Oh geeeez... the part where she said “ they’ll hold YOU to the letter of the agreement, law.... but themselves is a whole different story 🙄 “ nailed it!!!! 😱 co parenting does NOT fkn exist with mine 😠 it’s literally so fkd up and convenient how the same rules don’t quite apply to him as they do to me. Despite a court standard custody order 🙄
"Rules for thee, not for me" Going through this too. This guy waits maybe 5 minutes for me to get our child's things together and say his goodbyes, pounds on the door and screams contempt. On the flip side, he will refuse to exchange our child. I came to pick them up on MY day and he threatens to call police after I knocked, no words even spoken on my end 😂 it has happened twice now but luckily the local police assist with these situations. It's ridiculous.
When you don't understand why the narcissist's behaves they way you do and nobody around you understands the madness, It makes you feels so lonely and so traumatised , More so when you have children that get so affected by the drama that this disorder causes. Thank you so much for your collaboration. It has been so enlightening for me,. Finally I"m breaking the cycle that started with having a Narcissistic mother." At times I thought I was losing it. The pennies are finally dropping. Life changing.
Acknowledging that NONE of this is fair is just what I needed to hear. Co-parenting when the narc has primary custody is a nightmare. This was validating what I suspected, in that just doing better and loving better is the only thing I can do for my kids. Thanks!
I completely understand and feel your pain miss Juli, I co parent with a abusive flaming narcissist who was awarded primary as well. He had a lawyer and I did not. I still feel like my child was legally kidnapped by my abuser. My poor son isn't giving the love he deserves. Anyway just wanted you to know your not alone. If you ever need to talk please email me jpadgett1216@gmail.com
@@Jennifer-vp8mv one of the hardest things to deal with is the social stigma that a mother that doesn't have primary custody of her kids had them taken away because she is a bad mother. The side glances I get are so painful. It helped me learn not to think you can know someone else's story unless you've lived it. Hang in there. All we can do is love our kids the best we can.
OMG @ 15:18 the JUDGE called me petty when I attempted to get the orders corrected after the opposing counsel CHANGED the judges orders when it was typed up!!!! I've got the.worst.human.in.the.world against me in court, as he turned the judge into a flying monkey, as well as the low cost attorneys I've hired. Repressing myself for 4 years with a previous judge, was best, so I can speak my truth and not miss a deadline.
I'd like to hear a lot more about how to ameliorate the effects of a narcissistically oriented parent on children. Also, how to convey the narcissistic pattern to professionals that compose your support, such as social workers, therapists, and attorneys.
I wish Dr. Ramani was an attorney lol. She is so very compassionate and understanding. We need more people like Dr. Ramani in the legal field. Courts are filled with Narcissistic people and most of them, lawyers and Judges don't care about the children. If you go to court against narcissist, it will feel like Hell on Earth. You will go broke. I say, maybe "playing the narcissist before court. These strategies will only work if you have an ethical Judge.
Thank you for this. It's good to hear that people do understand what REALLY going on. I am in therapy for the issues from narcissistic ex and effects he has had on my son. He would always try to make it look like I'm crazy and feels like I'm losing my mind. So stressful 😫😢
The part starting at 20:56 is KEY!!!!! THANK YOU for this conversation ladies! (I cannot believe it took me 2 years to come across this when my eyes have been opened 6 years ago.)
Dr. Ramani what do you do when the narcissist get your child then alters their perception of what our life was. My son is unrecognizable to me after 4 months of living with his father who has been in and oit of their lives. Father blindsided me with an ergency exparte full of lies that judge removed my son? I was investigated by CPS and the case closed with unfounded claims but still my son remains with father due to hating his mother now with a litany of accusations too now. In therapy session with my son am i supposed to validate his feelings at this point or reality test the storries hes telling. These are twisted perversions put in my sons head by his father. This guy will not stop until he destroys any bond or peace we have. SOS
Wow. Like wow. I wish I could have seen this when I first separated from my narcissist. 2 years of a battle with a corrupt legal system that my Ex had a huge hand in a small town system. He is not the biological dad, but yet I ended up having my son only Monday till Thursday for two years. Till I had to finally settled shared custody with no child support. I want to share my story and help others but I'm scared it will be used against me in some way.. Thank you for spreading this information.. I'm still struggling with co-parenting. This is so helpful.
Very good information. What I like the most about these videos is that here you have 2 amazing professionals, at the top of their game, both female, both supporting each other. What a great example! We benefit so much from your partnership! Way to go!!!
I wish I lived wherever these magical courts are you’re talking about. My narcissist ex/daughter’s Mom has yet to be punished for her awful behavior. I actually had my custody reduced from 50/50 to the Disney Dad schedule by a clueless judge who bought the lies!! It’s been soul crushing.
What do you do when narc was awarded primary, has a lawyer, more money and doesn't have to work? Dad/narc can stay home with child and I have to work for a living. I even pay child support. Kills my soul. My son wants to live with mommy so bad, he doesn't understand why he gets told no Everytime he asks about me. My 6 yr old is in pain, you can tell he is hurting. Now he will act out on our days to get negative attention. Hurt his little brother, kick the dog. I'm truly concerned. I need to get my son in my home and world where it's healthy, full of love and support. His own room and a little brother who misses him. Everything is a fight with my ex. He is desperate to make me look horrible and UN stable. I'm so exhausted and my heart is broken in pieces. Ex always threatened I would lose custody if I ever left him and now it's coming true. Every threat is real. The court could Care less.
Thank you both Dr. Ramani & Rebecca Zung! I have watched many of your videos and this is by far one of the most legally informative ( re: strategy & parenting agreements), and heart-wrenchingly honest videos concerning the sad psychological effects on children’s development. Much gratitude 🙏🏻 to two expert straight shooters delivering the painful but honest goods. Feeling validated and will certainly “double-down” on being the parent who demonstrates empathy and grace. I will “go high when - goes low”. Blessings to both of you for sharing your wisdom!
Thank you so much for this! This resonated profoundly with me. I am currently struggling developing a patenting plan and the legal ramifications. It brought clarity and reality to my situation. Thank you both for your time, knowledge, and expertise.
This was super helpful! I’m a grandmother trying to get custody one parent is a narcissist and other parent is my son and he is unable to “handle” situation and only wants to be involved - when necessary- ugggg I’m lost
At 3:25, this situation explained was opposite for our case. The coparent CREATED the issues, violated legal custody, and ended up with decision making over medical. It's INSANE. I feel like I've been long-conned!
Totally true!! Totally my experience. I had to "coach" my attorney and stick to a very detailed plan. The best I could have done. Thank you, Dr. Ramani, I can accept now the unfairness of all and be happy and proud to be the BETTER one (still not perfect). It is a very very big issue to record everything when you're working full time and solo parenting against a narc, but I will try because I know for sure he is doing it.
