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Brandon's Cult Movie Reviews: BLOOD DINER
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 9 ต.ค. 2017
- First they greet you, then they eat you! It's the gonzo 1987 horror-comedy "Blood Diner"!
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Back in the 80s, a friend borrowed this movie from the VHS store. The tagline intrigued him, 'first they greet you, then they eat you'. I think he was expecting something sexual. Well, he and his brother were utterly grossed out, and deeply regretted that decision.
👌🤣🤣🤣
man I wish I had more friends that appreciate films like this 😢
Same here
High friends
Do you have a favorite horror movie?
"It is a sad fact that that mass homicides and Blood Cults infest our society"
...Where the hell do these film makers live, Baldur's Gate?
Andy English epsteins island.....
Beneath government buildings. Spirit Cooking like pros.
Just another day in the diversity capital of the world, the United States.
@@dansmith1661beneath the Denver Airport
The US lmao
Saw this one at a local theater with the director in attendance a few months back. Such a blast. It was cool to be able to tell her in person that the gag where the detective makes a tasteless joke at the murder scene and gets belted is one of my favorite ever.
Will Mistretta lucky
The fact a woman directed this is fucking epic
You deserve more views than you get. You've become one of my favorite reviewers on TH-cam keep doing what you do man.
"Mr. Creosote"... I love that niche humor, good sir. :)
9:28 Where is our "DECAPITATION" soundbite?
That mannequin's voice sounded like Mr. Hankey. He even says, "Stan."
@2:20 "they were forged by mastidons" lol, hit the funny bone on that one!
It's Mastodon. You hit the fail bone on that one.
Well thank, oh grand master of spelling and capitalization, holder of the sacred chalice of telling people they'd failed, because they thought something Brandon intended to be funny, was funny.
Andre, you, what an ass. Go back to your dour correction hole, and learn to have some fun with life, and let others too, without your sour input. Jerk.
Andre Jaeckle, treats people on TH-cam like they're taking some test he came up with.
Fail "this", and get a life.
Right on! Now *that* comment hit the funny bone. Butthurt people are the best!
Sadist troll, gleaming in the pale gloom-light.
Oh, by the way Brandon, thank you for the laugh - in case that point got missed, being Andre is so intent on making himself a flinty point in someone's appreciation.
Also, Andre, there's a difference between being butt hurt, and simply reacting to an ass, who apparently feels the need to take a crap in others people's pants, along with his own, just to be a... Orville slang.... dick.
Oh man... I am sorry dude, but you are reading waaayyy too much into my comments. My intention was to correct your spelling, yes. The second part was meant as a humerous play on your original comment, not some way to humiliate you in the slightest. To be honest, I was very surprised by your reaction as I didn't even think there was a need to react at all. You openly invited me to take the piss out of you with that kind of answer, so I did. That's it, nothing more, nothing less. Would it have helped if I used a ";)" at the end of my first comment to indicate that I wasn't serious at all or would that just have extended the length of your very hostile, toxic, sad and ultimately pointless rant?
Let me share an advice a very wise man once gave me: "Learn to have some fun with life" and maybe dial it down with calling people jerks, asses, sadist trolls and so on and so forth because that makes you... Orville slang... an even bigger dick. Some might even say it makes you a straight up asshole.
Just some food for thoughts. Seems like you need it more than I ever will.
Literally every single cast member looks like an 80's stand up comedian; ALL of the kinds! "Don't get me started, don't EVEN get me started..."
The people at the door to the club had literally no reaction to seeing a man get his head crushed by a car.LoL
They're were probably too distracted going "Huh..." at the fact the car honked "La Cucaracha".
Really appreciated the Evil con Carne reference.
Lol I got this movie on a horror film DVD collection and me and my friends thought it was going to be lame. Man were we wrong, we laughed and where entertained throughout the whole film! XD
Fun fact: in horror comedies, brain with eyes can somehow speak without having a mouth... XD
Don't knock it. It's a horror-comedy classic! XD
Intro read by Principal Skinner
Love how active you are now, you upload nearly every week
*Adds "Blood Diner" to list of "Must-See Movies". xD
The lady cop is an amazingly written and acted character. :D
It's super noteworthy that the movie actually explains that one of the brothers has been using hypnotic powers to evade suspicion. Yes, IRL people who don't have magic powers... would have gotten caught much sooner... but... these guys... have magic. It's the whole reason for the early scene about the amulets. It's limited in scope, but... something that helps them out.
