My ex was not dx bpd but is an active addict and narcissist so this resonates. I’m currently 12 hours into the final discard and doing ok considering we were in this loop for 13 years. It’s hell and unbelievable how they can go from “I love you, see you in a bit” to “eff you, get out of my life” and flaunting their addict cheating partner as a relationship. It happened within an hour last night. If you see the signs- get out as fast as possible. They are evil.
Im so sorry you're going through that. It was very painful for me. I can only imagine what you are feeling.. if you want to know what I did to completely get rid of the anger and pain, watch this... th-cam.com/video/vhFyRM0kT-I/w-d-xo.html My book is also helpful www.amazon.com/How-Survived-Borderline-Girlfriend-Narcissistic/dp/B0BRMBTNCW/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2BYXD1V5IH7IK&keywords=how+i+survived+my+borderline+girlfriend&qid=1705970276&sprefix=how+I+survived+my+borderl%2Caps%2C337&sr=8-1
So true I saw one female destroy five different men . Also saw more guys lose it all including children over these BPD females they ruin you And everyone who is involved with them
My last one has one huge road block that put me through hell. I’m taking the pain and turning into creativity and getting jacked. I wanted out for so song, but didn’t know how. So she discarded me.
This happened to me and my ex. A few weeks after asking if she could move in with me, I saw her at a spot we used to frequent with someone I'd never seen before. It was if I'd never existed. She ended up moving away with him in a matter of months. In all honesty, her moving out of my town is probably the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I'll never have to see her again. Thanks for the video. It's spot on.
Surviving BPD Relationship Break Up I agree. They think something outside of them will make them happy when it’s the inside they must fix to be happy. And they avoid any kind of inner work. I myself am grateful to have been discarded after 7 years for some guy she met on the internet. This made me do my inner work and begin finding my old self again. I’ve grown so much.
Victor T. Same here. I am grateful I got discarded for another guy/ prey. We are divorcing - negotiating with lawyers since one year now, with all her silly requests incl. money and regarding our daughter (yes that’s the most tricky part cause I am not letting the kid down). I knew she had someone else during our marriage but I said to myself maybe it is part of her disease and it would help her get better. This guy was living far away and that was OK because it made the idealization phase last longer and maybe ease the divorce negotiations. Now is coming to town to be with her, and I know what’s coming next, and it is crisis. For me I wouldn’t mind but I am concerned for our daughter... Now this channel and the comments help me get a better understanding of the situation, that’s really helpful.
Victor T. Victor T. This happened to me too. It was unbearable at first, but now after only 2 months (and LOTS of these videos!) I’ve reconnected with myself and I’m so glad he did it. The discard turned out to be a blessing, because I was so drained and emotionally battered at that point I just didn’t care about anything anymore like I used to, now I’m back to my old self and so productive doing the things I love and talking to the people who make me happy. When the hoovering phase came along, it wasn’t even difficult to stay no contact because I have my relationship with me again. You don’t realise how much of yourself you lose in these relationships until you come out the other side. :)
philippe jacquet good luck with everything. Yes it’s difficult. Fight for your child no matter what. If you get screwed, appeal. Don’t give up on your daughter because she didn’t play a role in this. Focusing on my child has made this all bearable because I love her so much and am fighting for custody myself, trying to be fair with her even though she moved on to someone that she met when we were together. It’s sad but gotta accept reality and be the best you.
hearing this from someone ese is sooooooo odd. its like I've told you the story already. I am a super independent never need help kind of guy. So basically the perfect source for someone with bpd I never asked anything from them and was always level headed and able to be there for them and to talk them down. After years of that the first time life got really hard for me and I couldn't be the stoic rock that only exists to validate them and I needed support she talked to some guy at work about me He of course agreed im the bad guy lol and she called for a break told me no other people so i didn't and she was dating that dude two days later and keeping an eye on me but completely ignoring me and basically went from her whole life depended on me being there for her 24/7 to not caring if i was even alive lol She said that it was because I made her feel so bad about herself. Came back to me months later i had no idea about the other guy then I found out not form her of course. But she trickle truthed and lied and made all the promises just to never keep any of them lol. If someone seems perfect and they like everything you like and it seems like youre the only person they ever want to see or talk to and nothing else matters even their kids sometimes. evaluate and run as fast as you can lol they dont love you you are just a supply that as soon as you are unable to supply they will find another one
10+ years with a diagnosed Borderline. All that sounds very familiar. Its a combination of a couple of separate symptoms though: - they tend to make huge demands and be very needy all the time and get offended if you cannot support them. It echoes their childhood when they felt betrayed and abandoned by their parent. But when its their turn, they have very little empathy or humanitarian feelings and rarely help anyone systematically, because they are so busy with themselves in their head. Often times, the only person they care about consistently is their mother, who is of course the source of the BPD running in the family like a smelly, poisoned river. - their self-regulation depends on you and your stability, they are your mirror. As long as you keep your pokerface, smile and play along, they will be great, but once you stumble or need something from them, they are packing in no time - they dont want to mirror a wreck who has no time for THEM. - they are so scared of being alone they will typically find someone else before even leaving you and the idea of "staying alone to take a break" is totally off the table. - they cannot really see a person in their entirety: you are not a complex combination of all the good and bad and your vast common experience - instead they have a very narrow tunnel vision and you are only as good as the current emotional moodswing. They might praise you, worship you and swear they are certain they want to grow old with you in the evening, and 12 hours later they tell you you are the single worst person they ever met, hate to be in the same room with you and are searching for a flatshare right in front of you. - as with friends, self image or life interests, they switch fast, one day you are the whole centrepoint of their entire existence and two weeks later they will ghost you and carry on, never to even mention you again. Note that ALL their ex partners are universally described as bullies, tyrants, morons, they will never have any normal contact or memories of them, let alone friendship. - if they do stick with you for years, typically they develop deep hatred towards you for "emotionally torturing them", which you of course witness in the form of all the anger and violent tantrums. Who stays in a relationship with a partner they deeply hate and have contempt for you might ask? Well, its people who are extremely afraid of abandonment,...
@@f4ust85 Accurate. 10 years for me also. One of the best days was when I shared a cute picture of an elderly couple sitting on a park bench, holding hands. And it had a message: "When people ask us how we made it this far, we tell them we come from a generation that didn't throw broken things away; we fix them." She squealed, "Baby that's us!" and it made me so happy. She kept bringing it up all that day. When she discarded me brutally, having monkey-branched beforehand, it happened with no raising of concerns whatsoever, no attempt whatsoever to fix. And I reminded her of that picture. She said she did not remember that. I showed her the picture again. She said wow I still don't remember that at all. I reminded her of all the times I had reassured her I would never leave her, when she had anxiety attacks about that, and how come she had forgotten the Golden Rule (do unto others as you would have them do unto you)? No answer. So yes, just as you said - they will swear they want to grow old with you and then forget completely, or pretend they do not remember.
