Thank you so much Jen. I was fed up with writing about anxiety and going round in the same old circles. I love that you write when you are triggered. And that you can then moderate the power of the trigger. I love writing 3 smaller pages. It is brilliant advice. Bless you.
I do this too. Started spontaneously decades ago without realising what i was doing. Just started doing it again to work out the current complexities of dealing with a narcissist. Trying to pin down a very slippery character. To get to the bottom of the mystery if i can. To use journalling to do the detective work. I have almost completed two exercise books and my position has changed markedly throughout. Writing it down enables me to see that and this is helpful. So i am in favour of journalling for unravelling complex situations and people.
Thanks for this, Jenn - very insightful. I will listen to the points in your technique again & write them down as i'm not good at holding lists of things in my head these days. I think the questions you put would be very helpful to use. I used to journal during the 20yrs when things in my life were at their worst. I found getting everything down on paper was a way of getting it out of me, a kind of purging or making clean my insides, & a way of recording just how bad people - my abusers - were being to me. I also wanted to record what was happening to me in case something fatal occurred so that authorities could use it. For some years during, & after i stopped journalling, i used to look back over the journals when having a bad day as a way of trying to make sense of why i was feeling the way i was, but i found this would only spiral me down further, so i stopped doing that. I still cant bring myself to throw my journals away or burn them or otherwise destroy them in some way, though, & i've often wondered why this should be, esp as i've heard it's a good thing to do. I've thought hard about this & i think it's because doing that would feel like invalidating my experiences - it would feel like trying to pretend they didn't happen. I can't say too much more than that just now as i feel i'm getting emotional about it, i only know i can't get rid of them. I know where they are, & i haven't looked at them for many years, but i cannot bring myself to get rid of them as, to me, it would be like tearing my heart out, having a brain transplant, or wiping most of my life away. Two of my abusers have radically changed & continue to be in my life - i am daily finding ways to go forward with that, finding ways of putting the past behind & forging forward into a more peaceful present & future life with them - not easy when my nervous system sometimes feels like it's stuck on its default of fight/flight/freeze or when triggers happen. Like you, i am getting better at realising when i've been/am being triggered &, more importantly, at understanding where these triggers are coming from - i find i go down 'rabbit holes' of memories when this happens, ie, one memory leads to another & another &, before i know it, i'm having a flashback. Knowing what caused it, being able to stop it going further, (catching it before it gets out of hand/goes too far), & being gentle, kind & understanding of myself helps in these situations... I self-talk as if i'm advising someone i'm close to who's asking me for help in the same situation, & sort of reparenting myself at the same time... 1) I tell myself firstly that it's ok, that it's normal to feel the way i do given what i've been through, & that it's just my brain's way of trying to protect myself from further trauma should the same thing threaten to happen again in my life - it's kept things in my memory banks as a way of an early warning system should i come up against anything remotely like what people did to me in the past so i can take steps to protect myself from the same thing happening again. 2) I then use grounding techniques to get myself back in the present (because it feels for all the world like i'm back there - even the atmosphere around me feels exactly the same as it was back then), so i tell myself that it's just my brain playing tricks on me & that what i'm feeling isn't real in this moment - yes, it was real back then, very real, & no one's invalidating it or making light of it & no one's saying it was fair either - but that's not the case right at this very moment in time, it just feels like it is, & thank goodness i am now this side of it & i never have to go through it again in the real sense - these people can no longer hurt me in the way they did because i am now wiser & stronger in order to deal with anything like it that may start to happen. 3) If i find myself getting angry - esp at myself for being so gullible or not courageous enough to speak out or wish i'd dealt with it differently at the time, i remiind myself that i did the best i could at the time & that i had to play the hand i was dealt the best i could at that time - i didn't have the knowledge i have now for a start, i was also too young to be able to get away, & my better nature was only taken advantage of because mine WAS a better nature than theirs & that i shouldn't berate myself for having a soft heart - better to be like that than be like them - so i will keep my sofy heart, thank you, but be sensibly vigilant in future of any who may want to use it badly. 