The people who suffer most are those who didn’t even get 50/50 and can’t afford an attorney. I’m a woman whose narc spouse took custody of my kids just two months after my teenage son commited suicide. We did it ourselves and I somehow overlooked the part about him having primary physical because I saw we had joint and we had agreed to do 50/50. In my duress and grief I just missed it. Now my children live full time with a monster and although I’ve tried to fight it, I was a stay at home mom and he makes 6 figures. I’m in grad school now and broke, but by the time I’m finished my children will be grown or in high school. I simply don’t have the funds to hire someone and sonI tried myself and was scolded by the judge for not getting an attorney. And was denied everything.
If the joint attendance causes a lot of stress for the child, then ask for separate appointments, or alternating periods of responsibility for certain areas. Set it up that if one parent fails to to take care of issues during their times, the other parent can step in and take care of the responsibility. Or putn another way, that they neglectful parent can't obstruct the other parent from taking care of the child.
Gear video, thanks! I would love to hear more from you Rebecca. What are some other provisions we should consider when drafting a parenting plan with a narcissistic ex? For example, what if the child lives with the narc mother and she decides to move to a different state away from the father? Does the parenting plan still apply? Looking forward to joining your Facebook group
First of all thank you so much for these videos! I learned a lot of them and specially on distancing myself, grounding myself and understanding the situation more. I'm a stephmother of three lovely teenagers who despite the hard situation of the divorce and on top of that their narcisistic mother trying to manipulate them into disliking their father, lying to their father and me and for sure keeping them from loving me as a party who doesn't exist in her eyes, are very lovely well-behaved boys who love us anyway. (I'll never understand how she can silence me to death, acting like me and the child I have with my husband do not exist) I'm doing the research to heal myself of a relationship I never had (how silly that sounds when I write it down) as I'm very emphatic and always kept looking for a reason, a way to come around this, a way to keep the childrens parents still together as parents when they weren't already able to remain together as a married couple. Trying to understand her and to pour water to our wine and meet her in her needs. But the more we did the more she started acting crazy as if my husband is just an extention of her being and we should say yes to all her needs or else he "isn't communicating well". I lost myself along the way, getting mind-fucked. So if you have in any form experience on how you can deal as a stephmother or stephfather with the narsistic ex of your partner ... it'd be nice. Thanks to these videos (and therapy we had) we already learned that we shouldn't try to co-parent, we should try to parallel parent; as you said live in two worlds and only communicate when there really isn't a way around it. But there's still a hell lot of frustration that reaches us through the children who we don't want to silence seeing they also need a way out with their emotions and often (so we think and feel it) get the task to come and tell us things here just because she wants to reach our weak point and wage war. On which we no longer hook in but nonetheless we still feel this stress around it. So how can we deal with these frustrations that come along from her trying to provoke us eventhough we no longer participate in her war?
Thank you so much. I watch both parts of coparenting with a narcissist. I’m not sure which narcissist my ex-husband is, but I’ve been studying about narcissism for about two years now and knowing how to respond and not to respond to them has been very helpful. this video on coparenting has been very helpful. Thank you so much for all the information!
Does that mean that i will look best if i notify the narcissist of every doctors appointment even if for right now he doesn't ever ask or seem to care? Trying to cover myself for the future incase i need to
This expert advice is a little too late for me, but for the sake of those warriors behind me: What happens when the Nar-Ex doesn’t follow the court order, and the GAL/Judge has fallen for the Nar’s charm?
Currently going through a divorce with a narcissist and an autistic child is involved who was taken out of school without the other parents consent and mother doesn’t allow child to even attend to PT, OT, or speech therapy. Child is 16 now and has regressed in the past 2 years as mother continues to deny. Desperate for help
Is there any content or do either of you speak on navigating when it's time for the child to go to college? I've been dealing with a narcissist for 17 years, and it's gotten worse. It's beyond the point, especially with my daughter's age (17), to go back to court. I truly need support on how to handle the horrific gaslighting at manipulation at this time, especially when he tries to control her decisions when it comes to college.
I have sole legal, but he violates all the time, brings my son to ER for something that can be dealt with at pcp or urgent care, then let’s me know after the fact! My son is the golden child & extension but so much stress on him, he won’t stay in counseling because his dad says he doesn’t need it! So much pressure & he pressures my son to do what he thinks he should do, it ends up affecting my ability to enforce my sole legal ~any suggestions? My daughter has anxiety over it all!!! 🙏♥️
In my case regarding the discussion on the parent that unilaterally makes the decisions repeatedly the court gave my ex total control. There is a biased in my case. Unfortunately my ex is an attorney and the Clark County Court System is very corrupt. I’m at a total disadvantage. Thank you for the information in these videos. It is helping me tremendously.
I am going to follow you two ladies. Already joined Rebeccas Facebook page. It’s a blessing the universe brought you two my way. Going to go look up your books now. I have learned educating yourself is key with this and I have been looking for genuine ladies like you. There’s a lot of sorry to say crap out there and not everyone knows what they are talking about when it comes to situations like this. Also thanks for the tip on how to keep:teach empathy to your child with games and books to keep them balanced out. My little one is 4 and has a pure heart right now and really hope I can keep it that way. My biggest fear is him growing up feeling the pressure of being perfect because is dad is all About perfection. Oh man rough times but I know I will figure all this out for my little one. Thanks ladies you two were great and love the knowledge and tips you both provided The helpful tips about how court works was very helpful as I am dealing with the his now and now get it. I thought I was being over paranoid on my parenting plan because it needs to be very specific but after this I am confident with my decision and know I’m not being paranoid I just need peace and as little or no connect with him, because this is the most exhausting thing I have ever dealt with. Sorry happy right now I came across this video I can’t express that enough 😁💜
How can I stick up for myself when my kids try to rationalize the narcissistic behavior of their Dad. They have anger towards me and I don’t want to come back at them with what’s wrong with their Dad I feel like that’s not going to help. But what will?
Can domiciliary parent be decision maker for education and medical ? My spouse was never interested in kids education, medical or anything about our kids.
I have a case where the covert narcissist also has factitious disorder perpetuated on the child. He has been excised from any contact or ability to have input for the child.
Is Munchausen by proxy rarely diagnosed because it rarely occurs or commonly misdiagnosed (to avoid liability)? Considering the chances an attention seeking parent who sees child only an extension of herself will pretend the child has medical problems, perhaps the latter. For the covert narcissist, it seems the most likely target.
So embarrassing when the narcissist came to meet our child’s teacher. He introduced himself, I’m Rob am a narcissist and went alone to play with our son. And said nothing else to the teacher
My attorneys advise before dad filed fir divorce or anything in court find a way to MOVE to a state that is pro (dad or mom) in laws. Find a better paying job, better school etc. make sure you know flights getting children to and from custody is thought through. Find a way for court to agree that your move was not to stop the other parent from time with the child but for benefit. Get good legal advice about this idea. This helps keep the narc at some distance & you know a lot of interactions will never be face to face.