@@passerby6168 Again, extremely familiar. This very chaotic nature, shocking double standards and horrible memory are a given, just like the tendency to make melodramatic, corny scenes and gestures that really mean NOTHING 10 minutes later. Many, many things in life are simply overpowering for them, they have almost no stamina to rationally resist or follow anything the dont WANT to, and the things they tend to want can be very bad new for everyone around them. Its possible to get used to it and take everything with a big grain of salt: as if you were talking to a small child or a pet of sorts that has no integrity or ability to self-reflect and only imitates "grown ups" to form a version of themselves they would like; but then of course, are you willing to live like that for 20 years and teach your children what human character and relationships are with such person that needs constant oversight? It can get better if the other person is self-aware enough to self-reflect, learn from the errors and set some rules simply mechanically, artificially - like a person who simply cannot even physically touch a glass ever again because cannot resist booze rationally and would crumble if it was just about decisions alone.
I am borderline. I’ve been med and therapy compliant for years. This video hit me hard. Ppl with bpd develop coping skills to not be the negative person that comes with the diagnosis. Understand bpd is imbedded in you’re personality. I strongly believe a borderline that is untreated is vastly different than one that is medicated and in therapy. One recognizes they need help. They seek it. I would fight a bear over my medications. But, at the end of the day, there will always be parts of me that are me. Good and bad. I can tell you bpd hurts. It is mental hell 24/7. You are ok one minute and literally the next the complete opposite. I’m so sorry you’ve been hurt. Even as a borderline, I cry for your pain. I can’t speak for everyone. I can say my bpd is insidious and I pray everyday for God to help me. 😢
So good that you are self-aware, I hope you can find the peace you need. And yeah, untreated borderline is a meat grinding machine, it is difficult to have any empathy for someone who causes the maximum possible pain in you, willingly and consciously. Same goes for narcissists, complete selfish assholes and pieces of shit. I really think it is not ok to excuse grown adults behavior behind the idea of mental illness.
Give your life to him! God loves you and he hears you. Submit to him and he will help you. I just prayed for you. There is hope for sure. I love you. Amen!
Paradoxically my BPD ex gf caused me so much pain that I ended up with PTSD, which helps me understand her inner world. It is my understanding that BPD comes from a childhood of trauma and living in a constant train wreck that adds more trauma to the trauma. I empathize with your pain, I can understand what a living hell it must be. If you are really aware and seeking help, I am sure you will find your peace.
Jamie, you might get lots of hate for being a BPD. Lots of people have been hurt and lash out. FIrst, congrats on getting treatment. I didn't find out my ex fiancée had borderline till 3 weeks before the wedding when we broke up. You are a person and you can't control it. People need to understand that. You deserve happiness and are worth something. Hung in there
What a legend you are my friend. I’m. Just out of a 4 year rollercoaster. This was the second such relationship I’ve been unfortunate enough to have been trapped in. I was discarded, in pain, but I know what I must do. Thankfully I’m strong and have been through worse. Thanks buddy ❤
Hey Mike, hope you're doing OK. I lost sight of you for a good while but now I see you changed the name of your channel. We went through the BPD shitstorm at exactly the same time so just to say that I have totally recovered 110%, stronger than I ever was before and I hope that you are out the other side too. Thanks for being strong enough to share your experience at the time and I wish you all the very best in both the present and the future Bye for now. David..
Mike! Thank You for that - I survived 1 year ago but I am still full of qestions .. day by day I am watching that same movie from my memories and asking self it really happen
My ex with BPD made a big point of how unsupportive and mean I was. She monkey-branched with a friend of mine who was fawning her since they got to know each other through me. Even now that I know that being in a relationship with her is not right for me because I have firm boundaries and emotional needs beyond being there to help her, I still often think about things like "Is he doing the right thing by doormatting himself for her? Was I just not nice enough?"
Yriel, you are still locked in a trauma bond with her. Just because the relationship is over doesn't mean your pain will go away. she is still abusing you. Especially since she is with your "friend" now. Your question proves your mind is still locked into an abusive loop. My suggestion is to do the one thing and heal. th-cam.com/video/vhFyRM0kT-I/w-d-xo.html I also suggest you Get my book and follow my suggestions if you want complete healing www.audiobooks.thunderwizard.com or www.bit.ly/borderlinegirlfriend
Was she asking or expecting support in multiple areas or ways and got upset if you didnt meet the expectations? I wouldnt worry too much how your friend is taking it. He took a risk in a situation that was more the least desirable circumstances. And when you guys do make up you'll probably end up exchanging stories and making each other laugh. I mean in best circumstance with your friend
I could see he was lying more; pulling attention & affection and his available time was diminished so I walked away and went no contact. Two Hoovers so far but I stayed firm. 💪
Please people I do not say this lightly, get help, it's not doable all by yourself. I was a mess, listen to this man. I learned that my father is NPD, it explains a lot, and puts a lense on the obvious abuse you endured.
@@TheHonestTruth Don't mean to preach but have to bear witness - if you have no-one then God will help. Along with the help available in videos like these. I had no friends to talk to about it.
You speak how it is and was!!! Mine was exactly that She was bringing him to our home first Already planning to move in with him before that and did after weeks of hell leading up to it cos i wouldn't move out, so she had to come home Pieces of work all of them
Just saw my BPD ex who dumped me a week ago with a new boyfriend on social media. Picture of them at a spot that was very special to us, or I thought it was. I seriously do not understand her mind. Time to block and move on.
A week after going no contact after a 3 year passionate and loving relationship, he’s in a new relationship and listens to all of our very special love songs all day long. I truly cannot comprehend it and it has completely undone me. My whole reality has been shattered.
@@Anu-po5ml Trust me, TRUST ME when I say that if you make the right choices, go no contact, you will eventually stop obsessing over the details of the relationship, what was real and what wasn't, etc. You WILL move on, and you WILL be ok!
It's very hard imagine your ex going to rehab for six months after 6 months contacting you and telling you that she will never come back cause she don't love you and that she meet soul mate there and after month telling you that she's pregnant, very painful.
This is hard to say but i recently felt this pain. Your story when you asked if this aligned with your story did in enough ways for me to comment. Its raw real and not for public consumption but spoke to me enough to address within myself. I missed signs that now i regret missing. Co dependent knowing the battle ahead i jumped in. Your description matched what i blocked out and being honest with ones self is what my goal is. Not a character or sim but me. This really affected me but this last video and my journey through this process answered questions most never hear. Thanks.