4) Grounding techniques i use are (a) Mindfulness... Concentrating on things i can see, hear, touch, taste & smell in the moment. (b) Holding something comforting - i have a pebble i picked up uears ago from a place that is very special to me that exactly fits the curvature of my closed hand. I concentrate on what it feels like - hard, cool, warming up as i hold it, its nooks & scars, etc, thinking of the time i found it & chose it. (c) I also meditate on feeling physically connected to the ground - feeling my bottom sitting on a chair supporting my weight, & whether it's hard or soft, warm or cool, warming up as i sit, also feeling my feet firmly on the ground, taking my shoes off if necessary to feel what the surface beneath is like - if it's soft carpet, hard wood, grass, etc, - & visualising roots coming from my toes connecting me deep down into the earth. (d) I also use self-soothing techniques of stroking the sides of my face, the tops of my arms & legs. (e) I also use distraction techniques of playing word games or reading a favourite book - things which take my mind away from harmful thoughts by either having to concentrate on slightly complicated conuncrums, or transporting it to a more tranquil state in the book. (f) Also being with trees really helps me because they were my sort of my 'saviours' when i was growing up - i used to climb them & spend hours up in the canopy with the birds & my favourite books - they were a hiding place i'd go to when needing to escape either physically, mentally, or emotionally - i felt their protection. I feel instantly calm when walking under a canopy of leafy trees & can actually breathe in their tranquility. It's been scientifically proven that they give off 'feel good' hormones (i felt this from a young age although i obviously didn't underdtand what it was scientifically back then). The Japanese have something they call shinrin yoku - forest bathing - again, something i've done since i was young, not knowing its explanation. (g) I indulge in my hobbies of various craftwork as i find creating something means i'm not only distracted from harmful thoughts whilst concentrating on them, but i'm doing/making something good from something that was bad & sought to do me harm. (Btw Jenn, you asked where you could see the things i make - i think it was on your vlog about creativity - so i left you a messg there, directing you to where you can see them!) Apologies for this long post, but it's not only given me the chance to set down in some sort of order the things i do which help me, but maybe some of them just may possibly be of help to a few other people. Sending good vibes of strength & peace across the pond, Belle.
I love this list, Belle! And I recognize a lot of your techniques as ones I use as well. You mentioned holding/touching something comforting and I thought, "I should do that" and then realized that I do! I love the feel of velvet or satin between my fingers and have ever since I was young. I have vivid memories of self-soothing with the edge of blanket as a child and I think a big part of why I have a lot of those fabrics in my wardrobe and decor is so I have access to the soothing from them. My equivalent of your trees is probably running water. If I can't get near a real stream or river, soundscapes help. I'm going to go find your comment on the creativity video now. For whatever reason, TH-cam marked this comment to be held for review, so I'm wondering if other things are languishing where I haven't found them.
@@fromjenn Yes, i can see how soundscapes are good, Jenn - it's reminded me of how much i like to hear the sea (very special as we are miles away from it so rarely have the real experience). Also fabrics - i like crumpled cotton! Thanks for these reminders.
@@fromjenn well it didn’t take long in my life to get triggered 😩 Just finished journaling using your method… I’d say I went from a 85 to a 30. I definitely was breathing deeper as well by the end of the three pages. Thanks again for the tips✨❤️
Oh my goodness! The morning pages!!!! I tried to do that SOOO many times 🤣 Hi 😊 My therapist has suggested journaling today for the umpteenth time so… I’m here to get what ya got ✏️ 📄✨🙏🏾❤️
@@fromjenn I try and focus on things I have to do for the day and the week. No trauma or negative talk. Just stay focused on the present moment. That what I have learned that has helped me. I used to do writing about trauma a long time ago. I definitely agree with you writing that out daily would not be productive. Only when you need to is good advice. Thank you for your videos I am finding them very helpful. I am a new subscriber.
Using them that way makes a lot of sense! I used to always spiral when writing them. Thank you for subscribing and for commenting. It’s great to have you here and to “meet” you here in the comments.
@fromjenn Morning pages are supposed to be long-hand and stream of consciousness writing....no trauma dumping necessarily...just whatever ever pops up in your head. The idea is that if you brain dump, it gives you space for creative ideas, brainstorming, healing, and problem solving. The longer you do morning pages, the more the writing will evolve.
I don’t have a lot of super clear memories either, so I totally get that. Sometimes even without the specifics, writing it out helps me see patterns and make connections. When it doesn’t, I try other coping mechanisms (movement, meditation, or even just reading a book or watching some tv if I really need to disconnect)
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Thank you so much Jen. I was fed up with writing about anxiety and going round in the same old circles. I love that you write when you are triggered. And that you can then moderate the power of the trigger. I love writing 3 smaller pages. It is brilliant advice. Bless you.
I hope you give it a shot and it helps!
I do this too. Started spontaneously decades ago without realising what i was doing. Just started doing it again to work out the current complexities of dealing with a narcissist. Trying to pin down a very slippery character. To get to the bottom of the mystery if i can. To use journalling to do the detective work. I have almost completed two exercise books and my position has changed markedly throughout. Writing it down enables me to see that and this is helpful. So i am in favour of journalling for unravelling complex situations and people.
