I was abused as a child bride and this is what I learned | Samra Zafar | TEDxMississauga
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 31 ก.ค. 2017
- Her story has captured a nation from coast to coast across Canada and beyond. Samra Zafar takes us on a journey of survival and self-discovery.
Samra was trapped as a child bride in an abusive marriage for over a decade, with no hope of ever finding freedom and opportunities to live with respect. Samra is an advocate for survivors of domestic violence, and her own journey of survival was featured in Toronto Life magazine in February 2017. Her feature on Yahoo Canada's Facebook page became the page's most watched video of all time, with over 6.6 million views.
Samra Zafar is a Commercial Account Manager in the Toronto Business and Professional Services department at RBC Royal Bank. She was previously an Associate with the ABL group at RBC Capital Markets.
Samra is a multiple award winning graduate of the University of Toronto, a Public Speaker, an upcoming Author, and the Founder of Brave Beginnings, an organization dedicated to helping women find personalized mentorship, friendship and support to rebuild their lives after oppression and abuse. After overcoming severe challenges and adversity, Samra went on to graduate with
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
![แข่งแลกของ 1 วัน!! ของใครแพงสุดชนะ!! [Ver.2024]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/joRT59ilPHg/mqdefault.jpg)
I almost cried when she got to the part about the Pakistani man writing her that she is the reason he's decided to turn down his 17 year old daughter's marriage proposal and send her to University instead. By going vocal with her story, this woman has saved that girl's life.
Yes, a parent starts thinking about the real outcome for his daughter if he cares about her instead of allowing society to dictate the terms of her future without concern for her.
Exactly! Me too!
that's the thing - not every arranged marriage is abusive and university is not for everyone either. i'm not saying he made a right or wrong choice concerning his daughter's life. i'm saying his daughter should be educated enough to know which decision is right for her, even if it is neither of those options. control and abuse can be implemented just as much during ongoing education as it can in a marriage, whether it is arranged or not.
same
Texaslife43 I don't have an issue with arranged marriage exactly, as long as the ones getting married don't object to it, but I'm 100% against child brides.
To the 94 people who disliked this.. She's talking about you
Steph Y Amen sister
People are aware when they abuse others. Of course there are going to be dislikes.
they are 258 now, steph.
@Jackson Smith i think she talking to the ones that "liked". Make you feel right for once.
292 now
At 17 married to a man 10-years older. Lived with his family who emotionally and verbally abused. Left after two and half years. Luckily no children.
Good luck in your new life.
🤗💕
Contraceptives are a necessity for this reason. Children should experience love, not a man who regards his family as an exhibition of his moral standing, when he is a fraud.
@@shades4314
minors can't consent
Uhh such a relief to you!! .hope you find whatever you're looking for 💙
Thank you for calling it a "forced marriaged" rather than an "arranged marriage." Accuracy is necessary! God Bless You!
my right ear feels alone
same
Same
Same
Same
I thought it was my headphones 🎧😂
The speech is very good telling girls how to stand up against abuse. The problem is her parents making her into a child bride. It's a cultural stronghold that needs to come-down .
If she did know the guy and wanted to marry him I would not see a big problem ..... But it's unbelievble that they forced her to marry a stranger who is even 12 years older than her .... I am living in Iraq and that's ansolutlety not normal
At 16 she should be thinking about school and her future, not about getting married and having kids. And forced marriages, especially if someone is below 18, should be illegal. Without question.
+Eaglesda21 Thank you, Absolutlely correct!
Christen Denise That's what she's doing!
"AT ALL TIMES?"
Nonsense!
JUST in with islamics.
My grans had 9 girls, he gave all his money to his wife, they sent ALL 9 girls to school, etc.
I am seeing this again after 2 year later and I can't believe that I didn't even know I was going through emotional abuse by my family. 5 days before I left my home. I am living in a apartment on my own. I am an independent girl at the age of only 19 in Pakistan.
nova Communications I wish you all the best! I hope you find a good support system and good mentors in life. Be safe girl ❤️
@@sagek7949 I wish you the best. take care yourself, please. Keep it strong.
u go girl
Im a Pakistani female and I can understand how difficult it is to live alone. Stay safe and strong. Prayers your way!
