nobody could ever love the true me, that if I ever took off a mask id be rejected. This made a once loving and peaceful child into a violent abuser who vents his anger physically and through personal attacks. And every time afterwards I feel just like him, like I'll never escape. But I can. I am not what his words are. I am NOT lazy, I was drained entirely. But I can recharge.
Thank you.
How i coped with bullying in elementary until high school. "I can't find a way to save myself"
I have to applaud my bullies, they were so good at it:
-Choosing to target people who don't have friends who would support them.
-Inflicting a punch first and then talking to me casually afterwards so people will then look at us and make it look like the bully did nothing.
-Bumping in to me shoulder to shoulder and leaving, but then i realized he stole something from my pocket once i got to class.
-When i decided to padlock my bag zipper, and even padlock the bag to my class chair to prevent stealing, the bullies just then decided to stomp and kick around my bag in place when no one around would tattle.
-The bullies were mostly charismatic and friendly individuals in their social circle so if i pin any blame on them, they had multiple ways to deal with my accusations to a school authority via alibi.
-The school being innately lazy in my perception seeing that most of my testimonies end in, "not enough evidence to blame them" Even my parents protested to the school authorities how i kept getting a new bruise everyday. Still nothing.
-Betrayal, So many cases where i wanted a friend but instead later went to the bullies friendship circle because they were pretty much half the class and said to my former friend that he needed to dump a loser like me if they'd want more friends. I don't blame my former friends. The bullies were just that smart. Although the ones who actively enjoyed their new bullying role were still subject to my hate.
-Although unintended by my bullies, it was a brilliant scheme. They steal from me. My parents later find out i lost something. My parents blaming me and scolding me for losing it. My parents showing slight doubt when i tell them the bullies stole it from me since "i can't explain how" they probably assumed i'm just another kid making excuses to avoid incompetence. OH it was painful to see it from a loved one, more so than from a bully. I even doubt myself if i actually legit lost it.
-Of course my bullies sometimes offer to pick on my brains as a trade instead of physical harassment. They would ask for answers to a homework typically. I did it for them of course. Doing their homework was a lesser evil to harming my physical health. As a side effect, i got better test scores due to the increased study load, not that it matters now anyways.
It was a painful experience definitely. I relied on Video Games to cope with my lack of friendship. I read books to cope with school having a lack of video games. And probably the cringiest quote i made for myself to cope with my suffering. "At least i'm making someone else happier"
In stark contrast. College was perfect. Nobody steals, nobody bullies, everyone is well mannered behaved adults. i could not capitalize on it however. I distrust humans so much now that i have trouble communicating and making friends. Nowadays i find no comfort in telling people how i feel, so deep is the damage of my early school years that even my wish to look for friends is hindered by the fact that i don't even want to express my feelings to anyone.
Here i am now. Made a grand total of only 7 friends from the hundreds of students i studied with on group projects, but my god they are the best friends i could hope for.
This is awesome, you are a very articulate and good person!
well 7 is better then none at all, i envy you a little. good my emotions are dead thou xD
That’s an intense and painful story to read about. Your friends must be amazing to have, I hope they help to grow your self confidence. Thanks for the story, sometimes I ignore the wrong that people did to me. It feels better to know I’m not foolish and alone
bro u got 7.. i got one that understands me and i understand him. and im really gratefull for that
ok
I'm 30, until 25 I struggled with abusive behaviour I learnt from my mother, who was extremely abusive and unhinged. I then went to therapy, and looking back horrifies me.
This is the sound of healing. We need more of this in the world.
Congratulations! ❤🕊️
A friend of mine convinced me that another one of my friends was toxic and harmful. That I needed to cut them out of my life. Which i did. As time went on I began to realise she was trying to control my behaviour even further demanding more people I needed to stop associating with. I bit back against her and this turned all my friends against me leaving me with nothing.
I mourned our friendship and blamed myself for a long time. But never once did she address any of the criticisms I brought forward to her and the problems I was having. To her, I was a black sheep and my words meant nothing. And so I was cut loose from the group.
I no longer care, I am angry they never listened to what I had to say or that they never reached out on their own. No. They were a group. A unit. And nobody could breach this. Like a cult they were locked in and deviance was highly condemned.