This was 1 of the funniest movies I've ever seen. I almost got kicked out of the theater I was laughing so hard, especially @ the deep fried mushroom head, classic !!!!!!!!!
I think 7:41 just became one of my new favorite deaths in any movie ever.
8:32 When you’re high asf in public and someone asks you a question
5:39 you missed the one on the right with the camera.
Thank you.
Elbow
This one of my favorite movies when I was 10 I still love this movie
This is by far one of my fave schlock/gore movies!!
The very first time I watched this movie was about four years ago, while it was still on youtube. I watched it it in our dorm's common room; so, friends and total strangers coming in and out and all of them looked very confused. Though, not as traumatized as when I played Cannibal Holocaust in the same public space.
When I was a teenager me and my friends used to go to this old theater in Sacramento (it used to be called crest theater) that held this event called “Trash Film Orgy” ,they played shitty old slasher and horror movies from the 80’s, and everyone would be yelling jokes and smoking weed in the theater. Back then that was amazing because weed was still illegal. They would have intermissions and do skits and shit. One time they had a bloody T-shirt contest. Going there was my favorite thing to do when I was younger. Unfortunately they stopped doing it. But the first time I went I was about 15 and they played this weird ass slasher movie and I’ve been trying to figure out what movie it was for more than a decade. I can barely remember what happened in the movie now but I feel like one day I’ll see a review for it, hopefully your channel will be the one that I find it on.
Can you describe the slasher you want to identify? When did it seem to be produced? What was the plot? Any memorable scenes?
I WANT to be un that theatre!!! DAMMIT
THANK YOU BRANDON I LOVE THIS MOVIE AND I DON'T FEEL IT GETS ENOUGH ATTENTION YOU ARE THE MAN !
What! No decapitation sound effects. Come on man flying hushpuppies deserve more than that.
PLZ PLZ PLZ Do the movie "Dead Alive"... you have to see the unrated version. Classic
Dead Alive is a classic for sure
I don’t know why he hadn’t done it yet
I am pretty sure he will do it if go to his patreon bc most the movies he’s done was by from patreon request
SPACEBALLS: EVERYBODY GOT THAT...?!
I tried *Braindead 13* once, Brandon. Didn't get far enough before Fritz turned Lance into a Geek Smoothie.
I just stumbled upon an episode I hadn't seen before. It's rare that Brandon gives a positive review!!
Glad to see your subs are on the rise Brandon. Almost 30k!
I got a Jimmy Dean sausage ad just before a video about a cannibal movie. :)
Ha ha, Funny review. I wrote this flick. It did nothing when it first came out.In fact it was intentionally buried by the distributors and producers. Glad to see it has legs. The blu ray looks great. THe director is a real piece of work.
Glad you liked it! Sorry to hear about the movie getting screwed by the distributors, I dunno why so many provinces in my home country felt like it needed to be banned. Maybe the vegetable mutilation was too much for em'!
Hey did you ever eat at the diner at 15:06 if so did you get the carne asada fries ? Btw that place still stand and it hasn't changed a bit lol
@@TheBrandonTenold I know this is random but I need your help in finding a movie, and I hope you can answer back when possible. I watched an obscure underground fighting movie when I was a kid, and I've searched every outlet I can think of and have not proved successful in finding what the damn title was. It's just one of those things you watch a long time ago, and when you find it again you watch It to bring back childhood memories. It's not all that great altogether cause It heavily ripped off the running man and cyborg. But it has boobs in it, so I don't see why it's hard to find. It starts with a guy who gets captured in a bleak future where fighting to the death and gambling on the winner is the only real entertainment. He fights the champion in a pit, and I think the champ is a robot cause he has one of those things over his eye that reminds me of Dragon ball. He has ridiculously spiky shoulder pads And he moves very robotic like, and yet he beats the shit out of the little dude and wins pretty easily. Turns out the guy was a cop, and his senior partner sets out to find him. Obviously he gets captured too, and he's trapped in this place with some other random people, and none of them look like they know how to fight except for the asshole blond guy who's playing the typical role everyone loves to hate. The cop is a scrawny mid forties looking guy, and he looks like someone I've seen in something else. He's just got one of those faces. Some of them escape at some point, and the blonde dude ends up straying from the pack and goes in a weird room where he meets one of the girls that pay to watch, so u know she's a dirty hoe judging from her outfit. They talk and She says some line like "I think I've finally found the man I've been looking for" They start doing it, she pops out her ridiculously fake boobies and then whips out a knife tries to kill him and he runs away. They all get pulled out of their holding area or thru random trap doors and fight in the pit, and they all end up dying one by one. The blonde guy does pretty good against the knockoff muscled up robot guy, but he still loses and dies. Then the young defenseless girl is the only one left and gets dropped in the pit, and somehow the kinda scrawny cop guy gets in there thru another way and protects her. They fight and he somehow ends up getting the huge robot guy down and breaks his neck. They get out, find a gun and make sure the bad guys watching them on camera don't try to stop them, and I think he probably killed a few. They get out of this place and I assume they live happily ever after. If u need more details on the movie, I'll try my best to remember some more. I can watch most of it in my head, but I can't remember the stupid title. I'm pretty sure it was made in the early 90s, but they kinda tried to make it look older. The camera work and resolution reminds me of teenage mutant ninja turtles, as well as some of the dialogue. If anyone else sees this request and knows about it, it's certainly right up your alley as a movie to review for other cheap entertainment fans
@Dukey Flyswatter I know it's been two years since this comment, but if you're reading this, Blood Diner is my favourite movie of all time and thank you for being a part of it.