Tysm for your support and love. I'm doin well. Btw my name is Inza.
She was my econ Teaching assistant in university and I have mad respect for her!
You're so lucky
She is wonderful and I am so happy that she has her freedom to share her story and help
Others 🙏🙏🙏
this is great!!!
Mom of the year! This woman is a warrior!
Madame Evie preach!!! She's a inspiration ro women!!!
All Moms r warriors... One way or d another
Yes!!!
Yes
@@satyameternal4931 Okay well just like some people go through more trials in life than others, some mothers go through more trials in life than others. The lauding and celebration of one person's triumphs is not an attack on you, unless you feel it to be.
“I started sharing my story because I knew that the story wasn’t just mine”. That was beautiful.
*Abusers hate everything beautiful & try their best to destroy You are so worth lady that's why you exist*
@JRRnotTolkien sorry read about the religion special the quran chapter 3 surah nissa
@JRRnotTolkien can you explain how?
Our religion dosent say us not to study
Or dont send girls to school or universities☺
Our religion force us to get educated
You should have some knowldege about what you are saying and hurting someones feeling💔
@JRRnotTolkien I find this extremely offensive. Even if people are abused, and are of the Islamic Religion, it is more of a cultural thing. I bet tons of Americans that are Christian are abused or are the abuser, but you don't say that christianity is the religion of abuse. So please, think about what you say before you offend someone
JRRnotTolkien
Islam does not condone or encourage abuse.
But abusers will use anything at their disposal to condone their own monstrous behavior.
Sadly this tends to be their religion but it does not have to be.
Abuse is about overpowering others. Religion is the tool some abusers use, but if not for the religion the abuser would just find another tool.
JRRnotTolkien
Not Muslim, but my friend (who is Muslim) said that Islam encourages peace. Saying that they are the “Religion” of abuse is VERY inaccurate. There are abusers in EVERY religion, and as a Christian I will admit that there are abusers in my religion as well. Please don’t generalize a whole religion.
"We teach our children to be book smart. we need to start teaching them to be emotionally smart, and relationship smart, we're already teaching them about mental health"
Yea the public school system is all about training good workers. It has nothing to do with raising a healthy society.
when I was younger...like about 14 or something...now I'm 17 almost 18...my father used to say this in front of his friends about me as a joke : "if she doesn't do well in school...I'm gonna get her into marriage" and I felt humiliated although it was just a joke. I couldn't imagine how you handled all these things....such a strong woman ♥
P.S. thank you for 1.4K likes... I did very well in school and currently pursuing a degree in International Affairs.
Nur Rabiatul Yes I can't believe some of the comments.
Wramen
Stay strong and do not let anybody erode your confidence, even your closest ones.
Hope thank youuu :)
i'm sorry he treated you that way. you didnt deserve it.
when she said about the counselor saying "it's not your fault" i burst into tears
Bea Yep! Me too!
Me too
Bea
The emotion of crying comes.... when u r in a similar situation.
mind talking to me once on my Instagram id passionatedoctor.
stay blessed.
Me too! 😭
its a pretty cliche thing to say, yet so powerful. even if you dont think you know what to say to help, always say something. the intent always shines through.
I cried when she said her biggest reward of sharing her story is the fact that a Pakistani father turned down his daughter's arranged marriage and sent her to college instead! Standing forward and sharing your trauma is not a sign of cowardice, it is a great leap out of the control of the abusers! Thanks for this talk!!!
I'm in my car with my boyfriend of 5years, I started watching this video, I was in tears, he said "I think I should go now". he was very uncomfortable hearing the speech... He stared walking home, its -10 today. I was thinking of giving him another chance. Thank you for my NEW beginning. ❤
earth strong how are you doing? it’s been 5 months, And I just want to hear if you are doing well.
Prayers for you!!!
@@morgand3675 I'm doing great, Thank God. I'm happy again. thank you for your concern. ❤
@@claudiayanirarojas1808 Gracias. ❤
@@earthstrong1616 Was it a forced marriage? What did he do did he beat you?
“While my friends dreamed of weddings and mangles. I dreamed of going to Harvard or Stanford.” This woman is literally me.