Thank you both. I wish they was on my case because in Florida they don't believe these things is happening and I did not know I was dealing with a narcissist until I was severed custody papers and didn't know what was going on especially i have had my daughter since the day she was born her father moved out then 4 years later I get papers severed to me and he barely want to be there in anyway for my daughter unless it benefits him
What happens when the child is in therapy but scared to share information? My ex intimidates our daughter. She’s now scared to say anything to her therapist out of fear it will get back to him.
needs to be a soul video made for narcissist mums, as there does seem to be a very wide split favouring the mothers in all these videos i’m at breaking point with it all, as what ever i do our how ever much i have my children if it breaks the mothers plans then all hell breaks loose, i’ve had this for 11 years, what it was i woke up to her manipulative behaviour and grew a pair and it’s gone south since
Hello, you spoke about having both parents in medical parental agreement, but what if the narcissistic parent will not agree/allow you to have one pediatrician for the children? So child medical records are scattered all over, in ER, urgent care, never seeing the same dr. No medical history in one file. What can I do?
I'm panicking now. I am so stressed. After a recent court order, (again not enough time given to really parent our son), our son's mother upset him so much he said his life was not his own, he "might as well commit suicide", then when I tried to talk about it with her, she didn't let me speak, and then upset our son again, I actually took him, age 11yrs 8 months, to a police station, and he spoke about it with an officer who took it out of our hands when our son said "you don't understand. She shouts at me for hours!" and broke down into tears. He, thankfully, made a statement to police saying it all.. I was not in the room, my choice, as I don't want to be seen as guiding him.. What happened? His mother was called, and started turning it around, and then stopped all handovers! He was about to have his half summer holiday (3 weeks) living with Dad and it didn't happen; until (cut to the hearing) in court she blamed ME for upsetting Matthew, and, on video, wouldn't stop talking and blaming me.. The judge was saying "STOP" but she just kept going on.. The hour was up and I didn't get a final stay.. Now: no enforcement, coz the judge doesn't know what's going on, and our son is going to a new school, and hasn't seen his dad for 7 weeks, and I am thinking I will have to call the police to make sure there is not a breach-of-the-peace because she is quite capable of physically tearing our son away from me, and I'm not going to hold onto him if that happens.. and it has. .. I didn't connect the two, but this behaviour, including her upsetting our son on the phone so he mentions suicide, all follows my putting on the table a reasonable Final Financial Settlement.. It works out in my favour.. But it's fair. She has ignored it. But is trying so, so hard to ..do something in a nasty way.. I CAN get my brain around it, then it slips away.. I really need representation and psychotherapy, but sadly cannot afford it. Legal aid is OK, I can get it, but may take 3 months to allow representation to take on the case! I can get it coz the case in 2014 gave HER a Non Molestation Order (she's not supposed to hurt me or our son). I have set up psychotherapy for our son, but it's impossible if he is never with me. I have a sworn affidavit in the court bundle explaining the telephone call and how she upset our son and why I went to a police station.. I could wait and see when the adjourned hearing gets rebooked, but I really want to get the one-of-five judges we had last year that seemed to see his mother for what she is. I must thank both of you for the hours of videos that are helping me so much. It is still a problem to implement and bring to bear all that knowledge. Document, document, document. I like writing, but her behaviour is just so distasteful, I don't know why, but I just want to switch off, forget it, and get on with being the empathic one. Our son surprised me a while ago, "You don't understand, Dad, Mummy is MANIPULATIVE!" ... and "We just have to live through the hell, Dad.." ..Now it feels like I am vilified for talking with him about her psychological abuse of our son, and the court might swallow the idea that she's the 'good' parent.. I have recordings from 7 years ago. If they get listened to, (an hour, maybe, of the 10 hours recorded), I can't think anyone could leave our son with his mother. It's delicate though..
Thank you. We live in a small community. Attorneys hate these divorce cases and won't take them. The kids are getting older with new nuances and personality tics. Books are so important. Hard to find. I'm very much in need of info.
Divorcing a negligent narcissist. This is all really good information. But what do i do when I am giving my ex all the information for dr appt, dentist, parent teacher conferences, school apps etc. my ex gives zero response. It is only after the dr appt or parent teacher conference has happened that l THAT is when he will become manipulative and start arguing that he wasn’t involved.
My ex is doing a hybrid on trying to control while executing parallel parenting. She wants to know everything we do or have and I don’t even have her phone number. She’s quick to point the finger with the consent decree when she walks all over it all the time. We quit trying to coparent with her and going parallel
I cried, (tears appeared in my eyes) when I heard on the video (..or the other) about the woman who wanted to forgo 2.5 million dollars and get an apology instead. My take on this is that she did not want the continuation of ANY dealings with that man.. I cried coz I would do the same. Thanks again, you two. Imagine that Hitchcock film in which the man turns the lights and she gets told that she's losing her mind.. OK, now imagine that a black-and-white Dr. Ramani pops up and says to the woman in the film "actually, my dear, he just turned the gaslight down, so, no, you are not going crazy, he doesn't love you and you need to go to court.." and then Rebecca Zung (again, black and white) pops up and says.. "aaaaand, don't worry, I'll be there for you and take care of the paperwork.. Or if you want to know what to do to do it yourself, just have one-a-these worksheets.. (gorgeous smile..) and... "oh.. I don't feel too bad after all". That's me.
What do you suggest I do when the narcissistic parent and I had an agreement which gave me significant more parenting time than him. We submitted to the court and received a court order but after a couple years he decided be wants to change the agreed upon order? During the past couple years, he had a history of substance abuse and not following through with his visitation time. He got into a new relationship and decided he wanted to change the parenting order. I don't know what to do about this. He keeps demanding different parenting time and gets very angry if I don't agree. Then he threatens me with going to court.
@Rebecca Zung @DoctorRamani Learning about my experience is eerily similar w every1 else tho torturous & psychologically traumatizing is validation. Yet, it’s so impossible 2 heal when you must incessantly relive the worst time in your life & continuously tear open d wounds. However, w ur channels, it empowers us wats necessary & critical in our continued fight 4 moving on. Thank u!
Thank you for this. I have a "co-parent" who disappears for months on end and then gets mad when his child doesn't want to talk to see him because of his intimidation and absence. What now? I have a 9 yr old. Voice of the Child interview? I'm in Canada.
I just want to share regarding parenting plan. For over a year my attorney and I created multiple parenting plans that were not agreeable by him. Long story short and fastfoward multiple status court meetings and fees, I felt that, a person like him would agree to sign a parental agreement that, ties him to NO RESPONSIBILITY/ SCHEDULE TIME OR DAYS. Instead, only provides a 24 hr notice if/ when he plans on seeing the kids. That day, the agreement was signed and case was (finally) closed. - ps.in the end, he did not abide by that ANYWAY. Continued to come and go on his own schedule and when reminded of that piece of agreement, he decided to stop showing up at random. Now, he plays victim and says to his kids when they ask why he isn't coming to see them that their mother won't allow him to. My thoughts are these: with a person like him, signing a legal document that lists a ton of rules and expectations is WAY TOO MUCH WORK simply put, its just not a thing a narcissist would abide by because its controlling. Instead, to make it simple, and actually be able to formulate a steady routine for the kids and myself without"unexpected" no shows, I felt he was doing everyone a favor by not expecting him to sign a schedule he wouldn't follow anyway. He still has his 1 day to see the kids as stated on the agreement- but decided he wouldn't anymore simply because he was reminded of the 24 hr notice.
the little to no interaction works I do pick ups nd drop off for my step son his mom is dies to try to talk to my husband bt he does not deal with her we are going to mediation to have all pick up nd drop offs at school I pray hard we get that.