Friend groups like that are the worst.
It took me until college to find friends who knew how to be empathetic. I remeber one of my friends being startled when I told her that I didn't realize empathy and support were some of the best things you can get from a friendship, and, for many, the main reasons to have friends in the first place. I just thought friends were for playing video games with and maybe discussing intellectual topics if you were lucky.
I remeber when I was a kid I always got mad when my friends continued to hang out with a friend I was having a fight with. I almost felt betrayed. When some friends didn't want to hang out with me because the friend who was having a fight with me convinced them in I was in the wrong, I realized the issue with my position. I've gotten to a point now where if I have a disagreement with a friend (which is much rarer) that isn't immediately solved through communication, I don't feel attacked when my other friends continue to spend time with that person.
Religion was not part of my childhood, but my father was an occasionally violent alcoholic. In some sense, I was fortunate enough that he died when I was 7, but my mother was still not there for us, emotionally, and she's similar today. You hit the nail on the head when you talked about emotional volatility and anger. We have never been able to have nuances of anger in our family. And in my adult life, I've been very much afraid of anger until recently. I realized that anger and aggression is directly tied to passion, and my suppression of it was the primary reason I felt helpless and impotent. I thought I was just more tolerant than most people - and maybe I am, but I've certainly realized just how terrified I am of acknowledging even small amounts of anger.
I implore you to watch the movie Inside Out. Emotions and desires are NECESSARY for our social and physical survival and are NOT HARMFUL on their own. That's why you hear such phrases like "constructive anger" instead of "destructive anger." You can use a hammer on a nail to build a house (constructive) or you can use it to bash someone's brains out (destructive).
It may be a year later, but this comment helped me to realize that, as someone who's struggled with "anger issues" through life and having subdued myself, I find I've demonized every bit of anger I feel. Thank you.
Theremintrees, you've done it again. I love to see how you consistently nail the experiences of victims in and out of high control groups. I'm a former Jehovah's Witness and the work you do gives me hope that others are taking note of our plight.
Thanks Amanda - I hope more people are taking note and that coverage of what goes on in the JW organisation will continue and expand in the media. So much has gone under the radar for so long hasn't it.
What made you leave?
@@machida58 My mom fled because of abusive males, thinking they were superior and females inferior, like in most religions. It's criminal the Eve/Adam story isn't debunked after they found out women contribute an egg to the fetus.
@@harrynac6017 Parrot your feminist propaganda elsewhere.
@@machida58 nah mate
JW'w actually do think men are better then women, although op's response was bit like a feminist, JW's do belive this
Some of those people look suspiciously like Death Note Characters.
Abram Thiessen 私は“Ｌ”です。
Coincidence? I think not!
Just according to keikaku.
Steward of Autumn the apple at the end says it all
This is what I was thinking lmao
The Bully is a programming concept built into western culture. Bullies are typically the psychopaths who run everything, marketing bullies you all the time in order to get you to purchase products, ‘put down marketing’, people who are hurt hurt others, Your boss has spent his/her whole life being bullied by other superiors, being condescended to, so in turn he/she condescends to his/her subordinates, subordinates at a job who have all kinds of things counting against them, weight, culture, race, height, belief, down to the way someone talks or walks, they go home to their families and make them into a kind of subordinate, the child who experiences this form of bullying then goes to school, to look for subordinates and weaker people to express his/her own form of condescension. Vicious cycle, everyone feels they have to become the bully to be powerful in situations.
How is that a Western thing? I hate to be the first one to tell you this, but people are shit in every part of the world and always have been.
This sounds like what has been historically referred to as "the pecking order"
This resonated deeply with me.
I am still in the process of trying to detox and get rid of my fleas.
It is a long, painful process but I am gradually learning to grow, accept myself, and be my authentic self that had been nearly extinguished many, many years ago.
Thank you for your videos. They are so well put together and put into words things that are too painful to say myself.
I struggled with this for a long time. I thought I was a psychopath and eventually realized that I had just been raised by a psychopath, and briefly behaved like a psychopath, but felt remorseful and changed. Psychopaths don't feel remorse. Thanks again Theramin
I absolutely needed this. I was recently blamed and mocked for trying to point out the emotional issues in my family. They said the only problem was me and my lack of gratitude for all they do. They told me I was the toxic one for trying to talk about how unhappy I was. I was never allowed to ask for anything without also being "ungrateful".
