Summary: If you or somebody you know feels tired and a decrease in productivity, ask "what matters the most to me in this context?" And use that as a basis for your future behaviour. If someone you know shares something, try to engage with that person by asking them more about their feelings first instead of immediately sharing a similar story you experienced.
Actually, I believe he warned against assuming that our priorities are the same as another person's. So rather than putting ourselves in someone else's shoes, we should ASK the other person what THEY most need, since it may differ significantly from what we would want.
Understanding what matters the most in different situations & connecting on it: A ) Belonging : - inclusion - acceptance - feeling part of the tribe - social relationships B ) Security : - systems - structures - consistency - rules - fair play C ) Freedom : - autonomy - independence - ability to get our fingerprints on things - take a risk and make decisions D ) Significance : - quality and excellent work - make progress - achieve great results - move the needle E ) Meaning : - purpose - legacy - the greater good - changing the world
I appreciate that he is an educated, intelligent, articulate man who has had many life experiences that are worth talking about and probably writing books about (although I have never read any of his books). However, I don't feel that the title of this video is aptly, or accurately, titled. I feel more that the core value of this video was connection with others & giving them the significance that they needed, then it was about fixing the exhausted brain. Hence the reason I was here....... and will now have to search elsewhere.
My notes of the 5 things that matter to people: Belonging: feeling part of the tribe, social relationships Security: systems, structures, consistency, rules and fair play Freedom: autonomy, independence, the chance to get messy, take risks, make decisions Significance: the ability to do quality, excellent work, make progress, achieve results, move the needle Meaning: purpose, legacy, the greater good, changing the world To energize a tired brain, find out what element you're craving in a situation, and work on giving yourself that in some way. We go wrong when we assume what we/others want instead of investigating. Eg you might be exhausted from lack of freedom (dopamine) but someone else might feel the same, but for a different reason, like a lack of security (serotonin).
Read (or watch on TH-cam) Daniel Link's Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us. It's not rocket science. It's people science and caring enough to try. Most companies would have just managed Paul's out and replaced her. Sad, but true. The repercussions of not caring are devastating to our entire society.
This was eye opening for me! I realize at times, I have unconsciously put myself in other people's shoes not realizing how insensitive that is. Part of growing as a individual is recognizing character defects and being more mindful. I also realize that in order to be productive, you must be fully engaged mentally and not operate in a fog. Thank You!
One thing I took from this was that if you want to feel energized yourself, leave other ppl feeling energized by getting clear on what matters to them and by hearing them. Absolutely Excellent talk fr fr ❤️
I like this. Sadly, what he's describing the need for is the natural feeling of community we've been losing since we disbanded our tribes. Because our employers generally aren't our friends or family, there's too little of this and I think people get burned out from the perception that the world is hostile rather than friendly.
@@BrianGivensYtube Quite so. You've got a procession of lost youngsters coming from broken homes, too. They could probably benefit from some such family-style guidance.
1. When your brain is depleted; you lose attention, get distracted, react impulsively, loses the thread. 2. Leaders needs to move from parenting to partnering- when people try to fix us, it creates more depletion. 3. Trainable skill: there are things that we can do, recognizing what we value!! Meaning, purpose, legacy- we need to connect to WHAT MATTER MOST for the employee, what MATTERS to you as a LEADER is not the same to YOUR employees- find out what matters to the other person 4. WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT TO YOU? Ask people, ask the question-ONE SINGLE QUESTION- is it Belonging, meaning, security, significance or Freedom??? 5. HOW DO YOU ENERGIZE YOUR BRAIN? Create Connection (then that connection RELEASES oxytocin- helps with trust, rapport? Dopamine Level- what can you do to release this Dopamine? Yes, find an opportunity to significance Serotonin Level- Yes, what can you do? Partner with them for Progress- Avoid Putting YOURSELF in another person shoes- Your autobiographical self is limited to YOU. “What is it like for YOU?” People live your presence either engaged or depleted!!!
Ir seems I deal with some people whose goal in life is to be right all the time. They are not of course but have this incessant need. I find it depletes my energy.
Opening with that story, being able to relate to Paula, connecting to you as a father, and that ending!!! Wow!!! Bravo!!!! Thank You Brady!!! My favorite TED talk of all time!
I can relate to your comment. Still feel I can incorporate some points into my life. Finding myself in a small community with an intention to become accepted with my ideas to improve/ enriched ar least one person life was and still is a challenge. All the points in the category of belonging clarify my way of understanding my struggle . Many thanks. I have shared this valuable video with my son and his girlfriend. Keep sharing. Thanks again
Great talk ! It made me realize how strongly connected are the lack of motivation and the lack of opportunity's perception. When you feel like you are left aside at work, this is when your brain becomes foggy and you feel mentally ill.
When I stopped overdoing things, my mind, body and soul felt happier with less stress. Sometimes we have to slow down and let others be there for you too
This is an amazing speech. It made me realize that there was never anything wrong with me. If anyone knew what I had been through!! Now I need to energize my brain with his recommendations. Thank you for explaining what I have always tried to explain to loved ones!
Wow!! This is just what I needed. I was so depleted last night because I I was doing Paula’s boss did to one of my subordinates. I was so exhausted and angry that I was read to write him off. So I prayed and this TED talk showed up so I was listening to it as I was getting ready and then again on my commute to work. How I feel hopeful again and I have a whole new game plan now how to address the conflicts that I am facing. Thank you so much!
Thank you for this wisdom! This is more relevant to the current job market than ever; For companies, for employees, for job seekers, for everyone. "Burnout" is a major problem, not an excuse. People Matter MOST - Not the number in your bank account.
This is powerful information. We think that by sharing our 'stuff', we are connecting. But I see that just listening and asking a simple question about what they shared is much more powerful. I guess we all want to be heard and appreciated for what we've shared, But timing is everything! This reinforces my journey to be a better listener, and showing my caring by taking in what they have shared, and holding back from diluting their experience. Thanks so much for illustrating such a clear picture of what that looks like from the other side of the conversation.
Mr. Wilson's speech really impressed me. Personally, I recognize the loss of executive functioning from a lifetime of stress, which could be physical or mental. I think this being the first thing to go explains why it's so hard to initiate change oneself, and why it's so vital that our interactions with one another maintain an authentic curiosity around how to help one another ("what matters most to you?" "how can I help you to achieve that?"). I liked his example at the end, of his friend asking him a question that stimulated a reliving of what mattered most to Mr. Wilson in that situation, regarding his son's safety. It would be interesting to know more about the connections between the neurochemicals and the things that energize people.
I think this is best ted talk I've ever watched, i don't know how to explain how desperately i needed this. How he covers every corner. I simply didn't know i was this mentally exhausted. And id wonder why i was obsessed with finding connection. My brain is naturally reaching of oxytocin. It's hard for me to admit i need that. We all do. No one needs no one.
This is now the 7th or 8th time I’ve listened to this this year, and I take away something deeper each time. Absolutely Brilliant in so many ways. I found this months ago because my brain was exhausted - and I am leaving this listening energized. Brilliant, thank you sir for sharing this.
Great question: "What matters most to you in this situation?" Thank you for this insight, Brady! Partnerships are powerful- I also liked the discussion of the high-performance hormones...
Yes. There's a reason why I started nosebleed when I told my boss "I'm calling sick today" and because I'm on work training practice , I decide whenever I come to work and not, but my boss didn't listen to my needs and to what was important to me, and I was not expressing it clear enough this TED talk made that clear, so the response I got was "are you sure? You can just come by a few hours? I think it's good for you" and my boss put herself in my shoes and she is a very hard worker and she would have felt better to take her own advice in my shoes, but she forgot I am not her and I think people should start using the support "What do you need?" More often. Let the person speak for their own situation first before giving advice. When people ask what I need, I feel they respect me. And make it about me and my shoes.
In Germany you can study communication for restoring health. It is exactly what you describe: A) Aligning with what matters most for the other person. By simple questions and paciece to listen B) Supporting the other persons self regulation by more simple, not imposing questions, active listening and giving permission and support. C) Feel-act-evaluate. This is a circle...