My daughter (tomboy) wants to come back and live with me. We have consent orders in place, I have written up a new parenting plan and submitted it to her(4th of Dec 2020). A simple signature is required. Can't do that... She likes to draw things out, being abrasive. Having a dig at my Defacto in writing all for a response. She thinks this is a game, at the present I ve discuss mediation. She won't attend because she believes she is above the law and does nothing wrong. It's bloody hard yakka co-parenting. Then there's the kids as well. 1)youngest was in a school fight. Nearly suspended. Only founded out by the little telling me. There's many more. You just can't co-parent
Judges don’t want you’re logs. Mine didn’t look at it. We had joint. He disobeyed all orders from a proper buyout , all financial orders etc. He appealed the whole thing to Maine Supreme Court. Then he stopped. I raised them for 5 years while he brought a friend over with a child alarmist immediately who never left. My poor 5Y0 threw a pizza at a waiter. Mom he did the discard. He let me go. 6 years later: now she’s mirroring him, defiant, safe in that. I have lost my joint custody - he has primary residential after kidnapping them for 56 days for NO REASON. This is toxic and scary painful brain damaging ABUSE. I am an attorney. This system is broken and not evolved in a way. Yes be the best person forever. Then in the end you lose them like a sex offender for no reason (the judge said this “she didn’t defend herself so I have to err on the side of caution.” He didn’t even look at the precedent case where the first judge said my learning disorder made it vital not to judge me on presentation when that’s all the new one did! I was emotional. He paid 6K for the contempt but got the prize at last! I became homeless at last, realized my own nuclear family needed the narrative that I was crazy. I was cast off. Get a protection order. Don’t ever seek the validation of your family! You’re an adult. Or leave while you have rights and the thing is dragging on and and on. Maine is awful!
Hey Rebecca 😁 I wish one of my 12 attorneys would have this type of oath . You always hit the nail on the head.. Email me , on your thoughts if you think you can help my attorney , with a different approach towards a articulated platform for Litigation . Changing custody for our Daughter's . I feel the future of these girls are at steak. #heartbeatdads Brock Thomas 🇺🇸
My ex is having his new wife take care of my kids, that is helping them with taking showers and doing homework etc. this is expected for a narcissist who have found new supply to take care of him and kids. How can I have him enforce to have him take care of this responsibilities.
it's now 4:54am been watching your videos all night still feel Lost on how to get started on everything but I definitely feel better that my ex may be digging her own hole but how do I document her keeping my son from me someone suggested I call the sheriff's office and have a report done ?? do they really do that ? really don't want to miss anymore time with him I miss out on the whole 9 months of the pregnancy I just liked your page on Facebook and join your group !!
Hi Rebecca Zung my husband sons mother is a narcissist. And the lawyer filed for a lag for the child. My question is the mother had been referring to their son calling my husband his uncle. The child had been referring to him as uncle because she was telling him this. How do we get the child in counseling? She carries all of the traits of a narcissist. I’m sorry the lawyer got the judge to rule for an attorney for the child.
Thank you again. You keep saying document, document, document. Well, I documented every day of 2016 by the hour when the marriage was "falling apart". All of her abuse and just terrible behavior, and when I showed it to the GAL, she ridiculed me and said with a condescending smile, "you should write a book". Since 2016 everything has been done through email because she refuses to get the parenting app that the court endorsed in May 2017, but she also refuses to talk to me blaming me for being abusive so the rest has been through text and email so it is documented anyway, it's just very disorganized because she will split conversations between different emails and then pick it up in a text message...very insidious. I will watch your entire series, and quite frankly Rebecca you scare the crap out of me! :-) I have been interrogated by Air Force OSI...they were trying to pop somebody else. If I just had this kind of coaching, which you are now providing, my young sons (7 & 6) may have a chance. :-)
I have never missed or refused time with my children nor have a missed a single dollar on financial support. Last year she stole at least 25 days from me and this year, because of Covid, she robbed me of Spring Break time entirely and because the temporary parenting order was set aside last September she has deprived me of all summer schedule parenting time. She also double-crossed me three times on tax money, but that's a side thing because although I am not a rich man I don't really care that much about money, just my sons.
One last thing, and again thank you so much, I am quite a rational guy and I know there is no "good deal" that comes from this. I accepted her boundaryless behavior long ago and I am a long-game kind of guy, so I am a realist. As long as I exist as a grounding influence on my boys, she will eventually lose and there is nothing of that that gives me pleasure, but I know she won't change. The 7 year old is shockingly smart, he asks great questions when we are working through simple physics experiments and everything else so he is the one I am most concerned with when the realization occurs in his own mind because he is the one she has groomed since he was a year and a half old...she corrected me when I simply corrected the child, then as she was yelling at me in front of them she allowed him to yell at me like he had her authority. I would just look at her and say, if you let this continue he will become uncoachable and a danger to himself and others. She didn't care or even understand...big shocker, I know. :-) He spent his first year of school under a written agreement from the school that if his behavior doesn't change he will be expelled. The six year old is the sweetest child, and I took care of his every need until he was 3, she almost ignored him. His first words at a year and a half old was "thank you" when I gave him a cracker we were sharing as we watched Cars...I almost fell off the couch, haha! :-)
Oh geeeez... the part where she said “ they’ll hold YOU to the letter of the agreement, law.... but themselves is a whole different story 🙄 “ nailed it!!!! 😱 co parenting does NOT fkn exist with mine 😠 it’s literally so fkd up and convenient how the same rules don’t quite apply to him as they do to me. Despite a court standard custody order 🙄
"Rules for thee, not for me"
Going through this too. This guy waits maybe 5 minutes for me to get our child's things together and say his goodbyes, pounds on the door and screams contempt. On the flip side, he will refuse to exchange our child. I came to pick them up on MY day and he threatens to call police after I knocked, no words even spoken on my end 😂 it has happened twice now but luckily the local police assist with these situations. It's ridiculous.
When you don't understand why the narcissist's behaves they way you do and nobody around you understands the madness, It makes you feels so lonely and so traumatised , More so when you have children that get so affected by the drama that this disorder causes. Thank you so much for your collaboration. It has been so enlightening for me,. Finally I"m breaking the cycle that started with having a Narcissistic mother." At times I thought I was losing it. The pennies are finally dropping. Life changing.
Acknowledging that NONE of this is fair is just what I needed to hear. Co-parenting when the narc has primary custody is a nightmare. This was validating what I suspected, in that just doing better and loving better is the only thing I can do for my kids. Thanks!