I feel like this should be taught in school or be a compulsory subject in university or college...
"Compulsory" is contrary to this message, though.
not everybody who needs this goes to university.
@@Tzizenorec wrong interpretation of 'compulsory'. example, video states it's better to teach children as many religions (including atheism) and their dogmas, while enforcing none of these views. important is no matter the child's choice, they develop critical thinking and debate their choice. compulsory they can explain the formula and logic behind their answer, not the answer itself. ultimately, their choice will be tested by the free market of ideas, leading to atheism anyway.
@@mr.fabulousmegardev6256 Hell, it's been nearly a year and I can't even remember what I was talking about now. But knowing myself, I doubt I misused the word as you describe. It's more likely that I meant something even more extreme than it looks like I said.
MagnaFire39 very truth. Schools as early as possible.
One of the best channels on TH-cam. Thank you so much for creating these!
Sorry, I totally agree with you, but I feel so tempted to proclaim:
'100th Like!'
:)
Here I am, thinking this was some sort of Adobe tutorial.
Are you gonna stay here for a while?
lol ikr, btw he uses blender...
You've found something better :)
Adobe After Effects Tutorial: Copying Enemies
you're not the only one
I was raised non-religious, so I was basically an atheist by the time I was in the first grade, but it's amazing how your depictions of long term abuse in the church mirror my experiences being abused by a narcissist from ages 5-18. I'm in recovery now, but I've suffering an eating disorder and generalized anxiety, and now I'm faced with severe depression and C-PTSD. it feels hopeless at times, especially when hating yourself is so deeply is entrenched into your personality, it's almost like you don't want to let go of it because it feels like it's an intrinsic part of you. I'm trying to unlearn all the shame, but it feels hopeless right now. hopefully, as time goes on, it won't feel as impossible. kudos to you for making a video on what systemic abuse does to a victim, it hits a little too close to home
The discovery of this channel at this point in my life is probably the most important keystone to my life journey...
Thank you for what you said about being pushed to "forgive" abusers. I've never really understood the argument that by not forgiving, it means we haven't "let go" or aren't ever going to move on from the events. I don't believe anyone is entitled to forgiveness, and I'm not morally reprehensible for choosing not to forgive someone. I can emotionally move on from something someone did to me but still acknowledge that the person involved was a piece of shit.
Thank you so much for this. The part at 5:26 really resonates with me, and got me to realize that there were times when I justified my distorted reality. At times I convinced myself that the one who was making trouble was my brother, when in reality he was the one breaking the script.
That's beautiful-if only more could look back and possibly reassess the problems and conflict that occured inside their families,life would be a lot less tragic. A lot of people seem too proud to even consider the possibility that the former vantage point from which they tended to cast their judgements might not have allowed for them to see anything beyond 12 inches from their faces.
Yo, is this the cast of death note you got here? Interesting analogy.
22:23 apple
That’s apples.
idk if I'm dense or smth, but what analogy would that be..?
toma light yagami became a serial killer in an attempt to clean the world of crime.
I notice at around 6:30 when the guy at the top looks down at the one guy at the bottom, they really both look like Yagami and L
Always exciting to get a notification about a new Theramin video.
Abuse from those met in adulthood, even briefly can have these effects as well.
thank you so much i really needed this and it helps me so much
The videos really do help don't they? I find them so calming and enlightening. Not only are they insights to my past, highlighting not just what happened to me but WHY it happened and how I can make myself a better person despite it happening at all.
Easily my favorite TH-camr. Never stop TT. You're videos make me feel like everything is going to be ok.
I'm a former Ultra-Orthodox Jew and this video almost made me cry. Such a beautiful video with so much useful, empowering, and inspiring information.
Thank you, so much, as always, for sharing your powerful, well-spoken, practical philosophy and psychology with us! I always find myself resonating with each lesson and finding specific points that I can use to improve and broaden my perspective.