Marco, thanks for commenting but please do me a favor and read your comment and ask yourself if it makes sense. I have no idea what you are trying to say here... UPDATE: (After reading a few times and adding punctuation I can decipher most of it.) Marco. it's important to add punctuation otherwise its just rambling. "I feel you.(period) I (capitalised) went through exactly what you went through, (add comma followed by quotes) 😥 "for her not me. (period) I (capitalised) know myself but 😥 for her." (I don't understand the last phrase) So here's what it would look like with punctuation. ""I feel you. I went through exactly what you went through, 😥 "for her not me. I know myself but 😥 for her." The last part still doesn't make sense...
I have bpd and I can PROMISE u we don’t want to discard u. It’s like we believe an imagination and even if it’s not true, which 10/10 times it’s not true, it won’t be the same. When we do that don’t let us back in until we can prove we got better (I’m still tryna see if I can get better) because it’s gonna keep happening. The “whatever” we feel about u is broken and can’t be fixed but can be changed if that makes sense
Needed to hear this. My bpd ex blocked me on everything when I ended it after 4.5 years of hell which would be fine , expect I have his son ! Who he also discarded. In a short amount of time he found some dumb woman with kids, one same age as our son, to move him in ! The son he doesn’t see obviously not big enough a red flag for her but they find them! Made mistake of looking at her insta and you can see it is all about him since she got with him, the places he likes, the food , right down to wearing a T-shirt of his favourite singer no lie. It’s like looking at him but in a woman. Initially I though how unfair where is his karma, he goes straight to find a person who likes ALL the same things as him with her romantic captions while I’m damaged and comforting his heartbroken child then the penny dropped !!! She’s another personality disorder!!! She’s mirroring him and she’s infatuated. Since being with him EVERYTHING is what he likes and does , where is “ SHE“. the quotes on love and romantic stuff , it’s literally him. Either he’s luckiest man to find his total soul mate whose into EVERYTHING the same and he’s landed on his feet , or he’s just rushed into a relationship with another borderline or narc!!! All his karma for lying and cheating and giving nice people false bad names may all of finally come at once !!! 🙏
And he is still contacting me despite the restraining order!! It was all a lie. I just want him to leave me alone, but due to Covid, no arrest, just more warnings he will ignore. Im pushing for a 5 year order. Good luck to everyone going through this😪
Honestly, looking back it's actually fascinating to me how my ex was the way she was. I don't mean that in a good way but just the disorder playing into her like that. I'm fascinated with how much she showed love and words but then the horror. I am curious on your perspective though. They say it's all fake and etc. So, it was just an act? Her feelings weren't what she showed? Nothing of love or goodness that is real was real? I'm completely over it but it's strikingly interesting.
@@jessebradford7130 i'm in this boat, but i'm not over it, been blocked for 43 days now by a girl, she was saying i was the man of her life etc she literraly was breathing for me, calling me from day to night... and got discarded 2 times and blocked in these 7 months, i did everything to get unblock and she did the same day, and went back to the relationship, the last one was final and i didn't try to get unblocked this time, now yeah it's been 43 days, i can't eat, lost tons of weight, can't sleep, my life is a nightmare, i'm seing a therapist but doesn't help at all...
Im fairly sure my exBPD has recycled back to the guy before me. He was always orbiting, trying to reverse hoover her while she was with me. She was originally with him for less than a month, though, and I dont think he has a clue she is BPD. I feel sorry for the guy as he has no idea what he is in for.
While my situation was not nearly so horrific, I ended up with obsession and after awhile was replaced by simeone she seems happier with. Been in therapy. Been meditating for years. The theme/title of this video applies to me and I needed it. Nearly 100% over it now, but this video resonates with me in the final stage. Good choice of topic.
It all boils down to… don’t be captain saveahoe. My ex split me a few days ago and I gave her the “I can’t be with someone that’s unsure about me “ and went no contact. She then blocked me yesterday on facebook after watching my stories so either she feels shame or doesn’t want me to see the new guy. She asked for space but done this before and I’m over it. I am just trying to learn more so I have better radar next time one of these sychos comes around. Hopefully she doesn’t stalk and call the cops like I’ve been hearing as I’ve never once threatened or harassed her. Her eyes would go almost black when she would devalue/split me. Almost like a shark feeding. She has started dbt and been in therapy for a few years but I think her therapist doesn’t even know she has it. These people are out there and I hope they find a good treatment as I do see the torment they go thru in their own heads. I just can’t do it and being a single dad (wife passed 2 years ago) I can’t have that around my kids.
I understand. Its great you want to know more so you can have better radar. But, knowing more isn't enough. If you want to heal from the pain, watch this th-cam.com/video/0ESLFV4HhTY/w-d-xo.html
Thanks so much for this informative video! My girlfriend blocked and unblocked me many times in the last year! Now, I’m blocked again for the last 4 days! Is it possible that she would come back to me again!?
Yes its possible. But why would you want that? You are deeply bound by codependent addiction. If you want to heal from the pain, do this th-cam.com/video/vhFyRM0kT-I/w-d-xo.html
I just wanna make sure I’m not scapegoating her mental Illness and avoiding internal accountability. It looks like a discard, feels like a discard. She’s with someone just days after our breakup. But it’s easy to point at someone that hurts my feelings and say oh they’re a narcissist or a bpd they’re the bad guy. Am I burying my head in the sand?
I'm going to venture a guess here, maybe I'm wrong. But I'm guessing you are not working the 12 steps. Correct? Let's examine what you've said... You didn't go through a conscious mutual breakup, in your own words, you were "discarded" and then replaced days later. And you're worried that you are being too judgmental in regards to her obvious abusive behavior... This is called chronic, untreated codependence. You're not burying your head in the sand if you acknowledge the extremely abusive behavior. You are burying your head in the sand when you seek to justify someone's obviously dysfunctional behavior... If you want to heal, watch this th-cam.com/video/vhFyRM0kT-I/w-d-xo.html
Watch videos on the “hoovering phase” so you’re prepared for it if she does. They discard you but they still want you around in the background because you are still a big source of validation supply. I started watching these videos when I got discarded by my BPD/NPD partner and if I hadn’t looked into Hoovering then it’s likely I would’ve been sucked straight back in to the cycle because I would’ve believed it was because he missed me, and at that point I was still mourning the relationship so its likely I would’ve gone back.
King... It is very possible she will come back. She will wait until you start to get a sense of your self again and then she will return and try to talk you into coming back. Best thing to do is go full no contact. Block her phone, email, facebook, and if you can move.... If she is borderline, there is nothing she has for you but pain...
Went to therapy will also go next w week have 1 q .how are you SOMETIMES not Wondering of the is safe ( or in my case i God her help a doctor via the univ , will she hate me or will it give her strenght that someone gave a .....) you speak caring to about your ex . I stopped in a way by stepping back my not being a lover . Her childlike her i saw so could not see The older her .