💚💚💚
💖
I used to be both but now only education matters to me
Stay safe and work hard to go to University but stay alert to dealing with a different type of abuse in work, the abuse through gender and racial discrimination. It happens for the same underlying reason, someone wants power and control over you so they feel safe and secure. Everyone is fighting for their survival and you need set a high threshold to gain your trust and you will be more than fine.
Praying your dream comes true. But those schools aren't as good as you think not anymorw. Don't let them change you.
was also in a abusive relationship from 16-19 yrs old. I was emotionally and verbally abused. He broke up with me, and I was so relieved. I never realized I was in a abusive relationship until my friends on Facebook started posting articles explaining abusive relationships. I just broke down in tears, because I finally realized why I was so depressed for 3 yrs, and why I wanted to die. I really appreciate this ted talk.
i hope you're doing okay now! that's horrible and i'm so sorry you had to go through that. i know i'm one year too late but i just wanted to say you're beautiful and worth it
It takes years b4 ppl even understand it , let alone recuperate from it... I m still going thru the latter.. give me strength n love ...folks
It took me a long time too, but ultimately it made me stronger and wiser. I hope you are fine
My teachers at the school taught us: ''girls if a boys hit you once in a relationship get out, no matter what he says it wont't happened again, if someone can hit you once he will do it again.''
Emotional abuse happens in a lots of different ways. Controlling behaviour is one of them. If someone is trying to control you then you will face emotional abuse late or early
This is totally my story. Physical abuse in my first relationship. Emotional abuse in my second relationship. And no six children later - I am just one semester away from my Bachelor degree. My story goes on. Thank you for sharing. Whoever watches this : Yes, You can be free. Your Story isn’t over ❤️
OMG the dislikes really worry me, what kind of human beings are these 500+ people 😰.
I’m scared for the innocent children in this scary world.
My left ear enjoyed this
Hey I found a fren
lmao my left ear can hear every time she opens her mouth
Ella Neely hi brother gee
Nirim Does Stuff Nah man I don't belive u
less panic! more forehead lol same
As someone who has lived with emotionally abusive parents I think we also have to add that sometimes the abuser doesn't even know what they're doing is abuse. With physical abuse it's obvious but my father doesn't know that what he's done to me is abuse. He loves me. That's what makes abuse so hard to confront. It's not always obvious and sometimes it takes years for even the victim to understand that what happened to them is abuse.
Same here ...
same my mom also hits me and is part of a cult i want to leave them and burn down the house i hate them
That's not love. But I know someone who can show you true love
You're right. It took me turning 17 and meeting people who confronted me about it to realize that what was happening at home was abuse. It took me turning 20 to move out and away from everything. It took me turning 21 to retroactively realize the true scale of it. Realize how many things that I had brushed off as a kid were chilling signs of everything that went wrong in our family. I was telling childhood stories to someone one day, and while talking, I suddenly got that sinking feeling in my gut that having our neighbors repeatedly threaten to call the police on us because we were screaming so much was neither normal nor funny. In retrospect, it's horrifying. And even more horrifying was my parent's insistance on always closing the windows when we were fighting, so the neighbors wouldn't hear. Things like that are something I just accepted because I didn't know any different. Well, now I know. And I won't lie to myself again. I have a good relationship with my father nowadays, but no contact with my mother. While he was never innocent in what happened and definitely enabled her, I know that he was also manipulated by her for a quarter of a century. They are getting divorced now, and I'm happy for him. I know he loves me and my sisters and regrets many of the things he did and wish it would have gone differently. But it's in the past now and I'm moving on, and hope we will be able to eventually heal and become better than before.
I disagree. They know at some level that their behaviour is wrong. Abuse is about control and nothing else.
313 people who disliked this are abusers, right? I feel so much respect for her now, she's an example for all the people out there who are being abused. And I think each of us feel related at some point in our lives. Thank you for sharing your story and for the great education you're giving to your children.
Because most of Muslims don't like to see that their wives are talanted
Or believe in child marriage
Liked the fact that she mentioned abused suffered by men. Something that is often left out.
Now its our turn to teach our children about this. We have to teach them that each human is suppose to treat each other with respect and love nothing else.
With dignity
Hearing the story about the man who decided to send his daughter to university instead of marrying her off because of this woman's article sent chills down my spine. That's amazing
I was in an abusive marriage for 9 years. Everything she said was true. Especially the beginning part where she says to imagine yourself closed in a box, where you cannot see or hear or barely breathe. That is totally how it feels.