I’m so glad to hear it’s bringing you clarity. That sounds like a difficult situation!
Thanks for this, Jenn - very insightful. I will listen to the points in your technique again & write them down as i'm not good at holding lists of things in my head these days. I think the questions you put would be very helpful to use.
I used to journal during the 20yrs when things in my life were at their worst. I found getting everything down on paper was a way of getting it out of me, a kind of purging or making clean my insides, & a way of recording just how bad people - my abusers - were being to me. I also wanted to record what was happening to me in case something fatal occurred so that authorities could use it. For some years during, & after i stopped journalling, i used to look back over the journals when having a bad day as a way of trying to make sense of why i was feeling the way i was, but i found this would only spiral me down further, so i stopped doing that. I still cant bring myself to throw my journals away or burn them or otherwise destroy them in some way, though, & i've often wondered why this should be, esp as i've heard it's a good thing to do. I've thought hard about this & i think it's because doing that would feel like invalidating my experiences - it would feel like trying to pretend they didn't happen. I can't say too much more than that just now as i feel i'm getting emotional about it, i only know i can't get rid of them. I know where they are, & i haven't looked at them for many years, but i cannot bring myself to get rid of them as, to me, it would be like tearing my heart out, having a brain transplant, or wiping most of my life away.
Two of my abusers have radically changed & continue to be in my life - i am daily finding ways to go forward with that, finding ways of putting the past behind & forging forward into a more peaceful present & future life with them - not easy when my nervous system sometimes feels like it's stuck on its default of fight/flight/freeze or when triggers happen.
Like you, i am getting better at realising when i've been/am being triggered &, more importantly, at understanding where these triggers are coming from - i find i go down 'rabbit holes' of memories when this happens, ie, one memory leads to another & another &, before i know it, i'm having a flashback. Knowing what caused it, being able to stop it going further, (catching it before it gets out of hand/goes too far), & being gentle, kind & understanding of myself helps in these situations... I self-talk as if i'm advising someone i'm close to who's asking me for help in the same situation, & sort of reparenting myself at the same time...
1) I tell myself firstly that it's ok, that it's normal to feel the way i do given what i've been through, & that it's just my brain's way of trying to protect myself from further trauma should the same thing threaten to happen again in my life - it's kept things in my memory banks as a way of an early warning system should i come up against anything remotely like what people did to me in the past so i can take steps to protect myself from the same thing happening again.
2) I then use grounding techniques to get myself back in the present (because it feels for all the world like i'm back there - even the atmosphere around me feels exactly the same as it was back then), so i tell myself that it's just my brain playing tricks on me & that what i'm feeling isn't real in this moment - yes, it was real back then, very real, & no one's invalidating it or making light of it & no one's saying it was fair either - but that's not the case right at this very moment in time, it just feels like it is, & thank goodness i am now this side of it & i never have to go through it again in the real sense - these people can no longer hurt me in the way they did because i am now wiser & stronger in order to deal with anything like it that may start to happen.
3) If i find myself getting angry - esp at myself for being so gullible or not courageous enough to speak out or wish i'd dealt with it differently at the time, i remiind myself that i did the best i could at the time & that i had to play the hand i was dealt the best i could at that time - i didn't have the knowledge i have now for a start, i was also too young to be able to get away, & my better nature was only taken advantage of because mine WAS a better nature than theirs & that i shouldn't berate myself for having a soft heart - better to be like that than be like them - so i will keep my sofy heart, thank you, but be sensibly vigilant in future of any who may want to use it badly.
4) Grounding techniques i use are
(a) Mindfulness... Concentrating on things i can see, hear, touch, taste & smell in the moment.
(b) Holding something comforting - i have a pebble i picked up uears ago from a place that is very special to me that exactly fits the curvature of my closed hand. I concentrate on what it feels like - hard, cool, warming up as i hold it, its nooks & scars, etc, thinking of the time i found it & chose it.
(c) I also meditate on feeling physically connected to the ground - feeling my bottom sitting on a chair supporting my weight, & whether it's hard or soft, warm or cool, warming up as i sit, also feeling my feet firmly on the ground, taking my shoes off if necessary to feel what the surface beneath is like - if it's soft carpet, hard wood, grass, etc, - & visualising roots coming from my toes connecting me deep down into the earth.
(d) I also use self-soothing techniques of stroking the sides of my face, the tops of my arms & legs.