Brilliant talk. One of the best TEDx speakers I’ve watched. Shame he’s only given 18 minute because there is a ton more explanation that could be elaborated on. Thanks for posting!
Excellent talk and so true. If you did not get it, listen to it again. He explains perfectly how to fix the exhausted brain, help others, ask, listen not only with your ears but also with your heart, find people find their passion and in the process you will fill complete and energized.
@@MiriamGonzalez-ch8dv by bonding with them, yes that seems to be the answer. You can only bond in energizing way via a true understanding with someone, so one party may need to work hard to meet with the other? (some bonds are far easier than others, but all are achievable)
@@MiriamGonzalez-ch8dv Nope, you have to ask yourself what's most important to you in the particular situation you're in (or what you wish you got from the particular situation you're in): 1. Belonging - inclusion, acceptance, feeling part of the tribe, social relationships 2. Security - systems, structures, consistency, rules and fair play 3. Freedom - autonomy and independence, the ability to get your fingerprints on things, take a risk and make decisions 4. Significance - the ability to do quality and excellent work, make progress, achieve great results, move the needle 5. Meaning - purpose, legacy, the greater good, changing the world Understanding what you need from the situation can itself give you a boost, because you know where to continue from - you already finished your first step to partnering with yourself to energize yourself. This realization of hope triggers possibility which releases dopamine which causes you to feel more motivated, goal oriented and increases creativity. With this motivation, you tap into the natural desire of us mammals - the want to outdo each other (it's the survival instinct). This releases serotonin which unlocks a sense of agency, belief, confidence, self efficacy - feeling invincible. I guess by this time, you're either back on track or getting back on track. You're motivated, you're energized and you no longer feel depleted. And you can achieve your full potential - or reach the full extent that you wish to reach. There's also a part about oxytocin and connecting, but I guess that applies more when you're trying to boost the morale of someone else. But anyway, oxytocin creates trust, rapport and bonding. So maybe you can even induce a better rapport with yourself too by asking yourself our key question 'What is most important to you in this particular situation?' and feeling like you really do desire to find out about it. It shows initiative - that you care enough to introspect and find out. And in the end, you can feel better and more energized. PS: The other point was about listening to your circumstances without judgement. If you're doing this yourself, maybe a diary can help, or a voice recording. Trying to sort it all out in your head might be harder. And while doing this, listen to yourself so that you can address your feelings about the situation rather than trying to come up with solutions and conclusions.
Felt like fully invested my time. Last 3 mins about Tyler was so touching. And also, It is good to know that right kind of appraoch can bring in a bright spark inside an exhausted brain.
I think it comes down to the organization making their employees feel appreciated, valued and accepted. Also, listening is one of the most important parts of having a connection with others, this is missed in many leadership positions.
I have not read Brady Wilson's 'Love at Work' but the words in that title are all we need while at work. Where there is Love there is nourishment, there is chances to grow, there is a way to make our working life flow. All these things and more, through Love create a happy workforce and a successful company.
This comment said more about energising the brain than the ted talk for me. One thing I’ve also found is if you have a mentally exhausting job to have hobbies that totally don’t require you to think.
Do u know what's exhausting u? I feel exhausted too, and I don't really know what it is. I'm quite happy with my life. Healthy too. Had some disappointments I can't do anything about, so I try and contemplate the situation in my brain, then focus on here and now when I'm done. It's like I may be addicted to overthinking. Yh, there are a lot of things that could be the problem, but idk which. Maybe I should try and make a bucket list of things to process, and work on them one by one. I may have just solved my problem in real time. I'm confused 🙂
After living in San Francisco for such a long time - a place where most would assume is welcoming and nice - I am beyond burnt out by speakers like this. No one steps into anyone else's shoes, as no one cares that much or even hardly at all.
This will help a ton if I can keep in in mind talking to my kids. Also it explains why as exhausted as I can be...its energizing for me to experience the tiniest bit of collaboration even if it is negative feedback or discovering my mistakes with the help of someone who I then consider a real person having my back. So Ted lookalike, I feel like you're my bud. Thanks!
I rarely comment on youtube but this time I just have to. This is one of the most powerful and valuable ted talks I've ever seen and it's so underrated here. Sometimes I just don't get people.
What I got out of this video is, he doesn't tell us how to fix our exhausted brains, but how we can help other people around us feel better. I liked it.
Thats where i was left by the end of it.....i couldn't really connect his problem to his solution. Another comment came to the conclusion that he must mean to "surround yourself with people that don't deplete you"
Das alte Leid it is about a. Everybody wants to love and be loved (the first part of the conversation about Brothers fightings in which the third brother took the role of messanger of Love to that brother that wanted to hear from the first brother, the initial fighter, to say that "I love you!!!"; b. Second example' message was to dedicate yourself if the boss in your workplaces is an understanding person and the stuff who are team workers, everybody has shares. Please add more...thank you!
I always do this. I go to bed relaxing and staying thankful. I drift off and get needed rest. Then get up doing what’s normal and take some deep breath’s. Thank the Lord above for all his wonderful blessings and that I woke up healthy. Then pour my favorite warm drink and relax then open my Bible read a bit of wonderful words then start my days.
Well I thought this was very interesting because not only it makes me think about how I may energize the "brains" around me, but also, it tells me what to look for if I feel down : engage and connect.
The title is misleading, it was a convoluted talk. I'd suggest read comments for a better summary, for a folk like me who speak not in abstracts but looking for a ways to alleviate exhaustion. Some thread comments are golden, insightful and easy to learn from!
thank you, did not know you could change the speed. It helps when you get bored easily and have ADHD to speed up the audio. Us Americans talk very slowly compared to other languages it seems.
So glad your son survived. The example at the end so clearly illustrates what you're explaining throughout the presentation. Thank you for passing this wisdom along!
It is vital to be able to talk through strong emotional events. To be cut off is to prolong the recovery process. To be enabled to talk about it is a divine experience on the way to recovery. Do the best you can to help someone express themselves.
That's such an interesting perspective, I've learned a lot! For a long time I thought my brain was overwhelmed by how many tasks I need to do, turns out my brain is probably underwhelmed by how boring and unsatisfying these tasks are. Thanks for sharing these ideas!
At first I was hooked with the story of his brothers. Then he went to employee and boss relationship. He followed it with mammals. And ended with a story of his son, then a close friend. I became deeply confused when he switched to mammals so I started to read the comments section to try to understand if anyone could explain the lessons/intentions of his talk. While reading the comments, and listening to him share the story of his son, and then close friend....I got it. Now that I got it, I pray everyone else gets it too. He spoke the truth at the beginning. When you get it, it will change your world. I truly needed this lesson at this point in my life. I've wondered why my compassionate self never felt fulfilled. Its because I always made the mistake of putting myself in other people's shoes. I've also wondered why I leave certain many people and friends depleted. Its because they always put themselves in my shoes. I send love, light and blessings to this speaker (I can't come out of this comment to look at his name.) Every needs to hear this talk. It would make our world a better place.
The ending was a bit confusing. Basically Brady's intended point is: the first friend dismissed Brady's story about Tyler when that friend talked about himself, and Brady felt a depleted brain as a result. The second friend empathized with Brady, by talking about Brady and his son Tyler, and Brady felt an energized brain as a result. Ironically, both friends empathized with Brady, but the second friend used the language that helped Brady feel heard, and engaged, by talking about Brady instead of himself. That's the major takeaway I had from this talk.
yeah it was a pretty disjointed talk - the only thing I got out of it was his own personal story at the end - it didn't really connect to the woman at her job
Lets leave the brains of others in a mindfull state by being acting listeners. lets create connections today and be there for each other. Thanks for this talk. What a great man
lol oxicotin; eh one letter off - ya never know chavruta may have had a depleted brain. Anyhow @chavruta2000 : here here to that! Just have to go to a bar to see this is that most managers are oblivious to their employees true motivational factors.
The titles of a lot of these TED talks are imprecise to the content. I'm often left scratching my head... if not completely forgetting the subject I'd selected to watch.