Ann Wallace I’m blessed by reading “I was”. I am proud of you by taking your freedom and living a better life that you deserve. I don’t know you but I feel empathy for you. Well done, and good life.❤️
I used to spend any free time I had watching the jets crisscross in the sky and wish and wish that I was up there...
I was emotionally abused when I was 17. I would constantly walk on egg shells with this person and eventually he left and I was relieved. For years after that I was terrified of talking to people because I thought that everyone was a ticking time bomb, but they weren't. I realized that it wasn't normal and that man was just sick. Thank you for addressing this.
many people who are sick have been hurt that doesn't excuse it but it is just something to take into account
Similar experience. Still feel this way.
When you spoke about your daughter identifying the signs of abuse, I could feel how proud you were. If and when I have children, I want to educate them on the signs of abuse as well. Thank you for bringing light to this and giving people of an idea on what to teach their children next. You're truly inspirational!
Cinnamon The Cat please do this, I had a friend who was being abused for over a year and he was so manipulative and charismatic that I didn’t realize he was abusive until she was telling my boyfriend and I the reasons why she left and we were finally able to piece things together. Luckily she did have two other friends who recognized what was happening and supported her by giving support and help.
I grew up in an alcoholic and abusive family. I thought I escaped but didn't realize I was emotionally and financially abused. I never knew the guilt they made me feel was abuse. Not until I saw my mom rejoice in my sadness and despair did I see how scary abuse is.
shakalove ugh been there. I can only be around my mom at certain times
Now that we're adults, it was amazing to finally see the glee at our misfortunes as insane. It was such an eye opener - and hopefully something that will remind us that it's not about us.
I cried because this is how I get treated in my family but I can`t change anything
What is happening? Do they beat you, curse, pressure into marriage? What city do you live in? You are educated, talk with trusted teacjher, school councelor. Search online and contact shelters for women. There are sites on Internet and facebook pages and emails of organistaions like "Gilrs not Brides"' "Too young Too Wed", Plsn International, they will help you and give you shelter.
Is it because u feel u have kids so ur stuck??
I hope you can find the courage to reach out to any of the organizations Bogdana has mentioned; and I hope for better for you. Be safe
You can justt leave if u have kids leave with them u dont deserve to be treated like this
Will Buracus no here in my country the will stand by family especially cause my dad has power
Bless this woman’s heart. I cried the whole time she was talking. She is a beautiful soul.
Hi
I'm a man and really glad that you got out of that HELLHOLE! I wish you good luck in all your endeavors in life.
I study and talk on women's issues and as an Asian woman I can say it is definitely a problem that is caused by a few things. 1 culture. A lot of us are not allowed to make our own decisions and our family puts us in unsafe positions because of 2 lack of education and 3 religious ideology. Many of us are forced into things because of our families religious beliefs. Finally this generational cycle of abuse continues because the fear of social stigma causing the abused to become people pleasers. No one speaks up because for so many years cultural programming has told us this is the norm in Asian and Arab communities. With innerstanding and education we can change that.
Respect Quantum Kitty. This is generational and in cycles. We need to find ways to step back out of the trauma and look at why this has happened this long. There are people that are successful in dealing with these setbacks who learned to overcome it. What skills did these people have and why was it effective? What causes people to abuse others, what is their background, and what do they get out of abuse? Some of these answers are spiritual. We are the ones in the physical dealing with spiritual issues, it can be solved on spiritual levels, but that doesn't make it easy, we have inner work to do. This is unfortunately is why we are here, to do the difficult work in a spiritual war.
Kitty - if the belief system is obsessed with control, and if it instructs believers to punish people who develop their own personal sovereignty, then it is a cult, not a religion.
That is what people need to know.
this is so true i live in Arabia and i have an abusive dad and i really can’t di any thing about it i hope when i turn 18 i’ll be in a better place
You are 100% correct!! I agree with you totally!!
I love her intelligence. Specially her mentioning the importance of the emotional education of children.
To the 634 people who disliked this video she's talking about you
@RD discipline Who's the Aisha you're talking about?
took me 11 years for a light bulb to go off in my head about this. I never really had this talk. No one told me that there was such thing as emotional abuse. I thought abuse was physical.