Well, I am 23, 1 week after she is fcking my “friend” life is amazing. At least I realise how sickening she is even if I can’t stop my self as of today to look on how she is doing ( been 2-3 weeks ) doing better. I kinda want my “friend” to go through all the phase and get abuse Bcs well he was obv a bad friend but yeah we shall see gonna try to not kill my self by then
@@tibiapai4688 Funny thing he try to msg me but meh idc i moved on lol thanksfully >_< and since idc abt him i did not feel helping him i just said hi and ignored
So, how do you know that when you feel you are betrayed that you are correct? That is the whole point. When a person has BPD, they do not have accurate perceptions of other people's motives. They project onto the other person that they are trying to betray them. The fact that you think they are trying to hurt when they are not is exactly what makes BPD a mental illness and so incredibly hurtful. You are making my point for me.
@@ReversingNarcAbuse I said I only discard if a person ACTUALLY BETRAY ME OR ABANDONED ME. IT IS NOT GOING TO BE "THEY GONNA" BETRAY OR ABANDON ME. I still have many friends but those ppl actually did betrayed me. It was no guess, oh you going to betrayed me. I was sexual assault by so called friend, cheated on by ex, and gossip badly by a person I consider a long time friend. So thats not betrayal? If it is not, than that is gaslighting. I cannot project something that I experienced. If I cut them off. It is valid and from my individual experiences w those individuals. Every person who is on the borderline spectrum isn't gaslighting or projecting FROM THEIR INDIVIDUAL EXPERIENCES. I don't paint all ppl as the same but I still be cautious when getting know them. Thats normal
Most borderlines are also frequently abused. But that doesn't mean that they don't simultaneously split on others. They vacillate between dating narcs and codependents. If what you say is true and you are not a complete borderline, then there is absolutely no need for you to defend yourself. If you are a person with BPD, the mental illness will prevent you from truly recognizing whether you are abusive to others or not. There is nothing you have said so far that doesn't fit in the typical thinking pattern of someone with BPD. This channel is not for you. Go watch channels to help people with BPD. This channel is for people who are hurt by BPDs
10+ years with a diagnosed (not imagined) borderline. As tempting as all these "blackpill" BPD recovery videos sound and as easy it is to put all the blame on them to cope, it is of course not that simple: 1) As with every relationship, it is PROBABLY your fault at least partially. Just because someone has a disorder (let alone imagined and not properly diagnosed) doesnt mean that they are totally irrational and they ruined your great relationship alone. If it was so great, why do you spend time diagnosing them on the internet? In fact, theres a fair chance that you would have piss*d them off and triggered them even if they didnt have exactly a personality disorder. Perhaps you have anger management issues or narcissistic traits yourself, is it REALLY their fault your marriage didnt last and will they never be better off with someone else? It would be a good time to self-reflect rather than put entire and universal blame on someone who (probably) suffers from an emotional disorder. 2) Yes, theres a half-decent chance they will be slightly better off with someone else - either their disorder might wear off a little with age (it sometimes does), their priorities and symptoms will shift, they will look for a different kind or person this time and hit it off with a partner who is far more submissive and patient, doesnt have his boundaries set up or such sense of self-worth and will trigger them less and tolerate them far more. Yes, it will probably still be a pathological and unhealthy relationship in some ways. But is that really that rare or strange? 3) Will their next relationship last? Probably not. Which relationship does? Who are you to talk about a perfect relationship, did you really have any? Then why are you alone again and searching for universal explanations to cope?
@@HeeBeeGB I am not saying any such thing. What is normal? Many, many people lead reasonably fulfilling and practical lives with cluster B emotional disorders, have successful careers, friends, kids. But yeah, you can pretend you are a "survivor" and didnt do a thing wrong while some monster ruined EVERYTHING. Whos the childish underdeveloped personality here then? They at least have a disorder to explain it.
I think your response is ignorant. I have Bpd. I’ve been in treatment and medication compliant for 15 years. I have empathy for those that are untreated Bpd, the ppl they hurt and ppl that think it is being hidden as mental health. It is mental health. With two very significant differences. Ones that refuse to live life with the insidious effects they put on other people. (Personally I’d rather fight a bear than stop my meds and treatment). The second being ppl that know and understand their Bpd and refuse treatments. I think it’s important to differentiate the two. We are not the same.
Bf just kicked me out literally to live in my car for a random girl who lives states away he's never met. Then she stopped talking to him and I come back bc I don't want to live in my car. He put a tracker in my purse . If I need to leave for any reason he starts an argument and doesn't allow me to leave. I don't get it
Best way to deal with it, just move on and keep pushing! They never cared about you and they don't now!
Yes. I was married to a really intense borderline. The ONLY way I could heal is to completely let go and move on.
@Job.Well.Done_01..So sorry ..been there..
My ex was not dx bpd but is an active addict and narcissist so this resonates. I’m currently 12 hours into the final discard and doing ok considering we were in this loop for 13 years. It’s hell and unbelievable how they can go from “I love you, see you in a bit” to “eff you, get out of my life” and flaunting their addict cheating partner as a relationship. It happened within an hour last night. If you see the signs- get out as fast as possible. They are evil.
Im so sorry you're going through that. It was very painful for me. I can only imagine what you are feeling.. if you want to know what I did to completely get rid of the anger and pain, watch this... th-cam.com/video/vhFyRM0kT-I/w-d-xo.html My book is also helpful www.amazon.com/How-Survived-Borderline-Girlfriend-Narcissistic/dp/B0BRMBTNCW/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2BYXD1V5IH7IK&keywords=how+i+survived+my+borderline+girlfriend&qid=1705970276&sprefix=how+I+survived+my+borderl%2Caps%2C337&sr=8-1
So true I saw one female destroy five different men . Also saw more guys lose it all including children over these BPD females they ruin you And everyone who is involved with them
My last one has one huge road block that put me through hell. I’m taking the pain and turning into creativity and getting jacked.
I wanted out for so song, but didn’t know how. So she discarded me.
This happened to me and my ex. A few weeks after asking if she could move in with me, I saw her at a spot we used to frequent with someone I'd never seen before. It was if I'd never existed. She ended up moving away with him in a matter of months. In all honesty, her moving out of my town is probably the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I'll never have to see her again. Thanks for the video. It's spot on.
If you're watching this and hurt and beside yourself, it's a blessing. Move on. You don't see it now, but you will.
Going thru it right now! Got discarded, after 19 years…. Like nothing……. It is horrific! Don’t waste your life on others! Get out asap
th-cam.com/video/vhFyRM0kT-I/w-d-xo.html
How are you now?
Good video. You’re right. They always end up having problems even when they get what they say they want.
@victor, they have problems BECAUSE They got what they say they want...