So the morals of the stories are...??? >> Don't parent your employee, challenge them to invoke progress in them. --> "What's most important to you in this situation?" - partnering together for progress >> Don't fake put yourself in other's shoes - be an active listener and the person will walk away with an energized brain - "People rarely leave your presence neutral. They either leave engaged or depleted." For me this was very hard to decipher from this talk because the title was misleading and the stories were so mixed up, I don't see how everything is connected. Feel free to correct me or add to my summary.
I agree, for me this talk is very engaging with a powerful ending, but like you, I had to go through the key points to figure out the main idea. Because he started off with the problem statement of how to address an exhausted employee, offered a few solutions (high-performance hormone/dopamine via possibility; serotonin via recognition; oxytocin via trust) and ended with the importance of true empathy and connection, illustrated from the perspective of a parent who almost lost his child. I guess that’s how the clarity of the main idea got diminished. But end of the day his key message seems to be: to energise and engage the brain, respond based on what truly matters to the other person, from that person’s perspective, not from OUR own perspective in what we assume to be the other person’s position ie “shoes”
I appreciate his point about probe to understand what a person wants. Don't assume you know or let your personal experiences cloud your perspective. Probe for clarity. Ask the person specific questions about what they want. What makes them happy. Why are they stressed. Show empathy and understanding of their situation to build a connection. This will help motivate your employee.
Thanks for this talk. If the talk does not make sense to anyone, it maybe just a matter of time or maybe they are already practicing it unawares. It could be worth a second or third replay to get the message. But if you want to improve relationships or your communication, whether family or colleague wise or with just anyone you meet up with a possible situation underneath, this has good and wise tips! It is all about being concerned about, and of the OTHER person's interest with the powerful questions: 1) What is important to you? 2) Is there something you can do about it? 3) What would be it be like if..? and.. 4) not putting the other person in your shoes (projecting your own experiences, wants, and beliefs to the person) With sincerity and empathy, these are some of the questions that speak to the heart of the person and can bring out all the energizing chemicals to the depleted brain and make it motivated again to positivity. I encourage everyone to go back to this video when discouraged or when trying to improve your approach to a seemingly hopeless or tiresome discourse whether for personal relationships or productivity at work. It all boils down to building rapport and relationships.
I looked for a Ted Talk about exhaustion to try to help myself because im a clinical psychologist from Venezuela, had to flee the country because is impossible to live (lack of water, food, electricity, getting shot/incarcerated if you try to protest about those things, might get killed for a cheap cellphone, absurd inflation, etc). Moved to Spain 3 years ago and I´ve been living and applying to become a refuge since then and mean while finding whatever job I can get (waitressing, bartending, phone operator, substitute english teacher...) and after all that time being here legal I could have applied for residency but all the immigration appointments were cancelled because of lockdown so I only have an expired ID since january, I´m looking for a job again but on top of the little jobs available since everything is shutdown I have even less chances to work because of my expired ID (I´m legal but companies don´t like to hire people in these circumstances). I'm recovering for a horrible anxiety crisis for obvious reasons which led to me being on medication, keep trying hard to find a job and give my best on interviews but the permit gives me even less chances to succeed, can´t apply for residency, can´t have my asylum application renewed, can't recover my career until I don't get certain stability, I've been isolated from my friends and family way before the Coronavirus.... I'm exhausted. This talk was absolutely useless.
THIS VIDEO, this ted talk, explains and simplifies what happened to me in my recent nearly 7yrs long relationship! ...wow, yeah exactly!?, there was no interest in how I feel, rather however I feel should be my problem if its not positive, and such i was preferably not allowed to talk about, and whenever I did the reactions would always just make me feel like a burden/intolerant/negative/annoying/etc. No never did he partner-up with me for progress. Kein mitgefühl!? ~no compassionate empathy. What a good friend would always have for you.
I don’t want to sound negative but just by the fact of being in the couch, hearing this man talking about the same words I always hear in a different order takes the breath from me, I’m suffering from burnout for all the jobs I’ve been, at this point I just see that the future seems gray, OF COURSE! I will find happiness but what other sufferings will that happiness bring to my life? Anyways…I’m just saying that maybe just maybe what I need it’s not a break because it will take me my whole life but sometjing meaningful, I still don’t find it, I’ll let you know when I do
thanks, yes, also: 1) growing up in a dysfunctional family can teach you how to enable communication between dysfunctionals; 2) help "leaders" shift from parenting to partnering 3) different people crave different internally produced mind drugs to stimulate their work (e.g. oxytosin; dopamine; serotonin). 4) sometimes It may be more helpful to listen and hear than to "relate" with counter-narratives. In truth, I half listened to this the first time through and felt like it was someone reading their diary and wasting my time. I often like real life "parables," but these grated on me a bit. I confess, the internet has spoiled me. I listened again and heard more of the "point." There are some gems in this pile, but with a million TEDtalks, not all of them can be crown jewels.
sol rayz nicely formulated about the mind drugs for our needs! This was a gem indeed. I've seen a talk about these hormones and what they do before, but this is a different angle, with respect to human needs.
Wow, just wow, this is one of the most brilliant talks I have ever heard, and I do not say that lightly. I had already been thinking about the first part of what he says myself, having had health issues and watching out there are different layers to what the body shuts down, when it becomes depleted of energy. It definitely prioritizes. I wanted to map out what parts go when but didn't have a complete view of it yet. It's good to know that the first things to go are Executive Function, and that makes perfect sense. The rest is what is so brilliant and useful though in so many applications. I just seriously am amazed that someone could articulate this so well. One of the best TED talks, by far. Thank you!
I feel like I am in a slump right now, much like Paula. Great Ted talk. I am inspired to do better for myself by energizing my brain! Thanks for this 🎉
Wow I found this talk brilliant! Mr Wilson made clear the motivation of those who quickly tell you in response to your heartfelt sharing, "Well you'll never guess what happened to 'me' last week' . And he made clear why that is so difficult to hear While in their own minds they are really trying to show rapport and therefore be supportive - imagine that! - they actually treating your feelings as if they were theirs. It is as if they are saying 'Its not really about you, its is about my experience and my feelings. So this is why it sooo tiring to be in their presence. They mean well but their perspective is all wrong! This also explains why they are also so frustrated with you! - Its because they really don't understand why you are frustrated. To refresh you they should try to listen to how things feel from your perspective, and not from theirs. This is a simple but beautiful truth. Thank you so much Mr Wilson!!!
No seriously, they are NOT saying it's not about you. They are saying I understand your pain. They are frustrated because you are rejecting their empathy and connection, essentially telling them that they are worthless. If you need someone to just listen while you unload your emotions, ask for that. If you don't value someone's sympathy, DON'T WHINE AT THEM.