Beware.. even on Spiritual level ...also... It exists.. in subtle n undetectable form
Still there milions of girls needs saving :(
Mrs Godfrey and boys
Richelle Tong yes and boys 💙
Exol!!!
" My friends dreamed off getting married, while i dreamed to go to harvard or stampford " now that is the best line in this video
"Now imagine you're going to be in that box forever"
This is the most significant part of what it feels like, but also the least understood. A lot of people can't grasp what it's like to truly feel trapped in life
I know... how it feels....still trapped in the box!! Was married at 16! Now I have 2 kids and no education or a job... live far away from home. Don’t have the courage to get help. Completely lost.
I hope u doing good 💕
@@Rosie-ou2eg you can do it
I know where you are coming from. My mother lived like that and I stopped being scared of my father at 38. I finally told him to stop or he was not welcome in my home as I was not willing to be like my mother. Keep talking, you are amazing!!!
Agree
.... I too stood up for what's right... Though I don't have my own home yet bt I wanna build up an institute for all round education n creating awareness in society .
A pity that the title of the video does not express the importance that every woman and man should watch this. I would recommend to add something like "are you in an abusive relationship?" or so. A very good talk!
Hmm.... So according to you child marriage is acceptable?
@@irentrooms6946 no that comment means according to the title, almost everyone can think that she is talking about teh topic that particularly women will be more interested in. She also mentions untold cases of males being abused,so it means title must contain more information. And child marriage is a catastrophe.
So proud of you!
I'm from India. I know this happens a lot in my country. And we're sort of helpless about it!
survivors, please be aware of covert narcissists. they are wolves in sheep's clothing. if it is too fast, too good to be true, slow it down, they will see they have no power over you of you are wary, and hopefully leave you alone. get strong and fight back with us!
Agreed! A few years ago I was talking to some guy I met on a dating app. 4 days after meeting him, he asked me to marry him. I'm like, "what?!". I told him I just wanted to be friends at that point. He went back to his country and we would talk. Each time we would talk he kept pushing the subject of getting married. I told him that he keeps trying to rush things and in turn he would get angry at me. He would talk to me like a little kid that needed to be discipled if I didn't agree with me. His aunt even had the nerve to say he's an account and well off. One day I told him I want to be friends and blocked him. Completely left me alone. Thank goodness.
Narcissist abuse is very common but not know so people dont know they are being abuse
After i watched this ,
I went to tell someone about my friend. She was getting sexaul harassment every time she saw her boyfriend. Me and her are just 13.
THANKS YOU for telling. You did a great thing and hope u stand up for more of your friends in the future. Keep being an awesome person
that was very kind of you
+Ellamay McCrohan - GOOD for YOU for protecting your friend.
My question is WHY are so many young girls are seeing this video. I've never read so many comments from teenagers before. I'm glad though!
Awake n suit up.. respect n love urself ..
@@michellespiritual7729 the world is changing n children r maturing earlier... Let them be.
I almost cried when i heard about the father turning down the marriage
Abusers are damaged people who don't have insight into their screwed psychology, nor the courage to get therapy. Love gives and does, in every way, and should leave you feeling empowered and uplifted. God bless you for sharing your journey. 🌅💕
Congratulations for turning your life around and impacting on thousands of others lives.
I am proud of my student from Pakistan who had a similar situation of child marriage to a guy who claimed he was a doctor. He and his family were cruel and abusive. My student had the courage to defy not just the in-laws but also her own parents who implored her to "compromise". She finished her undergrad and MBA and now one of the more successful young and upcoming executive.
She like you removed the dehumanizing labels and chains, to become a powerful, happy human being. All the best to you and your daughters.
B Sridhar awesome!
My stepfather has always made me feel useless. Although in our country child brides are not the norm, I remember him fighting with my mother because he wanted me to get a job to pay rent at 16 and not go to college (I guess high school in America/Canada.) In his eyes I'm only a resource for money and someone to do the chores. I have a degree and am doing my postgraduate and he hates that- he once told me everyone with a degree is lazy and just trying to avoid real work. No one else in my family has or, to my knowledge, has ever had a degree. I have a fiance I love and I can't wait until I can get away from my stepfather for good. But this video really moved me, I don't think I could ever be as brave as you, but you've helped me feel a little more worth something. It's brilliant that you've helped so many people to break free from abuse as well. I hope those people who send you threats can one day have their eyes opened and that you feel good about the work you have done. You are a superhero.