@@TheBrandonTenold 9:43 is that real vomit?
This movie reminds me of the RiffTrax feature “Frankenstein Island,” in that it also seems like the scripts for multiple different films were accidentally mixed together at random and then filmed by someone who was both intoxicated and concussed.
You nailed it this time, couldn't stop laughing
For a moment I thought this movie is a city slicker version of Motel Hell based on the title 😓
Please review the following when possible : Jigoku and Sweet Home. Especially Sweet Home, since it had a video game adaptation that led to the creation of Resident Evil. And also Phenomena and The Burning, which led to the creation of the video game Clock Tower.
Jackie Kong also directed the hilarious Night Patrol.
Yes I do remember Braindead 13, but I only played it on the PS.
This makes Queen Kong look like Duck Soup.
Did this movie influence an episode of the 2nd season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Wow, Evil Con Carne.... I remember that show.
Sad that it was eventually dropped in favor of "The Grim Adventures" (even though I loved that show too).
This was quite a trip. I usually don’t like these types of films that are too silly, but this one is great. I would call it a must see.
Amulets forged by Mastadons? Honestly that just cool
Escape from new york was filmed in st. Louis. Still looks that way too.
9:43 did brandon literally make himself throw up for a joke?!
So...Mark was dubbed by Mista Puhtato Head from War Games? Nice to see Tootie was able to get work after The Facts of Life playing Sheba!
Where's the "DECAPITATION!!!" sound byte??
Malcolm Morton There was an obvious Kool-Aid Man reference to be made when Uncle Anwar burst in, too!
Andrew Gwilliam No, you don't understand. Historically, Brandon has ALWAYS used the "decapitation!" sound clip from Brutal Legend whenever there's a film clip in one of his videos where someone gets their head lopped off.
The fact that he somehow forgot to do that on this episode is disconcerting to me in the extreme...
This movie look awesome
8:30 thru 8:37, 8:40 thru 8:46, and 13:18 thru 13:28: That is clearly the Michael Jackson parody voice of the late 1990s/early 2000s done about a decade earlier. Also, speaking of the Jacksons, is it a coincidence that the hot, Black lady cop looks like Janet in her prime?
10:29 Never played it, but I remember reading about it in one of the various gaming magazines of the '90s-go-nuts.
Uh oh... I did Nazi this coming 😂
That joke could also work, if someone did a review of Death Ship.
Just don't watch any Troma movie.
Lol at 15:06 the fast food joint is called lucy's dine in 1373 South La Brea Ave, Los Angeles, CA
That's the address the only scary part is that it looks exactly the same even the writing on Windows haven't changed.
I'll see if I can go take a picture of the joint and upload to imgur the next edit of this comment will have link .
This movie is sheer awesomeness 👍 👌 love this movie! The characters are the best!
loving what you do here. great stuff
Those two brothers somehow remind me of Anthony and Ian from Smosh.
6:36 could have sworn that was Michael Jackson's sister Janet
It's a great time to utter the line "One hand on my cleaver one hand on my groin"
Wait how is the brain still fine after so many years? That'd be one of the first things to decompose.
Not to be rude, but I'm fascinated that you watched this review and that was your first question.
@@michaelccozens I mean I've watched some pretty crazy shit I just found it weird that they had to put his brain in a jar when his body would've been in better condition then his brain lol.
@@SirDankleberry Totally fair! Sorry, the previous comment was meant more as a joke. There's just so many points where the movie joyously flips the finger to believability that picking out any one of them can seem a little ridiculous, but that doesn't make your point any less valid.