Your story about the atheists abducting and forcibly de-converting a Christian reminded me of something that I had heard from someone who grew up in a Soviet state, where they had been indoctrinated with atheism. It was shoved in their face just as dogmatically as Christianity was indoctrinated into you and me as children. They were not told to think for themselves; they were told that _"this"_ is true and _"that"_ is an evil lie. As they grew up and the Soviet Union collapsed, they were greatly attracted to religion as an expression of their personal freedom, a freedom that they had only recently obtained. Joining a religious tradition served for them as an expression of defiance against the oppressive state they had escaped.
That story really struck me. It allowed me to realize the harm in trying to shout people down with one's ideas, even if those ideas are the "right" ones, because being emotionally bullied and manipulated into believing or affirming something, regardless of whether that thing is right or wrong, can frequently drive those subjects to rebel, driving those same people deep into the clutches of groups that propagate the opposite ideas. Forcibly bullying someone into believing the right thing is often one of the greatest gifts one can give to the opposition, as it serves their narrative of your own side being oppressive and incapable of winning through virtue and reason.
By contrast, I was very pleased that you shared that story of the ex-Scientologists being able to share their diverse views without fear of being shamed and censored by one another. I was not aware that such a group existed or that it could really be sustainable, and it pleases me greatly to see that such a thing actually worked out. It serves as such an example of how _not_ to copy one's enemy.
"The Freedom to do my own mistakes is all I ever wanted".
You can't force a man to be free. If done so by extrem means, he will fear the lack of chains.
Yes, the meaning of 'freedom' is always contested. Is it "freedom from" or "freedom to"?
Both can lead to loss of freedom.
New theramintrees vid? DROP EVERYTHING.
Sounds almost cultish without the cult rules.
@@3ittybittypiggiesstorytime547 he's created a cult of educating about cults
@@maryphillips8069 It's like an organization of anarchists.
THIS...….should be taught in every middle school.
it took me three years from being told by a close friend and family members that i should leave him. we were together 5 years and engaged. your videos make me feel so much less broken and alone and i cant thank you enough for helping me feel like i am okay on my own
Amazing as always. You and QualiaSoup have taken this medium, TH-cam, and in your videos elevate it and transcend it's purpose to that of enlightenment, education, comfort, and a path to healing and self-actualization - helping others to find meaning and joy in their lives. I can't express enough about the clever ways in which the video medium is used to visually illustrate your points, the comfort your voice brings to the audio, and the compassionate yet incisive points so articulately expressed in the extremely well-written content that is the foundation of your work for on this channel. Brilliant work. These videos should be an inspiration for others and showered with accolades by the public. I hope you and QualiaSoup are both awarded something for your efforts beyond knowing that the good work you do helps others. A medal from Her Majesty? Or a plaque. Or a monument.
Haha, well said.
@hold ness One of our oldest laws apparently (bear in mind this could be bollocks) is that the monarch cannot commit a crime. Meaning they can shoplift or kill whatever but cannot be tried. Now when I was told this by a (new) law student, they didn't have any real details. It was and is my understanding that since the English civil war and Charles the 1st with his storming in on parliament; the monarch now must send an emissary to parliament and is not permitted into the house. There is a ritual annually I believe, where this emissary goes to the door of the (old) house of commons, knocks three times with a staff of some kind and has the door closed in his face. Representing that the monarch cannot force their will onto the people without going through parliament, the people's representatives.
It's an interesting area, certainly. Have a read up, tell me what you can find out :)
I'm touched by your very kind words Ian. Thank you. If the work is helpful to folks, then I can feel meaning in it.
Sometimes I just need to hear your voice to feel calm and strong enough to move forward. Your work comforts and encourages me more than I could express, thank you sincerely.
I look at the list of fleas and think that it is a mirror of myself, all the traits my family gave me...
Sometimes...
I love the little things. I noticed the first letters of each word spell “pride” at 0:41.
I love the jab at the Bible at 5:11.
I’m reminded of sharing this verse, “lean not on your own understanding,” with a friend of mine at the private Christian college I’d attended for the past 4 years.
She fully knew at the time that I was an atheist and yet she took the opposite reaction to the verse that I’d intended. She smiled and said something to the effect that she was comforted by it.
I told her that such a verse told me that either Yahweh doesn’t want his followers thinking for themselves or men who wrote that verse don’t want the members of the faith thinking for themselves, and that either way it shows a lack of confidence on the author’s part that any freethinking person would be able to believe this religion’s claims in the long run.