恵理Ellysia justice will be served to your stepfather.
From the deep recesses of my heart, I am sorry for the abuse. May I ask why your mother allows it?
Congratulations on your degree. You are amazing!
Now go and be a light to someone else being abused.
Peace n strength be to u sister...
恵理Ellysia well said dear one! Your post was 2 years ago, I hope you are healing and found well !
.peace of mind live
Dont listen to tour stepfather. Tell him to pick on someone his own age and gender
This is a wonderful and important talk. It's incredibly common and nothing to be ashamed of. I've been emotionally abused and I still feel the affects from that relationship. I thought it would never happen to me. But it started out good and by the time I realized what was happening and how vulnerable I was, 6 months had already gone by. I was a pretty quiet person and conversation wasn't always easy for me. My boyfriend in that relationship would tell me that if I didn't start talking more and becoming more interesting that he would get bored and find someone else. So I was always worried he would break up with me all the time and constantly worried about making sure to talk, but when I talked he'd make me feel idiotic like whatever I asked was stupid or annoying. Things that I liked to do, he didn't-- and if I did them while he was around he would ridicule me. So I stopped doing them. It came to the point where I only felt worth anything when we were intimate. It took me time to finally realize that that's literally all I meant to him and that he didn't actually love me. Looking back, I feel so dumb for not telling him to stuff it and leaving him. If someone treats you as she describes or you notice those signs early on, walk away! You have every right and you are worth more than how you are being treated. Always take the opportunity to educate your children! And kids... listen to your parents. They are speaking from experiences that they don't want you to have to go through.
Akaii m
Peace be to u ... N strength too..
Somtyms parents themselves abuse emotionally for long n reprimand physically quite often thinking it to be their birthright ... I hav been thru it... For may be 21 years ... I stood up n walked away.. bt i was already broken by then.. m fixing myself still... Dnt knw hw to do quickly n correctly.
Run......
The South Asian community is where the ethnic British community was a hundred years ago. It will be another generation before we brits get it right.
These brave ladies are like the suffragettes were from 1900-1913.We can pass laws and stand by and support them, but in the end it is their fight, It will take them until 2100 to win, and I will be long gone by then. May the Lord bless you real good
She came to my school, she was so lovely and understanding, I wish all the best for her
Thank you for sharing your story.. I can relate to your story with my life.. but now I have also moved on from abusive relationship with two kids. It was not only physical abuse but emotional and psychological abuse, which normally people don't want to understand.. I am educating my daughter not to lower her standards in order to be accepted by people.. I want her to rise high with confidence and pride...
"The Wahhabi Myth" by Haneef James Oliver
Thanks for that ! People often just look away when someone gets abuse or worse they still are friends with those who abuse, so these typ of people feels supported. Thanks for standing here and beeing so inspiring! Cheers from Europe
Good Day pm
.. being**
"It's not your fault." When I finally got treatment to recover from an abusive relationship, those were the words that changed my world too. Such a brave woman, thank you for sharing your story.
As a child I was put away in that dark closed confined space and abused but it took many years to recover in which the scars never go away .I truely believe it's the strength we carry inside that makes us stronger . As women we must stand up and stand strong and let our voice be heard . Your a very strong woman for speaking and for this you deserve great respect .May God bless you and your famili and give you much happiness in life 🌺🌷
I randomly came across this video and I just couldn't stop listening. And that's how powerful her message is!
This woman is a Brain Power!!! Thanks
I heard my story. I left one abuser and went into another. I’m a Registered Nurse. We must teach our kids. Anywhere, everywhere is Right
Miss Linda I heard your story as well, you are right it exists all over the world. But no for sure God loves you God will protect you, and I love you for being a strong woman as well.
I love seeing strong women leaving these jerks
As a world we must do better. I’m an American and if you think abuse doesn’t exist here you’re wrong. We need to Support each other.