This amazed me because all of the symptoms of a depleted brain he listed are exactly those of ADD (or ADHD innatentive type, which leaves out the hyper active aspect). I have ADD so I'd like to figure out how to apply this best in my own life
I know this is old but I appreciate it regardless. You summed up the exact reason socializing is a wearisome experience for me. I’m a great and attentive listener, I engage others and consider the perspective and experiences of others, as well as show genuine curiosity. It would be so amazing to encounter someone else like this. Although, as I’m typing this out I’m beginning to wonder if the so called “quiet” ones are the ones more likely to be able to communicate at this level. I might have to test this theory. Lol
I’m not a quiet one lol but I am very similar to you. It would be nice to encounter someone like myself too. We are a unique breed I think. People are not good at engaging with others, listening, being curious and genuine in wanting to know about others, feel empathy or put themselves into the reality of what that person must have been feeling when they discus something with you. people are very self absorbed and not at all present and that’s ok it is the way it is and no one owes me anything, but it would be nice if people could understand and live by what this man is teaching us. :)
@@KiwikimNZ I'm like you. I get tired from the self absorption/baggage of friends especially women in 50's/60 I like to listen, have genuine soul talks with no agendas but I get tired when it's one way 😕
@@cami5054 hahaha I’m 52 and I’m driving myself mad! Lol I think when you get to this age your tired. I don’t want to sound like I feel sorry for myself as I don’t, my life has taught me so much and I’d never change it, but my life has not been an easy one by any means and I’ve worked physically hard my whole life. It takes it out of you and although I love listening to what others have to say, I am Inquisitive and I like to try and offer a place for people to offload. But I’m finding people are getting so angry, the are ungrateful and bitter and I struggle to keep my own head above water sometimes, it’s getting tiring. I’ve been finding myself isolating more and more as I get older and as I am starting to see life and the simple things as something to be very grateful for. I think I’ll run away one day with my dog and live alone lol
@@KiwikimNZ Thanks for your input. I appreciate your perspective and I actually took a couple of days to mull over your comment about people not owing you anything. And what I’ve come to see about myself is that I do agree that no one owes me anything. If others do not wish to engage at the level I desire, that’s quite alright. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. However, and this is where I suspect my perspective diverges from yours- I believe the whole purpose of communicating is to experience community and relationship with others- to experience a connection. In the profession of counseling, intimacy is defined as ‘in to me you see’. There are people who chatter a great deal but say very few words of substance. And the problem with missing out on genuine ‘in to me you see’ communication is that loneliness and disconnection are created. I believe humans have an innate desire to know and be known by others. But if everyone stays in the shallow end of the pool, all you end up with are acquaintances and we miss out the a crucial aspect of our humanity- what it means to relate to another human being in a genuine and powerful way. What I believe it comes down to is there is a symbiotic relationship that must occur in order to reap the benefits of relationships- a give and take. Without it, both parties are left dissatisfied. Anyways, I hope you have a blessed day!
The fact that you’re able to do so many things but in the same time your brain is exhuasted because of depression and anxiety that been eating you during the exams or anything likewise
I remember overworked and being involuntarily committed in 2009 in Florida where I live. The police came to me and put a chain around my waist, handcuffed me to it and put shackles on my legs. I was put into a mental hospital and on the first day I broke down after lots of tests. They spent 2 hours testing my IQ, and another 3 hours for depression, anxiety and stuff. I scored only 87 on the IQ test. Then for 1 month was locked up and got so stressed that after the time I took another assessment and got only 72. So I was transferred to another hospital but they treated me well and I recovered. It is dopamine, nor cortisol.
Great talk..I understand now that the way your friend connected to you was sharing an emotional event about himself. Everyone wants to be heard. I find that not too many people can come out of theirselves long enough to hear what the other person says or how they feel. It seems people want to express their feelings more than they want to hear another
And it brings them no relief in the end unless you engage them. Totally one sided like his first convo with his friend on the phone... which seems to be the story of my life lol and I'm guess yours too since you're here...
I got a measurable amount of value from Brady Wilson's talk. I'll watch it a second (and perhaps a third) time because, unlike many of the other discussions presented on the brain and emotions, he has a genuine passion, enthusiasm, and credibility that's as academic as it is humanistic. Really nicely done!
The exhausted brain gets fixed by yourself with serotonin, dopamine or oxytocin which are drugs we naturally carry, and produce. You just need to learn how to trigger them for yourself or for others.
@@zxvats I play video games and achieving success in the video games I play I gain a lot of serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin, I usually play 1hrs per day after work and taking the kids to bed. Also watching something that you like, or doing something you like, you can get these.
For sure! My friend drpleated me when i told her my joy. She dumped some judgements on it. Our friendship hasnt been the same since. I tried to explain to her, but her apology was an “Im sorry but” and she tried to shift the blame. Its so weird when people do not partner in your joy or pain. I myself need to get a bit better here.
Wow that was actually one of few amazing talks this show has presented/I've seen in a while... Awesome way to look at how to make oneself feel good in all aspects of life thanks!
love this talk!! such an important lesson he shared, and in a story that makes it easy to remember; it’s so true how we can lift people up or bring them down, in so many ways, little ways, subtle ways, that make a big difference; another fitting title could have been... “How to Be Kind to One Another” (anybody else reminded of Elvis Duran?)
Yes you've described this perfectly, I got it understood it in the end, it all came together, made sense, I think you wouldn't if you've been having an exhausted brain.
Thank you so much for this talk. I just realized something about my work situation and what I need to be mentally healthy. I had a vague idea about it but this video put it into whole sentences. It really makes a change for me - and now I need to make a change!
My left ear thoroughly enjoyed the TED Talk
yessssss! 😂😂😂
asmr
Summary:
If you or somebody you know feels tired and a decrease in productivity, ask "what matters the most to me in this context?" And use that as a basis for your future behaviour.
If someone you know shares something, try to engage with that person by asking them more about their feelings first instead of immediately sharing a similar story you experienced.
Tysm
@@TheLeila126 m
So true thank u!!!!!
Thanks for the cliff notes. There were a lot of catch lines in there. I think he said to ask them what matters most to them in the situation.
Actually, I believe he warned against assuming that our priorities are the same as another person's. So rather than putting ourselves in someone else's shoes, we should ASK the other person what THEY most need, since it may differ significantly from what we would want.
"People rarely leave your presence neutral. They either leave engaged or depleted." Good life observation. Great wisdom to share!
mindvolution you nailed it! That's exactly the phrase that hit me. 🔨
I read your comment just as he said it :D
mindvolution 😱
Please could you explain little bit more to me about this line?
That phase is a great summary of the talk.
People rarely leave your presence neutral... they will leave your presence engaged, or depleted. One of my favorite quotes ever 🙏
Understanding what matters the most in different situations & connecting on it:
A ) Belonging :
- inclusion
- acceptance
- feeling part of the tribe
- social relationships
B ) Security :
- systems
- structures
- consistency
- rules
- fair play
C ) Freedom :
- autonomy
- independence
- ability to get our fingerprints on things
- take a risk and make decisions
D ) Significance :
- quality and excellent work
- make progress
- achieve great results
- move the needle
E ) Meaning :
- purpose
- legacy
- the greater good
- changing the world
Thank you 🙏
You have summed up the most important factors of empathic life of value well.
I love this--your are very organized and skilled. Do you jind if I ask what you do?
I had a laugh, I did the same summary, and then down in the comments...
So basically you are saying the Neurodivergent people are screwed. All we get if we survive, is D and E.
I appreciate that he is an educated, intelligent, articulate man who has had many life experiences that are worth talking about and probably writing books about (although I have never read any of his books). However, I don't feel that the title of this video is aptly, or accurately, titled. I feel more that the core value of this video was connection with others & giving them the significance that they needed, then it was about fixing the exhausted brain. Hence the reason I was here....... and will now have to search elsewhere.
My notes of the 5 things that matter to people:
Belonging: feeling part of the tribe, social relationships
Security: systems, structures, consistency, rules and fair play
Freedom: autonomy, independence, the chance to get messy, take risks, make decisions
Significance: the ability to do quality, excellent work, make progress, achieve results, move the needle
Meaning: purpose, legacy, the greater good, changing the world
To energize a tired brain, find out what element you're craving in a situation, and work on giving yourself that in some way.
We go wrong when we assume what we/others want instead of investigating. Eg you might be exhausted from lack of freedom (dopamine) but someone else might feel the same, but for a different reason, like a lack of security (serotonin).
You clearly have eaten tons of self help books, isnt it ?
@@gianluccamo4704 I summarized what was in the video lol. I find self help books a bit too high fibre as an everyday meal
Wow! U really did summarize everything..
Read (or watch on TH-cam) Daniel Link's Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us. It's not rocket science. It's people science and caring enough to try. Most companies would have just managed Paul's out and replaced her. Sad, but true. The repercussions of not caring are devastating to our entire society.
I wish I could copy & save your notes, they were better than the TED talk!
This was eye opening for me! I realize at times, I have unconsciously put myself in other people's shoes not realizing how insensitive that is. Part of growing as a individual is recognizing character defects and being more mindful. I also realize that in order to be productive, you must be fully engaged mentally and not operate in a fog. Thank You!
One thing I took from this was that if you want to feel energized yourself, leave other ppl feeling energized by getting clear on what matters to them and by hearing them. Absolutely Excellent talk fr fr ❤️
I hallucinate that " leave other ppl feeling energized " is what matters most to you ?
