10 Key Signs of Limerence
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 ก.ค. 2024
- Are you in limerence? Look for these 10 key signs. As I say, Limerence is nothing more than a natural need to attach with someone in a certain situation. But, due to circumstances, rotten luck, bad timing and your hormones, you cannot.
10 Characteristics of Limerence:
1. Involuntarily thinking about the Other as a sexual partner, with an intense desire
2. An Intense need for reciprocity from the Other to feel good, if none you feel rejection
3. Thinking the Other is your Soulmate or Twin Flame; You overestimate the relationship
4. Every action the Other takes has a major influence on your mood
5. You are only focused on the Other, they are the most important thing in your life
6. Fantasizing about or getting affection from the other temporarily calms your nervous system
7. You fear rejection from the Other
8. Obstacles, uncertainty, or the impossibility of the relationship enhance the limerence
9. You want to be with this person in a situation where it is not possible
10.You may want to adapt the Other's behavior and/or personality
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[I offer personal counseling with a scheduled appointment, or on an "emergency" basis.
For my help, please contact me: fennavdberg@hotmail.com]
Hello!
My name is Fenna van den Berg, I am a certified coach and counselor. I have worked in the mental health field for over 25 years.
Having been through episodes of Limerence, I have "earned my stripes" to help others with their recovery. I understand the obsession and suffering of Limerence. My passion is being able to share with you, and all limerents, a guided-way forward on your journey of healing. We do this through discovering and practicing self-love and compassion.
As someone who has suffered through limerence, I have developed effective coaching for people with limerence. My Coaching has helped countless have a more purposeful life, and I want to help you. We will work together, so that you may have a life more in line with your values and integrity.
Together, we are blossoming a community of friendly people with the same debilitating feelings and experiences of Limerence. Here, we share with, support, and nurture each other in giving love to ourselves, perhaps for the first time.
When you’re ready to end your pain and suffering from seeking the "Other," I’m here to guide you in recognizing your true lovable self, with compassionate teaching, counseling and also private coaching.
For my help, please contact me: fennavdberg@hotmail.com
My editor is the best!! : Heymel Visual
Graphics: Studio Ilse van Klei ilsevanklei.nl/
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Followingfenna.com
That’s a funny one - your house has burnt down but you get a message from the other and you feel great! What the hell! And I know exactly how that could be true!
It's so sad but true
What an eye opener…. I didn’t know this mental state existed. I have been struggling on and off, mostly ON since February… thank you, this was great for me to hear. I have built my own stories around my situation and created fantasies in my mind - The reason for the delay between us and so on.
So intense. It’s so intense.
I can start to work in this now. But I still hear my mind not quite believing what I am hearing. I want to cry. I will cry.
It’s an addiction. My mind is addicted. Let’s treat it with compassion and understanding from now on.
@@followingfenna Do you think one should end the contact completely with this person?
@@followingfenna What if one already grieved 6 years, then found a new LO. How does one not trigger this mental state?
I would asume... to find a healthy relationship rather then the distant unobtainable dumpster fire rolling down a hill being hit by a train causing a train reck kind of a situation? hmm... 🤣😢
I have been on an intense rollercoaster for 8 years, intense highs when I think he likes me and intense lows when I see him talking to another woman 😭
Also the false loyalty of I don’t want to be with anyone else as no one would match up to him.
Limernece is so hard. We will get through it though those of us who are suffering
Living in the moment helps
Walking helps
Good luck to you !!
@@followingfenna aww thanks 😀
I have known for couple of years I am dealing with limerence and have read many books and articles and listened to podcasts but this is the best simple explanation of what i am going through
@@followingfennaI agree. It's hard to listen to you describe my life. I think I am still in denial. It has been a long time and the feeling hasn't faded at all. Even though we can't be together I think of her all the time.
I have never heard this term, yet I somehow landed on this video. Actually, I know why it popped up in my feed -- I was searching for help on "how to detach from my twin flame." I cried like a baby listening to this. This describes me and my current situation to a tee. Everything except not really knowing the person that well. I do know him. We've been in a "committed" exclusive relationship, off and on, for over 11 years! We lived together for two of those years, but not any more. Currently, the communication between us is sparse, at best, yet this "limerence episode" (if I'm using the term correctly) is more intense than ever! I need help! I feel as if I'm shutting down. I'll be looking for more videos on what to do about this. Thank you for posting!
This popped up for me too. I am also on a twin flame journey though at it’s core it’s actually about you. Coming back to self is the most important thing to help this. I no longer feel this for my twin the more I focus on myself and stay present in my life.
I've been in the loop for 17 years... I know the term Limerence since April and somehow it helps me to understand things better. It is now also crystal clear to me that only "no contact" is the solution. I really hope I can pull it off. Always have a little more trouble after drinking alcohol. Thank you for your videos!