Surviving BPD Relationship Break Up I agree. They think something outside of them will make them happy when it’s the inside they must fix to be happy. And they avoid any kind of inner work. I myself am grateful to have been discarded after 7 years for some guy she met on the internet. This made me do my inner work and begin finding my old self again. I’ve grown so much.
Victor T. Same here. I am grateful I got discarded for another guy/ prey. We are divorcing - negotiating with lawyers since one year now, with all her silly requests incl. money and regarding our daughter (yes that’s the most tricky part cause I am not letting the kid down). I knew she had someone else during our marriage but I said to myself maybe it is part of her disease and it would help her get better. This guy was living far away and that was OK because it made the idealization phase last longer and maybe ease the divorce negotiations. Now is coming to town to be with her, and I know what’s coming next, and it is crisis. For me I wouldn’t mind but I am concerned for our daughter... Now this channel and the comments help me get a better understanding of the situation, that’s really helpful.
Victor T. Victor T. This happened to me too. It was unbearable at first, but now after only 2 months (and LOTS of these videos!) I’ve reconnected with myself and I’m so glad he did it. The discard turned out to be a blessing, because I was so drained and emotionally battered at that point I just didn’t care about anything anymore like I used to, now I’m back to my old self and so productive doing the things I love and talking to the people who make me happy. When the hoovering phase came along, it wasn’t even difficult to stay no contact because I have my relationship with me again. You don’t realise how much of yourself you lose in these relationships until you come out the other side. :)
philippe jacquet good luck with everything. Yes it’s difficult. Fight for your child no matter what. If you get screwed, appeal. Don’t give up on your daughter because she didn’t play a role in this. Focusing on my child has made this all bearable because I love her so much and am fighting for custody myself, trying to be fair with her even though she moved on to someone that she met when we were together. It’s sad but gotta accept reality and be the best you.
They may be with somebody new, but that won’t last… that new guy will be in the same predicament you are.
100% accurate
hearing this from someone ese is sooooooo odd. its like I've told you the story already. I am a super independent never need help kind of guy. So basically the perfect source for someone with bpd I never asked anything from them and was always level headed and able to be there for them and to talk them down. After years of that the first time life got really hard for me and I couldn't be the stoic rock that only exists to validate them and I needed support she talked to some guy at work about me He of course agreed im the bad guy lol and she called for a break told me no other people so i didn't and she was dating that dude two days later and keeping an eye on me but completely ignoring me and basically went from her whole life depended on me being there for her 24/7 to not caring if i was even alive lol She said that it was because I made her feel so bad about herself. Came back to me months later i had no idea about the other guy then I found out not form her of course. But she trickle truthed and lied and made all the promises just to never keep any of them lol. If someone seems perfect and they like everything you like and it seems like youre the only person they ever want to see or talk to and nothing else matters even their kids sometimes. evaluate and run as fast as you can lol they dont love you you are just a supply that as soon as you are unable to supply they will find another one
10+ years with a diagnosed Borderline. All that sounds very familiar. Its a combination of a couple of separate symptoms though:
- they tend to make huge demands and be very needy all the time and get offended if you cannot support them. It echoes their childhood when they felt betrayed and abandoned by their parent. But when its their turn, they have very little empathy or humanitarian feelings and rarely help anyone systematically, because they are so busy with themselves in their head. Often times, the only person they care about consistently is their mother, who is of course the source of the BPD running in the family like a smelly, poisoned river.
- their self-regulation depends on you and your stability, they are your mirror. As long as you keep your pokerface, smile and play along, they will be great, but once you stumble or need something from them, they are packing in no time - they dont want to mirror a wreck who has no time for THEM.
- they are so scared of being alone they will typically find someone else before even leaving you and the idea of "staying alone to take a break" is totally off the table.
- they cannot really see a person in their entirety: you are not a complex combination of all the good and bad and your vast common experience - instead they have a very narrow tunnel vision and you are only as good as the current emotional moodswing. They might praise you, worship you and swear they are certain they want to grow old with you in the evening, and 12 hours later they tell you you are the single worst person they ever met, hate to be in the same room with you and are searching for a flatshare right in front of you.
- as with friends, self image or life interests, they switch fast, one day you are the whole centrepoint of their entire existence and two weeks later they will ghost you and carry on, never to even mention you again. Note that ALL their ex partners are universally described as bullies, tyrants, morons, they will never have any normal contact or memories of them, let alone friendship.
- if they do stick with you for years, typically they develop deep hatred towards you for "emotionally torturing them", which you of course witness in the form of all the anger and violent tantrums. Who stays in a relationship with a partner they deeply hate and have contempt for you might ask? Well, its people who are extremely afraid of abandonment,...
@@f4ust85 Accurate. 10 years for me also. One of the best days was when I shared a cute picture of an elderly couple sitting on a park bench, holding hands. And it had a message: "When people ask us how we made it this far, we tell them we come from a generation that didn't throw broken things away; we fix them." She squealed, "Baby that's us!" and it made me so happy. She kept bringing it up all that day. When she discarded me brutally, having monkey-branched beforehand, it happened with no raising of concerns whatsoever, no attempt whatsoever to fix. And I reminded her of that picture. She said she did not remember that. I showed her the picture again. She said wow I still don't remember that at all. I reminded her of all the times I had reassured her I would never leave her, when she had anxiety attacks about that, and how come she had forgotten the Golden Rule (do unto others as you would have them do unto you)? No answer. So yes, just as you said - they will swear they want to grow old with you and then forget completely, or pretend they do not remember.
@@passerby6168 Again, extremely familiar. This very chaotic nature, shocking double standards and horrible memory are a given, just like the tendency to make melodramatic, corny scenes and gestures that really mean NOTHING 10 minutes later. Many, many things in life are simply overpowering for them, they have almost no stamina to rationally resist or follow anything the dont WANT to, and the things they tend to want can be very bad new for everyone around them.
Its possible to get used to it and take everything with a big grain of salt: as if you were talking to a small child or a pet of sorts that has no integrity or ability to self-reflect and only imitates "grown ups" to form a version of themselves they would like; but then of course, are you willing to live like that for 20 years and teach your children what human character and relationships are with such person that needs constant oversight?
It can get better if the other person is self-aware enough to self-reflect, learn from the errors and set some rules simply mechanically, artificially - like a person who simply cannot even physically touch a glass ever again because cannot resist booze rationally and would crumble if it was just about decisions alone.