I like this. Sadly, what he's describing the need for is the natural feeling of community we've been losing since we disbanded our tribes. Because our employers generally aren't our friends or family, there's too little of this and I think people get burned out from the perception that the world is hostile rather than friendly.
Thats why company culture is immensely important. Without it we are just members of disbanded tribes lacking any meaningful connection.
@@BrianGivensYtube Quite so. You've got a procession of lost youngsters coming from broken homes, too. They could probably benefit from some such family-style guidance.
Astute observation.
100
Exactly this.
1. When your brain is depleted; you lose attention, get distracted, react impulsively, loses the thread.
2. Leaders needs to move from parenting to partnering- when people try to fix us, it creates more depletion.
3. Trainable skill: there are things that we can do, recognizing what we value!! Meaning, purpose, legacy- we need to connect to WHAT MATTER MOST for the employee, what MATTERS to you as a LEADER is not the same to YOUR employees- find out what matters to the other person
4. WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT TO YOU? Ask people, ask the question-ONE SINGLE QUESTION- is it Belonging, meaning, security, significance or Freedom???
5. HOW DO YOU ENERGIZE YOUR BRAIN?
Create Connection (then that connection RELEASES oxytocin- helps with trust, rapport?
Dopamine Level- what can you do to release this Dopamine? Yes, find an opportunity to significance
Serotonin Level- Yes, what can you do? Partner with them for Progress-
Avoid Putting YOURSELF in another person shoes- Your autobiographical self is limited to YOU.
“What is it like for YOU?” People live your presence either engaged or depleted!!!
Thanks for the summary 👍
Thx
Thanks for the summary !
Thank you. That was an awesome summary. 👍
Ir seems I deal with some people whose goal in life is to be right all the time. They are not of course but have this incessant need. I find it depletes my energy.
Opening with that story, being able to relate to Paula, connecting to you as a father, and that ending!!! Wow!!! Bravo!!!!
Thank You Brady!!!
My favorite TED talk of all time!
I'm about to cry after this talk. How I wish I knew this earlier in my life? :/ What a lesson... What a LESSON!!!
I can relate to your comment. Still feel I can incorporate some points into my life. Finding myself in a small community with an intention to become accepted with my ideas to improve/ enriched ar least one person life was and still is a challenge.
All the points in the category of belonging clarify my way of understanding my struggle .
Many thanks.
I have shared this valuable video with my son and his girlfriend.
Keep sharing.
Thanks again
Vladimir, just apply whatever it works for you . Warm regards Y
I feel the same right now!!
Great talk ! It made me realize how strongly connected are the lack of motivation and the lack of opportunity's perception. When you feel like you are left aside at work, this is when your brain becomes foggy and you feel mentally ill.
When I stopped overdoing things, my mind, body and soul felt happier with less stress. Sometimes we have to slow down and let others be there for you too
This is an amazing speech. It made me realize that there was never anything wrong with me. If anyone knew what I had been through!! Now I need to energize my brain with his recommendations. Thank you for explaining what I have always tried to explain to loved ones!
Connection/partnership/empathy is HUGE. This dude is on point.
Wow!! This is just what I needed. I was so depleted last night because I I was doing Paula’s boss did to one of my subordinates. I was so exhausted and angry that I was read to write him off. So I prayed and this TED talk showed up so I was listening to it as I was getting ready and then again on my commute to work. How I feel hopeful again and I have a whole new game plan now how to address the conflicts that I am facing. Thank you so much!
Thank you for this wisdom! This is more relevant to the current job market than ever; For companies, for employees, for job seekers, for everyone. "Burnout" is a major problem, not an excuse. People Matter MOST - Not the number in your bank account.
"People will leave your presence engaged... or depleted."
That's powerful. Excellent talk.
I can not get over how eye opening this video was, now I understand why my conversations don’t go in the direction I want them to. Thank you
This is powerful information. We think that by sharing our 'stuff', we are connecting. But I see that just listening and asking a simple question about what they shared is much more powerful. I guess we all want to be heard and appreciated for what we've shared, But timing is everything! This reinforces my journey to be a better listener, and showing my caring by taking in what they have shared, and holding back from diluting their experience. Thanks so much for illustrating such a clear picture of what that looks like from the other side of the conversation.
I have had a exhausted brain for years thank you . Thank Ted talks and TH-cam. I finally got that light bulb moment I desperately needed .
Mr. Wilson's speech really impressed me. Personally, I recognize the loss of executive functioning from a lifetime of stress, which could be physical or mental. I think this being the first thing to go explains why it's so hard to initiate change oneself, and why it's so vital that our interactions with one another maintain an authentic curiosity around how to help one another ("what matters most to you?" "how can I help you to achieve that?"). I liked his example at the end, of his friend asking him a question that stimulated a reliving of what mattered most to Mr. Wilson in that situation, regarding his son's safety. It would be interesting to know more about the connections between the neurochemicals and the things that energize people.
Great perspective when you know you’re a high achiever but the motivation is not there. Great talk for managers and supervisors.
I think this is best ted talk I've ever watched, i don't know how to explain how desperately i needed this. How he covers every corner. I simply didn't know i was this mentally exhausted. And id wonder why i was obsessed with finding connection. My brain is naturally reaching of oxytocin. It's hard for me to admit i need that. We all do. No one needs no one.
This is now the 7th or 8th time I’ve listened to this this year, and I take away something deeper each time. Absolutely Brilliant in so many ways. I found this months ago because my brain was exhausted - and I am leaving this listening energized. Brilliant, thank you sir for sharing this.
Would you mind sharing what did you find out what was the missing key that was exhausting your brain?
This is eye-opening. I exhibit so many of these ineffective behaviors and never realized until listening to this. Glad to now be more aware of them.
so my left ear is enjoying this so far, still thanks for the upload though :)
And here I've been tapping my headset like crazy....LOL...
I first thought my earphones were broken
pin this comment
I got lucky that I only had my left earbud in 😁👍🏼
Ben Siedenberg LOL 👂🏼
Great question: "What matters most to you in this situation?"
Thank you for this insight, Brady! Partnerships are powerful- I also liked the discussion of the high-performance hormones...
Yes. There's a reason why I started nosebleed when I told my boss "I'm calling sick today" and because I'm on work training practice , I decide whenever I come to work and not, but my boss didn't listen to my needs and to what was important to me, and I was not expressing it clear enough this TED talk made that clear, so the response I got was "are you sure? You can just come by a few hours? I think it's good for you" and my boss put herself in my shoes and she is a very hard worker and she would have felt better to take her own advice in my shoes, but she forgot I am not her and I think people should start using the support "What do you need?" More often. Let the person speak for their own situation first before giving advice. When people ask what I need, I feel they respect me. And make it about me and my shoes.
My right ear loved this talk.
In Germany you can study communication for restoring health. It is exactly what you describe:
A) Aligning with what matters most for the other person. By simple questions and paciece to listen
B) Supporting the other persons self regulation by more simple, not imposing questions, active listening and giving permission and support.
C) Feel-act-evaluate. This is a circle...
Good summary Anjia, can you explain how to interprete "feel-act-evaluate" please? Thanks
Anja Schatz Thank you so much for your comment. I have a much better understanding of what he was talking about now.
Anja Schatz Hi, do you have a link to a relevant website please because this sounds very interesting? Thx.
this sound very interresting indeed. Can you say more about 'self regulation', ?
Can you reference me to a book you would recommend? Germans seem to have most things down nowadays.
Great Talk" People rarely leave your presence neutral. They either leave engaged or depleted"
Brilliant talk. One of the best TEDx speakers I’ve watched. Shame he’s only given 18 minute because there is a ton more explanation that could be elaborated on. Thanks for posting!
Best TED talk I ever listened to. What an insight Brady Wilson gives. Thank you so much!
Excellent talk and so true. If you did not get it, listen to it again. He explains perfectly how to fix the exhausted brain, help others, ask, listen not only with your ears but also with your heart, find people find their passion and in the process you will fill complete and energized.
so i have to help others in order to fix my brain?