I completely understand and feel your pain miss Juli, I co parent with a abusive flaming narcissist who was awarded primary as well. He had a lawyer and I did not. I still feel like my child was legally kidnapped by my abuser. My poor son isn't giving the love he deserves. Anyway just wanted you to know your not alone. If you ever need to talk please email me jpadgett1216@gmail.com
@@Jennifer-vp8mv one of the hardest things to deal with is the social stigma that a mother that doesn't have primary custody of her kids had them taken away because she is a bad mother. The side glances I get are so painful. It helped me learn not to think you can know someone else's story unless you've lived it. Hang in there. All we can do is love our kids the best we can.
OMG @ 15:18 the JUDGE called me petty when I attempted to get the orders corrected after the opposing counsel CHANGED the judges orders when it was typed up!!!! I've got the.worst.human.in.the.world against me in court, as he turned the judge into a flying monkey, as well as the low cost attorneys I've hired. Repressing myself for 4 years with a previous judge, was best, so I can speak my truth and not miss a deadline.
@@juli6497 yes but once you understand a narcissist tricked you out of custody it makes perfect sense.
This was excellent the problem is feeling permanently exhausted and seeing one of your kids turn into their narcissistic parent
Lisa Bayes,You look cute dear
They groom the golden children for narcdom🤷
I'd like to hear a lot more about how to ameliorate the effects of a narcissistically oriented parent on children.
Also, how to convey the narcissistic pattern to professionals that compose your support, such as social workers, therapists, and attorneys.
I wish Dr. Ramani was an attorney lol. She is so very compassionate and understanding. We need more people like Dr. Ramani in the legal field. Courts are filled with Narcissistic people and most of them, lawyers and Judges don't care about the children. If you go to court against narcissist, it will feel like Hell on Earth. You will go broke. I say, maybe "playing the narcissist before court. These strategies will only work if you have an ethical Judge.
Thank you for this. It's good to hear that people do understand what REALLY going on. I am in therapy for the issues from narcissistic ex and effects he has had on my son. He would always try to make it look like I'm crazy and feels like I'm losing my mind. So stressful 😫😢
Probably just from narcissistic gaslighting.
The part starting at 20:56 is KEY!!!!! THANK YOU for this conversation ladies! (I cannot believe it took me 2 years to come across this when my eyes have been opened 6 years ago.)
Dr. Ramani what do you do when the narcissist get your child then alters their perception of what our life was. My son is unrecognizable to me after 4 months of living with his father who has been in and oit of their lives. Father blindsided me with an ergency exparte full of lies that judge removed my son? I was investigated by CPS and the case closed with unfounded claims but still my son remains with father due to hating his mother now with a litany of accusations too now. In therapy session with my son am i supposed to validate his feelings at this point or reality test the storries hes telling. These are twisted perversions put in my sons head by his father. This guy will not stop until he destroys any bond or peace we have. SOS
Wow. Like wow.
I wish I could have seen this when I first separated from my narcissist.
2 years of a battle with a corrupt legal system that my Ex had a huge hand in a small town system. He is not the biological dad, but yet I ended up having my son only Monday till Thursday for two years. Till I had to finally settled shared custody with no child support. I want to share my story and help others but I'm scared it will be used against me in some way..
Thank you for spreading this information.. I'm still struggling with co-parenting. This is so helpful.
Very good information. What I like the most about these videos is that here you have 2 amazing professionals, at the top of their game, both female, both supporting each other. What a great example! We benefit so much from your partnership! Way to go!!!
Thank you,
This is exactly what I’m dealing with. It’s heart breaking for my kids and I. Pray for my children and myself.
Top 1% divorce attorney and world leader on narcissism, wow! You guys are amazing as a team
I’m so GLAD you’re doing a piece on Parental Alienation
Thank you both! How can we help our teenage children to deal with their narcissistic father ?
I wish I lived wherever these magical courts are you’re talking about. My narcissist ex/daughter’s Mom has yet to be punished for her awful behavior. I actually had my custody reduced from 50/50 to the Disney Dad schedule by a clueless judge who bought the lies!! It’s been soul crushing.
Please talk about the flying monkeys and how to keep them out of your divorce/custody battle.
In my original divorce agreement I am the custodial parent and primary decision maker for everything, school healthcare, therapy, religion etc.
Wished I had this 3 years ago!!! Every single thing these ladies talk about happened & is still happening to me & my children!😫
Me too. 😞
Mee too 😞
Thank you so much for these videos as I’m in the process of a divorce and dealing with an extreme Narcissist.
What do you do when narc was awarded primary, has a lawyer, more money and doesn't have to work? Dad/narc can stay home with child and I have to work for a living. I even pay child support. Kills my soul. My son wants to live with mommy so bad, he doesn't understand why he gets told no Everytime he asks about me. My 6 yr old is in pain, you can tell he is hurting. Now he will act out on our days to get negative attention. Hurt his little brother, kick the dog. I'm truly concerned. I need to get my son in my home and world where it's healthy, full of love and support. His own room and a little brother who misses him. Everything is a fight with my ex. He is desperate to make me look horrible and UN stable. I'm so exhausted and my heart is broken in pieces. Ex always threatened I would lose custody if I ever left him and now it's coming true. Every threat is real. The court could Care less.
Thank you both Dr. Ramani & Rebecca Zung! I have watched many of your videos and this is by far one of the most legally informative ( re: strategy & parenting agreements), and heart-wrenchingly honest videos concerning the sad psychological effects on children’s development. Much gratitude 🙏🏻 to two expert straight shooters delivering the painful but honest goods. Feeling validated and will certainly “double-down” on being the parent who demonstrates empathy and grace. I will “go high when - goes low”.
Blessings to both of you for sharing your wisdom!
Thank you so much for this! This resonated profoundly with me. I am currently struggling developing a patenting plan and the legal ramifications. It brought clarity and reality to my situation. Thank you both for your time, knowledge, and expertise.
This was super helpful! I’m a grandmother trying to get custody one parent is a narcissist and other parent is my son and he is unable to “handle” situation and only wants to be involved - when necessary- ugggg I’m lost
Respect 👏
Get out, grandmother. You are lost. You don't belong in the relationship. They're not your kids.
At 3:25, this situation explained was opposite for our case. The coparent CREATED the issues, violated legal custody, and ended up with decision making over medical. It's INSANE. I feel like I've been long-conned!
Great content. In my case, I'm the father with the ex-wife being the narcissist. But I am experiencing a lot of the same issues including the abuse.
Excellent! Thank you Rebecca and Dr Ramani.
Parallel. All the way.
Thanks so much! This video was incredibly helpful.
Thank you both for what you’re doing.
Totally true!! Totally my experience. I had to "coach" my attorney and stick to a very detailed plan. The best I could have done. Thank you, Dr. Ramani, I can accept now the unfairness of all and be happy and proud to be the BETTER one (still not perfect). It is a very very big issue to record everything when you're working full time and solo parenting against a narc, but I will try because I know for sure he is doing it.
The people who suffer most are those who didn’t even get 50/50 and can’t afford an attorney. I’m a woman whose narc spouse took custody of my kids just two months after my teenage son commited suicide. We did it ourselves and I somehow overlooked the part about him having primary physical because I saw we had joint and we had agreed to do 50/50. In my duress and grief I just missed it. Now my children live full time with a monster and although I’ve tried to fight it, I was a stay at home mom and he makes 6 figures. I’m in grad school now and broke, but by the time I’m finished my children will be grown or in high school. I simply don’t have the funds to hire someone and sonI tried myself and was scolded by the judge for not getting an attorney. And was denied everything.