She ultimately didn’t change her mind. Not yet anyways.
Hey Tim ;8) Shame isn't it - I've spoken with people who've taken similar comfort in that kind of submission. If they realised it was the understanding of misguided humans they were leaning on - not the understanding of any 'gods' - then leaning on their own might seem suddenly more attractive.
I wish we could get away from lumping all religion and spirituality into the same category as fundamentalism or cult-like religion. It is true that in many places, there are dangerous cultish forms of christianity, but not all christians are like this. The Bible does not really teach blind, passive, unthinking obedience, but modern churchianity has twisted it into this. Oh, and God's name is not pronounced Yahweh.
@@TabithaElkinsI heartily agree with this. Many of the arguments that agnostics and atheists make against Christians are actually critical of Christian culture, not Bible Doctrine. I do have a counterpoint to what you said, though: Regardless of denomination, disobedience to God is considered sin. Even if obedience is done with awareness, thought, and intention, the fact remains that obedience to God is non-negotiable. A human being cannot assert their individuality and say "I disagree with you God and will act counter to what you've commanded," and not be sinning.
@@DJHastingsFeverPitch Yes! And yet in the Bible there's parables that say God welcomes good-faith tests (whatever that means to YHWH) such as the one where that one guy spends like 3 days getting God to make it rain without wetting a stone and wetting a stone without making it rain. There are inconsistencies that seem to be addressed by saying "The New Testament overwrites the Old", though I find it dissatisfying that a perfect deity would ever need a 2nd draft to begin with!
Raised Protestant Christian and now agnostic for nearly a year; I still struggle with feelings of lost purpose, but I feel like I finally have control and any such feelings are due to a lack of my own drive, not because my life is without meaning.
@@TabithaElkins for the biblical god, in the original language it was written in, there were no vowels but the letters had the sounds the English would use as YHWH. This is called the tetragrammaton, if you'd like to research it further. In German, it was spelled JHWH, hence Jehovah, which lead the the current English usage. However, the vowels were simply guesses. As we now know though, it would be Y_hw_h which modern historians have translated to be Yahweh
Your voice and way of talking is just viscerally soothing. That, combined with talking about how to overcome past abuse is really quite powerful
One thing that I consistently learn from your videos is to always lead people to the water, but don't force them to drink.
Always good day for a TT video. As someone who suffered from abusive relationships (she literally tried to kill me, stabbed me with a steak knife), family (shunned by my father's side for leaving the Watchtower org), and religious entities (Jehovah's Witnesses) I enjoyed the video very much.
It's actually something I've worried about for a long time. That after being abused for so long I would become like my abusers, but I've been told that I've been spared. I do my best to be a good father, partner to my girlfriend, and patriarch for my extended family (even though I'm only 25, I have the most responsibility). Seems like you CAN live through lifelong abuse and make it out the other side ok.
Thanks for the video TT. They're really therapeutic. Are you a counseler by any means? I suspect you live in the UK and I'm US based, but I'd love to pick your brain if you are so inclined. If you're interested, pm me and well set it up, but no pressure.
The way you untangle the tangle is very great 👍
My entire family taught me that abusive, manipulative behavior is good and empathy is bad. I'm absolutely covered in fleas but I think I've shed a lot on my own over the years. Maybe I'll finally stop breaking down every time I step foot into the therapists' office building and get some help. :')
Apart from the value of the extremely good spoken content of your videos, can I appreciate for a while the graphics of them?
As a person who struggles a lot to understand more about personal growth, psychology and - well - how to become a more decent human being, your graphical representations are extremely effective and clear in illustrating the points you are making. And making them more visual helps making them more real.
In this video especially, the distorted axonometry that makes sense only from one perspective, the unsure ground that shows more coverage upon time, and the outside street with the toxic environment pattern are GENIUS. One of the best and consistent representations I've seen in my entire life.