I am borderline. I’ve been med and therapy compliant for years. This video hit me hard. Ppl with bpd develop coping skills to not be the negative person that comes with the diagnosis. Understand bpd is imbedded in you’re personality. I strongly believe a borderline that is untreated is vastly different than one that is medicated and in therapy. One recognizes they need help. They seek it. I would fight a bear over my medications. But, at the end of the day, there will always be parts of me that are me. Good and bad. I can tell you bpd hurts. It is mental hell 24/7. You are ok one minute and literally the next the complete opposite. I’m so sorry you’ve been hurt. Even as a borderline, I cry for your pain. I can’t speak for everyone. I can say my bpd is insidious and I pray everyday for God to help me. 😢
So good that you are self-aware, I hope you can find the peace you need. And yeah, untreated borderline is a meat grinding machine, it is difficult to have any empathy for someone who causes the maximum possible pain in you, willingly and consciously. Same goes for narcissists, complete selfish assholes and pieces of shit. I really think it is not ok to excuse grown adults behavior behind the idea of mental illness.
Give your life to him! God loves you and he hears you. Submit to him and he will help you. I just prayed for you. There is hope for sure. I love you. Amen!
Paradoxically my BPD ex gf caused me so much pain that I ended up with PTSD, which helps me understand her inner world. It is my understanding that BPD comes from a childhood of trauma and living in a constant train wreck that adds more trauma to the trauma. I empathize with your pain, I can understand what a living hell it must be. If you are really aware and seeking help, I am sure you will find your peace.
@@bossboston816 I most definitely have.
Jamie, you might get lots of hate for being a BPD. Lots of people have been hurt and lash out.
FIrst, congrats on getting treatment. I didn't find out my ex fiancée had borderline till 3 weeks before the wedding when we broke up.
You are a person and you can't control it. People need to understand that. You deserve happiness and are worth something. Hung in there
What a legend you are my friend. I’m. Just out of a 4 year rollercoaster. This was the second such relationship I’ve been unfortunate enough to have been trapped in.
I was discarded, in pain, but I know what I must do. Thankfully I’m strong and have been through worse.
Thanks buddy ❤
Hey Mike, hope you're doing OK. I lost sight of you for a good while but now I see you changed the name of your channel. We went through the BPD shitstorm at exactly the same time so just to say that I have totally recovered 110%, stronger than I ever was before and I hope that you are out the other side too. Thanks for being strong enough to share your experience at the time and I wish you all the very best in both the present and the future Bye for now. David..
Spot on. Thanks for your very sensitive and informative content.
Mike! Thank You for that - I survived 1 year ago but I am still full of qestions .. day by day I am watching that same movie from my memories and asking self it really happen
My ex with BPD made a big point of how unsupportive and mean I was. She monkey-branched with a friend of mine who was fawning her since they got to know each other through me. Even now that I know that being in a relationship with her is not right for me because I have firm boundaries and emotional needs beyond being there to help her, I still often think about things like "Is he doing the right thing by doormatting himself for her? Was I just not nice enough?"
Yriel, you are still locked in a trauma bond with her. Just because the relationship is over doesn't mean your pain will go away. she is still abusing you. Especially since she is with your "friend" now. Your question proves your mind is still locked into an abusive loop. My suggestion is to do the one thing and heal. th-cam.com/video/vhFyRM0kT-I/w-d-xo.html I also suggest you Get my book and follow my suggestions if you want complete healing www.audiobooks.thunderwizard.com or www.bit.ly/borderlinegirlfriend
Just by curiosity, do you know if they’re still together? Cuz most probably if they still are he regrets every second of it
Was she asking or expecting support in multiple areas or ways and got upset if you didnt meet the expectations? I wouldnt worry too much how your friend is taking it. He took a risk in a situation that was more the least desirable circumstances. And when you guys do make up you'll probably end up exchanging stories and making each other laugh. I mean in best circumstance with your friend
I could see he was lying more; pulling attention & affection and his available time was diminished so I walked away and went no contact. Two Hoovers so far but I stayed firm. 💪
Brady X Vayding thank you
Please people I do not say this lightly, get help, it's not doable all by yourself. I was a mess, listen to this man. I learned that my father is NPD, it explains a lot, and puts a lense on the obvious abuse you endured.
It truly isnt.
You need one solid friend that will always let you pullup or hangout and cry with.
Its fukin brutal
@@TheHonestTruth Don't mean to preach but have to bear witness - if you have no-one then God will help. Along with the help available in videos like these. I had no friends to talk to about it.
dumped and he drives by my house after new replacement departs home which is 3 hours away I dont understand
You speak how it is and was!!!
Mine was exactly that
She was bringing him to our home first
Already planning to move in with him before that and did after weeks of hell leading up to it cos i wouldn't move out, so she had to come home
Pieces of work all of them
I understand. If you want to heal from the pain, watch this th-cam.com/video/0ESLFV4HhTY/w-d-xo.html
Just saw my BPD ex who dumped me a week ago with a new boyfriend on social media. Picture of them at a spot that was very special to us, or I thought it was. I seriously do not understand her mind. Time to block and move on.
No contact means no contact anywhere at all. Yes, block everything... Are you getting help?
A week after going no contact after a 3 year passionate and loving relationship, he’s in a new relationship and listens to all of our very special love songs all day long.
I truly cannot comprehend it and it has completely undone me. My whole reality has been shattered.
Am in the same place. Don't know what is real anymore
@@Anu-po5ml Trust me, TRUST ME when I say that if you make the right choices, go no contact, you will eventually stop obsessing over the details of the relationship, what was real and what wasn't, etc. You WILL move on, and you WILL be ok!
@@CuriousDucky2
Do you have Instagram, or Facebook or anything like that? Ive got some questions pls.
This entire year seems like the BPD season lol
After the pandemic?
It's very hard imagine your ex going to rehab for six months after 6 months contacting you and telling you that she will never come back cause she don't love you and that she meet soul mate there and after month telling you that she's pregnant, very painful.
Wow this guy is explaining it exactly how it happened
This is hard to say but i recently felt this pain. Your story when you asked if this aligned with your story did in enough ways for me to comment. Its raw real and not for public consumption but spoke to me enough to address within myself. I missed signs that now i regret missing. Co dependent knowing the battle ahead i jumped in. Your description matched what i blocked out and being honest with ones self is what my goal is. Not a character or sim but me. This really affected me but this last video and my journey through this process answered questions most never hear. Thanks.
Marco, thanks for commenting but please do me a favor and read your comment and ask yourself if it makes sense. I have no idea what you are trying to say here... UPDATE: (After reading a few times and adding punctuation I can decipher most of it.) Marco. it's important to add punctuation otherwise its just rambling. "I feel you.(period) I (capitalised) went through exactly what you went through, (add comma followed by quotes) 😥 "for her not me. (period) I (capitalised) know myself but 😥 for her." (I don't understand the last phrase) So here's what it would look like with punctuation. ""I feel you. I went through exactly what you went through, 😥 "for her not me. I know myself but 😥 for her." The last part still doesn't make sense...
@@ReversingNarcAbuse sorry in the struggle now but healing
Marco, you're doing fine. I was just being a pain in the ass. Pay no attention to me... Thanks for watching...