(e) I also use distraction techniques of playing word games or reading a favourite book - things which take my mind away from harmful thoughts by either having to concentrate on slightly complicated conuncrums, or transporting it to a more tranquil state in the book.
(f) Also being with trees really helps me because they were my sort of my 'saviours' when i was growing up - i used to climb them & spend hours up in the canopy with the birds & my favourite books - they were a hiding place i'd go to when needing to escape either physically, mentally, or emotionally - i felt their protection. I feel instantly calm when walking under a canopy of leafy trees & can actually breathe in their tranquility. It's been scientifically proven that they give off 'feel good' hormones (i felt this from a young age although i obviously didn't underdtand what it was scientifically back then). The Japanese have something they call shinrin yoku - forest bathing - again, something i've done since i was young, not knowing its explanation.
(g) I indulge in my hobbies of various craftwork as i find creating something means i'm not only distracted from harmful thoughts whilst concentrating on them, but i'm doing/making something good from something that was bad & sought to do me harm. (Btw Jenn, you asked where you could see the things i make - i think it was on your vlog about creativity - so i left you a messg there, directing you to where you can see them!)
Apologies for this long post, but it's not only given me the chance to set down in some sort of order the things i do which help me, but maybe some of them just may possibly be of help to a few other people.
Sending good vibes of strength & peace across the pond, Belle.
I love this list, Belle! And I recognize a lot of your techniques as ones I use as well. You mentioned holding/touching something comforting and I thought, "I should do that" and then realized that I do! I love the feel of velvet or satin between my fingers and have ever since I was young. I have vivid memories of self-soothing with the edge of blanket as a child and I think a big part of why I have a lot of those fabrics in my wardrobe and decor is so I have access to the soothing from them.
My equivalent of your trees is probably running water. If I can't get near a real stream or river, soundscapes help.
I'm going to go find your comment on the creativity video now. For whatever reason, TH-cam marked this comment to be held for review, so I'm wondering if other things are languishing where I haven't found them.
@@fromjenn Yes, i can see how soundscapes are good, Jenn - it's reminded me of how much i like to hear the sea (very special as we are miles away from it so rarely have the real experience). Also fabrics - i like crumpled cotton! Thanks for these reminders.
Thank you for this.
I’m glad you enjoyed it!
Nice to meet you Jenn ✨
I will try this & get back to you. thanks so much for sharing 🙏🏾❤️
Nice to meet you, Nilaja! I can’t wait to hear how it goes!
@@fromjenn well it didn’t take long in my life to get triggered 😩
Just finished journaling using your method… I’d say I went from a 85 to a 30.
I definitely was breathing deeper as well by the end of the three pages.
Thanks again for the tips✨❤️
I’m so glad to hear that it helped! Hopefully, it’ll help longer term, too, in terms of how often triggers happen and how high on that scale they go.
@@fromjenn yes! Gooooooooals🙌🏽✨❤️🙏🏾
Oh my goodness! The morning pages!!!! I tried to do that SOOO many times 🤣
Hi 😊
My therapist has suggested journaling today for the umpteenth time so…
I’m here to get what ya got ✏️ 📄✨🙏🏾❤️
You would not BELIEVE how long I resisted the journaling suggestions. Therapists must have the patience of saints. 😂
@@fromjenn they absolutely must 😅
I am doing the artist way morning pages. It is just kinder for me.
I was the opposite. Morning pages brought up too much stuff I wasn’t ready to deal with. Whatever works, though! That’s the main thing.
@@fromjenn I try and focus on things I have to do for the day and the week.
No trauma or negative talk. Just stay focused on the present moment. That what
I have learned that has helped me. I used to do writing about trauma a long time ago. I definitely agree with you writing that out daily would not be productive.
Only when you need to is good advice. Thank you for your videos I am finding them very helpful. I am a new subscriber.
Using them that way makes a lot of sense! I used to always spiral when writing them. Thank you for subscribing and for commenting. It’s great to have you here and to “meet” you here in the comments.
@fromjenn Morning pages are supposed to be long-hand and stream of consciousness writing....no trauma dumping necessarily...just whatever ever pops up in your head. The idea is that if you brain dump, it gives you space for creative ideas, brainstorming, healing, and problem solving. The longer you do morning pages, the more the writing will evolve.
What if one doesn't remember much from childhood? Just flashes, couple of scenarios. That's it.
I don’t have a lot of super clear memories either, so I totally get that. Sometimes even without the specifics, writing it out helps me see patterns and make connections. When it doesn’t, I try other coping mechanisms (movement, meditation, or even just reading a book or watching some tv if I really need to disconnect)