I don't know if you make these graphics by yourself or not, but either way it shows a very analytical process, where every tiny detail is necessary to the whole picture
The Quality of videos on this channel is off the charts
Thank you for this gem
That grid analogy was amazing~~
This is to the man talking. THANK YOU! Sooo helpful and just at the right time. Im struggling finding 'me' my own thoughts, ways of self expression and trying to REPROGRAME every damnd little thing about me. Even my own voice, laughter, sense of humour, hobbies. Right down to the food i eat! The musuc i listen to the cloeths i wear the movies i watch the list goes on. Ive saved this video and will use it to help monitor my progress as well as the re-enforcing value it brings that it can be done because am not the first one to be abused. AND THAT IM NOT ALONE !!!!
I've been really depressed the last year after a break up I went through, I'm aften finding myself judging the person I was with harshly but really judging tge way I acted from the break up the most... your videos stimulate my introspective options and have enabled at times to deescalate the continuing cycle in my head of the events that occurred, i really appreciate what you do, in the last few weeks I've subscribed, I've been able to reevaluate my position on the religion that I converted to as a means to impress this person and to also self reflect on myself the person I was with and my social upbringing to the point where I'm becoming calm and understanding, i'd like to thank you
Your story really made me feel for you. I wish I could talk to you about it. I hope you are well and at peace.
@@amandamarieyoga thank you, I don't mind talk about it, what would you like to ask?
As response to abuse I tried distorting my character with the goal of forcing my mind to find happiness in my pain. And it worked but not 100%.I managed to turn myself to feel joy in my suffering while I wasnt able to shut down the part of me that does feel the pain. I knew from the beginning that I may drive myself to suicide and made a rule forbiding suicide from the very beginning. I think that is why I am still alive. Over the years I attempted multiple times to get rid of my learned traits but was never able to, it got worse instead slowly driving me deep into selfhate and without any drive to be alive. I knew all along that simply talking to someone about what caused all of it and what I have been thinking over the years would help, but I didnt allow myself to drag anyone down with me, and I wanted the problems to end with me. the moment I talk I risk inciting hate towards the abusers wich in turn may leave a scar in possible future generations (for example if it ends up with cutting contact with parents, sure it may be the right choice, but I wish to let my possible future kids have the absolute trust that they can always turn to their family and talk without any worry). But at the beginning of this year I decided to talk to a friend about everything, I dont need a therapy since I know exactly what in my past caused wich problem, how and why, I just never accepted the available options to deal with it. And since I decided to talk I already feel better even though the conversation didnt take place yet.
All this rant may not really fit for this video but I just thought about it at the beginning minutes of the video.
I'm proud of you for this change, but I do want to encourage you to seek therapy anyway. It's not always about finding out what hurt you and how and why, once you know all that you still need therapy. They can help you unwind the emotions and develope concrete strategies.
This has really helped me understand and start to truly detox from my abusive childhood. I have hope now that maybe I can shake off the poison. I see it sometimes when reacting to various stimuli, and though I know this is aimed at religion it stinks of my own upbringing, which wasn't religious at all. I appreciate your help more than I can say.
I'm glad it's helped. Yes, this piece was an attempt to draw together common strands from lots of abusive environments - from relationships and families to religious/political groups. So much overlap isn't there - just packaged differently.
I knew that one looked like L! And how Light steps over him to show the "truth" god this isn't just a deconstruction of abuse this is an implicit analyzation of deathnote!
dude yeah I noticed it too
Thanks. I m coming out from a abusive relationship. And i mirrow myself i saw me abusing others. Now i learned i can be aware of it and walk out of these fantasy
I never forget "how powerful the script can be.". (The script is all there is.)
Thank you so much for videos like this one. It’s so hard to sort out the jumble of thoughts when you’re in the thick of it, it’s truly a balm to hear things explained in this logical manner.
Thank you for all your hard work. You are producing the most consistent thought provoking content on youtube. Once I pay off some debt, I will undoubtedly become a patron.
I would be very interested in a video on "healthy anger"..
I am 35 and grew up in christianity.. (not a part of it now) it wasn't until earlier this year whilst really taking a deep look inside I realized..
I have anger issues, in particular I internalize anger..
Christianity taught me something is wrong with myself, and I have been trying to shake this depression for years now..
Anyway, I really enjoy your videos, and find them very insightful..
thank you!
I’ve been feeling like a terrible person for a week now so I cannot thank you enough for this video, it really helped me a lot to cope with my feelings. I’m getting a new perspective on how to move on.