One of the best videos..you have brought out the reality and the psychology behind Limerence. Awesome and you are helping many people accross the world👏👏👏👏👏👏
The siren was perfectly timed
Please keep making these! You are the only one who gets it!
Holy cow! You've described my situation to a T, maybe not as intense, but that's pretty much it!... I've reached point n°10, as I want to take my life back - sick of being a hostage... Can't get enough of your videos, Fenna. Thanks! ❤️
I really really REALLY appreciate your brutal unflinching honesty. Thank you Fenna !!!
I always think about her but when I interact in real life with her I don't feel anything but an inner pressure, which makes me feel exhausted afterwards. But I love when she texts me or I have a call with her.
This is so much more helpful in analyzing yourself, than the videos that make you believe someone that batted an eyelash at you is secretly in love with you
Thank you for this video. I have been through all this and I didn't think it's normal but now I know that I wasn't alone. The way I beat it was cut off totally. Deleted and blocked. Took some work but it was the only way. Concentrate on other things everytime the thoughts come. I got so much to say about this. It's been such an eye opener. And I believe that some people are more prone to this then others. It's an energy thing.
Amazing video Fenna! I found the concept of frustration attraction interesting (and accurate!). Bless you for making these videos - you are helping to keep me feeling a bit more sane while working on recovery! ❤️
Damn...this girl checks most of those boxes, it's very frustrating. Oh well, it will fade eventually, I hope! Thanks for the vid!
Thank you so much for this video
I did not even know that what felt and did had a name. I can’t stop watching your videos. You are really helping people. Thanks again.
Hi Fenna, I just found your channel today and have been binge watching your videos. They have been very helpful to me in understanding and mitigating my limerance. I also have found that watching them has a had a calming effect, maybe it’s because you look very much like my ex gf, my LO. Lol. Please keep making more videos, you are a treasure.
Uh ohhhh red flag!! Danger danger
I've been experiencing "serial limerence" since 2018 with 5 LO's. The LO's I have Limerence for fills mostly a gap I have. I came across the term Limerence since 2022. I really hate to experience this. My mood and energy goes REALLY goes up AND REALLY goes down. I'm starting therapy in a few months. Going no contact does not work cause I WILL find a new LO. Thats why it's called "Serial Limerence" I know, it happened 5 times before. Thanks 😊 p.s. I know everyone watching these videos have a good sense of self-reflection 😊
Talking about that gap. I'm always looking for someone who can fill my (emotional) gaps I have. My childhood was bad, my 14y relationship was bad and ended in 2018. Mostly because i'm "Too nice". Yes, people pleasing, codependency, low self-esteem and all these things apply to me. For me: the only cure to Limerence is to start to fill in these gaps or accept that I have these. To help myself on my journey, I also start to get therapy. I'm 38y btw 😊
Ok, It seems I've replied with my 2nd account, they are both mine 😊
I can relate to this, before I heard about limerence I was considering leaving the place where I see LO but thought that’s pointless as it would just happen again somewhere else with a different person!
@@T-Mary76 I know your feeling. You are looking something in your SO to fill in your gaps you are having (I think). It *CAN* work between you and the LO. But better would be to try to fill in the gaps yourself. Maybe with therapy or something else. We (at least I) are looking for LO's to fill our gaps, and the journey only ends when we have found one. The problem is: we have to fill in these gaps ourself 😊 we cannot burden someone else with our shortcomings. For me for example: I have been emotionally neglected by both parents AND my partner I had for 14 years. I feel "free" since 2018 but I have to work a lot on myself to try to heal my childhood/relationship wounds. A partner who is able to guide you in your journey to heal yourself would be a gift from heaven. But there are not a lot of people able to doing so. 😊
I'm shocked that these feelings and experience has a term. I'm new in this limerence thing too but those ideas has reduced a lot since I started using fastEFT to heal trauma and negative emotions.
It sounds like an ADHD hyperfixation on person. Not even on a person, it's literally like a hyperfixation... In general. I didn't know neurotypical people could have this kind of experience. Because it sounds like a purely ADHD symptom.
My wife is going through an episode, it's breaking my heart, but she doesn't care, we've been together for 32 years!
@self-compassionchannel-fenna I can't see us getting through it, I've told her about limerence, but she's in denial, she stands to loose her family and everything we've worked for, but she's oblivious to the consequences of her actions!
Thank you sooo much !