I was in a verbal and psychologically abusive relationship when I was sixteen. I really appreciate your talk; I dealt with what happened to me in almost exactly the same way. I researched and researched to find the reason why, but I didn't want to believe that he just wanted control when he was so nice sometimes. I am so glad to hear someone talk about it so unapologetically and actually tell the truth of what abusive relationships are like and how easy it is to find yourself in one when you don't know the signs. Of all the people who talk about abuse, your talk and explanations resonated with me the most. Thanks so much.
117 people disliked her talk... let that sink in
Kristina S they all must b abusers too
Now the number is 313... One day maybe.. we can search those morons to the end of the earth.. n ask them why .
Probably the abusers
Such a inspiring story not all people are abusers but if u in one get out soon study an do something inspiring.
What a great talk. Yes, there are a lot of abusers disguised as good loving people. Abuse doesn't necessarily involve bruises or screaming. An abuser can be the softest kindest person on Earth, but if you think you are going crazy for no reason - look around you. The reason is probably standing next to you and smiling.
To all the people who are being abused right now or were abused in the past , just remember that YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS & IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!
One who grew in abusive society can hardly realize it's entirely wrong. You are very brave and open minded.! Cudos
I was in an abusive relationship from the age of 14 for 3 years on and off and I wish my parents had talked to me about abusive relationships as I may have been able to avoid 3 years of torment and abuse which had spiralled into deep depression. Thankfully I am much better now and have my own daughter who I will be having these conversations with so that I can hopefully protect and empower her. This talk made me appreciate the benefit of talking and communicating with people around you.
This lady is making a difference in her life, especially in saving abused women. Thank you.
"Now imagine ur going to be in that box forever "
Me : * opens eyes nervously *
Hey, you. Yea, you reading this comment.
You are wonderful. Respected and loved.
You deserve more love than you do hate.
Stand up for yourself, and never let negative remarks and actions get the better of you.
Listen to your heart, be true to yourself and never let go of the fire that burns inside of your soul.
Be the change you wish to see in the world and never let go of Hope.
Never let go of you. Share your story, love your story, help others and inspire them to be strong.
Inspire them through your heart and soul.
You will be grateful and happy and more free than you have ever been. Be strong
Blue Wolfe thank you 💙
you brought tears to my eyes...
Thanks you this was one of the only good things of this week 😀
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A message for people of ALL ages and ALL relationships: spouse, friendships, siblings, the workplace. I wish I had known that this abuse was not normal or acceptable 50 years ago.. Samra expresses this amazingly well! Thank you for having the courage to give this talk!
This woman is amazing. I'm in an emotionally abusive relationship now. She has given me hope. She's my hero
I GREW UP IN Abu Dhabi AND THEN MOVED TO CANADA (I am Canadian) and this story has my mind blown. So proud that you got out of that situation and have changed so many lives.
This woman is awesome 😎
Victims of emotional abuse are a lot more likely to attract and be attracted to abusive partners....until they have worked through and integrated all of their fragmented unhealed "parts". I totally agree that the answer lies in identifying the signs of abuse, and recognizing them for what they are...namely attempts to feel safe...and teaching healthier ways to get those needs met.... before they become life long patterns. And generally for us all to learn to recognize the signs of relational aggression and abuse....although, sadly, the "easiest" way (and, no it is NOT easy) to truly learn this at a gut level is to have suffered this type of abuse. The other side of the coin is for everyone...men, women, children, all genders, all races to learn to love and respect themselves...and to build healthy boundaries.
+MaCoeur - great comment.
I cried with my memories of my own abuse and jealousy ...but I walked away...nobody can change an abuser only he can do that and is very, very hard...they think is normal...
Emotional abuse is so difficult to see. It is also incredibly difficult to gain your footing when you are at times showered with compliments. But they are always compliments designed to make you unsure of your own mind and thoughts. Often it is difficult to know where the truth lies. Respect and honor in difficult times are key traits for seeing clearly. Thank you.
Some day a man will be strong enough to fight the abuse of men.
Same bro
It's time to talk about relationships to children and teach to give respect
As someone who was emotionally abused by different people from the age 14, but recently just realised it at 18, I truly appreciate this video. Stay strong and please remember; you are important and worth something
“Knowledge is power” I hear that all the time but I was never told what it meant. There is always posters that say that at my school but they never tell us what it means. After knowing it my whole life and just now knowing the meaning it seems so much more powerful. I really liked this TEDTalks
knowledge is power
Exactly. They don't have that.