The way the problem is picturized in the animation is just amazing..!!
For how clearly stated these videos are and all I am shocked to not see thousands more. I love your clear enunciation sir.
I relate to your videos so much and absolutely love your focus on individuality in these videos.
Is it me or are all the stick figure-esque minimalist models used here inspired from deathnote characters?
If not then it is a chilling coincidence.
I knew I couldn’t have been the only one to think that looked like L.
i have often berated myself for constantly trying to find external validation in my adult life. but now i understand that it's likely a survival response left over from when i was growing up. i've been slowly trying to teach myself not to need EV but it's really very hard! my self esteem is still quite flimsy even after a lot of work put into it, and i'm so tired -w-.
Anyway. I wanted to say thank you for helping me again, Theramin. I hope you're having a lovely day despite the quarantine stuff! Best regards
Thank you dearly for this video.
One watch feels like the fresh air on a wound for the first moment after a bandage is removed
I've just watched it 3 times in a row. I'm a performer, educator and expert in music. I see amazing things all the time. I don't think I've ever watched a TH-cam video 3x in a row since it was built.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart
That's great to hear David, glad it helped!
No idea why this all of a sudden showed up in my recommendations... But I am glad I watched this. Made me realize a lot about myself. Thank you.
A part of the process of awakening, and why waking up in and of itself, doesn't suddenly make everything perfect.
Wow, this hit way closer to home than I expected it would.
As a former member of the LDS church, I can certainly relate.
jeremy hansen Sane here as an x a Jehovah’s Witness.
Omg I didbt know how bad i needed these videos until i started listening to them. About a year ago I found Theramin Trees and haven't stopped since. Ty for these. They help me locate, understand and work through personal and social issues in my life. Also helps me to realize when I should get professional help. Thank you Thank you Thank you.
You have had much influence on me and I thank you! Your videos are so well thought out and well put together. I often recommend them to others!
You remain one of the best content creators out there. It's always good to see you on my notifications.
Those analogies strike me as the most fitting and on point uses of language I have ever heard
Just....wow
I must say that you are an excellent presenter
What I love about returning to this is how I've seen the understanding of this concept used in fiction and it made is just so... engaging and real. But also taught the lesson, something desperately needed
Videos like these make me appreciate how non-abusive my immediate family is. Sure, my parents are definitely not perfect people, but they did their honest best raising me and never have they said or done anything to me that couldn't be legitimately seen as being concerned for my future.
A few of the other comments here also make me appreciate the counselling I got during my otherwise lonely and bitter schooldays, and how I never gave in to people trying to bully me. I got in trouble multiple times for reacting violently to bullying and harassment, but it was worth it: I stood up for myself, and people learned not to bother me.
It's chilling to think how many people begin their lives in abusive social circles and they just grow up thinking that everything they're subjected to is normal. 😬
1 out of 5 in USA, is Living this Matrix. Lucky you to have had a Supportive family. I had religious and Control issue family. It is amazing though, having traveled many States and several countries, Abuse is Sooooooo Regular across the Board, more in Highly religious States and/or Countries, from my observance. I generally, reflect on How Easy I have it, only had some a Small Amount of Abuse compared to those of, Other place's... My PTSD and Scare's are Nothing, Small and little in comparison to those I've Witnessed. Again, Lucky You... life
Setting the bar ever higher with usefulness and helpfulness in the basic script, but also accompanying visuals!
Absolutely brilliant!
Kudos, and a big Thank You!
Makes me glad i stuck to following what _I_ know rather early on in my life
I'm with somewhat abusive parents, but once i get out of this house i'll live my life the way i want to
For every question or problem i'll seek my own answer to, using all the valid information i've been given
And hopefully, this way of thinking will rub off on everyone i meet, it would truly be a pleasure
Thank you for this video
Helped me realize that even though I haven't been under my parent's abuse in years I still look for validation by those I see as superior constantly
I definitely needed that sense smacked into me
I appreciate your videos. I can't express it in any other way than this.