Making youtube playlists to listen to over and over again that make you trance-off on a dopamine-hit about them,and listening to it with some wine (altho in reality,they probably wouldn't like the songs) and the wine suppressing your inhibitions,so you tx them(albeit innocently,with just a friendly platonic-acceptable icebreaker) then awake the next morning in a massive shame-spiral-vulnerability-hangover,,magnetised to your bed in self-horror,at the perceived "cheek" at having texted them
My cure for this awful 2 year rinse-repeat shame cycle of trying to win the heart of someone aloof was to accidentally meet an amazing guy organically,with organic courtship,who actually reciprocated,and reiterates often that I am not a nuisance for reaching-out,and has just the same fears about being a nuisance himself,and this blasted-away my old L.O by meeting someone with humility,who did not have an aloof scarcity-mindset "hold"on me,but freely share,and return such 'expressions'openly
Thank you
I think the saying is “ like a deer in the headlight “ not a rabbit… lol!! 😂😂
What does that even mean… you feel like a rabbit most of the time?? Lol! 😅
Thank you Fenna, another great video. I'd like to request a video about if you've gotten out of a limerant episode, and your feelings for this person are completely gone, what can you do to prevent potential limerant episodes in the future for other LO's? I ask as I have spent most of my life dealing with limerence, my last episode lasted for over 5 years, and I have no intention of ever dealing with this again. I know it helps that I have awareness about it now, but i'd like to know what more I can do to keep from relapsing. Thank you.
Couldn't agree more. I know the current limerance won't last, it sucks but it will pass.
I'm way more terrified of it keeping on happening as I am 36 and have wasted a massive portion of that in limerance.
Dreaming about the object of limerence is a symptom.
Interesting, my LO, a coworker,i who is loved by everyone in the company. She is so personable and friendly. However, I realise that I am the one who initiates 95% of our contacts. Presently, trying to starve the limerence. I’m tired of feeling like I’m losing my mind and feeling sick inside. Of course, I don’t wish to be rude to her ... but this feels like I need to do this to survive! I know this to be delusional as I’m a 64 year old male married fo4 35 years. She is a 32 year old Muslim woman. We bonded when my father died and now I need to let her go (even if she doesn’t understand why we don’t chat anymore). Oh, and of course, she lives around the corner from me and I often run into her at the local shops.
Good luck to you! We are allowed to be rude in order to protect ourselves.
Thanks Fenna. It helps just telling someone about this insanity!@@followingfenna
excellent analysis and greatly verbalized! Many thanks, so helpful !
Thank you! I’ve had this since I was young, I’d like to have a healthy sane real life relationship. During intense limerence I find myself constantly looking for and hoping to see LO wherever I am and not fully enjoying the moment. How do you get to a healthy place where you are available for a relationship?
You desserve more likes❤👍 you got it 👍
Can Limerence be more pronounced when the relationship is over? I ask because I've been finding myself going through this a lot lately and it hurts! I can't say I was feeling this way during our relationship.
Since limerence grows when there is limited acces to the other and there are obstacles. Yes that can happen
Is limerence some sort of disorder 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
No it's not, it's a temporary state
@@user-wp7qk9qg6i how long does it last....
What if you have some of these signs but not all? Does it matter how many? Are some more important than others?
Thank you for the excellent video!
Fenna, i think that my LO is also limerent. But i am not sure. I should ask him?
No, i think it's not healthy for me. If i know he is also limerent, change nothing.
I have a long ridiculous tail about my possible limrence. About 2 years ago my husband and I were 13 years married and miserable. He had already cheated and I felt trapped, desperate, depressed for a long time. I found a few communities on twitch that gave me entertainment and much needed escape from my misery. I had never cheated on him but on this occasion I had started 3 online flings where I would simply have roll plays with with these all too eager streamers. We didn't even exchange pictures. My husband had found out about this and being that he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder decided to get me back by pretending to be me and spread screen shots of these conversations to my favorite streamer's discords. Needless to say I was banned from those channels even though I told them it wasn't me. I was so affected I wound up in hospital. My ex continued to spread the most nasty hate filled rant to my online communities and when I came home I found myself banned from over 30 channels. The whole situation triggered a huge limerence for the 3 original steamers even though the affairs only lasted a couple months. I got over one quite quickly because after professing his love for me dumped me like a bad habit and I suppose I was angry at the betrayal. The other 2 refused contact and the lack of closure made me crazy. I had off and on secret contact with one for 2 years and I think I'm getting over him because he got a new girlfriend and it wasn't me. lol The last one was and still is the most difficult. I have reentered his chat under a different name and I act very respectful because he has a girlfriend. I'm so afraid to invoke his wrath even though he has clearly hinted at knowing who I am. These little crumbs of acknowledgement keeps me coming back. I create more and more elaborate fantasies of how we can be together despite knowing full well a future relationship is completely impossible. I'm not a fool and I never diluted myself but I am finding it impossible to detach. I assume this all happened because of the trama from the overreaction and malicious deeds of my husband whom I separated from as a direct result of his actions. Now I'm starting to wonder if it was worth it.
I would forget the whole disgusting situation. It's difficult to do because despite a restraining order my ex has settled himself right next door. He is a constant reminder of the 13 years of hell that culminated in this stupid obsession. Sometimes I actually think about trying to make up with the ex but than I think about everything he did and I still don't want it.