If the joint attendance causes a lot of stress for the child, then ask for separate appointments, or alternating periods of responsibility for certain areas. Set it up that if one parent fails to to take care of issues during their times, the other parent can step in and take care of the responsibility. Or putn another way, that they neglectful parent can't obstruct the other parent from taking care of the child.
Gear video, thanks! I would love to hear more from you Rebecca. What are some other provisions we should consider when drafting a parenting plan with a narcissistic ex? For example, what if the child lives with the narc mother and she decides to move to a different state away from the father? Does the parenting plan still apply?
Looking forward to joining your Facebook group
Thank you Dr. Armani so much for your work and also you Rebecca Zung 🕊️🙏❤️
First of all thank you so much for these videos! I learned a lot of them and specially on distancing myself, grounding myself and understanding the situation more. I'm a stephmother of three lovely teenagers who despite the hard situation of the divorce and on top of that their narcisistic mother trying to manipulate them into disliking their father, lying to their father and me and for sure keeping them from loving me as a party who doesn't exist in her eyes, are very lovely well-behaved boys who love us anyway. (I'll never understand how she can silence me to death, acting like me and the child I have with my husband do not exist) I'm doing the research to heal myself of a relationship I never had (how silly that sounds when I write it down) as I'm very emphatic and always kept looking for a reason, a way to come around this, a way to keep the childrens parents still together as parents when they weren't already able to remain together as a married couple. Trying to understand her and to pour water to our wine and meet her in her needs. But the more we did the more she started acting crazy as if my husband is just an extention of her being and we should say yes to all her needs or else he "isn't communicating well". I lost myself along the way, getting mind-fucked. So if you have in any form experience on how you can deal as a stephmother or stephfather with the narsistic ex of your partner ... it'd be nice. Thanks to these videos (and therapy we had) we already learned that we shouldn't try to co-parent, we should try to parallel parent; as you said live in two worlds and only communicate when there really isn't a way around it. But there's still a hell lot of frustration that reaches us through the children who we don't want to silence seeing they also need a way out with their emotions and often (so we think and feel it) get the task to come and tell us things here just because she wants to reach our weak point and wage war. On which we no longer hook in but nonetheless we still feel this stress around it. So how can we deal with these frustrations that come along from her trying to provoke us eventhough we no longer participate in her war?
Thank you so much. I watch both parts of coparenting with a narcissist. I’m not sure which narcissist my ex-husband is, but I’ve been studying about narcissism for about two years now and knowing how to respond and not to respond to them has been very helpful. this video on coparenting has been very helpful. Thank you so much for all the information!
Does that mean that i will look best if i notify the narcissist of every doctors appointment even if for right now he doesn't ever ask or seem to care?
Trying to cover myself for the future incase i need to
Andrew, and I were Empty Nesters in 2002!
When you said that the narc holds me to the court order but doesn't follow its himself, that's my life.
This expert advice is a little too late for me, but for the sake of those warriors behind me: What happens when the Nar-Ex doesn’t follow the court order, and the GAL/Judge has fallen for the Nar’s charm?
This was great! Thank you.
You ladies are awesome! Great knowledge and advice 👌
Currently going through a divorce with a narcissist and an autistic child is involved who was taken out of school without the other parents consent and mother doesn’t allow child to even attend to PT, OT, or speech therapy. Child is 16 now and has regressed in the past 2 years as mother continues to deny. Desperate for help
Thank you both
Is there any content or do either of you speak on navigating when it's time for the child to go to college? I've been dealing with a narcissist for 17 years, and it's gotten worse. It's beyond the point, especially with my daughter's age (17), to go back to court. I truly need support on how to handle the horrific gaslighting at manipulation at this time, especially when he tries to control her decisions when it comes to college.
I have sole legal, but he violates all the time, brings my son to ER for something that can be dealt with at pcp or urgent care, then let’s me know after the fact! My son is the golden child & extension but so much stress on him, he won’t stay in counseling because his dad says he doesn’t need it! So much pressure & he pressures my son to do what he thinks he should do, it ends up affecting my ability to enforce my sole legal ~any suggestions? My daughter has anxiety over it all!!! 🙏♥️
I love both perspectives!! I appreciate you both ♥️
Thank you both ❤️
Thank you both! SO much for making these videos!
just such good advice i can't even....so so so good and helpful. i'm so thankful for this video.
In my case regarding the discussion on the parent that unilaterally makes the decisions repeatedly the court gave my ex total control. There is a biased in my case. Unfortunately my ex is an attorney and the Clark County Court System is very corrupt. I’m at a total disadvantage. Thank you for the information in these videos. It is helping me tremendously.
I love the information and honesty when helping us! Thank you!
I am going to follow you two ladies. Already joined Rebeccas Facebook page.
It’s a blessing the universe brought you two my way. Going to go look up your books now. I have learned educating yourself is key with this and I have been
looking for genuine ladies like you. There’s a lot of sorry to say crap out there and not everyone knows what they are talking about when it comes to situations like this.
Also thanks for the tip on how to keep:teach empathy to your child with games and books to keep them balanced out. My little one is 4 and has a pure heart right now and really hope I can keep it that way. My biggest fear is him growing up feeling the pressure of being perfect because is dad is all
About perfection. Oh man rough times but I know I will figure all this out for my little one.
Thanks ladies you two were great and love the knowledge and tips you both provided
The helpful tips about how court works was very helpful as I am dealing with the his now and now get it. I thought I was being over paranoid on my parenting plan because it needs to be very specific but after this I am confident with my decision and know I’m not being paranoid I just need peace and as little
or no connect with him, because this is the most exhausting thing I have ever dealt with.
Sorry happy right now I came across this video I can’t express that enough
😁💜
Thank you.
Excellent
Thank you!
Jillian Rose,You got a lovely smile 😊
Dream team
How can I stick up for myself when my kids try to rationalize the narcissistic behavior of their Dad. They have anger towards me and I don’t want to come back at them with what’s wrong with their Dad I feel like that’s not going to help. But what will?
Can domiciliary parent be decision maker for education and medical ? My spouse was never interested in kids education, medical or anything about our kids.
Speak with your lawyers. Yes it's is possible if you have all the proofs of all the bills you paid medical, school ecc
Thank God for both of these women! ♥️♥️ 2021
I have a case where the covert narcissist also has factitious disorder perpetuated on the child. He has been excised from any contact or ability to have input for the child.
Is Munchausen by proxy rarely diagnosed because it rarely occurs or commonly misdiagnosed (to avoid liability)? Considering the chances an attention seeking parent who sees child only an extension of herself will pretend the child has medical problems, perhaps the latter. For the covert narcissist, it seems the most likely target.