"some people are more equal than others"
ok lets slow down orwell
Thanks for mentioning the reference, I had forgotten where I heard it from
to me it was impossible to express this kind of mental cause of my religious PTSD, you did it just fine. Thank You
This was one of the first (if not THE first) videos I saw of yours a few years back around the onset of the Covid-19 pandemic that made me feel inclined to gradually watch more of your content. There is still so much value and insight to be gained even upon rewatching it; a few years can give a lot of context to past behavior and incidents. One thing is for certain though, all the content you have shared with the world over the years has certainly "empowered" me and I'm sure many others to think independently. Many thanks for what you do here on this online platform, Theramin.
4:39 - you have some z-sorting iss--- ohh
Point well demonstrated!
i like that you not only spoke about making it out of abusive groups but also about how we act after leaving that group
the first few months after i left religion i became a militant atheist, very persecutory. i now realize how not healthy this was.
i also think about how i speak about people who are still suffering from abusive religions because i also remember being one of them. thank you for your videos ❤
Very well done. It helps all of us to recognize the red flags of abuse (even if we’re not in an abusive situation, we can learn how to help those that may be).
I grew up in a home where basically everything I say is undermined and contested. My siblings act like their word is gospel. So I educated myself on various topics and I only care about the scientific research behind those things and I am able to determine what is true and what is bullshit. When people undermine me I do copy their behavior but I reflect it back to them magnified. And that pisses people of so much. My brother is a classic know it all that always needs to be right. So any time he tries to argue with me on topics I am extremely knowledgeable about and he is ignorant I just spank him intellectually. If we talk about other topics and he starts doing the same I just do what he does. I pick out false details and make fun of him in front of everyone and he really hates that. With these people I found that the only way they will shut up and 'respect' you is to do the thing they do to you.
I also have a control freak sibling constantly telling me what to do even in shit that don't matter like the way I sit. So I go into asshole mode. I micromanage her so hard to the point where she gets annoyed. And that's the only way to survive. Or else I just take it and ruminate for weeks and feel depressed.
My character is someone who doesn't tell people what to do because it's their life, but whoever steps over that with me they are getting their mirrored behavior back magnified and it works so well.
You're doing the right thing. I support you fully.
teach us
I can’t express how much your videos are helping me. I grew up in a high control group mentioned frequently in your videos and growing up my home environment featured several of the abusive patterns you touch on. I left the religion years ago and moved out soon after. The distance has dramatically improved my life but dealing with my family continues to be one of my greatest burdens. I want so badly to share your videos with my sibling who experienced the same abusive upbringing but I fear the criticality of religion would shut her down and drive a wedge between us which would devastate me. I feel like we’re the only two sane people in that house and I couldn’t bare to lose her.
Excellent video TheraminTrees. Great editing, captivating voiceover and most of all the amount of research and attention to detail that is done is phenomenal. This goes for all of your previous videos too. Keep up the good work. A truly unique and indeed my favourite channel on youtube.
Thank you James
James I’ve seen you in other comments sections lol
I can’t thank you enough for this video. I came across it today after venting to the dog about my less-than-stellar living situation, and it led me to a greater understanding of my frustrations. First, that I wasn’t really communicating those frustrations with my roommates, and second, that my anger toward them and fear of any confrontation about their actions were products of growing up with an abusive father. Passive-aggressive behavior and making me feel guilty for setting reasonable boundaries were my father’s bread and butter-both which he developed through abuse from his own father. I’ve fallen prey to the path of least resistance, simply wishing I could burn these bridges instead of working to fix the relationship due to my own deep-seated fears. I believe I can and *will* try a different approach this time.
Hey this is an older video so you may not see my comment, but I just wanted to thank you, especially for this video.
I came from this background, and your understanding has been refreshing and helpful.
Thank you for making this video. You provided words to so much ineffable pain and suffering I personally have sustained. Having these ideas in hand is a serious step toward having a life of my own.
“the fact they feel mortified means they haven’t...” i can’t bring myself to believe this. i’m trying to, i want to, but i still believe i’m horrible.
The creepiest thing happened as I came upon the 5:50 mark. My father came in and 'joked' about harming me as the video described such actions...
Whaaaaaaaat
How serious was the joke... O_O
@@BreezeLeg-mo4jh Sorry for Your, Creepy coincidence.
So very true! his voice is so calm and relaxing 🙏
Thank you. I feel like I understand myself and my thoughts better after watching this.