@@MiriamGonzalez-ch8dv by bonding with them, yes that seems to be the answer. You can only bond in energizing way via a true understanding with someone, so one party may need to work hard to meet with the other? (some bonds are far easier than others, but all are achievable)
@@MiriamGonzalez-ch8dv When you help others ,you are connecting to a better you....that fixes your brain!:)
@@MiriamGonzalez-ch8dv Nope, you have to ask yourself what's most important to you in the particular situation you're in (or what you wish you got from the particular situation you're in):
1. Belonging - inclusion, acceptance, feeling part of the tribe, social relationships
2. Security - systems, structures, consistency, rules and fair play
3. Freedom - autonomy and independence,
the ability to get your fingerprints on things, take a risk and make decisions
4. Significance - the ability to do quality and excellent work, make progress,
achieve great results, move the needle
5. Meaning - purpose, legacy, the greater good,
changing the world
Understanding what you need from the situation can itself give you a boost, because you know where to continue from - you already finished your first step to partnering with yourself to energize yourself.
This realization of hope triggers possibility which releases dopamine which causes you to feel more motivated, goal oriented and increases creativity.
With this motivation, you tap into the natural desire of us mammals - the want to outdo each other (it's the survival instinct). This releases serotonin which unlocks a sense of agency, belief, confidence, self efficacy - feeling invincible.
I guess by this time, you're either back on track or getting back on track. You're motivated, you're energized and you no longer feel depleted. And you can achieve your full potential - or reach the full extent that you wish to reach.
There's also a part about oxytocin and connecting, but I guess that applies more when you're trying to boost the morale of someone else. But anyway, oxytocin creates trust, rapport and bonding. So maybe you can even induce a better rapport with yourself too by asking yourself our key question 'What is most important to you in this particular situation?' and feeling like you really do desire to find out about it. It shows initiative - that you care enough to introspect and find out. And in the end, you can feel better and more energized.
PS: The other point was about listening to your circumstances without judgement. If you're doing this yourself, maybe a diary can help, or a voice recording. Trying to sort it all out in your head might be harder. And while doing this, listen to yourself so that you can address your feelings about the situation rather than trying to come up with solutions and conclusions.
@@minismith7329 I disagree. I've been doing this for years and have found most ppl to be quite self centered.
Felt like fully invested my time. Last 3 mins about Tyler was so touching. And also, It is good to know that right kind of appraoch can bring in a bright spark inside an exhausted brain.
I think it comes down to the organization making their employees feel appreciated, valued and accepted. Also, listening is one of the most important parts of having a connection with others, this is missed in many leadership positions.
I have not read Brady Wilson's 'Love at Work' but the words in that title are all we need while at work. Where there is Love there is nourishment, there is chances to grow, there is a way to make our working life flow. All these things and more, through Love create a happy workforce and a successful company.
Engaged or depleted? In other words, engaged, energising the brain or depleted, depleting brain of energy. So true. Thank you.
I could listen to this guy talk all day.
Sleep, exercise, meditation, helps the brain get in better connection to less exhausting mind.
This comment said more about energising the brain than the ted talk for me. One thing I’ve also found is if you have a mentally exhausting job to have hobbies that totally don’t require you to think.
I do all those and I'm still exhausting
Do u know what's exhausting u? I feel exhausted too, and I don't really know what it is. I'm quite happy with my life. Healthy too. Had some disappointments I can't do anything about, so I try and contemplate the situation in my brain, then focus on here and now when I'm done. It's like I may be addicted to overthinking. Yh, there are a lot of things that could be the problem, but idk which. Maybe I should try and make a bucket list of things to process, and work on them one by one. I may have just solved my problem in real time. I'm confused 🙂
I have listened and walked away with gratitude for the pointers without solutions - Thank you!
Can't agree more, this is exactly what i'm experiencing now. What Paula did go through I can empathise 100%
After living in San Francisco for such a long time - a place where most would assume is welcoming and nice - I am beyond burnt out by speakers like this. No one steps into anyone else's shoes, as no one cares that much or even hardly at all.
This is exactly how I feel, I am physically and mentally exhausted! Thanks for sharing! :)
This will help a ton if I can keep in in mind talking to my kids. Also it explains why as exhausted as I can be...its energizing for me to experience the tiniest bit of collaboration even if it is negative feedback or discovering my mistakes with the help of someone who I then consider a real person having my back. So Ted lookalike, I feel like you're my bud. Thanks!
Going through it right now
Same here. I can’t even function properly at work
@@samukelobindela5572 what's wrong?
I rarely comment on youtube but this time I just have to. This is one of the most powerful and valuable ted talks I've ever seen and it's so underrated here. Sometimes I just don't get people.
What I got out of this video is, he doesn't tell us how to fix our exhausted brains, but how we can help other people around us feel better. I liked it.
Thats where i was left by the end of it.....i couldn't really connect his problem to his solution. Another comment came to the conclusion that he must mean to "surround yourself with people that don't deplete you"
Das alte Leid it is about a. Everybody wants to love and be loved (the first part of the conversation about Brothers fightings in which the third brother took the role of messanger of Love to that brother that wanted to hear from the first brother, the initial fighter, to say that "I love you!!!"; b. Second example' message was to dedicate yourself if the boss in your workplaces is an understanding person and the stuff who are team workers, everybody has shares. Please add more...thank you!
Apparently when some people have exhausted brains it is because they have too little work, or it is too easy work.
Thank you! Identify things that matter the most to you! These will be the most energizing to your brain ☺️☺️
I'm sorry but my exhausted brain is too exhausted to pay full attention during this entire talk😶
:-) :-)
Omg I was thinking the same thing
exactly....
There was absolutely no value here
Mental exhaustion
I always do this.
I go to bed relaxing and staying thankful. I drift off and get needed rest.
Then get up doing what’s normal and take some deep breath’s. Thank the Lord above for all his wonderful blessings and that I woke up healthy.
Then pour my favorite warm drink and relax then open my Bible read a bit of wonderful words then start my days.
Well I thought this was very interesting because not only it makes me think about how I may energize the "brains" around me, but also, it tells me what to look for if I feel down : engage and connect.
The title is misleading, it was a convoluted talk. I'd suggest read comments for a better summary, for a folk like me who speak not in abstracts but looking for a ways to alleviate exhaustion.
Some thread comments are golden, insightful and easy to learn from!
Once you put the speed to 1.5, this becomes a great talk, with a perfect title.
Patchouli59 Great idea! I listened to it that way after seeing your comment, and really enjoyed it! Thanks!
Not the hero we deserve but the hero we need!
Jong lol
so funny, yah I took your advice and did it. it is great lollllllll
thank you, did not know you could change the speed. It helps when you get bored easily and have ADHD to speed up the audio. Us Americans talk very slowly compared to other languages it seems.
So glad your son survived. The example at the end so clearly illustrates what you're explaining throughout the presentation. Thank you for passing this wisdom along!
It is vital to be able to talk through strong emotional events. To be cut off is to prolong the recovery process. To be enabled to talk about it is a divine experience on the way to recovery. Do the best you can to help someone express themselves.
my left ear enjoyed that, thank you
That's such an interesting perspective, I've learned a lot! For a long time I thought my brain was overwhelmed by how many tasks I need to do, turns out my brain is probably underwhelmed by how boring and unsatisfying these tasks are. Thanks for sharing these ideas!
At first I was hooked with the story of his brothers. Then he went to employee and boss relationship. He followed it with mammals. And ended with a story of his son, then a close friend.
I became deeply confused when he switched to mammals so I started to read the comments section to try to understand if anyone could explain the lessons/intentions of his talk.
While reading the comments, and listening to him share the story of his son, and then close friend....I got it.
Now that I got it, I pray everyone else gets it too. He spoke the truth at the beginning. When you get it, it will change your world.
I truly needed this lesson at this point in my life. I've wondered why my compassionate self never felt fulfilled. Its because I always made the mistake of putting myself in other people's shoes. I've also wondered why I leave certain many people and friends depleted. Its because they always put themselves in my shoes.
I send love, light and blessings to this speaker (I can't come out of this comment to look at his name.)
Every needs to hear this talk. It would make our world a better place.