I have bpd and I can PROMISE u we don’t want to discard u. It’s like we believe an imagination and even if it’s not true, which 10/10 times it’s not true, it won’t be the same. When we do that don’t let us back in until we can prove we got better (I’m still tryna see if I can get better) because it’s gonna keep happening. The “whatever” we feel about u is broken and can’t be fixed but can be changed if that makes sense
Thankyou for your message
Rubbish
9 out of 10 cases it all starts with daddy issues.
Know the roots my guys.
Been there
Needed to hear this. My bpd ex blocked me on everything when I ended it after 4.5 years of hell which would be fine , expect I have his son ! Who he also discarded. In a short amount of time he found some dumb woman with kids, one same age as our son, to move him in ! The son he doesn’t see obviously not big enough a red flag for her but they find them! Made mistake of looking at her insta and you can see it is all about him since she got with him, the places he likes, the food , right down to wearing a T-shirt of his favourite singer no lie. It’s like looking at him but in a woman. Initially I though how unfair where is his karma, he goes straight to find a person who likes ALL the same things as him with her romantic captions while I’m damaged and comforting his heartbroken child then the penny dropped !!! She’s another personality disorder!!! She’s mirroring him and she’s infatuated. Since being with him EVERYTHING is what he likes and does , where is “ SHE“. the quotes on love and romantic stuff , it’s literally him. Either he’s luckiest man to find his total soul mate whose into EVERYTHING the same and he’s landed on his feet , or he’s just rushed into a relationship with another borderline or narc!!! All his karma for lying and cheating and giving nice people false bad names may all of finally come at once !!! 🙏
I’m sorry that you went through that.
Bro I swear our stories are so much a like you would think we were the same person having multiple experiences lol
Me too!
So true, mind blowing !
I always say,.we were dating the same.person.
SO F.. TRUE!
And he is still contacting me despite the restraining order!! It was all a lie. I just want him to leave me alone, but due to Covid, no arrest, just more warnings he will ignore. Im pushing for a 5 year order. Good luck to everyone going through this😪
Honestly, looking back it's actually fascinating to me how my ex was the way she was. I don't mean that in a good way but just the disorder playing into her like that. I'm fascinated with how much she showed love and words but then the horror. I am curious on your perspective though. They say it's all fake and etc. So, it was just an act? Her feelings weren't what she showed? Nothing of love or goodness that is real was real? I'm completely over it but it's strikingly interesting.
Jesse, I answer that question in numerous videos. Search the channel and you will find that question in video titles.
@@ReversingNarcAbuse You don't get what I mean. I was asking if entirely everything is fake? That doesn't even sound human.
@@jessebradford7130 i'm in this boat, but i'm not over it, been blocked for 43 days now by a girl, she was saying i was the man of her life etc she literraly was breathing for me, calling me from day to night... and got discarded 2 times and blocked in these 7 months, i did everything to get unblock and she did the same day, and went back to the relationship, the last one was final and i didn't try to get unblocked this time, now yeah it's been 43 days, i can't eat, lost tons of weight, can't sleep, my life is a nightmare, i'm seing a therapist but doesn't help at all...
How are you now? Feeling better?
It’s rough but time heals. Check out HammerHand the mgtow monk.
@@jeanbombeur697you fell in love with an illusion! It’s painful to realize. You must move on or you will ruminate forever
Im fairly sure my exBPD has recycled back to the guy before me. He was always orbiting, trying to reverse hoover her while she was with me.
She was originally with him for less than a month, though, and I dont think he has a clue she is BPD. I feel sorry for the guy as he has no idea what he is in for.
th-cam.com/video/vhFyRM0kT-I/w-d-xo.html
Exactly the same happened to me. My BDP ex-girlfriend recycled back to the guy she left to be with me. I was crushed for a long time.
Thanks for this video. Really appreciate it
Waste of Time with those type of people !
While my situation was not nearly so horrific, I ended up with obsession and after awhile was replaced by simeone she seems happier with.
Been in therapy. Been meditating for years. The theme/title of this video applies to me and I needed it. Nearly 100% over it now, but this video resonates with me in the final stage.
Good choice of topic.
No contact is imperative.
Eh I don’t care anymkre honestly. Your page has helped tremendously
Thank you. Your videos are helping me so much.
It all boils down to… don’t be captain saveahoe. My ex split me a few days ago and I gave her the “I can’t be with someone that’s unsure about me “ and went no contact. She then blocked me yesterday on facebook after watching my stories so either she feels shame or doesn’t want me to see the new guy. She asked for space but done this before and I’m over it. I am just trying to learn more so I have better radar next time one of these sychos comes around. Hopefully she doesn’t stalk and call the cops like I’ve been hearing as I’ve never once threatened or harassed her. Her eyes would go almost black when she would devalue/split me. Almost like a shark feeding. She has started dbt and been in therapy for a few years but I think her therapist doesn’t even know she has it. These people are out there and I hope they find a good treatment as I do see the torment they go thru in their own heads. I just can’t do it and being a single dad (wife passed 2 years ago) I can’t have that around my kids.
I understand. Its great you want to know more so you can have better radar. But, knowing more isn't enough. If you want to heal from the pain, watch this th-cam.com/video/0ESLFV4HhTY/w-d-xo.html
Wow... thank you so much
Proverbs 7 v 23 as a bird hasteth to the snare
10:37 True
If you want to heal the pain, watch this th-cam.com/video/0ESLFV4HhTY/w-d-xo.html
Thanks so much for this informative video! My girlfriend blocked and unblocked me many times in the last year! Now, I’m blocked again for the last 4 days! Is it possible that she would come back to me again!?
Yes its possible. But why would you want that? You are deeply bound by codependent addiction. If you want to heal from the pain, do this th-cam.com/video/vhFyRM0kT-I/w-d-xo.html
I just wanna make sure I’m not scapegoating her mental Illness and avoiding internal accountability. It looks like a discard, feels like a discard. She’s with someone just days after our breakup. But it’s easy to point at someone that hurts my feelings and say oh they’re a narcissist or a bpd they’re the bad guy. Am I burying my head in the sand?
I'm going to venture a guess here, maybe I'm wrong. But I'm guessing you are not working the 12 steps. Correct? Let's examine what you've said... You didn't go through a conscious mutual breakup, in your own words, you were "discarded" and then replaced days later. And you're worried that you are being too judgmental in regards to her obvious abusive behavior... This is called chronic, untreated codependence. You're not burying your head in the sand if you acknowledge the extremely abusive behavior. You are burying your head in the sand when you seek to justify someone's obviously dysfunctional behavior... If you want to heal, watch this th-cam.com/video/vhFyRM0kT-I/w-d-xo.html
thank you
Most likely you ignored the red flags and you are a codependent… A people pleaser
Thank you 🙏 this just happened to me
Will they come back? Because I'm scared she will tbh...