"Being yourself truly and unapologeticly" made me want to cry because as an autistic that is not an option that is open to me if I want to be accepted by society.
Shame on the people who disliked this video!!!
It's universal truth .. women having courage getting up others still drowning ... u created a beautiful example !!
Samara, you go girl. Do not stop sharing your story, I myself suffered this at the age of 20 thru 22. I found that inner strength and got rid of this abuser, the only positive note was my daughter whom I'm proud of. I now have two wonderful children.
Thank you for your strength in sharing.
The composure with which she talks about such nightmares..
Right ❤️
"It's not your fault."
Thank you for all that you do.
I have got the answer of why I have been so difficult to get a good partner for so long years. Giving presentation in front of people was always a nightmare. I was rather not to be remarkable, wanted to be hidden like her. I have been criticized myself not being able to organizing properly my house. I noticed today that, it's because have penetrated I am not worth while if I do not organizing things. Because most of in my child life I have been worthless unless I put whole things properly. As a child , I have been emotionally abused and being trapped more than 30years.
Now I understood. Thank you giving me a great awareness.
Hisami Futakuchi Best of luck in reclaiming your freedom! Awareness is already a great step forward; it's hard to be satisfied with life when we're hiding away from it like this. All the best on your journey:)
You are amazing and strong and I truly wish you the best.
Hisami Futakuchi I'm so sorry that you had to experience such hardship. I too have had gone thru similar hardships, surprisingly as a man, I had a hard time to pull myself out the deep pit i dug myself into. a failed marriage, the death of my youngest son, and bad relationships. I was wondering if you teach Japanese, if you do, I would like to be a student. I want to visit Japan and I have a friend who I would like to surprise with her with at least being able to speak to her family. thank you for your time.
+Hisami F - I am sooo happy this video helped you.
+MrFishluver - if she has her YT channel open, you can message her you know, although most people don't respond back to me & they'd have to have an e-mail that they read all the time.
Just type /about at the end of their YT URL.
Have fun in Japan & I'm glad you are coming into your own. If you ever want my list of alternative therapy courses, please message me.
My god I have no words to Express what I feel now after listening to this it's like this happens to us every single day but we don't understand it .
She's right. you never know you get abused until you experience one. ✨
I'm embarrassed to say as a man that so many other men don't treat their wives with the tenderness and respect they deserve. I was raised in a home with Christian parents where my father set a good example as a father and husband. Whatever she wanted he tried his best to supply.
This woman is absolutely amazing.
I remember always thinking and rethinking at what I was about to say to my husband, especially if it was an important topic. I have been divorced for over 10 years now . For all this time, he still does anything in his power to destroy or hurt me. I know now that there isn't any right way and there is no reason. I no longer feel less than. Maybe one day he'll get an epiphany before he dies. Maybe he won't. It's not up to me to help him . I get to live my life in bliss and gratefulness. Just the way I want.
She is very brave..she stand up for millions of women who are suppressed and abuse..great work..may God blees this lady
Ms. Zafar is such a beautiful human being. She is helping others realize that the world is not perfect, surviving in it and to realize "It's not your fault." She is doing something significant and that is creating awareness, because if you don't understand the problem, you have no tools to deal with it. That inner voice she is talking about is God, who is with you the whole time, your biggest friend in a world that wants you under control, yet you are part of all that is, and such world can do nothing about that.
I'm 1 out of 3 as well is my best friend, and another one of our good friends. Once I ended my abusive relationship and learned that stat I realized- wow we were in a singing group of about 12 young women....I haven't kept in touch with all of those women, but that stat really seems about right.
"In a few day, they're gonna find that reality about me" this one hit too close to home
Being a mother or father, if you respect your responsibility far outweighs university. You can allways educate yourself daily.
Asking myself, “what if he’s wrong? “ Started me on my journey out of an abusive relationship. I’m 4 years out of it now.
Keep speaking, Sister. In a different setting, you are telling the story of millions of women around the world. I am a survivor. Because of abuse, the medical world has developed a whole new brain surgery to help survivors like me to live to raise our children.