The ending was a bit confusing. Basically Brady's intended point is: the first friend dismissed Brady's story about Tyler when that friend talked about himself, and Brady felt a depleted brain as a result. The second friend empathized with Brady, by talking about Brady and his son Tyler, and Brady felt an energized brain as a result.
Ironically, both friends empathized with Brady, but the second friend used the language that helped Brady feel heard, and engaged, by talking about Brady instead of himself. That's the major takeaway I had from this talk.
Weird talk indeed.
yeah it was a pretty disjointed talk - the only thing I got out of it was his own personal story at the end - it didn't really connect to the woman at her job
@@coleenh1028 bruh this is not a film.
They were two different examples of
Same problem
Lets leave the brains of others in a mindfull state by being acting listeners. lets create connections today and be there for each other. Thanks for this talk. What a great man
most bosses don't make you produce anything but cortisol. not dopamine, not oxicotin, not seratonin.
chavruta2000 it's oxytocin not oxy, he even said it. Also, serotonin*
chavruta2000 lol
lol oxicotin; eh one letter off - ya never know chavruta may have had a depleted brain.
Anyhow @chavruta2000 : here here to that! Just have to go to a bar to see this is that most managers are oblivious to their employees true motivational factors.
Screw the spelling - the comment is so spot on and funny though :)
Hahaaa so true
The titles of a lot of these TED talks are imprecise to the content. I'm often left scratching my head... if not completely forgetting the subject I'd selected to watch.
So the morals of the stories are...???
>> Don't parent your employee, challenge them to invoke progress in them. --> "What's most important to you in this situation?" - partnering together for progress
>> Don't fake put yourself in other's shoes - be an active listener and the person will walk away with an energized brain - "People rarely leave your presence neutral. They either leave engaged or depleted."
For me this was very hard to decipher from this talk because the title was misleading and the stories were so mixed up, I don't see how everything is connected.
Feel free to correct me or add to my summary.
True, no clue where he was trying to communicate according to the title of the video...
He lost me too. I waited for a more clear explanation at the end. And he left us with a statement.
I agree, for me this talk is very engaging with a powerful ending, but like you, I had to go through the key points to figure out the main idea. Because he started off with the problem statement of how to address an exhausted employee, offered a few solutions (high-performance hormone/dopamine via possibility; serotonin via recognition; oxytocin via trust) and ended with the importance of true empathy and connection, illustrated from the perspective of a parent who almost lost his child. I guess that’s how the clarity of the main idea got diminished.
But end of the day his key message seems to be: to energise and engage the brain, respond based on what truly matters to the other person, from that person’s perspective, not from OUR own perspective in what we assume to be the other person’s position ie “shoes”
I appreciate his point about probe to understand what a person wants. Don't assume you know or let your personal experiences cloud your perspective. Probe for clarity. Ask the person specific questions about what they want. What makes them happy. Why are they stressed. Show empathy and understanding of their situation to build a connection. This will help motivate your employee.
Thanks for this talk. If the talk does not make sense to anyone, it maybe just a matter of time or maybe they are already practicing it unawares. It could be worth a second or third replay to get the message. But if you want to improve relationships or your communication, whether family or colleague wise or with just anyone you meet up with a possible situation underneath, this has good and wise tips!
It is all about being concerned about, and of the OTHER person's interest with the powerful questions:
1) What is important to you?
2) Is there something you can do about it?
3) What would be it be like if..?
and..
4) not putting the other person in your shoes (projecting your own experiences, wants, and beliefs to the person)
With sincerity and empathy, these are some of the questions that speak to the heart of the person and can bring out all the energizing chemicals to the depleted brain and make it motivated again to positivity. I encourage everyone to go back to this video when discouraged or when trying to improve your approach to a seemingly hopeless or tiresome discourse whether for personal relationships or productivity at work. It all boils down to building rapport and relationships.
I looked for a Ted Talk about exhaustion to try to help myself because im a clinical psychologist from Venezuela, had to flee the country because is impossible to live (lack of water, food, electricity, getting shot/incarcerated if you try to protest about those things, might get killed for a cheap cellphone, absurd inflation, etc). Moved to Spain 3 years ago and I´ve been living and applying to become a refuge since then and mean while finding whatever job I can get (waitressing, bartending, phone operator, substitute english teacher...) and after all that time being here legal I could have applied for residency but all the immigration appointments were cancelled because of lockdown so I only have an expired ID since january, I´m looking for a job again but on top of the little jobs available since everything is shutdown I have even less chances to work because of my expired ID (I´m legal but companies don´t like to hire people in these circumstances). I'm recovering for a horrible anxiety crisis for obvious reasons which led to me being on medication, keep trying hard to find a job and give my best on interviews but the permit gives me even less chances to succeed, can´t apply for residency, can´t have my asylum application renewed, can't recover my career until I don't get certain stability, I've been isolated from my friends and family way before the Coronavirus.... I'm exhausted.
This talk was absolutely useless.
THIS VIDEO, this ted talk, explains and simplifies what happened to me in my recent nearly 7yrs long relationship! ...wow, yeah exactly!?, there was no interest in how I feel, rather however I feel should be my problem if its not positive, and such i was preferably not allowed to talk about, and whenever I did the reactions would always just make me feel like a burden/intolerant/negative/annoying/etc. No never did he partner-up with me for progress. Kein mitgefühl!? ~no compassionate empathy. What a good friend would always have for you.
I don’t want to sound negative but just by the fact of being in the couch, hearing this man talking about the same words I always hear in a different order takes the breath from me, I’m suffering from burnout for all the jobs I’ve been, at this point I just see that the future seems gray, OF COURSE! I will find happiness but what other sufferings will that happiness bring to my life? Anyways…I’m just saying that maybe just maybe what I need it’s not a break because it will take me my whole life but sometjing meaningful, I still don’t find it, I’ll let you know when I do
Summary in one line
Asking yourself and others :
What matters most to you/me?
thanks, yes, also: 1) growing up in a dysfunctional family can teach you how to enable communication between dysfunctionals; 2) help "leaders" shift from parenting to partnering 3) different people crave different internally produced mind drugs to stimulate their work (e.g. oxytosin; dopamine; serotonin). 4) sometimes It may be more helpful to listen and hear than to "relate" with counter-narratives.
In truth, I half listened to this the first time through and felt like it was someone reading their diary and wasting my time. I often like real life "parables," but these grated on me a bit. I confess, the internet has spoiled me. I listened again and heard more of the "point." There are some gems in this pile, but with a million TEDtalks, not all of them can be crown jewels.
sol rayz nicely formulated about the mind drugs for our needs! This was a gem indeed. I've seen a talk about these hormones and what they do before, but this is a different angle, with respect to human needs.
Thanks
thank you!
AKHIL JAIN no that's not all it
Man this guy hit the nail on the head!! So Smart
Wow, just wow, this is one of the most brilliant talks I have ever heard, and I do not say that lightly. I had already been thinking about the first part of what he says myself, having had health issues and watching out there are different layers to what the body shuts down, when it becomes depleted of energy. It definitely prioritizes. I wanted to map out what parts go when but didn't have a complete view of it yet. It's good to know that the first things to go are Executive Function, and that makes perfect sense. The rest is what is so brilliant and useful though in so many applications. I just seriously am amazed that someone could articulate this so well. One of the best TED talks, by far. Thank you!
What? You should watch more^^
it can't be "one of the best BY FAR". That makes no sense
So where would you go from there? This is what I felt was missing...
I feel like I am in a slump right now, much like Paula. Great Ted talk. I am inspired to do better for myself by energizing my brain! Thanks for this 🎉
Wow I found this talk brilliant! Mr Wilson made clear the motivation of those who quickly tell you in response to your heartfelt sharing, "Well you'll never guess what happened to 'me' last week' . And he made clear why that is so difficult to hear While in their own minds they are really trying to show rapport and therefore be supportive - imagine that! - they actually treating your feelings as if they were theirs. It is as if they are saying 'Its not really about you, its is about my experience and my feelings. So this is why it sooo tiring to be in their presence. They mean well but their perspective is all wrong! This also explains why they are also so frustrated with you! - Its because they really don't understand why you are frustrated. To refresh you they should try to listen to how things feel from your perspective, and not from theirs. This is a simple but beautiful truth. Thank you so much Mr Wilson!!!