So embarrassing when the narcissist came to meet our child’s teacher. He introduced himself, I’m Rob am a narcissist and went alone to play with our son. And said nothing else to the teacher
My attorneys advise before dad filed fir divorce or anything in court find a way to MOVE to a state that is pro (dad or mom) in laws. Find a better paying job, better school etc. make sure you know flights getting children to and from custody is thought through. Find a way for court to agree that your move was not to stop the other parent from time with the child but for benefit. Get good legal advice about this idea. This helps keep the narc at some distance & you know a lot of interactions will never be face to face.
Thank you both. I wish they was on my case because in Florida they don't believe these things is happening and I did not know I was dealing with a narcissist until I was severed custody papers and didn't know what was going on especially i have had my daughter since the day she was born her father moved out then 4 years later I get papers severed to me and he barely want to be there in anyway for my daughter unless it benefits him
What happens when the child is in therapy but scared to share information? My ex intimidates our daughter. She’s now scared to say anything to her therapist out of fear it will get back to him.
needs to be a soul video made for narcissist mums, as there does seem to be a very wide split favouring the mothers in all these videos i’m at breaking point with it all, as what ever
i do our how ever much i have my children if it breaks the mothers plans then all hell breaks loose, i’ve had this for 11 years, what it was i woke up to her manipulative behaviour and grew a pair and it’s gone south since
Hello, you spoke about having both parents in medical parental agreement, but what if the narcissistic parent will not agree/allow you to have one pediatrician for the children? So child medical records are scattered all over, in ER, urgent care, never seeing the same dr. No medical history in one file. What can I do?
I'm panicking now. I am so stressed. After a recent court order, (again not enough time given to really parent our son), our son's mother upset him so much he said his life was not his own, he "might as well commit suicide", then when I tried to talk about it with her, she didn't let me speak, and then upset our son again, I actually took him, age 11yrs 8 months, to a police station, and he spoke about it with an officer who took it out of our hands when our son said "you don't understand. She shouts at me for hours!" and broke down into tears. He, thankfully, made a statement to police saying it all.. I was not in the room, my choice, as I don't want to be seen as guiding him.. What happened? His mother was called, and started turning it around, and then stopped all handovers! He was about to have his half summer holiday (3 weeks) living with Dad and it didn't happen; until (cut to the hearing) in court she blamed ME for upsetting Matthew, and, on video, wouldn't stop talking and blaming me.. The judge was saying "STOP" but she just kept going on.. The hour was up and I didn't get a final stay.. Now: no enforcement, coz the judge doesn't know what's going on, and our son is going to a new school, and hasn't seen his dad for 7 weeks, and I am thinking I will have to call the police to make sure there is not a breach-of-the-peace because she is quite capable of physically tearing our son away from me, and I'm not going to hold onto him if that happens.. and it has.
.. I didn't connect the two, but this behaviour, including her upsetting our son on the phone so he mentions suicide, all follows my putting on the table a reasonable Final Financial Settlement.. It works out in my favour.. But it's fair. She has ignored it. But is trying so, so hard to ..do something in a nasty way.. I CAN get my brain around it, then it slips away.. I really need representation and psychotherapy, but sadly cannot afford it. Legal aid is OK, I can get it, but may take 3 months to allow representation to take on the case! I can get it coz the case in 2014 gave HER a Non Molestation Order (she's not supposed to hurt me or our son). I have set up psychotherapy for our son, but it's impossible if he is never with me. I have a sworn affidavit in the court bundle explaining the telephone call and how she upset our son and why I went to a police station.. I could wait and see when the adjourned hearing gets rebooked, but I really want to get the one-of-five judges we had last year that seemed to see his mother for what she is. I must thank both of you for the hours of videos that are helping me so much. It is still a problem to implement and bring to bear all that knowledge. Document, document, document. I like writing, but her behaviour is just so distasteful, I don't know why, but I just want to switch off, forget it, and get on with being the empathic one. Our son surprised me a while ago, "You don't understand, Dad, Mummy is MANIPULATIVE!" ... and "We just have to live through the hell, Dad.." ..Now it feels like I am vilified for talking with him about her psychological abuse of our son, and the court might swallow the idea that she's the 'good' parent.. I have recordings from 7 years ago. If they get listened to, (an hour, maybe, of the 10 hours recorded), I can't think anyone could leave our son with his mother. It's delicate though..
Help!!! 😂 watching this is refreshing 🙏🏽 thank y’all for tips 💯
Thx
Thank you. We live in a small community. Attorneys hate these divorce cases and won't take them. The kids are getting older with new nuances and personality tics. Books are so important. Hard to find. I'm very much in need of info.
Divorcing a negligent narcissist. This is all really good information. But what do i do when I am giving my ex all the information for dr appt, dentist, parent teacher conferences, school apps etc. my ex gives zero response. It is only after the dr appt or parent teacher conference has happened that l THAT is when he will become manipulative and start arguing that he wasn’t involved.
My ex is doing a hybrid on trying to control while executing parallel parenting. She wants to know everything we do or have and I don’t even have her phone number. She’s quick to point the finger with the consent decree when she walks all over it all the time. We quit trying to coparent with her and going parallel
I cried, (tears appeared in my eyes) when I heard on the video (..or the other) about the woman who wanted to forgo 2.5 million dollars and get an apology instead. My take on this is that she did not want the continuation of ANY dealings with that man.. I cried coz I would do the same. Thanks again, you two. Imagine that Hitchcock film in which the man turns the lights and she gets told that she's losing her mind.. OK, now imagine that a black-and-white Dr. Ramani pops up and says to the woman in the film "actually, my dear, he just turned the gaslight down, so, no, you are not going crazy, he doesn't love you and you need to go to court.." and then Rebecca Zung (again, black and white) pops up and says.. "aaaaand, don't worry, I'll be there for you and take care of the paperwork.. Or if you want to know what to do to do it yourself, just have one-a-these worksheets.. (gorgeous smile..) and... "oh.. I don't feel too bad after all". That's me.
Spot on.
Save your money if you don’t want to lose them. You’re never free from harm.
What do you suggest I do when the narcissistic parent and I had an agreement which gave me significant more parenting time than him. We submitted to the court and received a court order but after a couple years he decided be wants to change the agreed upon order? During the past couple years, he had a history of substance abuse and not following through with his visitation time. He got into a new relationship and decided he wanted to change the parenting order. I don't know what to do about this. He keeps demanding different parenting time and gets very angry if I don't agree. Then he threatens me with going to court.
Rachel Christenson,You are beautiful 🌹,Hope you are not with a narcissist!
Nailed it...
@Rebecca Zung @DoctorRamani Learning about my experience is eerily similar w every1 else tho torturous & psychologically traumatizing is validation. Yet, it’s so impossible 2 heal when you must incessantly relive the worst time in your life & continuously tear open d wounds. However, w ur channels, it empowers us wats necessary & critical in our continued fight 4 moving on. Thank u!
Can you please post an example of a parenting plan with all these disclaimera
How about "step" co parenting????
What about Parental Alienation?
Thank you for this. I have a "co-parent" who disappears for months on end and then gets mad when his child doesn't want to talk to see him because of his intimidation and absence. What now? I have a 9 yr old. Voice of the Child interview? I'm in Canada.