@@michaelccozens All good mate.
Black magic
Is that cop... Sounds like Leisure Suit Larry... Must be the same actor
3:58 @Brandon Tenold is there a subplot about him being the King of Hell?
I watched this recently. 80's were great with so many horrors appearing on VHS. This movie has some funny moments. George and Michael "Don't be hanging around in any gay bars". If you understand the undertone of 80's vibe, when watching this and homage to predecessor movies, you can just about get it.
Been really enjoying your videos. Keep up the good work!
I just got the merch that you were selling and you just uploaded, good timing
That titlecard... Looking very DIO-ish.
KONO BURRANDONNO DA!
ComiXProvider FTW_02 DIOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Now I want to know what Brandon's stand would be...
Omae wa mou Shendeiru
Like Ronnie James Dio? Holy Diver and such.
9:54 isnt she from the last dinosaur
From Beyond is a legitimate cult classic. Blood Diner is actually worth watching. Horror Comedy is difficult to pull off well. Good review.
pretty sure I heard an og star trek communicator sound when he was walking up lol
So horrific, it's hilarious!!! I remember paying serious late fees on this thing while I showed it to all my friends. I mean...the corndog head scene....okay? Or...."Suspect is described as having a meat cleaver in one hand, and his genitals in the other". This is the best blend of comedy and horror.
Canada banning anything is stupid as long as the novel "Bear" retains the Governor General's Literary Award. For those not in the know, that is the highest honor a book can receive from Canada, and this one's about a librarian fuckin' a bear.
Are you gonna review the dark crystal
0:04 looks like rick flare if he got resected by undertaker and it go's HORRIBLY wrong lol
The dead guy in the red shirt at about 18:00 moved his hand. LOL
Saw this at, like, 4AM on Sci-Fi in the 90s.
Sooooo...want to review the Deathstalker films?
12:18 was the very first time I ever saw a woman naked. Thank god for late night British televison!
Now do Blood Feast.
6:21 hey... wasn't she in Gymkata??
Mattteus She looks very similar to Tetchie Agbayani but a different actress.
not gonna lie i love the fresh water choice in fish... is that a killifish at the end? lolz
10:35 - Mostly for Vivi the vampire, really. She was HOT :)
I just watched this movie last night. Vestron vhs release!
FYI - the guy who plays Michael in this died not too long afterwards at only 28 in a car crash
1:45 oh hey a Grounzel toy!
@4:20 (heh) So they're taking him to Unicron?
I'm glad this was reviewed. I remember watching this back when I was probably between 3-5. Excited when the blue ray was released
3-5. Your parents may have been a little too cool.
@@michaelccozens ha, maybe a little bit
Omg the braindead 13 reference lol
If I saw a place called Blood Diner I’d keep driving until I found a McDonalds.
2:25 best line ever
This definitely looks like my kind of stupid! Awesome review!
The movie is awesome, the review was equally so. I have to disagree with one little thing. The Best Movie Troma Never Made, Is Hobo With A Shotgun.
Thanks, but I'm gonna have to disagree with your disagreement. I like Hobo With A Shotgun, but to me this movie is so much more "Troma-y". Like I say in the video, I was surprised to learn they had nothing to do with it.
I felt and did the same thing after I saw Hobo With A Shotgun. From the way it was shot, the over saturated colors, the villains, the creative and fun use of gore, the fight sequences, Jason Eisener's direction, to Rutger Hauer's performance. It all screamed Troma to me. My favorite scene is the lawnmower scene and what Abby does after.
You and me are going on a car ride to hell, you're riding shotgun. Greatest Last Words Ever.
10:28 You have earned 1000 points for remembering that game!
I played braindead 13. heck. I have the original in a box :D
Who hasn't played Braindead 13? Pff,t like Dr. Nero Neurosis isn't a name everyone knows and loves. And we all quote Fritz and laugh around the water cooler at work.
I remember Braindead 13. I liked the hot vampire woman in it.
It was one of those Dragon's Lair style FMV games if I remember.
I've benn searching for this movie for so long, I only remember some parts and I finally found it. I watched this movie when I was like 10 btw
Now that you covered Blood Diner, wouldn't Blood Feast be far behind?
“Nothing creepy about that, thanks Michael.” is a sentence I’ve literally never heard prior to watching this video.
4:00 yeah that was saved for his TV drama
This movie was written by a guy named Dukey Flyswatter... No bullshit.. He's the lead singer of the band, Haunted Garage. Dude is a creative juggernaut.
kinda wanna watch this for the sound track alone