Watch videos on the “hoovering phase” so you’re prepared for it if she does. They discard you but they still want you around in the background because you are still a big source of validation supply. I started watching these videos when I got discarded by my BPD/NPD partner and if I hadn’t looked into Hoovering then it’s likely I would’ve been sucked straight back in to the cycle because I would’ve believed it was because he missed me, and at that point I was still mourning the relationship so its likely I would’ve gone back.
King... It is very possible she will come back. She will wait until you start to get a sense of your self again and then she will return and try to talk you into coming back. Best thing to do is go full no contact. Block her phone, email, facebook, and if you can move.... If she is borderline, there is nothing she has for you but pain...
@@ReversingNarcAbuse she discarded me a few days ago and she blocked me on snapchat...
@@SininenKT dude thank you i will...she blocked me on snap and we were merely friends but i was her fp and im worried she'll return...
@@kingmuizz708 what is fp?
Went to therapy will also go next w week have 1 q .how are you SOMETIMES not Wondering of the is safe ( or in my case i God her help a doctor via the univ , will she hate me or will it give her strenght that someone gave a .....) you speak caring to about your ex . I stopped in a way by stepping back my not being a lover . Her childlike her i saw so could not see The older her .
You are talking about my life.
22 yrs.
Left family for her..
Its been horrific.
I understand. If you want to heal, do the one thing th-cam.com/video/vhFyRM0kT-I/w-d-xo.html
Well, I am 23, 1 week after she is fcking my “friend” life is amazing. At least I realise how sickening she is even if I can’t stop my self as of today to look on how she is doing ( been 2-3 weeks ) doing better. I kinda want my “friend” to go through all the phase and get abuse Bcs well he was obv a bad friend but yeah we shall see gonna try to not kill my self by then
Hi Secret. I suggest doing the Four Things that I talk about in the most recent videos. That way you can heal from the abuse...
how is your ''friend'' doing now? Probably not soo good ha? xD
@@tibiapai4688 Funny thing he try to msg me but meh idc i moved on lol thanksfully >_< and since idc abt him i did not feel helping him i just said hi and ignored
@@secret1431 why should you ? let him suffer for being such a ''loyal'' and big hearted guy ^w^
how long were you in the program? Do you still have a sponsor?
Why do you ask? How does that information help YOU to follow my suggestions?
This sounds like Narcissist instead of Borderline
That's because according to modern psychology, BPD is a subset of NPD
@@ReversingNarcAbuse I am 4 out 9 Borderline spectrum. I only discard a person if I felt betrayed or unloyal
So, how do you know that when you feel you are betrayed that you are correct? That is the whole point. When a person has BPD, they do not have accurate perceptions of other people's motives. They project onto the other person that they are trying to betray them. The fact that you think they are trying to hurt when they are not is exactly what makes BPD a mental illness and so incredibly hurtful. You are making my point for me.
@@ReversingNarcAbuse I said I only discard if a person ACTUALLY BETRAY ME OR ABANDONED ME. IT IS NOT GOING TO BE "THEY GONNA" BETRAY OR ABANDON ME. I still have many friends but those ppl actually did betrayed me. It was no guess, oh you going to betrayed me. I was sexual assault by so called friend, cheated on by ex, and gossip badly by a person I consider a long time friend. So thats not betrayal? If it is not, than that is gaslighting. I cannot project something that I experienced. If I cut them off. It is valid and from my individual experiences w those individuals. Every person who is on the borderline spectrum isn't gaslighting or projecting FROM THEIR INDIVIDUAL EXPERIENCES. I don't paint all ppl as the same but I still be cautious when getting know them. Thats normal
Most borderlines are also frequently abused. But that doesn't mean that they don't simultaneously split on others. They vacillate between dating narcs and codependents. If what you say is true and you are not a complete borderline, then there is absolutely no need for you to defend yourself. If you are a person with BPD, the mental illness will prevent you from truly recognizing whether you are abusive to others or not. There is nothing you have said so far that doesn't fit in the typical thinking pattern of someone with BPD. This channel is not for you. Go watch channels to help people with BPD. This channel is for people who are hurt by BPDs
10+ years with a diagnosed (not imagined) borderline. As tempting as all these "blackpill" BPD recovery videos sound and as easy it is to put all the blame on them to cope, it is of course not that simple:
1) As with every relationship, it is PROBABLY your fault at least partially. Just because someone has a disorder (let alone imagined and not properly diagnosed) doesnt mean that they are totally irrational and they ruined your great relationship alone. If it was so great, why do you spend time diagnosing them on the internet? In fact, theres a fair chance that you would have piss*d them off and triggered them even if they didnt have exactly a personality disorder. Perhaps you have anger management issues or narcissistic traits yourself, is it REALLY their fault your marriage didnt last and will they never be better off with someone else? It would be a good time to self-reflect rather than put entire and universal blame on someone who (probably) suffers from an emotional disorder.
2) Yes, theres a half-decent chance they will be slightly better off with someone else - either their disorder might wear off a little with age (it sometimes does), their priorities and symptoms will shift, they will look for a different kind or person this time and hit it off with a partner who is far more submissive and patient, doesnt have his boundaries set up or such sense of self-worth and will trigger them less and tolerate them far more. Yes, it will probably still be a pathological and unhealthy relationship in some ways. But is that really that rare or strange?
3) Will their next relationship last? Probably not. Which relationship does? Who are you to talk about a perfect relationship, did you really have any? Then why are you alone again and searching for universal explanations to cope?
The BPD is not normal, and they're extreme, and we realize that. Otherwise there would be nothing to talk about. But ignore it if you choose.
@@HeeBeeGB I am not saying any such thing. What is normal? Many, many people lead reasonably fulfilling and practical lives with cluster B emotional disorders, have successful careers, friends, kids. But yeah, you can pretend you are a "survivor" and didnt do a thing wrong while some monster ruined EVERYTHING. Whos the childish underdeveloped personality here then? They at least have a disorder to explain it.
@@HeeBeeGBhe will change his mind later
I think your response is ignorant. I have Bpd. I’ve been in treatment and medication compliant for 15 years. I have empathy for those that are untreated Bpd, the ppl they hurt and ppl that think it is being hidden as mental health. It is mental health. With two very significant differences. Ones that refuse to live life with the insidious effects they put on other people. (Personally I’d rather fight a bear than stop my meds and treatment). The second being ppl that know and understand their Bpd and refuse treatments. I think it’s important to differentiate the two. We are not the same.
Bf just kicked me out literally to live in my car for a random girl who lives states away he's never met. Then she stopped talking to him and I come back bc I don't want to live in my car. He put a tracker in my purse . If I need to leave for any reason he starts an argument and doesn't allow me to leave. I don't get it
Hoping you made it out of that situation
Hopefully no you’re still alive?