I just want to share regarding parenting plan. For over a year my attorney and I created multiple parenting plans that were not agreeable by him. Long story short and fastfoward multiple status court meetings and fees, I felt that, a person like him would agree to sign a parental agreement that, ties him to NO RESPONSIBILITY/ SCHEDULE TIME OR DAYS. Instead, only provides a 24 hr notice if/ when he plans on seeing the kids. That day, the agreement was signed and case was (finally) closed. - ps.in the end, he did not abide by that ANYWAY. Continued to come and go on his own schedule and when reminded of that piece of agreement, he decided to stop showing up at random. Now, he plays victim and says to his kids when they ask why he isn't coming to see them that their mother won't allow him to.
My thoughts are these: with a person like him, signing a legal document that lists a ton of rules and expectations is WAY TOO MUCH WORK simply put, its just not a thing a narcissist would abide by because its controlling. Instead, to make it simple, and actually be able to formulate a steady routine for the kids and myself without"unexpected" no shows, I felt he was doing everyone a favor by not expecting him to sign a schedule he wouldn't follow anyway. He still has his 1 day to see the kids as stated on the agreement- but decided he wouldn't anymore simply because he was reminded of the 24 hr notice.
Do judges ever read the court monitored app?
the little to no interaction works I do pick ups nd drop off for my step son his mom is dies to try to talk to my husband bt he does not deal with her we are going to mediation to have all pick up nd drop offs at school I pray hard we get that.
What about when the narcissist takes your kid and doesn’t obey joint custody?
Question: what about witnesses to the relationship and the abuse? Does that not count?
My daughter (tomboy) wants to come back and live with me.
We have consent orders in place, I have written up a new parenting plan and submitted it to her(4th of Dec 2020).
A simple signature is required. Can't do that... She likes to draw things out, being abrasive. Having a dig at my Defacto in writing all for a response. She thinks this is a game, at the present I ve discuss mediation. She won't attend because she believes she is above the law and does nothing wrong.
It's bloody hard yakka co-parenting.
Then there's the kids as well.
1)youngest was in a school fight. Nearly suspended. Only founded out by the little telling me. There's many more. You just can't co-parent
Can the narc pay for and/or select the guardian ad litum?
physic psychology is the best idea right???
How does unilateral decision making factor in when one parent lives far away and the custodial parent has domiciliary (tie breaker) power?
Judges don’t want you’re logs. Mine didn’t look at it. We had joint. He disobeyed all orders from a proper buyout , all financial orders etc. He appealed the whole thing to Maine Supreme Court. Then he stopped. I raised them for 5 years while he brought a friend over with a child alarmist immediately who never left. My poor 5Y0 threw a pizza at a waiter. Mom he did the discard. He let me go. 6 years later: now she’s mirroring him, defiant, safe in that. I have lost my joint custody - he has primary residential after kidnapping them for 56 days for NO REASON. This is toxic and scary painful brain damaging ABUSE. I am an attorney. This system is broken and not evolved in a way. Yes be the best person forever. Then in the end you lose them like a sex offender for no reason (the judge said this “she didn’t defend herself so I have to err on the side of caution.” He didn’t even look at the precedent case where the first judge said my learning disorder made it vital not to judge me on presentation when that’s all the new one did! I was emotional. He paid 6K
for the contempt but got the prize at last! I became homeless at last, realized my own nuclear family needed the narrative that I was crazy. I was cast off.
Get a protection order.
Don’t ever seek the validation of your family!
You’re an adult.
Or leave while you have rights and the thing is dragging on and and on.
Maine is awful!
Hey Rebecca 😁
I wish one of my 12 attorneys would have this type of oath .
You always hit the nail on the head..
Email me , on your thoughts if you think you can help my attorney , with a different approach towards
a articulated platform for
Litigation . Changing custody for our Daughter's . I feel the future of these girls are at steak.
#heartbeatdads
Brock Thomas 🇺🇸
My ex is having his new wife take care of my kids, that is helping them with taking showers and doing homework etc. this is expected for a narcissist who have found new supply to take care of him and kids. How can I have him enforce to have him take care of this responsibilities.
it's now 4:54am been watching your videos all night still feel Lost on how to get started on everything but I definitely feel better that my ex may be digging her own hole but how do I document her keeping my son from me someone suggested I call the sheriff's office and have a report done ?? do they really do that ? really don't want to miss anymore time with him I miss out on the whole 9 months of the pregnancy I just liked your page on Facebook and join your group !!
Any suggestions on coparenting during covid
Hi Rebecca Zung my husband sons mother is a narcissist. And the lawyer filed for a lag for the child. My question is the mother had been referring to their son calling my husband his uncle. The child had been referring to him as uncle because she was telling him this. How do we get the child in counseling? She carries all of the traits of a narcissist. I’m sorry the lawyer got the judge to rule for an attorney for the child.
Thank you again. You keep saying document, document, document. Well, I documented every day of 2016 by the hour when the marriage was "falling apart". All of her abuse and just terrible behavior, and when I showed it to the GAL, she ridiculed me and said with a condescending smile, "you should write a book". Since 2016 everything has been done through email because she refuses to get the parenting app that the court endorsed in May 2017, but she also refuses to talk to me blaming me for being abusive so the rest has been through text and email so it is documented anyway, it's just very disorganized because she will split conversations between different emails and then pick it up in a text message...very insidious.
I will watch your entire series, and quite frankly Rebecca you scare the crap out of me! :-) I have been interrogated by Air Force OSI...they were trying to pop somebody else. If I just had this kind of coaching, which you are now providing, my young sons (7 & 6) may have a chance. :-)
I have never missed or refused time with my children nor have a missed a single dollar on financial support. Last year she stole at least 25 days from me and this year, because of Covid, she robbed me of Spring Break time entirely and because the temporary parenting order was set aside last September she has deprived me of all summer schedule parenting time. She also double-crossed me three times on tax money, but that's a side thing because although I am not a rich man I don't really care that much about money, just my sons.
One last thing, and again thank you so much, I am quite a rational guy and I know there is no "good deal" that comes from this. I accepted her boundaryless behavior long ago and I am a long-game kind of guy, so I am a realist. As long as I exist as a grounding influence on my boys, she will eventually lose and there is nothing of that that gives me pleasure, but I know she won't change.
The 7 year old is shockingly smart, he asks great questions when we are working through simple physics experiments and everything else so he is the one I am most concerned with when the realization occurs in his own mind because he is the one she has groomed since he was a year and a half old...she corrected me when I simply corrected the child, then as she was yelling at me in front of them she allowed him to yell at me like he had her authority. I would just look at her and say, if you let this continue he will become uncoachable and a danger to himself and others. She didn't care or even understand...big shocker, I know. :-) He spent his first year of school under a written agreement from the school that if his behavior doesn't change he will be expelled.
The six year old is the sweetest child, and I took care of his every need until he was 3, she almost ignored him. His first words at a year and a half old was "thank you" when I gave him a cracker we were sharing as we watched Cars...I almost fell off the couch, haha! :-)