Thank you Robert! Glad you enjoyed it.
No seriously, they are NOT saying it's not about you. They are saying I understand your pain. They are frustrated because you are rejecting their empathy and connection, essentially telling them that they are worthless. If you need someone to just listen while you unload your emotions, ask for that. If you don't value someone's sympathy, DON'T WHINE AT THEM.
That was deep. So important to be a good listener.
This amazed me because all of the symptoms of a depleted brain he listed are exactly those of ADD (or ADHD innatentive type, which leaves out the hyper active aspect). I have ADD so I'd like to figure out how to apply this best in my own life
Anxiety too. BTW, since getting Alexa I have been less stressed! "She is the personal assistant my ADHD brain yearned for heh
Take a hobby ! anything that connects your hand to your higher self waiting to be released from it's cage....:)
Exactly!
Crazy to see how relevant this talk is today vs when it released in 2017. Can’t imagine how much worse it is now vs then,
I know this is old but I appreciate it regardless. You summed up the exact reason socializing is a wearisome experience for me. I’m a great and attentive listener, I engage others and consider the perspective and experiences of others, as well as show genuine curiosity. It would be so amazing to encounter someone else like this. Although, as I’m typing this out I’m beginning to wonder if the so called “quiet” ones are the ones more likely to be able to communicate at this level. I might have to test this theory. Lol
Yeah, I don't bother with the busy bodies...the quiet ones are the most interesting and have formed best friendships with them.
I’m not a quiet one lol but I am very similar to you. It would be nice to encounter someone like myself too. We are a unique breed I think. People are not good at engaging with others, listening, being curious and genuine in wanting to know about others, feel empathy or put themselves into the reality of what that person must have been feeling when they discus something with you. people are very self absorbed and not at all present and that’s ok it is the way it is and no one owes me anything, but it would be nice if people could understand and live by what this man is teaching us. :)
@@KiwikimNZ I'm like you. I get tired from the self absorption/baggage of friends especially women in 50's/60
I like to listen, have genuine soul talks with no agendas but I get tired when it's one way 😕
@@cami5054 hahaha I’m 52 and I’m driving myself mad! Lol I think when you get to this age your tired. I don’t want to sound like I feel sorry for myself as I don’t, my life has taught me so much and I’d never change it, but my life has not been an easy one by any means and I’ve worked physically hard my whole life. It takes it out of you and although I love listening to what others have to say, I am
Inquisitive and I like to try and offer a place for people to offload. But I’m finding people are getting so angry, the are ungrateful and bitter and I struggle to keep my own head above water sometimes, it’s getting tiring. I’ve been finding myself isolating more and more as I get older and as I am starting to see life and the simple things as something to be very grateful for. I think I’ll run away one day with my dog and live alone lol
@@KiwikimNZ Thanks for your input. I appreciate your perspective and I actually took a couple of days to mull over your comment about people not owing you anything. And what I’ve come to see about myself is that I do agree that no one owes me anything. If others do not wish to engage at the level I desire, that’s quite alright. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. However, and this is where I suspect my perspective diverges from yours- I believe the whole purpose of communicating is to experience community and relationship with others- to experience a connection. In the profession of counseling, intimacy is defined as ‘in to me you see’. There are people who chatter a great deal but say very few words of substance. And the problem with missing out on genuine ‘in to me you see’ communication is that loneliness and disconnection are created. I believe humans have an innate desire to know and be known by others. But if everyone stays in the shallow end of the pool, all you end up with are acquaintances and we miss out the a crucial aspect of our humanity- what it means to relate to another human being in a genuine and powerful way. What I believe it comes down to is there is a symbiotic relationship that must occur in order to reap the benefits of relationships- a give and take. Without it, both parties are left dissatisfied. Anyways, I hope you have a blessed day!
Mic drop 🙌… yes yes yes!!!! Thank you for sharing your story and wisdom. Thank you 🙏 (and I’m so so very happy that your son is well).
"Freeing up her future" What a lovely, insincere way of saying "you're fired!"
True
A business euphemism
Hence the air quotes :-)
more like freeing up her wallet and fridge
This gives a new perspective to those 'coaching' sessions with employees and how to engage them
The fact that you’re able to do so many things but in the same time your brain is exhuasted because of depression and anxiety that been eating you during the exams or anything likewise
I remember overworked and being involuntarily committed in 2009 in Florida where I live. The police came to me and put a chain around my waist, handcuffed me to it and put shackles on my legs. I was put into a mental hospital and on the first day I broke down after lots of tests. They spent 2 hours testing my IQ, and another 3 hours for depression, anxiety and stuff. I scored only 87 on the IQ test. Then for 1 month was locked up and got so stressed that after the time I took another assessment and got only 72. So I was transferred to another hospital but they treated me well and I recovered. It is dopamine, nor cortisol.
Thank you so much for being honest with your friend. There are so many valuable messages in this video and I appreciate you sharing 😊
Listening to Ted talks at 4am is amazing‼️
Great talk..I understand now that the way your friend connected to you was sharing an emotional event about himself. Everyone wants to be heard. I find that not too many people can come out of theirselves long enough to hear what the other person says or how they feel. It seems people want to express their feelings more than they want to hear another
And it brings them no relief in the end unless you engage them. Totally one sided like his first convo with his friend on the phone... which seems to be the story of my life lol and I'm guess yours too since you're here...
I got a measurable amount of value from Brady Wilson's talk. I'll watch it a second (and perhaps a third) time because, unlike many of the other discussions presented on the brain and emotions, he has a genuine passion, enthusiasm, and credibility that's as academic as it is humanistic. Really nicely done!
11 mins in, at 1.5x and this guy hasn't said a single thing about how to actually energize an exhausted brain..
Varun Aggarwal absolutely
My thoughts exactly!
He is ironically depleting my brains energy.
Exactly
Yup frustrating
I cried as I recognize myself in Paula... How I physically feel in relation to my workspace and that I needed to be more challenged.
The exhausted brain gets fixed by yourself with serotonin, dopamine or oxytocin which are drugs we naturally carry, and produce. You just need to learn how to trigger them for yourself or for others.
How to trigger them ??
@@zxvats It's all in the mind.
@@PRTube01 not so helpful
@@zxvats I play video games and achieving success in the video games I play I gain a lot of serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin, I usually play 1hrs per day after work and taking the kids to bed. Also watching something that you like, or doing something you like, you can get these.
@@zxvats happy thoughts and good movies etc - Introvert
Going out with friends etc - extrovert
I appreciated Brady Wilson's talk. Thought provoking.
For sure! My friend drpleated me when i told her my joy. She dumped some judgements on it. Our friendship hasnt been the same since. I tried to explain to her, but her apology was an “Im sorry but” and she tried to shift the blame. Its so weird when people do not partner in your joy or pain. I myself need to get a bit better here.
You already have by recognizing, yourself, some just don't get it
Communication and it’s parts is something we aren’t taught enough of.
Wow that was actually one of few amazing talks this show has presented/I've seen in a while... Awesome way to look at how to make oneself feel good in all aspects of life thanks!
Yet, he managed to dose us up with an autobiographical presentation. Pure class, Mr. Wilson.
my left ear enjoyed this talk
Brilliant talk. He is also a great speaker. Captivating and passionate about his subject with valuable knowledge and experience to share
love this talk!! such an important lesson he shared, and in a story that makes it easy to remember; it’s so true how we can lift people up or bring them down, in so many ways, little ways, subtle ways, that make a big difference;
another fitting title could have been...
“How to Be Kind to One Another”
(anybody else reminded of Elvis Duran?)
Yes you've described this perfectly, I got it understood it in the end, it all came together, made sense, I think you wouldn't if you've been having an exhausted brain.
Thank you so much for this talk. I just realized something about my work situation and what I need to be mentally healthy. I had a vague idea about it but this video put it into whole sentences.
It really makes a change for me - and now I need to make a change!